1 00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:07,036 _ 2 00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:08,528 So, why couldn't we just have 3 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,396 dinner with your boss at a nice restaurant? 4 00:00:10,398 --> 00:00:12,097 Because I'm trying to make partner, Greg. 5 00:00:12,122 --> 00:00:13,699 I need him to see the real me. 6 00:00:14,504 --> 00:00:16,769 Then why did we put away all the photos of Lark? 7 00:00:16,771 --> 00:00:18,215 Oh, he doesn't know I have a kid. 8 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:19,301 Also, he thinks we're vegan, 9 00:00:19,326 --> 00:00:21,174 so the food's gonna suck... sorry. 10 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:24,697 I mean, come on. 11 00:00:24,699 --> 00:00:26,458 That is, like, legit crazy. 12 00:00:26,483 --> 00:00:28,701 I cannot believe you went to Camp Running Wolf, too. 13 00:00:28,703 --> 00:00:30,870 Now, is this the camp where the kid got murdered, 14 00:00:30,872 --> 00:00:32,071 or the one with the cool hot dogs? 15 00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:34,207 Same camp. Hey, Paul. 16 00:00:34,209 --> 00:00:36,809 Hey, Paul, do you like mashed potatoes? 17 00:00:36,811 --> 00:00:38,444 Oh, we don't have any mashed potatoes, hon. 18 00:00:38,446 --> 00:00:40,079 Hot potato, hot potato, 19 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,347 we'll be friends forever. 20 00:00:41,349 --> 00:00:43,282 Hot potato, hot potato, we'll be friends for life. 21 00:00:43,284 --> 00:00:45,818 Mush it, dash it, mix it, mash it. 22 00:00:45,820 --> 00:00:48,161 Never use a knife. 23 00:00:48,357 --> 00:00:50,556 Okay, if you can lay down some lyrics, 24 00:00:50,558 --> 00:00:52,358 I can beatbox. 25 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,327 And that's when I realized 26 00:00:54,329 --> 00:00:56,329 somebody has to rescue 27 00:00:56,331 --> 00:00:57,563 the teacup poodles. 28 00:00:57,565 --> 00:00:59,098 - Oh, absolutely. - Yeah. 29 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,814 - Of course, yeah. - Absolutely. 30 00:01:00,839 --> 00:01:02,702 How many poodles have you rescued? 31 00:01:02,704 --> 00:01:05,772 Three. We're very picky. 32 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:08,074 Mm-hmm. I love a discerning charity. 33 00:01:08,076 --> 00:01:09,709 Yeah, do you take donations? 34 00:01:09,711 --> 00:01:11,978 As a matter of fact, I do. 35 00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:12,945 Great. 36 00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:14,213 I'm gonna get my checkbook. 37 00:01:14,215 --> 00:01:15,848 Who should I make the check out to? 38 00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:17,350 Well, the foundation's in my name, 39 00:01:17,352 --> 00:01:19,062 so just make it out to me. 40 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:21,945 Done. 41 00:01:23,805 --> 00:01:25,625 I can't remember Paul's wife's name. 42 00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,794 Oh, you should have used the rhyming trick, Jen-Pen. 43 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,629 Did you do the rhyming trick? 44 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,397 Not for her, but I did for Tall Paul 45 00:01:31,399 --> 00:01:33,566 - who buys a ball in a stall. - Okay. 46 00:01:33,568 --> 00:01:34,600 Here, don't worry, I got you. 47 00:01:34,602 --> 00:01:36,335 Hey, uh, how do I spell your name? 48 00:01:36,337 --> 00:01:37,804 Just the way it sounds. 49 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,873 Got it. Then that is how we are gonna spell it. 50 00:01:40,875 --> 00:01:42,408 Yeah, if you don't do the rhyming trick 51 00:01:42,410 --> 00:01:43,743 out of the gate, you're kinda screwed. 52 00:01:43,745 --> 00:01:46,079 Okay. We're still looking for that checkbook. 53 00:01:46,081 --> 00:01:47,513 Oh, we found it. 54 00:01:47,515 --> 00:01:50,116 Greg, do you not know what we're doing in here? 55 00:01:50,118 --> 00:01:51,584 I honestly don't. 56 00:01:52,787 --> 00:01:54,854 Are you serious? None of the other assistants 57 00:01:54,856 --> 00:01:56,456 know Paul's wife's name? 58 00:01:56,458 --> 00:01:59,168 Yeah, of course I know the other assistants' names. 59 00:01:59,418 --> 00:02:00,960 Yeah, of course I know your name. 60 00:02:00,962 --> 00:02:03,316 Not today, okay? Please don't test me. 61 00:02:03,926 --> 00:02:05,832 Yeah, no. We're done here. 62 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,266 You can get back to the funeral. 63 00:02:07,268 --> 00:02:09,001 You want to know what I've been getting into? 64 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,536 - Genealogy. - Yeah. 65 00:02:10,538 --> 00:02:11,771 - Mm. - Did you know 66 00:02:11,773 --> 00:02:14,006 that I'm named after my great uncle? 67 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,843 But, medically, great aunt. 68 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,010 Yeah, it's kind of like 69 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,712 that movie, Mrs. Doubtfire... you've seen it. 70 00:02:19,714 --> 00:02:21,948 Except her name was Greg. 71 00:02:21,950 --> 00:02:24,050 You know, I've never seen Mrs. Doubtfire. 72 00:02:24,052 --> 00:02:25,251 What? 73 00:02:25,253 --> 00:02:27,220 So, are you named after anybody? 74 00:02:27,222 --> 00:02:28,988 Well, you know, there was this garden 75 00:02:28,990 --> 00:02:30,356 in the home that I grew up in, 76 00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,859 so, obviously... 77 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:35,294 - Pfft, yeah, obviously. - Obviously. 78 00:02:36,631 --> 00:02:38,531 Ding. Sounds like the coffee's ready. 79 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,100 - Greg, will you meet me in the kitchen? - Uh-huh. 80 00:02:41,102 --> 00:02:42,902 Her name is related to a garden. 81 00:02:42,904 --> 00:02:44,270 - Okay, I'm just gonna throw some out there. - Okay. 82 00:02:44,272 --> 00:02:45,605 - You tell me if any one lands. - Yeah. 83 00:02:45,607 --> 00:02:47,173 - Okay, Lily. - Good. 84 00:02:47,175 --> 00:02:48,207 - Myrtle. - Yep. 85 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:49,009 - Fern. - Maybe. 86 00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:51,344 - Fence. - No. Yeah, that's a hard pass. 87 00:02:51,346 --> 00:02:52,545 Fence Saltarelli? 88 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,881 I mean, this is a disaster, Greg. 89 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,749 Like, if she finds out that we don't know her name 90 00:02:56,751 --> 00:02:58,551 after spending an entire evening together, 91 00:02:58,553 --> 00:02:59,886 she's gonna hate us. 92 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,587 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 93 00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:04,190 Probably more you, but mm-hmm. 94 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,752 Do I have something in my nose, Bunny? 95 00:03:09,057 --> 00:03:11,197 No. All good. Clear. 96 00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:12,865 Bunny. Her name is Bunny. 97 00:03:12,867 --> 00:03:15,268 Bunny in the garden. I am very mad 98 00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:16,869 that I did not come up with that. 99 00:03:17,566 --> 00:03:20,540 Okay, who's ready for coffee? 100 00:03:20,542 --> 00:03:22,949 Bunny, you a regular or decaf girl? 101 00:03:23,214 --> 00:03:25,878 Uh, regular, I guess. 102 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,547 You sure? 'Cause I can whip up a pot of decaf 103 00:03:27,549 --> 00:03:28,548 like that, Bunny. 104 00:03:30,329 --> 00:03:31,284 Okay. 105 00:03:31,286 --> 00:03:34,487 Excuse me, I forgot the sugar. 106 00:03:34,489 --> 00:03:35,888 Crap, I got it wrong. 107 00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:37,023 You should have seen the look he gave her. 108 00:03:37,025 --> 00:03:39,091 I mean, I clearly called her the wrong name. 109 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:40,059 This is terrible. 110 00:03:40,061 --> 00:03:41,561 I knew she wasn't a Bunny. 111 00:03:41,563 --> 00:03:43,763 I mean, I didn't want to say anything, but I knew it. 112 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,665 I just screwed myself out of making partner 113 00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:47,733 because I couldn't remember one name. 114 00:03:47,735 --> 00:03:48,868 Now I'm gonna have to keep parking 115 00:03:48,870 --> 00:03:50,736 between assistant what's-her-face 116 00:03:50,738 --> 00:03:53,239 and Mrs. Never Flushes. 117 00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:55,908 You know, it's actually getting a little late. 118 00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:57,677 We're gonna take a pass on the coffee. 119 00:03:57,679 --> 00:04:00,279 Oh, no, no, stay. Just-just one cup. 120 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:02,515 We've got cream, sugar, agave. 121 00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:03,683 You know what I say? I like it, 122 00:04:03,685 --> 00:04:05,318 I love it, agave have it. 123 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,453 - Huh? - We don't have any agave. 124 00:04:10,391 --> 00:04:12,777 Well, damn it, Bunny! 125 00:04:12,802 --> 00:04:14,493 You should have told me that earlier. 126 00:04:14,495 --> 00:04:15,895 I mean, 127 00:04:15,897 --> 00:04:18,798 Is he a funny bunny or what? 128 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,267 - You call your husband "Bunny"? - Mm-hmm. 129 00:04:21,855 --> 00:04:24,858 'Cause we were wondering why you were calling her Bunny. 130 00:04:24,883 --> 00:04:27,139 - Yeah. - That's my pet name for Rose. 131 00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,942 No way. Yeah, I just call everybody Bunny. 132 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:32,945 Rose blows her nose and never shows her toes. 133 00:04:32,947 --> 00:04:34,347 Got it. 134 00:04:34,349 --> 00:04:37,416 - So, you bunnies want to stay for coffee? - Hmm? 135 00:04:37,418 --> 00:04:39,619 - What the heck, what's one cup? - Yes. 136 00:04:39,621 --> 00:04:41,354 - Great. - Great, great. Hey, say, do you, uh... 137 00:04:41,356 --> 00:04:43,923 you have any camp songs about drinking coffee? 138 00:04:43,925 --> 00:04:45,424 We were children at camp. 139 00:04:45,426 --> 00:04:46,592 We didn't drink coffee. 140 00:04:46,594 --> 00:04:49,028 Yeah. But we did drink bug juice! 141 00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:51,592 Oh! Bug juice! 142 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:54,400 So, did you go to sleepaway camp, Peter? 143 00:04:54,683 --> 00:04:56,583 - Uh... - Uh... 144 00:04:56,608 --> 00:05:00,773 Yeah, Peter, uh, went to break-dancing camp. 145 00:05:01,340 --> 00:05:03,074 _ 146 00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:11,417 Oh. Oh, you just getting home? 147 00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:14,915 I was just, uh, checking the expiration date on the mustard. 148 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,490 Still got two months, but that'll sneak up on us. 149 00:05:17,492 --> 00:05:19,723 I'm sorry that I didn't text you back last night. 150 00:05:19,748 --> 00:05:20,814 - Oh. - I lost my phone 151 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,872 in the dugout at Dodger Stadium. 152 00:05:23,229 --> 00:05:24,501 Crazy night. 153 00:05:24,526 --> 00:05:26,899 It turns out the players are super nice, by the way. 154 00:05:26,901 --> 00:05:29,001 Yeah. They seem really nice on TV. 155 00:05:29,003 --> 00:05:29,966 Yeah. 156 00:05:30,786 --> 00:05:32,305 Hey, uh, next time, 157 00:05:32,307 --> 00:05:33,773 maybe we could just have a signal 158 00:05:33,775 --> 00:05:35,107 so that I know you're okay. 159 00:05:35,109 --> 00:05:37,443 That signal could be that you text me back. 160 00:05:37,445 --> 00:05:39,031 Totally. 161 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:40,446 Hey, when you first said 162 00:05:40,448 --> 00:05:42,671 that we should break up, I... 163 00:05:42,765 --> 00:05:46,800 wasn't so sure, but I am learning so much about myself. 164 00:05:46,825 --> 00:05:49,526 Like, it turns out I'm super funny! 165 00:05:49,551 --> 00:05:51,157 Guys laugh at everything I say, 166 00:05:51,159 --> 00:05:52,858 even when I don't understand the joke. 167 00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,760 See? 168 00:05:55,012 --> 00:05:56,028 Look at me. 169 00:05:56,053 --> 00:05:57,700 Yeah. Look at you. 170 00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:03,469 Where's Clementine, anyway? 171 00:06:03,471 --> 00:06:06,572 The Dodgers have an away game, and, evidently, she's good luck. 172 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:08,574 Oh, yeah, that's the dream. 173 00:06:08,963 --> 00:06:10,543 To be a young, nubile woman. 174 00:06:10,545 --> 00:06:12,011 And so funny! 175 00:06:12,013 --> 00:06:13,312 - Right? - Yeah. 176 00:06:13,314 --> 00:06:15,115 She's... 177 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:16,552 But what you got's not bad. 178 00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:17,900 You got to get out there and let the ladies know 179 00:06:17,925 --> 00:06:19,466 you're down to clown. 180 00:06:19,491 --> 00:06:22,216 I'm respecting the honeymoon period of our divorce. 181 00:06:22,241 --> 00:06:24,381 I think Clementine and I should take some time 182 00:06:24,406 --> 00:06:25,913 and examine our feelings. 183 00:06:25,938 --> 00:06:29,137 Oh, feelings are what got you in this mess in the first place. 184 00:06:29,162 --> 00:06:32,590 Marriage, responsibilities, that stupid house. 185 00:06:32,615 --> 00:06:34,184 Man, get out there and have some fun. 186 00:06:34,209 --> 00:06:35,701 No strings attached. 187 00:06:35,703 --> 00:06:36,902 I don't know if I'm ready. 188 00:06:36,904 --> 00:06:38,738 You listen to me. 189 00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:40,606 You take it from a man who also got married too soon. 190 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,042 You never get these years of freedom back. 191 00:06:43,578 --> 00:06:44,810 Now, I love your mother. 192 00:06:44,812 --> 00:06:46,606 - You know? - Uh-huh. 193 00:06:46,631 --> 00:06:49,509 Very happy with the choices I've made, but... 194 00:06:49,573 --> 00:06:51,117 if I had a chance to do it all over again, 195 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,418 I'd do it a little different. 196 00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:54,086 And I'd do a lot more of it. 197 00:06:54,088 --> 00:06:55,221 You know? 198 00:06:55,223 --> 00:06:56,295 Again, love your mom. 199 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,490 Very happy. 200 00:06:57,813 --> 00:06:59,458 But you got to get out there. 201 00:07:00,031 --> 00:07:02,261 You got to live life for both of us. 202 00:07:09,237 --> 00:07:11,310 Oh, I am so glad we matched. 203 00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:12,805 I thought an app for divorcees 204 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,341 was gonna be filled with a bunch of lonely losers. 205 00:07:15,343 --> 00:07:18,334 God, it is just so fascinating to meet someone 206 00:07:18,359 --> 00:07:20,443 who's this naturally smooth. 207 00:07:20,468 --> 00:07:22,114 Oh, thank you. 208 00:07:22,116 --> 00:07:24,216 I love that we have so much in common: 209 00:07:24,218 --> 00:07:26,619 still living with our exes, just got on the market, 210 00:07:26,621 --> 00:07:28,373 not looking for anything serious. 211 00:07:28,398 --> 00:07:32,658 Yes! Let's just go crazy and have fun, you know? 212 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,132 We all have HPV anyway. 213 00:07:34,157 --> 00:07:36,439 - We do? - Oh, yeah. 214 00:07:36,464 --> 00:07:38,631 So, you're so smooth. 215 00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:40,332 Okay. 216 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,935 Two mugs. 217 00:07:44,132 --> 00:07:45,704 We did it! We did it! 218 00:07:45,706 --> 00:07:47,534 Oh, wait, did we do it, or are we just telling people we did? 219 00:07:47,565 --> 00:07:48,352 Doesn't matter to me. 220 00:07:48,377 --> 00:07:49,659 - No. We did it. - Yes! 221 00:07:49,684 --> 00:07:53,009 - This is for Alex. - Alex! Oh, buddy. 222 00:07:53,034 --> 00:07:54,246 Oh! 223 00:07:54,248 --> 00:07:55,981 Ah, she sounds hot. Yeah. 224 00:07:55,983 --> 00:07:58,218 I mean... "she," right? 225 00:07:58,243 --> 00:07:59,285 Not that it matters. Doesn't matter. 226 00:07:59,287 --> 00:08:00,740 Just want you to have fun, 227 00:08:00,765 --> 00:08:03,301 'cause this is the life that we were meant to lead. 228 00:08:03,326 --> 00:08:04,334 Thank you, Dad. 229 00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,891 No, thank you. 230 00:08:05,893 --> 00:08:08,343 This is... a one-night stand for man, 231 00:08:08,368 --> 00:08:12,386 and one giant-night stand for mankind! 232 00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:15,668 I love your mother, and I would never choose 233 00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:17,403 to do anything different. 234 00:08:17,702 --> 00:08:18,634 Okay. 235 00:08:18,742 --> 00:08:20,272 - Yeah, okay. - I can go? 236 00:08:20,274 --> 00:08:21,440 All right. 237 00:08:21,442 --> 00:08:23,676 Get out of here. 238 00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:29,599 Man. 239 00:08:30,506 --> 00:08:31,617 Oh. 240 00:08:31,619 --> 00:08:32,618 Hold on. 241 00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:33,819 Hi. 242 00:08:33,821 --> 00:08:34,991 So, I, uh, 243 00:08:35,016 --> 00:08:36,689 borrowed one of your shirts. 244 00:08:36,691 --> 00:08:38,691 Hope that's okay. It's a little, 245 00:08:38,693 --> 00:08:41,961 - uh, tight on me. - Yeah, I have really narrow shoulders. 246 00:08:41,963 --> 00:08:44,830 Oh, well, easier to wrap my arms around you. 247 00:08:45,414 --> 00:08:47,781 You're like a sexy... 248 00:08:47,806 --> 00:08:49,471 string cheese. 249 00:08:49,736 --> 00:08:53,239 And I cannot wait to peel off another piece tonight. 250 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,207 Sure. Why don't we make a weekend of it? 251 00:08:55,209 --> 00:08:57,810 Great. Go ahead and change the locks, you son of a bitch. 252 00:08:57,812 --> 00:08:59,812 The kids and I have a place to stay. 253 00:09:00,902 --> 00:09:02,852 Whew! Coffee. Yes, please. 254 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,818 - Thank you. - Sure. 255 00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:07,119 I got you! 256 00:09:07,121 --> 00:09:08,787 Hey, no running, please. 257 00:09:08,789 --> 00:09:11,457 Gosh, guys, I told you not to leave your clothes here. 258 00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:16,195 Mom, this doesn't taste like our apple juice. 259 00:09:16,197 --> 00:09:17,930 Oh. 260 00:09:18,999 --> 00:09:21,671 I need someone to wipe me! 261 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:22,835 Honey, can you do it? 262 00:09:22,837 --> 00:09:24,236 I got the last one. 263 00:09:24,238 --> 00:09:25,237 Oh. 264 00:09:28,576 --> 00:09:30,509 Oh, here he comes, 265 00:09:30,511 --> 00:09:32,444 barely standing... I like the look of this. 266 00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:35,281 I haven't slept... they kept me up all night. 267 00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:37,883 Do we have any sippy cups? 268 00:09:37,885 --> 00:09:39,919 "They"? "Sippy cups"? 269 00:09:39,921 --> 00:09:42,044 Ooh, you nasty! Come on. 270 00:09:42,818 --> 00:09:44,725 _ 271 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,244 - Wait, w-wait. - Huh? 272 00:09:49,246 --> 00:09:50,612 What if we didn't? 273 00:09:50,614 --> 00:09:52,548 Have sex? Colleen, we've been married 274 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,616 for, like, two seconds... we can't start that now. 275 00:09:54,618 --> 00:09:57,286 No. Use protection. 276 00:09:57,288 --> 00:10:00,255 No shirts, all skins. 277 00:10:00,257 --> 00:10:01,003 Seriously? 278 00:10:01,028 --> 00:10:02,285 - Yeah. - But I thought 279 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,210 we were gonna wait until your horoscope said 280 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,711 whatever dumb things horoscopes say. 281 00:10:05,713 --> 00:10:08,347 Well, yeah. But then I fell off the balcony, 282 00:10:08,349 --> 00:10:11,384 and I realized that life doesn't always allow you to make plans. 283 00:10:11,386 --> 00:10:14,720 We both want a family, and we're not getting any younger. 284 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,490 - I can't believe we're gonna do this. - I know. 285 00:10:17,726 --> 00:10:18,652 I love you so much. 286 00:10:18,677 --> 00:10:19,980 I love you, too. 287 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,467 Mmm... 288 00:10:33,912 --> 00:10:36,021 Hey, baby. Why you packin'? 289 00:10:36,046 --> 00:10:38,046 Well, we have to be ready to go to the hospital. 290 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,004 I could go into labor at any minute. 291 00:10:41,904 --> 00:10:43,458 Whoa! 292 00:10:43,771 --> 00:10:46,419 How can you be pregnant already? We just had sex last night. 293 00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:48,754 That's how it works, Matt. 294 00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:50,656 I thought there would be more time. 295 00:10:50,658 --> 00:10:51,657 And I don't know 296 00:10:51,659 --> 00:10:53,259 anything about having a baby. 297 00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:55,861 We need a baby room, and we can't afford to move. 298 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:58,130 We've already moved, silly. 299 00:10:59,737 --> 00:11:02,468 Welcome back to the garage, dear. 300 00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:04,737 Stay as long as you want. 301 00:11:04,739 --> 00:11:07,473 Just maybe don't breathe too deeply 302 00:11:07,475 --> 00:11:08,441 near the paint 303 00:11:08,443 --> 00:11:10,810 or the gas or the rat feces. 304 00:11:10,812 --> 00:11:12,578 It might not be good for that baby. 305 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:13,779 John, that mobile 306 00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:16,382 - is perfect. - Thanks. 307 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,484 Just a few things I had laying around. 308 00:11:20,717 --> 00:11:22,802 Um, we're not gonna be staying long. 309 00:11:22,827 --> 00:11:24,390 I'm gonna get a better job. 310 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,125 I know a guy who's hiring. 311 00:11:29,168 --> 00:11:30,863 I want to thank you for this opportunity. 312 00:11:30,865 --> 00:11:33,833 I'm a hard worker, and I want to do well. 313 00:11:33,835 --> 00:11:36,905 Well... I want to sit and drink all day, 314 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,182 but you don't see me doing that. 315 00:11:39,623 --> 00:11:40,506 You do know 316 00:11:40,508 --> 00:11:43,576 - this job i-is for father, right? - Yes. 317 00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:46,069 So what makes you think you're qualified? 318 00:11:52,531 --> 00:11:55,087 Well, n-no one's really qualified to be a dad 319 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,477 until you become one. Right? 320 00:11:57,502 --> 00:11:59,692 Sounds like someone who's gonna wipe the baby 321 00:11:59,694 --> 00:12:01,060 from back to front. 322 00:12:01,062 --> 00:12:02,428 There's a wrong way to wipe? 323 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,462 Next. 324 00:12:06,454 --> 00:12:08,300 Ah. Did you get the job? 325 00:12:08,302 --> 00:12:12,249 Uh, no. He turned into a T. rex and chased me out of the office. 326 00:12:13,741 --> 00:12:15,174 There he is now. 327 00:12:15,176 --> 00:12:16,876 Well, just make sure you get a job 328 00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:18,144 before the credit card bill comes. 329 00:12:18,146 --> 00:12:19,278 'Cause I just bought everything 330 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,613 we're gonna need for the babies. 331 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,082 And an expensive governess. 332 00:12:23,885 --> 00:12:25,985 Hey. Babies? 333 00:12:25,987 --> 00:12:26,886 Yeah. 334 00:12:26,888 --> 00:12:29,174 Um... is that Spanish 335 00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:31,290 - for one baby? - No, silly. 336 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,658 We're having quadruplets. 337 00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:34,960 Ah. Really? 338 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,796 Think... think I would have remembered that. 339 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:38,249 Uh, got a lot 340 00:12:38,274 --> 00:12:39,532 going on in my life right now. 341 00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:40,433 You know? And I'm just 342 00:12:40,435 --> 00:12:41,600 starting to feel... 343 00:12:41,602 --> 00:12:43,035 really... 344 00:12:43,037 --> 00:12:44,603 overwhelmed. 345 00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:46,618 Interesting. 346 00:12:46,643 --> 00:12:48,287 And tell me what you see. 347 00:12:51,245 --> 00:12:52,311 - _ - Happy baby? 348 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,580 - _ - Uh-huh. And this one? 349 00:12:54,582 --> 00:12:55,815 Happier baby? 350 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:56,749 Mm-hmm. 351 00:12:56,751 --> 00:12:58,268 Wait, did I get that wrong or right? 352 00:12:58,293 --> 00:13:00,167 There are no wrong or right answers 353 00:13:00,192 --> 00:13:01,954 when it comes to parenting. 354 00:13:02,385 --> 00:13:03,756 Even if you forget 355 00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:06,125 everything else, you'll be okay if you remember 356 00:13:06,127 --> 00:13:09,361 this one crucial piece of information. 357 00:13:10,598 --> 00:13:12,462 ? Informer ? 358 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,366 ? Ya no say daddy me Snow me ? 359 00:13:14,368 --> 00:13:17,536 ? I go blame, I kick your boom boom down ? 360 00:13:17,538 --> 00:13:19,824 ? I kick your boom boom down ? 361 00:13:20,004 --> 00:13:21,574 Wait. What? 362 00:13:21,576 --> 00:13:24,577 ? A licky your boom boom down. ? 363 00:13:24,579 --> 00:13:27,446 And that's all you need to know to pass your test. 364 00:13:28,324 --> 00:13:29,248 Test? 365 00:13:29,871 --> 00:13:31,083 What test? 366 00:13:31,085 --> 00:13:34,954 Eyes on your own paper. And... 367 00:13:34,956 --> 00:13:36,255 you may begin. 368 00:13:36,709 --> 00:13:38,275 Begin? But... 369 00:13:38,536 --> 00:13:40,235 I haven't even been to class. 370 00:13:41,049 --> 00:13:43,262 - Done. - Already? 371 00:13:43,264 --> 00:13:44,964 - Done. - Done. 372 00:13:45,211 --> 00:13:47,145 - Done. - Done. 373 00:13:50,304 --> 00:13:51,804 And pencils down. 374 00:13:51,806 --> 00:13:53,739 Pencils... down. 375 00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:54,740 No, Heather... 376 00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:56,475 - No! - Matt! 377 00:13:56,477 --> 00:13:57,910 The babies are coming! 378 00:13:57,912 --> 00:13:59,678 Colleen, where are you? 379 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,147 Matt! 380 00:14:02,817 --> 00:14:04,817 You missed it! 381 00:14:04,819 --> 00:14:07,586 Don't worry. They have your panicked eyes. 382 00:14:07,588 --> 00:14:09,889 Here, Daddy. 383 00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,297 Oh, thank God. 384 00:14:18,299 --> 00:14:19,598 - Oh. Oh. Oh. - Oh. 385 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,966 Oh. 386 00:14:20,968 --> 00:14:22,434 I just had the worst nightmare. 387 00:14:22,436 --> 00:14:23,836 Me, too. 388 00:14:23,838 --> 00:14:25,794 - About having a baby? - No. 389 00:14:25,819 --> 00:14:27,106 I was a couch, 390 00:14:27,108 --> 00:14:29,975 and Tim was digging around for loose change. 391 00:14:32,263 --> 00:14:33,629 Wait. 392 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,013 You don't want to have a baby? 393 00:14:36,038 --> 00:14:36,981 - Hmm? - Oh. 394 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,151 - No, no, no, no. - Oh. 395 00:14:39,153 --> 00:14:41,287 - No. - Oh. 396 00:14:42,146 --> 00:14:44,356 ? Informer, ya no say daddy me Snow me ? 397 00:14:44,358 --> 00:14:46,792 ? I go blame, I licky boom boom down. ? 398 00:14:46,794 --> 00:14:48,427 Down. 399 00:14:48,647 --> 00:14:50,452 _ 400 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,641 Oh, guys, guys, guys, you are gonna love this. 401 00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,209 Wait till you see what I got. 402 00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:57,380 Is it something other than what's in your hand? 403 00:14:57,405 --> 00:14:59,973 Listen, I know it's been a lot having our whole family here 404 00:14:59,998 --> 00:15:03,487 since our house fire, so this chore wheel 405 00:15:03,512 --> 00:15:06,448 is gonna help us... pay our Hughes. 406 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,222 - That's a fun joke. - Right? 407 00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:11,894 Every time you make it, I think, "Oh, fun." 408 00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:14,086 Sophia, let's spin it and see who gets 409 00:15:14,088 --> 00:15:15,921 to help Mom-Mom with dinner tonight. 410 00:15:18,157 --> 00:15:19,695 Oh, Mom, wait, wait, wait. 411 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,427 Me. I'll get that. I got it. I got it, got it, 412 00:15:21,429 --> 00:15:23,742 - got it. I got it. - Thank you. 413 00:15:23,767 --> 00:15:25,382 Yeah, sure. It's... 414 00:15:25,407 --> 00:15:29,224 Whoa. There's a lot of empty wine bottles in here. 415 00:15:29,249 --> 00:15:31,552 Didn't we just empty this a couple days ago? 416 00:15:31,577 --> 00:15:34,289 Oh, yeah. Well, it's a good point. 417 00:15:34,314 --> 00:15:36,319 Now I can go to the liquor store. 418 00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,243 Anyway, turns out it was a duck. 419 00:15:40,268 --> 00:15:42,172 - Oh. - Hey, hey, hey. 420 00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:45,276 I'm pretty sure that mom has a drinking problem. 421 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:49,786 Okay? Now that I've been living here, I'm watching her. 422 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,657 She's drinking a lot of wine. 423 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,177 What do you think is going on? 424 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,255 I don't know, Greg. 425 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,805 I mean, maybe she realizes 426 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:58,063 that she wasted the best years of her life 427 00:15:58,065 --> 00:16:01,100 raising three kids that don't appreciate it. Hmm? 428 00:16:03,877 --> 00:16:06,729 Anyway, I'm pretty sure she's got a drinking problem. 429 00:16:07,651 --> 00:16:10,399 - And here's baby Greg taking a bath. - Mm-hmm. 430 00:16:10,424 --> 00:16:12,876 All that tushy hair fell off at three months. 431 00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:15,416 - Yeah. Some of it came back. - Mm. 432 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,683 Hey, uh, Mom, you need a refill on your wine? 433 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,502 No, thanks, dear. I'm fine. 434 00:16:22,205 --> 00:16:24,423 Oh, Mom, wait, wait, wait. Let me help you with that. 435 00:16:24,425 --> 00:16:26,191 - Mm. - Oh, this is gonna be so fun. 436 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:28,397 - No, I-I learned a really cool... - No, honey, I-I really 437 00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:29,695 - think that this should be a one-per... - No. 438 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:30,648 I just learned a really cool way 439 00:16:30,673 --> 00:16:32,675 to get the pit right on out of the avocado. 440 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,248 - Wait. Uh... - Watch. Look. 441 00:16:35,273 --> 00:16:37,093 Oh, wow. 442 00:16:37,118 --> 00:16:37,947 How great...? 443 00:16:37,972 --> 00:16:40,258 - How great is that? - That's a wonderful life hack. 444 00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:43,197 - I mean, this is... - Oh, thank you for that. 445 00:16:43,549 --> 00:16:44,710 'Cause you know... 446 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,512 this is the most important ingredient. 447 00:16:46,514 --> 00:16:48,280 It's a secret. No one tells you, 448 00:16:48,282 --> 00:16:50,749 but it what... it's what gives the guacamole the-the thing. 449 00:16:50,751 --> 00:16:52,117 No, no, no, can't drink 450 00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:54,053 the secret ingredient. Mom! 451 00:16:56,668 --> 00:16:58,457 Okay, so Mom may be drinking, 452 00:16:58,459 --> 00:17:00,326 but she definitely doesn't have a drinking problem. 453 00:17:00,328 --> 00:17:03,095 - No. Mom has a Heather problem. - Yeah. 454 00:17:03,097 --> 00:17:05,631 Matt, you are moving up in the world. 455 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,916 - Welcome to the top two kids. - Yeah. 456 00:17:07,941 --> 00:17:10,119 I hope you enjoy inside jokes about Matt. 457 00:17:10,144 --> 00:17:11,577 I mean, Heather. 458 00:17:12,039 --> 00:17:13,405 Jokes about Heather. 459 00:17:17,845 --> 00:17:20,112 - Hey, Mom. - Hi, honey. 460 00:17:20,114 --> 00:17:22,081 - Um, we were talking... - Mm. 461 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,547 And-and we've noticed that, uh, 462 00:17:24,797 --> 00:17:26,694 well, you seem a little bit overwhelmed 463 00:17:26,719 --> 00:17:28,120 by having Heather here. 464 00:17:28,122 --> 00:17:31,857 Oh, no, no. It-It's joyous. 465 00:17:31,859 --> 00:17:34,960 It's like when a comet blazes into the atmosphere, 466 00:17:34,962 --> 00:17:39,105 and primitive people everywhere think the world is ending, 467 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:41,433 and yet it may never come again in your lifetime, 468 00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,435 and so you should treasure it. 469 00:17:43,765 --> 00:17:46,646 You do know that it is okay 470 00:17:46,671 --> 00:17:48,507 to say when Heather is bothering you? 471 00:17:48,509 --> 00:17:50,676 - She's not! Mm. - Uh... 472 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:53,060 Heather means well. 473 00:17:53,085 --> 00:17:56,226 And that's why she deletes entire seasons 474 00:17:56,251 --> 00:17:57,349 of Shark Week 475 00:17:57,351 --> 00:17:58,917 on the DVR. 476 00:17:58,919 --> 00:18:00,886 To free up space. 477 00:18:00,888 --> 00:18:02,454 Where's JAG, damn it? 478 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,856 They don't make it anymore, 479 00:18:03,858 --> 00:18:06,171 and once you delete it, they're gone forever. 480 00:18:06,196 --> 00:18:08,881 Yeah, okay. Mom, the first step 481 00:18:08,906 --> 00:18:10,662 in dealing with your Heather problem 482 00:18:10,664 --> 00:18:13,366 is admitting that you have a Heather problem. 483 00:18:13,577 --> 00:18:15,701 You're right. 484 00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:17,569 I've hit rock bottom. 485 00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:21,673 But don't tell Heather. 486 00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:24,084 She'll be crushed. 487 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,345 Speaking of "crushed," 488 00:18:26,347 --> 00:18:30,048 why don't we whip up a batch of daiquiris before she gets back? 489 00:18:30,050 --> 00:18:31,650 Come on, kids. 490 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,820 Yeah, I don't think Mom would admit this, but I think 491 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:38,190 maybe all the drinking is just from her being overwhelmed. 492 00:18:38,192 --> 00:18:40,225 Oh, Greg, well, duh. 493 00:18:40,227 --> 00:18:42,194 I mean, yeah, of course, she's overwhelmed 494 00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:43,929 with all of us here. 495 00:18:43,931 --> 00:18:45,831 Oh. No, I don't think you understand. 496 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,766 Her problem is actually with... 497 00:18:47,768 --> 00:18:49,368 Uh, uh, uh, it's okay. 498 00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:50,836 Heather gets it. 499 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:54,273 Oh. I got it. Yeah. Oh. 500 00:18:54,275 --> 00:18:57,209 You are the best, sweetest brothers. 501 00:18:58,418 --> 00:19:01,747 Part of being in the top two is letting number three fail. 502 00:19:02,298 --> 00:19:03,782 Right on. 503 00:19:04,486 --> 00:19:05,684 Wait. Does that mean that you guys...? 504 00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:09,388 Mm-hmm. For a long time. 505 00:19:12,111 --> 00:19:13,876 What-What's going on? 506 00:19:13,878 --> 00:19:16,021 We thought that you could use some peace and quiet. 507 00:19:16,046 --> 00:19:17,568 Yeah, so we're all going to Disneyland. 508 00:19:17,593 --> 00:19:18,943 I'm gonna fake sunstroke 509 00:19:18,968 --> 00:19:20,935 and then hang out in the recovery tent all day. 510 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,615 Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. 511 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,857 And while they're gone, 512 00:19:26,882 --> 00:19:29,558 you and I are gonna do a little at-home spa day. 513 00:19:31,974 --> 00:19:34,062 - It's like a comet. - Mm-hmm. 514 00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:38,696 It only comes once in a lifetime, 515 00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:40,621 and you must treasure it. 516 00:19:41,199 --> 00:19:44,058 You are... you are really feeling this. 517 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,309 Oh! Oh. 518 00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:50,347 It's a man I'm excited for you to meet! 519 00:19:50,372 --> 00:19:52,080 Oh, Mom, no! 520 00:19:52,082 --> 00:19:54,082 I am not divorcing Tim! 521 00:19:54,084 --> 00:19:56,602 You have to stop asking. 522 00:20:00,641 --> 00:20:03,003 Heather, this is "Hecor." 523 00:20:04,087 --> 00:20:05,458 He's a contractor. 524 00:20:05,483 --> 00:20:08,317 He's gonna start work on your house! 525 00:20:08,342 --> 00:20:10,299 You-You hired him? 526 00:20:10,301 --> 00:20:13,731 He's being paid a premium to go extra fast, 527 00:20:13,756 --> 00:20:17,306 and that way, you can move back to your own home. 528 00:20:17,308 --> 00:20:19,121 Oh, my gosh, I can't wait to get started. 529 00:20:19,146 --> 00:20:20,746 Let me get my look book. 530 00:20:22,165 --> 00:20:25,266 Here. You're gonna need this. 531 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:27,290 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com -