1 00:00:04,773 --> 00:00:06,906 _ 2 00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,692 Hey, you guys, guess what I found in my room. 3 00:00:10,694 --> 00:00:12,327 That pillow you used to call Rob Lowe? 4 00:00:12,329 --> 00:00:14,095 - No. - Oh, remember when I washed 5 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,264 the Rob Lowe pillow in a new detergent, 6 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,333 and you got a rash all over your body? 7 00:00:18,335 --> 00:00:20,802 It was everywhere. 8 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,871 Why was it everywhere, Heather? 9 00:00:22,873 --> 00:00:24,506 No. Mom, thank you. 10 00:00:24,508 --> 00:00:26,255 I found the map 11 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,077 - for the time capsule that we buried. - No way! 12 00:00:29,079 --> 00:00:30,812 Do you remember, we were gonna dig it up in high school, 13 00:00:30,814 --> 00:00:32,280 and then, you know, we stopped being nerds. 14 00:00:33,717 --> 00:00:35,183 Yeah, I wouldn't remember, 15 00:00:35,185 --> 00:00:37,752 'cause you guys never included me in anything. 16 00:00:37,754 --> 00:00:39,187 I'd always hear you guys give each other 17 00:00:39,189 --> 00:00:39,900 the secret signal. 18 00:00:39,925 --> 00:00:41,087 "Greg's asleep. 19 00:00:41,112 --> 00:00:43,191 Greg is asleep." 20 00:00:43,193 --> 00:00:44,626 But I wasn't. 21 00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:45,827 - No, we knew that. - Yeah. 22 00:00:45,829 --> 00:00:47,595 That's what made it so funny. 23 00:00:48,189 --> 00:00:50,265 Yeah, well, it left me psychologically scarred. 24 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:51,360 I mean, not as much as the time 25 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,151 that Dad busted in on me holding a shotgun 26 00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:54,686 while I was pooping, but still. 27 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,087 Oh, I remember that. 28 00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,823 - Mm. - Why don't you go dig it up? 29 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,825 It would be so much fun. 30 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,761 - I'm in if you are. - I-I'm totally in. 31 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,475 Yeah! Wonder Twins activate! 32 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:07,350 Hey, you guys aren't twins. They're not twins. 33 00:01:07,375 --> 00:01:09,434 It's okay. We'll make popsicles. 34 00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,161 Just like we did all those Friday nights 35 00:01:11,186 --> 00:01:12,170 when you were in high school. 36 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:15,707 Mom, I'm married now, okay? 37 00:01:16,155 --> 00:01:18,343 - Okay. - I'll have to ask Jen. 38 00:01:20,426 --> 00:01:21,612 This is really nice. 39 00:01:21,637 --> 00:01:24,276 Yeah. This is much better than making popsicles. 40 00:01:25,246 --> 00:01:26,487 Greg's asleep! 41 00:01:26,512 --> 00:01:27,486 Greg's asleep! 42 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,688 - What is that? - Greg's asleep! 43 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:32,645 That is the sound of my brother and sister loving me! 44 00:01:32,670 --> 00:01:34,870 - Greg! - I'm coming! 45 00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,027 Greg's asleep! 46 00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,395 Greg is asleep! 47 00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:39,164 You can come, too, if you want, honey! 48 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:45,704 No, I'll just stay here with our baby. 49 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:51,743 Hey, guys. 50 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,311 Listen, Sophia knows exactly 51 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:55,413 what's in that basket, so don't take anything, okay? 52 00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,315 Yeah, okay. Oh, hey, listen, before we go, 53 00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:00,068 I-I just wanted to say that, you know, 54 00:02:00,093 --> 00:02:03,522 I-I'm really touched that you included me. 55 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,624 I mean, all of my life, all I wanted was... 56 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,425 Told you we should've left him at home. 57 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:08,960 Yeah. O-Okay. 58 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,296 I'm just trying to say I love you guys, that's all. 59 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,031 Shut up, Greg! 60 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:15,267 Love you a lot. 61 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,002 Come on! 62 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:20,613 - Come on! - It's okay... yeah, I'm coming! 63 00:02:20,638 --> 00:02:22,038 I'm coming! 64 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,410 Wait up, guys! 65 00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,186 Okay. 66 00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:36,955 All right. 67 00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:38,290 Here, here. 68 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,225 - Thanks. - And a light. 69 00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,027 Here. 70 00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:44,427 All right, ten running mans 71 00:02:44,991 --> 00:02:45,921 - that way. - Okay. 72 00:02:45,946 --> 00:02:47,265 All right. 73 00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:50,201 One, two, three... 74 00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:55,690 Okay. This is the drain pipe. 75 00:02:55,692 --> 00:02:59,227 "Don't look into it, or you will get flushed up into the toilet." 76 00:02:59,229 --> 00:03:00,795 - Whoa. - Yeah. 77 00:03:02,032 --> 00:03:04,065 Don't look, don't look, don't look. Good job. 78 00:03:09,039 --> 00:03:10,905 This is so great. 79 00:03:10,907 --> 00:03:13,408 I haven't been to this park for, like, 30 years. 80 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,043 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 81 00:03:15,045 --> 00:03:16,678 I mean, I was too cool in high school, 82 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:17,645 and now that I'm an adult, 83 00:03:17,647 --> 00:03:19,647 I just buy my drugs online like everybody else. 84 00:03:19,649 --> 00:03:21,282 Well, when you and Colleen have kids, 85 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,351 you'll be here, like, every day. 86 00:03:23,353 --> 00:03:24,686 Why? Because this is the place I'm gonna 87 00:03:24,688 --> 00:03:26,751 set them free because I can't afford them? 88 00:03:26,776 --> 00:03:29,197 Hey. I thought you were excited about starting a family. 89 00:03:29,222 --> 00:03:30,056 Oh, totally. 90 00:03:30,081 --> 00:03:31,442 The kind of excited where you wake up 91 00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:33,100 in a puddle of sweat every night. 92 00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,796 - Oh, you get the night sweats, too? - Oh, yeah. 93 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,397 Tim says it might be meat related. 94 00:03:36,399 --> 00:03:37,832 You could be over-sausage-ing. 95 00:03:37,834 --> 00:03:39,634 Huh. 96 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,836 I just, I don't know about the whole baby thing, 97 00:03:41,838 --> 00:03:43,140 guys, seriously. 98 00:03:44,671 --> 00:03:46,155 What if I screw up? 99 00:03:46,632 --> 00:03:47,795 It's okay. 100 00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:49,811 I mean, that's really what parenting is. 101 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:52,514 It's just making one terrible decision after the next. 102 00:03:52,516 --> 00:03:55,617 And then just trying to fix it before Jen finds out. 103 00:03:55,619 --> 00:03:58,286 I don't know, man. You said yourself, 104 00:03:58,288 --> 00:04:01,386 I scarred you. I mean, what if that's all that I'm good at? 105 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,641 Hey. 106 00:04:04,081 --> 00:04:06,094 Three-fingered tree. 107 00:04:06,096 --> 00:04:10,291 And just on the other side is Stumpy Joe. 108 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,534 - Stumpy Joe. - Stumpy Joe. 109 00:04:12,536 --> 00:04:15,036 - Stumpy... let's go! - Come on, man. 110 00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:17,330 Oh, look. 111 00:04:17,355 --> 00:04:18,804 - There's our X. - Oh. 112 00:04:18,829 --> 00:04:19,774 Wow! 113 00:04:19,776 --> 00:04:22,477 Look at that! Oh! Oh, it's wet. 114 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:25,046 And it didn't rain. Yeah, something probably peed here. 115 00:04:25,048 --> 00:04:27,649 Oh, man. You know, we could be digging here all night, 116 00:04:27,651 --> 00:04:29,150 depending on how deep you guys... 117 00:04:29,152 --> 00:04:30,919 There's our time capsule. 118 00:04:30,921 --> 00:04:33,388 Oh. So, what did you bury it in? 119 00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:35,806 Like, a waterproof safe or a hollowed-out missile? 120 00:04:35,831 --> 00:04:36,890 Okay. 121 00:04:38,128 --> 00:04:40,528 Oh, just generic can. That's cool. 122 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,629 Hey, can I open it? 123 00:04:41,631 --> 00:04:44,065 Yeah, no, you should definitely open it. 124 00:04:44,581 --> 00:04:46,214 - Oh... - Oh. 125 00:04:46,239 --> 00:04:47,435 Ugh. 126 00:04:47,437 --> 00:04:49,028 Oh, God, are those bones? 127 00:04:49,053 --> 00:04:50,730 Oh, you know what? 128 00:04:50,755 --> 00:04:52,800 I don't think that this is the map 129 00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:54,208 to where we buried the time capsule. 130 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,111 I think this is the map 131 00:04:56,322 --> 00:04:58,853 to where we buried your dead guinea pig. 132 00:04:59,268 --> 00:05:00,848 Super Greggy? 133 00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:05,186 But Mom said he ran away because I refused to take a bath. 134 00:05:05,188 --> 00:05:07,388 Tell him, Matt, just tell him. 135 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,690 Tell me what, Matthew? 136 00:05:08,692 --> 00:05:11,626 Dad sucked Super Greggy up into the Shop-Vac. 137 00:05:11,628 --> 00:05:13,261 What? 138 00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:14,694 Why didn't you tell me? 139 00:05:14,719 --> 00:05:15,797 Well, I was trying to protect you. 140 00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:17,932 Dad killed all kinds of stuff you never knew about. 141 00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:20,637 Hey, look at that protective instinct. 142 00:05:20,662 --> 00:05:22,170 You're already a mama bear. 143 00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:24,272 Yeah, but it was just so embarrassing to watch Greg cry. 144 00:05:24,274 --> 00:05:26,240 Well, that is a very important part of parenting. 145 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,142 - Fear and shame. - Yeah. 146 00:05:28,144 --> 00:05:29,877 You're gonna be great at this. 147 00:05:29,879 --> 00:05:32,130 Huh, you know, maybe you're right. 148 00:05:32,155 --> 00:05:34,549 Think of all the scars you saved me from getting. 149 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,250 I mean, not physical scars, 150 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:39,020 'cause you were always very, very rough with me. 151 00:05:39,022 --> 00:05:40,692 Yeah. But you know what? 152 00:05:41,114 --> 00:05:42,683 It turned out okay. 153 00:05:42,708 --> 00:05:44,425 I mean, we all did. Huh? 154 00:05:44,766 --> 00:05:46,566 Thanks, you guys. 155 00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:51,676 Well, at least, uh, Super Greggy Two died of natural causes. 156 00:05:51,701 --> 00:05:53,501 - Natural causes? - Yeah. 157 00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:54,969 Dad thought he was a moldy orange 158 00:05:54,971 --> 00:05:56,471 and threw him against a tree. 159 00:05:58,102 --> 00:05:59,802 Wow. 160 00:06:00,932 --> 00:06:02,800 Gonna need to take some time. 161 00:06:05,104 --> 00:06:06,143 Put him back. 162 00:06:06,168 --> 00:06:07,267 All right. 163 00:06:13,703 --> 00:06:15,516 _ 164 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,527 Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late. Oh, my God, 165 00:06:19,529 --> 00:06:20,962 you guys must be starving. 166 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,631 I could not get a Lyft to come get me. 167 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,335 I mean, I got connected, but then the driver cancelled. 168 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,734 Why does that keep happening? 169 00:06:26,736 --> 00:06:27,835 Well, what's your rating? 170 00:06:27,837 --> 00:06:29,337 I don't know. Greg says I can't check 171 00:06:29,339 --> 00:06:31,272 without incurring some huge fee or something. 172 00:06:31,274 --> 00:06:32,605 Yes, that's right, Heather. 173 00:06:32,630 --> 00:06:34,521 It ends up costing me quite a lot. 174 00:06:34,546 --> 00:06:37,011 Oh, God, Greg. Don't be crazy. Anybody can check their rating. 175 00:06:37,013 --> 00:06:38,880 Okay, you know what, let's talk about something else, shall we? 176 00:06:38,882 --> 00:06:41,315 Let's talk about Matt and how poor he is. 177 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,403 - How poor is he? - Oh. 178 00:06:43,428 --> 00:06:44,861 1.2. 179 00:06:45,388 --> 00:06:47,355 What did you do to these drivers? 180 00:06:47,357 --> 00:06:49,323 No, no, no. This can't be right. 181 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:50,692 1.2? 182 00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:52,293 I'm a four, and I've never once 183 00:06:52,295 --> 00:06:54,662 guessed my driver's ethnicity correctly. 184 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,064 I-I just, I don't understand. Why would anyone ever 185 00:06:56,066 --> 00:06:58,533 rate me this low? Like, I'm a great passenger. 186 00:06:58,535 --> 00:07:00,668 You are. You have one star. 187 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:01,703 That's a good star. 188 00:07:01,705 --> 00:07:04,672 I mean, the-the sun is one star. 189 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,709 You know? I-I... I love you. 190 00:07:07,711 --> 00:07:09,410 No, this is not right. 191 00:07:09,412 --> 00:07:10,578 I am polite. 192 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,080 I'm tidy. I'm nice. 193 00:07:12,082 --> 00:07:13,933 I mean, I'm nicer than the average person, 194 00:07:13,958 --> 00:07:15,950 mostly because the average person is a living nightmare. 195 00:07:15,952 --> 00:07:17,185 God, I hate people. What was my point? 196 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,387 Oh, yeah. Who's super nice? 197 00:07:19,389 --> 00:07:21,022 This girl. 198 00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:24,425 What? Why is everyone looking at the trees? 199 00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:27,261 You got to butter up your driver a little bit, Jen. 200 00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:29,509 You know, it's like high school when you need to make "friends" 201 00:07:29,534 --> 00:07:31,693 with the bus driver, let him think you're gonna maybe 202 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,852 meet him behind the roller rink. 203 00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:37,108 Cool specific example, Heather. 204 00:07:37,133 --> 00:07:39,724 Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, Sophia. 205 00:07:39,749 --> 00:07:41,476 You know you're done with the sugar. 206 00:07:41,478 --> 00:07:43,945 I'm so sorry. I knew she wasn't allowed. 207 00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:45,079 She's just so charming. 208 00:07:45,081 --> 00:07:46,347 Yeah. 209 00:07:51,999 --> 00:07:53,688 Took forever to get this Lyft. 210 00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,624 Yeah, but now we're up and running. 211 00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:59,393 We got a full aunt and niece bonding day ahead. You excited? 212 00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:03,331 You know me. If there's candy, I'm getting in the car. 213 00:08:04,036 --> 00:08:05,199 Okay, we're gonna circle back to that, 214 00:08:05,201 --> 00:08:08,075 'cause that's slightly problematic, but for now, 215 00:08:08,106 --> 00:08:10,650 how about we get to know our driver a little bit, huh? 216 00:08:10,675 --> 00:08:12,159 - Can you not distract me? - What's up? 217 00:08:12,184 --> 00:08:14,512 - I'm trying to concentrate on the road. - Oh. 218 00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:16,081 Oh, my God. 219 00:08:16,106 --> 00:08:17,362 Driving and eating. 220 00:08:17,387 --> 00:08:19,354 Ooh, and it's tuna. 221 00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:23,311 Wow, with that amazing air freshener, 222 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,738 I can barely even smell your seafood sandwich. 223 00:08:27,357 --> 00:08:29,023 Is that sandalwood? 224 00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:30,758 It is. 225 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,527 I see you. 226 00:08:32,529 --> 00:08:34,495 I see what you do. 227 00:08:59,047 --> 00:09:00,555 And it took a little girl to teach me 228 00:09:00,557 --> 00:09:02,089 that a brother's love is more important 229 00:09:02,091 --> 00:09:04,926 than all the slot machines in the world. 230 00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:08,963 And? 231 00:09:09,261 --> 00:09:11,962 And... I love you. 232 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:13,768 I love you. 233 00:09:14,261 --> 00:09:16,061 And I love you. 234 00:09:20,043 --> 00:09:22,940 There's this new ice cream place across town I want to try. 235 00:09:22,965 --> 00:09:25,032 The soft serve comes out of faucets, 236 00:09:25,057 --> 00:09:26,814 and the cups are little, tiny toilets. 237 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,282 Real wacky stuff. 238 00:09:28,284 --> 00:09:30,255 Yeah, but we just got you ice cream. 239 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,163 Look, Aunt Jen, we both know what's going on here. 240 00:09:33,188 --> 00:09:34,170 What? What do you mean? 241 00:09:34,195 --> 00:09:35,694 What's going on? What? 242 00:09:35,719 --> 00:09:37,725 You're using me to raise your Lyft rating, 243 00:09:37,727 --> 00:09:39,193 and I'm using you 244 00:09:39,195 --> 00:09:40,728 to get unlimited sugar. 245 00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:42,230 What's the problem here? 246 00:09:43,239 --> 00:09:44,543 No problem here. 247 00:09:44,568 --> 00:09:46,934 What else you got in that magic bag of yours? 248 00:09:46,936 --> 00:09:49,337 Uh... gummy fish? 249 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,873 Why not? I could use the protein. 250 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,628 Damn. 251 00:09:55,237 --> 00:09:58,367 Well, looks like you two had a big day, huh? 252 00:09:58,392 --> 00:10:00,526 Sophia, he's talking to you. 253 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,717 Sophia. 254 00:10:02,742 --> 00:10:05,438 Oh, no. Um... 255 00:10:05,463 --> 00:10:07,588 Yeah, we did, and, um... 256 00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:11,559 has anyone ever told you you're weatherman handsome? 257 00:10:11,561 --> 00:10:13,060 My mother used to say that. 258 00:10:13,062 --> 00:10:14,528 - Oh. - But she's dead. 259 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,564 - Okay. - So it's really nice 260 00:10:16,566 --> 00:10:18,296 to hear it from somebody else. 261 00:10:18,321 --> 00:10:19,720 Say, you know what's weird? 262 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,202 She kind of looks like her. 263 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,470 Hey, wait a minute. 264 00:10:22,472 --> 00:10:24,205 You don't think she could actually be...? 265 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,573 Oh, I think for sure. 266 00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:27,074 Yeah, totally, totally, totally. 267 00:10:27,076 --> 00:10:29,043 Yeah, Sophia's a very old soul. 268 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,344 - Huh. - See? 269 00:10:30,346 --> 00:10:32,213 She can't even stay up past 4:00. 270 00:10:34,755 --> 00:10:36,363 Home, sweet home, 271 00:10:36,388 --> 00:10:37,885 and we only hit two curbs. 272 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,466 - Five stars for you. - And you, too. 273 00:10:40,587 --> 00:10:43,201 Really? Yay! 274 00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:44,992 Move it, Sophia. Come on, I got a great rating. 275 00:10:44,994 --> 00:10:46,761 We got to get out of here before he realizes 276 00:10:46,763 --> 00:10:48,509 you're not the ghost of his dead mom. 277 00:10:48,534 --> 00:10:51,232 I think I ate some bad fish. 278 00:10:53,336 --> 00:10:54,635 Are you serious?! 279 00:10:54,637 --> 00:10:56,948 Oh. Ugh. Oh, my God. 280 00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,773 Um, yeah, but you know what? 281 00:10:58,775 --> 00:11:01,992 Your mom is really trying to tell you something. 282 00:11:02,017 --> 00:11:03,304 Support. How can I help you? 283 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,713 I'd like to report a passenger for suspension. 284 00:11:05,715 --> 00:11:07,648 No. What?! Oh, come on, dude. 285 00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,483 I was doing so well. 286 00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:10,785 Well, I'd like to report 287 00:11:10,787 --> 00:11:14,038 that your car smells better with vomit in it. 288 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:15,605 And your mom thinks so, too. 289 00:11:15,630 --> 00:11:17,289 Tell him, Mom. 290 00:11:17,314 --> 00:11:18,947 She's busy. 291 00:11:19,771 --> 00:11:21,701 _ 292 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:27,077 Are those Meyer Lemons? 293 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,711 Uh, yeah. 294 00:11:30,348 --> 00:11:32,382 Oh, that's such a sexy smell. 295 00:11:32,384 --> 00:11:34,425 If I knew you loved them that much, Mom, 296 00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:36,951 I would've taken more from Pam and Darryl's tree. 297 00:11:37,917 --> 00:11:40,623 - What? - Put these back on the tree. 298 00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,552 - They're blood lemons. - Oh, Mom, come on. 299 00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:44,185 She gave them to me. 300 00:11:44,210 --> 00:11:45,555 No, it's all part of her game. 301 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:48,230 She wants to put her extra trash in our bins? 302 00:11:48,255 --> 00:11:49,254 And if I take 303 00:11:49,279 --> 00:11:52,316 - just one lemon... - Mm-hmm. 304 00:11:52,341 --> 00:11:54,177 Then she gains the leverage to do that. 305 00:11:54,202 --> 00:11:58,975 Okay, Mom, there are actual wars going on in the world, okay? 306 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,671 Oh, my God, do we not have any Chardonnay left? 307 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,802 Hey, Mom, listen. 308 00:12:09,804 --> 00:12:12,527 Pam just invited us over for ladies' poker night. 309 00:12:12,552 --> 00:12:14,925 It's mostly just an excuse to eat cheese 310 00:12:14,950 --> 00:12:16,878 and then talk about how we shouldn't be eating cheese. 311 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:17,944 Isn't that fantastic? 312 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,812 You always regret eating cheese. 313 00:12:19,814 --> 00:12:21,814 Oh, I would just slow you down, though. 314 00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:23,616 I've never played poker before. 315 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:26,385 Even better. See you tomorrow! 316 00:12:27,422 --> 00:12:28,621 Bring some extra cash, 317 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,289 you know, to make it interesting. 318 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,391 I also charge for soda. 319 00:12:33,094 --> 00:12:34,961 Is that my lemon? 320 00:12:38,533 --> 00:12:40,366 Mmm, that's ripe. 321 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,735 Ciao, bella. 322 00:12:42,737 --> 00:12:44,904 Now do you believe it's not a game? 323 00:12:44,906 --> 00:12:48,235 It's just a silly poker night with a bunch of girls. 324 00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:49,927 What do you have to lose? 325 00:12:50,927 --> 00:12:53,061 $300 is the buy-in. 326 00:12:53,086 --> 00:12:56,349 What?! That's my entire monthly hair removal budget. 327 00:12:56,351 --> 00:12:58,217 Mom, maybe we should sit this one out. 328 00:12:58,219 --> 00:13:00,353 No, I just got all this 329 00:13:00,355 --> 00:13:02,221 from the change we've been saving up. 330 00:13:02,223 --> 00:13:03,656 But you know what? 331 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:06,993 The fun we had at the Coinstar machine was enough. 332 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,427 Yo, wash your hands. 333 00:13:08,429 --> 00:13:10,229 I got hepatitis from that once. 334 00:13:10,231 --> 00:13:11,798 All right, everybody's in. 335 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,700 Consider it payment for my first poker lesson. 336 00:13:15,538 --> 00:13:17,036 Ginger ale, anyone? 337 00:13:17,038 --> 00:13:18,938 - Ooh! - $2.50. 338 00:13:21,858 --> 00:13:23,411 I have two of the people. 339 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,577 Is that anything? 340 00:13:24,579 --> 00:13:26,846 Ah, they're not the same people, so you have nothing. 341 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,615 Really? But they're so dressed up. 342 00:13:29,617 --> 00:13:32,294 It's your turn to be the big blind, Joan. 343 00:13:32,319 --> 00:13:34,352 But I don't understand the rules yet. 344 00:13:34,377 --> 00:13:36,211 I don't understand how medicine works, 345 00:13:36,236 --> 00:13:38,661 but I still have to dispense it at the pharmacy. 346 00:13:38,686 --> 00:13:39,852 Mm-hmm. 347 00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:48,534 I see you... 348 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,701 I see you, too, Pam. You look great. 349 00:13:50,726 --> 00:13:52,071 Oh, no, Mom. 350 00:13:52,073 --> 00:13:53,706 "I see you"... that's-that's poker talk. 351 00:13:54,744 --> 00:13:55,708 I see you, 352 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:58,311 and I raise you $50. 353 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,813 Unless you want to fold. 354 00:14:00,815 --> 00:14:03,049 No, I don't want to fold. I want to unfold. 355 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,979 - You want to call. - I want to call. 356 00:14:05,004 --> 00:14:06,352 Actually, you can't 'cause you don't have 357 00:14:06,354 --> 00:14:07,640 enough to cover, so... 358 00:14:07,665 --> 00:14:09,365 How about, instead of money, 359 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:10,590 you offer something else? 360 00:14:10,911 --> 00:14:13,014 I don't know, maybe, um... 361 00:14:13,039 --> 00:14:15,995 I put my spillover garbage in your cans? 362 00:14:17,601 --> 00:14:18,545 You were right. 363 00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:20,099 This is a game. 364 00:14:21,269 --> 00:14:22,501 And if I win, 365 00:14:22,503 --> 00:14:24,737 I get to pick lemons off your tree, 366 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,981 when seasonally appropriate. 367 00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:29,044 Deal. 368 00:14:29,294 --> 00:14:30,877 Because I've got 369 00:14:30,879 --> 00:14:33,346 three... little... 370 00:14:33,371 --> 00:14:35,494 piggies, and they're crying 371 00:14:35,519 --> 00:14:39,385 "wee-wee-wee" all the way home to your recycle bin. 372 00:14:40,418 --> 00:14:42,363 That's an interesting story. 373 00:14:43,191 --> 00:14:46,859 Once upon a time, there was a rabbit and a fox, 374 00:14:46,861 --> 00:14:48,701 both very cunning animals. 375 00:14:48,726 --> 00:14:50,412 The fox, especially. 376 00:14:50,437 --> 00:14:54,634 She lets the rabbit think she's harmless, you know. 377 00:14:54,636 --> 00:14:57,012 Perhaps they're even friends. 378 00:14:57,406 --> 00:14:59,373 And then, one day, 379 00:14:59,642 --> 00:15:03,169 without warning, she strikes. 380 00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:12,228 And... 381 00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:16,032 that... is... 382 00:15:16,057 --> 00:15:18,824 how... you... 383 00:15:20,102 --> 00:15:21,446 lose. 384 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,797 Oh, thank God, Mom. For a minute there, 385 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,732 I thought you were just really, really stupid. 386 00:15:26,734 --> 00:15:28,488 Yo, that fox/rabbit thing she said, 387 00:15:28,513 --> 00:15:29,831 is that a well-known parable? 388 00:15:29,856 --> 00:15:31,266 It is now. 389 00:15:31,291 --> 00:15:34,957 I'm so glad that I met all of you, and perhaps someday 390 00:15:34,982 --> 00:15:37,722 you'll tell me the story of how you all became friends. 391 00:15:37,747 --> 00:15:39,480 Well played, Joan. 392 00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:42,661 Maybe you and I need to take a ride out to Vegas together. 393 00:15:42,686 --> 00:15:44,353 Oh, I'd love that, but... 394 00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:46,872 I've been banned from all the good casinos. 395 00:15:50,052 --> 00:15:52,270 _ 396 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,052 John? 397 00:15:54,077 --> 00:15:57,062 John? The... 398 00:15:57,064 --> 00:15:58,177 - John! - Hmm? 399 00:15:58,202 --> 00:16:01,700 The dishwasher repairman did come by yesterday. 400 00:16:01,702 --> 00:16:02,822 He stood at the door 401 00:16:02,847 --> 00:16:05,982 for 15 minutes trying to get your attention. 402 00:16:06,188 --> 00:16:07,733 I'm not gonna suffer though 403 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:11,693 a "La Cucaracha" doorbell when you can't even hear it. 404 00:16:11,695 --> 00:16:13,128 That's impossible. 405 00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:15,077 You didn't hear the bell. 406 00:16:15,102 --> 00:16:17,336 No, you go to hell, Joanie. 407 00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:21,480 All right. Let's get these on you there. 408 00:16:21,505 --> 00:16:24,208 Now, don't worry, John, I do this test at work all the time. 409 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,565 You hear a noise, you raise your hand. 410 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:26,833 While your hand is up, I'll say, 411 00:16:26,835 --> 00:16:28,034 "Who thinks I'm handsome?" 412 00:16:28,036 --> 00:16:30,570 We both laugh. Five stars on Yelp. 413 00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:33,039 You bring it. I'll beat you at any test. 414 00:16:33,041 --> 00:16:35,041 No, no. This isn't you against me. 415 00:16:35,043 --> 00:16:36,977 I'm already in your head. 416 00:16:37,304 --> 00:16:40,438 Okay, let's, uh, let's begin. Shall we? 417 00:16:45,235 --> 00:16:47,107 See? I still got it. 418 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,559 Yeah. 419 00:16:49,390 --> 00:16:51,658 Coming! 420 00:16:51,996 --> 00:16:54,096 Oh, go ahead, run out on me. 421 00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:56,421 You're only cheating yourself, John. 422 00:16:57,793 --> 00:16:59,299 Look, there's nothing to be upset about. 423 00:16:59,301 --> 00:17:00,734 It's very natural for a man your age 424 00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:02,289 to start losing his hearing, but look, 425 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:03,980 you still got your figure. 426 00:17:04,005 --> 00:17:06,339 God, I'd kill for a bod like that. 427 00:17:06,364 --> 00:17:08,831 I am not getting hearing aids. 428 00:17:09,845 --> 00:17:11,078 Hey! 429 00:17:11,158 --> 00:17:12,112 Huh? 430 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,446 You like 'em? 431 00:17:13,448 --> 00:17:15,945 I call 'em "A Beat Off by John." 432 00:17:15,970 --> 00:17:17,918 Suddenly I feel less embarrassed 433 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,286 my dad's still rocking a French braid. 434 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,720 - Oh, what was that, honey? - Hmm? 435 00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:22,956 You got to speak right into the mic. 436 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:24,190 It's like I'm delivering a special message 437 00:17:24,192 --> 00:17:25,225 at a bar mitzvah. 438 00:17:25,227 --> 00:17:26,560 Um... wow. 439 00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,895 Mazel, Joshy. You're a man now. 440 00:17:28,897 --> 00:17:30,635 Okay. Uh, hey, Mom, 441 00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:33,733 would you, uh, would you pass the... 442 00:17:33,735 --> 00:17:35,423 - asparagus. - Yeah. 443 00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:36,636 Sure. 444 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:37,461 So, honey, 445 00:17:37,486 --> 00:17:38,836 how's the construction going? 446 00:17:38,861 --> 00:17:40,574 Oh, gosh, you know what? It was a crazy week, 447 00:17:40,576 --> 00:17:42,076 but I feel like it's finally starting... 448 00:17:42,101 --> 00:17:43,233 What am I doing with this? 449 00:17:43,258 --> 00:17:45,078 Give it to your sister. She's talking. 450 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:48,114 And then we'll start doing the drywall next week, which is... 451 00:17:48,116 --> 00:17:49,182 Whoa, whoa, whoa! No, Greg. 452 00:17:49,184 --> 00:17:50,917 - The bagels! The bagels! - Oh, dude, no! 453 00:17:50,919 --> 00:17:53,189 Hey, this is for our father. 454 00:17:53,214 --> 00:17:55,655 Yeah. 455 00:17:57,339 --> 00:17:59,025 So, um... 456 00:17:59,027 --> 00:18:00,994 the insurance company finally got a check to us, 457 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,697 so now we can actually pay the contractors. 458 00:18:03,699 --> 00:18:06,088 That money was from the insurance company? 459 00:18:06,113 --> 00:18:08,252 Oh, God, no, what did you spend it on, Tim? 460 00:18:08,277 --> 00:18:09,603 I bought a leather beanbag chair. 461 00:18:09,628 --> 00:18:11,371 - Oh, what? - And a leather hat. 462 00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:12,872 - Oh! - But they gave me a free vest. 463 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:13,740 Well, okay. 464 00:18:13,742 --> 00:18:15,075 Hey, keep up, Greg. 465 00:18:15,146 --> 00:18:16,577 I'm not hearing everything. 466 00:18:16,602 --> 00:18:18,147 Tim got a stupid hat. 467 00:18:18,172 --> 00:18:19,584 Hey, Dad, you want to... 468 00:18:19,609 --> 00:18:21,047 Just a suggestion. 469 00:18:21,049 --> 00:18:22,782 Maybe go wireless. 470 00:18:22,784 --> 00:18:24,050 Wireless? 471 00:18:24,052 --> 00:18:27,454 And have every FBI van at the curb hearing us? 472 00:18:27,456 --> 00:18:29,122 No, thank you. 473 00:18:29,124 --> 00:18:31,324 Hey, check out the range on this baby. 474 00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:33,244 Hey, Mom-Mom, are these brownies kid-safe... 475 00:18:33,269 --> 00:18:34,112 Whoa, look out! 476 00:18:34,137 --> 00:18:35,562 - Oh! - Oh! 477 00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:36,930 This is more embarrassing 478 00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:38,765 than when Dad wears his jeans in the pool. 479 00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:40,283 Mom, Sophia is trying to get out 480 00:18:40,308 --> 00:18:41,607 of Grandparents' Day at school, 481 00:18:41,632 --> 00:18:45,205 unless she can convince Tim to wear his old man makeup. 482 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,707 Sometimes, he tries to get into movies for three bucks less. 483 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:48,942 Does that really work? 484 00:18:48,944 --> 00:18:51,428 Because last Halloween, I went as Orville Redenbacher. 485 00:18:51,453 --> 00:18:52,679 I thought you were Mark Twain. 486 00:18:52,681 --> 00:18:54,047 Why would I go as Mark Twain? 487 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,259 Kids, 488 00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:56,850 I've tried to talk to your father, 489 00:18:56,852 --> 00:18:59,336 but he can be surprisingly sensitive 490 00:18:59,361 --> 00:19:02,122 for someone who still wears an "I love to fart" T-shirt. 491 00:19:02,124 --> 00:19:04,457 Mom, he just looks so stupid. 492 00:19:04,459 --> 00:19:06,393 Nah, nah, nah, nah... 493 00:19:07,195 --> 00:19:08,795 Oh, Dad, I'm sorry. 494 00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:10,163 God, I-I just, I meant... 495 00:19:10,165 --> 00:19:12,497 I think I'm picking up a police scanner. 496 00:19:12,522 --> 00:19:15,969 Yeah, apparently, there's a murder-suicide down the block. 497 00:19:15,971 --> 00:19:17,704 - Oh, thank goodness. - Oh, thank you. 498 00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:19,322 Honey, 499 00:19:19,347 --> 00:19:22,045 please try hearing aids. 500 00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:25,222 I don't want to look old. 501 00:19:25,395 --> 00:19:27,977 You start replacing parts on me, 502 00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:30,717 and eventually you're gonna replace all of me. 503 00:19:30,719 --> 00:19:31,918 I'll be gone. 504 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,688 I'm not letting you go anywhere. 505 00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:35,557 Well... 506 00:19:35,582 --> 00:19:38,158 And you won't be old in these. 507 00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:40,420 They're almost invisible. 508 00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,217 They hook up to your phone, 509 00:19:42,242 --> 00:19:44,332 and so you can control the volume. 510 00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:46,157 Well... 511 00:19:46,307 --> 00:19:47,974 they are awfully dope. 512 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,029 Hey. Great news, guys. 513 00:19:52,112 --> 00:19:54,246 Mom-Mom gave me aids. 514 00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:56,203 Hearing aids. 515 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:56,974 Oh. 516 00:19:56,999 --> 00:19:58,239 Here. Have some coffee. 517 00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:00,431 Hmm? 518 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:08,839 So, my friend Susan 519 00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:10,503 was attacked by birds. 520 00:20:10,528 --> 00:20:12,295 How are they working, dear? 521 00:20:12,402 --> 00:20:14,135 Do you want to turn up the volume? 522 00:20:14,224 --> 00:20:16,329 Oh, I forgot you could do that. 523 00:20:16,354 --> 00:20:17,991 So, Tim, uh, 524 00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:19,289 how's everything been with you? 525 00:20:19,314 --> 00:20:20,532 I really want to hear. 526 00:20:20,557 --> 00:20:22,453 Oh, you stepped in it now, John. 527 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,475 Well, I, um, actually, I joined a leather club, 528 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:25,456 but that was... actually, 529 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,824 I-I should start at the beginning. 530 00:20:31,284 --> 00:20:36,284 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com -