1
00:00:01,007 --> 00:00:04,710
_

2
00:00:07,812 --> 00:00:11,468
_

3
00:00:20,734 --> 00:00:22,567
I didn't want to go trick-or-treating

4
00:00:22,593 --> 00:00:24,654
'cause I thought
I was too old to dress up.

5
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:25,912
Hey, baby, you up?

6
00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:28,039
The thing is, got a weakness

7
00:00:28,065 --> 00:00:30,737
for those little bite-size
3 Musketeers bars.

8
00:00:30,763 --> 00:00:32,101
Crack 25!

9
00:00:33,570 --> 00:00:36,323
Man. We've been over this, boss.

10
00:00:36,349 --> 00:00:38,221
I have every right to use the plumbing

11
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,931
to cultivate a romantic relationship

12
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,751
with the female inmate on the third floor.

13
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:44,670
- That's not why I'm here.
- Jack, papi, are you there?

14
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,007
Yeah, baby.

15
00:00:46,033 --> 00:00:49,632
I got the picture you sent.
You got a handsome dick!

16
00:00:50,977 --> 00:00:53,568
Gloria, I'm gonna have to call you back.
We have company.

17
00:00:53,594 --> 00:00:56,182
If you're trying to take my bug,
then we might be throwing hands.

18
00:00:56,344 --> 00:00:59,240
Me and this little guy
have gotten very attached.

19
00:00:59,266 --> 00:01:02,521
He's the only one polite enough
to listen to my stories.

20
00:01:02,547 --> 00:01:04,810
I don't give a shit
about your bug, Rooster.

21
00:01:04,836 --> 00:01:08,402
You can put a vest on it
and take it on a plane, for all I care.

22
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,904
You're both getting out today.

23
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,625
Him and the bug are getting out?

24
00:01:11,651 --> 00:01:13,841
Not the bug. You and him.

25
00:01:13,867 --> 00:01:16,169
The bug has been free to
leave whenever he wants.

26
00:01:16,195 --> 00:01:17,718
Bullshit.

27
00:01:17,813 --> 00:01:20,271
I still got eight months. This
fool got four years left.

28
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:22,891
Governor's lettin' out a
bunch of nonviolent inmates

29
00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:24,460
because of the coronavirus,

30
00:01:24,486 --> 00:01:26,196
and you dumbasses are two of them.

31
00:01:26,222 --> 00:01:27,453
Grab your stuff.

32
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:30,968
- What the hell is coronavirus?
- Beats the shit out of me.

33
00:01:32,363 --> 00:01:34,695
Thanks for always being there, Nelson.

34
00:01:35,993 --> 00:01:41,305
CREDITS

35
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,156
Next!

36
00:01:44,922 --> 00:01:46,690
Weh-hell, this is crazy, huh?

37
00:01:46,872 --> 00:01:48,609
If you'd a-told me this
morning that I was gonna...

38
00:01:48,635 --> 00:01:50,677
Here's $40 and your personal belongings.

39
00:01:50,703 --> 00:01:52,739
The clothes you came in
with are down the hall.

40
00:01:52,765 --> 00:01:56,090
If you've been here longer than 10 years,
we apologize for the moth problem,

41
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,494
which has since been rectified. Next!

42
00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:01,096
What exactly is this
coronavirus, anyway?

43
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:03,249
A couple weeks ago, some
dumbass ate a rotten bat.

44
00:02:03,275 --> 00:02:06,489
Now people are dying from the
flu, and they shut down the NBA.

45
00:02:07,033 --> 00:02:08,396
Next!

46
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,550
Hey, yo, what up, Shelley?

47
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,177
They're lettin' you out? When
you come back next week,

48
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:16,720
don't bring the coronavirus.

49
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,473
Not gonna happen. I ain't eatin' no bat.

50
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,367
Okay, this is it, folks.

51
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,120
You're all free to go,
but please keep in mind,

52
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:43,873
the state has issued a
shelter-in-place order.

53
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,916
What's a shelter-in-place order?

54
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:50,713
Unless you are essential... which
I assure you, you are not...

55
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,298
you need to stay in your home.

56
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:55,509
But we've been in prison.
We don't have a home.

57
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,303
I agree, it's a bit of a head-scratcher,

58
00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,890
but we were just told to let
you go, so that's what we did.

59
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:02,892
Good luck.

60
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,322
What, no? No, I can't
stay with my boyfriend

61
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,324
because he is still in prison.

62
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,117
Besides, we're not that serious.

63
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,828
We talk through the toilet, and I've
only seen a picture of his dick.

64
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,958
Yeah. No, I know.

65
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:30,336
Okay... you know what? Just forget it.

66
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,670
Forget it!

67
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,388
Hey, man. Someone coming to pick you up?

68
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:45,017
Look who wants to take a deep dive
into my personal life all of a sudden.

69
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,353
Man, if you knew how many inmate stories

70
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,064
I've had to listen to over
and over again, you...

71
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,525
Never mind. You take care.

72
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,072
Hey! Hold up.

73
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,783
I'm just playing with you.

74
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:04,244
All right, look, my... my
moms is coming to get me.

75
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,539
How 'bout you?

76
00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:10,167
Well, I attempted to call my parents.

77
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,796
It's been so long since we
talked, I forgot their number.

78
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,465
I just tried dialing, hoping
muscle memory would kick in.

79
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,468
Ended up calling a Walgreens.

80
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,178
Chatted with the pharmacist for a spell.

81
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,889
Dale. Solid dude. Funny.

82
00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:25,557
Yeah.

83
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:30,396
I'll tell you what,
give me that 40 bucks,

84
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,232
and you can stay at my mom's
place for a couple of nights.

85
00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:36,360
Are you serious? Thank you so much.

86
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,406
Could I keep 40 cents?

87
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:41,907
I've been really dreaming about buying

88
00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:44,368
a pack of Fruit Stripe
gum for a long time.

89
00:04:47,251 --> 00:04:48,252
No.

90
00:04:52,106 --> 00:04:55,004
- Hey, Mommy.
- Hey, shithead.

91
00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:57,006
I thought you said you quit smoking.

92
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,843
I say a lot of things.

93
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:01,927
Come on.

94
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:18,444
Let me tell you, the world
is upside down right now.

95
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:22,072
Grocery stores are stripped bare.
Restaurants are closed.

96
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:25,075
We're all cooped up like a
bunch of mental patients.

97
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,910
Been the worst ten days of my life.

98
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:31,123
Mommy hold up a second.

99
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,046
Hey, girl, you need a ride?

100
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,422
What's your name again?

101
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,507
Jack.

102
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:45,512
Mine's Barb. Like the wire
with the little spikes on it.

103
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:48,515
What were you in for?

104
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,851
Selling weed.

105
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,227
Weed?

106
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:56,523
Weed's practically legal as long
as you say you're anorexic,

107
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,317
or you have PTSD or something.

108
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,278
Well, it wasn't legal in 1994,

109
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,655
when they had mandatory
minimum drug sentences.

110
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:04,782
Shit.

111
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:13,628
- Twenty-six years!
- Yeah.

112
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,641
That's a full Kendall Jenner.

113
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:16,668
A what?

114
00:06:17,449 --> 00:06:20,130
A famous chick. Her dad
was an Olympic guy

115
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,633
who's now a woman who's hotter than me.

116
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,302
You got a lot of catching up to do.

117
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,222
I'm just saying, it doesn't really
sound like you got a lot of options.

118
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,724
I'm offering you a place to stay,

119
00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:34,144
and the only thing I want in return
is all the money that you got.

120
00:06:34,169 --> 00:06:35,931
_

121
00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:38,158
_

122
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,400
This virus thing is serious?

123
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:43,904
I guess. Trump's on TV twice a day.

124
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:47,324
Oh, yeah, the rich guy.
He's president, huh?

125
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,409
- Is he good?
- I don't know.

126
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:51,775
He's funny.

127
00:06:55,095 --> 00:06:56,750
She's going to crash with us, Ma.

128
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:01,755
And that makes four. Hope
you guys like canasta.

129
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,675
- Hi.
- Hello.

130
00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:20,983
Tesla! My first Tesla!

131
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,947
This is a cute neighborhood.
You guys live around here?

132
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,533
No, just taking the scenic route.

133
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,160
Rooster, keep your eyes peeled.

134
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,705
So, sweetie, what'd you
get locked up for?

135
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,998
Credit card cloning.

136
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,917
Identity theft, conspiracy
to commit wire fraud,

137
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:41,545
and... wire fraud.

138
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,005
At least you follow through.

139
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,299
- Brick house.
- Take the wheel.

140
00:07:57,603 --> 00:07:59,188
Were either of you guys in "D" block?

141
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:00,981
Yeah, we both were. Why?

142
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,901
That's where my man is. Do you
guys know a guy named Jack?

143
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:09,740
His name is Jack.

144
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,033
Well...

145
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,618
A different Jack, different Jack.

146
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,622
This one is six-foot-six, 28 years old.

147
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,790
He's ripped. He says
he looks like a cross

148
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:19,875
between The Rock and...

149
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,501
Alex Rodriguez.

150
00:08:22,286 --> 00:08:23,770
I used to have to listen to this fool

151
00:08:23,796 --> 00:08:26,263
whisper all that bullshit
through the toilet.

152
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:29,593
I'm sorry.

153
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,911
- Is this even your dick?
- I'll tell you, let me see.

154
00:08:37,118 --> 00:08:38,512
That's my dick.

155
00:08:39,224 --> 00:08:41,768
I thought you told me this
picture was for your sister.

156
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:44,733
- Why didn't you take one of yours?
- Mine's camera shy.

157
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:58,830
Why is there a picture of your
freckled pecker in my car?

158
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,464
What are we doing at Melvin's?

159
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,467
I need toilet paper. You can't
buy any in the stores anymore.

160
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,302
People panicked and scooped it all up,

161
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,971
leaving the rest of us to improvise.

162
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,223
Had to throw away a perfectly
good oven mitt last night.

163
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:18,892
Should we be wearing masks?

164
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:20,519
Depends on which channel you watch.

165
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,855
I'm waiting for Dr. Phil to chime
in before I go out and buy one.

166
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,357
They're not easy to find.

167
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,693
Dug this one out of a Dumpster
at a construction site.

168
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,453
Forty bucks for two lousy rolls?

169
00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:41,290
- Yeah, prices went up.
- Since when?

170
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,708
Since my supplier at the motel

171
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,918
got her dumb ass fired for
stealing toilet paper.

172
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:47,713
How is your mother?

173
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,173
Good. Looking for work.

174
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,762
Well, here we are. Home, sweet home.

175
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:03,312
There's a shelter-in-place order.
We're trying to flatten the curve.

176
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,147
Why don't you mind your own business

177
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,442
before I flatten your nose,
you nosey old bitch.

178
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:12,279
Garbage cans got fancy.

179
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,239
What other colors can you get?

180
00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:17,370
Pickles!

181
00:10:17,396 --> 00:10:18,591
He's dead.

182
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:23,623
Just put that stuff in the dining
room with the rest of my loot.

183
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,251
Wow, you've been busy.

184
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:29,421
Business is booming since
everyone can't go to the store.

185
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,173
Gotta make hay while the sun shines.

186
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,633
All right, let me give you the tour.

187
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,554
This is the kitchen. Dinner's
usually around seven.

188
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,556
Do either of you have any allergies

189
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,310
or things that you're intolerant
of, such as gluten or dairy?

190
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,062
I'm not a huge fan of mayo.

191
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:49,274
Well, my condolences, as
that's a staple here.

192
00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:50,567
What's a gluten?

193
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,153
TV gets most of the local channels,

194
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:56,463
but if you're somebody who
just can't live without CBS,

195
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,737
then you gotta get the ladder
to climb onto the roof

196
00:10:58,763 --> 00:11:00,802
to point the antenna
towards the water tower.

197
00:11:00,835 --> 00:11:02,419
Be careful if it's raining, though.

198
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,377
Rooster's father broke his neck
trying to watch Blue Bloods,

199
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:07,400
God rest his soul.

200
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:11,046
You look a lot like your father.

201
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,925
Yeah, I got my dad's looks and my
mother's thirst for adventure.

202
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,552
It's a pretty good one-two punch.

203
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:25,769
This is Rooster's bedroom.

204
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,230
Between bouncing in and out
of juvie and now prison,

205
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,440
he's never been home long
enough to redecorate.

206
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,445
Hey, what happened to my
Dora the Explorer drapes?

207
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:39,324
Did you not hear what I said
about the toilet paper shortage?

208
00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:43,453
This is my bedroom which brings me
to the most important house rule.

209
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,831
Don't come in here looking
to slip a cock in me.

210
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,707
I'm in a committed relationship

211
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,042
with someone I met online,

212
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:53,547
and I am for once in my life
trying to remain faithful.

213
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:57,259
The problem is I have a
weakness for bad boys.

214
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,469
I sometimes get lonely.

215
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:03,598
I will on occasion treat myself
to half a box of chardonnay.

216
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:06,852
Now, any one of these things
by itself, I can handle,

217
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,896
but on a night when all
three combine forces,

218
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,815
I tend to get a little grabby.

219
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,443
So, just be prepared to
put up a bit of a fight.

220
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,657
Nonessential stores are closed,

221
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,118
but you can help yourselves
to my parents hand-me-downs.

222
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:26,413
They locked into their fashion
choices in the mid-'70s,

223
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,707
so prepare to look like
the Partridge Family.

224
00:12:28,733 --> 00:12:30,333
There may even be a tambourine in there.

225
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,295
This was Rooster's twin brothers' room

226
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:36,477
before they moved to Mexico with
dreams of joining a cartel.

227
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,758
Odds aren't great they're coming back.

228
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,514
They used to fight all the
time, so I put in the drywall

229
00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:46,306
to keep them from killing each other.

230
00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:49,978
If one of you snores, you might
want to plug up the bullet holes.

231
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,820
Who wants the side with the doorknob?

232
00:12:52,719 --> 00:12:53,921
You can have it.

233
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,609
I'll feel more at home if I'm locked in.

234
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,270
What's that noise?

235
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:36,566
You know Phillipe, the grocery
store bagger with the milky eye

236
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,860
who got into all that trouble for
sitting outside the high school

237
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:41,196
and offering girls rides
home on his moped?

238
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,156
- Yeah.
- He's a hero now.

239
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,908
Delivers Bugles right to your doorstep.

240
00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:52,624
Why was Rooster's dick under my pillow?

241
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:56,044
Rooster said you liked it, so I
thought you might want it back.

242
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:58,213
Unless of course you
prefer the real thing.

243
00:13:58,296 --> 00:13:59,714
I wouldn't mind a grandbaby.

244
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,174
Look into adopting.

245
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:04,052
Me having sex with your son is the
last thing that's gonna happen.

246
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,972
What's the first thing?
I'd like to get started

247
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:09,266
so we can get to the last
thing as soon as possible.

248
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,727
I kind of like these vintage clothes.

249
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:17,065
Or as someone of your advanced
age would call them, clothes.

250
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,986
Look, I'm really sorry. I should
have been honest with you.

251
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,489
- I'm over it.
- Okay.

252
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,367
And just to be clear, you
and I are no longer...

253
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,244
A couple? No, we're not.

254
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,870
Got it.

255
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,915
Can't believe this lady's
letting us stay here.

256
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:35,834
Do you think she's crazy?

257
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:39,129
Allowing a couple ex-cons to move
into her house, no questions asked?

258
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,215
I wouldn't put her on the
high end of the sanity scale,

259
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,883
but... we have no choice.

260
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:44,968
This is serious.

261
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,137
- What?
- The thing. The virus.

262
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,888
It's... it's not good.

263
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:52,183
And as experts continue to
debate the use of masks,

264
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:55,020
Dr. Fauci has encouraged
frequent handwashing

265
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,731
while cautioning Americans
against touching their faces.

266
00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,358
- We can't touch our faces?
- I guess not.

267
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,319
Well, now all I want to
do is touch my face.

268
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:03,945
Everything's itching.

269
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,575
Relax.

270
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,828
The news just likes to play on your
emotions to keep you watching.

271
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,205
And to end our newscast
on a brighter note,

272
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,334
here's Todd McGillroy
with "Hometown Heroes."

273
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,044
There you go. Look.

274
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,046
After they scared you, they
try and make you happy again.

275
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,883
Here at Kimberton Memorial Hospital,
the overworked nursing staff

276
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,801
can't wait to get home and rest.

277
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:31,056
But for Lindsey Barton, home
is only a few steps away.

278
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,183
My mother's been watching
the kids while I work,

279
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,061
and I can't risk exposing
her to the virus.

280
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,979
Sleeping in the car is doable.

281
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:40,106
The tough part's not being
able to see my kids.

282
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,484
But even though she can't see them,

283
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:46,071
she can still keep her promise
of reading them a bedtime story.

284
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,574
"Rumble, tumble blocks
and roaring tigers.

285
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:53,453
Funny tummy chuckle,
and a big boo to you."

286
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,247
My son understands why
I'm not there, but...

287
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,708
my youngest is pretty confused

288
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,460
why she can only hear Mommy's voice.

289
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,087
Good night, guys.

290
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,630
I love you. Be good.

291
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,386
Are you crying?

292
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,889
Yes, I'm crying. How are you not crying?

293
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,058
I thought this was
supposed to make me happy.

294
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,853
Dinner's ready.

295
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:29,406
Contrary to what that asshole
Guy Fieri might say,

296
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,534
this is my famous John Wayne casserole.

297
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,329
Ground beef, cheese,
vegetables, jalapenos,

298
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,707
all baked on top of a biscuit crust.

299
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,959
If anyone in your family has
a history of heart disease,

300
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,669
you might want to see an extra prayer.

301
00:16:58,875 --> 00:17:00,293
So, you're religious.

302
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:01,704
I pray, if that's what you mean.

303
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:02,981
Works, too.

304
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,900
I asked God to not let
my baby rot in prison

305
00:17:05,926 --> 00:17:08,537
for the rest of his life for
stealing an ice cream truck.

306
00:17:08,563 --> 00:17:09,904
And here he is.

307
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,321
You think God created
a worldwide pandemic

308
00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:13,825
just to get your son out of prison?

309
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,584
He works in mysterious ways.

310
00:17:15,610 --> 00:17:18,580
And... now that He's
brought me a crew...

311
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,373
- A what?
- A crew.

312
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:23,126
A crime family. Us.

313
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,503
I'm thinking after dinner,

314
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:29,215
we visit Melvin's place and
steal us some toilet paper.

315
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:30,842
Sweet.

316
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:32,175
You guys can do that, I guess,

317
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:34,574
but I'm... I'm probably gonna
hang back, if that's cool.

318
00:17:34,609 --> 00:17:36,193
No, that's not cool.

319
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,641
If there's any surprises,
we need numbers.

320
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,310
You're living under my roof,

321
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,313
and from the generous helping
of John Wayne on that plate,

322
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,898
I assume you'll also be using

323
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,941
more than your fair share
of the toilet paper.

324
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:50,987
Did I take too much?
I'm sorry I didn't...

325
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,406
In prison, it just goes by the
size of the section on your tray.

326
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:55,116
God, eat all you want.

327
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,451
But you'll have to earn your keep.

328
00:17:57,452 --> 00:18:00,122
Yeah, OK, I... I hear that, it's just

329
00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:02,123
I'm... I'm... I'm not really a criminal.

330
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:04,000
I got incarcerated for selling weed.

331
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,419
I never stole from
anyone or hurt anyone.

332
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:08,854
- It's just not my vibe.
- So, you think you're better than us?

333
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,747
No, I didn't say that. It's just...
I'm... I'm not...

334
00:18:11,773 --> 00:18:14,219
Look, according to the news,

335
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,638
everyone is suffering
one way or another.

336
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:20,499
Seems like everybody should be
helping each other, not stealing.

337
00:18:20,525 --> 00:18:23,736
People suffering's nothing new.
That's life.

338
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:27,482
You wake up, you suffer, you
drink, you go to sleep.

339
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,278
Just because there's a nasty case
of the sniffles going around

340
00:18:30,304 --> 00:18:31,931
doesn't mean people are gonna change.

341
00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:34,823
I saw in the newspaper
how some politicians

342
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:38,451
who knew about this months
ago are pocketing millions

343
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:42,330
dumping stocks and telling the public
that everything's gonna be fine.

344
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:45,041
- Well, that's terrible.
- That's America.

345
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,518
Keep your head on a swivel,
and keep your eye out

346
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:49,462
for opportunities to get what's yours.

347
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:52,966
And Melvin deserves to get robbed.

348
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,109
He's the reason no one around
here can wipe their ass

349
00:18:56,135 --> 00:19:00,370
without dipping into their
401 retirement thingy.

350
00:19:00,978 --> 00:19:01,979
J.

351
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,721
We're gonna steal more than
toilet paper, though, right?

352
00:19:04,747 --> 00:19:06,133
You said he gets paid in cash.

353
00:19:06,159 --> 00:19:07,897
I like this chick.

354
00:19:07,923 --> 00:19:10,425
Are you serious? You told me
you were done with crime.

355
00:19:10,451 --> 00:19:12,360
And you told me you
were 20 years younger,

356
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:15,071
six inches taller, and had a
tattoo of a dragon on your back.

357
00:19:15,097 --> 00:19:16,364
We are all adapting.

358
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:19,367
I have a dragonfly on
my upper inner thigh.

359
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,703
She's right. I bet
Melvin is making bank.

360
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,997
I say we pack some heat and
have him take us to the cash.

361
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,915
So now we got guns?

362
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:28,501
Armed robbery, possible kidnapping.
That's your plan.

363
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:31,713
I like it. 'Cept someone other
than Rooster holds the gun.

364
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:34,924
The last time we robbed a place, I
got shot in the back of the thigh

365
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,426
before we even got in the pet store.

366
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,510
I barely nicked you.

367
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:40,164
You didn't even notice it until you
took a shower the next morning.

368
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,098
All right, look, you guys
can do what you want,

369
00:19:42,189 --> 00:19:44,911
but I just spent 26 years in
prison, and I'm not going back.

370
00:19:44,937 --> 00:19:46,672
I've been dreaming
about too many things:

371
00:19:46,698 --> 00:19:48,616
walking in the grass with bare feet,

372
00:19:48,808 --> 00:19:50,797
sitting under the stars.

373
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,719
Drinking water that doesn't
smell like rotten eggs.

374
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,615
This is delicious, by the way.

375
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,408
- So you're out?
- I'm out.

376
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,037
Then get the hell out.

377
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,122
Come on. Seriously?

378
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:09,417
I'm starving. And the
virus is out there.

379
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,544
You'll be fine.

380
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,255
Just hold your breath and
try not to touch nothing.

381
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,524
So, what's the plan?

382
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,902
Well, I'm with Rooster.

383
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,779
I say we drive over there after dessert

384
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,238
and one of you two stick
a gun in his face.

385
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,951
- Is there a dessert?
- Gummy worm cobbler.

386
00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:04,699
Hey, buddy, would you mind putting
this in the machine for me?

387
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:07,118
Does the dollar have that virus on it?

388
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,579
I'm not sure.

389
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,414
I think you're on your
own with that, man.

390
00:22:34,548 --> 00:22:36,095
_

391
00:23:16,604 --> 00:23:19,732
You understand that you just touched
every little thing on that machine

392
00:23:19,816 --> 00:23:23,945
with the outside of your shirt, including
the mint you put in your mouth.

393
00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:41,963
Melvin knows me, so I'll
have to wait in my car,

394
00:23:42,046 --> 00:23:45,675
but he doesn't know Gloria, and he
still thinks Rooster's in jail.

395
00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:49,137
So, as long as Rooster wears
a mask, we should be cool.

396
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,683
You're gonna get caught.

397
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:55,184
I said get out.

398
00:23:55,268 --> 00:23:56,602
You're gonna get caught or killed.

399
00:23:56,686 --> 00:23:58,146
It's a shitty plan.

400
00:23:58,229 --> 00:24:02,817
First of all, you drive a 1976
AMC Pacer that backfires.

401
00:24:03,484 --> 00:24:05,111
Everyone's gonna notice you.

402
00:24:05,194 --> 00:24:07,321
Do you even know if this
guy has a security system?

403
00:24:07,405 --> 00:24:10,158
Does he keep his money in a safe,
or does he put it in a bank?

404
00:24:11,909 --> 00:24:13,035
We need a better plan.

405
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,496
We? So you're in?

406
00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:16,914
I don't have a choice

407
00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:19,584
if I don't want to catch this
virus while dying of starvation.

408
00:24:19,667 --> 00:24:22,211
But I'm not going back to jail,
so if we're gonna do this,

409
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:23,504
we need to do it right.

410
00:24:23,588 --> 00:24:25,214
And you know how to do it right?

411
00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:27,008
I thought you weren't a criminal.

412
00:24:27,091 --> 00:24:31,512
I'm not. But you don't
spend 26 years in prison

413
00:24:31,596 --> 00:24:33,222
without learning a few things.

414
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:35,224
Now with your newer cars,

415
00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:39,228
you got to deal with factory alarms
and more complicated ignitions.

416
00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:41,689
Older models, they're
easier to get into.

417
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,028
You know how to hotwire a car?

418
00:24:47,111 --> 00:24:49,197
Nope. I'm in here for selling weed.

419
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,657
First thing you got to do
is find the ignition wire.

420
00:24:55,203 --> 00:24:58,915
If you're gonna rob someone,
you need to be patient, okay?

421
00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,833
People are creatures of habit,

422
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:03,836
so it usually doesn't take too long
to figure out what those habits are.

423
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,631
Just keep your distance, be patient,

424
00:25:06,714 --> 00:25:08,716
and follow your victim's every move.

425
00:25:10,718 --> 00:25:13,930
And keep in mind, there are really only
three things you need to know for sure.

426
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:16,849
You need to find out where
they keep their money...

427
00:25:20,728 --> 00:25:22,146
what they do at night...

428
00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:25,107
and when they go to sleep.

429
00:25:31,322 --> 00:25:34,408
Once you know the routine, that's
when you come up with the plan.

430
00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:35,868
So, how'd you get caught, then?

431
00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:37,703
I didn't get busted for stealing.

432
00:25:37,787 --> 00:25:40,373
I strangled my brother when I found
out he was banging my husband.

433
00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:41,457
Yeah.

434
00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:44,210
Robbing an ATM? How's that work?

435
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:48,089
They sell high-tech shit that can
intercept people's ATM pin code.

436
00:25:48,172 --> 00:25:49,590
But you don't need all that.

437
00:25:49,674 --> 00:25:53,678
You can just set up your camera
nearby, capture someone's code easy.

438
00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:56,764
Just make sure the camera's
pointed at the keypad,

439
00:25:56,973 --> 00:26:00,309
and the next time they enter
their code, you're good to go.

440
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:02,770
Larceny of a cat?

441
00:26:02,853 --> 00:26:04,689
I would have gotten away with
it if my sister didn't have

442
00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:06,857
one of them stupid video doorbells.

443
00:26:06,941 --> 00:26:09,402
From now on, I'm climbing
in through windows.

444
00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:11,237
That's why you got to
work on your calves.

445
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,323
Come on, don't quit. Yep, one more.

446
00:26:14,407 --> 00:26:18,077
Two of my victims are already drunk, but
I still didn't like to take chances.

447
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,413
Did you know you can make
chloroform with various items

448
00:26:20,496 --> 00:26:22,123
you can find in most people's kitchens?

449
00:26:22,206 --> 00:26:24,542
I learned that on an
episode of Law and Order.

450
00:26:25,293 --> 00:26:26,711
First thing you need is some bleach.

451
00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:55,364
I think there was something
wrong with that sushi.

452
00:26:55,448 --> 00:26:57,658
Where'd you say you found it again?

453
00:27:04,999 --> 00:27:06,834
- Wiggles?
- You know this chick?

454
00:27:06,917 --> 00:27:09,086
She's Rooster's trashy ex-girlfriend.

455
00:27:09,170 --> 00:27:11,630
Makes sense she's banging
a dirtbag like Melvin.

456
00:27:11,714 --> 00:27:13,382
Maybe they're just friends...?

457
00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:15,551
Come on, we're on the clock here.

458
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:20,181
After you steal the ATM
card, grab your camera,

459
00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,391
and it's time to make a withdrawal.

460
00:27:22,475 --> 00:27:24,185
But timing is crucial.

461
00:27:24,268 --> 00:27:26,771
Now, the thing to
remember about ATM cards

462
00:27:26,854 --> 00:27:29,774
is that you want to max them
out just before midnight.

463
00:27:29,857 --> 00:27:34,070
Then, when the daily limit resets
itself, you can hit it again.

464
00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:35,571
Depending on the person's limit,

465
00:27:35,696 --> 00:27:38,366
that can mean an extra
thousand bucks, easy.

466
00:27:45,206 --> 00:27:46,415
A lot of people in here believe

467
00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:48,376
there's no such thing
as the perfect crime.

468
00:27:48,459 --> 00:27:50,169
I disagree.

469
00:27:50,252 --> 00:27:53,089
A perfect crime is a crime that
nobody even knows happened.

470
00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:54,173
Ha!

471
00:27:57,301 --> 00:27:59,387
Barb, we're just taking the money.

472
00:27:59,470 --> 00:28:01,555
Grabbing it from the back of the stack.
He'll never know.

473
00:28:02,306 --> 00:28:05,142
That way, it doesn't matter where
you leave your fingerprints

474
00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:07,812
or how many pictures the camera took

475
00:28:07,895 --> 00:28:11,899
because if no one reports a crime,
nobody's gonna try to solve it, either.

476
00:28:23,522 --> 00:28:25,303
_

477
00:28:42,930 --> 00:28:47,518
Weird, I dreamt that I
came out of the bathroom

478
00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:50,229
and smelled bleach and then passed out.

479
00:28:50,312 --> 00:28:52,690
Yeah. Last night was just a dream.

480
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,151
Just a weird dream.

481
00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,992
Not bad.

482
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:05,786
- Not bad at all.
- It's a start.

483
00:29:05,870 --> 00:29:07,288
What are you gonna do
with your share, Ma?

484
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:11,167
I'm gonna wait a few weeks
until this virus blows over,

485
00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:12,960
and then I'm gonna go on a cruise

486
00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:16,297
with my online boyfriend,
Jean Michel Duklon.

487
00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:18,841
Finally get some real loving.

488
00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:21,093
We talk dirty over email,

489
00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:25,306
and I'm getting tired of diddling
my bean with my reading glasses on.

490
00:29:32,367 --> 00:29:34,688
_

491
00:29:52,787 --> 00:29:55,091
_

492
00:30:15,966 --> 00:30:18,396
_

493
00:30:30,717 --> 00:30:33,139
_

494
00:31:14,873 --> 00:31:17,376
Right, and then I see the disinfectant.

495
00:31:17,459 --> 00:31:21,005
It knocks it out in a
minute, one minute,

496
00:31:21,088 --> 00:31:23,382
and is there a way we can
do something like that?

497
00:31:24,383 --> 00:31:26,885
By injection inside or...

498
00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:29,471
or almost a cleaning?

499
00:31:29,555 --> 00:31:31,015
'Cause you see it gets in the lungs,

500
00:31:31,098 --> 00:31:33,017
and it does a tremendous number on them,

501
00:31:33,100 --> 00:31:34,727
so it'd be interesting to check that.

502
00:31:34,810 --> 00:31:37,271
So that, you're gonna have
to use medical doctors with.

503
00:31:37,354 --> 00:31:40,024
But it sounds... it
sounds interesting to me.

504
00:31:41,108 --> 00:31:44,820
Doctors have warned that Trump's
theory of using household cleaners

505
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:47,448
to rid your body of the
coronavirus is not...

506
00:31:49,033 --> 00:31:51,910
You missed dinner. Everyone loved it.

507
00:31:51,994 --> 00:31:54,830
I made my second favorite
dish, Duke Takes a Dive.

508
00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:57,750
It's basically John Wayne
casserole, but with tuna.

509
00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,126
Where you been?

510
00:31:59,460 --> 00:32:02,588
Just, exploring the town.

511
00:32:02,671 --> 00:32:04,048
Been stuck in prison half my life.

512
00:32:04,131 --> 00:32:07,718
Felt good to go for a walk, not
have to turn left every 46 paces.

513
00:32:10,179 --> 00:32:12,806
severe vomiting or death.

514
00:32:12,890 --> 00:32:14,933
And finally tonight,

515
00:32:15,017 --> 00:32:17,561
remember the nurse who
was sleeping in her car?

516
00:32:17,645 --> 00:32:21,357
Well, that story has developed into
a bit of a Channel 10 mystery.

517
00:32:21,982 --> 00:32:22,983
I can't explain it.

518
00:32:23,067 --> 00:32:26,278
It was just sitting there
on the front seat.

519
00:32:26,362 --> 00:32:27,404
When I told my mother,

520
00:32:27,488 --> 00:32:30,699
she said she found another one
just like it on the front porch.

521
00:32:30,783 --> 00:32:32,910
I guess someone just felt generous.

522
00:32:32,993 --> 00:32:34,411
Someone certainly did.

523
00:32:34,495 --> 00:32:38,999
And now Lindsey's kids don't have to just
listen to Mommy tell bedtime stories,

524
00:32:39,083 --> 00:32:41,502
they get to see her as well.

525
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:46,548
"Then he nibbled a hole in the
cocoon, pushed his way out,

526
00:32:46,799 --> 00:32:51,512
and he was a beautiful butterfly."

527
00:32:51,595 --> 00:32:53,305
Good night, guys.

528
00:32:53,389 --> 00:32:54,973
Mommy loves you.

529
00:32:55,057 --> 00:32:57,851
- I love you, Mommy.
- I love you, Mommy.

530
00:32:57,935 --> 00:32:58,936
Good night.

531
00:33:02,815 --> 00:33:04,149
So damn cute.

532
00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:07,194
Rooster, I love you!

533
00:33:09,905 --> 00:33:11,448
Rooster!

534
00:33:11,532 --> 00:33:12,741
What?

535
00:33:12,825 --> 00:33:15,494
- I love you.
- Love you too.

536
00:34:20,167 --> 00:34:27,526
CREDITS