Okay, babe, first candidate should be here any minute.
Is the coffee ready?
The tea kettle is charged.
English breakfast, herbal tea,
green tea, decaf, and regular.
Hey, are we sure these pretzel sticks are vegan?
I think so. Is one of the candidates vegan?
Well, with the priestess, I have to assume.
I don't wanna offend her, you know.
I'm worried you're putting too much pressure on this.
Uh...
No, I am not.
This officiant is gonna unite us in front of God
for the rest of our lives. I mean, it is a big deal.
Okay. Yeah, but the right person will find us.
You just have to be yourself and not worry.
And if she doesn't want a pretzel stick, she won't eat it.
Because you think they're not vegan.
I knew it. It's a stupid idea.
I'm gonna throw these out.
Hey.
Look at me.
This is supposed to be fun, alright?
Everything will be okay.
Okay.
Let's have some fun.
Mazel tov on the engagement.
Rabbi Finkel, thank you for coming.
Of course.
So should we call you Pastor Savard
or Pastor Nicole?
Oh, Nicole's fine.
Amethyst, or goddess, if you prefer.
It's very nice to meet you, Amethyst.
Can we call you Tom?
Uh, Reverend Tom, if you don't mind.
I didn't go to divinity school for seven years to be just Tom.
If I may say, you two both have radiant auras.
- Why, thank you. - I've always been
blessed with second sight.
Are those pretzel sticks?
Yeah.
Are-are you sure you're okay with officiating a wedding for,
you know, folks like us?
Who's to say a nice young Jewish boy
couldn't find love with a handsome Catholic?
We're a Side A church.
That means that we believe all loving relationships
are equal in the eyes of God.
That's really beautiful.
I brought you a few scripture passages
on the subject that I think would be great for you to read.
Hmm.
Yours is a cool blue of a sage.
Yours is a fiery, passionate red.
And when you come together,
your couple aura turns into a prismatic...
Purple?
Do you have the sight, too?
No, I'm just familiar with the color wheel.
The passage I recommend for same-sex unions is
"Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li."
I am my beloved's...
- And my beloved is mine. - Yes.
I guess something stuck from Hebrew school.
And people don't always like to hear it.
But sometimes love isn't enough.
Marriage is the greatest commitment you'll ever make.
Especially for you boys.
You'll be joined together for eternity.
Burning in hell.
- Wow. - Hmm.
Thanks for the heads up, Tom.
Yep.
- If I may offer a piece of advice? - Yeah.
Don't listen to the noise.
And believe me, there will be a lot of noise.
Ho, ho, ho. Ha, ha, ha.
He, he, he. Me, me, me.
Dee, dee. He, he, he.
Me, me, me. Thee, thee, thee.
You available on the 26th?
I don't believe in the Christian calendar. Or time.
So all that's left to do now is to enroll you
in some classes.
- Some classes? - To convert, of course.
I don't like to force anything on anyone,
but I always ask my couples to have
the big, difficult conversations now
before you get married.
About work, finances, romance.
Oh, trust me, we've had all of the difficult conversations.
And what about kids?
- We're not gonna have kids. - Can't wait to have them.
What?
*CREDITS*
So who's your leading contender?
I'll be honest, Amethyst had my vote
right up until the moment she said I had a blue aura.
Everybody knows it's emerald green.
Are we seriously not gonna talk about this, Carlos?
Talk about what?
The gaping chasm that just opened up between us?
There's no gaping chasm.
Carlos, since when do you not wanna have kids?
Since when did I ever say I did?
I don't know, I-I guess I just assumed.
You also assumed I didn't have a wife.
You're so funny.
How have we never had this conversation?
I don't know. It's not something I've been thinking about.
Plus, we've been busy working,
trying to have a little fun
when we're not in comas or being abducted.
Yeah, but you... you love kids, Carlos.
I love other people's kids.
Okay. What about your nephews and nieces
or-or Captain Vega's twins or baby Charlie?
All other people's kids.
Yeah, but you're so great with them.
Thank you.
I'm also great with horses.
Something else you probably didn't know.
TK, I just want us to have a chance to be us.
There are so many things I still wanna do with you.
I wanna hike the Great Wall with you.
I wanna sleep in in Tuscany with you. I wanna...
Babe, you don't even hike here, and you hate sleeping in.
Yeah. We've still never been to New York together.
Well, you know that they allow you to bring children into New York?
I just don't think we're anywhere close to being ready
for that level of responsibility.
We've never even had a pet.
Lou.
- Lou? - Lou.
Our pet lizard.
The lizard that escaped five minutes
after you brought it to the house
and that we've released back into the wild?
So you think I'm gonna make a terrible father.
I never said that.
Mm-hmm.
But what I do think...
is that you are going to make a fantastic husband.
V8 engine designed in Modena
with a Milanese leather interior.
The seats are heated.
And to answer your question,
yes, the pastries are complimentary.
Oh, it's awfully fancy, Mitch.
I mean, do we need something so fancy?
After what we've been through?
The universe owes it to us.
We were unhoused when an act of God destroyed our marital abode.
Oh, no. Fire?
Fire department, actually. We lost everything.
Luckily, my uncle passed recently.
Left us his duplex.
Well, that's... good.
And we have a little money put away.
Almost half a million dollars.
We started a GoFundMe after the tragedy
to see how generous people can be to those in need.
It restored our faith in humanity.
Now we flush.
So, what do you say?
I don't know.
- Let's get, uh, more of these. - I gotcha.
I mean, people donated that money
so we could afford a new home,
but we have that now. Shouldn't we give it back?
Lila, when people donate to a worthy cause,
they do it so they feel good.
Do you wanna take that feeling away from them?
Well, no, but it just...
feels so extravagant.
See, that's what you call a poverty mindset,
and you have to get over that.
I know when you look in the mirror,
you see a plebe from the trailer park.
But you know what I see?
What?
A queen.
A queen whose butt belongs
on heated Milanese leather.
That doesn't sound terrible.
Yeah.
You don't have to feel guilty
about getting what you deserve, Lila.
So what do you say?
Oh... We'll take it!
My heart is pumping outta my chest!
- That's the V8. - Whoo-hoo!
Oh, yes! Whoo!
Whoo!
Oh. Ohh! Hey!
Mitch, Mitch. That guy is trying to race us.
Let's do it.
I-I don't know, hon.
Oh, come on. Look at him. Come on. Come on.
Come on!
Speed up! Speed up!
You're lettin' that trash bag pass us!
Whoo! Don't think, just go, baby!
- Whoo! - Woo-hoo-hoo!
Four hundred and fifty horsepower!
Suck it, plebe! Ha-ha!
All hail the queen, bitch! Whoo!
God, I love you.
I love you too, king.
Slow down, slow down!
I'm trying!
No!
_
What happened?
Well, them two nearly crashed their hot rod
into my side dumper.
Nearly crashed?
Well, yeah, they stopped short,
but I was in the middle of a dump.
- Wait, all that's manure? - Yep.
High-quality organic.
They ain't hurt none, but they're, uh,
kinda planted in there.
Are you kidding me? Cap. Do you see who that is?
Wait, why do they look familiar?
They're that couple from that runaway house.
Wait, the ones who filed the complaint against Marjan?
- The same. - Oh, yeah.
Mr. and Mrs. Geralds, as I live and... breathe.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
- Are you hurt? - No, we're not hurt.
We're just stuck.
So stuck like, stuck, stuck can't move?
Well, do you think we'd be sitting in here if we could move?
I don't know you well enough to answer that question.
Captain Vega, you wanna assess the medical injuries?
Will do. TK, get a pulse ox.
Copy that, Cap.
Hey, can I get a ladder over here?
Oh, God.
Mitch, I swallowed some!
Well try keeping your mouth shut, Lila!
Hey, guys.
Oh.
- It's cold. - Satting at 96, Cap.
Everything's alright.
Alright. Stable for extraction.
Captain Strand, they're all yours.
Yeah.
Huh.
Hmm. Mm-mmm.
What? What "hmm"?
Why are you just standing there?
I'm assessing.
What is there to assess?
Get us out of here!
We don't wanna rush. Isn't that right, Marwani?
Oh, that's right, Cap.
There could be mistakes.
Mistakes are bad.
Oh, my God. Just pull us out.
We could just pull you out.
Isn't that right, Judd? We could pull 'em out.
Well, I mean, we could pull 'em out,
but we'd probably just pull their arms right off.
- What? - Yeah.
Cow manure weighs somewhere
between 1,200 and 1,800 pounds per cubic yard,
depending on how much, uh, fiber's in the cows' diet.
I think this one had a lot.
Alright, let's get some shovels in here.
- Yes, Yes, shovels. Thank you. - Yes, yes, yes.
H-How long is this gonna take?
Oh, not long. Hour or two.
No, I cannot breathe in this for another hour.
Well, I suppose we could fit you
with a full-face particle respirator.
- Yes. - Gas mask.
Yes. Yes, that, please.
But if we're gonna go by the book,
those are only deployed for medical reasons.
Captain, can you see any medical reasons?
Uh... no, not a one. Mm.
Well, in that case, it falls to the sole discretion
of the firefighter in charge of equipment.
And who's that?
- Oh. - Oh, no.
What do you say, Marwani?
Should we give 'em a break?
Now, that depends.
We promise whatever happens, we won't sue.
That's good.
But I am gonna need one more thing.
Anything. Just get us out.
Hey, guys, Firefox here.
I ran into some friends at work today
and they really, really wanna say "Hey."
- Hey. - Aw.
Let us help you to hear a little bit better.
Oh, look at that. Go ahead, guys.
I'm Lila Geralds.
And I'm Mitch.
And we'd like
to give our heartfelt thanks
to the brave heroes of the Austin Fire Department.
- For bravely rescuing us. - Hey-oh!
Oh, yeah. Rescuing you from...
Another... crappy situation of our own making.
Well, on behalf of the 126, we'd like to say
you're welcome.
Oh, and to any of you who, uh,
contributed to the Geralds' GoFundMe page,
I'd like you to know that 100 grand of that
was spent on this car in that dung pile over there.
Yeah.
So on behalf of my followers...
next time, why don't y'all go fund yourselves?
Oh!
Alright, well, then, let's stick with New England.
Um... how about Rhode Island?
- Providence. - Yes.
Yeah, you're showing off a little bit for me.
Alright, well, then give me New York.
Easy. It's New York.
No.
No, that's a trick question.
I know it feels like New York should be the capital of New York,
but it is not.
When are we ever going to need to know state capitals?
All the time.
Like when?
Like for game shows.
Laugh.
When you miss out on a brand-new set of washer and dryers,
well, just because you didn't know the capital of New York...
Albany.
Were you messin' with me?
Were you playing a trick on mom right now?
Don't worry, we got this, okay?
We gotta go.
I love you to the moon.
I've been to Albany, and trust me,
the capital really should be New York.
Right? This is what I'm saying. They really need to fix that.
I love how the girls mess with you now.
It's the best. Just...
I don't know, watching them turn into actual people.
Yeah.
Cap, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Did you always wanna be a parent?
Since my first Cabbage Patch doll.
Love that. So it was a matter of when not if?
Not exactly.
It's like wanting to have kids is one thing,
but... being able to have 'em,
that turned out to be a whole other ball of wax.
It wasn't easy?
Fight of my life.
Really?
Well, we take for granted those things
that-that we think will come easily,
and-and then when they don't,
it's, it's the hardest thing in the world.
How'd you handle it?
Not well. In the beginning it was, uh...
I mean, I was angry.
I was angry and depressed and bone-tired.
And... truth be told, ready to quit.
Why didn't you?
Charles.
Yeah. He-he convinced me that all this heartache and struggle
was gonna be worth it.
So I'd get back in the ring
and start slugging it out all over again.
Well, was he right?
Was it worth the fight?
What do you think?
Come on, come on. Extend that right leg.
Alright, come on, Marj, now you got this. Push. Push, push, push.
All right? Push, push, push.
Will you stop?
I'm doing PT, I'm not giving birth.
Uh, he's right, though.
You need to get more extension in that leg.
That's the only way you're gonna get
all the strength in your hip flexor.
- Mm-hmm. - I'm trying.
Oh, come on. It's like my man Yoda says.
"Ain't no try, only do."
Yeah, well, Yoda never got shot in the gut.
I need 20% more extension.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got it, Marj.
You got it! Come on!
Nice job. Release.
Not bad, firefighter.
Not bad?
Mm-hmm.
I just gave you full extension.
Yeah, you did. I'm glad I didn't blink.
Maybe next time you can hold it for longer than... two seconds?
You really do just feed off my misery, don't you?
I do.
And it is delicious.
Ooh. My 1:15 just showed.
See you next week.
See ya.
Peace.
What?
Oh, you really gonna act like that didn't just happen?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm talking about you and trainer Joe
flirting it up a storm over there.
We were not flirting.
Hmm. Okay, well, whatever that was, it was on and poppin'.
Shut up.
My Geralds' poopy picture just hit a million likes.
Best week ever.
Yeah, I bet.
Oh, my God.
What is it?
Salim and his periodontist just had a baby.
Eh. No offense, it's not even that cute.
I mean, for a baby, I mean.
Yeah, its head is kinda pointy.
Like a Conehead.
Thanks, guys. You're the best.
- Ugly baby. - Is it, though?
You know what? Give me this.
- No. - No.
First of all, you need to stop following Salim
on socials, like, immediately.
And second of all, you need to stop moping.
I just got punched in the soul.
Well, don't think of it as a punch in the soul.
Think of it as a kick in the ass.
And how's that supposed to help exactly?
Well, maybe this is the universe's way
of telling you that it's time to get back out there
and start looking for Mr. Right
instead of staring in the rear-view at Mr. Wrong.
- He's got a good point, Marj. - I don't know.
Look, I-I'm not ready to start dating.
You and Salim broke up two years ago.
You deserve a few sparks in your life.
I literally put sparks out for a living.
You know what? Even if I did wanna start dating,
it's a-a whole thing for me.
A thing that I've actually never done before.
The guy has to be Muslim. I'd want there to be a chaperon.
- There's just... - You mean like a babysitter?
I mean, is that like, a rule or something?
'Cause my buddy Amir goes out with chicks solo all the time.
Though he could actually use a babysitter.
- True. - So what are we talking about here,
like a professional chaperon?
No, like my father, uncle, cousin.
- So family. - Exactly.
And mine are all in Miami.
So even if I was ready to put myself out there,
I don't have any family here.
That's a nice try, Marjan.
You got a houseful of family right here.
When the man's right, he is right.
And he's right. So no excuses, Marjan.
You want a chaperon, you got plenty.
Fine!
I'll get back on Ascent and update my profile.
- Let's go, Marj. - Whoo!
- Gettin' it goin'! - It's a start.
- Okay? - What you mean a start?
Well, one dating app ain't gonna cut it.
You gotta be on three.
- Hmm. - At least.
I mean, you know, more pools, more fish.
Why am I already regretting this?
You're gonna have ups and you're gonna have downs.
Never get too high and never get too low.
Finding your prince usually means kissing a lot of frogs.
You have to accept out of the gate that no matter what you do,
some of these dates will be cringe.
Great.
Okay, we're gonna need a safety word.
- A safety word? - Oh, no. He is right.
It's brutal out there, Marjan.
So the chaperons are gonna need like a code word to let us know
when to pull the ripcord for you.
Assalamu alaikum.
Walaikum salam.
So, Omar, uh, you like tea?
- You're hot. - Wow.
Thank you.
No, I mean, you're sweating quite profusely.
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
Uh, you know, I've never...
I've never done one of these before.
Like a date, I mean.
I mean, I did with my fiancé. Ex... Ex-fiancé.
Yeah, we'd known each other since we were 12.
His name is Salim. He just had a baby.
How many frogs did you have to kiss, babe?
The point is that if Disney has taught us anything,
it's that the prince that you're looking for
is usually the last guy you'd expect.
That's why you gotta insert at least one comfort nerd
into the lineup, Marj.
- A comfort nerd? - Yeah.
You know, someone who's chill and will help take the ease off
when it's time for, you know, date day.
Oh, yeah? What does that guy look like?
These are for you.
Wow! Thanks.
- They're beautiful. - Wow.
- They're gorgeous. - Are they paper?
I'm really into paper-based floral arrangements.
Way more sustainable than ammonia-based fertilizers.
Eco-friendly and thoughtful.
Okay, well, what's the word?
I've always liked the word "rutabaga."
It's gonna be a little tricky to work that
- into a conversation, Cap. - Maybe for you.
Uh, okay, how about... How about, um, "popcorn"?
Okay, I guess that works, too.
Okay.
Hassan, if you were to describe
your occupation in one word, what would it be?
- Entrepreneur. - Ah.
Jake Bezos, you better look out, 'cause I'm coming.
- Let's go, baby! - Yeah!
What if I told you that there was a gym
where next to every workout machine
there was a selfie station and no shirts were ever required.
- Sick! - Right?
You gotta keep that concept under your hat, bro.
I'm still out to VCs.
It's like my teta used to say,
"Flowers bloom, but are all gone too soon."
Except these.
Your teta?
It means grandma.
Yeah, I know. I'm Lebanese.
- No way. - Yes way.
What?
So, uh, it says in your profile you're a tax attorney.
- Is that right? - It's what I do.
But it's not who I am.
It's, it's not my passion.
Oh. Well, what is your passion?
I work in the International Dog Rescue Space.
Wow.
It's kinda dorky, but, uh, I love pretty much
anything Harry Potter.
I'm suspicious of all earthly passions, honestly.
Right now, I'm obsessed with my delts.
I crowdsource financing to arrange flights
for dogs to get off the streets
in countries all over the world and into loving homes.
Uh, we fly dogs from Iran to Canada,
Costa Rica, the US.
The needs are, are endless.
That's incredible.
I know it sounds silly, but I think of them as my kids.
Oh, no, that doesn't sound silly at all.
And speaking of, how do you feel about kids?
Like, how many?
- Eight. - Eight?
Yeah. Unless you want more.
Well, you're no longer a spring chicken,
we'd have to hurry, but, um,
your build is strong, so...
Do you think they serve popcorn?
Oh, look at the time in here is somethin'...
- Popcorn. - It's late.
So, uh, how would you feel about me
working after having children?
Fine with it. As long as they root for Man United.
Never! Arsenal or nothing.
I'd be happy to be a stay-at-home dad.
Do you, baby.
Somebody's gotta fund the Hassan Dream. Hashtag life goals.
You know, I'd really love some popcorn.
In a tea house?
Yeah.
Why don't you go check, baby?
Uh, okay.
This is Dorothy.
She lost her ears on the streets of Tehran.
Aw.
She chewed the ears off her toy
so that they match.
Isn't that amazing?
Oh, that is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
I can't rest until I find her a forever home.
Yeah.
So what's your house?
Oh, we work out of the 126.
- Mm-hmm. - No, I mean your Hogwarts house.
Like I'm Ravenclaw. I bet you are, too.
Or Slytherin.
Oh, my God. Please don't tell me you're a Hufflepuff.
I'm not really into the whole Harry Potter thing.
I don't...
You know what? I don't think this is gonna work.
Huh.
Well, that was an experience.
I always go full throttle.
Hey, make sure to follow me on Instagram.
I've been trying to boost that profile.
Would appreciate it.
Text me, bro.
My man. I like the goofy kid.
Hmm.
Marjan. Captain Strand.
- This has been such a pleasure. - Likewise.
But I should probably be going.
Dorothy starts tearing up the furniture
if I'm, uh, late for dinner time.
So, we should do this again.
I'd love that.
- Bye. - Bye.
I think we just found a winner!
I think we just found an angel.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, man, look, literally anybody
can get ordained to marry you guys.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
And what's that entail?
It's easy, man.
I did it online.
What's up, Marj?
Hey, are you getting full bars?
'Cause I don't think I'm... I don't think I'm getting full bars.
- Yeah. - Yeah, me, too.
- Oh... - Wait, Paul, you're ordained?
Yeah, I married my cousin in Chicago
- a couple of years back. - Huh.
What up? What up?
- Hey, yo. - How we doin', family?
What's up? We doin' good. Except for Marj, who has no bars.
Actually, I do have bars, so, yeah.
Girl, what is wrong?
It's that Fauza guy.
Is that the dog rescue guy or the young Omar Sharif-looking guy?
It's the same guy.
We really hit it off.
You know, the date literally ended with him saying,
"We should do this again," and now nothing.
Not a call or a single text.
Hmm. What were his exact words?
Do this again or do this again sometime?
I don't know. Does it make a difference?
- Hell, yeah. - Oh, it makes a big difference, Marj.
That "sometime" qualifier takes it from the concrete to the vague.
Yup. Nuance matters.
Well, nobody told me I should be taking notes.
You know what? I hate this already.
Just means you're doing it right.
Baby, who is blowing up your phone?
Oh, it's Hassan.
Uh, he invited me to his streetwear pop-up downtown later.
Hassan?
Wait, so you're getting a second date before I am?
That's great.
You know what? I'm just gonna bite the bullet
and I'm going to text Fauza and see if he's interested.
- No, no, no, no! - What's wrong with you?
- Don't-don't do that. - Why not?
Because if you text him first, you're gonna look thirsty.
- Mm-hmm. - So it's okay for him to text me first,
but not the other way around?
- Yes. - Why?
The patriarchy.
Just wait it out for a second, alright?
Maybe he's just trying to play it cool or something.
For what?
So that he can amp up my neediness and anxiety
only to relieve it in a rush with one single text?
You sure you've never dated before?
You know what?
I am not gonna fall for this manipulative crap.
I'm officially putting away my phone.
Okay?
It, it's him.
He text me.
You're such a dork.
Oh... She is in it now.
Oh, yeah, she is really in it now.
This is Yasir. Leave a message.
_
Oh, Yasir.
_
Whoo!
Seriously? Pigs!
Oh!
Hi.
Checking in?
Not exactly. My husband already checked in.
His name is Yasir Karim.
Could you just tell me which room he's in?
- It's K-A-R-I-M. - Sorry.
I'm not at liberty to give out that information.
Hotel policy.
I'm his wife, Fara Karim.
I have ID, if that helps.
It doesn't, actually.
I'm not allowed to give out any personal information
about our guests.
Hotel policy.
I'm not asking for his Social Security number.
His car is out in front. I know he's here.
Well, then maybe you should try calling him
and asking him what room he's in.
I've been trying to call him.
Jeez.
He's not answering.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm... seven months pregnant.
Okay, um...
Okay, look, I know he's here with another woman.
I just need to speak to him.
You know, like I'm asking you as a human being to another human being.
Please.
And again, I'm gonna have to
remind you of our hotel policy.
I don't care about your stupid hotel policy.
The hell with you and your hotel policy.
I will bang on every door in this hotel if I have to.
Ma'am.
This really isn't a hotel.
It's what you call a no-tell motel.
So I'm not gonna tell.
Believe me, you're not the first wife
who's come in here trying to catch her cheating husband.
Not even this week, honey.
Okay?
Now I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
You cannot treat people this way.
Well, you're more than welcome
to fill out a comment card on your way out.
Comment card.
Now, just go before I call the cops.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Comment...
Is this against hotel policy?!
Whoo!
_
What the hell happened here?
Apparently, a woman had a heated dispute
with the desk clerk there.
Then went on a rampage
with this skid steer she stole from that construction site.
Any idea what set her off?
According to the clerk, she's seven months pregnant
and her husband's somewhere in the motel with another woman.
- Well, that'll do it. - Yeah.
Any idea where she is?
The-the victim, not the mistress.
Yeah, trapped under that pile there.
And she's seven months pregnant? Do we know if she's injured?
She's talking, says she's fine,
but we haven't been able to get to her to confirm.
Alright, Captain Vega, stand by.
We gotta secure this area.
Alright, 126.
Strickland, Ricardo, cribbing and struts.
Gallagher, Chavez, Marwani, you're on extraction.
- Get out our victim/suspect. - Yep.
Let's try to get this thing done before the whole thing comes down.
Hey, guys, the strut, it's all set over here.
Alright.
I-I'll push, you pry on three.
Okay, one, two, three.
Get this out of your way.
Hey, ma'am, are you hurt?
I don't think so, no.
You got the door?
Alright. How's the baby?
She's kicking, but that's not new.
Okay, take my hand and we're gonna
get you out of here, alright?
No, I'm gonna stay here. You leave me.
That's not an option. This whole cage could collapse
and crush you and your baby any second now.
Everything is already crushed.
What's the difference?
I've lost everything.
That's not true. You still have your baby.
You will have each other.
No, I won't. I'm gonna be in prison.
And the cheating cheater's gonna get custody.
No judge is gonna throw the book at a pregnant woman
who is fighting for her family.
- Not even in Texas. - Especially not in Texas.
So take my hand and let us show your baby girl
how strong her mom is.
Okay. Okay.
- Here, take this. - I got it.
Okay.
You're doing great. Come on.
I'm sorry.
You're okay. Come on.
- She's coming out, Cap. - That's right.
Her BP and vitals are good.
TK, what's the fetal monitor saying?
Baby's heartbeat is at 199, Cap.
Is that bad?
It is a little fast, but that's also expected
given the adventure that the two of you have been on.
Uh, West Park will take a look at you, but I'm not concerned.
Thank you.
Thank you for talking some sense to me.
- How's she doin'? - She's good.
This officer needs to talk to you.
Oh, I'm being arrested, huh?
Afraid so.
You don't have to handcuff her, do you?
I think we can skip that part, but I do have to read you your rights.
Yes, fine. I understand.
I pu...
Yasir, you rat bastard!
- Fara? - God's gonna get you for this
and so is my mother!
- Is that... - Yeah.
Yes, it is.
Uh, Fauza, what the hell, dude?
Marjan?
Wait. You know her? You know him?
Uh, not as Yasir, but, yeah, Fauza.
Fa... that's his brother's name.
Does he have a twin?
Uh, no. Oh, you're gonna hear it from my lawyers
and all my uncles!
Please take me away, sir.
Um, no, you're gonna go with them.
I'll, I'll meet you in the hospital.
Well, let's, um...
You can forget about Saturday night, too.
This is so disappointing.
You...
are a disappointment.
TK! What a nice surprise.
Hey, is this a bad time?
No, no, no. Not at all.
I know I should have called, but...
Do I smell fried chicken?
Maybe.
Dad, are you crushing
an entire bucket of chicken by yourself?
Chicken buckets.
Rough day?
Oh, it's Fauza.
- What a disappointment. - Yeah.
It's weird when they drop the preexisting spouse bomb on you.
Oh, that's right.
Well, at least Carlos divorced his.
Annulled, but, yes.
And that was never a question for us.
Now, the kids question.
Whoa, wait a minute. He has a kid?
- No, he-he doesn't have a kid. - Oh.
I just found out that he never wants to.
Sounds like you could use some chicken.
- How's this so good? - Mm. Right?
You know what scares me, Dad?
Is what it says about us, that we've never even discussed it.
It says to me you avoided the conversation on purpose.
Avoided?
I don't avoid.
I think you didn't ask TK about kids
because you knew what his answer would be.
We're in such a good place.
Also, we've been really busy lately.
For three years, Carlitos?
Por favor.
You're gonna have to do better than that.
People get busy. That's the thing.
Yeah, but not too busy to have a conversation so foundational.
And that's not what healthy couples do.
You know, your mother and I never discussed
what religion you were gonna be
until I overheard her scheduling your bris in the delivery room.
Needless to say, a very animated conversation ensued.
You don't think it's because I'm an addict?
He's worried that I'll relapse?
Maybe that's what's really bothering you.
No. I believe in TK's recovery with my whole heart.
Is that what he said the reason was?
No. He said it's because he wants us to travel the world.
What? I've only left the state, like, twice in my life.
And we had to take you kicking and screaming both times.
You got homesick after a weekend in Branson.
Ay, mi amor.
Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you?
Honestly, I don't feel comfortable saying it out loud.
Is it that you're worried
that the child's not gonna have a mother in their life?
Because I'm here for you, and so are your sisters.
I know you are.
I'm not worried about who the mother will be.
I'm worried about who's going to be the father.
And I don't mean TK.
- I blame you. - Me?
Yeah, because I have such a great father/son situation here,
I wanted to, you know, pay it forward.
TK and Owen have always had such a special relationship
from the time he was little.
I didn't start one with my dad until two years ago.
That is not true.
I'm afraid I won't measure up.
But I also don't wanna push him into something
that he doesn't want.
Does that make me compassionate or selfish?
I can't answer that, but what I can tell you
is almost every time I put your mother's needs before mine,
I ended up being happier
than if I'd gotten what I thought I wanted.
So you're saying I should give up the dream?
No.
What I'm saying is that you have to be considerate
for his feelings just as much as your own.
And whatever you decide...
you have to be honest with him.
And take what the universe gives you.
Because no matter what happens, mijo,
the most important thing...
Is that TK's by my side.
'cause Carlos is my person.
Okay. I got grape leaves, I got rice, and I got garlic.
You get the mint. I'm gonna get the Aleppo pepper.
Right. And we need snoubar.
Snoubar? What is snoubar?
Probably under pine nuts.
Oh, no, Asha's allergic to nuts.
Is it gonna ruin it if we don't use it?
No, it's all good.
Actually, you know, I-I wanted to say thank you.
Um, I appreciate you guys inviting me over for dinner.
But, you know, if you wanna spend the night alone
as a couple, I totally get it.
I don't wanna be a third wheel.
Marjan, we are not inviting you. You're helping me cook.
How else am I supposed to make a
authentic Lebanese mezze by myself?
Yeah, that would be a disaster.
Okay, we need eggplant for baba ghanoush.
Yes.
Oh!
- Oh. Trainer Joe. - Hey, you two!
Hey.
What are you, what are you doing here...
in a halal market?
Well, I only eat halal meat, and I felt like a porterhouse.
You're Muslim?
Is that really such a shock?
Yeah, kinda, you know.
Because I'm Black and my name is Joe?
I was only messing with you because I am Black
but my name is actually Yusuf.
Right.
Okay, well, how come you never mentioned that
in any of our sessions?
Why would I? I don't bring my personal life to work.
- Yeah, I respect that. Yeah. - Yeah.
Assalamu alaikum.
Walaikum salam.
Alright. It was, uh, it was nice running into you, Joe. Yusuf.
Uh, you, too. I'll see you Thursday.
Actually, uh...
maybe you wanna see me tonight?
I'm-I'm going to this guy's house with his girlfriend for dinner,
and I could really use a fourth wheel.
I don't know.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry. Forget I even asked.
I was gonna say, I don't know
if one porterhouse would be enough.
- You're messin' with me. - Aah.
I was messing with you.
I would love to.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Cool.
- He wants me to... Yeah. - Yes. Yes, he does.
- Hey, babe. - Hi. Perfect timing.
- How was your day? - Good.
- What are you cooking? - Beef Wellington.
Can I get you a glass of wine?
First, tell me the occasion.
No occasion. Just every night that I get to spend with you
is a night worth celebrating.
Don't worry.
This isn't a bribe.
Well, neither is this.
What is this?
It's a surprise.
What's in the box? What's in the box?
You do a horrible Brad Pitt, you know that?
I know, but you love it.
I don't, actually, but I do love you.
So, go on, open it.
Oh, my God.
A bearded dragon?
- Babe, it's... - Terrifying.
Beautiful.
Wow.
Hey, little buddy.
Hey.
Hey, little guy.
I know you're ready to be a father.
And I have no doubt that you would be an amazing one.
But I'm not so sure I'm there yet.
Or ever will be.
Hmm.
I just wanted to be honest with you
and say that this may be the only child
we ever share together.
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
Really? Are you sure?
Carlos, would you just take the yes?
Okay.
Yes, TK.
Also, they told me it likes to eat live crickets.
So, that's gonna be your job.
I got it.
What should we name this little guy?
I was thinking Louis the Second or Lou II.
Why don't we ask him? Let's see which one he likes better.
- Okay. - Okay.
Ohh, crap.
He already got out, didn't he?
Couldn't have gone far, right?
Uh, Louis the Second?
Lou II?
I'm never sleeping again.
Oh, boy.
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