1
00:00:31,089 --> 00:00:34,368
credits

2
00:00:36,743 --> 00:00:37,986
Hey, Meg. What are you up to?

3
00:00:38,069 --> 00:00:40,423
Not much. Just finished
an angel food cake.

4
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,389
Might go out to the trash, see
if there's any possums to kiss.

5
00:00:43,447 --> 00:00:44,947
I was just out there.

6
00:00:46,774 --> 00:00:48,470
Oh, come on,
it's your senior year.

7
00:00:48,528 --> 00:00:50,447
Somebody must be having a party
or something.

8
00:00:50,505 --> 00:00:51,650
Well, there's one.

9
00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:53,674
But... I wasn't invited.

10
00:00:53,732 --> 00:00:55,165
Well, so what? Go crash it.

11
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:56,723
Nah. Not my style.

12
00:00:56,781 --> 00:00:59,564
And what do you care?
Do you want the TV or something?

13
00:01:00,564 --> 00:01:04,072
What? No, no. I want...
I want to see you have fun.

14
00:01:04,228 --> 00:01:06,743
Come on, you should go,
you know? Let loose a little.

15
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,853
You know what? You're right.

16
00:01:08,976 --> 00:01:10,736
Maybe I will give it a shot.

17
00:01:10,794 --> 00:01:12,322
Yeah. How awkward could it be?

18
00:01:12,509 --> 00:01:14,085
Can't be worse
than waving at someone

19
00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:15,900
who doesn't wave back at you.

20
00:01:19,093 --> 00:01:21,220
- No, not you.
- Oh. Sorry.

21
00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:23,181
In fact, everyone but you.

22
00:01:23,297 --> 00:01:24,743
Hi, everyone but him!

23
00:01:24,816 --> 00:01:26,008
Hi!

24
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:33,685
Lou, I like you a lot, but
I-I think that's the last tape

25
00:01:33,743 --> 00:01:35,923
of you having sex with
your girlfriend I want to see.

26
00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:37,164
Suit yourself.

27
00:01:37,236 --> 00:01:39,561
All right, I got to get over
to my mom's wake.

28
00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:40,787
Oh, right, yeah. Crap.

29
00:01:40,845 --> 00:01:42,092
Sorry again.

30
00:01:42,210 --> 00:01:44,111
- Cancer.
- Car accident.

31
00:01:44,177 --> 00:01:45,693
No, I know, I just, I'm...

32
00:01:45,751 --> 00:01:48,178
saying it feels like
everyone's getting cancer.

33
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,115
You know, Bowie.

34
00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:58,236
Time to get creepay...

35
00:02:00,525 --> 00:02:02,287
Kid family.

36
00:02:13,137 --> 00:02:14,732
What a scumbag.

37
00:02:22,537 --> 00:02:23,960
Because I'm working all day!

38
00:02:24,017 --> 00:02:27,407
Oh, yeah? Well, here's what
I think of your stupid work!

39
00:02:27,516 --> 00:02:28,919
Don't you do that!

40
00:02:28,979 --> 00:02:30,547
Fiona, don't you...

41
00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:34,063
Is that Principal Shepherd?

42
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:36,864
Wow, that looks like
a rocky relationship.

43
00:02:37,245 --> 00:02:39,043
"Rocky relationship."

44
00:02:42,943 --> 00:02:45,543
--

45
00:02:46,051 --> 00:02:48,020
Oh, come on, Brian.

46
00:02:48,090 --> 00:02:49,388
Don't comment or like it.

47
00:02:49,463 --> 00:02:51,786
It's a hard lesson,
but one he has to learn.

48
00:03:04,472 --> 00:03:08,145
All right, ladies,
time to mingle.

49
00:03:08,235 --> 00:03:10,818
Hey. You guys
talking Big Bang over here?

50
00:03:10,984 --> 00:03:12,318
Big Bang Theory?

51
00:03:12,471 --> 00:03:14,741
No? Any Bangers over here?

52
00:03:15,074 --> 00:03:16,074
No?

53
00:03:16,411 --> 00:03:17,536
Well, I've tried everything.

54
00:03:17,594 --> 00:03:20,247
We just don't have anything
in common with these guys.

55
00:03:20,513 --> 00:03:24,887
Maybe... we don't need
anything in common with them.

56
00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,896
Meg, come on, don't go crazy.

57
00:03:30,047 --> 00:03:31,536
Damn, that's hot!

58
00:03:33,657 --> 00:03:35,256
That was just lucky.

59
00:03:35,314 --> 00:03:36,544
Oh, yeah?

60
00:03:40,981 --> 00:03:43,974
Wow! Meg's so good
at casually tossing bottles

61
00:03:44,036 --> 00:03:45,693
over her shoulder
so they land upright!

62
00:03:45,755 --> 00:03:47,205
And that's very popular
right now,

63
00:03:47,272 --> 00:03:49,341
because we've
run out of things on Earth.

64
00:03:49,498 --> 00:03:51,950
Meg, that was amazing!

65
00:03:52,047 --> 00:03:54,263
What can I say?
I'm full of surprises.

66
00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:56,544
Like the end
of The Usual Suspects.

67
00:04:02,885 --> 00:04:06,294
He was gay the whole time!

68
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:14,034
Okay, they're obviously home.

69
00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:16,732
You'd have to be dumb
to try to rob that place.

70
00:04:19,605 --> 00:04:21,313
Oh, yes!

71
00:04:29,746 --> 00:04:31,806
I hate the guy, but he's good.

72
00:04:39,664 --> 00:04:40,797
Oh, my God.

73
00:04:41,161 --> 00:04:43,618
What the... what the hell
is going on over there?

74
00:04:43,764 --> 00:04:45,657
Did he...

75
00:04:46,233 --> 00:04:48,360
- Hello.
- Hey, Stewie, it's me.

76
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:49,446
You got a second?

77
00:04:49,504 --> 00:04:50,829
Brian? Hang on.

78
00:04:50,946 --> 00:04:52,568
Hey, keep it down, you screwballs.

79
00:04:52,630 --> 00:04:54,572
Here, let me just go
somewhere a little quieter.

80
00:04:54,630 --> 00:04:57,184
Oh, yeah, right. I'm the screwball.

81
00:04:57,329 --> 00:04:59,334
You and friends
say "screwball" a lot.

82
00:04:59,392 --> 00:05:01,792
That's what happens when
you run with a screwy crowd.

83
00:05:01,850 --> 00:05:02,771
What's up with you?

84
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,099
Stewie, I think...

85
00:05:04,318 --> 00:05:06,599
I think Principal Shepherd
killed his wife.

86
00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:08,153
What? What are you
talking about?

87
00:05:08,216 --> 00:05:10,247
I think I saw him
getting rid of her body.

88
00:05:10,380 --> 00:05:12,349
And carrying a bag
with something heavy in it.

89
00:05:12,416 --> 00:05:14,888
And... and there was red liquid
dripping from it.

90
00:05:14,955 --> 00:05:16,397
Okay, I've got to see this
for myself.

91
00:05:16,454 --> 00:05:18,130
Don't do anything.
I'm coming over.

92
00:05:18,247 --> 00:05:19,533
Hey, listen,
you-you don't think...

93
00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:21,559
you don't think you
could snag a couple of rolls

94
00:05:21,626 --> 00:05:23,021
of toilet paper, could you?

95
00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:27,167
- Stewie?
- I'm here. I just wanted you

96
00:05:27,234 --> 00:05:29,388
to have to sit with those
words for a minute.

97
00:05:33,161 --> 00:05:34,685
Kids, dinner's ready!

98
00:05:34,743 --> 00:05:35,800
"Dinner's ready."

99
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:37,061
Shut up.

100
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:40,155
Little of the old schnappster
ought to get me right.

101
00:05:41,414 --> 00:05:43,575
'Ey... Chrissay!

102
00:05:43,692 --> 00:05:46,229
Well, that's delightfully informal, Meg.

103
00:05:46,287 --> 00:05:47,825
How the heck are ya?

104
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:52,893
So, what are you kids
doing in school?

105
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,564
I got in trouble for saying
something "insensitive"

106
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,818
to trans kids.

107
00:05:56,876 --> 00:05:58,955
- What'd you say?
- Well, a few them started

108
00:05:59,013 --> 00:06:01,142
this a cappella group,
and they're all kind of chubby.

109
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,304
So I said, "You guys should
call yourselves the Trans Fats."

110
00:06:05,371 --> 00:06:08,193
Meg, you'll sit next to me this evening.

111
00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:11,241
- But, Dad... - I'm sorry, Chris.
You've fallen out of favor.

112
00:06:11,333 --> 00:06:12,607
Perhaps forever.

113
00:06:17,997 --> 00:06:19,552
Oh, Stewie,
thank God you're here.

114
00:06:19,719 --> 00:06:21,685
There's a seagull
in your hallway.

115
00:06:21,806 --> 00:06:22,938
Listen, what are we gonna do

116
00:06:22,996 --> 00:06:24,560
about this
Principal Shepherd thing?

117
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:28,013
Look, all you know is that
the guy was carrying a wet bag.

118
00:06:28,099 --> 00:06:29,638
It doesn't mean
he killed his wife.

119
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,495
You're building this whole theory...

120
00:06:31,552 --> 00:06:32,696
What is that noise?

121
00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:34,133
It's a news alert.

122
00:06:34,450 --> 00:06:37,713
"Fiona Shepherd, wife of James
Woods High School principal

123
00:06:37,771 --> 00:06:40,552
John Shepherd,
has been reported missing."

124
00:06:40,669 --> 00:06:42,783
Oh, my God, maybe he did do it.

125
00:06:42,841 --> 00:06:45,028
You know, there are
some bad people in this world.

126
00:06:45,099 --> 00:06:46,474
Hey, you don't got to tell me that.

127
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,153
I learned that in Fight Club.

128
00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:51,044
All right, Stewie, what's
the first rule of Fight Club?

129
00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:52,669
G-string underwear.

130
00:06:52,727 --> 00:06:55,091
No. It's "don't talk
about Fight Club."

131
00:06:55,204 --> 00:06:57,677
Oh. Well, I really blew it.

132
00:06:57,977 --> 00:07:00,077
--

133
00:07:04,178 --> 00:07:06,638
Hey-o! What's up in this piece?

134
00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:08,013
You're getting home late.

135
00:07:08,071 --> 00:07:10,653
Yeah. We were hanging out
in the woods, and...

136
00:07:12,594 --> 00:07:15,496
this one girl pushed
another girl over

137
00:07:15,563 --> 00:07:16,880
while she was peeing.

138
00:07:16,938 --> 00:07:18,677
They fought,
and then the cops came.

139
00:07:18,735 --> 00:07:20,075
Meg, this is important.

140
00:07:20,459 --> 00:07:22,099
Did she fall in the pee?

141
00:07:22,230 --> 00:07:23,632
I can smell your breath.

142
00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:25,322
You've been drinking,
haven't you?

143
00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:28,982
No! Geez, Mom, get off my back.

144
00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:31,450
Peter, I think
she's doing booze.

145
00:07:31,508 --> 00:07:32,636
What should we do?

146
00:07:32,696 --> 00:07:34,396
Lois, she's just being
a teenager.

147
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,364
We don't know she's, like, for
sure, definitely been drinking.

148
00:07:37,466 --> 00:07:39,075
I found this in her room.

149
00:07:39,144 --> 00:07:40,810
My little girl's a drunk!

150
00:07:40,915 --> 00:07:44,619
Oh, my God, where did we go wrong?

151
00:07:50,222 --> 00:07:51,660
Meg, we need to talk.

152
00:07:51,718 --> 00:07:54,008
What, Mom? But I know
what you're gonna say,

153
00:07:54,066 --> 00:07:55,640
and I know how
you're gonna say it.

154
00:07:55,698 --> 00:07:56,998
- Oh, really?
- Yep.

155
00:07:57,091 --> 00:07:58,498
I don't want you drinkin'

156
00:07:58,555 --> 00:08:00,700
or your life's
gonna go down the crappah.

157
00:08:00,758 --> 00:08:02,629
That's not bad.

158
00:08:02,668 --> 00:08:04,630
I-I mean, I sound nothing like that,

159
00:08:04,748 --> 00:08:06,482
but it's a fun character. Heh.

160
00:08:06,545 --> 00:08:07,723
But this is serious.

161
00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:09,654
Alcoholism runs in our family.

162
00:08:09,761 --> 00:08:12,360
Hey, I'm just glad
something runs in this family.

163
00:08:14,107 --> 00:08:15,607
I don't mean to...

164
00:08:15,748 --> 00:08:18,367
I-I don't mean to laugh, okay?
But that was funny.

165
00:08:18,434 --> 00:08:19,937
Mom, I'm just having fun.

166
00:08:20,004 --> 00:08:23,005
I'm finally known as something
other than "the chubby girl

167
00:08:23,076 --> 00:08:24,776
who put the lunch lady
in a headlock."

168
00:08:24,834 --> 00:08:26,799
And besides, Dad's the one

169
00:08:26,857 --> 00:08:28,353
who pushed me
into going to that party.

170
00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:30,287
Oh, he did, did he?

171
00:08:31,783 --> 00:08:33,420
Son of a bitch.
What was that?

172
00:08:33,552 --> 00:08:35,985
I don't know. Someone
must've messed something up.

173
00:08:36,138 --> 00:08:38,440
Listen, you need to talk to Meg
about her drinking.

174
00:08:38,498 --> 00:08:39,580
What? Why me?

175
00:08:39,638 --> 00:08:41,096
Because you're the one
who told her

176
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,723
to start going
to these parties.

177
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,385
Okay, fine.

178
00:08:44,443 --> 00:08:46,395
I guess it's just something
I got to deal with.

179
00:08:46,462 --> 00:08:49,037
Like the flush of a high-powered toilet.

180
00:08:57,542 --> 00:09:00,355
So, you plan on going back
at that banana, huh?

181
00:09:00,468 --> 00:09:02,199
So the bastard killed his wife,

182
00:09:02,316 --> 00:09:03,824
and then reported her missing.

183
00:09:03,949 --> 00:09:06,214
I-I got to...
I got to call the cops.

184
00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:10,316
- Quahog Police.
- Joe, Joe, it's Brian.

185
00:09:10,472 --> 00:09:11,695
Listen, I have
to tell you something.

186
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,363
I-I'm pretty sure

187
00:09:13,425 --> 00:09:15,050
Principal Shepherd
killed his wife.

188
00:09:15,144 --> 00:09:17,773
That's a serious accusation.
Do you have any proof?

189
00:09:17,831 --> 00:09:19,628
I have something better
than proof:

190
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,922
rank suspicion born out
of boredom and loneliness.

191
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,065
Sorry, that's just not enough
for us to go on.

192
00:09:25,292 --> 00:09:28,542
You must be pretty tired
from thinking about all this.

193
00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:31,031
- You ever get bags under your eyes?
- What?

194
00:09:31,089 --> 00:09:33,972
I've been using this eye cream,
it's done wonders for me.

195
00:09:34,035 --> 00:09:36,328
It's made by a company
called Rodan and Fields.

196
00:09:36,386 --> 00:09:37,683
Have you heard of them, Brian?

197
00:09:37,816 --> 00:09:38,945
Yeah, I-I think, uh...

198
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:40,297
Oh, they make terrific stuff.

199
00:09:40,355 --> 00:09:41,820
In fact, I was such a fan,

200
00:09:41,878 --> 00:09:44,050
I became a sales consultant
for the company.

201
00:09:44,113 --> 00:09:45,523
Listen, Joe, I got to run.

202
00:09:45,581 --> 00:09:47,547
I'm hosting a little
get-together tomorrow night,

203
00:09:47,605 --> 00:09:49,836
If you want to stop by.
There's gonna be pizza

204
00:09:49,894 --> 00:09:53,331
and soft drinks, then a man's
gonna talk about the whole line.

205
00:09:53,410 --> 00:09:55,566
Can I go ahead
and confirm your attendance?

206
00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,183
Well, that was no help.

207
00:09:57,269 --> 00:09:59,410
What if I go over there
and try to find some evidence

208
00:09:59,503 --> 00:10:01,034
- that he did it?
- All right, fine.

209
00:10:01,092 --> 00:10:02,203
But you have to be careful.

210
00:10:02,261 --> 00:10:03,906
Don't worry, he won't have any idea.

211
00:10:03,964 --> 00:10:05,125
I'll be more discreet

212
00:10:05,183 --> 00:10:07,808
than a guy standing by
himself in the ocean.

213
00:10:09,647 --> 00:10:10,862
Hey, are you peeing?

214
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:11,956
No.

215
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,344
Are you pooping?

216
00:10:13,402 --> 00:10:15,047
I'm just trying to enjoy the day.

217
00:10:15,105 --> 00:10:16,651
Why don't you go bother that guy?

218
00:10:16,718 --> 00:10:19,206
Summer's blown by, huh?

219
00:10:22,652 --> 00:10:24,636
So, your mom says you've been drinking.

220
00:10:24,744 --> 00:10:26,261
Yeah, like, a little bit, but...

221
00:10:26,347 --> 00:10:28,011
but it's nothing
you have to worry about.

222
00:10:28,089 --> 00:10:30,152
Look, I-I was young, too, you know.

223
00:10:30,237 --> 00:10:33,367
I-I remember going to parties,
walking up with a six pack.

224
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:36,292
You're so excited to get there,
you start jogging a little.

225
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,042
Your friends are all there,
and they're so happy to see you,

226
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,769
they're practically cheering your name.

227
00:10:40,862 --> 00:10:43,422
And then "Mony Mony" comes on
at just the right time.

228
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,672
And everyone's dancing,

229
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:47,706
and-and Laura Hallston's jugs
are just slamming into you.

230
00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:49,253
You don't have a care in the world,

231
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,620
and if all of it came to an end
right then and there, so be it.

232
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:54,206
Well, you're my daughter,

233
00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:56,386
and I don't want any of that for you.

234
00:10:56,956 --> 00:11:00,050
Hey, you want to see where I was
sitting when you were born?

235
00:11:03,839 --> 00:11:06,230
Yeah, I still think about Laura a lot.

236
00:11:06,495 --> 00:11:08,417
You were already drinking
tonight, weren't you?

237
00:11:08,527 --> 00:11:09,969
A little.

238
00:11:10,027 --> 00:11:12,306
Well, I can't talk
to a drunk person if I'm sober.

239
00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:14,362
Hey, Jerome, can I get a beer, please?

240
00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:17,003
But now I'm starting
to sober up,

241
00:11:17,089 --> 00:11:19,814
so I'm gonna need one
to keep an even playing field.

242
00:11:19,881 --> 00:11:22,027
All right, but it stays between us.

243
00:11:22,089 --> 00:11:23,385
And what if they card you?

244
00:11:23,471 --> 00:11:25,627
Don't worry. I got it covered.

245
00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:29,917
Wow. That's really good.

246
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,897
Right?! Jerome, make it two!

247
00:12:24,766 --> 00:12:26,385
All right, he's gone.

248
00:12:26,563 --> 00:12:28,998
Now, if I give the word, you've
got to get out of there, okay?

249
00:12:29,055 --> 00:12:30,282
Got it.

250
00:12:30,654 --> 00:12:32,221
Oh, my God!

251
00:12:32,288 --> 00:12:33,383
What? What is it?

252
00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:35,200
He sleeps in a bunk bed!

253
00:12:35,259 --> 00:12:37,149
Are you kidding me?! Who is this guy?!

254
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:39,446
Wait a second. Is that...?

255
00:12:39,555 --> 00:12:41,067
Bri, I'm gonna put you down for a sec.

256
00:12:41,125 --> 00:12:43,168
Stewie, no! Don't.

257
00:12:48,361 --> 00:12:49,792
Stewie, get out of there!

258
00:12:50,304 --> 00:12:52,042
Stewie! Stewie!

259
00:12:52,109 --> 00:12:55,379
Got to get his attention.

260
00:12:56,447 --> 00:12:58,549
Man, just short.

261
00:13:01,185 --> 00:13:03,521
Oh, God.

262
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:17,370
Domino's.

263
00:13:17,521 --> 00:13:20,125
Oh, good.

264
00:13:20,584 --> 00:13:22,170
Medium pie, ten wings.

265
00:13:22,256 --> 00:13:23,987
Is the blue cheese dressing in there?

266
00:13:24,045 --> 00:13:25,394
Thanks a lot. Have a good one.

267
00:13:40,924 --> 00:13:43,867
He got out! Ha, ha! Yes, Stewie!

268
00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:56,851
Oh, crap.

269
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,849
Oh, my, that was close.

270
00:13:58,969 --> 00:14:01,810
Stewie, he saw you! He saw you
leaving his apartment!

271
00:14:01,877 --> 00:14:04,075
Oh. Well... so what?

272
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:05,875
He doesn't know what we're doing.

273
00:14:09,604 --> 00:14:11,605
What? What is it?

274
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,888
Well, that's...

275
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,422
that's not good.

276
00:14:27,738 --> 00:14:29,317
Dad? Dad, wake up!

277
00:14:29,375 --> 00:14:31,083
- What happened?
- I don't know!

278
00:14:31,141 --> 00:14:32,793
We must have stolen
this boat last night.

279
00:14:32,851 --> 00:14:35,344
I-I have no idea where the hell we are!

280
00:14:36,805 --> 00:14:38,649
Oh, no, my cell phone's dead!

281
00:14:38,954 --> 00:14:40,539
I got a little bit of juice left,

282
00:14:40,597 --> 00:14:42,825
so we can either A, call someone,

283
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,531
maybe they answer, maybe they can help,

284
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,955
or B, we can definitely switch faces.

285
00:14:48,281 --> 00:14:50,527
Look at you! Look at me!

286
00:14:50,687 --> 00:14:52,786
That's what this is!

287
00:14:52,844 --> 00:14:54,466
Oh, we're gonna die.

288
00:15:18,893 --> 00:15:20,659
Dad, what are we gonna do?

289
00:15:20,734 --> 00:15:23,129
You think it's too early to tie
our shirts around our heads

290
00:15:23,187 --> 00:15:24,430
to show we're going insane?

291
00:15:24,542 --> 00:15:26,811
I mean it, Dad. This is serious.

292
00:15:26,965 --> 00:15:28,330
I did pants instead.

293
00:15:28,388 --> 00:15:30,714
I don't feel so hot.

294
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,385
What is wrong with me?

295
00:15:32,457 --> 00:15:34,518
Have you taken a break
since you started drinking?

296
00:15:34,596 --> 00:15:36,117
Not until right now.

297
00:15:36,221 --> 00:15:38,199
Do you feel like lying
on the couch, rubbing your eyes,

298
00:15:38,256 --> 00:15:40,301
while listening
to Lou Reed's "Perfect Day"?

299
00:15:40,368 --> 00:15:42,537
- Yes!
- Then I'll tell you what's wrong with you.

300
00:15:42,604 --> 00:15:43,650
You got a hangover.

301
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,373
What can you do for a hangover?

302
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,200
Well, Meg, so I don't have to think

303
00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:48,565
about my throbbing headache,

304
00:15:48,632 --> 00:15:51,065
I try to think of
something else, like a riddle.

305
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,871
Like, how would you describe
Chris O'Donnell?

306
00:15:53,938 --> 00:15:57,361
He's not tall or short.

307
00:15:57,604 --> 00:15:59,580
And he's not fat or thin.

308
00:15:59,861 --> 00:16:02,079
Well, he's not handsome or ugly.

309
00:16:02,447 --> 00:16:05,408
And he's not young or old.

310
00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:07,900
He's not loud or quiet.

311
00:16:08,088 --> 00:16:11,171
Uh, he's not memorable,
but-but I know who he is.

312
00:16:11,229 --> 00:16:13,186
Thanks, Dad!

313
00:16:13,244 --> 00:16:14,769
I feel so much better.

314
00:16:14,827 --> 00:16:16,182
But you know who doesn't?

315
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,635
Chris O'Donnell.

316
00:16:17,713 --> 00:16:19,216
Bye, dildo.

317
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,767
Oh, no. Hard shoes on linoleum.

318
00:16:28,893 --> 00:16:30,038
That's a principal!

319
00:16:30,096 --> 00:16:32,002
Brian, a lot of people
live in this building,

320
00:16:32,096 --> 00:16:34,478
and you can't tell it's
a principal just from a walk.

321
00:16:36,350 --> 00:16:39,619
Excuse me? May I have
your attention, please?

322
00:16:39,686 --> 00:16:41,768
Okay, that's probably a principal.

323
00:16:44,799 --> 00:16:47,088
Hey. How are you today?

324
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,599
What can I do for you?

325
00:16:48,713 --> 00:16:49,862
What do you want from me?

326
00:16:49,929 --> 00:16:51,829
Listen, it's not what you think.

327
00:16:51,896 --> 00:16:53,142
Then what is it?

328
00:16:53,201 --> 00:16:56,841
Well, I'm actually doing a documentary

329
00:16:56,935 --> 00:16:58,525
about some
of the finest principals

330
00:16:58,583 --> 00:16:59,569
in the country, and...

331
00:16:59,636 --> 00:17:01,455
Ow! Continue.

332
00:17:01,513 --> 00:17:04,465
"Finest principals
in the country" and...

333
00:17:04,541 --> 00:17:06,279
Brian!

334
00:17:06,346 --> 00:17:08,646
Stewie! Help me!

335
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:10,383
How did I get here?

336
00:17:10,521 --> 00:17:13,647
Well, to answer that, you'd
have to go back a little while.

337
00:17:13,705 --> 00:17:14,685
We're not doing that!

338
00:17:19,746 --> 00:17:21,094
We found this in a Dumpster

339
00:17:21,161 --> 00:17:22,891
behind Principal Shepherd's building.

340
00:17:22,949 --> 00:17:24,596
That's it. That's-that's the bag!

341
00:17:24,663 --> 00:17:26,519
I guarantee his wife's in there.

342
00:17:29,909 --> 00:17:31,281
What's the matter, Rook?

343
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,419
Too heavy for you?

344
00:17:32,477 --> 00:17:34,146
I've actually been a cop
for years.

345
00:17:34,204 --> 00:17:35,531
I have tummy cancer.

346
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:37,929
Oh. Weird way to say that.

347
00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:41,804
What the hell? Bu-But I saw...

348
00:17:41,889 --> 00:17:43,121
Yeah, well, what is all this?

349
00:17:43,179 --> 00:17:44,250
Principal Shepherd,

350
00:17:44,317 --> 00:17:46,685
I think you've got
some explaining to do.

351
00:17:46,752 --> 00:17:49,328
Look, I tried to tell you,
I didn't kill my wife.

352
00:17:49,406 --> 00:17:51,929
She just texted me today
that she's moved out

353
00:17:52,015 --> 00:17:53,578
and she's banging my cousin,

354
00:17:53,664 --> 00:17:55,528
Pat Sajak's accountant, by the way.

355
00:17:55,595 --> 00:17:57,125
It's a weird time to name drop.

356
00:17:57,183 --> 00:17:59,426
And the food, well,
I've been stealing it

357
00:17:59,484 --> 00:18:01,125
from the high school to make ends meet.

358
00:18:01,211 --> 00:18:03,470
My life's "kinda brute,"
as the kids say.

359
00:18:03,537 --> 00:18:05,235
Sounds like you've had a rough day.

360
00:18:05,302 --> 00:18:08,571
No wonder you've got those bags
under your eyes.

361
00:18:08,638 --> 00:18:12,976
Have you ever heard of a company
called Rodan and Fields?

362
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,601
Are all hangovers this bad?

363
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,554
Yup, that's the deal
you make with the gods of fun.

364
00:18:21,632 --> 00:18:23,875
Every 72 hours, you lose a day.

365
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,192
Dad, you're so sunburnt.

366
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:28,507
I can't move because it hurts too bad.

367
00:18:28,622 --> 00:18:30,445
This is awful.

368
00:18:30,503 --> 00:18:32,797
We don't even know
if anyone's looking for us.

369
00:18:32,855 --> 00:18:34,812
Look, don't worry. We're gonna be okay.

370
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,702
This is why you shouldn't drink.

371
00:18:36,769 --> 00:18:39,124
Booze is nothing but trouble,
and you don't need it.

372
00:18:39,312 --> 00:18:40,859
You got a good brain in your head.

373
00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:44,570
Thanks, Dad, and if this is what
drinking makes you feel like,

374
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:46,187
you don't have to worry about it.

375
00:18:46,257 --> 00:18:48,213
I am done with booze.

376
00:18:48,382 --> 00:18:50,117
I'm glad to hear that.

377
00:18:50,217 --> 00:18:52,082
And I'm sorry I pushed it on you.

378
00:18:52,149 --> 00:18:54,656
I just wanted to watch TV.

379
00:18:55,038 --> 00:18:56,918
I don't want
to see you waste opportunities

380
00:18:56,976 --> 00:18:58,382
'cause you were out partying.

381
00:18:58,623 --> 00:19:00,026
That's what I did.

382
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,059
You just worry about being you.

383
00:19:02,226 --> 00:19:03,460
Don't worry, Dad.

384
00:19:03,596 --> 00:19:05,609
I'll never be anything like you.

385
00:19:05,762 --> 00:19:07,634
That's my girl.

386
00:19:09,229 --> 00:19:11,733
Dad, look!

387
00:19:12,972 --> 00:19:15,576
Oh, my God. Meg, we're saved!

388
00:19:21,398 --> 00:19:22,882
Thank God you found us.

389
00:19:22,976 --> 00:19:24,917
We're so glad you picked us up...

390
00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:26,951
- Chris O'Donnell?
- That's right.

391
00:19:27,009 --> 00:19:29,680
And I hope you like turbulence, dildos.

392
00:19:29,756 --> 00:19:31,621
The actual Chris O'Donnell

393
00:19:31,688 --> 00:19:34,126
is not a Coast Guard
helicopter pilot.

394
00:19:34,249 --> 00:19:36,640
We assume
he's probably too short.

395
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,218
Oh, my God. Brian, are you okay?

396
00:19:43,304 --> 00:19:44,404
Yeah, I'm fine.

397
00:19:44,577 --> 00:19:45,937
Annie, are you okay?

398
00:19:46,023 --> 00:19:48,554
So, Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay, Annie?

399
00:19:48,702 --> 00:19:50,074
What happened to her?

400
00:19:50,132 --> 00:19:51,312
She was hit by, uh...

401
00:19:51,382 --> 00:19:53,429
She was struck
by a smooth criminal.

402
00:19:53,571 --> 00:19:55,059
That was fun, Mom.

403
00:19:55,117 --> 00:19:57,679
We don't get to do a lot
of that kind of stuff together.

404
00:19:57,835 --> 00:20:00,351
Listen, Brian, we want
you to come home again.

405
00:20:00,486 --> 00:20:03,929
Oh, so the Twitter pariah
is finally welcome home?

406
00:20:04,046 --> 00:20:06,960
No, but the school board hero dog is.

407
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:08,460
It was all over the papers.

408
00:20:08,518 --> 00:20:12,449
You saved the school $206
from all the food they recovered

409
00:20:12,507 --> 00:20:14,124
from Principal Shepherd's fridge.

410
00:20:14,187 --> 00:20:16,788
So... you really want me to come home?

411
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:19,265
They're still gonna serve that food?

412
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,038
Of course we do.

413
00:20:22,437 --> 00:20:23,898
Hey, where's everyone else?

414
00:20:23,984 --> 00:20:26,242
Oh, my God. Peter, what happened?

415
00:20:26,452 --> 00:20:28,507
What happened? A fair question.

416
00:20:28,632 --> 00:20:30,984
And to answer it,
we have to go back a ways.

417
00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:33,219
Stop doing that thing!

418
00:20:36,383 --> 00:20:39,251
Brian, I got to say, it's great
to have you home again, buddy.

419
00:20:39,309 --> 00:20:40,743
Well, it's great to be here.

420
00:20:40,874 --> 00:20:42,351
Living on my own was fun,

421
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,316
but I couldn't stop thinking
about all the stuff

422
00:20:44,383 --> 00:20:46,012
I was missing being away from you guys.

423
00:20:46,070 --> 00:20:47,850
Did you ever finish that banana, Brian?

424
00:20:47,917 --> 00:20:50,804
And, Meg, I hope you learned
your lesson about drinking.

425
00:20:50,887 --> 00:20:54,234
Yeah, I think I'd rather
live my life as a loser

426
00:20:54,390 --> 00:20:56,163
than feel bad once in a while.

427
00:20:56,304 --> 00:20:59,062
Well, I hope you know
that you're our loser.

428
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,632
Thanks, Mom.

429
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,632
If my life were better here,

430
00:21:10,761 --> 00:21:14,671
would I stop searching
for it... up there?

431
00:21:15,071 --> 00:21:18,271
credits