1 00:00:00,039 --> 00:00:01,653 _ 2 00:00:01,679 --> 00:00:03,170 You're both getting out today. 3 00:00:03,196 --> 00:00:05,381 I still got eight months. This fool got four years left. 4 00:00:05,407 --> 00:00:07,934 The governor's letting out a bunch of nonviolent inmates 5 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:10,636 - because of the Coronavirus. - I'll tell you what. 6 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,437 Give me that $40 and you can stay at my mom's place for a couple of nights. 7 00:00:14,463 --> 00:00:15,921 What were you in for? 8 00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:17,784 Selling weed. 9 00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:20,712 Were either of you guys in D Block? That's where my man is. 10 00:00:20,738 --> 00:00:24,165 Do you guys know a guy named Jack? He is 28 years old. 11 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,388 He says he looks like a cross between the Rock and... 12 00:00:26,414 --> 00:00:28,044 - Alex Rodriguez. - Alex Rodriguez. 13 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,355 I'm sorry. 14 00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:33,365 Is this even your dick? 15 00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:35,980 That's my dick. 16 00:00:36,006 --> 00:00:38,581 - What are we doing at Melvin's? - I need toilet paper. 17 00:00:38,607 --> 00:00:40,128 You can't buy any in the stores anymore. 18 00:00:40,154 --> 00:00:43,335 People panicked and scooped it all up, leaving the rest of us to improvise. 19 00:00:43,361 --> 00:00:45,870 Had to throw away a perfectly good oven mitt last night. 20 00:00:45,896 --> 00:00:49,341 I'm thinking after dinner we visit Melvin's place 21 00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:51,135 and steal us some toilet paper. 22 00:00:51,161 --> 00:00:54,816 I'm not going back to jail. So if we're going to do this, we need to do it right. 23 00:00:55,378 --> 00:00:59,222 A lot of people in here believe there's no such thing as the perfect crime. 24 00:00:59,248 --> 00:01:02,691 A perfect crime is a crime that nobody even knows happened. 25 00:01:16,029 --> 00:01:19,597 - So, you got it? - Merry Christmas, Princess. 26 00:01:21,152 --> 00:01:22,374 Holy shit. 27 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,886 You said you wanted more than to use, right? 28 00:01:25,581 --> 00:01:26,603 Yeah, dude. 29 00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:29,081 I got to start making bank if I'm gonna ride in style like you. 30 00:01:29,275 --> 00:01:31,338 Check out this new jam. 31 00:01:31,419 --> 00:01:32,785 It's the tits. 32 00:01:38,661 --> 00:01:39,912 Shit. 33 00:01:48,559 --> 00:01:49,909 Oh God. 34 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:39,285 That song is 26 years old and more relevant than ever. 35 00:02:39,311 --> 00:02:43,372 With Coronavirus numbers on the rise, they got to "keep us separated." 36 00:02:43,398 --> 00:02:46,042 President Trump announced yesterday that he'll... 37 00:02:57,962 --> 00:02:59,719 _ 38 00:03:02,189 --> 00:03:03,805 _ 39 00:04:52,169 --> 00:04:54,273 Breakfast is ready! 40 00:04:58,218 --> 00:05:00,759 Hey, save some of that for me. I want some greasy eggs, too. 41 00:05:00,785 --> 00:05:03,258 She who makes the grease gets the grease. 42 00:05:04,194 --> 00:05:06,320 So do we need to... 43 00:05:06,843 --> 00:05:09,086 talk to God before we dig in, or...? 44 00:05:09,112 --> 00:05:11,339 No, I only pray on Tuesdays. 45 00:05:11,515 --> 00:05:13,288 I like to play hard to get. 46 00:05:13,358 --> 00:05:16,536 So, now that everyone's clothed and fed 47 00:05:16,562 --> 00:05:18,684 and running up my water bill, 48 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:21,328 we should talk about our next job. 49 00:05:21,578 --> 00:05:24,950 Since Mother Teresa over here will only steal from bad people, 50 00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:28,617 I took the liberty of writing up a list of douchebags in the area. 51 00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:31,922 Cathy Watkins, Rooster's old babysitter. 52 00:05:32,078 --> 00:05:33,614 She was abusive. 53 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,711 She stopped giving me water after I peed in her purse. 54 00:05:35,737 --> 00:05:37,450 - Nah. Who else? - Joel Rubin, 55 00:05:37,476 --> 00:05:39,897 Rooster's teacher who suspended him in the fourth grade. 56 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,278 Which is why he still can't do short division. 57 00:05:42,304 --> 00:05:44,703 - I could have been an astronaut. - Why did he kick you out? 58 00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:47,140 I flicked a booger on his back when he wasn't looking. 59 00:05:47,166 --> 00:05:49,133 Look, I'm not robbing someone because they did 60 00:05:49,159 --> 00:05:52,109 something bad to Rooster in retaliation for something he did. 61 00:05:52,315 --> 00:05:53,389 Fine. 62 00:06:05,178 --> 00:06:08,259 - Maybe we shouldn't be thinking so small. - What do you mean? 63 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,724 Those politicians you mentioned 64 00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:12,498 who were dumping stocks while lying about the virus? 65 00:06:12,524 --> 00:06:14,538 Turns out one of them is from around here. 66 00:06:14,564 --> 00:06:16,350 Congresswoman Paula Tackleberry. 67 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,338 And she is loaded. If we break into this house, 68 00:06:19,364 --> 00:06:22,633 we're gonna pull more than toilet paper and a few hundred bucks. Check it out. 69 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,156 That's a Claude van Woodson. 70 00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:26,749 Looks like Siamese twins playing Twister. 71 00:06:26,943 --> 00:06:29,803 It's probably worth half a million dollars if we can get our hands on it. 72 00:06:29,829 --> 00:06:30,772 Half a... 73 00:06:31,374 --> 00:06:33,293 Are you serious? 74 00:06:33,319 --> 00:06:35,087 What do you say, Jack? 75 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:38,256 Crooked politician lying to the people while she cashes in. 76 00:06:38,281 --> 00:06:39,897 Bad enough for you? 77 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,973 Time's up. That's a yes. Where does she live? 78 00:06:42,999 --> 00:06:45,676 I don't know. We're gonna have to do some research. 79 00:06:50,395 --> 00:06:53,590 Hold up a sec. I got an email from Jean-Michel Ducomte. 80 00:06:53,903 --> 00:06:55,597 That's her online boyfriend. 81 00:06:59,223 --> 00:07:01,970 Good. He got the money I wired him. 82 00:07:01,996 --> 00:07:03,365 His father's sick. 83 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,426 He had to sell his computer camera to pay for the dialysis. 84 00:07:06,452 --> 00:07:09,473 That's the reason we've never been able to talk face to face. 85 00:07:17,669 --> 00:07:20,887 I'll read the rest of this later. You do your thing. 86 00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:32,929 Is there something wrong with your internet? 87 00:07:32,955 --> 00:07:35,247 Not unless the neighbors didn't pay their "wee-fee" bill. 88 00:07:35,273 --> 00:07:37,666 The computer in the prison library isn't this slow. 89 00:07:37,692 --> 00:07:41,378 Of course it's not. Prisoners are probably just typing in "titties." 90 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,173 It doesn't take that long to find some random titties. 91 00:07:44,199 --> 00:07:47,929 She typed in a specific name. It's going to take some time to find her. 92 00:07:47,955 --> 00:07:49,525 So it always takes this long? 93 00:07:49,551 --> 00:07:51,921 Yeah. I just type in my question 94 00:07:51,986 --> 00:07:54,740 and then kill some time while the person on the other end looks it up. 95 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,492 Barb, there's no one on the other end. 96 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,395 Yeah, they probably got really fast robots looking through 97 00:07:58,421 --> 00:08:00,455 - phone books and encyclopedias. - Whatever. 98 00:08:00,598 --> 00:08:03,783 It's still a lot of phone books for a robot to flip through. 99 00:08:07,275 --> 00:08:09,236 Mommy, what are the symptoms of the virus again? 100 00:08:09,262 --> 00:08:11,759 I think we're okay as long as he's not coughing. 101 00:08:24,556 --> 00:08:27,033 Shit. He's got the Rona. 102 00:08:59,903 --> 00:09:06,098 www.subtitulamos.tv 103 00:09:15,887 --> 00:09:19,643 - Are you sure this is necessary? - We need to take you to get tested. 104 00:09:19,669 --> 00:09:21,979 He's been breathing all over us since we got out of prison. 105 00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:23,986 - We all need to get tested. - She's right. 106 00:09:24,012 --> 00:09:26,248 I bet the free clinic does it for free. 107 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,715 Free clinic makes you give them too much info. 108 00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:32,126 I don't like the idea of the government knowing my Social Security number. 109 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,778 Barb, the government already knows your Social Security number. 110 00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:36,319 Not my new one, they don't. 111 00:09:36,491 --> 00:09:38,061 We'll drive to Mount Airy. 112 00:09:38,087 --> 00:09:40,923 There's a place that tests people under the table for cash. 113 00:09:43,012 --> 00:09:44,819 You're going downhill fast, man. 114 00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:47,894 I heard that once you lose your sense of smell, you're done. 115 00:09:51,099 --> 00:09:52,176 Thank you. 116 00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:53,426 What? 117 00:10:01,106 --> 00:10:02,652 There's still hope. 118 00:10:12,918 --> 00:10:15,129 _ 119 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,071 We could fill out the forms online, 120 00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,175 but since all we have is Barb's flip phone 121 00:10:29,197 --> 00:10:31,981 and the world's first computer, we'll have to go old school. 122 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:34,217 Also, I think we were supposed to bring an animal with us. 123 00:10:34,261 --> 00:10:35,580 That makes sense. 124 00:10:35,606 --> 00:10:37,223 Vets can't legally test humans, 125 00:10:37,249 --> 00:10:39,110 so they got to keep up appearances. 126 00:10:39,134 --> 00:10:40,926 Rooster go snag us a pet. 127 00:10:47,237 --> 00:10:49,240 He has a way with animals. 128 00:10:49,778 --> 00:10:52,301 The neighbors didn't let their kids play with him, 129 00:10:52,327 --> 00:10:55,479 so he spent a lot of time bonding with the local wildlife. 130 00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:57,824 He trained his cousin's chicken to scratch his back. 131 00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:00,002 - Is that what you call him Rooster? - No. 132 00:11:00,028 --> 00:11:01,953 In the kindergarten production of Annie, 133 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,748 he played Miss Hannigan's evil brother, Rooster. 134 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:08,162 He liked that name better than his own, so I let him keep it. 135 00:11:08,188 --> 00:11:09,684 What's his real name? 136 00:11:10,869 --> 00:11:13,887 Shit... it's been so long. 137 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,356 I want to say Paul. 138 00:11:23,137 --> 00:11:24,965 There you go, little fella. 139 00:11:25,670 --> 00:11:26,777 Bird? 140 00:11:27,048 --> 00:11:29,051 Squirrel. Cute little guy. 141 00:11:30,180 --> 00:11:33,770 Cough? Yes. Congestion? Yes. 142 00:11:34,755 --> 00:11:36,798 Runny nose? Yes. 143 00:11:36,824 --> 00:11:40,216 Have you noticed a loss of fur and or feathers recently? 144 00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,592 - What? - Wait a second. 145 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,201 Am I supposed to be asking these questions to Jack or the squirrel? 146 00:11:44,227 --> 00:11:45,645 Probably the squirrel. 147 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,126 I'm gonna need a new form. 148 00:11:51,271 --> 00:11:53,426 Don't man-handle that worm too much. 149 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,398 If it dies, I'm going to have to dig up another one, 150 00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:58,593 and I don't like washing my hands twice in one day. It dries out my skin. 151 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:02,903 She seems stressed, so I'm just giving him or her a little head tickle. 152 00:12:03,616 --> 00:12:05,066 And a foot rub. 153 00:12:05,882 --> 00:12:07,965 Shit. Look who it is. 154 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,272 Oh, no. Melvin, please don't. 155 00:12:10,298 --> 00:12:11,648 Rooster, what's up, buddy? 156 00:12:11,674 --> 00:12:14,199 Look who's ridin' shotgun who I been having frequent sex with. 157 00:12:14,225 --> 00:12:15,518 Leave it, leave it. 158 00:12:15,544 --> 00:12:18,590 It's Wiggles, your old girlfriend, in case you ain't seen. 159 00:12:18,616 --> 00:12:21,315 And I've been having frequent sex with her in case you ain't hear. 160 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,675 She's all yours, Melvin. 161 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,995 My son doesn't date strippers anymore. 162 00:12:25,021 --> 00:12:27,004 That's a dumbass life choice. 163 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,797 I wonder if that nurse would give us a few Q tips to take home. 164 00:12:36,081 --> 00:12:39,150 I haven't been able to get out and buy any since the pandemic hit. 165 00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:42,010 Been cleaning my ears with the eraser end of a pencil. 166 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:49,072 If I die, will you try and contact my parents? 167 00:12:49,189 --> 00:12:52,791 With what? A Ouija board? I thought your parents were dead. 168 00:12:52,816 --> 00:12:55,322 Yeah, that's right. 169 00:12:55,371 --> 00:12:58,345 They died in each other's arms in that tornado. 170 00:13:00,564 --> 00:13:03,533 Was anything you told me while we were dating in prison the truth? 171 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:05,530 Or did you only whisper lies through the toilet? 172 00:13:05,556 --> 00:13:07,261 I told the truth occasionally. 173 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,873 I only lied about my parents to protect your feelings. 174 00:13:09,899 --> 00:13:12,970 After you told me your parents were dead, I didn't want to seem braggy. 175 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:16,634 Oh, God, I really hope I don't die. 176 00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:19,847 There's so many things I wanted to do when I finally got out of prison. 177 00:13:19,984 --> 00:13:22,668 Dying was on the list, but it was way toward the end. 178 00:13:22,694 --> 00:13:24,347 No, you better not die. 179 00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:28,519 If you die, I'm left here trying to steal from a congresswoman with two morons. 180 00:13:28,652 --> 00:13:31,076 Trust me. I'm not trying to say you're a genius, but at least 181 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:34,097 you haven't spent your whole life in some shit little town. 182 00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:38,000 You lied about backpacking through Europe, didn't you? 183 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,907 I'm sorry, but lying is a slippery slope. 184 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,970 And I might not have lied about my parents being dead. They probably are. 185 00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:47,048 I haven't seen them in a while. 186 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:08,846 Good. Jack's home. 187 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,742 Herb, put another pork chop on... 188 00:14:14,914 --> 00:14:15,911 Herb! 189 00:14:15,937 --> 00:14:17,430 - What? - Put your hands up. Don't move. 190 00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:18,531 - Herb! - What? 191 00:14:18,556 --> 00:14:19,484 Herb! 192 00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:21,219 - Herb! - What?! 193 00:14:29,258 --> 00:14:31,637 - Where's Barb? - They're not gonna give us any Q tips, 194 00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,514 so we're gonna try and steal some when they're not looking. 195 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,984 Okay. Let's try this again. Name. 196 00:14:37,414 --> 00:14:40,258 What's a good name for a squirrel? 197 00:14:43,456 --> 00:14:46,125 Mr. Nuts is a funny name for a squirrel. 198 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,695 That is funny. 199 00:14:50,354 --> 00:14:51,875 Okay. Mr. Nuts. 200 00:14:55,609 --> 00:14:57,859 I woke up with a headache. I felt a little dizzy. 201 00:14:57,885 --> 00:14:59,107 I thought it might be the Rona, 202 00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:01,648 so I want to make sure I didn't give it to my pet worm. 203 00:15:07,687 --> 00:15:11,086 Don't be afraid to go deep either. I dig it. 204 00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:14,453 Tickly. But in a good way. Like a little nostril orgasm. 205 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:18,297 Is it my turn? She has to go on the left hole 206 00:15:18,323 --> 00:15:20,581 because the right one has a tiddlywink stuck in it. 207 00:15:20,607 --> 00:15:22,150 No need. Come here. 208 00:15:30,984 --> 00:15:33,308 There. Now if I have it, you have it. 209 00:15:33,334 --> 00:15:35,670 We just killed two birds with one Q tip. 210 00:15:39,860 --> 00:15:43,062 - What's the plan? - I thought you were coming up with a plan. 211 00:15:43,336 --> 00:15:45,236 I was giving the forms to Gloria. 212 00:15:45,262 --> 00:15:47,171 You can't walk and think at the same time? 213 00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:50,219 I don't know. I never tried. I usually sit down when I have to think. 214 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,570 You get that from me. 215 00:15:56,508 --> 00:15:57,813 Here she is. 216 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,131 Let's see where they hide the Q tips. 217 00:16:01,297 --> 00:16:03,296 Sketchy looking guy with a pet worm. 218 00:16:03,322 --> 00:16:05,266 What do you think? Does he have it? 219 00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,578 It is decidedly so. 220 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,687 Holy shit. 221 00:16:18,531 --> 00:16:20,772 They're not really testing people. 222 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:23,274 They're taking the cash and making up the results. 223 00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,833 Man. That sucks. 224 00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,877 Does it? Did you see in there? 225 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:30,247 They've got cash, a laptop, and I bet there's enough Q tips 226 00:16:30,273 --> 00:16:32,742 to clean my ears till Christmas. And the best part? 227 00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:35,578 They're douchebags, so your goody-two-shoes cell mate 228 00:16:35,607 --> 00:16:37,531 will help us steal all of it. 229 00:16:38,299 --> 00:16:40,635 We just found our next job. 230 00:16:53,487 --> 00:16:56,198 You thought this was a wise wardrobe choice for your sentencing? 231 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,893 He didn't have a suit and wanted to avoid telling his parents 232 00:16:58,919 --> 00:17:02,005 where he was going today and found this in their attic. 233 00:17:05,208 --> 00:17:06,458 In their garage. 234 00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:09,878 Son, have you ever heard that marijuana is a gateway drug? 235 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,573 Yes, sir, but I've never tried any other drugs. 236 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:15,050 Arlene, tell him what marijuana is a gateway to in my court. 237 00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,871 - Prison. - Prison. It's a gateway to prison. 238 00:17:17,897 --> 00:17:19,273 Arlene nailed it. 239 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,466 And the government has made my job very easy by instituting 240 00:17:22,492 --> 00:17:25,853 mandatory minimum sentences for all drug-related crimes. 241 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:29,341 This is your second offense. The mandatory minimum is 15 years. 242 00:17:29,367 --> 00:17:32,886 And since the drugs were confiscated within 1000 feet of a school, 243 00:17:32,912 --> 00:17:35,365 that doubles it to 30 years. 244 00:17:36,358 --> 00:17:38,888 Congratulations, son. You hit the... 245 00:17:39,064 --> 00:17:40,599 - Arlene? - Jackpot. 246 00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:42,927 She's on fire today. 247 00:17:49,771 --> 00:17:52,322 Shouldn't we tape down the sides of the shower curtain? 248 00:17:52,348 --> 00:17:54,013 I'm not made of tape. 249 00:17:54,149 --> 00:17:57,787 Just make sure you cough, talk, and breathe up through the flue. 250 00:17:57,904 --> 00:18:00,580 Got it. Sorry. Got it. 251 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:04,193 Show him the pictures we took at the vet's office, so he can come up with a plan. 252 00:18:06,865 --> 00:18:08,151 That's funny. 253 00:18:08,192 --> 00:18:11,598 He's sending the bat flu up the chimney flue. 254 00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:13,958 Probably how it got its name. 255 00:18:13,984 --> 00:18:15,952 In the Spanish flu, 256 00:18:15,978 --> 00:18:19,495 I bet they put sick people in fireplaces 257 00:18:19,521 --> 00:18:22,833 and made them cough up the hole. And so they called the hole the flue. 258 00:18:23,027 --> 00:18:24,560 That's not how... 259 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:28,818 - No. - Really? What makes you so smart? 260 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,628 Well, I don't know. I went to college, if that's what you mean. 261 00:18:31,654 --> 00:18:34,245 Aren't you fancy or full of shit? 262 00:18:34,271 --> 00:18:37,120 Don't meet a lot of ex-cons with college degrees. 263 00:18:37,146 --> 00:18:38,451 Well, what can I say? 264 00:18:38,477 --> 00:18:41,427 Some of us use our psychology degrees to make real money 265 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,932 instead of helping grown men overcome their mommy issues. 266 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,607 Why are you looking at me? 267 00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:49,838 - Mommy, why is she looking at me? - Because she thinks she's smart. 268 00:18:49,864 --> 00:18:52,013 But let me ask you something, college girl. 269 00:18:52,052 --> 00:18:55,123 Did you ever take any classes on the history of fireplaces? 270 00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:57,255 - No. - I rest my case. 271 00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:03,544 So, what do you think? You got a plan yet? 272 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:05,990 I think so. 273 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:16,513 I'll never rob places at 3:00 a.m. again. 274 00:19:16,538 --> 00:19:17,781 Streets are empty. 275 00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:20,967 If someone sees you lurking that time of night, they know something's fishy. 276 00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:24,789 The best time to rob a business is right after they close. 277 00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,515 That way, if someone sees you trying to get in, 278 00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:29,294 they assume you work there and don't call the cops. 279 00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:32,467 Plus, I'm getting old and I'm sleepy by nine. 280 00:19:38,070 --> 00:19:41,448 I'm telling you, there's no need to break a window or use a crowbar. 281 00:19:41,474 --> 00:19:44,475 Most of your standard locks can be picked with a couple of paper clips 282 00:19:44,621 --> 00:19:47,271 or even a bobby pin, if you know what you're doing. 283 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,467 See that door over there? Bet I can pick it in less than a minute. 284 00:20:23,876 --> 00:20:26,791 - What are you doing? - Getting the good stuff. 285 00:20:33,289 --> 00:20:36,181 Cracking a safe is just listening for clicks... 286 00:20:37,708 --> 00:20:39,549 doing the math... 287 00:20:40,580 --> 00:20:43,791 and having a little patience. 288 00:20:55,311 --> 00:20:59,112 It's been too long. I'm worried he might have passed out or something. 289 00:20:59,138 --> 00:21:02,275 - I'm going in. - Make sure you get the Q tips. 290 00:21:13,595 --> 00:21:16,556 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 291 00:21:17,572 --> 00:21:20,905 Is that furry nut muncher still in my glove box? 292 00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:22,057 No. 293 00:21:22,083 --> 00:21:23,298 - Open it. - Why? 294 00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:26,721 Because I want to know if there's a squirrel in my glove box. 295 00:21:26,747 --> 00:21:27,874 There isn't. 296 00:21:28,596 --> 00:21:30,116 Okay. Okay. 297 00:21:30,369 --> 00:21:32,929 - There's a squirrel in your glove box. - Damn it, Rooster. 298 00:21:32,955 --> 00:21:34,812 How many times do I have to tell you 299 00:21:34,838 --> 00:21:37,596 that you cannot keep wild animals as pets? 300 00:21:37,622 --> 00:21:39,580 But he wants to stay with me. 301 00:21:39,726 --> 00:21:44,658 - I can see it in his eyes. - Fine. Open the glove box. 302 00:21:44,968 --> 00:21:48,705 If he wants to be your pet, there's no point in keeping him locked up. 303 00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,064 Okay. 304 00:22:01,162 --> 00:22:02,195 See? 305 00:22:03,170 --> 00:22:04,531 He loves me. 306 00:22:23,539 --> 00:22:24,734 Please... 307 00:22:27,460 --> 00:22:29,089 What's taking so long? 308 00:22:29,445 --> 00:22:32,576 My ears are plugged. I'm gonna need you to listen while I spin the dial. 309 00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:35,664 I'm gonna find something to protect me from your germs. 310 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,953 This should work. 311 00:22:38,052 --> 00:22:40,180 That was super uncool, Mommy. 312 00:22:48,487 --> 00:22:50,552 It's gonna be all right. You're gonna be okay. 313 00:22:50,578 --> 00:22:54,599 Well, that's a fly in the ointment we're going to have to swat. 314 00:22:54,777 --> 00:22:55,880 Hello? 315 00:22:56,669 --> 00:22:58,068 Is anyone here? 316 00:22:58,419 --> 00:22:59,685 Hello? 317 00:23:00,423 --> 00:23:02,129 - Hide! - Shit! 318 00:23:03,778 --> 00:23:06,357 - Can we help you? - Are you the doctors? 319 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:09,347 I'm a doctor. He's my son. 320 00:23:09,373 --> 00:23:10,708 How come you get to be...? 321 00:23:10,734 --> 00:23:12,767 - I hit a squirrel. - What kind of squirrel? Grey? 322 00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,997 - Please tell me it's not grey. - It's grey. 323 00:23:15,855 --> 00:23:17,716 We'll do our best. 324 00:23:23,762 --> 00:23:25,308 You guys still here? 325 00:23:25,544 --> 00:23:27,240 - What's going on? - What was that? 326 00:23:27,266 --> 00:23:29,508 - Who's out there? - Fine. Don't panic. 327 00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:31,638 Just a couple of civilians. I got it covered. 328 00:23:32,138 --> 00:23:35,706 Get the hell away from us, sickie. Quarantine. Quarantine. 329 00:23:35,732 --> 00:23:37,015 What the hell is taking so long? 330 00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:39,116 Cash is in the safe, and he's having trouble opening it. 331 00:23:39,142 --> 00:23:41,937 Forget the cash. All we need is this laptop, right? 332 00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:44,402 I can't tell if this is Mr. Nuts or not. 333 00:23:44,987 --> 00:23:48,266 I'm trying to smell his breath for the Reese's Pieces, but he's barely breathing. 334 00:23:48,292 --> 00:23:50,471 I think we gotta give him mouth to mouth or something. 335 00:23:50,497 --> 00:23:53,975 No one is putting their lips on that dirty-ass tree rat. 336 00:23:54,001 --> 00:23:55,758 That's how this whole Corona thing started. 337 00:23:55,784 --> 00:23:57,941 People sucking on wild creatures. 338 00:23:58,151 --> 00:23:59,242 Barb. 339 00:23:59,268 --> 00:24:01,440 Those people out there saw both your faces. 340 00:24:01,466 --> 00:24:02,999 - This is bad. - Relax. 341 00:24:03,025 --> 00:24:04,694 We'll just wait here a couple of minutes, 342 00:24:04,727 --> 00:24:06,703 then we'll tell them we did everything we could 343 00:24:06,729 --> 00:24:08,542 but the squirrel is in a better place. 344 00:24:08,568 --> 00:24:10,355 We can't just let him die. 345 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,578 You know, this is all your fault. Why couldn't you just let me keep him? 346 00:24:13,604 --> 00:24:18,461 Because every time you've kept a wild animal as a pet, you've gotten hurt. 347 00:24:18,487 --> 00:24:20,209 The raccoon gave you tetanus. 348 00:24:20,253 --> 00:24:22,672 The baby deer gave you foot and mouth disease. 349 00:24:22,698 --> 00:24:25,655 That damned chicken nearly poked your eye out when you fell asleep 350 00:24:25,681 --> 00:24:27,929 and rolled over during a back scratch. 351 00:24:28,373 --> 00:24:31,695 I'm your mom, and I need to protect you. 352 00:24:31,721 --> 00:24:33,848 Hey, what was that thing you said before about mommy issues? 353 00:24:33,874 --> 00:24:36,642 - She has them, doesn't she? - Actually, that would be you. 354 00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:39,561 I'd say she has more of a codependent personality 355 00:24:39,586 --> 00:24:42,449 with a tendency towards control and overprotectiveness 356 00:24:42,475 --> 00:24:44,916 that has resulted in your arrested development. 357 00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:47,028 Now you're blaming me for him getting arrested? 358 00:24:47,111 --> 00:24:48,209 No, I'm not. 359 00:24:48,235 --> 00:24:51,483 You don't have to protect me anymore, mom, and I can protect myself. 360 00:24:53,466 --> 00:24:55,889 Not gonna let this little guy die. 361 00:24:57,163 --> 00:24:58,428 Good. 362 00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:01,310 I could've lived without seeing this. 363 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,490 Shit. It's working. 364 00:25:23,727 --> 00:25:26,864 - This thing's already coming in handy. - Is he gone? 365 00:25:45,364 --> 00:25:46,668 He's gone. 366 00:25:46,808 --> 00:25:48,801 I'll notify the family. 367 00:25:55,218 --> 00:25:57,932 Hey, Ma, come listen to this. My lip has a heartbeat. 368 00:25:57,958 --> 00:25:59,460 I'll take your word for it. 369 00:25:59,486 --> 00:26:02,270 Gloria, you find any info on the congresswoman yet? 370 00:26:02,296 --> 00:26:04,272 I haven't tried. I'll do it in the morning. 371 00:26:04,298 --> 00:26:07,038 Haven't tried? What the hell have you been doing on that thing? 372 00:26:08,121 --> 00:26:09,639 Whoa. What's this? 373 00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:14,114 I remember Trump on TV talking about a way to fight this virus. 374 00:26:14,847 --> 00:26:16,622 Keep it to yourself, though. 375 00:26:17,289 --> 00:26:20,233 I think I only have enough of the two of us. 376 00:26:32,698 --> 00:26:33,991 You're welcome. 377 00:26:34,176 --> 00:26:36,749 - For what? - I found your parents. 378 00:26:36,819 --> 00:26:38,764 Seriously? They're alive? 379 00:26:38,848 --> 00:26:40,865 They live in a retirement home in San Diego. 380 00:26:40,891 --> 00:26:42,768 You're not allowed to visit because of COVID. 381 00:26:42,794 --> 00:26:45,350 But I did some digging, and your mom registered a tablet 382 00:26:45,376 --> 00:26:48,100 two years ago, which means you can video chat with them. 383 00:26:49,936 --> 00:26:52,020 Hold on. No. I don't wanna... 384 00:26:52,046 --> 00:26:54,989 I just want you to tell them if I die. I'm not ready... 385 00:26:55,278 --> 00:26:57,990 I haven't talked to them in a really long time. 386 00:26:59,186 --> 00:27:01,452 - How long? - Long. 387 00:27:02,455 --> 00:27:05,444 After I went to prison, I refused to see them. 388 00:27:05,569 --> 00:27:07,249 I was too ashamed. 389 00:27:07,446 --> 00:27:09,769 They wrote me letters for a while, but... 390 00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:13,483 after a few years of me not writing back, the letters stopped coming. 391 00:27:14,358 --> 00:27:18,093 I can't. I don't even know what I'd say to them. 392 00:27:19,343 --> 00:27:20,897 Say you've missed them. 393 00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:24,031 If my parents were still here, that's what I'd say. 394 00:27:26,127 --> 00:27:29,320 No, don't. Hey! How do I stop it? 395 00:27:35,568 --> 00:27:37,696 - Where's the mouse? - Hello? 396 00:27:37,896 --> 00:27:39,064 Hello? 397 00:27:39,637 --> 00:27:41,014 Who is that? 398 00:27:42,663 --> 00:27:46,249 - What's going on? - My iTablet made a sound, 399 00:27:46,389 --> 00:27:51,921 and now there's a man sitting in a little brick house staring back at me. 400 00:27:53,584 --> 00:27:54,663 Mom? 401 00:27:55,890 --> 00:27:56,959 Dad? 402 00:27:59,392 --> 00:28:02,520 - Jack? - No, that's too old to be Jack. 403 00:28:02,618 --> 00:28:03,647 Yeah. 404 00:28:04,243 --> 00:28:05,420 It's me. 405 00:28:12,239 --> 00:28:14,358 It's so good to see you. 406 00:28:15,793 --> 00:28:18,311 Look at you, all grown. 407 00:28:18,460 --> 00:28:20,078 Is that your cell? 408 00:28:20,366 --> 00:28:22,592 Why is it so small? Did you misbehave? 409 00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:27,428 No, I'm not in prison anymore. I'm in a fireplace. It's a long stor... 410 00:28:30,733 --> 00:28:33,718 Jack, is that a wool sweater you're wearing? 411 00:28:34,311 --> 00:28:35,615 I think so. 412 00:28:35,641 --> 00:28:39,715 You know, when you were born, my mother gave you a wool blanket. 413 00:28:39,741 --> 00:28:42,327 And you had such an allergic reaction, 414 00:28:42,353 --> 00:28:44,856 you ended up in the hospital. 415 00:28:45,020 --> 00:28:47,184 We had to get all the wool out of the house. 416 00:28:47,268 --> 00:28:49,528 Really cold ankles that winter. 417 00:28:49,790 --> 00:28:51,536 Allergic to wool. 418 00:28:51,965 --> 00:28:53,364 Thank God. 419 00:28:54,999 --> 00:28:56,489 To our health. 420 00:28:57,298 --> 00:29:00,778 Hey, I'm not sick. I'm just allergic to wool. 421 00:29:01,741 --> 00:29:04,201 So tell me everything. When did you move? 422 00:29:04,227 --> 00:29:07,130 Six months ago. I'm already sick of the food. 423 00:29:09,540 --> 00:29:11,125 And then your father said, 424 00:29:11,151 --> 00:29:14,380 "What's pickleball? Sounds like a venereal disease." 425 00:29:14,969 --> 00:29:17,083 I did. I did say that. 426 00:29:17,590 --> 00:29:19,925 Okay. I've probably kept you up long enough. 427 00:29:20,134 --> 00:29:23,009 I'll call you back tomorrow and we'll pick up where we left off, okay? 428 00:29:23,035 --> 00:29:26,036 - You promise you're going to call? - Yeah, I promise. 429 00:29:28,663 --> 00:29:32,926 - I love you. - We love you, too, Jackie boy. 430 00:29:38,759 --> 00:29:42,255 Can you hang up? I'm still trying to figure out these buttons. 431 00:29:43,254 --> 00:29:45,708 - Trying. No. It's on the right. - No. No, stop. 432 00:29:45,749 --> 00:29:47,997 It's not. It's on the left. Stop. 433 00:29:52,435 --> 00:29:55,106 _ 434 00:30:40,545 --> 00:30:41,757 Carpal Tunnel Syndrome... 435 00:30:41,783 --> 00:30:44,343 Do you own a car? Would you rather have to... 436 00:30:44,369 --> 00:30:45,427 Get back in the saddle. 437 00:30:45,453 --> 00:30:47,327 A local veterinary clinic has found itself 438 00:30:47,353 --> 00:30:49,932 in a dog bowl full of hot water this morning 439 00:30:49,958 --> 00:30:52,711 after administering fake COVID tests 440 00:30:52,804 --> 00:30:55,641 and determining results via magic eight ball. 441 00:30:55,835 --> 00:31:00,109 Baby, come look at this. This news lady has the earrings I want. 442 00:31:00,135 --> 00:31:02,569 I was a little suspicious when my first test came back 443 00:31:02,595 --> 00:31:04,488 "Reply hazy. Try again." 444 00:31:04,572 --> 00:31:08,450 But when the second test came back "Outlook good," I didn't question it. 445 00:31:08,476 --> 00:31:11,370 Then I woke up this morning to an envelope taped to my mailbox. 446 00:31:11,396 --> 00:31:13,205 Had the cash in it that I paid for the test 447 00:31:13,289 --> 00:31:15,827 and a note saying it was all fake. So I called the police. 448 00:31:15,853 --> 00:31:19,538 The worst part is I sent a lot of my friends there to get tested, and... 449 00:31:19,643 --> 00:31:23,342 Well, I guess it wasn't decidedly so after all. 450 00:31:26,145 --> 00:31:29,014 Why do you have a picture of Rooster's pecker? 451 00:31:31,601 --> 00:31:33,913 I'm sorry. Who's pecker is that? 452 00:31:35,929 --> 00:31:44,390 www.subtitulamos.tv