1 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:04,539 _ 2 00:00:04,564 --> 00:00:06,564 _ 3 00:00:07,989 --> 00:00:10,430 Frank! Frank, come on, man! We got to go! 4 00:00:10,487 --> 00:00:12,457 - We got to go! - Oh, what? 5 00:00:12,468 --> 00:00:13,605 Come on, man, we're gonna miss it. 6 00:00:13,616 --> 00:00:15,062 - Wake up, wake up. Come on. - Wh-What? 7 00:00:15,073 --> 00:00:16,109 - Right away! - Okay. 8 00:00:16,142 --> 00:00:19,265 Guys, make way. Make way, please. 9 00:00:19,276 --> 00:00:21,412 - Hey, wait, no, no, please. - Cutting it pretty close there, pal. 10 00:00:21,423 --> 00:00:22,739 Ah, I feel like I got to take a shit. 11 00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:24,273 No, no, no, no, no. There's no time for that. 12 00:00:24,284 --> 00:00:26,083 - Oh, God, excuse me. Come on. - No, no, no, no, no autographs. 13 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,688 - I'm not ready for this. - Listen, listen. 14 00:00:27,699 --> 00:00:29,117 - You got it, you got it, you got it. - Listen to me. 15 00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:31,074 - Back off, back off. - Frank, you are ready. 16 00:00:31,085 --> 00:00:34,647 Everything you need is already inside you. 17 00:00:34,658 --> 00:00:37,173 Move. No, out of the way. 18 00:00:46,978 --> 00:00:50,044 _ 19 00:00:50,069 --> 00:00:56,069 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com - 20 00:01:10,211 --> 00:01:11,727 - Dennis, please. Just... - God, no. 21 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,613 Please, please. Pretty please, just help me. 22 00:01:13,624 --> 00:01:15,160 No! No, Mac. 23 00:01:15,171 --> 00:01:16,688 I'm not helping you, okay? 24 00:01:16,699 --> 00:01:18,236 Stop talking to me about Johnny. 25 00:01:18,247 --> 00:01:20,918 Well, hey, I could help you with your guy troubles. 26 00:01:22,028 --> 00:01:23,758 No, thanks, Dee. You suck with men. 27 00:01:23,769 --> 00:01:26,407 Tell that to the guy leaving my apartment this morning. 28 00:01:26,464 --> 00:01:29,904 That's right. Your girl got her guts pumped last night. 29 00:01:29,937 --> 00:01:31,597 Oh, my God, that is disgusting. 30 00:01:31,608 --> 00:01:33,812 - Your guts pumped? - Aren't you, like, 60? 31 00:01:33,823 --> 00:01:35,950 - You're not a girl. - Yeah, come on, Dee. This is insane. 32 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:37,532 - I mean... really. - Who talks like that? 33 00:01:37,543 --> 00:01:40,484 And, by the way, anybody can get a guy to bang them once. 34 00:01:40,495 --> 00:01:42,465 Okay, well, I guarantee you 35 00:01:42,476 --> 00:01:44,313 he'll be coming back for seconds. 36 00:01:44,324 --> 00:01:47,297 In fact, he pulled an old move of mine. 37 00:01:47,376 --> 00:01:49,380 He took my phone "by mistake" 38 00:01:49,391 --> 00:01:50,712 so that he could see me again. 39 00:01:50,723 --> 00:01:53,222 Oh, okay. Yeah. 40 00:01:53,233 --> 00:01:54,873 - Mm-hmm. - How's he gonna call you? 41 00:01:58,098 --> 00:01:59,741 - Dennis, can you help me get my phone... - No. 42 00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:02,012 - Dennis, Dennis, I need your help really quick, man. - No! 43 00:02:02,023 --> 00:02:03,884 Do you remember when we stole a restaurant buzzer the other day? 44 00:02:03,895 --> 00:02:06,577 I can't find it anywhere. It's a matter of national security here, man. 45 00:02:06,587 --> 00:02:08,216 Oh, yes, no, no, I'm sure, yeah. 46 00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:09,576 You know what? Maybe it's in the back office. Let me check 47 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,033 the back office. Frank, let me check the back office. 48 00:02:11,044 --> 00:02:12,790 Hey, uh, Frank, could you help me with something? 49 00:02:12,801 --> 00:02:13,857 - Yeah. - Are you kidding? 50 00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:15,514 You want Frank's help with your guy troubles? 51 00:02:15,525 --> 00:02:16,998 He's insanely homophobic. 52 00:02:18,058 --> 00:02:19,412 Huh? Not anymore. 53 00:02:19,437 --> 00:02:21,743 No, once Mac did the dance, 54 00:02:21,952 --> 00:02:23,410 then I get it. I get the gay thing. 55 00:02:23,421 --> 00:02:24,651 He gets it. He's an ally now. 56 00:02:24,662 --> 00:02:26,483 Okay, so, Frank, I need some relationship advice. 57 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:27,797 - Yeah. - I'm having some issues 58 00:02:27,831 --> 00:02:29,189 - with this guy that I'm dating. - Yeah. 59 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,753 - I want to take it to the next level, you know, - Right. 60 00:02:30,764 --> 00:02:32,978 by actually meeting this guy. 61 00:02:32,989 --> 00:02:34,191 What, you've never met the guy? 62 00:02:34,202 --> 00:02:36,972 No, never met him, never spoken with him, never seen him, 63 00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:39,635 but it's not weird because we're in constant communication 64 00:02:39,646 --> 00:02:40,682 through the beads. 65 00:02:42,137 --> 00:02:44,898 - The beads? - Oh, yes. The extra-large anal beads 66 00:02:44,909 --> 00:02:46,479 that I shoved up my butt, 67 00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:48,151 and Johnny can control them 68 00:02:48,162 --> 00:02:50,038 via an app on his phone. 69 00:02:50,049 --> 00:02:51,401 And when I feel the buzz, 70 00:02:51,412 --> 00:02:53,059 I know it's time to go to the motel 71 00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:55,107 and wait. It's very romantic. 72 00:02:55,118 --> 00:02:58,358 Uh, yes, he's never actually showed up before, 73 00:02:58,369 --> 00:03:01,777 but one day he will, and it's going to be hot. 74 00:03:02,135 --> 00:03:04,270 That's it. I'm out. 75 00:03:04,376 --> 00:03:07,866 I'm out. That's it. I don't get it. I am never gonna get it. 76 00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:10,400 - Beads? You never said anything about beads. - Let me-let me explain it again. 77 00:03:10,411 --> 00:03:12,201 - What beads? - It's beads that go into my ass. 78 00:03:12,212 --> 00:03:14,624 The dance never said anything about no beads. 79 00:03:14,635 --> 00:03:16,065 Frank, I found it. I found it. I found it. 80 00:03:16,076 --> 00:03:18,145 Let's get the hell out of here. 81 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,282 We got it, guys, we're good. 82 00:03:19,293 --> 00:03:20,591 Anal beads up his ass. 83 00:03:20,602 --> 00:03:22,113 Dennis, can you please help me get my phone back? 84 00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:24,393 - 'Cause I need my phone. - No, Dennis, help me, though. Help me because 85 00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:25,880 - I need help... - No, you are beyond help, okay? 86 00:03:25,891 --> 00:03:29,129 - You let a stranger hack your butthole. Dennis... - Enough! Enough. 87 00:03:30,134 --> 00:03:32,749 It is clear that I'm not going to get a moment's peace until 88 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,563 I foist you two off on someone else, 89 00:03:34,574 --> 00:03:35,937 so, fine, I will help you. 90 00:03:35,948 --> 00:03:38,723 - Okay. Okay. - Oh, yeah! All right, all right, let's go. 91 00:03:40,789 --> 00:03:42,518 This is all I could find. 92 00:03:42,529 --> 00:03:44,463 Yeah, no, this is good. Um... 93 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,052 Okay, are there, like, a pair of, like, weird spy glasses 94 00:03:47,063 --> 00:03:48,195 in here or anything? 95 00:03:48,206 --> 00:03:51,232 - Aw, shit. - They dropped all those charges weeks ago. Wh... 96 00:03:51,243 --> 00:03:52,683 Call you back. 97 00:03:52,694 --> 00:03:55,363 Hey, what are you guys doing with all my research equipment? 98 00:03:55,374 --> 00:03:57,364 Charlie and Frank are gonna play spies. 99 00:03:57,375 --> 00:03:59,674 Yeah, well, we're not playing spies, we're playing chess, okay? 100 00:03:59,685 --> 00:04:01,332 There's a Russian grandmaster coming to town. 101 00:04:01,343 --> 00:04:02,777 I'm entering Frank in the tournament, 102 00:04:02,788 --> 00:04:04,351 and then he's gonna rise through the ranks, 103 00:04:04,362 --> 00:04:06,630 and he's gonna beat this guy's ass, USA style. 104 00:04:06,641 --> 00:04:08,144 So, I need the glasses, Uncle Jack, 105 00:04:08,155 --> 00:04:09,949 because Frank's got to be able to transmit me the board 106 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,273 while I play along on a computer 107 00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:13,489 and I signal him the moves with the restaurant buzzer. 108 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,454 No, stop, stop, stop. Uh, you're gonna break it. 109 00:04:15,465 --> 00:04:17,498 This is, uh, very sensitive equipment. 110 00:04:17,509 --> 00:04:19,013 Right, yeah, okay. 111 00:04:19,024 --> 00:04:20,894 Look, do you have the spy glasses or not, dude? 112 00:04:20,905 --> 00:04:22,765 Fine. I'll let you borrow them, but I'm coming with. 113 00:04:22,776 --> 00:04:25,060 Okay? I don't want you breaking any of this. 114 00:04:25,071 --> 00:04:26,364 A play date. 115 00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:27,578 - Goddamn it. - Oh, yeah. 116 00:04:27,589 --> 00:04:29,354 - Like we used to. - We never did. 117 00:04:29,365 --> 00:04:32,090 - Ah... You don't remember. - Man, we never did. 118 00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:36,150 I mean, what is taking Uncle Jack so long? 119 00:04:36,161 --> 00:04:38,147 Well, why don't we just go in? 120 00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:39,828 Hang on. 121 00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:45,689 - What the... - Is that-is that him? 122 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:47,337 Holy shit. 123 00:04:48,004 --> 00:04:50,648 Uh, Uncle Jack, what-what is this? 124 00:04:50,861 --> 00:04:52,268 My ice cream truck. 125 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:54,951 You know, I-I have, like, a side business. 126 00:04:55,118 --> 00:04:57,806 Ugh. All right, fine. You know what? Actually, this could work. 127 00:04:57,817 --> 00:04:59,052 - You got the spy glasses? - Yeah. Here they are. 128 00:04:59,063 --> 00:05:00,859 - Glasses. - Here's how this goes. 129 00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:02,227 - Frank, you got the buzzer? - Yeah, I got the buzzer. 130 00:05:02,238 --> 00:05:04,071 All right, so Frank's got a buzzer in his pocket, okay? 131 00:05:04,082 --> 00:05:05,775 - I'm gonna put it in my pocket. - So, he'll hover his hand over the piece, 132 00:05:05,786 --> 00:05:08,300 you know, one buzz for yes, two buzzes for no, 133 00:05:08,311 --> 00:05:10,291 three if you need him to switch to a different piece, okay? 134 00:05:10,302 --> 00:05:11,733 Same goes for where to put it down. Got it? 135 00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:12,893 - Okay. Yup. - You clear? 136 00:05:12,904 --> 00:05:15,040 - Give me a Push Pop, will you? - And get him a Push Pop. 137 00:05:15,051 --> 00:05:17,755 What? Oh, no, I-I don't have any ice cream. 138 00:05:17,796 --> 00:05:19,630 - Oh. - Oh, my God. All right, fine. 139 00:05:19,641 --> 00:05:20,830 Just... just... 140 00:05:21,224 --> 00:05:23,117 - get to your spot and play the... Ugh. - Okay. 141 00:05:23,128 --> 00:05:24,889 Hey, I'll be watching you. 142 00:05:27,255 --> 00:05:29,626 Hm... 143 00:05:29,726 --> 00:05:31,546 Should I go here? 144 00:05:31,557 --> 00:05:35,064 Mm. Or should I go... 145 00:05:35,075 --> 00:05:36,580 here? 146 00:05:36,591 --> 00:05:38,975 Charlie, don't look at the kid, look at the board. 147 00:05:38,986 --> 00:05:41,905 Actually, one quick look at the kid again, so I can get a screen grab. 148 00:05:41,916 --> 00:05:44,145 - Gross, no, man, no. - No? No? 149 00:05:44,156 --> 00:05:45,442 I... No, not you. Sorry. 150 00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:47,340 Talking to the voices in my head, so... 151 00:05:47,351 --> 00:05:49,137 - Stay on the board. - Yup. Yes. 152 00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,272 Don't mind my friend. He's schizophrenic. 153 00:05:51,283 --> 00:05:52,556 I am, yeah. 154 00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:55,641 - Got it. - Go eh... 155 00:05:57,115 --> 00:05:59,929 Boom. I took your little castle-y thing. 156 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,026 Suck on that, boy! 157 00:06:03,037 --> 00:06:05,330 If he does, let me get another screen grab. 158 00:06:05,341 --> 00:06:07,338 Shut up, dude. That's gross, man. 159 00:06:07,349 --> 00:06:09,177 - Uh-oh, uh-oh. - Sir? 160 00:06:09,188 --> 00:06:10,939 Uh, sir, may I have a word with you? 161 00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:12,989 Um, absolutely not because I'm in the middle of watching 162 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,138 a game of chess. 163 00:06:14,149 --> 00:06:17,013 Uh, there is no alcohol allowed on the premises. 164 00:06:17,235 --> 00:06:18,829 What? Wh-What do you mean? 165 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:20,232 Like, I got to drink wine or something? 166 00:06:20,243 --> 00:06:22,074 No alcohol at all. 167 00:06:22,085 --> 00:06:24,344 - At a sporting event? - That's crazy. 168 00:06:24,355 --> 00:06:26,794 Fine, dude. Here you go. 169 00:06:26,855 --> 00:06:29,359 Frank, I'm gonna have to find some way to sneak beer in here. 170 00:06:29,370 --> 00:06:30,709 Excuse me? 171 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,870 Dude, are you still here? Go away. 172 00:06:33,314 --> 00:06:34,999 I gave you the beer, man. 173 00:06:38,893 --> 00:06:41,534 Now, as you're both aware, I have a foolproof system 174 00:06:41,545 --> 00:06:43,081 for attracting a woman. 175 00:06:43,187 --> 00:06:47,926 But I also have a foolproof system for attracting a man. 176 00:06:48,023 --> 00:06:50,996 - Aw, awesome. - No way. 177 00:06:51,007 --> 00:06:52,295 - Why? - How come? - Shh, shh. 178 00:06:52,306 --> 00:06:54,482 Shh. Shh. 179 00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,077 Okay. Now, it begins 180 00:06:57,088 --> 00:07:00,829 with me setting you both up with nice, normal dates. 181 00:07:01,668 --> 00:07:03,061 You will begin by greeting them 182 00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:04,875 with the traditional pleasantries. 183 00:07:04,886 --> 00:07:06,126 Very nice to meet you, Patrick. 184 00:07:06,137 --> 00:07:07,340 Kyle, it's a pleasure. 185 00:07:07,787 --> 00:07:09,058 Pleasure's all mine. 186 00:07:09,313 --> 00:07:12,998 I'll be nearby, of course, to make sure nothing goes awry. 187 00:07:14,369 --> 00:07:15,993 Step one. 188 00:07:16,527 --> 00:07:18,866 S... suppress your instincts. 189 00:07:19,325 --> 00:07:21,927 See, your first instinct is going to be to try to make yourself 190 00:07:21,938 --> 00:07:24,267 seem awesome to him, but that's wrong. 191 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,942 'Cause this isn't about you. 192 00:07:25,953 --> 00:07:27,617 This is a man we're talking about. 193 00:07:27,628 --> 00:07:29,364 It's always about him. 194 00:07:29,831 --> 00:07:31,792 Okay? So, you're going to... 195 00:07:31,803 --> 00:07:34,404 I... inflate his ego. 196 00:07:34,415 --> 00:07:38,190 Make him feel like he's awesome, he's funny, 197 00:07:38,201 --> 00:07:41,048 he's the most interesting person in the room. 198 00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:42,919 You're the most interesting person in this room. 199 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,499 Uhp, uhp, uhp. Hi. 200 00:07:44,510 --> 00:07:45,764 Hello. 201 00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:47,658 I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. 202 00:07:47,669 --> 00:07:48,908 I'm-I'm the manager 203 00:07:48,919 --> 00:07:50,168 - of the establishment. - Yes, I was just saying 204 00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:52,080 that he's the most interesting man in the room. 205 00:07:52,091 --> 00:07:54,524 Yeah. You know, it's... I-I caught that, actually, 206 00:07:54,535 --> 00:07:57,438 and I wanted to say to you that, uh, Mac does, 207 00:07:57,449 --> 00:07:59,358 in fact, know everyone here, 208 00:07:59,369 --> 00:08:01,482 which he would, of course, 209 00:08:01,493 --> 00:08:04,706 have to in order to have said something like that. 210 00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:06,639 So, it's meaningful. 211 00:08:08,317 --> 00:08:10,254 Now, once your man's feeling important, 212 00:08:10,265 --> 00:08:12,502 you're gonna show him that you... 213 00:08:12,513 --> 00:08:15,338 N... need his power. 214 00:08:15,349 --> 00:08:16,429 Mm. 215 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,688 See, every man's greatest fear 216 00:08:17,699 --> 00:08:19,648 is that he's a... pussy. 217 00:08:20,321 --> 00:08:22,702 - Mm. - You need to make him feel powerful. 218 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,225 Oh, boy. 219 00:08:26,044 --> 00:08:29,288 Oh... man. I just can't seem to get this open. 220 00:08:29,299 --> 00:08:31,704 - Do you think you could help me out? - Sure. 221 00:08:35,469 --> 00:08:37,240 Oh, this is really on tight. 222 00:08:37,341 --> 00:08:40,140 Uh, are you-are you being serious? 223 00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:42,011 Oh, Christ, Bozo, give it back to me. I'll do it. 224 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,093 Wai... No, no. Uh, no. Yeah, it's... You can't. 225 00:08:44,104 --> 00:08:45,481 You can't. You couldn't. 226 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,615 No one could, because these bottles... 227 00:08:47,626 --> 00:08:49,761 are all, uh... 228 00:08:49,772 --> 00:08:51,910 they're defective and un-openable. 229 00:08:51,921 --> 00:08:53,883 Yeah, there's been a recall, actually. See? 230 00:08:53,894 --> 00:08:56,300 It's-it's impossible. Nobody could... 231 00:08:56,311 --> 00:08:57,905 get these open today. 232 00:08:58,754 --> 00:09:01,627 - Mm. - You know what? You do look very, very strong. 233 00:09:01,690 --> 00:09:04,567 You mind giving this one more shot for me? 234 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,867 Let's see if you can get it. 235 00:09:07,195 --> 00:09:09,082 - Oh! - Whoa. 236 00:09:09,093 --> 00:09:10,382 - Wow. - Wow. 237 00:09:12,699 --> 00:09:14,435 Now that your man's feeling powerful, 238 00:09:14,446 --> 00:09:16,483 on top of the world, you must... 239 00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:18,268 rip it away from him. 240 00:09:18,279 --> 00:09:21,802 You're going to N... negate his power. 241 00:09:21,976 --> 00:09:23,757 Yeah, but this needs to be subtle. 242 00:09:23,768 --> 00:09:25,972 A man's ego is... fragile. 243 00:09:26,193 --> 00:09:29,032 The goal here is to make him feel that he may be a... 244 00:09:29,089 --> 00:09:30,424 tad bit inadequate, 245 00:09:30,541 --> 00:09:32,946 in comparison, maybe, to a former lover. 246 00:09:33,414 --> 00:09:35,686 - Yes? But don't lay it on too thick. - Oh. 247 00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,169 - Mm. Mm-hmm. - Subtle. 248 00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,507 I used to fuck LeBron James. 249 00:09:41,158 --> 00:09:42,475 Oh, God. 250 00:09:44,429 --> 00:09:47,098 Now, even if things have gone a little off the rails at this point, 251 00:09:47,109 --> 00:09:49,755 we can get things back on track with a classic. 252 00:09:49,801 --> 00:09:53,241 E... engage physically. 253 00:09:53,267 --> 00:09:54,884 - Hey-o. - Yeah. 254 00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,271 But you got to make sure that your physical engagement 255 00:09:57,282 --> 00:09:59,386 is appropriate to the environment, okay? 256 00:09:59,397 --> 00:10:02,536 Your demeanor wants to remain elegant and classy. 257 00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:04,619 - Right. - Mm. Got it. 258 00:10:09,528 --> 00:10:10,755 What are you doing? 259 00:10:11,055 --> 00:10:12,772 I'm grabbing your ding-dong. 260 00:10:12,783 --> 00:10:14,108 No! 261 00:10:14,119 --> 00:10:16,324 No, yeah. That's, uh... 262 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,214 And now for the final step, 263 00:10:18,225 --> 00:10:21,030 the most profound move of the entire system. 264 00:10:22,763 --> 00:10:24,166 D. 265 00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:27,387 "Do you want a tissue?" 266 00:10:27,665 --> 00:10:28,669 - Huh? - Huh? 267 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,428 You see, with this one simple but profound question, 268 00:10:31,439 --> 00:10:33,543 you instantly transport this man back to a time 269 00:10:33,554 --> 00:10:35,686 when he was a tiny, snot-nosed little bitch 270 00:10:35,697 --> 00:10:37,758 who depended on the most important person in his life 271 00:10:37,769 --> 00:10:39,177 for absolutely everything. 272 00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:41,126 The person who inflated his ego, 273 00:10:41,323 --> 00:10:43,112 who made him feel powerful, 274 00:10:43,123 --> 00:10:44,826 but also powerless. 275 00:10:44,871 --> 00:10:46,875 The person whose validation 276 00:10:46,886 --> 00:10:49,959 he's been seeking his entire life. 277 00:10:50,421 --> 00:10:51,528 Guys, 278 00:10:51,820 --> 00:10:54,022 the way to make a man fall in love with you 279 00:10:54,033 --> 00:10:56,370 is to make him feel 280 00:10:56,587 --> 00:10:58,998 like you are... 281 00:10:59,009 --> 00:11:01,447 his mommy. 282 00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:03,334 Well, it's getting late. 283 00:11:03,928 --> 00:11:06,618 Yeah. Yeah, we should probably call it. 284 00:11:06,629 --> 00:11:09,402 I have, uh, one thing that I'd like to ask you. 285 00:11:09,413 --> 00:11:12,252 Um... do you need a tissue? 286 00:11:12,825 --> 00:11:14,749 Do you need a tissue? 287 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,136 - What? - What? 288 00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:18,377 - You need a tissue. - You need a tissue. 289 00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,981 Oh. Oh, really? Ah... 290 00:11:21,136 --> 00:11:23,196 Ah, just... That's-that's embarrassing. 291 00:11:23,207 --> 00:11:24,799 Hang on, all right, stop it. 292 00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,414 There we go. Come here. 293 00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,653 There we go. 294 00:11:28,882 --> 00:11:32,487 Now my little man is all ready for his day. 295 00:11:32,808 --> 00:11:36,003 Before, they wanted nothing more than this date to be over. 296 00:11:36,014 --> 00:11:38,355 But now they can't help but ask... 297 00:11:38,775 --> 00:11:41,702 Hey, um, any chance... 298 00:11:41,713 --> 00:11:42,948 Would you want to... 299 00:11:42,959 --> 00:11:43,994 do this again... 300 00:11:44,005 --> 00:11:45,242 sometime? 301 00:11:45,253 --> 00:11:46,389 Mm. 302 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,600 - It worked. - And there you have it. 303 00:11:48,611 --> 00:11:50,581 That, my friends, is... 304 00:11:50,768 --> 00:11:52,705 the SINNED system. 305 00:11:52,716 --> 00:11:54,431 - Oh! - Whoa! 306 00:11:54,442 --> 00:11:55,878 - Oh, ho! - Amazing. 307 00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:58,075 - Crazy creepy, though, with all the mom stuff... - Oh, yeah, very creepy. 308 00:11:58,086 --> 00:12:00,015 ... and the name's a little heavy-handed. 309 00:12:00,026 --> 00:12:01,452 Yeah, took a-took a lot to get there. 310 00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:03,570 It's not as clean as the DENNIS system. 311 00:12:03,581 --> 00:12:05,251 Well, but listen, the DENNIS system... 312 00:12:05,262 --> 00:12:06,559 that's a system for getting a woman. 313 00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:08,039 This is a system for getting a man, 314 00:12:08,050 --> 00:12:10,646 and that's why SINNED is actually... 315 00:12:11,456 --> 00:12:13,027 DENNIS backwards. 316 00:12:13,038 --> 00:12:16,189 Oh, my God! 317 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,261 - That's amazing. - How-how did that line up like that? 318 00:12:18,272 --> 00:12:20,990 - Yeah, like, what are the odds, though? - Oh, wow. 319 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,054 What do you... The odds of what? 320 00:12:22,065 --> 00:12:24,112 What are the odds that the steps to the system 321 00:12:24,123 --> 00:12:25,960 would be DENNIS backwards 322 00:12:25,971 --> 00:12:27,651 and that they would spell out the word "sinned?" 323 00:12:27,662 --> 00:12:30,863 High! High. 'Cause I made it up. 324 00:12:31,194 --> 00:12:34,317 - Oh! Yeah, he did it on purpose. - Oh, my... He made it up. 325 00:12:39,103 --> 00:12:41,242 - Hey-o! - Hey-o! 326 00:12:41,253 --> 00:12:42,539 Hey, hey, hey! 327 00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:44,623 What's up, guy... You know what, I got to say, 328 00:12:44,634 --> 00:12:46,970 I am, I'm still, like, buzzing from last night. 329 00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:48,760 - Got a little hairy there for a second, didn't it? - Yeah. Yeah. 330 00:12:48,771 --> 00:12:49,843 Yeah, but we pulled it off. 331 00:12:49,854 --> 00:12:50,966 - We sure did! - We really did. 332 00:12:50,977 --> 00:12:52,327 - We really did. - Success. 333 00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,140 All right, so talk to me, when are those second dates? 334 00:12:54,151 --> 00:12:56,011 Ooh, yeah, no, that's not happening. 335 00:12:56,238 --> 00:12:57,684 What do you mean, that's not happening? 336 00:12:57,695 --> 00:12:59,863 Well, I got home last night, and, I, uh, found myself 337 00:12:59,874 --> 00:13:02,481 real horny, so I popped a couple of Mommy's magic beans 338 00:13:02,492 --> 00:13:04,551 and headed over to Kyle's house. 339 00:13:04,562 --> 00:13:06,273 Roofies. I roofied myself. 340 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,932 Yeah, not 100% sure if we plowed or not, 341 00:13:08,943 --> 00:13:11,014 but I do know I got this. 342 00:13:11,759 --> 00:13:12,872 You stole his phone. 343 00:13:12,883 --> 00:13:14,537 - Yeah, well, I'll be honest... - Aw... 344 00:13:14,548 --> 00:13:16,519 ... the details are a bit hazy, still, 345 00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:18,894 but I do know I stole somebody's phone. 346 00:13:18,905 --> 00:13:20,578 - And you? - Oh, I'm not doing it either. 347 00:13:20,589 --> 00:13:22,726 - Yeah! - Okay, but I have a good reason, Dennis. 348 00:13:22,737 --> 00:13:25,391 I have a really good reason, 'cause I'm not a-a rapist 349 00:13:25,402 --> 00:13:28,078 and a thief like Dee is. I'm-I'm just a boy in love. 350 00:13:28,089 --> 00:13:29,328 I'm just a boy in love with Johnny, 351 00:13:29,339 --> 00:13:31,792 and I realized that I-I have to be with him. 352 00:13:31,803 --> 00:13:33,872 Well, no, see, that's-that's the thing... 353 00:13:33,883 --> 00:13:36,629 Johnny doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. 354 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,611 - You don't know him. - No, no, no. 355 00:13:38,664 --> 00:13:39,816 You don't know him. 356 00:13:39,827 --> 00:13:42,856 - I know him better than you. - Do you? Because I am him. 357 00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:45,003 What? 358 00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:47,625 I invented Johnny as a means of getting you out of the apartment 359 00:13:47,636 --> 00:13:48,980 when you were irritating me. 360 00:13:48,991 --> 00:13:50,100 I don't understand. 361 00:13:50,111 --> 00:13:51,893 Okay, like, when "Johnny" sent you out 362 00:13:51,904 --> 00:13:53,344 to go get those soft-shell crabs, 363 00:13:53,355 --> 00:13:54,521 - you remember that? Yeah. - Yeah. 364 00:13:54,532 --> 00:13:56,014 And he was supposed to meet you, but he didn't. 365 00:13:56,024 --> 00:13:57,473 - No. - He ghosted you, right? 366 00:13:57,484 --> 00:14:00,296 And so, you came sauntering back in the house and all depressed, 367 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,034 and I was like, "Well, I tell you what, buddy, 368 00:14:02,045 --> 00:14:04,945 I'll eat the soft-shell crabs. They are my favorite." 369 00:14:04,956 --> 00:14:06,659 And I said, "Oh, my God, what a coincidence 370 00:14:06,670 --> 00:14:09,088 because they're-they're Johnny's favorite, too." 371 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,359 - Yeah, because I am Johnny. - Then who's Dennis? 372 00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:13,957 - What do you mean? - Well, if you're Johnny, then who... who's you? 373 00:14:13,968 --> 00:14:15,905 I'm Dennis! I've always been Dennis. 374 00:14:15,916 --> 00:14:18,223 L-L-Let me... This is gonna make it all clear. This is my phone... 375 00:14:18,234 --> 00:14:19,923 - Don't want to get into this... - ... and when I push a certain button... 376 00:14:19,934 --> 00:14:21,761 Wait, hold on. H-Hold on a second. 377 00:14:21,772 --> 00:14:23,732 - What, what? - Johnny's buzzing me. I got... Look. 378 00:14:23,743 --> 00:14:26,185 - No, I pushed the button. - I haven't heard from him in a while, 379 00:14:26,196 --> 00:14:27,973 and I'm going to the motel. I got to meet him, Mac. 380 00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:29,913 - I'm sorry. - It's not Johnny. I pushed the button on my phone... 381 00:14:29,924 --> 00:14:31,806 I can't engage with you on this right now. 382 00:14:31,817 --> 00:14:35,225 - I got to-I got to go see Johnny. - Dennis! Dennis. I need your help, man. 383 00:14:35,236 --> 00:14:36,395 - I need your help, big-time. - No, no! 384 00:14:36,406 --> 00:14:37,700 I am done helping people. 385 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,523 Dude, we're so close, man. We're in the finals. 386 00:14:39,534 --> 00:14:41,260 - Yeah? I don't care. - And there's no way 387 00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:42,998 I'm gonna be able to sneak a restaurant buzzer in now. 388 00:14:43,009 --> 00:14:44,362 Okay, you know what? You're not gonna stop talking. 389 00:14:44,373 --> 00:14:45,566 - So, I-I'm just... - Yes... No, I'm not, because, 390 00:14:45,577 --> 00:14:47,121 - Dennis, I need your help. Look, I've - I don't care. 391 00:14:47,132 --> 00:14:49,310 been controlling Frank using the restaurant buzzer, okay? 392 00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:51,444 - Wait a-wait a... whoa, what... - And it's the perfect plan. 393 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,091 Hold on a second. 394 00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:56,595 Sorry, did you just say you've been... 395 00:14:56,669 --> 00:15:00,484 controlling Frank like a pawn in a game? 396 00:15:00,495 --> 00:15:02,803 Like a puppet? 397 00:15:02,814 --> 00:15:04,997 Uh, I didn't say any of those words, but yeah. 398 00:15:05,008 --> 00:15:07,311 I've been-I've been controlling Frank, uh, in chess, yes. 399 00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:08,488 Very interesting. 400 00:15:08,499 --> 00:15:11,572 And Frank's been aware of the puppetry the entire time? 401 00:15:11,769 --> 00:15:13,998 Yeah, of course. He's in on it. But dude, it's over, right? 402 00:15:14,009 --> 00:15:15,252 Unless you know a way I can sneak 403 00:15:15,263 --> 00:15:17,735 something into this tournament that vibrates. 404 00:15:20,088 --> 00:15:22,793 I think I may have a way, but, uh... 405 00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:24,742 Frank's not gonna like it. 406 00:15:26,006 --> 00:15:27,318 - Dee. - Mm. 407 00:15:27,329 --> 00:15:29,133 Got any more of those magic beans? 408 00:15:29,445 --> 00:15:30,447 Yeah. 409 00:15:30,508 --> 00:15:33,021 'Cause we're gonna need to turn the lights out. 410 00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:38,722 - Frank! Frank, get up! - Wow, what... 411 00:15:38,733 --> 00:15:41,727 - Wake up! Wake up, man! We're late! - Okay. What? 412 00:15:41,738 --> 00:15:43,562 We're gonna miss it, dude. 413 00:15:43,573 --> 00:15:45,501 Move. No, out of the way. 414 00:15:45,826 --> 00:15:47,656 Jesus, Frank. Cutting it pretty close there, pal. 415 00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,052 Ah, feel like I got to take a shit. 416 00:15:49,063 --> 00:15:50,765 - What? You got to sh... Don't shit, don't shit. - No, no, no. 417 00:15:50,776 --> 00:15:52,558 - There's no time for that. - I'm not ready for this. 418 00:15:52,569 --> 00:15:55,726 No, listen to me, listen to me. You are ready. 419 00:15:56,159 --> 00:15:59,704 Everything you need is already inside you. 420 00:15:59,715 --> 00:16:02,121 Move. No, out of the way. 421 00:16:09,695 --> 00:16:12,515 The excitement here is palpable. 422 00:16:12,526 --> 00:16:14,980 At last, the moment we've all been waiting for, 423 00:16:14,991 --> 00:16:17,536 Mr. Reynolds is about to make his first move. 424 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:19,756 You got this, Frank! 425 00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:21,370 You got this, man! 426 00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,100 I don't know what I'm doing. 427 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,317 Frank, trust your gut. 428 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,066 Ooh. 429 00:16:35,758 --> 00:16:37,429 Oh. 430 00:16:42,489 --> 00:16:44,825 He seems a little uncomfortable, Susan. 431 00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:46,840 Just think about the incredible amount 432 00:16:46,851 --> 00:16:48,720 of pressure he's feeling right now. 433 00:16:48,731 --> 00:16:50,769 Oh... 434 00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:56,940 Ho, ho. 435 00:16:56,995 --> 00:16:58,537 Ho, ho! 436 00:16:58,548 --> 00:17:01,088 Yes. Yes. 437 00:17:01,115 --> 00:17:03,720 Oh. 438 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,840 - Oh, God, no. - Mr. Reynolds seems to be going through 439 00:17:05,851 --> 00:17:09,367 a range of emotions while contemplating his first move. 440 00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:11,149 You don't have to do this. 441 00:17:11,356 --> 00:17:12,726 You don't have to do it. 442 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,837 S-Should I go here? 443 00:17:14,848 --> 00:17:17,403 Oh... 444 00:17:18,726 --> 00:17:19,671 Uh... There? 445 00:17:23,233 --> 00:17:24,869 Oh! 446 00:17:26,365 --> 00:17:27,892 Take your time, take your time. 447 00:17:27,903 --> 00:17:31,744 Take your time. Take your time. 448 00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:44,282 You don't have to do this! 449 00:17:45,986 --> 00:17:47,524 Should I go there? Aah! 450 00:17:54,696 --> 00:17:55,958 Hey, Dennis. 451 00:17:55,969 --> 00:17:57,952 Oh, man, I had the craziest night last night, 452 00:17:57,963 --> 00:17:59,887 'cause I think I, like, blacked out, and then, 453 00:17:59,898 --> 00:18:02,050 when I woke up, I think that Johnny broke up with me, 454 00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:04,284 - 'cause he was gone. - Mac, I can't do this right now. 455 00:18:04,295 --> 00:18:05,864 Here? 456 00:18:06,974 --> 00:18:08,472 Here? 457 00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:10,454 Don't lose your shit, man. Don't lose your shit. 458 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,547 A language warning for anybody watching at home. 459 00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,945 Ho! Aah, aah, aah! Oh! 460 00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:16,692 Nice. 461 00:18:16,703 --> 00:18:19,788 I am Johnny! I don't know how else to tell you! 462 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,295 Look, I have the texts. I will show you the texts. 463 00:18:22,306 --> 00:18:25,980 Look, these are the texts that I sent to you from my phone. 464 00:18:25,991 --> 00:18:28,930 Oh, my God. You have Johnny's phone. 465 00:18:29,321 --> 00:18:30,361 - This is my... - Give it to me. 466 00:18:30,372 --> 00:18:32,199 - Give me Johnny's phone. - Goddamn it! - Whoa, whoa. 467 00:18:37,101 --> 00:18:39,639 You motherfucker! 468 00:18:49,633 --> 00:18:51,035 Oh, God. 469 00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:53,633 It won't... it won't go down. 470 00:18:54,154 --> 00:18:55,608 What have you done? 471 00:18:55,619 --> 00:18:58,380 Take my king. Take my king. 472 00:18:58,391 --> 00:19:00,528 Take him. Take it. Take it. 473 00:19:02,365 --> 00:19:03,673 Oh... 474 00:19:12,939 --> 00:19:14,665 Kd2! Kd2! 475 00:19:14,676 --> 00:19:17,931 That is checkmate. What a brilliant endgame by Reynolds. 476 00:19:17,942 --> 00:19:20,614 - He won? - He won! 477 00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:22,243 Frank won? 478 00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:27,438 Get it out! Get it out! 479 00:19:27,449 --> 00:19:29,610 - God. Take it out, take it out. - You did it, Frank! 480 00:19:29,621 --> 00:19:31,372 - Frank, you did it! You beat the Russian! - Take it out. Take it out. 481 00:19:31,383 --> 00:19:33,770 - You beat the Russian! - Stop it, stop. 482 00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:36,013 Stop this, Charl... It's gonna split me in half, Charlie. 483 00:19:36,024 --> 00:19:37,861 He won! He won! 484 00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:40,444 - USA! USA! - Kill the Wi-Fi! Kill the Wi-Fi! 485 00:19:40,455 --> 00:19:42,914 - USA! USA! - Kill it. Kill the Wi-Fi! 486 00:19:42,925 --> 00:19:44,361 Kill the Wi-Fi! 487 00:19:44,372 --> 00:19:46,009 Ooh. Ooh. 488 00:19:46,034 --> 00:19:53,034 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -