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www.subtitulamos.tv

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Oh, excuse me.
I 've just been draining a kidney.

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You're Mr Parkway, I take it?

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Er, Dr Parkway, yes.

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You must be Mr Wilson?

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Oh, call me Dick. Everyone does.

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So have you ever been
champing before?

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Sorry?

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Champing - camping in a church.
That's what we call it.

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Though it does have unfortunate
connotations of someone

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eating with their mouth full.

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No, I haven't, actually.

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My wife booked this as a Christmas
present, but sadly, sh...

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As I 'm sure you're aware,
it costs a pretty penny to preserve

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these old buildings, and champing
is our biggest money-spinner.

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We let them all in, every creed,
faith, culture -

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as long as they pay
their overnight fees.

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Speaking of which...?

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Oh, yes, sorry.
I only have a card, I 'm afraid.

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I 've got my swiper.

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As you see,
I 've set up your bed here.

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Some churches put a full-size
Oueen Anne in the transept,

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but speaking personally,
I don't think it's in fitting.

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I said to Canon Berryman, I said,
"We're not an Airbnb."

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" No, Dick", he said,
"we're a Prayer C of E! "

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85 and sharp as a blade.

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Many's the time I 've seen him
do a Wordle in two.

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Ah, yes, um, I set up
a little lounge for you here,

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with some literature on the history
of the place.

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Fascinating. Did you know that
in the i5th century...?

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Uh, can i ask, um,
do you spend the night here also,

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or will you eventually leave?

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Oh, I 'll soon be out of your hair,
don't worry.

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I have to tell you that we've
never had a booking

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on Christmas Eve before!

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Oh, thank you.

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Your wife will be joining you later,
will she?

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No, she passed away in the autumn.

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I am so sorry.

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So sorry - I 've charged you
at a two person rate.

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- I'll void it and start again.
- No, no, no. No, please.

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i just want to spend a
peaceful night here alone

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with my thoughts and memories.

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Oh, I 'm sure you won't be alone.

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Merry Christmas, Dr Parkway.

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And God bless us, every one.

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Hello?

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Hello?

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Mr Wilson...

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is that you?

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Oh, my God, it's freezing!

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I told you it would be.

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It's a bloody church,
what did you expect?

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What did I expect
on Christmas Eve night?

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Oh, I don't know, a Radisson.

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Hey, I told you, don't blame me.

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- Holiday Inn, maybe.
- Blame global warming.

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Anyway, I asked that old bloke
to try and get us some booze.

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Champers for the champers.
That should cheer you up a bit.

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Hey, watch this.

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Our lager which art in barrels,
hallowed be thy ale.

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Thy kegdom come, I will be drunk,
at home, as in the tavern.

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Give us this day our foamy head,
and forgive us our spillages,

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as we forgive those
who spill against us.

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Deliver us not into inebriation,
for thine is the stout,

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the bitter, and the lager,

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forever and ever, barmen!

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You're not funny, you know.

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Course I am. Hey, do you want to see
my little white balls. . .?

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Oh, my Lord!

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Not quite, I'm afraid.
He arrives in the morning.

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You nearly give us a bloody heart
attack! Are you the vicar?

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No, no, I'm Dr Parkway, jasper,

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and I'm afraid I have exclusive use
of this church till 1Oam tomorrow.

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- Use?

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I should explain my mother
passed away earlier this year.

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She's buried out in the graveyard.

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I simply wanted to spend the night
here in quiet contemplation.

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Oh, well, we booked it on
the website this morning.

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That Dick, the man called Dick, he
said he hadntt seen our email yet.

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I'm Pierce. This is my wife, Posy.

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Like the flowers.

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Yeah, because when her
mam got pregnant with her,

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the first thing she said was
'Thanks a bunch.'

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Ignore him, he's pathetic.
I 'm sorry about your mother.

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We were supposed to be going to
Lapland yesterday,

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only they rang up and said
there wasn't any snow.

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How unfortunate.

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Yeah. They said we could still go
and theytd put us up in a shed,

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but we thought, well, if
it's not an igloo, what's the point?

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Well, I hate to disappoint you
but as you can see,

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there's only one bed set out.

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Don't worry about that.
We've come prepared.

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Sleeping bags at the ready.

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We'll just set up here beside you.

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Who wants a brew?

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Oh, sorry.

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These biscuits are nice, Po.
Do you want one?

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I don't think they're for us,
Pierce, they're like church wafers.

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- What do you mean?
- It's the Eucharist.

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The body of Christ.

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Oh, shit!

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Sorry! They taste like rich teas,
anyway.

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The most boring of all biscuits.

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Apart from them N ices which,
ironically enough, are horrible.

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I 'll go and see
if there's anything else.

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There's got to be a kitchen
somewhere.

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Yeah. Especially with
all these lady vicars now.

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Idiot.

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So, are you a religious man, then,
Jaz?

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Not particularly, no.

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it's the building itself
I 'm most interested in.

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Oh, right, youtre more like
a history doctor, then,

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Indiana Jones,
Da Vinci Code stuff?

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You could say that, yes.

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''' Doctor, Doctor, I tve got a chip up
my nose, a sausage in my left ear,

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and a carrot in my right ear,
what's the matter with me?''

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The doctor says,
''Youtre not eating properly.''

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Tough crowd.

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Oh, my good godfathers!

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- Who is it?
- I don't know.

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I just pulled back the curtain,
and he were there.

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I thought it was Paul Hollywood.

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You wouldn't want him reaching out
and giving you an handshake, would you?

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It's St Nicholas.

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- The original Santa Claus.
- You mean the Coca Cola one?

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Uh, a little before that, I believe.

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Patron Saint and protector
of children dating back

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to around 3OO AD,
possibly even earlier.

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- What's his origin story?
- It's not X-Men, Pierce!

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Actually, St Nick was an "Avenger"
in his own way.

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Three small children
were said to be lost one night,

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after straying too far from their
homes whilst playing in the woods.

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As darkness fell,
they came across an old building

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belonging to a butcher.

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He offered them food
and shelter for the night, and

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they eagerly accepted
his invitation.

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However, once inside,
the butcher set upon the three boys,

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slitting their throats one by one.

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Bloody hell!

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He then cut up the children's bodies

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and laid the pieces
in a salting tub,

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preserving their flesh to sell
as ham to the nearby villagers.

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Seven years had passed when
Nicholas, the Bishop of Myra,

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was riding in the woods
and came upon the house.

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He demanded that the butcher open up
his barrels of salt.

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When he saw the contents,
Nicholas performed a miracle,

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restoring the three boys to life
and sending them home

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to their astonished parents.

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Lucky for them.

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The myth also explains
why we now hang pickles

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or gherkins as Christmas tree
decorations.

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Oh, we've got one of them!
A big green one.

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- Posy calls it the Grinchts co...
- Pierce!

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Yes, it's an unusual derivation,
the pickling or preserving

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of children's bodies in salt
or vinegar. Mm.

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- Did you bring any crisps?
- I think we've got some cheese puffs.

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Oh, right.

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* O little town of Bethlehem

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* How still we see thee thy

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* Among the hills and daffodils

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* Do-do- ba-da-do-do- ba... *

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- Would you be quiet, please?
- Sorry?

164
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Would you please stop singing?

165
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I'm trying to work.

166
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Oh, yeah.

167
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Sorry.

168
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I 'm just getting in the mood.

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I 'm looking for somewhere nice
to hang my stocking...

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How about round your neck?

171
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Pardon?
Uh, anywhere around the nave.

172
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Have you not got one? I think I 've
got a spare in here somewhere...

173
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They're a bit laddered
around the gusset,

174
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but you could pop a tangerine in.

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That's very kind.

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Shall I just hang them on the end
of his bed?

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Yeah.

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* O little town of Bethlehem

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* How still we see thee thy... *

180
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Is somebody there?

181
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Hello?

182
00:14:23,465 --> 00:14:27,060
Only me! Just wondered
if you might like to join us

183
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for a little tot of Bristol Cream,
eh?

184
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Christmas Eve.

185
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The most magical night of the year.

186
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I used to love it when was a kid.
You still are a bloody kid !

187
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Do you have any children?

188
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No.

189
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:50,215
No, we don't.

190
00:14:50,683 --> 00:14:53,636
Still, um. . . believe in Santa
though, don't we?

191
00:14:54,282 --> 00:14:58,559
Well, you know, this church
has a unique link to St Nicholas,

192
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hence the display.

193
00:15:01,615 --> 00:15:05,263
Would you like to hear it?
It does involve a ghost.

194
00:15:05,302 --> 00:15:08,848
Oh, now youtre talking.
Hey, Doc, pull up a pew!

195
00:15:08,934 --> 00:15:11,345
I'd rather not,
if it's all the same to you.

196
00:15:11,346 --> 00:15:15,266
Oh, come on! A ghost story
for Christmas!? It's perfect.

197
00:15:15,345 --> 00:15:17,173
I don't believe in ghosts,

198
00:15:17,704 --> 00:15:20,775
and I've no interest in
made-up narratives about them.

199
00:15:21,025 --> 00:15:24,765
I assure you, Doctor,
the events I'm about to recount

200
00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:28,061
are not made up. I know that...

201
00:15:28,625 --> 00:15:30,186
for certain.

202
00:15:33,105 --> 00:15:34,196
Well?

203
00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:38,151
Seems like I don't have much choice,
do I?!

204
00:15:40,054 --> 00:15:41,274
Thank you.

205
00:15:44,116 --> 00:15:48,170
The body of St Nicholas,
like all the great saints,

206
00:15:48,195 --> 00:15:51,380
was harvested for reliquaries
and devotionals.

207
00:15:51,405 --> 00:15:52,685
Sorry, you've lost me already.

208
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:56,731
Relics are the bones or body parts
of venerated individuals, often

209
00:15:56,927 --> 00:16:00,267
stolen from tombs
and sold all around the world.

210
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,335
They used to be a big business.
They still are.

211
00:16:03,336 --> 00:16:05,745
What would you say
if I were to tell you

212
00:16:05,746 --> 00:16:08,830
that the jawbone of St Nicholas

213
00:16:09,112 --> 00:16:12,695
is hidden in this very building?

214
00:16:12,696 --> 00:16:13,698
Is it?

215
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,495
I can tell you that
it has not yet been found,

216
00:16:17,496 --> 00:16:24,985
but I have reason to believe
that it resides here...somewhere.

217
00:16:26,056 --> 00:16:27,962
And why do you believe that?

218
00:16:28,345 --> 00:16:32,444
Because of what I saw
with my own eyes,

219
00:16:32,843 --> 00:16:37,210
five years ago on Christmas Eve.

220
00:16:37,327 --> 00:16:40,105
- Here we go.
- Hold my hand, Pierce.

221
00:16:41,105 --> 00:16:44,765
I'd extinguished the last of
the candles, and I was leaving

222
00:16:44,766 --> 00:16:48,186
with just the light from my
phone screen to see me out.

223
00:16:49,815 --> 00:16:51,705
Why didn't you turn your torch on?

224
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,975
I didn't know it had one.

225
00:16:54,604 --> 00:16:56,057
Carry on.

226
00:16:56,775 --> 00:17:00,662
I was standing over there
by the pulpit,

227
00:17:01,162 --> 00:17:06,529
and I heard a noise
by the Christmas tree.

228
00:17:07,545 --> 00:17:10,304
I genuinely thought,
"I 've really got to be careful here

229
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:13,105
"because I might end up
locking someone up in the church

230
00:17:13,261 --> 00:17:15,335
"and they might freeze to death."

231
00:17:15,336 --> 00:17:17,960
We had that in the school
where I clean.

232
00:17:18,135 --> 00:17:22,385
A homeless man was living in
the gym equipment cupboard,

233
00:17:22,386 --> 00:17:24,977
sleeping in the vaulting box.

234
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:28,985
The deputy head had to coax him out
with a boneless banquet from KFC,

235
00:17:29,602 --> 00:17:32,836
- and the Sally Army came for him.
- Have you quite finished?

236
00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:34,495
Sorry.

237
00:17:36,105 --> 00:17:39,215
I walked over
to the Christmas tree...

238
00:17:41,290 --> 00:17:43,809
and that's when I saw him...

239
00:17:45,186 --> 00:17:49,331
peeping out
from behind the branches.

240
00:17:50,295 --> 00:17:55,084
A figure in a dark red cloak.

241
00:17:56,645 --> 00:18:00,246
His head bowed.

242
00:18:02,825 --> 00:18:06,301
I kept perfectly still...

243
00:18:08,066 --> 00:18:10,604
but I wasn't expecting what I saw.

244
00:18:10,845 --> 00:18:16,016
His head slowly lifted...up.

245
00:18:17,794 --> 00:18:19,285
It was so...

246
00:18:20,305 --> 00:18:21,567
sad.

247
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:26,051
An old man, with kind eyes,

248
00:18:26,631 --> 00:18:30,981
but such pain behind them.

249
00:18:33,625 --> 00:18:37,906
And below this tender,
imploring face...

250
00:18:40,655 --> 00:18:42,775
there was no bottom jaw.

251
00:18:43,462 --> 00:18:47,907
Just a black lolling tongue,

252
00:18:48,439 --> 00:18:52,229
dangling down into the space below.

253
00:18:52,425 --> 00:18:56,486
It moaned and clacked,

254
00:18:57,619 --> 00:19:00,425
then it started to come towards me.

255
00:19:00,426 --> 00:19:05,325
That's when I ran. I ran and
ran and didn't stop till I got home,

256
00:19:05,350 --> 00:19:08,137
and I locked the door behind me.

257
00:19:09,285 --> 00:19:13,964
The next day, Christmas Day...

258
00:19:14,995 --> 00:19:16,625
when I came back...

259
00:19:18,415 --> 00:19:20,185
there were footprints.

260
00:19:22,855 --> 00:19:27,042
Black, filthy...

261
00:19:28,545 --> 00:19:33,295
footprints all around the church.

262
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:39,860
I believe that his restless spirit
roams around this site,

263
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,655
longing to be whole again,

264
00:19:42,787 --> 00:19:47,397
and finally be at peace.

265
00:19:53,323 --> 00:19:56,018
Right, I 'd better be off.

266
00:19:58,343 --> 00:20:01,608
That was brilliant! I bet that
shit you up, didntt it, Doc?!

267
00:20:01,663 --> 00:20:03,999
- Now do you believe in ghosts?
- Of course not.

268
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:06,028
We are pattern-finding creatures, and

269
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,848
we rationalise what we don't
understand with ridiculous stories.

270
00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,424
Now if you don't mind,

271
00:20:11,449 --> 00:20:14,363
I'd like to spend the rest
of the evening in my own company.

272
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,460
Is that sherry free?

273
00:20:53,383 --> 00:20:56,172
- You all right, Po?
- Yeah.

274
00:20:57,898 --> 00:20:59,608
Are you thinking about Paisley?

275
00:21:01,814 --> 00:21:03,735
I lit a candle for her.

276
00:21:08,623 --> 00:21:10,093
That's nice.

277
00:21:11,373 --> 00:21:13,427
Be 18 years next Christmas.

278
00:21:16,663 --> 00:21:19,783
- I'll book Lapland again.
- That'd be nice.

279
00:21:22,853 --> 00:21:25,383
I didn't like Dick's story.

280
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:28,423
- Do you believe him?
- No, course not.

281
00:21:28,424 --> 00:21:31,583
Just his party piece.
He'll have one for every season.

282
00:21:31,735 --> 00:21:34,814
Be a giant rabbit at Easter,
witch at Halloween.

283
00:21:35,126 --> 00:21:36,238
What's summer?

284
00:21:38,501 --> 00:21:39,583
Beach ghost.

285
00:21:39,926 --> 00:21:41,886
It's just a bloke with trunks on

286
00:21:41,911 --> 00:21:43,479
wandering about with
a bright red face.

287
00:21:43,518 --> 00:21:45,549
- A bottle of sunblock.
- Yeah, probably.

288
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,783
- Why, did it spook you?
- A little bit.

289
00:21:51,503 --> 00:21:52,903
It's just...

290
00:21:54,873 --> 00:21:58,615
that night, when I was pregnant
and I had the accident...

291
00:21:59,703 --> 00:22:02,335
something happened
that I never told you.

292
00:22:04,585 --> 00:22:06,079
That night...

293
00:22:06,913 --> 00:22:08,382
You saw a ghost?

294
00:22:08,944 --> 00:22:12,715
Not really. I was just mopping
the floor in reception

295
00:22:12,740 --> 00:22:14,272
when I saw my mother walk past.

296
00:22:14,493 --> 00:22:16,493
I thought,
"Well, what's she doing here?"

297
00:22:18,830 --> 00:22:21,655
I waved at her,
but she didn't say anything,

298
00:22:21,944 --> 00:22:24,029
just stared at me.

299
00:22:25,293 --> 00:22:30,402
Then, suddenly, she put her hand up
on the glass and started to cry.

300
00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:36,309
Mascara running down her face
in black lines.

301
00:22:38,463 --> 00:22:40,400
Then she turned and went off again.

302
00:22:41,088 --> 00:22:43,696
I went to look for her,
but there was no-one there.

303
00:22:45,686 --> 00:22:46,806
That's weird.

304
00:22:46,881 --> 00:22:49,623
Anyway, as I was
walking home, I tried phoning her,

305
00:22:50,343 --> 00:22:52,999
and it was as I was dialling

306
00:22:53,319 --> 00:22:55,573
that the motorbike
came off the road and...

307
00:22:59,433 --> 00:23:00,979
Bloody hell.

308
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:05,917
A few days later, when I was in the
hospital, she came to visit me,

309
00:23:06,303 --> 00:23:09,137
and she told me that that night,

310
00:23:09,162 --> 00:23:11,783
the night of the accident,
she'd had an awful feeling

311
00:23:11,784 --> 00:23:13,540
something bad was going
to happen to me.

312
00:23:14,956 --> 00:23:16,793
I didn't tell her what I 'd seen,

313
00:23:16,794 --> 00:23:19,288
then as she was leaving,

314
00:23:19,463 --> 00:23:21,368
she put her hand up on the glass,

315
00:23:22,827 --> 00:23:25,007
and started to cry.

316
00:23:26,703 --> 00:23:30,398
Mascara running down her face
in black lines.

317
00:23:32,282 --> 00:23:33,591
My God.

318
00:23:35,153 --> 00:23:36,917
It wasn't a ghost.

319
00:23:37,759 --> 00:23:39,449
It was a warning.

320
00:23:47,583 --> 00:23:48,950
What's that?

321
00:23:49,825 --> 00:23:52,018
Must be one of them
new-fangled machines

322
00:23:52,043 --> 00:23:54,824
that let you talk to each
other through the air. Come on.

323
00:23:57,193 --> 00:23:58,755
Don't leave me!

324
00:23:59,023 --> 00:24:00,303
Pierce!

325
00:24:05,103 --> 00:24:06,554
Don't answer it.

326
00:24:12,944 --> 00:24:14,423
Hello?

327
00:24:21,583 --> 00:24:22,911
It's for you.

328
00:24:31,714 --> 00:24:32,915
Yes?

329
00:24:34,463 --> 00:24:35,526
Boo!

330
00:24:36,824 --> 00:24:40,433
You bloody idiot, what are you
playing at?! Who was it?

331
00:24:40,434 --> 00:24:42,667
No-one, they hung up.
Must have been a wrong number.

332
00:24:42,692 --> 00:24:44,141
Come on, itts freezing in here.

333
00:24:46,566 --> 00:24:49,731
Hey, we forgot to check our
stockings. Let's see if Santa's been.

334
00:24:49,944 --> 00:24:51,052
What's on your list?

335
00:24:51,837 --> 00:24:54,303
Socks and undies, obviously.
Yeah, obviously.

336
00:24:54,304 --> 00:24:57,946
Handkerchiefs with a P on which'll
never come out of the packet.

337
00:24:58,383 --> 00:25:00,513
Selection box, they're
not as big as they used to be.

338
00:25:00,514 --> 00:25:03,114
All right, Peter Kay!
It's true! What about you?

339
00:25:03,423 --> 00:25:06,055
Um, bath salts?

340
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:10,008
Um, chocolates full of
some disgusting liqueur.

341
00:25:11,179 --> 00:25:12,889
And a shit scented candle.

342
00:25:12,952 --> 00:25:16,103
- Shit-scented? How do they do that?
- You don't want to know.

343
00:25:32,074 --> 00:25:34,324
Thought they'd never fucking leave.

344
00:25:58,583 --> 00:26:01,173
Ho, ho...

345
00:26:02,583 --> 00:26:03,944
ho.

346
00:26:04,839 --> 00:26:07,440
- Dr Parkway!
- Shit!

347
00:26:12,303 --> 00:26:17,638
Dr Parkway, are you there?

348
00:26:19,697 --> 00:26:23,002
I had a phone call from Pierce.

349
00:26:28,663 --> 00:26:34,834
He says he saw something
rather disturbing.

350
00:26:35,583 --> 00:26:37,023
Dr Parkway?

351
00:26:58,485 --> 00:26:59,765
Hello?

352
00:27:02,694 --> 00:27:04,303
Hello?

353
00:27:14,543 --> 00:27:18,383
Doctor? Doctor?

354
00:27:18,384 --> 00:27:25,922
I'm ever so sorry if I frightened
you with what I said earlier.

355
00:27:27,376 --> 00:27:30,329
It was just a story.

356
00:27:46,309 --> 00:27:52,012
There is no ghost here,
I can assure you of that!

357
00:28:00,803 --> 00:28:03,623
Ghosts aren't real!

358
00:28:05,373 --> 00:28:07,313
It wasn't a ghost.

359
00:28:07,820 --> 00:28:09,331
Hello?

360
00:28:12,519 --> 00:28:14,109
It was a warning.

361
00:28:40,539 --> 00:28:42,279
Is somebody there?

362
00:28:48,704 --> 00:28:50,113
Hello?

363
00:29:09,063 --> 00:29:11,367
Oh, no!

364
00:29:25,773 --> 00:29:28,623
Well, I never!

365
00:29:32,343 --> 00:29:34,616
Merry Christmas.

366
00:29:38,819 --> 00:29:46,339
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