1
00:00:18,911 --> 00:00:22,095
A greedy man once yearned for more,

2
00:00:22,248 --> 00:00:24,839
so the fool began to borrow.

3
00:00:24,933 --> 00:00:27,342
He ate and drank and told the bank,

4
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,844
"I'll pay the debt tomorrow."

5
00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:33,090
But as both dolt and purse grew fat,

6
00:00:33,183 --> 00:00:35,350
the calendar grew thinner.

7
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,945
The debt collector had enough

8
00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:41,932
and hungered for his dinner.

9
00:00:45,417 --> 00:00:47,145
_

10
00:00:48,365 --> 00:00:50,883
The coward ran, with coin in hand,

11
00:00:51,110 --> 00:00:54,344
but come dawn, lost his breath.

12
00:00:55,798 --> 00:00:57,614
The fool was caught,

13
00:00:57,633 --> 00:00:59,116
'twas all for naught,

14
00:00:59,134 --> 00:01:02,969
for the collector's name was Death.

15
00:01:04,286 --> 00:01:06,231
Heck of a poem there, fella.

16
00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:08,125
I just caught the tail end.

17
00:01:08,127 --> 00:01:11,144
You got any more chilling
verses in that book of yours?

18
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:14,147
Oh, this isn't a poetry book,
cowboy-man.

19
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:16,057
This is a ledger of debts.

20
00:01:16,151 --> 00:01:19,970
Debts to be paid in money or blood,

21
00:01:20,063 --> 00:01:21,747
and lately, Venmo.

22
00:01:21,824 --> 00:01:24,899
I've been sent to collect in blood.

23
00:01:25,994 --> 00:01:27,093
Don't do this!

24
00:01:27,162 --> 00:01:29,904
I have a wife and two young mistresses,

25
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,739
also a secret other wife.

26
00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:34,318
Please, I'm a good man.

27
00:01:34,411 --> 00:01:35,652
A good man!

28
00:01:39,491 --> 00:01:42,309
In my experience, Mr. Texan...

29
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,663
...there's no such thing as a good man.

30
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,692
_

31
00:01:50,853 --> 00:01:55,672
* There were ninety and
nine that safely lay *

32
00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:58,508
- * In the shelter of the fold *
- _

33
00:01:58,527 --> 00:01:59,767
- * Of the fold *
- _

34
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:04,014
- * But one was out on the hills away *
- _

35
00:02:04,032 --> 00:02:06,683
- * Far off from the gates of gold *
- _

36
00:02:06,685 --> 00:02:08,109
* Gates of gold *

37
00:02:08,203 --> 00:02:12,205
- * Away on the mountain wild and bare *
- _

38
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,876
- * Away from the tender shepherd's care. *
- _

39
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,970
Mm, as pristine as the Garden of Eden

40
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:19,696
before Eve came along.

41
00:02:19,789 --> 00:02:21,047
Homer Simpson?

42
00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:23,458
I didn't know you were a
fellow volunteer Litter Gitter?

43
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,035
No, I'm doing community service

44
00:02:25,053 --> 00:02:28,372
'cause of where I told the judge
to shove some parking tickets.

45
00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:30,182
Well, sir, I guess your punishment

46
00:02:30,209 --> 00:02:32,634
is my predilection to do good.

47
00:02:32,728 --> 00:02:35,912
Oh, Flanders,
you do so much for the town,

48
00:02:35,972 --> 00:02:38,215
yet no one ever appreciates you for it.

49
00:02:38,233 --> 00:02:39,307
Why, thank you, Homer.

50
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:42,244
Not a compliment. Saying you're dumb.

51
00:02:47,726 --> 00:02:48,727
Shucks!

52
00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:50,485
Gosh! Ah!

53
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,212
Honey, ooh, mustard!

54
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:02,723
Hey, that's a strange place
to check your bag-a-rino.

55
00:03:05,761 --> 00:03:07,260
Dear Lord.

56
00:03:07,413 --> 00:03:09,003
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap,

57
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,856
crap! Oof!

58
00:03:12,198 --> 00:03:13,292
I saw you fell,

59
00:03:13,343 --> 00:03:15,861
so I rushed over to laugh at you,
then...

60
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:25,419
Aw, it's always been my
dream to find a bag of money.

61
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,679
You stole my dream.

62
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,940
You know,
I'd say it's all a part of God's plan,

63
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,835
but usually that only applies
to horrible tragedies.

64
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,762
Aw, a do-gooder like you
finding this money

65
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:37,782
is proof that karma is real, which sucks

66
00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:40,267
'cause now I can't club you
over the head and take it.

67
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,454
Aw, thanks, neighbor.

68
00:03:43,583 --> 00:03:48,017
$173,296.

69
00:03:48,111 --> 00:03:52,522
We should get a huge terrarium
with like a million turtles.

70
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:56,042
No, we should get a speedboat
with bunk beds on it.

71
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,302
- Turtles.
- Bunk-boat.

72
00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:59,137
- Turtles!
- Bunk-boat!

73
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:00,805
I wish your great-grandfather,

74
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:03,216
Paw Paw Flanders,
was still here to guide us.

75
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,810
He was the finest man I ever knew.

76
00:04:08,464 --> 00:04:10,707
Pouch of chewing tobacco for myself

77
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,151
and a pouch of candy
tobacco for my grandson.

78
00:04:16,564 --> 00:04:18,882
Paw Paw, that man stole a loaf of bread.

79
00:04:18,900 --> 00:04:21,217
It's under his T-shirt that says...

80
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,386
Linda Ronstadt.

81
00:04:23,479 --> 00:04:24,996
Stay here, Neddy.

82
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,817
Afternoon, mop top.

83
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,318
Yeah?

84
00:04:35,324 --> 00:04:37,400
Here's some "bread" for your bread,

85
00:04:37,419 --> 00:04:39,419
my countercultural friend.

86
00:04:40,422 --> 00:04:44,015
- Have a good one.
- Death to pigs, except you, man.

87
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,743
Gee, Paw Paw, why didn't you arrest him?

88
00:04:46,761 --> 00:04:49,412
Neddy, when I was growing up
at the orphanage,

89
00:04:49,505 --> 00:04:51,523
the nuns taught us one thing:

90
00:04:51,674 --> 00:04:54,109
the harder the good, the better the man.

91
00:04:56,104 --> 00:04:58,697
Boys, I know just what to do.

92
00:05:01,626 --> 00:05:03,517
Oh, my gosh.

93
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:06,204
In all my years of
orphanagereal management,

94
00:05:06,355 --> 00:05:09,541
I've never seen a
donation this generous.

95
00:05:09,692 --> 00:05:11,893
The town's gonna go ape over bananas

96
00:05:11,953 --> 00:05:14,528
when it hears all about your generosity.

97
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,214
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

98
00:05:16,341 --> 00:05:18,216
I always donate anonymously.

99
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:20,868
"When thou doest thine alms..."

100
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:24,130
"Do not sound a trumpet before thee."

101
00:05:24,207 --> 00:05:25,782
Matthew 6:2.

102
00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:29,802
Aw, but wouldn't you like some accolades

103
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:32,956
and attaboys for being
such an upstanding fella?

104
00:05:32,974 --> 00:05:34,882
Oh, I don't do good deeds
for recognition.

105
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:36,717
That's why no one ever gives it to me.

106
00:05:37,006 --> 00:05:38,311
Hold on.

107
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:42,741
What if you donated that money
in the name of someone special?

108
00:05:43,972 --> 00:05:46,469
I could honor my Paw Paw.

109
00:05:46,488 --> 00:05:49,639
Oh, see? Nothing prideful about that.

110
00:05:49,732 --> 00:05:51,975
Now, what's the name
of the saintly fella

111
00:05:51,993 --> 00:05:54,252
you'd like to give all the credit to?

112
00:05:54,403 --> 00:05:55,920
Ned Flanders.

113
00:05:56,072 --> 00:05:57,404
Uh, the First.

114
00:05:57,499 --> 00:05:59,240
Ned's number one!

115
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,925
Ned's number one!

116
00:06:01,077 --> 00:06:03,244
Paw Paw was technically Ned number one,

117
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,912
so that chant's okay with me.

118
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:08,992
So, how does it feel to be the
most beloved man in Springfield?

119
00:06:09,010 --> 00:06:10,935
You mean, the grandson of?

120
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,847
It feels darn-diddly good.

121
00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:22,887
_

122
00:06:28,604 --> 00:06:30,271
I love a pomegranate.

123
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,292
Its juices remind me of the
bloody profession I've chosen.

124
00:06:34,443 --> 00:06:36,869
No, I agree, it's not subtle.

125
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:40,131
Anyhoo, the Rich Texan account
has been balanced,

126
00:06:40,283 --> 00:06:42,375
and I'll be bringing you the proof.

127
00:06:43,339 --> 00:06:44,903
No, not the whole head.

128
00:06:44,954 --> 00:06:47,864
They only let you have
one bag on United.

129
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:51,217
An anonymous do-gooder donated
a fortune to a local orphanage,

130
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,961
money found in an old Pan Am bag.

131
00:06:54,055 --> 00:06:58,632
A grand total of $173,296.

132
00:06:59,717 --> 00:07:01,727
I'm staying in Springfield.

133
00:07:01,762 --> 00:07:05,806
I have a very old,
very personal debt to collect.

134
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:09,160
I spoke to the generous donor,
who insisted on anonymity.

135
00:07:09,237 --> 00:07:11,830
It feels darn-diddly good.

136
00:07:15,678 --> 00:07:17,773
_

137
00:07:19,747 --> 00:07:21,840
Good day to you, shopkeep.

138
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,083
Quite the collection of
funny books you have here.

139
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,418
Wonder if you could help us.

140
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:28,829
Looking for a local fella,
name of Flanders.

141
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:32,183
Do I look like the town's
information kiosk to you?

142
00:07:32,293 --> 00:07:33,685
It is much smaller than I.

143
00:07:33,761 --> 00:07:35,669
Hit the bricks, Lucky Charms.

144
00:07:36,807 --> 00:07:38,414
I like a good joke.

145
00:07:38,433 --> 00:07:39,457
But my partner?

146
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,584
- She's not quite as jovial.
- _

147
00:07:41,603 --> 00:07:44,511
Now, where's this Flanders chap?

148
00:07:44,606 --> 00:07:48,015
Ooh, locking the door as
a means of intimidation.

149
00:07:48,109 --> 00:07:49,534
How original.

150
00:07:50,568 --> 00:07:52,612
The silent but violent accomplice,

151
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:54,947
another overworked cliché.

152
00:07:58,694 --> 00:08:00,378
Correction, French accomplice.

153
00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:03,197
An unexpected yet still
underwhelming twist.

154
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,440
Two stars.

155
00:08:04,533 --> 00:08:06,609
Just point us towards Ned Flanders,

156
00:08:06,628 --> 00:08:08,277
and Colette won't have to spoil

157
00:08:08,296 --> 00:08:11,038
this lovely morning we're having.

158
00:08:15,303 --> 00:08:16,469
Mando!

159
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,930
Stop, stop!
I don't know where Flanders lives,

160
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:22,308
but you can always find him at
the First Church of Springfield.

161
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,144
Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

162
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:28,131
I'll let you get back to your
Heathcliffs and your Garfields.

163
00:08:28,149 --> 00:08:29,966
I only like the cat ones.

164
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:36,397
Um, two thugs just manhandled
me in the collectibles.

165
00:08:36,491 --> 00:08:39,900
Why the hell am
I paying you for protection?

166
00:08:39,994 --> 00:08:43,310
If another outfit is
moving in on my town,

167
00:08:43,345 --> 00:08:46,382
then appropriate violence will be taken.

168
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,655
Bye, now.

169
00:08:52,974 --> 00:08:54,899
Mr. Flanders, it's an honor

170
00:08:55,050 --> 00:08:57,735
to live next door to
such a generous man.

171
00:08:57,886 --> 00:08:58,961
Baller move, Ned.

172
00:08:59,054 --> 00:09:00,905
You splashed the cash on some no-dads,

173
00:09:01,056 --> 00:09:03,799
and now you're the top God-wad. Respect.

174
00:09:03,818 --> 00:09:06,059
Well, I can't accept your praise,

175
00:09:06,228 --> 00:09:07,912
as that donation wasn't in my name.

176
00:09:08,063 --> 00:09:11,398
Oh, you heard him, kids.
Take back your praise.

177
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,142
Anonymous Boy Scout Superman

178
00:09:13,235 --> 00:09:15,402
doesn't want any hugs or handshakes

179
00:09:15,496 --> 00:09:17,571
or little pats on the head.

180
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:20,258
Well, I wasn't trying to...

181
00:09:20,485 --> 00:09:21,525
Um, oops.

182
00:09:21,577 --> 00:09:24,244
I forgot my Bible inside. Bye.

183
00:09:26,582 --> 00:09:27,914
Uh, pardon me, sir.

184
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:30,342
I believe that's my good
book you're giving a look.

185
00:09:30,495 --> 00:09:32,011
"Ned Flanders."

186
00:09:32,087 --> 00:09:33,679
Used to be a man had to die

187
00:09:33,848 --> 00:09:36,015
to get his name printed in his Bible.

188
00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:38,183
Eh, guess I saved someone the trouble.

189
00:09:38,336 --> 00:09:40,260
Hey, haven't seen you
in our church before.

190
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,762
Are you new to the pew?

191
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:43,447
I am a debt collector by trade,

192
00:09:43,599 --> 00:09:46,692
and this ledger is my "good book."

193
00:09:46,844 --> 00:09:50,029
I only have one unbalanced debt,
my very first.

194
00:09:50,181 --> 00:09:52,865
It's like having a tickle
in my nose for 50 years

195
00:09:53,017 --> 00:09:56,252
but never getting to sneeze.

196
00:09:58,189 --> 00:10:00,298
That's the same amount I...

197
00:10:00,449 --> 00:10:03,301
This is now your debt to me.

198
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,695
Uncle Neddy!

199
00:10:06,864 --> 00:10:09,048
Barb, am I glad to see you.

200
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,716
You know, I was just talking to...

201
00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:12,459
He's gone.

202
00:10:12,553 --> 00:10:14,002
No, I'm not.

203
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:17,222
I started to hide,
but I couldn't find any good places.

204
00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:20,651
I'll see you later.

205
00:10:20,878 --> 00:10:23,896
That was the most
terrifying man I ever met.

206
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,656
Yup, he's an odd duck, all right.

207
00:10:25,808 --> 00:10:27,550
Say, I'm glad I found you.

208
00:10:27,568 --> 00:10:30,435
The Springfield Winter
Markets are opening tonight,

209
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:34,147
and I was pondering if you
wanted to come with.

210
00:10:34,316 --> 00:10:35,482
To chaperone the kids?

211
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:37,560
To chaperone me.

212
00:10:37,562 --> 00:10:39,244
Like a date.

213
00:10:39,397 --> 00:10:41,881
Ooh!

214
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:45,717
_

215
00:10:48,664 --> 00:10:51,924
Get out of town. You? A javelin thrower?

216
00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:53,926
Oh, yeah. I would've qualified

217
00:10:54,078 --> 00:10:55,853
for the Pine City Junior
Throwlympics, but,

218
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,337
you know,
that was the year the good Lord

219
00:10:57,431 --> 00:11:00,099
thought to bless me
with my top shelf here.

220
00:11:00,251 --> 00:11:02,251
I hated to hang up my javelin clogs,

221
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:05,196
but luckily I discovered
my true passion:

222
00:11:05,347 --> 00:11:06,772
parentless children.

223
00:11:06,924 --> 00:11:09,758
Barb Belfry,
at the risk of sounding crass,

224
00:11:09,777 --> 00:11:11,777
I... I think you're swell.

225
00:11:11,929 --> 00:11:13,687
Cute couple alert.

226
00:11:13,764 --> 00:11:16,022
So cute, so cute!

227
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,617
Some arm candy for Flandy.

228
00:11:18,769 --> 00:11:20,211
Whoop-de-do.

229
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,382
Uh, you've had a little too much eggnog.

230
00:11:24,533 --> 00:11:26,959
Nog just gives voice to truth.

231
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:30,112
That's right, neighborino.

232
00:11:30,131 --> 00:11:31,204
I'm onto you.

233
00:11:31,298 --> 00:11:33,724
When you bought all the orphans in town,

234
00:11:33,876 --> 00:11:35,893
I thought you were a fool,

235
00:11:35,970 --> 00:11:38,971
but now I see what you
really did with that money:

236
00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:43,216
buy the love and admiration
of all these suckers.

237
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,551
Boo!

238
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:47,646
All right, noggy,
into the drunk rink with you.

239
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,390
Go slip it off.

240
00:11:55,973 --> 00:11:59,399
I've never been so humiliated
at a seasonal market.

241
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:03,312
How can someone else's
generosity make you angry?

242
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:05,981
Mm, because that money
should've been mine!

243
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,150
I fall down inclines all the time,

244
00:12:08,152 --> 00:12:12,579
and all I ever get is
concussionezzezzezzezzes...

245
00:12:12,673 --> 00:12:13,674
zzezzes.

246
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:15,841
Wow. I can't believe I'm married

247
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,585
to the most selfish man in the world.

248
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:31,674
How come every song you play

249
00:12:31,692 --> 00:12:34,176
has to be so kooky and obscure?

250
00:12:34,345 --> 00:12:36,454
Just for once,
I wouldn't mind a little Taylor Swift

251
00:12:36,605 --> 00:12:38,104
before we commit an atrocity.

252
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,533
It's right here.

253
00:12:43,779 --> 00:12:45,612
Relax. I remember it.

254
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:47,206
Evergreen Terrace.

255
00:12:47,358 --> 00:12:49,208
740... something.

256
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,385
_

257
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,100
_

258
00:12:59,704 --> 00:13:01,479
Hmm?

259
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,137
What do you got there, boy?

260
00:13:11,778 --> 00:13:13,139
Drop it, boy. Drop it.

261
00:13:19,073 --> 00:13:21,314
Doggy man face.

262
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,162
_

263
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,963
Nighty night, Mr. Flanders.

264
00:13:31,721 --> 00:13:34,864
_

265
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,181
Well, as the picture frame
said to the level,

266
00:13:37,408 --> 00:13:39,666
that was quite an even-ing.

267
00:13:42,913 --> 00:13:45,189
Oh, this was the best night I've had

268
00:13:45,416 --> 00:13:46,932
in a month of Sundays.

269
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,751
Barb, if I were to kiss you right now,

270
00:13:48,753 --> 00:13:50,769
would, uh, would that be all right?

271
00:13:50,921 --> 00:13:52,512
Golly, it sure would.

272
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,681
Hot dog!

273
00:13:55,028 --> 00:13:56,481
Well, bye.

274
00:13:56,516 --> 00:14:00,279
Ned, would you like to come
in and see my javelin medals?

275
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,432
- Oh, yeah. Oh, you betcha.
- Diddly.

276
00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:04,950
- That's the business.
- Doodly.

277
00:14:05,102 --> 00:14:07,360
- Oh, good golly, Miss Molly.
- Great golly.

278
00:14:07,454 --> 00:14:10,464
Right in the kisser. Oh, yeah.

279
00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:14,534
Is that... is that Sideshow Mel?

280
00:14:14,951 --> 00:14:16,357
You must be a real fan.

281
00:14:16,392 --> 00:14:18,389
Well, I used to be.

282
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,138
He's your husband?

283
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,974
Well, technically,
but don't you worry, hon.

284
00:14:29,126 --> 00:14:31,293
We got an arrangement, me and Mel.

285
00:14:31,462 --> 00:14:32,463
What?!

286
00:14:32,554 --> 00:14:34,813
I get to have my extracurriculars

287
00:14:34,965 --> 00:14:36,315
and, uh, so does he.

288
00:14:36,467 --> 00:14:38,967
Well, he tries, anyway.
Aw, bless his heart.

289
00:14:39,061 --> 00:14:41,653
Oh, Lordy, I'm an adulterer.

290
00:14:41,806 --> 00:14:45,307
Don't mind me. Just rebooting the Wi-Fi.

291
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:46,750
Gah, the cuckold!

292
00:14:46,977 --> 00:14:49,812
Oh, come on, Mel.
You knew I had the living room tonight.

293
00:14:49,830 --> 00:14:51,422
Check the darn schedule.

294
00:14:51,649 --> 00:14:52,815
Don't worry about him.

295
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:54,666
He can turn his video game up real loud.

296
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,077
Barb Belfry, this diddly-daliance

297
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,245
is doodily-done.

298
00:15:01,342 --> 00:15:03,826
Another Craigslist winner?

299
00:15:03,844 --> 00:15:05,510
Oh, shut up, Mel.

300
00:15:08,515 --> 00:15:10,332
Your prized piggy,

301
00:15:10,425 --> 00:15:12,684
Mr. Ned Flanders.

302
00:15:15,297 --> 00:15:17,964
This is not Ned Flanders.

303
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,650
W-Well, sure it is.

304
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,467
Why, look at his credit cards,

305
00:15:21,562 --> 00:15:23,061
his medic alert bracelet,

306
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:25,714
the tag on his suspiciously
tight undershirt.

307
00:15:25,732 --> 00:15:28,066
They-they all say Ned Flanders.

308
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,328
Stupid Flanders, getting me kidnapped.

309
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,334
You've brought me the wrong man!

310
00:15:37,485 --> 00:15:40,128
Okay, okay, I'll just get rid of him.

311
00:15:41,489 --> 00:15:43,156
Don't kill him.

312
00:15:43,392 --> 00:15:45,584
- Yet.
- It's your lucky day, big boy.

313
00:15:45,752 --> 00:15:47,845
I hope you like HGTV.

314
00:15:47,996 --> 00:15:50,739
This one loves the Property Brothers.

315
00:15:50,757 --> 00:15:53,499
Giant charmless goons.

316
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:56,520
Oh, Lord, seems like
everything's gone screwy

317
00:15:56,597 --> 00:15:58,838
ever since I donated
that money in my name...

318
00:15:59,355 --> 00:16:02,342
I mean, in, uh, Paw Paw's name.

319
00:16:02,436 --> 00:16:05,921
Oh, are you punishing me for one small,

320
00:16:05,939 --> 00:16:07,939
possibly prideful moment?

321
00:16:10,832 --> 00:16:13,871
- God?
- Not quite, church chum,

322
00:16:14,022 --> 00:16:16,856
but another friend of
yours is on the line.

323
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,116
Flanders, you got to save me.

324
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,193
This guy's way too weird
not to be dangerous.

325
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,621
He doesn't even look at
his phone when he's bored.

326
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:23,788
He's not human, I tell you.

327
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,532
You've got 24 hours to get me my money,

328
00:16:26,627 --> 00:16:29,794
or I'll take out his tonsils
with a power drill.

329
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:30,988
No cops.

330
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,283
Ned, Homer's missing.

331
00:16:35,302 --> 00:16:38,161
I just found the back door open,
his car's in the garage,

332
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:41,640
and the dog looks really
queasy for some reason.

333
00:16:44,828 --> 00:16:46,419
The last thing I said to Homer

334
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,272
was that he was the most
selfish man in the world.

335
00:16:49,499 --> 00:16:51,090
Do you think I should call the police?

336
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,501
Oh, no.
If she calls the police, Homer's dead.

337
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:57,021
If I want to save his life,
I have to... tell a lie.

338
00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:00,283
Uh, H-Homer, uh, uh,
stopped by here last night

339
00:17:00,435 --> 00:17:02,953
and apologized for being a jerk to me,

340
00:17:03,104 --> 00:17:05,196
and-and, uh, you know,
then he hopped on a bus

341
00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:07,532
to Shelbyville for a-a-a three-day

342
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,775
anger management course
at the Airport, uh,

343
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,186
Hyatt-Hyatt Express.

344
00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:13,188
That doesn't sound like Homer.

345
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:14,522
Are you calling me a liar?!

346
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:18,042
No, but if anyone other
than you told me that story,

347
00:17:18,195 --> 00:17:20,303
I'd be a little suspicious.

348
00:17:20,530 --> 00:17:22,639
Oh, you got to believe old Honest Ned.

349
00:17:22,866 --> 00:17:25,976
Anyway, I'm, uh, late for my, uh...
hormone therapy.

350
00:17:26,203 --> 00:17:28,311
Bye, now. No cops.

351
00:17:28,463 --> 00:17:31,815
Something about this
just doesn't feel right.

352
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:54,579
Ah, donut and a fried egg.

353
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:58,258
You, stranger,
are a man of circular tastes.

354
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:03,513
On the subject of circles,
some associates of yours

355
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:07,742
roughed up a rotund gentleman
under my protection,

356
00:18:07,761 --> 00:18:10,187
and now I am irate.

357
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:12,080
Hmm.

358
00:18:12,098 --> 00:18:16,418
Did you ever hear the parable
of Lucifer and the millipede?

359
00:18:16,436 --> 00:18:18,344
One day, a tiny millipede...

360
00:18:18,422 --> 00:18:21,531
Get the hell out of my town, or else!

361
00:18:30,191 --> 00:18:32,709
Excuse me. Have you seen this man?

362
00:18:32,936 --> 00:18:34,377
Sure, that's the hobo

363
00:18:34,604 --> 00:18:36,454
that eats the day-olds
out of our dumpster.

364
00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:39,257
Haven't seen him today, though.

365
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:44,179
You just ate your last cigar, old man.

366
00:18:45,632 --> 00:18:47,039
Ah, coffee.

367
00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:49,041
Exactly how I like it,

368
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,727
scalding hot!

369
00:18:50,954 --> 00:18:52,878
Ah! But you said hot.

370
00:18:52,973 --> 00:18:54,305
Hot!

371
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:00,795
Gun!

372
00:19:00,888 --> 00:19:02,280
What the...

373
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,910
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

374
00:19:07,061 --> 00:19:09,971
Stayin'...

375
00:19:12,066 --> 00:19:14,668
You should've let me finish my parable!

376
00:19:16,463 --> 00:19:17,504
Ahoy-hoy.

377
00:19:29,552 --> 00:19:30,641
Huh?

378
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:32,035
Uh...

379
00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:37,274
Why are you dipping my face in dough?

380
00:19:37,425 --> 00:19:40,184
Why are you kneading my face
into an "O" shape?

381
00:19:40,337 --> 00:19:43,280
Why are you pushing my face
toward the deep fryer?

382
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:46,024
Oh, I see. Clever.

383
00:19:50,938 --> 00:19:53,331
Madam.

384
00:20:00,393 --> 00:20:02,948
Homer. Oh, no.

385
00:20:03,778 --> 00:20:06,044
Hands up. This is totally...

386
00:20:06,196 --> 00:20:07,971
Oh, God! My God!

387
00:20:08,198 --> 00:20:09,455
What the hell happened?!

388
00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:12,475
Oh, Mafia guys! Headless dude!

389
00:20:12,627 --> 00:20:14,627
Oh, Disco Man!

390
00:20:14,721 --> 00:20:16,313
I need some water.

391
00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:19,632
Oh! His face is a donut!

392
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:21,893
That is so messed-up.

393
00:20:41,325 --> 00:20:44,935
_

394
00:21:30,614 --> 00:21:32,138
Shh!

395
00:21:34,844 --> 00:21:37,739
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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