1
00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:01,820
_

2
00:00:01,846 --> 00:00:03,497
We're gonna need you
to start dating Stan.

3
00:00:03,523 --> 00:00:04,455
Excuse me?

4
00:00:04,481 --> 00:00:07,007
Stan, the bank manager
who's in love with you.

5
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,734
- Can I help you?
- Is your son home?

6
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,762
- Why?
- Just wanted to check in on him.

7
00:00:11,788 --> 00:00:13,567
Make sure he wasn't
harboring any ill will

8
00:00:13,593 --> 00:00:16,052
about me sticking my ding-a-ling
in his ex's thing-a-ling.

9
00:00:16,078 --> 00:00:18,145
Wiggles? He's over her.

10
00:00:18,171 --> 00:00:20,333
Tossed her out like a pee bottle
on the interstate.

11
00:00:20,359 --> 00:00:22,681
Don't tell Mom,
but Wiggles and I are engaged.

12
00:00:22,707 --> 00:00:23,976
What were you in for?

13
00:00:25,039 --> 00:00:27,695
- Sellin' weed.
- Weed's practically legal.

14
00:00:27,721 --> 00:00:31,642
It wasn't legal in 1994 when they had
mandatory minimum drug sentences.

15
00:00:31,668 --> 00:00:35,119
And since the drugs were confiscated
within 1,000 feet of a school,

16
00:00:35,164 --> 00:00:37,329
that doubles it to 30 years.

17
00:00:37,355 --> 00:00:39,540
You must've been bored out of your skull.

18
00:00:39,566 --> 00:00:41,834
Well, I read a lot.

19
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:44,505
I just tried to make lemonade
out of the lemons life gave me.

20
00:00:44,531 --> 00:00:46,630
I don't like lemonade. It's too sweet.

21
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:50,301
Lemons, on the other hand,
I could suck on a lemon all day.

22
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,778
I like the way it makes my toes curl.

23
00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,195
Holy shit.

24
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,217
- This car is wicked, Spike.
- Thanks, Jack.

25
00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:14,289
She's a real panty-dropper.

26
00:01:14,315 --> 00:01:16,619
I took Derek's girlfriend
for a spin last night

27
00:01:16,645 --> 00:01:21,211
and, we went from
zero to blowjob in 6.2 minutes.

28
00:01:21,988 --> 00:01:24,383
Derek? Your brother Derek?

29
00:01:27,293 --> 00:01:28,485
Man...

30
00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:32,070
- Can I help you?
- No, I'm just checkin' out the car.

31
00:01:32,096 --> 00:01:33,443
- Does it belong to you?
- Sure does.

32
00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:35,211
I've always wanted one of these.

33
00:01:35,639 --> 00:01:38,078
- The auction's getting ready to start.
- Okay.

34
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:40,392
And I always wanted one of those.

35
00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,118
Does she belong to you?

36
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:44,063
"Belong"? Her?

37
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:47,102
I mean,
we dated for a little while in prison.

38
00:01:47,602 --> 00:01:49,985
I sold weed, she did a
little white-collar stuff.

39
00:01:50,011 --> 00:01:51,129
Nothin' too scary. You're good.

40
00:01:51,155 --> 00:01:53,695
It's been a little confusing
since we've been out.

41
00:01:54,438 --> 00:01:56,674
The tough thing is, we
live with other people,

42
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,343
so we don't get a lot of alone time.

43
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:01,302
I mean, we recently slept together, but
I still don't know what that meant.

44
00:02:01,328 --> 00:02:03,087
Before I went in the joint,
when I was much younger,

45
00:02:03,113 --> 00:02:05,656
you slept with a woman, you
were practically engaged.

46
00:02:05,766 --> 00:02:08,838
But these days, things seem
a little looser, maybe?

47
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:11,287
- Are you married?
- Look, man, I gotta dip, so...

48
00:02:11,313 --> 00:02:14,906
Yeah, no. Dip on. Dip away.

49
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,044
You know, I didn't know who
to talk to about this stuff

50
00:02:19,070 --> 00:02:22,101
and since we both like IROCs, well,
I thought maybe, you know...

51
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:24,061
Yeah, you drive safe.

52
00:02:27,873 --> 00:02:29,592
And... sold!

53
00:02:29,727 --> 00:02:34,133
Barb, one of the Congresswoman's
sculptures just sold for 46 grand.

54
00:02:34,159 --> 00:02:36,523
You're kiddin' me. Let
me see, let me see.

55
00:02:37,954 --> 00:02:42,141
That's a lot of money for a monkey
humpin' a giant metal ostrich.

56
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,555
It's bronze,

57
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:46,584
and it's the angel Raphael
carrying a child into heaven.

58
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,962
Potato, pot-ah-to.

59
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:53,758
I figured we could all settle in and
watch the auction together tonight.

60
00:02:54,602 --> 00:02:58,476
Got this new kind of Asian
spaghetti soup. Raymond noodles.

61
00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:00,919
Is it Raymond or ramen?

62
00:03:00,945 --> 00:03:02,992
- Cool people say Raymond.
- Raymond.

63
00:03:03,018 --> 00:03:05,297
- I thought it was ramen.
- It is.

64
00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:07,193
Sometimes I can't resist
messing with the guy

65
00:03:07,219 --> 00:03:09,414
who's been locked up for
the last quarter-century.

66
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,067
I think you'll like it, Barb. I
tried some in the car. It's good.

67
00:03:12,093 --> 00:03:13,418
Everybody loves Raymond.

68
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:14,969
Oh, I can see why.

69
00:03:15,008 --> 00:03:20,031
So, if a horny monkey
statue brought 46 grand,

70
00:03:20,086 --> 00:03:23,341
how much you think the rest of the
Congresswoman's crap will go for?

71
00:03:23,367 --> 00:03:25,953
The way it's going, it
could be over a million.

72
00:03:26,086 --> 00:03:28,542
I like the sound of that.

73
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:32,241
So, money lands here
in the bogus account.

74
00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:33,844
And then...

75
00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:40,554
Are you almost done figurin' out
how we're gonna get the money?

76
00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:42,739
Because you're killin'
me with the Scotch tape.

77
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:44,052
It's gettin' there.

78
00:03:49,177 --> 00:03:52,024
- I thought we said 6:00.
- We did.

79
00:03:52,050 --> 00:03:55,072
I just didn't want you to be confused
when you saw my car next door.

80
00:03:55,098 --> 00:03:56,961
I need to safely feed Mom first,

81
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,874
and it takes a little while to liquefy
a Double Whopper with cheese.

82
00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:01,122
See you soon.

83
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,075
Can't wait.

84
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,072
No Raymond for me.

85
00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:09,474
As instructed,

86
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,236
I have a backyard social
distance dinner date

87
00:04:12,262 --> 00:04:14,505
with Stan, the human crescent roll.

88
00:04:14,531 --> 00:04:16,346
Maybe if you start thinking about him

89
00:04:16,372 --> 00:04:18,926
as Stan, the bank manager who's
gonna help us all get rich,

90
00:04:18,952 --> 00:04:20,526
it'll make things easier to swallow.

91
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,098
Swallow?

92
00:04:22,324 --> 00:04:25,614
- You didn't say...
- It's a figure of speech, Barb. Just a figure of speech.

93
00:04:26,219 --> 00:04:27,598
So...

94
00:04:27,796 --> 00:04:29,827
I guess it's just me and Gloria tonight.

95
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,105
Easy, tiger.

96
00:04:31,131 --> 00:04:35,052
Don't go poppin' a Cialis and fillin'
a bathtub in a meadow just yet.

97
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,210
Let me see if Rooster's hungry.

98
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,752
He went upstairs a while ago
to play with his Legos.

99
00:04:39,778 --> 00:04:42,466
I wasn't suggestin' we were gonna...

100
00:04:42,585 --> 00:04:44,255
I don't know why she always does that.

101
00:04:46,344 --> 00:04:48,513
Make sure he knows we can
save him some Raymond

102
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,380
if he's busy with his toys.

103
00:04:53,976 --> 00:04:55,754
Come here, you little...

104
00:04:57,850 --> 00:04:58,950
Barb?

105
00:04:59,981 --> 00:05:01,994
Hello? What is going on?

106
00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:03,994
I told her to stay away from my son!

107
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:05,989
And I just caught the
two of them screwing!

108
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,975
And this moron was on backwards!

109
00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:09,909
It's called "reverse cowgirl."

110
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,778
And if you went to junior high in
the last century, you'd know that.

111
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:21,848
Ma, please don't stab her! Stab me!

112
00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:25,935
Jack, go get the car keys.

113
00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:27,582
Not gonna happen, Barb.

114
00:05:30,231 --> 00:05:31,512
What are you wearing?

115
00:05:31,810 --> 00:05:34,458
When you're naked and getting
yelled at, you grab what you grab.

116
00:05:34,806 --> 00:05:37,989
Guess who else got out of
jail early because of Covid.

117
00:05:39,064 --> 00:05:41,387
How cool is this pandemic?

118
00:05:41,978 --> 00:05:43,771
- Aw, shit.
- Rooster.

119
00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:48,512
I ain't seen you since you set me up.
We should chat.

120
00:05:49,434 --> 00:05:52,019
Hey, Ma, is the gun
still in the freezer?

121
00:05:52,045 --> 00:05:54,927
Behind your Uncrustables.
Bullets in the ice tray.

122
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,552
Jack, what's up, man?

123
00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,158
You know, same old, same old.

124
00:06:00,184 --> 00:06:03,238
You need to accept it, Barb.
Your son and I are in love.

125
00:06:03,290 --> 00:06:04,333
Wiggles?

126
00:06:04,427 --> 00:06:06,132
What are you doin' here, baby?

127
00:06:06,215 --> 00:06:07,508
Are you back with Rooster?

128
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,869
You left me to die under
a weighted blanket.

129
00:06:09,895 --> 00:06:13,082
I tried to call you in prison to tell you
that Rooster and I were getting married,

130
00:06:13,108 --> 00:06:15,224
but I don't know your last name.

131
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,075
- What?
- Married?

132
00:06:21,184 --> 00:06:22,508
Are you engaged?

133
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,540
Yeah, I was gonna tell you after.

134
00:06:24,566 --> 00:06:25,645
God!

135
00:06:30,327 --> 00:06:32,317
Rooster, put that away. We got company.

136
00:06:33,528 --> 00:06:36,502
Barb, we don't need this kind of attention.
We gotta go.

137
00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:38,315
- Come on.
- What's with all the screaming?

138
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,041
Hey, mind your business!

139
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,945
No one asked you questions about the
screaming coming from your house

140
00:06:42,971 --> 00:06:44,921
when you were bangin' the mailman.

141
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:47,559
Hey, no need to get me
involved in this shit.

142
00:06:47,585 --> 00:06:48,753
I got kids.

143
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:52,739
Let go! I bruise like a banana

144
00:06:52,765 --> 00:06:55,187
and it's comin' up on
my tank-top season!

145
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,376
Tell Jack to stall Melvin
another 30 seconds

146
00:06:57,402 --> 00:06:59,333
so I can get this gun defrosted.

147
00:07:16,575 --> 00:07:18,162
Everyone's fine.

148
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:21,608
Rooster put a frying pan in
the microwave and it blew up.

149
00:07:22,531 --> 00:07:23,990
Dipshits.

150
00:07:24,707 --> 00:07:26,841
Melvin, you don't wanna
get tangled up in this.

151
00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:28,479
Rooster's not worth it, Melvin.

152
00:07:28,505 --> 00:07:31,846
And a handsome guy like you, you can
do better than some stripper, Melvin.

153
00:07:31,872 --> 00:07:33,766
I like when you say my name a lot.

154
00:07:34,044 --> 00:07:35,581
And I am handsome.

155
00:07:35,607 --> 00:07:37,958
- Great skin.
- My lotion game is tight.

156
00:07:38,044 --> 00:07:41,211
I don't know, man. Maybe I need to smoke
a little weed and get my head straight.

157
00:07:41,237 --> 00:07:43,989
There you go. Weed.
Always a smarter choice.

158
00:07:44,245 --> 00:07:45,371
Let's bounce.

159
00:07:45,397 --> 00:07:48,234
I'm sorry, did you say
"let's," as in, I'm coming?

160
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,137
Yeah, I didn't just come
here to kick Rooster's ass.

161
00:07:50,163 --> 00:07:51,529
I was thinking, after, we can hang.

162
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,807
You ain't gonna turn your back
on your main man, are you?

163
00:07:53,833 --> 00:07:57,644
I don't recall making any declaration
about who's whose main man,

164
00:07:57,670 --> 00:07:58,849
but...

165
00:08:00,997 --> 00:08:03,654
But, sure. Yeah, let's... Let's go.

166
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:06,778
We'll be gone, what, like,
half an hour or so?

167
00:08:06,804 --> 00:08:09,974
More than that. It's gonna take at
least an hour to get to Camden County.

168
00:08:10,007 --> 00:08:11,435
Camden County?

169
00:08:11,763 --> 00:08:14,119
- I grew up near Camden County.
- Cool.

170
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:17,331
The folks that run the dispensary there
are a little more forgiving than most.

171
00:08:17,357 --> 00:08:20,029
My medical marijuana
card is a little sketch.

172
00:08:20,187 --> 00:08:23,482
Whoa, you weren't kidding.
This is literally a little sketch.

173
00:08:23,508 --> 00:08:25,509
Thus, the hour drive.

174
00:09:08,762 --> 00:09:16,903
www.subtitulamos.tv

175
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,727
So, I am not just gonna sit by

176
00:09:24,786 --> 00:09:26,958
and let my son pollute our gene pool

177
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:30,378
by tossin' a fistful of
stripper DNA into the mix.

178
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:34,065
She's gonna turn our family
tree into a family pole.

179
00:09:34,862 --> 00:09:35,800
Stan?

180
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:38,088
And sure, my sister's a crack addict,

181
00:09:38,243 --> 00:09:40,141
we got a handful of felons,

182
00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:43,166
and my father was a Methodist
for a few weeks, under duress,

183
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,878
but that's exactly why
Rooster needs to aim higher.

184
00:09:47,825 --> 00:09:48,854
Stan?

185
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,398
This family is never
gonna get a thoroughbred

186
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,551
if we keep breedin' with donkeys.

187
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:53,682
Stan?

188
00:09:56,041 --> 00:09:57,834
- Do you need to get that?
- Sorry.

189
00:09:57,860 --> 00:10:00,823
Mother, we talked about this.
I'm on a date through a fence.

190
00:10:00,862 --> 00:10:02,936
Did you bring dessert?

191
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,355
If you can keep your head
inside for another half-hour,

192
00:10:05,381 --> 00:10:07,883
I'll soften up some
Swedish Fish candies.

193
00:10:09,338 --> 00:10:10,320
Sorry.

194
00:10:10,346 --> 00:10:12,738
Listen, Barb, have you
ever thought that maybe

195
00:10:12,772 --> 00:10:14,586
this isn't so much about Wiggles,

196
00:10:14,612 --> 00:10:17,008
as much as it's about
you losing your son?

197
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,917
Why would I have thought about that?

198
00:10:19,136 --> 00:10:20,159
Well...

199
00:10:20,471 --> 00:10:24,417
I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I have
a very close relationship with my mother.

200
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:28,776
From my bedroom window, I've seen you help
her out of the tub and clip her toenails.

201
00:10:28,852 --> 00:10:30,353
That's unfortunate.

202
00:10:30,638 --> 00:10:34,066
Anyway, there have been
many times, like right now,

203
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,969
when she's interfered with my love life.

204
00:10:35,995 --> 00:10:38,622
I suspect it's because
she's afraid of losing me.

205
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:40,620
She wouldn't even let me go to the prom,

206
00:10:40,666 --> 00:10:41,953
which backfired.

207
00:10:41,979 --> 00:10:44,542
I ended up staying home and
playing in her bunko night,

208
00:10:44,568 --> 00:10:47,163
which is when I lost my
virginity to her friend Carol.

209
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,706
God rest her soul.

210
00:10:48,901 --> 00:10:50,275
What's your point?

211
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,177
That maybe this isn't about Wiggles.

212
00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:54,995
Maybe this is about you being
afraid of losing Rooster.

213
00:10:55,979 --> 00:10:58,042
That's ridiculous.

214
00:10:58,114 --> 00:10:59,114
No.

215
00:10:59,558 --> 00:11:00,558
No.

216
00:11:00,713 --> 00:11:02,920
I don't care if Rooster gets married.

217
00:11:02,946 --> 00:11:05,776
Just so long as he marries
someone's exactly like me.

218
00:11:06,661 --> 00:11:08,809
Someone who knows how
to take care of him.

219
00:11:08,970 --> 00:11:10,539
He's a lot of work.

220
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,089
From Mom's kitchen window,

221
00:11:12,115 --> 00:11:14,463
I've seen you floss his
teeth in the backyard.

222
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,427
He flails around too
much if I do it inside.

223
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:21,139
He knocked over an urn while I was
tryin' to extract a popcorn kernel

224
00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:23,928
and now his poor father's in
a Dustbuster on the mantel.

225
00:11:23,954 --> 00:11:25,229
Understood.

226
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:28,221
And you've spent enough time
around Wiggles to know for sure

227
00:11:28,247 --> 00:11:30,093
that she can't take care of Rooster?

228
00:11:30,338 --> 00:11:33,402
The girl pours the milk
before the cereal, Stan.

229
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:36,026
She just sits there and
lets it splash her.

230
00:11:36,152 --> 00:11:37,588
Every time.

231
00:11:37,949 --> 00:11:39,409
I think I know.

232
00:11:40,313 --> 00:11:42,878
Has it been a half-hour?

233
00:11:44,211 --> 00:11:45,666
She's not gonna stop.

234
00:11:45,961 --> 00:11:48,109
This was lovely.

235
00:11:48,135 --> 00:11:49,745
I hope we can do it again.

236
00:11:49,771 --> 00:11:52,462
And maybe I'm wrong about
you being like my mother.

237
00:11:52,488 --> 00:11:53,667
You'd know better than me.

238
00:11:53,716 --> 00:11:56,018
Are you preparing my fish?

239
00:11:58,290 --> 00:12:01,323
Softening them as we speak, Mother.

240
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:15,091
Call Wiggles.

241
00:12:15,959 --> 00:12:17,654
Invite her over for ice cream.

242
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,338
- Seriously?
- Yeah.

243
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:22,784
If you love her so much, I should at
least try to get to know her better.

244
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,828
Make sure you two are a good fit.

245
00:12:24,968 --> 00:12:27,151
Mom, thanks. You're gonna love her.

246
00:12:27,177 --> 00:12:29,332
And trust me, we're a great fit.

247
00:12:29,358 --> 00:12:32,670
I'm still wearin' her underwear
'cause we're the same size.

248
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:38,691
I gotta admit, I'm a little surprised.

249
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,925
For a woman who was
wielding a knife earlier,

250
00:12:40,951 --> 00:12:42,778
you're acting very reasonable.

251
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,823
I just need to prove to
myself that Wiggles is trash.

252
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:49,735
And then I'm not gonna become
some needy-ass, bonkers old lady

253
00:12:49,761 --> 00:12:53,151
gettin' baby-birded Swedish
Fish through a doggy door.

254
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,666
There's my Barb.

255
00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:05,529
There's some floss sticks
in the glove compartment.

256
00:13:09,726 --> 00:13:12,381
I got a little Raymond
stuck between my teeth.

257
00:13:15,029 --> 00:13:16,473
What do I do with 'em when I'm finished?

258
00:13:16,499 --> 00:13:18,751
I usually just throw
'em back in the bag.

259
00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:32,184
Aw, shit, they're about to close.

260
00:13:33,621 --> 00:13:36,345
Hold up, man. One more customer.

261
00:13:36,371 --> 00:13:40,570
My anxiety-induced insomnia is
wreakin' havoc on my pre-glaucoma.

262
00:13:41,638 --> 00:13:43,270
Thanks, man.

263
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:48,692
_

264
00:13:51,938 --> 00:13:53,668
Son of a bitch.

265
00:13:58,695 --> 00:13:59,972
So you got it?

266
00:14:00,049 --> 00:14:02,246
Merry Christmas, princess.

267
00:14:15,806 --> 00:14:17,445
I can't go to jail.

268
00:14:17,549 --> 00:14:20,626
It's just one joint. The dude on
the skateboard, he sold it to me.

269
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,878
All units be advised, we
have lost the suspect.

270
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,268
Keep an eye out for a 20-something
male on a skateboard.

271
00:14:25,294 --> 00:14:26,546
I know where he lives.

272
00:14:26,650 --> 00:14:30,140
He lives with his parents. If you let
me go, I'll tell you where he lives.

273
00:14:32,953 --> 00:14:34,265
Is that him?

274
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,890
Yeah, yeah. That's him. That's the guy.

275
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,578
He sold me the weed.

276
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,314
You have to drive.

277
00:15:07,652 --> 00:15:11,017
I was eatin' samples like
it was Saturday at Costco.

278
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,322
I think that car has been followin' us.

279
00:15:40,713 --> 00:15:43,485
But from in the front. It's
like it knows the future.

280
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,205
We're followin' him.

281
00:15:46,851 --> 00:15:48,049
What?

282
00:15:48,704 --> 00:15:51,627
This asshole's the
reason I did 26 years.

283
00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:57,400
Hey, baby. Your husband gone?

284
00:15:58,564 --> 00:15:59,978
Love it.

285
00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:01,877
It's funny, isn't it?

286
00:16:01,916 --> 00:16:04,464
I mean, he's the one workin'
the graveyard shift,

287
00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:07,133
but his wife's the one gettin' boned.

288
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,750
What do you mean, you don't get it?

289
00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:16,393
Look, I don't know what you got planned,

290
00:16:16,494 --> 00:16:18,121
but this weed is strong

291
00:16:18,147 --> 00:16:21,219
and I'm not up for gettin' the
giggles while witnessin' a murder.

292
00:16:22,456 --> 00:16:25,451
Come on, man, say something.
You got me buggin'.

293
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:31,458
Come on, man, say something.
You got me buggin'.

294
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,227
What if that's not even him?

295
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:43,587
What if it's just a guy who
looks exactly like him?

296
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,798
What if it's his reflection?

297
00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:48,514
- Give me your jacket.
- What?

298
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,070
Give me your jacket.

299
00:17:07,681 --> 00:17:10,087
What are you doin'? Get this off me!

300
00:17:10,449 --> 00:17:11,942
Come on! Who's that?

301
00:17:13,864 --> 00:17:15,585
Shit.

302
00:17:17,831 --> 00:17:19,066
Oh, my God.

303
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,597
Shit. Shit.

304
00:17:33,512 --> 00:17:35,387
Does Rooster like surprises?

305
00:17:35,413 --> 00:17:37,165
Yes, as long as you tell him first.

306
00:17:37,191 --> 00:17:39,017
What's his favorite thing to
wake up to in the morning?

307
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,285
- Lunch.
- Is he a righty or a lefty?

308
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:43,017
Trick question. Neither.

309
00:17:43,058 --> 00:17:45,371
- What's his favorite sandwich?
- Ice cream.

310
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,916
That painting we were
gonna steal just sold.

311
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,192
You guys aren't gonna believe how much.

312
00:17:50,598 --> 00:17:52,880
Mom's givin' Wiggles a
wife test and she's killin' it.

313
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:56,168
The only thing that she got wrong was my
shoe size and I don't even know that.

314
00:17:57,059 --> 00:18:00,872
How do you keep Rooster from gettin' a
brain freeze after he drinks a Slurpee?

315
00:18:00,898 --> 00:18:04,318
You don't. He loves brain freezes.
That's why he drinks Slurpees.

316
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:06,185
- What'd he wanna be when he grew up?
- Taller.

317
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:08,694
- When he has a cough, what kind of
medicine does he... - Grape for syrup,

318
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,083
cherry for drops.

319
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,884
Nothing with menthol or he gets
nightmares that he's a dragon.

320
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,569
- What's his biggest secret?
- Promised I wouldn't tell.

321
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,696
Damn! I knew he was hidin' something.

322
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,231
Let's take a break.

323
00:18:21,465 --> 00:18:24,278
Babe, your mom is awesome.

324
00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:26,538
She's doin' good, huh?

325
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,262
I haven't gotten to the hard questions.
She'll fail.

326
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,785
No one's takin' away my baby boy.

327
00:18:38,625 --> 00:18:40,317
Hey, little guys.

328
00:18:44,963 --> 00:18:46,403
Where's Jack?

329
00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:50,129
Relax, man, we're cool.

330
00:18:50,231 --> 00:18:53,466
Ain't nothin' a little Purple
Urkle couldn't smooth over.

331
00:18:53,492 --> 00:18:56,668
Even got you two lovebirds
an engagement gift.

332
00:18:58,361 --> 00:18:59,905
Gummies!

333
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:04,051
? We're gonna get high, high,
high, high, high tonight ?

334
00:19:04,104 --> 00:19:07,020
- Melvin, where's Jack?
- In the garage.

335
00:19:08,785 --> 00:19:11,832
Your hair smells like
a dream I had once.

336
00:19:12,057 --> 00:19:13,192
What?

337
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:17,309
Melvin, I think you better
go home and lay down.

338
00:19:17,637 --> 00:19:18,764
Okay.

339
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:21,848
Tell Jack I'm gonna need that truck
back when he finished with it.

340
00:19:21,874 --> 00:19:25,081
I also appreciate a courtesy car wash

341
00:19:25,107 --> 00:19:28,363
to get rid of any forensic evidenceses.

342
00:19:39,752 --> 00:19:43,890
Come on, this is crazy! I didn't
even know she was married!

343
00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:46,929
Okay, I lied.

344
00:19:47,116 --> 00:19:48,795
I knew she was married.

345
00:19:48,995 --> 00:19:50,706
But this is on you, dude.

346
00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:52,515
If you don't want your
wife cheatin' on you,

347
00:19:52,541 --> 00:19:55,236
then you shouldn't be workin'
night shifts at the hospital.

348
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,692
Plus, you're a nurse.

349
00:19:56,765 --> 00:19:58,715
I mean, at least be a doctor.

350
00:19:58,741 --> 00:20:01,326
I'm sayin' this to help you, all right?

351
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:03,952
I mean, bros over hoes, right?

352
00:20:05,356 --> 00:20:07,608
Bros over hoes, dude!

353
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,719
You kidnapped someone?

354
00:20:17,946 --> 00:20:20,149
Not just someone. Spike.

355
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,649
That asshole snitch who
sent me to prison.

356
00:20:22,675 --> 00:20:24,123
But, yeah, I kidnapped him.

357
00:20:24,149 --> 00:20:25,923
I'm a kidnapper. Who knew?

358
00:20:25,957 --> 00:20:28,453
Weed dealer, ex-con, failed art thief,

359
00:20:28,487 --> 00:20:31,371
future bank robber, and now a kidnapper.

360
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,688
It's gonna be one hell
of an autobiography.

361
00:20:33,957 --> 00:20:36,209
Okay, look, we can still fix this.

362
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,821
It sounds like he thinks you're
some guy whose wife he slept with.

363
00:20:38,847 --> 00:20:41,965
We can just go dump him somewhere and he'll
never know you had anything to do with this.

364
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,785
I think I like my plan better.

365
00:20:43,811 --> 00:20:46,261
Okay, and what exactly
is your plan, Jack?

366
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,081
Well, I was thinkin' about
that on the ride home.

367
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:51,006
The first thing that crossed my mind
was kill him, but that's crazy, right?

368
00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:52,335
- Yes.
- I would.

369
00:20:52,361 --> 00:20:55,860
So then I was thinkin' maybe I'll just leave him
in the back of the truck for the next 26 years.

370
00:20:56,134 --> 00:20:59,095
He's gonna get so cold in the
winter and hot in the summer.

371
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:01,970
Unfortunately, my parents are getting old.
I need to get to San Diego.

372
00:21:02,270 --> 00:21:04,311
So, I don't have 26 more years to waste.

373
00:21:04,337 --> 00:21:05,851
So, what then?

374
00:21:05,877 --> 00:21:06,993
Prison.

375
00:21:07,048 --> 00:21:09,141
I'm writing down all the
things I hated about prison.

376
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:12,014
We're gonna give old Spike a little taste
of all the shit I had to deal with,

377
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,993
- thanks to him.
- You're gonna torture him?

378
00:21:14,852 --> 00:21:15,910
Yeah.

379
00:21:16,156 --> 00:21:19,438
You guys went to prison, feel
free to add to the list.

380
00:21:20,837 --> 00:21:24,091
- I've never seen him like this.
- Well, he had to snap sometime.

381
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,953
Twenty-six years in the
slammer for sellin' weed?

382
00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:29,179
I'm surprised he's not drillin'
holes in the dude's head.

383
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:30,973
These things could be a lot worse.

384
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,587
Full-body cavity search
isn't even on here yet.

385
00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:36,478
Okay...

386
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:38,464
Number three'd be fun to watch.

387
00:21:38,490 --> 00:21:42,369
All right, look, I am not
a fan of any of this,

388
00:21:42,395 --> 00:21:45,358
but it's clear he has some
shit to work through.

389
00:21:45,384 --> 00:21:48,899
If this will make him feel better, then
I guess we should help him with it.

390
00:21:48,925 --> 00:21:50,393
Make sure he doesn't hurt the guy.

391
00:21:50,419 --> 00:21:53,923
He's not gonna hurt him. Jack's
pissed, but he's not crazy.

392
00:21:54,181 --> 00:21:56,305
Let's send this asshole to prison!

393
00:21:56,704 --> 00:22:01,930
_

394
00:22:14,223 --> 00:22:15,899
Welcome to hell.

395
00:22:25,735 --> 00:22:27,362
Welcome to hell.

396
00:22:27,502 --> 00:22:31,634
_

397
00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:10,597
Eat it!

398
00:23:13,591 --> 00:23:17,771
_

399
00:23:26,902 --> 00:23:28,249
Poop!

400
00:23:33,538 --> 00:23:37,847
- _
- Johnny! I know you hear me, Johnny!

401
00:23:38,148 --> 00:23:40,268
I know you took my shit, Johnny!

402
00:23:40,294 --> 00:23:41,770
I know you can hear me, Johnny!

403
00:23:41,796 --> 00:23:42,979
Eat a dick!

404
00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:44,960
Eat a dick? You eat a dick!

405
00:23:57,621 --> 00:24:01,574
_

406
00:24:14,582 --> 00:24:16,653
_

407
00:24:24,621 --> 00:24:26,076
Couldn't find a rat,

408
00:24:26,102 --> 00:24:29,262
but I sweet-talked this little
guy's mom into loaning him to us.

409
00:24:51,206 --> 00:24:52,285
Jack?

410
00:24:53,371 --> 00:24:56,996
Jack, what are you doing? You're
gonna miss the possum thing.

411
00:24:57,324 --> 00:24:58,877
You can do without me.

412
00:24:58,902 --> 00:25:00,330
Without you?

413
00:25:00,392 --> 00:25:02,142
We're only doin' this to help you.

414
00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,365
My blender smells like
dog food and dead fish,

415
00:25:04,391 --> 00:25:05,736
and that's gonna linger.

416
00:25:05,762 --> 00:25:07,791
It's making you feel better, right?

417
00:25:07,817 --> 00:25:10,910
It was at first, but... I don't know,

418
00:25:11,346 --> 00:25:13,551
then I started gettin' angry again.

419
00:25:14,302 --> 00:25:17,317
I had to let the possum go.
He was gettin' a bit nippy.

420
00:25:19,492 --> 00:25:22,411
I'm not tastin' rabies, so
I hope he was just moody.

421
00:25:22,581 --> 00:25:25,238
What do you mean, it's
making you angry again?

422
00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:27,269
I don't know.

423
00:25:27,651 --> 00:25:29,262
It just wasn't...

424
00:25:30,143 --> 00:25:32,353
It's not just Spike that did this to me.

425
00:25:32,660 --> 00:25:35,115
Why isn't that asshole judge
in the back of the truck?

426
00:25:35,342 --> 00:25:37,928
Why aren't the lawmakers who made
mandatory minimums for drug charges

427
00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:39,205
in the back of the truck?

428
00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:41,332
That shitty public defender,

429
00:25:41,358 --> 00:25:43,699
the jail system, the parole board...

430
00:25:43,935 --> 00:25:45,114
me.

431
00:25:45,606 --> 00:25:48,381
I could've worked for my
uncle's lawn business, but no,

432
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:52,319
I decided to ride my skateboard all
day and sell weed 'cause it's easier.

433
00:25:53,884 --> 00:25:57,535
Spike, the judge, everybody
else, they screwed me over,

434
00:25:58,449 --> 00:26:01,801
but I'm the one who put myself
in a position to get screwed.

435
00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:04,145
I ruined my life.

436
00:26:07,257 --> 00:26:10,502
Come on. What are you talking about?
You're out of prison.

437
00:26:10,528 --> 00:26:13,957
And if I can figure out the rest
of the plan, you're gonna be rich.

438
00:26:15,270 --> 00:26:18,119
You could probably afford to buy a
Dunkin' Donuts franchise if you want.

439
00:26:18,152 --> 00:26:19,426
I'm gonna do that.

440
00:26:19,581 --> 00:26:21,407
We could have 'em side by side.

441
00:26:21,695 --> 00:26:24,160
Jack, your life is anything but ruined.

442
00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:27,253
Fine. I ruined part of my life.

443
00:26:27,279 --> 00:26:29,698
So what? Everyone ruins
part of their life.

444
00:26:29,724 --> 00:26:33,436
I wasted three years trying to get through
the first semester of nursing school.

445
00:26:33,731 --> 00:26:36,846
I had a mustache in the third grade
and I didn't do anything with that.

446
00:26:36,872 --> 00:26:39,833
I wasted almost a year in
prison talking to some old guy

447
00:26:39,859 --> 00:26:42,582
through the toilet who
lied and said he was 28.

448
00:26:44,702 --> 00:26:47,789
Look, obviously, we can't
compete with you, okay?

449
00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:50,848
When it comes to who ruined
most of their life, you win.

450
00:26:51,714 --> 00:26:53,909
But you've got two choices.

451
00:26:54,071 --> 00:26:57,238
You can keep carrying
around all this anger

452
00:26:57,264 --> 00:27:00,844
and basically turn your 26
years into a life sentence.

453
00:27:01,067 --> 00:27:04,415
Or you can find a way to
start forgiving people.

454
00:27:04,498 --> 00:27:05,837
Starting with yourself.

455
00:27:05,863 --> 00:27:09,270
I'm not saying it'll be
easy or happen overnight,

456
00:27:09,504 --> 00:27:12,488
but you'll never really be free
until you start letting things go.

457
00:27:24,942 --> 00:27:26,226
All right.

458
00:27:42,851 --> 00:27:45,484
You really love that kook, don't you?

459
00:27:46,443 --> 00:27:48,164
More than anything.

460
00:27:49,845 --> 00:27:52,999
Did you wanna ask her more questions? 'Cause
she's actually smarter when she's high.

461
00:27:53,257 --> 00:27:55,966
I think. I'm usually high, too.

462
00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:58,851
Nah, we're done with the questions.

463
00:27:59,624 --> 00:28:01,195
She passed.

464
00:28:01,878 --> 00:28:03,234
Seriously?

465
00:28:03,944 --> 00:28:05,561
Mom, thanks so much!

466
00:28:05,587 --> 00:28:08,420
I know you had a lot of reasons you
didn't want us to be together.

467
00:28:13,531 --> 00:28:15,867
Well, it's like Gloria said,

468
00:28:16,425 --> 00:28:19,511
sometimes you just gotta let things go.

469
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:25,289
Can I go tell her the good news?

470
00:28:26,072 --> 00:28:27,671
In a second.

471
00:28:32,863 --> 00:28:34,171
It's over.

472
00:28:34,351 --> 00:28:35,359
No.

473
00:28:35,429 --> 00:28:38,984
No, please don't kill me! I promise
I won't go near your wife again!

474
00:28:39,251 --> 00:28:41,328
No, I mean it's over. I forgive you.

475
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,304
But yeah, stop sleepin'
with married women!

476
00:28:45,516 --> 00:28:48,617
Okay! I promise! Promise!

477
00:28:49,749 --> 00:28:51,179
Run!

478
00:28:58,396 --> 00:28:59,994
- Well...
- Well...

479
00:29:04,222 --> 00:29:05,862
How do you feel?

480
00:29:06,335 --> 00:29:08,754
Actually, a little bit better.

481
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:12,001
Hey, what happened with that auction?

482
00:29:12,027 --> 00:29:14,479
How much is in that bank account
we're gonna get our hands on?

483
00:29:14,555 --> 00:29:15,667
Shit.

484
00:29:15,995 --> 00:29:20,159
With all the kidnapping and
torture, I forgot to tell you.

485
00:29:25,096 --> 00:29:27,580
- Does that say...
- 2.5 million, yeah.

486
00:29:32,476 --> 00:29:33,752
Oh, my...

487
00:29:38,143 --> 00:29:39,447
Oh, my...

488
00:29:43,597 --> 00:29:50,988
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