1
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:16,891
King Merriman! You're not
supposed to take more gems!

2
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,560
- They're cursed!
- Sorry, I can't hear your nonsense.

3
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:22,328
I have these cursed gems in my ears.

4
00:00:22,353 --> 00:00:24,774
You have to stop.
The castle's nearly done,

5
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,318
- what more can you do?
- Glad you asked.

6
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:30,363
King Randy doesn't have
a giant emerald dong on his castle,

7
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,866
with a clock in it.
I call it my Cock Tower.

8
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,702
Feast your eyes, Randy! Cock Tower!

9
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:40,248
I just wish I could let all
the kings know how wealthy I am.

10
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:43,793
But how do I quickly get word out
that I'm rich and everyone else is poor?

11
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,003
Oh! Guess who's pregnant?

12
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,756
Good Christ, woman,
we've just got back on our feet!

13
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,716
Not me, you dim-witted chode.

14
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,219
Topher and Collette's daughter, Druella!

15
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,513
Knocked up by the landscaper's son.

16
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,348
Good luck marrying that off.

17
00:00:57,349 --> 00:01:01,185
- They must be humiliated.
- This is a good day.

18
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,979
Wait, how do you know all this?

19
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,689
From Blossom's boarding school.

20
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:07,400
Seems like things haven't changed
since I was a student there.

21
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,527
It's still a hot bed of gossip.

22
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,571
A hot gos-bed.

23
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,739
God! I'm fucking hilarious.

24
00:01:15,177 --> 00:01:18,286
- _
- And congratulations to the debate club

25
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,787
who took top scores at

26
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,957
the Accusing-The-Maid-Of-
Stealing-The-Silverware nationals.

27
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:26,420
Fifty-three fired maids, a world record.

28
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,298
Now, to close out our
morning announcements,

29
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:33,801
please let me introduce
King Merriman, who, quote,

30
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,636
"Has a big-ass secret to tell you,

31
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,806
and also loves his daughter
Blossom very much."

32
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,851
Oh my god...

33
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,729
Goddammit, Dad!

34
00:01:48,477 --> 00:01:52,250
CREDITS

35
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,035
Presenting my gift to your school:

36
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,287
The King Merriman Mindfulness Center

37
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,289
Slash Butterfly Sanctuary.

38
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,750
Butterflies are basically sexy moths,

39
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,461
so why wouldn't I save them?

40
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,172
You're losing them.

41
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,883
Tell them what you're
about to say is a secret.

42
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:15,218
What I'm about to say

43
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,178
- is a secret.
- Did he say a secret?

44
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:19,680
Is the secret that you sit to pee?

45
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,349
My secret is...

46
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:24,060
my kingdom has more gems than dirt.

47
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,187
I'm basically ejaculating
gold at this point.

48
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,065
I replaced my nipples with gems.

49
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,151
Keep your tits in your top, vodka-veins!

50
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,238
Please do not tell anyone
about our extraordinary wealth,

51
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,698
especially not your
king and queen parents.

52
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:41,244
I'm looking at you, Druella.

53
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:44,163
To honor this generous,
unnecessary gift,

54
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:47,793
the Silver Spoons will kick off
the dedication ceremony.

55
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,844
Ugh! Which one of you is flat?

56
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,597
I'm a dragon...

57
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,768
- My greenhouse!
- My soloist!

58
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,019
My larynx.

59
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,939
This student is on drugs!

60
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,482
Drugs? I know drugs.

61
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,734
Three of my three siblings are on drugs.

62
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:17,072
No drug abuser heals without
addressing the underlying issues.

63
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:21,033
How's your relationship
with your parents?

64
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,035
Wrong! You gotta sweat that shit out.

65
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,872
We're going for a jog.

66
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,542
Let's not let this distract
from my wife's gem nipples!

67
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,170
And my generous donation
of a mindfulness center

68
00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:34,964
- slash butterfly sanctuary!
- I'm a dragon!

69
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,846
Fucking damn it! The sexy moths!

70
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,644
It's a massacre!

71
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,648
We have to put a stop
to this drug crisis!

72
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,818
Agreed! We've never had
a drug problem here before.

73
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,154
I mean, how else will word
get out to the other kingdoms

74
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,864
how rich and powerful I've become

75
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:02,575
if everyone's worried about their
dumbass druggie daughters?

76
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:06,120
Wasted schoolgirls is a way
sexier story than my gems.

77
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,788
- Ahem!
- I mean,

78
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,082
I-I'm so worried about the kids.

79
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,751
It's all about those kids.

80
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,254
Our little girl goes here, and she's
very susceptible to peer pressure.

81
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,591
If there are drugs,
she will absolutely do the drugs.

82
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,802
That's it. I'm putting
my best men on the case.

83
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:26,015
Um, I'm putting my...

84
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,769
most easy-to-reach men on the case.

85
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,316
Exciting news, everyone.

86
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,694
Gina's in the hospital
due to a missing larynx.

87
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,948
That is not the exciting news.

88
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,660
Since Gina will no
longer be singing lead,

89
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:49,163
we will have a new round
of solo auditions!

90
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,165
Oh!

91
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:51,834
You can clap now.

92
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,170
That's right! The only time

93
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,130
I get to openly criticize you

94
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,591
without getting letters
from your parents!

95
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,760
Auditions?! I should be the lead!

96
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,763
My parents gave a lot
of money to this school.

97
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:06,764
This morning...

98
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,724
This is Huffman-Loughlin Academy.

99
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,977
Everyone's parents give a lot of money.

100
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,603
If I make you lead,

101
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,772
I have to make everyone lead!

102
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,691
Can I pretty please be extra lead?

103
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:18,359
You can audition like everyone else.

104
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,278
Fucking shit!

105
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,571
Sign-up sheet up front.
Don't steal my pen!

106
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,074
Oh my gosh, that's insane!

107
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,911
Ugh! I hope my voice is on point today.

108
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:31,038
I'm so tired because of

109
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,041
all the sex stuff I had last night.

110
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:38,296
Yup. So many dicks.

111
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:41,215
Ugh, like a forest of dicks.

112
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:44,595
What about you, Bisque? What's the most
dicks you've had up in there?

113
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,431
Ugh, I had seven.

114
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:51,100
Seven dicks! Last night.

115
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,227
Pretty standard but, oh my god.

116
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:56,856
I'm so tireeed...

117
00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,235
Blossom, you're such a basic bitch.

118
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:05,281
Yup. Just two grown women talkin' sex.

119
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,450
Classic lady stuff.

120
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:09,203
Girlboss.

121
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,665
- Who's selling the drugs?!
- Don't push her.

122
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,417
She's probably on 'roids.

123
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:20,171
I've never taken
performance-enhancing substances.

124
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:21,215
Rah!

125
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:25,385
Mm-kay... Cool...

126
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,264
- Do we have a name?
- No.

127
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,558
We have a very disturbing poem.

128
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,019
What does the shallow grave filled

129
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,813
with the blood of your
loved ones represent?

130
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,150
The future, ugh.

131
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,570
Okay. We're just gonna refer you
over to a counselor.

132
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,073
Again?

133
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:50,034
Be honest. Do. You. Take. Drugs?

134
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:52,036
Yeah. I take 'em all the time.

135
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,872
Like, one a day.
I'm high right now, you fucking pig!

136
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,626
Fuck the po-lice!

137
00:06:58,544 --> 00:06:59,711
Yeah, she's clean.

138
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,964
- Broth?
- Bisque!

139
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:05,424
- Oh!
- You eating okay?

140
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,261
- You look horrible.
- Aw, thank you!

141
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,304
I'm a squire now! Patrick,

142
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,265
this is my little sister, Bisque!

143
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,058
I didn't know you had a sister,

144
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,310
who goes to an exclusive boarding school

145
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,145
that's insanely expensive!

146
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,523
Yeah. I come from a lot of money,
but my parents cut me off

147
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,316
after I wouldn't join
the family law firm.

148
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,734
I had to follow my dreams!

149
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,653
Even if it meant
giving up yacht privileges.

150
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,280
You get it, right?

151
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,991
Half my teeth are just
polished rocks, so no.

152
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:33,828
Here's some advice.
Teenage girls are cliquish and weird.

153
00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:37,123
We're not going to disclose secrets
to a couple of old men.

154
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,625
No wonder they're
not talking to us. Wait.

155
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,086
We're not old men.

156
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,090
Aw. That wasn't one of the rocks.

157
00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,301
Ah! Hello?

158
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:50,344
Is anyone in this room doing drugs?

159
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,762
Get out! Get out!

160
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:55,350
Well, if nobody's holding, can you
at least direct me to the bar, please?

161
00:07:57,519 --> 00:08:00,438
Oh! My old dorm room!

162
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:02,065
Ah!

163
00:08:13,262 --> 00:08:14,645
_

164
00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:15,798
Merriman.

165
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:19,290
Tulip! Did you get my dick brick?

166
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:20,458
Yes, you idiot.

167
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,293
Send a titty-brick back.

168
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:23,795
Go home!

169
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,509
Oh... Jesus... Christ...

170
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,724
Stop flashing back in here! Ugh!

171
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:41,980
Late for class? I'm the king, and I have
the power to give you detention.

172
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:45,775
We figured in order to get
information from teenage girls,

173
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,654
we had to become teenage girls!

174
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,405
You still have detention.

175
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,074
No, sire, we have work to do.

176
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,891
Yes, you do. Look at this headline.

177
00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:57,036
- _
- Nobody's talking about my riches!

178
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,260
The little drug-vacuums
are taking all the press!

179
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,542
Keep my daughter safe,
and don't make me look stupid.

180
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:05,546
Ah! Oh!

181
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,881
Ah...

182
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,175
- Alright, Broth, let's go.
- Broth?!

183
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,594
I'm Clementine! I'm fun,

184
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,930
flirty, and under 30.

185
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,015
I was found in swaddling
clothes behind a nunnery,

186
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:21,060
and I can jump higher than a tree.
What's your name?

187
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,521
Patricia. Like Patrick, but girl.

188
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:24,940
Great! And what's your vertical?

189
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,116
- Bisque! It's us!
- Yes, obviously.

190
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:36,617
Thanks for lending us your makeup.

191
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,786
Thanks for using all of it.

192
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,830
Let me give you the lay of the land.

193
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:42,999
Each student is an individual

194
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,668
who cannot be lumped into stereotypes.

195
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,545
Giving the lay of the land
to the new girls?

196
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,839
Oh my god, this is my specialty! Okay,

197
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:50,965
that's the drama nerds,

198
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:52,049
the band sluts,

199
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,092
next to them's the goths,

200
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,552
there's the dead poets society,

201
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,053
the punks, the T-Birds,

202
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,096
that's just Sandy,

203
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,389
there's the baseball furies,

204
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,849
those are the MS-13s.

205
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:02,768
Stay away from them. They're
freshmen with multiple sclerosis.

206
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,896
Those are the preggos. 'Sup, Druella!

207
00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:06,772
Choke on seven dicks.

208
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,525
Those are the sons of anarchy, my table.

209
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,111
And finally, the art kids.
They are freakos.

210
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,989
Stay away from them.

211
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,826
Drugs!

212
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,703
Wait, are we sharing secrets?

213
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,748
My dad sits down to pee.

214
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,964
Broth, keep your eyes peeled.

215
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,591
Those drugs have to be here somewhere.

216
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:36,177
Oh, Clementine, my word.

217
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,012
This is inspired!

218
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,681
A true feminist metaphor.

219
00:10:40,823 --> 00:10:43,560
- _
- Patricia... Try harder, dear.

220
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,104
I'm going in.

221
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:50,566
Cool, uh,

222
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,485
thing.

223
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,655
I'm in the market for some...
art supplies,

224
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,115
if you know what I mean.

225
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,534
Glue?

226
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:02,454
Whatever fucks me up the best.

227
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,289
Glitter glue?

228
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,917
And then Ms. Blick was all like,

229
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:11,087
"Girl art? Try harder."

230
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:13,381
Sh! Sh! Shut the fuck up!
Here she comes!

231
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:16,175
Oh, Clementine. I'm getting nowhere.

232
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,387
But, I've got some great
tips about glue.

233
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,890
Wait, were you talking about me?

234
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,024
Nope.

235
00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:40,032
You're welcome.

236
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,993
Bravo, mon cheri!

237
00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:45,121
- The part is yours...
- Wait! I didn't audition yet.

238
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,373
Save yourself the embarrassment.

239
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,752
Ugh! Fine.
Please, just get this over with.

240
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:55,590
Um, this song helped me through

241
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:58,193
a vulnerable time in my life.

242
00:11:58,295 --> 00:12:00,037
_

243
00:12:00,147 --> 00:12:01,724
We...

244
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:02,912
be...

245
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,099
Sing quieter.

246
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,268
Fuckin'?

247
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:09,313
- Extra lead goes to Bisque.
- I know.

248
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,442
Hello? Janitor time!

249
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,862
Coming in to clean your poop!

250
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,781
Ah. The coast is clear.

251
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,366
Here we are. Gossip central.

252
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,327
What's today's tea?

253
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:27,622
"Druella felt the baby kick."
Well, that's nice.

254
00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:29,415
Poem about trees. Who cares?

255
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,417
"Fern, picture of scissors, Ivy."

256
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,127
Hm. Baffling.

257
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,670
Let's heat up this message board.

258
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,506
"King Merriman is rich,

259
00:12:36,507 --> 00:12:39,842
"and we should tell our parents
he is an ice pimp daddy,

260
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:42,595
or use whatever
the current vernacular is."

261
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:45,682
Bomboclaat! "Signed, a student."

262
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,392
I now call to order

263
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,395
the meeting of the Bulimia Club!

264
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,485
Oh no. It's an unattainable standard.

265
00:12:57,486 --> 00:12:59,946
I'm going to get to a size zero!

266
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,990
Well, I'm going
to choose to love myself as I am,

267
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,493
and you should, too!

268
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,331
Hey, guys! Big hang!

269
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,877
Booze and crispy drugs.
Super popular and cool!

270
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,922
Oh my god, Ivy.

271
00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:20,217
You're so desperate for attention.

272
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,470
Guys, don't go after her.
It's what she wants.

273
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,931
I am a dragon!

274
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,474
Wait, Ivy! Come back!

275
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,520
Ivy! Stop being random!

276
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:36,732
The drugs are turning her green!

277
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:40,526
Oh! That is so awesome and tragic.

278
00:13:40,565 --> 00:13:42,488
Should be me lying there.

279
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,199
I'm gonna find the drugs
and do them all at the same time.

280
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,202
Come on! We can't lose her!

281
00:13:50,049 --> 00:13:52,110
- _
- Damn it! We can't go in there.

282
00:13:52,135 --> 00:13:54,292
Patricia, don't be self-conscious.

283
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:55,626
All bodies are beautiful.

284
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,253
Broth, we are "A," grownups,

285
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,422
"B," penis-havers, and "C," cops.

286
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,757
Ah, you're right! We can't go in,

287
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,467
but Clementine can.

288
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,636
Wha... Y... Clementine is you.

289
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:08,765
- Broth is Clementine! Huh?
- Okay, here you go.

290
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,145
This thing goes
all the way to the top...

291
00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:16,604
of the art department.

292
00:14:16,855 --> 00:14:18,208
_

293
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:21,527
Ms. Blick? We hear you have the goods.

294
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:24,447
- Oh, is it that time?
- It's always that time!

295
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:27,033
Ew. That could be trouble down the road.

296
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:30,036
- Five bucks each.
- You're out of business, Blick!

297
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:33,290
Oh, hell no!
I'm not getting robbed today!

298
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,214
Ha, ha!

299
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,674
We're not trying to rob you!

300
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,134
We're only trying to tie you up!

301
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,970
I taught art therapy to at-risk youth!

302
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,057
You think you can scare me?!

303
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,815
Eat this, you drug-pushing hippie!

304
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,818
Ha, ha! Good thinking, Clem!

305
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:07,115
Ah, shit! Run!

306
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,953
Ah shit!

307
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:15,748
Jesus Christ!
The kiln has a childproof lock!

308
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:19,126
Pinch and twist!
Pinch and motherfucking twist!

309
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,880
It won't open!

310
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,304
Maybe she fell asleep?

311
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:34,309
- Ah!
- I'm gonna puke!

312
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:39,272
Hey, Bisque!
Do you have any drugs I can eat?

313
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,399
I'm trying to slap
some cred on this ass.

314
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,318
First, if I had drugs,
I wouldn't give them to you.

315
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:46,863
Second, don't interrupt me
while I'm practicing

316
00:15:46,888 --> 00:15:49,270
for my extra lead solo.

317
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:51,262
_

318
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,203
Why so many stairs?!

319
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:56,163
Ah!

320
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,708
I may be a basic bitch,

321
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,794
but you're a basement Bisque!

322
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,426
Aw. No one heard me.

323
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:11,179
I've had a very stressful day.
You better have good news.

324
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,680
Here are your drugs,

325
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:14,932
and here is your drug dealer.
Broth made the urn.

326
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,059
A strong feminist metaphor.

327
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,436
It's what she would've wanted.

328
00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:19,604
Good work, hoes.

329
00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,564
Merriman, at first, I was skeptical

330
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:23,733
about your men running
around undercover,

331
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:25,860
but color me impressed.

332
00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:28,529
These aren't drugs. They're tampons!

333
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,906
Tampons?!

334
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:33,409
Wait a minute. Isn't that
recently widowed Ms. Blick's tote bag?

335
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:36,412
Okay, real talk. We need
to have a serious discussion

336
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,832
about who's singing
lead at the ceremony.

337
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:44,587
That looks like one of the tampons
two-time breast cancer survivor

338
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:45,755
Ms. Blick sells.

339
00:16:45,756 --> 00:16:47,757
Ms. Blick sells tampons?

340
00:16:47,758 --> 00:16:49,300
Hell yeah, she does!

341
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,719
Those free pads in the bathroom
are like sandpaper.

342
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,764
It's like every day of your period
is raw taco Tuesday.

343
00:16:54,765 --> 00:16:57,642
- Am I right, Clementine?
- Preach, girlfriend.

344
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,561
What the hell happened to you?
Who cares.

345
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,773
Anyway, I heard Ms. Blick's
latest batch is clover-scented,

346
00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:05,525
and all the proceeds go to a charity

347
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:08,152
that helps drug-addicted
puppies get adopted!

348
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,821
Like, oh my god!
I wouldn't wanna live in a world

349
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,448
without Ms. Blick!

350
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,158
Oh, I need to lie down.

351
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:17,203
Ms. Blick is exceptional.

352
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,664
Quick to anger, but nobody's perfect.

353
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:22,959
We're honoring her with
a lifetime achievement award

354
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,504
at today's ceremony.
Where is she anyway?

355
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,298
She's been... kilned.

356
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,427
Without context, that means nothing.

357
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,180
The event is canceled.

358
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:38,099
We're in the midst of a drug epidemic,

359
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,685
and we're missing our soloist,
who also happens to be

360
00:17:40,686 --> 00:17:43,312
the most popular girl in her grade
as per my ranking.

361
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,439
We can still solve this.
We need to think like

362
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,651
15-year-old girls!

363
00:17:48,527 --> 00:17:51,612
Okay, we know girls think
they're turning into...

364
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:54,073
- Dragon!
- Exactly. They scream...

365
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,701
- I am now a dragon now!
- Broth!

366
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:59,579
It's the tampons! Take them out!

367
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:02,039
- Dragon!
- Broth! Come back!

368
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,833
Rah! Dragon!

369
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:06,002
Let me out!

370
00:18:06,003 --> 00:18:08,421
Let me out!

371
00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:10,840
I've learned the secret
behind the drug overdoses!

372
00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:12,675
I know! It's the tampons!

373
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,094
Go tell everyone to take
their tampons out!

374
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:18,515
I gotta go save the most
beautiful girl in the world.

375
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,728
Everyone! Take out your tampons!

376
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:26,355
Hm. Let's see where this is going.

377
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:28,567
They are full of drugs!

378
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,987
Yank it!

379
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:38,409
Oh! This reminds me of
my bachelorette party.

380
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:40,536
Oh no!

381
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,289
Broth! Oh my god, Broth!

382
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,255
Ow.

383
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,009
You're not a dragon!

384
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,428
You're my brother!

385
00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,430
Are you shitting me?

386
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:02,058
I let you paint my goddamn
toenails, you freak.

387
00:19:02,059 --> 00:19:04,477
Oh. Bisque?

388
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,063
Oh my gosh, I was out of my mind!

389
00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,856
- I thought you were the pope!
- Yeah?

390
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:11,026
Does the pope kiss like this?

391
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,613
They're not gonna... Ew!

392
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,658
Wouldn't that be weird?

393
00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:21,536
Classic viking prank.

394
00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:22,787
Will we? Won't we?

395
00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:25,957
Right? Like, everyone's like,
"Is it real?"

396
00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:28,751
- Stop talking.
- Someone explain this at once!

397
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,963
Well, the tampons were
causing the overdoses.

398
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:34,131
But what I don't understand is how.

399
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,260
I can answer that question.

400
00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:39,345
Ms. Blick was always tinkering

401
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,472
with the recipe for her homemade tampons

402
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,182
in the shady basement.

403
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:46,143
She perfected the clover scent
using a chemical called

404
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:48,771
phencyclidine, AKA...

405
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,232
angel dust.

406
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:54,026
But, Bisque, what about
the green-colored skin?

407
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,153
The drugs shut down kidney function,

408
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,489
turning skin yellow,
and also cut off oxygen,

409
00:19:58,490 --> 00:19:59,824
turning skin blue.

410
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:02,201
According to Ms. Blick's color wheel,

411
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,161
yellow and blue make green.

412
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,872
Whoa! You're a genius!

413
00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:07,957
And not to make this
exposition any longer,

414
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:09,458
but how'd you figure all that out?

415
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,795
I saw the empty bottles in
the basement when Blossom

416
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:14,923
threw me down there.

417
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,593
But I'm sure Ms. Blick will explain

418
00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:20,636
the side effects were just an accident.

419
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,347
Nah, dude, she won't.

420
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:24,891
She dead.

421
00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:27,351
Renowned special needs

422
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,647
children's book author
Ms. Blick is dead?!

423
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:35,651
Some might say... she was kilned.

424
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,321
That's the second time
you've employed that pun.

425
00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:40,865
Are you saying Ms. Blick
died in the art room kiln,

426
00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:43,534
fired at a temperature
of over 1,800 degrees

427
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:45,537
until her flesh turned to ash?

428
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:48,831
- Yerp.
- This is the worst day

429
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,209
in the history of our school!
Where's the other degenerate

430
00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:53,545
posing as a student?

431
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:01,594
Oh, I just wanted to be
closer to my daughter!

432
00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:03,472
Tell it to the judge, Michael.

433
00:21:04,932 --> 00:21:07,892
I need to start paying more attention.

434
00:21:07,893 --> 00:21:10,896
Ew! I let you French me!

435
00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:15,525
B-braid! French braid!

436
00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:18,611
Well, I can tell what tomorrow's
gossip is gonna be,

437
00:21:18,612 --> 00:21:20,988
and it's not
about how fucking rich I am.

438
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,823
It was all for nothing, sparkle-nips.

439
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:25,702
Not for nothing. Hm?

440
00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:28,120
Ah! A titty-brick!

441
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,705
You remembered!

442
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,457
Mm-hm-hmm!

443
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:32,875
What a day.

444
00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:35,861
Let's open this fucking greenhouse.

445
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,108
? ? Mindfulness center ?

446
00:21:38,133 --> 00:21:40,192
? Slash butterfly ?

447
00:21:40,217 --> 00:21:42,702
? Sanctuary... ?

448
00:21:42,727 --> 00:21:45,855
? ? Butterfly... ?

449
00:21:45,889 --> 00:21:48,100
? Butterfly ?

450
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:53,187
- Well, that sucked.
- Thank you for the review.

451
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:55,147
Also, you're expelled.

452
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:58,526
- What? Why?
- For shoving the most popular girl

453
00:21:58,527 --> 00:22:00,778
in your grade down a flight of stairs,

454
00:22:00,779 --> 00:22:03,406
and because I don't much care
for your obnoxious parents!

455
00:22:03,407 --> 00:22:05,658
Enjoy public school.

456
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:06,951
What's public school?

457
00:22:06,952 --> 00:22:10,413
Since your daughter is
no longer a student here,

458
00:22:10,414 --> 00:22:11,914
we'll be replacing your name

459
00:22:11,915 --> 00:22:15,669
- _ - on the Mindfulness Center
Slash Butterfly Sanctuary.

460
00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:18,172
This is bullshit.

461
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,342
Burn it all down!

462
00:22:26,081 --> 00:22:27,829
_

463
00:22:27,935 --> 00:22:30,353
You're the new girl, Blossom, right?

464
00:22:30,354 --> 00:22:32,188
Welcome to public school.

465
00:22:32,189 --> 00:22:35,108
Come help me push this desk
against the door.

466
00:22:35,109 --> 00:22:37,735
Why are we doing this?

467
00:22:37,736 --> 00:22:39,195
Active shooter protocols.

468
00:22:39,196 --> 00:22:42,115
Shelter in place, stay quiet,
write your loved ones.

469
00:22:42,116 --> 00:22:44,076
Ah! Oh my god!

470
00:22:44,660 --> 00:22:46,202
Active shooter?

471
00:22:46,203 --> 00:22:48,287
- Does this happen a lot?
- No, no, no.

472
00:22:48,288 --> 00:22:51,207
Well, not enough to enact
meaningful arrow reform.

473
00:22:51,208 --> 00:22:53,710
Anyway, let me give you
the lay of the land.

474
00:22:53,711 --> 00:22:55,671
Those are the active shooters.

475
00:22:57,373 --> 00:22:59,000
Ugh...

476
00:22:59,671 --> 00:23:04,571
CREDITS