- Hey, thanks for driving me to work. - No problemo.
- "A." Got an "A." "B." Um... - What're you doing?
Oh, I'm just playing the alphabet game.
You know, where you try and find the alphabet in order
on license plates you pass. You've never played that before?
Alphabet game? No, Max.
I play real games like Taboo, Pop-A-Shot.
"C." "D." I'm kind of killing you here, man.
First of all, I'm not playing.
Second of all...
start over. "A."
- Uh, I see a "B" right there. - What? What?
- "C." "C" right over there.
- "C." - Very good alpha spotting, partner.
Still not a real game.
Okay, real games have points
so I can rub the score in my opponent's face
- after I win. - Okay.
Well, how about this? How about we apply
a number value to each of the letters.
And double points for two of your letters on the same plate?
Yes, and triple points for an out-of-state plate.
And negative points for a vanity plate.
See, that is what I'm saying. That is good.
Don't smile at me.
Write this stuff down.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, if you spot your exact initials
and the numerical value of the digits
reduce to any single digit from your birth year,
it's a thousand points.
Unless I see it first and roll my window down.
Then it's a death plate and you exit the game.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I got that right here.
But if I want to reenter the game,
I have to hit your hazards as we pass your initials
- on a nearby billboard. - Billboard.
Yes.
If the plate is visible only from the mirror,
you can call "reversey,"
and I have to put the car in reverse
- as soon as it's safe to do so. - Yep, that's right.
But if I call a reversey in error,
you get to snap my seat belt against my chest.
Okay, I think that's it. Are we ready to play?
- I was born ready. - Okay.
Wait a second.
Dude, we passed the Bureau ten minutes ago.
I know.
Double "B" and Ohio. That's 28 points.
Damn, I love this game.
synced and corrected by susinz *www.addic7ed.com*
Your win has an asterisk.
- Canadian plates shouldn't count. - Oh, okay.
Good morning, Alice.
I don't know if you're a breakfast guy,
but I got us cheeseburgers.
Dude, it's 6:30 in the morning.
I know, two for three bucks
if you order before 7:00 a.m.,
so I didn't really have a choice.
I'm good. I'm on a strict diet
of fish, veggies and Skinnygirl popcorn.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Did you not read the e-mail? - What e-mail?
You can't bring food in the building. It's a secure facility.
Oh, man. Guess I should read my e-mails.
- I guess so. - Uh...
Do you mind if I scarf this down real quick?
- Well, hurry up. - All right. All right.
Enjoy. Bon appétit.
Mmm.
Do you like sports?
We don't have time for conversation. Come on, bro.
Mmm. Okay. Okay.
- Good to go. - Wait a second.
Wait a second. You just gonna let the other one
- go to waste? - Oh, come on, man.
Some baby cow's mom
died to make that.
You want me to eat another burger?
Do what you gonna do, but hurry up.
This patty is really big on this one.
- Come on, Max! - Okay, okay, okay.
- I'm trying. - You can do it!
- I'm trying. - You making me late.
- I know. I'm sorry. - Come on!
- Okay. - Hurry up, we got to get downstairs.
I've never eaten a burger
- this fast. - Mm-hmm.
- There you go. Good job. - Oh.
What are you doing? You said...
Oh, so you were tricking me?
That's hilarious.
No, it's super funny. I just... I'm feeling kind of sick.
Is that part of the joke?
Yeah, it's a big part.
Hey. Morning, guys. Uh, come with me.
Captain LaFrey wants to see you right...
No. Sir, I'll take them.
Alone.
- Okay. - Huh.
But if you run into any problems
guiding them 30 feet down the hall,
I have my cell. You call me.
Yo.
- What's up? - What's up?
- Hi. - Huh?
What... I'm sorry?
I'll bring you to LaFrey if you like.
- Let's go. Follow me. - Oh. Okay.
Oh, God. Just, uh, this way.
This was taken five days ago
at King Hill Farm, where every year
they have a haunted hayride.
What's up, y'all? It's Janie.
We're about to do this haunted hayride.
I hope it's not too scary.
Help me!
The victim, Janie Quinlan,
was pulled into the woods by an unseen force.
And since the video went viral,
the hayride has become a sensation.
I've been four times myself.
I have a discount code I'm not allowed to share.
"SCARY20." All caps. You can... you can use it.
Come on, man. Seriously?
You all think this video is real?
No, it's totally fake.
So let's just pretend that we never saw the video
and give each other nicknames.
You can be Jack Fantastic.
I'll be Lil' Cupcake.
You're... Never mind, I'm bailing on this.
No, no, no. Let's keep going. Um, I'll be, uh, Max...
well... House. I'm bailing on this, too.
- Wait, wait, wait. Call me Swamp Cat. - No.
Max, Leroy, I need you two to go out there and talk
to Janie Quinlan and find out what she remembers.
- Let's go. - Looks like it could be
some sort of spirit orb.
"Orb" a publicity stunt.
A publicity stunt.
- Did you watch that video? - I did.
Looked like a viral marketing campaign
for an overpriced hayride.
Oh, my God. I feel so sorry for you.
You know that's because you've been conditioned by society
to assume the most rational explanation, right?
And you've been conditioned by comic books
to believe in nonsense and gobbledygook.
Okay. Fine, whatever. We are wasting time.
We need to get to the Quinlan girl
and talk to her before this happens to someone else.
- Let's go. - We will. Just hold up.
I need time to digest my thoughts.
I'll let you know when I'm ready.
To digest your thoughts?
- Yes. - Little more...
- little more time for that? - Yeah.
- You're not helping by talking over me. - Okay. Okay.
Yeah, sorry. Sorry, go ahead. Go ahead.
Leroy, I know that you're ready.
Oh, you know how... when I'm ready?
You know when my thoughts are digested?
- Yeah, maybe I do know. - Oh, you-you need
- to digest your thoughts? - Yeah, I need to digest...
- Hi, there. - Maybe I... Hey.
- How's it going? - What's up?
How is this going to work?
- How's what gonna work? - This. You two.
Two months in, and you're bickering like children.
Because there are going to be a lot of outside forces
trying to tear you two apart,
and if you do not communicate effectively,
your casework will suffer.
And people could get hurt. Is that what you want?
Uh, yeah, no, um, I don't think that's what I want.
I don't want that. I mean, uh, I think
- we're good here, though. - I don't want that. I don...
- I mean, we... I think we got this. - Okay.
We got this.
Guys, I've changed my mind, okay? Swamp Cat's dead.
I want to be called Sugar Barry.
- So no more Swamp Cat? - No.
'Cause I'm sweet like sugar and my name's Barry.
Got it.
- What? - Okay? Okay.
Can you believe LaFrey?
- Questioning our partnership like that? - Not cool.
Don't ever question my communication skills, brah.
Hey, you have great communication skills.
- Thank you. - And, you know, I...
I mean, I feel like
I have pretty good communication skills.
- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you for saying that.
I mean, this, this is good. Right?
I agree. Nothing stronger than the bond between partners.
- Like solid oak. - Like steel.
Yes, stronger than a freaking neutron star,
the densest matter in the universe.
Mm.
Max, it's Captain LaFrey.
I've been thinking about what we discussed earlier,
and I feel like you should be in charge from now on.
Uh, yeah, that makes total sense.
- Don't tell Leroy. - Cool, cool!
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man, that was... Chet.
Ste... Chet Stetson.
Old high school buddy of mine. Not a big deal.
He just, uh...
he just won Powerball and $9 million,
- and he... - Damn.
Yeah. He is... very excited.
'Cause he can quit his job, uh, as a condom maker.
He makes condoms. And he hates condoms, too, so he's psyched.
Good deal.
She hasn't spoken a single word in five days.
She barely eats, refuses to go to school...
Normally, she's very social.
She's always doing these long posts on her vlog.
We took her to the doctor,
but he said nothing was wrong.
We just don't know what to do.
She's my little girl.
Look, it's okay. I'm gonna take care of this.
We'll take care of it.
Okay.
Janie, do you remember what happened
when you were pulled off the hayride?
Yeah, did you feel a, uh... a rapid cooling, maybe?
- An eerie presence? - Did you get a look at who grabbed you?
Or what grabbed you? Maybe a spirit
or an apparition of some sort?
Or a human being? A man or a woman?
What did it feel like when the invisible force
took hold of you?
- Will you excuse me and my associate? - Wh... You know what,
I would like to be excused as well. Just for the record.
- What? - You're leading her.
She's gonna say she saw something she didn't.
Well, you're limiting her.
She's gonna feel like she can't be honest.
Sorry, you said you guys were from...?
The National Amusement Park Safety Board Commission. NAPSBC.
NAPSBC.
You can be honest, Janie. It's okay.
You can tell us what really happened
and you won't get in trouble.
Perculsus elevor.
Wh-What did she just say?
I don't know. Ask her to repeat it.
Me? You're the one that's... great rapport with her.
Yeah, but she clearly prefers you.
No, no, no. Hey, Janie.
It's Max again. What's up?
I was just wondering if, uh, you could repeat
what you just said to us. Maybe...
No!
Okay, so she's talking again. So that's something.
Perculsus elevor.
What the hell does that mean?
Uh, it's a Latin phrase that translates to,
"Though struck, I am raised."
Okay, I looked at the kid's school records
and she hasn't studied Latin a day in her life.
Ugh, I'd rather send my kid to a circus
than an American public school.
- Well, we should probably... - Um... Well, actually, actually,
- We should we should be down there... - what we are going to do is
we are going to get out into those woods
and look around for any unusual spectral activity.
That is what we are doing. Thank you. That is it.
All right, well, this should help with that.
Thank you.
It's your standard EMF meter...
That's "electromagnetic field." It can detect energy changes.
Um, it's commonly held that spirits register
on the electromagnetic spectrum. Sorry.
- Cool. - I love learning about fake stuff.
Now, here's what we're really gonna do...
Talk to the hayride employees,
see if somebody knows something.
- Why would they talk to us? - Oh, they'll talk.
They'll talk hard, because they'll think we're one of them.
All right, gather round!
Now, I want to take this as an opportunity to drop
into character, okay? Let's put these bitches into therapy.
Let's go!
Boo.
Are you serious?
You don't know me. You don't know my life.
Ow!
I'm so sorry. I didn't expect that.
Well, what did you expect?!
Ding, ding, ding. Got ourselves a bleeder. He get you good?
Uh, yeah, I think it's broken.
- Oh, thank you. - Oh, congrats, man!
It means you're doing your job well.
What about you? That was weak.
You know, I once scared Ellen DeGeneres so bad
she dropped a loaf in her jeans.
Wonder how I did it?
- Not really. - I do.
I internalized my character's backstory, okay?
His murderous rage, his syphilitic madness,
his unorthodox views on child marriage.
And when grave robbers dug up his corpse,
he, like any disturbed corpse,
came back to haunt the living.
Okay, but, like, do people really come here
wanting to poop their pants?
Ellen loved it. So did I. It was a total rush.
Look, man, I don't need a backstory.
I performed seven years at Knott's Scary Farm.
No way, you're KSF?
'99 to '06. The Golden Years.
But I want to do something really big here, you know?
Like that viral video last week of the girl
getting pulled off the ride. How did you do it?
Was it a specter? Like, a spirit?
I don't know about that. A lot of weird stuff happens
- around here. - Well, hold on.
- Where are you going? - Break time's over.
- We're done here. - Well, wait a second.
I said we're done, dude!
What the hell is wrong with you? He was about to give it up,
and then you started talking that specter crap.
He's obviously hiding something, Leroy.
There is something in those woods.
We are heading out there now.
Is that an order, Lieutenant Jennifer?
Yeah. It is an order.
The hell was that?
I told you!
How'd it look?
Did it look real?
So real, dude. People were freaked.
Tale as old as time:
hayride workers stage accident for publicity and monetary gain.
We need to talk about Max and Leroy.
It's really, really important.
Do you get the vibe that one of them was maybe more into me
- than the other? - Um, it's hard to say.
They both seem indifferent.
'Cause I'm gonna shoot straight from the hip, kemosabe:
I live in a mostly female retirement community,
so I'm always on the lookout for new bros to bro-down with.
Uh, all right. Moving on.
Do you see any other folders here labeled King Hill?
Because if I focus my efforts on one,
I run the risk of losing both.
And let's be honest, Leroy is the big score here,
although Max is a bit more attainable.
Huh.
All right, here we go.
So, it looks like the original owner of the property
was a lower member of the British nobility,
Byron King.
Byron King. Where have I...
That's this guy.
AND LOOK AT THE FAMILY CREST:
"Perculsus elevor."
That's what that girl said.
What did you do?
That wasn't me.
Then what was that?
Okay, maybe that one was faked, but you saw that girl's face.
Do you think she was lying?
Max. Buddy. This is not a great look for you.
I mean, you're a good dude and all, you're just, you know,
- a bit of a sucker. - A sucker? Why?
Because I-I-I think there might be a little more out there?
Come on, Leroy. Let's just stay a little longer and investigate.
No way, Max.
You know what? I didn't want to do this,
but by the power vested in me by Captain Ava LaFrey,
I, Max Jennifer, command you,
Leroy Wright, as your superior officer...
Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait.
- LaFrey told you you were in charge? - Yeah.
She told me the exact same thing.
Are you serious?
Max! What are you doing?
Max!
- Max! - Leroy!
Where the hell's my shoe?
Max, can you hear me?
What the hell is wrong with shoes?
Came out here with two shoes, now I got one shoe.
It's like having no shoes!
Barry, why is your name programmed in my phone?
Well, I-I applied a latex mold to your thumbprint,
so I just sidestep... Look, that's not important right now.
Listen to me. Where are you guys? Are you okay?
Max just got dragged into the woods by something.
Listen carefully, that property once belonged to Byron King,
a man who hacked his entire family to pieces with an axe
and was tracked down and killed in those woods.
This could be an extremely dangerous spectral event.
Or it could just be some woods.
Ugh. Da...
Damn, that's a big-ass pine cone.
- Why you screaming in my face? - I don't know!
I thought you were a ghost or something!
Why you screaming in mine?
So you wouldn't be embarrassed for being the only one screaming.
I was doing you a favor.
- Thanks. - You all right?
What the hell happened?
I don't know. I got dragged out here.
There's, like, bones, there's a grave, it's crazy.
Check out what Barry sent me.
This dude Byron King.
He was chased into the woods
by a village mob and killed?
That must be Byron King.
Someone must have hung his corpse in that tree.
Um... Leroy, who's that?
Hello?
Hello, who are you?
Are you that little freak from the hayride?
Hello?
EMF reader is off the charts.
Dude... I think he has an axe.
- You need to stay back. - Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
Stop right there.
Don't come any closer.
Oh, damn.
I'm out.
It's Byron King.
Leroy, wait!
It's just like the hayride kid said,
any disturbed corpse haunts the living.
We got to get these bones back in there.
Max, we got to go.
Listen, I don't care who's in charge.
I'm not even asking you to believe me.
I'm just asking you to help me out.
Come on!
Just this once. As your partner.
In the grave. Come on.
You better be right about this.
Oh, man, he's coming!
It's not working!
- The lid! The lid! Put the lid on! - What? What?
- Close it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I could do this much better with two shoes.
I'm getting no traction on my sock-foot.
You know you carrying me back, right?
Why you laughing?
What's up, Janie Nation. I want to thank my Janiacs
for all your strength and support
while I healed from my accident.
Seems like she's doing a little bit better.
Got to admit, this feels pretty good.
And just so we're clear, my ordeal was hella worse
than Crista's fake ass spinal injury.
It's like, "Bitch, we know you can walk.
Get out of the wheelchair."
Okay, feeling a little less good.
So what happened out in those woods?
Do you think that it was Byron King's ghost
- who pulled you out there? - Actually, I think it was
a ghost of a family member of his who pulled us out there.
They wanted him buried again.
And so when you finally put King's bones to rest...
It must've freed Janie from the spirit's presence.
And by the way, your little plan
to pit us against each other? Didn't work.
Yeah. You know why?
Because this right here...
this is a little dynamic I like to call partnership.
- Get your hand off me. - Yup, sorry.
Well, how disappointing.
Clearly, I had no idea what I was doing,
or who I was dealing with.
Unless you completely did
and this was your intended outcome all along.
- Oh, my God. - Look,
I don't know what I saw out there.
I'm just happy Janie's okay,
even if she is terrible.
What's up, sluts?
How's my slut army doing?
It's your slut lieutenant here, Janie Q.
- Any way we can unbury those bones? - What did we do?
synced and corrected by susinz *www.addic7ed.com*