1
00:00:03,625 --> 00:00:05,093
Can I just say

2
00:00:05,118 --> 00:00:07,523
what a miracle duct tape is?

3
00:00:07,548 --> 00:00:10,182
It is literally holding
this building together.

4
00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:14,172
Why do you even bother
with that toolbox?

5
00:00:14,174 --> 00:00:16,171
Well, 'cause I need
scissors to cut the tape.

6
00:00:17,828 --> 00:00:19,210
What are you doing?

7
00:00:19,212 --> 00:00:21,413
Filling out law school applications.

8
00:00:21,415 --> 00:00:23,804
Stanford? Oh, honey.

9
00:00:23,829 --> 00:00:25,257
This is you thinking you had a shot

10
00:00:25,282 --> 00:00:27,062
with Matt Dillon all over again.

11
00:00:27,977 --> 00:00:31,256
Hey, we had some serious eye
contact at the supermarket.

12
00:00:31,258 --> 00:00:33,925
He was memorizing your
face for the police report.

13
00:00:36,391 --> 00:00:38,930
Well, I'm not actually
applying to Stanford.

14
00:00:38,932 --> 00:00:40,632
I just picked up the brochure

15
00:00:40,634 --> 00:00:42,766
to make the other applications nervous.

16
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:44,463
Well, why not send it in?

17
00:00:44,638 --> 00:00:46,037
Maybe they have a quota

18
00:00:46,039 --> 00:00:48,006
for bitter, lonely,
middle-aged alcoholics.

19
00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:50,542
We can hope.

20
00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:55,726
But meanwhile, each application
ends up costing like $200.

21
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:58,360
And everyone applies to at
least three or four schools.

22
00:00:58,385 --> 00:01:00,492
- Oh.
- Oh?

23
00:01:00,517 --> 00:01:02,789
What's that supposed to mean?
I shouldn't apply to law school?

24
00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:05,000
I'm not gonna get anywhere,
so why even bother?

25
00:01:05,025 --> 00:01:06,557
All I said was, Oh.

26
00:01:07,297 --> 00:01:09,227
Sometimes I forget how much craziness

27
00:01:09,229 --> 00:01:11,359
- you're lugging around in that coconut.
- Ugh.

28
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,461
I'm sorry.

29
00:01:15,669 --> 00:01:17,402
This is stressful.

30
00:01:17,489 --> 00:01:20,109
Maybe I should just pick one
school and pray I get accepted.

31
00:01:20,134 --> 00:01:21,167
Oh, come on.

32
00:01:21,192 --> 00:01:24,209
This is your future. Don't cheap out.

33
00:01:24,211 --> 00:01:26,277
We'll just cut back
on some extravagances.

34
00:01:26,279 --> 00:01:28,320
What extravagances?

35
00:01:28,345 --> 00:01:32,586
Yesterday I had to sew a poorly
located hole in my underwear.

36
00:01:33,148 --> 00:01:34,419
Well...

37
00:01:34,421 --> 00:01:36,621
okay, how about those
fancy crackers you buy?

38
00:01:37,172 --> 00:01:40,510
Again, Ritz Crackers are not fancy.

39
00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:43,161
You're just fooled by the name.

40
00:01:43,163 --> 00:01:45,997
Well, there's got to be something.

41
00:01:45,999 --> 00:01:47,174
What's our biggest bill?

42
00:01:48,143 --> 00:01:49,934
Probably cable and Internet.

43
00:01:49,936 --> 00:01:52,670
We're not stealing cable?
What has happened to us?

44
00:01:53,002 --> 00:01:56,213
We became better people
and that's very expensive.

45
00:01:56,443 --> 00:01:59,777
Okay, well, let's give up cable
and Internet for a few months.

46
00:02:00,463 --> 00:02:04,198
Really? You'd do that for me?

47
00:02:04,862 --> 00:02:06,846
Thanks.

48
00:02:07,068 --> 00:02:08,968
Now I can apply to all of them.

49
00:02:09,150 --> 00:02:10,350
Oh.

50
00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:13,191
- Even Stanford?
- Ugh. I don't think so.

51
00:02:13,193 --> 00:02:15,198
Why set myself up for
getting my heart broken?

52
00:02:15,223 --> 00:02:17,695
Well, if you change your mind

53
00:02:17,697 --> 00:02:19,497
and your heart does break,

54
00:02:19,499 --> 00:02:21,733
duct tape.

55
00:02:21,758 --> 00:02:24,425
? ?

56
00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:30,882
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

57
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,437
I'm just saying, I've now given up pot,

58
00:02:40,462 --> 00:02:42,302
pills, cocaine, alcohol

59
00:02:42,327 --> 00:02:44,179
and most illegal activities,

60
00:02:44,181 --> 00:02:47,583
but nothing has kicked my ass
like quitting the Internet.

61
00:02:47,882 --> 00:02:49,448
No Facebook. No Twitter.

62
00:02:49,450 --> 00:02:50,983
Ugh.

63
00:02:50,985 --> 00:02:53,719
My 36 followers are probably
worried sick about me.

64
00:02:55,155 --> 00:02:57,789
But Que sera.

65
00:02:57,791 --> 00:02:59,391
I'm doing this for my daughter

66
00:02:59,393 --> 00:03:01,527
because sobriety has transformed me

67
00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:04,163
into a thoughtful, generous,
deeply empathic being.

68
00:03:04,378 --> 00:03:06,150
Not to mention humble.

69
00:03:06,175 --> 00:03:08,333
I was too humble to
say it, so thank you.

70
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:10,736
Thank you all.

71
00:03:13,198 --> 00:03:14,940
Would anyone else like to share?

72
00:03:14,942 --> 00:03:16,341
I'll go.

73
00:03:16,343 --> 00:03:17,910
Hi, I'm Natasha and I'm an alcoholic.

74
00:03:17,912 --> 00:03:19,545
Hi, Natasha.

75
00:03:19,752 --> 00:03:22,114
I got to tell you guys, since I started

76
00:03:22,116 --> 00:03:25,690
taking sobriety seriously,
great things keep happening.

77
00:03:25,995 --> 00:03:27,294
I got a job.

78
00:03:27,296 --> 00:03:29,174
I got an apartment.

79
00:03:29,365 --> 00:03:30,596
I got my daughter back.

80
00:03:30,621 --> 00:03:32,995
And then last night, I met this guy,

81
00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:35,416
and I told him I'm a
songwriter, and guess what.

82
00:03:35,441 --> 00:03:38,006
It turns out he's a big
deal in the music business

83
00:03:38,031 --> 00:03:39,130
and wants to help me.

84
00:03:39,155 --> 00:03:41,119
How unbelievable is that?

85
00:03:41,144 --> 00:03:42,623
Entirely unbelievable.

86
00:03:42,779 --> 00:03:45,629
Anyway, he says he's
gonna listen to my demo

87
00:03:45,654 --> 00:03:46,686
and get right back to me.

88
00:03:46,688 --> 00:03:48,288
She can't be this naive.

89
00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:50,891
And if he likes it, he's
gonna fly me down to L.A.

90
00:03:50,893 --> 00:03:52,626
for the weekend to lay down some tracks.

91
00:03:52,628 --> 00:03:55,061
Something's gonna get laid
down, but it ain't tracks.

92
00:03:55,063 --> 00:03:57,797
I get it. You're skeptical.

93
00:03:59,725 --> 00:04:01,601
Without Internet, it's like

94
00:04:01,603 --> 00:04:04,204
I'm much more aware
of the people around me

95
00:04:04,206 --> 00:04:05,472
and I must say,

96
00:04:06,084 --> 00:04:07,607
I don't like it.

97
00:04:09,344 --> 00:04:13,280
On behalf of the people
around you, right back at you.

98
00:04:14,447 --> 00:04:16,416
I'm worried about Jill.

99
00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:18,051
Has anyone heard from her?

100
00:04:18,053 --> 00:04:20,320
I texted her to see if she
was going to the meeting today,

101
00:04:20,322 --> 00:04:21,588
but she said she was busy.

102
00:04:21,590 --> 00:04:24,024
- She blew me off, too.
- Well, that doesn't prove anything.

103
00:04:24,838 --> 00:04:26,927
Ever since Emily moved
back with Natasha,

104
00:04:26,929 --> 00:04:28,428
Jill hasn't been herself.

105
00:04:28,430 --> 00:04:31,998
Are you referring to the
800 pounds she's packed on?

106
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,366
Don't be mean.

107
00:04:33,368 --> 00:04:35,742
It's not mean when I
say it behind her back.

108
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:38,038
Wendy, would you rather
I say horrible things

109
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,339
to you or behind your back?

110
00:04:39,341 --> 00:04:41,274
I'd rather you didn't say anything.

111
00:04:41,276 --> 00:04:43,438
Come on. Pick one, stupid.

112
00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:45,946
Behind my back.

113
00:04:45,948 --> 00:04:47,981
Ladies.

114
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,946
A friend of ours is in a tough situation

115
00:04:50,971 --> 00:04:53,750
and we have to be patient,
caring and supportive.

116
00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:57,824
Oh, dear Lord.

117
00:05:01,937 --> 00:05:05,298
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis
has entered the building.

118
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,110
Hey, hey.

119
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,668
What do you think?

120
00:05:12,274 --> 00:05:15,275
- Very striking.
- Thank you.

121
00:05:15,277 --> 00:05:17,410
Is this why you couldn't
make the meeting?

122
00:05:17,412 --> 00:05:18,993
Yeah, but it's okay.

123
00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:20,361
All the stuff I would've
said in the meeting,

124
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:22,275
I said to my stylist.

125
00:05:22,915 --> 00:05:25,785
- It's not the same thing.
- Tell me about it.

126
00:05:25,787 --> 00:05:27,053
Weird to talk about yourself

127
00:05:27,055 --> 00:05:29,642
and no one claps when you're done.

128
00:05:29,992 --> 00:05:31,891
Jill, you need to
keep going to meetings.

129
00:05:31,893 --> 00:05:34,427
I know, but I thought since I got sober,

130
00:05:34,429 --> 00:05:36,363
my life's supposed to
get bigger and bigger.

131
00:05:36,365 --> 00:05:37,743
Don't.

132
00:05:44,072 --> 00:05:46,640
You know, I can't remember the last time

133
00:05:46,642 --> 00:05:48,376
I read something printed on paper.

134
00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:50,710
- It's weird, right?
- Yeah.

135
00:05:50,712 --> 00:05:52,646
I keep trying to make it
bigger, but nothing happens.

136
00:05:53,345 --> 00:05:55,649
Well, I'm enjoying being unplugged.

137
00:05:55,651 --> 00:05:57,484
No more friends on Facebook

138
00:05:57,486 --> 00:05:59,485
rubbing my nose in
their fancy vacations.

139
00:05:59,510 --> 00:06:00,810
Oh, I know.

140
00:06:00,835 --> 00:06:02,455
Then you think about
driving to their house,

141
00:06:02,457 --> 00:06:04,357
breaking in and
stealing all their stuff.

142
00:06:07,057 --> 00:06:09,829
- No?
- No.

143
00:06:11,174 --> 00:06:12,768
Ooh, be right back.

144
00:06:14,331 --> 00:06:15,604
Holy crap.

145
00:06:15,629 --> 00:06:18,838
She's the one who stole my
iPod when I went to Reno.

146
00:06:19,474 --> 00:06:21,182
Oh, hey there, Beverly.

147
00:06:21,207 --> 00:06:23,610
No chitchat till my hall
light stops flickering.

148
00:06:23,612 --> 00:06:24,901
Consider it done.

149
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:27,213
Hey, while I got you, I need
to update tenant information

150
00:06:27,215 --> 00:06:29,049
- for the building owners.
- What do you need?

151
00:06:29,051 --> 00:06:30,315
Oh, the usual, you know.

152
00:06:30,354 --> 00:06:32,018
Your mother's maiden name,
street you grew up on,

153
00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,753
name of your first pet, stuff like that.

154
00:06:33,755 --> 00:06:35,422
Why would they need that?

155
00:06:35,424 --> 00:06:37,557
Why do they need first
and last month's rent?

156
00:06:37,559 --> 00:06:38,869
It's all nonsense to me.

157
00:06:39,915 --> 00:06:41,428
I get it.

158
00:06:41,430 --> 00:06:43,196
You're trying to crack
my Wi-Fi password.

159
00:06:47,569 --> 00:06:49,869
Beverly, you were
probably the funniest kid

160
00:06:49,871 --> 00:06:52,290
in your elementary
school, which was... ?

161
00:06:53,236 --> 00:06:55,442
Fine. You want to play this game?

162
00:06:55,444 --> 00:06:57,711
My mother's maiden name is Bautista;

163
00:06:57,713 --> 00:06:59,612
I grew up on Front Street,

164
00:06:59,614 --> 00:07:01,548
and my cat was named Rascal.

165
00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:02,997
You still won't figure it out.

166
00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:04,981
Oh, come on.

167
00:07:05,006 --> 00:07:06,953
Beverly, you're acting crazy.

168
00:07:06,955 --> 00:07:09,864
Bautista, Front, Rascal,
Bautista, Front, Rascal.

169
00:07:11,827 --> 00:07:15,995
In closing, as the neglected
child of a transgender woman,

170
00:07:16,723 --> 00:07:19,499
I think I can bring a unique perspective

171
00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:21,568
to the University of Idaho.

172
00:07:22,271 --> 00:07:24,781
Ah, that ought to put
me on top of the pile.

173
00:07:25,092 --> 00:07:28,341
Hey, you got a minute?

174
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,911
Not really, but we both
know you're coming in anyway.

175
00:07:31,913 --> 00:07:34,481
Okay. So, the guy I met,

176
00:07:34,483 --> 00:07:35,815
his name is Teddy Blumenthal,

177
00:07:35,817 --> 00:07:37,183
but everybody calls him Dr. Ted

178
00:07:37,185 --> 00:07:38,752
'cause he's a big deal
in the music business

179
00:07:38,754 --> 00:07:40,787
and he played a doctor
on a soap opera once.

180
00:07:41,278 --> 00:07:42,689
Anyway,

181
00:07:42,691 --> 00:07:44,858
he really liked my demo and
he wants to fly me down to L.A.

182
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:46,993
- Stop.
- What?

183
00:07:47,152 --> 00:07:48,752
Sit.

184
00:07:51,118 --> 00:07:53,032
Natasha, I'm the last person

185
00:07:53,034 --> 00:07:54,734
who wants to crush anybody's dreams,

186
00:07:54,736 --> 00:07:58,860
but this Dr. Ted isn't
who you think he is.

187
00:07:59,541 --> 00:08:01,474
Most likely he just
wants to sleep with you.

188
00:08:01,476 --> 00:08:04,177
No, no, I specifically
asked him about that.

189
00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:05,665
He said he didn't.

190
00:08:06,431 --> 00:08:08,281
Yeah, they say that.

191
00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:09,516
Next thing you know,

192
00:08:09,518 --> 00:08:11,284
he's got his hand down your pants

193
00:08:11,286 --> 00:08:13,439
in the bathroom at a Chili's.

194
00:08:14,806 --> 00:08:16,489
Why is it so hard for you

195
00:08:16,491 --> 00:08:17,857
to believe that I'm a good songwriter

196
00:08:17,859 --> 00:08:19,125
and this guy just wants to help me?

197
00:08:19,127 --> 00:08:21,194
Because men don't just help women.

198
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,096
Have you never watched Dateline?

199
00:08:23,827 --> 00:08:25,865
I should've known you
were gonna be like this.

200
00:08:25,867 --> 00:08:28,601
You don't want anybody to
succeed 'cause your life sucks.

201
00:08:28,626 --> 00:08:29,787
Hey.

202
00:08:29,921 --> 00:08:33,306
I am one step away from
getting into law school

203
00:08:33,308 --> 00:08:35,991
at the University of
the Yucatán Peninsula.

204
00:08:36,444 --> 00:08:38,178
And if you didn't
want my honest opinion,

205
00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,746
why'd you come over here?

206
00:08:39,748 --> 00:08:42,448
'Cause I'm terrified and I
thought my friend and sponsor

207
00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:43,730
might give me a little support.

208
00:08:43,755 --> 00:08:45,529
And I need to borrow a roller bag.

209
00:08:45,554 --> 00:08:47,754
Yeah, well, I don't have a roller bag.

210
00:08:47,756 --> 00:08:50,331
Of course you don't 'cause
you ain't going nowhere.

211
00:08:53,161 --> 00:08:55,308
Oh, God.

212
00:08:55,581 --> 00:08:58,832
Why am I tormented by these giant women?

213
00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,930
Hey, what are we watching?

214
00:09:10,797 --> 00:09:13,827
- Dancing with the Stars.
- Oh, good.

215
00:09:14,836 --> 00:09:18,204
Wish they could open their
curtains a little more.

216
00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:20,031
Who is that dancing?

217
00:09:21,037 --> 00:09:23,439
I think it's Greta Van Susteren.

218
00:09:24,954 --> 00:09:26,888
Maybe Owen Wilson?

219
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,845
You think I'm being too hard on Natasha?

220
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:33,790
Let me think about it. Yes.

221
00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:36,956
I didn't mean to discourage her.

222
00:09:36,958 --> 00:09:39,509
- I just don't want her to get hurt.
- I get it.

223
00:09:39,534 --> 00:09:41,227
But you got to remember,

224
00:09:41,252 --> 00:09:43,963
pain and suffering is what
makes people interesting.

225
00:09:47,702 --> 00:09:48,925
Well...

226
00:09:49,470 --> 00:09:50,903
Oh.

227
00:09:50,905 --> 00:09:52,538
- Speaking of which...
- What?

228
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,241
Jill is having a meltdown
at Neiman Marcus.

229
00:09:55,243 --> 00:09:57,877
See? Everything about
that's interesting.

230
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,496
I'll get the keys.

231
00:10:02,315 --> 00:10:05,416
Hey, what do you know?
It wasn't Greta or Owen.

232
00:10:05,598 --> 00:10:08,165
It was the kid from Hanson.

233
00:10:10,332 --> 00:10:11,791
Oh, hi.

234
00:10:11,793 --> 00:10:14,660
Uh, we're looking for
our friend, Jill Kendall.

235
00:10:14,662 --> 00:10:16,095
She shops here a lot.

236
00:10:16,097 --> 00:10:18,197
A lot of women shop here a lot.

237
00:10:18,199 --> 00:10:19,465
Big girl, might be weeping.

238
00:10:19,568 --> 00:10:21,034
Room four.

239
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:28,578
- Jill, you in there?
- Yeah.

240
00:10:28,776 --> 00:10:31,377
- Can we come in?
- Okay.

241
00:10:39,992 --> 00:10:41,958
What's going on?

242
00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:44,190
I've been shopping here for 20 years,

243
00:10:44,192 --> 00:10:45,658
and now nothing fits.

244
00:10:45,660 --> 00:10:50,096
Well, maybe you just need a bigger size.

245
00:10:50,098 --> 00:10:52,733
There are no bigger sizes.

246
00:10:53,034 --> 00:10:55,434
Even the socks are a little snug.

247
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,473
Jill, there are other
stores we could take you to.

248
00:11:00,475 --> 00:11:01,851
Yeah, how about Target?

249
00:11:02,408 --> 00:11:04,176
Target?

250
00:11:04,178 --> 00:11:06,746
Why do you hate me?

251
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:09,381
We don't hate you, we love you.

252
00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:12,218
If you loved me, you
would've said something

253
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,721
before I turned into... this.

254
00:11:17,378 --> 00:11:19,119
We assumed you knew.

255
00:11:19,144 --> 00:11:20,459
Yeah, and we thought
you were okay with it.

256
00:11:20,461 --> 00:11:21,761
You were always bragging about

257
00:11:21,763 --> 00:11:23,395
how you were picking up all these guys.

258
00:11:23,397 --> 00:11:25,027
I lied.

259
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:29,835
The only men in my life were
Little Caesar and Papa John.

260
00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:33,005
Ladies, everything okay in there?

261
00:11:33,007 --> 00:11:34,673
Can I get you some champagne?

262
00:11:34,675 --> 00:11:37,676
We can't have any champagne
because we love our sobriety

263
00:11:37,678 --> 00:11:40,266
and our lives are finally on track!

264
00:11:45,086 --> 00:11:46,218
Jill, honey,

265
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:49,155
the program isn't just about
meetings and bad coffee.

266
00:11:49,157 --> 00:11:50,923
You also have to do the work.

267
00:11:51,516 --> 00:11:53,593
You know, you have to dig down,

268
00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:56,516
try to discover the
reasons you do what you do.

269
00:11:56,865 --> 00:11:59,098
I know.

270
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,378
I just don't want to.

271
00:12:02,315 --> 00:12:05,534
You guys know she's got a
soft serve machine back there?

272
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:08,324
Nothing like soft
serve to make you happy.

273
00:12:08,987 --> 00:12:10,843
Mom, please, not the time.

274
00:12:10,845 --> 00:12:12,578
Sorry. Want a lick?

275
00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:14,280
A quick one.

276
00:12:16,117 --> 00:12:18,682
Jill, you've got a hole inside.

277
00:12:18,707 --> 00:12:21,007
You've had it your entire life.

278
00:12:21,122 --> 00:12:25,198
You tried to fill it with
drugs and alcohol, sex...

279
00:12:25,223 --> 00:12:26,838
And an ice cream machine.

280
00:12:27,283 --> 00:12:29,516
What? It had to have played a role.

281
00:12:31,541 --> 00:12:33,332
But there's nothing

282
00:12:33,334 --> 00:12:35,802
that you can buy or eat or sleep with

283
00:12:35,804 --> 00:12:38,938
that's gonna fix the real problem.

284
00:12:40,129 --> 00:12:43,276
Well, all I know is I got
to do something different

285
00:12:43,278 --> 00:12:45,488
because what I've been
doing sure ain't working.

286
00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:48,309
That's a good start.

287
00:12:50,051 --> 00:12:52,285
I think I'm gonna get me one of those.

288
00:12:52,287 --> 00:12:54,277
The middle handle makes it a swirly.

289
00:12:54,856 --> 00:12:57,056
I worked at a Dairy Queen.

290
00:12:58,667 --> 00:13:00,767
Odd thing to be smug about.

291
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:11,522
- Hey.
- Hey.

292
00:13:11,673 --> 00:13:13,806
I brought you an apology pizza.

293
00:13:14,362 --> 00:13:16,576
My mom took a slice
when I wasn't looking,

294
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:19,245
so I guess two apologies.

295
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:22,115
Come on in.

296
00:13:23,098 --> 00:13:25,112
So, how'd it go in L.A.?

297
00:13:25,343 --> 00:13:27,933
- The truth?
- Bring it.

298
00:13:28,256 --> 00:13:31,290
It was fantastic! You were so wrong.

299
00:13:32,415 --> 00:13:33,526
Really?

300
00:13:33,528 --> 00:13:36,139
Completely, totally,
embarrassingly wrong.

301
00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:40,500
Here, look, Dr. Ted
sold one of my songs.

302
00:13:40,502 --> 00:13:41,892
This is an advance.

303
00:13:41,917 --> 00:13:45,218
He told me my prognosis was famous.

304
00:13:46,376 --> 00:13:48,641
This is just for one song?

305
00:13:49,810 --> 00:13:51,943
And you weren't at any point naked?

306
00:13:52,046 --> 00:13:54,013
Ooh, that's another thing
you were wrong about.

307
00:13:54,015 --> 00:13:55,615
Dr. Ted, super gay.

308
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:58,264
Like, lots of young
guys around his pool gay.

309
00:13:58,678 --> 00:14:00,820
You sure he wasn't just
pretending to be gay

310
00:14:00,822 --> 00:14:02,255
so he could get you into bed?

311
00:14:02,257 --> 00:14:04,123
Oh, that doesn't work on me anymore.

312
00:14:06,397 --> 00:14:08,094
So it all worked out?

313
00:14:08,096 --> 00:14:10,463
It did, and Emily loved it there.

314
00:14:10,465 --> 00:14:13,218
I mean, she got an epic sunburn
and looks like a Jolly Rancher,

315
00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:15,727
but... she's excited about moving.

316
00:14:16,585 --> 00:14:18,404
Wait, you're moving?

317
00:14:18,555 --> 00:14:20,733
Yeah, we're gonna give L.A. a try.

318
00:14:21,601 --> 00:14:24,610
Uh, Natasha, that...

319
00:14:24,612 --> 00:14:26,773
that's wonderful.

320
00:14:27,287 --> 00:14:29,320
Your dreams are really coming true.

321
00:14:29,517 --> 00:14:31,517
Well, isn't that why you have dreams?

322
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,988
Damn it.

323
00:14:35,990 --> 00:14:37,223
What?

324
00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:40,060
Thanks to you, I have
to apply to Stanford.

325
00:14:42,163 --> 00:14:43,662
Stanford?

326
00:14:43,898 --> 00:14:46,165
That's a really hard school
to get into, isn't it?

327
00:14:46,490 --> 00:14:48,000
What are you saying?

328
00:14:48,002 --> 00:14:50,836
Well, I just don't want
your feelings to get hurt

329
00:14:50,838 --> 00:14:53,139
if they don't... Oh, my God, I get it!

330
00:14:53,141 --> 00:14:54,652
That's what you were doing to me.

331
00:14:54,677 --> 00:14:57,340
You only seem like a
bitch 'cause you love me.

332
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,913
Yeah, well, that's
all I was trying to...

333
00:15:00,915 --> 00:15:03,785
Shh, shh, shh, shh. My
creative juices are flowing.

334
00:15:04,735 --> 00:15:07,403
? You only seem like a
bitch 'cause you love me ?

335
00:15:07,522 --> 00:15:11,090
? You only seem like a
bitch 'cause you care ?

336
00:15:11,092 --> 00:15:14,417
? You only seem like a
bitch 'cause you love me ?

337
00:15:14,442 --> 00:15:17,910
? With your big eyes and
your stringy blonde hair. ?

338
00:15:19,828 --> 00:15:22,191
Don't worry, that's not about you.

339
00:15:24,371 --> 00:15:26,072
Ooh, I got to write that down.

340
00:15:33,948 --> 00:15:36,015
She gonna join us at some point?

341
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,451
Not as long as the Wi-Fi here works.

342
00:15:38,453 --> 00:15:40,786
Give her a Ziploc full of
Cheerios and a juice box,

343
00:15:40,788 --> 00:15:42,288
she's a happy
three-year-old.

344
00:15:43,482 --> 00:15:45,258
- Damn it.
- What?

345
00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:48,394
Jill's Skyping during
my Game of Thrones binge.

346
00:15:48,584 --> 00:15:51,297
You're laughing out
loud at Game of Thrones?

347
00:15:51,299 --> 00:15:53,545
Yeah, reminds me of high school.

348
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,369
Oh, good, you're all there.

349
00:15:56,371 --> 00:15:57,603
Where are you?

350
00:15:57,605 --> 00:16:00,239
I'm in a limousine just
outside of Tucson, Arizona.

351
00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:03,638
Oh, I love Arizona. They sell
fireworks in grocery stores.

352
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,613
So, the other night, after y'all left,

353
00:16:07,615 --> 00:16:09,560
I did something Marjorie told me to do.

354
00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:12,353
I sat quietly and I tried to meditate.

355
00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:14,696
Next thing I knew, I was sobbing.

356
00:16:14,721 --> 00:16:17,622
I'm talking uncontrollable sobbing.

357
00:16:17,647 --> 00:16:19,992
I don't know if that's a
normal part of meditating,

358
00:16:19,994 --> 00:16:21,789
but it caught me by surprise.

359
00:16:22,363 --> 00:16:24,230
Why didn't you call one of us?

360
00:16:24,232 --> 00:16:26,110
Oh, 'cause it was a good thing.

361
00:16:26,575 --> 00:16:30,210
Feel like I cried over all the
stuff I've done to hurt myself.

362
00:16:30,235 --> 00:16:33,606
All the drinking, all
the men, all the drugs.

363
00:16:33,795 --> 00:16:35,390
Now it's food.

364
00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:38,613
All 'cause I don't want
to face my feelings.

365
00:16:40,281 --> 00:16:41,996
It's time for me to do...

366
00:16:42,021 --> 00:16:44,558
No, no, no. Don't freeze. Don't freeze.

367
00:16:45,553 --> 00:16:47,486
What are you doing? It's
not an Etch A Sketch.

368
00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:51,009
That's what I'm gonna
do. What do you think?

369
00:16:53,027 --> 00:16:56,028
- Terrific. Great!
- Proud of you.

370
00:16:56,030 --> 00:16:59,065
So, I'm hoping while I'm at the spa,

371
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:01,183
I can fix that hole in myself.

372
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,469
They do classes on mindfulness and stuff

373
00:17:03,471 --> 00:17:06,050
to open up your chakras.
It's real spiritual.

374
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,112
On the last day, you
get to talk to a horse.

375
00:17:11,979 --> 00:17:14,947
Anyway, the next time you see me,

376
00:17:14,949 --> 00:17:16,315
I'm gonna be...

377
00:17:16,317 --> 00:17:19,816
You'll be what? A redhead? A juggler?

378
00:17:19,841 --> 00:17:21,620
Married to the horse?

379
00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:23,889
Maybe just smile and wave.

380
00:17:23,891 --> 00:17:25,124
Bye, Jill.

381
00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:27,018
Bring back some Roman candles.

382
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,616
Sounds like she'll be gone a while.

383
00:17:31,641 --> 00:17:33,675
Well, I'm glad she's
taking care of herself.

384
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:34,760
Yeah.

385
00:17:34,785 --> 00:17:38,014
Hey, you remember the
security code for her house?

386
00:17:38,039 --> 00:17:40,806
I do. You thinking what I'm thinking?

387
00:17:40,808 --> 00:17:42,742
Soft serve and a dip in the pool?

388
00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:46,879
Check, please.

389
00:17:48,592 --> 00:17:51,288
Oh, God, Jill's not
here. Who's gonna pay?

390
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,683
Impressive. How'd you do that?

391
00:18:06,708 --> 00:18:09,375
I hate to admit it, but
Wendy showed me some tricks.

392
00:18:10,645 --> 00:18:11,978
You look sad.

393
00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:13,679
I kind of am.

394
00:18:13,681 --> 00:18:16,616
See? You're in pain,
and now I'm interested.

395
00:18:17,758 --> 00:18:19,124
What's going on?

396
00:18:19,354 --> 00:18:22,233
I feel like applying to
Stanford was a huge mistake.

397
00:18:22,357 --> 00:18:23,694
Why?

398
00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:26,780
Now I'll be tortured for months
waiting to find out if I got in.

399
00:18:27,487 --> 00:18:30,421
If I didn't, I'll be crushed.

400
00:18:30,446 --> 00:18:32,046
And if I did, holy crap.

401
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,033
I'll have to go to Stanford.

402
00:18:34,035 --> 00:18:38,004
Can... can we pause a second
and compare your life today

403
00:18:38,006 --> 00:18:39,991
to where you were five years ago?

404
00:18:40,016 --> 00:18:41,941
Your biggest problem used to be

405
00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:44,788
how to give a satisfying
lap dance to a fat guy.

406
00:18:47,476 --> 00:18:50,743
And now, you know, here you are worried

407
00:18:50,768 --> 00:18:53,402
about getting into one of the
best schools in the country.

408
00:18:53,427 --> 00:18:55,227
You're right.

409
00:18:55,252 --> 00:18:57,586
Look at me with my classy problems.

410
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:01,899
Whatever happens, I'm just
proud of you for applying.

411
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:05,236
Thanks, Mom.

412
00:19:08,803 --> 00:19:09,769
What?

413
00:19:09,771 --> 00:19:12,004
Nothing.

414
00:19:12,792 --> 00:19:15,393
Just you going to Stanford.

415
00:19:16,718 --> 00:19:18,001
It's funny.

416
00:19:18,318 --> 00:19:20,727
Hey, why don't you apply to
Harvard while you're at it?

417
00:19:23,751 --> 00:19:25,151
Oh...

418
00:19:25,153 --> 00:19:28,554
Oh, uh, hey, could I
see that for a second?

419
00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:30,356
- Yeah.
- Thanks.

420
00:19:31,024 --> 00:19:32,690
Oh!

421
00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:38,330
Looks like a job for duct tape!

422
00:19:39,566 --> 00:19:43,746
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --