1 00:00:04,117 --> 00:00:05,875 Dennis. 2 00:00:06,226 --> 00:00:07,789 Wake up, buddy. 3 00:00:08,451 --> 00:00:10,453 Smell the stew, okay? 4 00:00:11,023 --> 00:00:14,742 Breathe in the arousing aromas 5 00:00:14,767 --> 00:00:17,460 of this delicious st-- Screw it. 6 00:00:20,642 --> 00:00:22,513 What the hell was that? That's hot as shit. 7 00:00:22,557 --> 00:00:24,080 Yeah, yeah, that's a whole bowl of stew 8 00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,429 you took right in the grill. 9 00:00:25,473 --> 00:00:27,649 See? It does wake people up. 10 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:31,648 Why am I in a hospital? 11 00:00:33,568 --> 00:00:35,961 And why is your head still on? Did they reattach it? 12 00:00:36,005 --> 00:00:37,485 Left the skin pretty loose, I see. 13 00:00:37,528 --> 00:00:39,389 You didn't behead me, you stupid idiot. 14 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,838 You had a 105-degree fever, and you were hallucinating. 15 00:00:42,881 --> 00:00:44,796 You were too weak to even lift the ax. 16 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,189 You did collapse and shit yourself 17 00:00:46,233 --> 00:00:47,408 and stink up the whole castle. 18 00:00:47,451 --> 00:00:49,414 You know, Dee, I... 19 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,282 I'm starting to think I might have had COVID. 20 00:00:52,326 --> 00:00:54,197 - Yeah? You think? - Yeah. 21 00:00:54,241 --> 00:00:56,286 Mr. Reynolds, you're finally up. 22 00:00:57,296 --> 00:00:58,365 What is that? 23 00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:00,421 -It's stew. What's the update, man? 24 00:01:00,464 --> 00:01:02,814 Okay. How are we feeling? 25 00:01:02,858 --> 00:01:04,990 Outraged, violated, 26 00:01:05,034 --> 00:01:07,506 disgusted at the looseness of my sister's neck, 27 00:01:07,531 --> 00:01:08,516 covered in stew, 28 00:01:08,559 --> 00:01:10,909 dragged from my castle to a dingy hospital 29 00:01:10,953 --> 00:01:12,868 where I'm about to be saddled with an enormous bill. 30 00:01:12,911 --> 00:01:14,826 Well, there is no bill. It's free. 31 00:01:15,039 --> 00:01:16,435 Ireland has public health care. 32 00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,090 Well, then that'll be fine. 33 00:01:18,563 --> 00:01:19,738 It's free? 34 00:01:19,883 --> 00:01:22,668 Well, then maybe I ought to get my neck done. 35 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,924 Yeah, your sister's a stitch. 36 00:01:25,968 --> 00:01:27,665 Yeah? Have you heard the one 37 00:01:27,709 --> 00:01:29,624 about the hot Irish doctor who has a fling 38 00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:31,582 with the hilarious American tourist? 39 00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:33,236 'Cause I could give you the punch line 40 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,933 over drinks tonight, my place. 41 00:01:34,977 --> 00:01:37,414 Sure. Yeah, yeah. Sounds great. 42 00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:39,710 - Tonight it is. - Tonight it is. 43 00:01:42,710 --> 00:01:44,291 Looks like mama's about to have 44 00:01:44,334 --> 00:01:46,859 a little of the old luck of the Irish. 45 00:01:48,335 --> 00:01:51,375 _ 46 00:01:51,399 --> 00:01:58,609 credits 47 00:02:09,008 --> 00:02:11,318 You know, I'm just so glad you're feeling better, 48 00:02:11,361 --> 00:02:12,623 Dennis, I really am. 49 00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:14,190 Now, a couple quick things about the castle, 50 00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:17,069 I do need you to clear out of here for the night. 51 00:02:17,094 --> 00:02:18,336 What? 52 00:02:18,609 --> 00:02:20,457 Dee, I haven't even begun to do half the things 53 00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:21,632 I want to do with this castle. 54 00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:23,634 -Now you're asking me to leave? -Yeah. 55 00:02:24,164 --> 00:02:25,086 Christ! 56 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,507 Frankenstein in the house. 57 00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:28,639 -Christ. What is this? -What are you doing? 58 00:02:28,683 --> 00:02:31,338 Just want to reconnect with my kids. 59 00:02:31,599 --> 00:02:33,514 Not you so much, more Dennis. 60 00:02:33,539 --> 00:02:35,672 Like, you know, father-son thing. 61 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,920 I mean, you know, it's one of the strongest bonds there is. 62 00:02:37,945 --> 00:02:40,521 -Come on. Give me a kiss. -What are you doing? 63 00:02:40,564 --> 00:02:42,131 - A kiss? No! -Come on, give me a... 64 00:02:42,174 --> 00:02:43,828 Give your daddy a kiss. 65 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:46,069 No, no! God. Get your lips away from me, Frank. 66 00:02:46,094 --> 00:02:46,969 What? 67 00:02:46,994 --> 00:02:49,228 -Cut the bullshit. What's your angle? -What are you doing here? 68 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:50,950 Charlie's got a new dad. 69 00:02:51,313 --> 00:02:52,812 A-a new dad? 70 00:02:52,837 --> 00:02:54,186 -Weird. -Yeah. 71 00:02:54,211 --> 00:02:56,319 I want to humiliate the jerk. 72 00:02:56,363 --> 00:02:58,495 I want to send his Irish ass packing. 73 00:02:58,539 --> 00:03:00,117 -He's jealous. -Yeah. 74 00:03:00,142 --> 00:03:02,318 Okay, well, listen, I-I don't have any interest in the, 75 00:03:02,543 --> 00:03:04,762 interpersonal dynamics between an old man 76 00:03:04,806 --> 00:03:07,330 and his roommate/surrogate adult son, 77 00:03:07,374 --> 00:03:08,853 but if we can incorporate 78 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:11,373 the castle into it in some way, then I'm in. 79 00:03:11,398 --> 00:03:12,248 - Done. - No. 80 00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:13,203 -No. -Yes. 81 00:03:13,228 --> 00:03:15,338 Goddamn it, no! You listen to me. 82 00:03:15,382 --> 00:03:18,776 This trip has been absolutely ruined because of you, okay? 83 00:03:18,820 --> 00:03:21,605 And I have one chance tonight to have a good time in Ireland, 84 00:03:21,649 --> 00:03:23,078 so here is what is going to happen, 85 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,783 I'm going to go down to the bog, I'm going to gather peat moss 86 00:03:25,827 --> 00:03:28,003 to burn it to try and get rid of the shit smell 87 00:03:28,046 --> 00:03:29,918 that Dennis stunk up the castle with. 88 00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:32,442 Do not be here when I get back. 89 00:03:32,486 --> 00:03:33,687 Cool. 90 00:03:38,378 --> 00:03:39,553 She's... 91 00:03:39,742 --> 00:03:41,539 -Bent out of shape. -Yeah. 92 00:03:41,799 --> 00:03:44,411 Well... just me and you? 93 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,594 Yeah. 94 00:03:47,156 --> 00:03:50,025 It's a little odd being one on one, though, you know. 95 00:03:50,068 --> 00:03:51,851 I feel, I feel like we usually have a buffer. 96 00:03:51,996 --> 00:03:52,898 Yeah. 97 00:03:53,811 --> 00:03:55,030 Yeah. 98 00:04:00,312 --> 00:04:01,687 So, Mac, 99 00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:04,531 when did you hear the call to become a priest? 100 00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:07,347 When God took away my Irish identity 101 00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:11,089 and made me Dutch to smite me for the urges that He gave me 102 00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:13,701 when I made the original sin of being born. 103 00:04:13,744 --> 00:04:15,877 That's not the way God works, Mac. 104 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,609 He doesn't smite us. 105 00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:20,098 Yes, He does. Yes, He does. Remember the flood 106 00:04:20,142 --> 00:04:21,709 that took out the whole world? 107 00:04:21,752 --> 00:04:23,667 Remember? Then-then-then Noah made that ark, 108 00:04:23,711 --> 00:04:25,408 and he saved himself but no women, 109 00:04:25,452 --> 00:04:26,890 which was really cool. 110 00:04:26,915 --> 00:04:29,352 Not sure how he made more people after that, though. 111 00:04:29,484 --> 00:04:30,979 Could've been another rib situation. 112 00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:33,329 Either way, then God made the Ark of the Covenant 113 00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:35,679 where he promised to never, ever do it again. 114 00:04:35,723 --> 00:04:37,398 Then a bunch of people looked at it. 115 00:04:37,423 --> 00:04:40,252 He didn't like that, so he blasted them, too. 116 00:04:40,423 --> 00:04:42,512 Remember, the Nazis got their faces all melted off, 117 00:04:42,556 --> 00:04:44,645 and the-the guy with the whip and the hat, he was cool. 118 00:04:44,688 --> 00:04:48,140 I think you've mixed that story up with Indiana Jones. 119 00:04:48,434 --> 00:04:49,748 I did? 120 00:04:49,773 --> 00:04:51,664 Yeah, but listen... 121 00:04:51,689 --> 00:04:54,484 ...many of the stories in the Bible are metaphors. 122 00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:56,725 Parables with lessons. 123 00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,789 What's the lesson of the last one? Don't look at my shit? 124 00:04:58,814 --> 00:05:00,661 Look, you're looking at this all wrong. 125 00:05:00,704 --> 00:05:02,880 The Bible is a guidepost. 126 00:05:02,947 --> 00:05:05,374 Interpretations can change over time. 127 00:05:05,601 --> 00:05:06,449 They can? 128 00:05:06,493 --> 00:05:08,203 Yes, and so can the Church. 129 00:05:08,228 --> 00:05:11,258 Our God, the God we teach here, 130 00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,064 is a merciful God. 131 00:05:13,108 --> 00:05:16,154 One that loves us for exactly who we are. 132 00:05:16,198 --> 00:05:18,418 Otherwise, why would He have made us that way 133 00:05:18,461 --> 00:05:19,767 in the first place? 134 00:05:21,264 --> 00:05:22,344 Yeah. 135 00:05:22,981 --> 00:05:24,726 Yeah. Wow. 136 00:05:25,184 --> 00:05:26,403 Thanks, Gus. 137 00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:27,866 That's John Patrick Kelly. 138 00:05:28,316 --> 00:05:29,593 Killed by the plague. 139 00:05:30,499 --> 00:05:32,523 And his son William, also the plague. 140 00:05:33,171 --> 00:05:34,672 And Michael Kelly. 141 00:05:35,172 --> 00:05:36,827 He was attacked by the village loon, 142 00:05:36,871 --> 00:05:38,367 became a loon himself. 143 00:05:38,829 --> 00:05:41,695 He died from eating rocks, which he thought were eggs. 144 00:05:42,148 --> 00:05:44,702 Oof. Yeah, I've made that mistake, yeah. 145 00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:47,226 So, are all the Kellys buried here? 146 00:05:48,747 --> 00:05:50,851 Honored, yes. Buried, no. 147 00:05:51,561 --> 00:05:54,164 They were all thrown from a cliff into the sea. 148 00:05:54,366 --> 00:05:56,765 You see, legend has it 149 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,826 that only when a man is thrown from a cliff into the sea, 150 00:05:59,851 --> 00:06:01,722 may his soul be released. 151 00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:04,333 When I pass, I'll have the same done for me. 152 00:06:04,376 --> 00:06:07,728 All Kelly men must be thrown from a cliff into the sea. 153 00:06:07,771 --> 00:06:09,351 Wow. 154 00:06:09,376 --> 00:06:10,703 -That's pretty cool. -Yeah. 155 00:06:10,728 --> 00:06:11,990 Yeah. What about the women? 156 00:06:12,015 --> 00:06:13,851 The women are thrown from a cliff as well. 157 00:06:13,951 --> 00:06:15,039 Mostly alive. 158 00:06:15,414 --> 00:06:17,320 Just to see if they can fly, 159 00:06:17,345 --> 00:06:19,129 as they're presumed to be witches. 160 00:06:19,391 --> 00:06:20,969 Right. Right. 161 00:06:20,994 --> 00:06:23,531 Well, we... we honor their spirits. 162 00:06:23,556 --> 00:06:27,242 Yes, their spirits watch over us. The men, that is. 163 00:06:27,937 --> 00:06:30,157 The women roam the land 164 00:06:30,363 --> 00:06:32,800 as terrible hags and banshees 165 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:36,156 whose wailing warns of impending death. 166 00:06:36,181 --> 00:06:37,748 If you ever see 167 00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:41,140 a gruesome woman covered in filth 168 00:06:41,165 --> 00:06:43,154 with long, stringy hair, 169 00:06:43,179 --> 00:06:46,367 who's horribly shrieking in the night, 170 00:06:47,419 --> 00:06:48,769 the end is near. 171 00:06:51,162 --> 00:06:52,424 Whoa. 172 00:06:54,672 --> 00:06:56,828 I mean, how am I supposed to know what peat is? 173 00:06:56,853 --> 00:06:58,289 What am I, a botanist? 174 00:06:59,964 --> 00:07:01,875 Hey-o. I'll burn you. 175 00:07:02,034 --> 00:07:04,789 Be like lighting a match. That works. 176 00:07:07,462 --> 00:07:10,287 Hey-o. That's my guy. 177 00:07:10,312 --> 00:07:12,351 A selfie? You got it. 178 00:07:15,758 --> 00:07:19,023 Goddamn it. Dennis got me all worked up about my neck. 179 00:07:19,277 --> 00:07:20,125 Here. 180 00:07:23,273 --> 00:07:24,804 I mean, that's just insane. 181 00:07:25,109 --> 00:07:26,992 Maybe if I stand back a little bit. 182 00:07:29,331 --> 00:07:30,898 Let's see here. 183 00:07:34,423 --> 00:07:36,425 Ew. 184 00:07:38,514 --> 00:07:39,898 Shit. 185 00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,336 Help! 186 00:07:47,212 --> 00:07:48,498 Dennis! 187 00:07:48,523 --> 00:07:49,797 Um, I... 188 00:07:49,822 --> 00:07:51,851 This is crazy, but I think I'm stuck. 189 00:07:53,374 --> 00:07:54,820 Am I sinking? 190 00:07:55,381 --> 00:07:57,124 Shit, I'm sinking. 191 00:07:59,023 --> 00:08:00,219 Yes. 192 00:08:01,499 --> 00:08:02,797 Yes. 193 00:08:03,581 --> 00:08:04,800 You're right. 194 00:08:05,445 --> 00:08:07,083 Who you talking to? 195 00:08:07,108 --> 00:08:09,458 Nothing. It's just the-the castle. 196 00:08:09,501 --> 00:08:10,594 The castle? 197 00:08:10,619 --> 00:08:11,939 Yeah, don't worry about it. 198 00:08:11,982 --> 00:08:13,723 -Yeah, no. -Okay, we've got it. 199 00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,986 -What? -It'll be a dinner. 200 00:08:16,030 --> 00:08:18,351 A banquet of humiliation. 201 00:08:18,376 --> 00:08:21,727 Wait a minute. The old turd in the soup trick. 202 00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,493 -What? No. We're not... -Turd in the soup. 203 00:08:23,518 --> 00:08:25,824 We're not putting a turd in someone's soup, Frank, okay? 204 00:08:25,849 --> 00:08:28,199 Can we be a little bit more sophisticated than that? 205 00:08:28,224 --> 00:08:31,705 All right, so you invite them to a classy dinner. 206 00:08:31,797 --> 00:08:33,364 You wine and dine the man 207 00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:35,783 while also pointing out all of his character flaws, 208 00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:37,722 and then you lure him over 209 00:08:37,747 --> 00:08:39,656 to the castle's murder hole. 210 00:08:40,402 --> 00:08:42,265 Is that like a-a glory hole? 211 00:08:42,290 --> 00:08:44,664 A predecessor to the glory hole, perhaps. 212 00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:47,187 It's a discreet opening concealed in plain sight, 213 00:08:47,212 --> 00:08:48,625 except, instead of for sex, 214 00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:50,765 it's used for murder. 215 00:08:53,554 --> 00:08:55,281 -You didn't see that there, did you? 216 00:08:55,306 --> 00:08:58,656 No. Yeah, so you'll lure him under the hole, 217 00:08:58,681 --> 00:09:01,311 where I will, douse him with boiling oil 218 00:09:01,336 --> 00:09:04,586 or hot tar or really any scalding substance. 219 00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,429 Wait, you're gonna char the guy? 220 00:09:07,219 --> 00:09:08,080 Yeah. 221 00:09:08,105 --> 00:09:09,219 -Gonna char him up? -Yeah. 222 00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:10,680 I'm not gonna kill him or anything, but it's-it's 223 00:09:10,705 --> 00:09:12,409 got to be hot enough to be annoying as shit, right? 224 00:09:12,434 --> 00:09:13,522 -You know what I mean? -Yeah. Burn him. 225 00:09:13,557 --> 00:09:14,578 He's gonna get burned. 226 00:09:14,603 --> 00:09:16,108 But, I mean, Charlie's got to see him lose his cool, 227 00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:17,078 so we can expose him 228 00:09:17,103 --> 00:09:19,429 as the child-abandoning monster that he really is. 229 00:09:19,454 --> 00:09:21,007 - Exactly. - FYI, 230 00:09:21,032 --> 00:09:23,609 I'll know exactly when to pour the boiling substance on him 231 00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:26,506 because I'm going to be hiding in this passageway here. 232 00:09:27,201 --> 00:09:28,803 I'm gonna take this painting, 233 00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:30,264 cover up the passageway. 234 00:09:30,495 --> 00:09:32,497 I'm gonna cut out the eyeholes 235 00:09:32,522 --> 00:09:34,320 so I can see everything that's happening. 236 00:09:34,345 --> 00:09:35,898 That's something I've always wanted to do, 237 00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,796 and it fully takes advantage of the castle. 238 00:09:37,821 --> 00:09:40,031 It also happens to be the castle's preference 239 00:09:40,056 --> 00:09:42,312 for how this is all gonna go down. 240 00:09:42,337 --> 00:09:43,867 - Right. - Yeah. 241 00:09:43,892 --> 00:09:45,406 Wow. I wouldn't have been able 242 00:09:45,431 --> 00:09:47,346 to think of this all by myself. I... 243 00:09:47,999 --> 00:09:51,773 I mean... You know, the sickness and anger inside of you is diabolical. 244 00:09:51,813 --> 00:09:53,569 -Way to go, son. -Well... 245 00:09:55,406 --> 00:09:57,843 I suppose all of your years of neglect 246 00:09:57,868 --> 00:09:59,663 and misdeeds 247 00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:02,498 have allowed me to harness the darkness inside me 248 00:10:02,532 --> 00:10:04,109 and to unleash it 249 00:10:04,793 --> 00:10:06,953 without conscience, so... 250 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:10,117 Yeah, perhaps I owe you a... 251 00:10:10,283 --> 00:10:13,562 thanks for making me the man I am today, Frank. Thank you. 252 00:10:13,669 --> 00:10:14,718 You're welcome. 253 00:10:16,019 --> 00:10:18,326 Yeah, y... Maybe I'll just, um... 254 00:10:25,043 --> 00:10:25,960 There. 255 00:10:27,546 --> 00:10:29,421 Was that okay to do? 256 00:10:30,304 --> 00:10:31,757 Yeah, it was nice. 257 00:10:32,992 --> 00:10:34,007 Good. 258 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:36,634 So, you're telling me 259 00:10:36,659 --> 00:10:39,521 that the whole Cain and Abel thing didn't actually happen? 260 00:10:39,564 --> 00:10:40,696 Metaphor. 261 00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,429 This is all so confusing. 262 00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:43,960 Yes, look... 263 00:10:43,985 --> 00:10:47,132 Our faith is... it's complicated. 264 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:48,909 Can I admit something? 265 00:10:49,226 --> 00:10:52,320 You said you were, you were born a certain way. 266 00:10:52,345 --> 00:10:54,434 You're... different. 267 00:10:54,514 --> 00:10:56,820 You have urges that, traditionally, 268 00:10:56,845 --> 00:10:59,369 the Church has been very clear about. 269 00:10:59,642 --> 00:11:00,643 Well... 270 00:11:01,304 --> 00:11:03,588 I have those urges, too. 271 00:11:03,632 --> 00:11:05,468 -You do? -Yes. 272 00:11:05,493 --> 00:11:07,973 I, too, have an eye for the lads. 273 00:11:07,998 --> 00:11:10,828 It's not uncommon. There's nothing wrong with it. 274 00:11:10,853 --> 00:11:13,453 It's who He made us. 275 00:11:14,018 --> 00:11:16,412 But, our path, 276 00:11:16,437 --> 00:11:18,874 this path, is very clear. 277 00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:21,925 We must never act on those urges. 278 00:11:23,327 --> 00:11:25,304 That's gonna be really hard for me. 279 00:11:25,547 --> 00:11:27,257 That's what he said. 280 00:11:28,876 --> 00:11:30,660 That's-that's really good. 281 00:11:30,685 --> 00:11:31,791 Thank you. I'm sorry. 282 00:11:31,834 --> 00:11:32,960 It just slipped out. 283 00:11:33,937 --> 00:11:35,242 That's what he said. 284 00:11:35,267 --> 00:11:37,492 Shh! Shh. 285 00:11:37,517 --> 00:11:38,561 Sorry. 286 00:11:40,046 --> 00:11:41,003 Sorry. 287 00:11:41,028 --> 00:11:42,335 Help! 288 00:11:43,359 --> 00:11:44,804 God, help. 289 00:11:44,847 --> 00:11:46,283 - Hello? - Hello! 290 00:11:46,327 --> 00:11:48,226 -Hello? -H-Hello! 291 00:11:48,773 --> 00:11:51,297 -Hello... -W-W-Waitress? 292 00:11:51,322 --> 00:11:53,445 My God. 293 00:11:53,470 --> 00:11:55,515 What the hell are you doing out here? 294 00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:58,945 What are you doing out here with a toiletry bag? 295 00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:01,210 Are you gonna brush your teeth in a stream or something? 296 00:12:01,235 --> 00:12:04,210 No. I was gonna shave my legs. 297 00:12:04,235 --> 00:12:05,734 Ew. Gross. 298 00:12:06,076 --> 00:12:09,340 Um, hey, can you help a girl out and then get me of this bog? 299 00:12:09,525 --> 00:12:10,830 Are you stuck in there? 300 00:12:11,616 --> 00:12:12,643 Yeah. 301 00:12:13,202 --> 00:12:14,085 I know. 302 00:12:14,116 --> 00:12:15,406 I also seem to be sinking. 303 00:12:16,139 --> 00:12:17,038 And, I know. 304 00:12:17,063 --> 00:12:19,742 And I-I-I have a date tonight with a real hot Irish doctor. 305 00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:21,159 Is he meeting you here, or...? 306 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:25,474 You got me. No, no. He's meeting me out there. 307 00:12:25,499 --> 00:12:27,093 -I bet. -So that's why I want 308 00:12:27,118 --> 00:12:28,492 to get out of here. I also don't want to die, 309 00:12:28,517 --> 00:12:30,312 but, either way, could you p-- just give me a big tug, 310 00:12:30,337 --> 00:12:31,437 and I bet you could get me out. 311 00:12:31,462 --> 00:12:33,595 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here. I got you. Let me just... 312 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,288 - You're a livesa... - Grab my hand, and I'll-- Psych! 313 00:12:39,054 --> 00:12:40,226 "Psych"? 314 00:12:40,251 --> 00:12:42,929 -Your face. I'm kidding. No, I got you. 315 00:12:42,954 --> 00:12:43,887 Psych! 316 00:12:45,137 --> 00:12:46,457 Two times. 317 00:12:46,769 --> 00:12:48,777 - I will get you. - Hey, well, just quick tip 318 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,871 for you, nobody does "psych" anymore. It's kind of dumb. 319 00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,419 - Do they not? - Nah, it's not funny, it's dumb. 320 00:12:52,444 --> 00:12:54,473 - I feel like it's classic. I-I got you. 321 00:12:54,498 --> 00:12:56,207 -You got me. I got you, and you got me. 322 00:12:56,232 --> 00:12:57,301 Okay. 323 00:12:57,326 --> 00:12:59,082 It's fun. All right, here we go. Psych! 324 00:12:59,107 --> 00:13:01,283 My God. Just-- Come on. Knock it off. 325 00:13:01,308 --> 00:13:02,973 Cut the shit. Get me out of here. 326 00:13:02,998 --> 00:13:04,910 I will, I will, I will. All you have to do is one thing. 327 00:13:04,935 --> 00:13:06,598 Yes. Great. What? 328 00:13:07,312 --> 00:13:08,621 Say my name. 329 00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:14,062 Just say my name. What is it? 330 00:13:16,957 --> 00:13:19,363 O... kay, yeah. 331 00:13:19,518 --> 00:13:21,199 Yeah, yeah. 332 00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:22,805 -It's-- That's easy. -Okay. 333 00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:24,745 Just, just give me, give me a second. 334 00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:26,582 Well, Mac, this is it. 335 00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,913 The end of a typical day in my life. 336 00:13:29,010 --> 00:13:31,074 It's modest, pious, 337 00:13:31,099 --> 00:13:32,579 and somewhat dull, 338 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,955 but I can't imagine my life any other way. 339 00:13:36,298 --> 00:13:37,973 -What do you think? -Gus, 340 00:13:37,998 --> 00:13:40,389 knowing that there's somebody here 341 00:13:40,432 --> 00:13:44,088 that's exactly like me gives me the courage 342 00:13:44,113 --> 00:13:47,116 to-to want to do it, too, so tomorrow 343 00:13:47,141 --> 00:13:49,361 I am going to join the seminary. 344 00:13:49,386 --> 00:13:51,867 Grand! I am so happy for you. 345 00:13:51,966 --> 00:13:55,273 And I must admit, I'm happy for myself, too. 346 00:13:55,309 --> 00:13:56,527 Having someone here 347 00:13:56,552 --> 00:13:58,597 who knows how I feel will help keep me 348 00:13:58,622 --> 00:14:00,543 -on the straight and the narrow. -Yes. 349 00:14:00,568 --> 00:14:02,832 And no matter how strong those urges get, 350 00:14:02,857 --> 00:14:04,527 and they will be strong, 351 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,901 we must never, ever give in to them 352 00:14:05,926 --> 00:14:07,319 because we would get kicked out of the Church. 353 00:14:07,344 --> 00:14:08,520 -Good, good. -Yes. 354 00:14:08,545 --> 00:14:10,742 And we'll never, ever leave each other alone 355 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,215 in the room with the wee lads. 356 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,965 Yes, and I also think... 357 00:14:14,815 --> 00:14:15,832 Wait, what? 358 00:14:15,857 --> 00:14:18,033 Or the wee lasses, whatever you're into. 359 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,699 There's no judgment here. 360 00:14:19,724 --> 00:14:22,118 And, of course, you know, if you do slip up, 361 00:14:22,143 --> 00:14:24,371 you'll go to a new parish, they sort the family out, 362 00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:26,643 have some chats, perhaps some money changes hands, 363 00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:28,889 perhaps not. No harm, no foul. 364 00:14:28,914 --> 00:14:30,730 You come back, you're grand. 365 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,184 Yeah, I'm gay. What are you talking about? 366 00:14:40,191 --> 00:14:42,379 No. I'm gay. That's it. 367 00:14:42,404 --> 00:14:43,668 I'm a gay man. 368 00:14:43,693 --> 00:14:47,349 I'm a gay man who has trouble controlling his... 369 00:14:47,629 --> 00:14:50,109 urges with other 370 00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:52,270 gay adult men, 371 00:14:52,295 --> 00:14:54,520 and that's the end of it. 372 00:14:57,839 --> 00:14:59,487 Goddamn it. 373 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,084 Welcome, welcome. Come in, come in. 374 00:15:07,128 --> 00:15:09,434 -You're leaving us waiting out there forever. 375 00:15:09,478 --> 00:15:12,176 Welcome, welcome. Shirley, let me take your coat. 376 00:15:12,220 --> 00:15:14,526 Frank, his name is Shelley, okay? You know this. 377 00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:16,565 And you couldn't take his coat if you tried, dude, 378 00:15:16,590 --> 00:15:18,018 'cause it's buttoned to his pants 379 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,455 in traditional Irish style. 380 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,316 I'm not wearing a coat. 381 00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:23,666 Right, he's not even wearing a coat, man. 382 00:15:23,691 --> 00:15:25,953 All right, look, we brought you this. We made it ourselves, 383 00:15:25,978 --> 00:15:27,061 with love. 384 00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,343 You made cheese together? 385 00:15:31,353 --> 00:15:34,609 Well, personally, I think cheese should be sprayed out of a can, 386 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,805 but to each his own. 387 00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:37,176 Yeah, well, normally I would agree with you, Frank, 388 00:15:37,201 --> 00:15:39,641 but Shelley's really opened my eyes to a whole new world. 389 00:15:39,666 --> 00:15:42,358 Yeah? Well, that can be very blinding. 390 00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:44,385 But I'm sure, by the end of the evening, 391 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,760 we'll all be seeing clear. 392 00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:48,822 Let's sit down. 393 00:15:48,884 --> 00:15:51,626 I don't like how you said that. I don't like how he said that. 394 00:15:52,033 --> 00:15:53,469 - Yeah. - Wow. 395 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,716 -Well, come on in. -Cool. 396 00:15:54,741 --> 00:15:56,177 -Wow. Okay. -Yeah. 397 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,720 Put it right there. Welcome. Sit down there. 398 00:15:58,745 --> 00:16:00,398 - Went all out? - Shirley, you over there. 399 00:16:00,442 --> 00:16:01,869 -Charlie, there. -Here? 400 00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:04,101 Welcome, and thank you all for coming. 401 00:16:04,126 --> 00:16:06,695 You know, it's been a very trying time 402 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:10,141 with Charlie finding his biological father, 403 00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:12,445 who abandoned him when he was a child, by the way. 404 00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:14,322 Not judging, just the facts. 405 00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:16,500 Okay, I can't really read the tone of this dinner, you know? 406 00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:17,735 It's very confusing. You're being mean, 407 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,891 you're being nice. What are you doing? 408 00:16:18,916 --> 00:16:21,141 No, no, I-I want everybody to be happy. 409 00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:23,687 In fact, in the spirit of that, I bought everybody a gift. 410 00:16:23,712 --> 00:16:26,468 So, just look under your seats, and you'll see 411 00:16:26,511 --> 00:16:29,141 a nice gift for you. Shelley, you go first. 412 00:16:29,166 --> 00:16:30,783 Wow. 413 00:16:31,322 --> 00:16:32,802 -Yeah. -Okay. 414 00:16:33,267 --> 00:16:34,519 Very nice. 415 00:16:37,141 --> 00:16:38,330 Swim goggles? 416 00:16:38,355 --> 00:16:40,270 Yeah, they're good ones, too. 417 00:16:40,376 --> 00:16:43,023 They'll protect your eyes from any chlorine 418 00:16:43,048 --> 00:16:45,016 or oils or any other hot liquid 419 00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:47,125 that might come in contact with your face. 420 00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:48,946 That's, that's very kind of you, Frank, yeah, thanks. 421 00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:50,774 Yeah, Frank, I'm not seeing a present for me. 422 00:16:50,818 --> 00:16:52,254 No, no, no. 423 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:53,798 Just the one gift, just for Shelley. 424 00:16:53,823 --> 00:16:55,212 Eat up. Yeah. 425 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,113 Eat it while it's hot. It's, 426 00:16:58,138 --> 00:17:00,629 it's, butternut squash soup. 427 00:17:00,654 --> 00:17:02,351 And for the special guest, 428 00:17:02,395 --> 00:17:04,092 there's a couple meatballs in there. 429 00:17:04,135 --> 00:17:05,963 Didn't put any goddamn meatballs in that soup. 430 00:17:06,007 --> 00:17:08,330 -Do you hear something? -Yeah. 431 00:17:08,705 --> 00:17:11,392 It's probably your stomach grumbling from hunger. 432 00:17:11,417 --> 00:17:12,947 Eat up before they get cold. 433 00:17:12,972 --> 00:17:14,580 Why don't I get any meatballs? 434 00:17:14,605 --> 00:17:17,173 Now, just for the special guest. Eat up, Shel. 435 00:17:17,198 --> 00:17:20,103 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't eat that. 436 00:17:21,463 --> 00:17:22,595 What's in the soup, Frank? 437 00:17:23,851 --> 00:17:26,314 Just butternut squash. A simple soup. 438 00:17:26,339 --> 00:17:27,728 Are the meatballs turds? 439 00:17:28,033 --> 00:17:31,447 What? No, no, they're homemade meatballs. 440 00:17:31,472 --> 00:17:33,470 Shelley, eat 'em up before they get cold. 441 00:17:33,495 --> 00:17:35,400 -Go on. Go on. -No, don't-don't-don't eat them. 442 00:17:35,425 --> 00:17:38,470 -Go on, Shelley. -Frank, you eat a meatball. 443 00:17:39,985 --> 00:17:41,839 You want me to eat the meatball? 444 00:17:41,899 --> 00:17:43,861 Yeah, just eat a meatball. Eat one. 445 00:17:47,135 --> 00:17:48,136 All right. 446 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,744 Grab a meatball, scoop it out. 447 00:18:07,499 --> 00:18:08,852 Delicious. 448 00:18:08,896 --> 00:18:11,607 Now, Shelley, have, have a meatball. 449 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,901 No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 450 00:18:13,944 --> 00:18:15,076 No, Shelley doesn't want one yet. 451 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:16,251 Chew it. Chew it. 452 00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:17,600 And then swallow it. 453 00:18:21,808 --> 00:18:22,827 Chew it up. 454 00:18:27,702 --> 00:18:28,909 I knew it! 455 00:18:28,934 --> 00:18:30,031 I knew it, Frank! 456 00:18:30,056 --> 00:18:31,765 You're not trying to bring us closer together, 457 00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:33,096 you're trying to drive us apart! 458 00:18:33,121 --> 00:18:34,499 I knew you couldn't host a dinner without a motive. 459 00:18:34,524 --> 00:18:35,749 You just can't do it. 460 00:18:35,774 --> 00:18:38,077 All right, you got me. Okay? 461 00:18:38,102 --> 00:18:41,351 I'm tired of you hanging out with him the whole vacation. 462 00:18:41,494 --> 00:18:42,582 I mean, all right, go ahead, 463 00:18:42,625 --> 00:18:43,670 go, have your fun, 464 00:18:43,713 --> 00:18:45,280 but when you get back to Philly, 465 00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:47,468 I don't want to even hear the name Shelley. 466 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,765 Well, I'm not coming back to Philly, Frank! 467 00:18:51,604 --> 00:18:53,593 I think there's another man in this room. 468 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,476 Never mind him. What'd you say, Charlie? 469 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,857 I said I'm not coming back, Frank. I want to stay here. 470 00:18:57,882 --> 00:18:58,796 I'm gonna stay here, 471 00:18:58,821 --> 00:19:00,398 and I'm gonna work in my dad's shop with him, 472 00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:01,866 if-if that's all right with you. 473 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,906 That would make me the happiest man in the world. 474 00:19:03,931 --> 00:19:06,499 Well, you do that, and... don't... 475 00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:09,171 don't even think of coming back because we're finished. 476 00:19:09,196 --> 00:19:10,371 That's the end of it. 477 00:19:10,726 --> 00:19:12,218 All right, Frank, if that's how you feel, 478 00:19:12,243 --> 00:19:13,681 we'll get out of your hair. Come on, Dad. 479 00:19:13,706 --> 00:19:15,098 I'm sorry about this. 480 00:19:16,706 --> 00:19:18,403 Thanks for the goggles, Frank. 481 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:26,050 Frank! What the hell was that?! 482 00:19:26,906 --> 00:19:28,273 Charlie picked Shelley. 483 00:19:29,148 --> 00:19:31,587 I... I'm talking about the turd soup, man. 484 00:19:31,622 --> 00:19:32,733 You know, I'm starting to get caught up 485 00:19:32,759 --> 00:19:34,062 in this whole father-son thing, too, 486 00:19:34,087 --> 00:19:36,695 but then you put a-a turd in your mouth. I mean, my God. 487 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,320 He had me up against the wall. What was I supposed to do? 488 00:19:39,421 --> 00:19:41,124 Not eat a poopy. 489 00:19:44,429 --> 00:19:46,534 Clementine? Valentine? 490 00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:48,101 Diana? Denise? 491 00:19:48,126 --> 00:19:49,748 Dennis? Dane? 492 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:50,725 Goddamn it. 493 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,390 I've named every name in the entire world. 494 00:19:53,415 --> 00:19:54,796 How have I not gotten it yet? 495 00:19:54,821 --> 00:19:57,788 No, no, no. You-you got it a while back. It's just... 496 00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,598 I'm really enjoying watching you struggle. 497 00:20:01,671 --> 00:20:03,120 You drunk bitch! 498 00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:06,968 Okay. 499 00:20:07,710 --> 00:20:09,593 I'm gonna save you. 500 00:20:10,163 --> 00:20:12,687 Unlike you, I'm not a psychopath. 501 00:20:13,542 --> 00:20:15,631 God. Okay. 502 00:20:18,281 --> 00:20:21,197 Okay. God. 503 00:20:21,507 --> 00:20:22,769 Now I'm in it. 504 00:20:22,812 --> 00:20:26,109 Hold on. No. Let go. No, let go! 505 00:20:26,134 --> 00:20:27,730 -Yes, you're doing it. -No, you're pulling me in. 506 00:20:27,774 --> 00:20:28,992 -Yes. -What are you doing? 507 00:20:29,036 --> 00:20:30,304 -No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. -Thank you! 508 00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:31,788 -It's working. You're doing it. -You're pushing me under. 509 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,312 -You're doing it. -Let me out. 510 00:20:33,337 --> 00:20:36,410 - You are my hero. - My legs are stuck. 511 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:38,695 - Yes! - Wait! 512 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,226 -Wait, wait, now I'm stuck. -You're stuck? 513 00:20:41,251 --> 00:20:43,384 I would suggest you don't move 'cause you're just 514 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,845 -gonna sink. -Help me out. 515 00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:46,702 No, I'm not gonna do that 'cause I got a date, 516 00:20:46,727 --> 00:20:48,294 -but I'll come back. -No, no, no. 517 00:20:48,319 --> 00:20:49,755 -You can't leave me here. -Great job! 518 00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:50,912 You dirty bitch. 519 00:20:50,937 --> 00:20:52,809 I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna kill you. 520 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,428 -I'll be back after my date. -I'll kill you. 521 00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:56,273 Thank you so much. 522 00:20:56,527 --> 00:20:57,765 Help! 523 00:20:59,764 --> 00:21:02,062 I'm so sorry about Frank. I... 524 00:21:02,296 --> 00:21:03,999 I can't believe he tried to feed you shit. 525 00:21:04,024 --> 00:21:05,112 I'll never forgive him for that. 526 00:21:05,137 --> 00:21:07,570 Charlie, it's good to forgive. 527 00:21:08,428 --> 00:21:09,890 You know, a true Kelly 528 00:21:09,915 --> 00:21:12,533 always puts things right with the men in his life. 529 00:21:12,558 --> 00:21:13,702 Yeah. 530 00:21:14,435 --> 00:21:16,194 Not so much the women. 531 00:21:16,837 --> 00:21:19,273 Thus, the curse of the banshees. 532 00:21:19,894 --> 00:21:21,304 Right. 533 00:21:21,575 --> 00:21:24,240 Help! Help! Help! Help! 534 00:21:24,265 --> 00:21:25,241 Help! 535 00:21:27,351 --> 00:21:28,399 Help! 536 00:21:28,443 --> 00:21:29,488 What is that? 537 00:21:32,185 --> 00:21:34,085 Are you seeing that? What is that? 538 00:21:48,985 --> 00:21:50,429 What was that? 539 00:21:50,596 --> 00:21:52,046 A banshee. 540 00:21:57,447 --> 00:22:04,322 credits