1
00:00:12,265 --> 00:00:13,904
Whoo-hoo! Office vacation!

2
00:00:13,929 --> 00:00:15,919
No, office mission.

3
00:00:15,952 --> 00:00:20,056
Why are we
always doing missions?

4
00:00:20,089 --> 00:00:23,126
- Because it's our job.
- You don't even know what I do.

5
00:00:23,159 --> 00:00:25,395
- Do you?
- What?

6
00:00:25,428 --> 00:00:27,564
Look at this place...
is our mission to stop people

7
00:00:27,597 --> 00:00:30,282
from getting up crazy early
and using towels to claim

8
00:00:30,283 --> 00:00:32,866
- the best lounge chairs?
- Probably not.

9
00:00:32,891 --> 00:00:35,122
What's wrong with using a towel
to claim a chair?

10
00:00:35,138 --> 00:00:37,040
Ugh, are you really
one of those people?

11
00:00:37,073 --> 00:00:40,176
- One of what people?
- One of those people who thinks

12
00:00:40,209 --> 00:00:42,071
they own the best seats
at the pool and can ruin

13
00:00:42,072 --> 00:00:45,215
- everyone else's vacation.
- So it is a vacation!

14
00:00:45,248 --> 00:00:47,617
Not a vacation!
And not a resort.

15
00:00:47,650 --> 00:00:50,487
It's a luxury plastic surgery
facility in Costa Rica.

16
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,356
Pfft, anyone can put plastic
in a body.

17
00:00:53,389 --> 00:00:56,459
I can put an entire universe
inside of you.

18
00:00:56,492 --> 00:00:58,528
Interpol received intel that
one of the world's

19
00:00:58,561 --> 00:01:01,397
foremost drug kingpins will be
a patient at the facility.

20
00:01:01,430 --> 00:01:03,433
This is your target: El Cambiante.

21
00:01:03,466 --> 00:01:05,268
Wait, these are the best photos
we have?

22
00:01:05,301 --> 00:01:06,936
They're the only photos we have.

23
00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:08,700
El Cambiante is incredibly secretive.

24
00:01:08,725 --> 00:01:10,273
- Same.
- Oh, please.

25
00:01:10,306 --> 00:01:12,142
- You share everything.
- Aha!

26
00:01:12,175 --> 00:01:14,978
So my true secrets remain hidden.

27
00:01:15,011 --> 00:01:17,280
You have worse secrets
than the ones we already know?

28
00:01:17,313 --> 00:01:18,948
- Wait, what kind of se...
- Nobody ask!

29
00:01:18,981 --> 00:01:20,917
No one knows what
El Cambiante looks like

30
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:23,219
because every five years,
he changes his appearance.

31
00:01:23,252 --> 00:01:24,652
Your mission is to pose as patients,

32
00:01:24,654 --> 00:01:26,322
find El Cambiante,
and take him alive

33
00:01:26,355 --> 00:01:27,924
before he changes his face.

34
00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,393
Huh, their rates are actually
really reasonable.

35
00:01:30,426 --> 00:01:33,997
- Botox in, bad guy out. Got it.
- You get Botox?

36
00:01:34,030 --> 00:01:35,465
Regular touch-ups when I'm young

37
00:01:35,498 --> 00:01:37,500
will help me avoid looking
like you when I'm older.

38
00:01:37,533 --> 00:01:39,969
Why would you want to avoid
looking... perfect?

39
00:01:40,002 --> 00:01:41,905
Aww.
You should look at a mirror...

40
00:01:41,938 --> 00:01:45,308
- and not a photo from 20 years ago.
- There wouldn't be any difference!

41
00:01:45,341 --> 00:01:49,379
- I mean, there's some difference.
- Crow's feet.

42
00:01:49,412 --> 00:01:51,648
Say the word
and I can give you tiger feet.

43
00:01:51,681 --> 00:01:54,417
Lana, tell them I look as good,
if not better than ever.

44
00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:55,618
You don't, I won't,

45
00:01:55,651 --> 00:01:58,486
and your plane leaves in an hour.
Seriously?

46
00:01:59,188 --> 00:02:02,734
Uh, this?
This is for a different mission.

47
00:02:02,759 --> 00:02:04,493
I call Pam's mission!

48
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:42,886
sync & correction by f1nc0
-- Addic7ed.com --

49
00:02:51,165 --> 00:02:53,463
So tell me what you don't like
about yourself.

50
00:02:53,496 --> 00:02:55,331
Whoa, doc, that's a tough one.

51
00:02:55,364 --> 00:02:58,800
I mean, I guess I've been told
my features are too striking.

52
00:02:59,468 --> 00:03:02,739
- I like everything about myself.
- Then why are you here?

53
00:03:02,772 --> 00:03:04,573
I don't know,
why are any of us here?

54
00:03:05,109 --> 00:03:08,144
Standard touch-up... injections
at the orbicularis oculi,

55
00:03:08,177 --> 00:03:09,612
glabella, and frontalis.

56
00:03:09,645 --> 00:03:12,539
Not too heavy. I like to glare.

57
00:03:12,815 --> 00:03:16,119
So what's the craziest thing
you've ever put inside a person?

58
00:03:16,152 --> 00:03:17,320
- I...
- Follow-up.

59
00:03:17,353 --> 00:03:20,590
What's the craziest thing you'd like
to put inside a person?

60
00:03:21,195 --> 00:03:22,559
Why are you naked?

61
00:03:22,592 --> 00:03:24,694
I thought you were gonna
circle my problem areas.

62
00:03:24,727 --> 00:03:26,362
U-unless you want me to circle them.

63
00:03:26,395 --> 00:03:28,164
This is my first plastic surgery.

64
00:03:28,197 --> 00:03:31,534
You want to know
the ages of all the guests?

65
00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:33,303
Well, only for sex reasons.

66
00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:35,336
Do you know what would happen
if I went full Archer

67
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,240
on a 60-year-old
because I thought she was 30?

68
00:03:37,273 --> 00:03:39,309
We'd be having sex on her deathbed.

69
00:03:39,342 --> 00:03:42,712
Which is actually something I've done...
not that my penis killed her.

70
00:03:42,745 --> 00:03:44,547
Yeah, I can't in good conscience

71
00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:48,451
- recommend any surgical procedures.
- Because I'm already perfect?

72
00:03:48,484 --> 00:03:49,719
Because I wouldn't feel comfortable

73
00:03:49,744 --> 00:03:51,969
putting someone in your
condition under anesthesia.

74
00:03:51,994 --> 00:03:53,899
- What condition?
- I-I don't know where to start.

75
00:03:53,924 --> 00:03:57,134
Multiple fractures, dozens of
knife and projectile wounds.

76
00:03:57,159 --> 00:03:58,947
Your liver is hanging on by a thread.

77
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:02,214
One of your kidneys has detached
and is just floating inside of you.

78
00:04:02,239 --> 00:04:05,646
And your spine is one bad blow
from total paralysis.

79
00:04:05,671 --> 00:04:09,060
Wait, you can't operate on me
because I'm too frail?

80
00:04:09,085 --> 00:04:12,075
Mr. Archer, you're ten steps
past frail.

81
00:04:12,108 --> 00:04:13,509
How many concussions
have you had?

82
00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:15,211
It's not a concussion
if you remember it.

83
00:04:15,244 --> 00:04:16,764
Listen to me:
this is the body of a man

84
00:04:16,779 --> 00:04:18,581
with no more second chances.

85
00:04:18,614 --> 00:04:20,750
If you even sneeze wrong,
your heart might stop.

86
00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:23,586
- Understood?
- Yeah, uh, uh, okay.

87
00:04:23,619 --> 00:04:27,395
- Uh, I-I-I-I guess I'll go.
- You should hold the handrail

88
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,659
- when you go down the stairs.
- Yeah, I-I got it.

89
00:04:29,692 --> 00:04:32,098
- And if you don't have a will...
- I got it!

90
00:04:32,695 --> 00:04:34,145
This is it, Ray.

91
00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:36,473
This is the day the Agency
gets a fresh start.

92
00:04:36,666 --> 00:04:38,368
And didn't you say that
last week?

93
00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:41,429
- And the week before that?
- No idea! I'm too fresh to remember.

94
00:04:41,454 --> 00:04:44,108
Then how is a fresh start
different from brain damage?

95
00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:46,577
You see this calendar? Hmm?
This is the calendar of someone

96
00:04:46,602 --> 00:04:49,831
who has a plan: staff meetings,
budget reviews...

97
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,456
And a whole bunch
of other office-y stuff

98
00:04:51,481 --> 00:04:53,405
- I already cancelled.
- What? Why?

99
00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:55,796
Uh, because it's
Blackmail Bribe Day?

100
00:04:55,821 --> 00:04:58,462
Why are you saying that like
we should know what that is?

101
00:04:58,487 --> 00:04:59,874
Well, maybe you should,

102
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:03,269
because it's basically the reason
this office isn't blown up.

103
00:05:03,559 --> 00:05:04,741
Well, one of the reasons.

104
00:05:04,766 --> 00:05:08,585
Another reason is,
I have found... other outlets.

105
00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:11,734
Hotter... hotter...

106
00:05:11,767 --> 00:05:14,952
hotter...
hotter!

107
00:05:18,708 --> 00:05:21,054
Cheryl, what is Blackmail Bribe Day?

108
00:05:21,079 --> 00:05:23,531
Oh, right. It turns out you
guys are not super stealthy

109
00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,851
on missions, and you
break, like, a lot of laws.

110
00:05:25,876 --> 00:05:28,296
So one day a month, Ms. Archer
would pay off the people

111
00:05:28,321 --> 00:05:29,679
who saw something
or heard something

112
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:31,384
or lost something
or got shot by something.

113
00:05:31,409 --> 00:05:33,331
Pay them off how?
With what money?

114
00:05:33,356 --> 00:05:35,921
That's the blackmail part.
There used to be a Blackmail Day

115
00:05:35,946 --> 00:05:38,921
and a Bribe Day, but honestly,
it was so confusing

116
00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:40,921
and just easier to get everyone
in and out all at once.

117
00:05:40,946 --> 00:05:42,099
Everyone?

118
00:05:42,465 --> 00:05:44,801
It's like if the DMV
was at a prison.

119
00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:46,405
Yeah, we're not doing this.

120
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,851
- Tell all those people to go.
- Are you sure about that?

121
00:05:48,876 --> 00:05:51,335
Ms. Archer said Blackmail
Bribe Day is the only thing

122
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,585
keeping this entire city from
descending into utter chaos.

123
00:05:54,610 --> 00:05:57,480
And Ms. Kane says
we're taking a new approach.

124
00:05:57,513 --> 00:06:00,783
Ooh, okay! Is the new
approach embassy explosions

125
00:06:00,816 --> 00:06:03,085
- and power grid failures?
- Just do it!

126
00:06:09,725 --> 00:06:11,562
Ahh, this is my kind of mission.

127
00:06:11,727 --> 00:06:13,351
But we should probably look
for this guy soon.

128
00:06:13,376 --> 00:06:15,262
12 women and 7 men
in the vicinity.

129
00:06:15,295 --> 00:06:16,327
Four men too old,

130
00:06:16,352 --> 00:06:18,476
two men too young,
and one man too tall.

131
00:06:18,501 --> 00:06:22,071
And none of these rich bastards
are tipping their waiters!

132
00:06:22,104 --> 00:06:23,413
Get 'em, girl.

133
00:06:23,739 --> 00:06:26,509
- But I thought you Brits didn't tip.
- Some of us do actually care

134
00:06:26,542 --> 00:06:27,999
whether workers
can feed their children.

135
00:06:28,024 --> 00:06:30,794
And I notice you didn't put
anything on the waiter's tray.

136
00:06:30,819 --> 00:06:33,455
Well, at least you're
super judgey about it.

137
00:06:34,148 --> 00:06:36,486
Yeah, you're fooling everybody,
young ladies.

138
00:06:36,519 --> 00:06:39,222
- Now who's judgey?
- Eh, they can do what they want.

139
00:06:39,255 --> 00:06:40,790
I just worry about if they sneeze,

140
00:06:40,823 --> 00:06:43,493
- their faces might fall off.
- What happened to you?

141
00:06:43,526 --> 00:06:46,362
Good news: I got calf implants!

142
00:06:46,395 --> 00:06:48,991
Ugh, you got major surgery
mid-mission?

143
00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:50,929
Because my calves
have always been small,

144
00:06:50,954 --> 00:06:53,611
no matter how much I exercise.
What do you think?

145
00:06:53,636 --> 00:06:55,999
What's important
is that you like them,

146
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:58,716
so don't listen to what anybody
says behind your back.

147
00:06:58,741 --> 00:07:00,677
- Or to your front.
- Thank you?

148
00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:02,702
Is anyone working on the mission?

149
00:07:02,727 --> 00:07:05,030
I mean, Krieger's been
getting close with that doctor.

150
00:07:05,055 --> 00:07:07,499
I'm just saying, think back
to why you became a surgeon.

151
00:07:07,524 --> 00:07:09,238
Was it because you wanted
to help people?

152
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,741
Or was it because
you wanted godlike power?

153
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,694
Godlike power.

154
00:07:14,107 --> 00:07:15,515
Right. Time for action.

155
00:07:15,591 --> 00:07:19,462
Oy, fucker! Your waiter provided a
service, and they deserve compensation!

156
00:07:19,495 --> 00:07:21,164
Eh, maybe Archer has a lead.

157
00:07:21,197 --> 00:07:25,101
Mm, not unless staring wistfully
out into the ocean is a lead.

158
00:07:29,705 --> 00:07:33,576
- Hey, bud. You okay?
- I thought so, but apparently not.

159
00:07:33,609 --> 00:07:35,280
Oh, boy. What happened?

160
00:07:35,305 --> 00:07:39,009
Life happened, Pam.
A thousand lives, all lived too fully.

161
00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:41,659
And now, according to
modern medicine, I'm nothing.

162
00:07:41,684 --> 00:07:45,296
A shell of an agent.
A shell of a man.

163
00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:52,054
Yeah, the doctor said my skin
is too smooth for Botox.

164
00:07:56,882 --> 00:08:00,163
Right. All the patients at the facility
got invites to the mixer.

165
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,765
Let's split up and look
for El Cambiante.

166
00:08:03,507 --> 00:08:05,275
No rush.

167
00:08:05,308 --> 00:08:06,943
Oh, that's good,
because Dr. Spencer

168
00:08:06,976 --> 00:08:08,545
told me to never rush again.

169
00:08:08,578 --> 00:08:11,181
And I'm not supposed to run
until the swelling goes down.

170
00:08:11,214 --> 00:08:13,116
And my guy here's
clearly opening a coconut

171
00:08:13,149 --> 00:08:15,385
- for the first time.
- Wait. Where's Krieger?

172
00:08:15,418 --> 00:08:17,687
- I can't!
- Can't?

173
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,657
Could Picasso can't?
Could Kant can't?

174
00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:24,260
You are an artist, and the
human skeleton is your canvas!

175
00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:26,577
Now graft that horn!

176
00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:29,796
How are we supposed
to find this guy?

177
00:08:29,821 --> 00:08:31,718
Everybody here has
the exact same nose.

178
00:08:31,743 --> 00:08:33,303
Thanks for walking with me, Pam.

179
00:08:33,336 --> 00:08:35,238
One bad fall,
and my hips could shatter.

180
00:08:35,271 --> 00:08:36,913
According to one doctor!

181
00:08:36,938 --> 00:08:39,584
And according to the X-rays
of my buckling tibias.

182
00:08:39,609 --> 00:08:42,612
Screw the X-rays!
This whole place is toxic.

183
00:08:42,645 --> 00:08:45,101
These doctors only make money
if they convince you

184
00:08:45,126 --> 00:08:47,350
there's something broken
that they can fix.

185
00:08:47,383 --> 00:08:49,452
Dr. Spencer actually refused
to work on me

186
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:50,954
because I'm too broken.

187
00:08:50,987 --> 00:08:53,423
That was
reverse psychology, dude.

188
00:08:53,456 --> 00:08:55,358
- Oh. You think?
- I know!

189
00:08:55,391 --> 00:08:58,128
Look, Archer, you're not
the fresh young agent anymore,

190
00:08:58,161 --> 00:09:01,148
but you're something better:
the salty old pro

191
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:03,299
who's seen it all
and lived to tell about it.

192
00:09:03,332 --> 00:09:05,796
- I do have a lot of things to tell.
- So go tell them!

193
00:09:05,929 --> 00:09:07,637
Oh, and I guess
look for our target.

194
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:09,105
Are we still doing that?

195
00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:13,376
- Still no sign of him.
- Keep looking.

196
00:09:13,409 --> 00:09:14,644
He's here somewhere.

197
00:09:14,677 --> 00:09:16,038
Huh?

198
00:09:16,063 --> 00:09:19,390
Sorry, I-I have a gasping disorder.
The doctors are stumped.

199
00:09:21,651 --> 00:09:23,253
This is unbelievable.

200
00:09:23,286 --> 00:09:25,722
Half our budget is just
labeled "miscellaneous."

201
00:09:25,755 --> 00:09:28,591
Originally we called it bribes,
but the...

202
00:09:28,624 --> 00:09:31,594
...then we had to bribe the IRS
to not arrest us, so.

203
00:09:31,627 --> 00:09:33,696
We spend half our budget on bribes?

204
00:09:33,729 --> 00:09:35,932
I mean, the blackmail
covers some of that.

205
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:37,267
But Ms. Archer always said that

206
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,536
there's no such thing
as free blackmail,

207
00:09:39,569 --> 00:09:42,639
which is why blackmail expenses
are labeled "et cetera."

208
00:09:42,672 --> 00:09:45,241
Yeah, we're not doing
any of this anymore.

209
00:09:45,274 --> 00:09:47,584
Well, tell that to Mr. Persistent.

210
00:09:49,163 --> 00:09:51,981
Hi. I don't wanna be rude.
Maybe you were in the bathroom.

211
00:09:52,014 --> 00:09:53,654
But this Agency doesn't
do bribes anymore.

212
00:09:54,523 --> 00:09:56,319
Oh, I heard. Very noble.

213
00:09:56,352 --> 00:09:59,189
I'm Gary.
Trust me... you want to bribe me.

214
00:09:59,222 --> 00:10:01,691
Actually, Gary, I don't.

215
00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:04,527
Because this is my Agency.
A new Agency.

216
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,230
So take whatever deal
you had in the past,

217
00:10:07,263 --> 00:10:10,533
crumple it up into a tiny ball,
and shove it up or down

218
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:14,471
- or through any hole of your choosing.
- Mm, okay then.

219
00:10:14,504 --> 00:10:16,144
I'll just wait
until you change your mind.

220
00:10:16,168 --> 00:10:17,640
Well, then prepare to wait forever,

221
00:10:17,673 --> 00:10:19,736
Gary, because nothing is gonna...

222
00:10:20,409 --> 00:10:22,111
Was that the Costa Rican embassy?

223
00:10:22,144 --> 00:10:25,031
Yeah, we've been bribing
some cartel not to blow it up.

224
00:10:25,032 --> 00:10:27,283
- Why?
- Because if they do,

225
00:10:27,316 --> 00:10:29,719
it will make
the Panamanian Mafia furious.

226
00:10:29,744 --> 00:10:30,603
Wha...

227
00:10:30,628 --> 00:10:31,642
See?

228
00:10:32,622 --> 00:10:35,291
- That could be a coincidence.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.

229
00:10:35,324 --> 00:10:37,970
It's a real coincidence spree
out there.

230
00:10:39,009 --> 00:10:41,631
Wrong nose.
Wrong forehead.

231
00:10:41,664 --> 00:10:44,300
Right nose, right forehead,
but a lady.

232
00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:46,169
- Seņora.
- Cheers.

233
00:10:46,202 --> 00:10:48,002
You're being rather attentive.

234
00:10:48,471 --> 00:10:50,440
Only when the lady
is worth attending.

235
00:10:50,473 --> 00:10:53,209
And might I say,
your work is exquisite.

236
00:10:53,242 --> 00:10:55,545
I would love to see some
pictures of your grandchildren.

237
00:10:55,578 --> 00:10:59,682
- Grandchildren? I'm 25!
- I see, seņorita.

238
00:10:59,715 --> 00:11:04,420
- Apologies, but you are not my type.
- Ugh. I hate this place.

239
00:11:04,453 --> 00:11:06,523
We have a problem.

240
00:11:06,556 --> 00:11:09,308
Yeah, you're interrupting
me while I share my

241
00:11:09,309 --> 00:11:12,061
years of wisdom with these
beautiful young ladies.

242
00:11:12,094 --> 00:11:13,463
Why is that funny?

243
00:11:13,496 --> 00:11:18,067
- You sound just like my grandson.
- Grandson? I hate this place.

244
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:19,636
I don't think we're the only ones

245
00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:21,504
looking for El Cambiante!

246
00:11:21,537 --> 00:11:23,273
- Ay!
- Hang on.

247
00:11:23,306 --> 00:11:26,075
Perfect nose, dimpled chin,
lifted buttocks.

248
00:11:26,108 --> 00:11:28,411
The waiter is El Cambiante?

249
00:11:28,444 --> 00:11:31,214
A disguise within a disguise?
I knew it!

250
00:11:31,247 --> 00:11:33,983
- After him!
- Hey! Be careful who you shove!

251
00:11:34,016 --> 00:11:35,552
Everyone here is older than they look.

252
00:11:35,585 --> 00:11:37,220
Ha!

253
00:11:37,253 --> 00:11:39,289
Oh, no, he's whimsically getting away!

254
00:11:39,322 --> 00:11:43,493
- And he took the only harness!
- Oh, Zara. First zipline?

255
00:11:43,526 --> 00:11:46,396
Hey!
What was wrong with your belt?

256
00:11:46,429 --> 00:11:48,398
The wire is really bad
for the leather.

257
00:11:53,236 --> 00:11:54,370
Gah-ha!

258
00:11:54,403 --> 00:11:55,939
What the...
you still have your drink?

259
00:11:55,972 --> 00:11:59,976
- I'll drop it if I have to.
- Good news: I saw a sloth!

260
00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:01,729
- Where is he?
- Probably still back that way.

261
00:12:01,753 --> 00:12:04,180
- You know, he's pretty slow.
- I mean El Cambiante, you knob!

262
00:12:04,692 --> 00:12:06,536
Oh. No idea.

263
00:12:06,561 --> 00:12:08,618
Cyril, I know this is
basically a vacation,

264
00:12:08,651 --> 00:12:10,153
but you still have to wear pants.

265
00:12:10,186 --> 00:12:12,589
They fell off
because you took my belt!

266
00:12:12,622 --> 00:12:16,059
- Or because your pants were too loose.
- That's what the belt was for.

267
00:12:16,092 --> 00:12:18,128
A belt shouldn't be functional, Cyril!

268
00:12:18,161 --> 00:12:20,601
- It's an accent piece!
- There he is!

269
00:12:20,997 --> 00:12:22,426
Split up!

270
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:28,271
- Can anyone see him?
- Need a little help, please!

271
00:12:28,304 --> 00:12:31,020
I gotcha!

272
00:12:31,045 --> 00:12:32,609
And I've got a new friend.

273
00:12:32,642 --> 00:12:35,011
I shall call you Norman, because...

274
00:12:35,044 --> 00:12:36,724
Ow! Why are you so fast?

275
00:12:36,748 --> 00:12:38,348
There's a whole sin about it!

276
00:12:43,808 --> 00:12:45,088
Guys! He's up!

277
00:12:45,121 --> 00:12:46,523
I'm supposed to say that!

278
00:12:46,556 --> 00:12:48,992
Well, now I gotta
knock him out again.

279
00:12:49,025 --> 00:12:52,295
- Let's just keep him up.
- Hey, bud. Recovery mai tai?

280
00:12:52,328 --> 00:12:54,531
I got you this tiny fan
from the gift shop.

281
00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:57,600
They had flowers, but I thought,
"Everyone buys flowers,"

282
00:12:57,633 --> 00:13:00,303
- so... tiny fan!
- What happened?

283
00:13:00,336 --> 00:13:02,272
You fell 50 feet onto jagged rocks.

284
00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,507
Also, you held that asshole sloth

285
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:06,109
to break its fall with your body.

286
00:13:06,142 --> 00:13:08,077
And, uh, it bit you
when you landed.

287
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:11,948
- And just soaked you in piss.
- That's... amazing!

288
00:13:11,981 --> 00:13:14,951
- Uh, but is it?
- I was worried I was getting old.

289
00:13:14,984 --> 00:13:17,084
But I just survived an accident
that should have killed me.

290
00:13:17,109 --> 00:13:18,354
I might be invincible.

291
00:13:20,323 --> 00:13:22,392
Yeah, that'd be the 30 stitches.

292
00:13:22,425 --> 00:13:25,261
Or the nanobots,
if they decided to rebel.

293
00:13:25,294 --> 00:13:28,431
Fine, I'm probably
not invincible.

294
00:13:28,464 --> 00:13:30,366
Just lucky to the point
of being immortal.

295
00:13:30,399 --> 00:13:32,268
So where are we on the mission?

296
00:13:32,301 --> 00:13:34,003
We lost El Cambiante in the jungle,

297
00:13:34,036 --> 00:13:35,596
but now that we know
what he looks like,

298
00:13:35,629 --> 00:13:37,509
I was able to find him
in the hospital database.

299
00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:39,008
It looks like he got his surgery.

300
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:43,079
- He's in recovery with a new face.
- Yeah. His last face.

301
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,563
Ooh, scary!

302
00:13:46,615 --> 00:13:47,684
I'm drunk.

303
00:13:47,717 --> 00:13:49,419
And I have rounds with Dr. Spencer.

304
00:13:49,452 --> 00:13:52,455
We're taking plastic surgery
to new and forbidden places.

305
00:13:52,488 --> 00:13:54,290
Places we probably shouldn't go.

306
00:13:54,323 --> 00:13:56,826
Places that, deep down,
make me wonder if I've awoken

307
00:13:56,827 --> 00:13:59,490
something in this woman that
should have remained asleep.

308
00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:02,311
Or not.

309
00:14:02,632 --> 00:14:05,368
Authorities are baffled
as violence consumes the city.

310
00:14:05,401 --> 00:14:07,637
We now go live to a fire
at the Chilean embassy...

311
00:14:07,662 --> 00:14:10,904
There is no way this is because
of us. This is a coincidence!

312
00:14:10,929 --> 00:14:13,943
Me finding a dollar on
laundry day is a coincidence.

313
00:14:13,968 --> 00:14:16,654
This is a city melting down
'cause we hit the brakes

314
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:21,684
- on a criminal money train.
- Ugh! I tried to tell you!

315
00:14:21,717 --> 00:14:23,286
I mean, not very hard, though.

316
00:14:23,319 --> 00:14:26,443
I guess, deep down,
I wanted the city to burn.

317
00:14:27,590 --> 00:14:29,692
The Agency. Hmm, I'll check.

318
00:14:29,725 --> 00:14:32,495
Do we care if the yakuza kills
the Australian ambassador?

319
00:14:32,528 --> 00:14:34,564
Yes!
But we'll call him back.

320
00:14:34,597 --> 00:14:36,065
Start with the toes, please.

321
00:14:36,098 --> 00:14:40,336
- Ray, what have you got?
- A tangled web of criminal nonsense.

322
00:14:40,369 --> 00:14:42,505
We're bribing gun runners
to arm militias

323
00:14:42,538 --> 00:14:44,707
so they won't steal guns
from other militias

324
00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:47,143
who we're also bribing
to protect banks

325
00:14:47,176 --> 00:14:49,416
'cause the banks are full
of money from our other bribes.

326
00:14:49,445 --> 00:14:51,548
God, just tell me you have
a solution.

327
00:14:51,581 --> 00:14:55,051
- I do. You're gonna hate it.
- Ugh. Seriously?

328
00:14:55,084 --> 00:14:56,519
All roads lead to Gary.

329
00:14:56,552 --> 00:14:58,655
We pay him, it buys us time
on the others.

330
00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:00,623
God damn it, fucking Gary.

331
00:15:00,656 --> 00:15:03,159
Hey, I heard my name.
Did you decide to bribe me yet?

332
00:15:03,192 --> 00:15:07,230
- No! And stop being so cavalier about it.
- Copy that. I'll be out here.

333
00:15:07,263 --> 00:15:09,999
Also, I opened a new oat milk.
Is that cool?

334
00:15:10,032 --> 00:15:11,267
What's the big deal?

335
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,937
A bribe's just a service,
like a haircut

336
00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:16,473
- or a dog's haircut.
- The big deal is, I'm trying

337
00:15:16,506 --> 00:15:17,936
to do things aboveboard, all right?

338
00:15:17,961 --> 00:15:20,143
And I'd rather die
than betray my principles.

339
00:15:22,227 --> 00:15:24,742
I think
that just became an option.

340
00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:29,327
Guys, I think this is him!

341
00:15:29,352 --> 00:15:32,222
- Great, shoot him and let's go.
- The mission is to capture him!

342
00:15:32,255 --> 00:15:34,591
You can't yell at me,
I just got out of the hospital.

343
00:15:34,624 --> 00:15:37,193
Uh, what's this hospital's
policy on kidnapping?

344
00:15:37,226 --> 00:15:39,210
Because those nurses
don't look thrilled.

345
00:15:39,495 --> 00:15:41,464
Hey, those are the guys I saw
at the party.

346
00:15:41,497 --> 00:15:45,827
- I think they're after El Cambiante too.
- Which makes us allies, right?

347
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,606
I'm not
supposed to jump yet!

348
00:15:49,639 --> 00:15:52,308
My calf implants are combing
into the backs of my knees!

349
00:15:52,341 --> 00:15:55,578
- Who the hell are these guys?
- And why do they get guns?

350
00:15:55,611 --> 00:15:58,681
- Archer? What are you doing?
- Immortal, remember?

351
00:15:58,714 --> 00:16:00,583
Maybe he is.
All the bullets are missing...

352
00:16:00,616 --> 00:16:02,619
- Ow!
- Yeah, he's not.

353
00:16:06,989 --> 00:16:09,359
Out the back! Go!

354
00:16:09,392 --> 00:16:12,428
- Still think you're immortal?
- Obviously. Look!

355
00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:14,230
The bullet went straight through.

356
00:16:14,263 --> 00:16:17,033
I'm made of non-vital organs
and luck!

357
00:16:17,066 --> 00:16:21,057
But I am losing a lot of blood.

358
00:16:27,314 --> 00:16:28,720
- Did we lose them?
- Lose them?

359
00:16:28,745 --> 00:16:29,947
It's a mid-sized hospital,

360
00:16:29,972 --> 00:16:31,989
not the Trastevere neighborhood
of Rome.

361
00:16:32,014 --> 00:16:34,651
What? It's an easy place
to lose people.

362
00:16:34,684 --> 00:16:36,611
Also, it seems like we lost them.

363
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:38,877
Ooh! Not these guys, though.

364
00:16:39,853 --> 00:16:43,059
Guys, the small penis hospital
is, uh, down the road.

365
00:16:43,092 --> 00:16:46,229
Can we not taunt the men with
guns while we're all so injured?

366
00:16:46,262 --> 00:16:49,098
A positive attitude is the key
to recovery, Cyril.

367
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:52,781
Although I'm feeling pretty
negative about this dead end.

368
00:16:56,339 --> 00:16:58,208
Do all your missions end

369
00:16:58,241 --> 00:16:59,976
with you cornered and waiting to die?

370
00:17:00,009 --> 00:17:02,178
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a lot of 'em.

371
00:17:02,211 --> 00:17:03,916
But I do have one idea.

372
00:17:07,065 --> 00:17:09,385
- What the hell, Archer?
- He was too short!

373
00:17:09,418 --> 00:17:10,909
So he had to die?

374
00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:13,223
The target we chased
on the zipline was my height.

375
00:17:13,256 --> 00:17:16,025
Whoever's under those
bandages isn't the same person.

376
00:17:16,058 --> 00:17:18,012
I'm... pretty sure.

377
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,715
Wait. I want this bastard
to know it was us.

378
00:17:23,562 --> 00:17:25,242
Whoa.
This place is really good.

379
00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:31,621
- El Cambiante?
- He looks... the same?

380
00:17:31,646 --> 00:17:34,377
Yeah, not to antagonize
the man with a gun...

381
00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:38,381
- He said as he prepared to.
- ...but I'd get a refund on that new face.

382
00:17:38,414 --> 00:17:40,984
This one looks just as ugly
as the old one.

383
00:17:41,017 --> 00:17:42,377
You-you know what?
That's not fair.

384
00:17:42,385 --> 00:17:44,220
You're actually very handsome.

385
00:17:44,253 --> 00:17:46,684
I'm just going through a lot
this weekend, and... ow!

386
00:17:47,089 --> 00:17:49,959
I postponed my surgery when
I realized I was being hunted.

387
00:17:49,992 --> 00:17:53,296
It felt like a good opportunity
to eliminate potential assassins.

388
00:17:53,329 --> 00:17:55,231
Good idea.
What?

389
00:17:55,264 --> 00:17:57,300
You can't argue
with five dead assassins.

390
00:17:57,333 --> 00:18:00,603
Soon to be...
...uh, uh, ten.

391
00:18:00,714 --> 00:18:03,718
Technically not assassins.
We're here to capture you.

392
00:18:05,608 --> 00:18:08,211
You thought
you'd get away with it?

393
00:18:08,244 --> 00:18:09,444
I don't even know who you are.

394
00:18:09,468 --> 00:18:12,649
- He sounds Russian!
- No! He doesn't sound like anything!

395
00:18:12,682 --> 00:18:15,385
We can't place his accent
and we didn't see his face,

396
00:18:15,418 --> 00:18:16,658
and if he and his friends left,

397
00:18:16,686 --> 00:18:18,488
we'd forget
they were ever even here!

398
00:18:18,521 --> 00:18:21,191
- I mean, I wouldn't forget.
- Oh, my God, woman.

399
00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:23,359
Oh, God, it's fine, all right?
We'll pay you.

400
00:18:23,392 --> 00:18:25,929
Yes, this time. And then what?

401
00:18:25,962 --> 00:18:28,631
We have to come back again
when you don't pay next time?

402
00:18:28,664 --> 00:18:32,202
You think it's easy renting van
for all these men?

403
00:18:32,235 --> 00:18:35,438
- You die now.
- Excuse me? Hi. Gary.

404
00:18:35,471 --> 00:18:37,574
- I think maybe I can help.
- You can die.

405
00:18:37,607 --> 00:18:40,577
- I can! And then we all can.
- Awesome.

406
00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:43,313
You're the Chechen
revolutionaries, right?

407
00:18:43,346 --> 00:18:45,615
Mm, I'll take that
stony silence as a yes.

408
00:18:45,648 --> 00:18:47,617
And I happen to know the Chechnians

409
00:18:47,650 --> 00:18:49,986
are currently in debt
to the Irish Republican Army,

410
00:18:50,019 --> 00:18:52,388
which owes a favor to the
Albanian Conservative Party,

411
00:18:52,421 --> 00:18:54,657
whose secrets are being kept
by the Boston Mafia,

412
00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:57,494
who owe a favor to me, Gary.

413
00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:00,096
Which is all to say, I think
we could clear all this up

414
00:19:00,129 --> 00:19:03,895
without any violence at all...
if I got my bribe.

415
00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:07,103
I get what you're trying to do here.

416
00:19:07,136 --> 00:19:09,372
Maybe start by cutting
one bribe a month?

417
00:19:09,405 --> 00:19:11,508
Like the janitors
at the Costa Rican embassy?

418
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:14,377
Because they're all dead now.
See you next month.

419
00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:18,285
- Well, that's one less bribe.
- Do we think Gary's single?

420
00:19:18,801 --> 00:19:21,338
What?
He's confident and mysterious.

421
00:19:21,722 --> 00:19:23,879
Oh, please, like you wouldn't.

422
00:19:25,288 --> 00:19:29,225
- Does no one have a weapon?
- I've got Cyril's stupid fan.

423
00:19:29,258 --> 00:19:31,094
Hey!
I put thought into that gift.

424
00:19:31,127 --> 00:19:32,962
Yeah. The thought was bad.

425
00:19:32,995 --> 00:19:34,997
Does anyone else hear screeching?

426
00:19:35,765 --> 00:19:38,101
We made a mistake!
We made a terrible mistake!

427
00:19:40,897 --> 00:19:45,002
I can feel God!

428
00:19:50,653 --> 00:19:52,982
Ugh. Gross.
But lucky!

429
00:19:53,015 --> 00:19:54,951
We need to go before
their brains fully merge.

430
00:19:57,865 --> 00:20:00,623
After them! And don't shoot
the massage table, okay?

431
00:20:00,656 --> 00:20:02,492
I have an appointment later.

432
00:20:08,464 --> 00:20:10,099
Hey, buddy!

433
00:20:10,132 --> 00:20:12,271
Namast-ay down.

434
00:20:22,365 --> 00:20:25,648
- My face!
- Oh, my God, her face fell off!

435
00:20:25,681 --> 00:20:29,619
- I told you!
- Oh, my God, that is grisly.

436
00:20:29,652 --> 00:20:31,988
Someone get her a bag.
And nobody step on...

437
00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:33,656
Oh, never mind.

438
00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:36,626
Oh, the implants are going up
into my thighs!

439
00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:40,060
Or I'll just get the surgery in Brazil.

440
00:20:42,265 --> 00:20:44,300
- Archer!
- Little busy.

441
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:46,369
Which I know seems antithetical
to a steam room,

442
00:20:46,402 --> 00:20:47,756
but here we are.

443
00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:49,614
Yes. Here we are.

444
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:54,177
In the appendix?
That's how Houdini died.

445
00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:56,312
I looked you up,
Sterling Archer,

446
00:20:56,345 --> 00:20:58,982
after our encounter on the zipline.

447
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,623
Poor, broken spy.

448
00:21:01,648 --> 00:21:04,459
An old man in a young man's game.

449
00:21:04,484 --> 00:21:09,248
Why not do the respectable
thing and die now?

450
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:12,336
Tiny fan!

451
00:21:12,361 --> 00:21:14,063
Huh?

452
00:21:29,398 --> 00:21:31,592
You know, I saw it
differently in my head.

453
00:21:37,019 --> 00:21:39,123
No one tell Cyril
his gift was useful.

454
00:21:40,523 --> 00:21:43,506
- Mission accomplished.
- Why are you holding the fan?

455
00:21:43,531 --> 00:21:45,896
Because I felt like holding
something stupid.

456
00:21:46,128 --> 00:21:49,154
- But thank you for the gift.
- Three on one? Nice work.

457
00:21:49,179 --> 00:21:52,693
More like all in a day's work
for the world's greatest...

458
00:21:55,185 --> 00:21:56,639
...greatest spy.

459
00:21:56,664 --> 00:21:58,174
That probably would have been
more convincing

460
00:21:58,207 --> 00:21:59,642
if I hadn't coughed up blood.

461
00:21:59,675 --> 00:22:01,511
You know, bud,
maybe this is the mission

462
00:22:01,544 --> 00:22:03,513
where you learn not to rely
so much on luck.

463
00:22:03,546 --> 00:22:06,182
Are you kidding? This was
my luckiest mission yet.

464
00:22:06,215 --> 00:22:10,119
- You got shot, like, a dozen times.
- Yeah, in a hospital.

465
00:22:10,152 --> 00:22:11,988
Whew, whoa, hey.

466
00:22:12,021 --> 00:22:13,461
See if they can
put in an extra liver

467
00:22:13,485 --> 00:22:15,328
while they're in there, okay?

468
00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:17,748
Archer out.

469
00:22:19,996 --> 00:22:22,098
Yeah, so should we be worried

470
00:22:22,131 --> 00:22:24,631
about whatever Dr. Spencer
turned into?

471
00:22:29,438 --> 00:22:30,708
No.

472
00:22:31,674 --> 00:22:38,674
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