1
00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:04,852
? It seems today that all you see ?

2
00:00:04,853 --> 00:00:08,157
? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ?

3
00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:11,759
? But where are those good
old-fashioned values ?

4
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,762
? On which we used to rely? ?

5
00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:18,267
? Lucky there's a family guy ?

6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,837
? Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ?

7
00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,439
? All the things that make us ?

8
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,940
? Laugh and cry ?

9
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:29,035
? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ?

10
00:00:29,036 --> 00:00:32,638
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com

11
00:00:32,639 --> 00:00:34,942
Previously on Family Guy...

12
00:00:34,943 --> 00:00:37,033
Certain of his own wit and intellect,

13
00:00:37,034 --> 00:00:39,151
Brian opened up a Twitter account.

14
00:00:39,152 --> 00:00:42,106
If you ask me, Twitter is the
perfect place for that guy,

15
00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:43,437
because he's a twit.

16
00:00:43,438 --> 00:00:46,141
But an off-color tweet
suddenly made Brian

17
00:00:46,142 --> 00:00:48,172
a pariah to all of Quahog,

18
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,658
forcing the family to
make the difficult choice

19
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,682
of sending him to a crappy apartment

20
00:00:52,683 --> 00:00:54,201
on the other side of town.

21
00:00:54,401 --> 00:00:55,801
-

22
00:00:55,869 --> 00:00:57,853
Brian, the family has spoken.

23
00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,977
You know, you're the only man in America

24
00:00:59,978 --> 00:01:02,478
who looks good in sandals
and cargo shorts.

25
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,730
Good luck, everyone. I'll miss you.

26
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,162
Uhp, something's comin'!

27
00:01:08,832 --> 00:01:11,167
Brian. Brian!

28
00:01:11,168 --> 00:01:14,056
I said you're a week late on your rent.

29
00:01:14,057 --> 00:01:15,605
Well, I can get you the
money. Hang-hang on.

30
00:01:15,606 --> 00:01:17,674
Let me just make a call.

31
00:01:17,675 --> 00:01:20,006
Hello. You've reached...

32
00:01:20,007 --> 00:01:21,814
- The Griffins!
- Chris!

33
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,916
See that? I told you we
should've rehearsed this.

34
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,331
- Lois, can we do it over?
- No, that's eight times.

35
00:01:26,332 --> 00:01:28,805
- Just leave a message.
- I'm sorry.

36
00:01:28,806 --> 00:01:30,131
Hey, guys.

37
00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:32,568
It's me again. Brian.

38
00:01:33,143 --> 00:01:34,785
We haven't talked since I moved out,

39
00:01:34,786 --> 00:01:37,563
so I figured, you know, 10:00,

40
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:40,329
you're probably on the
couch watching Pawn Stars.

41
00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:43,186
So, uh, pick up.

42
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,088
Pick up?

43
00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:48,524
Uh, da, da, da, da, da, da.

44
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,735
Maybe you went out.

45
00:01:50,636 --> 00:01:52,945
Da, da, da, da, da, da.

46
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,511
Da, da, da...

47
00:01:54,512 --> 00:01:56,646
Ooh-wa, ooh...

48
00:01:56,647 --> 00:01:59,160
Okay. Well, again, it's Brian.

49
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:01,370
Um, guys, really, really, call me back.

50
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,819
It's Brian. Bye.

51
00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:04,333
So, what do you think?

52
00:02:04,334 --> 00:02:06,124
Is your family gonna give
you money for the rent?

53
00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:07,226
Yeah, I'm thinking no.

54
00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:08,795
Well, you got to do something, Brian.

55
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,595
- You're a week behind.
- Okay, okay.

56
00:02:10,596 --> 00:02:12,337
Look, I'll get a job, okay?

57
00:02:12,338 --> 00:02:13,966
There's got to be something I can do.

58
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,537
It's not like I'm Ringo.

59
00:02:15,538 --> 00:02:18,037
Well, lads, what do you think
of the new album cover?

60
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:21,573
Great, but it won't look good
when it's shrunk down for a CD.

61
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:23,576
CD? What's a CD?

62
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:26,045
A digital compact disc.

63
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,047
Ringo, are you from the future?

64
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,116
Yeah. And I outlive two of you.

65
00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:32,618
- Which two?
- Yeah, come on, Ringo. Tell us.

66
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:37,123
Okay, but you all have to agree
to do my song about the octopus.

67
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,458
Hey, before you tell us,

68
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,326
I'm gonna go and smoke
a thousand cigarettes.

69
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,295
And I'm gonna move to New York City

70
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:44,231
and walk in and out of my building.

71
00:02:48,651 --> 00:02:52,071
Okay, everybody, time to go to
Grandma and Grandpa's house.

72
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:54,173
- They're dead.
- Not your grandparents, Peter.

73
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,641
I'm talking about my parents.

74
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:56,843
I hate going there.

75
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,078
I'm not allowed to touch
anything in their house.

76
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,514
And, besides, today's Dolph
Lundgren's birthday,

77
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,282
and me and the guys always celebrate it

78
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,619
by watching Rocky IV.

79
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:06,752
Fine, we're probably
better off without you.

80
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:09,856
You always find a way to
embarrass us at my parents'.

81
00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:13,844
Please pass the All Fruit.

82
00:03:15,012 --> 00:03:17,015
Pass the Polaner All Fruit.

83
00:03:18,482 --> 00:03:20,367
Pass the Polaner All Fruit.

84
00:03:21,552 --> 00:03:23,669
Would you please pass the jelly?

85
00:03:30,861 --> 00:03:34,780
Hi. We're concerned that many
of you Family Guy fans under 40

86
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,215
didn't get that reference,

87
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,093
so I'm gonna take you through
the actual commercial.

88
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,554
Okay, typical '80s stuffy brunch.

89
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,356
Please pass the All Fruit.

90
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,212
Clearly the matriarch.
She's got the most pearls.

91
00:03:45,213 --> 00:03:46,692
Pass the Polaner All Fruit.

92
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,310
Weird sexual tension there.

93
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,980
Pass the Polaner All Fruit.

94
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,565
Okay, okay, watch. Here's
where it all goes to hell.

95
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,085
Would you please pass the jelly?

96
00:03:55,092 --> 00:03:56,511
See? He called it jelly.

97
00:03:56,512 --> 00:03:58,353
See... All right, now,
what I don't get is,

98
00:03:58,354 --> 00:04:00,440
if they know this guy,
why are they surprised

99
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,041
by the way he talks? Right?

100
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,019
And if they don't know him,
why is he at the table?

101
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,546
Okay, now you have the information

102
00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:09,274
that would've made that funny
had you had it going in.

103
00:04:13,771 --> 00:04:16,088
All right, you ready to watch Rocky IV?

104
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,323
- Let's do it!
- Yeah!

105
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,225
Happy Dolph Lundgren Day!

106
00:04:20,025 --> 00:04:20,925
-

107
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,728
What the... what the hell?

108
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:24,064
Try blowing on it.

109
00:04:29,064 --> 00:04:29,464
-

110
00:04:29,618 --> 00:04:30,937
Crap! It doesn't work!

111
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,406
Well, we got to watch the
movie. It's our tradition.

112
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,374
We could just stream
it on your Apple TV.

113
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:37,877
Is that what that is? I
thought it was a coaster.

114
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,379
I've been putting cold, wet
things on it for a month.

115
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:43,601
Turn it on. I'm sure we can
find Rocky IV on there.

116
00:04:45,603 --> 00:04:48,021
I don't know how to turn it on.
It doesn't have any buttons.

117
00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:49,589
Well, maybe it's voice-activated.

118
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:53,111
Rocky IV! Rocky IV!

119
00:04:54,111 --> 00:04:55,728
Let's just go to the damn store.

120
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:59,090
Hold on, hold on, let me try
screaming at the PlayStation.

121
00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:04,870
Hey, you guys, why the long faces?

122
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,872
Eh, we were trying to watch Rocky IV

123
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,541
and our DVD didn't work.

124
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,209
And that's just Scottie Pippen.

125
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,644
When I was a baby,

126
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:15,449
they pulled me out of my moms real slow.

127
00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:16,949
We got a bin of old movies.

128
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,803
Rocky IV might be in there.

129
00:05:19,836 --> 00:05:20,820
Let's see.

130
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,723
Talladega Nights, everywhere.

131
00:05:22,724 --> 00:05:24,824
Ladybugs, classic Rodney.

132
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,827
A Million Ways to Die in
the West, no, thank you.

133
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,147
Here it is! Rocky IV!

134
00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:35,836
Aw, nuts, this one's
written in terrorism.

135
00:05:35,837 --> 00:05:37,470
That's, uh, Cyrillic.

136
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,071
It's a Russian bootleg.

137
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,440
All right, we'll take it.
It's better than nothing.

138
00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:43,582
Hey!

139
00:05:48,699 --> 00:05:51,669
Welcome aboard, Brian. This
is your coworker, Martha.

140
00:05:56,339 --> 00:05:57,824
Pleased to meet you, Brian.

141
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,271
Pleasure's all mine. So, any advice?

142
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:03,029
Well, there's a script you
can go off of, if you want.

143
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,665
Ah, script. Now you're
talking my language.

144
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,166
Writer.

145
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:10,002
So, watch out, or you might
end up in one of my scripts.

146
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,838
"Martha, gorgeous, headstrong,

147
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,473
legs as long as spaghetti
noodles, enters."

148
00:06:15,510 --> 00:06:17,543
Why don't you just take your first call?

149
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,178
Suicide hotline.

150
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:22,048
Hey, I'm a pathetic dog
whose family kicked him out,

151
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,516
and I want to kill myself.

152
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,850
- Stewie?
- Hey, Brian!

153
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:27,171
How's the new job going?

154
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,560
All right, here comes the fight.

155
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,663
Get ready to eat it, Drago!

156
00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:40,300
And Balboa is down!

157
00:06:40,301 --> 00:06:41,567
Drago wins!

158
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:45,372
- What the hell?
- Son of a bitch!

159
00:06:45,373 --> 00:06:48,642
Those Ruski bastards changed
the movie so Drago wins!

160
00:06:48,643 --> 00:06:50,177
Yeah! Rocky gets up!

161
00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:51,877
Not only does he not get up,

162
00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:55,381
he's holding a sign that says,
"Workers of the world, unite!"

163
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,384
Well, that-that seems
like a logical idea,

164
00:06:57,385 --> 00:06:59,185
but this aggression will not stand!

165
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:02,054
I'm writing Vladimir
Putin an angry e-mail.

166
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,656
"Dear Vladimir..."

167
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,224
Ho-ho! That's telling him.

168
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,326
"I hope this e-mail finds you well."

169
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:10,096
Oh, man, I wish I could see his face.

170
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,564
"I'll get right to the point.

171
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,399
My friends and I were aghast

172
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,168
when we saw what you did
to the end of Rocky IV.

173
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,504
Everyone knows that any American

174
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,074
can beat up any Russian
on any day of the week.

175
00:07:21,075 --> 00:07:23,776
Other than that, all
is well on this end.

176
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,345
Chris continues to hit the
books as best he can,

177
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,881
and his grades have
shown some improvement.

178
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,884
Stewie is growing like a weed.

179
00:07:30,885 --> 00:07:34,220
And Meg has become a woman
in front of our very eyes."

180
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,355
And... send.

181
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,192
I think we lost a little
steam there at the end.

182
00:07:43,979 --> 00:07:47,799
We now return to Captain
America: Civil Union.

183
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,136
All right, Captain America,
we have to get ready

184
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,771
for the big fight with the other heroes.

185
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,240
- Who do we have on our side?
- Well, Hawkeye, we've got you,

186
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:57,243
Scarlet Witch, the Falcon,
and, of course, Randy.

187
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,445
- Who's Randy?
- You know Randy.

188
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:00,780
Lives in my guesthouse.

189
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,047
We've been friends since college.

190
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,249
He's... my pal.

191
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,917
He's the guy I went to Paris with.

192
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,619
You are such a coward!

193
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,953
Randy!

194
00:08:12,675 --> 00:08:14,293
Vladimir Putin?!

195
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,062
Da. Where is bathroom?

196
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,344
I George Brett myself on plane.

197
00:08:18,345 --> 00:08:19,465
Gross!

198
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,151
You can Google that
during the commercial.

199
00:08:26,436 --> 00:08:28,588
Oh, my God. President Putin?

200
00:08:28,589 --> 00:08:30,448
What-what are you doing here?

201
00:08:30,449 --> 00:08:32,454
Husband write me impertinent e-mail.

202
00:08:32,455 --> 00:08:35,023
Says any American can
beat up any Russian.

203
00:08:35,024 --> 00:08:36,858
I am here to prove him wrong.

204
00:08:36,859 --> 00:08:38,994
You're gonna beat up my husband?

205
00:08:38,995 --> 00:08:41,363
Unless he American chicken.

206
00:08:42,666 --> 00:08:44,866
Did you just call me chicken?

207
00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:45,866
Yes. Chicken.

208
00:08:45,867 --> 00:08:47,702
Fi-cray! Fi-cray! Fi-cray!

209
00:08:47,703 --> 00:08:49,671
Sound different in Russia.

210
00:08:49,672 --> 00:08:52,841
Nobody calls me... chicken.

211
00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:54,776
Outside, now.

212
00:08:54,777 --> 00:08:57,212
Hi, we're from Publishers
Clearing House.

213
00:08:57,213 --> 00:09:01,116
I have a million-dollar check
for someone named Chicken.

214
00:09:01,117 --> 00:09:03,537
A conflict!

215
00:09:05,071 --> 00:09:06,555
You're going down!

216
00:09:06,556 --> 00:09:08,689
- Kick his ass, Peter!
- Yeah, kick his ass!

217
00:09:08,690 --> 00:09:10,409
Punch his ass, Peter!

218
00:09:14,897 --> 00:09:16,731
Oh, pretty quick, huh?

219
00:09:16,732 --> 00:09:18,733
Well, how about this?

220
00:09:20,368 --> 00:09:22,036
Here comes the haymaker!

221
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,809
You had enough?

222
00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:32,981
He gone.

223
00:09:32,982 --> 00:09:34,583
Peter!

224
00:09:34,584 --> 00:09:37,004
Oh, looks like Putin's phone is buzzing.

225
00:09:46,511 --> 00:09:48,829
Brian?

226
00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:51,265
Oh, hey, Marth... a.

227
00:09:51,266 --> 00:09:53,501
- What are you doing here?
- I'm always here.

228
00:09:53,502 --> 00:09:56,170
Suicide is not a nine-to-five problem.

229
00:09:57,173 --> 00:09:58,840
Yeah, so I was thinking,

230
00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:00,942
maybe we could Netflix and grill.

231
00:10:00,943 --> 00:10:03,044
I think it's "Netflix and chill."

232
00:10:03,045 --> 00:10:05,713
Oh. Good, 'cause I don't have a grill.

233
00:10:05,714 --> 00:10:07,281
Hey, do you have Netflix?

234
00:10:07,282 --> 00:10:08,916
The credit card numbers
I've been guessing

235
00:10:08,917 --> 00:10:09,951
keep getting rejected.

236
00:10:09,952 --> 00:10:11,536
Good night, Brian.

237
00:10:12,688 --> 00:10:16,057
Well, nothing says I
can't date her up here.

238
00:10:16,058 --> 00:10:20,028
Let's see what kind of Facebook
account we got for this Martha.

239
00:10:20,029 --> 00:10:21,529
Uhp, private account.

240
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,431
But... sister.

241
00:10:23,432 --> 00:10:26,534
Similar age. Few parties
they went to together.

242
00:10:26,535 --> 00:10:28,602
Ooh, "Grandpa's Funeral."

243
00:10:28,603 --> 00:10:31,106
Baby look good in black.

244
00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:32,974
That's her mom?

245
00:10:32,975 --> 00:10:35,661
Damn. I can work with this.

246
00:10:40,566 --> 00:10:43,600
You know, this is exactly what
Dr. Fishbein was talking about.

247
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,339
I never go for it.

248
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,124
? Martha ?

249
00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:51,960
? You're playing hide and seek ?

250
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:54,228
? With love ?

251
00:10:54,229 --> 00:10:55,563
? Martha ?

252
00:10:55,564 --> 00:10:57,732
? This is what Dr. Fishbein ?

253
00:10:57,733 --> 00:11:00,602
? Was talking about ?

254
00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:02,437
? Martha ?

255
00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:04,105
? With a little bit of love ?

256
00:11:04,106 --> 00:11:06,107
? And a whole lot of sass... ?

257
00:11:06,108 --> 00:11:07,509
You know what, Brian, I will...

258
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:09,196
Oh, my God!

259
00:11:12,365 --> 00:11:14,849
Gross! You scumbag!

260
00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:18,453
? Dr. Fishbein predicted it'd
be three years of treatment ?

261
00:11:18,454 --> 00:11:21,622
? And Martha's only six months in... ?

262
00:11:21,623 --> 00:11:24,025
Come on, Marth... a.

263
00:11:24,026 --> 00:11:26,628
? Martha ?

264
00:11:26,629 --> 00:11:28,649
? It's gonna work out. ?

265
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,469
I'll tell you something,
if he were here right now,

266
00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:36,538
I'd kick his ass.

267
00:11:36,539 --> 00:11:38,173
Just like hundreds of dead journalists,

268
00:11:38,174 --> 00:11:40,308
I'm not afraid of Vladimir Putin.

269
00:11:40,309 --> 00:11:43,562
Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

270
00:11:45,465 --> 00:11:46,514
Yes!

271
00:11:50,453 --> 00:11:52,320
Peter, you not coward I thought.

272
00:11:52,321 --> 00:11:54,054
You put up impressive fight.

273
00:11:54,055 --> 00:11:55,622
Thanks, Vladimir.

274
00:11:55,623 --> 00:11:57,525
You know, as someone who
doesn't read the paper

275
00:11:57,526 --> 00:12:00,061
or listen to the news,
you're not such a bad guy.

276
00:12:00,062 --> 00:12:01,228
Well, thank you.

277
00:12:01,229 --> 00:12:03,063
To show there are no hard feelings,

278
00:12:03,064 --> 00:12:04,999
anyone want to go to strip club

279
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,335
and look at some cat emojis with me?

280
00:12:07,336 --> 00:12:09,536
- Hell yeah.
- I'm up for the strip club.

281
00:12:09,537 --> 00:12:11,305
Great. Who's driving?

282
00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:14,041
You know, you're gonna think I'm
crazy, but it's such a nice day,

283
00:12:14,042 --> 00:12:16,243
I was kind of thinking
of taking my shirt off

284
00:12:16,244 --> 00:12:17,411
and riding a horse there.

285
00:12:17,412 --> 00:12:18,847
Get out.

286
00:12:18,848 --> 00:12:20,881
That's totally my thing!

287
00:12:23,886 --> 00:12:27,155
Ah, the sun feels good
on my drunk chest.

288
00:12:27,156 --> 00:12:29,424
You know what, you're a good guy, Peter.

289
00:12:29,425 --> 00:12:30,592
Friend?

290
00:12:30,593 --> 00:12:32,527
How do you say "friend" in Russian?

291
00:12:32,528 --> 00:12:34,094
There is no Russian word for it.

292
00:12:34,095 --> 00:12:36,731
Well, you're my friend now.
Funny how this worked out.

293
00:12:36,732 --> 00:12:38,066
Who would have thought, huh?

294
00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:40,602
I guess things not
always what they seem.

295
00:12:40,603 --> 00:12:43,938
Yeah. I mean, except for
Ronan Farrow, who is clearly

296
00:12:43,939 --> 00:12:47,342
Woody Allen's son and
absolutely not Frank Sinatra's.

297
00:12:47,343 --> 00:12:49,744
I.. You know, I-I'm glad
you could make it home

298
00:12:49,745 --> 00:12:51,212
for the family dinner, Ronan.

299
00:12:51,213 --> 00:12:53,448
You got it, four eyes.
Wouldn't miss a dinner

300
00:12:53,449 --> 00:12:55,784
with my cuckoo dad for the world.

301
00:12:55,785 --> 00:12:58,119
Hey, Anna May Wong, no
tickie, no shirtie.

302
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,954
I'm just kidding around,
rice bowl. Geez, lighten up.

303
00:13:00,955 --> 00:13:03,558
This room is tighter than
Ava Gardner's caboose.

304
00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:04,926
Us, right?

305
00:13:04,927 --> 00:13:07,202
It's like lookin' in a mirror.

306
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,034
Well, Peter, thank you
for showing me Quahog.

307
00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:15,303
Ah, it was fun.

308
00:13:15,304 --> 00:13:16,971
I'm gonna miss you, Vladimir.

309
00:13:16,972 --> 00:13:18,740
So come with me back to Russia.

310
00:13:18,741 --> 00:13:19,974
I need friend.

311
00:13:19,975 --> 00:13:22,544
Ah, I'm flattered, but my home is here.

312
00:13:22,545 --> 00:13:24,279
And besides, I can't go to Russia.

313
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,147
I'm scared of Brigitte Nielsen.

314
00:13:26,148 --> 00:13:27,982
She is here with you in your country.

315
00:13:27,983 --> 00:13:29,150
She-she's here now? Is she...

316
00:13:29,151 --> 00:13:30,784
O... All ri... Okay, okay, let's go.

317
00:13:30,785 --> 00:13:33,173
Let's go, let's go, let's
go, wheels up, let's go!

318
00:13:35,942 --> 00:13:38,426
Oh, my God, she can smell
the tiny bottles of booze.

319
00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:40,679
We got to go! We got to go now!

320
00:13:48,938 --> 00:13:52,340
Dear Lord, please send me a
six-foot-seven blonde woman

321
00:13:52,341 --> 00:13:55,209
who likes to drink until she blacks out.

322
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,720
I think we got our prayers crossed.

323
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,773
Welcome to Russia, Peter.

324
00:14:11,774 --> 00:14:15,478
Man, Russia has the hottest and
ugliest women in the world.

325
00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:17,080
All tens and ones.

326
00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:19,249
Wow! Whoa.

327
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,682
Wow! Whoa.

328
00:14:20,683 --> 00:14:23,653
- Wow! Whoa.
- Whoa.

329
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,754
Aw, I'm a "whoa."

330
00:14:25,755 --> 00:14:27,356
I know what'll cheer you up.

331
00:14:27,357 --> 00:14:30,092
We listen to funny morning zoo on radio.

332
00:14:30,093 --> 00:14:32,995
You're listening to backwards-K-FMB.

333
00:14:32,996 --> 00:14:35,598
I am The Penis, here with Buttocks.

334
00:14:35,599 --> 00:14:37,667
Hello, Buttocks.

335
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,435
Ha. Humor.

336
00:14:39,436 --> 00:14:42,539
Now time for government-approved
prank phone call.

337
00:14:48,479 --> 00:14:49,946
What?

338
00:14:49,947 --> 00:14:51,647
Is your refrigerator running?

339
00:14:51,648 --> 00:14:52,681
Yes.

340
00:14:52,682 --> 00:14:54,617
You are very fortunate.

341
00:14:58,372 --> 00:15:01,291
I've tried everything, Lou.
I told her I was sorry.

342
00:15:01,292 --> 00:15:02,859
I even sent flowers.

343
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,661
She's gonna report me,
and I'm gonna get fired.

344
00:15:04,662 --> 00:15:05,895
Wh-What can I do?

345
00:15:05,896 --> 00:15:08,130
Do what I do when people
don't pay their rent:

346
00:15:08,131 --> 00:15:10,133
plant drugs and call the cops.

347
00:15:10,134 --> 00:15:11,801
I don't know, I-I may be broke,

348
00:15:11,802 --> 00:15:14,470
but that seems like a crappy
thing to do to somebody.

349
00:15:14,471 --> 00:15:16,004
Well, then you're evicted.

350
00:15:16,005 --> 00:15:17,706
Okay, fine.

351
00:15:17,707 --> 00:15:19,374
But where am I gonna get drugs?

352
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:22,096
Walk me to my car. My
trunk is full of coke.

353
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,084
Brian Griffin?

354
00:15:28,085 --> 00:15:30,105
Your life's about to change.

355
00:15:32,073 --> 00:15:33,489
Brian Griffin?

356
00:15:33,490 --> 00:15:35,771
We're not having a lot of luck today.

357
00:15:41,515 --> 00:15:42,999
So, what do you do for fun around here?

358
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,867
- You got DirecTV?
- We have Time Warner.

359
00:15:44,868 --> 00:15:46,502
- You got HBO?
- We have Starz.

360
00:15:46,503 --> 00:15:48,705
- You got ESPN?
- We have Fox Sports 1.

361
00:15:48,706 --> 00:15:50,875
- Does that come in HD?
- 420P.

362
00:15:50,876 --> 00:15:51,907
You got...

363
00:15:51,908 --> 00:15:55,110
Everything you say, I say
something little bit worse.

364
00:15:55,111 --> 00:15:57,446
- You got Simpsons?
- We have Family Guy.

365
00:15:57,447 --> 00:15:59,150
Ah, I did it to myself.

366
00:16:02,936 --> 00:16:04,854
Well, just shoot her first.

367
00:16:04,855 --> 00:16:06,356
It's not called "suicide-murder,"

368
00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:08,090
it's called "murder-suicide."

369
00:16:08,091 --> 00:16:10,292
Brian, can I talk to you for a second?

370
00:16:10,293 --> 00:16:12,528
- Yeah, sure.
- I wanted to tell you,

371
00:16:12,529 --> 00:16:15,031
I thought a lot about what
happened, and I guess...

372
00:16:15,032 --> 00:16:18,568
In your own weird way...
you were complimenting me.

373
00:16:18,569 --> 00:16:21,055
Um, w... w-what?

374
00:16:24,866 --> 00:16:27,518
I just wanted to let you know
I'm not going to tell anyone

375
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,220
about what happened, and...

376
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:32,110
maybe we could get that drink tomorrow.

377
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,486
Tell 'em you have no idea
how your hair strands

378
00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:38,321
got in that baggie. Hello, Officer!

379
00:16:38,322 --> 00:16:41,257
- Is this your desk, ma'am?
- Yeah. Why, Officer?

380
00:16:41,258 --> 00:16:42,492
Found it.

381
00:16:42,493 --> 00:16:44,760
- What is that?
- Like you don't know.

382
00:16:44,761 --> 00:16:47,830
Cocaine. Glorious cocaine.

383
00:16:47,831 --> 00:16:49,632
Best thing ever.

384
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,401
You're gonna have to come with us.

385
00:16:51,402 --> 00:16:53,735
And, Jeff, you might want
to call your sponsor.

386
00:16:53,736 --> 00:16:55,138
You did this, didn't you?

387
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,674
I knew you were a little
twerp as soon as I met you.

388
00:16:57,675 --> 00:16:59,475
He did this! He planted that!

389
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,843
Martha, I'm so sorr...

390
00:17:00,844 --> 00:17:02,412
You bastard!

391
00:17:04,764 --> 00:17:06,648
Aah! My leg is broken!

392
00:17:06,649 --> 00:17:09,670
Only thing I can possibly
do is lick it repeatedly.

393
00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:15,604
There we go. That's fixing it.

394
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,852
Please pass the aspic.

395
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,982
I'll have the aspic.

396
00:17:30,123 --> 00:17:33,209
I, too, will have the aspic.

397
00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:35,444
Could you please pass the beef jelly?

398
00:17:38,031 --> 00:17:39,716
Huh? See?

399
00:17:39,717 --> 00:17:42,151
Now aren't you glad we did
all that work earlier?

400
00:17:42,152 --> 00:17:44,020
Peter, come.

401
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:47,424
Over here is where we rig
every American election.

402
00:17:47,425 --> 00:17:48,491
Eh.

403
00:17:48,492 --> 00:17:50,517
Also, American football.

404
00:17:50,518 --> 00:17:51,961
What?! No!

405
00:17:51,962 --> 00:17:54,965
Is true. Meet my best
friend, Roger Goodell.

406
00:17:54,966 --> 00:17:57,316
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell?

407
00:17:57,317 --> 00:17:58,884
You're a Russian spy?

408
00:17:58,885 --> 00:18:00,503
I don't know, Peter.

409
00:18:00,504 --> 00:18:02,372
Why don't you tell me?

410
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:05,041
Today we decide which
New England Patriot

411
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,543
to suspend, eh?

412
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:09,679
Da. Tom Brady or Tom Brady?

413
00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:20,157
You leave that gorgeous
piece of ass alone.

414
00:18:20,158 --> 00:18:22,357
I was right about you
from the start, Putin.

415
00:18:22,358 --> 00:18:24,193
You can't just do whatever
you want in the world

416
00:18:24,194 --> 00:18:25,396
and get away with it.

417
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,764
It's time someone stood up to you.

418
00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:29,226
And survived.

419
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:38,541
Ladies and gentlemens,

420
00:18:38,542 --> 00:18:41,110
tonight we are here to see the fight

421
00:18:41,111 --> 00:18:44,180
to determine East/West superiority.

422
00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:46,048
Fighting for Russia,

423
00:18:46,049 --> 00:18:48,451
President Vladimir Putin!

424
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,755
Fighting for America,

425
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,636
Kevin James!

426
00:18:56,247 --> 00:18:58,137
Everybody here thinks I'm Kevin James.

427
00:19:38,502 --> 00:19:41,505
Kevin James! Kevin James!

428
00:19:41,506 --> 00:19:42,939
- Kevin James!
- I can't believe it,

429
00:19:42,940 --> 00:19:44,440
but it sounds like the audience

430
00:19:44,441 --> 00:19:47,243
is starting to cheer for the American!

431
00:19:47,244 --> 00:19:49,931
Kevin James! Kevin James!

432
00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:55,628
Enough!

433
00:19:58,638 --> 00:20:00,857
Lois? What are you doing here?

434
00:20:00,858 --> 00:20:02,592
I'm not really here, Peter.

435
00:20:02,593 --> 00:20:04,293
You've been hit several
times in the head

436
00:20:04,294 --> 00:20:06,762
and sustained severe brain trauma.

437
00:20:06,763 --> 00:20:09,265
She's right. This has gone too far.

438
00:20:09,266 --> 00:20:11,634
There are other ways to
settle our differences.

439
00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:12,835
Say you.

440
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:14,871
Yes. Say me.

441
00:20:16,373 --> 00:20:19,960
? Say you, say me ?

442
00:20:21,794 --> 00:20:23,797
? Say it for always ?

443
00:20:25,965 --> 00:20:28,150
? That's the way it should be ?

444
00:20:28,151 --> 00:20:30,119
? So you think you know the answers... ?

445
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,121
Vlad and I finished our dance,

446
00:20:32,122 --> 00:20:34,123
then spent the rest
of the night talking.

447
00:20:34,124 --> 00:20:37,293
The next day, he poisoned me on
the limo ride to the airport

448
00:20:37,294 --> 00:20:38,794
with radioactive tea.

449
00:20:38,795 --> 00:20:42,231
? Believing who you are ?

450
00:20:42,232 --> 00:20:46,003
? You are a shining star... ?

451
00:20:46,004 --> 00:20:48,237
I lost half my body
weight, all my hair,

452
00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:50,640
and I have lesions that'll never heal.

453
00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:53,476
That's our president's best friend.

454
00:20:53,477 --> 00:20:56,930
? Say you, say me. ?

455
00:20:56,931 --> 00:20:58,931
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com