1 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:10,176 Right. This race is to prove what's faster, 2 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,886 a wagon or Barry. 3 00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,804 It's also to prove we should never get a day off. 4 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,265 Patrick, do you wanna play it safe all your life, 5 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,184 or do you wanna be a fucking legend? 6 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,186 Whoa... 7 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,355 You're literally going to die. 8 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,815 First one to the bottom of the hill wins! 9 00:00:26,212 --> 00:00:27,858 On your marks... 10 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:30,655 Get set... 11 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,718 Go! Yah! 12 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:38,496 Oh, oh! Whoa! 13 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:39,497 Ah! 14 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,583 You trying to trade paint with me?! 15 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,586 Knock it off, you fucking asshole! 16 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,782 Oh! Ah! 17 00:00:47,930 --> 00:00:49,571 _ 18 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:53,427 No, Barry! Come back! 19 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,347 Turn! Turn! Turn! 20 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,642 He's okay! 21 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,563 No! 22 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,442 Oh my god! 23 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,361 Oh... 24 00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,864 No! 25 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,283 - Oh! - Yes! 26 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,458 No! 27 00:01:27,431 --> 00:01:31,251 CREDITS 28 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,603 In all my years of service to this kingdom, 29 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:47,107 I've never trained a group of squires this irresponsible! 30 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,819 You lost a member of your own squadron on a day off?! 31 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:55,072 Um, Sgt. Meghan, we technically know where he is. 32 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,451 He's plummeting endlessly through space... Forever. 33 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,203 Fall back, Broth. 34 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:01,205 Yep. 35 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,374 - Farther. - Got it. 36 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,710 For the record, they lost him. 37 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:11,005 You know, I voted not to ride our teammate down a hill. 38 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,926 Patrick, keep snitching, I'll get to stitching. 39 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,428 You idiots are making me look terrible! 40 00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:20,097 That's why we're here on Cuddly Monkey Island. 41 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,892 Sarge, e-excuse me. Question about the island. 42 00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,227 Yes, what is it, Griffin? 43 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:27,438 It's just that when we trained on Naked Lady Island, 44 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,524 we were attacked by reptile women 45 00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:32,944 with snakes for hair and Barry got turned to stone! 46 00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:35,112 So, if Cuddly Monkey Island 47 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,864 is another ironic name, 48 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,866 could we at least get a heads up? 49 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,660 I'm your drill instructor, 50 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,622 not a fucking travel writer! Fall back with Broth. 51 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,809 Anyway, 52 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,895 I pulled some strings and lined up a special guest speaker. 53 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:10,898 Please look towards the water, as he has requested, 54 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,109 and welcome the legendary 55 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,778 Sir Styles! 56 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,907 Oh my god! 57 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:23,244 Sir Styles! I wanted to be him when I was a kid! 58 00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:26,247 Ooh! Remember when he saved all those differently abled orphans 59 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,167 from that fire started by that differently abled orphan? 60 00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,501 Oh! Nothing sadder than 61 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:33,129 differently abled orphan on differently abled orphan crime. 62 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:35,548 Well, I was into Sir Styles before he went mainstream. 63 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,259 His early indie knight work, his absurdist phase. 64 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,304 Not me, man. Just gimme those hits. 65 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,056 I can't wait until these assholes 66 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,268 turn into battlefield statistics. 67 00:03:51,545 --> 00:03:53,575 _ 68 00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:01,449 Why are we doing this? 69 00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:03,868 We're doing it because I threw a beauty pageant 70 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:06,579 to find a new queen while you were in a coma last week, 71 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,624 and according to the gossip rags, that means our... 72 00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:11,709 quote, "marriage is on the rocks." 73 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:15,046 So, going to this couples' retreat will slap a fresh coat of paint 74 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,549 onto this rusty old wagon we call matrimony. 75 00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:19,968 How romantic. 76 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,680 Where is this counselor, uh, 77 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,098 Tumbleweed Scrub Brush? 78 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,310 - Willow Sage? She's the best! - Oh? 79 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:32,563 - She made you stop hating each other? - Oh, we never hated each other. 80 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,357 We're working through, uh, 81 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,359 a sexual incompatibility issue! 82 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,736 Anjelica, let's save that for group! 83 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:41,405 Willow says it's nothing to be ashamed of, Urk! 84 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:45,201 Let me guess. Like trying to thread a needle with a cannon? Hm? 85 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,746 Yes, but the cannon stays floppy like a sock full of pudding. 86 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:51,750 Jesus orc-murdering Christ! 87 00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,585 Roman, if father won't let us marry, 88 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,671 - I'll drink poison and die! - Same, Julie. 89 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,881 If my mother tells us to wait until we're older, 90 00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,883 I'll drink poison and die at once. 91 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,052 And if we can't book the church in May on a Saturday, 92 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,763 buy me a ticket to Poisontown. One way. 93 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:09,351 Kids, you can't solve all of life's problems with poison. 94 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:13,396 Roman, this man's beard is hideous and it upsets me. 95 00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:15,190 Shall we drink poison? 96 00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:18,610 - Jesus Christ. - Nice to see you both again! 97 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:22,196 Oh, yes! Yes! You! 98 00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:24,240 - Oh, yes! - Oh yeah! Oh, you! 99 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,616 Wouldn't be a party without... 100 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,119 you two. 101 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,206 - They have no idea who we are. - Rich people are so fake. 102 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,918 Well, look at you! Glenn! Doreen! 103 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,130 Oh! Hello! 104 00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:41,924 I tell you what, it is so nice to see you again. 105 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:45,095 Oh yeah! Um, you bet... you... 106 00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,347 - Who the fuck is that? - I don't know. 107 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,558 - He's not a friend of yours? - Yes, I remember every single person 108 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,143 I've ever seen in my life. He's not one of them. 109 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,896 These are not our people. Let's get out of here. 110 00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:56,355 - Now. - Giddyup. 111 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,859 Hello! I'm Willow Sage! 112 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,486 Don't run off! Have a coconut water. 113 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,405 Share what's in your hearts. 114 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:07,617 I will be doing precisely none of those things, you absurd woman. 115 00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:11,120 - We're getting out of here. - Oh! I'm afraid that's impossible! 116 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:14,582 The ships won't return until love reigns supreme! 117 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,918 Or 5:00 PM. 118 00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:19,963 In that case, where are those teenagers with the poison? 119 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:24,592 A knight must instantly identify an enemy's weakness. 120 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,094 I'll demonstrate. 121 00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,347 - Flaky. - Um... 122 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,390 - Coward. - Oh... 123 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,267 - Arrogant. - Thank you. 124 00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,269 - Fuckboi. - Aw... 125 00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:37,940 - Lazy eye. - Uh, correction. Lazy face. 126 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,817 - Tryhard. - Me? I'm a tryhard? 127 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,611 No, we-we just met! 128 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,739 Okay, let me go to the end of the line and try again, 129 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,034 and get some good adjectives ready! 130 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,661 May I use the restroom? 131 00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:54,706 - Your weakness is your bladder! - It sure is! 132 00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:59,002 ? They think I'm gonna pee, but I'm really gonna ? 133 00:06:59,003 --> 00:07:02,589 ? Take a nap! And say I got lost! ? 134 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:03,673 Ah! 135 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,384 Sweet dreams, Gary. 136 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:20,482 Ah! Am I being hazed?! 137 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:31,117 Welcome to the first-ever Sandalwood retreat. 138 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,411 I'll be your guide on this journey through 139 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:36,415 consciously connected coupledom! 140 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:44,798 If you feel the need to applaud, please use your stirring drum. 141 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,303 F this in the A. 142 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,138 Who are you, and why are you here? 143 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,975 - Well, this is Glenn. - And she's Doreen. 144 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,978 Like tangerine? 145 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,024 Come on, for that? 146 00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:04,692 We're happily married. 147 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,153 Uh, we're just here to meet other couples. 148 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,697 Whoops! I dropped my keys! 149 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,073 You know what would be handy? 150 00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,784 A big bowl we could all put our keys in! 151 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:16,204 But, what if, at the end of the night, 152 00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:17,830 we took the wrong keys? 153 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,790 I guess we'd have to couple up 154 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,794 - with whoever those keys belonged to. - Huh? 155 00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:28,424 Well, moving on. Excuse me, 156 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,301 - where's your partner? - Well, I tell you what, 157 00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:32,136 that's kinda why I'm here. 158 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,388 I feel like my girlfriend is always putting her job 159 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,265 over our relationship. 160 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:39,686 Oh. And how does that make you feel? 161 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,731 Insignificant. Full of despair. 162 00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,154 Love this thing. 163 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,702 There are three rules I live by. 164 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,120 One, 165 00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,956 the armor makes the man. 166 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,290 Two, 167 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,001 the real fountain of youth is daily meditation 168 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,420 and a floppy sun hat. Three, 169 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,464 obey your thirst. 170 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:12,094 What am I, a beginner? I'm way past this superficial bullshit. 171 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,971 Broth, what are you even writing down? 172 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,931 Patrick, it's time I told you something. 173 00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,766 Whenever you think I'm taking notes, 174 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,894 I am elbow-deep drawing homemade porno. 175 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:24,981 Ugh... And now, 176 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:28,025 we're going to be talking about the best sword positions... 177 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,611 - Finally! - to highlight your face in battle! 178 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:31,654 To what? 179 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,573 Like so! Huh? 180 00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,449 And, with your back to the sun, 181 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,410 use your weapon as a bounce card 182 00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,663 to find your fill light! 183 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:46,377 - Oh shit! - Sgt. Meghan, this is pointless. 184 00:09:46,899 --> 00:09:48,672 There I go. 185 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:57,096 In this team-building exercise, 186 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,515 each couple will use their wooden blocks 187 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,394 to build a house. Begin! 188 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,731 A solid home, much like a solid relationship... 189 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,441 Damn it. 190 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:12,028 should be built on a strong foundation. 191 00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:13,863 Support is the key to... 192 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,072 Done! 193 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,490 Well, it wasn't a race. 194 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:17,742 Come take the tour! 195 00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:19,285 Here's my room. Hm? 196 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:22,663 This balcony is where I give my big important speeches about war 197 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,124 and I do my daily sports talk show with a partner 198 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,710 whose opinions are always the exact opposite of mine. 199 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,712 And here's my rooftop grotto 200 00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,423 where the mint julep sommelier can oft be found. 201 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,551 And this is the after-hours mistress entrance. 202 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:39,472 I noticed that you haven't mentioned Tulip's place in this house at all. 203 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:43,352 It feels like you may be putting your crown before your marriage. 204 00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,356 - Why-why, I, uh, th-that's not... - And Tulip, 205 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,983 looks like you've disengaged completely. 206 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,278 Oh, I was never engaged. 207 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,907 That's a feature, not a bug. 208 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:01,244 Strut! Good, good, strut! You're a knight! 209 00:11:01,245 --> 00:11:03,204 Come on, show me confidence! 210 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,581 Buttocks high and tight, Tobey! 211 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:08,209 - Feeble buttocks game, Tobey! - Fuck off, Broth! 212 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:09,919 Uh, excuse me, sir, 213 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,004 Gary's not back from his bathroom break yet. 214 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:15,509 Oh, look out, gang, we've got the bathroom police over here! 215 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,011 I'm not the bathroom police! 216 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,180 Uh, tango-six-one-niner, 217 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,267 I'm thinking about Gary's dick and whether enough pee's come out of it! 218 00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,937 Over! 219 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:32,483 In this resolution role play scenario, 220 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,193 Anjelica is married 221 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,445 to a mariachi musician. 222 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,949 It's their date night, but he booked a gig. 223 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,868 Even worse, 224 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,287 the plumber is here to fix the sink. 225 00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:47,832 His fee is $1,200! 226 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,877 Now, what are some helpful strategies 227 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:54,463 Anjelica can use to turn this relationship speed bump 228 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,465 into a growth moment? 229 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,552 I feel like you're trying to goad me into saying something racist. 230 00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:02,221 Oh! I know this one! It's a porn. You fuck the plumber. 231 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,141 Uh, maybe the mariachi's skipping date night 232 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:07,685 because she cares more about 233 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:10,229 the plumbing than his plumbing. 234 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,565 Ehh, we already worked on your thing, Urk. 235 00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:15,067 You can't maintain an erection with Anjelica 236 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,695 because Anjelica was the name of the secretary 237 00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,864 that your father ran away with. 238 00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,782 I hate you, Dad! 239 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,493 Not for nothing, but if I don't get to be the plumber next time, 240 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:25,621 I'm drinking poison. 241 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,585 Our next lesson, hair! 242 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,505 You could be the greatest knight in the world, 243 00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:37,465 but if you don't look the part, 244 00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,425 no one will take you seriously. 245 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,302 Boy! How do you wash your hair? 246 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,804 I take a running start and sprint through the shower before I can get wet. 247 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,140 Incorrect! Now, the next two hours 248 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,267 will be about styling and product. 249 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,395 Ugh! Are you kidding me? 250 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:52,939 We wear helmets all day! 251 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,815 Hairstyles are useless to a knight! 252 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,610 I'm sorry, are you a knight? 253 00:12:57,611 --> 00:13:00,404 I'm not a knight, but I did find all the gems 254 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,781 that pay your salary. 255 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,617 - Ooh! - And I did 256 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:07,495 save the princess from poison tampons, 257 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,830 and I also saved the king and queen 258 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:12,625 from being kidnapped and turned into cater-waiters! 259 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,753 Wow! It sounds like you've had a lot of achievements. 260 00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:19,465 And yet, somehow, I don't even know your name! 261 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,384 Do you want to know why? 262 00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:24,887 Because of your fucking hair! 263 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,931 Oh! 264 00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:30,018 - You're garbage! - Ha, ha, ha! That's savage. 265 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:33,105 God damn fucking loser. 266 00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:36,315 How is he a knight? I should be a fucking knight. 267 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,277 He should work for me. Fucking hair. 268 00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:41,696 Shave my head! Hm? Then they'll be sorry. 269 00:13:41,697 --> 00:13:43,782 Ah! What the... 270 00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,663 Ah! Gary! 271 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,874 Thank you all for participating. 272 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:56,169 And remember, there's only one secret to a happy relationship, 273 00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:58,505 and that secret is... 274 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,873 Minchacha! 275 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,143 Is this part of it? 276 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,163 There are no boats! They come back at 5:00 277 00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:34,457 or when love reigns supreme! 278 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:36,668 My money's on 5:00. 279 00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:38,837 Minchacha... 280 00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:42,089 If we distract it, we can run to the cabins. 281 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,468 We need a volunteer. I vote Mark. 282 00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:48,304 - What? - Buddy, come on. There is no girlfriend. 283 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:50,556 Wha... Glenn, Doreen. 284 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,893 Tell them who I am. 285 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:57,564 - Yep. Classic Mark. - That's our boy. Oh. 286 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,067 Okay, well that's the worst acting I've ever seen. 287 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:04,195 You adorable lovebirds are always promising to kill yourselves. 288 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:06,239 Now's your time to shine! 289 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,949 Ooh, I, uh, I-I don't know... 290 00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:10,826 Kill yourself! Kill yourself! 291 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:13,829 Kill yourself! Kill yourself! 292 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,665 Kill yourself! 293 00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:18,417 - Should we both... - Oh, I would, 294 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,296 but father says he needs help with the yard this weekend. 295 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,090 Right. Just me then. 296 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,634 Well, I'm off. Farewell. 297 00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:29,303 I'm going. I'm doing it. 298 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,306 This is the last time to see me before I die. 299 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,767 I'm so wet, baby! 300 00:15:36,562 --> 00:15:38,522 Minchacha. 301 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,034 - I think we should break up. - What?! 302 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:55,621 Yeah. Um, you said you'd die for me, and then you... 303 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,542 didn't. The spark is gone. 304 00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:11,470 Sweet Jesus. It has friends! 305 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,307 Were we in love or just enabling each other? 306 00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:15,726 Because... 307 00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:23,566 - What are they doing? Oh! - Oh, they're not... Oh! 308 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:26,527 - Are they... - Circle jerking onto the dead bodies? 309 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,154 ' Cause I tell you what, it looks like it. 310 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,364 Oh! They're aroused by death! 311 00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,700 - It's a thing. - Who cares if it's a thing?! 312 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,953 Run! 313 00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,207 Oh man, this is gonna be the best 314 00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:41,292 "I told you so" of all time 315 00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,169 when I show them Gary's severed head. 316 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:46,380 "Ooh, we were wrong, Patrick. Sorry we tried to teach you 317 00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,550 stupid bullshit, Patrick." 318 00:16:51,637 --> 00:16:54,055 Ah. What am I doing? 319 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,558 Gary is dead, and I need to warn the others. 320 00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,478 On the other hand, I'm 15 rocks deep. 321 00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:02,397 In for a penny... 322 00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,401 Minchacha! 323 00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,238 Ah! 324 00:17:14,785 --> 00:17:16,245 Ah! 325 00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,124 We're gonna die out here, Tulip. 326 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,794 Our relationship finally killed us. 327 00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,838 Promise me something, baby. 328 00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:29,382 If we make it out of this alive, 329 00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:30,716 let's get divorced. 330 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,011 Minchacha. 331 00:17:33,679 --> 00:17:36,931 If this is the end, I'm sorry that the last thing I said to you 332 00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:40,268 - was that we should get divorced. - As long as we're going to die, 333 00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:42,271 let's be a good couple for once. 334 00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:46,608 I'm done putting my crown first. 335 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,319 Agreed. 336 00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:55,825 We put our marriage first, 337 00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:57,285 and it saved our lives! 338 00:17:57,286 --> 00:18:00,497 Shall we finish the job? 339 00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:33,030 Oh god... 340 00:18:36,742 --> 00:18:39,577 Minchacha! 341 00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:41,245 Patrick's here! 342 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,581 Everyone, our son is a squire! 343 00:18:43,582 --> 00:18:45,019 He's here to save us! 344 00:18:45,044 --> 00:18:45,949 What? 345 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:54,218 - What a little bitch baby. - The optics are not great. 346 00:18:58,055 --> 00:19:01,057 It's date night, so I rescheduled the plumber for next week. 347 00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:02,892 Thank you for being proactive. 348 00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:04,977 I see and appreciate it. 349 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,521 How was mariachi practice? 350 00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:09,483 Muy bueno. Gracias, mi amor. 351 00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:12,819 What the hell was that? 352 00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:18,325 Oh! Oh, thank you! It's a killing field out there. 353 00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:20,826 Mom? Dad? Mark? 354 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,787 Fucking finally! 355 00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:25,498 Those monkeys are cutting us down like ripe summer wheat! 356 00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:27,542 Gather the troops and counterattack! 357 00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:29,752 There are no troops. There's just me. 358 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:33,673 The other squires are too busy braiding each other's hair. 359 00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:36,760 You mean those squires? 360 00:19:37,553 --> 00:19:39,096 Squires ready? 361 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,563 Ha... ha! 362 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,817 Oh... He was going somewhere 363 00:19:52,818 --> 00:19:54,735 with all that surface-level shit. 364 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:57,321 Man, they look awesome! 365 00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,448 I let my ego get in the way 366 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,284 like a little know-it-all prick. 367 00:20:01,285 --> 00:20:03,370 Now I'm in here, and they're out there. 368 00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,664 Oh, hell no! 369 00:20:06,665 --> 00:20:08,708 Time to get on board 370 00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,334 with the Styles method. 371 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,462 Frame the face! 372 00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:14,755 Minchacha! 373 00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:17,176 Find your fill light! 374 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:21,221 Hair is the window to the soul. 375 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:26,560 Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! 376 00:20:27,895 --> 00:20:29,854 Ha ha, the boys in blue are here! 377 00:20:29,855 --> 00:20:32,315 Look! That one's about to get eaten! 378 00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:34,984 Hm... Babe, let me ask you something. 379 00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:36,485 Do you wanna play it safe, 380 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,864 or do you wanna be a fucking legend? 381 00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:40,781 Mm... 382 00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:43,409 Fuck! Do these things have any weaknesses? 383 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,161 - Give me some info! - Uh, 384 00:20:45,162 --> 00:20:47,413 th-they're violent! And horny? 385 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:50,500 - In that order! - What do you mean "in that order"? 386 00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:52,627 Well, no one's gonna say it. Let me be the first. 387 00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:55,171 The monkeys jack off on corpses. 388 00:20:55,172 --> 00:20:56,380 Outta the way! 389 00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:59,217 Here comes the minchacha express! 390 00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:01,386 Whoa! 391 00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:05,766 Wait! Look at me! 392 00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:09,811 Oh! I'm not feeling so good! 393 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:14,066 Oh! My heart! This is the big one! 394 00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:21,072 Keep your mouth closed, boy! 395 00:21:21,073 --> 00:21:22,490 Oh... 396 00:21:22,491 --> 00:21:24,739 - _ - Minchacha! Minchacha! 397 00:21:24,764 --> 00:21:25,803 - _ - Minchacha! 398 00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:27,954 Whoa! 399 00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:29,831 Ah, yes! 400 00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:33,126 Legends. 401 00:21:33,752 --> 00:21:37,047 Just stay there, son. I'll see if I can find you a hose. 402 00:21:39,633 --> 00:21:41,759 Am I late for couples' counseling? 403 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,054 Coral, you do this every time. 404 00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:47,640 Oh! That's Mark! 405 00:21:47,641 --> 00:21:49,809 Uh, yeah. I've been dating your daughter for 18 months. 406 00:21:49,810 --> 00:21:53,187 I played board games at your house. You missed everything! 407 00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:55,982 Stop trying to pen me up in your 9-to-5 world! 408 00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:58,359 I had a whole shark thing with a treasure chest. 409 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,112 You can't put a clock on that! 410 00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,156 Those kids have so much to learn. 411 00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:08,452 You remembered the lessons. 412 00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:10,788 And really took one for the team. 413 00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,374 Actually, you took several for the team! 414 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,001 Way to carry the load! 415 00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:17,045 Monkeys came on your face. 416 00:22:19,089 --> 00:22:20,590 You did good, Patrick. 417 00:22:20,591 --> 00:22:22,008 You remembered my name. 418 00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:24,969 It's the hair! I don't know what kind of essential proteins 419 00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:27,597 those monkeys were packing in their balls, but... 420 00:22:27,598 --> 00:22:30,392 you're sporting one luscious mane, my boy. 421 00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:32,685 Oh, you know what? 422 00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:34,604 There's a printing error on this map. 423 00:22:34,605 --> 00:22:37,273 Cuddly Monkey Island is way the hell over there! 424 00:22:37,274 --> 00:22:39,735 This island's got a skull and crossbones on it. 425 00:22:41,195 --> 00:22:44,071 It looks like there's jizz shooting out of the crossbones. 426 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:46,741 This is a really graphic drawing. 427 00:22:46,742 --> 00:22:49,869 What commercial mapmaker would include this on their product? 428 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:52,664 - You should write an angry letter. - Oh, I will! 429 00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:40,354 CREDITS