1
00:00:06,914 --> 00:00:09,114
Previously on "Resident Alien"...

2
00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:12,022
This is what is left of my spaceship.

3
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,401
This happened to you
because you went to space.

4
00:00:14,406 --> 00:00:15,974
I don't think that's how space works.

5
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:18,812
- What else could it be?
- I have no idea.

6
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,779
That little shit pocket.

7
00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:24,890
I forgot to tell you, my people
are coming to kill everyone.

8
00:00:24,895 --> 00:00:27,120
You're an alien, you know, phone home.

9
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:28,653
Call them and tell them not to come.

10
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:31,515
I will try to build a radio
and contact my people.

11
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,316
The government is after him.

12
00:00:33,321 --> 00:00:35,288
They know that I know who he is.

13
00:00:35,293 --> 00:00:37,328
- What?
- And they went back to their base,

14
00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,136
and now they're driving
around searching for him.

15
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,921
How do you know where their base is?

16
00:00:40,926 --> 00:00:42,761
We have our ways.

17
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:44,564
Hello, Asta. We need to speak

18
00:00:44,569 --> 00:00:46,638
with Dr. Vanderspeigle
about that severed foot.

19
00:00:46,639 --> 00:00:47,823
Well, I'll be.

20
00:00:47,828 --> 00:00:50,268
Botulinum toxin... The murder weapon.

21
00:00:50,273 --> 00:00:52,244
- Oh, no.
- Where is he, Asta?

22
00:00:52,245 --> 00:00:53,585
He went to hide in the cellar.

23
00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:54,808
Dr. Vanderspeigle!

24
00:00:54,813 --> 00:00:57,979
- Whoa, what's with the guns?
- Asta?

25
00:00:57,984 --> 00:01:00,285
What in holy hell?

26
00:01:09,343 --> 00:01:11,629
_

27
00:01:11,634 --> 00:01:15,611
That faint one there is Mars,

28
00:01:15,625 --> 00:01:17,427
the God of war.

29
00:01:17,650 --> 00:01:22,150
And over there is Venus,
the goddess of fertility.

30
00:01:22,155 --> 00:01:25,192
Venus rhymes with penis.

31
00:01:25,197 --> 00:01:28,056
D'arcy, Judy, that's not funny.

32
00:01:28,061 --> 00:01:29,526
Is there a girl hero?

33
00:01:29,531 --> 00:01:32,603
Olivia Baker, did we raise
our hand before we spoke?

34
00:01:32,783 --> 00:01:34,903
Ben didn't raise his hand.

35
00:01:34,908 --> 00:01:37,748
Ben is working on being more assertive,

36
00:01:37,753 --> 00:01:39,623
so it's okay for him.

37
00:01:41,956 --> 00:01:44,859
Wow, what's that?

38
00:01:45,459 --> 00:01:47,975
Let's go! Asta, Kayla, come on!

39
00:01:47,980 --> 00:01:48,980
- Cool!
- Wait up!

40
00:01:48,985 --> 00:01:52,155
Hey, hey! Never leave a fire unattended.

41
00:01:52,718 --> 00:01:54,873
I'll stay.

42
00:02:00,027 --> 00:02:02,696
Okay, hold up... I'm coming with you.

43
00:02:14,545 --> 00:02:16,702
I looked, but there was nothing.

44
00:02:16,707 --> 00:02:19,076
- I didn't see anything.
- I did. I saw something.

45
00:02:19,077 --> 00:02:22,467
Olivia Baker, you know
the rules about lying.

46
00:02:25,471 --> 00:02:27,707
Did you really see something?

47
00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:31,888
No.

48
00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:36,131
Okay.

49
00:02:45,697 --> 00:02:48,216
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

50
00:02:51,252 --> 00:02:53,059
Dr. Vanderspeigle!

51
00:02:53,538 --> 00:02:54,673
Dr. V!

52
00:02:56,546 --> 00:02:58,997
Where the hell is he? Oh, shit!

53
00:02:59,208 --> 00:03:01,051
Put your hands above
your head right now.

54
00:03:01,106 --> 00:03:03,356
You're under arrest for
the murder of Sam Hodges.

55
00:03:03,361 --> 00:03:05,429
What? Harry, what's going on?

56
00:03:08,325 --> 00:03:10,630
You're going to have to catch me first.

57
00:03:11,293 --> 00:03:13,255
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

58
00:03:13,904 --> 00:03:15,747
Deputy, we got ourselves a werewolf!

59
00:03:15,914 --> 00:03:17,989
- What?
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Hey!

60
00:03:17,994 --> 00:03:20,265
- Freeze!
- Don't shoot him!

61
00:03:20,270 --> 00:03:21,772
Him? That's a goddamn it!

62
00:03:21,773 --> 00:03:23,273
You need a silver bullet in your ass,

63
00:03:23,274 --> 00:03:25,137
you albino-ass werewolf mother...

64
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:30,737
No, he won't hurt you
if you don't hurt him!

65
00:03:30,742 --> 00:03:32,387
He's an alien!

66
00:03:32,582 --> 00:03:34,505
I knew they existed.

67
00:03:43,270 --> 00:03:44,567
You know what?

68
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,658
I think we deserve
a toast with our toast.

69
00:03:46,663 --> 00:03:48,961
Good work on the Severed
Foot Killer, Deputy.

70
00:03:48,966 --> 00:03:50,734
It's gonna be nice to
move on to something else.

71
00:03:50,735 --> 00:03:52,903
Thank you, sir. You too.

72
00:03:53,036 --> 00:03:55,205
- Mmm.
- Mmm.

73
00:03:56,606 --> 00:03:59,162
I don't want to put my "foot"

74
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:00,777
in my mouth...

75
00:04:00,778 --> 00:04:04,401
But I think we deserve to
have more of this bacon.

76
00:04:05,148 --> 00:04:07,050
And maybe even a raise!

77
00:04:07,051 --> 00:04:08,885
Ha! You know what?

78
00:04:09,136 --> 00:04:11,873
Now that I think about it,
you're absolutely right.

79
00:04:11,878 --> 00:04:15,003
I mean, now's the time, and
you've certainly earned it.

80
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,294
Let's get some more of that bacon.

81
00:04:27,675 --> 00:04:29,432
Morning, Dr. V.

82
00:04:30,776 --> 00:04:32,042
Howdy.

83
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:35,042
How... dy.

84
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:38,404
Wow, I guess it worked.

85
00:04:38,409 --> 00:04:39,800
I am an alien.

86
00:04:40,081 --> 00:04:42,819
We are very good at
changing peoples' memories

87
00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:44,651
to suit our purposes.

88
00:04:44,878 --> 00:04:46,990
They will not be a problem anymore.

89
00:04:53,764 --> 00:04:55,298
Deputy, let's get into the car

90
00:04:55,299 --> 00:04:57,670
and drive out to
Dr. Vanderspeigle's house.

91
00:04:57,675 --> 00:05:00,303
We need to talk to him
about some murder stuff.

92
00:05:05,842 --> 00:05:09,146
Sheriff Michael Thompson,
Deputy Olivia Baker,

93
00:05:09,147 --> 00:05:12,589
Special Agent Fisher, FBI.

94
00:05:13,448 --> 00:05:15,287
We're tracking down
the Dead Foot Killer.

95
00:05:15,292 --> 00:05:16,558
We've been following your movements

96
00:05:16,562 --> 00:05:17,807
for quite some time now,

97
00:05:17,812 --> 00:05:21,149
and I have to say, you
two do excellent work.

98
00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:24,196
Thank you. You've made
me feel good about myself,

99
00:05:24,201 --> 00:05:26,303
so I'm open to what
you're going to say next.

100
00:05:26,308 --> 00:05:29,175
We wouldn't be where we are
if it wasn't for you both.

101
00:05:29,180 --> 00:05:31,432
But the time has come for
us to take over this case.

102
00:05:31,437 --> 00:05:33,138
Well, if you're taking over,

103
00:05:33,143 --> 00:05:35,206
we should stop looking into the crime.

104
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:38,886
Exactly. I can only tell
you one thing about the case.

105
00:05:38,891 --> 00:05:42,604
The murderer is not Harry Vanderspeigle.

106
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,948
Well, you're lucky they bought that.

107
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,959
You know, when we were in the crevasse,

108
00:05:48,964 --> 00:05:50,065
I saw you were an alien.

109
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:51,854
Why didn't you replace my memory?

110
00:05:52,422 --> 00:05:54,823
Because I am not alone anymore.

111
00:05:56,718 --> 00:05:58,653
You can thank me if you want.

112
00:05:58,802 --> 00:06:00,503
For what?

113
00:06:00,508 --> 00:06:04,078
I killed the man who
killed your friend Sam.

114
00:06:04,134 --> 00:06:05,972
You are welcome.

115
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,307
- Okay, Harry...
- Hmm?

116
00:06:08,312 --> 00:06:10,081
You're still a murderer.

117
00:06:10,194 --> 00:06:14,912
No. I am a murderer
murderer. It's very different.

118
00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:18,689
You can rationalize your
murderer murder all damn day.

119
00:06:18,690 --> 00:06:19,723
But guess what.

120
00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:23,175
Abigail Hodges is still accused
of a murder she didn't commit.

121
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:25,816
So what? You do not even like her.

122
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,798
What is wrong with you?

123
00:06:27,799 --> 00:06:29,933
Do you really have
no empathy whatsoever?

124
00:06:29,934 --> 00:06:31,370
That is not what is wrong with me.

125
00:06:31,375 --> 00:06:33,229
That is what is right with me.

126
00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:34,361
Maybe you should try

127
00:06:34,366 --> 00:06:35,926
putting yourself in
other people's shoes.

128
00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:40,503
Ugh! Other people's shoes
smell like other people's feet.

129
00:06:41,473 --> 00:06:43,526
Hi, I'm Ben Hawthorne,

130
00:06:43,531 --> 00:06:46,500
Mayor of peaceful Patience, Colorado,

131
00:06:46,505 --> 00:06:48,541
where sometimes bad things happen

132
00:06:48,546 --> 00:06:50,548
that are totally unrelated.

133
00:06:50,679 --> 00:06:52,713
Some of the highest peaks in Colorado

134
00:06:52,718 --> 00:06:55,987
are right here in Patience,
but you know what's really low?

135
00:06:55,992 --> 00:06:57,831
Our mortality rate.

136
00:06:58,663 --> 00:07:00,531
I don't think you
should say "mortality."

137
00:07:00,536 --> 00:07:01,831
- No?
- No.

138
00:07:01,836 --> 00:07:04,261
No good? You're right,
it's a little too dark.

139
00:07:04,268 --> 00:07:06,488
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. Uh, Alexa?

140
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:09,668
What is another word for "mortality"?

141
00:07:10,588 --> 00:07:13,090
Synonyms for "mortality" meaning "death"

142
00:07:13,095 --> 00:07:16,593
include "fatality,"
"bloodshed," or "dying."

143
00:07:16,598 --> 00:07:18,243
Alexa, stop.

144
00:07:18,248 --> 00:07:19,483
Uh, you know what?

145
00:07:19,484 --> 00:07:22,562
Let's just lose the whole,
you know, death theme.

146
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:23,887
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Keep it positive.

147
00:07:23,888 --> 00:07:25,232
- Yeah, keep it light.
- Keep it loose.

148
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,637
- Yeah.
- Okay, let me, uh...

149
00:07:26,642 --> 00:07:28,044
Let me just try some of these.

150
00:07:29,262 --> 00:07:30,622
Come on down to Patience.

151
00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:32,184
We still have a working phone booth.

152
00:07:32,563 --> 00:07:34,398
We have a pretty good dentist.

153
00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:36,800
Our meth hospitalizations
have been way down

154
00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:38,335
since we legalized marijuana.

155
00:07:38,336 --> 00:07:39,470
So come to Patience

156
00:07:39,471 --> 00:07:42,262
for some good, clean
family fun, you hear?

157
00:07:42,364 --> 00:07:44,046
Oh! Oops

158
00:07:44,051 --> 00:07:45,856
How'd that get in there?

159
00:07:46,872 --> 00:07:48,908
See, honey, this is... This
is why I said not to use

160
00:07:48,912 --> 00:07:50,681
the cloud for these... It's not safe.

161
00:07:50,682 --> 00:07:51,915
Oh, don't be so uptight.

162
00:07:51,916 --> 00:07:53,684
What's the worst that happens, huh?

163
00:07:53,685 --> 00:07:55,652
Somebody hacks into our account

164
00:07:55,653 --> 00:07:58,421
and sees pictures of our BDSM kink play?

165
00:07:58,426 --> 00:08:01,293
- What's BDSM kink play?
- It's... uh, it's...

166
00:08:01,298 --> 00:08:02,851
- Did we get a new game?
- It's nothing.

167
00:08:02,855 --> 00:08:04,200
It's nothing. No, we did not, okay?

168
00:08:04,204 --> 00:08:06,292
Go clean your room... my cousin
Carlyn's coming for the night.

169
00:08:06,296 --> 00:08:07,961
Can I play kink play
with you and your cousin?

170
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,098
No!

171
00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:10,762
Uh, because she and I are going hiking.

172
00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:12,754
You go clean your room.

173
00:08:13,699 --> 00:08:16,356
So how long will
building this radio take?

174
00:08:16,361 --> 00:08:19,345
- Can I help?
- Ha! Ha!

175
00:08:19,410 --> 00:08:23,814
I don't know. Can a newborn pig
help perform cardiac surgery?

176
00:08:23,815 --> 00:08:25,749
All right, you might want
to think of another metaphor

177
00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:27,637
before I push you into traffic.

178
00:08:27,642 --> 00:08:30,078
I'm just trying to save
the human race here.

179
00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:32,785
My problem is I do not have
a lot of time to build it,

180
00:08:32,956 --> 00:08:37,590
and human technology is very limited.

181
00:08:37,795 --> 00:08:39,660
I don't know what to tell you, Harry.

182
00:08:39,665 --> 00:08:40,933
Get creative.

183
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,207
You know, E.T. used a
freakin' Speak & Spell.

184
00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:45,934
E.T. was an idiot.

185
00:08:46,298 --> 00:08:48,949
Obviously, sexy.

186
00:08:49,406 --> 00:08:51,408
Very attractive...

187
00:08:51,409 --> 00:08:53,121
but so dumb.

188
00:08:53,711 --> 00:08:55,946
Well, at least we
have fewer distractions

189
00:08:55,947 --> 00:08:58,649
now that your criminal
past is taken care of.

190
00:08:58,793 --> 00:09:01,719
Almost taken care of.

191
00:09:03,287 --> 00:09:05,952
- Now it is taken care of.
- Are you serious?

192
00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:07,291
Maybe don't throw a deadly toxin

193
00:09:07,292 --> 00:09:09,194
- where any kid can just grab it.
- Mm.

194
00:09:09,199 --> 00:09:11,055
Have you not watched
enough "Law & Order" to know

195
00:09:11,059 --> 00:09:13,465
you don't just throw
evidence into a trash can?

196
00:09:13,697 --> 00:09:15,465
Who's the idiot now?

197
00:09:16,004 --> 00:09:17,902
Still E.T.

198
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,571
Beautiful moron.

199
00:09:40,555 --> 00:09:41,890
- What?
- Dr. Vanderspeigle,

200
00:09:41,895 --> 00:09:44,085
I am so glad you're home.

201
00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:45,262
This is my cousin Carlyn.

202
00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:46,449
Hi. Sorry.

203
00:09:46,454 --> 00:09:49,335
We were out hiking, and she
tripped and cut her knee open.

204
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:51,726
- I was hoping you could help.
- And she's dying?

205
00:09:51,731 --> 00:09:54,320
Oh, no. It just needs
to be looked at.

206
00:09:54,325 --> 00:09:55,731
I was gonna take her into town,

207
00:09:55,736 --> 00:09:57,621
but Dr. Smallwood is...

208
00:09:57,626 --> 00:10:00,660
Well, Susan Brown went
in with a broken wrist

209
00:10:00,665 --> 00:10:02,754
and came out with a cast on her ankle.

210
00:10:02,759 --> 00:10:04,824
If I fix it...

211
00:10:04,829 --> 00:10:06,497
you'll leave?

212
00:10:06,502 --> 00:10:08,571
Uh, yes.

213
00:10:08,576 --> 00:10:09,746
Mm.

214
00:10:09,751 --> 00:10:12,106
Oh, this looks like a ring resonator.

215
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,762
Are you... Are you building a laser?

216
00:10:15,129 --> 00:10:17,246
Are you a talking ham?

217
00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,520
Carlyn works in a lab
at New Mexico Tech.

218
00:10:19,525 --> 00:10:22,567
- She's one smart lady.
- I'm impressed.

219
00:10:22,572 --> 00:10:25,449
For a layman, this is
really quite advanced.

220
00:10:26,578 --> 00:10:27,913
It is software-based

221
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,559
radio-telemetry-transceiver technology,

222
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:33,708
but the inside-out potato chip bag

223
00:10:33,713 --> 00:10:36,957
that I'm using as
a diffuser keeps melting.

224
00:10:37,663 --> 00:10:39,098
Wow.

225
00:10:39,103 --> 00:10:41,418
I've never known a guy who was into SDR

226
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:44,326
who wasn't also, like,
you know, a troll.

227
00:10:45,074 --> 00:10:46,863
Trolls live under bridges.

228
00:10:46,868 --> 00:10:48,223
I am not one of them.

229
00:10:48,228 --> 00:10:50,473
It means she thinks you're handsome.

230
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,637
I have a handsome human face.

231
00:10:57,065 --> 00:10:59,504
And my skin tone is the
same as a dead soldier

232
00:10:59,509 --> 00:11:01,496
in a Renaissance painting.

233
00:11:19,423 --> 00:11:21,959
Oh. Yes.

234
00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:28,316
Just, whatever you do,
don't eat the snacks.

235
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,066
Benny. Kate.

236
00:11:31,071 --> 00:11:34,053
Long time, no see...
Well, together anyway.

237
00:11:34,058 --> 00:11:36,594
I saw you up close and
personal the other night.

238
00:11:36,801 --> 00:11:38,699
What other night?

239
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,340
Poker.

240
00:11:41,345 --> 00:11:43,581
Why? What night did you
think I was talking about?

241
00:11:43,814 --> 00:11:46,432
- Hi, I'm Carlyn.
- Hey. D'arcy.

242
00:11:46,437 --> 00:11:48,873
So can I get you guys some sliders?

243
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:52,027
Day-old buns help
disguise the week-old meat.

244
00:11:52,032 --> 00:11:53,639
We'll just... We'll stick to liquids.

245
00:11:53,644 --> 00:11:56,637
We just wanted to show Carlyn
the town, and now we have.

246
00:11:56,642 --> 00:11:58,175
It took about nine minutes.

247
00:11:58,180 --> 00:11:59,933
Well, if you're here tonight,

248
00:11:59,938 --> 00:12:01,906
my friend Kayla just called a GN59.

249
00:12:01,911 --> 00:12:04,884
It's, like, a party but with
a decent chance of prison time.

250
00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:06,074
Sounds fun.

251
00:12:06,079 --> 00:12:07,714
Yeah. Yeah.

252
00:12:07,719 --> 00:12:09,888
When anything stressful
or shitty happens,

253
00:12:09,893 --> 00:12:12,191
anyone in our friend
group can call a GN59.

254
00:12:12,196 --> 00:12:13,464
You have to drop everything

255
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:15,902
and go tits out on a huge girls' night.

256
00:12:15,907 --> 00:12:17,597
Yeah, it's really fun. You should come.

257
00:12:17,602 --> 00:12:19,604
Well, can't tonight.
We have dinner plans.

258
00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:22,006
But, uh, wouldn't mind
ordering a few drinks, though,

259
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:23,975
if you can just find that bartender.

260
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,276
Oh, come on, Kate-o.

261
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:27,478
You just said you'd seen
everything in the town.

262
00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:28,957
Yeah, we should totally do it.

263
00:12:28,962 --> 00:12:30,129
I mean, when's the last time

264
00:12:30,134 --> 00:12:31,957
you let Kendra out to play, huh?

265
00:12:32,382 --> 00:12:33,808
Who's Kendra?

266
00:12:33,813 --> 00:12:36,553
Kendra was her alter ego
when she drank too much.

267
00:12:36,558 --> 00:12:38,951
Oh, yeah, she brought her out
at a family reunion once...

268
00:12:38,956 --> 00:12:40,757
Real wild child.

269
00:12:40,762 --> 00:12:42,393
Oh, I'm sad. You've never met Kendra.

270
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:44,621
- Yeah. News to me.
- I'm sad, too.

271
00:12:44,626 --> 00:12:47,093
Uh, I'll have a pilsner,
what would you ladies like?

272
00:12:47,098 --> 00:12:48,777
Come on.

273
00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:50,902
Okay.

274
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:52,637
Okay. Let's do it.

275
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:53,686
- Oh.
- We'll do it.

276
00:12:53,691 --> 00:12:55,507
Oh, but, hon, we already got a sitter.

277
00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:58,920
Perfect. Call a friend.
You can go out, too.

278
00:12:59,077 --> 00:13:00,811
Ugh! Yes!

279
00:13:02,084 --> 00:13:04,194
Can we get some service around here?

280
00:13:07,903 --> 00:13:10,072
Hey, Sahar, I need your help.

281
00:13:10,662 --> 00:13:12,882
Wait, when did you get a dog?

282
00:13:12,887 --> 00:13:14,454
I'm not allowed to have a dog.

283
00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:16,733
I walk Cinnamon for my neighbors.

284
00:13:17,128 --> 00:13:19,001
She hasn't pooped in three days.

285
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,098
Why not?

286
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,100
She swallowed a whole avocado.

287
00:13:22,439 --> 00:13:24,263
I don't walk behind her anymore.

288
00:13:24,494 --> 00:13:25,829
Ew!

289
00:13:25,928 --> 00:13:27,638
You got to help me shave again.

290
00:13:27,893 --> 00:13:29,462
Your face looks fine.

291
00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:31,075
It's not my face.

292
00:13:34,907 --> 00:13:37,343
- Oh. What?
- What?

293
00:13:37,348 --> 00:13:40,518
- I need a lawnmower for that!
- What do I do?

294
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:41,519
I can help you,

295
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,725
but we're gonna need some privacy.

296
00:13:46,958 --> 00:13:48,725
I found it last week.

297
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:51,319
Your mom's phone still had battery.

298
00:13:51,702 --> 00:13:53,404
They just...

299
00:13:53,409 --> 00:13:55,069
left it here.

300
00:13:55,696 --> 00:13:57,398
Cool.

301
00:14:10,014 --> 00:14:11,990
Okay.

302
00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:14,352
All right, where are we going, General?

303
00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:18,356
No.

304
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,259
No, no, no. No, don't die on me now.

305
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:22,493
Come on.

306
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:23,895
Come on.

307
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:32,070
Damn it!

308
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,639
Where the hell am I
gonna find a new dish?

309
00:14:38,876 --> 00:14:40,878
I feel bad doing this.

310
00:14:43,402 --> 00:14:44,837
Why aren't you looking?

311
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,892
It's against my religion
to look at the naked back

312
00:14:46,897 --> 00:14:49,420
of a man who's not my
relative or my husband.

313
00:14:49,502 --> 00:14:51,704
Plus, it's disgusting.

314
00:14:51,709 --> 00:14:53,483
Is it gonna hurt?

315
00:14:53,803 --> 00:14:55,931
My mom says when she waxes her legs,

316
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:59,297
it feels like being stung
by a thousand hornets.

317
00:14:59,678 --> 00:15:01,132
Then why does she do it?

318
00:15:01,553 --> 00:15:03,649
Because as soon as we hit puberty,

319
00:15:03,654 --> 00:15:06,735
Western culture tells women
we're not okay as we are.

320
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,665
We must rip out stuff
that's supposed to be there,

321
00:15:09,670 --> 00:15:11,915
insert stuff that's not
supposed to be there,

322
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,670
and bleach everything
visible to the naked eye.

323
00:15:15,662 --> 00:15:17,821
Hey, being a man is hard, too.

324
00:15:17,826 --> 00:15:20,051
I have to brush my teeth sometimes.

325
00:15:21,819 --> 00:15:24,689
I take it back.
I don't feel bad anymore.

326
00:15:24,694 --> 00:15:27,272
Aah!

327
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,217
Miguel...

328
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:33,553
my belle.

329
00:15:34,535 --> 00:15:35,921
What the hell did you just call me?

330
00:15:35,925 --> 00:15:37,451
No, nothing, bro-ham.

331
00:15:37,456 --> 00:15:40,654
Just, uh, taking a
little breaky, you know?

332
00:15:40,659 --> 00:15:42,881
A little break-a-rindo.

333
00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:46,383
Dog toy.

334
00:15:46,388 --> 00:15:48,381
Oh, you got one of
those, uh, Zen gardens.

335
00:15:48,386 --> 00:15:49,865
I love these things.

336
00:15:49,870 --> 00:15:51,428
May I?

337
00:15:53,513 --> 00:15:57,451
Yep. Yeah, more, uh, relaxed already.

338
00:15:57,585 --> 00:16:00,521
So, um, I was just wondering...

339
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:05,467
I'll... I'll get that.

340
00:16:05,472 --> 00:16:08,569
Hey, uh, you ever
tried those wheat beers?

341
00:16:08,574 --> 00:16:10,241
You know, the one where
you put the lemon in there?

342
00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:11,866
I hear they're, uh...
They're pretty tasty.

343
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,842
What do you want, bro-ham?

344
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:16,123
What, are you asking me
out on a date or something?

345
00:16:16,128 --> 00:16:18,795
No, no. Uh, well, yeah.

346
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,342
Uh, but a guy date...
Guy hang, you know?

347
00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:24,383
Just a couple brews, mano a mano,

348
00:16:24,388 --> 00:16:27,024
"caliente accione."

349
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,803
Look, I ain't got time for that, okay?

350
00:16:28,808 --> 00:16:30,410
I take care of my father at home.

351
00:16:30,415 --> 00:16:31,580
- Sure.
- Now, I need you to clean up

352
00:16:31,584 --> 00:16:32,672
all this damn sand

353
00:16:32,677 --> 00:16:34,345
'cause I need 30 minutes
of raking every day

354
00:16:34,349 --> 00:16:35,352
so I can relax.

355
00:16:35,357 --> 00:16:37,624
I happen to know that Lewis would love

356
00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:39,977
to get out of the house and have a beer.

357
00:16:42,811 --> 00:16:44,758
I'll think about it. How about that?

358
00:16:44,763 --> 00:16:47,485
- I'll... I'll think about it.
- He'll definitely be there.

359
00:16:50,813 --> 00:16:52,748
Thanks for letting us crash your party.

360
00:16:52,753 --> 00:16:54,352
The more, the merrier.

361
00:16:54,357 --> 00:16:56,526
You know, a few GN59s ago,

362
00:16:56,531 --> 00:16:58,633
we actually needed a few extra people

363
00:16:58,645 --> 00:17:01,321
and a wheelbarrow to carry D'arcy home.

364
00:17:01,326 --> 00:17:02,376
Oh, wait. No.

365
00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:05,157
Yeah. I came prepared this time.

366
00:17:05,162 --> 00:17:07,024
I might need to make
a quick getaway, so...

367
00:17:07,029 --> 00:17:09,564
- Hey. Hi.
- Hi.

368
00:17:11,124 --> 00:17:13,493
- Hi.
- Hi, this is my cousin Carlyn.

369
00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:14,508
- Hi. Kayla.
- Hey.

370
00:17:14,513 --> 00:17:16,485
- Nice to meet you.
- Are you okay? What happened?

371
00:17:16,490 --> 00:17:17,611
Yeah, is everything okay with Shane?

372
00:17:17,615 --> 00:17:18,805
Yes. Yeah, he's fine.

373
00:17:18,810 --> 00:17:20,306
I just needed to get out of the house.

374
00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:22,625
Oh, okay, I was worried.

375
00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:25,477
Can I just say... As
a mom, I'm with you.

376
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:28,149
Sometimes needing to get out
of the house is an emergency.

377
00:17:28,154 --> 00:17:29,522
Yes. Yes, thank you.

378
00:17:29,527 --> 00:17:32,230
You know, you just need
a kid... and a man-free zone.

379
00:17:32,235 --> 00:17:33,669
- Mm-hmm.
- Amen to that.

380
00:17:33,674 --> 00:17:35,676
I mean, I don't have a kid or a man,

381
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:39,680
but, you know, anecdotal
evidence would support that.

382
00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:42,221
The town I live in,
all the men really suck.

383
00:17:42,226 --> 00:17:44,495
My lab supervisor thinks
grabbing my buttocks

384
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:45,634
is one of his job perks.

385
00:17:45,639 --> 00:17:46,946
- Ew.
- I was really beginning

386
00:17:46,951 --> 00:17:48,915
to think I was never
gonna meet a nice guy.

387
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,875
Till today, that is.

388
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,563
- Wait, you met a guy here?
- Mm-hmm.

389
00:17:52,568 --> 00:17:54,172
- Today?
- In Patience?

390
00:17:54,177 --> 00:17:56,524
- Mm-hmm.
- No way. Who?

391
00:17:59,802 --> 00:18:01,782
- Jesus God.
- Oh.

392
00:18:18,756 --> 00:18:20,358
What are you doing here?

393
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:22,958
You told me that every minute
you're not working on the radio

394
00:18:22,963 --> 00:18:26,302
is a minute we all come
closer to certain death.

395
00:18:26,307 --> 00:18:28,376
I am working on the radio,

396
00:18:28,381 --> 00:18:31,251
but without a diffuser,
it will never work.

397
00:18:31,256 --> 00:18:33,685
The pony-haired one's cousin

398
00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:36,341
is a scientist in a lab...

399
00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:39,724
that uses portable diffusers.

400
00:18:39,729 --> 00:18:41,364
So what?

401
00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:44,920
I know that I am not as pretty as E.T.

402
00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:48,622
I do not have his bulbous football head

403
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:51,997
or his squat corgi legs or his...

404
00:18:52,002 --> 00:18:54,067
platypus feet,

405
00:18:54,072 --> 00:18:57,509
but I can be a charming alien

406
00:18:57,514 --> 00:18:59,442
when I need to be.

407
00:18:59,974 --> 00:19:01,770
Mm, mm, mm.

408
00:19:06,835 --> 00:19:08,837
So do you come here a lot?

409
00:19:11,516 --> 00:19:13,091
Mm.

410
00:19:13,096 --> 00:19:15,653
Of all the gin joints in all the world,

411
00:19:15,658 --> 00:19:17,927
this one is closest to my house.

412
00:19:32,086 --> 00:19:34,124
What is that perfume?

413
00:19:34,627 --> 00:19:37,796
Jergens Intense Moisture Therapy.

414
00:19:38,171 --> 00:19:41,444
I did a BM earlier,
so I had to wash them.

415
00:19:41,449 --> 00:19:42,684
I get acute dermatitis

416
00:19:42,689 --> 00:19:44,624
'cause I scrub them so often in the lab,

417
00:19:44,629 --> 00:19:46,882
so I carry it in my purse.

418
00:19:46,887 --> 00:19:51,733
Mm. I don't wash my
hands after I urinate.

419
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:57,413
The skin on my penis is very clean.

420
00:20:09,123 --> 00:20:10,691
Gram keeps asking about Harry.

421
00:20:10,696 --> 00:20:12,431
- Uh-huh.
- I think she likes him.

422
00:20:12,436 --> 00:20:14,681
I think she wants you to have his baby.

423
00:20:14,686 --> 00:20:16,806
Ew! Gross! Shut up!

424
00:20:16,811 --> 00:20:18,646
You shut up.

425
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:19,853
Hey, actually, can I ask

426
00:20:19,858 --> 00:20:21,448
your professional
opinion about something?

427
00:20:21,452 --> 00:20:22,665
Mm-hmm.

428
00:20:22,670 --> 00:20:25,079
What do you think is gonna
happen to Abigail Hodges?

429
00:20:25,084 --> 00:20:26,252
You know, Sam's wife?

430
00:20:26,257 --> 00:20:28,759
Um, you think she's gonna go to jail?

431
00:20:28,764 --> 00:20:30,766
You know, criminal law
isn't really my area,

432
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,079
but from what I've read,

433
00:20:32,084 --> 00:20:33,737
I don't think they're
gonna get a conviction.

434
00:20:33,741 --> 00:20:35,643
- Oh.
- Yeah, sorry.

435
00:20:35,648 --> 00:20:37,283
- No, that's good.
- Oh.

436
00:20:37,288 --> 00:20:39,650
Um, you know, I mean, if
she... if she didn't do it.

437
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,353
Oh, but she probably did.
I mean, it's always the spouse.

438
00:20:42,358 --> 00:20:43,384
I'm a lawyer, too.

439
00:20:43,389 --> 00:20:44,857
No way. Where do you practice?

440
00:20:44,862 --> 00:20:45,915
I don't.

441
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,123
I gave up my dream to be
a mom and live in this tiny town.

442
00:20:49,361 --> 00:20:51,618
Now I'm happy. Shots?

443
00:20:54,405 --> 00:20:56,874
I would like to...

444
00:20:56,879 --> 00:20:59,095
go by your work.

445
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:02,173
Maybe you could give
me a tour of your lab.

446
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,642
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

447
00:21:03,647 --> 00:21:05,015
I love that you're interested.

448
00:21:05,020 --> 00:21:07,605
That's very flattering, but I can't.

449
00:21:07,610 --> 00:21:12,193
The security is so tight, not
dissimilar to my vagina.

450
00:21:12,325 --> 00:21:14,498
Your vagina is like a lab?

451
00:21:14,503 --> 00:21:18,232
Yeah, it's... It's tough to get in.

452
00:21:19,272 --> 00:21:22,087
- It is?
- Lots of neat stuff once you're there.

453
00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:25,451
- Are there monkeys in cages?
- No.

454
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:29,029
Maybe it would be funny...

455
00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:30,955
Ha ha ha!

456
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,845
A big joke if you stole

457
00:21:32,850 --> 00:21:36,431
a telemetry diffuser...

458
00:21:36,561 --> 00:21:38,630
And gave it to me.

459
00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:41,525
They would freak out.

460
00:21:41,529 --> 00:21:45,331
They would freak out.
You could be so funny.

461
00:21:45,336 --> 00:21:47,548
You're a kidder.

462
00:21:47,553 --> 00:21:49,790
You should do it.

463
00:21:50,271 --> 00:21:52,373
- Oh, my God.
- Do it!

464
00:21:53,071 --> 00:21:55,134
- No.
- Do it.

465
00:21:55,139 --> 00:21:57,875
But you are so sweet to ask.

466
00:22:07,145 --> 00:22:08,638
Oh.

467
00:22:15,289 --> 00:22:16,649
Hey, is that Liv?

468
00:22:16,654 --> 00:22:18,146
Tell her to hurry up. She's late.

469
00:22:18,151 --> 00:22:20,854
Uh, no, it's just Jay. Just guy drama.

470
00:22:20,859 --> 00:22:23,966
Oh. Wow, you... you guys text?

471
00:22:23,971 --> 00:22:26,674
Yeah, mostly emojis. Mostly eggplants.

472
00:22:26,904 --> 00:22:28,997
Wow, that's cool.
You guys are buddies now.

473
00:22:29,596 --> 00:22:31,865
Hey, GN59rs.

474
00:22:31,870 --> 00:22:33,380
- Hey!
- Sorry, I'm late!

475
00:22:33,385 --> 00:22:35,420
Trixie wouldn't start.
I had to jump her again.

476
00:22:35,425 --> 00:22:37,039
Thank God you're finally here.

477
00:22:37,044 --> 00:22:39,179
Hey-o! Sorry! I'm late, too.

478
00:22:39,184 --> 00:22:42,654
But I'm here, though, finally, right?

479
00:22:42,955 --> 00:22:45,435
Ooh, thank you. I could use that.

480
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,677
That's... Never mind.

481
00:22:48,361 --> 00:22:49,929
Ugh, what is that?

482
00:22:49,934 --> 00:22:51,443
It's a gin and tonic.

483
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,171
Oh.

484
00:22:53,172 --> 00:22:54,911
Ugh, it's, like, fancy.

485
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:56,833
Okay, I got to piss. I'll be back.

486
00:22:59,395 --> 00:23:01,130
- You text her?
- No!

487
00:23:01,135 --> 00:23:04,343
- How does she always know?
- She always knows.

488
00:23:06,698 --> 00:23:08,499
All right.

489
00:23:08,504 --> 00:23:10,640
All right, this is great.

490
00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:12,758
Nope, wife in the corner.
We're out of here.

491
00:23:12,763 --> 00:23:14,331
Where else do you plan to go, son?

492
00:23:14,336 --> 00:23:16,349
This isn't New York City.

493
00:23:16,751 --> 00:23:19,020
Hey! Benny!

494
00:23:19,113 --> 00:23:21,248
Your girl's safe with me, okay?

495
00:23:21,335 --> 00:23:23,302
- But am I safe with her?
- Oh.

496
00:23:26,849 --> 00:23:28,840
Do you have any beer
with rat poison in it?

497
00:23:30,125 --> 00:23:32,027
What's wrong with this one, huh?

498
00:23:36,323 --> 00:23:37,958
Kate, you did good.

499
00:23:37,963 --> 00:23:40,818
It was so nice of Ben to take
the Sheriff out for a drink.

500
00:23:40,823 --> 00:23:42,491
Ben is so sweet.

501
00:23:42,628 --> 00:23:45,485
No, he's not. He's a dirty little bitch.

502
00:23:45,490 --> 00:23:47,411
- Hmm.
- I'm sorry?

503
00:23:48,411 --> 00:23:50,177
Gird your loins, ladies.

504
00:23:50,182 --> 00:23:52,392
- I think Kendra has arrived.
- Oh, yeah.

505
00:23:52,397 --> 00:23:55,294
The mayor is a nasty piece of work.

506
00:23:55,857 --> 00:23:57,869
I cannot wait to get home

507
00:23:57,870 --> 00:23:59,604
and let him slap a puppy hood on me

508
00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:01,239
and jam a ball gag in my mouth.

509
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,930
Oh, what?

510
00:24:02,935 --> 00:24:05,138
Ben... The one who makes candles?

511
00:24:05,143 --> 00:24:07,746
Uh, the wax he has
isn't just for candles.

512
00:24:07,751 --> 00:24:10,643
I have a nine-inch
ice dildo in my freezer

513
00:24:10,648 --> 00:24:12,617
that Max thinks is for my water bottles.

514
00:24:15,104 --> 00:24:16,972
Oh, God, this is my favorite night.

515
00:24:16,977 --> 00:24:18,865
This is the best night of my life.

516
00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:21,627
Can you please stop
looking at your wife?

517
00:24:21,643 --> 00:24:23,656
- It's weird.
- Look, I, uh...

518
00:24:23,661 --> 00:24:25,530
I got to talk to you about something.

519
00:24:25,531 --> 00:24:27,532
It's driving me crazy.

520
00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:29,880
Okay, so, about a week ago,

521
00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:32,378
D'arcy sort of...

522
00:24:33,021 --> 00:24:34,865
kissed me.

523
00:24:34,870 --> 00:24:37,810
It was a drive-by. Not my fault.

524
00:24:37,815 --> 00:24:39,599
No tongue.

525
00:24:40,339 --> 00:24:41,497
Some tongue.

526
00:24:41,502 --> 00:24:43,771
I just... I really think
that I should tell Kate.

527
00:24:44,477 --> 00:24:46,446
Have you... Have you lost your mind?

528
00:24:46,451 --> 00:24:48,186
You don't ever tell, never.

529
00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:51,161
Now, hold on a minute... the man
said he didn't reciprocate.

530
00:24:51,166 --> 00:24:53,600
It don't matter. This is something
you take to your grave, okay?

531
00:24:53,604 --> 00:24:55,302
Well, maybe I could, um...

532
00:24:55,526 --> 00:24:56,894
I could write her a note,

533
00:24:56,895 --> 00:24:58,596
you know, explaining what happened.

534
00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:00,231
You want to... You want
to write her a note?

535
00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:02,591
Okay. All right, look,
here's what I want you to do.

536
00:25:02,747 --> 00:25:03,844
Here go $5.

537
00:25:03,849 --> 00:25:05,536
Now, I want you to go down to the mall.

538
00:25:05,537 --> 00:25:06,857
All right, you know that kiosk

539
00:25:06,862 --> 00:25:08,880
where they'll write your
name on a grain of rice?

540
00:25:08,885 --> 00:25:10,321
Right, you're gonna
give that guy that $5.

541
00:25:10,325 --> 00:25:12,828
He gonna write your note on
the end of a bullet, right?

542
00:25:12,833 --> 00:25:13,974
Now, I want you to take that bullet.

543
00:25:13,978 --> 00:25:15,380
I want you to put it
in a gun and go home

544
00:25:15,381 --> 00:25:16,647
and stand in your bathtub.

545
00:25:16,648 --> 00:25:18,216
Now, you also gonna need a phone book...

546
00:25:18,217 --> 00:25:19,584
Not something thin like Patience,

547
00:25:19,585 --> 00:25:22,220
something with some girth
like... like Denver, right?

548
00:25:22,221 --> 00:25:23,303
And you gonna put that phone book

549
00:25:23,307 --> 00:25:24,618
up against one side of your head,

550
00:25:24,622 --> 00:25:25,732
and you gonna take that gun

551
00:25:25,737 --> 00:25:26,866
and put it against
the other side, right?

552
00:25:26,870 --> 00:25:28,997
And then you're gonna
shoot you right in the head,

553
00:25:29,002 --> 00:25:31,624
and that bullet's gonna fly
right through and lodge itself

554
00:25:31,629 --> 00:25:34,396
right around the D's, for dumbass.

555
00:25:34,565 --> 00:25:36,200
And she'll get your note.

556
00:25:38,903 --> 00:25:39,937
But I'm dead.

557
00:25:39,938 --> 00:25:41,669
You tell her, you dead anyway.

558
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,951
You guys, what the hell
is happening over there?

559
00:25:48,346 --> 00:25:51,549
Ooh, I think we know
what's going to happen.

560
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:54,781
- Oh...
- I don't... I don't trust him.

561
00:25:54,786 --> 00:25:56,693
Your pulse is quickening.

562
00:25:57,115 --> 00:25:59,591
Your upper sternum is becoming flushed.

563
00:26:00,224 --> 00:26:02,593
You are becoming aroused.

564
00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:04,930
- I am now.
- Hey, Harry.

565
00:26:04,935 --> 00:26:06,625
Can I please talk to you for a second?

566
00:26:06,630 --> 00:26:09,400
- I am so busy.
- Now.

567
00:26:12,036 --> 00:26:13,337
Don't go changing.

568
00:26:17,108 --> 00:26:18,568
What is it?

569
00:26:18,774 --> 00:26:22,341
She is about to present
like an engorged macaque.

570
00:26:22,346 --> 00:26:24,708
You are preying on this woman.

571
00:26:24,713 --> 00:26:26,179
I am not preying on her.

572
00:26:26,184 --> 00:26:29,610
I am seducing her so I can
steal her security badge,

573
00:26:29,615 --> 00:26:33,357
then I can break into
the lab and steal a diffuser,

574
00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:35,521
and then finish my radio.

575
00:26:35,843 --> 00:26:37,828
That's a terrible plan.

576
00:26:37,833 --> 00:26:39,363
You're gonna swipe her badge

577
00:26:39,364 --> 00:26:42,078
and... and just use it
at some high-security lab

578
00:26:42,083 --> 00:26:43,750
and think no one will notice?

579
00:26:43,755 --> 00:26:44,899
More importantly,

580
00:26:44,904 --> 00:26:47,271
you... you can't just
use people like that.

581
00:26:47,276 --> 00:26:48,695
It's cruel.

582
00:26:49,073 --> 00:26:51,209
I am giving her compliments.

583
00:26:51,210 --> 00:26:54,312
She is happy like a baby,

584
00:26:54,313 --> 00:26:57,563
like a stupid, happy baby.

585
00:26:57,568 --> 00:27:00,896
You'll just never understand
what it's like to be a woman.

586
00:27:02,548 --> 00:27:03,883
That is true.

587
00:27:07,736 --> 00:27:10,271
I am going to leave now.

588
00:27:11,604 --> 00:27:13,439
Good night!

589
00:27:15,005 --> 00:27:17,703
- Wait, what just happened?
- Uh...

590
00:27:17,708 --> 00:27:20,723
- What... what did I do?
- Nothing. I'm sorry.

591
00:27:21,013 --> 00:27:23,336
All the men in this town suck, too.

592
00:27:40,833 --> 00:27:42,484
Don't sweat it, Carly Q.

593
00:27:42,489 --> 00:27:44,091
It's supposed to be
a girls' night anyway.

594
00:27:44,092 --> 00:27:45,504
Yeah, that's easy for you to say.

595
00:27:45,509 --> 00:27:47,456
I saw that ice dildo in your freezer.

596
00:27:47,461 --> 00:27:49,663
- Whoo!
- Okay, all right.

597
00:27:49,664 --> 00:27:51,398
Okay, uh, Judy's clothes are coming off.

598
00:27:51,399 --> 00:27:52,873
Time to go to the yacht spot. Come on.

599
00:27:52,877 --> 00:27:54,412
Ooh, we're going on a boat?

600
00:27:54,417 --> 00:27:56,665
Uh, no, Asta used to
have this station wagon

601
00:27:56,670 --> 00:27:58,539
we called "The Yacht," and we'd drive it

602
00:27:58,540 --> 00:28:00,903
to the middle of the woods
and drink and sing like idiots.

603
00:28:00,908 --> 00:28:02,450
And, plus, it's where I usually barf,

604
00:28:02,455 --> 00:28:04,540
so it's kind of like a boat in that way.

605
00:28:04,545 --> 00:28:05,598
- Oh.
- I should go.

606
00:28:05,603 --> 00:28:07,435
You know, I got to get
up early and drive, so...

607
00:28:07,439 --> 00:28:08,673
No.

608
00:28:08,678 --> 00:28:10,612
Okay. Well, I'll come with you.

609
00:28:10,617 --> 00:28:12,359
No, no, no, you stay. I'm fine.

610
00:28:12,364 --> 00:28:14,521
- You sure?
- Uh, she's sure.

611
00:28:14,522 --> 00:28:16,423
When you brought ice dildos
into this conversation,

612
00:28:16,424 --> 00:28:17,958
you made a commitment to this night.

613
00:28:19,459 --> 00:28:21,828
This takes me back, Dad.
You want to go back too?

614
00:28:24,097 --> 00:28:26,442
What? Oh, Jesus Christ.

615
00:28:27,895 --> 00:28:30,145
- You feel it, Sheriff?
- Ah...

616
00:28:30,150 --> 00:28:33,468
- You want to feel it?
- Oh, Lord, have mercy.

617
00:28:33,473 --> 00:28:35,008
Aw, come on. Dance with the girl.

618
00:28:35,009 --> 00:28:36,109
Is that what you call it?

619
00:28:36,110 --> 00:28:38,550
Hey, don't be pushing me off the stool.
What's wrong with you?

620
00:28:38,984 --> 00:28:41,376
Okay. All right, yeah, go ahead.

621
00:28:41,381 --> 00:28:43,884
Hey, hon, you, uh... you
heading home to pay the sitter?

622
00:28:43,885 --> 00:28:47,413
Nope, you pay her. We
are going to the yacht spot.

623
00:28:47,937 --> 00:28:49,569
Ooh.

624
00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:53,417
I cannot wait for the
re-election campaign.

625
00:28:53,422 --> 00:28:56,002
It's... Respect, okay?

626
00:28:56,007 --> 00:28:57,819
- We're so proud of you.
- I'm really proud of you.

627
00:28:57,823 --> 00:28:59,917
Do you need... do you
need ice in that drink?

628
00:28:59,922 --> 00:29:02,159
Oh, yeah.

629
00:29:03,042 --> 00:29:05,566
Tell me more about the guy
who does the rice thing.

630
00:29:39,432 --> 00:29:41,775
You remember class
camping trips out here?

631
00:29:42,497 --> 00:29:43,666
Yes.

632
00:29:43,857 --> 00:29:46,909
Third grade, D'arcy
rolling in poison ivy...

633
00:29:46,914 --> 00:29:48,557
on a dare.

634
00:29:48,949 --> 00:29:51,200
We had to take turns itching her.

635
00:29:51,205 --> 00:29:53,654
Oh, my God.

636
00:29:54,290 --> 00:29:55,794
Oh.

637
00:29:55,799 --> 00:29:58,651
She's always been so her.

638
00:29:58,974 --> 00:30:00,722
She's free.

639
00:30:00,971 --> 00:30:02,996
Not everyone can be like that.

640
00:30:04,604 --> 00:30:06,471
Everyone loves her.

641
00:30:07,635 --> 00:30:09,541
It's a superpower...

642
00:30:10,377 --> 00:30:12,973
not caring what anyone thinks.

643
00:30:15,010 --> 00:30:16,533
Everyone loves you, too.

644
00:30:17,073 --> 00:30:19,913
Yes, but it's only because I'm nice.

645
00:30:21,415 --> 00:30:23,417
You gave me a ticket once

646
00:30:23,418 --> 00:30:25,419
for locking my bike to a stop sign.

647
00:30:25,420 --> 00:30:27,283
You're not that nice.

648
00:30:39,274 --> 00:30:40,491
Oh, Christ on a cracker!

649
00:30:40,495 --> 00:30:41,869
- What?
- No!

650
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:45,174
Oh, relax, you complete degenerates.

651
00:30:45,179 --> 00:30:48,448
I keep a battery charger in my trunk!

652
00:30:48,698 --> 00:30:51,088
Poop car! Poop car!

653
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:55,004
Oh, Liv, I can't believe you
still drive this death trap.

654
00:30:55,009 --> 00:30:57,096
Oh, it's fine. I'm used to it.

655
00:30:57,101 --> 00:31:00,104
You know, I read recently
that they make new cars now.

656
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,221
John wants a new riding mower,

657
00:31:04,226 --> 00:31:06,174
and we have money set
aside for that, so...

658
00:31:06,179 --> 00:31:07,823
John's getting a new riding mower

659
00:31:07,828 --> 00:31:09,862
before you get a car
that actually works?

660
00:31:09,867 --> 00:31:11,335
Well, it was my idea.

661
00:31:11,455 --> 00:31:13,533
He makes more than I do, so it's fair.

662
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:16,002
Hold up. John makes more than you?

663
00:31:16,007 --> 00:31:17,776
I do what John does.

664
00:31:17,872 --> 00:31:19,840
You put your life on the line every day.

665
00:31:19,845 --> 00:31:22,674
When... when's the last
time you got a raise?

666
00:31:23,182 --> 00:31:25,635
I've never gotten a raise.

667
00:31:25,823 --> 00:31:26,971
- What?
- Oh.

668
00:31:26,976 --> 00:31:29,440
- Okay, no, no.
- Wow.

669
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,989
I'm not sure this is a good idea.

670
00:31:31,994 --> 00:31:35,011
Oh, it's not, but we're doing it anyway.

671
00:31:35,016 --> 00:31:36,104
As a city employee,

672
00:31:36,109 --> 00:31:37,901
your salary is part
of the town's budget.

673
00:31:37,906 --> 00:31:40,541
So we got to figure
out how big is this pie

674
00:31:40,546 --> 00:31:42,604
and why is your piece so goddamn small.

675
00:31:43,101 --> 00:31:45,658
Especially when
you're a freakin' Picasso.

676
00:31:45,975 --> 00:31:47,666
Did you draw this picture?

677
00:31:48,202 --> 00:31:50,938
Yeah, I draw police
composites of criminals,

678
00:31:50,943 --> 00:31:52,211
which we are now.

679
00:31:52,216 --> 00:31:55,385
Hey! This is my husband's office, okay?

680
00:31:55,390 --> 00:31:57,338
We can be wherever we want.

681
00:31:57,343 --> 00:32:00,113
We didn't technically break
in, because we had a key.

682
00:32:01,824 --> 00:32:03,272
- Judy!
- Judy!

683
00:32:03,277 --> 00:32:05,698
Shh! Stop!

684
00:32:05,703 --> 00:32:07,443
Wait, found it, found it, found it.

685
00:32:07,448 --> 00:32:10,690
"Civic Payroll for the Town
of Patience, Colorado."

686
00:32:10,695 --> 00:32:11,996
No one's gonna know.

687
00:32:12,001 --> 00:32:13,213
As a woman in this world,

688
00:32:13,218 --> 00:32:15,619
you need to fight for what you deserve.

689
00:32:16,260 --> 00:32:19,479
And you deserve a goddamn raise.

690
00:32:19,885 --> 00:32:23,190
Ugh. Jesus Christ! Who's Peter Jignac?

691
00:32:23,195 --> 00:32:25,627
I think he's, um,
a crossing guard, I think.

692
00:32:25,632 --> 00:32:28,033
He makes enough for a new
riding mower and a new car.

693
00:32:28,038 --> 00:32:29,340
What?

694
00:32:29,345 --> 00:32:31,780
- Who's Brandon Touter?
- Oh.

695
00:32:31,859 --> 00:32:33,428
He's the new science teacher.

696
00:32:33,433 --> 00:32:35,368
He's actually a really nice guy.

697
00:32:35,373 --> 00:32:36,776
Well, he makes twice what you do.

698
00:32:38,509 --> 00:32:39,509
Prick.

699
00:32:39,514 --> 00:32:40,940
What? Weren't you a lawyer?

700
00:32:40,945 --> 00:32:43,781
I have a JD/PhD. What the...?

701
00:32:43,786 --> 00:32:46,922
Who the hell is in
charge of this budget?

702
00:32:47,108 --> 00:32:48,910
I know who.

703
00:32:49,082 --> 00:32:51,251
He lives in my goddamn house.

704
00:33:17,351 --> 00:33:19,237
Kidnappers!

705
00:33:20,166 --> 00:33:22,223
Oh, no. Oh, no. Nope.

706
00:33:22,845 --> 00:33:24,783
- Wake up.
- You're not having a nightmare, Ben.

707
00:33:24,788 --> 00:33:27,156
- We are.
- You know what's a nightmare?

708
00:33:27,161 --> 00:33:30,283
Getting paid 76 cents on the dollar.

709
00:33:30,288 --> 00:33:32,161
- What?
- Yeah, there is a blatant pay gap

710
00:33:32,166 --> 00:33:34,291
between the male and female
employees of this town.

711
00:33:34,296 --> 00:33:37,528
What? No, a-a-as mayor, I
only sign off on budgets...

712
00:33:37,533 --> 00:33:40,252
A-a-as mayor, you need to fix this!

713
00:33:40,257 --> 00:33:42,538
Yeah, the blatant sexism makes me sick.

714
00:33:42,543 --> 00:33:44,145
- Yeah, damn right.
- Sick.

715
00:33:44,146 --> 00:33:45,308
- Oh, honey.
- It's really gross.

716
00:33:45,312 --> 00:33:46,630
- Sick to my stomach.
- No, no.

717
00:33:46,635 --> 00:33:48,649
- Oh.
- Oh, God, no.

718
00:33:48,650 --> 00:33:50,776
Oh.

719
00:33:51,514 --> 00:33:53,216
You're my best friend.

720
00:33:53,221 --> 00:33:54,622
- That's right.
- I love you.

721
00:33:54,623 --> 00:33:56,324
- You see that?
- It's coming up.

722
00:33:59,211 --> 00:34:00,779
It hurts.

723
00:34:03,932 --> 00:34:05,733
Harry.

724
00:34:05,845 --> 00:34:08,030
I brought coffee.

725
00:34:09,570 --> 00:34:12,273
We're gonna need to make
a plan about that radio...

726
00:34:12,487 --> 00:34:14,041
Oh, God!

727
00:34:14,042 --> 00:34:16,310
No! Don't tell me you
hooked up with Harry.

728
00:34:16,311 --> 00:34:18,346
Okay, I will not.

729
00:34:23,877 --> 00:34:25,052
Wait.

730
00:34:36,425 --> 00:34:38,779
- Harry?
- Hi, Asta.

731
00:34:38,784 --> 00:34:40,863
Oh, God! Shit!

732
00:34:40,868 --> 00:34:42,570
You have to come with me to New Mexico,

733
00:34:42,575 --> 00:34:45,316
but, first, can you teach me how to pee?

734
00:34:53,089 --> 00:34:54,769
_

735
00:34:55,441 --> 00:34:58,785
She hasn't blinked the entire trip.

736
00:35:04,097 --> 00:35:07,084
Oh, this is wrong, Harry.

737
00:35:09,836 --> 00:35:11,338
Ooh.

738
00:35:11,561 --> 00:35:13,996
Ah! Wrong and super weird.

739
00:35:14,001 --> 00:35:16,576
It was your idea for me to become her.

740
00:35:16,581 --> 00:35:18,973
No, no, no, no, no,
do not put this on me.

741
00:35:18,974 --> 00:35:21,257
I would never tell you to
take over a woman's body

742
00:35:21,262 --> 00:35:22,438
without her consent.

743
00:35:22,443 --> 00:35:24,645
She wanted me to take
over her body last night

744
00:35:24,646 --> 00:35:27,936
with my penis, but I did not do that.

745
00:35:27,941 --> 00:35:29,650
Oh, God, no.

746
00:35:30,144 --> 00:35:32,772
It's not just about her body, okay?

747
00:35:32,777 --> 00:35:35,022
It's a whole life we're invading.

748
00:35:35,023 --> 00:35:37,125
There has to be a better way.

749
00:35:37,659 --> 00:35:39,764
To access a microsatellite
network in time

750
00:35:39,769 --> 00:35:42,029
to tell my people not to come here

751
00:35:42,030 --> 00:35:45,636
and melt you all like
crayons in a hot car?

752
00:35:46,333 --> 00:35:47,717
I'll wait.

753
00:35:47,722 --> 00:35:50,386
Shit.

754
00:35:50,714 --> 00:35:53,061
Shit. Shit.

755
00:35:53,066 --> 00:35:55,476
- Right here?
- No, no, Harry.

756
00:35:55,597 --> 00:35:58,483
Let's just get this over with.

757
00:35:58,488 --> 00:35:59,801
That's what you were wearing last night,

758
00:35:59,805 --> 00:36:01,907
so you have to go change
before you get to the lab.

759
00:36:01,912 --> 00:36:04,615
This body is quite stout.

760
00:36:04,698 --> 00:36:06,166
Hurry.

761
00:36:06,171 --> 00:36:07,691
Fine.

762
00:36:07,696 --> 00:36:09,498
This doesn't make any sense.

763
00:36:09,503 --> 00:36:10,980
This says plasma levels

764
00:36:10,985 --> 00:36:13,464
of testosterone and triiodothyronine

765
00:36:13,469 --> 00:36:15,504
were diminished after space flight,

766
00:36:15,509 --> 00:36:18,081
but it seems like your
testosterone levels

767
00:36:18,086 --> 00:36:19,761
are getting higher.

768
00:36:19,766 --> 00:36:21,253
What am I missing?

769
00:36:21,258 --> 00:36:25,129
I mean, do you feel
like it's accelerating?

770
00:36:31,724 --> 00:36:33,993
Why are you looking at me like that?

771
00:36:33,998 --> 00:36:36,267
Hello, pretty lady.

772
00:36:37,378 --> 00:36:39,713
Oh, no!

773
00:36:40,438 --> 00:36:41,961
So is this it now?

774
00:36:41,966 --> 00:36:43,867
You're just gonna change
into different people

775
00:36:43,872 --> 00:36:45,007
whenever you want?

776
00:36:45,012 --> 00:36:47,047
Under normal circumstances,

777
00:36:47,052 --> 00:36:49,621
it is too difficult to do often,

778
00:36:49,626 --> 00:36:52,070
but the energy balls from my ship

779
00:36:52,075 --> 00:36:54,008
make it effortless,

780
00:36:54,402 --> 00:36:58,039
and they work on the organic
matter in clothing as well.

781
00:36:58,044 --> 00:37:00,524
Except I think it got my bra size wrong.

782
00:37:00,529 --> 00:37:03,298
The wire leaves dents in my skin.

783
00:37:03,342 --> 00:37:06,172
Yeah, well, wait until
you put on a thong.

784
00:37:43,733 --> 00:37:46,357
Oh, yes.

785
00:37:51,165 --> 00:37:55,472
Working late, Carlyn, my darlin'?

786
00:37:56,915 --> 00:37:59,129
I'm just trying to...

787
00:37:59,737 --> 00:38:02,886
bring home the salt-cured pork slices.

788
00:38:04,697 --> 00:38:06,269
Good night.

789
00:38:06,274 --> 00:38:10,915
Why don't you stick around for a bit?

790
00:38:22,998 --> 00:38:25,930
Aah!

791
00:38:53,347 --> 00:38:55,745
Are you sure she's not
gonna feel any different?

792
00:38:56,966 --> 00:38:58,613
I mean, what does she
think happened to her

793
00:38:58,617 --> 00:38:59,926
in the last 24 hours?

794
00:38:59,931 --> 00:39:02,166
She will remember going to sleep

795
00:39:02,171 --> 00:39:05,730
at Mayor Snowflake's house,
driving home in the morning,

796
00:39:05,735 --> 00:39:07,971
and then having a pleasant
nap on the couch.

797
00:39:07,976 --> 00:39:09,494
Long nap.

798
00:39:10,747 --> 00:39:12,877
She likes long naps.

799
00:39:13,088 --> 00:39:16,319
And it is better than being
awake for her real life.

800
00:39:16,564 --> 00:39:19,645
Her boss is a bad man.

801
00:39:19,650 --> 00:39:21,497
Yeah, she said something about that.

802
00:39:21,502 --> 00:39:24,791
Mm. He will not bother her again.

803
00:39:25,699 --> 00:39:26,806
What did you do?

804
00:39:26,811 --> 00:39:28,564
The same thing you would have done...

805
00:39:29,232 --> 00:39:32,080
if you had the strength of six gorillas.

806
00:39:32,402 --> 00:39:34,737
I am glad to be out of her body.

807
00:39:35,064 --> 00:39:37,713
People treated it
like break-room yogurt.

808
00:39:38,474 --> 00:39:40,743
Even though her name was on it,

809
00:39:40,744 --> 00:39:42,478
they felt comfortable molesting it

810
00:39:42,479 --> 00:39:44,275
when they were hungry.

811
00:39:44,791 --> 00:39:46,826
It is awful being short.

812
00:39:47,267 --> 00:39:49,786
Harry, that's not because she's short.

813
00:39:49,787 --> 00:39:53,289
That's being a woman.
Welcome to our world.

814
00:39:53,744 --> 00:39:58,294
You mean you all feel
the eyes hunting you

815
00:39:58,295 --> 00:40:01,755
like a baby deer in the woods,
just walking down the street?

816
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,786
Yeah. I tried to tell you.

817
00:40:03,791 --> 00:40:07,503
You know, next time a woman
tries to tell you something,

818
00:40:07,504 --> 00:40:10,139
sit down, shut up, and listen.

819
00:40:10,306 --> 00:40:12,375
And if you feel the
need to say anything,

820
00:40:12,376 --> 00:40:16,330
all it needs to be is, "Yes, ma'am."

821
00:40:36,366 --> 00:40:39,200
Yes. Yes.

822
00:40:39,762 --> 00:40:41,185
Mm.

823
00:40:42,536 --> 00:40:43,806
Yes!

824
00:40:57,565 --> 00:40:59,822
Sit down, space man.

825
00:41:08,126 --> 00:41:09,527
Sit!

826
00:41:11,067 --> 00:41:13,157
I know all about your silver balls.

827
00:41:13,162 --> 00:41:14,938
I know Max stole one, and
that's why he's been acting

828
00:41:14,939 --> 00:41:17,493
like springtime lions
in those nature videos,

829
00:41:17,498 --> 00:41:20,209
but I also know you knew he had a ball

830
00:41:20,210 --> 00:41:22,068
and did nothing to stop him.

831
00:41:22,404 --> 00:41:24,514
Guess what. You're not
getting your ball back.

832
00:41:24,515 --> 00:41:26,931
I've hidden it where
you'll never find it,

833
00:41:26,936 --> 00:41:28,738
and I'm guessing now that it's gone,

834
00:41:28,739 --> 00:41:30,640
Max will go back to normal.

835
00:41:30,927 --> 00:41:34,911
And if he doesn't, you
are going to hear from me.

836
00:41:34,912 --> 00:41:36,379
Do you understand?

837
00:41:38,327 --> 00:41:39,695
Yes, ma'am.

838
00:41:44,127 --> 00:41:45,771
Good.

839
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:50,123
Humans believe they all
deserve certain rights...

840
00:41:50,128 --> 00:41:54,399
The right to be heard,
the right to be respected.

841
00:41:54,912 --> 00:41:58,201
Asking for what you deserve
in life should not be so hard,

842
00:41:58,206 --> 00:41:59,507
but for others,

843
00:41:59,512 --> 00:42:02,867
asking for what they deserve
can be very difficult.

844
00:42:06,631 --> 00:42:08,115
Hey, D'arce!

845
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,155
Okay! Yes, girl!

846
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,844
- What do you think?
- Wow, very fancy, girl!

847
00:42:12,849 --> 00:42:14,217
Get your things!

848
00:42:14,218 --> 00:42:15,819
- Thank you!
- Okay.

849
00:42:19,689 --> 00:42:24,361
Posting flyers is against
Patience civil code 1-8-22.

850
00:42:24,652 --> 00:42:26,693
And actually getting what they deserve

851
00:42:26,698 --> 00:42:29,521
sometimes requires an act of heroism.

852
00:42:48,951 --> 00:42:51,388
Whoo! Ha!

853
00:42:51,389 --> 00:42:54,117
Women of Patience,
have patience no more!

854
00:42:54,122 --> 00:42:56,693
We demand equal pay!

855
00:42:59,169 --> 00:43:01,724
Way to go, D'arce!

856
00:43:08,498 --> 00:43:10,498
_

857
00:43:15,545 --> 00:43:17,985
Wow, it's D'arcy.

858
00:43:21,906 --> 00:43:24,949
God, she is incredible, don't you think?

859
00:43:25,563 --> 00:43:27,657
Honey, there's something
I got to tell you.

860
00:43:31,661 --> 00:43:33,396
What is it?

861
00:43:35,799 --> 00:43:37,867
I'm gonna have a word
with the town assembly

862
00:43:37,868 --> 00:43:39,524
and fix this pay gap.

863
00:43:40,781 --> 00:43:42,258
Yeah, you are.

864
00:43:42,639 --> 00:43:44,274
Wow.

865
00:43:44,275 --> 00:43:46,297
Way to be assertive, honey.

866
00:43:47,723 --> 00:43:49,351
It's very sexy.

867
00:43:56,243 --> 00:43:59,243
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com