1 00:00:04,007 --> 00:00:06,645 Obviously, I don't have to remind you gentlemen 2 00:00:06,671 --> 00:00:08,481 that this meeting never took place. 3 00:00:08,507 --> 00:00:10,575 Of course not, Mayor Blossom. 4 00:00:10,796 --> 00:00:13,520 Has Ethel Muggs been talking much 5 00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:14,989 since she's been with the Sisters? 6 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,523 Not a peep. 7 00:00:16,796 --> 00:00:20,281 Sister Woodhouse has imposed a vow of silence. 8 00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:22,579 Very good. What about the PTA? 9 00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:25,419 Parents are still upset. It's all they talk about at our meetings. 10 00:00:25,445 --> 00:00:27,294 Who killed Mr. and Mrs. Muggs? 11 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,661 As long as people remain focused on this murder case, 12 00:00:30,687 --> 00:00:32,192 the more precarious 13 00:00:32,218 --> 00:00:35,375 our grasp of the situation becomes. 14 00:00:35,987 --> 00:00:37,380 What's the Sheriff's office doing? 15 00:00:37,406 --> 00:00:41,258 Tom is trying to find this "milkman" 16 00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:42,480 and the murder weapon. 17 00:00:42,506 --> 00:00:44,366 Why is he doing that? 18 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:50,085 I have the murder weapon right here. 19 00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:52,270 What are you getting at, Fredreich? 20 00:00:52,296 --> 00:00:55,599 We have to stop rehashing the Muggs murder case 21 00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:59,226 and start making sure that something like it never happens again. 22 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:03,200 In my extensive research, in case after case, 23 00:01:03,226 --> 00:01:07,849 comic books are the influencing factor in most incidents 24 00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:11,046 of juvenile delinquency and teen violence. 25 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:14,989 They are a moral scourge, gentlemen. 26 00:01:15,015 --> 00:01:18,078 And their creators, criminal degenerates. 27 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,929 That's what the PTA should be talking about. 28 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:22,414 Comic books. 29 00:01:22,873 --> 00:01:24,507 Not the Muggs. 30 00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:30,781 And I believe I know exactly how to make that happen. 31 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:39,187 Well, look who strolls in whenever his heart desires. 32 00:01:39,258 --> 00:01:41,640 - What do you want, kid? - I was just in the neighborhood. 33 00:01:42,277 --> 00:01:44,757 - Where is everyone? - They're all out with a stomach bug. 34 00:01:44,783 --> 00:01:47,036 Now I'm under more water than the Titanic. 35 00:01:47,062 --> 00:01:49,370 - Can I help? - I need a full issue... 36 00:01:49,483 --> 00:01:51,827 - I can do that. - written by tomorrow morning. 37 00:01:51,853 --> 00:01:54,981 Yeah, that's no problem, Mr. Fieldstone. I'm fast. I'm a great speller. 38 00:01:55,007 --> 00:01:57,169 Four stories. Seven pages each. 39 00:01:57,195 --> 00:01:58,786 Zero margin for error. 40 00:01:58,812 --> 00:02:00,976 I'll write 'em on spec. If you like them, then great. 41 00:02:01,002 --> 00:02:03,656 And if not, there's plenty more where that came from. 42 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:04,843 Right. 43 00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:08,827 If you have trouble coming up with some ideas, 44 00:02:08,892 --> 00:02:11,862 take these springboards. Talk them through with Bernie. 45 00:02:11,888 --> 00:02:13,716 I will. Won't let you down. 46 00:02:14,019 --> 00:02:15,218 Bernie. 47 00:02:16,140 --> 00:02:18,148 _ 48 00:02:18,363 --> 00:02:21,714 Gosh, Bernie, all these stories have been done to death. 49 00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:24,361 Aren't there any original ideas anymore? 50 00:02:24,387 --> 00:02:26,052 Says the teenager? 51 00:02:26,792 --> 00:02:29,570 Bernie, you're a genius. 52 00:02:30,029 --> 00:02:33,685 What about stories about teenagers and high school? 53 00:02:33,768 --> 00:02:36,062 Pep Comics doesn't have any of those, right? 54 00:02:36,578 --> 00:02:38,395 Al says he doesn't relate to them. 55 00:02:38,421 --> 00:02:40,638 But teenagers do buy our books. 56 00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,945 Well, shucks, me and my friends do. 57 00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:45,034 What about a narrator 58 00:02:45,068 --> 00:02:50,161 that's actually a witchy lunch lady, or a creepy janitor? 59 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:53,216 We can call it "Homeroom of Horrors." 60 00:02:54,013 --> 00:02:56,968 - You think Mr. Fieldstone will bite? - Sure. 61 00:02:57,543 --> 00:02:59,203 Give it a whirl. 62 00:03:06,546 --> 00:03:08,581 There's my little tortured genius. 63 00:03:08,632 --> 00:03:12,825 Think you could take a break from writing the next great American novel 64 00:03:12,851 --> 00:03:15,723 and take this glamour gal to go see a fun flick? 65 00:03:15,867 --> 00:03:17,864 Diaboliqueis playing at the Babylonium, 66 00:03:17,890 --> 00:03:20,461 and I know you don't mind subtitles. 67 00:03:20,819 --> 00:03:22,348 Could we go tomorrow, maybe? 68 00:03:22,374 --> 00:03:23,766 I'm on deadline. 69 00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:26,591 Al's asked me to write an entire issue by morning. 70 00:03:26,617 --> 00:03:28,453 An entire issue? 71 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,085 Sounds like a bit of a coup for you. 72 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:34,057 Yeah, it is. But it's also a lot of pressure. 73 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,377 Though, if I do a bang up job on these pages tonight, 74 00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:38,664 Fieldstone could ask me to be one of his go-to's. 75 00:03:39,015 --> 00:03:40,210 Okay. Okay. 76 00:03:40,243 --> 00:03:43,055 My French thriller about murderous schoolteachers can wait. 77 00:03:43,091 --> 00:03:46,109 But since I'm here, maybe I can help you. 78 00:03:46,152 --> 00:03:47,418 How far have you gotten? 79 00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:49,101 I'm almost done with my first story. 80 00:03:49,176 --> 00:03:51,265 I'm all ears. What's it about? 81 00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:52,656 Sports-themed. 82 00:03:52,682 --> 00:03:54,492 Because what's scarier than gym class? 83 00:03:54,518 --> 00:03:55,780 And it has a narrator, 84 00:03:55,806 --> 00:03:57,835 like all of my yell yarns will, 85 00:03:58,108 --> 00:04:00,281 called the Key-Keeper. 86 00:04:00,796 --> 00:04:03,330 I had one of the artists at Pep Comics do a mockup. 87 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,476 It's pretty nifty, right? 88 00:04:04,502 --> 00:04:07,304 The niftiest. Looks like a real charmer. 89 00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:14,554 Well, well, well, if it isn't another problem child. 90 00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:18,649 You're looking for a little mischief and mayhem, aren't you? 91 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:22,085 Well, maybe I can be of some assistance. 92 00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:26,396 I'm the Key-Keeper, you see? 93 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,792 The midnight custodian of this schoolhouse of horrors. 94 00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:33,755 Come along and let's wake the dead 95 00:04:33,781 --> 00:04:36,343 with a real spine twister, shall we? 96 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,289 I call this sordid little tale... 97 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:44,703 "Keep Yor Head in the Game". 98 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,874 Every team has one, 99 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:49,255 the runt, the klutz, the pip-squeak. 100 00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:52,820 On the Bulldogs basketball team, that half pint was 101 00:04:52,846 --> 00:04:55,153 Dilton Doiley, 102 00:04:55,376 --> 00:04:59,554 who was short, near-sighted and uncoordinated. 103 00:05:01,772 --> 00:05:05,106 At the end of one particularly grueling practice, 104 00:05:05,132 --> 00:05:08,395 Coach Kleats had the team line up for free throws. 105 00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:12,442 No one could leave until everyone had made a basket. 106 00:05:12,585 --> 00:05:16,490 But Dilton couldn't make a shot to save his life. 107 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,398 Come on, Doiley. 108 00:05:18,466 --> 00:05:20,664 Get your head in the game. 109 00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:29,125 Maybe you need a little motivation. 110 00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,508 Coach Kleats had the other players 111 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:39,513 start running laps until Dilton sunk one lousy bucket. 112 00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,523 You're a dead man, Doiley. 113 00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,578 Poor Dilton. 114 00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:49,734 He would soon learn the true meaning of the term "foul play." 115 00:05:50,744 --> 00:05:53,007 The hell is wrong with you, Doiley? 116 00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:56,257 I'm sorry, fellas. 117 00:05:57,390 --> 00:06:00,239 - I'm trying my best. - Why are you even here 118 00:06:00,265 --> 00:06:03,013 if you can't make one stinking basket? 119 00:06:03,039 --> 00:06:05,164 I just wanted to be part of a team. 120 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:07,125 Then be the damn water boy. 121 00:06:08,746 --> 00:06:10,593 It's like what Coach Kleats said... 122 00:06:11,512 --> 00:06:13,367 "You've got to get your head in the game." 123 00:06:14,153 --> 00:06:16,460 How... how do I do that? 124 00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,466 Maybe a night stuffed in a locker will help you figure it out. 125 00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,606 What? No. Guys, guys, guys. 126 00:06:21,632 --> 00:06:23,557 Please, please, don't do that. 127 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,733 No. Please! Please! You don't understand. 128 00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,484 Stop! I can't. 129 00:06:27,510 --> 00:06:29,804 - Hey, guys, maybe this isn't such a good idea. - Don't leave me here! 130 00:06:29,830 --> 00:06:32,559 - Stuff it, Andrews. - I can't be here alone. 131 00:06:32,585 --> 00:06:34,643 - Please. I can't. - Doiley's got to learn. 132 00:06:34,669 --> 00:06:37,140 He's gonna start pulling his weight. 133 00:06:39,506 --> 00:06:41,499 Or we're gonna murder him. 134 00:06:44,164 --> 00:06:47,059 No! Don't go! Please! Please! Don't go! 135 00:06:47,085 --> 00:06:48,960 Don't leave me here! I can't do this. 136 00:06:48,986 --> 00:06:51,007 No! No! Please! 137 00:06:51,039 --> 00:06:54,809 What these merciless jocks didn't know 138 00:06:54,835 --> 00:07:02,015 was that Dilton Doiley was born morbidly claustrophobic. 139 00:07:02,664 --> 00:07:06,078 _ 140 00:07:11,171 --> 00:07:15,161 So, by the time the day shift found and released Dilton 141 00:07:15,187 --> 00:07:16,961 the next morning... 142 00:07:17,697 --> 00:07:22,984 Dilton had suffered a complete psychotic break. 143 00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:27,333 He was a changed man. 144 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,468 A madman, you might say. 145 00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:34,602 Hell-bent on revenge against the Bulldogs. 146 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:40,708 Then it was just a matter of lying in wait 147 00:07:40,734 --> 00:07:44,163 for his teammates to reconvene for basketball practice 148 00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:46,365 later that afternoon. 149 00:07:47,609 --> 00:07:50,861 Luckily, Dilton had the perfect hidey-hole 150 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:54,107 from which to pop out and surprise his teammates. 151 00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:57,997 After which Dilton could dedicate himself 152 00:07:58,023 --> 00:08:01,171 to perfecting his free throw technique. 153 00:08:01,197 --> 00:08:03,710 - _ - Gotta keep my head in the game. 154 00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:08,234 - Gotta keep my head in the game. - Attaboy, Doiley! 155 00:08:31,193 --> 00:08:33,584 Gotta keep my head in the game. 156 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,107 Gotta keep my head in the game. 157 00:08:36,706 --> 00:08:39,011 Gotta keep my head in the game. 158 00:08:39,091 --> 00:08:41,129 Gotta keep my head in the game. 159 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:42,873 Gotta keep my head in the game. 160 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:46,294 www.subtitulamos.tv 161 00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:50,016 Good for Dilton. 162 00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:52,310 Those awful bullies got what was coming to them. 163 00:08:52,336 --> 00:08:53,279 Exactly. 164 00:08:53,305 --> 00:08:56,351 And you see, that's what nitwits like Werthers just don't understand. 165 00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:57,787 What, exactly? 166 00:08:57,813 --> 00:08:59,701 Well, that these so-called "degenerate" comics 167 00:08:59,727 --> 00:09:02,295 are actually bite-sized morality tales. 168 00:09:02,321 --> 00:09:05,544 Especially those that involve Julian Blossom getting his head chopped off. 169 00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:07,834 I mean, you joke, but it's true. 170 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:10,698 Yes, comics can be over the top and bloody sometimes, 171 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:13,802 but in these stories, people that break the rules get punished. 172 00:09:13,828 --> 00:09:15,427 People who are cruel to others get punished. 173 00:09:15,453 --> 00:09:17,474 People who have lustful sex get punished. 174 00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,505 Lustful sex, did you say? 175 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,709 Tell me more about that, Juggiekins. 176 00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:26,037 I've got a tale for you. And it starts, believe it or not, 177 00:09:26,171 --> 00:09:28,099 on a dark and stormy night... 178 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:32,574 With a flat tire near an isolated mansion. 179 00:09:32,712 --> 00:09:37,584 And a young, strapping man in need of assistance. 180 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,490 Yes? 181 00:09:41,836 --> 00:09:43,142 May I help you? 182 00:09:43,194 --> 00:09:44,895 I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, ma'am, 183 00:09:44,921 --> 00:09:48,138 but my hot rod got a flat tire down the road. 184 00:09:48,164 --> 00:09:50,005 Must've ran over a nail or something. 185 00:09:50,031 --> 00:09:51,482 Oh, how dreadful. 186 00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:54,584 And now here you are, stranded, you poor dear. 187 00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:56,654 Why don't you come inside? 188 00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:00,091 You can use our telephone to call the garage. 189 00:10:00,117 --> 00:10:03,630 At this hour? Oh, they'll be closed, ma'am. 190 00:10:04,216 --> 00:10:06,802 Would it be too much trouble if I stayed the night? 191 00:10:07,123 --> 00:10:09,725 That way, in the morning, I can call the garage 192 00:10:09,751 --> 00:10:11,224 and I'll be out of your hair. 193 00:10:11,896 --> 00:10:13,693 I suppose. But... 194 00:10:14,302 --> 00:10:16,990 I'm afraid the storm has knocked out our power. 195 00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,542 But you can warm yourself by the fire. 196 00:10:19,568 --> 00:10:21,654 Come in. Come in. 197 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,607 Oh, you look a fright. 198 00:10:26,368 --> 00:10:30,724 They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, 199 00:10:30,915 --> 00:10:33,630 but I only need two for this one. 200 00:10:33,656 --> 00:10:35,732 Hubba-hubba. 201 00:10:40,802 --> 00:10:43,029 Thank you for the tea, ma'am. 202 00:10:43,957 --> 00:10:45,901 I already feel better. 203 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:50,099 There's not much in this world that a strong cup of tea 204 00:10:50,125 --> 00:10:52,431 and a roaring fire can't fix. 205 00:10:52,457 --> 00:10:55,912 And you're welcome to stay in my guest room tonight. 206 00:10:56,145 --> 00:10:57,712 Oh, thank you, ma'am. 207 00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:59,123 That's very kind of you. 208 00:10:59,149 --> 00:11:04,076 However, there are one or two ground rules you must observe. 209 00:11:04,619 --> 00:11:07,444 Of course. Of course. Anything. 210 00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:11,300 Once you're in your room, you must stay there. 211 00:11:11,608 --> 00:11:12,974 All night. 212 00:11:13,078 --> 00:11:16,638 And you must lock the door, and keep it locked 213 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,982 for the entire night. 214 00:11:19,223 --> 00:11:22,513 Any particular reason why? 215 00:11:22,539 --> 00:11:24,106 Alas, yes. 216 00:11:24,321 --> 00:11:26,888 I am not alone in this house. 217 00:11:26,914 --> 00:11:29,240 My granddaughter lives with me, 218 00:11:29,409 --> 00:11:33,388 and she's not quite in her right mind. 219 00:11:33,489 --> 00:11:36,666 She has this compulsive craving 220 00:11:36,692 --> 00:11:38,870 for intimate, physical, 221 00:11:38,896 --> 00:11:41,115 some might even say 222 00:11:41,421 --> 00:11:44,513 inappropriate touching. 223 00:11:44,934 --> 00:11:46,810 - Really? - Oh, yes. 224 00:11:46,836 --> 00:11:49,128 She's ravenous for it. 225 00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:52,529 Can't keep her hands to herself. 226 00:11:55,734 --> 00:11:57,998 Wow. That's... 227 00:11:59,031 --> 00:12:01,490 I mean, that sounds... Wow. 228 00:12:01,516 --> 00:12:05,511 She's even been known to sneak into the bedrooms 229 00:12:05,537 --> 00:12:08,796 of strange young men in the middle of the night 230 00:12:08,839 --> 00:12:13,459 in order to get her "fix," as it were. 231 00:12:17,929 --> 00:12:19,224 Is... 232 00:12:20,546 --> 00:12:23,591 that your granddaughter? 233 00:12:24,312 --> 00:12:26,184 Yes, it is. 234 00:12:26,282 --> 00:12:28,209 She's beautiful, isn't she? 235 00:12:29,474 --> 00:12:31,720 Well, it's getting late. 236 00:12:31,746 --> 00:12:34,357 Let's get you settled, shall we? 237 00:12:40,334 --> 00:12:43,315 Surely some rules were meant to be broken, 238 00:12:43,341 --> 00:12:45,598 especially when the consequences might prove 239 00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:49,365 to be downright titillating. 240 00:12:52,904 --> 00:12:57,779 _ 241 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,966 You're here. 242 00:13:11,397 --> 00:13:13,521 You came. 243 00:13:14,185 --> 00:13:16,448 Are you the old lady's granddaughter? 244 00:13:16,474 --> 00:13:18,646 Yes. I'm Cheryl. 245 00:13:19,273 --> 00:13:21,521 I'm so glad you're here. 246 00:13:21,599 --> 00:13:26,404 It's been so long since I've gotten to touch... like this. 247 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:29,974 I... sure am happy to be here, too. 248 00:13:30,216 --> 00:13:32,482 - Let me just light a candle. - No! No! 249 00:13:32,649 --> 00:13:33,755 No. 250 00:13:33,911 --> 00:13:35,723 What we're about to do is best... 251 00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:37,524 It's best done in darkness. 252 00:13:37,668 --> 00:13:39,224 Now kiss me. 253 00:13:39,505 --> 00:13:43,459 And let me... feel you. 254 00:13:45,822 --> 00:13:51,318 Avert your eyes, pervert, and turn the page, 255 00:13:51,533 --> 00:13:55,334 - _ - to a bright new day. 256 00:14:02,294 --> 00:14:04,560 How was your night, young man? 257 00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:06,936 Did you sleep well? 258 00:14:07,066 --> 00:14:11,709 It was... incredible. 259 00:14:11,994 --> 00:14:15,326 Thank you again for the hospitality, ma'am. I... 260 00:14:15,787 --> 00:14:17,601 I saw your granddaughter, 261 00:14:17,627 --> 00:14:19,890 I think, by the window. 262 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,952 So what's wrong with her? Some kind of mental illness? 263 00:14:23,978 --> 00:14:26,706 Oh, Cheryl was once youthful and vibrant, 264 00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:28,974 like any young girl her age. 265 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,220 But she wanted adventure. 266 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:33,422 And I couldn't help but indulge her. 267 00:14:33,448 --> 00:14:37,490 She took a trip to some tropical jungle 268 00:14:37,748 --> 00:14:39,667 in some far-off place, 269 00:14:39,693 --> 00:14:42,776 and unfortunately, while she was there, 270 00:14:42,802 --> 00:14:46,498 she contracted a rare form of leprosy. 271 00:14:49,607 --> 00:14:51,087 Leprosy? 272 00:14:51,113 --> 00:14:54,899 Horrible, terrible, disfiguring disease. 273 00:14:54,945 --> 00:14:57,724 Rotting her swollen flesh away, 274 00:14:57,791 --> 00:15:00,054 and incredibly painful. 275 00:15:01,294 --> 00:15:03,481 Now she can't be around other people 276 00:15:03,507 --> 00:15:06,206 because it's so very contagious, you know. 277 00:15:08,191 --> 00:15:11,107 But, I mean, you don't... 278 00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:14,568 Oh, no, I was exposed as a child, 279 00:15:14,594 --> 00:15:16,404 and so I'm immune. 280 00:15:16,430 --> 00:15:18,301 I don't suppose you... 281 00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:20,744 Am immune? No. 282 00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:24,341 Mercifully, she'll soon succumb to the leprosy and die, 283 00:15:24,367 --> 00:15:27,690 which is why I do everything in my power 284 00:15:27,734 --> 00:15:33,537 to ensure that she relishes her final days on Earth. 285 00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:36,748 What do you mean? What do you mean by that? 286 00:15:36,774 --> 00:15:40,638 It was no accident that brought you here, young man. 287 00:15:40,790 --> 00:15:44,664 How do you think those nails got onto that road? 288 00:15:45,708 --> 00:15:48,271 I did warn you. 289 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:53,716 I gave you a chance to lock that door and be a good boy. 290 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,198 And now you're almost certainly infected as well. 291 00:15:57,241 --> 00:15:58,560 After last night, 292 00:15:58,586 --> 00:16:01,787 we're going to be together forever, and ever 293 00:16:02,242 --> 00:16:04,084 till death do us part. 294 00:16:12,594 --> 00:16:14,615 Well, that was grotesque. 295 00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:16,999 What was the moral there? 296 00:16:17,025 --> 00:16:18,933 Don't trust creepy old ladies 297 00:16:18,959 --> 00:16:22,919 and their nymphomaniac, leprosy-ridden granddaughters? 298 00:16:22,963 --> 00:16:27,402 Well, it's more of a "curiosity killed the cat" message, I think. 299 00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:31,184 Or don't engage in heavy petting in the dark with someone, 300 00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:33,398 if you haven't got proper protection. 301 00:16:34,456 --> 00:16:38,453 You know, I'm hearing that Archie and Cheryl broke up, 302 00:16:38,624 --> 00:16:41,765 and that in the end, they didn't do much more than neck... 303 00:16:41,791 --> 00:16:43,711 Oh, yeah? Well... 304 00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:47,461 Who can keep up with all the horny teens at Riverdale High? 305 00:16:47,487 --> 00:16:50,547 I mean, what else is there to do? 306 00:16:51,472 --> 00:16:54,086 That's why God created high school. 307 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:57,484 So there'd be a place where boys could... 308 00:16:57,827 --> 00:17:00,569 chase girls and vice versa. 309 00:17:01,331 --> 00:17:02,506 Yeah. 310 00:17:02,871 --> 00:17:04,109 I mean... 311 00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:07,656 girls will do just about anything to get a boy's attention. 312 00:17:07,789 --> 00:17:11,273 Including feigning an interest in comic books, apparently. 313 00:17:16,562 --> 00:17:18,588 Every school has one. 314 00:17:18,614 --> 00:17:21,114 The plain Jane with the ponytail mane, 315 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,383 the sweater-set waiting for better yet 316 00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:26,936 who none of the boys seemed to sick their sights on. 317 00:17:27,069 --> 00:17:31,039 Bland Betty was little more than an invisible girl. 318 00:17:31,065 --> 00:17:33,765 Yes, my foul fiends, 319 00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:38,937 Betty's prospects of landing a date were very grave indeed. 320 00:17:38,963 --> 00:17:43,117 So she followed the advice of her favorite beauty mags. 321 00:17:43,143 --> 00:17:46,250 And now, how can I help you, hun? 322 00:17:46,428 --> 00:17:49,388 I would like a new look, please. 323 00:17:50,258 --> 00:17:53,226 What's giving you the gringles, doll face? 324 00:17:53,252 --> 00:17:55,472 I just feel so... 325 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,183 unseen. 326 00:17:58,209 --> 00:18:00,679 All the girls at my school have beaus, 327 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:03,101 and it's just like I'm a... 328 00:18:04,079 --> 00:18:05,559 ghost. 329 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,148 I need something... 330 00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:11,828 else, something new. Something amazing that will get all the boys' attention. 331 00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:13,319 Well, I've got to tell you, 332 00:18:13,345 --> 00:18:15,758 this ponytail is doing you no favors. 333 00:18:15,784 --> 00:18:16,992 But, but, but, 334 00:18:17,018 --> 00:18:20,031 I just came back from my fabulous honeymoon abroad. 335 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:23,414 And there's this new hairstyle that is all the rage in Europe. 336 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,997 Really? What is it? 337 00:18:25,023 --> 00:18:27,679 It's called the Beehive. 338 00:18:27,825 --> 00:18:29,234 "Beehive." 339 00:18:30,050 --> 00:18:33,008 - Sounds sophisticated. - Oh, it is. 340 00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:35,880 So we tease up all your hair, put in some extensions, 341 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:39,211 and then we roll it all up into a dome, just like a hive. 342 00:18:40,330 --> 00:18:41,766 A hive-hive? 343 00:18:41,792 --> 00:18:44,258 I know it sounds a little silly, but wait till you see it. 344 00:18:44,284 --> 00:18:46,804 All the girls in England and France, they just love it. 345 00:18:46,830 --> 00:18:48,750 And the boys, they're crazy about it. 346 00:18:48,848 --> 00:18:50,797 And, on my mother's grave, 347 00:18:50,823 --> 00:18:52,578 may she rest in peace... 348 00:18:52,857 --> 00:18:55,758 you're going to get all the attention you've ever wanted, 349 00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:57,258 and then some. 350 00:18:57,931 --> 00:18:59,359 What the heck? 351 00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:02,487 If it's good enough for the Parisians, it's good enough for me. 352 00:19:02,513 --> 00:19:05,250 Oh, smart girl. You're going to look so chic. 353 00:19:05,276 --> 00:19:07,670 Now, there's just one thing. 354 00:19:07,696 --> 00:19:10,021 Once we get your goldie locks up into the hive, 355 00:19:10,047 --> 00:19:13,203 you're not gonna be able to wash your hair or undo it, ever. 356 00:19:14,244 --> 00:19:16,899 Oh. Well, how do I maintain it? 357 00:19:16,951 --> 00:19:18,875 With this. Hair spray. 358 00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:21,031 Use throughout the day as needed. 359 00:19:22,316 --> 00:19:24,812 Well, my mom says, I'm supposed to wash my hair 360 00:19:24,838 --> 00:19:27,077 every other day or at least once a week. 361 00:19:27,103 --> 00:19:30,629 With all due respect to your dear mama, I'm the professional. 362 00:19:30,655 --> 00:19:33,773 And you do want to look beautiful. Am I right? 363 00:19:35,906 --> 00:19:40,203 The next day, an all-new Betty showed up at school. 364 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:44,251 Her coif climbed to such heights it rivaled the Tower of Babel. 365 00:19:44,294 --> 00:19:48,164 And similarly, it got everybody talking. 366 00:19:48,298 --> 00:19:51,469 All the boys went goo-goo-ga-ga. 367 00:19:51,495 --> 00:19:53,789 And as for the girls, well, 368 00:19:53,815 --> 00:19:57,976 they were positively gangrene with envy. 369 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,456 Watch where you're spraying, Betty. 370 00:20:15,499 --> 00:20:18,006 You know, that ridiculous hairstyle will never change the fact 371 00:20:18,032 --> 00:20:20,717 that you'll always be a ponytail princess 372 00:20:20,743 --> 00:20:22,334 on the inside. 373 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,294 Betty didn't care what Cheryl and Veronica thought. 374 00:20:27,337 --> 00:20:30,601 In fact, that was the first time they'd spoken to her. 375 00:20:30,645 --> 00:20:34,756 And once Betty got that blush of attention, well... 376 00:20:34,787 --> 00:20:38,027 she started needing it, feeding off it. 377 00:20:38,053 --> 00:20:39,975 The more hairspray she put in her hair, 378 00:20:40,001 --> 00:20:42,568 the heavier and more shellacked it became. 379 00:20:42,594 --> 00:20:45,292 And the more the boys noticed her. 380 00:20:45,318 --> 00:20:47,553 Can I carry your books to class, Betty? 381 00:20:47,607 --> 00:20:49,331 Aw, gee, thanks, Julian. 382 00:20:49,357 --> 00:20:52,362 Hey, Betty, can I take you out this Friday night, please? 383 00:20:52,406 --> 00:20:53,881 Aw, Archie... 384 00:20:53,907 --> 00:20:55,381 I'll think about it. 385 00:20:56,543 --> 00:20:59,387 And Betty stayed true to her word. 386 00:20:59,413 --> 00:21:03,529 She didn't wash her hair or undo it, ever. 387 00:21:03,601 --> 00:21:05,959 She even slept in her beehive, 388 00:21:05,985 --> 00:21:09,576 putting more hairspray on before tucking herself in at night. 389 00:21:09,676 --> 00:21:14,803 And that's when the very bad thing happened. 390 00:21:17,030 --> 00:21:20,103 _ 391 00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:23,959 I swear, in all my years, I've never seen a cuter couple. 392 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,674 She's a cool cookie now, isn't she, Pop? 393 00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:30,034 What do you mean, "now?" Betty's always been a peach. 394 00:21:31,881 --> 00:21:34,006 You're making me blush, Archie. 395 00:21:34,032 --> 00:21:35,732 Hey, I'm a lucky cat. 396 00:21:35,838 --> 00:21:39,842 I'm going out with the ginchiest girl with the ginchiest hair at Riverdale High. 397 00:21:42,326 --> 00:21:43,600 Best song ever. 398 00:21:43,626 --> 00:21:45,959 - Come on, snake, let's rattle. - Okay. 399 00:21:57,381 --> 00:21:59,038 Betty, is everything all right? 400 00:21:59,965 --> 00:22:01,248 Whoa, Betty. 401 00:22:02,563 --> 00:22:04,670 - Something's not... - Betty. 402 00:22:05,069 --> 00:22:06,905 Betty! Betty! 403 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,160 Someone get some help! 404 00:22:10,186 --> 00:22:12,881 Betty's having some kind of fit! 405 00:22:12,907 --> 00:22:14,905 Someone call the hospital! 406 00:22:14,931 --> 00:22:16,592 Oh, God! Betty! 407 00:22:16,618 --> 00:22:19,795 No one could guess how a young girl like Betty, 408 00:22:19,821 --> 00:22:23,952 so full of life, would just drop dead. 409 00:22:24,237 --> 00:22:29,186 Then again, maybe the town's coroner will have the answers. 410 00:22:29,236 --> 00:22:32,647 So young, so beautiful, 411 00:22:33,013 --> 00:22:35,772 and what a fascinating hairstyle. 412 00:22:52,228 --> 00:22:53,362 Oh, my. 413 00:22:55,837 --> 00:22:57,290 What have we here? 414 00:22:57,410 --> 00:22:58,673 No. 415 00:22:58,851 --> 00:23:00,220 No! 416 00:23:00,861 --> 00:23:02,477 Please, no! 417 00:23:02,503 --> 00:23:05,201 No, anything but spiders! 418 00:23:05,227 --> 00:23:09,720 Turns out, Betty's hair attracted more than just boys. 419 00:23:09,746 --> 00:23:13,814 A black widow spider had crawled into her tresses that night 420 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,663 and laid a batch of eggs in that ginchy hive of hers. 421 00:23:17,689 --> 00:23:20,369 And when those itsy-bitsy spiders hatched, 422 00:23:20,395 --> 00:23:22,241 they chewed into her brain, 423 00:23:22,267 --> 00:23:25,963 which is what triggered Betty's deadly diner bug-out. 424 00:23:26,081 --> 00:23:27,624 Poor, sweet Betty. 425 00:23:27,650 --> 00:23:30,433 She had to learn her lessons the hard way. 426 00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:35,322 Beauty is only skin deep, and vanity kills. 427 00:23:40,248 --> 00:23:42,938 "Beauty is only skin deep?" 428 00:23:43,417 --> 00:23:45,209 "Vanity kills?" 429 00:23:46,049 --> 00:23:48,455 Are these actually different lessons 430 00:23:48,481 --> 00:23:50,838 or variations on a theme? 431 00:23:51,118 --> 00:23:53,991 And what's wrong with wanting to look good? 432 00:23:54,019 --> 00:23:55,775 Boys do the same thing. 433 00:23:55,908 --> 00:23:59,392 They toss weights around, to turn themselves into he-men. 434 00:23:59,885 --> 00:24:02,080 At any rate, by my count, 435 00:24:02,106 --> 00:24:03,580 you're down to your last story 436 00:24:03,606 --> 00:24:06,596 and I still haven't had a starring role in one. 437 00:24:07,428 --> 00:24:09,799 Well, say, that's a notion. 438 00:24:09,825 --> 00:24:12,884 Something romantic would be nice. 439 00:24:12,910 --> 00:24:16,463 Or something that focuses on female friendship. 440 00:24:16,525 --> 00:24:20,385 Yeah, what if we did a flip of the classic teenage love triangle? 441 00:24:20,603 --> 00:24:22,369 One in which the girls 442 00:24:22,395 --> 00:24:25,007 don't go at each other's throats and cat-fight. 443 00:24:25,033 --> 00:24:27,463 Now, you're singing my tune. 444 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:33,142 Presenting my fourth and final story of the evening. 445 00:24:33,491 --> 00:24:36,886 A terror tale I'm calling "My Better Half." 446 00:24:39,325 --> 00:24:41,322 Archie's a good egg. 447 00:24:41,348 --> 00:24:45,681 But a half-wit when it comes to decision-making. 448 00:24:45,814 --> 00:24:47,994 He struggles with the most basic 449 00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:50,150 of all multiple-choice questions. 450 00:24:50,176 --> 00:24:54,017 Should he go for A, "The girl next door?" 451 00:24:54,043 --> 00:24:57,917 Or B, "The rich starlet-socialite?" 452 00:24:57,943 --> 00:25:01,525 But in a rare stroke of mad genius, 453 00:25:01,551 --> 00:25:04,931 Archie chose C, "Both of the above." 454 00:25:04,957 --> 00:25:07,291 So, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, 455 00:25:07,317 --> 00:25:08,928 Archie takes Betty out. 456 00:25:08,954 --> 00:25:11,017 And on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, 457 00:25:11,043 --> 00:25:13,132 he takes out Veronica. 458 00:25:13,283 --> 00:25:16,017 The one downside to this break-neck schedule 459 00:25:16,043 --> 00:25:18,080 was that Archie would, on occasion, 460 00:25:18,106 --> 00:25:21,111 collapse from sheer exhaustion. 461 00:25:21,151 --> 00:25:25,346 But it was nothing that couldn't be rectified with a strong cup of coffee. 462 00:25:25,416 --> 00:25:27,174 Or four. 463 00:25:27,518 --> 00:25:29,642 But even for a strapping young buck, 464 00:25:29,668 --> 00:25:32,689 six dates a week will wear a fella out. 465 00:25:32,715 --> 00:25:35,315 That's why Archie saved Sundays for himself. 466 00:25:35,352 --> 00:25:39,225 To rest, recover, and replenish for the week ahead. 467 00:25:42,794 --> 00:25:46,330 Now, you might think Archie would try to keep his relationships a secret. 468 00:25:46,356 --> 00:25:47,922 But he didn't. 469 00:25:47,948 --> 00:25:50,736 Betty and Veronica knew he was dating the other. 470 00:25:50,762 --> 00:25:55,939 Still, each girl wanted Archie all to herself. 471 00:25:56,382 --> 00:25:59,603 They're playing Double Indemnity at the Babylonium tomorrow night, 472 00:25:59,811 --> 00:26:02,161 if you want to play a little back row bingo. 473 00:26:02,205 --> 00:26:04,947 Oh, I wish I could swing it, but I got plans. 474 00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:07,732 Meaning you've got a date with Veronica. 475 00:26:07,776 --> 00:26:10,735 When are you going to drop that vapid airhead? 476 00:26:10,779 --> 00:26:14,080 - Oh, please. Don't get razzled. - Why shouldn't I? 477 00:26:14,259 --> 00:26:18,353 Having to share my beau with that smelly tomboy. 478 00:26:18,379 --> 00:26:21,424 - Don't I make you happy? - Of course you do. 479 00:26:21,450 --> 00:26:23,666 Then why aren't I enough? 480 00:26:24,205 --> 00:26:26,955 Oh, come on, it's not like that. 481 00:26:27,181 --> 00:26:29,793 Hey, you guys are both so different. 482 00:26:30,007 --> 00:26:32,501 But let me let you in on a little secret. 483 00:26:35,707 --> 00:26:37,338 You're my favorite. 484 00:26:38,773 --> 00:26:40,470 - Really? - Really? 485 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:41,993 Oh, Archie. 486 00:26:46,183 --> 00:26:48,163 How do you do it, Andrews? 487 00:26:48,189 --> 00:26:50,601 Two broads at the same time. What's your secret? 488 00:26:50,644 --> 00:26:54,056 All right, listen, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once, okay? 489 00:26:54,216 --> 00:26:56,349 You tell them what they want to hear. 490 00:26:56,556 --> 00:26:59,335 That yes, I'm seeing other girls, 491 00:26:59,361 --> 00:27:02,603 but I'm only serious about you. 492 00:27:02,934 --> 00:27:06,720 Okay? You feed them the same three simple words. 493 00:27:10,457 --> 00:27:12,285 "You're my favorite." 494 00:27:14,298 --> 00:27:16,953 Technically, that's four words. 495 00:27:17,106 --> 00:27:18,721 "You're" is a contraction. 496 00:27:18,747 --> 00:27:20,351 "You are my favorite." 497 00:27:20,377 --> 00:27:22,924 - Four words. - Shut up, Doiley. 498 00:27:23,328 --> 00:27:25,822 We're learning from Don Juan here. 499 00:27:26,198 --> 00:27:29,088 But don't you ever get... 500 00:27:30,111 --> 00:27:31,525 exhausted? 501 00:27:31,704 --> 00:27:33,025 Sure. 502 00:27:33,165 --> 00:27:36,532 But that's why God invented Sundays and coffee. 503 00:27:38,543 --> 00:27:42,400 Things might've kept humming along as is until graduation day, 504 00:27:42,426 --> 00:27:45,572 but the Good Ship Archie was headed for an iceberg, 505 00:27:45,598 --> 00:27:47,346 Valentine's Day, 506 00:27:47,372 --> 00:27:50,916 which, this year, disastrously, landed on a Sunday. 507 00:27:50,942 --> 00:27:54,463 So, Veronica, who's the lucky guy taking you out for Valentine's Day? 508 00:27:54,647 --> 00:27:57,431 - Archiekins, of course. - Keep dreaming. 509 00:27:57,457 --> 00:27:59,035 Archie is my date. 510 00:27:59,061 --> 00:28:01,124 You know, Betty, for a smart girl, 511 00:28:01,150 --> 00:28:02,586 you really are dense. 512 00:28:02,629 --> 00:28:05,681 Archie is going to spend V-Day with his best girl. 513 00:28:06,068 --> 00:28:07,417 And that's me. 514 00:28:07,460 --> 00:28:09,445 - Says you. - Says him. 515 00:28:09,471 --> 00:28:12,822 Archiekins says the only reason he spends so much time with you 516 00:28:12,848 --> 00:28:15,280 is because you're a charity case. 517 00:28:15,306 --> 00:28:19,088 First of all, he hates being called Archiekins. 518 00:28:19,150 --> 00:28:23,155 Second of all, the only reason he spends any time with you at all 519 00:28:23,181 --> 00:28:25,869 is because your ego is so fragile 520 00:28:25,908 --> 00:28:28,822 he's afraid you might do something desperate or crazy 521 00:28:28,848 --> 00:28:30,327 if he breaks up with you. 522 00:28:30,353 --> 00:28:32,148 He said I'm fragile? 523 00:28:32,174 --> 00:28:34,661 Oh, as a Glamerge egg. 524 00:28:34,705 --> 00:28:36,960 Well, he told me you're so high-strung 525 00:28:36,986 --> 00:28:40,244 you sometimes take your mom's sleeping pills to go to bed. 526 00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:41,869 He told you that? 527 00:28:42,829 --> 00:28:46,017 Sounds like someone's been playing you two for fools. 528 00:28:49,779 --> 00:28:51,721 - That rat-fink! - That rat-fink! 529 00:28:51,747 --> 00:28:54,029 Archie, you have to choose right now. 530 00:28:54,072 --> 00:28:55,987 Who's going to be your date for Valentine's Day? 531 00:28:56,031 --> 00:28:57,815 And after you pick me, of course, 532 00:28:57,859 --> 00:28:59,817 you need to end things with Betty permanently. 533 00:28:59,861 --> 00:29:02,846 Ladies, ladies, let's all calm down. 534 00:29:02,891 --> 00:29:04,088 In fact... 535 00:29:05,562 --> 00:29:07,781 neither of you can be my date on Valentine's Day. 536 00:29:07,825 --> 00:29:09,127 - Why not? - Why not? 537 00:29:11,002 --> 00:29:12,656 'Cause I'm taking my mom. 538 00:29:13,355 --> 00:29:14,767 You see, it's... 539 00:29:14,793 --> 00:29:17,916 It's her first Valentine's Day without my dad, and... 540 00:29:18,786 --> 00:29:20,931 And, well, she needs me. 541 00:29:22,274 --> 00:29:24,267 I hope you guys can understand. 542 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,931 Archie, of course we understand. 543 00:29:26,957 --> 00:29:28,864 That's so sweet and thoughtful. 544 00:29:28,890 --> 00:29:30,853 I'm sorry we pressured you. 545 00:29:30,879 --> 00:29:33,111 Me, too. It was her idea. 546 00:29:33,155 --> 00:29:37,103 Well, you guys shouldn't have to miss out on Valentine's Day on account of me. 547 00:29:37,129 --> 00:29:39,234 I mean, there must be some other guys you can go out with. 548 00:29:39,260 --> 00:29:41,655 - Yeah, Betty, find somebody else. - No. 549 00:29:41,681 --> 00:29:44,517 No, it's really okay. There's an extra credit report 550 00:29:44,543 --> 00:29:46,154 that I've been putting off, so... 551 00:29:46,180 --> 00:29:48,313 As for me, Mademoiselle just published a recipe 552 00:29:48,339 --> 00:29:50,573 for an egg-white face mask I've been dying to try. 553 00:29:50,599 --> 00:29:52,353 So that'll keep me busy. 554 00:29:52,625 --> 00:29:56,455 Okay, so you're both staying in this Sunday night, then? 555 00:30:05,381 --> 00:30:08,563 But when Sunday night rolled around... 556 00:30:09,132 --> 00:30:13,136 Betty and Veronica decided against staying in, 557 00:30:13,162 --> 00:30:15,697 and went on a Valentine's date, 558 00:30:15,723 --> 00:30:17,510 together. 559 00:30:19,111 --> 00:30:23,744 So, imagine their surprise when who should walk in but... 560 00:30:27,339 --> 00:30:30,322 - He wouldn't. - He couldn't. 561 00:30:30,586 --> 00:30:32,713 - That rat-fink! - That rat-fink! 562 00:30:38,114 --> 00:30:39,333 Wait. 563 00:30:39,525 --> 00:30:41,179 Whatever you're about to do... 564 00:30:42,756 --> 00:30:44,584 I have a much better idea. 565 00:30:53,007 --> 00:30:54,197 Betty. 566 00:30:55,205 --> 00:30:57,166 Veronica. What's going on? 567 00:30:57,349 --> 00:31:00,978 We were wondering how your Valentine's date went with your mom. 568 00:31:01,004 --> 00:31:04,205 Yeah, it was nice. Quiet. 569 00:31:05,551 --> 00:31:06,486 Why? 570 00:31:06,512 --> 00:31:09,877 Well, because a night-off gave us a chance to reflect, 571 00:31:09,903 --> 00:31:12,515 and since you've been having such a hard time 572 00:31:12,558 --> 00:31:14,939 deciding between the two of us, 573 00:31:15,126 --> 00:31:16,697 we were thinking... 574 00:31:17,736 --> 00:31:19,738 what if you had us both? 575 00:31:22,827 --> 00:31:25,168 At the exact same time, 576 00:31:25,449 --> 00:31:28,652 for a very, very special date? 577 00:31:30,468 --> 00:31:31,774 Really? 578 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,121 Really. 579 00:31:35,065 --> 00:31:36,707 Say no more. 580 00:31:37,019 --> 00:31:39,347 I'll pick you both up tonight, we'll head over to Lover's Lane. 581 00:31:39,373 --> 00:31:42,028 I know the perfect spot. Nice and private. 582 00:31:42,284 --> 00:31:45,816 Actually, Betty had an interesting idea. 583 00:31:45,972 --> 00:31:49,236 I was thinking we could meet in shop class. 584 00:31:49,262 --> 00:31:51,168 After hours, of course. 585 00:31:51,441 --> 00:31:53,023 Why would we go there? 586 00:31:53,208 --> 00:31:54,948 Don't you know? 587 00:31:55,603 --> 00:31:57,388 It's sound-proof. 588 00:31:57,690 --> 00:32:03,004 And we plan on making a lot of noise. 589 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:09,027 _ 590 00:32:09,157 --> 00:32:11,986 - Come, Archie. Join us. - Come, Archie. Join us. 591 00:32:16,617 --> 00:32:17,967 Wait. 592 00:32:18,112 --> 00:32:19,853 You're forgetting something. 593 00:32:21,836 --> 00:32:23,136 Your coffee. 594 00:32:23,931 --> 00:32:25,894 We took the liberty of brewing it 595 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,558 extra strong for you tonight. 596 00:32:27,584 --> 00:32:31,058 Oh, guys, I really don't think I'm gonna need a boost tonight. 597 00:32:31,084 --> 00:32:33,566 Now, now, no need to posture. 598 00:32:34,031 --> 00:32:37,004 You'll want all your energy for what we have planned. 599 00:32:37,089 --> 00:32:38,473 Promise. 600 00:32:38,499 --> 00:32:41,129 Cross our hearts and hope to die. 601 00:32:54,764 --> 00:32:56,620 Everything all right, Archiekins? 602 00:32:57,576 --> 00:32:59,792 Yeah, no, I'm good. I just... 603 00:33:12,765 --> 00:33:15,286 Someone's waking up, Vee. 604 00:33:15,312 --> 00:33:17,488 I think you're right, Bee. 605 00:33:17,514 --> 00:33:19,292 Welcome back, handsome. 606 00:33:21,573 --> 00:33:22,750 What's happening? 607 00:33:22,776 --> 00:33:25,425 Apologies if you're experiencing a splitting headache. 608 00:33:25,451 --> 00:33:28,776 I wasn't sure how many of my mom's sleeping pills to slip into your coffee. 609 00:33:28,802 --> 00:33:31,715 Whatever it is, I'm sure we can figure it out. 610 00:33:31,741 --> 00:33:33,960 But it's already been figured out, silly. 611 00:33:34,004 --> 00:33:36,398 Trust us. This is a perfect solution. 612 00:33:36,441 --> 00:33:39,618 After all, a problem shared is a problem solved. 613 00:33:39,662 --> 00:33:42,206 - Shall we, Vee? - After you, Bee. 614 00:33:42,232 --> 00:33:44,386 Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait! 615 00:33:44,580 --> 00:33:47,191 Wait, hold on! Hold on! 616 00:33:52,189 --> 00:33:55,323 Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! 617 00:33:55,349 --> 00:33:58,266 This won't hurt... much. 618 00:33:58,550 --> 00:34:01,266 - We just want to double our fun. - We just want to double our fun. 619 00:34:13,711 --> 00:34:15,896 Here, for the first time, 620 00:34:15,922 --> 00:34:18,917 Betty and Veronica are with their beloved Archie 621 00:34:18,962 --> 00:34:22,100 on the same night at the same time, 622 00:34:22,126 --> 00:34:27,297 secure in the knowledge that they'll never have to share him again. 623 00:34:27,558 --> 00:34:31,188 Didn't I tell you he was a half-wit? 624 00:34:38,561 --> 00:34:39,626 Well? 625 00:34:40,117 --> 00:34:42,554 What did you think of that tag-team twist at the end? 626 00:34:42,784 --> 00:34:45,930 O. Henry, eat your heart out, am I right? 627 00:34:46,007 --> 00:34:47,555 I have... 628 00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:49,861 opinions. 629 00:34:50,194 --> 00:34:51,500 Okey-dokey. 630 00:34:52,802 --> 00:34:55,860 I'm detecting a pattern, Jughead. 631 00:34:56,663 --> 00:35:00,665 The sexual politics in most of your stories 632 00:35:00,961 --> 00:35:03,251 are troubling, to say the least. 633 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,274 Veronica, my gosh, 634 00:35:06,902 --> 00:35:09,391 you may be overthinking this. 635 00:35:09,926 --> 00:35:11,883 These stories are just meant to be a gas. 636 00:35:11,909 --> 00:35:13,243 For whom? 637 00:35:13,457 --> 00:35:16,368 Not teen girls, not when you're depicting them like... 638 00:35:17,499 --> 00:35:19,696 shallow, crazy killers. 639 00:35:19,987 --> 00:35:21,797 Is that what you think of us? 640 00:35:22,237 --> 00:35:23,961 No. Of course not. 641 00:35:24,134 --> 00:35:26,354 The boys aren't great shakes, either. 642 00:35:26,608 --> 00:35:28,915 So you admit you're demonizing women? 643 00:35:29,075 --> 00:35:32,665 Veronica, it's just a comic book. 644 00:35:39,695 --> 00:35:42,946 Anyhoo, I'm done now. 645 00:35:43,271 --> 00:35:46,343 Why don't we try to catch that last showing of Diabolique at the Babylonium? 646 00:35:46,626 --> 00:35:48,367 What do you say? My treat. 647 00:35:48,443 --> 00:35:53,391 I think I'll take a page from your last story 648 00:35:53,578 --> 00:35:55,196 and split. 649 00:35:57,223 --> 00:36:00,298 What's going on? Are we not copacetic anymore? 650 00:36:00,324 --> 00:36:03,821 Of course we are. I'm just tired, is all. 651 00:36:04,170 --> 00:36:06,641 I'll catch you at school tomorrow, promise. 652 00:36:07,616 --> 00:36:10,320 And as easy as that, 653 00:36:10,594 --> 00:36:14,876 whatever bubble Veronica and I had been in, just burst. 654 00:36:15,870 --> 00:36:19,157 Tomorrow, at school, things would be different. 655 00:36:20,149 --> 00:36:22,415 We'd no longer be the Marilyn Monroe 656 00:36:22,441 --> 00:36:24,661 and Arthur Miller of Riverdale High. 657 00:36:24,687 --> 00:36:26,336 We'd pass each other in the hall, 658 00:36:26,362 --> 00:36:28,396 but she'd once again be the beautiful socialite, 659 00:36:28,439 --> 00:36:31,312 and I'd be the melvin who writes comic books. 660 00:36:31,346 --> 00:36:35,477 The kind that hopefully weren't corrupting the youth of America. 661 00:36:35,503 --> 00:36:37,927 - _ - "Don't be fooled by their name. 662 00:36:37,970 --> 00:36:40,428 These publications are anything but comic. 663 00:36:40,454 --> 00:36:43,149 In their pages, crime is glorified. 664 00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:47,188 Acts of wanton carnality are celebrated. 665 00:36:48,241 --> 00:36:52,055 Stabbings and beheadings and disembowelings are commonplace, 666 00:36:52,081 --> 00:36:53,883 vividly depicted, 667 00:36:53,943 --> 00:36:57,076 and offered up to our children like so much bubblegum. 668 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,266 If anyone doubts the insidious effects 669 00:36:59,292 --> 00:37:00,906 of this subversive medium, 670 00:37:00,950 --> 00:37:03,313 let me stress what my extensive research 671 00:37:03,339 --> 00:37:04,928 has proven time and again. 672 00:37:05,053 --> 00:37:07,795 There's a direct and undeniable link 673 00:37:07,821 --> 00:37:10,438 between gruesome acts of brutality depicted 674 00:37:10,464 --> 00:37:12,204 in the pages of comic books, 675 00:37:12,265 --> 00:37:15,383 and similar acts of savagery committed in real life 676 00:37:15,409 --> 00:37:18,618 by the juveniles who read these comics books. 677 00:37:18,924 --> 00:37:20,839 Our children are being seduced 678 00:37:20,970 --> 00:37:25,204 by violence, by sex, by depravity. 679 00:37:25,230 --> 00:37:28,110 Their innocence must be preserved 680 00:37:28,449 --> 00:37:30,602 by any means necessary." 681 00:37:31,258 --> 00:37:33,211 I congratulate you, Dr. Werthers. 682 00:37:33,237 --> 00:37:35,375 That's a brilliant editorial. 683 00:37:35,724 --> 00:37:38,540 The soon-to-be-forgotten Muggs murders, 684 00:37:38,899 --> 00:37:41,251 small potatoes compared to the threat to America 685 00:37:41,294 --> 00:37:43,427 that you have outlined here for us tonight. 686 00:37:43,471 --> 00:37:47,866 Thank you, Mr. Mayor. I consider it my civic and moral duty. 687 00:37:47,910 --> 00:37:50,865 That's why these so-called creators 688 00:37:50,891 --> 00:37:55,700 of these dangerous and morally reprehensible stories 689 00:37:55,744 --> 00:37:57,267 must be held accountable 690 00:37:57,293 --> 00:38:00,805 and punished to the full extent of the law. 691 00:38:04,274 --> 00:38:05,971 I've been reading your stories, Jones. 692 00:38:05,997 --> 00:38:07,810 I gotta say, I love 'em. 693 00:38:07,836 --> 00:38:09,365 This is incredible stuff. 694 00:38:09,391 --> 00:38:11,568 Thank you, Mr. Fieldstone. I... 695 00:38:12,516 --> 00:38:13,995 I needed a win today. 696 00:38:14,021 --> 00:38:15,555 Oh, how come? 697 00:38:16,493 --> 00:38:19,141 Let me guess. Girl trouble? 698 00:38:19,249 --> 00:38:20,344 Yeah. 699 00:38:20,836 --> 00:38:24,797 I... kinda had this sweet thing going with this one gal, 700 00:38:24,823 --> 00:38:27,790 but then she read my comics and... 701 00:38:28,548 --> 00:38:30,274 Well, she took it the wrong way. 702 00:38:30,933 --> 00:38:32,935 I don't think she liked what I was saying. 703 00:38:33,042 --> 00:38:34,881 I don't even know what that means. 704 00:38:34,907 --> 00:38:38,680 But you busted your ass to turn those stories around overnight. 705 00:38:38,961 --> 00:38:42,007 And I think you deserve a little something extra for that. 706 00:38:42,051 --> 00:38:44,575 - A bonus? - God, no. What are you, nuts? 707 00:38:44,619 --> 00:38:46,621 No, I'm thinking, credit. 708 00:38:46,664 --> 00:38:48,405 - Your name... - On the cover? 709 00:38:48,449 --> 00:38:51,383 God, no. A byline. 710 00:38:51,713 --> 00:38:54,678 - On the inside. But still... - It's my name in print. 711 00:38:54,704 --> 00:38:57,762 Oh, golly, that would be incredible, Mr. Fieldstone. 712 00:38:57,806 --> 00:38:59,383 I mean, my friends would flip. 713 00:38:59,485 --> 00:39:03,782 How does Jughead "Jugular" Jones sound for a byline? 714 00:39:05,469 --> 00:39:07,797 - I'm crazy for it. - Yeah. 715 00:39:07,823 --> 00:39:09,774 Now, you listen to me, kid, 716 00:39:09,948 --> 00:39:12,493 I don't know much, but I do know this. 717 00:39:12,557 --> 00:39:14,321 Girls come and go. 718 00:39:14,449 --> 00:39:16,047 But your name in print, 719 00:39:16,126 --> 00:39:20,110 now that's a thing that'll make people sit up and take notice. 720 00:39:20,785 --> 00:39:23,222 Little did any of us imagine how prophetic 721 00:39:23,248 --> 00:39:25,899 Mr. Fieldstone's words would turn out to be. 722 00:39:25,925 --> 00:39:28,055 _ 723 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:31,571 www.subtitulamos.tv