1
00:00:01,278 --> 00:00:03,408
It's just been nice to do something new.

2
00:00:03,548 --> 00:00:05,341
Yeah, must have been.

3
00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:08,266
I don't like resting on my laurels.

4
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:10,670
No, you don't.

5
00:00:11,221 --> 00:00:13,441
I like to push myself,

6
00:00:14,110 --> 00:00:15,951
as you know.

7
00:00:19,961 --> 00:00:22,041
_

8
00:00:31,075 --> 00:00:33,380
I'm so sorry, am I keeping you?

9
00:00:33,548 --> 00:00:36,304
No, no, no, no. I'm...

10
00:00:36,548 --> 00:00:40,304
You know, we've just been
at this for a while now.

11
00:00:40,548 --> 00:00:42,038
Am I boring you?

12
00:00:42,224 --> 00:00:44,264
It's nearly midnight.

13
00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:47,990
- Sleep in!
- I can't. I have responsibilities.

14
00:00:48,021 --> 00:00:49,518
Like what?

15
00:00:49,548 --> 00:00:51,718
Like Christmas trees,

16
00:00:52,663 --> 00:00:55,381
family, love.

17
00:00:55,548 --> 00:00:57,502
I want to tell you about my laurels.

18
00:00:57,668 --> 00:01:00,342
And I sincerely do wanna hear
about your laurels.

19
00:01:01,657 --> 00:01:03,827
- It was an adventure.
- Was it?

20
00:01:03,865 --> 00:01:05,518
I pushed myself.

21
00:01:05,548 --> 00:01:08,548
Yeah, well, you are doing an advert
for cream cheese.

22
00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:12,341
But in Tokyo.

23
00:01:12,548 --> 00:01:15,421
And I drove a car.

24
00:01:15,548 --> 00:01:18,518
- Do they like cream cheese in Tokyo?
- Not a fucking clue.

25
00:01:18,548 --> 00:01:20,518
I'm sure they will
when they see you drive a car.

26
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:21,940
I'm spreading the word.

27
00:01:24,497 --> 00:01:25,987
Come on!

28
00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:28,139
- Why are you in a mood?
- I'm not in a mood.

29
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,800
- I'm stuck in an airport!
- Whose fault is that?

30
00:01:30,894 --> 00:01:32,518
I need distracting.

31
00:01:32,548 --> 00:01:33,904
Buy a book.

32
00:01:34,767 --> 00:01:37,548
- The shops aren't open yet.
- Write a book.

33
00:01:39,228 --> 00:01:40,518
When do you board?

34
00:01:40,571 --> 00:01:42,783
I don't know. There's a delay.

35
00:01:44,141 --> 00:01:45,981
Hang on, have you dyed your hair?

36
00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:48,339
No.

37
00:01:49,304 --> 00:01:52,248
It's looking terribly lush and youthful.

38
00:01:52,289 --> 00:01:54,289
It's just the light in this room.

39
00:01:56,177 --> 00:01:57,627
Knock, knock.

40
00:01:57,824 --> 00:01:58,793
No.

41
00:01:58,824 --> 00:02:00,380
- Come on!
- No.

42
00:02:00,458 --> 00:02:02,813
- Come on, play with me.
- No, play with yourself.

43
00:02:02,867 --> 00:02:05,694
Saucy! What's the first rule
of improvisation?

44
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:08,009
- Never say no.
- Never say no.

45
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,400
Give me a location, go on.

46
00:02:09,572 --> 00:02:10,988
Tokyo airport?

47
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:12,846
Less specifically geographical.

48
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:14,518
- An airport.
- Give me a character.

49
00:02:14,548 --> 00:02:17,769
Hyperactive Scottish actor
waiting for a plane.

50
00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:20,038
Ooh, interesting. Who's he talking to?

51
00:02:20,068 --> 00:02:22,710
Hestia, the god of patience.

52
00:02:22,790 --> 00:02:24,382
Give me a genre.

53
00:02:25,047 --> 00:02:27,047
Tired romance.

54
00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:30,304
Knock, knock.

55
00:02:31,787 --> 00:02:33,271
Go away!

56
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,104
I've got a parcel for you.

57
00:02:35,165 --> 00:02:36,528
I never ordered anything.

58
00:02:36,654 --> 00:02:39,987
- Label says, "Michael Sheen".
- There's no Michael Sheen in here.

59
00:02:40,105 --> 00:02:42,518
I think it's a big bottle of hair dye.

60
00:02:42,548 --> 00:02:43,820
Could you use it?

61
00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:47,140
It's from a lovely lad,
name of David Tennant.

62
00:02:47,173 --> 00:02:48,700
Never heard of her.

63
00:02:48,805 --> 00:02:51,349
Well, shall I just leave it outside?

64
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,715
I couldn't give a fuck.

65
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,900
I tell you what, set fire to it
and throw it at a badger.

66
00:03:00,279 --> 00:03:03,341
www.subtitulamos.tv

67
00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:07,434
_

68
00:03:07,548 --> 00:03:09,038
I just need to talk to them.

69
00:03:09,068 --> 00:03:10,751
Isn't David still filming in Japan?

70
00:03:10,798 --> 00:03:13,518
Well, they've got phones in Japan
and in Wales.

71
00:03:13,548 --> 00:03:15,518
Michael cocoons for Christmas.

72
00:03:15,548 --> 00:03:17,518
How do you know
what Michael does for Christmas?

73
00:03:17,548 --> 00:03:19,518
We talk all the time, to be honest.

74
00:03:19,548 --> 00:03:21,518
- What, you and Michael?
- Yeah, and David.

75
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,518
But you're filming in the Caribbean.

76
00:03:23,548 --> 00:03:25,518
Yeah, they've got phones
here, too, Simon.

77
00:03:25,548 --> 00:03:28,198
How is it that everyone is filming
something except for me?

78
00:03:28,228 --> 00:03:29,930
They're just so good together,
aren't they?

79
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:32,198
Simon, I'm running out of time.
I'm meant to be on set.

80
00:03:32,228 --> 00:03:34,145
- And I resent it.
- Yeah, I won't be a minute.

81
00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:36,725
- But I can't ignore it.
- Simon, I need to be in hair and make-up.

82
00:03:36,756 --> 00:03:38,956
Look, the networks don't want me.
Nobody wants me.

83
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,518
- Of course they do.
- Only if I've got David and Michael.

84
00:03:41,548 --> 00:03:43,918
- So, get David and Michael.
- I need an idea.

85
00:03:43,989 --> 00:03:45,518
What happened with the film?

86
00:03:45,548 --> 00:03:47,877
It was only gonna happen
if I had David and Michael.

87
00:03:47,932 --> 00:03:49,518
And they said no?

88
00:03:49,548 --> 00:03:50,797
They thought about it.

89
00:03:50,828 --> 00:03:52,335
- And then?
- Then they said no.

90
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,424
- The miniseries?
- The same.

91
00:03:54,548 --> 00:03:56,605
- The play in the West End?
- David or Michael.

92
00:03:56,707 --> 00:03:59,038
- For Hedda Gabler?
- I was shopping a bold concept.

93
00:03:59,068 --> 00:04:00,518
And David and Michael said...

94
00:04:00,548 --> 00:04:01,878
Just went quiet this time.

95
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,825
- The pantomime?
- They wanted Georgia.

96
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,954
- As what?
- Dick Whittington's cat.

97
00:04:06,048 --> 00:04:09,518
- And she said no?
- She left me a very angry voicemail.

98
00:04:10,012 --> 00:04:11,358
Sorry.

99
00:04:11,388 --> 00:04:13,198
It's all right. It was
nice to hear her voice.

100
00:04:13,228 --> 00:04:14,518
You need a new idea.

101
00:04:14,548 --> 00:04:16,038
Been offered a radio play.

102
00:04:16,068 --> 00:04:17,048
Of?

103
00:04:17,134 --> 00:04:19,184
Six Characters In Search Of An Author.

104
00:04:20,613 --> 00:04:23,381
- Do you want to do that?
- No, I wanna write something!

105
00:04:23,548 --> 00:04:26,518
They've said no to everything
you wrote since series two?

106
00:04:26,548 --> 00:04:28,423
Comic Relief.
They said yes to Comic Relief.

107
00:04:28,454 --> 00:04:30,878
You can't say no to Comic Relief.
It's like national service.

108
00:04:30,908 --> 00:04:32,828
- Lucy?
- Yeah. I've got to go.

109
00:04:32,859 --> 00:04:34,939
But if I offer them something
and they say no again,

110
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:37,181
- that's it, I'm toast.
- I know.

111
00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:39,018
Yeah, OK, I'm coming.

112
00:04:39,062 --> 00:04:40,330
Um...

113
00:04:40,361 --> 00:04:42,182
Is there a version of this?

114
00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:44,071
Is there a version of what?

115
00:04:44,548 --> 00:04:46,908
Our director says it
when he wants us to try something.

116
00:04:47,908 --> 00:04:49,518
What do you mean?

117
00:04:49,548 --> 00:04:51,982
It's disarming, you can't say no.

118
00:04:52,548 --> 00:04:55,518
Is there a version of this
where we cover it in one shot?

119
00:04:55,676 --> 00:04:58,239
Is there a version of this
where we talk less emotionally,

120
00:04:58,294 --> 00:05:00,384
where we discuss working together again?

121
00:05:01,981 --> 00:05:03,518
Is there a version of this?

122
00:05:03,548 --> 00:05:05,421
- Lucy.
- I'm coming!

123
00:05:05,961 --> 00:05:07,673
Start with that,
and just see what they say.

124
00:05:07,704 --> 00:05:09,701
Yes, sorry. Go. Great, thank you.

125
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,621
Bye-bye. One more thing.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

126
00:05:13,338 --> 00:05:15,518
So, they're not picking up when I call,

127
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:18,981
so is there a version
of this where you...?

128
00:05:21,635 --> 00:05:23,183
Seriously?

129
00:05:32,548 --> 00:05:35,182
My co-star reminded me of you.

130
00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:38,264
- Really?
- Yeah.

131
00:05:38,548 --> 00:05:40,518
Yeah, I mean, not you now you,

132
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:43,567
like, nowadays grumpy old bastard you.
Not that you.

133
00:05:43,645 --> 00:05:46,784
But you back in the day when we
first started working together.

134
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,143
How so?

135
00:05:49,197 --> 00:05:50,558
You know, it was playful,

136
00:05:51,204 --> 00:05:54,142
quick-witted, youthful, curious.
I made him laugh.

137
00:05:54,548 --> 00:05:56,351
Remember when I used to make you laugh?

138
00:05:56,548 --> 00:05:57,700
Well, I was young.

139
00:05:57,740 --> 00:06:00,380
I laughed at glove puppets
and people falling over.

140
00:06:00,564 --> 00:06:01,862
Yeah.

141
00:06:02,323 --> 00:06:04,684
We don't laugh any more.
We don't talk any more.

142
00:06:04,994 --> 00:06:06,718
We're talking now.

143
00:06:07,102 --> 00:06:09,037
Yeah, but only while we wait for Lucy.

144
00:06:09,685 --> 00:06:11,421
We talked last night.

145
00:06:11,548 --> 00:06:13,352
Yeah, but you were in a mood.

146
00:06:13,383 --> 00:06:14,576
I was not in a mood.

147
00:06:14,639 --> 00:06:16,557
All right, fine. You weren't in a mood.

148
00:06:17,236 --> 00:06:18,943
But you were.

149
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:29,224
Think she's gonna be long?

150
00:06:30,415 --> 00:06:31,730
I don't know.

151
00:06:33,062 --> 00:06:35,440
Gonna go for a wee before she joins us.

152
00:06:35,493 --> 00:06:37,380
Lovely. Thanks for that.

153
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:40,845
You know, she never saw your Hamlet.

154
00:06:40,896 --> 00:06:42,247
Neither did you.

155
00:06:42,505 --> 00:06:44,127
No, I didn't. You're right.

156
00:06:44,228 --> 00:06:46,903
I never wanna see another Hamlet
as long as I live, I don't think.

157
00:06:46,981 --> 00:06:49,552
Once you know who done it, sort of
takes the joy out of it, doesn't it?

158
00:06:49,654 --> 00:06:51,518
Mind you, I love a bit of Columbo.

159
00:06:51,548 --> 00:06:53,068
Fuck off!

160
00:06:54,228 --> 00:06:56,518
- No David?
- No, he's in the toilet.

161
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,548
Will it be long?

162
00:06:59,032 --> 00:07:00,660
I wouldn't think so.

163
00:07:01,191 --> 00:07:03,878
Come on, Christmas trees. I
don't wanna miss the tall ones.

164
00:07:04,361 --> 00:07:06,011
He's always a double-flusher.

165
00:07:06,853 --> 00:07:08,314
And there we go.

166
00:07:11,506 --> 00:07:13,262
Anna!

167
00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,209
Hello, David.

168
00:07:15,388 --> 00:07:17,400
- Where are you?
- Tokyo.

169
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,927
- What happened?
- Planes have been grounded.

170
00:07:19,957 --> 00:07:21,741
Volcanic ash in the sky.

171
00:07:21,804 --> 00:07:24,073
- You're in a hotel?
- Indefinitely.

172
00:07:24,103 --> 00:07:26,038
Well, you can't miss Georgia's birthday!

173
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:29,338
I mean, I have very little control
over this situation.

174
00:07:29,384 --> 00:07:32,220
- She'll be furious.
- It is a volcano, you know.

175
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,744
Well, have you got her a good present?

176
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,624
I was gonna arrange a party.

177
00:07:37,797 --> 00:07:38,833
What?

178
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:40,642
Have you done that before?

179
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:42,824
Well...

180
00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:44,221
No.

181
00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:46,469
But it can't be that difficult, can it?

182
00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:49,440
Will you say hi to Lucy for me?

183
00:07:49,548 --> 00:07:50,943
- I will.
- OK.

184
00:07:51,161 --> 00:07:52,291
Lycka till.

185
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:53,511
Shisha shill.

186
00:07:53,595 --> 00:07:56,420
I always take the hotel art off the wall.

187
00:07:56,548 --> 00:07:59,518
Blandness frightens me.

188
00:07:59,549 --> 00:08:01,332
I mean, if I were you,
I'd take down the mirrors.

189
00:08:01,373 --> 00:08:03,143
Like skimmed milk.

190
00:08:03,305 --> 00:08:05,275
I always feel like they might be haunted

191
00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:07,731
by the ghost of the colour beige.

192
00:08:08,184 --> 00:08:10,097
There's no such thing as bad art.

193
00:08:10,127 --> 00:08:12,358
No, that's a popular misconception.

194
00:08:12,388 --> 00:08:13,518
Hi, everyone!

195
00:08:13,924 --> 00:08:15,340
There she is.

196
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:16,903
Lucy.

197
00:08:17,036 --> 00:08:18,956
David, are you still in Tokyo?

198
00:08:18,986 --> 00:08:21,344
Lucy, thank you so much for noticing.

199
00:08:21,374 --> 00:08:23,262
What can we do for you?

200
00:08:23,292 --> 00:08:24,805
It sounded important.

201
00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:26,103
Yeah, well, erm...

202
00:08:26,388 --> 00:08:27,743
'Ello, 'ello.

203
00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:30,350
David!

204
00:08:30,449 --> 00:08:32,543
- Michael!
- I'm sorry, guys....

205
00:08:33,548 --> 00:08:35,300
Look, he's my brother, so...

206
00:08:35,888 --> 00:08:37,576
Anyway, I'll leave you to it now.

207
00:08:37,607 --> 00:08:39,519
Thanks, Lucy. Thank you.

208
00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:42,382
She's... Isn't she?

209
00:08:42,751 --> 00:08:43,722
Just...

210
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,421
This is tiresome.

211
00:08:45,451 --> 00:08:47,862
And I have missed you, too, Michael.

212
00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:49,440
Why are you here?

213
00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:51,838
Just to catch up really.
Long time, no see.

214
00:08:51,869 --> 00:08:53,896
- Have you lost weight?
- Who?

215
00:08:54,548 --> 00:08:56,652
Er, both of you. Either of you?

216
00:08:56,682 --> 00:08:59,024
- No!
- Michael, your hair looks...

217
00:09:00,549 --> 00:09:02,133
- Younger.
- Younger?

218
00:09:02,256 --> 00:09:03,605
Darker, is what I mean.

219
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,422
It's just the light in the room.

220
00:09:05,468 --> 00:09:06,767
It's just the light!

221
00:09:06,798 --> 00:09:10,102
Isn't it just great to have
the old gang back together?

222
00:09:10,423 --> 00:09:12,393
Did you get Lucy to set this up?

223
00:09:12,446 --> 00:09:13,340
No!

224
00:09:13,417 --> 00:09:15,759
Let's all say our favourite line from
Staged at the same time, shall we?

225
00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:16,863
One, two, three.

226
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:18,946
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

227
00:09:19,548 --> 00:09:22,021
Lucy said she needed to speak to us.

228
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,180
Yeah, she was having "a career crisis".

229
00:09:24,211 --> 00:09:25,612
Did you tell her to say that?

230
00:09:25,761 --> 00:09:28,501
I... I told her I wanted to speak to you.

231
00:09:28,618 --> 00:09:30,438
Speak to our agents, Simon.

232
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,102
Well, they're not returning my calls.

233
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:35,100
Yeah, because they have your mugshot
on the wall of their office

234
00:09:35,131 --> 00:09:37,983
with "Never answer the phone to
this fuckwit" written all over it.

235
00:09:38,014 --> 00:09:40,625
You said you were bored of doing Staged.

236
00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:42,100
Not bored, not bored.

237
00:09:42,131 --> 00:09:44,179
You wanted to do different things.

238
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,518
Different things with you.

239
00:09:45,548 --> 00:09:47,703
- No, no, no. You said you
were bored of us. - Yes.

240
00:09:47,961 --> 00:09:50,662
Is there a version of this
conversation where we all calm down?

241
00:09:55,759 --> 00:09:56,793
Yes.

242
00:09:56,845 --> 00:09:57,960
All right.

243
00:09:58,548 --> 00:10:01,053
Is there a version

244
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:04,207
of this conversation
where I am able to speak

245
00:10:04,665 --> 00:10:06,025
uninterrupted...

246
00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:08,718
..for a bit?

247
00:10:09,821 --> 00:10:11,518
It's not impossible.

248
00:10:11,706 --> 00:10:13,260
It's not impossible, no.

249
00:10:13,533 --> 00:10:14,820
OK, well...

250
00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:20,548
is there a version of... of... of this...

251
00:10:21,941 --> 00:10:24,141
..December where...

252
00:10:24,719 --> 00:10:25,678
we...?

253
00:10:25,999 --> 00:10:28,008
Is there a version of December

254
00:10:28,047 --> 00:10:30,047
where we all work together again?

255
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,744
There's always a version.

256
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:37,741
There is a version, isn't there?

257
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,789
Something... something classical,
theatrical,

258
00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:42,283
the old rat-a-tat-tat, the old charm.

259
00:10:42,313 --> 00:10:43,542
Look, David's in Tokyo.

260
00:10:43,572 --> 00:10:45,742
Yeah. Michael's buying a Christmas tree.

261
00:10:45,772 --> 00:10:47,518
Is there a version, though,

262
00:10:47,548 --> 00:10:49,942
that celebrates all that?

263
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,821
- There's always a version.
- There's always a version.

264
00:10:57,067 --> 00:10:59,104
I want to direct a radio play

265
00:10:59,135 --> 00:11:01,038
of Six Characters In Search Of An Author,

266
00:11:01,068 --> 00:11:03,762
which can be rehearsed
anywhere, quickly and easily,

267
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:06,897
and then performed live from anywhere
in the world on Christmas Eve,

268
00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:09,666
and I'm wondering
if there's a version of December

269
00:11:09,696 --> 00:11:12,160
where we all do that together

270
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,822
and it's wonderful.

271
00:11:22,875 --> 00:11:25,743
Looks like they're hoping
the wind is gonna blow

272
00:11:25,774 --> 00:11:27,358
the smoke cloud away to the north.

273
00:11:27,388 --> 00:11:28,834
How long's that gonna take?

274
00:11:28,864 --> 00:11:30,984
I mean, I don't really know.
It's all in Japanese.

275
00:11:32,728 --> 00:11:34,548
Has anyone been hurt?

276
00:11:35,149 --> 00:11:36,319
No, I don't think so.

277
00:11:36,493 --> 00:11:38,993
Then it needs a stern talking to.

278
00:11:40,039 --> 00:11:42,608
Yeah, it's a six-mile high
column of ash, but...

279
00:11:42,638 --> 00:11:44,688
Well, that's no excuse for petulance.

280
00:11:44,828 --> 00:11:46,784
You'll be back for my birthday,
won't you?

281
00:11:46,814 --> 00:11:48,945
Yeah. Yeah, I hope so.

282
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:50,159
David!

283
00:11:50,189 --> 00:11:52,960
I never even wanted you
to do this fucking job anyway.

284
00:11:52,990 --> 00:11:55,518
I will move mountains, my darling.

285
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,129
OK, well, moving mountains seems
to be the cause of the problem.

286
00:12:00,227 --> 00:12:02,950
- Can you get a train or something?
- Japan's an island.

287
00:12:03,004 --> 00:12:05,679
I know it's an island. I just miss you.

288
00:12:05,743 --> 00:12:06,944
I miss you, too.

289
00:12:07,748 --> 00:12:09,548
Do the kids miss me?

290
00:12:10,399 --> 00:12:12,566
I dunno. I'll ask them. Kids,

291
00:12:12,707 --> 00:12:14,184
do you miss Dad?

292
00:12:16,961 --> 00:12:18,431
That's awkward.

293
00:12:19,743 --> 00:12:20,938
I mean...

294
00:12:21,430 --> 00:12:22,578
They're pining.

295
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:25,594
- I like that picture on the wall.
- Yeah, me too. Look.

296
00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:27,735
Boobies!

297
00:12:28,818 --> 00:12:30,944
Yeah, it's well lit.

298
00:12:30,974 --> 00:12:32,809
- And hung.
- Hanged.

299
00:12:32,879 --> 00:12:34,496
No, that's not how you say that.

300
00:12:34,566 --> 00:12:36,943
Michael has an aversion
to hotel room art.

301
00:12:36,974 --> 00:12:40,103
- Course he does. Is he still...?
- A grumpy bastard? Yes!

302
00:12:40,391 --> 00:12:41,362
Sorry.

303
00:12:41,415 --> 00:12:43,180
I think he misses me, too.

304
00:12:43,548 --> 00:12:44,519
Probably.

305
00:12:44,658 --> 00:12:46,727
There was a wee moment,
there was a little...

306
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,878
a little flash of the old magic.

307
00:12:48,908 --> 00:12:50,438
We were talking to Simon...

308
00:12:50,523 --> 00:12:52,060
Why were you talking to Simon?

309
00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:54,250
He finagled his way
into this call with Lucy,

310
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,731
but just for a second,

311
00:12:56,761 --> 00:12:58,063
it was like the old times.

312
00:12:58,134 --> 00:12:59,680
Zip, zap, bing, bong, whizz, wang...

313
00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:02,518
OK, but why was Simon talking to you?

314
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,548
He wanted to suggest something.

315
00:13:05,548 --> 00:13:07,464
- Did he?
- Yeah.

316
00:13:07,814 --> 00:13:10,461
Not a terrible idea, actually.

317
00:13:10,548 --> 00:13:13,038
- No? OK, tell me.
- It's a radio version

318
00:13:13,068 --> 00:13:15,095
of Six Characters In Search Of An Author.

319
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:17,698
You can rehearse it anywhere,
then we all come together

320
00:13:17,728 --> 00:13:19,219
to perform it live on Christmas Eve.

321
00:13:19,249 --> 00:13:21,176
OK, yeah, he burned that bridge, David.

322
00:13:21,206 --> 00:13:23,978
I know. He just wanted to know
if there was a version of December

323
00:13:24,008 --> 00:13:26,063
where we all did that together,
that was all.

324
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:29,920
- Did he ask like that?
- Like what?

325
00:13:30,216 --> 00:13:32,016
"Is there a version?"

326
00:13:32,944 --> 00:13:34,359
I don't know. I think so, yeah.

327
00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:36,558
- Yeah, cos you don't use that phrase.
- No.

328
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,447
Must've been Simon, then.

329
00:13:38,488 --> 00:13:41,412
Yeah, OK. Well, he is
a pernicious little skunk.

330
00:13:42,427 --> 00:13:43,878
Whoa! Why?

331
00:13:43,908 --> 00:13:45,518
It's Machiavellian.

332
00:13:45,548 --> 00:13:47,296
How is it Machiavellian?

333
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,320
Because you can't say no to it.

334
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,125
It removes all of the emotion.

335
00:13:51,155 --> 00:13:53,518
People use it
when they wanna get their own way.

336
00:13:53,548 --> 00:13:55,731
There's always a version
where this or that happens.

337
00:13:55,761 --> 00:13:57,198
Doesn't mean it's the right one!

338
00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:58,830
You're being paranoid.

339
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,857
- Am I?
- Yeah.

340
00:14:00,887 --> 00:14:02,702
Am I? Let's see, shall we?

341
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:07,518
Hi, Georgia.

342
00:14:07,548 --> 00:14:09,273
Hi, Anna. Hi. Listen.

343
00:14:09,303 --> 00:14:11,518
I am really looking forward
to seeing you this weekend.

344
00:14:11,548 --> 00:14:15,352
I was just wondering, is there
a version where you come to ours?

345
00:14:15,548 --> 00:14:17,239
Why are you using that phrase?

346
00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:18,519
What phrase?

347
00:14:18,549 --> 00:14:20,232
You know what phrase.

348
00:14:20,271 --> 00:14:22,082
Just proving something to David.

349
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:24,022
Don't mind-game me, Tennant.

350
00:14:24,052 --> 00:14:25,269
OK, see you this weekend.

351
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:27,140
Is there a version where I shove...?

352
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,150
Simon is manipulating us?

353
00:14:30,548 --> 00:14:32,183
I didn't think he had it in him.

354
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,122
Little shit.

355
00:14:37,998 --> 00:14:40,099
Everyone's very excited.

356
00:14:40,228 --> 00:14:41,255
You've told them?

357
00:14:41,285 --> 00:14:43,718
I have Team Staged back together again.

358
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:45,709
We're very excited.

359
00:14:45,739 --> 00:14:47,790
Yes, we've talked about it non-stop

360
00:14:47,996 --> 00:14:50,247
- since you brought it up.
- No second thoughts, I hope?

361
00:14:50,286 --> 00:14:52,923
- None.
- Not a single second thought.

362
00:14:52,953 --> 00:14:54,519
Can I just say that I'm sorry

363
00:14:54,549 --> 00:14:57,760
for what I said publicly about us before?

364
00:14:57,790 --> 00:14:59,939
- Don't worry about it. It's fine.
- You wanted to branch out.

365
00:14:59,969 --> 00:15:03,613
Yeah, I wanted to try something new
to show that I could do new things.

366
00:15:03,643 --> 00:15:06,198
I was frustrated, OK.
Just everyone wanted you.

367
00:15:06,228 --> 00:15:07,518
Water under the bridge.

368
00:15:07,548 --> 00:15:09,263
I was afraid I'd burnt the bridge.

369
00:15:09,327 --> 00:15:10,824
Well, the bridge is fine.

370
00:15:11,204 --> 00:15:13,386
I wonder if there's a version
of this whole experience

371
00:15:13,416 --> 00:15:15,518
where we end up as friends.

372
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:17,518
I wonder that, too.

373
00:15:17,548 --> 00:15:19,402
A version where we're best friends.

374
00:15:19,454 --> 00:15:20,566
Wouldn't that be nice?

375
00:15:20,605 --> 00:15:22,030
I was just thinking
before I got on the call,

376
00:15:22,070 --> 00:15:24,599
I wonder if there's a
version where we don't do

377
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:26,693
Six Characters In Search Of An Author,

378
00:15:26,724 --> 00:15:29,186
- we do something else.
- Not Six Characters?

379
00:15:30,082 --> 00:15:31,798
I'm just saying. Is there a version

380
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:34,813
where I write something original for us?

381
00:15:34,844 --> 00:15:36,137
Something original?

382
00:15:36,167 --> 00:15:38,518
- I like the idea.
- There is a version, isn't there?

383
00:15:38,549 --> 00:15:41,199
- There's certainly a version.
- But is there a version

384
00:15:41,243 --> 00:15:43,347
where someone else writes it?

385
00:15:48,388 --> 00:15:49,518
Someone else?

386
00:15:49,670 --> 00:15:51,548
Is there a version, Simon?

387
00:15:56,548 --> 00:15:57,588
Who?

388
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,131
Neil Gaiman, perhaps?

389
00:16:01,162 --> 00:16:02,670
- Neil Gaiman?!
- Oh, no.

390
00:16:02,709 --> 00:16:04,518
- No.
- Why not?

391
00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:07,535
Because there's a version
where I never read his books,

392
00:16:07,565 --> 00:16:09,984
and in that version,
I've kept that a secret for years.

393
00:16:10,014 --> 00:16:11,518
I don't wanna chance my luck any further.

394
00:16:11,547 --> 00:16:12,886
- You never read his books?
- I'm saying

395
00:16:12,933 --> 00:16:15,292
there's a version of
reality where I haven't.

396
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:17,668
- Not even Good Omens?
- I mean, I skimmed it.

397
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,071
He keeps sending us signed copies.

398
00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:22,231
And there's a version
where I sell them on eBay.

399
00:16:22,278 --> 00:16:24,816
Is there a version where I still
direct it, though, maybe?

400
00:16:24,846 --> 00:16:26,873
Never mind Neil Gaiman. What
about Russell T Davies?

401
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:30,185
I'm sorry. There's a version
where I don't like Russell T Davies.

402
00:16:30,234 --> 00:16:32,950
- Why not?
- Cos he doesn't like me.

403
00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:34,879
- Rubbish!
- He never casts me.

404
00:16:34,909 --> 00:16:37,301
Well, I mean, is there a version
where that doesn't matter

405
00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:39,790
cos he's got loads of BAFTAs
and an OBE and shit?

406
00:16:39,820 --> 00:16:41,301
But does he have a British Comedy Award?

407
00:16:41,332 --> 00:16:43,117
- He's got that, too.
- That's disappointing.

408
00:16:43,147 --> 00:16:45,220
He does not respect me.

409
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,518
He asked you to do
a bit from Under Milk Wood.

410
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:50,634
You can't swing a fucking cat
for people who've asked me

411
00:16:50,664 --> 00:16:52,224
to do a bit from Under Milk Wood.

412
00:16:52,270 --> 00:16:55,228
Is there a version where you stop
being so cantankerous?

413
00:16:57,493 --> 00:16:59,463
I'm not being cantankerous.

414
00:16:59,494 --> 00:17:02,054
No, you've been snarky and
cold with me for weeks now,

415
00:17:02,110 --> 00:17:03,579
and I reach out and I try,

416
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:04,878
and you brush me off.

417
00:17:04,908 --> 00:17:06,855
Well, is there a version where you accept

418
00:17:06,894 --> 00:17:09,692
that we have been working together
non-stop for two years

419
00:17:09,722 --> 00:17:13,276
and I might not wanna spend
all my time with you

420
00:17:13,355 --> 00:17:14,494
all the time?

421
00:17:14,548 --> 00:17:17,940
Is there a version
where I might want a change?

422
00:17:21,869 --> 00:17:23,247
I don't know what to say.

423
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:26,504
Is there a version where
Simon's not the only one

424
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:29,343
who's bored of us?

425
00:17:33,329 --> 00:17:35,299
I don't accept that version.

426
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:37,236
Can I just add

427
00:17:37,548 --> 00:17:39,367
that I've already been paid for it

428
00:17:39,937 --> 00:17:43,344
and... and have told them
that they'll have it

429
00:17:43,824 --> 00:17:47,452
and they're expecting us
to do it on Christmas Eve,

430
00:17:47,548 --> 00:17:49,304
so whatever we do,

431
00:17:49,882 --> 00:17:52,489
there is a version where we are doing it

432
00:17:53,145 --> 00:17:55,183
and that is the version.

433
00:17:55,548 --> 00:17:57,548
We're in that version.

434
00:18:03,028 --> 00:18:06,518
Honestly, guys,
I'm so flattered to be asked.

435
00:18:06,548 --> 00:18:08,518
Well, it was David's idea.

436
00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:10,142
You been busy?

437
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,133
Just finished a novel, a new one.

438
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,334
Exciting!

439
00:18:14,548 --> 00:18:16,690
- Fantasy?
- Not this time.

440
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,318
This one is a Nordic noir.

441
00:18:19,548 --> 00:18:21,021
Well, that's new!

442
00:18:21,051 --> 00:18:24,832
I thought it was time to, you know,
branch out, do some new things,

443
00:18:24,862 --> 00:18:27,038
show I'm not just a one-trick pony.

444
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:29,977
You know, I'll send you both a copy.

445
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,420
- Thank you.
- Of course.

446
00:18:32,806 --> 00:18:36,416
You know, guys, I just thought you would
have gone to Russell T Davies for this.

447
00:18:36,493 --> 00:18:37,939
Well, Michael's not a fan.

448
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:41,246
I mean, what does the T even stand for?

449
00:18:41,276 --> 00:18:42,757
It stands for Stephen.

450
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:43,991
No, that can't be right.

451
00:18:44,062 --> 00:18:45,955
Yeah, it's Stephen Russell Davies.

452
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:47,822
Well, that makes no sense!

453
00:18:47,915 --> 00:18:49,728
Does it feel a bit pretentious to you?

454
00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:51,426
Well, redundant for sure.

455
00:18:51,456 --> 00:18:54,055
Yeah, like a kitschy sort of spleen.

456
00:18:54,156 --> 00:18:56,469
Michael C Sheen.

457
00:18:56,548 --> 00:18:58,324
David J Tennant.

458
00:18:58,355 --> 00:19:01,934
Neil RM Gaiman.

459
00:19:01,964 --> 00:19:03,204
Ooh, two initials!

460
00:19:03,235 --> 00:19:04,519
Yeah, I added one.

461
00:19:04,549 --> 00:19:06,246
Does that feel ostentatious?

462
00:19:06,276 --> 00:19:08,518
Well, it worked for George RR Martin.

463
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:09,582
Yeah...

464
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,302
We are not talking
about George RR Martin.

465
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,360
I don't wanna talk about it.

466
00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:21,928
So, a radio play!

467
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:24,735
Yes, you know, something original

468
00:19:24,765 --> 00:19:26,715
or an adaptation.

469
00:19:26,789 --> 00:19:28,789
- One of mine?
- David?

470
00:19:29,799 --> 00:19:31,049
No.

471
00:19:31,138 --> 00:19:32,435
Why not?

472
00:19:32,549 --> 00:19:34,518
David, come on.

473
00:19:34,618 --> 00:19:36,618
Which one's your favourite of my books?

474
00:19:37,548 --> 00:19:40,034
I mean, they're all very good.

475
00:19:40,064 --> 00:19:43,353
I just think this should be,
like, an old classic maybe,

476
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,655
something familiar.

477
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:46,420
- Who's directing?
- Simon.

478
00:19:46,548 --> 00:19:49,882
So, something idiot-proof, then.

479
00:19:49,912 --> 00:19:50,863
Yeah.

480
00:19:51,578 --> 00:19:53,091
OK, I've got one.

481
00:19:53,121 --> 00:19:55,358
Great Expectations,

482
00:19:55,388 --> 00:19:59,900
but Miss Havisham's death is treated
as suspicious.

483
00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:02,518
Hamlet. You both love Hamlet,

484
00:20:02,548 --> 00:20:06,518
but this time, he's a gloomy Danish cop

485
00:20:06,548 --> 00:20:10,293
who realises that his father's death
was suspicious

486
00:20:10,323 --> 00:20:11,580
and his mother...

487
00:20:12,088 --> 00:20:14,102
ear poison murdered him.

488
00:20:14,959 --> 00:20:16,519
Pride And Prejudice.

489
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,766
We open on a misty Nordic lake.

490
00:20:20,796 --> 00:20:24,518
See, I don't know that this needs
the Nordic approach.

491
00:20:24,548 --> 00:20:26,518
Michael, it's where the money is.

492
00:20:26,548 --> 00:20:28,551
- Everybody loves Nordic.
- Yeah.

493
00:20:28,581 --> 00:20:31,038
Tales of bitter Gothic vengeance.

494
00:20:31,675 --> 00:20:33,145
Just right for Christmas.

495
00:20:33,175 --> 00:20:34,856
Yeah, something festive maybe?

496
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,421
What about A Christmas Carol?

497
00:20:37,548 --> 00:20:41,518
That's brilliant! David, I love it!
That's the tits!

498
00:20:41,548 --> 00:20:42,700
OK.

499
00:20:42,817 --> 00:20:46,224
So, Marley is dead to begin with.

500
00:20:46,804 --> 00:20:50,012
Only Scrooge is gonna find out
who did it.

501
00:20:50,042 --> 00:20:53,326
It's gonna be Bob Cratchit,
last person you'd suspect.

502
00:20:53,388 --> 00:20:56,358
Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim did it.

503
00:20:56,388 --> 00:20:57,989
Everybody's gonna love it.

504
00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:01,104
Yeah, I don't really think
that's the way to go.

505
00:21:01,165 --> 00:21:03,279
OK. No, I see your point.

506
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,903
That makes a lot of sense. But...

507
00:21:06,797 --> 00:21:09,196
Is there a version of this in which...?

508
00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,156
Fuck you, Gaiman!

509
00:21:11,363 --> 00:21:16,380
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