1
00:00:26,583 --> 00:00:28,382
Just give it up, Fabian.

2
00:00:44,034 --> 00:00:45,302
Aww, man.

3
00:00:47,571 --> 00:00:49,302
Dang it.
This was my year

4
00:00:49,327 --> 00:00:51,074
for the Agent Skills
Competition.

5
00:00:51,108 --> 00:00:53,076
I put it on my vision board
and everything.

6
00:00:53,110 --> 00:00:55,479
- Next to the sunset?
- Above the sunset.

7
00:00:55,512 --> 00:00:57,514
Wow. I can't believe
that didn't work.

8
00:00:57,548 --> 00:00:59,459
Well, maybe next time...
And I know this sounds crazy...

9
00:00:59,483 --> 00:01:01,151
You could try not sucking.

10
00:01:01,176 --> 00:01:03,144
Well, you don't have to be
a dick about it.

11
00:01:03,187 --> 00:01:04,421
Have to? No.

12
00:01:04,454 --> 00:01:06,023
But then I wouldn't
be able to tell you

13
00:01:06,056 --> 00:01:07,367
that the Treaty of Versailles
called,

14
00:01:07,391 --> 00:01:09,393
and it wants its total failure
to achieve any

15
00:01:09,426 --> 00:01:10,994
of its stated goals back.

16
00:01:11,028 --> 00:01:12,563
Also, it's sorry about Europe.

17
00:01:12,596 --> 00:01:15,847
Well, if you're so great,
why is your intel so bad?

18
00:01:15,872 --> 00:01:17,534
My name's not Fabian.

19
00:01:17,568 --> 00:01:19,570
- I know that.
- That's my boss's name.

20
00:01:19,603 --> 00:01:21,281
Yelling it gets me in the mood
to shoot people

21
00:01:21,305 --> 00:01:22,706
that I pretend are him.

22
00:01:22,739 --> 00:01:24,508
- Well, you got lucky.
- Sure.

23
00:01:24,541 --> 00:01:26,376
Though, in a mirror maze,
maybe consider

24
00:01:26,410 --> 00:01:28,779
not putting on a gallon
of cologne that smells like...

25
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,458
Gasoline and decaying hobo foot.

26
00:01:33,717 --> 00:01:36,833
- Now what was that for?
- You're still wearing it.

27
00:02:04,147 --> 00:02:11,088
www.subtitulamos.tv

28
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,228
Hello, Clandesti-con,

29
00:02:18,262 --> 00:02:20,664
where spying meets
sweaty buffet food.

30
00:02:20,697 --> 00:02:22,566
Who wants a brochure for IIA,

31
00:02:22,599 --> 00:02:25,269
the soulless company
that is making us do this?

32
00:02:25,294 --> 00:02:27,663
Come on, Lana.
Let's have some fun with it.

33
00:02:27,704 --> 00:02:29,540
We'll take these lemons
and make...

34
00:02:29,573 --> 00:02:32,009
Concentrated citric acid
to spray in our own eyes?

35
00:02:32,042 --> 00:02:33,386
I have some in my purse
if you need it.

36
00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:35,779
This isn't so bad.
When I temped at IIA,

37
00:02:35,812 --> 00:02:38,081
they were trying
to increase productivity,

38
00:02:38,115 --> 00:02:40,450
so they docked your pay if you
peed more than twice a day.

39
00:02:40,484 --> 00:02:42,753
I hate this company.

40
00:02:42,786 --> 00:02:45,322
Nice job in the competition,
Archer.

41
00:02:45,355 --> 00:02:48,525
Though calling your opponent
"Fabian" raised eyebrows.

42
00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:50,194
These two specifically.

43
00:02:50,227 --> 00:02:52,196
Well, despite the fact
that you're praising me,

44
00:02:52,229 --> 00:02:53,540
which makes it nearly
impossible for me

45
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:56,366
to not like you, I still
definitely wanna murder you.

46
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,702
Today is a crucial day
for all of you.

47
00:02:58,735 --> 00:03:00,637
We are launching The Agency

48
00:03:00,671 --> 00:03:04,208
as a distinct boutique branch
of IIA.

49
00:03:04,241 --> 00:03:05,642
Wait, really?
We'll have autonomy?

50
00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:09,571
Yes. Exactly as much autonomy
as Kermit the Frog.

51
00:03:09,613 --> 00:03:12,149
Yo, you think Miss Piggy
is abusing him?

52
00:03:12,182 --> 00:03:14,017
I know she plays rough, but...

53
00:03:14,051 --> 00:03:15,586
I get the feeling
he enjoys it.

54
00:03:15,619 --> 00:03:17,788
Who wouldn't?
Roughed up by a pig in jewelry.

55
00:03:17,821 --> 00:03:20,591
No. I mean you'll be
a thin piece of fabric

56
00:03:20,624 --> 00:03:22,559
with my hand up your ass.

57
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,506
Where's your sense of wonder?

58
00:03:24,531 --> 00:03:28,265
IIA represents 60%
of private spying,

59
00:03:28,298 --> 00:03:31,101
but some clients
are too mired in the past.

60
00:03:31,134 --> 00:03:34,371
They want a personal touch.
Authenticity.

61
00:03:34,404 --> 00:03:36,573
That's what you lot are for...
To fake that.

62
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:39,610
So pretend we're independent
to make IIA more successful

63
00:03:39,643 --> 00:03:42,179
and allow you
to ruthlessly exploit us.

64
00:03:42,212 --> 00:03:44,481
Welcome to the concept
of a job.

65
00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:48,085
Now, I'm giving the keynote
for the conference later today:

66
00:03:48,118 --> 00:03:51,188
a speech entitled
"Leadership as a Network."

67
00:03:51,221 --> 00:03:53,061
You can't just say
"noun as a different noun"

68
00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:54,400
and pretend
that it means something.

69
00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:57,461
Sure I can. I call it
"language as a weapon."

70
00:03:57,494 --> 00:03:59,129
Now, Archer, you need to win

71
00:03:59,163 --> 00:04:00,664
the Agent Skills Competition

72
00:04:00,697 --> 00:04:03,333
if we're going to launch
The Agency properly.

73
00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:05,469
By the way,
the board hates the idea.

74
00:04:05,502 --> 00:04:07,237
They'd rather you were
completely broken up

75
00:04:07,271 --> 00:04:08,739
and redistributed.

76
00:04:08,772 --> 00:04:11,141
So, Archer,
our fate is in your hands.

77
00:04:11,175 --> 00:04:13,644
- Well, sayonara, guys.
- Boy.

78
00:04:13,677 --> 00:04:15,712
You know what?
I'll be honest with you.

79
00:04:15,746 --> 00:04:19,016
That's a responsibility
I take very seriously.

80
00:04:21,618 --> 00:04:23,587
Round of Glengoolie Blues,
please.

81
00:04:24,755 --> 00:04:26,123
I'm looking for one of you

82
00:04:26,156 --> 00:04:28,261
to take the mantle
of leadership.

83
00:04:28,286 --> 00:04:31,028
Under me, of course.
So dot, dot, dot.

84
00:04:31,061 --> 00:04:32,772
Are the dots supposed
to make me love stickers?

85
00:04:32,796 --> 00:04:34,741
Damn it! I should be in
the competition with Archer!

86
00:04:34,765 --> 00:04:37,100
No, Lana. I need you here,

87
00:04:37,134 --> 00:04:38,335
front and center.

88
00:04:38,368 --> 00:04:39,646
And don't be afraid
to get out there

89
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,872
and really be diverse.

90
00:04:41,897 --> 00:04:44,074
Remember, a personal touch.

91
00:04:44,107 --> 00:04:45,409
You heard him, sweetheart.

92
00:04:45,442 --> 00:04:46,777
A personal touch.

93
00:04:46,810 --> 00:04:48,645
Hey, would you like
some stickers?

94
00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:50,747
- They're edible.
- They don't look edible.

95
00:04:50,781 --> 00:04:53,075
Anything's edible
if you try hard enough.

96
00:04:53,786 --> 00:04:55,085
Aww, lucky.

97
00:04:55,118 --> 00:04:56,653
Should we do something?

98
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:59,060
Like make popcorn? Or what?

99
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,693
Now where is she going?

100
00:05:04,224 --> 00:05:06,255
I think you got me.

101
00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:09,199
See? You just get me.
I do feel a responsibility

102
00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:10,734
to keep my mother's legacy
alive,

103
00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:13,537
but on the other hand, now I
don't have to worry about being

104
00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:16,039
yelled at by the one person
in the world who scares me.

105
00:05:16,073 --> 00:05:19,543
So do I go with responsibility,
or do I go balls to the wall?

106
00:05:19,576 --> 00:05:21,512
Or, more accurately,
balls to the wall

107
00:05:21,545 --> 00:05:23,680
then through that wall
into an adjoining wall

108
00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:25,708
that's probably load-bearing.

109
00:05:28,051 --> 00:05:30,646
So... which is it?

110
00:05:32,554 --> 00:05:33,855
I'm thinking.

111
00:05:34,896 --> 00:05:36,816
I thought that was you, Lana.

112
00:05:36,841 --> 00:05:39,019
- Finally.
- Robert? What the hell?

113
00:05:39,044 --> 00:05:40,957
Did you just fly
all the way to Dubai

114
00:05:40,982 --> 00:05:43,000
to hear me say,
"Talk to my divorce lawyer?"

115
00:05:43,025 --> 00:05:45,683
Yes. And was on the way
to Abu Dhabi.

116
00:05:45,708 --> 00:05:48,205
Now, I get that I'm the one
who's mostly at fault here...

117
00:05:48,238 --> 00:05:50,715
- Mostly?
- But you aren't blameless.

118
00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:52,676
And we need to think about
what's best for AJ.

119
00:05:52,709 --> 00:05:55,112
Ho-ho. Is that
why you nailed that skank?

120
00:05:55,145 --> 00:05:57,447
For AJ? What, were you looking
for a parenting book

121
00:05:57,481 --> 00:05:58,749
between her piss flaps?

122
00:05:58,782 --> 00:06:01,118
No. That's not where they
keep those.

123
00:06:01,151 --> 00:06:02,426
What are you even
worried about?

124
00:06:02,451 --> 00:06:03,377
We signed a prenup.

125
00:06:03,402 --> 00:06:05,262
Well, there is the issue
of custody.

126
00:06:05,287 --> 00:06:06,590
Excuse me?

127
00:06:06,623 --> 00:06:08,225
I'm just being realistic.

128
00:06:08,258 --> 00:06:10,715
It was your job
that got AJ kidnapped.

129
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:13,996
To a judge, that sounds
like an unsafe environment.

130
00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:15,722
And if they put AJ on the stand,

131
00:06:15,747 --> 00:06:18,357
are you 100% sure
she chooses you?

132
00:06:18,802 --> 00:06:20,603
Why do you have teeth marks
on your elbow?

133
00:06:20,628 --> 00:06:22,955
I'll show you.
Do you like stickers?

134
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:24,882
I'm sensing you need space.

135
00:06:25,742 --> 00:06:27,044
- What?
- Shouldn't you be

136
00:06:27,077 --> 00:06:28,212
back at the booth?

137
00:06:28,245 --> 00:06:30,565
No, because what I do
is kick ass.

138
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:32,292
And I should be
in the competition

139
00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:35,085
so I can take over
when Archer screws up.

140
00:06:35,110 --> 00:06:38,247
Come, now. Archer is reliable
when he needs to be.

141
00:06:38,288 --> 00:06:40,403
He's resting right now
for his next round.

142
00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:43,260
Did he specify
the type of round?

143
00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:52,128
I'm not totally convinced
that's a downside.

144
00:06:52,153 --> 00:06:56,231
It's like his liver absorbs
alcohol and excretes luck.

145
00:06:56,356 --> 00:06:58,940
Having said that, you can stay
in the competition.

146
00:06:58,965 --> 00:07:01,831
Thank you. I was going to
anyway, you absolute turd.

147
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:03,208
But thank you.

148
00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:05,604
The competition is basically a formality.

149
00:07:05,629 --> 00:07:07,878
I'm generally considered
the world's greatest spy.

150
00:07:07,903 --> 00:07:10,526
Yes. You absolutely were.

151
00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:13,323
You know, I used to be a spy
just like you.

152
00:07:13,357 --> 00:07:15,940
Who'd you spy for,
the Etruscans?

153
00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:17,198
Indeed.

154
00:07:17,223 --> 00:07:20,072
In this biz, one minute,
you're the greatest thing

155
00:07:20,097 --> 00:07:22,308
since the 3:00 p. m.
Dinner special,

156
00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:24,854
and the next, dog shit on a bun.

157
00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:27,604
My advice?
Buy mustard, lad.

158
00:07:28,262 --> 00:07:30,659
Why would I buy mustard
to eat myself?

159
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,229
So you think about that.

160
00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:35,456
Why are you
in such a great mood?

161
00:07:35,481 --> 00:07:36,942
Why don't you ask your face?

162
00:07:37,504 --> 00:07:40,590
My face says Robert's
gonna fight for custody of AJ.

163
00:07:40,615 --> 00:07:41,816
Can he do that?

164
00:07:41,841 --> 00:07:43,085
Well, when you have
that much money,

165
00:07:43,110 --> 00:07:44,721
turns out you can pretty much
do anything.

166
00:07:44,746 --> 00:07:46,164
Why is AJ not picking up?

167
00:07:46,189 --> 00:07:48,091
A kid not picking up
a phone call?

168
00:07:48,124 --> 00:07:50,567
Weird.
Did you try her telegraph?

169
00:07:50,592 --> 00:07:53,161
Or lighting the signal fires
of Gondor?

170
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:56,199
Why is everything
so complicated?

171
00:07:56,224 --> 00:07:58,708
Because you're divorcing one
of the world's richest men

172
00:07:58,733 --> 00:08:01,497
slash-ex-boss who wants custody
of the daughter you had

173
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:03,882
- with a different coworker.
- Well, sure, but...

174
00:08:03,907 --> 00:08:05,762
All while you work
for a corporate behemoth

175
00:08:05,787 --> 00:08:07,655
that seems to be trying
to take over the world.

176
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,200
Yes. All of that. I guess.

177
00:08:10,225 --> 00:08:13,091
Well, I discovered the answer
to all those problems, Lana.

178
00:08:13,116 --> 00:08:15,020
It's simple, it's easy,

179
00:08:15,045 --> 00:08:17,914
and it's right at the bottom
of this glass.

180
00:08:19,559 --> 00:08:21,300
Well, it wasn't at the bottom
of that one,

181
00:08:21,324 --> 00:08:22,903
But I'm no quitter.

182
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:25,762
Behold, an audio bug.

183
00:08:28,042 --> 00:08:31,946
And that's all it does.
The wonders of IIA science.

184
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,746
A microphone.
Truly groundbreaking...

185
00:08:34,771 --> 00:08:36,838
For 1876.

186
00:08:36,863 --> 00:08:39,057
Hey, what's that new one
you're working on called?

187
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:40,346
The wheel?

188
00:08:41,466 --> 00:08:42,782
Got 'em good, Ikari.

189
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,789
I am working on something
called The Wheel!

190
00:08:44,814 --> 00:08:46,580
But it's a sex thing...

191
00:08:46,605 --> 00:08:50,088
that I can't build at work.
And you call that justice?

192
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,648
Okay, look, I get it.

193
00:08:51,673 --> 00:08:54,699
IIA might not be
the "cool upstart rebel,"

194
00:08:54,724 --> 00:08:56,126
but this ain't
"The Breakfast Club,"

195
00:08:56,159 --> 00:08:58,549
and Judd Nelson doesn't end up
with Molly Ringwald.

196
00:08:58,574 --> 00:09:01,041
He ends up at the bottom of
a lake wearing concrete shoes

197
00:09:01,066 --> 00:09:02,935
with my frickin' initials
on them.

198
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,029
That's the power of IIA
with The Agency

199
00:09:05,054 --> 00:09:06,689
as your personal concierge.

200
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,549
I'm intrigued.

201
00:09:08,574 --> 00:09:10,576
And tell them Ray Gillette sent you.

202
00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:12,942
Wh... stealing my customers?
Really?

203
00:09:12,976 --> 00:09:14,678
You think that'll get you
Mallory's chair?

204
00:09:14,703 --> 00:09:16,057
All's fair in love and...

205
00:09:17,247 --> 00:09:18,369
Damn it!

206
00:09:18,762 --> 00:09:19,973
Where the hell'd
you come from?

207
00:09:19,998 --> 00:09:23,094
A good leader always keeps
tabs on his team.

208
00:09:23,119 --> 00:09:24,932
So spying on us?

209
00:09:24,957 --> 00:09:26,993
How is it that passing out brochures

210
00:09:27,018 --> 00:09:28,653
is somehow beyond you?

211
00:09:28,678 --> 00:09:30,580
And why are you standing there
nodding?

212
00:09:30,605 --> 00:09:32,540
I said I wanted leadership.

213
00:09:32,565 --> 00:09:34,573
You look like a bobblehead
they give away

214
00:09:34,598 --> 00:09:37,112
to raise awareness
for diabetic librarians.

215
00:09:37,137 --> 00:09:39,673
Technically, I'm prediabetic.

216
00:09:41,137 --> 00:09:43,073
What are we gonna do
about that guy?

217
00:09:43,106 --> 00:09:44,641
Complain and then nothing?

218
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:46,201
This is fun.
Ask me another one.

219
00:09:46,226 --> 00:09:48,829
Here's some fun.
I just put a bug on Fabian.

220
00:09:48,878 --> 00:09:50,213
If we get dirt on him,

221
00:09:50,246 --> 00:09:52,782
maybe then he'll approve
my design for the gun bomb.

222
00:09:52,816 --> 00:09:54,818
You see, it looks like a gun...

223
00:09:54,851 --> 00:09:56,720
Or improve working conditions.

224
00:09:56,753 --> 00:09:59,557
Yeah. We were promised
curated snacks.

225
00:09:59,582 --> 00:10:02,525
At this point, your blood's
just melted Otter Pops?

226
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,127
Well, you guys have fun.

227
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,308
I'm off to find the best part
about every convention:

228
00:10:07,333 --> 00:10:08,794
the party room.

229
00:10:08,819 --> 00:10:12,661
If Fabian comes back, tell
him he can gnaw on my chode.

230
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,669
Yeah, I'm not gonna
tell him that.

231
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:20,043
Come on. Let's hear
some bottles popping,

232
00:10:20,076 --> 00:10:22,879
maybe some fun squishy noises.

233
00:10:22,912 --> 00:10:25,576
Whoa. Now, that's contraband.

234
00:10:26,708 --> 00:10:30,046
Not following you.
I'm not following you.

235
00:10:30,071 --> 00:10:32,273
Just checking stuff out.

236
00:10:35,225 --> 00:10:36,626
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

237
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:40,130
Who's ready to Pam-page?

238
00:10:43,193 --> 00:10:44,247
Wrong party.

239
00:10:44,272 --> 00:10:45,544
Hey, get her!

240
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:53,610
I need to party at work
more often.

241
00:10:53,643 --> 00:10:56,079
We are gonna crush
this next event.

242
00:10:56,302 --> 00:10:57,547
Whoa. Lana.

243
00:10:57,580 --> 00:10:58,758
High-fiving
is one of those things

244
00:10:58,782 --> 00:11:00,517
you should never do when drunk,

245
00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:03,119
like bomb disposal
or helping deliver a baby.

246
00:11:03,153 --> 00:11:04,788
Haven't you done
both of those?

247
00:11:04,821 --> 00:11:06,089
That's how I know.

248
00:11:06,122 --> 00:11:07,891
All right. Now, nobody worry,

249
00:11:07,924 --> 00:11:09,759
'cause Archer and I
have been resting...

250
00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:10,994
Shit!

251
00:11:11,027 --> 00:11:13,082
Guys, there was a room.

252
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:14,806
Guns... lots.

253
00:11:14,831 --> 00:11:16,499
Like, they're probably coming.

254
00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:17,810
Kind of sounds
like you're coming.

255
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:19,936
Kaboom!
That's a new thing I do.

256
00:11:19,969 --> 00:11:21,914
No, you don't. And it doesn't
even sound like that.

257
00:11:21,938 --> 00:11:24,238
- How would you know?
- Solid burn.

258
00:11:24,263 --> 00:11:26,042
But Pam,
look at the security here.

259
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:27,186
They don't allow guns
on the floor,

260
00:11:27,210 --> 00:11:28,745
so what would they even do?

261
00:11:28,778 --> 00:11:30,355
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, guys.

262
00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:32,341
Something's happening
with Fabian.

263
00:11:32,582 --> 00:11:34,786
No! You'll pay for this!

264
00:11:34,811 --> 00:11:36,847
You'll never take me alive!

265
00:11:38,488 --> 00:11:40,724
Okay, so you took me alive.

266
00:11:41,085 --> 00:11:43,857
So... what?

267
00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:50,808
Okay, now that we've had
a moment to process... what?

268
00:11:50,833 --> 00:11:52,544
Why are they kidnapping him?

269
00:11:52,569 --> 00:11:55,238
They're probably trying
to humiliate IIA.

270
00:11:55,271 --> 00:11:56,840
It's right before his speech,

271
00:11:56,873 --> 00:11:58,541
so they'll have to admit
he's kidnapped,

272
00:11:58,575 --> 00:11:59,976
and if they can't protect
their own,

273
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,644
then how are they gonna
protect you?

274
00:12:01,678 --> 00:12:04,214
Then they parade him,
and then they kill him.

275
00:12:04,543 --> 00:12:06,011
What?
We were all thinking it.

276
00:12:06,036 --> 00:12:07,751
Does this solve everything?

277
00:12:07,784 --> 00:12:10,340
Yeah, except he said that
the board would break us up

278
00:12:10,365 --> 00:12:11,855
and redistribute us.

279
00:12:11,888 --> 00:12:14,691
Wait, are we actually
gonna save Fabian?

280
00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:16,593
No.
We're gonna save Fabian.

281
00:12:16,626 --> 00:12:18,528
You two have to win
that competition.

282
00:12:18,561 --> 00:12:20,163
We still need a splash
for The Agency.

283
00:12:20,196 --> 00:12:21,531
Plus if you dropped out,

284
00:12:21,564 --> 00:12:22,908
the kidnappers
will know something's up.

285
00:12:22,932 --> 00:12:25,502
I really wish
I hadn't had that many drinks.

286
00:12:25,535 --> 00:12:27,242
Me too, but the opposite.

287
00:12:27,267 --> 00:12:29,937
So what's your next event?

288
00:12:31,115 --> 00:12:32,742
Nearing the drop zone.

289
00:12:32,768 --> 00:12:35,508
If you are to die,
please take comfort in the fact

290
00:12:35,541 --> 00:12:38,010
that it will not upset me
at all.

291
00:12:40,174 --> 00:12:41,126
I'm gonna puke.

292
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:44,180
Wow. Is it Dartmouth freshman
orientation already?

293
00:12:44,205 --> 00:12:46,376
Seriously, if you were any more
of a lightweight,

294
00:12:46,401 --> 00:12:47,557
you'd be levitating.

295
00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:48,858
Should we be, like...

296
00:12:48,892 --> 00:12:50,560
More concerned about
this Fabian thing?

297
00:12:50,593 --> 00:12:52,696
Nah.
The rest of the gang is on it.

298
00:12:54,526 --> 00:12:55,532
Well, we could...

299
00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,567
Ooh, or we could...

300
00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,815
I hate to ask,
but who got kidnapped again?

301
00:13:01,137 --> 00:13:02,939
Still no call back from AJ.

302
00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:05,084
Okay, I'll just text her and
tell her that I'll take her out

303
00:13:05,109 --> 00:13:06,767
this weekend
and do whatever she wants.

304
00:13:07,143 --> 00:13:07,944
Wrong.

305
00:13:07,977 --> 00:13:09,779
You just demanded more time
from her,

306
00:13:09,813 --> 00:13:11,147
and now she just resents you.

307
00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:12,858
Text her that you were
just thinking of her

308
00:13:12,882 --> 00:13:14,150
and how proud you are.

309
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:16,119
Then write,
"No need to respond."

310
00:13:16,152 --> 00:13:17,687
How do you know this stuff?

311
00:13:17,721 --> 00:13:19,055
It helps that I've never moved

312
00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:20,557
past emotional adolescence.

313
00:13:20,817 --> 00:13:22,485
This event is very simple.

314
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:25,452
Five briefcases.
Five spots in the finals.

315
00:13:25,477 --> 00:13:27,545
No weapons. Any question?

316
00:13:33,216 --> 00:13:36,273
Johnny Utah!

317
00:13:38,921 --> 00:13:40,210
Excuse me.

318
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:41,653
Excuse me.

319
00:13:41,678 --> 00:13:43,179
Pardon me. Pardon me.

320
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,156
'scuse me. Pardon me.

321
00:13:49,619 --> 00:13:52,257
Falkor, away!

322
00:14:00,093 --> 00:14:03,330
I guess we're interpreting
"no weapons" pretty liberally.

323
00:14:07,415 --> 00:14:08,569
Disgusting!

324
00:14:08,937 --> 00:14:10,674
Let's not tell anyone
about this.

325
00:14:10,707 --> 00:14:12,575
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

326
00:14:18,195 --> 00:14:19,582
Decent trade.

327
00:14:19,616 --> 00:14:22,018
Altitude warning.
Pull now.

328
00:14:29,509 --> 00:14:32,478
You big baby.
Just use your backup chute.

329
00:14:33,713 --> 00:14:35,899
Unless we were way lower
than I thought.

330
00:14:35,924 --> 00:14:37,961
Really should have been keeping
tabs on that.

331
00:14:37,986 --> 00:14:39,069
Well.

332
00:14:39,102 --> 00:14:41,500
- Well, what?
- Well, catch me up.

333
00:14:41,525 --> 00:14:43,625
You've been here
the whole time.

334
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:44,851
Quiet down.

335
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,810
We're trying to flirt our way
to finding out

336
00:14:46,843 --> 00:14:50,041
who booked that conference room
full of dudes and guns.

337
00:14:50,603 --> 00:14:53,658
And striking out. 0 for 2.

338
00:14:53,683 --> 00:14:55,688
I don't know, y'all.
I can't get a read.

339
00:14:55,713 --> 00:14:57,969
He's like a sexual Rubik's Cube.

340
00:14:57,994 --> 00:15:00,515
Or as I call it,
a Rubik's Cube.

341
00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:02,609
Maybe I should give him a try.

342
00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:05,313
I've developed a sexual
nervous system stimulator

343
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,997
I call "The Wheel."

344
00:15:07,030 --> 00:15:09,274
Okay, I'll bite.
Why is it called The Wheel?

345
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:12,492
Because once it gets rolling,
there's no stopping it.

346
00:15:12,517 --> 00:15:14,166
Any other ideas?

347
00:15:14,353 --> 00:15:16,160
Literally anything.

348
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,688
Can I help any of you

349
00:15:18,713 --> 00:15:21,406
in some way that does not
involve, and I quote,

350
00:15:21,431 --> 00:15:23,094
"a hot beef enema"?

351
00:15:23,119 --> 00:15:24,828
- That wasn't me!
- I panicked!

352
00:15:24,853 --> 00:15:27,345
Just stand right there.
Hold on.

353
00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:28,666
Keep standing.

354
00:15:28,691 --> 00:15:30,159
Really,
I don't have time for...

355
00:15:30,184 --> 00:15:31,605
And you're overwhelmed.

356
00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:36,141
Got it! Whoever booked
the conference room

357
00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:37,836
is staying in the Sultan Suite.

358
00:15:37,861 --> 00:15:38,971
You ever lend that thing out?

359
00:15:38,995 --> 00:15:40,859
Sure.
Just clear your schedule,

360
00:15:40,884 --> 00:15:44,509
because it goes for, like,
a couple of days.

361
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,494
So we enter,
clear the guards...

362
00:15:47,519 --> 00:15:49,549
With what?
We don't have guns.

363
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,174
Guys, in the dealer's hall.

364
00:15:51,199 --> 00:15:53,095
There's a ton of non-lethals
in there.

365
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,884
Tasers, air hammers,
something called a knife light.

366
00:15:55,909 --> 00:15:57,602
Well, then let's get sampling.

367
00:15:57,627 --> 00:15:58,947
All right.
We're in the finals.

368
00:15:58,972 --> 00:16:01,275
It's getting intense.
They tried to kill us up there.

369
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,213
- How are things here?
- Great.

370
00:16:03,238 --> 00:16:05,650
We've located Fabian
and the kidnappers,

371
00:16:05,675 --> 00:16:07,306
and we've got a plan
to get them back.

372
00:16:07,331 --> 00:16:09,713
You do?
I was assuming you'd fail.

373
00:16:09,738 --> 00:16:11,509
And why would you think that?

374
00:16:11,534 --> 00:16:13,861
Because you're you?

375
00:16:13,886 --> 00:16:16,181
- This was the plan!
- I didn't think it would work.

376
00:16:16,206 --> 00:16:18,486
Are we really saving this guy?
He sucks.

377
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,752
I hate him, and he's gonna make
us do bad jobs

378
00:16:20,777 --> 00:16:22,822
- for terrible people.
- You think I want this?

379
00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:25,002
All I want is to do my job
and go home.

380
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,728
But if we get fired, that's not
gonna help my custody problem.

381
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:28,978
Custody problem?

382
00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:31,151
If you need me to give Robert
a personal tour

383
00:16:31,176 --> 00:16:33,752
of an industrial thresher,
say the word.

384
00:16:33,777 --> 00:16:35,064
- No.
- Got it.

385
00:16:35,089 --> 00:16:36,924
- No, you don't.
- Okay.

386
00:16:36,949 --> 00:16:41,154
But, I mean, saving Fabian is
the only way we stay together.

387
00:16:41,276 --> 00:16:42,944
- Right?
- We'll figure the rest out,

388
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,461
but not if we're separated.

389
00:16:44,486 --> 00:16:46,259
Y'all... y'all are family.

390
00:16:46,284 --> 00:16:48,533
My God. Is this what it's come to?

391
00:16:48,558 --> 00:16:50,259
Acting responsibly?

392
00:16:50,692 --> 00:16:52,900
Fine.
Let's go save a jerk's life,

393
00:16:52,925 --> 00:16:54,827
thereby making the world
a worse place.

394
00:16:54,852 --> 00:16:56,767
Yay for the good guys.

395
00:16:56,792 --> 00:16:58,447
Should we even do
the competition?

396
00:16:58,472 --> 00:17:00,312
If you drop out now,
the kidnappers will know

397
00:17:00,337 --> 00:17:02,005
something's up and kill Fabian.

398
00:17:02,030 --> 00:17:03,298
So what's the final event?

399
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,025
Gonne be hard
to top skydiving.

400
00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:08,924
And now, it's time to
reveal the final event

401
00:17:08,949 --> 00:17:12,275
of the Clandesti-con
Agent Skills Competition.

402
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:15,142
Your final event will be

403
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:19,509
King of the Train!

404
00:17:21,071 --> 00:17:22,973
Holy shit.

405
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:26,642
Forget responsibility.
I'm gonna be king of the train.

406
00:17:32,501 --> 00:17:34,033
Stay on your toes.

407
00:17:34,058 --> 00:17:35,969
One of us has to win
to keep The Agency alive and...

408
00:17:35,994 --> 00:17:37,529
Yeah. Whatever.

409
00:17:37,554 --> 00:17:39,400
I'm gonna be king of the train.

410
00:17:41,073 --> 00:17:42,728
Everyone in position?

411
00:17:42,753 --> 00:17:44,939
Yeah. But this stuff
from the dealer's hall

412
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,466
isn't the most intimidating.

413
00:17:46,491 --> 00:17:48,127
I don't even know
what this does.

414
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:51,596
Yeah, we're gonna need
a few minutes.

415
00:17:51,621 --> 00:17:53,061
I'll signal you at the start.

416
00:17:53,086 --> 00:17:54,939
Chances are,
they'll be distracted watching

417
00:17:54,964 --> 00:17:58,111
the closed-circuit feed
of my glorious victory.

418
00:17:58,949 --> 00:18:00,611
If you touch the ground

419
00:18:00,636 --> 00:18:03,486
or get hit by a paintball,
you're out.

420
00:18:03,511 --> 00:18:05,228
You start with no weapons,

421
00:18:05,253 --> 00:18:08,056
but you may find some
at points on the train,

422
00:18:08,081 --> 00:18:11,174
as well as a few surprises.

423
00:18:11,488 --> 00:18:13,275
Now, the time has come

424
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:17,939
to find the most skilled agent
in the world.

425
00:18:22,156 --> 00:18:25,119
Three. Two. One.

426
00:18:25,388 --> 00:18:28,057
Begin!

427
00:18:29,094 --> 00:18:31,119
Shocking.

428
00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:33,762
Kaboom!

429
00:18:55,991 --> 00:18:58,150
Knife light! Now I get it.

430
00:18:58,175 --> 00:19:01,283
Hold still,
Cirque du Suck Ass!

431
00:19:04,096 --> 00:19:07,416
We're leaving. Nobody move,
or Fabian gets it.

432
00:19:07,441 --> 00:19:08,853
Do what he says!

433
00:19:16,309 --> 00:19:17,577
Archer! Duck!

434
00:19:22,354 --> 00:19:23,844
God.
You couldn't just duck?

435
00:19:23,869 --> 00:19:25,758
You know I have trust issues,
Lana,

436
00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:28,243
which you are
partially responsible for.

437
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:29,335
- How?
- I don't know,

438
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:30,394
but it feels right!

439
00:19:36,055 --> 00:19:38,922
Now she has a jetpack and a machine gun?

440
00:19:38,947 --> 00:19:40,118
How is that fair?

441
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:48,140
- Still want that jetpack?
- I know you want me to say no,

442
00:19:48,165 --> 00:19:50,101
but the answer is still yes!

443
00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:55,424
We need backup!

444
00:19:55,449 --> 00:19:57,016
They're bringing Fabian
to the floor!

445
00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:59,110
- Throw me the gun!
- It's empty!

446
00:19:59,135 --> 00:20:00,618
Just throw it to me!

447
00:20:02,729 --> 00:20:04,764
Man, this is such a bad idea.

448
00:20:15,546 --> 00:20:16,647
Look out!

449
00:20:23,115 --> 00:20:26,352
Everyone,
this is what we think of IIA.

450
00:20:26,385 --> 00:20:27,653
Lana. Lana.

451
00:20:27,678 --> 00:20:29,664
Do something!
Lana, I know you're faking.

452
00:20:29,689 --> 00:20:32,133
No.
I'm very, very unconscious.

453
00:20:32,158 --> 00:20:34,126
Why am I always
the responsible one?

454
00:20:34,151 --> 00:20:36,641
And so I don't shoot Fabian
for me.

455
00:20:36,747 --> 00:20:38,422
I shoot him for...

456
00:20:39,328 --> 00:20:41,461
What an amazing
performance.

457
00:20:41,486 --> 00:20:44,266
Congratulations
to the king of the train,

458
00:20:44,291 --> 00:20:46,735
Agent Lana Kane,

459
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:51,375
representing The Agency,
a boutique subsidiary of IIA.

460
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,086
- God damn it.
- Thank you.

461
00:20:53,173 --> 00:20:55,142
Thank you. You're too kind.

462
00:20:55,284 --> 00:20:57,687
And great work by The Agency.

463
00:20:58,671 --> 00:21:00,062
Now, that was obviously

464
00:21:00,096 --> 00:21:02,516
a fake kidnapping
and assassination,

465
00:21:02,541 --> 00:21:03,909
but they didn't know that.

466
00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:06,774
In fact, this was
the demonstration portion

467
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:09,985
of my talk,
"Leadership as a Network."

468
00:21:10,010 --> 00:21:14,180
I turned this unruly bunch into
a finely-honed fighting force.

469
00:21:14,278 --> 00:21:17,618
Sterling Archer himself stepped
between me and a bullet

470
00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:20,546
despite the fact
that he hates my guts.

471
00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:22,539
That is the power of leadership.

472
00:21:23,953 --> 00:21:26,586
Well, thank you all
for helping me with my speech.

473
00:21:26,611 --> 00:21:30,112
So who gets to be
head of The Agency?

474
00:21:30,137 --> 00:21:32,742
I gave away the most brochures.
Kaboom.

475
00:21:32,767 --> 00:21:35,117
Jesus, Cyril. Not the time.

476
00:21:35,142 --> 00:21:37,144
But it's me, right?
See me lead that mission?

477
00:21:37,169 --> 00:21:39,203
Actually, it's Agent Gillette.

478
00:21:39,228 --> 00:21:41,156
So, what?

479
00:21:41,181 --> 00:21:43,797
Because he understood
the true mission.

480
00:21:43,822 --> 00:21:46,658
He's been gathering dirt
on all of you for years,

481
00:21:46,683 --> 00:21:49,961
which he has compiled
in this very convenient binder.

482
00:21:49,986 --> 00:21:53,039
Like "Pam once snuck a goat
into the office.

483
00:21:53,064 --> 00:21:55,900
- No one knows why."
- I was fostering it.

484
00:21:55,925 --> 00:21:57,626
And the next week,
she brought in

485
00:21:57,651 --> 00:21:59,619
goat meat tacos for everyone.

486
00:21:59,644 --> 00:22:02,265
That goat's personality
was very toxic.

487
00:22:02,290 --> 00:22:05,218
Well, I'm sure you have
a lot to talk about.

488
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:09,018
You backstabbing
son of a bitch.

489
00:22:09,043 --> 00:22:12,804
In my defense, I did not know
he was gonna tell everybody.

490
00:22:14,312 --> 00:22:15,624
_

491
00:22:15,657 --> 00:22:16,671
Look.

492
00:22:16,696 --> 00:22:18,798
You know, you're good at this,
Archer.

493
00:22:18,823 --> 00:22:22,059
It'll take time, but maybe you
should get more involved.

494
00:22:22,088 --> 00:22:23,812
You're right.
And, you know,

495
00:22:23,837 --> 00:22:25,093
I didn't wanna let you win,

496
00:22:25,118 --> 00:22:27,507
but up there on the train,
I suddenly had this idea...

497
00:22:27,532 --> 00:22:29,501
Being declared the best agent
in the world.

498
00:22:29,602 --> 00:22:31,695
That's gotta help
your custody case for AJ.

499
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,656
And that keeps her in my life.

500
00:22:34,374 --> 00:22:37,616
Aww. Buddy, that won't affect
the case at all.

501
00:22:37,641 --> 00:22:39,062
They don't consider
that kind of thing.

502
00:22:39,087 --> 00:22:40,689
God damn it. That's it!

503
00:22:40,714 --> 00:22:42,683
I've learned
a very valuable lesson today.

504
00:22:42,708 --> 00:22:45,226
Making the responsible choice
is for suckers.

505
00:22:45,251 --> 00:22:47,859
Until now, I've been
the careful, restrained,

506
00:22:47,884 --> 00:22:50,053
subtle, rule-respecting Archer.

507
00:22:50,078 --> 00:22:52,447
- What?
- But that is over!

508
00:22:52,472 --> 00:22:54,179
Welcome to the new Archer.

509
00:22:54,204 --> 00:22:56,718
I'm gonna go find two bottles
of whiskey, three women,

510
00:22:56,743 --> 00:22:59,446
a full-color illustrated
edition of the Kama Sutra,

511
00:22:59,471 --> 00:23:02,406
and six gallons
of orange sports drink.

512
00:23:02,431 --> 00:23:05,742
I will see you all
one: when I feel like it,

513
00:23:05,767 --> 00:23:07,936
and two: in hell!

514
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:11,851
God damn it.

515
00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:19,122
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