Hey.
Look at you. Very nice.
You look like a young Bruce Wayne.
I was going for more like a shy film editor at the Oscars, kind of...
Happy birthday!
- And? - Happy New Year's Eve.
Thank you.
www.subtitulamos.tv
Great bones.
Lovely bones.
- The Lovely Bones. Yeah? - Yeah.
Do you like it?
I love it, yeah.
Good, I'm glad.
I mean, once you move all your stuff in, it's going to be incredible.
This is all my stuff.
OK.
But where are all your DVDs?
I don't really have many DVDs.
You should get some, they're pretty good.
No way, you put me in.
- Do you like it? - When did you get this done?
I just... Me and the artist kept in touch, so.
Thank you. I'm going to put this somewhere special.
You're welcome.
- I'm coming! - Go get that.
Your guests are waiting. Where can I put this?
My room is on the top floor, make yourself at home.
- Stop touching it. - What?
If you're going to wear it, wear it, don't draw attention to it.
- I like it. - No, you don't. Don't say that.
- I think you look really fit. - My God.
Fuckin' hell, look at this place.
Yes, obviously, but lower your voice.
I thought you were having a party tonight.
I am, I just, you know, sort of snuck out.
I definitely made the right choice.
Don't follow me.
Where should I put these?
- In the bin. - Right. Fuck you.
I'm sorry but there's a vibe - try and feel it.
- Double denim, do you know what I mean? - Sorry, we haven't met, hi.
- We met at the murder mystery thing. - Ian, my boyfriend.
I couldn't recognise you with the...
The hat's new.
That's... It's been quite a long afternoon with that,
- so just take a step back. - Do you want one of these?
- Yeah, go on. - Fuck, hold up.
So how do you guys know each other?
We went to drama school and we also did this short film,
- which you were really good in. - Don't lie. I was an awful actor.
- Come on, you were great. - Those years were fun, though.
Do you remember that dreadful leaky warehouse?
My God, I forgot about that place.
We were so poor.
Remember I had to get that awful job working for daddy?
- What does your dad do? - A hedge fund manager.
- Love your costume, by the way. - It's not a co... Yeah. Thank you.
Does anyone else want a drink?
- I would love another glass of bubbles. - OK, great.
- You don't... - No, no, right, right away.
I'm not...
- So glad you came. - My pleasure.
- What are you up to now? - Acting.
I'm really, really serious about it this time.
- Hello. - If anybody's there...
Hello.
Thank God, I used too much of the hand lotion,
I couldn't get any purchase on the door knob.
Hey, why did you let me this wear this to this party?
- I didn't, I told you not to. - No, you...
and I told Ian not to wear that stupid hat - nobody listens to me.
- Excuse me. - Of course.
Everyone at this party is either called Ebenezer
or Chlorophyll or some shit like that.
- I know, isn't it great? - Of course you love the...
- Just don't abandon me tonight, OK? - Obviously that's what I'm going to do.
- No, this is my chance to level up. - No, Kate... Kate, no, you can't, you're my friend.
- Get off. - What?
So slippery! How much did you use?
Have you stopped playing squash?
- What? - Have you stopped playing squash?
- I haven't seen you at the club. - I can't...
- Shall I turn the music down? - No, no, no, it's fine.
- Any requests? - No, you're doing great.
Any requests?
Bro. Holy shit, man.
Who the fuck did you kill to buy this place?
Hey, what you doing here?
That is rude, that is very rude, little boy.
You know, I just heard you were having a little party, so...
OK, well, I'm going to call you a cab, yeah?
What? But I literally just...
This is some Scarface shit, man.
- OK, this way. Let's get you upstairs. - Yeah.
No, no. No, no, no. Come on. Up this way. Come on.
- Upstairs. Up the stairs. There you go. - Welcome to the party.
- Hi. Bonjour. - Up.
- Sorry. - I'm your brother, actually.
How are you this pissed? It's 9pm.
What, doctors can't even get drunk now?
I can't even let loose for one night?
Can you not make that night my birthday?
It's your birthday on New Year's Eve.
- It IS New Year's Eve. - No, man. It's your birthday.
Gosh, you really are just a beautiful idiot, aren't you?
Can I have a phone charger?
Where's your girlfriend?
I want to meet your girlfriend. Is she here?
- No, not tonight. - Man, that's such a shame.
I could have bloody welcomed her to the family.
OK, you are going to stay in this room tonight and sober up,
- and then I'm going to call you a cab. - Aye, aye, Capt'n. Good on!
Yeah, so I just finished filming three months
on a film in South Africa with George.
- Sorry, George? - George Clooney.
- Hey, man. - Hi. With George Clooney.
- Sorry, George... My God. - Mate.
- It must be amazing to be in his presence. - Yeah.
- Just his whole aura because he's... - Bit boring, though, isn't it?
Being on set and stuff. I saw a behind-the-scenes once on the DVD extras
and no-one was doing anything, I was like, "This looks like absolute hell."
No. Yeah, maybe on some other films but not on George's sets.
- He is... Yeah, loves pranks. - Does he?
- It was, yeah, yeah, it was really... - Yeah, go on.
so much fun. It was a riot.
Yeah, proper fun.
- Are you an actor? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
but I could be, given the opportunity, you know?
Yeah.
- Sorry, what were we talking about? - About acting.
- Yeah, that's... Nah, that's... - I've been scouted before.
- What do you do? - I work in a cinema.
- What? - I work in a cinema.
You work in film? Are you a writer?
No, no, I work in A cinema.
Like a... With the... Yeah.
- What's... that like? - It's good, it's good.
- Good. - You didn't have to ask that.
Sorry, OK, enjoy.
Where are you going? OK, sure. Yep.
Cool.
George paid the entire crew to call me Little Princess for a week.
That is so good.
- Yeah, on the crib sheet and everything, yeah. - Oh, my. - Really?
- Another time I walked back to my trailer... - Yeah.
- and there was a live goat. - A live...?
- Where did he get that? - I had to clean it up.
Like, there was goat shit all through my carpet,
- I had to scrub it, like, they forced me to scrub it. - That's so bad.
- Yeah, yeah. - That sounds awful.
- No, I knew he was joking. - Yeah.
- Yeah, he was pranking me. - That is a joke.
- Yeah, it was banter. - I'm sorry, Felix,
but it sounds like George Clooney was bullying you.
No.
Just, no.
Wait, what? Do you think so?
You guys all good for drinks?
- Yes, thank you, Tom. So good. - Yeah.
- You all good, man? - Yes, yeah, yeah.
That's not normal, is it, the goat shit?
Knock-knock, party for one.
Hello. I'm Cath, the agent.
Right, sorry. I'm, erm, I'm Jessie. How nice. Nice to meet you.
Yeah. I know.
I recognise you from Instagram.
You realise anyone can see that?
Yeah.
Tom's in there, I think, if you wanted to...
Gosh, it does look like you're having fun getting to know each other.
That's, yeah, it's just a joke thing.
That's a funny little house-warming present for Tom.
Great.
- Yeah. - It's good.
You probably want to have me sign an NDA soon, right, because of...?
I just...
I don't know if you're kidding or not cos you've got such
a comedic little face.
- Yeah. Thank you. - Would you?
Would I...?
- Sign an NDA? - Sign an NDA!
Yeah, sure! How much you going to pay me?
How much do you want?
- I don't know! - Just say a number.
Yeah, how much... how much you got?
Stick, stick 'em up. A lot, a lot.
- Good, I've got a lot. - Right, I've got...
- Yeah. - Like, £1,000?
- Yes, I'd do more. - Right.
You're hard to read.
I mean, things are moving quite fast, though, aren't they?
Well, no, that's... I mean, yeah.
That didn't actually... We didn't actually go jet skiing.
That is how it goes with his lot. And, I mean, particularly Tom.
Right, it's... Yeah, they're not men. Not in my experience.
I mean, you asked for it, honey.
Yeah, a sentence every woman loves to hear.
- So, you two have met. - Yeah, we have.
- It's the birthday boy. - God.
- Look at you. - No, don't do that.
Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, it's fine. Lovely to meet you.
I just want to give you your present. Do you want to open it?
- Sure. - No, wait, I'm going to tell you what it is.
No, no, no, just open it, just open it.
No, wait, I'm going to tell you - it's a fucking blender!
Do you work here?
No.
So you have dressed like that on purpose?
Have you never seen a woman in a tuxedo?
Tuxedo.
- Don't I know you? - No.
- Do you know me? - No.
- Can I have a cigarette? - I'm out of filters.
That's mine, that's mine.
- You're kind of a bitch. - Fuck you, dude.
- Who are you?! - Well, who are YOU?
"I'm so sorry, I'm just a waiter, help me, help me."
What a dick.
- I'm so embarrassed. - No, no. No.
Just let it out, you've got to.
What can we do for you? Can we get you a water?
- Yeah, that would be great. - Yeah?
OK, let's get you a water. I think that would be good.
Shivani, would you mind?
No, yeah, I'll... Me? OK.
Look, he shouldn't have treated you like that.
I'm sorry, but a man married to a human rights lawyer should know better.
- I'm sorry. - No.
- I'm sorry. - My God, no, it's fine.
- I thought we were vibing. - No, you are lovely, you're such...
- I-I'm married. - Yeah.
No, yeah, I'm not... I'm not married. I don't... I... I don't know why I said that.
I'm with him, the...
the hat. The guy in the hat.
He's mine.
Hi.
Great hat.
Vinay?
Sink or float, sink or float.
Vinay.
Hey.
I thought I told you to wait upstairs.
Until I was sober, and now I'm a friggin' sober red rover.
- Mate, let's get you a drink. Well, come on. - I don't...
Right then, Tom, is there anyone here that you fancy?
Come on, no.
Can you just...? Can you just not embarrass me for one night?
- It's like, technology. - Yeah.
- Technology is, like, advancing. - Fast, rapid.
- Do you know what I mean? - The advancements, yes.
- If Elon Musk... If Elon Musk came to me and he was, like, do-do-do.
"OK, Jessie, I'm going to take your consciousness,
"I'm going to take it out and then I'm going to put it on the USB stick
"and I'm sending it to Mars."
- And we're going up, and I'd be like... - I'm the same.
- "Do it, do it!" "DO IT!" - Yes, I'm the same.
- In a heartbeat. - Yeah!
If my children were AI, I'd be very proud of them.
I've said that to so many people
at this party, and they just, like, shut it down.
You are, like, literally the most interesting person I've ever met.
Thank you so much. And you know what?
I don't want to sound like a bitch or anything,
but you are the most real person I've spoken to at this party.
- Thank you. - Yeah, you're welcome.
Would you like some drugs?
Yeah... Yeah, I would. Yeah, OK.
But it's not that hard, is it, acting? It's just...
She's right. When she's right, she's right.
- I mean, it's just bollocks, isn't it, the rest of it? - Yeah.
Have you been talking to any of the other people around here?
Because a lot of them are saying I could do it.
A lot. A lot, a lot.
- Can I be honest with you? - Yeah, please.
- I think you could. - Fuck, I knew it.
I actually knew it. Deep down, I knew that.
- Cos anyone could do it. - Absolutely.
- Any... one... could do it. - Anyone.
That's the big secret,
- that is what nobody wants to talk about. - I know.
I like dancing. Do you like dancing?
Do you not? I don't...
- Where have you been? - I've been having fun! F-U-N!
OK, so I nearly got off with someone who has met George Clooney.
Very cool. Very cool.
Are you high?
Yes, definitely, definitely, definitely.
My God. Stay hydrated, enjoy it.
- I'm full of water. - Be careful.
- My body is full of water right now. - There you are.
Hi. Here I am!
I feel like I haven't seen you all night.
- I've been trying to find... - My God, sorry.
Hey, I don't have any spare cigarettes, OK?
- Why are you dancing with the waiter? - I'm not a waiter.
I am Jessie, I'm with him.
Wait, you are Jessie?
Jessie, this is my brother, Vinay.
- What? - I'm so sorry.
So, he's your brother?
You said your girlfriend wasn't here tonight.
OK, it was nice to meet you, man.
- No, no... - Yeah.
I'm really sorry for calling you a bitch.
- Go home. - What?! I was apologising.
Jessie, just...
- I wasn't trying to keep you apart, OK. - No, it's fine.
- I get it. - You do?
Yeah, I do. Why would you introduce me to your brother?
- That would be weird, wouldn't it? - No, I just...
I didn't not want him to meet you,
I just didn't want you to meet him right now.
I can't even begin to understand that sentence.
- Jessie, hold on a second. - Why are you following me?
Leave me alone, I want to be in the glass room alone.
Look, he's just super wasted tonight
and I didn't want you to get the wrong impression.
You don't have to lie, it's fine, you don't have to lie.
You're embarrassed of me, and I get it.
- Of course I'm not embarrassed of you. - Well, you should be.
Like, clearly you should be. I mean, look at that. What is that? That doesn't...
That doesn't belong here, I don't belong here,
I don't belong here, I shouldn't even be here tonight.
Right now, I should be in New Zealand getting fucked up with my cousin Dane,
- playing scrumpy hands, but now I'm here with you. - What's scrumpy hands?
It's when you tape bottles of cider to your hands and you've got to finish it. That's not the point.
The point is, you should be with someone different.
You should be with someone who is more like this and you and who has...
You should be with someone whose dad is a hedge funge mangener.
Hedge... Hedge funge mangener.
- Hedge fund manager. - Hedge fund manager.
Yeah, I got it, I know what I'm talking about, OK? So, you know, I...
- Are you high? - Am I high? Am I high?
Am I high? Of course I'm high.
OK, OK.
- Do you want to be my girlfriend? - Maybe.
Maybe?
- For fuck sake. - Happy New Year!
There's...
There's someone in there, just use another one, just go away.
Don't pee on ME!
My God, I'm not going to pee on you. Jesus.
- You're drunk. - You're high.
Well, 1-1, I guess.
I'm sorry for being a dick back there.
Yeah, you kind of are a dick.
Tom really likes you.
- Bet you say that to all the girls. - What girls?
You know he's had, like, three girlfriends?
What?
- I probably shouldn't have said that. - No, I mean,
it's fine, I just didn't realise I was dating a fuckin' nerd.
- Right? - What a loser.
Three?
I've had more girlfriends than that.
Vinay.
Vinay?
OK. I'm Jessie, nice to meet you.
Jessie, I'm going to piss myself so bad
that I actually feel like shitting now.
Gross, gross, gross.
Morning.
So, from what I can remember of last night,
I probably have some things to apologise for?
What DO you remember?
I vaguely remember trying to start a conga line.
I don't know, I think people were into it. Yeah.
I definitely remember
being a liability of a girlfriend.
So you admit it.
What?
You're my girlfriend.
Yeah.
Cos, erm,
I remember you saying "maybe".
No, that was a knee jerk reaction, actually, and, you know,
I like to keep my options open.
OK, yeah, no, fair enough.
So...
OK.
Does that mean that, like,
we're like, you know, we're like boyfriend-girlfriend now?
Yeah.
I guess we're boyfriend-girlfriend.
Cool.
Ten!
Nine!
- Eight! - What are you doing?
You didn't get a New Year's Eve kiss, you know?
Seven!
- Six! - It's 08:30 in the morning.
Five! It's midnight somewhere.
- Four! - That's not how time zones work.
Three!
Two! One...
- No, no, I have bad breath, actually. - What? No, come on. I don't mind.
No. I'm going to brush my teeth. No!
- I need to spit. - Go on, then.
www.subtitulamos.tv