1
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:30,821
Listen, I just can't thank you
enough for letting us stay here, Selina.

2
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:35,701
Please, it's no trouble at all. The guy I'm
seeing has got this whole wing of a mansion

3
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:39,079
that's pretty much mine now,
so I'm barely home.

4
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,958
I mean, I was gonna pay someone to
feed my cats, but now I don't have to.

5
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:45,512
Great. And you know, I
know we're just guests,

6
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,838
so I promise we will respect your stuff.

7
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,715
What do you think this is? Ahh!

8
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,634
And I guess we'll never know.

9
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,179
Rembrandt's "The Storm
on the Sea of Galilee."

10
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,265
Degas's "Program for
the Artistic Soirée 1 and 2."

11
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:02,311
Dear Lord! I believe I've solved
the Isabella Stewart Gardner heist.

12
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:05,439
It's entirely filled with
premium sushi rolls.

13
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,649
That's for the cats only.

14
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,234
They love raw fish.

15
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,570
Obviously, I have cameras
all over the place.

16
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,907
And do not open the room
with the green door.

17
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:18,577
Princess has been a naughty,
naughty kitty and she's in time out.

18
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:19,826
All right, bye.

19
00:01:19,827 --> 00:01:22,998
Wait, wait! Before you go,
girl, come on, you gotta dish.

20
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:27,044
Like, tell me about this guy.
What's his butt like? Like, is it cool?

21
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,087
He's... fine.

22
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:31,924
Yeah. No, totally. I bet
you could do so much better.

23
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,925
Mmm-hmm.

24
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:37,429
Shall I continue?

25
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,516
It's not worth it.

26
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,944
Honey, can you hand me one of
those clean beakers?

27
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,364
Ow, my penises!

28
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,366
Oh, you mean a clean, clean one.

29
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,952
Sweetie, I am close to
perfecting this serum.

30
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,872
All I need to do is reduce the combustion
intake by adjusting the picric acid level

31
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:09,336
and then adding a small amount of
sodium bicarbonate to counteract it.

32
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:12,881
- I'm gonna make it less explodey.
- Oh yeah. Good thinkin', Ive.

33
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,633
So, next step, I gotta get our hands on...

34
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,802
What?

35
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,722
I can't find the damn unsubscribe
button in this email. It just pisses me off.

36
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:23,100
So what we really have to do...

37
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,352
I found the button, thank god.

38
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,312
And they sent you the email

39
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,606
- confirming you unsubscribed.
- No, no, listen to this.

40
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,734
"The Academy of Evil Arts and Science, in
association with the Gotham Foreign Press,

41
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:36,488
is honored to announce the nomination
of Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy for Best

42
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,992
"Couple at the 83rd Annual Supervillain
Awards!"

43
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:44,454
Ugh, the Villys? Oh, great, another
gaudy award show for egomaniacs.

44
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,874
Why would they think that we
wanna attend that circle jerk?

45
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,959
Cause I always win that circle jerk.

46
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,670
Well, why keep jerkin' then?
Why do you need more awards?

47
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,839
Cause all those wins were with Joker.

48
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,466
That clown kept every Villy for himself.

49
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,385
Didn't even let me on stage.

50
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:01,305
I never got to give the big
speech and I live for the big speech.

51
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:05,183
Hell, one time he didn't even take
me, he just took one of his goons.

52
00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:07,519
- Dean.
- Oh it was Dean?

53
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,084
I wanna be on that
stage with you, holding up

54
00:03:09,085 --> 00:03:10,647
our Villy right in
middle of that circle jerk.

55
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:15,360
Honey, I just got my lab setup. I've got
momentum on this plan. I'm in the zone!

56
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:18,363
And I mean like, when have I actually
even used the words "in the zone"?

57
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,407
Oh, can't you step out of the
zone for one night,

58
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:22,034
and then after pop right back into the zone?

59
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,869
Please, please...

60
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,258
Okay, okay, screw it,
let's go win this award.

61
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,292
But I'm having three Long Island
ice teas and no one's stopping me.

62
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,336
- No ice.
- Fuck yeah!

63
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:36,256
First thing tomorrow, Martha, I announce
my retirement and focus on our family.

64
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,508
Put little Brucie on, will ya.

65
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:42,721
Heya, sport. I know I haven't always been
here for you, but I promise that's over now.

66
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:46,934
Tell mother to wear her pearls cause
tonight we're going to the movies!

67
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,853
And... cut! great take. moving on.

68
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:53,065
Ugh, God, my back is killing me

69
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,526
There it is!

70
00:03:59,076 --> 00:04:01,996
_

71
00:04:02,006 --> 00:04:04,285
- _
- Willie Rob!

72
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,079
Might not recognize me.

73
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,958
Lotta hair and makeup... I play
the chair. The director's chair.

74
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,335
Maybe you could, say, sit on me

75
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,796
in exchange for one-on-one acting lessons?

76
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,464
I don't sit.

77
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,467
Ah, the Christopher Nolan
school of acting, no sitting on set.

78
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:21,635
I don't ever sit.

79
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,805
Me neither. Another standing pooper!

80
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:25,983
James!

81
00:04:25,985 --> 00:04:28,475
Eatin' a Danish. Just
tastes better on set.

82
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:32,938
Look, it's just buddy, this, this dialogue.
I mean. It's not humming, ya know?

83
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,815
Ugh, it hums.

84
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,995
Hey, you know what?
Maybe we could meet at your place?

85
00:04:36,997 --> 00:04:38,532
You know, cook some dinner,
and do a re-write?

86
00:04:38,534 --> 00:04:40,278
It's like what Warner Bros told me

87
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:44,616
while I was writing the "Scooby-Doo"
movie. It's all about the edit.

88
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,656
On second thought, forget

89
00:04:47,657 --> 00:04:51,623
everything I just said!
And let's meet tonight.

90
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,379
Cool.

91
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:01,633
And we say happy Villy Sunday
from Gotham City's lovely Crime Alley.

92
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:06,138
Ooh, Riddler, Clock King.
Congrats on the nom for Best Couple.

93
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,473
Thanks, Tawny, It's a big category.

94
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,225
Lotta great couples this year.

95
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:13,520
Now you two were some of
Gotham's first openly gay villains.

96
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,605
Must not have been easy.

97
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:19,443
You might say the hardest
riddle I ever solved was my own sexuality.

98
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,654
Luckily, I figured it out just in time.

99
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,823
- Oh god, you turn my gears.
- Come here.

100
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,040
- Oh, okay, now don't lean, that's okay.
- Oh, oops, get in there!

101
00:05:27,042 --> 00:05:28,660
Aw.

102
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,783
And Clock King, can you
tell us who you're wearing?

103
00:05:30,785 --> 00:05:32,220
Of course, Tawny my clock tonight is by the

104
00:05:32,222 --> 00:05:33,953
master, Patek Philippe,
it's a chronometer...

105
00:05:33,955 --> 00:05:35,850
You didn't tell me we
had to walk the red carpet.

106
00:05:35,851 --> 00:05:36,877
But you love walking!

107
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,593
Don't forget to re-apply lipstick
before they announce your name.

108
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,012
Need that bold lip pop on camera.

109
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:50,599
It's the other dynamic duo:
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!

110
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,810
I can't tell ya how great it
feels to be here for another Villy,

111
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:56,396
and this time with the love of my life.

112
00:05:56,397 --> 00:06:00,108
Well, girl, this is the first time
you're running minus the Joker.

113
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:02,027
Think you can do it without him?

114
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,614
When we're up on that stage
everyone will forget about Mr. J.

115
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,533
It's all about my sweet love Poison Ivy.

116
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:12,621
Okay, well, Ivy, everybody's
clamoring to see those claws.

117
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,873
Is there a theme to your nails tonight?

118
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,293
Uh... social anxiety, I guess?

119
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,462
Oh...

120
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,383
God, they run out of those
little quiches so fast, huh, Ive?

121
00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:28,136
If I stand here no one can ask
me who I'm wearing.

122
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,180
Okay, I know it's a lot,
but you're doing great.

123
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,548
Promise, the show
itself is pretty low drama.

124
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,894
Uh, hey, excuse me,
can you pass me the water?

125
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,063
Hell... o.

126
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,651
Live
from Crime Alley's Monarch Theatre,

127
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,446
it's the 83rd Annual Villy Awards.

128
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,741
Here's your host: the ace of knaves,

129
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,745
the clown prince of crime... Joker!

130
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,707
Ah shit.

131
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:02,129
I'm late for my eight o'clock.
I've got a show to host.

132
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:11,221
? Tonight's the night We celebrate
the bad guys We fight it out ?

133
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:16,268
? Every day for the real prize The
awards for those They demonize ?

134
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,690
? We're here
for gold I've won my share ?

135
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,568
? Tonight's the one night We play it fair ?

136
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,362
? From Killer Croc, To Firefly ?

137
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,157
? Throw those hands up In the sky ?

138
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:33,326
- ? Put on a smile ?
- ? Like Joker do ?

139
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,995
This is beyond messed up.

140
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:39,040
You know, I should hate 'em,
but dammit the girls got moves.

141
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,793
- ? We're throwin' acid. Yeah! ?
- ? Like Joker do ?

142
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:45,005
- ? We're gettin' plastered ?
- ? Like Joker do ?

143
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,549
? Grodd is here Dressed in a tux ?

144
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,260
? And so is Bane Too bad
he sucks ? - What?

145
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:54,097
? Harley Quinn With her new
flame I sat them next to... ?

146
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:57,601
? Oh, what's his name? Put on a smile ?

147
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,060
? Like Joker do ?

148
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,478
? We're gettin' wild ?

149
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:01,646
? Like Joker do ?

150
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,524
So, this is awkward turtle.

151
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,485
No. Why, why would that be?

152
00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:09,363
Uh, because we had an affair while you were

153
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,239
dating, then you left
him at the altar for me,

154
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,533
and now we're all seated at
an award show where you and I

155
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,285
are up for Best Couple and la la la.

156
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,454
Bingo-bango.

157
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,957
? Like Joker do! ?

158
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:25,754
We've got an incredible show for
you, folks. Some great guests, Sinestro,

159
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:30,425
Solomon Grundy, Kevin Spacey. Stay tuned!

160
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:31,801
Maybe we should go? Should we go?

161
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,762
No, no, no it's fine. All in the past.

162
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,766
Actually, I have completely, totally
moved on. Even brought my new boo.

163
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,434
- You're dating Bane?
- What?

164
00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:42,020
I got a pretty good gig as a seat filler.

165
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,356
My girlfriend's not here yet.

166
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,858
She's running late.
But she's definitely real.

167
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,401
I have a girlfriend who is real.

168
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,154
Real hot, muy caliente.

169
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,782
Ha, but no it's not,
it's not just about her looks!

170
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:56,785
That would be shallow. I mean,
you girls would really get along!

171
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,620
Yeah...

172
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,372
Ive, maybe we should go mingle little.

173
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,374
Mmm-hmm. You know what, you go ahead.

174
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,710
I just... I think need some air.

175
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:12,092
Whoa, you could cut the tension
with one of these. That's on them.

176
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:17,806
All they have to do is give me back my pasta
maker if they don't want things to be weird.

177
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,891
No, no. We all think it's cool.

178
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:23,604
Haven't heard a single person suggest
you're compensating for something.

179
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:27,899
Riddler! Cock King!

180
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,319
Ha! It's Clock King, honey.
Cock King's the other guy.

181
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,614
Ha, lookin' forward to seein'
all six of those hands clapping

182
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,575
while I'm up on stage with Ivy
giving the big speech.

183
00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:39,995
Oh, Harley, have you seen our
new puppy, Maurice?

184
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,288
Yes, yes, show her.

185
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:44,374
Aww. So cute! Who's the other guy?

186
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:48,461
Riddle me this, who's the overseas
President without a country?

187
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:51,590
Who works in black and white,
but gives out the gold?

188
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,050
Why it's the head of
the Gotham Foreign Press.

189
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,845
And we gifted him Maurice's twin sister.

190
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,346
You know, to grease the wheels.

191
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,307
- Grease the wheels?
- Oh, Harley.

192
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:04,519
You of all people must know that
these awards are mostly political.

193
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,564
Joker spent half the year
campaigning for you two.

194
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,941
Gotta do whatever you can
to get the upper hand.

195
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,193
Even if it's a little underhanded, right?

196
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:17,116
Ugh, yeah, totally, everyone knows that. I
mean, it's very common knowledge. Mm-hmm.

197
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,038
Hey. You're the award show accountant, huh?

198
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,290
Cool, cool. And that briefcase right there?

199
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,833
It's got the winners in it, huh?

200
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,252
Maybe you could let me take
a lil peek inside it,

201
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,422
you know, make sure I won Best Couple.

202
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:42,432
Look, nerd. You're gonna hand over
that briefcase and give me the envelope.

203
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,267
I will look at it,
maybe cross somethin' out,

204
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,394
but hopefully not. Then you take it back,

205
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:49,815
pretend this never happened. Otherwise,
I'm gonna kick your math-lovin' ass.

206
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,571
Uh, wait, do androids piss?

207
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,833
- Need a charger?
- Thanks.

208
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,086
It's nothin'. I never leave home without it.

209
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,838
Which makes me think,
maybe I'm addicted to screens?

210
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,925
I mean, who isn't, right?

211
00:11:16,219 --> 00:11:18,459
_

212
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:19,969
Man...

213
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,888
- This night sucks.
- Oh, why's that?

214
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:25,350
Ugh, it's just my girlfriend's
obsessed with winning this award.

215
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,518
This whole thing is just,

216
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,353
it's not my scene.

217
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:32,357
I wanted to spend the night at
home, working on my diabolical plan.

218
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:37,487
Diabolical work on
a Sunday? It's the Lord's Day.

219
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:41,157
Joke. I know the sabbath's on Saturday.

220
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,742
This would be killing if you knew me

221
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,620
because I am not religious.

222
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,872
No, it was a good joke.

223
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,990
You know, to make matters
worse, those assholes

224
00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:51,876
assigned me to sit next to my ex-fiancé.

225
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,838
I hear that. I couldn't even
get myself to go in.

226
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,257
I'm supposed to be in there
with my new boyfriend,

227
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,384
but I am way too nervous.

228
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,511
Why's that?

229
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:03,888
Those assholes assigned
us to sit next to his ex-fiancé.

230
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,559
You are Kite Man's girlfriend.

231
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:15,108
And the award for the Most Creative
Nom de Plume goes to Cock King!

232
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:19,905
Oh! He's a chicken.
That is creative.

233
00:12:20,015 --> 00:12:21,045
_

234
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,162
The muse has arrived.

235
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,582
James! I brought bread.
Thought we'd break it.

236
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,500
Isn't your hair usually spikier?

237
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:36,421
If I learned
anything from my seven years acting

238
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:43,761
on the Amy Sherman-Palladino dramedy
Gilmore Girls as the quirky town resident...

239
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,639
I'm gonna stop you there.
James Gunn doesn't act.

240
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,602
Everybody knows his brother
Sean played Kirk on Gilmore Girls!

241
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:54,273
You clicked the wrong Wikipedia,
didn't ya? You're not James Gunn.

242
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,777
- You're a monster!
- No, no, no. I... I'm the chair! Remember?

243
00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:03,823
You can turn yourself into anything,
but you use your talent to become chairs?

244
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:06,618
Well, I'm not strictly.

245
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,786
At first I thought, maybe you're a stalker.

246
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,291
But I can see behind those horrific
clay eyes, you're just a hungry actor.

247
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,293
Oh, how I starve!

248
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,754
You know, I've been thinking, maybe
it's time for me to take on a protege.

249
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,340
And Chair Guy, I think you may be it.

250
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,758
Huzzah!

251
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,301
I gotta go take a piss, but when I get back

252
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,053
your life is gonna be changed forever, son.

253
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,847
- Where's the shitter?
- First door on the left.

254
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,558
Or was it the first door on the right?

255
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,519
Holy shit, is that a tiger?

256
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,989
- Hello?
- Shark? Perchance you're free?

257
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:45,633
_

258
00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:47,033
_

259
00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:48,233
_

260
00:13:48,333 --> 00:13:49,533
_

261
00:13:49,633 --> 00:13:50,733
_

262
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,832
So moving.
Gone, but not forgotten.

263
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:58,670
Next is a special award given
only to the truly deserving.

264
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,464
The baddies who make a real difference.

265
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:07,637
This year's recipient of the Joe
Chill Honorary Award is... Cat woman!

266
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:14,102
Let's forget the fact that I'm
not even really a villain,

267
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,687
I'm an anti-hero.

268
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,649
The only reason you gave me
this award is cause I'm Black.

269
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,736
After eighty-plus years you finally realize

270
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,947
you haven't let a single Black villain win.

271
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,865
No matter how much we deserve it.

272
00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:30,910
Black Manta's been out here
for years as a marquee villain,

273
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:32,704
and you don't see him getting an award.

274
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,781
He's black?

275
00:14:33,783 --> 00:14:36,374
And you think you can
satisfy your white guilt

276
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,876
with one apology trophy named after...

277
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:41,754
you guessed it, a white dude.

278
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,262
Why am I wasting my breath?

279
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,058
- So you're...
- Golden Glider.

280
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:57,979
Yes... Right. You're, you're the
one who glides with your, your...

281
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:03,109
I have these special ice skates that
let me glide in the air. Whoosh, shwing!

282
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,819
Woah. Look at that.

283
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,822
- They're like kites for your feet.
- That's what Chuck said!

284
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:10,200
Oh, wow. So you guys
know each other's secret

285
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,577
identities? I mean, that's pretty serious.

286
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,871
It was months before Kite Man
told me his real name.

287
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:19,709
I mean, I know it's pretty
fast, but yeah it feels real.

288
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,918
Has he made you the chili yet?

289
00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:23,671
I love the chilli. It's incredible.

290
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:27,759
Right? Ah, he gets so obsessive
about picking each veggie.

291
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,844
It's almost like no onion
is perfect enough for him.

292
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:33,598
Oh, actually I hate... hate, hate,
hate onions, so he stopped using them.

293
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,225
Really? Gosh, but, Kite Man loves onions.

294
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,269
I mean, that's was like his
number two thing under kites.

295
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,980
I guess it's like how he took out
the meat when he made it with you.

296
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:44,108
Huh. Kite Man's a really good guy.

297
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,902
He's so good at being supportive,

298
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,695
even if it's a sacrifice for him.

299
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:51,367
Yeah. We're both... lucky.

300
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,203
Well, you know what? Fuck me.

301
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,122
I don't matter. You shouldn't
be nervous because of me.

302
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:01,084
I mean, the only person you
should give a snow rat's ass about

303
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:03,086
in that tacky theater is Chuck.

304
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,838
I mean, you're here because of
him, and I'm here because of Harley.

305
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,567
So, let's just go be in
there for them because

306
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,053
they sure as hell would be there for us.

307
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,513
Hell yeah.

308
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,778
Ugh. Fuck off, I was perfectly blended.

309
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,780
Hi-Yah!

310
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,176
Ahh, someone's in here!

311
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,262
Ugh, move it or lose it Invisible Kid.

312
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,557
Uh, I'm Imperceptible Man.

313
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,685
Oh my god, he did not wash his hands.

314
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,757
Ugh, you're such a dick.

315
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:35,219
I sure hope we didn't have to
censor any of that.

316
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,640
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It was a very

317
00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:40,433
touching speech about
your mother's leukemia.

318
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:44,228
Thanks, bud. Uh, BTDubs, I don't
currently have a bladder infection,

319
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:48,192
but the best prevention is to keep
crushing these vodka cranny-cran-crans.

320
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,194
Lisa!

321
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,904
Ohhh!

322
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,990
- That's my babe.
- I'm so sorry I'm late, Chuck.

323
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,241
No problemo, mon amour.

324
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,285
I'm just happy we're together.

325
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:03,206
Although now, I do have to leave
you to use the little kite's room.

326
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,711
Harley!

327
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,254
What's going on here?

328
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,883
I'm lactating?

329
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:17,011
You know, this was my
first time at the Villys.

330
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,180
Always wanted to go, never got invited,

331
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:22,725
until last week, I got nominated for
"Best D-Lister" at the less publicized,

332
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:25,603
but definitely equally
prestigious Technical Villy Awards.

333
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,939
- Did ya win?
- I did not.

334
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,107
Lost to a guy with a gun for a penis.

335
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:33,486
But sitting in that rented out
kid's dance studio, it hit me,

336
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,280
the only reason I got nominated
was 'cause of Ivy.

337
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:39,617
Dating her made me want to
be a better person, a better villain.

338
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:44,789
Hell, when I first met her I was a
delusional, nobody himbo. Now I'm big enough

339
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,124
- to lose Best D-Lister.
- But Ivy left you.

340
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:50,586
Yeah, and now I'm with Lisa and she rules.

341
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,630
Things are working out for the ole Kite Man.

342
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:58,302
And win or lose tonight, they
seem to be working out for you too.

343
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,757
Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta do a

344
00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:03,641
yak-attack of some
vodka crans in that stall.

345
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:12,024
It's taken care of.

346
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:16,571
A moment of silence to honor
the talented Mr. Thornton's life.

347
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:20,825
Well, I'm done for. It was good
knowing you, friend.

348
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,231
Too bad you can't turn
into Billy Bob Thornton

349
00:19:23,232 --> 00:19:25,329
and live-out your dream as a movie star.

350
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,665
It'd be far too much to keep up with.

351
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,782
Balancing his busy life
with your own much-less

352
00:19:30,783 --> 00:19:33,379
busy but probably still important life.

353
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:37,300
Screw Clayface! I choose Thornton.

354
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,177
Billy, you were right. I looked at
the script, made a few changes,

355
00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:44,557
added some incongruous songs to spice
in some humor. I think you're going to love!

356
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:49,020
Terrific. Oh, how I, Billy
Bob Thornton, alive and well,

357
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:53,108
do love our camaraderie, James Gunn.

358
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:55,944
Cool.

359
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,158
Okay, bitch, wait what happened
to you. You know what? I can guess.

360
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:07,204
Let's win this Villy, crush the acceptance
speech, and make that trophy a cuck.

361
00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:08,789
Totally! How?

362
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,709
Uh, by making it watch us have
crazy sex till dawn. Duur.

363
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:15,630
Okay, I absolutely love that
image. But Ive, I am so sorry.

364
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,716
You've had real anxiety all
night, and I should've helped.

365
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,885
I was so fixated on that award
when I was with Joker

366
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,054
cause it was the only validation I ever got.

367
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,222
But that was a bad relationship,

368
00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:27,141
and I have grown beyond that.

369
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,769
So who cares about a dumb trophy?

370
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,730
I've got the real award right here.

371
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,358
That's so sweet. But
I should've been more excited.

372
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,069
I mean, this is important to
you, so it is important to me.

373
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,279
Aw...

374
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,617
You wanna ditch this hellhole? Get some
Big Belly Burger? Tie up the employees?

375
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:47,578
Maybe take silly photos in our
fancy dresses?

376
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:51,165
Uh, hard yes. I'd kill for a
grilled cheese right now.

377
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,062
And you know we're
taking those silly photos.

378
00:20:53,063 --> 00:20:54,752
It's not gonna be silly how hot we look.

379
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:55,958
Fuck you, Villys.

380
00:20:55,959 --> 00:20:59,256
Yeah. Fuck you Villys!
And your vegan apps suck.

381
00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:02,886
Don't put a leek on a crostini
and call it an hors d'oeurve!

382
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:12,646
Now, the moment we've all been
waiting for... The final award: Best Couple.

383
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,942
And the Villy goes to...

384
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,028
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!

385
00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:23,114
- What?
- Boo!

386
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,619
We will never win and it's because
of my big stupid clock for a face.

387
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,954
- Hey!
- Don't touch me.

388
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,666
You are beautiful. And you are loved. By me.

389
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,669
I don't even know what time it is.

390
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:40,673
I said Harley and Ivy!

391
00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,633
Where is that damn seat filler?

392
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:47,596
So, going to any of those cool
after-parties later?

393
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:52,560
Hmm, well only one thing to do.
Trophy's mine!

394
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:56,022
On behalf of Harley and Ivy,
I'd like to thank my loyal goons.

395
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,690
Dean, shout out.

396
00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:00,693
Laura, my co-class mom,
shouldn't be gendered.

397
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:03,654
And of course my better-half Bethany. Muah!

398
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,448
You are my rock.

399
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:08,325
And hey kids, you'd better be
off to bed, but if not,

400
00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:10,995
this one's for you, Benicio and Soph-Soph.

401
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:13,164
Good night!

402
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,790
- I love you so much.
- Come here.

403
00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:16,484
- Okay.
- Don't put your head right into my face.

404
00:22:16,486 --> 00:22:18,335
- Oh, okay. Sorry.
- Stop Moving.

405
00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:20,129
God, we have to work out our kisses.

406
00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:26,205
sync and corrections by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com