*CREDITS*
What am I doing?
I love her, but she's engaged to someone else.
What am I doing?
Tell me what to do.
Tell me what to do!
I was sure I'd never hear from you again.
When were you gonna tell me?
When the time was right.
Well, before I was introduced to your fiance might've been good.
Elliot and I...
..I was young when we met.
Would any man have done?
Would you have gone home with any man?
I didn't come here to be punished.
I have never felt like this about anyone before.
You're all I can think about, but...
You brought me here to say goodbye.
It can never work, Maya.
It was never going to work.
'What a sorry mess you two have got yourselves in!
'When it's got far too filthy,
'there's only one thing for it.
'No huffing or puffing
'or elbow grease required!'
Daddy's home!
Husbands, tell your wife to buy Carmichael's.
It isn't just clean, it's Carmichael's clean!
Thank you, gals.
I'm incredibly proud of this ad...
that's industry speak for advertisement.
It's a pleasure to come and talk to you ladies today.
So, the plan is to sell Carmichael's products
at each Swinnertons cash register.
You want all of your customers
to leave with at least one product.
Apologies, Mrs Carmichael, there's a telephone call.
Thank you.
You're all now proud Carmichael's advocates.
So, what do we say, gals?
It isn't just clean,
it's Carmichael's clean!
Bravo, ladies.
How much are we getting paid for this, Clive?
Pat on the back seems about the size of it.
A kick in the teeth more like!
D'you know how much extra work this is?
You've got no worries, Cath,
you could talk a nun into a negligee.
Oh. Advocate!
Just another word for unpaid.
- Leave him. - Will...
Let me imagine. Just for a moment.
We can go off on the bike. Wherever we want.
I've always wanted to go to Rome.
We can drink wine, dance under the olive trees.
You'll have to learn how to dance first.
Maybe we'll get married out there.
We'll have kids.
I think I prefer the dancing and the olive trees.
And grow old together.
And we'll still dance.
Every day.
No, don't go.
Not yet.
'Hello?'
Hold it!
- I won! - You did!
Oh, hello! Mr Davenport.
I have heard so much about you.
- All good. Don't worry. - I'm sorry, do I know you?
I'm Bonnie.
Mrs Bonnie Evans.
This is my son, Ernie.
- How'd you do? - How do you do?
Erm...
- What? - Your, er... Your skirt's still...
Oh...
That's not what you wanna see first thing in the morning.
- Bonnie?! - Ah!
It's little Bonnie.
Jean's girl.
You know, Jean from Croydon.
Cathy's big sister.
- Oh! - I'm her favourite Uncle George.
He doesn't have much competition, the others are all drunks.
What are you doing here?
I'm helping Auntie Cath with the kids.
And since when did she need help?
Well... since you're here and she's there.
She said Saturdays are your day with them.
She also said you'd forget.
Are you, er, visiting with your husband?
No, he's...
In Croydon?
Dead, actually.
He is in Croydon, just... in a grave.
I-I-I... I'm so sorry.
Don't worry, it's fine.
Obviously, it's not fine.
Erm...
I thought Cath would've mentioned I was staying.
I thought she would have too.
Your, erm... Your dress is still...
Oh.
'Help with the kids?!
'Since when did Cathy need help with the kids?'
When did things get so bad, hmm?
You'll get her back. You will.
And who was the girl?
Someone to take your mind off the Maya situation?
Ah, something like that.
- Take my advice. - Uh, do I have to?
Don't fall in love.
Love is a bloody battlefield.
- Vicarage. - Be good for your dad.
I'm sure he's got something really fun planned.
I'll tell him. Thanks, Larry.
999 call. Man in distress.
It's work.
How lovely is that?
Daddy's gonna buy us all ice creams!
Yes!
Man in distress, hmm? What's the betting he's married?
Inspector Keating.
We had an emergency call from this property.
I didn't call.
Your husband home?
He came home early from work.
He cut his hand on a letter opener, damn fool.
He's resting.
Might we speak with him?
Top of the stairs.
Mr Carmichael?
He cut his hand!
He cut his hand on a paper knife.
That's all he did, he cut his hand!
A man is bleeding to death
and instead of calling for his wife downstairs,
he calls for the police.
Why would he do that?
- Mrs Carmichael. - Hmm?
If you need someone to tell your children...
Oh, we don't have children.
They're actors. Horrid little brats.
Oh, damn it!
- Here, let me. - No, no, no, no, don't!
This pellet hits his carotid artery...
lodges there.
When he lies down, it moves...
and he bleeds to death.
Why beat someone if you're going to shoot them?
Ah! You're like the proverbial bad penny, Vicar.
Just saying a prayer for the deceased.
Then leaving.
- Swiftly, I hope. - Absolutely, Sir.
An entry wound you can barely see, no exit wound at all.
This was no ordinary gun.
What did I just say?
Something something gun?
- Ah, Miss Scott... - Lunch break.
Perfect!
Nip to the toy shop for me, would you?
My son has one.
The murder weapon was likely one of these.
Killed by a child's toy.
It'd be funny if it wasn't so bloody tragic.
Bank statement for your husband's business.
My business.
It's in your husband's name.
He liked to control our finances.
Why did you try and destroy it?
Some hefty cash withdrawals in recent weeks.
Your husband?
It was hardly the dog, was it?
Lester was using your earnings as his own personal piggy bank.
Must have been galling.
Enough to make you wanna shoot him?
Did you love your husband?
For the most part.
- That's an odd answer. - Have you been married?
No.
It's not odd if you've been married.
I was at Swinnertons department store
when Lester telephoned to tell me he'd cut his hand.
I put him to bed. He was fine when I left him.
Anyone at Swinnertons who could verify your whereabouts?
Only every single girl on the shop floor.
You're keeping your distance.
Absolutely.
Being respectful.
Respectful's my middle name.
Oh, it's a nonsense, Clive.
Is she smoking?
Let me handle this. Geordie!
I'm not Gypsy bloody Rose Lee.
- I dunno. - You'd look good in the get-up.
Cathy.
What?
Pleasure to see you too.
- It's a work thing. - Where are the kids?
With Bonnie.
It's your Saturday with 'em.
Will you give us a minute?
Sorry, Clive.
Oh, yeah. Sorry, Clive
What time was Mrs Carmichael here this morning?
Er... About ten.
Didn't know you'd started smoking.
You don't know a lot of things.
- Why did she leave? - Er, she took a telephone call.
Looked a bit flustered when she left.
Doing it to impress Clive?
Yes, Geordie.
I've taken up a ten-a-day habit to impress Clive.
Let's talk to the switchboard operator.
Is that why you brought Bonnie in?
- So you can go out gallivanting? - Switchboard, Geordie.
Gallivanting? Gallivanting?!
I'm bringing up four kids on my own.
I'm their father.
Who bathes them, who feeds 'em?
I'm their father, Cathy.
Bringing in Bonnie and you didn't think of asking me?
Who deals with their tantrums?
I can look after me own kids!
- Fine, then you can have 'em tonight! - Fine.
- Bloody gallivanting. - Bloody Clive!
Come on. Hurry up!
Have you noticed anything odd about Sylvia?
On a daily basis.
There's something...
I don't know, she's angry, distant...
rude!
Which is odd, how, exactly?
I think she's having an affair.
She thinks she's breaking a commandment
if she steps on an ant.
Exhibit A.
- You stole her diary...? - Shh-shh!
Table three say your falafel are dry.
Thank you, Mrs C.
She says she's at bingo
but it always coincides with these initials.
"DW".
Dishwashing?
She keeps getting phone calls.
It's a man's voice on the other end.
- Speaking clock, perhaps? - She won't even...
kiss me any more, Leonard.
I'm off.
Got bingo this afternoon.
Well, er, have a lovely time.
You lied to us.
We talked to the switchboard operator.
The call you received at Swinnertons,
it wasn't from your husband, it was from a woman.
Who are we gonna speak to when we phone that number?
A friend of your husband's? A lover?
I understand how painful it must be.
Betty Rose.
23 Sefton Avenue.
This needs a delicate touch.
I have a delicate touch.
You've got five minutes.
Hello. Is your mum in?
Just knock on the door.
- Mrs Rose? - Betty, please.
It's, er, regarding Lester Carmichael.
Oh, he recommended me, did he?
Recommended?
It's always nice to meet one of Lester's friends.
So, what'll it be?
Er, whiskey. Irish, if you have it.
Oh, bless you.
I don't mean what would you like to drink, I mean...
..what will it be?
Bye!
See you next week. Same time.
There's no need to be shy.
We've heard it all before.
Sorry, so, you and Lester, you're not having an affair?
You don't need to be jealous, darling.
There's more than enough of Betty Rose to go around.
- Lester won't mind. - Lester's dead.
He's, er... He's dead, so...
That your delicate touch, is it? Police.
You little sod!
Sorry.
Don't you dare make a mess!
Police! Stay where you are.
Maybe not exactly where you are.
- What the hell's going on? - Police!
Oh, put your trousers on.
You can make a call as soon as we get to the station.
There's been a terrible misunderstanding.
I'm a respected bank clerk and I was...
Helping the lady with her accounts.
I've never been arrested before.
- Occupational hazard, I imagine. - Mummy!
Can I bring him with me?
Well, there's no-one else to look after him.
Stick them in my car.
You ride in a police car, how about that?
What kind of mother brings her kid up in a brothel?
The desperate kind?
Boss. Might be worth asking the maid a few questions.
There is no maid, Larry.
Yes, there is. There she is.
She's not the maid, Larry.
Oh.
Oh!
Mrs C. Mrs Chapman.
Sylvia, are you having an affair?
No, this is suicide.
Come on.
Did you have relations with Lester Carmichael this morning?
No.
- Oh, come on, Betty. - It's not sex he comes here for.
He likes to be punished.
Well, that explains the bruises.
I had a drink with him after his...
Session?
Spanking, Vicar.
Vigorous spanking.
He was moaning about his wife.
They always moan about their wives.
I don't know. The way that woman holds on to the purse strings,
it's tighter than a hairpin bend.
Next thing I know, his drink is everywhere.
- His hand's bleeding. - Just his hand?
Yes. He came over all faint.
I phoned his wife.
Not an ambulance?
It was just a cut.
Where were you standing?
There.
And Lester was here.
So the pellet goes through his drink
and into Carmichael.
Into his neck.
What?
Who gave you the gun, Ted?
Auntie Betty gives me presents while Mummy works.
I'm Auntie Betty's cleaner.
Were you playing with the gun this morning?
Well, of course he wasn't.
Ted?
No. Auntie Betty sent me to get sweeties.
D'you want one?
Mrs C.
Are you...
..and I can't believe these words are about to pass my lips...
having an affair?
Is this, in fact, your...
love nest?
You're a very silly boy sometimes.
Who is he, then?
He's my doctor.
I'm poorly.
I've been poorly for a while now and...
..I'm frightened, Leonard.
I'm ever so frightened.
So, you knew your husband frequented brothels, Mrs Carmichael?
He'd say he was off to play golf.
Who plays golf at dawn...
without their golf clubs?
Lust is generally the last reason anyone visits my girls.
Unhappiness, boredom...
loneliness.
I don't have a family of my own.
It's nice to have a bit of company.
The problem with this country isn't sex.
The problem is the shame we attach to it.
And who do we have to blame for that?
"God loves you," you tell us.
"But if you sin, he won't love you any more.
"In fact, you've got a one-way ticket straight to Hell."
What's the worst sin of all?
Sex.
Why did Lester visit you?
Revenge.
I made more money than him.
Men are all pathetic, really.
Men don't like it if a woman shows them wanting.
Men are incapable of fidelity.
He was incapable of fidelity.
Women have killed for less.
You could've used some of your hard-earned cash to hire a hitman.
A hitman I armed with a toy gun?
You've kept me here for hours now.
I have a business to run and a funeral to arrange.
You don't think it could be anyone else but me, do you?
Well, marriage tends to be the cause of all of life's strife.
Your poor wife, Inspector.
I did love him, you know.
Despite it all.
You know, I understand a little more than you think.
There was a girl, in Biarritz.
A girl? Or a whore?
Women confound you, don't they?
Not at all.
Your lot put women in boxes...
either Mary Magdalene or the Madonna.
I've known a lot of vicars.
I'm not like the others.
Darling, that's what they all say.
Fingerprints.
Nothing on the gun, it was wiped clean.
What about on the glass?
There were two sets.
Mr Carmichael's and Betty's.
His were on it. Not Betty's.
- Is she still here? - Released on bail half an hour ago.
What did the doctor say?
That I need to see a consultant.
About what?
- He sent me for tests. - What kind of tests?
Is it something to do with...
..womanly things?
Up here or below the belt?
The latter.
That's not really my area of expertise.
You don't have to look at me, just say it, quick.
It's my womb.
Oh.
There was... blood, you see.
Right.
I get the results tomorrow.
Is Jack going with you?
Well, I haven't told him.
You haven't told him?
It's embarrassing!
Even the Virgin Mary had a womb.
Don't you dare bring her into it.
Jack thinks you're having an affair.
I'm sure he'd rather know the truth.
Please, come with me.
Where are we going?
We are going on a train to the seaside. How about that?
They were your fingerprints on the glass, Velma.
You were in the room when Lester was shot.
We already had your prints on file.
But you knew that, didn't you?
My ex was a bastard.
Kept his service revolver by the bed and one night, I just...
You couldn't take it any more.
I just wanted to scare him...
like he scared me.
You can see how it looks, Velma.
One arrest for threatening a man with a gun...
and now this.
Maybe you'd had enough of Lester,
so you had him shot?
Well, he was kind to me.
He gave me things.
- That ring? - This is from one of the others.
Lester said he'd set me up in a place,
put my boy through school.
No need to sell your body any more.
I'm not good at typing, I'm not good at sewing.
One thing I am good at... sex.
It's good money.
Betty must take her share?
How did she take it, that you were leaving?
I was fuming, course I was.
Velma isn't your property.
She wasn't Lester's either.
At least he was offering her a future.
How long before he got bored of her?
Moved on to the next bit of skirt?
Why did you tell us you were in the room with Lester?
To protect Velma.
Or to give yourself an alibi.
Why would I shoot a man in my own establishment?
Excuse me.
D'you have a list of your clientele?
- No. - Why not?
For moments precisely like this.
Plausible deniability.
Tortured for a vicar, isn't he?
Leave him.
Leave him, Maya.
Keating. Interview Room One free?
I've got one of the prossies in there.
Perhaps you could look over what I've got so far.
I'd like to think you've got it in hand.
I'm sure you're far more experienced
with this sort of thing, you know?
Brought down a prostitution racket in King's Cross once.
Caught a High Court judge in flagrante delicto.
You're not happy, Maya. I can make you happy.
He'll see us.
Would that be such a terrible thing?
Why can't you just enjoy what we have, Will?
Geordie. I'm...
What the hell d'you think you're playing at, Will? Hmm?
He's my boss.
Cathy said you asked for them.
- Well, not this early. - Oh. She's off out, so...
Go on.
- Hello, Dad. - Off out where?
- The something Arms. - What, The Priory Arms?
That's the one. Something to do with work. A chap called...
- Clive? - Clive!
Clive.
Exactly.
So, good luck.
You know there are consequences...
and not just for you.
Did I say the wrong thing?
Er... he doesn't like Clive.
Neither do I. Weak chin.
I haven't seen much of Cambridge since I've been here.
Well, let me give you the tour.
Er, big old building over there.
- Nice chapel. - Very nice chapel.
And that is it. That is everything.
Very comprehensive, thank you.
Can I ask you something? Actually, can I ask you two things?
You can ask as many things as you like.
What happened with Cathy and George?
Er... there were a few problems.
I never quite understood.
I always thought they were the perfect couple.
So did I.
And what was the second thing?
Who was the girl?
Ah.
- Complicated? - Very.
Married?
- Engaged. - Ouch!
Oh, I don't know, it's all so...
Do you ever feel elated one minute and then guilty the very next?
All the time! I'm a mother.
Do you love her, d'you think?
D'you know, I think I do.
Haven't even told her yet.
I'm not sure I've ever been in love.
You were married.
I thought I was.
That's what you do when you're 18, isn't it?
You think you're in love.
Never told anyone that either.
You do realise this is only our second conversation
and we've covered both love and sex?
- And shame. - Ah, the big three.
Well, first conversation, you saw my knickers, so...
True.
Miss Scott.
No. I'm not looking after your grubby, noisy progeny.
Treat yourself to a drink.
The Priory Arms is supposed to be nice.
- Why? - Does there have to be a why?
There's always a why.
'We should go on strike.'
What do we want? Equal pay! When do we want it?
Well, ideally, when you first employed us.
Is it wrong that all I'm thinking of doing right now is kissing you?
For God's sake, Clive, I'm married!
I thought it was over.
If you're too uptight to have a bit of fun...
Hot bath, uninterrupted night's sleep...
that's my idea of fun.
Should be grateful I even noticed you.
Four kids, no husband...
hardly a catch.
Bugger off, Clive.
Men. Disappointing bunch, aren't they?
Almost makes you think about going Sapphic.
Tried it once.
Turns out women are just as much bother.
- Cathy. - Jennifer.
You work at the police station.
For my sins. You're Geordie's wife.
- For my sins. - He's one of the good ones.
Doesn't speak to your bosom rather than your eyes.
Why do men do that?
Clive looks like a bosom-talker.
How do you know his name?
Geordie bloody Keating.
He sent you here to spy on me.
That is low.
Or the stupid act of a man that still loves his wife?
Thank you.
Morning, all.
Are we ready, Mrs C?
We're off to buy doilies for the cafe.
For what is a cake plate without a doily?
We're buying doilies for the cafe.
Doilies.
Whatever you've got to say, don't.
I feel awful enough as it is.
You've fallen for her, haven't you? Maya.
You poor sod.
Cup of tea if you would, Miss Scott.
I believe we need to have a little chat.
I can explain.
- Can you? - I don't think he can.
Spying, Geordie.
He was spying on you?
I think you owe me.
I think you do too.
I think you owe Miss Scott.
Monday afternoons, two-hour lunch break.
We're starting our own union.
Women Workers Of Cambridge.
Equal rights, equal pay.
I don't have much choice, do I?
Doesn't look like it, does it?
Oh, witness came forward.
Saw Mrs Carmichael outside her house
helping her husband out of the car.
She wasn't alone. Another woman was with her.
- Betty Rose. - They're both in on it.
Women conspiring. Who'd have thought it?
You both wanted rid of him.
You both have motive.
Your husband was about to leave you for a floozy,
and your floozy was about to leave you for her husband.
You conspired together.
Two birds, one stone, as it were.
Do you wanna tell 'em, or shall I?
Mrs Rose helped me get my husband home.
It was best for both of us
that he wasn't found injured at her establishment.
We both have businesses to protect.
I'd like to say I believe you, but I don't.
I think the two of you arranged to kill him.
They've already made their minds up.
It's what men do, isn't it?
Make up a story that works for them, no matter what the facts.
That's why men come to you.
Because you sell them a fantasy.
What can I say? Men are gullible.
Well, your husband was.
He really thought he had a future with Velma.
It's why Velma's so good, she makes men think she likes them.
Probably teach me a thing or two.
Where are you going with this?
It wasn't just Lester who bought into the fantasy.
We know other men had feelings for Velma.
- The ring. - The ring, exactly.
Now, Betty called Swinnertons at 10.15
so we know Lester was shot not long before,
10.10, let's say.
- So? - So, the girls charge by the hour.
Nine till ten, ten till eleven.
Velma's session with Lester overran.
Yeah, he's moaning about his wife, she's late for the next client...
Next client sees the two of them together...
No more fantasy.
Roses, Dougy! How sweet.
Only the best for my girl.
Douglas Rickman,
I'm arresting you for the murder of Lester Carmichael.
I'm not your girl, Dougy.
I never was.
Mrs Chapman?
- Yes. - Mr Ford.
Do come through.
Would you like your son to accompany you?
How are you, Mrs Chapman? Any pain?
A little.
Nothing you can't cope with, I'm sure, capable woman like you.
The results show that there is indeed a tumour in your womb.
Treatment for this kind of cancer is radiotherapy.
After that, a full hysterectomy.
You're well past your childbearing years, so not to worry there.
All rather surplus to requirements. Any questions?
No.
Thank you, Doctor.
Did it make it easier, to pretend she loved you?
It's not pretend. I can see how you might think otherwise, but...
This is not about the money.
She enjoys the sex too?
Of course.
Not thinking about her shopping list while you're fumbling about.
She loves me.
She does.
Must've shattered the illusion,
seeing them together.
I've found you a nice little place.
Garden for the boy, nice big bedroom for us.
You're too good to me, Lester.
Only the best for my girl.
You'd seen the boy playing with the gun.
You picked it up and you shot him.
I don't think you intended to kill him.
I just wanted to hurt him.
You didn't know he was dying.
No-one did.
Only Lester.
But by then, it was too late.
All for a relationship that didn't exist.
Velma's my girl. She's my girl.
She loves me.
Not him.
She loves me.
Always thought he was one of the decent ones.
Are you still charging me?
Running a house of ill repute.
It was a house of excellent repute, I'll have you know.
Would you give Velma a message?
Tell her to look under the crinoline lady on the mantle.
Did you fall in love with her?
The whore from Biarritz.
I thought I did.
All that passion, all that pain.
Bet you've been chasing it ever since, poor love.
We're rolling.
Ladies, I'll let you in to a secret.
No husband wants to come home
to a fractious wife and a messy house.
Get things clean
and still have time to make yourself pretty.
Give your husband something to smile about...
..with Carmichael's.
Business is closed, you big old perv!
Come on!
I'm sorry.
I couldn't get away.
Let's pretend we're in Rome,
under the olive trees.
You're never gonna leave him.
Let's not talk about that now.
I can't pretend any more, Maya. So...
Don't say it.
It was only ever gonna end one way.
Don't go.
Not yet.
*CREDITS*