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Previously on Young Sheldon...

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What's going on?

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Are you Connie Tucker?

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A secret casino room?

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The cops shut me down.

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- Well, let's get this going again.
- I'm listening.

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I was thinking about Chuck E. Cheese.

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Grown-up people don't-don't
gamble to win a teddy bear.

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I'm trying to help you.

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You think that grown-ups

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are gonna gamble for
some stuffed animals?

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Yeah, that you're buying back from them.

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It seems I owe you an apology.

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Come on in.

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When children reach adolescence,

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- a cascade of hormones are released...
- _

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... causing mood swings,
impulsive behavior

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and an unbelievable
amount of eye rolling.

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- I knew it.
- During this time of change,

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members of the opposite sex

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who caught my sister's fancy included:

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New Kids on the Block,

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Rufio from the movie Hook,

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and, oddly enough, our
new Sunday school teacher,

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Pastor Rob.

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Was Mary Magdalene Jesus's girlfriend?

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No, just one of his followers.

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Yeah, Jesus didn't have a girlfriend.

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Do you have a girlfriend?

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No. No, I don't.

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I don't have a girlfriend either.

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All right.

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You and me, Billy, couple of bachelors.

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Are you allowed to have a girlfriend?

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In the Baptist church, yes.

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- Pastor Jeff is married.
- And was married before,

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so he's had two wives,
but not at the same time,

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- that's not allowed.
- Thank you, Sheldon.

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At least not anymore.
In the Old Testament,

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Abraham had two, Jacob had four,

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and Solomon had 1,000,

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but those were largely
for political alliances.

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Fun fact: only 700 of those were wives.

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The other 300 were concubines.

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I wouldn't count on the Bible
for facts, but that was fun.

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So boyfriends and girlfriends are okay?

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The way I see it, God is love,

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so if we love someone else

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in a committed relationship,
we're feeling God.

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So, holding hands is okay?

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- Sure.
- What about kissing?

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Maybe at some point, when you're older.

53
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And what exactly is third base?

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I'm thinking it might be a good idea

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if we gave the kids a talk
about the facts of life.

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You mean like, S-E-X?

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Who are you spelling that for?

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G-O-D.

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You really think that's
an appropriate topic

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for kids their age?

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Well, they seem to have a
lot of questions about...

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S-E-X.

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Sex, sex, sex. Get over it.

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I just think that's a subject
best left up to the parents.

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Glad you feel that way,
because it was your daughter

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who had the most questions.

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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

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Even if... Missy had one

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- or two questions...
- It was a lot of questions.

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Doesn't matter how many questions.

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We can answer them at home.

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I'm sure you can.

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I just think this is our
chance to get in first

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before they learn it on TV.

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That is true. I flipped
past MTV the other night,

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and a song was on called...

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"I Wanna Sex You Up."

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What does that even mean?

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I turned it off before the
young man could clarify.

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Well, if you ask me, I think
it means he wants to...

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- No one asked you.
- See?

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Even we have questions.
Why wouldn't the kids?

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I think they deserve honest answers.

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You seem to know a lot about children

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for someone who has none of their own.

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So what's my title here?

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Manager? Supervisor?

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Your title is "grandson
who can go home now."

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What are you talking about?

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- We're in this together.
- I'm sorry,

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did you buy these machines?

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No, but it was my idea how to
get them up and running again.

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And thank you. Now, go home
before I tell your mother

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you want to work in a secret casino.

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Oh, yeah?

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Maybe I should tell her
you own a secret casino.

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Is that the way you want to play this?

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Yeah, it is.

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Missy was asking about sex.

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What? You don't think that she's...

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No.

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But she's clearly
interested in the topic.

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That's it... she's
grounded till she's 21.

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- George.
- Well, maybe it's good

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this pastor wants to talk about it.

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I sure as hell don't.

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You're unbelievable.

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I had to do it with Georgie,
and it was a disaster.

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Well, here is a chance to do it right.

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I have two words for you: not it.

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Fine.

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You can be my assistant manager.

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Oh, I like the sound of that.

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So, it's a deal?

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Well, hold on, how much
you gonna pay me?

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Did I mention that assistant manager

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comes with a spiffy nametag?

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Does it also come with
a spiffy paycheck?

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How much did Dale pay you?

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Uh, minimum wage plus
five percent commission.

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I'll give you half of that.

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So, two and a half percent commission?

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No, half of the minimum wage part.

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What about a percentage of these?

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Yeah, right.

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I'm serious.

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If it wasn't for me, none
of this would be happening.

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I'm your grandmother.
If it weren't for me,

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you wouldn't be happening.

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How about this: no
hourly wage, just a cut.

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What kind of cut you thinking?

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- Five percent.
- Three percent.

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- Five.
- Three.

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You're supposed to go in
the middle and say four.

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Why don't you say four?

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Fine, four.

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- Two.
- Come on.

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I'll tell you what,

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we're in the gambling business,
why don't we gamble for it?

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Okay.

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Great.

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The number I'm thinking of in
my head... is it odd or even?

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How dumb do you think I am?

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In my defense, you used to be dumber.

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Why don't you two have a seat.

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In here?

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Did somebody die?

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No, I just want to talk to you.

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They're getting divorced.

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At least they waited until
one of us was in college.

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We are not getting a divorce. Just sit.

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So, you two are both growing up,

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and I thought that maybe it might
be time to have a talk about...

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that and some of the things
that go along with... that.

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What is happening?

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I think she's trying to have
the human reproduction talk.

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- Oh, God.
- Uh, speaking of God,

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He is very clear about
the do's and the don'ts,

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especially the don'ts.

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I'm not talking about this with you.

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I don't think you'll have
any new information for me,

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but I'm happy to chime
in with biology facts.

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I don't have any questions.

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I'm good. Can we be done now?

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So, you'll ask Pastor Rob,
but you won't ask me?

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I didn't ask you 'cause
I know what you'll say.

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You don't know what I'm gonna say.

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"It's a sin." "You're too young."

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"Wait till marriage."

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Well, it is, you are, and you should.

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You can't be too young
if you're an aphid,

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some of them are born pregnant.

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I didn't do anything wrong.
I just asked some questions.

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Well, you can ask me.

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I'm not asking you anything, ever.

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It's just her hormones.

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Would you like to learn more?

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When children reach adolescence,

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a cascade of hormones are released...

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- What are you doing?
- Making sure you don't run away.

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- Why?
- Because that's what happened

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the last time you and Mom fought.

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I'm not going anywhere.

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Now, get out of here, creepo.

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Why did you get so mad at Mom?

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I don't want to talk to
her about that stuff.

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- It's so embarrassing.
- Why?

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If you have to ask, then
something's wrong with you.

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But the topic was procreation,
and she clearly has procreated.

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Ew.

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Hey. You got a minute?

192
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Sure. Come on in.

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I just wanted to say, about
yesterday, you were right.

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- Oh.
- I don't have kids,

195
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I overstepped my bounds, and I'm sorry.

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Thank you for saying that.

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- Forgiveness five?
- Sure.

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Oh, come on now, that didn't
feel like you forgave me.

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All right. I'm feeling it.

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Okay, well, I'll let you get back to it.

201
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,917
Actually, um...

202
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,292
I might have overstepped yesterday.

203
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In fact, I... think there
might be some value

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in the kids hearing some of these things

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from people other than their parents.

206
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Great.

207
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Hey, maybe it's something
you and I could do together?

208
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,209
Oh, no, no, no, this was your idea.

209
00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:30,300
Yeah, but you've got
way more experience.

210
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,584
With kids, I mean.

211
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I know what you meant.

212
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,667
Plus, it would be great for
them to hear from a woman.

213
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:39,950
So, either you or Peg, so...

214
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,500
Oh. I want to scare them,
but not that much.

215
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So, you'll do it?

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00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:46,917
Okay.

217
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,200
I'll tell Pastor Jeff.

218
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:49,860
I like watching his face get all red

219
00:08:49,870 --> 00:08:51,584
when I mention S-E-X.

220
00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:54,249
Hey, yours does, too.

221
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,740
So, you're gonna give us your ticket,

222
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,917
and we're gonna give you the teddy bear.

223
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,709
Why would I want a teddy bear?

224
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'Cause then we're gonna
buy the teddy bear back.

225
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,260
But I said I don't want a teddy bear.

226
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,500
I want cash.

227
00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:11,000
You're gonna get the cash.

228
00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:13,042
Then why do you keep
talking about a teddy bear?

229
00:09:13,050 --> 00:09:14,584
'Cause this way it ain't gambling.

230
00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:16,084
But I want to gamble.

231
00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:19,417
Well, gambling's illegal.
This is a gray area.

232
00:09:20,670 --> 00:09:24,249
- Just give him the cash.
- No, he's gonna get this.

233
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:25,500
I don't think he is.

234
00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:27,959
Listen to your Meemaw. I don't get it.

235
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Just give me your ticket.

236
00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:33,000
Wow.

237
00:09:33,010 --> 00:09:36,167
That is a nice teddy bear.
I'd like to buy that from you.

238
00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:45,584
I don't think he got it.

239
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:48,389
And then Missy said it was embarrassing

240
00:09:48,390 --> 00:09:50,334
to talk to our mother
about reproduction.

241
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,560
Interesting, yet the two
of you are living proof

242
00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:56,750
she has at least a working
knowledge of the subject.

243
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,542
That's what I said, then Missy
said something's wrong with me.

244
00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:02,667
Oh, I think you're as normal as I am.

245
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:03,917
Thank you.

246
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,600
Although, I have been called an odd duck

247
00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:09,917
and, one time, a quirky turkey.

248
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,292
Those people were probably jealous.

249
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,580
You know, there's some
science to indicate

250
00:10:15,590 --> 00:10:18,500
that adolescents process embarrassment

251
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,917
with a different part of
their brain than adults do.

252
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,292
Really? So maybe Missy's
right, and I'm an outlier.

253
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,959
Perhaps.

254
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,167
Let's increase our sample size.

255
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:33,420
Andy, would you feel embarrassed

256
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,660
talking about sexual intercourse

257
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,084
with your mother?

258
00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:38,334
Uh...

259
00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:40,250
Stammering, red-faced.

260
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:41,542
He does seem embarrassed.

261
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:43,428
Although, he may just be embarrassed

262
00:10:43,430 --> 00:10:45,084
by the subject in general.

263
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:49,840
How would you feel discussing
it with a co-worker?

264
00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:52,190
Say-say me, for example.

265
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,500
And now we know conversations like that

266
00:10:57,510 --> 00:10:59,042
can cost you your job.

267
00:10:59,050 --> 00:11:01,500
You learn something new every day.

268
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,360
I think First Corinthians 7:2

269
00:11:05,380 --> 00:11:07,417
is actually a pretty
good place to start.

270
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:09,700
"Each man should have
relations with his own wife,

271
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,620
and each woman with her own husband."

272
00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:15,480
Yeah, I'm just not sure
quoting scripture

273
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,334
is the most exciting way to engage.

274
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:20,084
I was going more for guilt and fear.

275
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:21,820
Well, those are classics for a reason.

276
00:11:21,830 --> 00:11:25,260
I just think that if we make
the fruit too forbidden,

277
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,500
someone might want to sneak a bite.

278
00:11:27,510 --> 00:11:29,300
They look up to you.

279
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,600
If you say that abstinence
is the way to go,

280
00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:33,639
they'll listen.

281
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,170
Well, abstinence is important.

282
00:11:36,190 --> 00:11:38,000
But I also believe in honesty,

283
00:11:38,020 --> 00:11:40,830
and abstinence wasn't my journey.

284
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:42,800
Oh.

285
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,750
Well, that's none of my business.

286
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,420
That's okay. I'm not saying I'm
proud of everything I've done,

287
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,084
but, you know, I was young, the
mustache was just coming in...

288
00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:53,250
You could stop right there.

289
00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:55,568
Look, all I'm saying is,
I was a little wild,

290
00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:57,459
but it's all part of what
led me to the Lord.

291
00:11:57,460 --> 00:11:59,625
That is good to hear.

292
00:12:00,890 --> 00:12:02,042
Actually, this is great.

293
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,559
You can tell the kids how
you waited till marriage.

294
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:06,875
I think it'll be really powerful
for them to hear your story.

295
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,120
Uh-huh, right, right.

296
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:13,792
Right.

297
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,334
Something seems not right.

298
00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:19,688
Um, it's just, um...

299
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:26,709
I didn't wait all the
way until marriage.

300
00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:28,542
Hey, none of my business.

301
00:12:28,550 --> 00:12:30,000
Thank you.

302
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:31,875
But I appreciate the honesty.

303
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:40,167
- Well, this just got a little awkward.
- Yup. Yeah.

304
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:42,660
- All right, have a good one.
- Okay.

305
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:43,960
Oh...

306
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,959
Oh! Don't take all my money!

307
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,470
I'm just a Texas grandma

308
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:03,334
trying to make people happy.

309
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,792
Here you go.

310
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:11,000
Ooh, sweet bear.
I'll give you 20 bucks for it.

311
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,250
How we doing?

312
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:16,792
There's a problem with the cash box.

313
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:17,834
Oh, what's that?

314
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,140
I can't get it to close.

315
00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:22,100
That is my kind of problem.

316
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,830
Pastor Rob. Well, this is a surprise.

317
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,560
Sorry to show up unannounced.

318
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:33,625
- Can we talk?
- Of course. Come in.

319
00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:37,420
- Everything okay?
- Yes,

320
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,125
but I need tell you
something in confidence.

321
00:13:40,130 --> 00:13:43,500
No one's home. It's just the two of us.

322
00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:45,042
That's what I was hoping.

323
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:47,917
- Oh, yeah.
- Why are you in my bed?

324
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:48,959
Why are you?

325
00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:53,209
This is wrong.

326
00:13:53,210 --> 00:13:55,542
Does it feel wrong?

327
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:57,750
No.

328
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,300
Mary Cooper,

329
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,167
I want to sex you up.

330
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,959
I would like that very much.

331
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,084
? I wanna sex you up. ?

332
00:14:09,710 --> 00:14:13,220
- Everything okay?
- Yeah, I just, um...

333
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,792
I had a weird dream.

334
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,940
Must've been a doozy.

335
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,420
You're all sweaty.

336
00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:23,440
? I wanna sex you up. ?

337
00:14:34,010 --> 00:14:37,000
- What a haul, huh?!
- Amazing.

338
00:14:38,130 --> 00:14:39,250
Now what happens?

339
00:14:39,260 --> 00:14:41,800
I take it home, pour it on the bed,

340
00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:43,750
and just roll around in it.

341
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,042
What about me?

342
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,792
You just go home.

343
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,959
No. We're partners.

344
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,709
First of all, we're not
partners, and second...

345
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,042
Actually, "not partners"
covers it all pretty well.

346
00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:58,584
Fine. Good luck laundering
this money without me.

347
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,120
You know how to do that?

348
00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:02,959
I've seen Scarface, like, ten times.

349
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,417
Great. I'll just watch Scarface.

350
00:15:05,420 --> 00:15:07,167
Dang it.

351
00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:08,542
_

352
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,400
Pastor Jeff, you wanted to see me...

353
00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:12,159
Oh. Hello.

354
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,900
Looks like we both got called
to the principal's office.

355
00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:16,950
Guess we've been naughty.

356
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,500
That's not a thing.

357
00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:21,542
You okay?

358
00:15:21,550 --> 00:15:24,119
Yeah, I just didn't sleep too good.

359
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,340
Well, I didn't either.

360
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,500
My phone was ringing off the hook.

361
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,920
Apparently, this little talk
y'all were planning on giving

362
00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:32,625
- is causing quite the tizzy.
- A good tizzy?

363
00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:34,300
There's no such thing as a good tizzy.

364
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:35,709
There's only bad tizzies.

365
00:15:35,710 --> 00:15:37,625
You know who wasn't
afraid of causing a tizzy?

366
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:38,820
Yeah, yeah, Jesus,

367
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,400
but He didn't get 14 messages

368
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:43,042
from angry parents on
his answering machine.

369
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:45,375
There was probably more,
but that little tape got full.

370
00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:48,334
Yeah, people have had
some strong feelings,

371
00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:49,860
but I think if they heard us out,

372
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,542
they'd see we're not putting impure
thoughts in anyone's heads.

373
00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:53,792
Right, Mary?

374
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,625
No. I mean, I mean, yes, we're not.

375
00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:59,380
I mean, if we're upsetting people,

376
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,709
we should just back off.

377
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,678
Exactly. The talk is off.

378
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,750
I never want to talk
about the talk again.

379
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:05,834
Hallelujah.

380
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,240
If you'll excuse me,

381
00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,125
I have 14 phone calls to return.

382
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,620
Well, sorry this didn't work out.

383
00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:14,209
It's probably for the best.

384
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,440
Do not look at his butt.

385
00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:19,000
Do not look.

386
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,759
Okay, do not look again.

387
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,519
... the weather didn't finish him off,

388
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,125
you can bet that the polar bears did.

389
00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,417
Not necessarily.

390
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,000
- Everything okay?
- No.

391
00:16:28,010 --> 00:16:29,840
- What's wrong?
- Everyone's parents are upset

392
00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,339
about the sex talk Mom wants to give,

393
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:32,749
and all my friends are all blaming me.

394
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:34,834
What? This wasn't your fault.

395
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,120
That didn't stop Marjorie Jones

396
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:37,669
from taking my seat at the lunch table,

397
00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:40,500
and I also got uninvited
from two birthday parties.

398
00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:43,084
That's silly. All you
did was ask questions.

399
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:44,709
And it's ruining my life.

400
00:16:44,710 --> 00:16:46,660
I'm never talking about sex ever again.

401
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,870
Well, all right.

402
00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:56,084
Hey, there, Connie.

403
00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:57,334
What do you want?

404
00:16:57,340 --> 00:16:59,875
Is that any way to greet
an officer of the law?

405
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,834
Sorry. What do you want?

406
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,584
I hear you're back in business.

407
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:07,360
We're not breaking any laws.

408
00:17:07,380 --> 00:17:11,042
People are just winning these prizes.

409
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:14,625
- That you buy back for cash.
- It's a gray area.

410
00:17:14,630 --> 00:17:16,542
Look, I-I'm not here to argue.

411
00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:20,240
At the risk of repeating myself,

412
00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:22,000
what do you want?

413
00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:26,700
I've heard that in cash
businesses such as this,

414
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,740
that some owners can benefit

415
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,400
by having a strong relationship
with their local police department.

416
00:17:32,420 --> 00:17:33,584
What are you getting at?

417
00:17:33,590 --> 00:17:37,080
I'm just wondering if there's
something you can do

418
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,950
to incur good will.

419
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,840
- Are you shaking me down?
- No.

420
00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:42,250
Are you hitting on me?

421
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:43,959
No. Uh...

422
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:48,900
I'm just saying I've heard some
business owners like to invest

423
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:50,417
in local law enforcement.

424
00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:51,875
You are shaking me down.

425
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,780
It's a gray area.

426
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,200
What kind of contribution
are we talking?

427
00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:00,200
Well, that's up to you.

428
00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:03,200
Oh, I understand that
somewhere between nine

429
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,125
and 11% is popular.

430
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:06,542
Ten percent?

431
00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:08,084
If you insist.

432
00:18:08,090 --> 00:18:09,625
How about three?

433
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:10,980
Three what?

434
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,100
Three counts of illegal gambling?

435
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:15,878
Three years in jail?

436
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,334
I'm paying you in quarters.

437
00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,740
Missy, I know you're upset.

438
00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:26,500
Would you like a hot beverage?

439
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,292
Go away.

440
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:31,125
Every culture has their taboos.

441
00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:34,040
In the Ukraine, it's
rude to whistle indoors,

442
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:36,300
and they're correct. Not a fan.

443
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,880
In our society, any discussion
of human reproduction

444
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:43,420
seems to be so upsetting,
it causes nothing but chaos.

445
00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:46,240
Lost jobs.

446
00:18:48,050 --> 00:18:49,810
Lost friends.

447
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,910
Sleepless nights.

448
00:18:54,930 --> 00:18:58,084
Even the word "sex" provokes
an uncomfortable reaction.

449
00:18:58,090 --> 00:19:00,390
I thought "fornicate" might work,

450
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,260
but that seemed too judgy.

451
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,160
Then I found the perfect word,

452
00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:08,000
a word so bland and clinical

453
00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:10,768
that it would be impossible
to take offense to it.

454
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:13,190
"Coitus." That'll work.

455
00:19:22,170 --> 00:19:24,625
My little angel.

456
00:19:29,420 --> 00:19:32,917
Do you, Pastor Rob, take Melissa
Cooper to be your wife?

457
00:19:32,918 --> 00:19:34,046
Heck yeah.

458
00:19:34,050 --> 00:19:35,860
And do you, Melissa Cooper,

459
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,834
take Pastor Rob to be your husband?

460
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,667
I totally do.

461
00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:41,320
I hereby pronounce you

462
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:44,167
Mr. and Mrs. Youth Pastor Rob.

463
00:19:44,170 --> 00:19:46,417
You may now take the bride to Six Flags.

464
00:19:46,420 --> 00:19:48,125
Yay!

465
00:19:48,126 --> 00:19:53,120
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