1
00:00:29,407 --> 00:00:34,271
CREDITS

2
00:00:34,307 --> 00:00:37,341
Thanks for driving me to the
library for story time, Brian.

3
00:00:37,377 --> 00:00:39,511
Today we're reading
The Very Hungry Caterpillar

4
00:00:39,547 --> 00:00:41,146
vs. The Human Centipede.

5
00:00:41,182 --> 00:00:42,981
I heard it's like
Alien vs. Predator

6
00:00:43,017 --> 00:00:44,682
with a little bit more
butt eating.

7
00:00:44,718 --> 00:00:47,085
That does sound fun,
but what if I took you

8
00:00:47,121 --> 00:00:49,354
- to a different library today?
- What?

9
00:00:49,390 --> 00:00:52,190
But I like my library.
I met Curious George there.

10
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,125
Mom said he was a puppet,
but she's stupid.

11
00:00:54,161 --> 00:00:56,026
I'm just saying we should
go to the library

12
00:00:56,062 --> 00:00:57,529
at Quahog University

13
00:00:57,565 --> 00:00:59,464
and take your education
to a higher level.

14
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,267
I guess I can try it.
I mean, I do want to get ahead.

15
00:01:02,303 --> 00:01:06,036
I don't want to end up like Meg,
doing sad one-woman shows.

16
00:01:06,072 --> 00:01:09,940
? Oh, I love trash ?

17
00:01:09,976 --> 00:01:14,145
? Anything dirty
or dingy or dusty ?

18
00:01:14,181 --> 00:01:18,350
? Anything ragged or rotten
or rusty ?

19
00:01:18,386 --> 00:01:22,786
? Yes, I love trash... ?

20
00:01:22,822 --> 00:01:24,321
Whose fault is this?

21
00:01:24,357 --> 00:01:26,157
You're wearing a
garbage bag as a cape.

22
00:01:26,193 --> 00:01:27,192
Who do you think?

23
00:01:27,228 --> 00:01:30,231
- Him?
- Shh. She's crushing it!

24
00:01:38,271 --> 00:01:40,637
Oh, yeah.
That's good library.

25
00:01:40,673 --> 00:01:43,907
Aw, you didn't come here for me;
you came to be a creep.

26
00:01:43,943 --> 00:01:45,377
Whatever.
You go do your thing.

27
00:01:45,413 --> 00:01:47,911
I'm gonna go watch that young
hotshot attorney over there

28
00:01:47,947 --> 00:01:50,181
who's clearly in the middle
of a movie montage.

29
00:02:01,561 --> 00:02:04,431
Oh! He found it.
He's gonna win the case.

30
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,434
Oh, no. It was a '70s movie.

31
00:02:19,813 --> 00:02:22,113
- So, who you reading?
- George Eliot.

32
00:02:22,149 --> 00:02:23,514
Ah, Georgie.

33
00:02:23,550 --> 00:02:24,782
I'm a big fan.

34
00:02:24,818 --> 00:02:26,084
- I think he, uh...
- She.

35
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,453
...she said it best
when she said...

36
00:02:28,489 --> 00:02:31,189
"Bantam Press, 1851."

37
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,392
- Lumineers?
- What?

38
00:02:34,428 --> 00:02:37,227
You just said "Lumineers"
with no context.

39
00:02:37,263 --> 00:02:39,364
Did I do that?

40
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,735
Ugh!

41
00:02:41,901 --> 00:02:43,470
Tumblr?

42
00:02:46,073 --> 00:02:49,874
Wow, I've never seen someone go
oh for six in 15 minutes before.

43
00:02:49,910 --> 00:02:53,411
Just hard rejection
after hard rejection.

44
00:02:55,448 --> 00:02:57,781
- What's going on over there?
- Looks like a student rally.

45
00:02:57,817 --> 00:02:59,650
They probably forgot
to study for an exam,

46
00:02:59,686 --> 00:03:01,318
so they organized
a protest.

47
00:03:01,354 --> 00:03:03,221
In the '90s, you'd
just pull a fire alarm...

48
00:03:03,257 --> 00:03:04,555
now you hold a protest.

49
00:03:04,591 --> 00:03:07,595
That is, when they're not
looking down at their phones.

50
00:03:11,198 --> 00:03:12,896
Hey, what's going on?

51
00:03:12,932 --> 00:03:14,965
Someone wrote "weird" on
the transgender bathroom,

52
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:16,967
and the school president
didn't overreact,

53
00:03:17,003 --> 00:03:18,502
so we want him fired!

54
00:03:18,538 --> 00:03:19,838
Seems reasonable.

55
00:03:19,874 --> 00:03:20,905
Exactly!

56
00:03:20,941 --> 00:03:22,406
Oh, I see
news cameras.

57
00:03:22,442 --> 00:03:26,911
I'm gonna yell "Viva la Stool"
like a young, white drunkard.

58
00:03:26,947 --> 00:03:29,481
And last week, a professor told
his class to have a nice day,

59
00:03:29,517 --> 00:03:30,582
which is microaggression,

60
00:03:30,618 --> 00:03:32,115
because in our
systemic rape culture

61
00:03:32,151 --> 00:03:33,984
no day is a nice day.

62
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:35,519
So we want him fired, too.

63
00:03:35,555 --> 00:03:37,689
Hey,
if you don't want to get fired,

64
00:03:37,725 --> 00:03:39,457
- don't become a teacher, right?
- Totally.

65
00:03:39,493 --> 00:03:41,859
You should tweet that.
#FireEveryone.

66
00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:43,293
Viva la Stool!

67
00:03:43,329 --> 00:03:46,197
Well, I guess I could
fire up my account again.

68
00:03:46,233 --> 00:03:47,598
All right, open app.

69
00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:49,366
Got a bunch of those.
No biggie.

70
00:03:49,402 --> 00:03:50,768
Typing tweet.

71
00:03:50,804 --> 00:03:52,269
Blast off in three,

72
00:03:52,305 --> 00:03:53,838
two, one,

73
00:03:53,874 --> 00:03:55,607
and tweeted.

74
00:03:55,643 --> 00:03:58,175
I am back in the game. See?

75
00:03:58,211 --> 00:03:59,777
Oop, you're gone.

76
00:03:59,813 --> 00:04:01,479
And the crowd is gone.

77
00:04:01,515 --> 00:04:03,818
And the animators are gone.

78
00:04:07,854 --> 00:04:10,153
Hey, Stewie, what do you
think about this tweet?

79
00:04:10,189 --> 00:04:11,623
Oh, don't be that guy.

80
00:04:11,659 --> 00:04:13,624
"Kelly Ripa
no-shows at work."

81
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:16,294
Who does she think she is,
a Republican senator?

82
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:18,796
#G-O-P-U.

83
00:04:18,832 --> 00:04:21,131
Three references in one
tweet. I'm sweating.

84
00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:23,301
I'll just add it
to my notes for later.

85
00:04:23,337 --> 00:04:24,968
Why are you
getting into Twitter now?

86
00:04:25,004 --> 00:04:27,838
Unless you're an athlete
or a celebrity, no one cares.

87
00:04:27,874 --> 00:04:29,640
A lot of people
like my stuff.

88
00:04:29,676 --> 00:04:32,143
Oh, yeah? Someone needs
to tell Donald Trump

89
00:04:32,179 --> 00:04:33,578
it's not fashionable

90
00:04:33,614 --> 00:04:35,547
to wear orange on your
face after Labor Day.

91
00:04:35,583 --> 00:04:37,215
#OompaTrumpa.

92
00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:39,150
Zero retweets.
Zero likes.

93
00:04:39,186 --> 00:04:40,885
- Yeah, viral.
- You know, I don't care.

94
00:04:40,921 --> 00:04:42,921
You can't stop me.
Just like people

95
00:04:42,957 --> 00:04:45,155
can't stop Peter
from ordering shepherd's pie.

96
00:04:45,191 --> 00:04:46,991
And what can I get
for you, sir?

97
00:04:47,027 --> 00:04:48,225
I'll have the
shepherd's pie.

98
00:04:48,261 --> 00:04:50,160
I'm sorry, but that's
not on the menu.

99
00:04:50,196 --> 00:04:51,828
- Well, do you have potatoes?
- Yes.

100
00:04:51,864 --> 00:04:52,897
- Butter?
- Yes.

101
00:04:52,933 --> 00:04:53,998
- Cream?
- Yes.

102
00:04:54,034 --> 00:04:54,999
- Salt?
- Yes.

103
00:04:55,035 --> 00:04:55,999
- Pepper?
- Yes.

104
00:04:56,035 --> 00:04:57,001
- Garlic?
- Yes.

105
00:04:57,037 --> 00:04:58,068
- Onions?
- Yes.

106
00:04:58,104 --> 00:04:59,169
- Lamb?
- Yes.

107
00:04:59,205 --> 00:05:00,270
- Carrots?
- Yes.

108
00:05:00,306 --> 00:05:01,338
- Eggs?
- Yes.

109
00:05:01,374 --> 00:05:02,407
- Flour?
- Yes.

110
00:05:02,443 --> 00:05:03,508
- Rosemary?
- Yes.

111
00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:04,542
- Thyme?
- Yes.

112
00:05:04,578 --> 00:05:05,609
- Chicken broth?
- Yes.

113
00:05:05,645 --> 00:05:06,677
- Corn?
- Yes.

114
00:05:06,713 --> 00:05:07,744
- Peas?
- Yes.

115
00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:10,013
Lightsaber?

116
00:05:10,049 --> 00:05:12,987
Remember when we did Star Wars?

117
00:05:17,825 --> 00:05:21,792
Better get a tweet out before
I go dark for a few hours.

118
00:05:23,129 --> 00:05:25,629
About to see
the new Kevin Hart movie.

119
00:05:25,665 --> 00:05:28,433
Just kidding.
I'm white and went to college.

120
00:05:28,469 --> 00:05:30,738
#BaywatchMovie.

121
00:05:54,238 --> 00:05:54,838
-

122
00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:56,038
-

123
00:05:56,938 --> 00:05:57,938
-

124
00:05:59,638 --> 00:06:00,838
-

125
00:06:02,538 --> 00:06:04,238
-

126
00:06:07,538 --> 00:06:08,938
-

127
00:06:18,938 --> 00:06:20,238
-

128
00:06:21,038 --> 00:06:23,538
-

129
00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:31,634
Wow, I haven't seen
that much camel toe

130
00:06:31,670 --> 00:06:33,406
since the Arab Spring.

131
00:06:33,442 --> 00:06:36,177
#ThinkingInTweets.

132
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,493
Nah.

133
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:42,197
Hey, are you @dogbackwards
from Twitter?

134
00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:44,063
I am. Are-are you a fan?

135
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,518
You racist jerk!

136
00:06:45,554 --> 00:06:48,154
I hope you get
foot-and-mouth disease!

137
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:50,092
What the hell was that?

138
00:06:50,128 --> 00:06:52,338
Uh-oh.

139
00:06:54,838 --> 00:06:56,038
-

140
00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:58,824
Wow, you are blowing up!

141
00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:00,393
Blowing up bad.

142
00:07:00,429 --> 00:07:02,894
Ah, look at that... Huffington
Post just picked it up.

143
00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:04,095
Buckle up, buddy.

144
00:07:08,737 --> 00:07:10,873
- There he is!
- Where? I'm in the back.

145
00:07:19,847 --> 00:07:22,814
Hey, how was Baywatch?
I want to see that bad.

146
00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:24,516
What were you thinking,
writing that tweet?

147
00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:26,018
What? It was just a joke.

148
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,821
Brian, it's not 2005...
you can't just go online

149
00:07:28,857 --> 00:07:30,422
and say whatever
you want.

150
00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:32,825
Yeah, remember how mad
people got when DiGiorno tweeted

151
00:07:32,861 --> 00:07:34,393
about domestic violence?

152
00:07:34,429 --> 00:07:36,595
And they're not even a guy.
They're pizza.

153
00:07:36,631 --> 00:07:38,564
All right, all right,
I'll delete the tweet.

154
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,265
You haven't
deleted it yet?

155
00:07:40,301 --> 00:07:42,371
What a train wreck!

156
00:07:44,705 --> 00:07:45,705
There. Done. Done.

157
00:07:45,741 --> 00:07:47,172
See? It's done. It's gone.

158
00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:49,174
What about all those
people outside?

159
00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:50,609
They'll see that I deleted it,

160
00:07:50,645 --> 00:07:52,044
and it'll all blow over.
Trust me.

161
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,746
I hope so, but
you never know.

162
00:07:53,782 --> 00:07:57,183
They're still pretty mad at me
down at Dick's Sporting Goods.

163
00:07:57,219 --> 00:07:58,951
Um, what's the name
of this place?

164
00:07:58,987 --> 00:08:00,352
Dick's.

165
00:08:00,388 --> 00:08:02,688
A-And what's that say
on your shirt?

166
00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:04,556
Dick's.

167
00:08:04,592 --> 00:08:07,193
Can I have two balls...
and a helmet?

168
00:08:07,229 --> 00:08:09,261
Hey, you're the guy
from the phone.

169
00:08:10,398 --> 00:08:11,864
Start the car, Chris!

170
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,470
- Did you get him, Dad?
- We got him!

171
00:08:18,507 --> 00:08:20,472
Hey, Sid.
Happy Mango Monday.

172
00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:24,276
Those nighttime
information technology classes

173
00:08:24,312 --> 00:08:26,444
must really be getting to Sid.

174
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,545
Hey, Curt.

175
00:08:28,582 --> 00:08:30,382
Curt? Come on, it's me,

176
00:08:30,418 --> 00:08:32,217
Lunchtime Lois.

177
00:08:32,253 --> 00:08:33,752
Gil, help me out here.

178
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,823
Gil, no! Uh, what about Barbara?
Is she back there?

179
00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:39,324
She can clear this up.

180
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,825
Let me talk to Barbara.

181
00:08:40,861 --> 00:08:42,794
She doesn't want
to talk to you, either.

182
00:08:42,830 --> 00:08:44,063
Nobody does...

183
00:08:44,099 --> 00:08:46,064
not as long as you're
living with that racist dog.

184
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:47,232
Oh, come on!

185
00:08:47,268 --> 00:08:48,900
It was just a bad joke.

186
00:08:48,936 --> 00:08:50,136
Where's Stanley?

187
00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:52,338
He'll vouch for me.
Let me talk to Stanley.

188
00:08:52,374 --> 00:08:55,073
Or Henry. Somebody
help me out here.

189
00:08:55,109 --> 00:08:56,741
Chip?

190
00:08:56,777 --> 00:08:58,343
Karen?

191
00:08:58,379 --> 00:08:59,844
JJ?

192
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,514
Angela?

193
00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:02,747
Tito?

194
00:09:02,783 --> 00:09:04,583
Larry?

195
00:09:04,619 --> 00:09:06,485
You can't freeze me out
like this.

196
00:09:06,521 --> 00:09:08,453
We're on a first-name basis!

197
00:09:08,489 --> 00:09:10,456
They're on our
name tags, Lois.

198
00:09:10,492 --> 00:09:13,092
But I don't even have to look!

199
00:09:13,128 --> 00:09:16,398
I don't even have to look!

200
00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:24,669
Hey, how come no one told me
we were going to the Clam?

201
00:09:24,705 --> 00:09:26,137
Hey, Jerome,
give me a beer.

202
00:09:26,173 --> 00:09:28,341
Oh, why? 'Cause I'm,
like, your slave?

203
00:09:28,377 --> 00:09:31,177
Man, you're no better
than your racist dog.

204
00:09:31,213 --> 00:09:32,178
Come on, man.

205
00:09:32,214 --> 00:09:34,112
B-Brian was
just making a joke.

206
00:09:34,148 --> 00:09:36,482
I told you about Brian.
I told you.

207
00:09:36,518 --> 00:09:38,483
Come on, he deleted
his tweet.

208
00:09:38,519 --> 00:09:41,286
But the hurt has been RT'd
in our hearts.

209
00:09:41,322 --> 00:09:42,954
Peter, you better
get out of here

210
00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:45,290
before I start
saying "sir" like a cop.

211
00:09:45,326 --> 00:09:46,891
- Come on, Joe, I...
- Sir? Sir?

212
00:09:46,927 --> 00:09:48,394
You've been asked
to leave.

213
00:09:48,430 --> 00:09:50,129
- Joe, it's me, Peter. I...
- Sir.

214
00:09:50,165 --> 00:09:52,298
I don't want to have
to ask you again.

215
00:09:52,334 --> 00:09:54,132
- Please leave.
- All right, fine.

216
00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:55,400
- Sir!
- No, Joe, Joe.

217
00:09:55,436 --> 00:09:56,468
- He's leaving.
- Sir!

218
00:09:56,504 --> 00:09:57,569
- Joe, Joe...
- Sir!

219
00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:58,636
- He's gone.
- Sir.

220
00:09:58,672 --> 00:10:00,206
- It's okay.
- Sir.

221
00:10:00,242 --> 00:10:02,044
He's gone.

222
00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:11,983
Your dog wrote an
insensitive tweet.

223
00:10:12,019 --> 00:10:13,519
You can't eat here.

224
00:10:13,555 --> 00:10:15,688
Uh-oh, Meg.
It's a sensitivity mob.

225
00:10:15,724 --> 00:10:17,256
It was just a joke.

226
00:10:17,292 --> 00:10:19,357
There's no such thing
as jokes anymore.

227
00:10:19,393 --> 00:10:21,427
Yeah, we live in
a post-joke world.

228
00:10:21,463 --> 00:10:23,496
Chris, maybe we
should just eat outside.

229
00:10:23,532 --> 00:10:25,731
No, Meg, we're eating here.

230
00:10:25,767 --> 00:10:28,070
I'd like to
see you try.

231
00:11:50,784 --> 00:11:55,290
It was... a joke.

232
00:12:01,296 --> 00:12:04,630
Can you put on
the Canucks game?

233
00:12:04,666 --> 00:12:05,964
No, go away.

234
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,166
Loser.

235
00:12:08,202 --> 00:12:09,868
This is getting
out of control.

236
00:12:09,904 --> 00:12:11,770
We can't leave the house
without getting harassed.

237
00:12:11,806 --> 00:12:13,838
Yeah, yesterday I went outside
to try to get the mail

238
00:12:13,874 --> 00:12:15,107
and I had a seizure.

239
00:12:15,143 --> 00:12:17,108
That may not be
protester-related,

240
00:12:17,144 --> 00:12:19,444
but still, you got to
do something, Brian.

241
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,779
What do you want me to do?

242
00:12:20,815 --> 00:12:22,548
I-I deleted my Twitter
account, my Instagram,

243
00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:23,716
Facebook, everything.

244
00:12:23,752 --> 00:12:25,617
People still won't
leave me alone.

245
00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:27,218
You have to apologize.

246
00:12:27,254 --> 00:12:28,953
Go outside, do it now.

247
00:12:28,989 --> 00:12:31,789
Tell them that it was a
mistake and how sorry you are

248
00:12:31,825 --> 00:12:33,158
and maybe they'll
get off our backs.

249
00:12:33,194 --> 00:12:34,827
Maybe you're right.

250
00:12:34,863 --> 00:12:37,129
I got to face them and
hope they'll forgive me.

251
00:12:40,167 --> 00:12:42,300
Hello.

252
00:12:42,336 --> 00:12:45,136
As you all know,
I'm Brian Griffin.

253
00:12:45,172 --> 00:12:46,472
Boo.

254
00:12:46,508 --> 00:12:49,040
Boo, Brian
Griffin. Boo.

255
00:12:49,076 --> 00:12:50,409
I want to read a few words...

256
00:12:50,445 --> 00:12:51,843
Boo. Liar.

257
00:12:51,879 --> 00:12:54,914
Boo, Brian Griffin, boo.

258
00:12:54,950 --> 00:12:56,180
Anyway, I-I want to...

259
00:12:56,216 --> 00:12:58,049
Boo.
Apologize somewhere else.

260
00:12:58,085 --> 00:13:01,987
Boo. Boo, Brian, boo.

261
00:13:02,023 --> 00:13:04,823
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm here today to apologize...

262
00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:06,559
Why did you say
"ladies" first?

263
00:13:06,595 --> 00:13:07,892
That's sexist.

264
00:13:07,928 --> 00:13:09,761
It's just, it's just
a-a standard greeting.

265
00:13:09,797 --> 00:13:12,497
Let-let me start over.
Gentlemen and ladies...

266
00:13:12,533 --> 00:13:14,198
Ooh, says the man.

267
00:13:14,234 --> 00:13:17,269
Okay, sorry, I-I...
Um, humans in the audience...

268
00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:19,170
I identify as a basketball.

269
00:13:19,206 --> 00:13:20,872
Humans and basketballs...

270
00:13:20,908 --> 00:13:22,107
I'm a parrot
who mimics words

271
00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:23,442
but doesn't
comprehend them.

272
00:13:23,478 --> 00:13:25,843
Humans, basketballs,
talking parrots,

273
00:13:25,879 --> 00:13:27,846
and-and whatever else
is out there...

274
00:13:27,882 --> 00:13:29,781
"Whatever"? It's whoever.

275
00:13:29,817 --> 00:13:31,416
Actually, it's whomever.

276
00:13:31,452 --> 00:13:33,217
No one likes you, Mary.

277
00:13:33,253 --> 00:13:35,788
All right, all right, just-just calm down, okay?

278
00:13:35,824 --> 00:13:37,722
Now you're
tone policing us!

279
00:13:37,758 --> 00:13:39,024
That makes me
uncomfortable.

280
00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:41,860
Anything that makes me
uncomfortable in 2017

281
00:13:41,896 --> 00:13:43,028
should be illegal.

282
00:13:43,064 --> 00:13:45,863
You know what? Fuck you.

283
00:13:45,899 --> 00:13:48,199
I'm not a racist, all right?
I just told a bad joke.

284
00:13:48,235 --> 00:13:49,901
There's a huge difference.

285
00:13:49,937 --> 00:13:51,370
But nobody on the Internet
ever takes the time

286
00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,738
to ask themselves, "Is this
worth freaking out over?"

287
00:13:53,774 --> 00:13:56,775
Or, "Are there bigger problems
in the world than this tweet?"

288
00:13:56,811 --> 00:13:58,242
Well, I assure you, there are.

289
00:13:58,278 --> 00:14:00,713
And just for the record,
I love black people.

290
00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:02,448
I watch tons of black porn.

291
00:14:02,484 --> 00:14:04,315
So, what do you all
want from me, huh?

292
00:14:04,351 --> 00:14:05,450
You-you want to ruin my life?

293
00:14:05,486 --> 00:14:07,151
Then congratulations.
You did it.

294
00:14:07,187 --> 00:14:08,721
Everybody hates me.

295
00:14:08,757 --> 00:14:10,456
I can't leave the house
without getting harassed.

296
00:14:10,492 --> 00:14:11,723
No one will hire me.

297
00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:13,058
That was a problem before.

298
00:14:13,094 --> 00:14:15,327
I can't turn on my phone
without strangers telling me

299
00:14:15,363 --> 00:14:17,463
to kill myself or that
they're gonna kill my family.

300
00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:18,896
Leave me alone!

301
00:14:18,932 --> 00:14:21,733
I'm the self-righteous,
liberal douchebag, not you!

302
00:14:21,769 --> 00:14:23,836
I've kissed a
transsexual before!

303
00:14:23,872 --> 00:14:25,069
How many of you
can say that?!

304
00:14:25,105 --> 00:14:26,304
Where's my fucking medal?!

305
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:27,805
I am so far left,

306
00:14:27,841 --> 00:14:30,108
I'm spinning in
circles, you idiots.

307
00:14:30,144 --> 00:14:32,778
Instead of killing myself,
I should kill all of you!

308
00:14:32,814 --> 00:14:34,512
I'd like to see you try.

309
00:14:44,825 --> 00:14:48,193
Ow! Jeez.

310
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,432
Well, we started the dialogue.

311
00:14:53,468 --> 00:14:55,967
You screamed "black porn"
at the top of your lungs

312
00:14:56,003 --> 00:14:57,535
in front
of women and children.

313
00:14:57,571 --> 00:15:00,105
I am not the person
those people out there say I am.

314
00:15:00,141 --> 00:15:02,373
I know that, but you
also haven't done much

315
00:15:02,409 --> 00:15:03,608
to prove that you aren't.

316
00:15:03,644 --> 00:15:05,343
I know, I know.

317
00:15:05,379 --> 00:15:07,713
All I have left is you guys.

318
00:15:07,749 --> 00:15:08,847
Thank God you have my back.

319
00:15:08,883 --> 00:15:10,949
- We think you should move out.
- What?!

320
00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:13,852
Oh! Brian, listen, we love you,

321
00:15:13,888 --> 00:15:15,887
but they're throwing
things at our house.

322
00:15:15,923 --> 00:15:17,922
We've got to keep
our family safe.

323
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,559
I'm sorry.
It's for the best.

324
00:15:20,595 --> 00:15:22,627
Are you serious?!
You're okay with this?!

325
00:15:22,663 --> 00:15:25,097
Does this slow pan
across our disapproving faces

326
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,402
answer your question?

327
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,310
I saw Baywatch.

328
00:15:38,346 --> 00:15:39,847
That thing was frickin' rad.

329
00:15:45,334 --> 00:15:47,312
I still think this
is a drastic measure.

330
00:15:47,348 --> 00:15:48,646
Yeah, I messed up,

331
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,339
but what about all the stupid
things Peter's done?

332
00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:52,483
He's never been kicked out
and his life...

333
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:53,751
My life is not the issue here.

334
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,112
Peter, calm down.

335
00:15:55,148 --> 00:15:56,447
Did you eat breakfast
this morning?

336
00:15:56,483 --> 00:15:58,082
I had a banana and a coffee.

337
00:15:58,118 --> 00:16:00,083
Why am I so fat?

338
00:16:00,119 --> 00:16:03,087
I'm sorry, Brian, but this
is the way it has to be.

339
00:16:03,123 --> 00:16:05,121
All right, then.

340
00:16:05,157 --> 00:16:06,793
I guess this is good-bye.

341
00:16:14,968 --> 00:16:16,533
Brian, wait.

342
00:16:16,569 --> 00:16:19,435
This collar is ours.

343
00:16:19,471 --> 00:16:20,670
It has our address on it.

344
00:16:20,706 --> 00:16:23,009
Peace, dude.

345
00:16:30,517 --> 00:16:34,050
All right, radio, time for you
to tell me what this all means.

346
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,740
Hey. Are you here for
the Time magazines

347
00:17:30,776 --> 00:17:32,109
with some of the
letters cut out?

348
00:17:32,145 --> 00:17:35,179
Uh, no, I... no, I saw that you
have an apartment for rent.

349
00:17:35,215 --> 00:17:36,513
Okay.

350
00:17:36,549 --> 00:17:38,415
Here. Apartment 23.

351
00:17:38,451 --> 00:17:39,783
Oh, okay.

352
00:17:39,819 --> 00:17:43,086
I just have one rule here:
no kissing the mailman.

353
00:17:43,122 --> 00:17:44,787
I don't think that's
gonna be a problem.

354
00:17:44,823 --> 00:17:47,291
You haven't seen him,
so don't say that yet.

355
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:48,558
Mail's here.

356
00:17:48,594 --> 00:17:50,730
Wow.

357
00:18:40,312 --> 00:18:41,911
If I have other items I want to buy,

358
00:18:41,947 --> 00:18:44,081
uh, can I buy them here
at the pharmacy window?

359
00:18:44,117 --> 00:18:45,248
Yes.

360
00:18:45,284 --> 00:18:47,417
Ruth?
Yeah, bring it over here.

361
00:18:47,453 --> 00:18:48,785
We can buy them over here.

362
00:18:48,821 --> 00:18:50,086
Where are you?

363
00:18:50,122 --> 00:18:51,154
By the pharmacy.

364
00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:54,490
Hang on,
I'm picking out sunscreen.

365
00:18:54,526 --> 00:18:55,958
Sir, do you mind
if I go ahead of you?

366
00:18:55,994 --> 00:18:58,195
Uh, yes, I do mind.

367
00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:21,951
? Somehow I'm neither
here nor there... ?

368
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:25,855
Six dollars?

369
00:19:28,093 --> 00:19:30,627
Hey, did you knock over a
few bottles in aisle seven?

370
00:19:30,663 --> 00:19:32,362
Uh, yeah.

371
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:36,632
Okay.

372
00:19:43,009 --> 00:19:44,740
Patricia?

373
00:19:44,776 --> 00:19:46,677
Where's the big nail clipper?

374
00:19:46,713 --> 00:19:47,744
I don't know.

375
00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:49,045
Did you get rid of it?

376
00:19:49,081 --> 00:19:50,214
Why would I get rid
of the big nail clipper?

377
00:19:51,951 --> 00:19:54,083
'Cause you're a bitch, that's why.

378
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,253
Nice. Yeah, now I'm
gonna tell you where it is.

379
00:19:56,289 --> 00:19:58,354
I knew you knew
where it was, you liar.

380
00:19:58,390 --> 00:19:59,523
Tell me where it is!

381
00:19:59,559 --> 00:20:01,024
No. Find it yourself.

382
00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:02,558
Oh, okay. Fine.

383
00:20:02,594 --> 00:20:04,695
How about I hide
something of yours?! Huh?!

384
00:20:04,731 --> 00:20:06,095
Put that back!

385
00:20:06,131 --> 00:20:09,035
No, tell me where
the big nail clipper is!

386
00:20:17,877 --> 00:20:19,508
Boom.

387
00:20:19,544 --> 00:20:21,711
Damn it.

388
00:20:21,747 --> 00:20:24,081
Why can't
you use the little nail clipper?

389
00:20:24,117 --> 00:20:25,716
I want the big one, okay?!

390
00:20:25,752 --> 00:20:27,750
And I don't want you
using it anymore!

391
00:20:27,786 --> 00:20:29,186
Shut up, little man!

392
00:20:29,222 --> 00:20:30,187
You shut up!

393
00:20:30,223 --> 00:20:33,422
Where'd you put it, you liar?!

394
00:20:40,933 --> 00:20:42,032
$900.

395
00:20:42,068 --> 00:20:43,033
"L."

396
00:20:43,069 --> 00:20:44,467
- "R."
- Aw.

397
00:20:44,503 --> 00:20:45,635
Two "R" s.

398
00:20:49,409 --> 00:20:54,409
credits

