1 00:00:04,007 --> 00:00:07,996 www.subtitulamos.tv 2 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,987 Oh, it's back again, that musty smell. Can you not smell it? 3 00:00:49,202 --> 00:00:50,233 Not really. 4 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,580 It's because she doesn't ventilate it when we're not here. 5 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,300 Honestly, I can't smell anything. 6 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,740 There's something wrong with you, then. It's like a Brie farted. 7 00:01:00,571 --> 00:01:03,050 Oh, and she's left the fridge door closed! 8 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,833 - _ - Friggin' hell! 9 00:01:04,896 --> 00:01:07,709 I said, "Unplug the fridge and leave the door open, please." 10 00:01:07,729 --> 00:01:09,540 I'm gonna send her one of my snotty emails. 11 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,662 Oh, don't do that. You'll hurt her feelings. 12 00:01:11,682 --> 00:01:13,844 I don't care. She's absolutely useless. 13 00:01:13,869 --> 00:01:16,571 - She's 82. - So what? It annoys me. 14 00:01:16,642 --> 00:01:18,540 It's the absolute bare minimum, because she knows 15 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,733 we're in the middle of nowhere and we don't have a choice! 16 00:01:20,788 --> 00:01:22,985 Oh, my God, there's ants all over the surfaces! 17 00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:24,917 I'm gonna have to get the Dustbuster out. I can't bear it! 18 00:01:24,938 --> 00:01:26,260 Chas, please. 19 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:28,060 - We've had a long drive. - It's fine. 20 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,620 You unpack, I'll clean. 21 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,760 What's the problem? 22 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:36,964 Fuckin' hell. 23 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,860 And I told her to plant some lavender 24 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,500 round the back to keep the mozzies away. 25 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:52,900 I bet she hasn't done that either! 26 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,060 You know where this is from? It was behind the fridge. 27 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,982 Don't know. Just put it in with Mouse Trap. 28 00:01:57,002 --> 00:01:59,278 - You wanna put everything in with Mouse Trap. - No, I don't. 29 00:01:59,298 --> 00:02:01,709 You do. It's like a whole compendium in there now. 30 00:02:01,748 --> 00:02:03,302 Don't know how you catch the poor thing 31 00:02:03,322 --> 00:02:05,278 with a bathtub, two Rummikubs and a Captain Peacock. 32 00:02:05,348 --> 00:02:07,580 Er, it's Mrs Peacock. Captain Peacock is... 33 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,301 Are You Being Served? Yeah, all right, Nellie. 34 00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:10,533 You know what I mean. 35 00:02:12,125 --> 00:02:14,630 And I bet she hasn't dusted these blinds. 36 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,280 Chas... 37 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,407 You've got to be really careful and get the cloth between each slat. 38 00:02:22,569 --> 00:02:24,035 See? Look, it's mucky black. 39 00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:25,480 It's fine. 40 00:02:26,607 --> 00:02:28,446 Come here. Hey? 41 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:29,960 Look. 42 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,259 See? 43 00:02:36,035 --> 00:02:37,555 Now breathe. 44 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,800 I love you, Joe Madison. 45 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,580 I'd better get peeling those spuds. 46 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,119 I thought we'd do the moussaka tonight. 47 00:02:45,140 --> 00:02:47,778 Yeah, listen, hang on. Before you go... 48 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,194 Now, don't be mad but, um... 49 00:02:51,515 --> 00:02:52,972 I've got something for you. 50 00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:54,414 What? How come? 51 00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:57,579 Well, I know we don't really do anniversaries 52 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,501 but it's been nine years... 53 00:02:59,521 --> 00:03:01,180 No? That's not now, is it? 54 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,060 Well, it depends where you take it from. 55 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,988 You know, first date, first kiss, 56 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,624 first... coupling. 57 00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:12,260 Coupling? We sound like fuckin' Jane Austen characters. 58 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,848 But I am taking it from when I first approached you 59 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,100 in that awful bar... 60 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,460 Awful bar... What was it called? The Pink Sock? 61 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,740 The Purple Sock. 62 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,500 The Purple Sock. Jesus. 63 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,324 Anyway, I told you then 64 00:03:25,344 --> 00:03:28,640 that we'd be together for at least nine years, and... 65 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,360 in spite of a few... 66 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,868 bumps and lumps... 67 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,760 we made it. 68 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,160 So... 69 00:03:42,314 --> 00:03:43,378 Here. 70 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,220 Isn't this what they give old biddies with arthritis? 71 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,620 Don't be mean! 72 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,924 Copper is the traditional gift. I googled it. 73 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,140 Apparently, its beauty and malleability... 74 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,759 - What-eability? - Malleability. 75 00:04:01,794 --> 00:04:05,479 symbolise the way a couple can bend to accommodate each other 76 00:04:05,573 --> 00:04:07,380 after nine years together. 77 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,780 It sounds absolutely filthy. I love it. 78 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,160 Thank you. 79 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,151 You know, if you stop working, 80 00:04:21,193 --> 00:04:23,906 we could have more than weekends together. 81 00:04:25,628 --> 00:04:27,267 I'm only thinking of you. 82 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,980 I like working. 83 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,660 It keeps me busy. 84 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,300 Takes my mind off things. 85 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,577 I know, but... 86 00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:36,387 do you not wanna make the most of each day? 87 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,140 I love our life the way it is. 88 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,452 I love coming home and sharing all our news. 89 00:04:41,472 --> 00:04:43,257 Please don't make me change. 90 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:44,799 As if I could. 91 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,527 I just... 92 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:50,080 wish we could've done more. 93 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,722 Now, I do need to get going with that moussaka. 94 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,120 Hey... 95 00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,440 Here's to the next nine years. 96 00:05:00,293 --> 00:05:01,533 Yeah. 97 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,615 Joe! Phone! 98 00:05:41,852 --> 00:05:42,985 _ 99 00:06:08,614 --> 00:06:10,846 _ 100 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,154 What did Mollie say? 101 00:06:13,512 --> 00:06:14,661 What about? 102 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,380 About the ants. Huh! 103 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,242 Och! 104 00:06:18,308 --> 00:06:20,283 I'm awful sorry, Mr Gregory. 105 00:06:20,303 --> 00:06:22,932 I hope it hasnae spoilt your weekend. 106 00:06:23,163 --> 00:06:24,817 I just love cheese, 107 00:06:25,086 --> 00:06:27,040 and I like to sprinkle a wee bit of cheese 108 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,975 out the back to keep the ants at bay. 109 00:06:28,995 --> 00:06:30,748 - She actually did that once. - I know she did. 110 00:06:30,845 --> 00:06:32,216 No wonder it stinks. I wouldn't mind, 111 00:06:32,274 --> 00:06:34,491 but a big fuckin' family of rats came out to eat it. 112 00:06:35,490 --> 00:06:37,811 I like her. At least she makes us laugh. 113 00:06:37,858 --> 00:06:39,260 Nothing's that funny. 114 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,740 Next year I'm gonna get some sturdy Polish lady in. 115 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,467 They're half the price and twice as thorough. 116 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:44,501 What about Mollie? 117 00:06:44,522 --> 00:06:46,402 Oh, she'll be dead by then, surely. 118 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,200 Sorry. 119 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,194 It's fine. 120 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,720 I didn't think. 121 00:06:59,317 --> 00:07:00,957 You're allowed to say it. 122 00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:04,700 You haven't eaten much. 123 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,185 Yeah, I'm not that hungry. 124 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,787 Well, you'll be having it for your lunch tomorrow 125 00:07:08,807 --> 00:07:11,248 and every day after that until it's all gone! 126 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,491 You got room for some pud? 127 00:07:13,695 --> 00:07:15,095 What is it? 128 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:20,000 Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner chocolate's made! 129 00:07:21,185 --> 00:07:24,320 - Sounds delicious. - Made by me own fair hand. 130 00:07:27,626 --> 00:07:29,713 It's chocolate cake anyway. 131 00:07:30,415 --> 00:07:31,614 What is? 132 00:07:32,109 --> 00:07:35,465 Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner, chocolate cake. 133 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,559 - What you going on about? - Nothing. 134 00:07:37,579 --> 00:07:39,108 You always say it wrong, that's all. 135 00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:40,900 What do you mean wrong? It's, "Milk, milk, lemonade, 136 00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:42,183 "round the corner chocolate's made." 137 00:07:42,226 --> 00:07:43,951 No. Milk, milk, lemonade, 138 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,540 round the corner, chocolate cake. 139 00:07:45,561 --> 00:07:47,516 Oh, my God, you're trying to gaslight me. 140 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,594 - Do you want a herbal tea? - Sure. 141 00:07:50,627 --> 00:07:51,824 Oh... 142 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,094 I think we've only got camomile. 143 00:07:55,114 --> 00:07:56,440 Yeah, that's fine. 144 00:07:58,382 --> 00:08:00,980 Oh, that water pump's leaking again. 145 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,660 You can see it all stained down the back. 146 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,534 We'll have to dig that card out from that guy we used last time. 147 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,727 You see, in my version, they're all different foodstuffs. 148 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,159 - What are? - The milk comes from there, 149 00:08:14,179 --> 00:08:16,860 the lemonade from there, the chocolate cake from there. 150 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,572 There's a... a logic to it, 151 00:08:18,592 --> 00:08:20,340 like you're creating a banquet with your body. 152 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,049 Oh, Joe, leave it, for fuck's sake. 153 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,700 Excuse me, you're the one who learned the wrong rhyme. 154 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:24,940 Well, your version doesn't rhyme. 155 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,820 - You can't rhyme lemonade and chocolate cake. - Yes, you can. It's a slant rhyme. 156 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,980 The vowel sounds match up and the consonants are different. 157 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,166 All right, Professor Plum. Let's see... Alexa? 158 00:08:32,186 --> 00:08:34,348 Don't do that, Chas. You know it winds me up. 159 00:08:34,368 --> 00:08:36,895 Alexa, is it, "Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner chocolate's made"? 160 00:08:36,915 --> 00:08:38,540 - It doesn't matter. - Or, "Milk, milk, lemonade, 161 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,236 - "round the corner, chocolate cake"? - I said it doesn't fucking matter! 162 00:08:41,257 --> 00:08:43,237 Sorry, I don't understand. 163 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,700 Yeah, you're not the only one. Why are you picking a fight with me? 164 00:08:45,719 --> 00:08:48,714 I'm not. I'm just pointing out that sometimes it is possible 165 00:08:48,735 --> 00:08:51,150 - that you are wrong. - There is no wrong! 166 00:08:51,170 --> 00:08:53,891 I say "chocolate's made", you say "chocolate cake"! So what?! 167 00:08:54,047 --> 00:08:57,020 There's an American girl at the gym that says, "Push a button, fudge is made." 168 00:08:57,048 --> 00:08:59,535 - They're just different versions! - All right, fine! 169 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,380 If you're so desperate to win every little argument, I concede! 170 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,682 I'm not desperate to win. 171 00:09:03,703 --> 00:09:05,710 I'm just pissed off you're picking a fight when I've done nothing! 172 00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:07,300 - I'm going to bed. - What's got into you? 173 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,980 "Alexa, is it milk, milk, lemonade, 174 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,083 - "round the corner, chocolate's made?" - I don't talk like that. 175 00:09:11,154 --> 00:09:13,461 "Alexa, Mollie didn't close "the fridge door properly!" 176 00:09:13,482 --> 00:09:15,340 Well, boo-fucking-hoo! 177 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,883 Is that the extent of things you have to worry about? 178 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,035 I have a right to be angry, Joe. 179 00:09:21,055 --> 00:09:24,300 What, and I don't? You don't know what anger is, Chas, 180 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,260 true fucking anger that drives you absolutely insane! 181 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,460 You have no idea. 182 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,580 Of course I do, you stupid fucking idiot! 183 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,020 Do you not think I'm angry at the life I've missed out on the past nine years? 184 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,380 The work I could've done, the holidays I could've been on, 185 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:37,900 the men I could've shagged? 186 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,497 I've dropped everything. 187 00:09:39,517 --> 00:09:41,940 I've ground my whole life into this tiny space 188 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,780 so I could look after you and be there for you! 189 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,900 So don't tell me I don't have a right to be pissed off, 190 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,080 because I do! 191 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,757 I didn't ask you to throw your whole life away looking after me. 192 00:09:50,788 --> 00:09:52,889 - You wanted to. - And I still want to! 193 00:09:52,909 --> 00:09:54,668 And if you think I'm gonna walk away and leave you now 194 00:09:54,688 --> 00:09:57,183 cos you're having a go at me, then you're wrong, Joe! 195 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,240 I'm here till the bitter end. 196 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,400 Sorry. 197 00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:08,210 And I'm not pissed off with you. 198 00:10:09,105 --> 00:10:10,425 I'm pissed off with that... 199 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,218 thing inside you, the... 200 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,906 bloody chocolate cake. 201 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,240 I've not heard it called that before. 202 00:10:22,819 --> 00:10:26,525 Come on, why don't you go to bed and I'll clean up? 203 00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:28,049 OK. I'm sorry. 204 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,321 I love you. 205 00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,880 _ 206 00:10:49,054 --> 00:10:50,558 Not C for Chas, then. 207 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,796 Excuse me, I've read the rules. 208 00:11:11,816 --> 00:11:13,700 Don't give in to him, Mollie, don't. 209 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,278 Haud yer wheesht, man! Right. 210 00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:18,662 I want £500. 211 00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:19,979 Deal. 212 00:11:19,999 --> 00:11:21,899 Well, that's it, then, game over. 213 00:11:21,919 --> 00:11:23,558 - _ - Oh, what are you moaning about? 214 00:11:23,577 --> 00:11:24,725 You've still got your greens. 215 00:11:24,746 --> 00:11:26,206 The greens are shit. No-one ever lands on greens. 216 00:11:26,226 --> 00:11:28,932 Well, I did two turns ago, but you never noticed. 217 00:11:28,952 --> 00:11:30,584 God, Mollie Grayson, you cheat! 218 00:11:30,604 --> 00:11:32,666 It's no' cheating if you don't see it. 219 00:11:32,686 --> 00:11:34,380 Oh, the silent assassin! 220 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,831 Right, I've put two houses on all my reds. That's 900. 221 00:11:37,851 --> 00:11:39,297 I'm gonna be better off going in jail. 222 00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:40,621 Yeah, and you still owe me £4 223 00:11:40,641 --> 00:11:42,257 for when you landed on Vine Street, remember? 224 00:11:42,277 --> 00:11:44,570 Yeah, all right, Nellie. You'll have to wait till I get some change. 225 00:11:44,590 --> 00:11:45,980 Why do you call him Nellie? 226 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,820 Cos he's like an elephant. He never forgets. 227 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,481 At least I won second prize in a beauty contest, remember? 228 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,291 Hmm. Who came first? Shane MacGowan? 229 00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:53,927 You cheeky bastard! 230 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,022 - You OK? - Yeah, I'm fine, yeah. 231 00:11:57,042 --> 00:11:58,708 Can I get you any more cheese? 232 00:11:58,728 --> 00:12:01,380 Oh, no, thank you, I've had quite enough. 233 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,023 I do love my cheese, though. 234 00:12:03,088 --> 00:12:04,768 Oh, yeah, we know you do. 235 00:12:05,221 --> 00:12:07,870 Right, I'm just gonna go to the little boys' room. 236 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,411 I may be some time... 237 00:12:09,431 --> 00:12:11,100 - Sure you're all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. 238 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,980 Keep an eye on that bank, though, Mollie. 239 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,372 He's a cheating little so-and-so. 240 00:12:14,392 --> 00:12:15,640 Oh, I will. 241 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,020 He seems in good spirits. 242 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,280 Yeah. Yeah, we love coming here. 243 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,768 Leave all your troubles behind. 244 00:12:24,788 --> 00:12:26,600 Well, most of them. 245 00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,340 If you ever need to talk... 246 00:12:30,539 --> 00:12:31,579 Thanks. 247 00:12:35,383 --> 00:12:36,683 Er... 248 00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:38,780 "Doctor's fee. Pay £50." 249 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,243 Fuckin' brilliant. 250 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,740 I hope you don't mind me saying, but I... 251 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,380 I did hear raised voices when I was out with the doggies yesterday. 252 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,020 Yeah, sorry about that. 253 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,660 Oh, don't be sorry, dear. 254 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,620 Anger is one of the five stages. 255 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,460 Yeah, well, I think it's the one I'm stuck on, 256 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,340 like a really hard level on Candy Crush. I can't get past it. 257 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:06,740 I'll just nod and pretend I know what you're talking about. 258 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,540 I thought there were seven stages anyway. 259 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,507 Dopey. Grumpy. Bashful... 260 00:13:11,407 --> 00:13:14,161 I went through it all when I lost Fraser. 261 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,580 Somebody bought me the book 262 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,817 On Death And Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. 263 00:13:19,837 --> 00:13:21,460 That must've cheered you up. 264 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:22,860 Oh, she actually wrote it 265 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,765 for those who are facing up to their own end of life, 266 00:13:25,785 --> 00:13:29,001 but it also applies to those who are left behind. 267 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,460 It's the same, whether you're mourning 268 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,940 the end of a relationship or the death of a pet. 269 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,921 Not everyone feels the same thing at the same time, 270 00:13:40,339 --> 00:13:42,895 but you can take comfort from the fact 271 00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:45,640 that you're not the only one to have been through it. 272 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,884 Did I ever tell you I was... 273 00:13:49,904 --> 00:13:51,700 very nearly a pop star? 274 00:13:52,197 --> 00:13:54,540 Oh, goodness me. No! 275 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,700 Yeah, it was in the late '90s. 276 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,853 I'd been slogging away in the clubs with a boyband, Atlantic 5. 277 00:14:00,224 --> 00:14:03,403 We got to number 112 in the charts with Blue Jeans Baby. 278 00:14:03,423 --> 00:14:04,780 I'm surprised you don't remember. 279 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,380 Ooh, if it's after Johnny Mathis, I wouldn't know it. 280 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,620 Well, anyway, we got dropped by the record label, 281 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,326 so it all came to nothing. 282 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,451 Tried to launch a solo career. 283 00:14:13,471 --> 00:14:15,099 Classic denial. 284 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,796 I started going online to other people's Myspace pages 285 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,940 where they'd posted their own music, 286 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,477 and leaving abusive messages. 287 00:14:21,497 --> 00:14:23,060 "Don't call us, we'll call you." 288 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,380 That sort of thing. I was just so angry at 289 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,906 what I'd lost and they all stood to gain. 290 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:29,900 Certainly felt depression. 291 00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,118 And then, after I met Joe, acceptance. 292 00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:35,584 But... bargaining bit, I never really understood it. 293 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,520 That's why I'm so crap at Monopoly, I suppose. 294 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,860 Maybe... 295 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,434 coming here is the bargain. 296 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:44,900 We're on holiday, 297 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,524 we can eat, and walk and play games, 298 00:14:47,544 --> 00:14:49,660 and death doesn't exist. 299 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,000 Joe's cancer doesn't exist. 300 00:14:53,344 --> 00:14:55,060 So it's a bit like saying, 301 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,560 "I'll swap my Water Works for your Park Lane and Mayfair"? 302 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:00,640 Who knows? 303 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,520 Miracles can happen. 304 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,220 I'll swap your Water Works for my waterworks 305 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,771 - any day of the week! - You were listening? 306 00:15:09,818 --> 00:15:12,837 Alexa, please play Blue Jeans Baby by Atlantic 5. 307 00:15:12,857 --> 00:15:15,023 - Don't, Joe. It's embarrassing. - What? 308 00:15:15,043 --> 00:15:17,392 - Stop it. - It is hilarious, Mollie. 309 00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:19,100 There's a whole video and everything. 310 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,760 If you're gonna do it, do it properly. 311 00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:22,385 - Go on, then! - Yeah. 312 00:15:22,405 --> 00:15:25,350 # She's my blue jeans baby 313 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:29,940 # She's my blue jeans baby, baby 314 00:15:30,204 --> 00:15:32,445 # She's got the bluest jeans 315 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,500 # She's got the bluest eyes 316 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:38,540 # And when she passed by I popped my flies... # 317 00:15:39,501 --> 00:15:42,002 - You're getting into that now, aren't ya? - Come on. 318 00:15:42,022 --> 00:15:44,504 # She's my blue jeans baby... # 319 00:15:45,908 --> 00:15:49,120 # She's my blue jeans baby, baby... # 320 00:15:53,183 --> 00:15:54,582 Do you want it hot or cold? 321 00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:56,156 - _ - What is it? 322 00:15:56,195 --> 00:15:58,497 - Quiche. - Oh, hot, please, 323 00:15:58,518 --> 00:16:01,036 as long as the pastry doesn't go all soggy. 324 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:02,740 How are you getting on? 325 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,700 Well, I look like I've got leprosy. 326 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,120 Well, let's see. 327 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:09,380 What's in it? 328 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:13,052 Just oats, honey, baking soda and buttermilk. 329 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,245 Tasty. Will someone be getting their oats tonight? 330 00:16:16,265 --> 00:16:19,220 Maybe. Depends how hungry I am. 331 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,340 You know what I'd really love now? 332 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,336 - Massage. - Seriously? 333 00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,774 Yeah. Come on, you said it was my pamper night. 334 00:16:25,794 --> 00:16:27,660 Yes, I did, didn't I? 335 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,340 Come on, then. 336 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,492 Let's get you between my legs. 337 00:16:40,643 --> 00:16:42,220 Did Mollie get back all right? 338 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,524 Yeah, she just had to go and feed the dogs. 339 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,641 Do you think she ever spreads a bit of Primula on her noo-noo 340 00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:49,076 and lets the doggies lick it off? 341 00:16:49,147 --> 00:16:51,887 - Chas! That's disgusting! - I know. 342 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:53,880 I've had too much to drink. 343 00:16:59,106 --> 00:17:00,526 You're not gonna get that? 344 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,560 Nah, it'll just be work. 345 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,080 Why are you being so nice to me? 346 00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:11,652 Well, we don't know what the future holds, do we? 347 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,980 This could be our last weekend here. 348 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,777 - That's depressing. - Well, 349 00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,764 I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but it's true. 350 00:17:20,294 --> 00:17:23,110 I just need you to know that whatever happens... 351 00:17:23,821 --> 00:17:25,701 I never stopped thinking about you. 352 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,000 I know. 353 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,324 Right, wait there and don't come in. 354 00:17:32,387 --> 00:17:34,545 I've got a surprise for you in the bathroom. 355 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,640 You're really spoiling me. 356 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,200 Must have a guilty conscience. 357 00:17:44,388 --> 00:17:45,728 Joe? 358 00:17:45,810 --> 00:17:46,870 Yeah? 359 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,217 Who's Mick? 360 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,860 He tried phoning you earlier, and yesterday, 361 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,185 and he leaves messages with kisses and aubergine emojis. 362 00:17:55,205 --> 00:17:57,727 I don't mind. It's just that we normally tell each other 363 00:17:57,747 --> 00:18:00,151 when we're flirting with someone, and we laugh about it. 364 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,979 But this Mick, you... 365 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,550 you've not mentioned him before. Should I be worried? 366 00:18:04,570 --> 00:18:06,533 Sorry, what were you saying? I couldn't hear you. 367 00:18:06,554 --> 00:18:07,594 Right... 368 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:10,720 Cards on the table. 369 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,520 I kissed a man when you were at one of your treatment centres. 370 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,869 He asked me to go back to his place and I was tempted, 371 00:18:18,924 --> 00:18:21,137 I was really tempted, because we hadn't... 372 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:22,940 coupled in such a long time. 373 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,407 Years, in fact. 374 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,470 But I stopped myself because I made a commitment to you, 375 00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:29,540 and I've never wavered from that, 376 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,380 however hard it's been. 377 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,996 Plus, he smoked liquorice roll-ups and that repulsed me a little bit. 378 00:18:35,812 --> 00:18:37,691 What are you talking about? 379 00:18:37,719 --> 00:18:39,224 I'm talking about Mick. 380 00:18:39,515 --> 00:18:40,515 Mick? 381 00:18:41,055 --> 00:18:43,135 Mick's great. You'd love her. 382 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,700 - Her? - Yeah. It's Michaela. 383 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,815 She's one of my Macmillan nurses. 384 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,364 Well, she gave me her personal number cos we hit it off. 385 00:18:50,384 --> 00:18:51,788 Why d'you you ask? 386 00:18:51,959 --> 00:18:53,265 No reason. 387 00:18:54,548 --> 00:18:56,287 No reason at all. Oh... 388 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,025 Oh, my God, I've never been so happy. 389 00:19:00,676 --> 00:19:01,936 I couldn't bear it if... 390 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,340 What? 391 00:19:03,946 --> 00:19:05,705 Get off! 392 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:10,056 - Now, close your eyes... - What? 393 00:19:10,175 --> 00:19:12,007 Close your eyes 394 00:19:12,305 --> 00:19:13,916 and come with me. 395 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:16,797 Careful. 396 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,531 No peeking. 397 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,544 Now... 398 00:19:22,231 --> 00:19:25,010 do you remember when you'd booked that hot-spring spa to Iceland, 399 00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:27,540 and we couldn't go cos I was ill? 400 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,820 You said you'd always dreamed of lying in a mudbath 401 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,925 with a face pack on and a glass of champagne? 402 00:19:32,945 --> 00:19:34,180 Yeah? 403 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,913 Ta-da! 404 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,020 Oh, Joe... 405 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,445 Right, well, go on, get in quick. 406 00:19:39,499 --> 00:19:42,059 It won't stay warm for long. I'll fill your glass. 407 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,260 This is amazing. 408 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,169 What's it all in aid of? 409 00:19:52,189 --> 00:19:54,880 I just wanted to pay you back, that's all. 410 00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,450 Happy anniversary! 411 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,628 How is it? 412 00:20:16,364 --> 00:20:19,880 It's a bit claggy but it's lovely, thank you. 413 00:20:20,356 --> 00:20:21,694 Here. 414 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,860 I should be doing this for you. 415 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,089 No. 416 00:20:26,389 --> 00:20:27,757 You deserve it. 417 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,640 You really deserve it. 418 00:20:50,326 --> 00:20:52,762 _ 419 00:21:01,357 --> 00:21:04,259 _ 420 00:21:13,659 --> 00:21:15,009 Joe... 421 00:21:16,602 --> 00:21:17,942 Fuck... 422 00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:20,144 I must've passed out. 423 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:21,947 Xanax. 424 00:21:22,963 --> 00:21:25,123 Those meds came in handy eventually. 425 00:21:25,536 --> 00:21:27,607 I can't... I can't move. 426 00:21:28,486 --> 00:21:29,686 I know you can't. 427 00:21:31,460 --> 00:21:33,200 What's happening? 428 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,736 You were asking me about Michaela. 429 00:21:37,479 --> 00:21:39,616 Oh, it's a misunderstanding. 430 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,863 I didn't realise she was a nurse. 431 00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:43,340 Oh, she's not a nurse, actually. 432 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:44,956 She's a finance manager, 433 00:21:45,196 --> 00:21:46,844 and soon to be my wife. 434 00:21:47,463 --> 00:21:49,403 Yeah, we're getting married next year. 435 00:21:49,557 --> 00:21:51,753 Shame you can't sing at the wedding. 436 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,304 # She's my blue jeans baby, baby... # 437 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,620 - No, you're winding me up. - No, it's true, I can assure you. 438 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,780 I live in London with Mick through the week, 439 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,159 and then I tell her I've got to visit my elderly father 440 00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:06,392 at the weekends, when I come and see you. 441 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,407 It's not been easy, but well, it's been a couple of years now, 442 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,320 and she's not aware you even exist. 443 00:22:14,223 --> 00:22:15,383 Why? 444 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:17,880 Why what? 445 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,134 Why didn't you just split up with me? 446 00:22:21,225 --> 00:22:22,525 Because... 447 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,140 I wanted to be able to look you in the eye and tell you... 448 00:22:26,248 --> 00:22:29,960 that you have completely wasted the past nine years of your life. 449 00:22:31,420 --> 00:22:33,735 All those sacrifices you made... 450 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,440 were pointless. 451 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,732 - I love you. - I know you do. 452 00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:44,550 You kept on telling me. But I never responded in kind. 453 00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:45,823 Did you notice? 454 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,160 I did a lot of things that I was not proud of... 455 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:51,820 but I wouldn't do that. 456 00:22:52,318 --> 00:22:53,620 Oh, Joe... 457 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,645 What? Aw... 458 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,511 Don't cry. 459 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:02,302 You'll wash off all your lovely face pack. 460 00:23:02,789 --> 00:23:04,247 Here... 461 00:23:06,686 --> 00:23:08,106 You're just... 462 00:23:08,201 --> 00:23:09,648 You're confused. 463 00:23:10,257 --> 00:23:11,902 It's your medication. 464 00:23:11,923 --> 00:23:14,272 No, I'm not dying, by the way. 465 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,564 Just a splash of Vimto in the toilet pan every now and again, 466 00:23:17,584 --> 00:23:19,293 a few mocked-up emails. 467 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:23,700 You never really wanted to engage with my little tumour, did you? 468 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,461 It repulsed you... 469 00:23:25,660 --> 00:23:27,726 just as you repulse me. 470 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,120 But I accepted that was the price I had to pay... 471 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,933 just as you have to accept your punishment. 472 00:23:42,136 --> 00:23:43,941 What the fuck is this, Joe? 473 00:23:43,961 --> 00:23:45,400 Get me out! 474 00:23:47,237 --> 00:23:49,120 This is my daughter Olivia. 475 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,420 She was 13 and a big fan of Atlantic 5, 476 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,453 one of the few people to actually buy Blue Jeans Baby. 477 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,340 She worshipped you, 478 00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:03,175 and you inspired her to start writing songs of her own. 479 00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,700 Until, that is, you found her on MySpace 480 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,580 and started to take the piss. 481 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,561 But it was worse than that, wasn't it? 482 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,417 It wasn't, "Don't call us, we'll call you." 483 00:24:13,061 --> 00:24:14,201 Joe, please... 484 00:24:14,267 --> 00:24:16,046 It was, "You're so shit, 485 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,640 "why don't you go and kill yourself?" 486 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,040 So she did. 487 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,640 Or she tried to, at least. 488 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,464 My wife found her in the bath next to an empty bottle of bleach. 489 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,560 Assisted coma for guess how long? 490 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,280 Nine years. 491 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,580 Nine years before my ex-wife and I... 492 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,015 we were separated by this point, we just couldn't make it through - 493 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,293 were gently encouraged to switch her off. 494 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:51,720 So we did. 495 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,000 I'm sorry. 496 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,960 We were never sure exactly why she did it. 497 00:25:01,845 --> 00:25:03,560 She never left a note. 498 00:25:04,450 --> 00:25:06,950 I had her phone. I did my research, 499 00:25:07,261 --> 00:25:09,500 and that's when I sought you out, 500 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,320 Chazz with two Zs. 501 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:15,628 Approached you in the Purple Sock, 502 00:25:15,804 --> 00:25:18,200 where you were doing that tragic PA. 503 00:25:19,794 --> 00:25:21,720 And I started my campaign. 504 00:25:26,446 --> 00:25:29,730 Nine years of your life wasted... 505 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,535 loving someone who hated you. 506 00:25:41,243 --> 00:25:43,263 Now you're going to die. 507 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,431 But I won't switch you off. 508 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,540 That would be too kind. 509 00:25:47,774 --> 00:25:49,221 You're just gonna... 510 00:25:49,803 --> 00:25:51,453 leave me here on my own? 511 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:52,860 No. 512 00:25:53,036 --> 00:25:54,969 You won't be on your own. 513 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,628 The ancient Persians developed 514 00:26:02,850 --> 00:26:05,383 a form of execution called scaphism. 515 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,500 The victim would be taken down to the edge of a lake, 516 00:26:08,519 --> 00:26:11,576 tied between two boats and covered in milk 517 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:12,962 and honey. 518 00:26:13,107 --> 00:26:17,620 This soon attracted all manner of insects that would bite, 519 00:26:17,708 --> 00:26:19,479 feed on the body, 520 00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:21,411 lay their eggs under the skin, 521 00:26:21,537 --> 00:26:24,660 which in turn attracted rats and other vermin 522 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,540 until you were literally... 523 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,160 eaten alive. 524 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,339 It's said the Persian soldier Mithridates 525 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:33,860 managed to last 17 days. 526 00:26:33,958 --> 00:26:34,900 No. 527 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,240 No, Joe, please... 528 00:26:37,168 --> 00:26:39,225 Please... don't... don't do this. 529 00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:40,639 Mollie! 530 00:26:40,954 --> 00:26:42,891 - Mollie! - Oh, I sacked her, 531 00:26:42,933 --> 00:26:44,363 just as you suggested. 532 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,533 She's gone back to Glasgow to lick her wounds, so to speak. 533 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,516 She won't be back for... ages. 534 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,060 Joe... 535 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,460 Please listen. 536 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:54,740 I know... 537 00:26:55,583 --> 00:26:57,249 what I did was wrong, 538 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:58,715 but you... 539 00:26:59,164 --> 00:27:01,205 you can't do this to me. 540 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,005 You can't. 541 00:27:03,415 --> 00:27:05,115 You can't. 542 00:27:05,244 --> 00:27:06,744 Aww, Chas... 543 00:27:07,069 --> 00:27:08,829 I've already done it. 544 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,440 You're just in denial. 545 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,174 Goodnight. 546 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,640 I'm sorry! 547 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:37,755 Oh, God... 548 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,417 Joe! 549 00:27:47,867 --> 00:27:50,244 Joe! Please! 550 00:27:50,547 --> 00:27:52,429 I'm sorry! 551 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,120 Joe! 552 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,012 Joe! 553 00:27:59,814 --> 00:28:01,853 - I hope you're hungry! - Joe! 554 00:28:01,929 --> 00:28:03,823 You're gonna have to keep your strength up. 555 00:28:04,521 --> 00:28:06,421 Do you still want yours heated up? 556 00:28:13,444 --> 00:28:15,349 I think I'm gonna have mine cold. 557 00:28:19,591 --> 00:28:20,956 Joe! 558 00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:28,834 www.subtitulamos.tv