Previously on Boat Story...
Why, hello. So after Janet and Samuel sold the drugs they found
to Vinnie, they were rolling in it.
See what I did there?
Janet made Peter an offer he really wanted...
- I really do want it, yeah. - Yeah.
to get custody of Alan.
Mum!
But, sure enough, Guy found them and took them to...
The Tailor.
- Tailor? - Le Tailleur. But, like most things, it sounds better in French.
And he'd have killed them then and there...
The product on that boat
should fetch twice the amount you were paid.
but fate intervened because The Tailor had fallen in love with...
Pat Tooh, with an H.
and she texted him back just at the right time
to save Janet and Samuel's skin.
Go on, take it. Have another day.
Come on, let's go.
Jesus H Christ.
All the branches in a tree come from the same trunk.
Everything is connected. At least, that's what we tell ourselves
to make sense of this world.
And so we look to things like fortune and fate.
Remember this lady?
Would you like your fortune read, darling?
I think it's best I don't.
That fortune teller's name is Katia,
and you're going to see how she plays a part
in the story of Vinnie...
Calling Katia. She'll know what to do.
who plays a part in the story of Janet...
Vinnie!
who plays a part in...
_
All the branches come from the same trunk.
Like this shipping container.
Or Janet bleeding on the floor.
Or a hunter and a huntee, sitting and waiting for Godot.
Or a cold murderous heart that's ready to thaw.
Yes, all the branches come from the same trunk,
but sometimes we need to cut the tree down.
Only then can we make sense of it all.
*CREDITS*
_
It wasn't a dream. But now, looking back,
it feels like it was.
I looked it up.
The bird I saw.
A yellow cardinal.
You don't get them in this country.
Even in the States, where they're from,
chances of seeing them in the wild are... a million to one.
What?
Why would it be there?
How? How could it be there, when it really fucking shouldn't be?
Perhaps the world is trying to tell you something.
Good fortune, Vincent.
You are about to get everything you ever wanted.
I want an empire.
Do you not already?
This? A mid-sized town.
Big village, maybe.
I'm talkin' massive fuck-off Roman-style, elephants and shit.
What?
Someone will betray you.
Someone... important to you.
- Who's that, then? - I... cannot say.
Then what am I supposed to do, then?
This is your fate, Vincent.
No, it can't be.
Being the main man.
Wearing the crown.
Gives you fucking neck-ache and all.
These people aren't just my lieutenants. They're my brothers.
- So were Cain and Abel. - Who?
Never mind.
We've all known each other since primary school.
Since the short shorts.
It can't be one of them.
Gaz... we lost our virginity together.
Not to each other. To women.
Same room, like.
Bottlehead and his nan took me in when my dad went inside
and my mum went outside and never came back.
Little Pete got his face smashed in sticking up for me in an argument
with some London twats about cheddar what got out of hand.
And Big Pete...
Well, Big Pete's Big Pete.
Fuck's seen me cry 14 times.
One time we cried together.
I think it were Lion King what did it.
They're the only people in my life.
It can't...
It can't be them. It can't.
So do you mean, like, that's why I'm betrayed?
Cos I finally get my empire?
Or is it, like, the other way round?
Like, I'm only betrayed cos I'm going next-level, empire-wise?
I can only tell you what's in the cards.
You can't control your destiny, only accept it.
Well, bollocks to that.
- All right, boys? - All right, Vin?
Vin, what the bloody arsehole is that?
That, boys, is none of your business, OK?
What's it for? Is it...?
There's one rule.
You don't go inside that shipping container.
That's all I'm asking.
It's my business, this.
Just...
trust me.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
_
Here's where the branches of our tree start to connect.
and you're amateurs, and I do not work with amateurs.
That's it, is it?
Business does not start like this. Not for Kosovar. No, no, no.
- Boss, where are you going? - Calling Katia. She'll know what to do.
my fuckin', er, what you said, my chance,
the, er, the empire,
- only it's fucked now. - Calm down, calm down. What are you...?
Biggest deal of my life and I'm all up in my head.
I'm about to tank the whole thing
cos I keep stop thinking about what you said,
- how I'm going to be betrayed. - I told you -
the two don't go hand-in-hand.
What am I meant do I do?!
I take the plunge and run the risk of getting fucked.
Or I walk away,
forever looking back,
always wondering if I might have made a mistake.
I drew the card of the sun.
Good fortune is going to be yours.
Don't run from it.
Bang on.
Wait, wait! Wait there!
See, I've never done a deal this big before. Do you believe in fate?
Absolutely.
Me too. So let's start again.
Someone will betray you. Someone will betray you.
I knew it was you!
I saw you! I fucking saw you, mate,
so don't you fucking look at me like that!
- Go on, then. Explain yourself. - What the fuck, Vinnie?
What the fuck?
Did you or did you not go into that shipping container?
No, I...
I had a camera on it. I were watching you the whole time.
I saw you.
OK, OK, I went in it, all right? I was curious.
I just wanted to know what was in it,
- but there's nothing in there, Vin! It's empty! - Exactly.
What? Why's it empty?
So the person that went in there would know
there is nothing in betrayal!
Let's find out what's inside!
Come on, lad.
Come on.
Go on, Big Peter.
Go on, Big Pete.
- Do it! - I'm sorry.
We're all the hero in our own stories, aren't we?
Even this guy.
Vin, are you sure this is going to be OK?
- I know it is. - But there's only three of us.
It don't matter.
I cheated fate, didn't I?
It's all gravy from here, lads.
We go back too far to let this shit get in the way.
It's over now, yeah?
Yeah?
Vinnie!
Get out here, I need to talk to you!
It's me!
What you...? What the fuck...?
What...? What happened to your accent?
I need to tell you something.
The truth is... everything...
Everything's gone very fucking wrong.
_
Go on, take it, have another day.
Guy will keep an eye on you.
I hope you find the money.
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Right, who's hungry?
I'm really sorry I couldn't be there.
But you had a good day, yeah?
89. That's a fucking great age, Nan.
- Here you are, love. - Don't ever forget that, I mean that.
Look, do me a favour, put your feet up and have a beer on me.
Yes, you know I love ya.
So, you lot figured out a way to rustle up five million quid yet?
We're working on it.
You know, it could be a lot worse. I mean, usually by now
you'd be having your eyelids stapled wide open
so you could watch your own guts being cut out of you.
And believe me, that's him in a good mood.
Look, I don't know what the shit's got into him, I really don't.
But I have never, ever seen him give anyone a second chance
and I mean not ever.
So if I was you, you know, I'd make the best of it.
We're trying.
Oh and, um, thanks for not running off, by the way.
I'd hate to kill everyone in here.
Now, look at that.
Oh!
Now, that... is one hell of a muffin.
How's them eggs?
- Fine. - How can you even...?
I eat when I'm nervous. Just like you talk.
What about your lawyer friends?
They must be rich. Aren't they rich?
- Don't exactly have a lot of friends left. - There's got to be someone.
- Oh, is this funny to you? - No, it's, erm...
It's like watching mice trying to climb out of a bath.
Erm...
I... I need a poo.
- The loo is right there. - No.
Look, we are going to be stuck together for another day.
We are all at some point going to need to go for a... number two.
Please.
All right.
But I mean it, if you are not back in two minutes, I'll kill him.
I'm not going anywhere. I'm a mouse in a bath, remember?
Oi, what happens when you need to go? What are you going to do then?
- You haven't thought this through. - We'll improvise.
What was the worst day of your life?
Cos believe it or not, this is not my worst day.
People talk about hitting rock-bottom. Rocks? Christ!
There's a lot more than rocks down there. There's broken glass,
barbed wire, razors so sharp they'll cut you just looking at them.
- You want to know my worst day? - No, I don't.
I gambled my house away without my wife knowing a thing.
I love my family, but I did it anyway.
Cos, see, I was just swept up trying to chase that one sure thing.
I mean, you chase the next...
- What's happened? - I just found her like this.
- Are you a doctor? - No.
She's a friend of mine. Let me get her up, let's get her to hospital.
No, no, no, no, don't touch her. I've called an ambulance.
It's on its way.
It's all right, love. It's all right. I know.
Someone just came in - Janet Campbell.
Ah, yes, just came in. Janet Campbell.
Yeah. I literally just said her name.
She's being assessed by the
- doctor right now. - Can we see her?
We just want to know if she's OK. We're worried about her.
- Yeah. Really worried. - Take a seat.
A doctor will come and see you shortly.
Usually I'd talk about some other character at this point,
but often times life is just this. Waiting.
Not knowing what's going on behind a closed door.
Do the branches know that they're part of something bigger?
Or do they think they themselves are trees?
I'm telling you now, she'd better not be faking it.
Why would she fake it?
People do all kinds of shit when their lives are on the line.
- I've seen it a million times. - She wouldn't do that to me.
Oh. You good friends? Besties?
In no way. But she's not lying. I've seen her lie, she's not that good.
Well, we're here now.
- Do you regret that? - What?
Shooting up an entire police station.
There's no point in regret.
You can't change shit that's already happened.
Watch where you're going!
Sorry, we're seriously understaffed at the moment.
Insert NHS joke here!
- Just to check - you're here for... - Janet Campbell, yeah.
Right, well, we're just getting her into surgery now.
- Is she going to be OK? - We don't know, is the honest answer.
A bleed like that, I'm thinking a burst ovarian cyst, most likely,
but until we get her into theatre, we won't know for sure.
- We'll update you as soon as we know anything. - Thank you, Doctor.
Tick tock.
So there's... there's really nothing you regret?
I'm just asking a question.
- You're doing it again. - Doing what?
You're trying to... ingratitude yourself so I don't kill you.
Ingratiate. And, no, I'm just...
- Just trying to make conversation. - You know, if I was you,
I'd be more worried about thinking of a way
- how I'm going to find all that money. - Believe you me, I am.
So they waited some more,
and while Janet's life hung in the balance, so too did Samuel's.
Their fates now were intertwined,
and the only thing that could separate them was death.
Or, you know, finding £5 million.
Whichever came first.
- Hey, hey, any news on Janet Campbell? - Janet?
Sorry, I were just coming to update you. The, uh, the surgery went well,
a colleague's closing her up now, and then she'll be in recovery.
- Right, so I can see her? - When she's awake, yes.
- Well, when's that going to be? - As soon as we can. I'll come find you,
I promise. She's going to be OK now. That's the main thing.
- She's going to be OK. - Yeah, right.
Tick tock.
You enjoy it, don't you?
Taunting me. You're a bully.
- I'm not a bully. - Oh, yeah, well, what are you, then?
I don't know.
I'm a henchman, I suppose. I do what I'm told.
- And you're OK with that? - I get paid very well for that.
Oh, and money makes the world go round, oh, right, yeah.
You know, you talk too much.
- You kill too much. - Does your wife ever say to you,
- "Just shut the fuck up"? - No. Actually.
I mean, she doesn't always listen.
Oh, please, mate. Please.
Do I look like your fucking therapist?
You do a bit, to be honest.
I swear to God if you say tick tock again...
I wasn't going to.
- Did I, um...? - Yeah, you snored.
Well, I'm sorry about that.
Listen, I'm glad you didn't, um...
Well, I figured you'd hunt me down, so...
- That I would. - I have no doubt.
Do you regret it?
I mean the gambling and that.
- Every day. - So tell me, how'd you give up?
I ran out of money.
Hand on heart, if it wasn't for that I'd still be,
chucking 50s at the 30/1 at Cheltenham.
You know, you asked me...
is there anything I regret...
and there is.
It's not the blood, the bones, the bodies that I've burned and buried.
It's not the scars and it's not coming this close to death
or the child I've left without a parent.
You see, before I started this job...
I was lost.
Growing up as a kid, I wanted to be a boxer.
But they told me one head injury later, you know,
"You'll be eating liquid food through a crazy straw
"for the rest of your life."
Then there's a bunch of bad decisions, bad relationships,
bad everything. And the opposite of that,
you know, when you touch it and it turns to gold, what is that?
- The Midas touch. - Right.
There was this one day.
For some reason I just woke up and I felt, fuck...
I felt it.
Like the world had something in store for me after all.
And I looked over at this vase on my mantelpiece.
My grandad made it, and I hung onto it after he died.
I swear to you, every time I looked at it,
it just took me to this other place.
The lines, the curves, the way it just...
I feel like a fucking idiot even saying it, but...
I really felt it.
You know, for some people it's music or love, but...
for me it was that vase.
So... what is it that you regret?
Well, that day, I found a place that did pottery classes,
I pulled some money out, and I went down there.
And I stood there, I stood outside looking through the window for...
maybe 20 minutes.
- And you didn't go in? - No.
I felt stupid.
I just thought to myself, "This isn't me. Guy, this is not you."
Then two days later,
I broke someone's legs for two grand, and that was that.
Thanks.
For telling me that.
I know what you're doing, and it ain't working.
- What am I doing? - You're trying to bond with me.
Like we're in one of them soppy fucking films.
And the story is that we're stuck together,
and if you get under my skin, then I might...
Maybe I might let you walk away from all this.
Maybe I might not kill you.
But that's not how it works. Not in the real world.
Um...
You'll find it harder, at least.
OK, fuck this.
Sir? Can I help you?
Excuse me, can I help you?
Yeah, I'm looking for a friend, Janet Campbell.
- You're not supposed to be back here. - Came in for, um, I don't know,
you know, like, a period type thing. Got one hand.
Oh, I remember her, but she left quite a while back.
Left? But what about her surgery?
She didn't have any surgery, just a few stitches.
Now can I please ask you to return outside?
We can't have just anyone wandering around back here.
I trusted her.
Yeah, well, she obviously didn't trust you.
Maybe I didn't trust her entirely.
I put a tracking app on her phone. I know exactly where she is.
We're going to leave Samuel feeling all betrayed for a moment
and go take a look at our third branch.
_
- Oh. - Oh.
- Good afternoon. - Afternoon yourself.
- You look good. - As do you.
Oh! No, I don't know, I feel a bit underdressed.
Well, you're perfect as you are, my dear.
You didn't say where we were going.
Normally, I would like to take you to the opera,
but I have secured for us a reservation at La Table du Jean.
- Oh, I don't I don't know that one. - One Michelin star.
It's a drive away, but it will be acceptable.
Are we lost? We could turn round, go back to mine.
No, no. We are just temporarily misplaced.
Oh, excuse me, sorry. I need to answer.
Oui, allo?
- You OK? - I'm fine. My apologies.
Oh! I must have dropped the car keys out there.
Oh.
Well, they cannot have gone far.
Hang on, what about over here?
Oh! It's no use.
I'll call my son, get him to come and give us a lift.
No, no, not now. I mean...
Oh!
I had a feast.
A celebration to end all celebrations planned for us.
Yeah, well, we'll just have to miss out on that.
There is a tavern over there. We could, er...
- He won't be long. - But, you know, we should try to snatch
some small degree of victory from the jaws of defeat.
Don't you think?
- We are looking for a drink. - Don't get a lot of foreigners in here.
No. No, because, er, this place is sort of, how do you say...
a shithole?
What you having, mate?
What?
You. Here. This place.
I just would never have pictured it is all.
I love the finer things in life, yes, but this...
- This is who I am really. - Well, you could've fooled me.
My husband, now he was a welder.
Him, I could see in a place like this.
You?
My father's shop ran into trouble.
He had to sell the business for nothing.
He and my mother separated.
There were dark times.
I swore to myself I would be somebody.
I would come to the point that I could buy my father's shop back.
And it still runs today, you know?
That must've been hard, growing up like that.
I remember, if ever there was food on the table,
how we would, we would fall upon it, like vultures, my brother and I.
- Is that who was in the picture? - Yes.
My twin brother. Identical.
We were best of friends. Until the accident.
What happened?
A car crash.
Oh!
Tombe La Neige.
That's what you said when we met.
Yes, it was on the radio when my brother and father died.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
So much loss.
And now your son.
- Who? - On the boat.
Yes.
Our scars tell the story of who we are, Madame Béthune.
That is the second time you've called me that.
Oh, forgive me. I'm sorry.
Well, who was she?
An ex or what?
You OK?
Oh, look. I can't believe it's still light outside.
Look!
What?
Come!
Where are we going?
Come! Come! It's fate.
Push me! Push me!
Oh, OK.
- OK, are you ready? - Yes.
Whee!
- Whee! - Yoo-hoo!
Yes!
And then...
then they kissed.
Mummy?!
Oh, hey, love.
I forgot I called you.
Unbelievable. Come on.
Not in my car, all right? Come on.
So do you have a name?
They call me The Tailor.
Mr Taylor.
The Tailor.
Do you have an actual name or what?
Mm... you can call me Dad.
This is a police vehicle, you know.
I can't have anyone sicking up in it, all right?
Oh, all right. Yes, officer. I'm with you.
- Ben takes his job dead serious, don't you, love? - I do and all.
How's the stakeout going?
Er, nothing so far. But it's all about patience, eh?
Mm.
He's found a clue.
About those fellas who were shot at t'police station.
- You do? - Mummy, that is confidential police business!
I'm sorry.
But, yeah, I'm onto something.
I've been staking out this Chinese restaurant.
I think they'll come back. And then - bam!
You do not think that whoever was responsible for such a crime,
that they may not already have fled?
Why would they risk arrest for Chinese food?
- That's what I said. - Look...
I did say that, love.
Yeah, I know, but sometimes you've got to take what clues you can get,
all right? Even the small ones.
Also those capital spare ribs are bloody excellent.
Yes?
- _ - I need a poo. The loo is right there.
No.
- _ - We are going to be stuck together for another day.
We are all going to need to do a number two at some point.
All right.
But I mean it, if you are not back in two minutes, I'll kill him.
I'm not going anywhere. I'm a mouse in a bath, remember?
Oi, what happens when you need to go? What are you going to do then?
- You haven't thought this through. - We'll improvise.
We meet again.
The SHO on-call said you refused to be examined by anyone but me.
- Yeah, listen, I... - Paramedics also said you got rather violent
when they tried a physical assessment.
I slapped his hand, it were hardly...
But you feel safe with me. That's good.
And I'm not surprised.
There's nothing wrong with me, OK? I just cut my leg.
- So just give me a plaster, I'll be fine. - You cut yourself...
so you could see me again?
What? No! No! Ah, listen to me. There are two men outside.
I need you to go up to them and tell them that I am seriously ill
- and I am in surgery. OK? Please. - I'm a doctor, love.
I take an oath when I take this job. The Hippocratic Oath is...
I will forward the dick pic you sent me to your wife.
So what do these men look like?
- Shooting up an entire police station? - No point in regret.
You can't change shit that's happened.
Watch where you're going!
Sorry, we are seriously understaffed.
Insert NHS joke here!
Just to check - you're here for...
- Janet Campbell, yes. - Right, well,
- we're just taking her in to surgery now. - Is she going to be OK?
Fuck's sake.
Oh!
Hello!
Hi. Listen, it's a very long...
Yeah, it has been a while, hasn't it?
Yeah, we moved up to the north...
Can you spare a moment to talk about our Lord Jesus Christ?
- No. I really can't. - We can walk with you.
We want to tell you about the redemption...
Why don't you come back another day?
There's a bloke who lives here called Samuel.
I'm sure he'd love to talk all about redemption. OK, bye.
Well, when we can see this Samuel?
- Hello? - What happened?
Alan! Alan, I wanted to call you to explain...
Sorry, I'm in the music shop.
Told Dad I needed a new mouthpiece.
Yeah. Look, what I said to ya outside the pub,
I didn't mean... You know...
- You know I don't think that. - Then why?
You show up with two men that I've never seen before,
and then you scream at me.
It's... It's very complicated.
Neurophysiology is complicated.
We're not.
Or at least we're not supposed to be.
I thought we told each other everything.
I'm in trouble, love, OK?
I did something bloody stupid, and now I'm trying to fix it,
but I don't know if I can.
What kind of trouble?
Could you not go to t'police or summat?
No. It's past that now.
But whatever happens, yeah, I want you to know...
I have to go. Dad's coming in.
Right!
and, finally, if you've glimpsed an exotic bird in your garden,
you're not seeing things. The Westworth Aviary had a break-in,
and hundreds of rare birds are now free
and making use of the local area.
If you see something that doesn't look local...
Vinnie!
Vinnie, get out here! I need to talk to you!
Come on! It's me! Vinnie!
What you...? What the fuck...? What...?
What happened to your accent?
I need to tell you something.
The truth is... everything...
Everything has gone very fucking wrong.
I lied to you. I grew up three miles from here.
The only drug dealer I've met in my life is you.
Whatever this is, love, I don't have time for it. Business is done.
Except you underpaid me a lot.
What?
- You want a refund? - I found those drugs.
I looked up Kosovar online,
I've never met anyone involved with them in my life
but word got back to them that me and my friend were using their name,
and... Shit, they're not...
They're not happy.
How is this any of my problem?
Maybe it's best to show you.
I came home to find this waiting for me.
Motherfucker!
I got a call saying I'm next
if I don't bring them the money or the drugs.
Well, I can't give you the shit back, I've moved most of it already.
And this is your mess, love, not mine.
- Everything OK, boss? - Albanians, mate.
Sick, sick bastards, the lot of 'em!
The man whose head you just saw, he told Kosovar about you,
so this is our problem now, right?
They will find us and they will very slowly and painfully kill us.
Unless I do it first for dragging me into this, you cunt!
I said I'd meet them tonight with what they want, right?
But they won't be expecting you to be there. You and your crew.
You want us to ambush them?
Must be fucking joking.
So cos of your fuck-up, you want me to deal with them Kosovar nut-jobs?
Look, I know how many of them there are, right?
We know where they'll be.
I've got an advantage. We have.
What do you reckon, boys?
You can't build an empire without breaking heads, innit?! Huh?
Come on, let's get Little Pete.
It's fate.
It's fate, boys!
In a man or woman's lifetime
comes a time where they've got to trust somebody.
But how do you know who you can trust?
Cos we might all be heroes in our own stories,
but sooner or later,
we might realise it ain't our story after all.
We ain't nothing but walk-ons.
Little Pete, you keep lookout.
You see anything you don't like, you tell us.
Do I get a gun as well?
Shooting privileges will be returned when you're good and ready.
Go on, dickhead!
Car approaching, Vinnie.
Got ya. Boys. Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys!
Hello. How are you doing?
What the fuck?! You said he were dead! You showed me his head!
- Well, he don't look dead to me. - Who the fuck are you?!
I'm with him.
Here's the keys, quick.
- Did he buy the whole thing about the tracking...? - I'm sorry.
- What? - He took my phone...
But if he took it then what the fuck are we doing here?
Calm down. Calm down.
Everyone, calm down.
Calm down.
Vinnie, yes?
What's happening?
We haven't met, but these two wanted to bring us here
so that we might kill one another and make their problems go away.
Huh?
I don't understanding fuckin'... Albanian.
French. "Attention," huh?
It means always plan ahead.
I didn't expect these idiots to find my money in just 24 hours, you know?
I am not the kind of fool who loses his car keys, huh?
Eh?
I bring these two to... bring you up to the surface.
See?
No?
I had a feeling that they may return to you in search of the money.
You and your entourage.
Did you see that?
Ah! You know,
I have decided I may be staying here, in this part of the world.
Which means that, uh, I do not want competition.
Nor rivalry. All of this to say,
this is just, uh...
It's just business, you understand?
Yeah, everything happens for a reason.
You string a man up like a human pinata,
maybe he's not going to warn you about the guy with a sniper rifle.
Kill them all.
And sometimes, even the best laid plans, Janet and Samuel here,
hoping their enemies would just go ahead and eliminate each other,
go real wrong real fast.
What's the reason there?
This guy?
Or just bad fucking luck?
Maybe that bird there was an omen after all.
*CREDITS*