1 00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:03,357 Improvise your way out of this. 2 00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:13,602 www.subtitulamos.tv 3 00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,624 And we're live. 4 00:00:27,856 --> 00:00:30,423 - What the fuck do we do now? - Panic? 5 00:00:30,454 --> 00:00:32,192 - Do you know the story? - I know a bit. 6 00:00:32,222 --> 00:00:34,708 - Well, what about the improvisation? - What about the improvisation? 7 00:00:34,738 --> 00:00:36,822 - You remember the rules? - There are rules to improvisation? 8 00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:38,036 You said so in episode one! 9 00:00:38,066 --> 00:00:39,719 I don't remember what I said in episode one! 10 00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,062 Why don't you learn your lines?! 11 00:00:41,092 --> 00:00:43,381 I just stick them on fucking Post-It notes round the screen! 12 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,863 - Can they still hear us? - Fuck. 13 00:00:44,883 --> 00:00:46,234 Go back, go back. 14 00:00:49,234 --> 00:00:51,854 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, everyone. 15 00:00:52,236 --> 00:00:53,878 I'm David Tennant. 16 00:00:54,556 --> 00:00:57,564 Michael Sheen... is my name. 17 00:00:59,609 --> 00:01:03,204 If we can just crave your indulgence 18 00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,050 while we shut the cameras off, 19 00:01:05,105 --> 00:01:07,270 - just for a few minutes. - Yeah, we'll be right back with you. 20 00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,638 That's it. Cameras are off. 21 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,391 So, we've gone dark, ladies and gentlemen, 22 00:01:23,924 --> 00:01:26,289 but bear with us. Having a couple of technical issues. 23 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:27,835 All part of the live experience. 24 00:01:27,865 --> 00:01:30,677 There might be a few dropped lines and a few missed cues, 25 00:01:30,707 --> 00:01:32,723 - _ - but we'll... be OK. 26 00:01:33,266 --> 00:01:35,746 And, it's live. It's Christmas Eve. 27 00:01:35,776 --> 00:01:37,862 What do you expect? It's fun times. 28 00:01:37,892 --> 00:01:40,437 So we'll get the gremlins sorted out 29 00:01:40,492 --> 00:01:42,354 - at this end. - _ 30 00:01:42,455 --> 00:01:43,656 No, don't lea... 31 00:01:44,586 --> 00:01:47,655 As you heard my colleague just... 32 00:01:48,143 --> 00:01:51,363 saying, this is something new 33 00:01:51,393 --> 00:01:54,941 and, of course, new things can be a little scary. 34 00:01:55,441 --> 00:01:58,618 But we are very lucky 35 00:01:58,648 --> 00:02:02,385 to have theatrical royalty waiting in the wings, 36 00:02:02,503 --> 00:02:05,438 and gargling as we speak, 37 00:02:05,598 --> 00:02:07,090 and warming up... 38 00:02:07,121 --> 00:02:09,392 - And... - _ 39 00:02:09,423 --> 00:02:12,661 we also have a powerhouse 40 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:16,184 of a true Christmas classic to delight 41 00:02:16,230 --> 00:02:18,872 - _ - and entertain you. 42 00:02:18,942 --> 00:02:20,517 And, of course, 43 00:02:21,193 --> 00:02:22,730 Mr David Tennant, 44 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,338 Mr Television himself, 45 00:02:24,368 --> 00:02:27,831 and I are consummate professionals. 46 00:02:27,861 --> 00:02:29,512 - News just in, Michael. - Yes? 47 00:02:29,542 --> 00:02:32,245 We thought that we had cut the cameras, but, of course, 48 00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:35,861 the live stream is still running and you 49 00:02:36,486 --> 00:02:39,234 have been watching us all this time. So, hello! 50 00:02:40,546 --> 00:02:41,734 Hello, everyone. 51 00:02:41,942 --> 00:02:44,271 All part of the live experience. 52 00:02:44,301 --> 00:02:48,234 Exactly. So, without further ado... 53 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:53,223 The Staged team are pleased to present 54 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,586 a live experience! 55 00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:58,882 - It's A Christmas Carol. - Live. 56 00:03:03,914 --> 00:03:07,351 Ebenezer Scrooge was a jolly old gentleman. 57 00:03:07,537 --> 00:03:10,176 Welcome to Marley & Scrooge. 58 00:03:10,206 --> 00:03:11,502 - Ben? - Ben... 59 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,736 That's right. Ben Marley. 60 00:03:13,766 --> 00:03:15,860 Ben Marley, son of Jacob Marley. 61 00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:16,837 - That's correct. - Ben? 62 00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:19,204 Marley. Ben Marley. 63 00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:21,243 You see, my dad started this whole thing 64 00:03:21,273 --> 00:03:23,884 with the old humbug and unplug Ebenezer Scrooge. 65 00:03:23,914 --> 00:03:26,004 - Why are you here? - Did Georgia send you? 66 00:03:26,043 --> 00:03:27,772 Georgia Cratchit? 67 00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:29,899 Georgia Cratchit did send me. That's right. 68 00:03:29,929 --> 00:03:32,570 - Why would Georgia send him? - Cos he knows how to improvise. 69 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,742 I could help you with the rules, boys. 70 00:03:34,787 --> 00:03:37,537 - The rules of what? - Jacob Marley was an accountant, 71 00:03:37,577 --> 00:03:40,044 - wasn't he? - Yes, yes! Jacob... My dad... 72 00:03:40,074 --> 00:03:41,867 Yes, Jacob Marley was an accountant. 73 00:03:41,897 --> 00:03:45,111 I would love to teach you the rules of accountancy. 74 00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:47,961 Now, the first rule, my friends, never say no. 75 00:03:47,991 --> 00:03:50,047 That sounds like a terrible rule for accountancy. OK? 76 00:03:50,077 --> 00:03:52,934 If there's a knock on the door, we let them in. 77 00:03:52,964 --> 00:03:54,685 - Always? - Always. 78 00:03:54,714 --> 00:03:56,755 You never say no. You say, "Yes, and?" 79 00:03:56,786 --> 00:03:58,637 - Yes, and? - Yes, and? 80 00:04:00,086 --> 00:04:02,135 Well, that wouldn't be the whole sentence. 81 00:04:02,165 --> 00:04:03,893 "Yes," and then you add more information. 82 00:04:03,923 --> 00:04:05,243 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We'll talk about it later. 83 00:04:05,274 --> 00:04:08,113 Rule number two: accidents are welcome. 84 00:04:08,143 --> 00:04:11,441 Well, now we're straying into the world insurance, not accountancy. 85 00:04:11,471 --> 00:04:14,123 Well, maybe Ben Marley is in insurance. 86 00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:16,000 I am in insurance! 87 00:04:16,032 --> 00:04:17,204 I am in insurance. 88 00:04:17,234 --> 00:04:19,204 My dad's an accountant, I'm in insurance. 89 00:04:19,234 --> 00:04:21,454 Watch out, we'll get you in the end. You know what I mean? 90 00:04:21,493 --> 00:04:25,239 Rule number three is you don't always have to be funny. 91 00:04:25,269 --> 00:04:27,581 Just try to make your scene partner look good, 92 00:04:27,611 --> 00:04:29,204 and you shall look good as well. 93 00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:30,525 - Got it. - Got it. - Got it. 94 00:04:30,555 --> 00:04:32,494 We're good. Everybody's on the same page. 95 00:04:32,525 --> 00:04:34,646 - Shall we give it a go? - Yeah! - OK. 96 00:04:35,353 --> 00:04:36,432 Knock-knock. 97 00:04:36,462 --> 00:04:38,644 - Go away! - Wrong immediately. Immediately. 98 00:04:38,674 --> 00:04:40,549 - I'm so confused. - Never say no. 99 00:04:40,579 --> 00:04:43,417 That's right. And if there's a knock on the door... 100 00:04:43,445 --> 00:04:45,639 - Let them in! - We let them in. 101 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,405 Are we all on the same page? A quick nod. 102 00:04:47,435 --> 00:04:49,366 - Just so I know, we're all on the same page? - Yes. 103 00:04:49,396 --> 00:04:51,204 Fantastic. Here it comes. 104 00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,055 Knock-knock. 105 00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:54,650 Who's there? 106 00:04:55,914 --> 00:04:57,478 Hello. Hello. 107 00:04:57,508 --> 00:04:59,464 I'm a lonely carol singer. 108 00:04:59,494 --> 00:05:01,278 It's a lonely carol singer. 109 00:05:01,308 --> 00:05:03,763 Hello. Hello, lonely carol singer. 110 00:05:03,793 --> 00:05:05,490 Hello, Mr Scrooge. 111 00:05:05,670 --> 00:05:07,775 - Am I Scrooge? - Yep, go for it. Yeah. 112 00:05:07,805 --> 00:05:10,063 - Well, I don't wanna be Scrooge. - Well, I mean... 113 00:05:10,093 --> 00:05:11,791 Mr Scrooge? Mr Scrooge? Hello. 114 00:05:11,821 --> 00:05:13,757 Er, in a minute, lonely carol singer. 115 00:05:13,787 --> 00:05:15,941 - Why can't you be Scrooge? - I'm Bob Cratchit. 116 00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:17,589 Hey, hey, Bob Cratchit! 117 00:05:17,619 --> 00:05:19,672 - Good to see you! - Hello, lovely carol singer. 118 00:05:19,702 --> 00:05:22,543 Ha! You know, I used to have a whole group, but now I'm lonely. 119 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:23,999 How about you, Cratchit? 120 00:05:24,037 --> 00:05:26,279 Warming my cockles, so youse are. 121 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:27,950 I wanna be Bob Cratchit. 122 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:31,791 Sorry, no. You're Scrooge. And I'm awfully cold outside. 123 00:05:31,821 --> 00:05:33,441 Do you mind just letting me in? 124 00:05:33,481 --> 00:05:35,117 My bones are hollow and my blood... 125 00:05:35,147 --> 00:05:37,204 Shut up, lonely carol singer! Whoa! 126 00:05:37,234 --> 00:05:39,204 Do you not like Christmas? 127 00:05:39,234 --> 00:05:41,495 - No, I love Christmas. - Scrooge hates Christmas. 128 00:05:41,525 --> 00:05:43,938 I hate it. I hate Christmas so much! 129 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:47,395 Mr Scrooge, why do you hate Christmas so much? 130 00:05:47,425 --> 00:05:50,757 I hate Christmas... Because... 131 00:05:52,463 --> 00:05:54,997 I hate it because it's so... 132 00:05:55,403 --> 00:05:57,095 - beurgh. - Beurgh? 133 00:05:57,155 --> 00:06:00,057 - Beurgh. And it's... - Use your words, Mr Scrooge. 134 00:06:00,087 --> 00:06:02,381 Tell me exactly why. It'll help for everybody. 135 00:06:02,411 --> 00:06:04,379 - I... I don't... Why do I hate Christmas? - I don't know. 136 00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:06,272 - Why does Scrooge hate Christmas? - You said you knew the book! 137 00:06:06,302 --> 00:06:09,033 I mean, I've got a copy. I... I haven't opened it. 138 00:06:09,079 --> 00:06:10,203 Knock-knock. 139 00:06:10,234 --> 00:06:11,393 - Adrian?! - Adrian?! 140 00:06:11,424 --> 00:06:14,733 - No. There's someone at the door. - No, there's someone at the door! 141 00:06:14,763 --> 00:06:16,424 - Well, it's your office. - Well, I opened the last one. 142 00:06:16,448 --> 00:06:18,194 - The carol singer. - If there's someone at the door, 143 00:06:18,224 --> 00:06:20,851 - we gotta let 'em in, right? - Never say no! Open the door. 144 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,523 - Knock-knock. - Come in. 145 00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:24,204 Ebenezer Scrooge? 146 00:06:24,234 --> 00:06:26,204 - Over there. - All right. Who are you? 147 00:06:26,234 --> 00:06:30,028 I, Mr Scrooge, am a ghost. 148 00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:31,204 Ooh! 149 00:06:31,234 --> 00:06:33,524 - And that's how a ghost enters, is it? - What? 150 00:06:33,554 --> 00:06:35,472 - How? - Well, by knocking at a door? 151 00:06:35,502 --> 00:06:37,997 If he is a well-brought-up ghost. 152 00:06:38,027 --> 00:06:39,587 All right, whose ghost are you? 153 00:06:39,617 --> 00:06:43,251 I, Mr Scrooge, am Jacob Marley. 154 00:06:43,281 --> 00:06:44,867 - Oh, Ben! - Yeah? 155 00:06:44,897 --> 00:06:46,524 The ghost of your father. 156 00:06:47,802 --> 00:06:49,204 That's right, isn't it? 157 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,654 - But I wasn't... - Yeah, no, that... 158 00:06:51,684 --> 00:06:53,204 No, that's... Tech... 159 00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:55,888 Dad, of course, you know I'm Ben Marley, 160 00:06:55,918 --> 00:06:58,516 and you're Jacob Marley. You're my father, of course.. 161 00:06:58,562 --> 00:07:00,338 It's your son, the insurance broker. 162 00:07:00,369 --> 00:07:01,506 - Yes. - Is this in the book? 163 00:07:01,537 --> 00:07:03,199 - Hello. - It's been a long time, Dad. 164 00:07:03,245 --> 00:07:04,756 - Good to see you. - Yes, it has. 165 00:07:04,786 --> 00:07:06,148 Remember when we used to hang out 166 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,011 and be father and son when younger? 167 00:07:08,042 --> 00:07:10,687 It's a long time ago. Behold these chains. 168 00:07:10,717 --> 00:07:11,840 Oh, why are you wearing chains? 169 00:07:11,883 --> 00:07:13,669 - That's definitely in the book! - Yes. 170 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,953 I forged these chains, 171 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,727 by my evil deeds. Now, you... 172 00:07:18,757 --> 00:07:21,810 - Oh, what were your evil deeds? - I... I don't, erm... 173 00:07:22,671 --> 00:07:24,792 Aggravated assault. 174 00:07:24,822 --> 00:07:26,896 - What? - What the fuck just happened? 175 00:07:26,926 --> 00:07:29,594 - Aggravated assault? - Does Mom know?! 176 00:07:29,624 --> 00:07:31,257 He was very drunk, and I... 177 00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:33,586 You beat up a drunk person, Dad?! 178 00:07:33,617 --> 00:07:35,010 I mean, it's Christmas, guys... 179 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,507 Look, look, guys, I'm just here because Georgia told me to come and say 180 00:07:38,537 --> 00:07:41,676 that I'd forged this chain with my evil deeds, 181 00:07:41,706 --> 00:07:43,370 and you'll be visited by three ghosts 182 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,273 who are gonna take you back through time 183 00:07:45,303 --> 00:07:47,686 so that you can shun the path that I now tread. 184 00:07:47,716 --> 00:07:49,720 - Can you two come with us? - Never say no! 185 00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:51,030 I don't... Ben, can they? 186 00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:54,239 Ben Marley, I don't know. Jacob, you fucking... You deal with it. 187 00:07:54,270 --> 00:07:55,355 - Dear! - I'm coming. 188 00:07:55,385 --> 00:07:57,891 Expect the first ghost when the bell... Sorry. 189 00:07:57,921 --> 00:08:02,204 Expect the first ghost when the bell tolls one.... 190 00:08:02,234 --> 00:08:04,624 Time to get outta here. You coming, Pop? 191 00:08:04,654 --> 00:08:06,204 Yeah, I'm right behind you, mate. 192 00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:08,644 - God! - That was fun. 193 00:08:08,674 --> 00:08:10,550 - That was a car crash. - It was a rush. 194 00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:12,926 - I can hear my blood in my ears. - Cratchit and Scrooge, 195 00:08:12,956 --> 00:08:15,204 off we go on another whirlwind adventure! 196 00:08:15,234 --> 00:08:16,975 - I wanna go home. - Hello! 197 00:08:17,005 --> 00:08:18,621 Georgia sent me. I haven't got long, 198 00:08:18,652 --> 00:08:20,616 I'm hosting a party. Which one of you is Scrooge? 199 00:08:20,675 --> 00:08:21,663 - He is. - Me. 200 00:08:21,693 --> 00:08:22,969 I'm Bob Cratchit. 201 00:08:23,030 --> 00:08:25,204 And I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. 202 00:08:25,235 --> 00:08:26,648 And I've got the book. 203 00:08:26,679 --> 00:08:28,116 - I thought you'd be a bit... - What? 204 00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:29,216 You know... 205 00:08:29,870 --> 00:08:30,831 Whoo, ooh. What? 206 00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:33,022 - Less stressed, I suppose. - I'm making vol-au-vents. 207 00:08:33,052 --> 00:08:35,659 - No, of course. Outstanding. - I'm taking you back to the past. 208 00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:38,372 How do we affect such a strange transition, 209 00:08:38,402 --> 00:08:39,915 wondrous spirit? 210 00:08:40,015 --> 00:08:42,015 Well, close your eyes. 211 00:08:43,402 --> 00:08:44,532 OK. 212 00:08:44,617 --> 00:08:48,210 "Feel the cold on your skin and the snow under your feet. 213 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,614 "Take in the sounds and smells, each connected to..." 214 00:08:57,641 --> 00:09:00,204 - Where's she gone? - I dunno. Dunno. 215 00:09:00,234 --> 00:09:02,470 - Here she comes, here she comes. - Yep, sorry. It's... 216 00:09:02,822 --> 00:09:05,529 "You're in a long, bare, melancholy room lined with desks. 217 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,319 - "At one of them sits a boy." - Who is this strange boy? 218 00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:09,699 Don't you recognise him, Scrooge? 219 00:09:09,730 --> 00:09:11,204 - Is it me? - Is it him? 220 00:09:11,234 --> 00:09:13,565 It's a lonely child. He's neglected. 221 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:16,213 Please, strange spirit, may we talk with him? 222 00:09:16,299 --> 00:09:18,282 They're just shadows. You can't... 223 00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:21,110 - I think we should talk to him. - No, no, no. 224 00:09:21,173 --> 00:09:23,517 - Never say no, never say no. - No. The ghost said we can't. 225 00:09:23,547 --> 00:09:26,107 Ghost is making vol-au-vents, so knock on the door, do it. 226 00:09:26,137 --> 00:09:28,349 - Knock-knock. - How can I help you? 227 00:09:28,379 --> 00:09:29,811 No, you can't play Young Scrooge 228 00:09:29,854 --> 00:09:30,973 - as well. - Yes, of course I can. 229 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,792 What would you want with me? 230 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,204 I want to talk with you. 231 00:09:35,816 --> 00:09:37,422 Alarming gentlemen, 232 00:09:37,449 --> 00:09:39,859 Mother says I must never talk with strangers. 233 00:09:39,898 --> 00:09:41,204 I am not a stranger. 234 00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:43,478 Then who be thee, old sir? 235 00:09:43,508 --> 00:09:46,623 I be you, from the future. 236 00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:48,817 When do I get fat? 237 00:09:48,848 --> 00:09:50,377 - Fuck you. - "Fuck you"? 238 00:09:50,408 --> 00:09:52,204 No wonder you're lonely and neglected. 239 00:09:52,234 --> 00:09:55,204 I'm not lonely. I have so many friends. 240 00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:56,926 - Really? - Yes. 241 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,359 Right, well, prove it. 242 00:09:59,156 --> 00:10:00,806 - Derek! - Derek? 243 00:10:01,138 --> 00:10:03,400 Here he is. This is Derek. 244 00:10:03,492 --> 00:10:05,492 Say hello, Derek. 245 00:10:07,883 --> 00:10:09,234 Hello. 246 00:10:11,057 --> 00:10:12,983 And this is Martin. 247 00:10:13,501 --> 00:10:14,689 And Emily. 248 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:16,858 - Hi! - Hello. 249 00:10:16,888 --> 00:10:18,822 - I've got a friend, too. - Unlikely. 250 00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:20,167 Yeah, this is Bob. 251 00:10:20,984 --> 00:10:24,063 - Hi. - Bob, this is young me. 252 00:10:24,114 --> 00:10:25,081 Hello. 253 00:10:25,111 --> 00:10:27,044 - Hi. - And Derek. 254 00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:29,491 - Hi. - Hello. 255 00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:31,478 Ooh, and watch out, here comes Emily 256 00:10:31,521 --> 00:10:33,880 and that little scamp Martin. 257 00:10:34,005 --> 00:10:35,053 Hi. 258 00:10:35,288 --> 00:10:36,738 - Hi. - Hello. 259 00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:38,230 Pleased to meet youse all. 260 00:10:38,273 --> 00:10:40,030 See? I've got lots and lots of friends. 261 00:10:40,061 --> 00:10:41,196 - Yeah, well, guess what. - What? 262 00:10:41,216 --> 00:10:42,738 - All your friends leave you. - Why? 263 00:10:42,811 --> 00:10:44,892 Because you grow up into a cunt. 264 00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:47,744 OK, I'm gonna go. 265 00:10:47,774 --> 00:10:49,825 Have you spent enough time in the past? 266 00:10:49,855 --> 00:10:51,830 - No, I want to live... - No, I think so. 267 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,761 - No. - Let's move things along here. 268 00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:55,941 - I want to see what else there is. - Close your eyes. 269 00:10:57,083 --> 00:10:58,204 You're here. 270 00:10:58,429 --> 00:11:00,371 - Where are we? - The present. 271 00:11:00,411 --> 00:11:01,462 Thank God. 272 00:11:01,492 --> 00:11:03,204 "The suburbs of the..." For fuck's sake. 273 00:11:03,234 --> 00:11:06,204 "The suburbs of the town, Christmas Day, Bob Cratchit's home." 274 00:11:06,234 --> 00:11:09,308 How exciting! Outside my own very own house! 275 00:11:09,338 --> 00:11:11,726 Georgia said there'll be another ghost in a minute. 276 00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:14,218 Fuck! Fuck! 277 00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,204 Ghost of Christmas Present. 278 00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,473 I wonder who that's gonna be. 279 00:11:20,844 --> 00:11:22,204 Ooh, who could that be? 280 00:11:22,938 --> 00:11:24,335 - Jim! - Jim! 281 00:11:24,366 --> 00:11:25,890 Absolutely not. 282 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,337 Listen, you pair of scrambled eggs, 283 00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:30,494 I have an Academy Award, 284 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:33,113 which I think allows me to make a mistake 285 00:11:33,143 --> 00:11:34,996 with your shitty little recording software 286 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,450 without you publishing it 287 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,033 as some sort of fucking amusing appendix! 288 00:11:39,063 --> 00:11:40,772 So to hell with both of you 289 00:11:40,802 --> 00:11:43,862 on every level of your navel-gazing abhorrence. 290 00:11:43,892 --> 00:11:45,206 Merry Christmas. 291 00:11:46,234 --> 00:11:47,205 Abrupt. 292 00:11:47,655 --> 00:11:49,123 What are we gonna do now? Erm... 293 00:11:49,195 --> 00:11:51,204 We've just lost our Ghost of Christmas Present. 294 00:11:51,234 --> 00:11:52,439 Do we need one? 295 00:11:52,469 --> 00:11:54,204 We can't just wander without supervision. 296 00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:56,466 Well, I'm outside my house. 297 00:11:56,485 --> 00:11:58,142 It's Christmas morning. 298 00:11:58,220 --> 00:12:00,188 I'm gonna go look through the window. 299 00:12:00,218 --> 00:12:02,021 - No, don't. Let's go back to the office. - Why? 300 00:12:02,051 --> 00:12:04,105 - Because that's the end of the story. - No, no! 301 00:12:04,135 --> 00:12:06,207 I can see my family through the window. 302 00:12:06,237 --> 00:12:08,814 There she is, Georgia cooking the turkey, 303 00:12:08,844 --> 00:12:11,070 the children scrambling around, 304 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,699 setting the table for Christmas lunch. 305 00:12:13,729 --> 00:12:15,204 - We should knock. - No. Why? 306 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,813 Because then they'll let us in. 307 00:12:16,843 --> 00:12:19,492 We should knock on the door, be welcomed inside 308 00:12:19,522 --> 00:12:21,461 by my lovely friends. It's all part of it. 309 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,130 - All right, all right! - Knock on the door! 310 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,433 All right! Knock-knock. 311 00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:26,508 - Shit. - Hello? 312 00:12:28,234 --> 00:12:29,831 - Lights have gone out. - Yeah. 313 00:12:30,648 --> 00:12:33,811 Should we wait? Are the microphones still...? 314 00:12:34,866 --> 00:12:37,036 Well, we've lost power. We must be off air. 315 00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:40,234 Georgia?! 316 00:12:41,234 --> 00:12:43,451 Don't touch anything! 317 00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:46,037 No, I won't touch anything. 318 00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:47,722 - She'll fix it. Don't worry. - Yeah. 319 00:12:47,752 --> 00:12:50,136 My God. It's nice to have a bit of a breather from that. 320 00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:52,322 - It's fun, though, isn't it? - Yeah? You enjoying yourself? 321 00:12:52,352 --> 00:12:54,284 This is what I was talking about in the loft the other day. 322 00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:55,888 - When? - Episode three. 323 00:12:55,918 --> 00:12:58,689 The rat-a-tat, the knock-knock, "Come in. What are we up to today?" 324 00:12:58,719 --> 00:13:00,550 Ooh, it's the space to play. 325 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,569 - You didn't remember your lines. - But that wasn't... 326 00:13:02,599 --> 00:13:04,416 It wasn't a line. That wasn't written down. 327 00:13:04,446 --> 00:13:07,247 That was part of the... That was our real. Anyway... 328 00:13:07,990 --> 00:13:09,226 I miss it. 329 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,768 It's gonna be another couple of minutes! 330 00:13:14,907 --> 00:13:17,349 I used to be afraid of the dark. I used to get anxious 331 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,078 when I couldn't see where I was going. 332 00:13:19,234 --> 00:13:21,576 I get more anxious when I can see where I'm going 333 00:13:21,604 --> 00:13:22,887 and I don't like it. 334 00:13:27,637 --> 00:13:30,044 Listen, I think we should take a break. 335 00:13:30,378 --> 00:13:32,829 Well, we're live to the nation, so... 336 00:13:32,875 --> 00:13:34,648 No, I... I mean... 337 00:13:35,234 --> 00:13:37,074 from each other. 338 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,873 David? 339 00:13:41,448 --> 00:13:42,413 Yeah, yeah. 340 00:13:42,443 --> 00:13:45,315 - You just didn't say anything. - What do you want me to say? 341 00:13:46,183 --> 00:13:48,290 When I announce something new these days, 342 00:13:48,337 --> 00:13:50,283 people always ask, "Is David in it?" 343 00:13:50,373 --> 00:13:52,615 - Well, they like us together. - But we're not joined at the hip. 344 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,199 - I like us together. - Come on, we're stuck in the past. 345 00:13:56,234 --> 00:13:58,922 We're just reliving something we did at a scary time 346 00:13:58,952 --> 00:14:00,460 because it made us feel safe, 347 00:14:00,557 --> 00:14:02,122 but we're not in that time any more. 348 00:14:02,159 --> 00:14:03,472 I don't like change. 349 00:14:03,502 --> 00:14:06,204 Like those people who aren't leaving their houses still. 350 00:14:06,870 --> 00:14:09,121 - So what do you wanna do? - I don't know. 351 00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,534 finish this and... 352 00:14:15,093 --> 00:14:16,948 Find something new. 353 00:14:17,347 --> 00:14:19,317 You know? Something bold. 354 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,012 - You don't think this is bold? - Not any more. 355 00:14:22,246 --> 00:14:23,814 How long have you felt this way? 356 00:14:24,052 --> 00:14:26,207 Well, I never wanted to do a new series. 357 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,925 - That long? - Just going through the motions, David. 358 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,399 - Is this why you've been snarky? - I've not been snarky. 359 00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:33,844 - Well, I mean, you haven't been charming. - Come on, we're the two halves of 360 00:14:33,883 --> 00:14:35,793 a clapped-out pantomime horse. 361 00:14:35,822 --> 00:14:37,651 I realise that you wanna keep flogging it, 362 00:14:37,682 --> 00:14:40,056 but I'm the one in the back who's getting sore buttocks. 363 00:14:41,832 --> 00:14:43,062 Georgia? 364 00:14:43,163 --> 00:14:44,414 - Hi. - Anna! 365 00:14:44,898 --> 00:14:45,812 Lily! 366 00:14:45,842 --> 00:14:47,474 - Dad! - Knock-knock. 367 00:14:47,504 --> 00:14:49,075 Lucy? Where are you? 368 00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,729 - We're all upstairs. - I'm in the bath. 369 00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:52,695 - What are you all doing here? - Getting to the end of the story? 370 00:14:52,734 --> 00:14:53,614 Knock-knock. 371 00:14:54,145 --> 00:14:56,624 - Who's there? - Taxi for Mr Scrooge. 372 00:14:56,654 --> 00:14:58,044 For... Where are we? 373 00:14:58,074 --> 00:15:00,564 Marley & Scrooge Accountants. 374 00:15:01,891 --> 00:15:03,973 Is it Christmas morning? 375 00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,966 Yes, and I'm double parked, so... 376 00:15:05,996 --> 00:15:08,003 Where are you taking us? 377 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:09,458 Bob Cratchit's house. 378 00:15:09,488 --> 00:15:11,647 - That's the end of the story. - That's the plan. 379 00:15:12,571 --> 00:15:15,482 - How long will the journey take? - We're here! 380 00:15:16,030 --> 00:15:17,367 Ooh. What do we do now? 381 00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,963 - Knock at the door? - Bob Cratchit? 382 00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:22,205 - Don't wanna. - It's your house. 383 00:15:22,971 --> 00:15:24,407 Come on, Bob. 384 00:15:24,593 --> 00:15:26,258 Let's finish the story. 385 00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:31,429 - Knock-knock. - Who's there? 386 00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:34,044 Ebenezer Scrooge and Bob Cratchit. 387 00:15:34,074 --> 00:15:35,676 Come in. 388 00:15:35,762 --> 00:15:38,060 - These are my children. - Hello, Mr Scrooge. 389 00:15:38,090 --> 00:15:39,450 Hello, Mr Scrooge. 390 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,557 - What's wrong with him? - Well, where's Tiny Tim? 391 00:15:41,587 --> 00:15:43,523 He's asleep upstairs. 392 00:15:43,553 --> 00:15:46,972 Sit down, Mr Scrooge, and tell us that you're a changed man. 393 00:15:47,002 --> 00:15:48,351 - I'm a changed man. - And tell us 394 00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:50,204 that you'll always carry Christmas in your heart. 395 00:15:50,234 --> 00:15:52,204 I will always 396 00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:55,503 carry Christmas in my heart. 397 00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:57,917 God bless us, everyone! 398 00:15:57,948 --> 00:15:59,659 God bless us, every... 399 00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:02,204 - Wait! Wait, wait, wait! - What? What? 400 00:16:02,233 --> 00:16:05,316 We've already been here. We have seen this Christmas. 401 00:16:05,347 --> 00:16:06,587 - No, you haven't. - Yes, we have. 402 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:09,070 We visited last night. The Ghost of Christmas Past 403 00:16:09,207 --> 00:16:11,007 dropped us off right here. 404 00:16:11,234 --> 00:16:12,582 Well, can we just finish...? 405 00:16:12,613 --> 00:16:14,774 - And we looked through the window. - We were so close. 406 00:16:14,805 --> 00:16:18,602 We saw you sitting down for dinner, Georgia, and your strange children. 407 00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:21,031 - So?! - So is there a version 408 00:16:21,061 --> 00:16:23,594 of us standing outside? 409 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,267 - That makes no sense. - Totally does. 410 00:16:27,296 --> 00:16:28,799 You've seen Back To The Future, Bill & Ted, 411 00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:30,320 - Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban... - Yes. 412 00:16:30,372 --> 00:16:32,580 Well, you know, we were outside then. 413 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,343 We're outside now. 414 00:16:34,476 --> 00:16:36,319 - He's right. - Lily! 415 00:16:36,349 --> 00:16:38,044 - Well, he is. - How do you know?! 416 00:16:38,074 --> 00:16:40,391 - I love this stuff. - Do you remember what Scrooge did? 417 00:16:40,422 --> 00:16:41,715 What did I do? 418 00:16:41,781 --> 00:16:43,733 You knocked at the door. 419 00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:44,799 Don't. 420 00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:47,834 Knock-knock, Mr Scrooge. 421 00:16:47,864 --> 00:16:49,352 - No. - Don't answer it. 422 00:16:49,382 --> 00:16:51,302 Can't say no! Never say no, never say no. 423 00:16:51,332 --> 00:16:53,835 Are we on the other side of that door? 424 00:16:53,864 --> 00:16:56,578 - Is that what you're saying? - Knock-knock. 425 00:16:56,608 --> 00:16:58,538 - Georgia? - Don't open the door. 426 00:16:58,568 --> 00:17:00,332 - Lily? - He's right, Mr Scrooge. 427 00:17:00,362 --> 00:17:02,636 - Open the door, Mr Scrooge. - Why?! 428 00:17:02,666 --> 00:17:04,844 Because it's the first fucking rule of improvisation! 429 00:17:04,874 --> 00:17:06,796 Don't you understand the rules of time and space? 430 00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:09,962 I understand the rules of time and space! Open the door! 431 00:17:09,992 --> 00:17:12,110 - Why? - Because it'll be what you want! 432 00:17:12,140 --> 00:17:14,044 It'll be something new, something bold. 433 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:16,798 You and me meeting versions of ourself. 434 00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,668 - I don't know! - Children, guard the door! 435 00:17:18,698 --> 00:17:20,440 - Yes, Mother. - I have a broom. 436 00:17:20,470 --> 00:17:22,204 - I have a shovel. - Who are you? 437 00:17:22,234 --> 00:17:24,204 - The taxi driver. - Then we'll go through the motions. 438 00:17:24,234 --> 00:17:26,204 Michael talking to Michael, David talking to Michael. 439 00:17:26,234 --> 00:17:28,245 - This is one last hurrah! - It's too late. 440 00:17:28,275 --> 00:17:29,889 Rat-a-tat for old time's sake! 441 00:17:29,919 --> 00:17:31,433 Stop flogging the pantomime horse! 442 00:17:31,465 --> 00:17:33,454 - It's all part of it! - My buttocks! 443 00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,024 - Wait! - What? 444 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,876 - Knock-knock. - Did anyone open the door yesterday? 445 00:17:38,563 --> 00:17:40,485 - Did anyone open the door? - No. 446 00:17:40,515 --> 00:17:42,125 - Knock-knock. - Then if you answer it now, 447 00:17:42,164 --> 00:17:44,134 it establishes a new timeline. 448 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,518 - So? - Knock-knock! 449 00:17:45,548 --> 00:17:48,189 The versions of you here now are only here now 450 00:17:48,219 --> 00:17:49,905 because no-one answered the door there then. 451 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,423 So if I open the door here now... 452 00:17:52,453 --> 00:17:55,204 The you there then can't become the you here now. 453 00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:58,234 - And the us here now... - Vanish. 454 00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:02,234 - And it's over? - You just have to answer the door. 455 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,590 - Knock-knock. - No. 456 00:18:07,621 --> 00:18:08,904 - Open the door, Bob. - No, no, no. 457 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,309 Never say no. Knock-knock. 458 00:18:10,349 --> 00:18:11,602 - I won't. - I'll raise your salary. 459 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:12,944 - No. - Pay the mortgage on this house. 460 00:18:12,974 --> 00:18:14,782 - Doesn't need to end this way. - Needs to end some way. 461 00:18:14,813 --> 00:18:16,005 I'm afraid of change! 462 00:18:16,036 --> 00:18:17,574 - Knock-knock. - Knock-knock. 463 00:18:17,605 --> 00:18:18,582 - Knock-knock. - Knock-knock. 464 00:18:18,613 --> 00:18:20,994 - Knock-knock! - I've been listening. 465 00:18:21,024 --> 00:18:23,040 - Colly! - Don't call me that. I hate that. 466 00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:25,304 - Sorry. - We had Alfie spayed yesterday, 467 00:18:25,334 --> 00:18:26,965 and he's been a bit of a sad old fig since, 468 00:18:26,994 --> 00:18:29,019 so I thought he might enjoy listening to your voices. 469 00:18:29,050 --> 00:18:30,537 - Dog. - He began whimpering 470 00:18:30,561 --> 00:18:33,096 as soon as you started, and then he was pawing at the door, 471 00:18:33,127 --> 00:18:34,598 and then he shat himself. 472 00:18:34,668 --> 00:18:35,935 It's not that bad, is it? 473 00:18:35,965 --> 00:18:37,967 I'd have shat myself, too, if we hadn't got guests. 474 00:18:37,997 --> 00:18:40,344 - We're just trying... - Ben Schwartz told us of... 475 00:18:40,374 --> 00:18:42,082 - the rules... - The rules of improvisation. 476 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,488 This has to stop! 477 00:18:43,809 --> 00:18:47,045 The problem with improvisation is there's no structure, 478 00:18:47,074 --> 00:18:49,627 so if you say yes to everything, it never ends. 479 00:18:49,658 --> 00:18:52,204 - I don't want it to end. - But it must! 480 00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:53,843 It's been lovely. 481 00:18:53,873 --> 00:18:56,336 But that was then, and this is now. 482 00:18:56,371 --> 00:18:57,932 And there are more stories to be... 483 00:18:57,963 --> 00:18:58,922 - Olivia! - Yes? 484 00:18:58,952 --> 00:19:01,204 - The dog shit himself again. - There in a second. Sorry. 485 00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:03,476 - How old are you? - Er, 52. 486 00:19:03,506 --> 00:19:05,562 - 51. - Sorry, no, just 50. 487 00:19:05,772 --> 00:19:06,743 Height? 488 00:19:06,844 --> 00:19:08,634 - Average. - Little under. 489 00:19:08,664 --> 00:19:10,074 - Weight? - Average. 490 00:19:10,128 --> 00:19:12,724 - Little over. - So we've got years left! 491 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:16,204 And there's... there's someone knocking at the door. 492 00:19:16,234 --> 00:19:18,204 But if we answer it, it's over. 493 00:19:18,234 --> 00:19:20,200 But that's thrilling. 494 00:19:22,397 --> 00:19:23,889 You OK, Bob? 495 00:19:24,588 --> 00:19:25,986 OK, Scrooge. 496 00:19:26,126 --> 00:19:27,904 You always made me look good. 497 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,002 You too. 498 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,399 - Knock-knock. - Wait, wait. 499 00:19:32,575 --> 00:19:34,874 - Erm, who are you? - Dunno. Tiny Tim? 500 00:19:35,109 --> 00:19:36,234 Yeah. 501 00:19:38,515 --> 00:19:39,607 Knock-knock. 502 00:19:43,554 --> 00:19:44,667 - Come in. - Come in. 503 00:19:47,306 --> 00:19:48,580 And we're off. 504 00:19:48,611 --> 00:19:50,774 - Thank God! - Thank you so much, Olivia. 505 00:19:50,804 --> 00:19:53,017 It's a pleasure. But please make sure 506 00:19:53,047 --> 00:19:55,549 - they do actually stop, though. - Yeah. Sorry. 507 00:19:58,234 --> 00:19:59,464 OK. 508 00:19:59,761 --> 00:20:00,654 Party time. 509 00:20:00,689 --> 00:20:02,116 - Party time! - Yes. 510 00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:03,205 Yes, yes, yes. 511 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,884 Lucy, could you please get me some alcohol? 512 00:20:04,914 --> 00:20:06,318 - I will do that. - Thank you. 513 00:20:06,348 --> 00:20:07,695 - Lily, are you coming? - On my way. 514 00:20:07,726 --> 00:20:08,912 OK, cool. 515 00:20:27,419 --> 00:20:29,060 _ 516 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,203 - Here he is. - Here I am. 517 00:21:37,234 --> 00:21:39,204 - Hi. - I feel like I'm in an episode. 518 00:21:39,234 --> 00:21:40,588 Do you get that a lot? 519 00:21:41,098 --> 00:21:43,706 Quite a lot. Yeah, well, all the time. 520 00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:45,379 - What do you usually say about it? - I usually say 521 00:21:45,409 --> 00:21:48,022 that I hope I'm not as inept and weaselly in real life. 522 00:21:48,081 --> 00:21:49,430 What, are you? 523 00:21:50,234 --> 00:21:51,771 No, I'm kidding! I'm kidding. 524 00:21:51,801 --> 00:21:53,575 No, I love your work. 525 00:21:54,234 --> 00:21:55,896 - Thank you so much. - I didn't like the first series. 526 00:21:55,926 --> 00:21:57,700 - Right. - But I didn't mind the second. 527 00:21:57,731 --> 00:22:00,200 - That's kind. - But I hated the third. 528 00:22:00,234 --> 00:22:03,745 - Hated it? - Until that final episode. 529 00:22:03,775 --> 00:22:06,204 How... How did you come up with that? 530 00:22:06,234 --> 00:22:08,708 The fi... The David and Michael improvising? 531 00:22:08,738 --> 00:22:10,946 Yeah, it had a pace and an energy. 532 00:22:10,976 --> 00:22:13,801 Yeah. Yeah, interesting you say that, actually, because... 533 00:22:13,831 --> 00:22:15,646 And I loved the absurdity, 534 00:22:15,676 --> 00:22:17,646 and the... and the... and the passion. 535 00:22:17,676 --> 00:22:19,207 It was inspired. 536 00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:21,101 - Was it? - I know there's been chatter 537 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:23,204 about what was written and what was made up, 538 00:22:23,234 --> 00:22:25,453 but I know talent when I see it, 539 00:22:25,568 --> 00:22:27,091 and you have talent. 540 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,149 Do I? 541 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,345 And I want you to write for us. 542 00:22:30,429 --> 00:22:32,363 - For David and Michael? - No. 543 00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:33,830 - But for David? - No. 544 00:22:33,860 --> 00:22:36,204 - For Michael? - Neither of them. 545 00:22:36,779 --> 00:22:38,448 I don't understand. 546 00:22:38,478 --> 00:22:41,866 Something new, something exciting. 547 00:22:42,234 --> 00:22:44,326 Something that's yours. 548 00:22:44,451 --> 00:22:45,790 Just yours. 549 00:22:45,820 --> 00:22:48,618 And this is based on the final episode? 550 00:22:49,234 --> 00:22:51,234 Your final episode. 551 00:22:55,265 --> 00:23:00,265 www.subtitulamos.tv