1 00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:07,090 Get a load of this loser. 2 00:00:07,122 --> 00:00:08,982 Yeah, looks like a barista or something. 3 00:00:08,983 --> 00:00:11,318 Probably writes poetry. 4 00:00:12,764 --> 00:00:14,390 Is that your boyfriend? 5 00:00:14,396 --> 00:00:16,881 No, that's not my boyfriend. It's my poetry teacher, Mr. Reed. 6 00:00:16,887 --> 00:00:18,692 - What?! Are you serious? - Nailed it. 7 00:00:18,724 --> 00:00:20,167 What are you two so happy about? 8 00:00:20,173 --> 00:00:21,208 Don't worry about it. 9 00:00:21,234 --> 00:00:22,377 Don't you think it's a little bit late 10 00:00:22,382 --> 00:00:24,217 to be getting a ride home from your teacher? 11 00:00:24,243 --> 00:00:26,342 I was at an open mike night at the coffee shop he works at. 12 00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:28,554 - What?! - Two times! Two times! 13 00:00:28,574 --> 00:00:29,764 - You're good. - What is happening? 14 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,065 Eh, nothing. Just that we are psychic as balls. 15 00:00:32,091 --> 00:00:34,555 Mm-hmm. And as a psychic person, I will have you know 16 00:00:34,581 --> 00:00:36,537 it's never a good idea to have sex with your teacher. 17 00:00:36,573 --> 00:00:38,774 - I'm not sleeping with him. - Good. 18 00:00:38,819 --> 00:00:40,878 - Yet. - Wha... ? Oh, come on. 19 00:00:41,143 --> 00:00:43,125 Sabrina, I always knew you were dumb, 20 00:00:43,156 --> 00:00:45,199 but I didn't realize you were a walking cliché. 21 00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:48,086 I thought you liked the pretty morons with the cheese-grater abs. 22 00:00:48,107 --> 00:00:50,724 Yeah, I did, when I was younger. But I'm a woman now. 23 00:00:50,739 --> 00:00:52,981 I can grate cheese on Brian's brains. 24 00:00:53,347 --> 00:00:55,664 Brian sounds like a real child molester. 25 00:00:55,679 --> 00:00:57,895 Why? Because he thinks I have a real future? 26 00:00:57,910 --> 00:00:59,598 - In poetry? - Sure. 27 00:00:59,649 --> 00:01:01,063 Or maybe as a singer/songwriter, 28 00:01:01,068 --> 00:01:02,841 if I ever decide to put my words to music. 29 00:01:02,966 --> 00:01:05,688 You can't sing. Or write songs. 30 00:01:05,902 --> 00:01:08,327 Come on, open your eyes, this guy just wants to bang you. 31 00:01:08,357 --> 00:01:09,750 Oh, really? Then why does he want me to read 32 00:01:09,755 --> 00:01:11,585 my poetry at the school's Art Fest? 33 00:01:11,615 --> 00:01:13,755 Uh, because he wants to bang you. 34 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,021 I like poetry. 35 00:01:15,061 --> 00:01:17,897 - Boat, coat, moat. - Yeah, careful, Ben, 36 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,432 she might fall in love with you, too. 37 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,882 Listen, I had a fling in high school with a faculty member, 38 00:01:21,883 --> 00:01:23,286 and it was a big mistake. 39 00:01:23,326 --> 00:01:24,820 You slept with a teacher? Sweet. 40 00:01:24,850 --> 00:01:26,558 No, it was not sweet. And it wasn't a teacher. 41 00:01:26,584 --> 00:01:28,129 It was just this guy who worked at the school. 42 00:01:28,144 --> 00:01:29,506 Mm-hmm. Like a janitor? 43 00:01:29,572 --> 00:01:31,127 No, not like a janitor. 44 00:01:31,574 --> 00:01:32,967 He was head of maintenance. 45 00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,624 So King Janitor. 46 00:01:34,749 --> 00:01:37,140 All that matters is that it was very traumatic. 47 00:01:37,186 --> 00:01:39,707 Once he got what he wanted from me, he just blew me off. 48 00:01:39,832 --> 00:01:41,522 And when I tried to confront him about it, 49 00:01:41,552 --> 00:01:43,927 he... he just acted like nothing ever happened, you know? 50 00:01:43,952 --> 00:01:46,473 Like I was just this crazy psycho who dreamt the whole thing up. 51 00:01:46,519 --> 00:01:47,856 And nobody believed me. 52 00:01:47,928 --> 00:01:49,752 They all trusted the janitor, huh? 53 00:01:50,438 --> 00:01:52,873 At least the janitor drove a car. 54 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,875 Whoa. What's going on? 55 00:02:02,511 --> 00:02:04,675 I'm trying to stick the frickin' landing on the frickin' handspring. 56 00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:06,722 - You got to bend your knees. - I freaking know that! 57 00:02:06,738 --> 00:02:09,092 Okay, hey, don't snap at me, all right? 58 00:02:10,032 --> 00:02:11,421 Talk to me. 59 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,769 Let me in. 60 00:02:17,518 --> 00:02:18,550 Okay, well... 61 00:02:19,495 --> 00:02:21,595 they published the eighth grade Hot List, 62 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,302 and I came in at number 42. 63 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,467 - Oh, that's not so bad. - Out of 50. 64 00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:27,037 Oh. That stings. 65 00:02:28,162 --> 00:02:29,215 God, you know, when I was a kid, 66 00:02:29,245 --> 00:02:31,512 they used to tack that thing to the bulletin board. 67 00:02:31,954 --> 00:02:33,341 I was always top five. 68 00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:34,556 One time I got strep throat, 69 00:02:34,581 --> 00:02:36,593 they had to send everyone home on antibiotics. 70 00:02:36,629 --> 00:02:38,622 I don't get it. I've tried everything. 71 00:02:38,637 --> 00:02:40,395 My hair is bigger than it's ever been. 72 00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,271 I paid for everyone's lunches last week. 73 00:02:42,281 --> 00:02:44,110 I spent a fortune on this belt buckle. 74 00:02:44,156 --> 00:02:46,377 I figured this handspring would really turn things around. 75 00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:49,320 Give me 200 bucks... I'll fix your problem. 76 00:02:50,514 --> 00:02:52,421 - You can get me to number one? - Yeah. 77 00:02:52,441 --> 00:02:54,215 Well, I mean, right after I cure genital herpes 78 00:02:54,230 --> 00:02:55,679 and fix the racial divide in America. 79 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,717 No, I am not a miracle worker, Chip. 80 00:02:58,032 --> 00:02:59,755 But I can get you in the top 20. 81 00:03:01,519 --> 00:03:02,607 Okay, fine. 82 00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:04,117 What do I got to do? 83 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,116 You get some beauty sleep 84 00:03:07,151 --> 00:03:09,332 and enjoy your final night of being uncool. 85 00:03:09,515 --> 00:03:12,555 "I got up from the floor, and I took a walk. 86 00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:15,283 "As I reached the top of the bridge, 87 00:03:15,408 --> 00:03:16,864 my feet trembled. 88 00:03:17,077 --> 00:03:21,026 I realized just how easily I could jump." 89 00:03:21,646 --> 00:03:23,511 Do it. Jump already. 90 00:03:23,588 --> 00:03:25,057 - Don't heckle the poets. - Oh. 91 00:03:25,062 --> 00:03:26,383 Got to keep a low profile. 92 00:03:26,449 --> 00:03:28,940 I'm trying to assess how big of a threat Mr. Reed is. 93 00:03:30,017 --> 00:03:31,568 Oh, yep. There he is, 94 00:03:31,573 --> 00:03:32,930 surrounded by all of his groupies. 95 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,309 Ah, probably deciding which one he wants... 96 00:03:35,375 --> 00:03:36,772 to kill. 97 00:03:37,205 --> 00:03:39,283 I don't think poets are going around killing people. 98 00:03:39,334 --> 00:03:40,829 Yeah? What about Che Guevara? 99 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:43,299 I don't know what that means. Shh. 100 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,033 "Wind passes. 101 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,686 The glowering sun emerges, 102 00:03:47,712 --> 00:03:50,105 and with it a new day." 103 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:53,460 I'm sorry. 104 00:03:54,213 --> 00:03:56,276 Just with all the pain in the world... 105 00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:59,477 it feels more appropriate to speak from the heart, off the cuff. 106 00:03:59,602 --> 00:04:01,007 - Ew, gross. - Yeah. 107 00:04:01,897 --> 00:04:03,793 When I close my eyes, 108 00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:06,192 I see our land in flames. 109 00:04:06,482 --> 00:04:09,353 And I ask myself, who do we blame? 110 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:13,097 Do we blame the old beggar with the crumbs in his beard? 111 00:04:13,098 --> 00:04:14,790 Or do you not see him? 112 00:04:14,823 --> 00:04:16,859 - Do you wish... - Is he gonna say "disappear"? 113 00:04:16,892 --> 00:04:18,313 ... he'd disappear? 114 00:04:18,332 --> 00:04:19,660 - Get out of here. - Wha... ? 115 00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,043 - Did you know that one? - What the hell was that? No. 116 00:04:22,075 --> 00:04:23,606 It wasn't... that wasn't off the cuff. 117 00:04:23,650 --> 00:04:25,835 It rhymed. It was a poem. 118 00:04:27,781 --> 00:04:30,271 Did he just tickle her? 119 00:04:30,284 --> 00:04:32,074 He definitely did just tickle her. 120 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,468 We caught a predator. 121 00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,458 I'm gonna go give Dr. Seuss a piece of my mind. 122 00:04:35,477 --> 00:04:37,089 All right. Well, I'm gonna hang back. Oh, hey. 123 00:04:37,214 --> 00:04:38,619 Do you think they got hash here? 124 00:04:39,259 --> 00:04:40,259 What, like, on the menu? 125 00:04:40,271 --> 00:04:41,449 - Yeah. - No. 126 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:44,184 You know, it's cool. I'm gonna ask anyway. Yeah. 127 00:04:45,206 --> 00:04:46,272 Psst. 128 00:04:52,906 --> 00:04:55,164 - Ow! Aah... - Oh, yeah! 129 00:04:55,197 --> 00:04:57,502 That's gonna shine up real nice. 130 00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,734 Wha... ? 131 00:04:58,986 --> 00:05:00,785 The hell is the matter with you, you frickin' idiots! 132 00:05:00,803 --> 00:05:02,314 Okay, you know what, you want to complain, 133 00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:03,382 or you want to hear the plan? 134 00:05:03,407 --> 00:05:05,781 That bruise is your ticket to climbing The Hot List. 135 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:08,887 - How? - Aw, Chip. 136 00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,446 I look at you and I see nothing. 137 00:05:11,682 --> 00:05:13,690 You're not smart. You're not funny. 138 00:05:13,691 --> 00:05:16,673 You look like a jackass. Okay? You got no hook. 139 00:05:16,689 --> 00:05:19,288 That black eye's gonna give you some much-needed mystique. 140 00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:20,919 Do I have mystique? 141 00:05:21,044 --> 00:05:22,258 An assload of it. 142 00:05:22,673 --> 00:05:24,218 Now, pay attention. When you go to school 143 00:05:24,238 --> 00:05:25,346 people are gonna ask you what happened. 144 00:05:25,361 --> 00:05:27,263 You keep it vague. You say, "Don't worry about it." 145 00:05:27,296 --> 00:05:29,148 You let the rumor mill do the work. 146 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,694 Whatever they cook up is gonna be far sexier 147 00:05:31,710 --> 00:05:34,102 than the fact you got your ass kicked by a ten-year-old. 148 00:05:34,135 --> 00:05:36,417 - I'm seven. - I rest my case. 149 00:05:37,408 --> 00:05:38,785 Guess it's worth a shot. 150 00:05:38,841 --> 00:05:39,954 Yeah. 151 00:05:39,959 --> 00:05:42,344 But first we're gonna need to make that bruise a little deeper. 152 00:05:42,378 --> 00:05:43,700 Ben. 153 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,827 Due cappuccino. Enjoy. 154 00:05:47,437 --> 00:05:49,887 So, you like underage girls, is that right? 155 00:05:50,665 --> 00:05:52,921 - Excuse me? - Oh, your little cheering section over there. 156 00:05:52,946 --> 00:05:55,584 - You like 'em young? - Oh. My students. 157 00:05:55,709 --> 00:05:58,665 To be honest, I think they're only here 'cause I offered them extra credit. 158 00:05:58,696 --> 00:06:00,470 Oh, I bet you did. 159 00:06:00,595 --> 00:06:02,798 What do you offer them next, a little red wine? 160 00:06:03,027 --> 00:06:04,633 Some aged cheeses? 161 00:06:05,237 --> 00:06:06,468 I'm sorry, I don't follow. 162 00:06:06,549 --> 00:06:08,904 Let me see if you can follow this, Mr. Tambourine Man. 163 00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:11,231 I see you. I see right through you. 164 00:06:11,261 --> 00:06:12,755 - So if you think that... - I'm sorry to interrupt, 165 00:06:12,775 --> 00:06:15,977 but can you just tilt your head that way, just a little bit? 166 00:06:17,497 --> 00:06:18,498 Why? 167 00:06:18,559 --> 00:06:20,483 The way the light is bouncing off your hair, 168 00:06:20,515 --> 00:06:22,254 it looks really cool. 169 00:06:23,896 --> 00:06:27,165 Well, I just got highlights. 170 00:06:27,617 --> 00:06:28,791 I'm Brian. 171 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,698 Yeah. 172 00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:35,597 - Oh, hey, where'd you go last night? - Yeah, 173 00:06:35,841 --> 00:06:36,989 it's kind of a long story. 174 00:06:36,995 --> 00:06:38,596 Yeah. Tell me about it. 175 00:06:38,602 --> 00:06:40,309 They didn't sell hash at that place, 176 00:06:40,345 --> 00:06:42,688 but I got to talking to some of those poets, 177 00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:45,450 and they had hash, so we smoked up in their van, 178 00:06:45,468 --> 00:06:47,089 and we got so faded. 179 00:06:47,109 --> 00:06:48,512 Oh, it's good. 180 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:49,589 - That's really great. - Mm. 181 00:06:49,630 --> 00:06:51,500 Yeah. Oh. What about you? 182 00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:54,856 - Did you confront Sabrina's teacher? - Yeah, yeah. Kind of. 183 00:06:54,927 --> 00:06:56,219 And then I banged him. 184 00:06:56,412 --> 00:06:58,978 - What? - Yeah. Now, look, before you say anything, 185 00:06:59,039 --> 00:07:01,228 it's actually a pretty smart parenting move, right? 186 00:07:01,249 --> 00:07:02,682 - Mm. - She's not gonna want to go 187 00:07:02,707 --> 00:07:05,041 anywhere near that guy, 'cause I poisoned the well... 188 00:07:05,452 --> 00:07:07,030 'cause I'm the champ. 189 00:07:07,063 --> 00:07:08,532 You don't follow the champ. 190 00:07:09,509 --> 00:07:13,052 So... you had sex with Sabrina's crush... 191 00:07:13,177 --> 00:07:14,700 - for Sabrina? - Mm-hmm. 192 00:07:14,730 --> 00:07:16,722 She better thank me for it, too, 'cause it was not good. 193 00:07:16,758 --> 00:07:18,659 - Oh. - Lot of ear stuff. 194 00:07:19,248 --> 00:07:20,484 What happened to you? 195 00:07:20,509 --> 00:07:22,520 Lose your keys and have to sleep in the yard again? 196 00:07:22,645 --> 00:07:25,190 Nope. Actually, I was with a man. 197 00:07:25,231 --> 00:07:26,816 Oh. Good for you. 198 00:07:26,849 --> 00:07:28,046 Did he have a nice tent? 199 00:07:28,113 --> 00:07:30,639 Okay. I go do something else. 200 00:07:30,764 --> 00:07:32,113 Nope. No tent. 201 00:07:32,189 --> 00:07:35,070 Uh, just a crappy little studio apartment. 202 00:07:35,195 --> 00:07:38,775 Actually, think you might know this man: Mr. Brian Reed. 203 00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:41,068 Yeah, right. 204 00:07:41,866 --> 00:07:43,000 I'm sorry? 205 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,419 Are you... Are you serious? 206 00:07:45,635 --> 00:07:48,171 Oh, my God, Mickey, he's way out of your league. 207 00:07:48,606 --> 00:07:50,934 - Clearly not. - Mr. Reed prefers smart, 208 00:07:50,949 --> 00:07:53,257 interesting women. Like me. 209 00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:55,132 Oh, believe you me, I had him. 210 00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:57,655 - I plowed him. Plowed him good. - Mm-hmm. 211 00:07:57,673 --> 00:08:00,067 And I wouldn't be surprised if he needs to take a sick day. 212 00:08:01,201 --> 00:08:02,670 Oh, God, what do you have? 213 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:06,908 Nothing. No, not me. I'm not gross or sick. 214 00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:08,845 - I... I exhausted him... - Mm-hmm. 215 00:08:09,368 --> 00:08:10,527 with sex. 216 00:08:10,593 --> 00:08:12,581 Mickey, it is one thing to lie about hooking up 217 00:08:12,586 --> 00:08:13,862 with your teacher when you were in high school, 218 00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:15,879 but to do it when you're 50 is just sad. 219 00:08:15,925 --> 00:08:18,090 No, no, no. Don't do that to me. No, I... 220 00:08:18,115 --> 00:08:20,047 First of all, I'm not anywhere near fi... 221 00:08:20,069 --> 00:08:22,857 It... That doesn't matter. I had them. I had both of them, all right. 222 00:08:22,872 --> 00:08:24,375 I had Mr. Reed, I had Winston. 223 00:08:24,408 --> 00:08:25,714 - I had both of them. - Okay. 224 00:08:25,741 --> 00:08:27,538 - It's not a lie. - I'm sorry. 225 00:08:27,564 --> 00:08:29,470 - I'm not lying. I didn't lie then. Thank you. - I'm sorry. 226 00:08:29,521 --> 00:08:31,483 I don't mean to be rude, okay? I just... 227 00:08:31,523 --> 00:08:33,825 I can't picture Mr. Reed slumming it 228 00:08:33,850 --> 00:08:35,284 with some leather-skinned drifter. 229 00:08:35,986 --> 00:08:37,359 How is that not rude? 230 00:08:37,531 --> 00:08:38,914 'Cause it's accurate. 231 00:08:39,971 --> 00:08:41,165 You know what? 232 00:08:41,290 --> 00:08:43,189 This is fine. 233 00:08:43,244 --> 00:08:45,552 It's no big deal. I'll just have to prove it to you. 234 00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,264 I look forward to that. 235 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:52,637 Hey, man. 236 00:08:53,186 --> 00:08:54,329 What happened to your eye? 237 00:08:54,390 --> 00:08:55,839 It's nothing, don't worry about it. 238 00:08:56,238 --> 00:08:59,451 Whatever, he probably got beat up by his fine-ass sister. 239 00:09:00,503 --> 00:09:03,267 A... all right, all right. I... I... I'll tell you what happened. 240 00:09:03,623 --> 00:09:06,189 I was chillin' down at Marucci's Pizza, 241 00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:07,866 and I was in line for a slice 242 00:09:07,886 --> 00:09:11,216 when these three goons from South Greenwich cut me in line, 243 00:09:11,231 --> 00:09:13,503 so normally, I'm a helluva laid back guy. 244 00:09:13,628 --> 00:09:16,227 Okay, but there's only one slice of 'roni left, and 'roni... 245 00:09:16,352 --> 00:09:17,687 that's my favorite topping. 246 00:09:18,647 --> 00:09:20,676 So I tell the guy, I was like, "Yo, there's a line." 247 00:09:20,732 --> 00:09:23,130 And he goes, "Oh. You want to do something about it?" 248 00:09:23,255 --> 00:09:25,305 And I was like, "Yeah. I thought you'd never ask." 249 00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:28,406 Long story short, he pops me in the eye, I don't feel a thing. 250 00:09:28,438 --> 00:09:30,707 So I say to the guy behind the counter, I was like, "Yo, bro, 251 00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:32,709 let me get that last slice of pepperoni pizza to go. 252 00:09:32,741 --> 00:09:34,429 My friend here will take a body bag." 253 00:09:34,465 --> 00:09:36,758 - Wham! - Whoa. 254 00:09:37,246 --> 00:09:38,831 Roundhouse kick right to the face. 255 00:09:38,857 --> 00:09:40,402 You're gnarly for real, bro. 256 00:09:40,473 --> 00:09:43,829 Yeah. I didn't stick around long enough to see if he actually died, but 257 00:09:43,910 --> 00:09:45,967 I haven't heard anything, so I guess I'm good. 258 00:09:45,979 --> 00:09:48,154 Damn. I... I didn't know you were into beating ass. 259 00:09:48,211 --> 00:09:50,193 There's a lot of stuff people don't know about me. 260 00:09:50,318 --> 00:09:51,647 I'm mad mysterious. 261 00:09:54,262 --> 00:09:56,232 Whoa. 262 00:09:56,962 --> 00:09:58,873 Inhale. 263 00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,976 Take all the thoughts in your mind, 264 00:10:01,057 --> 00:10:03,578 place them in an imaginary backpack. 265 00:10:03,593 --> 00:10:05,737 Or messenger bag, if you prefer. 266 00:10:05,862 --> 00:10:08,146 Now, take the bag of your choice, 267 00:10:08,178 --> 00:10:10,021 and embrace its weight. 268 00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,988 - I've got something you can embrace. - Hey, hi. 269 00:10:12,015 --> 00:10:13,498 What are you, what are you doing here? 270 00:10:13,544 --> 00:10:15,872 - Just came to see my boo. Hi. - Hi. Hi. 271 00:10:15,898 --> 00:10:17,545 - Miss us. Oh. - No, don't... don't do that. 272 00:10:17,601 --> 00:10:19,660 - Uh, you need to leave. This is very inappropriate. - Mmm. 273 00:10:19,688 --> 00:10:22,517 Oh, yeah, will do, magic man. No, just real quick, I just wa... 274 00:10:22,557 --> 00:10:25,095 H... h... h... hold on a second, where... where's Sabrina? 275 00:10:25,127 --> 00:10:26,430 I thought she was in this class. 276 00:10:26,466 --> 00:10:29,327 - Sabrina Pemberton? You know her? - Yeah, I'm her aunt. 277 00:10:29,347 --> 00:10:31,075 I really wanted her to hear this next part, though. 278 00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,098 - Can I talk to you outside? Thanks. - Uh-huh. 279 00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:34,831 Could've sworn that she would've been in there. 280 00:10:34,861 --> 00:10:36,365 Well, hey, do you know where she is? 281 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,271 'Cause maybe you could walk me to the class? Is that dumb? 282 00:10:38,291 --> 00:10:40,320 That's crazy. I'm sorry, that's crazy. 283 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:43,221 Oh... Come over for dinner tonight. 284 00:10:43,346 --> 00:10:45,582 Yes. She'll be there, that's where she can see us together. 285 00:10:45,587 --> 00:10:47,940 Okay, what do you like to eat? You like, uh, pizza? 286 00:10:47,956 --> 00:10:49,577 No. Look, last night... 287 00:10:50,426 --> 00:10:51,524 was a mistake. 288 00:10:52,087 --> 00:10:53,272 Okay, well, hold on. 289 00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:54,659 I know that. 290 00:10:54,857 --> 00:10:57,008 A mistake, are you kidding me? I was gonna tell you that. 291 00:10:57,064 --> 00:10:58,995 Look, if I'd known that you were a parent at this school, 292 00:10:59,029 --> 00:11:00,697 I would have never slept with you. 293 00:11:00,730 --> 00:11:02,518 Well, that's rich coming from a man 294 00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,932 - with a harem of young girls. - I have to go. 295 00:11:04,967 --> 00:11:06,771 All right. Well, h... hold on a second. Hey. 296 00:11:07,244 --> 00:11:08,473 Do the right thing. 297 00:11:10,506 --> 00:11:12,245 Yo. There's the man. 298 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:14,922 - How'd I do? - Uh, frickin' amazing. 299 00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:17,355 - Yeah. Still got it. - Ben, I want to thank you. 300 00:11:17,381 --> 00:11:20,125 This black eye is the greatest gift I've ever been given. 301 00:11:20,152 --> 00:11:21,926 - Really? - Big time. 302 00:11:21,979 --> 00:11:24,520 You're looking at the second hottest dude in eighth grade. 303 00:11:25,053 --> 00:11:26,356 Wow. 304 00:11:26,389 --> 00:11:27,945 It works. 305 00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:31,628 Hey. Second? 306 00:11:31,972 --> 00:11:33,362 As in number two? 307 00:11:33,395 --> 00:11:34,544 Believe it. 308 00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:36,999 Okay, the only way you go from 42 to two 309 00:11:37,035 --> 00:11:40,002 is if some guy goes in there and mows down 40 other kids. 310 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,308 What'd you do? 311 00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:43,423 Nothing. Some kid was dogging on me, 312 00:11:43,443 --> 00:11:45,436 so I told him I tuned up some public school kids. 313 00:11:45,456 --> 00:11:47,906 Oh, my God, you fool. I told you to keep it vague. 314 00:11:47,947 --> 00:11:50,620 Sorry if I took your advice and made it a frick-ton better. 315 00:11:50,630 --> 00:11:51,894 Nah, you don't get it, man. 316 00:11:51,926 --> 00:11:53,768 Now you're a fighter, and that's very specific. 317 00:11:53,783 --> 00:11:55,604 You're gonna walk around with a target on your back. 318 00:11:55,636 --> 00:11:58,374 Yeah? Well, heavy lies the crown. 319 00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:03,451 G-give me ba-back my b-binder. 320 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,108 "B-B-Binder." What? 321 00:12:05,172 --> 00:12:07,831 I can't understand you. Speak English. 322 00:12:08,786 --> 00:12:10,633 Can I help you? 323 00:12:12,636 --> 00:12:15,871 Whoa. 324 00:12:15,904 --> 00:12:17,308 You're welcome. 325 00:12:20,922 --> 00:12:22,847 Ow. 326 00:12:24,258 --> 00:12:27,298 There you go. 327 00:12:55,852 --> 00:12:58,852 You'll thank me later. 328 00:13:00,471 --> 00:13:02,679 What is wrong with you? Are you insane? 329 00:13:02,703 --> 00:13:07,813 Oh. I guess Brian informed you about our little poetry slam sesh? 330 00:13:07,823 --> 00:13:11,002 My friends told me that you stormed into his classroom like a lunatic. 331 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,689 - Wait, but he didn't say anything? - No, of course not, 332 00:13:13,702 --> 00:13:16,346 - because nothing happened. - Okay, now I'm pissed off. 333 00:13:16,409 --> 00:13:18,601 I feel like I'm back in the janitor's closet, and everyone's... 334 00:13:18,805 --> 00:13:21,003 Sabrina, I am not lying. 335 00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:24,106 Sabrina, shame on you, okay? 336 00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:25,908 Women need to believe each other. 337 00:13:25,947 --> 00:13:28,621 I know that when I hooked up with Edward Olmos, Jr... 338 00:13:28,645 --> 00:13:30,953 It's Edward James Olmos. I... it... it... that doesn't matter. 339 00:13:30,991 --> 00:13:32,649 It didn't happen. Stop saying that. 340 00:13:32,674 --> 00:13:33,907 Well, looked just like him. 341 00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:36,442 So just some old man with bad skin? My thing happened. 342 00:13:36,454 --> 00:13:38,837 Just stay away from Brian, okay? He's mine. 343 00:13:38,881 --> 00:13:40,476 Oh. 344 00:13:40,501 --> 00:13:42,649 Okay. Okay. 345 00:13:42,692 --> 00:13:44,397 So this guy wants it to look like I'm crazy. 346 00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:46,938 Sure, no problem. I do a great crazy. 347 00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:57,949 It's Mickey! 348 00:13:58,074 --> 00:13:59,722 Can we talk for just a sec? 349 00:14:01,648 --> 00:14:03,212 H... hey! 350 00:14:03,246 --> 00:14:06,449 I saw that. Open this door, right now. 351 00:14:08,239 --> 00:14:11,894 Oh, you think you can hide from me? 352 00:14:11,950 --> 00:14:14,650 Well, I've got news for you: you can't. 353 00:14:14,904 --> 00:14:17,159 And... and one more piece of news: 354 00:14:17,193 --> 00:14:20,552 - I will hunt you down! - Ma'am, I don't think he's home. 355 00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,592 Oh, he's home. He is home. 356 00:14:22,598 --> 00:14:25,712 - I am not crazy! - I can give him a message for you. 357 00:14:25,713 --> 00:14:28,304 I'll give him a message. 358 00:14:46,061 --> 00:14:48,492 There you are, bro. I've been looking everywhere for you. 359 00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:51,200 Oh, yeah? Well, I've been in the gym. Getting swole. 360 00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:52,461 We got to roll. Now. 361 00:14:52,493 --> 00:14:53,954 - Where we going? - Parking lot. 362 00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,045 Some dudes from South Greenwich heard you were talking smack. 363 00:14:56,051 --> 00:14:57,348 They want to fight you. 364 00:14:57,608 --> 00:15:00,206 Th... they want to fight me? How many are there? 365 00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:02,474 I don't know, like six. 366 00:15:02,599 --> 00:15:04,202 You can handle that, though, right? 367 00:15:04,989 --> 00:15:07,720 Y... yeah. T... totally. Six? 368 00:15:07,728 --> 00:15:09,134 Wish there were seven. 369 00:15:09,182 --> 00:15:11,858 I have this thing where I have to beat people in odd numbers, so... 370 00:15:11,897 --> 00:15:13,502 Let's go. 371 00:15:15,328 --> 00:15:17,297 You wanted to... Ugh. 372 00:15:17,298 --> 00:15:19,339 Uh, Mr. Reed, please have a seat. 373 00:15:21,156 --> 00:15:24,883 - Look, I don't know what she told you... - He said have a seat, Brian. 374 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:30,957 Ms. Molng here has just been sharing some troubling accusations. 375 00:15:31,082 --> 00:15:34,976 Uh, she claims that you engaged in... 376 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,319 That there was a... 377 00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:40,570 Sex. "Sex" is the word you're looking for. 378 00:15:40,615 --> 00:15:41,994 Plus all the dirty lead-up stuff. 379 00:15:42,013 --> 00:15:43,912 - He does this thing with your ears. It's... - Tha... that's... 380 00:15:43,982 --> 00:15:46,873 - I... I don't need details. - It just goes on for too long. 381 00:15:46,898 --> 00:15:49,618 - That's all I was gonna say. - Mr. Reed, is this true? 382 00:15:49,743 --> 00:15:54,911 Did you engage in a sexual relationship with Ms. Molng? 383 00:15:57,312 --> 00:15:58,545 Yes. 384 00:15:58,564 --> 00:16:01,194 - I mean, technically it's true. - Finally. 385 00:16:01,319 --> 00:16:02,853 Finally, he admits it. 386 00:16:02,978 --> 00:16:05,992 - This is so embarrassing. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 387 00:16:06,011 --> 00:16:08,813 Do not do that. I am the one who is embarrassed, all right? 388 00:16:08,832 --> 00:16:10,097 Ashamed, even. 389 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,816 Obviously, this is a problem, Brian. 390 00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,259 Well, I didn't know who she was. 391 00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:16,145 I was at my other job, she approached me, 392 00:16:16,171 --> 00:16:18,522 we started talking, it just happened. 393 00:16:18,846 --> 00:16:20,948 Wait, you didn't know she was a Lockwood parent? 394 00:16:20,993 --> 00:16:22,441 No, of course not. 395 00:16:22,918 --> 00:16:25,072 And none of this happened on school property? 396 00:16:25,097 --> 00:16:27,207 No, she targeted me at work. 397 00:16:27,245 --> 00:16:30,511 Wha... Well, I'm not sure that any of this is illegal. 398 00:16:30,517 --> 00:16:32,619 Okay, I'll give you that. That... that... that, technically, 399 00:16:32,626 --> 00:16:34,132 that was all by the book. 400 00:16:34,257 --> 00:16:36,248 But this man is a predator 401 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:37,455 - Wh... ? - And also, 402 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,193 he will not admit to Sabrina that we had sex. 403 00:16:40,219 --> 00:16:42,619 Uh, nor should he. I... I'm on his side there. 404 00:16:42,651 --> 00:16:44,512 You know what? In fact, Brian, 405 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:45,834 you are free to go. 406 00:16:45,835 --> 00:16:48,141 - Thank you. - What?! Oh, sure. 407 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,900 Yeah, yeah. Course he's free to go. 408 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:51,565 'Cause this whole education system is just 409 00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,585 - one big boys club, isn't it? - Well, actually, 410 00:16:53,615 --> 00:16:56,350 76% of teachers in America are female, so you're... 411 00:16:56,371 --> 00:16:58,673 Oh, thank you for mansplaining that for me, Gibbons. 412 00:16:58,703 --> 00:17:01,356 Guess what? I will not be bullied into silence. 413 00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:03,315 You know, uh, speaking of bullying, 414 00:17:03,318 --> 00:17:05,555 we need to have a small chat about Ben. 415 00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:08,045 He has been physically assaulting students 416 00:17:08,077 --> 00:17:09,753 that he has deemed... 417 00:17:10,424 --> 00:17:12,890 - "losers." - Doesn't sound like my Ben. 418 00:17:12,956 --> 00:17:15,637 Well, maybe you don't know your Ben as well as you think you do. 419 00:17:15,693 --> 00:17:18,097 The good news is that he wants to make it right, 420 00:17:18,112 --> 00:17:21,095 so he has volunteered to read an anti-bullying poem 421 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,144 in our school's Arts Fest. 422 00:17:23,215 --> 00:17:25,716 Great. Perfect punishment. Poems suck. 423 00:17:29,991 --> 00:17:31,470 'Sup, 48? 424 00:17:31,595 --> 00:17:33,396 Hey, nice belt buckle. 425 00:17:34,203 --> 00:17:35,536 All right, screw this. 426 00:17:37,072 --> 00:17:38,997 Thank you, thank you, girls. 427 00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:40,452 Thank you so very much. 428 00:17:41,944 --> 00:17:45,147 Up next, we have one of our youngest poets, 429 00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:48,353 Ben Pemberton, who will be reciting a poem 430 00:17:48,377 --> 00:17:50,728 about the dangers of bullying. 431 00:17:55,516 --> 00:17:58,274 "Black Eyes" by Ben Pemberton. 432 00:17:58,399 --> 00:18:01,368 "Black eyes are cool, black eyes rule, 433 00:18:01,393 --> 00:18:03,795 but black eyes don't belong at our school. 434 00:18:03,827 --> 00:18:07,238 Black eyes look scary, but black eyes are fun. 435 00:18:07,289 --> 00:18:09,195 I really wish that I could have one." 436 00:18:09,239 --> 00:18:11,521 Okay, thank you. Thank you, Ben. Thank you. 437 00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:14,457 For your poem on... on why black eyes 438 00:18:14,507 --> 00:18:17,494 are bad. Black eyes was the... 439 00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:22,068 Next up, uh, Ben's older sister, Sabrina. 440 00:18:23,281 --> 00:18:25,536 Thank you for helping me recognize my gift. 441 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,531 I wrote this for you. 442 00:18:27,991 --> 00:18:29,869 Oh, uh... thank you. 443 00:18:29,882 --> 00:18:31,254 Good luck. 444 00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:38,479 "Baggage" by Sabrina Pemberton. 445 00:18:39,547 --> 00:18:41,078 "I am a handbag. 446 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,473 Empty. Expensive. 447 00:18:43,507 --> 00:18:45,476 Carried places I don't want to go. 448 00:18:45,509 --> 00:18:47,011 But then you came, 449 00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:49,987 and rifled through my pockets like a gentle thief. 450 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,350 Now I'm ready. Unzip me. 451 00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:56,728 - Place things inside me." - I had sex with Mr. Reed. 452 00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:58,489 Ah, nah. That's right. 453 00:18:58,521 --> 00:19:01,260 This creep not only teaches girls how to write terrible poetry, 454 00:19:01,285 --> 00:19:03,815 he also lies to their faces about sleeping with their aunt. 455 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,619 But I got the receipts. 456 00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:07,830 I will hunt you down! 457 00:19:08,052 --> 00:19:09,863 - I don't think he's home. - Whoops, hold on. One... 458 00:19:09,864 --> 00:19:11,006 Give me one sec. That's, uh, wrong part. 459 00:19:11,033 --> 00:19:12,684 He is home. I am not crazy! 460 00:19:12,722 --> 00:19:14,608 Well... He was home 461 00:19:14,627 --> 00:19:16,305 throughout this entire exchange, mind you. 462 00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:17,740 - Okay, the... No, no, they... - No, no, no, I'm... 463 00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:20,319 - That's good enough. I think... - Hey, hey, hey! Stop. Hey. Stop. 464 00:19:20,338 --> 00:19:21,946 I'll be done in a second. Just give me... 465 00:19:21,978 --> 00:19:23,060 You guys just hang in there for one... 466 00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,656 It's right here. It's right here. 467 00:19:24,702 --> 00:19:26,691 Mr. Reed, did you engage 468 00:19:26,704 --> 00:19:29,418 in a sexual relationship with Ms. Molng? 469 00:19:30,658 --> 00:19:31,608 Yes. 470 00:19:31,619 --> 00:19:34,053 Yes. Yes. 471 00:19:34,816 --> 00:19:37,204 Are you serious? You actually slept with her? 472 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,004 I thought you were just waiting till I graduated to make a move. 473 00:19:40,195 --> 00:19:41,564 We had something. 474 00:19:41,689 --> 00:19:43,808 I just wanted to teach you some poetry. 475 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,803 - Ugh. - If there are any other victims, 476 00:19:45,849 --> 00:19:48,070 please come forward and hold hands. 477 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,414 - We are stronger together. - No... 478 00:20:00,731 --> 00:20:02,048 Oh, no, no, no. 479 00:20:02,078 --> 00:20:04,186 I didn't... I didn't sleep with that guy. No. 480 00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:06,897 The... the handspring is separate from that. 481 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,063 49? That makes no sense. 482 00:20:12,188 --> 00:20:13,844 Makes perfect sense. 483 00:20:14,266 --> 00:20:16,969 Even Aaron Luber is higher than me, and he eats bugs. 484 00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:18,566 Okay, how do I explain this to you? 485 00:20:18,642 --> 00:20:20,416 Doing a handspring in the Olympics, 486 00:20:20,417 --> 00:20:22,775 or to escape danger, is cool. 487 00:20:22,808 --> 00:20:26,424 But just doing it out of nowhere, unannounced? Not cool. 488 00:20:26,478 --> 00:20:28,416 But I stuck the landing perfectly. 489 00:20:28,446 --> 00:20:29,971 Yeah, that's the worst part, man. 490 00:20:29,992 --> 00:20:32,919 Maybe if you'd biffed the landing and eaten your teeth, it'd be funny. 491 00:20:33,044 --> 00:20:35,286 But instead you did it with perfect precision? 492 00:20:35,514 --> 00:20:36,663 That's weird. 493 00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:38,289 I don't get it. 494 00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,791 Yeah, you probably never will. 495 00:20:40,002 --> 00:20:42,668 Maybe if you write a poem it will make you cool again. 496 00:20:42,692 --> 00:20:45,271 - I wouldn't recommend it. - Yeah, poetry's not in our blood. 497 00:20:45,334 --> 00:20:47,766 I see that now. Plus, there's no real future in it. 498 00:20:47,799 --> 00:20:50,324 - Wha... I thought Mr. Reed said... - Mr. Reed's an idiot. 499 00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:51,744 His credibility went out the window 500 00:20:51,745 --> 00:20:53,685 the second I realized he wasn't trying to bang me. 501 00:20:53,726 --> 00:20:54,793 Plus, he resigned. 502 00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,964 I'm not gonna take advice from some coffee jockey. 503 00:20:57,736 --> 00:21:00,155 Boom. Read it and weep. 504 00:21:00,227 --> 00:21:02,229 According to this restraining order, 505 00:21:02,279 --> 00:21:04,790 I can't come within a thousand yards of Mr. Reed 506 00:21:04,816 --> 00:21:07,951 because of emotional distress due to, and I quote, 507 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:11,591 "deeply regrettable sexual intercourse." Huh? 508 00:21:11,611 --> 00:21:15,126 It's on the record, okay? So who's crazy now? 509 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,101 Way to go, Mick. 510 00:21:17,147 --> 00:21:18,503 That's my girl. 511 00:21:19,850 --> 00:21:20,861 Wait, what? 512 00:21:20,986 --> 00:21:22,721 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 513 00:21:22,762 --> 00:21:23,763 Unzip me.