1 00:00:08,024 --> 00:00:09,068 No. 2 00:00:09,112 --> 00:00:10,809 No, no. This can't be happening. 3 00:00:10,852 --> 00:00:12,968 I-I-I'm too young. 4 00:00:12,993 --> 00:00:15,421 No, why are you doing this? I don't want to change. 5 00:00:15,596 --> 00:00:17,287 I don't want to change. Oh, God, it's hot. 6 00:00:17,312 --> 00:00:19,062 It's always so goddamn hot. 7 00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:22,299 Someone's got to crack a door or a window. Oh, God, no. 8 00:00:22,342 --> 00:00:24,648 It's all happening too fast. 9 00:00:24,673 --> 00:00:26,781 I had plans, and they w-were perfect plans. 10 00:00:26,825 --> 00:00:29,062 This is just all too soon! 11 00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:32,710 What the hell was that about? 12 00:00:32,918 --> 00:00:36,313 I'll tell you what that was about... menopause. 13 00:00:36,356 --> 00:00:38,402 - What? Men... Menopause? - Oh, for real? - Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. 14 00:00:38,445 --> 00:00:40,143 I went through the same thing with Barbara. 15 00:00:40,186 --> 00:00:42,928 Overnight, she became completely irrational 16 00:00:42,971 --> 00:00:45,235 with the hot flashes and the mood swings 17 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:48,455 and the paranoia. That was the worst. 18 00:00:48,499 --> 00:00:50,675 Always accusing me of having affairs. 19 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,764 Hmm, right. But you were having affairs. 20 00:00:53,338 --> 00:00:54,722 Yeah, but it was a real headache, 21 00:00:54,766 --> 00:00:56,437 and you can't have that around here. 22 00:00:56,462 --> 00:00:58,769 I don't want this to be taken the wrong way 'cause, 23 00:00:59,162 --> 00:01:00,467 you know, I slept with Dee that one time... 24 00:01:00,511 --> 00:01:01,555 ...but, like, 25 00:01:01,599 --> 00:01:03,818 I'm, like, sick of looking at her. 26 00:01:03,862 --> 00:01:05,298 - I, too. - You know? Is it, is it just me? 27 00:01:05,342 --> 00:01:07,344 - No. - Okay. - No. 28 00:01:07,387 --> 00:01:08,606 - No, it's not just you. - Okay, yeah, 'cause I'm not 29 00:01:08,649 --> 00:01:09,998 trying to be mean, it's not personal. 30 00:01:10,042 --> 00:01:11,348 You're just being honest about how you feel. 31 00:01:11,391 --> 00:01:13,429 - Yeah. - Also, there's a smell. 32 00:01:13,454 --> 00:01:15,569 - Okay. - There's a smell, yeah. And a lot of women have this, 33 00:01:15,613 --> 00:01:17,615 and it makes me sick to my stomach, 34 00:01:17,658 --> 00:01:18,833 and-and I don't want to be around it, 35 00:01:18,877 --> 00:01:20,096 and I think that's what you're saying. 36 00:01:20,139 --> 00:01:22,837 Well, no, I haven't noticed a smell so much, 37 00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:24,491 but, no, I'm just saying, like... 38 00:01:24,535 --> 00:01:25,927 I feel a lot of tension in the workplace 39 00:01:25,971 --> 00:01:27,407 'cause we slept together, you know? 40 00:01:27,451 --> 00:01:29,453 Legally, that's called a hostile work environment. 41 00:01:29,496 --> 00:01:30,584 Okay, I can see that. 42 00:01:30,628 --> 00:01:32,151 We can legally fire her 43 00:01:32,195 --> 00:01:34,066 and bring in whichever man we want. 44 00:01:34,110 --> 00:01:35,633 Oh... okay. 45 00:01:35,676 --> 00:01:37,156 I see, I see where you were going with that. 46 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,898 Yeah, he's got an agenda. Uh, but either way, 47 00:01:39,941 --> 00:01:41,291 it-it doesn't matter. The point is, 48 00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:42,857 what we're talking about here is replacing Dee, 49 00:01:42,901 --> 00:01:44,598 and I think it's a great idea. 50 00:01:44,642 --> 00:01:46,296 I think, I think it's long overdue. 51 00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:48,080 Look, if we're going to bring in another woman, 52 00:01:48,124 --> 00:01:50,597 can we at least make sure she's competent? 53 00:01:50,622 --> 00:01:51,804 Competent? 54 00:01:52,543 --> 00:01:54,217 A monkey could do Dee's job. 55 00:01:56,256 --> 00:01:57,307 A monkey could. 56 00:01:57,370 --> 00:02:00,183 _ 57 00:02:00,208 --> 00:02:06,403 credits 58 00:02:17,631 --> 00:02:21,054 Terrific. Thanks for coming in. All right. 59 00:02:21,079 --> 00:02:22,941 Move. Move. Not gonna get it. No. G-Give me a break. 60 00:02:22,984 --> 00:02:23,882 - Move. - Wait, what is... 61 00:02:23,907 --> 00:02:26,249 You listen to me right now, Jeffrey. You listen to me! 62 00:02:26,292 --> 00:02:28,335 Because I have been listening to you for long enough. 63 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:31,038 - I'm sor... Who-who-who are you? - No! 64 00:02:31,341 --> 00:02:33,604 No, no, no. This can't be happening. 65 00:02:33,647 --> 00:02:35,475 This can't be happening, I'm too young. 66 00:02:35,519 --> 00:02:37,303 Why are you doing this to me? Why? 67 00:02:37,347 --> 00:02:39,697 I-I-I... No. I don't want to change. 68 00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,394 Y-You're not thinking straight, Cassandra. 69 00:02:41,438 --> 00:02:42,787 - You have to... - Oh, God, it's so hot. 70 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,528 Why is it always so goddamn hot? 71 00:02:44,571 --> 00:02:46,312 Somebody ought to crack a window. 72 00:02:46,356 --> 00:02:48,254 No, I-I-I need more time. 73 00:02:48,289 --> 00:02:49,679 I had it all planned out. 74 00:02:49,704 --> 00:02:52,757 It was perfect, and this is just too soon! 75 00:02:55,669 --> 00:02:58,585 Oh, God! 76 00:03:03,271 --> 00:03:04,490 And that's the scene. 77 00:03:04,704 --> 00:03:06,271 Yes, I'm aware. 78 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,247 I'm done. I was in character before, 79 00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:11,032 but I'm me now, so you can tell me how good I was. 80 00:03:11,352 --> 00:03:14,475 Oh, okay. Well, you just cut in front of 15 other actresses. 81 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:17,285 You're welcome. I took a gander at 'em and... 82 00:03:18,236 --> 00:03:19,998 Plus, I do feel like that's what the character would have done, 83 00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:21,739 and I've been in character all day. 84 00:03:21,782 --> 00:03:23,306 As a matter of fact, don't want to brag, 85 00:03:23,349 --> 00:03:25,296 but I've been in character all week. 86 00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:27,826 Okay, well, uh, I don't think you're quite what we're looking... 87 00:03:27,851 --> 00:03:30,661 Come on, man! No, I-I-I've been coming here for years, 88 00:03:30,704 --> 00:03:33,272 and-and you never put me past you to the director. 89 00:03:33,316 --> 00:03:35,840 Well, uh, listen, we have a-a lot of people 90 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,701 are going to be reading for this role. 91 00:03:37,736 --> 00:03:38,738 No! I'm gonna see the director. 92 00:03:38,782 --> 00:03:39,974 You're gonna put me through to the director, 93 00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:41,106 that's what you're gonna do, 'cause I deserve it. 94 00:03:41,349 --> 00:03:43,003 I deserve it. I am a trained actor. 95 00:03:43,047 --> 00:03:44,701 Okay? I have spent 96 00:03:44,744 --> 00:03:46,746 thousands of dollars on acting classes, 97 00:03:46,790 --> 00:03:49,140 and are you gonna try and tell me that was just all for nothing? 98 00:03:49,183 --> 00:03:51,546 That all that money was just a waste? 99 00:03:52,894 --> 00:03:56,069 Well, uh, not for your acting teacher. 100 00:03:56,128 --> 00:03:57,695 Hmm? 101 00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:04,503 You know, guys, it occurs to me 102 00:04:04,547 --> 00:04:06,687 that, with this new employee, 103 00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:08,507 we could be looking at a lot less work 104 00:04:08,551 --> 00:04:10,117 and a lot more available time. 105 00:04:10,161 --> 00:04:11,728 Perhaps we should consider a vacation. 106 00:04:11,771 --> 00:04:14,557 Oh, that's not a bad idea, man. 107 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,428 I've actually been getting a lot more comfortable 108 00:04:16,472 --> 00:04:18,561 with the idea of travel lately, like, um, 109 00:04:18,604 --> 00:04:20,519 check this out, did you guys know that, uh, 110 00:04:20,563 --> 00:04:22,042 Pittsburgh is in Pennsylvania? 111 00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:23,542 - Yes. - Yeah. 112 00:04:23,566 --> 00:04:25,263 No, think about that, though, that-that's crazy. 113 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:26,960 Like, two cities in one state? 114 00:04:27,004 --> 00:04:29,223 - No, that's-that's not crazy. - No. No, not at all. 115 00:04:29,267 --> 00:04:31,051 No, no, no. 116 00:04:31,095 --> 00:04:32,357 All right, I don't think you understand. 117 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,532 There's two cities in the same state, 118 00:04:33,576 --> 00:04:34,968 like, how is that even possible? 119 00:04:35,647 --> 00:04:38,015 All states have more than one city. 120 00:04:38,058 --> 00:04:39,190 That's totally possible. Yeah, multiple cities. 121 00:04:39,233 --> 00:04:40,626 N... No. 122 00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:42,280 - Yes. - There's... No. - Yes. 123 00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,500 There's... Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 124 00:04:44,543 --> 00:04:45,849 Yes. 125 00:04:45,892 --> 00:04:47,459 So, that's what Pennsylvania is. 126 00:04:47,503 --> 00:04:49,156 - Oh, no. - No. 127 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:50,331 Oh, so Philadelphia's not Pennsylvania? 128 00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:51,550 - No. - No. 129 00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:53,465 No, Philadelphia is in Pennsylvania... 130 00:04:53,509 --> 00:04:55,336 - What is this man talking about? - I... 131 00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:56,990 I'm saying, how does Pittsburgh work? Am I constantly 132 00:04:57,034 --> 00:04:58,775 going in and out of Pittsburgh throughout the day, yes or no? 133 00:04:58,818 --> 00:05:01,473 - No. - Explain this to me. 134 00:05:01,517 --> 00:05:03,997 Oh. Oh, I understand. I think I understand... 135 00:05:04,041 --> 00:05:05,564 - Really? - Finally, somebody gets it. 136 00:05:05,608 --> 00:05:07,174 He's saying he wants to go on a vacation. 137 00:05:07,218 --> 00:05:08,959 - Yeah. Well, yeah. - He wants to go somewhere exotic. 138 00:05:09,002 --> 00:05:11,701 - Yes. - He wants to go to Fire Island. He wants to go to Greece. 139 00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:14,225 - He wants to experiment. - No. That's not what I'm saying, no. 140 00:05:14,268 --> 00:05:15,474 - He wants to try new things. - That is not what he said. 141 00:05:15,518 --> 00:05:16,575 Wait, we're not going to Pittsburgh. 142 00:05:16,619 --> 00:05:17,837 'Cause we're already there. 143 00:05:17,881 --> 00:05:19,839 We're not in Pittsburgh. We're in Philadel... 144 00:05:19,883 --> 00:05:21,624 I... This-this is not easy. 145 00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:24,038 Hey-o. Check it out. 146 00:05:24,801 --> 00:05:26,411 What the hell is this? 147 00:05:26,454 --> 00:05:27,760 It's Dee's replacement. 148 00:05:27,796 --> 00:05:29,077 Why did you get a monkey? 149 00:05:29,102 --> 00:05:32,671 Well, you know, we're gonna hire a girl to do Dee's job. 150 00:05:32,696 --> 00:05:35,624 We're gonna have to pay her. You don't have to pay a monkey shit, 151 00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:37,683 so I got a monkey instead. 152 00:05:37,727 --> 00:05:40,163 It's like I said, a monkey could do her job. 153 00:05:40,204 --> 00:05:41,923 Okay, but that's just an expression, Frank. 154 00:05:41,948 --> 00:05:43,471 We need an actual person. 155 00:05:43,626 --> 00:05:45,672 Oh, yeah? Check this out. 156 00:05:45,697 --> 00:05:47,343 Monkey, beer. 157 00:05:52,655 --> 00:05:54,858 See? Great, huh? 158 00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,790 No. No, not great. Ridiculous. 159 00:05:57,834 --> 00:05:59,400 You think a monkey can run a bar? 160 00:05:59,444 --> 00:06:00,913 Run a bar? 161 00:06:01,141 --> 00:06:03,046 I thought it was just to do Dee's job. 162 00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:04,999 Oh, yeah. We need someone to watch over the bar 163 00:06:05,024 --> 00:06:06,277 - 'cause we're gonna go on vacation now. - Right. 164 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,788 - Ooh, vacation? - Mm-hmm. 165 00:06:07,813 --> 00:06:10,250 - Has anybody floated out Pittsburgh? - Ah. 166 00:06:10,455 --> 00:06:11,717 What is with you guys and Pittsburgh? 167 00:06:11,761 --> 00:06:12,919 Okay, we're not going to Pittsburgh. 168 00:06:12,944 --> 00:06:15,452 If we're gonna go on vacation, we're gonna go someplace good. 169 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,161 Yeah, thanks. 170 00:06:17,454 --> 00:06:18,820 I mean, we've got the whole world to choose from, 171 00:06:18,857 --> 00:06:21,118 and you guys want to go to the second-best city 172 00:06:21,161 --> 00:06:22,858 in-in Pennsylvania? It's crazy. 173 00:06:22,946 --> 00:06:24,077 Well, I don't know, like, are we in Pittsburgh right now? 174 00:06:24,121 --> 00:06:25,470 Pretty nice. We like Pittsburgh. 175 00:06:25,513 --> 00:06:26,602 Like, you know, how does Pittsburgh work, you know? 176 00:06:26,645 --> 00:06:28,647 Whoa, hang on a second now. 177 00:06:28,691 --> 00:06:31,507 That is really good. What'd the monkey put in this? 178 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,212 Beats me. 179 00:06:34,216 --> 00:06:37,390 Okay, well, it's-it's very, very delicious, uh... 180 00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:38,667 What's the deal with this monkey, anyway? 181 00:06:38,701 --> 00:06:40,163 He some kind of mixologist? 182 00:06:40,206 --> 00:06:41,722 He used to work in the movies. 183 00:06:41,747 --> 00:06:43,575 He comes from a long line of movie monkeys. 184 00:06:43,619 --> 00:06:45,011 Rumor has it 185 00:06:45,055 --> 00:06:46,752 that he also did a short stint 186 00:06:46,796 --> 00:06:48,798 making drinks for Kitty Dukakis. 187 00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:50,147 - Wow. - Yeah. - Okay, okay. Interesting. 188 00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:51,931 You know those were stiff. 189 00:06:51,975 --> 00:06:53,541 Eventually, we're gonna need an actual person 190 00:06:53,585 --> 00:06:55,152 to run the bar if we're gonna go on vacation, 191 00:06:55,195 --> 00:06:56,741 you know, but, uh, while we're landing 192 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,851 on where exactly to go, let's, uh... 193 00:06:58,895 --> 00:07:00,592 Mmm. 194 00:07:00,636 --> 00:07:02,681 Let's keep the monkey around 'cause that is 195 00:07:02,725 --> 00:07:05,054 the best beer I've ever had in my entire life, I swear to God. 196 00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:06,685 Dee has never made a beer that tastes like that. 197 00:07:06,729 --> 00:07:07,817 - You guys got to try this. - - Really? 198 00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:09,514 - I bet, yeah. - Monkey. 199 00:07:09,557 --> 00:07:11,687 - Three more. - Yeah. All right. 200 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,053 Look at that. 201 00:07:15,738 --> 00:07:18,274 Hello. Good afternoon. 202 00:07:18,309 --> 00:07:19,480 I'm Deandra Reynolds, 203 00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:23,702 and thank you all so much for joining my acting class. 204 00:07:23,887 --> 00:07:25,323 For starters... 205 00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:28,241 I don't have a limp. 206 00:07:30,263 --> 00:07:31,398 Right? 207 00:07:31,423 --> 00:07:32,425 Don't be shy. 208 00:07:33,064 --> 00:07:34,171 Thank you. 209 00:07:34,742 --> 00:07:37,048 Thank you so much. Thank you. 210 00:07:37,194 --> 00:07:38,978 Oh, here's the thing, 211 00:07:39,895 --> 00:07:41,285 the first order of business, 212 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:44,358 and perhaps the most important thing, is payment. 213 00:07:44,383 --> 00:07:47,491 Now, did everyone have a chance to get cash or cashier's check? 214 00:07:48,154 --> 00:07:49,206 Okay, good. Great. 215 00:07:49,249 --> 00:07:51,249 Great, wonderful. Okay, well, let's get started. 216 00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:55,551 Chain saw, avocado, marlin. What'd I just say? You. 217 00:07:56,413 --> 00:07:59,206 Um... chain saw, avocado, marlin? 218 00:07:59,241 --> 00:08:00,304 Right! 219 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:01,974 Which is wrong. 220 00:08:01,999 --> 00:08:05,439 You just violated the first rule of acting. 221 00:08:05,483 --> 00:08:06,658 You listened. 222 00:08:06,702 --> 00:08:08,094 When you are listening, 223 00:08:08,138 --> 00:08:09,617 you are not talking, 224 00:08:09,661 --> 00:08:11,445 and if you're not talking, you're not getting paid. 225 00:08:11,489 --> 00:08:14,030 You know who doesn't talk throughout an entire movie? 226 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:15,738 An extra. 227 00:08:16,192 --> 00:08:18,235 Which brings me to rule number two, 228 00:08:18,278 --> 00:08:20,280 acting is... 229 00:08:20,324 --> 00:08:22,108 Oh, um, reacting. 230 00:08:22,152 --> 00:08:25,608 Wrong again. Acting is ignoring. 231 00:08:25,687 --> 00:08:26,678 Think about it. 232 00:08:26,722 --> 00:08:27,944 Ignore reality. 233 00:08:27,969 --> 00:08:30,290 You're in a casting office, not Jurassic Park. 234 00:08:30,334 --> 00:08:31,988 Ignore your scene partner 235 00:08:32,031 --> 00:08:34,424 because you better goddamn believe they're ignoring you. 236 00:08:34,449 --> 00:08:37,452 And, for Christ's sake, ignore the script, okay? 237 00:08:37,712 --> 00:08:39,261 You're better than a writer, right? 238 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:40,882 Writers are dorks, okay? 239 00:08:40,907 --> 00:08:42,280 Any questions? 240 00:08:43,086 --> 00:08:45,349 No! Put your hands down! 241 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,671 No. 242 00:08:46,696 --> 00:08:47,958 Don't ask questions. 243 00:08:48,178 --> 00:08:49,570 That shows you don't know something, 244 00:08:49,614 --> 00:08:50,746 which makes you look weak. 245 00:08:51,536 --> 00:08:52,623 Got it? 246 00:08:52,648 --> 00:08:55,077 Now, if we could circle back on the payment thing again, 247 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,191 it's pretty important to me, okay? 248 00:08:57,216 --> 00:08:58,696 'Cause I'm-I'm dead serious, 249 00:08:58,721 --> 00:09:01,530 you're not walking out of here without the payment. 250 00:09:02,627 --> 00:09:03,802 Oh, my God, Charlie, 251 00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:05,241 we're not going to Scranton. 252 00:09:05,266 --> 00:09:07,763 All right, fine. What about Harrisburg? Williamsport? 253 00:09:07,806 --> 00:09:08,938 Altoona? You know... 254 00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:10,635 Okay, will you at least consider 255 00:09:10,678 --> 00:09:12,332 going someplace outside of Pennsylvania? 256 00:09:13,358 --> 00:09:14,960 All those cities are in Pennsylvania? 257 00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:16,694 Are you kidding me? Like, you don't want to know... 258 00:09:16,719 --> 00:09:18,164 thank you, monkey... you don't want to know, like, 259 00:09:18,208 --> 00:09:19,818 how this shit works, man? 260 00:09:19,862 --> 00:09:22,995 No. I don't want to find out how zoning districts work. 261 00:09:23,039 --> 00:09:24,797 I don't care about that. Thank you, monkey. 262 00:09:24,822 --> 00:09:26,345 I want to go somewhere exotic. 263 00:09:26,455 --> 00:09:27,674 Baltimore? 264 00:09:27,699 --> 00:09:29,516 - Baltimore is not exotic, Frank. - No. 265 00:09:29,541 --> 00:09:32,152 I'll tell you, I've seen shit happen in Baltimore 266 00:09:32,177 --> 00:09:34,092 - that would blow your mind. Thank you, monkey. - Wow. 267 00:09:34,117 --> 00:09:35,617 You know what, guys? I'll tell you what. 268 00:09:35,982 --> 00:09:37,096 Regardless of where we decide to go, 269 00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,663 we're taking this goddamn monkey 270 00:09:38,706 --> 00:09:40,404 - because I love this guy. I love him. - Oh, yeah. 271 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,362 It would be great if we could hire more monkeys 272 00:09:42,406 --> 00:09:44,364 to do our job for us while we're gone. 273 00:09:44,408 --> 00:09:46,671 Like, a team of monkeys who run the bar, you know what I mean? 274 00:09:46,714 --> 00:09:48,867 - Mm. - Oh, yeah, 'cause they're all out of work now, you know? 275 00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:50,899 - Yeah. - Yeah, because Hollywood decided 276 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,602 you can't beat 'em no more, so they had to set 'em all free. 277 00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,234 - What? - Are you seriously? - You can't beat monkeys? 278 00:09:55,259 --> 00:09:56,391 - No, you can't. - At all? 279 00:09:56,416 --> 00:09:57,940 Those monkeys don't even have jobs anymore 280 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,097 - 'cause of these snowflakes? - Not allowed to do it no more. 281 00:09:59,122 --> 00:10:00,907 - These Hollywood... - Oh, my God. 282 00:10:00,932 --> 00:10:02,008 I do have to admit, though, 283 00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:04,328 it-it is a little disappointing to, um, 284 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:07,487 discover that a team of primates could do our jobs for us, but... 285 00:10:07,512 --> 00:10:09,234 I'm gonna blow past it 286 00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:10,522 because I really do want to come up 287 00:10:10,547 --> 00:10:12,031 with a vacation spot for us, you know? 288 00:10:12,056 --> 00:10:13,914 So, here's what I'm thinking, guys. 289 00:10:13,939 --> 00:10:15,380 E-Everybody grab a napkin there, okay? 290 00:10:15,405 --> 00:10:16,488 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Grab a napkin. 291 00:10:16,513 --> 00:10:18,428 And, uh, everybody 292 00:10:18,453 --> 00:10:21,305 write down a destination on the napkin, 293 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,897 and then we'll put that destination 294 00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:25,055 in this bowl right here, 295 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,691 I'll pick one out, 296 00:10:26,831 --> 00:10:28,659 - and that way not one of us decides... - Oh. 297 00:10:28,684 --> 00:10:30,729 ...but we let fate take over. 298 00:10:30,754 --> 00:10:32,578 - What do you guys think about that plan? - Okay. 299 00:10:33,268 --> 00:10:34,270 I didn't say that 300 00:10:34,284 --> 00:10:36,125 - I don't love you. - Then what is it? 301 00:10:36,416 --> 00:10:38,027 Is it my gang ties? Because I don't need that shit. 302 00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:39,332 I'll leave it all behind. 303 00:10:39,376 --> 00:10:41,328 Just tell me what's wrong. 304 00:10:41,595 --> 00:10:42,770 The baby... 305 00:10:42,814 --> 00:10:45,382 It's not yours. It's my... 306 00:10:45,867 --> 00:10:47,384 my... 307 00:10:47,427 --> 00:10:49,555 - my father's. - Bigger. 308 00:10:49,829 --> 00:10:51,682 - My father's! - N... louder. 309 00:10:51,707 --> 00:10:54,623 - My father's! - Yes! 310 00:10:54,664 --> 00:10:55,839 Good. Now you go. 311 00:10:57,002 --> 00:10:59,352 - Your father's?! - Louder. 312 00:10:59,396 --> 00:11:01,877 Your father's?! 313 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:04,578 Okay! Now, this is what I'm talking about. 314 00:11:04,611 --> 00:11:06,649 - Nice work. - Do you all see that? 315 00:11:06,674 --> 00:11:08,720 Goddamn, that's what I want. I want to be able 316 00:11:08,745 --> 00:11:10,861 to see your performance from the fucking moon. 317 00:11:10,886 --> 00:11:13,018 Guys, the louder you are, 318 00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:15,383 the more people have to pay attention to you. 319 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,280 Yeah... Yeah, I-I don't understand the script. 320 00:11:18,502 --> 00:11:19,764 What movie did you say this was from? 321 00:11:19,807 --> 00:11:21,938 I-I didn't. I wrote it. 322 00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:25,891 It's a mash-up of Chinatown and Tupac Shakur's Poetic Justice. 323 00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:29,097 Oh. Are you, are you gonna write all the scenes? 324 00:11:29,383 --> 00:11:32,473 Well, there you go asking a bunch of questions again, Tony. 325 00:11:32,867 --> 00:11:35,582 Uh, Kiki, how does that make him seem to you? 326 00:11:35,617 --> 00:11:37,434 Um... weak? 327 00:11:37,477 --> 00:11:39,262 Weak! Good. Very good. 328 00:11:39,305 --> 00:11:41,046 Now, you, Kiki, you're really getting this. 329 00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:42,482 But did you feel that? 330 00:11:42,526 --> 00:11:44,180 Did you feel how he went from, like, a hot stud 331 00:11:44,223 --> 00:11:46,399 you'd like to bang to a weak little bitch 332 00:11:46,443 --> 00:11:48,227 right before your eyes? Right? 333 00:11:48,271 --> 00:11:50,099 I mean, that doesn't mean I still wouldn't do him, 334 00:11:50,142 --> 00:11:51,665 but that's between him and me. 335 00:11:51,709 --> 00:11:53,276 Tony, see me after class. 336 00:11:54,703 --> 00:11:55,974 Um... Okay. 337 00:11:56,018 --> 00:11:58,594 Wrong! Wrong! Okay. 338 00:11:58,619 --> 00:12:01,197 People in power will try and bang you. 339 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,635 Now, sometimes it will be necessary to get the part, 340 00:12:04,678 --> 00:12:06,274 but assess the situation. 341 00:12:06,299 --> 00:12:09,024 Why go all the way when a simple hand job will suffice? 342 00:12:10,203 --> 00:12:11,883 Tony, do see me after class. 343 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,663 And the place 344 00:12:14,688 --> 00:12:16,641 that we're going to is... 345 00:12:19,228 --> 00:12:20,883 "Yell"... "Yellow"? 346 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,219 What is, what is this? Who, who wrote this? 347 00:12:25,352 --> 00:12:26,399 Uh... Me. Yeah. 348 00:12:26,424 --> 00:12:28,895 W-Were you trying to s-say Yellowstone or...? 349 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,703 Uh... no. Uh, just yellow. 350 00:12:31,728 --> 00:12:33,272 - Just yellow? Just the color yellow? - Uh, well, I panicked. 351 00:12:33,316 --> 00:12:34,621 You know, you were shooting down all the other places 352 00:12:34,665 --> 00:12:36,188 I've been naming, so I-I couldn't think of something. 353 00:12:36,232 --> 00:12:38,321 Okay, well, that's not a goddamn place, you idiot, so.. 354 00:12:38,609 --> 00:12:39,370 We're gonna try this again. 355 00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:41,715 Next place I pick out, that's where we're gonna go. 356 00:12:41,759 --> 00:12:43,587 Mm-hmm. 357 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:44,980 - "Purple." - Mm. 358 00:12:45,023 --> 00:12:46,416 What is happening? 359 00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:48,250 That was me. Yeah, I did purple. 360 00:12:48,275 --> 00:12:49,767 - You did purple? Two of you wrote colors? - Yeah, I... 361 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,247 Okay, so you thought of a color, too? 362 00:12:51,290 --> 00:12:52,857 I didn't understand the assignment either. 363 00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,728 - It-it was not clear. - I said write down a destination, 364 00:12:54,772 --> 00:12:55,903 - and two people wrote down colors? - We're sorry, we're sorry. 365 00:12:55,947 --> 00:12:57,383 - I don't understand... - I like purple. 366 00:12:57,427 --> 00:12:59,081 I like purple, too, Frank. That's why I wrote it down. 367 00:12:59,124 --> 00:13:00,908 Well, maybe we could go there. That could be pretty. 368 00:13:00,952 --> 00:13:03,172 Go where?! Purple? That's not a place! 369 00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,063 - That... All right, you know... - Okay, you're right. 370 00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:08,265 I think, um... these beers are a little strong. 371 00:13:08,612 --> 00:13:11,093 - Are you drunk? - I... these beers are a little strong... 372 00:13:11,136 --> 00:13:12,964 I will admit that the beers are also stronger 373 00:13:13,008 --> 00:13:14,164 - than I was anticipating. - I like this beer. 374 00:13:14,189 --> 00:13:15,233 You know what, guys? 375 00:13:15,363 --> 00:13:17,195 I'm having a lot of fun here. 376 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,410 Uh, but I do want to figure this out, so, new plan. 377 00:13:19,463 --> 00:13:20,856 All right, here's what we're gonna do. 378 00:13:20,881 --> 00:13:22,970 Instead of writing down places, 379 00:13:22,995 --> 00:13:26,094 why don't we write down key words? 380 00:13:26,119 --> 00:13:27,598 Or phrases, you know? 381 00:13:27,642 --> 00:13:28,948 Let's go with our instincts, you know? 382 00:13:28,991 --> 00:13:30,210 Whatever we want to feel, 383 00:13:30,253 --> 00:13:31,820 what-whatever we want to experience 384 00:13:31,864 --> 00:13:33,300 on the vacation, okay? And then 385 00:13:33,343 --> 00:13:34,692 we'll put it up on a board. 386 00:13:34,736 --> 00:13:36,259 We'll look at it all together and then maybe 387 00:13:36,303 --> 00:13:39,001 the destination will just reveal itself to us. 388 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:42,091 And... we can drink more monkey beer. 389 00:13:42,135 --> 00:13:43,701 Yeah. 390 00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:45,878 - Monkey! - We'll drink monkey beer while we're doing it. 391 00:13:45,921 --> 00:13:47,967 - Monkey. - Four more monkey beers, monkey. 392 00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:50,938 - Monkey, monkey, monkey beer! - Monkey! Four more! 393 00:13:51,552 --> 00:13:53,777 Ms. Reynolds, can I talk to you for a second? 394 00:13:53,858 --> 00:13:56,758 Oh, God, what's this? Listen, if you don't have the cash, 395 00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:59,282 you're gonna want to borrow it from, like, an uncle or a friend 396 00:13:59,326 --> 00:14:00,893 or something 'cause I don't make exceptions. 397 00:14:00,936 --> 00:14:03,852 No. It's, uh, it's not the money, um... 398 00:14:03,896 --> 00:14:06,999 I just wanted to say... thank you. 399 00:14:07,024 --> 00:14:08,465 It feels 400 00:14:08,509 --> 00:14:10,511 so good to be seen like that. 401 00:14:10,554 --> 00:14:12,687 My parents don't really believe in me, so... 402 00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:15,211 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop talking. 403 00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,039 Holy shit. 404 00:14:17,953 --> 00:14:20,125 You're making me realize something here. 405 00:14:20,564 --> 00:14:22,038 Maybe this doesn't have to be a scam. 406 00:14:22,063 --> 00:14:22,915 What? 407 00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:24,133 Well, what I mean is, 408 00:14:24,177 --> 00:14:25,874 I-I was just able to give you something 409 00:14:25,918 --> 00:14:27,136 your parents never did, 410 00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:29,547 and all-all I had to do was... 411 00:14:29,572 --> 00:14:32,117 toss you a single compliment. 412 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,589 I can control you. 413 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,494 I can make you feel however I want you to feel, 414 00:14:37,538 --> 00:14:39,845 which will help you be a better actor. 415 00:14:39,888 --> 00:14:42,344 - Oh, I do want to be a better... - Shh. I'm not done. 416 00:14:43,548 --> 00:14:45,894 Oh, that's-that's real power. 417 00:14:45,938 --> 00:14:48,723 Way more power than just acting, and I think that's what it was 418 00:14:48,766 --> 00:14:50,420 probably all about for me, you know? 419 00:14:50,464 --> 00:14:52,727 I just... I was searching for a sense of control. 420 00:14:52,770 --> 00:14:53,815 Oh, Kiki... 421 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,382 you were... 422 00:14:56,078 --> 00:14:57,840 terrible. 423 00:14:57,875 --> 00:14:59,038 Wait, I-I was? 424 00:14:59,461 --> 00:15:01,109 No. No. 425 00:15:01,314 --> 00:15:02,606 I'm kidding. 426 00:15:04,410 --> 00:15:05,653 You were amazing. 427 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:07,781 And you're going to make it. 428 00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:09,875 I believe in you. 429 00:15:09,918 --> 00:15:11,758 Oh, you do? 430 00:15:11,964 --> 00:15:13,547 Maybe. 431 00:15:13,572 --> 00:15:15,663 I'm not going to tell you right now. 432 00:15:18,548 --> 00:15:19,602 But yes. 433 00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:23,428 Oh, my God! This is... 434 00:15:23,453 --> 00:15:25,604 This is amazing. Yes, Kiki, yes. 435 00:15:25,629 --> 00:15:27,162 I'm going to be there for you. 436 00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:29,198 I'm going to be the mother and father that you never had. 437 00:15:29,242 --> 00:15:31,609 I'm only going to take 35%... 438 00:15:31,634 --> 00:15:32,805 ...of all your future earnings, 439 00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:34,613 and I will never, never 440 00:15:34,638 --> 00:15:37,293 turn my back on you, do you understand? 441 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,687 - Yes. - Because you... Can you give me one second? 442 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,471 - My phone is buzzing off the hook in my pocket. - Oh, yeah. 443 00:15:41,515 --> 00:15:43,299 One sec. Hello? 444 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,040 No! I'm gonna see the director. 445 00:15:45,084 --> 00:15:47,956 Um, hi, yes. Uh, is this Deandra Reynolds? 446 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,045 - Yup. - Right. Well, uh, 447 00:15:50,089 --> 00:15:51,873 - I'm so sorry to just call you out of the blue like this... - Faster. 448 00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,657 - What? - Faster. 449 00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:55,877 Right. Brilliant. Um, 450 00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:57,748 well, I am the director of the TV show 451 00:15:57,792 --> 00:15:59,202 that you crashed the audition on the other day, 452 00:15:59,227 --> 00:16:01,230 and we have a role that... 453 00:16:01,274 --> 00:16:02,977 Slower. 454 00:16:03,455 --> 00:16:04,674 All right, um, 455 00:16:04,699 --> 00:16:07,136 well, as I was saying, I am... 456 00:16:07,410 --> 00:16:08,846 the... director... 457 00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:10,196 Too slow. Don't start over. 458 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,329 Okay. Uh, well, I saw your tape, 459 00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:16,854 and, based on what I saw, and this conversation, 460 00:16:16,898 --> 00:16:18,813 I think we have a part that might be right for you. 461 00:16:18,856 --> 00:16:19,901 Stop. 462 00:16:20,851 --> 00:16:22,680 Attention, everyone. 463 00:16:22,705 --> 00:16:25,031 Dee Reynolds Acting School is officially closed. 464 00:16:25,056 --> 00:16:26,963 And I'm sorry, there will be no return on investments, 465 00:16:26,988 --> 00:16:29,774 but it was in the fine print. Have a wonderful afternoon. 466 00:16:30,605 --> 00:16:31,608 Continue. 467 00:16:37,487 --> 00:16:39,899 Oh, my God. Oh, guys. 468 00:16:40,069 --> 00:16:42,188 What the hell is happening? 469 00:16:43,027 --> 00:16:44,874 - Guys, wake up. - Huh? 470 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,087 Wake... 471 00:16:46,112 --> 00:16:47,548 - Huh? - Wha... 472 00:16:47,711 --> 00:16:49,844 Oh, my God. My head is killing me. 473 00:16:49,887 --> 00:16:53,065 Oh, dude. I am very hungover. I do not feel good. 474 00:16:53,108 --> 00:16:55,586 Charlie, you're full of scratches. 475 00:16:55,611 --> 00:16:56,852 So are you. 476 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,047 - Wait, I got scratches, too. - Oh, shit. 477 00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,952 Dude, Mac, I think you got bit in the neck, man. 478 00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:03,602 Is that shit on the bar? 479 00:17:03,627 --> 00:17:05,324 What-what is that... 480 00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:08,211 sour, salty taste in my mouth? Do you guys have that? 481 00:17:08,341 --> 00:17:09,646 - Yeah, I got that. - Yes. Yes, I have that. 482 00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:11,625 - What is that? - Yeah, it's real bad. 483 00:17:12,171 --> 00:17:13,215 Uh-oh, guys... 484 00:17:13,259 --> 00:17:14,608 Oh, yeah, I feel like shit. 485 00:17:14,651 --> 00:17:16,044 I think we've been outsmarted. 486 00:17:16,088 --> 00:17:17,350 - What? - Huh? 487 00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:19,221 The monkey got us drunk, 488 00:17:19,265 --> 00:17:20,353 assaulted us, 489 00:17:20,396 --> 00:17:21,745 robbed the bar, 490 00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,598 and possibly fucked our mouths. 491 00:17:26,576 --> 00:17:28,883 - Oh, God! - Yeah, he did. That is what happened. 492 00:17:28,926 --> 00:17:30,232 Yeah, the guy who sold him to me 493 00:17:30,276 --> 00:17:31,842 did say something like this could happen. 494 00:17:32,612 --> 00:17:33,496 He did?! 495 00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:35,324 Yeah. Apparently, the monkey's grandfather 496 00:17:35,368 --> 00:17:37,761 was Fatty Arbuckle's monkey, 497 00:17:37,805 --> 00:17:38,849 and you know how these things go. 498 00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:40,677 These monkeys are passed down 499 00:17:40,721 --> 00:17:42,723 from one Hollywood creep to the next, 500 00:17:42,766 --> 00:17:44,116 until, eventually, 501 00:17:44,159 --> 00:17:46,248 they wind up under a bridge in Philly 502 00:17:46,292 --> 00:17:48,424 getting drunk and pulling scams. 503 00:17:49,572 --> 00:17:51,210 - Goddamn. All right. - What? 504 00:17:51,253 --> 00:17:53,038 All right, all right, we got to think about this. All right, 505 00:17:53,081 --> 00:17:56,128 so let's not take the monkey on our vacation. 506 00:17:56,171 --> 00:17:57,912 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 507 00:17:57,955 --> 00:17:59,392 The vacation. I think we landed 508 00:17:59,435 --> 00:18:01,046 on a vacation destination last night. 509 00:18:01,089 --> 00:18:03,309 Yeah, we did, we did. Look, look, look. 510 00:18:03,352 --> 00:18:04,788 - Oh, look at the board. - We did? - Yeah. 511 00:18:04,832 --> 00:18:06,181 We got something on here. Let's um... 512 00:18:06,225 --> 00:18:08,096 Okay, should we see where we're going? 513 00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:10,272 - Yeah, where are we going? - Where we going? Where we going? 514 00:18:10,316 --> 00:18:12,086 All right, here we go... 515 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:14,795 "Monkey beer island 516 00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:16,974 of green and fight." 517 00:18:17,208 --> 00:18:19,064 - Goddamn it. - That's not a place. 518 00:18:19,107 --> 00:18:20,674 - That's not a place? - No, it's not! 519 00:18:20,717 --> 00:18:23,111 No, it's not a goddamn place. You know what this is? 520 00:18:23,155 --> 00:18:24,765 This is the ramblings of four men who got very, very drunk 521 00:18:24,808 --> 00:18:26,549 last night on a mystery concoction 522 00:18:26,574 --> 00:18:28,576 invented by a wild animal. 523 00:18:28,709 --> 00:18:30,205 Why can't we just be normal? 524 00:18:30,249 --> 00:18:31,772 - That is what it is. - That's so weird. 525 00:18:31,815 --> 00:18:32,990 - Why would we do that? - Because the monkey 526 00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:34,899 beers were so delicious. 527 00:18:34,924 --> 00:18:37,187 All right? That-that-that monkey may have been a pervert, 528 00:18:37,212 --> 00:18:39,910 but he was also a genius, which is often the case in Hollywood. 529 00:18:39,954 --> 00:18:41,390 You know what I'm thinking? 'Cause I'm seeing a lot 530 00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:43,566 of empty whiskey bottles around, 531 00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:45,742 I'm thinking maybe that monkey was just pouring, like, 532 00:18:45,786 --> 00:18:47,135 half a bottle of whiskey in each beer. 533 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:48,176 - You know? - That could be. 534 00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:49,268 Based on my hangover, I think 535 00:18:49,311 --> 00:18:50,617 that's what I'm, that's what I'm feeling. 536 00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:51,748 - Goddamn it. - That tracks, that tracks. 537 00:18:51,792 --> 00:18:53,359 So, monkey beer 538 00:18:53,402 --> 00:18:55,622 is just whiskey... 539 00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:57,754 - Whiskey-beer, yeah. - ...beer? 540 00:18:57,946 --> 00:18:59,234 So... 541 00:19:00,409 --> 00:19:04,239 "Whiskey beer island of green and fight." 542 00:19:04,283 --> 00:19:05,371 We're nowhere. We're nowhere. 543 00:19:05,414 --> 00:19:08,200 Hey-o! Whoa, what the hell happened... 544 00:19:08,243 --> 00:19:10,637 Eh, you know what? Don't care. 545 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,856 Do not even care 'cause guess what, dick nips. 546 00:19:12,881 --> 00:19:16,356 This big, dumb, flightless bird just booked a huge acting gig. 547 00:19:16,438 --> 00:19:18,141 Why don't you feast your eyes on 548 00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:21,391 "Obnoxious American MILF #1"? 549 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:26,174 - In your faces. That's right. - Ah... 550 00:19:26,218 --> 00:19:27,828 And guess what. I leave tomorrow morning 551 00:19:27,871 --> 00:19:30,542 at 6:30 a.m. on a first-class flight 552 00:19:30,567 --> 00:19:34,483 'cause it shoots in Ireland, baby. 553 00:19:34,508 --> 00:19:35,867 Yeah! 554 00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:37,883 Body slam! 555 00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:42,712 - I mean, she doesn't... She comes in screaming. - That was the worst. 556 00:19:42,756 --> 00:19:44,366 - Screaming. - Cackling like a witch. 557 00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:46,055 Just screaming and screeching, like... 558 00:19:47,076 --> 00:19:48,305 Oh, my God. 559 00:19:53,078 --> 00:19:55,445 Oh, my God. 560 00:19:58,258 --> 00:20:00,252 - What? What is it? - I don't know. 561 00:20:00,295 --> 00:20:01,557 - I don't know. - Uh, you don't know? 562 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,080 - Right? It wasn't clear. - Frank looked at me... 563 00:20:03,124 --> 00:20:04,473 Why did you guys act like you knew what it was, then? 564 00:20:04,517 --> 00:20:05,909 I don't know. We were all getting excited together. 565 00:20:05,953 --> 00:20:07,172 - I was excited... - And, yeah, uh... 566 00:20:07,215 --> 00:20:08,521 Goddamn it. Frank, you tell them what it is. 567 00:20:08,564 --> 00:20:10,784 - Yeah, what is it? - I don't know what it is. 568 00:20:10,827 --> 00:20:12,655 - You don't... - Okay, yeah, we don't know, uh, we don't know what it is. 569 00:20:12,699 --> 00:20:14,102 Guys, guys. 570 00:20:14,944 --> 00:20:17,859 "Whiskey beer island of green and fight." 571 00:20:18,946 --> 00:20:20,359 That's Ireland. 572 00:20:20,402 --> 00:20:21,836 Goddamn, you guys. 573 00:20:21,861 --> 00:20:24,281 What is this delicious drink? This is good. 574 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,147 I was gonna go home and get some sleep, 575 00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,062 but I might have to get a couple soda pops in first, 576 00:20:28,105 --> 00:20:30,717 you know what I mean? Nice job. 577 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,110 Mmm. Mmm. 578 00:20:34,895 --> 00:20:37,027 - Ooh, wow. Is that poop? - _ 579 00:20:37,052 --> 00:20:43,152 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com