1
00:00:00,914 --> 00:00:03,368
- Episode One airs tonight.
- It does indeed, yeah.

2
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:04,959
A sense of achievement?

3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,963
A sense of relief.

4
00:00:06,994 --> 00:00:10,011
- What's next?
- Something different.

5
00:00:10,107 --> 00:00:12,107
Yeah, change for a bit.

6
00:00:13,809 --> 00:00:15,451
From each other? Or...

7
00:00:15,888 --> 00:00:17,693
From the show for a bit.

8
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,138
Anything in the pipeline?

9
00:00:19,707 --> 00:00:21,707
I don't always know.

10
00:00:22,017 --> 00:00:23,017
Really?

11
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,826
Well, you know, film, TV,
that takes a while to set up,

12
00:00:25,865 --> 00:00:27,627
and theatre projects,
they come and go. And...

13
00:00:27,657 --> 00:00:31,583
I forget that Georgia just hawks you
around broadcasters in a wheelbarrow,

14
00:00:31,737 --> 00:00:34,231
hawking your wares for a
cheese-and-onion sandwich.

15
00:00:34,474 --> 00:00:35,685
Why something different?

16
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,439
Well, you can feel stuck,
can't you, after a while?

17
00:00:39,381 --> 00:00:42,437
Two series of Good Omens,
three series of Staged...

18
00:00:42,950 --> 00:00:45,597
You know, I think it's important
to mix things up.

19
00:00:46,282 --> 00:00:47,762
I feel that, too.

20
00:00:48,075 --> 00:00:49,290
What's next for you, Michael?

21
00:00:49,322 --> 00:00:51,554
I'm playing Aneurin Bevan for the BBC.

22
00:00:52,264 --> 00:00:53,351
What?

23
00:00:53,381 --> 00:00:55,077
Well, that's not exactly
mixing things up, is it?

24
00:00:55,107 --> 00:00:56,935
I have never played him before.

25
00:00:57,209 --> 00:00:59,396
- You've done impressions before.
- Don't call them impressions.

26
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,543
How many times have you seen
the tired old Tony Blair shtick?

27
00:01:01,573 --> 00:01:04,308
How many times have you thrown on
a brown coat and glued your hair

28
00:01:04,338 --> 00:01:06,804
into an exponential curve
and battled a salt shaker?

29
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,521
Fucking galaxies have died
since that free-for-all began.

30
00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:13,077
And Bevan's Welsh. Is he gonna... Is he
gonna seek out football teams to shout at?

31
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:16,592
Is that your new... Is that your new...
"Bois bach.

32
00:01:16,623 --> 00:01:20,021
Comedy, kick a football around.
"Give us some Welsh sugar"?

33
00:01:20,076 --> 00:01:21,364
Bit of that? Is he gonna do that?

34
00:01:21,394 --> 00:01:24,943
Can we expect to see you in a new crime
series for the BBC any time soon?

35
00:01:24,974 --> 00:01:26,553
- No.
- No? No, really?

36
00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:29,231
I mean, there might be a body
in a small town early next year.

37
00:01:29,261 --> 00:01:31,315
- It's possible. - Right. You
gonna be looking out over cliffs?

38
00:01:31,345 --> 00:01:34,305
- I might brood.
- Yeah, furrowing the old brow.

39
00:01:34,335 --> 00:01:36,668
I will use all the tools
in my extensive toolbox.

40
00:01:36,698 --> 00:01:38,714
I wonder there's not a mass exodus
as soon as you walk in.

41
00:01:38,744 --> 00:01:40,888
"This is a lovely town.
I'm glad we moved here.

42
00:01:40,918 --> 00:01:42,942
"Isn't that the scrawny
fucker whose arrival

43
00:01:42,973 --> 00:01:44,404
"heralds the coming of death?

44
00:01:44,568 --> 00:01:46,345
"Hey-ho, on we go."

45
00:01:48,299 --> 00:01:49,731
So, more of the same?

46
00:01:50,490 --> 00:01:51,530
Yeah.

47
00:01:51,901 --> 00:01:53,383
Give the people what they want?

48
00:01:53,442 --> 00:01:55,087
- Yeah.
- I suppose so.

49
00:01:55,388 --> 00:01:57,323
Do you ever worry that you'll get bored?

50
00:01:59,442 --> 00:02:00,788
Recently.

51
00:02:01,024 --> 00:02:02,637
I didn't used to.

52
00:02:02,906 --> 00:02:05,774
Do you ever worry that people
might get bored of you?

53
00:02:08,165 --> 00:02:14,278
www.subtitulamos.tv

54
00:02:15,048 --> 00:02:17,762
I don't know how much mouth rinse
Simon had necked at the dentists,

55
00:02:17,793 --> 00:02:21,181
but the new script
for episode three was...

56
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:22,799
was not boring.

57
00:02:22,835 --> 00:02:25,245
It was big and bold and different.

58
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:27,873
And I think that's why David
and Michael got excited again.

59
00:02:27,903 --> 00:02:29,667
I know I'd not been keen,

60
00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:31,626
but it was nice to see Michael energised.

61
00:02:31,696 --> 00:02:33,412
And we still had the documentary
as a back-up,

62
00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:35,226
so we just thought, "Let's go."

63
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,092
One last roll of the lunacy dice.

64
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:39,763
So, the scripts are all David
and Michael meeting past versions

65
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,212
of themselves from season one,

66
00:02:42,339 --> 00:02:44,590
sort of a warning of what was to come.

67
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:46,946
David talked to David,
Michael talked to Michael,

68
00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:48,338
all on Zoom.

69
00:02:48,470 --> 00:02:51,412
And David taught himself
how to make a sourdough starter.

70
00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:53,734
Then Michael and David
argued with Michael and David.

71
00:02:53,763 --> 00:02:56,043
Then Michael and Michael
argued with David and David,

72
00:02:56,074 --> 00:02:57,729
and the Michaels betrayed the Davids.

73
00:02:57,759 --> 00:02:59,078
It was very high concept.

74
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:00,932
A Christmas-yet-to-come kind of thing.

75
00:03:00,962 --> 00:03:04,412
Sort of Bill and Ted, really,
or Back To The Future Part II.

76
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,152
One last gasp.

77
00:03:06,629 --> 00:03:08,872
I mean, we all really wanted it to work.

78
00:03:09,279 --> 00:03:11,442
Yeah, everyone wanted it to work.

79
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,901
Were you sad when it all shut down?

80
00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:16,340
Yeah.

81
00:03:16,442 --> 00:03:17,613
Yeah.

82
00:03:19,363 --> 00:03:20,719
It wasn't...

83
00:03:21,036 --> 00:03:24,244
It wasn't really what Josh wanted,
and there was no money, so...

84
00:03:24,582 --> 00:03:26,149
Michael checked out.

85
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,619
David did, too.

86
00:03:28,022 --> 00:03:29,704
They didn't want to do it any more.

87
00:03:30,736 --> 00:03:34,412
So we made the decision
to deliver the documentary.

88
00:03:34,690 --> 00:03:36,729
Georgia got what she wanted.

89
00:03:37,137 --> 00:03:39,049
It wasn't really what anyone wanted.

90
00:03:39,373 --> 00:03:40,683
Not like that.

91
00:03:42,442 --> 00:03:44,889
You know, the show was, erm...

92
00:03:45,782 --> 00:03:48,771
like a spirited, scrappy little thing

93
00:03:48,808 --> 00:03:50,702
when we started, and now...

94
00:03:52,387 --> 00:03:53,747
It's just...

95
00:03:59,016 --> 00:04:01,083
Well, Episode One airs tonight.

96
00:04:01,828 --> 00:04:02,947
Yeah.

97
00:04:03,624 --> 00:04:05,347
I just hope we get away with it.

98
00:04:07,308 --> 00:04:08,737
Fucking hell.

99
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:10,948
- They are bad.
- They're not bad.

100
00:04:10,979 --> 00:04:13,016
- They're not good.
- Well, stop reading, then.

101
00:04:13,047 --> 00:04:16,658
"What was fresh and invigorating
is now old and desperate."

102
00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:18,412
Yeah, well,
they've only seen episode one.

103
00:04:18,442 --> 00:04:20,965
- The documentary stuff is fresh.
- This is not what I wanted.

104
00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:23,621
Well, the writing takes the brunt, so...

105
00:04:24,122 --> 00:04:26,385
"Evans and co-creator Phin Glynn

106
00:04:26,572 --> 00:04:30,125
"should be given concrete shoes
and thrown in the nearest river."

107
00:04:30,173 --> 00:04:31,173
Yeah.

108
00:04:31,442 --> 00:04:33,259
- Hi.
- You've seen them?

109
00:04:33,289 --> 00:04:35,412
- They are bad.
- They are not bad.

110
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,452
- They are not good.
- I'm listening to Talkback.

111
00:04:38,595 --> 00:04:40,412
- Yeah?
- What's Talkback?

112
00:04:40,442 --> 00:04:42,546
It's, like, a phone-in radio show.
I was listening earlier.

113
00:04:42,576 --> 00:04:45,412
- Where they discussing us?
- Yeah, savagely.

114
00:04:45,442 --> 00:04:47,442
Hey, this caller likes us.

115
00:04:56,442 --> 00:04:57,748
No, she doesn't.

116
00:04:58,052 --> 00:04:59,227
What did she say?

117
00:04:59,293 --> 00:05:01,771
In the rankings of comedy double acts,

118
00:05:02,230 --> 00:05:04,071
David and Michael aren't.

119
00:05:05,845 --> 00:05:07,720
Well, people are still calling in.

120
00:05:07,951 --> 00:05:09,625
What about the Radio Times?

121
00:05:09,656 --> 00:05:12,412
- Yes, they like us!
- They had us on the front cover.

122
00:05:12,574 --> 00:05:14,077
Yeah, what do they say?

123
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:18,442
"We have too much respect for David
and Michael to publish a review."

124
00:05:20,442 --> 00:05:22,691
- What can we do?
- Well, we can't DO anything.

125
00:05:22,721 --> 00:05:25,139
- Can we explain?
- Explain what?

126
00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:27,632
You know, that it was a train wreck
from start to finish.

127
00:05:27,662 --> 00:05:29,551
That we're lucky to have escaped
with our sanity,

128
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,287
let alone six episodes of television,

129
00:05:31,317 --> 00:05:33,092
and there should be prizes for effort.

130
00:05:33,122 --> 00:05:34,574
The reviews are out, babe.

131
00:05:34,604 --> 00:05:37,182
- We could film new episodes.
- When?

132
00:05:37,442 --> 00:05:39,058
- This week.
- You're insane.

133
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,412
We did it in a week before.

134
00:05:40,442 --> 00:05:42,412
We were much younger men then.

135
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,666
It was two years ago.

136
00:05:43,696 --> 00:05:45,756
- Anyway, Lily's over from New York.
- So?

137
00:05:45,786 --> 00:05:47,538
So I want to forget bad reviews

138
00:05:47,570 --> 00:05:50,220
and move on from this sorry chapter

139
00:05:50,282 --> 00:05:52,412
and spend Christmas with my family.

140
00:05:52,442 --> 00:05:55,274
Yeah, listen, everything
is gonna be fine, OK?

141
00:05:55,305 --> 00:05:57,068
Episode two airs tonight.

142
00:05:57,098 --> 00:05:59,412
Michael storms off,
we segue into the documentary,

143
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,391
and it carries on during the week
as planned.

144
00:06:01,421 --> 00:06:03,180
What's episode three?

145
00:06:03,258 --> 00:06:05,559
How we agreed to do series three.

146
00:06:05,684 --> 00:06:08,061
- With Michael hiding in the car?
- Yeah.

147
00:06:08,282 --> 00:06:09,846
You and me in the shower, that one?

148
00:06:09,876 --> 00:06:11,862
Episode four is you two
trying to write together.

149
00:06:12,087 --> 00:06:14,412
- God.
- And episode five?

150
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:15,521
This.

151
00:06:16,130 --> 00:06:17,493
Where we are now.

152
00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,412
Are we filming this?

153
00:06:26,942 --> 00:06:28,462
We're filming everything.

154
00:06:30,442 --> 00:06:32,336
Simon can still write us a finale.

155
00:06:32,586 --> 00:06:33,987
We already have one.

156
00:06:34,122 --> 00:06:36,251
Part retrospective,
part looking to the future.

157
00:06:36,442 --> 00:06:39,353
- Well, that sounds terrible.
- I am trying my best.

158
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,553
- Have you heard from Simon?
- No.

159
00:06:41,583 --> 00:06:44,070
Are we worried that they might be
at the bottom of the river?

160
00:06:44,442 --> 00:06:46,412
I mean, let's not worry
about that right now.

161
00:06:46,442 --> 00:06:48,412
OK, we're working on the basis
that he is still alive

162
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:49,971
and not Mafia casualty.

163
00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:52,012
He still won't have any time
to write anything, will he?

164
00:06:52,316 --> 00:06:53,801
What about a live episode?

165
00:06:53,856 --> 00:06:55,959
Don't be so stupid.

166
00:06:56,139 --> 00:06:57,646
You're our next caller.

167
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,044
You'll be on air with
Ben Wicks in a second.

168
00:07:00,075 --> 00:07:01,412
- What's that?
- Thanks for waiting.

169
00:07:01,442 --> 00:07:03,527
- I'm on hold.
- With who?

170
00:07:04,246 --> 00:07:05,366
Talkback.

171
00:07:06,442 --> 00:07:07,412
Why?

172
00:07:07,442 --> 00:07:09,192
Someone's got to fight our corner.

173
00:07:09,222 --> 00:07:11,849
You can't just call into a radio station.

174
00:07:11,879 --> 00:07:13,412
Just watch me.

175
00:07:13,656 --> 00:07:16,252
I'm gonna tell them that we deserve
a prize for effort.

176
00:07:16,281 --> 00:07:17,562
As yourself?

177
00:07:17,593 --> 00:07:20,412
Not as myself.
Obviously, I will disguise my voice.

178
00:07:20,442 --> 00:07:23,111
- Well, what name did you give?
- They didn't ask for a name.

179
00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:25,827
Hello, you're on with Ben Wicks.
What's your name?

180
00:07:25,857 --> 00:07:27,245
David.

181
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,518
Hi, David.

182
00:07:29,706 --> 00:07:32,193
But my friends call me Steven.

183
00:07:32,712 --> 00:07:35,304
- Good to meet you, Steven.
- With a V.

184
00:07:35,442 --> 00:07:37,695
A V, like in David?

185
00:07:38,382 --> 00:07:39,820
Yeah, similar.

186
00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:41,957
And what do you want to say about Staged?

187
00:07:41,988 --> 00:07:44,689
I really enjoyed that first episode.

188
00:07:44,719 --> 00:07:46,126
Finally!

189
00:07:46,156 --> 00:07:48,017
You are in a minority of one.

190
00:07:48,056 --> 00:07:49,890
What did you enjoy about it?

191
00:07:52,442 --> 00:07:54,412
What did I enjoy about it?

192
00:07:55,302 --> 00:07:56,412
I think...

193
00:07:56,514 --> 00:07:59,747
- _
- That they were trying something new.

194
00:08:00,442 --> 00:08:02,412
They don't give prizes for effort.

195
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,998
- Well, they should!
- It doesn't work that way.

196
00:08:05,028 --> 00:08:06,780
It was a tough production.

197
00:08:06,874 --> 00:08:08,988
Their writer left halfway through.

198
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,540
How do you know that? Did
you work on the show?

199
00:08:13,442 --> 00:08:14,413
No.

200
00:08:14,769 --> 00:08:17,107
So how do you know
about the writer leaving?

201
00:08:20,789 --> 00:08:23,364
Well, what's happened is,

202
00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:26,110
- _
- I have a wife on the crew.

203
00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:28,724
A wife? Does this wife
have the inside gossip?

204
00:08:28,754 --> 00:08:30,796
Yeah, she knows a thing or two.

205
00:08:30,826 --> 00:08:32,944
And what did she like
about the first episode?

206
00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:36,581
She's a big fan of that David Tennant.

207
00:08:36,815 --> 00:08:39,412
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.

208
00:08:39,551 --> 00:08:41,881
She thinks he's really sexy.

209
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,845
Can we speak to her?

210
00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:46,579
No, she's busy right now.

211
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,246
But she likes the first episode?

212
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:50,902
Very much. Very much indeed.

213
00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:53,841
- She said to me, "David..."
- Steven!

214
00:08:53,957 --> 00:08:56,566
- "Steven," she said to me...
- Who was that?

215
00:08:57,860 --> 00:08:59,494
My son.

216
00:09:00,372 --> 00:09:01,662
What's his name?

217
00:09:02,294 --> 00:09:04,017
Mervyn.

218
00:09:04,173 --> 00:09:06,749
Did you enjoy the first episode, Mervyn?

219
00:09:09,832 --> 00:09:11,832
I liked it a lot.

220
00:09:12,868 --> 00:09:14,638
He loved it, he did.

221
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:17,553
You don't think it's just
the same old shtick?

222
00:09:17,942 --> 00:09:19,703
People love the old shtick.

223
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,412
People love the old shtick. Bye!

224
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,821
But critics are calling it boring, tired.

225
00:09:24,851 --> 00:09:27,602
Steven, they're calling it predictable.
What do you say to them?

226
00:09:27,821 --> 00:09:30,282
Well, they don't know what's coming.

227
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,559
What's coming?

228
00:09:35,361 --> 00:09:38,003
Something really surprising.

229
00:09:38,034 --> 00:09:39,413
I'm all ears.

230
00:09:39,607 --> 00:09:41,124
I shouldn't be telling you this.

231
00:09:41,155 --> 00:09:44,018
As long as it's not another
lazy layer of meta-rubbish,

232
00:09:44,047 --> 00:09:46,442
like a shift into
documentary or something.

233
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,085
No.

234
00:09:48,497 --> 00:09:49,697
Well?

235
00:09:50,081 --> 00:09:51,245
What's coming?

236
00:09:51,973 --> 00:09:54,175
What should we be looking out for?

237
00:09:55,348 --> 00:09:57,376
- Steven?
- What is coming up...

238
00:09:57,524 --> 00:09:59,420
- Seriously.
- is really surprising is...

239
00:09:59,444 --> 00:10:00,433
- Excite me.
- Is...

240
00:10:00,468 --> 00:10:02,752
What's gonna save this dead
horse before it's flogged?

241
00:10:03,016 --> 00:10:04,627
- _
- Please tell me it gets better.

242
00:10:04,657 --> 00:10:06,582
They're doing a live episode.

243
00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:10,465
Hope you enjoy it. Bye, everyone!

244
00:10:16,442 --> 00:10:18,094
We're doing a live episode.

245
00:10:18,274 --> 00:10:19,452
OK.

246
00:10:20,192 --> 00:10:21,540
Is that all you're gonna say?

247
00:10:21,758 --> 00:10:24,612
- I'm waiting for a punchline.
- It's not a joke.

248
00:10:24,948 --> 00:10:26,412
I'm not writing you a live episode.

249
00:10:26,442 --> 00:10:28,294
OK, David said something stupid.

250
00:10:28,324 --> 00:10:29,962
- Yes, I heard, on the radio.
- Yeah.

251
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:32,412
- Yeah. Where was he supposed to be from?
- I dunno.

252
00:10:32,443 --> 00:10:33,950
And Michael was Mervyn, yes?

253
00:10:34,005 --> 00:10:35,357
OK, we are doing it on Saturday.

254
00:10:35,657 --> 00:10:37,915
- No, we can't.
- It's important to David.

255
00:10:37,945 --> 00:10:39,716
That is not a basis
for decision making...

256
00:10:39,746 --> 00:10:41,719
And Josh is excited about the idea.

257
00:10:41,748 --> 00:10:45,273
I cannot imagine for a second that
Michael is excited about the idea.

258
00:10:45,304 --> 00:10:46,749
Well, he will do it for David.

259
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,213
- Well, I WON'T do it for David!
- Listen, listen.

260
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,852
You started this, you little...

261
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:52,668
tenacious-till-the-going-gets-tough
watered-down idealist.

262
00:10:52,698 --> 00:10:54,194
You came to me,

263
00:10:54,248 --> 00:10:57,010
and it might not have ended up like
the great statement that you wanted,

264
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,505
and it might not parcel up all
your, like, hopes and dreams,

265
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:01,460
but YOU are gonna help us finish it.

266
00:11:04,884 --> 00:11:06,345
- What do we need?
- OK.

267
00:11:06,376 --> 00:11:07,881
Right, what was it originally?

268
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,412
- What, the original final episode?
- You had a story, didn't you?

269
00:11:10,442 --> 00:11:12,412
Like David and Michael
doing A Christmas Carol?

270
00:11:12,442 --> 00:11:14,249
Yes, but it was all gonna fall apart

271
00:11:14,279 --> 00:11:15,637
- due to outside pressures.
- OK.

272
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,032
What sort of outside pressures?

273
00:11:17,126 --> 00:11:19,253
Michael was going to be
beset by angry carol singers,

274
00:11:19,283 --> 00:11:21,759
and David was gonna be
arrested in Pyongyang.

275
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,421
- What for?
- Treason.

276
00:11:23,514 --> 00:11:25,412
- Right. Well, can't it still be that?
- No.

277
00:11:25,764 --> 00:11:29,067
No. It's missing all the...
all the set-up.

278
00:11:32,661 --> 00:11:34,764
Could we just do A Christmas Carol?

279
00:11:35,834 --> 00:11:37,726
What, without all the outside pressures?

280
00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:40,281
Yeah. Like, OK,
David Tennant and Michael Sheen...

281
00:11:40,531 --> 00:11:43,412
present a live version
of A Christmas Carol,

282
00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,964
adapted by Simon Evans,
in the style of Staged,

283
00:11:46,026 --> 00:11:47,827
filmed on laptops, audio on phones.

284
00:11:47,857 --> 00:11:49,526
- On Saturday?
- On Saturday.

285
00:11:49,713 --> 00:11:51,572
Have you read A Christmas Carol?

286
00:11:52,009 --> 00:11:54,146
I have seen the Muppet version.

287
00:11:54,177 --> 00:11:55,733
Dickens was paid by the word.

288
00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:57,299
Kermit the Frog has a doctorate.

289
00:11:57,329 --> 00:11:59,574
Then get Kermit the Frog
to fucking write it!

290
00:11:59,604 --> 00:12:01,885
OK, you wanted to do something
different for episode three.

291
00:12:01,915 --> 00:12:05,172
- And look how that all worked out.
- OK, so do something different here.

292
00:12:05,442 --> 00:12:06,932
People don't want different, do they?!

293
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,684
If we do A Christmas Carol,
I tell you what people will want.

294
00:12:09,714 --> 00:12:11,412
They'll want Marley and Cratchit

295
00:12:11,442 --> 00:12:14,182
arguing about whose name
comes first on the sign outside.

296
00:12:14,212 --> 00:12:16,905
They'll want Bob Cratchit
drawing fucking pineapples.

297
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:19,122
They'll want us to find an
Oscar-winner to play...

298
00:12:19,890 --> 00:12:21,728
- Tiny Tim!
- So give them that.

299
00:12:21,758 --> 00:12:23,805
No! Because they don't really
want that, do they?

300
00:12:23,835 --> 00:12:26,252
Because I will get it in the neck
for being predictable.

301
00:12:26,282 --> 00:12:28,157
Unless, of course,
it's a storming success,

302
00:12:28,187 --> 00:12:30,110
in which case, who gets all the credit?

303
00:12:30,165 --> 00:12:31,413
David and Michael.

304
00:12:31,443 --> 00:12:33,595
You know, there was a review
this morning for episode two.

305
00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:36,259
It called it "Sheen and Tennant's
improvised farce".

306
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,481
That sounds positive!

307
00:12:37,608 --> 00:12:40,473
Argh! That episode stretched the bounds

308
00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:42,903
of all etiquette around
plot contrivance and exposition,

309
00:12:42,932 --> 00:12:45,659
beyond ALL the boundaries
of literary decency,

310
00:12:45,690 --> 00:12:48,092
and they still think David and Michael
made it up on the fucking spot!

311
00:12:48,122 --> 00:12:50,086
OK, they've never actually
said that, though, have they?

312
00:12:50,911 --> 00:12:52,181
Have they?

313
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,361
- No.
- No.

314
00:12:53,432 --> 00:12:55,735
No, because
they have always stood up for you.

315
00:12:55,765 --> 00:12:58,031
They have always told everyone
how you write it

316
00:12:58,061 --> 00:12:59,412
and praised what you do.

317
00:12:59,442 --> 00:13:01,126
- In public.
- Well, in public, yeah.

318
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,107
Behind the scenes,
they are less generous.

319
00:13:03,137 --> 00:13:05,942
Well, behind the scenes, you're as
useful as a yeast infection, babe.

320
00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:08,705
But listen, they believe in you.
They stand up for you.

321
00:13:08,735 --> 00:13:11,664
And they have never taken away from
how hard you work on what you do.

322
00:13:14,032 --> 00:13:16,073
- No?
- Not once.

323
00:13:21,248 --> 00:13:22,572
We need a cast.

324
00:13:22,967 --> 00:13:24,151
Is he gonna do it?

325
00:13:24,246 --> 00:13:26,972
Have you ever said anything
mean about him on camera?

326
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:30,470
- Don't think so...
- OK, well, can you not, for the day?

327
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,865
I'll try my absoloute hardest.

328
00:13:33,037 --> 00:13:35,253
- This... this is super hot, by the way.
- Ta!

329
00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:36,906
We need a cast.

330
00:13:36,981 --> 00:13:38,489
We need somewhere to do it.

331
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,978
Yeah, we should all do it together
incase it all goes wrong.

332
00:13:41,169 --> 00:13:43,531
Georgia, when has anything ever gone wrong?

333
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:45,099
Oh! We could do it here?

334
00:13:45,812 --> 00:13:47,824
Michael's got Lily in Wales this weekend.

335
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,079
- She could be in it?
- She could be in it!

336
00:13:50,271 --> 00:13:51,900
OK, do you need to rehearse?

337
00:13:52,188 --> 00:13:53,571
Not if we're reading it.

338
00:13:53,609 --> 00:13:55,794
Okay, great. Phone some friends.

339
00:13:56,978 --> 00:13:57,978
Come on!

340
00:14:03,673 --> 00:14:05,366
I don't have any friends!

341
00:14:15,987 --> 00:14:17,205
I didn't storm off.

342
00:14:17,307 --> 00:14:18,739
- Well, I think you did.
- No.

343
00:14:18,822 --> 00:14:23,175
Look, I'm happy to talk about
deciding to do a third series.

344
00:14:23,226 --> 00:14:25,611
I'm happy to talk about
filming two episodes.

345
00:14:26,377 --> 00:14:28,114
I think we have to talk
about the storming off.

346
00:14:28,371 --> 00:14:30,156
- Why? - Cos that's why the
whole thing fell apart.

347
00:14:30,219 --> 00:14:32,166
- It's not the only reason.
- I mean, I think it is.

348
00:14:32,201 --> 00:14:34,505
We didn't want do it from the
start, we didn't like the scripts.

349
00:14:34,695 --> 00:14:35,971
We could have fixed the scripts.

350
00:14:35,972 --> 00:14:39,207
I was tired of fixing Simon's
bullet points on the fly.

351
00:14:39,584 --> 00:14:42,735
Look, it was forgivable when
Simon only had days to write it,

352
00:14:42,801 --> 00:14:44,438
but he's had fucking months.

353
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:47,856
It's not our job to improvise
our way out of bad writing.

354
00:14:54,442 --> 00:14:55,808
Where are you?

355
00:14:56,191 --> 00:14:58,798
We're getting there, you know.
Not far now.

356
00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:01,053
- You're supposed to be here.
- Well...

357
00:15:01,457 --> 00:15:03,749
Anna's a very cautious driver.

358
00:15:05,442 --> 00:15:07,004
You're bringing the kids with you?

359
00:15:07,442 --> 00:15:09,533
No, we left them at my mum and dad's.

360
00:15:09,611 --> 00:15:10,810
You feeling confident about that?

361
00:15:10,853 --> 00:15:12,639
In absolutely no way whatsoever.

362
00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:14,412
How's everything looking at your end?

363
00:15:14,477 --> 00:15:16,452
I just stepped outside.

364
00:15:17,059 --> 00:15:19,412
What's the collective noun
for garden gnomes?

365
00:15:19,559 --> 00:15:21,133
A violation?

366
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,339
It's pretty mental inside.

367
00:15:24,130 --> 00:15:26,092
How's Simon getting along?

368
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,183
He's supposed to be here too.

369
00:15:28,257 --> 00:15:29,772
Have you had anything in from him yet?

370
00:15:30,019 --> 00:15:31,375
Not a squit.

371
00:15:31,575 --> 00:15:32,855
It'll be fine.

372
00:15:33,028 --> 00:15:34,981
I just want it to feel different.

373
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,585
- Well, we can do it in silly hats.
- Yeah.

374
00:15:38,092 --> 00:15:40,806
I just want us to help set up.

375
00:15:41,083 --> 00:15:43,374
Well, isn't it just laptops and phones?

376
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,802
No, no, no, no, no. No, not any more.

377
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:47,678
There's lights being hung...

378
00:15:48,255 --> 00:15:50,377
surfaces being painted...

379
00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:52,665
Well, historically,
the best way we can help

380
00:15:52,696 --> 00:15:53,592
is by staying out of the way.

381
00:15:53,756 --> 00:15:55,258
I feel responsible.

382
00:15:55,297 --> 00:15:56,786
Well, that's understandable.

383
00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:58,126
We did get everyone into this.

384
00:15:58,169 --> 00:16:01,612
No, YOU got everyone into this.
I'm just caught in your rats' nest.

385
00:16:02,059 --> 00:16:03,225
Yeah.

386
00:16:03,853 --> 00:16:05,795
I just want it to feel different.

387
00:16:05,943 --> 00:16:07,869
What has Georgia said that we can do?

388
00:16:07,899 --> 00:16:09,844
She's asked me to put up some signs.

389
00:16:09,874 --> 00:16:11,412
Well, put up some signs, then.

390
00:16:11,442 --> 00:16:14,412
No, we're strong, handsome men.
I wanna be...

391
00:16:14,442 --> 00:16:17,412
lifting things up
and putting them down again.

392
00:16:17,441 --> 00:16:18,957
I feel like that would be a waste
of energy.

393
00:16:19,031 --> 00:16:20,524
I mean moving things.

394
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:22,412
I don't think
people would appreciate that.

395
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,157
Well, we can do what we're told.

396
00:16:24,282 --> 00:16:26,143
Historically, we can't.

397
00:16:33,937 --> 00:16:36,252
- We're here!
- Where the hell have you been?

398
00:16:36,282 --> 00:16:38,412
Don't ask. We're outside, by the side gate.

399
00:16:38,442 --> 00:16:40,261
We assemble a Who's Who of acting talent

400
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,506
- and you arrive two hours late?
- Did you tell them your joke?

401
00:16:44,305 --> 00:16:46,412
Welcome! Welcome!

402
00:16:46,583 --> 00:16:47,772
Hello!

403
00:16:47,802 --> 00:16:49,105
- Anna!
- David.

404
00:16:49,135 --> 00:16:52,052
Hello. And you brought a camera crew!

405
00:16:52,083 --> 00:16:54,732
Watch out. Let them through.
Don't ask questions.

406
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:57,412
- See, I'm getting used to it now.
- Is Lily not with you?

407
00:16:57,442 --> 00:16:59,751
- She's coming down later.
- What's in the bag?

408
00:16:59,781 --> 00:17:00,976
Costume options.

409
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:02,225
We don't need anything.

410
00:17:02,256 --> 00:17:04,279
Christmas jumpers, funny hats.

411
00:17:04,342 --> 00:17:07,052
- OK. Yeah, all right.
- Is the bunting for me?

412
00:17:07,107 --> 00:17:09,283
Georgia's birthday, isn't it?
Party later.

413
00:17:09,345 --> 00:17:11,067
- We didn't bring a card.
- I brought a card.

414
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,621
- I'm glad you came.
- Me too.

415
00:17:12,651 --> 00:17:15,092
- I wasn't sure if you were going to.
- Well, Anna told me to.

416
00:17:15,122 --> 00:17:17,095
Yeah? Thought you didn't
want him making any more.

417
00:17:17,126 --> 00:17:18,861
I want him to finish it properly.

418
00:17:18,891 --> 00:17:21,123
- That's very dramatic.
- Well, she's a romantic at heart.

419
00:17:21,154 --> 00:17:23,612
Only when it costs me nothing. Georgia!

420
00:17:24,206 --> 00:17:26,206
Yeah, fair, fair.

421
00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:32,922
Well, well, look at that.

422
00:17:33,442 --> 00:17:36,252
- Very good.
- Yeah. So, we're filming in here.

423
00:17:36,282 --> 00:17:38,869
So, why are we making it
look like my kitchen?

424
00:17:39,442 --> 00:17:42,442
Georgia wanted to keep the
aesthetic of the show.

425
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,412
Right.

426
00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:48,061
- Do you think we'll get away with it?
- Yeah.

427
00:17:48,621 --> 00:17:49,846
OK.

428
00:17:50,654 --> 00:17:54,412
What's the collective noun for
electronics into an extension lead?

429
00:17:54,755 --> 00:17:56,309
A gamble?

430
00:17:56,763 --> 00:17:57,734
Yeah...

431
00:17:57,889 --> 00:18:00,627
We thought we should make sure
everyone's here on site

432
00:18:00,658 --> 00:18:01,984
- in case anything goes wrong.
- Right.

433
00:18:03,698 --> 00:18:04,846
Look at that.

434
00:18:04,877 --> 00:18:07,412
- Georgia!
- Michael!

435
00:18:07,442 --> 00:18:09,772
You are late, and Anna
says it's your fault.

436
00:18:09,802 --> 00:18:11,442
- Simon's pulling up.
- OK.

437
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,060
No, no, sorry. There's no shoes upstairs.

438
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,599
So you'll be here.

439
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,302
- That's yours.
- Oh, lovely. Great.

440
00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:19,572
Is he... Is he in?

441
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:21,878
- Yeah, he's here. Course he is.
- He is?! Right!

442
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,118
Ian?

443
00:18:24,762 --> 00:18:27,252
It's Mich... Hello!

444
00:18:27,354 --> 00:18:28,905
Aw... You...

445
00:18:28,935 --> 00:18:31,752
Yeah, great. Great.
OK. Script with you soon?

446
00:18:31,782 --> 00:18:33,207
OK. Bye.

447
00:18:34,442 --> 00:18:36,553
I don't trust people who
are comfortable naked

448
00:18:36,631 --> 00:18:37,962
in other people's homes.

449
00:18:46,442 --> 00:18:48,243
Right, is everyone in position?

450
00:18:48,273 --> 00:18:49,985
Ooh, is Michael's forehead a bit shiny?

451
00:18:50,015 --> 00:18:51,179
- What?
- I'll do a little buff.

452
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:52,801
Live in 60 seconds.

453
00:18:55,352 --> 00:18:57,690
- Oh, I'm excited!
- Me too!

454
00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:00,245
- Do we have a script yet?
- Yeah, Simon's printing it now.

455
00:19:00,276 --> 00:19:02,416
- Right.
- OK. There we go. Right, listen.

456
00:19:02,446 --> 00:19:04,412
There's a lot of wires under
your feet, so don't move them, OK?

457
00:19:04,442 --> 00:19:05,760
Right. OK.

458
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:09,247
- Standing by OBS and phones.
- Yeah. Good here...

459
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,014
Yes. All good. Good here.

460
00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:13,526
- I love you, baby.
- Love you too!

461
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,576
45 seconds.

462
00:19:16,637 --> 00:19:18,442
This is what I'm talking about! Ha-ha!

463
00:19:18,763 --> 00:19:22,009
We feel like that that dog that
chases the bird off the cliff

464
00:19:22,039 --> 00:19:23,558
and there's just all air underneath.

465
00:19:23,588 --> 00:19:25,464
But, you know, as long as we
keep our eyes straight ahead...

466
00:19:25,538 --> 00:19:27,977
- we won't fall.
- Yeah. But it's a coyote.

467
00:19:28,442 --> 00:19:30,412
No, a dog doesn't chase a coyote.

468
00:19:30,442 --> 00:19:32,612
No, it's a coyote that
chases the bird, the Road Runner.

469
00:19:32,642 --> 00:19:34,412
No, it's a cartoon, David.

470
00:19:34,442 --> 00:19:36,605
- Of a coyote.
- Well, how do you know it's a coyote?

471
00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:38,412
Cos his NAME is Wile E Coyote.

472
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,279
Well, a name doesn't define a person.

473
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:43,723
- 30 seconds.
- Still need a script, please, thank you.

474
00:19:43,827 --> 00:19:46,261
Yes, has anyone got eyes on Simon?

475
00:19:46,291 --> 00:19:48,013
- It's coming!
- Right.

476
00:19:49,227 --> 00:19:51,114
- Sorry, sorry!
- Cometh the hour!

477
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:52,259
OK, there we go.

478
00:19:52,361 --> 00:19:54,412
- Thank you.
- One for me too, please.

479
00:19:54,441 --> 00:19:57,741
- Thank you.
- Can I just say a big thank you, actually,

480
00:19:57,772 --> 00:19:59,873
because I know that

481
00:19:59,912 --> 00:20:02,554
things have... It just
means a huge amount to me.

482
00:20:02,584 --> 00:20:04,523
I know that you both always have my back.

483
00:20:04,554 --> 00:20:06,412
- Yeah, yeah.
- And I just want to say...

484
00:20:06,442 --> 00:20:08,024
- I hope you have a really...
- OK.

485
00:20:08,054 --> 00:20:09,901
- Great.
- A pleasure. I'm sure we will,

486
00:20:09,931 --> 00:20:12,189
I'm sure we will. Fuck
off, fuck off, fuck off.

487
00:20:12,219 --> 00:20:14,412
- Time for a cookie jar?
- Maybe later.

488
00:20:14,442 --> 00:20:16,605
- Yeah. Have a very good show.
- Have a good show.

489
00:20:16,636 --> 00:20:18,361
Live in ten seconds.

490
00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:23,960
- Is yours blank?
- Completely blank. Is yours?

491
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:25,573
- Also blank, yeah.
- Five seconds.

492
00:20:25,604 --> 00:20:27,021
Something on the very last page.

493
00:20:27,248 --> 00:20:28,248
Three...

494
00:20:28,442 --> 00:20:29,413
Two...

495
00:20:29,611 --> 00:20:32,006
- "Improvise your way out of this."
- And we're live.

496
00:20:34,391 --> 00:20:36,877
_

497
00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:42,172
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