1
00:00:45,556 --> 00:00:46,992
Hello.

2
00:00:49,552 --> 00:00:52,272
I'm Alan Strauss.

3
00:00:53,406 --> 00:00:55,243
Dr. Strauss.

4
00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:59,629
- You're...?
- Candace.

5
00:00:59,819 --> 00:01:01,412
Sorry.

6
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,676
I'm Sam's mother.

7
00:01:06,836 --> 00:01:07,871
Oh.

8
00:01:10,081 --> 00:01:13,120
Is this... your house?

9
00:01:14,415 --> 00:01:17,756
Sam moved back in with me
when he split up with Mary.

10
00:01:18,224 --> 00:01:20,767
- Ah, I see.
- Did he...

11
00:01:22,687 --> 00:01:24,718
You know about Mary, don't you?

12
00:01:24,789 --> 00:01:27,441
I'm sorry, I can't really discuss that.

13
00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:29,019
Of course. Yes.

14
00:01:29,768 --> 00:01:33,120
So, you know who I am?

15
00:01:33,253 --> 00:01:34,952
Of course I do.

16
00:01:35,725 --> 00:01:37,528
I loved your book.

17
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,002
When his father left,

18
00:01:40,305 --> 00:01:42,638
I started reading all these books.

19
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,689
You know, self-help.

20
00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:48,450
The Cactus and the Mirage
was one of my favorites.

21
00:01:49,381 --> 00:01:52,325
I had Sam read it, too,
but it didn't really help him,

22
00:01:52,425 --> 00:01:54,133
so I...

23
00:01:54,295 --> 00:01:56,366
told him he should try real therapy.

24
00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:58,275
This isn't trying real therapy.

25
00:01:58,305 --> 00:01:59,508
Of course.

26
00:01:59,773 --> 00:02:02,077
I know how terrible this is.

27
00:02:02,144 --> 00:02:03,880
Believe me, I know.

28
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,348
Unlock me.

29
00:02:09,826 --> 00:02:11,496
I don't have a key.

30
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:13,232
Well...

31
00:02:13,465 --> 00:02:15,636
call the police. Then we can help Sam.

32
00:02:15,728 --> 00:02:17,263
Please understand.

33
00:02:17,609 --> 00:02:20,584
I don't support him in this at all.

34
00:02:21,316 --> 00:02:23,821
I'm not... like him.

35
00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:27,842
But I can't turn in my own son.

36
00:02:27,911 --> 00:02:30,117
You're his mother.
Can't you tell him to stop this?

37
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:33,024
- He's trying to stop. I know it's...
- Candace.

38
00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:34,806
Please.

39
00:02:35,233 --> 00:02:36,587
I have kids.

40
00:02:36,837 --> 00:02:38,489
A son and a daughter.

41
00:02:38,651 --> 00:02:41,185
They need me, just like he needs you.

42
00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,524
I know this isn't right.

43
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:48,052
But you have to help him.

44
00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:50,082
He's my baby.

45
00:02:53,952 --> 00:02:58,180
CREDIT

46
00:03:29,415 --> 00:03:31,189
You ever had pho?

47
00:03:31,742 --> 00:03:34,133
- Yes.
- Not like this, you haven't.

48
00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,751
I'm gonna get bowls.

49
00:03:59,145 --> 00:04:01,057
Sam, hold on a second.

50
00:04:01,924 --> 00:04:03,674
When you were gone,

51
00:04:03,854 --> 00:04:06,533
I heard someone moving around upstairs,

52
00:04:06,994 --> 00:04:08,619
and I called up to them

53
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,299
and asked them to come down.

54
00:04:11,436 --> 00:04:12,882
Did they come down?

55
00:04:14,927 --> 00:04:17,331
- So you met my mother.
- Yes.

56
00:04:18,123 --> 00:04:21,524
I was a little surprised.
You said she was dead.

57
00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:24,049
Yeah, my parents aren't dead.

58
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:26,169
I lied about that, too.

59
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,002
Sorry.

60
00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:34,130
One of the reasons that I
didn't want to go into therapy

61
00:04:34,569 --> 00:04:37,422
was because I know it's all
"mothers, mothers, mothers."

62
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,425
My mother is not my problem.

63
00:04:39,526 --> 00:04:41,125
Let me get the bowls.

64
00:04:58,107 --> 00:05:01,544
I'm going to need you
to take off this chain.

65
00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:06,126
There's no way to do
this work effectively

66
00:05:06,165 --> 00:05:07,815
with the therapist tied up.

67
00:05:07,949 --> 00:05:10,563
The chain's on your leg,
not on your mouth.

68
00:05:10,672 --> 00:05:13,427
Sam, I present no physical threat to you.

69
00:05:14,274 --> 00:05:16,466
You're young and strong,

70
00:05:16,498 --> 00:05:19,506
and I... sit in a chair all day.

71
00:05:20,317 --> 00:05:23,373
What do you imagine
would happen if I attacked you?

72
00:05:27,132 --> 00:05:29,695
I pictured this
with you chained to the floor.

73
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,482
I understand, and I am
asking you to adjust that

74
00:05:33,888 --> 00:05:37,387
so I can help you more effectively.

75
00:05:38,628 --> 00:05:42,284
Sam, there is no way that
this is going to work

76
00:05:42,351 --> 00:05:44,421
unless you take off this chain.

77
00:05:48,041 --> 00:05:50,245
She usually doesn't come down here.

78
00:06:03,311 --> 00:06:05,933
Before, when we were in my office...

79
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,224
you told me that your mother
took care of you

80
00:06:10,249 --> 00:06:12,077
when your father was being violent.

81
00:06:12,102 --> 00:06:13,613
"Mothers, mothers, mothers."

82
00:06:13,714 --> 00:06:16,953
It's just one part of things,
Sam, but we can't ignore it.

83
00:06:18,865 --> 00:06:22,037
Your mother told me that he left.

84
00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:25,660
Can you tell me about that?

85
00:06:26,288 --> 00:06:27,658
He left us.

86
00:06:28,204 --> 00:06:29,933
How old were you?

87
00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:32,514
Fourteen.

88
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,064
And what do you remember about that?

89
00:06:38,625 --> 00:06:40,563
He left us.

90
00:06:40,648 --> 00:06:42,926
So, he didn't hit me anymore.

91
00:06:43,765 --> 00:06:45,690
Did you see him after that?

92
00:06:49,418 --> 00:06:51,523
This is the house you grew up in?

93
00:06:53,869 --> 00:06:55,063
Yup.

94
00:06:56,533 --> 00:06:59,685
Do you have memories, um, like...

95
00:07:01,631 --> 00:07:04,514
Did he hurt you in this room?

96
00:07:06,897 --> 00:07:08,634
If I was in this room...

97
00:07:08,925 --> 00:07:10,949
it was in this room.

98
00:07:12,662 --> 00:07:15,253
And you'd be here and...

99
00:07:15,671 --> 00:07:17,695
And he'd say something

100
00:07:18,109 --> 00:07:21,197
that I was supposed to do,
and if I didn't do it

101
00:07:21,429 --> 00:07:23,399
within one second...

102
00:07:24,555 --> 00:07:27,127
I didn't know what he meant
sometimes. I... He was...

103
00:07:27,993 --> 00:07:30,110
I needed time to think, but...

104
00:07:32,483 --> 00:07:33,951
Like, one time,

105
00:07:34,474 --> 00:07:37,780
he got a whole load of grout for the
kitchen and the bathroom, and...

106
00:07:38,139 --> 00:07:40,376
he got a deal,

107
00:07:40,512 --> 00:07:44,007
right, so he ordered a ton of it,
and it came in these boxes.

108
00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:47,193
And he was yelling at me,
"Break 'em down."

109
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:50,348
Screaming. "Break 'em down."

110
00:07:50,373 --> 00:07:52,199
I didn't know what he meant

111
00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:55,371
because I'd never heard that before

112
00:07:55,551 --> 00:07:58,736
'cause he... he wasn't
pointing at the boxes.

113
00:08:01,188 --> 00:08:04,294
Then he just, he just went at me,

114
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:06,868
like he did.

115
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:15,259
You said your mom got it, too.

116
00:08:16,014 --> 00:08:17,791
She's a good mother.

117
00:08:19,185 --> 00:08:21,857
She made me sandwiches every day.

118
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,621
She did the laundry.

119
00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:30,720
It's a terrible situation
for a mother and a son.

120
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,998
Everyone, please. Everyone, please.

121
00:08:56,631 --> 00:08:58,043
People!

122
00:08:58,176 --> 00:09:00,739
People. People!

123
00:09:00,914 --> 00:09:02,782
I have something to say.

124
00:09:03,053 --> 00:09:06,731
People, people. I have something to say.

125
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:11,253
I understand that the mother of the chatan

126
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,957
has some words she'd like to share

127
00:09:13,982 --> 00:09:15,444
with the new couple.

128
00:09:28,336 --> 00:09:30,580
We don't have women sing.

129
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:33,099
Rabbi, it's my son's wedding.

130
00:09:43,009 --> 00:09:44,185
Hi.

131
00:09:44,862 --> 00:09:47,105
I'm Ezra's mom.

132
00:09:48,677 --> 00:09:50,384
Where are you going?

133
00:09:50,409 --> 00:09:53,081
I'm also the cantor at Temple Sinai.

134
00:10:18,982 --> 00:10:20,586
Talk to me, Sam.

135
00:10:22,252 --> 00:10:24,481
I know you're struggling
with your feelings

136
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,753
about the manager at the restaurant.

137
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,127
Is there anything else
you can tell me about it?

138
00:10:35,216 --> 00:10:36,385
Uh...

139
00:10:36,484 --> 00:10:38,397
You should help me.

140
00:10:49,064 --> 00:10:51,803
Hmm...

141
00:10:55,629 --> 00:10:57,633
I have a thought for us.

142
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:03,067
You know, your mother
is an impressive woman,

143
00:11:03,392 --> 00:11:06,057
and she would clearly do anything

144
00:11:06,104 --> 00:11:07,908
to help you feel better,

145
00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:10,565
help you live the life
that you want to live,

146
00:11:10,842 --> 00:11:13,426
and I think that she can help us now.

147
00:11:14,816 --> 00:11:18,048
We are all part of family systems.

148
00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:19,853
You, me, everyone.

149
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,692
Changes to those systems

150
00:11:23,199 --> 00:11:26,228
can have a profound effect
on us, even at your age.

151
00:11:27,511 --> 00:11:28,978
And I was thinking

152
00:11:29,044 --> 00:11:31,126
that it might be beneficial

153
00:11:31,541 --> 00:11:34,321
if we were to do some family therapy work

154
00:11:34,346 --> 00:11:35,782
with you and your mother.

155
00:11:38,715 --> 00:11:39,583
Mm.

156
00:11:39,639 --> 00:11:41,836
She's been through enough.

157
00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:46,814
She doesn't need to be dragged
into what we're doing here.

158
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,617
I think that's kind of you,

159
00:11:48,717 --> 00:11:50,955
and I can see why
you'd want to protect her.

160
00:11:51,055 --> 00:11:52,587
But I don't think you need

161
00:11:52,626 --> 00:11:55,354
to worry about her feeling
dragged into this.

162
00:11:56,562 --> 00:11:59,198
I think she might find it helpful, too.

163
00:12:01,351 --> 00:12:02,719
Sam.

164
00:12:04,668 --> 00:12:07,240
You don't have to take
this next step alone.

165
00:12:08,029 --> 00:12:11,645
There is someone
who wants to be there with you.

166
00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:16,238
She doesn't want you struggling
with this by yourself.

167
00:12:40,253 --> 00:12:43,259
He was always a very physical man,

168
00:12:44,012 --> 00:12:47,613
and it was always
a very intense relationship.

169
00:12:47,988 --> 00:12:49,581
I think Sam and I...

170
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,967
He was an asshole. It's pretty simple.

171
00:12:52,464 --> 00:12:54,283
He was a terrible father,

172
00:12:54,930 --> 00:12:57,388
- and Sam and I...
- Worse than terrible.

173
00:12:57,427 --> 00:12:59,731
Let's try to slow down a little bit.

174
00:13:00,059 --> 00:13:03,934
In this space, let everybody
finish what they're saying.

175
00:13:04,508 --> 00:13:06,556
When we go more slowly,

176
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:09,956
usually, everyone thinks
a little more clearly,

177
00:13:10,212 --> 00:13:12,788
and sometimes, when we wait,

178
00:13:13,119 --> 00:13:16,291
people don't say what we think
they are going to.

179
00:13:19,264 --> 00:13:22,948
Sam and I took refuge in each other.

180
00:13:23,272 --> 00:13:26,112
I learned that from one
of the books I read.

181
00:13:26,533 --> 00:13:28,082
Not yours.

182
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,143
That it was a refuge.

183
00:13:33,492 --> 00:13:35,129
You were in this together.

184
00:13:36,738 --> 00:13:38,634
You still are.

185
00:13:40,118 --> 00:13:43,343
You are bonded to each other.

186
00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:46,151
It's very moving.

187
00:13:48,091 --> 00:13:49,322
Sam.

188
00:13:49,674 --> 00:13:50,674
Yup.

189
00:13:51,161 --> 00:13:53,070
You love your mother,

190
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,751
and I think that can give us
a way to help you.

191
00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:01,047
I want you to think in a new way

192
00:14:01,094 --> 00:14:03,400
of how you can protect your mother.

193
00:14:04,622 --> 00:14:07,991
As you struggle with this impulse

194
00:14:08,194 --> 00:14:10,099
to become violent,

195
00:14:11,554 --> 00:14:13,691
I want you to protect your mother

196
00:14:13,747 --> 00:14:16,154
by not acting on that impulse.

197
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,722
So that she can be free
from this source of pain.

198
00:14:21,506 --> 00:14:22,616
So...

199
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,867
you think to yourself,

200
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,566
"I will not do this,

201
00:14:27,941 --> 00:14:30,646
so that I can protect my mother."

202
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,760
Will you do that for me, Sam?

203
00:15:18,436 --> 00:15:19,809
Okay.

204
00:16:06,363 --> 00:16:07,840
Pastitsio.

205
00:16:11,302 --> 00:16:15,501
That guy at the... This restaurant
where I did the inspection.

206
00:16:17,524 --> 00:16:19,528
I went back there tonight.

207
00:16:34,568 --> 00:16:36,859
I figured I'd be okay,

208
00:16:37,134 --> 00:16:39,516
maybe, you know, with you here.

209
00:16:41,236 --> 00:16:43,305
I was just looking at him.

210
00:16:45,194 --> 00:16:46,798
How did that feel?

211
00:16:47,147 --> 00:16:48,710
I got my food.

212
00:16:48,988 --> 00:16:50,524
There he was.

213
00:16:51,702 --> 00:16:54,391
I sat in my car across the street,

214
00:16:54,696 --> 00:16:56,931
and I did the whole thing

215
00:16:57,556 --> 00:16:59,157
in my head,

216
00:16:59,556 --> 00:17:01,040
every second.

217
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:05,034
You said with me here.

218
00:17:05,228 --> 00:17:07,333
Was this a test for yourself?

219
00:17:08,664 --> 00:17:10,192
Yeah, I guess so.

220
00:17:12,717 --> 00:17:14,467
Seems like you did well.

221
00:17:16,338 --> 00:17:18,748
I want to show him...

222
00:17:20,979 --> 00:17:23,820
I want to teach him how to behave

223
00:17:23,887 --> 00:17:25,992
to other people in the world. I...

224
00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:29,003
I still want to do it.

225
00:17:36,576 --> 00:17:38,023
Okay.

226
00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:46,663
Thanks.

227
00:17:48,703 --> 00:17:51,937
Was it like that
with the other ones who you...

228
00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:55,803
Did they do something

229
00:17:56,318 --> 00:17:59,424
that made you want
to teach them a lesson?

230
00:17:59,466 --> 00:18:00,729
Yes.

231
00:18:01,577 --> 00:18:03,408
They were all... I...

232
00:18:04,594 --> 00:18:06,464
Every one of them deserved it.

233
00:18:42,944 --> 00:18:44,486
Candace?

234
00:18:52,191 --> 00:18:54,413
Candace, we need to talk.

235
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,289
# Dodi li #

236
00:19:29,178 --> 00:19:33,550
# va'ani lo #

237
00:19:34,537 --> 00:19:37,482
# Haro'eh #

238
00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:43,748
# bashoshanim #

239
00:19:44,793 --> 00:19:49,774
# Dodi li #

240
00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:56,079
# Mi zot ola #

241
00:19:56,663 --> 00:20:02,032
# min hamidbar #

242
00:20:02,608 --> 00:20:07,973
# Mi zot ola #

243
00:20:08,514 --> 00:20:11,615
# min hamidbar #

244
00:20:12,665 --> 00:20:16,601
# Dodi li #

245
00:20:16,904 --> 00:20:20,793
# va-ani lo #

246
00:20:21,411 --> 00:20:23,801
# Haro'eh #

247
00:20:24,245 --> 00:20:30,410
# bashoshanium #

248
00:20:30,785 --> 00:20:36,818
# Dodi li #

249
00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:19,124
No. No. No. No.

250
00:21:19,357 --> 00:21:20,721
Stop.

251
00:21:57,031 --> 00:22:02,118
CREDITS