1 00:00:01,404 --> 00:00:05,859 www.subtitulamos.tv 2 00:00:51,125 --> 00:00:52,248 Laurence! 3 00:00:52,251 --> 00:00:53,928 Oh, my God! 4 00:00:54,051 --> 00:00:57,165 - How are you? - Hey, Callum! 5 00:00:58,418 --> 00:00:59,845 You're looking good ! 6 00:00:59,869 --> 00:01:02,649 I think the last time I saw you was this century, wasn't it? 7 00:01:02,650 --> 00:01:05,448 1t was. Kenzie's wedding, so june 2O1O. 8 00:01:05,479 --> 00:01:06,498 Was it really? 9 00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:08,439 - Yeah. - God, poor old Kenzie. 10 00:01:08,845 --> 00:01:10,045 Poor Kenzie's wife. 11 00:01:10,205 --> 00:01:12,298 Well, quite. Are they still together? 12 00:01:12,299 --> 00:01:15,278 No, no, no. He lives in Germany now. We're Facebook friends. 13 00:01:15,565 --> 00:01:17,418 Are you? Well, you know, I don't do 14 00:01:17,419 --> 00:01:19,946 - any of that social media crap. - No, I noticed. 15 00:01:19,956 --> 00:01:22,858 You didn't want to be Linked in, in spite of several attempts. 16 00:01:22,859 --> 00:01:25,429 Bless you for trying, Laurence, but I 'm too old. 17 00:01:25,439 --> 00:01:27,008 I prefer seeing people face-to-face. 18 00:01:27,205 --> 00:01:28,525 Every 12 years. 19 00:01:29,085 --> 00:01:30,325 Exactly. 20 00:01:30,765 --> 00:01:33,765 - Anyway, can you give me a hand with this? - Yeah! 21 00:01:38,168 --> 00:01:39,698 It's very quiet. 22 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:42,725 You haven't lured me here under false pretences, have you? 23 00:01:43,405 --> 00:01:44,448 Closed for the winter. 24 00:01:44,449 --> 00:01:46,699 A friend of Bonnie's runs it. She let me have the key. 25 00:01:46,719 --> 00:01:49,125 How is Bonnie? Will we get to see her today? 26 00:01:49,338 --> 00:01:51,045 Ah, yeah. Yeah, she'll be...here later. 27 00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:54,045 - How's...your partner? - Pablo? 28 00:01:54,605 --> 00:01:56,405 Oh, you know, we muddle through. 29 00:01:56,904 --> 00:01:59,428 He's doing an online course in fine art at the moment, 30 00:01:59,429 --> 00:02:01,765 which is bewildering to me, but never mind. 31 00:02:02,445 --> 00:02:04,649 - He'd have loved this. - Yeah. Beautiful, isn't it? 32 00:02:05,085 --> 00:02:06,325 Remind you of the god old days? 33 00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:09,405 - Which good old days? - Uni! 34 00:02:10,144 --> 00:02:12,125 We used to go for those big walks round the lake. 35 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,445 Yeah. A little bit. 36 00:02:15,808 --> 00:02:19,525 So few places nowadays where you can actually find peace. 37 00:02:21,325 --> 00:02:24,649 Oi, oi, saveloy! Brap- brap- brap- brap- brap! 38 00:02:24,650 --> 00:02:28,005 Oh, Jesus, you never told me Darren was coming. 39 00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:29,779 I told you it was a reunion. Hi, Dazza! 40 00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:31,418 All right, lads? How are we? 41 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:32,746 Come here! Give us a hug ! 42 00:02:35,365 --> 00:02:37,845 - So good to see you, mate! - Yeah, you too. 43 00:02:39,138 --> 00:02:41,630 Hey, you've still got the old university scarf, you saddo! 44 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,652 This is my third one. They keep updating it. 45 00:02:43,662 --> 00:02:45,905 - 1 think this one has got a slightly... - And Cal's all glammed up 46 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,046 in his Marks & Sparks Blue Harbour gear. 47 00:02:48,359 --> 00:02:50,808 Hugo Boss, you cheeky sod! What have you come as? 48 00:02:50,809 --> 00:02:52,948 You look like a homeless Shakin' Stevens. 49 00:02:52,949 --> 00:02:54,925 Eh, it's the latest fashions. 50 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,608 Do they not have this in that London, eh? 51 00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:06,428 - It's been a while, hasn't it? - Kenzie's wedding, apparently. 52 00:03:06,429 --> 00:03:08,485 Oh, God, yeah, course. Is he coming? 53 00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:11,228 No, no, he's in Germany. It's just us three, 54 00:03:11,229 --> 00:03:13,245 like in the good old days. The three amigos. 55 00:03:13,255 --> 00:03:15,189 What? I thought it was 56 00:03:15,199 --> 00:03:17,525 like a big fuck-off party cruise with loads of people. 57 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,498 Sorry, have I got the shit end of the stick here? 58 00:03:20,499 --> 00:03:22,288 No, no, it's going to be great. I've got it 59 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,045 all planned. We're going to get out on the lake 60 00:03:24,348 --> 00:03:25,565 when it gets dark. 61 00:03:26,018 --> 00:03:27,965 We've got so much to catch up on. 62 00:03:28,245 --> 00:03:31,738 Fuckint hell! Anyone got a dock leaf? 63 00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:34,045 I think I tve just stung me fanny on a nettle. 64 00:03:34,765 --> 00:03:36,445 Sorry, t'front bumt'. 65 00:03:36,485 --> 00:03:37,485 Hiya ! 66 00:03:38,248 --> 00:03:39,525 Who's this? 67 00:03:39,649 --> 00:03:41,868 It's me new bird, Donna. I promised her 68 00:03:41,869 --> 00:03:44,085 - we were going out on a boat. - We are. 69 00:03:45,765 --> 00:03:47,645 Oh, shit... 70 00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:48,885 Hello, hello. Hi. 71 00:03:48,886 --> 00:03:50,098 I'm Donna. Pleased to meet you. 72 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,605 - Laurence. - Hi! Callum. 73 00:03:55,178 --> 00:03:57,168 Hey, itts well nice here, innit? 74 00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,298 Me mumts got a tray like this. Wait till I tell her! 75 00:04:01,968 --> 00:04:03,668 Hey, has the yacht got an inside bit? 76 00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:05,525 Cos I'm freezing me tits off already. 77 00:04:06,765 --> 00:04:08,728 Er, Darren, could you give me a hand? 78 00:04:08,965 --> 00:04:10,325 Oh, yeah, course. 79 00:04:12,525 --> 00:04:15,725 What are you playing at? The invite was for you only. 80 00:04:16,068 --> 00:04:18,288 Well, I was trying to impress her, wasn't I? 81 00:04:18,289 --> 00:04:19,858 We've only been shagging for a few weeks. 82 00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,685 I wanted it to be just the four of us. 83 00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:22,725 It is! 84 00:04:22,978 --> 00:04:25,088 - What's the matter, Larry? - I wish you'd told me, 85 00:04:25,089 --> 00:04:26,529 that's all. It makes things very awkward. 86 00:04:26,530 --> 00:04:28,285 It's awkward for me, an' all. 87 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,485 I thought it was all plus-ones and wristbands. 88 00:04:30,608 --> 00:04:32,511 She's missing her mate's hen do for this. 89 00:04:32,521 --> 00:04:34,605 So, does this take us to the party boat? 90 00:04:34,685 --> 00:04:38,125 Yeah. Yeah, just, er, jump on the paedo and we'll be off. 91 00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:40,915 You what? 92 00:04:40,925 --> 00:04:43,205 We're just going to have a quick go on the paedo. 93 00:04:43,948 --> 00:04:45,565 You mean "pedalo". 94 00:04:47,005 --> 00:04:49,675 Is that what it's called? I thought they were called paedos. 95 00:04:49,685 --> 00:04:50,725 I thought it was a bit weird! 96 00:04:51,968 --> 00:04:54,885 Right, well, come on, let's cast off. Ladies first. 97 00:04:54,965 --> 00:04:56,805 I'm not sitting in that. The seats are all wet. 98 00:04:56,818 --> 00:05:00,205 Actually, the cold water will help with your vaginal irritation. 99 00:05:00,238 --> 00:05:02,308 Er, tscuse me, his name is Darren. 100 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:08,565 - She got you! - Here we go. Whoopsie-daisy. 101 00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:12,308 - You ready? - Bloody hell! These are brand new! 102 00:05:12,309 --> 00:05:13,725 - You all right? - Come on. 103 00:05:13,858 --> 00:05:16,669 - Okay. - Christ! Oh... Christ! 104 00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:20,565 - Here we go. - I haven't done this for years! 105 00:05:22,018 --> 00:05:23,645 Hey, it's great, innit? 106 00:05:23,738 --> 00:05:26,048 Going to be like Ibiza, babe! Whoo-whoo! 107 00:05:26,169 --> 00:05:29,655 _ 108 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,805 Whoa, this is cool, isn't it? 109 00:05:33,858 --> 00:05:34,938 It's charming. 110 00:05:35,245 --> 00:05:37,885 Three Men in A Boat, To Say Nothing Of The Dog. 111 00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:39,925 Er, sorry, say that again. 112 00:05:40,008 --> 00:05:42,228 It's, er, Jerome K Jerome. Full title. 113 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:45,245 Only five minutes, and he's calling me a dog. 114 00:05:45,255 --> 00:05:47,485 Probably just admiring your puppies. 115 00:05:48,205 --> 00:05:49,705 I thought you said he was, er... 116 00:05:50,885 --> 00:05:52,386 Oh, no, that's me. 117 00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:55,328 Could never tell. 118 00:05:55,329 --> 00:05:57,965 Are you the one that knows Judge Rinder of Strictly? 119 00:05:58,818 --> 00:06:00,645 Our paths have crossed. 120 00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:02,288 Cos Darren said he's going to be at the party. 121 00:06:02,298 --> 00:06:03,805 I only said he might be! 122 00:06:06,938 --> 00:06:08,565 I only said he might be. 123 00:06:09,688 --> 00:06:12,525 Well, stranger things have happened at sea. 124 00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:14,988 So, you were all at school together? 125 00:06:15,048 --> 00:06:16,325 No, university. 126 00:06:16,789 --> 00:06:19,218 Callum was a medical student. I was reading psychology. 127 00:06:19,219 --> 00:06:21,659 Oh, I've seen that - where she gets stabbed in the shower. 128 00:06:22,445 --> 00:06:24,365 I didn't know they'd made a book of it, though. 129 00:06:25,298 --> 00:06:28,048 - What did you do? - Er, nothing. 130 00:06:28,049 --> 00:06:29,965 I dropped out in t'second year. It was boring. 131 00:06:30,268 --> 00:06:33,115 Darren was studying, er, sports science, 132 00:06:33,125 --> 00:06:34,285 if that's not an oxymoron. 133 00:06:34,965 --> 00:06:37,565 Bloody hell! He's calling you a dog and me a moron. 134 00:06:37,608 --> 00:06:39,445 I thought you were supposed to be my mate. 135 00:06:40,205 --> 00:06:42,405 He still teaches there, y'know, Phil Crawford. 136 00:06:43,005 --> 00:06:45,165 Does he? Creepy Crawford? 137 00:06:45,258 --> 00:06:48,328 He was a bit of a pedalo. How do you know? 138 00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,365 Oh, didn't I tell you? I work there. 139 00:06:51,142 --> 00:06:52,148 At our uni? 140 00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:54,539 - Yeah. The psychology department. - Since when? 141 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,885 About eight years! I put it all in my Christmas round- robin. 142 00:06:56,886 --> 00:06:58,245 Don't you read them? 143 00:06:58,725 --> 00:07:01,925 Oh, I think it must just go straight into my spam folder. 144 00:07:02,885 --> 00:07:04,125 Bloody hell! 145 00:07:04,808 --> 00:07:06,308 So, what's it like there now? 146 00:07:06,309 --> 00:07:07,525 Oh, it's exactly the same. 147 00:07:07,768 --> 00:07:09,405 The library, the common room... 148 00:07:09,908 --> 00:07:12,285 They even dress up the Newton statue every freshers' week. 149 00:07:12,645 --> 00:07:13,845 What statue? 150 00:07:14,738 --> 00:07:16,178 The Isaac Newton one! 151 00:07:16,179 --> 00:07:19,085 We put a dress on it in our first week, with apples for breasts. 152 00:07:19,345 --> 00:07:21,338 - Don't you remember? - Vaguely. 153 00:07:21,645 --> 00:07:23,285 Come on! I remember it like it was yesterday. 154 00:07:23,295 --> 00:07:24,965 It was the funniest thing ever! 155 00:07:25,165 --> 00:07:26,645 You need to get out more. 156 00:07:27,885 --> 00:07:29,669 Shall we just drift for a bit... 157 00:07:30,688 --> 00:07:32,228 ...take in the view? 158 00:07:36,698 --> 00:07:39,125 How about you two, then? Where did you meet? 159 00:07:39,688 --> 00:07:43,805 Five Guys. He spilt an Oreo milkshake all down me back. 160 00:07:43,835 --> 00:07:45,685 I think he was just trying to get my attention. 161 00:07:45,695 --> 00:07:47,128 Worked, though, didn't it? 162 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,565 Sounds very romantic. 163 00:07:49,768 --> 00:07:51,445 Have you been in Five Guys, Callum? 164 00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,125 Oh, at least. 165 00:07:54,677 --> 00:07:56,645 So, are you and Bonnie still living in the same place? 166 00:07:56,978 --> 00:07:59,388 Yeah. Yeah. Rattling round now, of course, 167 00:07:59,389 --> 00:08:02,248 cos Alex is at uni. I 'm an empty- nester. 168 00:08:02,925 --> 00:08:05,205 - How about your two? - Oh, smashing, yeah. 169 00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:08,219 Yeah, I don't get to see them as much as I 'd like, y'know. 170 00:08:08,229 --> 00:08:10,485 But I 've got them for a couple of weeks in the summer. 171 00:08:11,165 --> 00:08:12,448 You wanna go t' Disney, don't you? 172 00:08:12,485 --> 00:08:14,965 Yeah. You can have breakfast with the characters. 173 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:18,138 I can't decide between Goofy's Kitchen and Ariel's Grotto. 174 00:08:19,128 --> 00:08:22,108 Not sure I fancy eating somewhere called Ariel's Grotto. 175 00:08:22,565 --> 00:08:24,588 - Oh, I would! - Don't ruin it, you pig! 176 00:08:24,845 --> 00:08:26,778 Pabby and I are going to take the girls to Cornwall 177 00:08:26,779 --> 00:08:28,248 this year, have a staycation. 178 00:08:28,445 --> 00:08:31,565 - You've got girls? I didn't know. - Yeah, five and nine. 179 00:08:31,665 --> 00:08:34,245 Well, good for you! What are their names? 180 00:08:34,345 --> 00:08:36,005 Millie and Liza. 181 00:08:36,585 --> 00:08:38,458 We're absolutely run off our feet with them, 182 00:08:38,459 --> 00:08:41,845 but you adjust, don't you? Your life becomes about them. 183 00:08:41,948 --> 00:08:44,158 Oh, yeah, true. Do you have pictures? 184 00:08:44,178 --> 00:08:45,405 Yeah, of course! 185 00:08:45,419 --> 00:08:46,948 Proud dad! 186 00:08:48,588 --> 00:08:52,018 - Actually, I 'm a grandfather now. - You what? 187 00:08:52,025 --> 00:08:54,485 Yeah. We took Millie to a breeding kennel. 188 00:08:54,495 --> 00:08:55,865 She had a litter of five. 189 00:08:56,965 --> 00:08:58,525 Our beautiful girls. 190 00:09:02,258 --> 00:09:03,818 Oh. I see. 191 00:09:04,818 --> 00:09:06,488 Not quite the same thing. 192 00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:09,485 Anyway, shall we press on? 193 00:09:09,565 --> 00:09:11,365 Oh, hang on, hang on. I 'm not ready yet. 194 00:09:11,498 --> 00:09:14,165 Can I have a go at pedalling? It'd be good for me glutes. 195 00:09:14,175 --> 00:09:15,848 No, you don't know where we're going. I do. 196 00:09:15,849 --> 00:09:17,645 Oh, let her have a go. What's the problem? 197 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,525 I just don't want to veer off course, that's all. 198 00:09:19,678 --> 00:09:21,488 Come on, Laurence, it's not Shackleton. 199 00:09:21,489 --> 00:09:23,218 - She can swap with me. - Thanks. 200 00:09:24,228 --> 00:09:26,085 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Help me, then! 201 00:09:26,498 --> 00:09:28,048 All right, there we go. 202 00:09:28,049 --> 00:09:30,978 Whoopsie-daisy! 203 00:09:30,979 --> 00:09:32,285 Careful! 204 00:09:33,885 --> 00:09:35,445 How do you work it? 205 00:09:37,005 --> 00:09:38,765 You just put your feet on the pedals. 206 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:44,585 Hey, it's fun, innit? 207 00:09:44,948 --> 00:09:47,058 Right, let's get to this party! 208 00:10:03,605 --> 00:10:06,605 Fucking hell. This is hard work, innit? 209 00:10:06,618 --> 00:10:08,285 It's like a spin class. 210 00:10:08,845 --> 00:10:10,485 How long have I been doing it? 211 00:10:11,965 --> 00:10:15,308 - Two minutes. - Ohhh! Sweating cobs! 212 00:10:15,309 --> 00:10:17,365 Can't have Judge Rinder seeing me like this. 213 00:10:17,978 --> 00:10:20,285 Will there be cabins on the boat to freshen up? 214 00:10:22,405 --> 00:10:24,108 Who wants a bevvy? 215 00:10:24,109 --> 00:10:25,458 - Larry? - No, thank you. 216 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,165 - Cal? - Why not? 217 00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:28,965 Do you want them Doritos, babe? 218 00:10:48,498 --> 00:10:51,525 This time yesterday, I was draining a pelvic abscess. 219 00:10:51,625 --> 00:10:53,405 Don't say that, you're making we want a wee. 220 00:10:53,618 --> 00:10:55,125 So, er, are you still at the Royal Free? 221 00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:59,165 Yeah, head of obs and gynae now, which is quite a responsibility. 222 00:11:00,045 --> 00:11:01,845 Well done, mate. I 'm really proud of you. 223 00:11:01,945 --> 00:11:03,345 Thank you. 224 00:11:03,885 --> 00:11:06,445 How about you? You were... teaching PE 225 00:11:06,455 --> 00:11:08,028 in some god -awful school, weren't you? 226 00:11:08,029 --> 00:11:10,285 Supply, yeah. I jacked it in, though. 227 00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:12,768 Kids can be cruel little fuckers. 228 00:11:12,769 --> 00:11:15,045 I was. I was a total bitch. 229 00:11:15,218 --> 00:11:16,669 Calmed down a lot now. 230 00:11:22,565 --> 00:11:25,005 - Are you actually pedalling, or...? - I'm doing it! 231 00:11:26,325 --> 00:11:27,348 What are you up to now? 232 00:11:28,245 --> 00:11:30,108 - Oh, this and that, y'know. - Tell him! 233 00:11:30,109 --> 00:11:31,458 Don't be embarrassed. 234 00:11:32,395 --> 00:11:35,285 Well... I'm a children's author. 235 00:11:36,669 --> 00:11:39,549 Really? Congratulations! Are you published? 236 00:11:39,550 --> 00:11:41,978 No, not yet, no. Er, still at the development stage, 237 00:11:41,979 --> 00:11:43,338 mapping out the structure, an' that. 238 00:11:43,339 --> 00:11:45,108 Tell him your idea. It's brilliant. 239 00:11:45,109 --> 00:11:47,618 - No! - Come on, have confidence in it. 240 00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:52,498 All right, well, basically, it's like a hardback book, 241 00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,978 and on the first page there'll be a picture of a ball 242 00:11:55,365 --> 00:11:57,245 and on the opposite page the word "ball". 243 00:11:58,325 --> 00:11:59,338 So, you turn the page, and there'll be 244 00:11:59,339 --> 00:12:01,725 a picture of a boy and on the opposite page the word... 245 00:12:01,735 --> 00:12:04,445 - "Boy." - Have I told you about it already? 246 00:12:04,805 --> 00:12:06,338 No. Carry on. 247 00:12:06,339 --> 00:12:09,275 So on the next page there'll be a boy and a ball, and it'd say 248 00:12:09,285 --> 00:12:12,245 something like, " Boy got ball," or, " Boy play with ball." 249 00:12:12,246 --> 00:12:13,765 I haven't really worked it all out yet. 250 00:12:15,205 --> 00:12:17,289 So it's like baby's first words. 251 00:12:17,685 --> 00:12:20,908 Yeah, but with a story gradually developing out of it. 252 00:12:20,909 --> 00:12:23,085 I've read it twice. Made me cry. 253 00:12:23,725 --> 00:12:26,748 Sorry, Darren, this isn't an authored book, 254 00:12:26,749 --> 00:12:29,325 is it? It's just words and pictures. 255 00:12:29,525 --> 00:12:32,578 Well, like I say, it's early days. I think people will buy it. 256 00:12:32,579 --> 00:12:35,245 They are buying it! It already exists. 257 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,805 It's hardly going to make you into the next J K Rowling, is it? 258 00:12:37,845 --> 00:12:40,605 All right, Callum, you don't have to shoot it down in flames. 259 00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:43,075 We can't all be elbow-deep in fannies every day. 260 00:12:43,085 --> 00:12:45,128 Can we not talk like that, please? 261 00:12:45,138 --> 00:12:47,419 I could be where you are now, top of me tree, on a good wage, 262 00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:50,125 but I never had the chance, did I? If I 'd have graduated, 263 00:12:50,135 --> 00:12:51,419 I could've made something of meself. 264 00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:52,828 - Could've been a contender? - Yes! 265 00:12:52,829 --> 00:12:54,268 Yeah. In sports science? 266 00:12:54,269 --> 00:12:56,005 - Give me a break! - Leave it, Callum! 267 00:12:56,015 --> 00:12:57,358 You can't possibly compare 268 00:12:57,458 --> 00:13:00,885 me doing seven years of medical training to you playing rounders 269 00:13:00,895 --> 00:13:02,965 - and learning about Lucozade. - I was good at it. 270 00:13:02,966 --> 00:13:03,943 - Really? - Yes. 271 00:13:03,945 --> 00:13:05,045 So why did you drop out, then? 272 00:13:05,055 --> 00:13:06,578 I 'll drop you out in a minute! 273 00:13:06,579 --> 00:13:07,605 That's enough! 274 00:13:08,325 --> 00:13:11,125 I didn't invite you both here today just so you could open up old wounds. 275 00:13:11,135 --> 00:13:14,235 I wanted it to be a celebration of...who we used to be. 276 00:13:14,245 --> 00:13:15,685 As opposed to who we are? 277 00:13:15,988 --> 00:13:19,445 Uni was 30 years ago, Laurence. Move on! 278 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,125 Sorry, I think something's happened. Why's it not going? 279 00:13:36,165 --> 00:13:38,445 - What? - Pedals are stuck. 280 00:13:40,605 --> 00:13:42,245 Er... All right, try going backward. 281 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,845 We're tangled up in all these weeds, look. They're everywhere. 282 00:13:49,285 --> 00:13:52,085 Oh, for Christ's sake! This is all your fault! 283 00:13:52,095 --> 00:13:53,485 Why didn't you look where we were going? 284 00:13:53,495 --> 00:13:55,978 What do you mean, look where I was going? We're on an empty lake, mate! 285 00:13:55,979 --> 00:13:57,525 Yes, which makes it even more idiotic! 286 00:13:57,535 --> 00:13:59,429 Don't blame her, Laurence. It was an accident. 287 00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:01,165 Keep waggling the pedals. 288 00:14:01,166 --> 00:14:02,666 She wasn't even meant to be here! 289 00:14:02,837 --> 00:14:05,085 Er, excuse me, I was invited to this party by Darren. 290 00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:06,604 For God's sake, there is no party! 291 00:14:06,725 --> 00:14:08,624 This was supposed to be a reunion of three friends 292 00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:10,565 from university. I wanted everything to be perfect. 293 00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:12,525 You've managed to ruin it! 294 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:16,845 Darren, is that true? 295 00:14:19,549 --> 00:14:21,165 I cocked up, didn't I? 296 00:14:22,058 --> 00:14:24,645 I didn't read the invite properly. This is it. 297 00:14:25,405 --> 00:14:28,045 This...is the party. 298 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,715 So, what, Judge Rinder's not even coming? 299 00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:33,188 Doubtful. 300 00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:35,165 I'm missing Gemma's hen night for this? 301 00:14:35,525 --> 00:14:36,605 They'll have a stripper 302 00:14:36,615 --> 00:14:38,278 helicoptering all over them now in Sugar H ut 303 00:14:38,279 --> 00:14:40,365 while we're playing Swallows and fucking Amazons. 304 00:14:40,375 --> 00:14:42,035 Soz, babe. I 'll make it up to you. 305 00:14:42,045 --> 00:14:43,705 Oh, shove it up your arse! 306 00:14:45,378 --> 00:14:49,005 So, I think that's everyone fallen out with everyone. 307 00:14:49,068 --> 00:14:51,098 Reunion 101. 308 00:14:54,085 --> 00:14:55,645 What are we going to do now? 309 00:15:24,788 --> 00:15:27,885 * Row, row, row your boat 310 00:15:28,549 --> 00:15:31,325 * Gently down the stream 311 00:15:31,788 --> 00:15:34,738 * Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 312 00:15:34,739 --> 00:15:36,378 # Life is but a dream 313 00:15:36,379 --> 00:15:39,708 * Row, row, row your boat 314 00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,778 * Gently to the shore 315 00:15:41,779 --> 00:15:44,938 * If you see a lion there 316 00:15:44,939 --> 00:15:47,218 * Don't forget to roar... * Roarrrr! 317 00:15:48,045 --> 00:15:51,078 - * Row, row, row your... * - Please stop. 318 00:15:52,068 --> 00:15:55,068 Fine. So, what are you going to do? J ust sit here 319 00:15:55,069 --> 00:15:57,125 and wait for someone to find us? Is that your plan? 320 00:15:57,135 --> 00:15:58,365 Yes. 321 00:15:58,778 --> 00:16:00,925 I told you, I saw someone earlier over there. 322 00:16:01,605 --> 00:16:02,765 Probably a fisherman. 323 00:16:02,775 --> 00:16:05,525 Well, it's going to be dark in half an hour. 324 00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:06,685 That's all I 'm saying. 325 00:16:06,686 --> 00:16:09,085 Can't one of us go under and untangle the pedals? 326 00:16:09,095 --> 00:16:11,378 Not recommended. The water's freezing. 327 00:16:11,379 --> 00:16:13,205 You'd have hypothermia within 20 minutes. 328 00:16:13,215 --> 00:16:15,908 Right, well, I'm sorry, but you're all going to need to look over there. 329 00:16:16,205 --> 00:16:17,458 Why? Have you seen someone? 330 00:16:17,459 --> 00:16:19,125 No, because I need to do a wee. 331 00:16:19,299 --> 00:16:20,525 Oh, no, are you serious? 332 00:16:20,535 --> 00:16:23,165 Yes! I tve been busting for ages. 333 00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:25,485 It's all the tinkling of the water. 334 00:16:29,218 --> 00:16:32,125 Well, talk amongst yourselves. I don't want you listening to it. 335 00:16:32,285 --> 00:16:34,578 Good idea, actually. Might kill off some of the weeds. 336 00:16:34,579 --> 00:16:36,245 It's not acid! 337 00:16:36,525 --> 00:16:38,125 Oh! Bonus ball. 338 00:16:38,908 --> 00:16:40,368 I like her. 339 00:16:42,198 --> 00:16:44,125 This is the story of my life. 340 00:16:44,965 --> 00:16:47,198 What, listening to a woman pissing off a paedo? 341 00:16:47,199 --> 00:16:49,268 - Pedalo. - No, being stuck. 342 00:16:49,905 --> 00:16:52,285 When we graduated, 1 stayed in the area, married Bonnie, 343 00:16:52,295 --> 00:16:53,805 did a PGCE. 344 00:16:54,565 --> 00:16:57,605 Next thing, I'm back teaching the same course I just graduated from. 345 00:16:59,365 --> 00:17:02,885 You've all moved on and had lives. I'm still living in 1989. 346 00:17:03,925 --> 00:17:06,325 I wouldn't worry about it, Larry. You've not missed much. 347 00:17:07,205 --> 00:17:09,268 Although Game Of Thrones was pretty good. 348 00:17:10,445 --> 00:17:12,685 Even then, they ruined the ending. 349 00:17:15,778 --> 00:17:17,445 Well, I 'm not going to do that. 350 00:17:17,668 --> 00:17:20,765 All right, I'm done. You can turn round now. 351 00:17:22,285 --> 00:17:24,800 Do you think that's why they say, t' Relieve y'urself'? 352 00:17:24,805 --> 00:17:27,045 cos you'e relieved you've not pissed your pants? 353 00:17:27,978 --> 00:17:30,068 Oh, come on! This is ridiculous! 354 00:17:30,069 --> 00:17:31,738 I thought you said Bonnie was going to be here. 355 00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:33,525 - She is. - Well, call her. 356 00:17:33,535 --> 00:17:35,605 - Tell her to come early. - There's no signal. 357 00:17:35,708 --> 00:17:37,485 Well, can't we all just check again? 358 00:17:37,508 --> 00:17:39,245 Yeah, I 'm sure I had a couple of bars earlier. 359 00:17:39,255 --> 00:17:40,438 Is she still on the same number? 360 00:17:40,448 --> 00:17:42,275 - What network are you on? - Give us your phone, Larry. 361 00:17:42,285 --> 00:17:43,925 - Give it to us! - No. There's no point. 362 00:17:43,935 --> 00:17:45,925 - Why not?! - Because B0nnie's dead! 363 00:17:52,068 --> 00:17:53,525 What? 364 00:17:54,348 --> 00:17:55,925 She's dead. She died. 365 00:17:57,148 --> 00:17:58,645 A year ago. 366 00:18:03,285 --> 00:18:04,805 It was a short illness. 367 00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:07,085 And she was very brave. 368 00:18:12,068 --> 00:18:13,845 She's in here. 369 00:18:14,765 --> 00:18:18,988 Sorry, is...? Is Bonnie a. . .guinea pig? 370 00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:24,885 No. 371 00:18:33,309 --> 00:18:34,965 She was my wife. 372 00:18:38,748 --> 00:18:42,005 I just got confused cos of him and his... dog daughters. 373 00:18:44,605 --> 00:18:46,085 I 'm really sorry, mate. 374 00:18:46,265 --> 00:18:47,705 Why didn't you tell us? 375 00:18:49,085 --> 00:18:50,765 I wanted to. 376 00:18:51,508 --> 00:18:53,068 I didn't know how. 377 00:18:55,145 --> 00:18:56,628 I wanted to see you face-to-face. 378 00:18:56,629 --> 00:18:58,588 It's not the sort of thing you can say in an email or 379 00:18:58,589 --> 00:19:00,158 round- robin. 380 00:19:03,798 --> 00:19:06,405 A week went by, and then a m0nth, and then, in the end... 381 00:19:09,868 --> 00:19:15,468 That's why I... wanted... to have you both here today, 382 00:19:15,469 --> 00:19:16,965 One year on. 383 00:19:20,189 --> 00:19:23,645 You were there when we met, you were there when we married. 384 00:19:25,588 --> 00:19:27,925 I wanted you to be there for the final goodbye... 385 00:19:29,588 --> 00:19:32,685 ...because even though I know that we don't see each other any more... 386 00:19:37,925 --> 00:19:39,885 ...you're still my best friends. 387 00:19:43,158 --> 00:19:46,028 So you wanted us to be here to scatter her ashes? 388 00:19:47,245 --> 00:19:49,005 Yeah. 389 00:19:50,538 --> 00:19:52,108 Sort of. 390 00:19:53,645 --> 00:19:56,045 - Oh, my God! - Jesus, Laurence! 391 00:19:57,148 --> 00:19:58,645 Where's he gone? 392 00:20:00,708 --> 00:20:03,605 Laurence, come back, man! You'll freeze to death! 393 00:20:11,228 --> 00:20:13,588 Laurence! 394 00:20:20,708 --> 00:20:24,238 - Can you still see him? - Yeah, I think so. 395 00:20:27,898 --> 00:20:29,468 What's he playing at? 396 00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:32,365 He always talked about how he proposed to Bonnie on an island. 397 00:20:32,578 --> 00:20:34,948 I thought he meant the Caribbean or somewhere, but... 398 00:20:34,949 --> 00:20:36,618 ...it must be that one there. 399 00:20:40,258 --> 00:20:42,605 I can't believe she died and he never told y0u. 400 00:20:43,319 --> 00:20:46,388 I suppose that's what all those Linked In requests were. 401 00:20:46,389 --> 00:20:49,645 - I feel terrible now. - I bet you do! Poor man. 402 00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,395 I nearly cried when he said you two were his best friends. 403 00:20:52,405 --> 00:20:53,685 We were. 404 00:20:54,228 --> 00:20:56,798 Used to be. But... 405 00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:59,868 ...life moves on, doesn't it? 406 00:21:00,904 --> 00:21:02,405 Not for Bonnie. 407 00:21:04,598 --> 00:21:07,365 Maybe I have become too self-absorbed. 408 00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:12,165 But we're all dealing with our own shit, aren't we? 409 00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:14,805 Yours is mostly dog shit, by the sound of it. 410 00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:17,245 His wife's died. 411 00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:20,338 You can't just scoop that up in a little blue bag 412 00:21:20,339 --> 00:21:22,598 and hang it off a tree. 413 00:21:25,645 --> 00:21:28,205 I once did one in a paintpot and left it in the cellar. 414 00:21:29,309 --> 00:21:31,605 I was moving house, so it didn't really matter. 415 00:21:36,868 --> 00:21:40,565 If it's any consolation, I absolutely hate my job. 416 00:21:41,645 --> 00:21:44,518 I spent years trying to get to the top, and now I 'm there, I realise 417 00:21:44,519 --> 00:21:46,548 it was just the endeavour that was keeping me going. 418 00:21:46,965 --> 00:21:50,445 I got to the end of the rainbow and found the pot of gold. 419 00:21:52,828 --> 00:21:57,765 Now I 'd give you anything to give it back and start again. 420 00:21:58,485 --> 00:22:02,005 Like you. I envy you. 421 00:22:02,125 --> 00:22:03,668 Well, it was not a choice. 422 00:22:04,005 --> 00:22:05,765 What do you mean? 423 00:22:06,518 --> 00:22:08,045 I didn't drop out of uni. 424 00:22:09,085 --> 00:22:10,678 I got kicked out. 425 00:22:10,708 --> 00:22:12,158 - Really? - Yeah. 426 00:22:12,159 --> 00:22:17,258 I 'd done so well to get me A levels, but...uni was just so hard! 427 00:22:17,605 --> 00:22:19,765 Even if it was only sports science. 428 00:22:20,445 --> 00:22:22,338 Then one day, I realised, 429 00:22:22,339 --> 00:22:24,189 if life gives you melons... 430 00:22:25,158 --> 00:22:28,518 ...you're probably dyslexic. 431 00:22:28,519 --> 00:22:29,685 What? 432 00:22:31,748 --> 00:22:33,565 I 've got surface dyslexia. 433 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:39,189 I was too embarrassed to say anything at the time. 434 00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:41,685 But that's why this book is so important to me. 435 00:22:42,365 --> 00:22:43,765 It's not for babies. 436 00:22:44,028 --> 00:22:45,765 It's for kids and adults... 437 00:22:47,045 --> 00:22:48,685 ...like me. 438 00:22:56,319 --> 00:22:59,565 Have I got to think of something bad that's happened to me now? 439 00:23:00,309 --> 00:23:01,965 Cos nothing really has. 440 00:23:02,268 --> 00:23:07,788 I tve had a great life - good mates, loving family, 441 00:23:07,789 --> 00:23:09,758 nice little job... 442 00:23:11,108 --> 00:23:14,405 By the sound of it, it's cos I never went to fucking university. 443 00:23:32,059 --> 00:23:35,618 Well...er... ...this is it. 444 00:23:36,618 --> 00:23:40,445 Er, it's not...gone quite according to plan. 445 00:23:41,439 --> 00:23:43,245 Er, Darren... 446 00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:46,925 ...he br0ught an uninvited guest... 447 00:23:47,748 --> 00:23:50,165 ...which really irritated me, of course. But, er, 448 00:23:50,708 --> 00:23:53,598 if you'd have been here, you'd have welcomed her 449 00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:56,348 with open arms and said, "The more the merrier," 450 00:23:57,485 --> 00:24:00,005 cos that's the kind of person that you were... 451 00:24:01,508 --> 00:24:06,125 ...and why I have... found it so hard... 452 00:24:07,698 --> 00:24:09,565 ...to live without you. 453 00:24:11,158 --> 00:24:14,038 Anyway, I, erm... 454 00:24:16,908 --> 00:24:20,685 I didn't want to just scatter your ashes 455 00:24:20,695 --> 00:24:22,338 in the normal way, so, er... 456 00:24:24,778 --> 00:24:26,405 I hope you approve. 457 00:24:47,398 --> 00:24:50,045 Hang on. What's this? 458 00:24:50,729 --> 00:24:52,049 _ 459 00:24:52,069 --> 00:24:55,845 "Ashes To Flashes Memorial Fireworks"? 460 00:24:57,148 --> 00:24:58,485 So she's... 461 00:25:17,965 --> 00:25:19,765 I promised you a party, didn't I? 462 00:25:20,965 --> 00:25:22,785 Now I am going to cry! 463 00:25:31,278 --> 00:25:32,845 Burn bright, Bonnie. 464 00:25:34,508 --> 00:25:36,205 Burn bright. 465 00:25:59,199 --> 00:26:02,148 Right, one of us needs to swim over and make sure he's all right. 466 00:26:02,149 --> 00:26:03,685 Not a good idea, Darren. 467 00:26:03,695 --> 00:26:05,445 Well, maybe we can get a signal over there! 468 00:26:05,455 --> 00:26:07,908 The water's too cold. You'll freeze your bollocks off. 469 00:26:07,909 --> 00:26:09,258 Well, do another wee in it, then! 470 00:26:09,259 --> 00:26:10,828 Sit down, Darren. Don't be so stupid. 471 00:26:10,829 --> 00:26:12,199 Don't call me stupid, all right?! 472 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:15,678 - Stop it, you two! Stop it! - I'm going over there! 473 00:26:15,679 --> 00:26:18,838 - Get off! - Stop it! 474 00:26:31,918 --> 00:26:33,038 Excuse me... 475 00:26:33,039 --> 00:26:35,565 ...do you know what happened to my friends? 476 00:26:35,838 --> 00:26:39,565 They got stuck in the weeds. Were they rescued? 477 00:26:50,059 --> 00:26:52,405 Please, we have to do s0mething. 478 00:26:52,415 --> 00:26:54,885 - There were three 0f them. - Don't worry about them. 479 00:26:56,069 --> 00:26:57,678 They're fine. 480 00:26:57,925 --> 00:26:59,285 Where are they? 481 00:27:00,079 --> 00:27:02,205 On the other side. 482 00:27:04,718 --> 00:27:08,165 Thank God. Did they tell you where to find me? 483 00:27:08,685 --> 00:27:10,358 I knew where to find you. 484 00:27:11,598 --> 00:27:14,365 I 've been watching you for some time. 485 00:27:37,348 --> 00:27:38,848 Thank you. 486 00:27:44,508 --> 00:27:46,028 Really s0rry. I... 487 00:28:24,878 --> 00:28:26,525 Laurence... 488 00:28:41,616 --> 00:28:47,616 www.subtitulamos.tv