Here we are, Joy. Home sweet home.
I should be the one looking after her, like she looked after me and Walt.
Do you wanna come to the film festival with me tomorrow?
Bridge is up in Auckland. I just... I hate going by myself.
We've got ya kayak, ya prick!
Should I go and get Walt's car seat?
Nah, nah, it's all good. I'm just gonna crawl along.
Tom, that's breaking the law, isn't it?
Ollie's parents are on their way over.
What's Ollie got to do with this?
I saw my husband sexually abusing your son.
No, that's not true!
Five years you've peddled this shit.
All I've done is tell the fucking truth.
Nature's first green is gold,
her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower, but only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
Eden sank to grief.
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Mum, mum, mum, no. Wait, wait, wait. I'm just gonna get Grace, ok?
- Oh, well, hurry. - Hold on. Hold on. Yep.
- Have you seen Grace? - No. No. She'll be around, though.
She... whoa.
- What is this that I see? - It's just a cake, Phil.
Not just a cake. That belongs in a museum...
the London museum of cakes.
- Come on. Let's put this... - Oh.
this to cake-o-vision. Say the two magic words...
cheese and cake... one after the other.
Cheesecake.
- What's happening? - What the fuck is wrong with you?
I saw you. I fucking saw you. How could you?
- Mum, stop. - What's going on?
He was in bed with Ollie. He was touching him.
Oh, fuck this. I'm outta here.
Don't you walk away from me.
No, no, no. You're fucking sick in the head.
Ollie?
Sweetheart, come on.
Let's... let's just cover you up, all right? I'm gonna take you with me.
You come with me too, Grace.
Come on, sweetheart. It's all right. Come on. Come on.
Phil! Phil!
Look at me!
What the fuck were you doing up there?
He was naked, you sick fuck!
Stop it, Penny. You've had too much to drink.
- Mum, I know what I saw. - Whatever you saw, it wasn't that.
- Mum! - You're making a fool of yourself.
Come on.
Quickly.
*CREDITS*
No, no, no, no, no. Work with each other.
Hey, I'll put you on for Nathan soon, all right?
The legal organisation I work with...
Where's your attack?
Oop.
- Hello. - Hi.
How's it going?
Oh, well, we're terrible at the moment.
I forgive you.
What for?
For not returning my calls.
Sorry, Bridge.
Sorry. Been a shit of a week.
It's fine.
Are you in Auckland?
Yeah, I spent the whole week feeling guilty for not being at home,
and then I get the blimmin' silent treatment.
- With Simon? - No, from Jules. Simon can't keep his hands off me.
It's like I've been gone a month.
- What was that look? - Nothing.
I think you just need a really good fuck up the arse.
- You know, you've just got so much tension. You've just gotta... - Oh my God, Bridget.
get a good fuck.
- Three cheers for black. - Hooray, hooray, hooray!
- One for the ref. - Hooray!
- One for the coach. - Hooray.
All right. See you next week.
Gather round.
Ok, take a knee.
My name's Mr McKenzie. Some of you may know me as Scottie.
This year, I'm recruiting for the national development training camp.
It doesn't matter how long you've been playing.
It doesn't matter how good or bad you think you are.
The trials are next weekend,
and I want to see you all there. Ok?
There's forms at the door. I want you to fill them in,
bring your best game, show us what you can do.
All right?
Yeah? Ok, off you go.
Oh!
Oh, that is so good.
- So, where was Simon taking the boys? - Indian, I think.
Hey, you're not coming in in those. You'll ruin them.
You... you sure they're not gonna come back?
Since when has a life drawing model been so prudish?
All right, then.
Well, you know, teenage boys.
God, they're hormonal.
The whole monosyllabic thing... it's just doing my head in, you know?
He's tuned into a channel, and I'm just... I'm just static.
Well, did you try talking with him, reasoning?
- Yes. Of course I did. - Hmm.
That's your problem.
Boys are like dogs.
It's true.
Only speak to them in three-word sentences and make it non-negotiable, right?
Eat your dinner. Do your homework. Go to bed.
- Wait, does this work with husbands? - Probably.
- Pour me wine. Cook me dinner. - Shoot my ex. Fuck off to Scotland.
That's four words.
Could you believe him today? Could you fucking believe today?
I know. I know.
But Phil is not your problem any more.
No, he really is. If he's going away with more boys, he is.
I have to warn the basketball association. There is no other way round this.
- Penny. - I mean, what kind of...
Guys, guys, I'm calling it.
- Fucking hell. - So sorry.
No. No.
Mum!
Can you just go round the other way, please?
Max, you too, mate. Off you hop.
Penny's being prudish.
I'm their basketball coach. What the fuck do you expect?
I thought that you were eating out.
Nah, nah, they wanted takeaways, and I wanted alcohol, so, um...
- Hey, mind if I join ya? - No! No. No! I mind.
- He is teasing. - I'm teasing, Pen.
- All right. - Feed the animals.
Hey, Pen. Wait up.
Take some of this. I ordered way too much.
- Ok. - Hey, um...
We're ok, eh?
Yeah. Yeah.
- You didn't tell her, did you? - No.
- You sure? - Yeah, no, I didn't say anything. - Mm.
Well, maybe you should have.
I mean, it was just a stupid kiss, and now it's a big, stupid secret.
- Nah. I know. It meant nothing. - Yeah, I know that.
Shush. Shush, Tonka.
No.
Oh. Penny, hi.
Hi, Catherine.
How are you?
Yeah, good.
I-I'm sorry to just turn up unannounced.
Can... can we have a word?
Uh, well, the house is, um, you know... it's a... it's a real...
Tonka! No!
It's, um... it's a pigsty. Zach's moved back in. You know what boys are like.
Tonka!
Zach, can you take Tonka?
Is your husband home?
What... what do you want?
Listen, Phil's back. He's teaching at Wakefield college, and I...
Why's she here?
- Hi, Zach. - Can you take Tonka?
Nah.
Has Phil been in contact with Ollie?
I-I don't know.
- How is he? - Yeah, yeah, he's ok.
- Could you tell me where I could find him? - No, I can't do that.
You just leave us alone.
Please.
Fuck!
Fuck.
- Bit of an expert there, Zach. - Carburettor's fucked.
Can you fix it?
What do you want?
Can you tell me where I might find your brother?
You got any money?
- Just tell me where I can find him. - Why would I do that?
Just looking our for him, Zach.
All I know is that he works at some gay restaurant on Cuba St.
Think it's called Lily's or Lilac or some fucking thing.
Why do you wanna talk to him?
Doesn't matter. Thanks.
Hey, sorry I'm late.
Oh, mummy's here!
- Hello! - Hey, mama.
He's had a big day.
Oh, sauce face.
Bolognese. Hope you don't mind.
No, it's ok. Can I have some? I'm hungry.
- It's got meat in it. - Oh, that's ok.
- Thought you and your dad were vegetarian. - Sometimes.
This is better, right... you bringing Walt back here?
Yeah, it is.
- Have you seen gran? - Not since the weekend, no.
Ok, well, I wanna make sure that someone visits her every day.
I made a schedule. Here you go.
Do you think you can go and see her tomorrow?
Think she wants to talk to you about something.
- What? - I dunno. Legal stuff, I think.
Beep, beep.
- Yo, it's crazy, man. - Kahu. Kahu.
Essay credits require 1500 words on human homeostasis,
and you gave me 800 words on composting toilets.
What the hell?
Yeah, based on the same principles of stability and balance
in a biological system.
Yeah, yeah, that's very smart,
but it's not gonna get you into law school, is it?
Who said I wanna go to law school?
Ok.
Well, what do you want?
I dunno... something that's not just about making money
to buy more crap to fuck up the planet.
Or you could become a teacher.
Money's shit, so you can't buy anything. Listen...
You work out what matters to you. Bugger everyone else. It's your life.
Nurse?
Help.
- Mum? - Huh?
Ow.
I can't reach. I can't reach.
- You're using the wrong arm, mum. - What?
- You gotta use your good arm. - No, I can't. There's just... there's just... there's just...
- All right. - No, no, just leave me.
- I'll just get some other... - Just leave me alone.
What's happening here, my love?
- She's interfering. - No, I'm not.
It's ok. I've got this.
Thanks.
Ok. Come on. Let's get you sorted.
All done. Easy as pie.
Now, let's get you settled.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, mum. - You didn't upset me.
Here we go.
- You all right? - Yes.
- Careful. - Yeah.
- All right? - Mm.
Grace said you wanted to talk to me about something.
What? About what?
- Something legal? - Oh...
Not now.
Note the shadow on the weight-bearing foot.
The order was made under miss Lilah's, so could you chase that up?
Thank you.
Uh, and I'll call you back.
Sorry, we don't open until midday.
Oh, nah, I'm just looking for Ollie Gleeson.
- Right. Uh, excuse me a minute. - Thanks.
Sorry, Ollie can't see you right now.
If you don't mind...
Sure.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck.
Come on.
See you guys later.
- Hey. What's up? - Mum.
Grace?
It's gran.
Penny? Uh, just a moment.
She's been moved.
Come with me.
Um...
She had a lie-down after lunch
and just didn't wake up.
- They think it must have been another stroke. - Oh.
Sweetheart. Come here.
Come here.
I'm so, so, so sorry.
I'm so sorry, darling.
That's a nice one.
How great thou art.
- Really? - She loved Howard Morrison.
Sure.
- Do they have a cd player at the chapel? - Nah, we can just stream it.
Ok.
Got the programs.
It's really beautiful.
- Will you hand them out? - No, the funeral people do that.
- I was thinking it might be best if I don't come. - What?
I loved Joy. You know that.
I just...
I don't want anyone to feel awkward.
You mean mum?
I can stay here, just get things ready for the wake.
No, I need you to be there.
That ok with you, Penny?
Yep, absolutely fine.
Hi.
- Hi, Marie. I'm so glad you could be here. - Me too. Mum would be pleased.
Yeah, I know.
- Take care, love. - I will. See ya.
- Hey, Pen. I'm sorry. - Thanks.
Bridget's, um... she's... she's got that work thing in Auckland and... - No, no, no, it'sok.
She should be here.
Well, I'm pleased you're here.
Do you want them to start the music?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, that'd be good. - Yes.
- You ok? - Yeah.
- You're gonna be great.
- Thanks, Tom. - All good.
- Pen. - Thank God you're here, Nix.
Nau mai, haere mai. Hello and welcome.
For those who don't know me, I'm Tom.
Joy was my great-aunt.
It's an honour to lead this service as we gather to remember
Joy's life and share our memories of her.
First up, I'd like to invite Joy's granddaughter, Grace, to say a few words.
Um...
Gran lived her whole life in Wellington.
She went to school here,
got married here.
She liked simple things...
baking,
gardening.
Her favourite author was Danielle Steel,
which she never gave up trying to get me to read.
Sorry, gran. Still not going there.
Gran loved to drink gin
and dance
and had a wicked sense of humour.
But what I'll miss most about my gran is her kindness.
Um...
When I got pregnant...
Joy was the only person
who didn't think I was crazy for keeping Walt.
She was the one who made it possible by letting us live with her
and by teaching me what it means to be a good mother...
how you don't get to put yourself first.
I want mum.
Um...
Gran never lectured me when I got things wrong.
She was just there with so much love,
and she showed me that that's all you really need to be a mother.
Sorry.
Um...
Please stand as we sing one of Joy's favourite hymns:
Abide with me.
Ok, let's sing.
- How are you doing, miss McKenzie? - I'm all right, Reggie.
Jeez, Pen. I haven't been here since I was a kid, but nothing's changed.
I know. I know. I know.
God, I was thinking about, um...
- Do you remember when you used to prank call... - Mr Crouchley.
Mr Crouchley! Yes!
And Joy used to tell us off all the time for pinching her BlackBerry nip.
Yeah? You remember?
- I loved that stuff. - It was awesome.
- Getting drunk on that. - Hey, Gracie, Gracie, haere mai.
I was just saying to your mum, hey, nothing in this whare has changed, eh?
Do you think you'll keep it?
I mean, I haven't thought about it yet, and Grace is living here.
- Didn't gran talk to you about it? - No, no. Why?
She left the house to me.
- Did she? - Yeah. I thought that you knew.
- No. No, I didn't. - Oh.
But it's...
It makes perfect sense.
It makes great sense. I'll be back in a minute.
Looking for the whisky?
Up here with the fancy cups.
Joy caught Walt playing with her Royal Alberts.
- You think she'd be happy with us drinking out of them? - Probably not.
But then she wasn't happy when Walt was trying to piss in them either.
To Joy.
- Hi, Pen. You all right? - No.
You gonna drink the whole bottle by yourself?
I was gonna.
Feel like sharing?
I don't begrudge her. I mean, I don't. Not Grace.
I just...
I just don't know why they didn't tell me. Why didn't mum tell me?
How did she think it would make me feel?
Maybe she was just worried you'd get angry at her.
- Well, I am angry now. - Yeah.
- Yeah, I know. - I feel like the angriest person in the world.
- Yeah. - I am. I'm angry at Phil, obviously,
and every other dumb fuck who can't see
what a manipulative motherfu...
- Angry at mum for dying. - Yeah. She didn't even give you the head's up!
- Nope. - Nah. Bullshit.
Yeah. Bullshit.
I'm just angry at everyone. Everyone's fucked.
Yeah, they're fucked.
They're fucked, eh? Every single human being is fucked.
- I mean, look at that... that's fucked. Look. - Yeah.
Look how fucked this is.
Pen, I don't think you're angry. I just think that you...
I think you're just, um...
- What, sad? - Yeah. Yeah.
- I shouldn't have kissed you, by the way. - No, no, it's ok.
Pen, look, I have this thing that I'm kind of handsome,
and I-I need to be more aware of that.
- Yeah, me too. - Yeah. Gosh.
I just... we have to be careful.
Hey, by the way, I don't think you're fucked. I think you're great.
I think what you did to Burley's boat... that took guts.
Should give yourself some credit.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
I mean, the bastards still have my kayak.
There it is... just past the truck. Past the truck.
Oh my gosh.
Oh! Ok, we're getting you out of these chains.
- Ok, have you got some bolt cutters? - Ah, gosh, no, not on me.
Whoa. You fucking pissed this guy off.
Yeah, well, they pissed me off fish-fucking arseholes.
- Yeah, we got this. - Really?
Yeah, have confidence. Who needs bolt cutters when you got rope?
I use this on the boat cos it, uh...
- It's rot-resistant. - Wow! Rot-resistant.
Ok, this is... yeah, this is gonna work.
- Yip! Ok. - Penny, just, you know, get back.
Fuck you, fish-fucker!
Shit. Whole thing came down.
Whoo! You did it. You did it. You did it.
- Ok, let's get outta here. - Oh my God.
- Which way? That way? - This way, yeah, yeah.
- Which way? That way? - Yeah, that way. Yeah, that's it.
Ooh! Ooh! Oopsie.
Go, go, go!
- Oh shit! - Oh, sorry.
- It's ok. - Sorry. - Keep going. Go.
This is... This is too heavy.
- Shit! - Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Come on.
Excuse me.
Hey, have you seen Ollie?
- Hey, has anyone seen Ollie? - In there last I saw.
Occupied.
Ollie.
Hi. I'm sorry to disturb.
What are you doing here?
Can I... talk to you just for five minutes in private?
- Hey, I can go. - No, no, no. Stay.
Please. Just five minutes.
- Is this your mum? - No, this is not my mum.
Did you know Phil's back?
So?
That has nothing to do with me.
- Has he been in touch? - You need to leave.
Now.
- Listen, I spoke to your mum. - She talked to you?
- Yeah. - Ha!
She told me where you lived. She's worried about you.
We all care about what happens to you, Ollie.
That's bullshit, because... she doesn't even know where I live.
Ok, I don't know who you are, but I think you need to leave.
It's got nothing to do with you. Stay out of this.
- Excuse me. - Ollie, listen.
You're not 14 any more.
Ok? You're a grown-up.
You... fuck, you need to say something. There could be other kids.
- Ollie. - Ollie, do you want me to go get some help?
No, no, it's fine. I'm leaving.
Excuse me. Fuck's sake.
Fuck off, mum.
Bye, boomer.
Aargh! Fuck!
_
*CREDITS*