1
00:00:08,211 --> 00:00:09,842
We sure lucked out with this new gig.

2
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:12,177
Half day on Christmas,
unpaid polio leave,

3
00:00:12,404 --> 00:00:14,471
and all the bread crumbs you can sweep.

4
00:00:18,190 --> 00:00:20,077
Mac, we just got our first paychecks.

5
00:00:20,095 --> 00:00:22,563
Take this money and turn
it into giggle water.

6
00:00:24,270 --> 00:00:25,432
FICA?!

7
00:00:25,584 --> 00:00:27,090
What the hell is that?

8
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:29,319
Eh, that's your Social Security tax.

9
00:00:29,354 --> 00:00:30,587
Government takes our money,

10
00:00:30,606 --> 00:00:33,866
then gives it back when
you retire in 50 years.

11
00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:36,610
What? Stupid government
thinks it's smarter than me.

12
00:00:36,762 --> 00:00:38,095
I can handle my money.

13
00:00:38,188 --> 00:00:40,998
Put five bucks on any
two animals fighting.

14
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:43,100
And I'll eat the loser.

15
00:00:43,227 --> 00:00:45,710
We're not gonna need Social Security.

16
00:00:45,762 --> 00:00:46,778
We're gonna be rich.

17
00:00:46,930 --> 00:00:49,506
Yeah, we'll never need government help.

18
00:00:49,524 --> 00:00:51,283
Help me, government!

19
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,935
We need our Social Security checks.

20
00:00:54,029 --> 00:00:57,180
Make rain a modest, fixed amount.

21
00:01:24,392 --> 00:01:25,558
Hmm.

22
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,895
- Hmm.
- Now, this is what I call cribbage.

23
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:30,304
Abe wins again!

24
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,825
Another great day in the books.

25
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,661
Now to cap it all off
with a medicated foot bath

26
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:40,165
and a nice, deep-ear Q-tipping.

27
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,734
Hello?

28
00:01:50,752 --> 00:01:53,069
Grandfather! You've got to help me!

29
00:01:53,088 --> 00:01:55,405
What? Is that you, Bart?

30
00:01:55,423 --> 00:01:57,832
That's right. It's me, Bart.

31
00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,167
I'm so scared. I'm in jail!

32
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:02,428
- Jail?
- Please don't tell my dad or mom.

33
00:02:02,597 --> 00:02:05,691
They'll be so mad.
The policeman needs to talk to you.

34
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,526
Sir, your grandson is in big trouble.

35
00:02:07,677 --> 00:02:10,253
No, not Bart. My little angel.

36
00:02:10,272 --> 00:02:13,273
Well, he was arrested for
vandalism and shoplifting, sir.

37
00:02:13,441 --> 00:02:16,017
Yeah, that sounds like Bart,
that little devil.

38
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,261
If you don't send his bail
money in the next 90 minutes,

39
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,763
he's going straight to the downtown

40
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,281
juvenile detention center.

41
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,858
Grandfather! Help me! Please!

42
00:02:23,952 --> 00:02:25,043
Don't worry, Bart.

43
00:02:25,194 --> 00:02:27,270
Just tell me what you
need and I'll do it.

44
00:02:27,289 --> 00:02:29,589
Your Grampa loves you.

45
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,294
I need to wire some money
to an overseas account

46
00:02:34,370 --> 00:02:37,280
to bail my grandson
out of an unnamed jail.

47
00:02:37,299 --> 00:02:38,948
Fill out this form.

48
00:02:39,042 --> 00:02:41,709
I didn't know my little
Emma was in Colombia,

49
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,971
let alone working as a drug mule.

50
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,290
I'm just so thankful the
Russian secret police

51
00:02:47,309 --> 00:02:49,901
will accept the title to my Lexus.

52
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,798
Mr. Simpson, we've confirmed receipt.

53
00:02:54,891 --> 00:02:56,816
Your grandson will be released...

54
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,225
Oh, thank God.

55
00:02:58,394 --> 00:02:59,744
...once you pay his processing fees,

56
00:02:59,896 --> 00:03:02,639
holding cell costs and handcuff tax.

57
00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:05,475
It's on its way, plus a little extra

58
00:03:05,493 --> 00:03:07,994
for you being so helpful.

59
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:10,571
Did he reach out to his father?
His mother?

60
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,332
His dead grandmother?

61
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,092
No. He came to me.

62
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,333
Because Bart knew that he
could count on his Grampa

63
00:03:17,368 --> 00:03:19,598
to get him out of any kind of jam.

64
00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:22,175
Mm.

65
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:25,103
Oh, thank goodness you're out!

66
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,941
Okay, okay, enough with the smooches.

67
00:03:30,093 --> 00:03:32,352
I don't care what you've done.
All that matters

68
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:35,113
is that no grandson of
mine's gonna go to jail.

69
00:03:35,264 --> 00:03:38,933
Jail? Are you off your meds
or on new meds?

70
00:03:39,027 --> 00:03:40,952
Bart, don't you remember?

71
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:44,180
I just wired all that
money to pay your bail.

72
00:03:44,199 --> 00:03:46,958
Whoa, Grampa, I think you were...

73
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,201
scammed.

74
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,962
Me, scammed?

75
00:03:51,114 --> 00:03:52,355
That's impossible.

76
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:55,024
No one hornswoggles Abraham J...

77
00:03:55,118 --> 00:03:56,376
S-I-M-P-S-O-N.

78
00:03:56,528 --> 00:04:00,213
Social Security number: 327-00-3658.

79
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:02,365
First pet's name: Homer.

80
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,186
I've been hornswoggled.

81
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,981
You're watching the Punt Zone channel.

82
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,650
It's nothing but punts.

83
00:04:11,801 --> 00:04:13,652
Never miss another exciting fair catch

84
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:17,304
or thrilling second of hang time.

85
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,491
It's fourth and long, here's the snap.

86
00:04:19,642 --> 00:04:22,452
It's a fake punt! Cut away! Cut away!

87
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,813
Guys, something happened to Grampa.

88
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,907
I got bamboozled out of my money

89
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:31,141
by a flimflam artist.

90
00:04:31,176 --> 00:04:32,987
It's not his fault. Some scammer

91
00:04:33,081 --> 00:04:34,488
convinced him I was in jail.

92
00:04:34,582 --> 00:04:36,708
I'm so sorry, Grampa.

93
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:40,236
Um, uh, let me go
microwave your slippers.

94
00:04:40,329 --> 00:04:42,663
I don't deserve warm toes.

95
00:04:42,757 --> 00:04:46,576
I'm nothing but a feeble,
useless, old idjit.

96
00:04:46,594 --> 00:04:49,837
No. You were just trying
to be a good grandparent.

97
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,598
And one bad apple took advantage of you.

98
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,934
You got nothing to feel bad about.

99
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:59,346
Bart in jail?
I would have fallen for that, too.

100
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,114
I mean, how much money
could they have taken

101
00:05:01,149 --> 00:05:02,592
from a retired, old meatball man...

102
00:05:02,610 --> 00:05:05,611
50 bucks plus a pocketful
of hard candies?

103
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,540
Here you go, Dad. I'll cover it.
What's the damage?

104
00:05:08,691 --> 00:05:11,434
Ten thousand dollars!

105
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,620
Where the hell did you
get that kind of money,

106
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,940
you broken-down old meatball man?

107
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:19,533
It's 20 years of my cribbage winnings,

108
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,945
saved up in a cigar box.

109
00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:25,890
I was gonna leave it to you,
and now it's all gone.

110
00:05:28,044 --> 00:05:30,470
No. No.

111
00:05:30,638 --> 00:05:31,896
No!

112
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,975
I had an inheritance
and you gave it away?

113
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,385
I'm so mad I could kill you,

114
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,313
but now I'd get nothing.

115
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,490
I hope you live forever!

116
00:05:48,564 --> 00:05:50,823
Now to read Abraham J. Simpson's

117
00:05:50,875 --> 00:05:52,984
final will and testament.

118
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,968
To my surviving Homers,

119
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:57,213
I leave you $10,000

120
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,882
that I never told you about...

121
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,567
- Oh!
- Huh? - Yeah?

122
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,977
...but then I lost it all to a scam.

123
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,571
So, because I'm a moron,

124
00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:07,481
I leave you nothing.

125
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,500
D'oh!

126
00:06:09,904 --> 00:06:11,243
Ten thousand dollars!

127
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,337
That dream again?

128
00:06:13,489 --> 00:06:16,007
The money's gone, gone.

129
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:19,660
But how can you miss money
you never knew you had?

130
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:22,180
That's the worst part:
to find out you got money,

131
00:06:22,331 --> 00:06:24,590
but you lost money, so you have it,

132
00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:25,908
but you don't have it.

133
00:06:26,001 --> 00:06:28,186
Oh, it's giving me whipcash.

134
00:06:31,916 --> 00:06:34,750
Just think of all the ways my
life could have been better

135
00:06:34,752 --> 00:06:37,195
with that ten grand.

136
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:39,067
_

137
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:46,162
Oh.

138
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:51,617
So, uh, we're asking
each family to chip in $50

139
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,936
for a new fundraising thermometer.

140
00:06:54,029 --> 00:06:57,215
Oh, yeah, 50 bucks...
I would totally donate that

141
00:06:57,366 --> 00:07:01,777
if my father hadn't given away $10,000!

142
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,388
Um, it's just a suggested amount.

143
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:08,117
Sure, ten grand might not sound
like much to you teachers,

144
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:10,711
but I choose inheriting $10,000

145
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:13,789
over earning a million.

146
00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:15,382
And all of you would do the same!

147
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,142
Homer, not here.

148
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,645
Because generational
wealth is the purest,

149
00:07:19,797 --> 00:07:21,814
most sacred kind of money there is.

150
00:07:21,966 --> 00:07:24,742
But my father fell for
some super-obvious scam

151
00:07:24,969 --> 00:07:26,986
because his brain is made of

152
00:07:27,138 --> 00:07:29,563
powdered mashed potatoes.

153
00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:33,459
So, no, I will not be donating.

154
00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:39,148
- Oh...
- Marge, if I may, I-I dealt with a similar situation

155
00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:41,074
with my mother. She got a phone call

156
00:07:41,152 --> 00:07:43,152
claiming punk rockers were
threatening to cut my hair

157
00:07:43,170 --> 00:07:45,838
into a Mohawk,
which is a distinctive hairstyle...

158
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,156
I know what it is.

159
00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:49,325
This place got us through it.

160
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:50,993
Hmm.

161
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,162
This could be just what we need.

162
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:55,014
Oh, uh, sorry,
that's not for you to keep.

163
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,483
I don't get many business cards.

164
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:02,446
Group therapy?
In my day, we dealt with horrible shame

165
00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:05,508
by getting blind drunk,
stumbling into a hobo camp

166
00:08:05,601 --> 00:08:07,009
and fighting their king.

167
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,436
Sometimes it worked,
sometimes it didn't.

168
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:10,788
Just give it a try, Abe.

169
00:08:10,939 --> 00:08:13,833
It'll help to know
that you're not alone.

170
00:08:16,267 --> 00:08:17,482
Nice, Marge.

171
00:08:17,517 --> 00:08:20,118
Making Dad sit through
a pathetic sob-fest

172
00:08:20,153 --> 00:08:22,949
with his fellow losers is
the perfect punishment.

173
00:08:23,027 --> 00:08:25,261
There's a group for you, too.

174
00:08:25,262 --> 00:08:26,862
_

175
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:30,624
I... wish I never voted
to build this community center.

176
00:08:32,925 --> 00:08:34,703
I should have known mortgage lenders

177
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,705
don't take Applebee's gift cards.

178
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,058
He said if I didn't wire the
money to the power company,

179
00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:41,468
they'd shut off my electricity.

180
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,804
I am the power company.

181
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,502
Catfished. Ooh!

182
00:08:45,537 --> 00:08:47,158
Now it seems so obvious

183
00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:49,976
that I would never meet
the real Melissa Joan Hart

184
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,221
in a online billiards forum.

185
00:08:52,239 --> 00:08:55,224
These criminals target
the good in all of us,

186
00:08:55,242 --> 00:08:57,409
so the first step is
to take a deep breath

187
00:08:57,562 --> 00:08:59,728
and forgive ourselves.

188
00:09:03,568 --> 00:09:07,178
My mother paid hackers to return
her stolen computer photos.

189
00:09:07,828 --> 00:09:09,513
They weren't gone. They were backed up

190
00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:12,408
to the cloud, Dropbox, Time Machine...

191
00:09:12,501 --> 00:09:14,410
things of that nature.

192
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:17,671
Now, these are the things you
should never say to a victim.

193
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,765
"I would never have fallen for that,"

194
00:09:19,917 --> 00:09:22,418
"Everyone knows about that scam,"

195
00:09:22,511 --> 00:09:24,603
and "What were you thinking?"

196
00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:26,680
I would have never fallen for that!

197
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,532
Everyone knows about that scam!

198
00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:30,609
What were you thinking?!

199
00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:32,111
No, it wasn't my fault.

200
00:09:32,263 --> 00:09:34,855
This group taught me not to feel shame.

201
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:37,950
I'm on a path of healing
and self-empowerment.

202
00:09:38,102 --> 00:09:39,935
You better not be.

203
00:09:40,028 --> 00:09:43,047
Now, what do we say to shamers like him?

204
00:09:43,198 --> 00:09:45,365
Shaming is blaming.

205
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:48,219
Yes, 100% agree!

206
00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,799
How could you treat Grampa like that?

207
00:09:54,834 --> 00:09:56,727
You think you're so smart.
Do you really think

208
00:09:56,954 --> 00:09:59,379
the same thing wouldn't
have happened to you?

209
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:00,806
Me? Impossible.

210
00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:02,808
I'm too savvy.

211
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,569
This savvy! See?

212
00:10:05,796 --> 00:10:08,814
Dad, anyone can get scammed. Even me.

213
00:10:08,966 --> 00:10:10,908
I paid the bullies for wedgie insurance.

214
00:10:11,059 --> 00:10:13,135
But the minute I got a wedgie, bam!

215
00:10:13,228 --> 00:10:15,487
I got hit with a deductible...
another wedgie!

216
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,081
And my rates went up.

217
00:10:17,232 --> 00:10:20,233
That's why I never get any insurance.

218
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,541
I got an email saying I qualified

219
00:10:22,576 --> 00:10:23,979
for the Saxophone Junior Olympics,

220
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,907
but when I clicked the link,
they hacked my phone

221
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:30,577
and stole my Audible listener credits.

222
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:34,673
You clicked the link?

223
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:38,585
That's so... Who clicks the link?

224
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:40,512
Even children are being scammed?

225
00:10:40,665 --> 00:10:43,348
Well, maybe there's a few more
bad apples than I thought.

226
00:10:43,501 --> 00:10:47,928
But I still have to believe
the barrel is mostly good.

227
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,812
Oh, Marge, how I envy
your sweet innocence.

228
00:10:50,847 --> 00:10:54,618
The world is a blender full
of sharks set on extra teeth.

229
00:10:54,845 --> 00:10:57,513
So you got to be like me...
always on guard

230
00:10:57,606 --> 00:11:00,774
so you're never a sucker.

231
00:11:01,351 --> 00:11:03,109
Delivery for Homer Simpson.

232
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,778
Why'd you buy all these knives?

233
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:07,690
They're not knives.
They're the future of cutlery.

234
00:11:07,783 --> 00:11:09,374
Put 'em in the garage with the others.

235
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,542
Others?

236
00:11:12,979 --> 00:11:16,122
Cutlife is a famous
multi-level marketing company.

237
00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:19,310
Dad, you fell for a pyramid scheme.

238
00:11:19,537 --> 00:11:21,479
Scheme? No way.

239
00:11:21,706 --> 00:11:23,205
They didn't even want to let me join.

240
00:11:23,298 --> 00:11:26,225
But, luckily, at the last minute,
a space opened up.

241
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,468
How many knives have you even sold?

242
00:11:29,546 --> 00:11:30,821
I don't sell them.

243
00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:32,564
I engage opportunity handlers

244
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:34,733
to distributize them for me,

245
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:36,977
the expandibution manager.

246
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:39,312
It's all part of Charles E. Cutlife's

247
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,999
three-dimensional triangle system.

248
00:11:42,150 --> 00:11:43,909
- Look!
- Why can't Dad

249
00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:45,836
ever get arrested in a suit?

250
00:11:46,063 --> 00:11:47,563
Face it, genius:

251
00:11:47,656 --> 00:11:51,157
you got scammed.

252
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:54,011
She's right. Everyone's right.

253
00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:57,014
Don't look at my gullible face!

254
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:00,834
And so I consign to the flames

255
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,428
a monument to my own stupidity.

256
00:12:03,581 --> 00:12:04,680
No!

257
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:10,361
Now, isn't there someone
you need to apologize to?

258
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:11,845
Maybe your father?

259
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,179
Yeah, you're right.

260
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:16,275
I said such horrible things to him.

261
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,596
All that time I was yelling at you,

262
00:12:20,689 --> 00:12:22,540
it turns out I'm a sucker, too.

263
00:12:22,691 --> 00:12:24,099
Will you forgive me, Dad?

264
00:12:24,192 --> 00:12:26,995
Of course, son. Hopefully, we've all

265
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:28,862
come out of this a little more savvy.

266
00:12:30,775 --> 00:12:34,133
Hello? Yes, this is a grandparent

267
00:12:34,168 --> 00:12:36,945
of a boy or girl.
Sure, put him or her on the phone.

268
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:39,448
No! Lisa's in jail!

269
00:12:39,583 --> 00:12:42,134
Grampa, they're trying
to trick you again.

270
00:12:43,069 --> 00:12:44,136
It's the same swindler.

271
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,397
He must think I'm greedy for more.

272
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,357
I got an idea.

273
00:12:48,358 --> 00:12:49,358
_

274
00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:52,815
Grampa, you got to keep talking
so that guy stays on the phone.

275
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:57,074
Keep talking? I've been preparing
for this moment my entire life.

276
00:12:57,225 --> 00:12:58,892
Sir, look, if you don't

277
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,894
put up that bail money,
your granddaughter

278
00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:02,821
will be spending the
night in the cooler.

279
00:13:03,745 --> 00:13:05,565
In my day, we didn't have fancy coolers,

280
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:08,752
so everyone took turns blowing
on the meat to keep it fresh,

281
00:13:08,979 --> 00:13:11,980
unless you hired a Dutch family
to blow on your food for you.

282
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:15,217
Breezies is what you'd call 'em.

283
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,508
Sir, if you could just

284
00:13:23,661 --> 00:13:25,769
give us your bank information...

285
00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:28,254
It was quite the scandal when a breezy

286
00:13:28,332 --> 00:13:31,183
married a smusher...
those were the fellas you hired

287
00:13:31,335 --> 00:13:34,002
to flatten your sandwiches
by sitting on 'em...

288
00:13:34,096 --> 00:13:36,897
and the whole town came
out to throw tar...

289
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:39,766
Wow, that's some quality prattle.

290
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:42,060
Okay, I've run
all three hours of the call

291
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:43,821
through open-source audio software,

292
00:13:43,972 --> 00:13:45,489
and the unique pattern of church bells

293
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:49,493
and roller-coaster screams
pins the location to...

294
00:13:50,737 --> 00:13:54,072
...ladies and gentlemen,
the address of the scammer.

295
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,509
Whoa, we could get the money back.

296
00:13:57,544 --> 00:13:59,077
It's not about the money.

297
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:01,913
I want to show that bad
guy the face of the old man

298
00:14:02,066 --> 00:14:05,067
whose love and decency he exploited.

299
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,660
Oh, honey, you have a beautiful heart.

300
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,920
But make no mistake...

301
00:14:09,089 --> 00:14:11,723
it is about the money!

302
00:14:30,761 --> 00:14:33,019
Kids, today you're gonna
learn an important lesson:

303
00:14:33,113 --> 00:14:36,168
sometimes the sheep get back their wool.

304
00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:38,375
No, they don't.
They just grow more wool.

305
00:14:38,602 --> 00:14:40,878
What are you, a shepherd? Come on, Dad.

306
00:14:41,105 --> 00:14:42,963
Let's go get my eventual money back.

307
00:14:44,532 --> 00:14:46,199
How are we gonna get past the guard?

308
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,126
Aw, don't worry about that.

309
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,263
My friends can get us in.

310
00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:55,559
That's the surgical
precision you only get

311
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,728
from the finest Idaho steel.

312
00:14:57,955 --> 00:15:00,789
Amazing. I'll take the full set.

313
00:15:00,882 --> 00:15:02,641
Oh, you're not buying the knives.

314
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,142
I could sell them?

315
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:07,479
No, you can sell other
people on selling them.

316
00:15:07,631 --> 00:15:11,224
These knives sell selling
themselves themselves.

317
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,969
This is the opportunity of a lifetime!

318
00:15:14,062 --> 00:15:17,456
I'm gonna go tell my pregnant
wife about my new career.

319
00:15:18,733 --> 00:15:21,084
Okay, Grampa,
we're gonna find that bad guy

320
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:23,587
and get you some justice.

321
00:15:26,984 --> 00:15:28,592
Uh, which one's the scammer?

322
00:15:28,669 --> 00:15:30,819
They're all the scammer.

323
00:15:30,837 --> 00:15:32,912
The IRS tax police are on
their way to your home,

324
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,915
but we'll accept immediate
payment in Fortnite V-bucks.

325
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,435
Oh, your Airbnb
is all ready to go, there.

326
00:15:38,662 --> 00:15:40,512
I'm fluffing the towels right now.

327
00:15:41,115 --> 00:15:42,205
Fluff, fluff.

328
00:15:42,257 --> 00:15:44,518
There's so many of them.

329
00:15:45,458 --> 00:15:47,852
You are all in an unethical industry

330
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,322
and we have called the authorities.

331
00:15:52,775 --> 00:15:56,194
Oh, man. Another boiler room
of phone hucksters.

332
00:15:56,363 --> 00:15:59,222
All right, scambags, you know the drill:

333
00:15:59,257 --> 00:16:02,584
you don't got to go home,
but you can't grift here.

334
00:16:05,038 --> 00:16:07,631
- Come on.
- What? - Really?

335
00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:11,526
Aren't you going to arrest them?

336
00:16:11,619 --> 00:16:13,303
Marge, you shut down one of these,

337
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:15,621
five more pop up in its place.

338
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,975
Phone fraud and Halloween
costumes for pets

339
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,702
are America's only growth industries.

340
00:16:20,795 --> 00:16:24,607
So they're just employees
doing this for a paycheck?

341
00:16:24,642 --> 00:16:26,057
I wish we got paid in money.

342
00:16:26,134 --> 00:16:28,727
All we get is minimum
wage and gift cards.

343
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,895
- Do you have my dad's money?
- No.

344
00:16:31,048 --> 00:16:32,881
- Do you have my money?
- Nope.

345
00:16:33,199 --> 00:16:34,774
Can I have $10,000?

346
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:36,442
Not gonna happen, dude.

347
00:16:36,461 --> 00:16:38,369
Hey, you sound familiar.

348
00:16:38,463 --> 00:16:40,297
Don't have a cow, man.

349
00:16:41,358 --> 00:16:43,949
Is this what we wanted to happen?

350
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:48,062
Okay, I know this seems bad,
but... but, uh...

351
00:16:48,081 --> 00:16:51,699
Oh, come on, Mom,
you always see the good in everything.

352
00:16:51,701 --> 00:16:54,385
Well, on the bright side,

353
00:16:54,538 --> 00:16:57,129
if you look at it a certain way...

354
00:16:57,298 --> 00:16:58,723
there is no bright side!

355
00:16:58,875 --> 00:17:01,559
The whole world is one
big criminal organization!

356
00:17:01,711 --> 00:17:05,304
From hedge funds to
payday loans to the NCAA,

357
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:07,215
it's not just a few bad apples...

358
00:17:07,233 --> 00:17:09,734
it's the whole orchard that's rotten!

359
00:17:11,312 --> 00:17:12,978
Whoa, gift cards!

360
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:14,238
Justice wasn't served,

361
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:16,875
but dinner is.

362
00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:23,231
I can't believe we ate
$500 worth of appetizers.

363
00:17:23,249 --> 00:17:26,584
Revenge sliders dipped in payback sauce.

364
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:27,844
Mmm.

365
00:17:27,995 --> 00:17:31,831
Honey, you're not sweating
from overeating. What's wrong?

366
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:35,743
These gift cards were obtained
by scamming innocent people.

367
00:17:35,762 --> 00:17:37,503
So no, thank you.

368
00:17:37,597 --> 00:17:38,930
You said it yourself...

369
00:17:39,082 --> 00:17:41,674
everyone in the world is
ripping off everyone else.

370
00:17:41,768 --> 00:17:44,194
Why shouldn't we wet our beaks?

371
00:17:44,756 --> 00:17:47,179
Oh, you got to try these fried beaks.

372
00:17:47,273 --> 00:17:49,757
Dip the beak! Dip the beak!

373
00:17:49,776 --> 00:17:52,110
Well, it seems like
no one else has a problem

374
00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,996
gorging on ill-gotten appetizers.

375
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,291
Beak me.

376
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,444
With that deep-fried morsel,

377
00:18:09,462 --> 00:18:12,463
my victory is complete.

378
00:18:12,616 --> 00:18:14,449
Uh, we're all seeing

379
00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:17,227
the freak in the sandals, right?

380
00:18:17,378 --> 00:18:20,045
Yes, but this can't be real.

381
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:23,975
We probably just ate too many
wasabi mac and cheese balls.

382
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:25,960
Silence, you mewling wretches,

383
00:18:26,053 --> 00:18:29,464
for I am Loki, god of mischief.

384
00:18:29,557 --> 00:18:31,966
But I am known by many names

385
00:18:32,059 --> 00:18:33,993
and take many forms.

386
00:18:36,306 --> 00:18:38,489
Buy crypto, suckers!

387
00:18:38,583 --> 00:18:40,658
And my handiwork of deception

388
00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:43,828
is woven into the
fabric of the universe.

389
00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:46,147
From the Ticketmaster convenience fee

390
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,591
to the NCAA.

391
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,911
Oh, lord of appetizers,
I kneel before you.

392
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:55,657
Who shall I smother
with ranch in your name?

393
00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:59,494
Well, Loki, you've already
taken an old man's life savings.

394
00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:01,162
What more do you want?

395
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,440
I have come here to...

396
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:04,757
'Zerz...

397
00:19:04,851 --> 00:19:06,425
to take my prize:

398
00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:09,671
an honest woman's belief
in the good of mankind.

399
00:19:09,689 --> 00:19:12,690
And now, as the old laws demand,

400
00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:16,177
I must bestow upon
the vanquished a kiss.

401
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,454
Mwah.

402
00:19:17,681 --> 00:19:20,031
Ha-ha! There are no old laws.

403
00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:22,274
God of mischief does it again!

404
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:24,519
Now, off to add more blackout dates

405
00:19:24,537 --> 00:19:27,130
to Disneyland annual passes.

406
00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:32,594
Suckers.

407
00:19:33,454 --> 00:19:35,138
Whoa, that was weird.

408
00:19:35,365 --> 00:19:37,265
Should we get the rest to go?

409
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:41,126
Excuse me, I'm out of gas

410
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:42,795
and left my wallet at home.

411
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:44,296
Would you lend me $20?

412
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:46,298
I'll mail it back to you, I promise.

413
00:19:46,392 --> 00:19:49,134
Uh, I'm sorry,
but that is an obvious scam.

414
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:50,803
Uh, go find another sucker.

415
00:19:50,897 --> 00:19:53,381
Is this it...
from now on, I live in a world

416
00:19:53,399 --> 00:19:56,384
where nobody trusts anybody?

417
00:19:56,402 --> 00:19:58,143
No, not me.

418
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,813
Here's $20 and my address.

419
00:20:00,907 --> 00:20:03,833
I trust that you'll mail me the money.

420
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:07,147
_

421
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:18,330
- _
- I knew it!

422
00:20:18,424 --> 00:20:19,590
Maybe you're right, baby.

423
00:20:19,743 --> 00:20:22,410
There still are some
good people out there.

424
00:20:22,428 --> 00:20:25,647
In your face, god of scams!

425
00:20:30,678 --> 00:20:33,363
Well, I'm out another 20 bucks,

426
00:20:33,514 --> 00:20:36,348
but I gave them something to believe in.

427
00:20:38,809 --> 00:20:40,156
Suckers.

428
00:20:50,899 --> 00:20:53,542
Your Social Security number
has been compromised.

429
00:20:53,629 --> 00:20:55,218
Please give us your
Social Security number

430
00:20:55,369 --> 00:20:57,369
so we can keep it safe.

431
00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:01,224
I met my billionaire boyfriend
on Billionaire Match.

432
00:21:01,375 --> 00:21:02,875
Match with billions of billionaires

433
00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:05,311
for only $4.95 a month.

434
00:21:06,881 --> 00:21:10,342
If you or your family have used
toilet paper in the last year,

435
00:21:10,377 --> 00:21:13,319
you can join us in a
class action lawsuit.

436
00:21:15,044 --> 00:21:16,814
We have found nude photos of you.

437
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:19,528
If you want these removed
and/or touched up,

438
00:21:19,563 --> 00:21:21,152
please press 1 now.

439
00:21:22,792 --> 00:21:25,156
This is Jerry down at
whatever bank you use.

440
00:21:25,308 --> 00:21:26,916
We lost your PIN number.

441
00:21:27,068 --> 00:21:29,043
Can you send it to us?

442
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:32,697
Shh!

443
00:21:35,793 --> 00:21:38,664
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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