Shit! Fuck.
All yours, I guess.
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_
People I'd love to kill.
Julia Blenkingsopp from school.
Can you believe Rhiannon died?
Look at her ugly little ghost.
So weird.
For subjecting me to a relentless campaign
of psychological abuse
between the ages of 12 and 16.
Julia Blenkingsopp,
for making me spend
approximately thirty two percent of my school career
hiding in a toilet.
There's a dead person in here.
I thought something smelled.
I was just...
Julia Blenkingsopp,
for making me actually want to be dead.
Julia Blenkingsopp,
for having a cool job
with good morale and scope for career progression.
For having friends to do stuff with
instead sitting at home in a dead dad's robe.
For having a really nice house
that probably has bi-folding doors
and a kitchen island.
For having a partner who's basically a Ken doll.
And for not peaking at school
like bullies are supposed to do.
Julia fucking Blenkingsopp,
for her perfect little life.
But... all good things must come to an end.
You doing a bit of DIY?
Yep. Something like that.
I can give you a hand if you want.
No, I'm fine.
Yeah, no, I mean... Obviously, you're capable.
Look, I know I've been a knob.
Which time?
Well, like at the pub.
And before.
With emojis.
It's just, sometimes I...
You know, I can't find the right words, so I just...
Emojis are just like this perfect little language.
So...
I'm...
sorry.
I haven't read the agreement yet.
- I will. - Okay.
Hey, listen, we should still go for that coffee.
Yeah.
We sh... That... That would be great.
Like, just to tell you my plans for the business.
'Cause like, I really wanna honor him, you know?
So, like, every kitchen we fit, everything we do, like,
it's got a bit of Tommy in it, you know?
Yeah, alright.
What about that new place on the High Street,
the one the does all the posh coffees and that?
- Next to the Chinese? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Or we could just go there instead.
You know?
Banquet for two.
To honor him, of course.
You know, he really loved those prawn balls.
Alright. When?
I don't know.
- I'll text you. - Okay.
But it's not okay!
Listen, Vonne, tell him
if he craps on the floor again,
he can clean it up himself.
Yeah, and we can say with our hands on our hearts,
you can do better.
Hiya!
Yeah, but he's harmless, isn't he?
It's like what my dad used to say:
"Good heart, bad farts."
Can I get a bag, please?
- Yeah, I know. - Just a bag.
Okay.
Hang on, Vonne, one second.
What?
Oh, me.
Sorry. I thought you were talking to Vonne.
- I just need a bag. - What, do you know Vonne?
No.
Just... heard you talking.
Okay, weirdo.
Bag's 15p.
Anyway...
Vonne, he showed up.
Yeah. And it's him.
Actually, I'm wondering if you can help me with one more thing.
- What an absolute joke. - I wonder if you can help me find
your extra-large durable gloves.
I'm just planning to murder my school bully
and hoping you could help me.
£29.59.
- Okay. - No, not you.
Just some bloody customer.
That is what I kept saying to him.
I was like, "Yeah, what are you doing?"
No, shut up.
Bye, then.
Vonne?
You there, babe?
Hello. Badgerton's. How may I help?
Hi.
Is Julia Blenkingsopp in? It's Rhiannon Lewis.
Yes, she's just walking in. One moment, please.
Hello? Julia speaking.
Hi. It's Rhiannon.
Oh, hi.
So... Sorry to call first thing.
I know Seren's really keen to get the photos.
I did a big clear-out here, so...
it would be good for you to see.
Are you free this evening, maybe, after work?
No.
Well, it's... It's really...
I can do tomorrow evening.
Great.
Tomorrow's perfect.
Okay.
Okay. Can't wait.
_
Do you sweat in your sleep, though?
Yeah, but it's worth it.
- Morning! - Morning.
- Hiya. - You're a bit late, Sweetpea.
Yeah, sorry.
I got you a posh coffee.
Oat milk, right Jeff?
Yeah.
There's...
pastries in the kitchen if anybody wants...
wants one.
Are they gluten-free?
'Cause I can die if I eat flour.
Not instantly, but it'll take, like, ten years off my life.
No. Sorry.
It's fine. I'll just sniff Claudia's.
Okay.
Am I not important enough for a posh coffee?
_
Getting sick of her bullshit, actually.
Sniff your own croissant.
Can I get a word, Jeff?
- I'm kind of up against it. - A word.
Please, Jeff.
Okay. Yep.
Great front page splash today.
Thank you.
Just wondering where...
my name was.
Lovely.
Page thirty eight.
Office contacts.
Here it is. Administrative assistant Rhiannon Lewis.
01632-960-800.
Yeah, I-I just thought it would be on the front page
next to my story.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you write it?
- No, but I... - That'll be why it's not, then.
It's not fair, Jeff.
It's my story. I gave you it. My name should be on it.
If you want your name on something I'll lend you my label maker.
You can put your name on a stapler.
_
Hello.
Hi.
- Thanks for the pastries. - Yeah.
Did you poison them?
No.
Might be the perfect crime.
Not really. I mean, Lana's gluten-intolerant,
so she'd be my downfall.
I thought you were an investigative reporter.
Yeah, well, you're kind of...
putting me to shame on that front right now. So...
Go on, prove it.
What?
A bite.
Did I leave my coffee...?
You've got jam on your face.
Could have told me.
Where is she?
- Liar! - Wait. Hang on.
You said you'd be nice about him, and you weren't!
And where's the other one?
- Hello. - How could you?
You sit on my couch, eat my biscuits,
and then you write this sick story!
Well, I think... I think you'll find that's my story.
You wrote it?
Yes, I wrote it.
So, if there's an issue, it's with me,
and not the administrative staff.
They're egging our house,
writing stuff on our car because of you!
You called him a bully.
And now that is all people will remember.
'C-cause he was a bully!
What?
He never showed any remorse,
and he went on and on at Dave, 'cause that's what bullies do.
He deserved it!
Jesus, Rhiannon.
You alright?
People can't do things like that and then get away with it.
Jeff?
Everything alright in there, Jeff?
He's been in there for 20 minutes.
She must have really rattled him.
Do you think he's crying?
- Jeff? - Get out!
He doesn't deal with conflict well.
Very sensitive stomach.
Maybe we should just give him a bit of sp...
Oh, Jeff!
That is bad.
Oh, Jeff. You all right?
It's fine. It's fine, I'm an athlete.
Oh, Christ.
What did he eat?
Help him home.
- Oh, God. - Easy does it, champ.
You just focus on getting better.
That lady was pretty emotional.
It's no wonder your body reacted the way it did.
Sweetpea will look after your in-tray.
Get well soon, Jeff.
I hope it wasn't those pastries. I had three.
What?
You look... different.
Quick pint?
No. Sorry, I can't.
A date?
No. Just... a work thing for my dad's business.
Oh, cool.
doing some business.
Handshakes and...
stuff, and...
Yeah, very cool. Cool.
Cool, cool.
Bye.
Ready to order?
No. Sorry. I'm still waiting for someone.
Alright, it's just that we will need the table back
at 8:30, so...
OK, fine, then I'll get the mini banquet for two.
Okay.
Sorry.
Andy hammered through this pipe at this job in Elmsworth, so...
- No, it's fine. - Oh, I didn't...
- Sorry. That was... - Oh, I was gonna...
- I was gonna grab your hand. - I was gonna go... I know it's my fault.
This... I liked it.
I didn't.
- Do you... Shall we...? Yep? - Yep.
I feel a bit underdressed now.
No, you look... You look nice.
Yeah? Cheers.
Right, shall we get into it, then?
Yes, let's... Let's do it.
I ordered for you. Hope you don't mind.
No, no. No, it's cool. Have you got the agreement?
Was I supposed to bring it?
Well, yeah. That's the whole point of the...
I was gonna talk you through it.
Right...
Sorry, I've just... I've been so... distracted.
I've got this really big thing going on tomorrow evening.
It's been hanging over me for ages.
When it's over, I'll be sorted.
Okay. Sweet.
All right, well, look, I-I mean, I can remember most of it.
My main idea is that we need to start taking advantage
of all these rich assholes moving out of London, you know?
Like, I'm thinking
- extensions... - Yeah.
- garden work... - What kind of music do you like?
I don't know, like... the usual.
McFly.
Like, their early stuff, yeah.
Anyway, my other idea is, like, videos.
We need to start doing... like Sean is so good at all that TikTok stuff.
Or...
We could talk about it later,
and you could have some prawn balls.
Come on, they're good.
Okay.
Yeah, I must really love him, because...
I don't just eat tiny fish bollocks for anyone, okay?
There you go.
Thanks.
Thanks for dinner.
I didn't pay.
- I thought you paid. - What?
I-I didn't pay. Oh, we gotta pay.
Craig, we have to go back.
It's fine. I paid when you were in the bog.
- Idiot. - You're too easy.
Sorry we didn't talk about the business.
It's all right. It was fun.
Do you... have a copy of the agreement at your place?
Nah. No, I only had enough ink for one.
That's why it had all them pink stripes on the last page.
I just ran out.
Look at me.
Seren, she's already coming.
Hello, this is DC Marina Farrow
of the North Berkshire Police.
Is this Rhiannon Lewis?
Yes.
We're asking people to come in and help with our inquiry
about the incident that happened on Meadow Lane Lock on the 9th.
How did you get my details?
You paid for entry at the SQR nightclub
using your contactless.
We're just following up with people who were in the vicinity.
Yeah. Right.
Does this morning work for you?
Yeah. Yeah.
Great, thank you.
Okay, well, please come to the station and sign in.
- It won't take long. - Okay.
Fuck.
There's nothing to worry about.
Just an informal chat to see if you saw anything that evening
that might help us with our investigation.
Okay, I didn't... see anything,
but... happy to help.
Great.
So, what were you doing in the area that evening?
I was just out... drinking.
Yeah, I was pretty hammered, actually.
It's probably why I didn't see anything.
Just too busy trying to walk in a straight line.
Yeah. Brutal honesty.
We like that. It's a real time saver.
And what was the occasion?
Was it just an average Tuesday night?
Well, my dad died.
Oh, my God.
And my dog.
What?
They...
I-I'm so, so sorry.
See?
My world.
- Yeah. - I'm sorry to hear that.
What time did you go to the club?
- About eleven. - Until?
Late.
Were you with anyone? Did you see anyone you know?
Why?
Well...
They might have seen something. It's good to follow up.
Right. Of course.
- Or were you drinking alone? - We've all done it.
I was with friends.
Great. Names?
Pidge, Anni, Lucille,
Julia Blenkingsopp.
And their contact details?
Actually, you know, there was one thing.
It's coming back to me now.
There was a big group of lads.
You know, like, laddy lads. Lad lads.
Like, the type that are, like, "Whey!
- "Lads, lads, lads!" - Yeah...
And then they were sort of lairy,
always in the way on the dance floor.
I-I don't know if maybe they could have done it?
It just seemed like they were up for a fight.
Right. Well, thank you.
We will check that out.
- Ma'am. - Sorry to interrupt.
We've got a great lead on some laddy lads.
Excellent. Can I have a word?
Now. Sergeant.
Interview paused at 9:17am.
"Roar".
- Sorry? - Katy Perry.
You were singing it.
The other night. At The Bell.
Yeah.
"Singing" is generous, but...
I knew I recognized you.
Does she always do that? Your boss.
- What? - Not see you.
Yeah.
I have the same problem.
Sorry, we're gonna have to wrap things up.
Okay. Right.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, something popped up. Nothing for you to worry about.
Just some new developments. Come on, Marina.
Thanks for coming in, Rhianna. You take care.
We'll be in touch.
- Hello, Badgerton's... - I need to speak to Julia.
- I'll just have to... - Now, please.
- Okay. - Thank you.
- Hello? - Hi, it's Rhiannon.
I... I can't do tonight. I'm not feeling well.
Yeah, I was gonna say, neither can I, actually.
- When, then? - Yeah, I-I'll call you.
Okay, fine.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, we'll do it right now.
Absolutely.
- Yeah. - What's going on?
- Yeah, that's right. - Jeff's feeling better, then?
Are those the same...?
Yeah. Alright. Thanks, squire. Pop down soon.
- Second body. - Yes!
- Fuck. Is it linked? - Where?
By the Regent's Estate. Yes, linked,
although, unofficially, but sounds like it.
- How would they know? - Same weapon.
What, they found it, the weapon?
Yes, I was also gonna ask that.
Well, my source says no weapon found yet.
They're using the size of the wounds to confirm.
It will take a day for full forensics, post mortem, etc.
This is how they'll get caught. Never know when to stop.
They can't help themselves.
It'll be some weird loner who has nothing else.
- Heard it on a podcast. - Of course you did.
Jeff, you get down there.
AJ, you find out all you can about the second victim.
The rest of you, listen up. I want you to be extra vigilant,
walking home drunk.
Claudia.
There's a killer on the loose.
_
- Do it. - I mean look, if it was me,
I'd have a hot tub in every room.
Well, I do like a hot tub.
Rhiannon.
Hi.
I just...
came to drop this off for the guys.
They've been working so hard.
So...
Sorry, what is she doing here?
Oh, we-we were just going over the plans
for Tommy's house, so...
What?
- What? - What plans?
I'm putting in an offer.
I spoke to Seren after I came round.
I might flip it.
Sorry, you're...
You're buying my house?
Look, it's just an idea. Don't freak out.
- Shit! Sorry. - Jesus.
Sorry, I-I just... I'm... I'm gonna go.
It's fine. Look, I'll sort it out, okay?
Sorry, sorry I didn't...
It's okay, I think she's a bit worked up.
_
I don't get paid until the end of this thing.
It's a pleasure.
Ciao.
Oh shit!...Craig!
Fuck.
Hi. I-I'm really glad you're here.
- I just, I wanted to say... - Do you have keys?
For the office.
No. Sorry.
I think I left my phone inside.
Fuck.
Can you call Craig?
Sure, yeah. I mean...
He never picks up, though.
Or an Uber. I need to get back.
Shit.
I know how to change a tire, in theory.
Yeah, in-in theory, me too.
I don't think I even have a spare.
You want me to call your fiancé?
No. Can you just call an Uber?
Yeah.
Or...
I mean, I could give you a lift, if-if you want.
- Sort this out tomorrow. - No, it-it's fine.
Fine.
Just don't want you to become another news headline.
Alright!
Don't worry about that.
What kind of music do you like?
That's such a weird question.
- Is it? - Yeah.
You don't know what kind of music you like?
I like Magic FM.
Cool.
Yeah, me too.
I like the optimism of it.
Yeah, like, how they think relentless soft adult contemporary classics
will just improve your life, no matter what's going on in it.
You've got quite a nice life, don't you, Julia?
It's alright.
Wait, why are we here?
I just wanted to show you something
if you're thinking of buying the place.
You know, black spots in the garage.
Yeah, I think you might have missed them last time.
Rhiannon, are you serious?
Come on. Won't take long.
God.
Yeah, it's literally everywhere.
I think it might be mold.
You'd probably know better than me.
You might just wanna take a look yourself.
Oh... yeah.
Sorry. The place is a tip.
I didn't stay at home last night 'cause I was having sex.
With Craig, actually, so...
Yeah, so much going on recently.
Anyway, shall I show you the garage?
Did you hear about the stabbing at the canal?
Yeah.
Another body found today.
Big bully.
Stabbed to death
and left to rot behind the bins.
Sorry, where am I supposed to be looking?
It was me, Julia.
I killed those men.
What the actual fuck?
They deserved it.
They were bullies, just like you.
Fuck off.
You ruined my life, Julia.
You ruined it then, and you're doing it again now,
taking away everything that is good in it.
Why?
Why do you always have to fuck me?
It's just a house. Keep it.
- I don't actually... - You think this is just about the house?
I want an apology!
For what?
You know. You know what you did.
Rhiannon, I really think
we can talk about this like adults.
You crazy fucking cow!
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