1
00:00:06,626 --> 00:00:08,810
Good morning, Cousin Tommy. I love you.

2
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:11,185
Good morning, Cousin Mel. I love you.

3
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:15,668
Good morning, Cousin Sam. I love you.

4
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:19,016
Good morning, Cousin Tommy. I love you.

5
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:22,694
Good morning, Cousin Becca. I love you.

6
00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:26,435
Good morning, Cousin Sam. I love you.

7
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:30,354
Good morning, Pappy Boyle. I love you.

8
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:33,236
Good morning, Becca. I love you.

9
00:00:34,511 --> 00:00:36,896
Ooh, extra-long hug.

10
00:00:36,921 --> 00:00:39,584
What got into you this morning, Pappy?

11
00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:42,564
Pappy?

12
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,133
Pappy!

13
00:01:06,572 --> 00:01:08,572
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com

14
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,090
Oh, Charles.

15
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:13,007
I'm so sorry
about your great-uncle Pappy.

16
00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,052
You holding up okay?

17
00:01:14,076 --> 00:01:15,097
I've been managing.

18
00:01:15,121 --> 00:01:16,218
Mm... Have you though?

19
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,206
Number two, step up.

20
00:01:17,231 --> 00:01:19,492
Say, "Charles, it's Pappy.
I'll always love you."

21
00:01:19,517 --> 00:01:21,321
Okay. Uh, "Charles, it's Pappy.

22
00:01:21,345 --> 00:01:22,641
I'll always love you."

23
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,411
Then why did you leave me?

24
00:01:24,436 --> 00:01:26,351
Anyway, thanks for coming
with me to the funeral.

25
00:01:26,376 --> 00:01:27,546
I think we're all packed.

26
00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:28,765
I just got to go grab the coffin.

27
00:01:28,790 --> 00:01:30,232
Wait, why are you bringing the coffin?

28
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,402
I brought a coffin
to my nana's funeral on a whim,

29
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,577
and it was a big hit.

30
00:01:33,601 --> 00:01:35,797
So now, guess who's the coffin cousin?

31
00:01:36,657 --> 00:01:37,755
Got to say, Terry,

32
00:01:37,779 --> 00:01:38,973
I'm a little surprised you're
coming to this.

33
00:01:38,997 --> 00:01:40,475
Honestly, I need a break from the kids.

34
00:01:40,564 --> 00:01:42,499
Cagney and Lacey keep trying
to trick me into falling

35
00:01:42,523 --> 00:01:43,978
down the stairs on TikTok.

36
00:01:44,002 --> 00:01:45,762
Terry can't sprain another ankle.

37
00:01:45,787 --> 00:01:47,499
Well, I, for one,
am pumped to be going.

38
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:48,959
- To a funeral?
- I'm so bored, Terry.

39
00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:50,691
I've been suspended for 87 days.

40
00:01:50,715 --> 00:01:52,083
Mac gets dropped off at day care,

41
00:01:52,107 --> 00:01:54,042
and I just sit at home
playing "Animal Crossing."

42
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,966
But no one will buy my bugs or fossils.

43
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:58,046
I'm desperate for some
normal human interaction.

44
00:01:58,070 --> 00:01:59,419
Coffin delivery!

45
00:02:00,377 --> 00:02:01,571
Okay, fine. It doesn't have to be

46
00:02:01,595 --> 00:02:03,612
normal or human.
Any interaction will work.

47
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,445
Yo. You forgot your lunch.

48
00:02:05,469 --> 00:02:06,763
Oh. Thank you, Diaz.

49
00:02:06,788 --> 00:02:08,796
Sir, I didn't realize you
were still staying at Rosa's.

50
00:02:08,820 --> 00:02:10,276
I thought couple's counseling
was going well.

51
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,256
Not anymore.

52
00:02:11,281 --> 00:02:12,581
At Kevin's request, I offered to reduce

53
00:02:12,606 --> 00:02:14,259
my work hours by 26%.

54
00:02:14,284 --> 00:02:15,522
Kevin countered with 50.

55
00:02:15,547 --> 00:02:16,829
Which I countered with 30.

56
00:02:16,854 --> 00:02:17,846
Then Kevin says 40...

57
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,632
Seems like a lot of math for therapy.

58
00:02:19,657 --> 00:02:21,461
That's what Dr. Cheryl said...

59
00:02:21,485 --> 00:02:23,184
which is why we fired her,

60
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,078
and now we're working
with Dr. Ramanujan.

61
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:28,040
He's a physicist with a nice,
concrete worldview.

62
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:30,556
Anyway, Kevin refuses
to budge from 36%.

63
00:02:30,581 --> 00:02:33,111
And I'm starting to worry
that I might lose to him.

64
00:02:33,136 --> 00:02:34,237
You mean lose him.

65
00:02:34,262 --> 00:02:35,614
No. Lose to him.

66
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,744
Therapy is a chess match.

67
00:02:37,769 --> 00:02:38,777
And...

68
00:02:38,816 --> 00:02:39,826
I will prevail.

69
00:02:39,851 --> 00:02:42,412
Or it's about saving your marriage.

70
00:02:42,723 --> 00:02:44,832
You should make
a grand romantic gesture.

71
00:02:44,856 --> 00:02:46,625
- Ugh, so dumb.
- Seriously?

72
00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:48,740
From the woman who
loves Nancy Meyers movies?

73
00:02:48,765 --> 00:02:50,234
Yeah. Here's what I've learned as a PI.

74
00:02:50,259 --> 00:02:52,675
People suck, everyone cheats,
and love is an illusion.

75
00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:54,591
Nancy Meyers is a fool,
and Holt should start dating.

76
00:02:54,616 --> 00:02:55,717
- What?
- You heard me.

77
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:56,914
It's the only way
you're gonna beat Kevin.

78
00:02:57,608 --> 00:03:00,021
I'm thinking about it.
I'm considering it,

79
00:03:00,045 --> 00:03:02,270
and I've decided.

80
00:03:02,602 --> 00:03:04,101
I'm in.

81
00:03:04,163 --> 00:03:05,227
Here it is.

82
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,897
Pappy Boyle's farm.

83
00:03:06,921 --> 00:03:08,899
I spent every summer here as a kid.

84
00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:10,727
Got to say, it's
nicer than I was expecting.

85
00:03:10,751 --> 00:03:11,946
Pappy did well for himself.

86
00:03:11,970 --> 00:03:13,513
He went to business school in New York.

87
00:03:13,537 --> 00:03:14,694
He got a job in Wall Street.

88
00:03:14,719 --> 00:03:16,732
And one day his hand
got caught in a subway door.

89
00:03:16,757 --> 00:03:18,996
And he was dragged
from Times Square into Queens.

90
00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:20,669
Largest settlement in city history.

91
00:03:20,694 --> 00:03:21,695
Ew.

92
00:03:21,719 --> 00:03:23,804
Pappy should've used
that cash on pest control.

93
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,414
There's giant rats everywhere.

94
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,068
Those are nutria, Terry.

95
00:03:27,093 --> 00:03:28,070
They're nothing like rats.

96
00:03:28,095 --> 00:03:29,072
They have meatier haunches,

97
00:03:29,097 --> 00:03:30,293
and their teeth are more orange.

98
00:03:30,395 --> 00:03:32,504
You know, nutria
are actually great pets.

99
00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:33,767
They're affectionate and smart.

100
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:35,160
They know how to open doors.

101
00:03:35,185 --> 00:03:35,966
Plus, you can milk them.

102
00:03:35,994 --> 00:03:37,014
But...

103
00:03:37,038 --> 00:03:37,841
should you?

104
00:03:37,865 --> 00:03:38,985
Pappy drank nutria milk,

105
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,028
and he was fit as a fiddle.

106
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,346
Anyway, you got to see the house.

107
00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:43,637
I can't wait to show you
the rug I was born on.

108
00:03:44,306 --> 00:03:45,901
Sure it's been cleaned since then.

109
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,808
Charles Boyle, I love you.

110
00:03:47,832 --> 00:03:50,419
Sam Boyle, I love you.

111
00:03:56,449 --> 00:03:57,687
Where's that dead body?

112
00:03:57,711 --> 00:04:00,031
He's in the barn,
and he looks adorable.

113
00:04:00,056 --> 00:04:00,991
Ah, terrific.

114
00:04:01,016 --> 00:04:02,117
And everything's set for the funeral?

115
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,243
There's one little issue.

116
00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:04,928
We can't find Pappy's will.

117
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,304
- What?
- He wanted to leave the farm

118
00:04:06,328 --> 00:04:07,436
to the Council of Cousins,

119
00:04:07,460 --> 00:04:08,652
but if we don't find those papers,

120
00:04:08,677 --> 00:04:10,002
it goes to Cousin Lyndon.

121
00:04:10,027 --> 00:04:10,961
Oh, no.

122
00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:12,502
- Who's Cousin Lyndon?
- Pappy's son.

123
00:04:12,527 --> 00:04:13,721
He's the black sheep of the family.

124
00:04:13,814 --> 00:04:15,749
Wait, so we have a wealthy patriarch

125
00:04:15,773 --> 00:04:18,024
who mysteriously died, a missing will,

126
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,188
and a black sheep set
to inherit everything?

127
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,845
Am I the only one
who suspects foul play here?

128
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,556
He didn't die mysteriously. He was 93.

129
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:25,898
He was fit as fiddle, Terr.

130
00:04:25,923 --> 00:04:27,238
From all the nutria milk.

131
00:04:27,262 --> 00:04:28,143
Don't be ridiculous.

132
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,578
No Boyle would ever commit murder.

133
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,229
Boyles don't even
get mad at each other.

134
00:04:31,254 --> 00:04:34,166
Except in that rare instance
of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.

135
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,768
You're just bored from your suspension

136
00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:37,068
and desperate to find a case to work.

137
00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:38,597
No. That's not it.

138
00:04:38,622 --> 00:04:39,773
I'm just telling you,

139
00:04:39,797 --> 00:04:41,644
something doesn't smell right here.

140
00:04:41,668 --> 00:04:43,124
Oh, yeah. That's Pappy's body.

141
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,821
Cousin Mel did the embalming in here,

142
00:04:44,845 --> 00:04:46,828
and I think she forgot
to add something.

143
00:04:47,107 --> 00:04:48,115
Well...

144
00:04:48,327 --> 00:04:50,198
that's a disturbing revelation.

145
00:04:52,102 --> 00:04:53,526
Hey. What's going on?

146
00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:54,853
I'm helping Holt pick a dating site.

147
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,004
Oh, this looks good.

148
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,214
PhDs only.

149
00:04:57,239 --> 00:04:58,521
Uh, actually in this context,

150
00:04:58,546 --> 00:05:00,785
PHD stands for Pretty Huge [bleep].

151
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,006
Oh, my.

152
00:05:02,291 --> 00:05:04,972
I can only assume that MDs only
stands for Medium [bleep].

153
00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:06,264
Rosa, can I talk to you for a second?

154
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,599
What the hell are you doing?

155
00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:09,993
Why are you trying to get Holt
and Kevin to break up?

156
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,686
I'm trying to get Holt
and Kevin back together.

157
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,471
He and Kevin are perfect
for each other.

158
00:05:13,496 --> 00:05:14,393
He just needs to realize that.

159
00:05:14,418 --> 00:05:15,917
Once he sees what other
trash is out there,

160
00:05:15,942 --> 00:05:18,401
he's gonna go running straight
back into Kevin's arms,

161
00:05:18,426 --> 00:05:20,056
just like in a Nancy Meyers movie.

162
00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:21,488
So you still love Nancy Meyers?

163
00:05:21,513 --> 00:05:23,230
I will never turn my back
on Nancy Meyers.

164
00:05:23,255 --> 00:05:24,624
Okay. I'm in.

165
00:05:24,755 --> 00:05:27,635
Let operation
"Lucky Number Kevin" begin.

166
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,637
- I'm out.
- No, no, no.

167
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:29,538
We don't have to call it that.

168
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:32,140
Okay, then I'll think
I'll finish up by saying

169
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,175
Pappy Boyle was the best hugger.

170
00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:36,525
Which is surprising because
he lost his hand in the subway.

171
00:05:36,549 --> 00:05:40,398
But he always said,
"You don't hug with your hands,

172
00:05:40,422 --> 00:05:41,938
"you hug with your heart.

173
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,384
And your groin."
He got that groin involved.

174
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,010
Uh, a lot of groin talk for a eulogy.

175
00:05:47,035 --> 00:05:48,360
Everyone,

176
00:05:48,385 --> 00:05:50,276
there's something you need
to see in the barn.

177
00:05:50,301 --> 00:05:51,364
The game...

178
00:05:51,389 --> 00:05:52,584
is afoot.

179
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,771
Pappy Boyle was 93.

180
00:05:54,796 --> 00:05:56,356
Who would've suspected
that his death stemmed

181
00:05:56,381 --> 00:05:58,942
from anything other than the
cruel embrace of Father Time?

182
00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:01,027
To suggest as much
might get someone labeled

183
00:06:01,052 --> 00:06:02,334
a crackpot, a kook,

184
00:06:02,359 --> 00:06:04,511
someone that's
"bored with their suspension."

185
00:06:04,536 --> 00:06:06,423
Can you cut the
"Harriet The Spy" windup?

186
00:06:06,448 --> 00:06:07,534
It stinks in here.

187
00:06:07,559 --> 00:06:10,288
What you're smelling, Terry,
is duplicity and deceit.

188
00:06:10,313 --> 00:06:12,097
I think it's actually Pappy's organs.

189
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,665
Sam, you're kind of messing
with my flow right now.

190
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,668
Point is, I was examining the body,

191
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,465
and I found something.

192
00:06:17,808 --> 00:06:20,657
Classic ulceration
and desquamation of the mouth.

193
00:06:20,985 --> 00:06:23,398
Telltale signs of poisoning.

194
00:06:24,293 --> 00:06:25,503
In other words...

195
00:06:26,122 --> 00:06:28,534
What we have ourselves here

196
00:06:28,558 --> 00:06:31,661
is a good ol' fashioned murder...

197
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,669
Oh, no.

198
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,149
Of a man who you all loved dearly.

199
00:06:35,173 --> 00:06:36,855
I shouldn't have done
the "Knives Out" accent.

200
00:06:38,426 --> 00:06:39,922
All right. A man has been poisoned,

201
00:06:39,947 --> 00:06:40,817
his will is missing,

202
00:06:40,842 --> 00:06:42,929
and there's only one person
who stands to profit.

203
00:06:42,954 --> 00:06:44,029
Lyndon Boyle.

204
00:06:44,054 --> 00:06:45,213
Lyndon's not a killer.

205
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,340
I mean, he did skip a Boyle
family Zoom last summer.

206
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,640
Yeah, it's true.

207
00:06:48,665 --> 00:06:49,816
It's seven hours out of your day.

208
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,121
How hard is that to fit in?

209
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,227
Okay, let's set up
an interrogation room.

210
00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:55,730
I wanna make this guy as
uncomfortable as possible.

211
00:06:57,630 --> 00:06:58,912
I thought we were going
for uncomfortable.

212
00:06:58,936 --> 00:07:00,128
What's with the rocking chair?

213
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,001
It's a farm.
All the chairs are rockers.

214
00:07:02,113 --> 00:07:04,395
But don't worry,
I under-steeped the tea.

215
00:07:04,419 --> 00:07:06,334
Ugh. It's so weak.

216
00:07:06,683 --> 00:07:08,225
Why am I being treated like a criminal?

217
00:07:08,249 --> 00:07:09,444
Okay. I stand corrected.

218
00:07:09,468 --> 00:07:11,306
We'd like to ask you a few questions.

219
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,396
Tell us about your last contact
with your father.

220
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:15,560
Pappy? Well, I saw
him at his birthday party.

221
00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:16,779
Mm-hmm. And was there anything

222
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:17,887
unusual about that night?

223
00:07:17,911 --> 00:07:19,062
Nothing unusual at all.

224
00:07:19,086 --> 00:07:20,716
We ate a pig from snout to anus,

225
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,197
and then took turns giving
each other head massages.

226
00:07:23,221 --> 00:07:25,195
I was tired. So I found Pappy,

227
00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:26,458
wished him a happy birthday.

228
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,118
We hugged for six minutes.

229
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:29,860
It was the last time I saw him alive.

230
00:07:31,893 --> 00:07:33,075
Did you see those tears?

231
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,077
No way he did it.

232
00:07:34,101 --> 00:07:35,122
Are you serious?

233
00:07:35,146 --> 00:07:36,471
Anyone can fake cry.

234
00:07:36,495 --> 00:07:37,951
You just have
to think of something sad.

235
00:07:37,975 --> 00:07:39,909
Like that episode of
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

236
00:07:39,933 --> 00:07:40,954
when Leonardo was in a coma.

237
00:07:40,979 --> 00:07:41,936
And that works?

238
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:42,956
Yeah.

239
00:07:43,511 --> 00:07:44,606
Yeah, it does.

240
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,611
Now, come on.

241
00:07:45,635 --> 00:07:47,192
Let's go poke some holes
in Lyndon's story.

242
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:50,403
It was such a great party.
Everyone had the best time.

243
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,442
I mean, except for Lyndon.

244
00:07:51,466 --> 00:07:52,443
Lyndon wasn't happy?

245
00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:53,706
Yeah, it was strange.

246
00:07:53,730 --> 00:07:55,316
He was passing through the living room.

247
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:57,492
I asked him if he wanted a little HJ.

248
00:07:57,516 --> 00:07:58,841
But he just ignored me.

249
00:07:58,865 --> 00:08:01,148
I mean, who doesn't want
an HJ from their cousin?

250
00:08:01,172 --> 00:08:02,497
Hold up. An HJ?

251
00:08:02,521 --> 00:08:04,434
A head job. A massage.

252
00:08:04,664 --> 00:08:05,902
Isn't that what everyone calls it?

253
00:08:05,927 --> 00:08:07,070
- You bet.
- Absolutely not.

254
00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:08,838
Okay, so why was Lyndon angry?

255
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,157
I bet it was whatever
Pappy said to him.

256
00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:12,367
Wait. What Pappy said when?

257
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,536
When they were in Pappy's study.

258
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:14,886
We heard raised voices.

259
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,467
- And then Lyndon said...
- Good night.

260
00:08:16,491 --> 00:08:17,722
Walked out of the room,

261
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:18,968
and closed the door behind him.

262
00:08:18,993 --> 00:08:20,754
That's all he said? Good night?

263
00:08:20,931 --> 00:08:22,150
Gentlemen...

264
00:08:22,759 --> 00:08:24,504
I just solved this case.

265
00:08:25,085 --> 00:08:27,424
Sir, if you wanna get a date
off of these sites,

266
00:08:27,449 --> 00:08:28,775
you're gonna have
to give me a little more

267
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,068
from your profile photo.

268
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:32,353
I just gave you
a series of eight poses,

269
00:08:32,377 --> 00:08:34,964
each increasing
in sexual provocativeness

270
00:08:34,988 --> 00:08:35,932
by one-eighth.

271
00:08:35,957 --> 00:08:37,749
If you wanted septiles or deciles

272
00:08:37,774 --> 00:08:39,394
of sexiness, you should've told me.

273
00:08:39,427 --> 00:08:41,144
What?

274
00:08:41,168 --> 00:08:42,493
Why do you care so much, Santiago?

275
00:08:42,517 --> 00:08:43,799
I thought you didn't like
the idea of me dating.

276
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:44,974
Yes, initially.

277
00:08:44,998 --> 00:08:47,498
But then I thought about your metaphor

278
00:08:47,522 --> 00:08:49,195
about how relationships
are like a chess match.

279
00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:51,030
- Mm-hmm.
- And it really convinced me.

280
00:08:51,055 --> 00:08:52,337
That was a strong observation.

281
00:08:52,362 --> 00:08:55,080
So why don't you think
of this profile photo

282
00:08:55,105 --> 00:08:57,300
as an epic chess move?

283
00:08:57,445 --> 00:09:01,207
Like Vladimirov's Thunderbolt of 1987.

284
00:09:01,319 --> 00:09:02,644
Close the door, Diaz.

285
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:05,287
I'm removing my collar stays.

286
00:09:05,627 --> 00:09:06,755
Why am I back here?

287
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,216
Like I told you,
it was a typical night.

288
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,565
Right. Cousin kissing circle,

289
00:09:10,589 --> 00:09:12,001
everyone gets burped after dinner...

290
00:09:12,025 --> 00:09:12,876
Normal stuff.

291
00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:14,134
But let's talk about what happened

292
00:09:14,158 --> 00:09:15,827
after the burping, shall we?

293
00:09:15,852 --> 00:09:16,800
What are you getting at?

294
00:09:16,825 --> 00:09:18,312
What exactly do you think
happened that night?

295
00:09:18,336 --> 00:09:19,922
I'm so glad you asked.

296
00:09:19,946 --> 00:09:22,395
I think Pappy called you into his study

297
00:09:22,420 --> 00:09:24,360
and told you he was cutting
you out of his will.

298
00:09:24,385 --> 00:09:26,537
Tempers flared. Voices were raised.

299
00:09:26,561 --> 00:09:27,713
- What?
- You were furious

300
00:09:27,737 --> 00:09:28,801
you wouldn't be inheriting the farm.

301
00:09:28,825 --> 00:09:30,028
I don't even want the farm.

302
00:09:30,053 --> 00:09:31,858
I've always been more of a city boy.

303
00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:33,156
I live in Poughkeepsie.

304
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:34,382
Well, I guess that settles it.

305
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,771
- Except you didn't say I love you.
- Excuse me?

306
00:09:38,796 --> 00:09:39,903
When you left, you said "good night."

307
00:09:39,928 --> 00:09:41,427
You didn't say "I love you."

308
00:09:41,452 --> 00:09:43,124
Now, you may be a black sheep,
but you're still a Boyle.

309
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:44,729
And a Boyle always says "I love you."

310
00:09:44,754 --> 00:09:46,209
- Not always.
- Look around you.

311
00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:47,629
It's written everywhere.

312
00:09:47,757 --> 00:09:50,518
_

313
00:09:50,602 --> 00:09:52,275
Okay, fine. We were fighting.

314
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,468
But not over the will.

315
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:55,779
Pappy was mad at me for missing
that Zoom call this summer.

316
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:58,090
I mean honestly, Lyndon, what
did you expect would happen?

317
00:09:58,115 --> 00:10:00,310
He said I was a disgrace
to the Boyle name.

318
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:01,684
So I didn't say "I love you."

319
00:10:01,709 --> 00:10:03,144
I just stormed out to the shed.

320
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,205
I went to get the Grandmother Dough.

321
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,815
The Grandmother Dough?

322
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,899
Here it is.

323
00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:10,985
The original Boyle family
sourdough starter,

324
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,921
the mother of the mother dough.

325
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,498
It's still good, but the lid on the jar

326
00:10:14,522 --> 00:10:16,152
has been stuck
for over a hundred years.

327
00:10:16,176 --> 00:10:19,473
There's an old family legend
that it can only be opened by

328
00:10:19,876 --> 00:10:21,496
The One True Boyle.

329
00:10:21,703 --> 00:10:22,855
I wanted to show my dad that I was

330
00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:24,207
not a disgrace to the family.

331
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,308
But I couldn't budge it.

332
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,336
Maybe he was right.

333
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,002
Oh, Lyndon. What a tale.

334
00:10:28,058 --> 00:10:30,950
But I don't think that's why
you came in this barn at all.

335
00:10:30,974 --> 00:10:32,081
I think you came in here

336
00:10:32,105 --> 00:10:33,213
for this.

337
00:10:33,237 --> 00:10:34,431
Is that nutria poison?

338
00:10:34,455 --> 00:10:36,845
It's rat poison. Nutria are pets.

339
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:38,174
You psychopath.

340
00:10:38,198 --> 00:10:40,014
Ah. Nitrobenzene.

341
00:10:40,113 --> 00:10:41,787
That causes the exact type of ulcers

342
00:10:41,811 --> 00:10:43,701
we found in Pappy Boyle's mouth.

343
00:10:43,725 --> 00:10:46,617
And look what we have here.

344
00:10:47,332 --> 00:10:49,577
A single brown hair,

345
00:10:49,601 --> 00:10:51,187
belonging to the murderer.

346
00:10:51,211 --> 00:10:53,494
Terry, please send this off
to the local police station

347
00:10:53,518 --> 00:10:54,887
for a DNA test.

348
00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:58,020
Now all we need is one
of your hairs, Lyndon.

349
00:10:58,044 --> 00:10:59,117
I didn't kill my father.

350
00:10:59,142 --> 00:11:00,368
Why am I being singled out?

351
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,870
Why not take a hair from every Boyle

352
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,611
so Cousin Lyndon doesn't feel that way?

353
00:11:03,636 --> 00:11:05,288
Sure, great idea. I'll go first.

354
00:11:05,312 --> 00:11:07,166
I mean it's more work for the
lab, but it's fine with me.

355
00:11:07,191 --> 00:11:08,724
Are you okay with that, Lyndon?

356
00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:11,145
Oh, wow. Went with a nose hair.

357
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,208
Didn't see that coming.

358
00:11:12,232 --> 00:11:13,427
But it's definitely long enough.

359
00:11:13,451 --> 00:11:14,731
No.

360
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,883
Okay, sir. This app's pretty simple.

361
00:11:16,999 --> 00:11:18,803
If you don't like the guy's
profile, you click "dang,"

362
00:11:18,828 --> 00:11:20,388
and if you do, you click "daaang."

363
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,608
That sounds needlessly confusing.

364
00:11:21,633 --> 00:11:22,566
Why? "dang" is bad

365
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:23,611
and "daaang" is good.

366
00:11:23,635 --> 00:11:25,526
Okay, let's thin this herd.

367
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:27,437
Untucked shirt, no thank you.

368
00:11:27,462 --> 00:11:29,962
Born in San Diego, yikes.

369
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:31,276
An adult named Todd?

370
00:11:31,301 --> 00:11:33,758
So this is what online dating is like?

371
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,028
I didn't realize.

372
00:11:35,053 --> 00:11:36,504
Realize how good
you have it with Kevin?

373
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,930
No, how it hasn't changed.

374
00:11:37,954 --> 00:11:40,236
You still have to pick
someone based on looks

375
00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:41,284
and hope for a connection later.

376
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:42,702
Oh, Lord, help me.

377
00:11:42,727 --> 00:11:43,805
I'm going for it.

378
00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:44,893
- I'm clicking "dang."
- No.

379
00:11:44,918 --> 00:11:46,414
"Dang" is bad. Click "daaang."

380
00:11:46,483 --> 00:11:48,207
Why is this so confusing?

381
00:11:48,268 --> 00:11:50,156
How do I get Hot Todd back?

382
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:52,335
DNA results are in.

383
00:11:52,359 --> 00:11:53,510
Ooh, and? Who did it?

384
00:11:53,534 --> 00:11:54,480
It was Lyndon, right?

385
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,761
Hair is...

386
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,340
"rodent in origin."

387
00:11:57,364 --> 00:11:58,276
What? Doesn't make any sense.

388
00:11:58,301 --> 00:11:59,218
Here, forward it to me.

389
00:11:59,243 --> 00:12:00,511
Must've been a nutria hair.

390
00:12:00,584 --> 00:12:02,388
Those things are everywhere. Ugh.

391
00:12:02,413 --> 00:12:03,473
Wait a minute. This is weird.

392
00:12:03,544 --> 00:12:05,000
According to the DNA results,

393
00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,452
everyone in the Boyle family
is related except one.

394
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,436
- Lyndon?
- No.

395
00:12:08,569 --> 00:12:09,604
Charles.

396
00:12:10,464 --> 00:12:11,790
Charles Boyle

397
00:12:12,075 --> 00:12:13,511
isn't a Boyle.

398
00:12:15,117 --> 00:12:17,487
That DNA test has to be wrong.

399
00:12:17,512 --> 00:12:20,298
I mean, Charles is the most
Boyle-y of all the Boyles.

400
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,866
You know what?
I'm gonna call Charles's dad,

401
00:12:21,895 --> 00:12:23,201
get to the bottom of this.

402
00:12:25,305 --> 00:12:26,997
Hey, Lynn? It's Jake.

403
00:12:27,226 --> 00:12:28,943
Hi. Hey, can I ask you

404
00:12:28,968 --> 00:12:30,792
about Charles's paternity real quick?

405
00:12:31,005 --> 00:12:32,005
_

406
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,594
All right. Thanks, Lynn. Bye.

407
00:12:33,618 --> 00:12:34,987
What on Earth took so long?

408
00:12:35,011 --> 00:12:36,336
Well, the first five hours

409
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,524
was mostly just sobbing
and gasping for air.

410
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,254
Then he told me
that Charles's mom had an affair

411
00:12:41,278 --> 00:12:42,465
with a rival florist.

412
00:12:42,490 --> 00:12:44,149
Lynn always suspected
he might've been Charles's dad,

413
00:12:44,174 --> 00:12:46,345
but he decided he loved him
so much, it didn't matter.

414
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:47,225
I don't understand.

415
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:49,472
Charles looks just like all
the other Boyles.

416
00:12:49,497 --> 00:12:50,785
Apparently that's not genetic.

417
00:12:50,809 --> 00:12:52,526
The Boyles cuddle
their children so much,

418
00:12:52,550 --> 00:12:53,875
it shapes their bones that way.

419
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,984
He likened it to how they
grow square watermelons.

420
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,160
Oh, my God.

421
00:12:57,315 --> 00:12:58,378
We can't tell Charles.

422
00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,881
You wanna lie to our dear friend

423
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,578
about the one thing
that's most important to him

424
00:13:01,602 --> 00:13:02,615
in the whole world?

425
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:05,060
- Yes.
- Okay, good, me too.

426
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:06,627
Now all we have to do is prove
that Cousin Lyndon is

427
00:13:06,651 --> 00:13:09,238
the murderer before Charles
asks about the DNA results.

428
00:13:09,262 --> 00:13:10,239
Hi, guys.

429
00:13:10,264 --> 00:13:11,870
Ah. Hey, man.

430
00:13:11,895 --> 00:13:13,626
- Where'd you come from?
- I slinked up.

431
00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:15,070
You know how good
Boyles are at slinking.

432
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:16,767
It's because of our fleshy toe pads.

433
00:13:16,791 --> 00:13:18,595
Right. And you, Charles,

434
00:13:18,619 --> 00:13:20,659
have said fleshy toe pads

435
00:13:20,684 --> 00:13:22,010
because you are a Boyle,

436
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:26,014
from snout to anus.

437
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,015
"A Boyle from snout to anus."

438
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,258
That is so sweet.

439
00:13:29,282 --> 00:13:30,598
I'm stealing that for the eulogy.

440
00:13:30,623 --> 00:13:31,936
Ah, you don't have to.

441
00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:32,979
Huh.

442
00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:34,772
It's the exact time we agreed
to meet for our date,

443
00:13:34,797 --> 00:13:35,731
and he's not here.

444
00:13:35,756 --> 00:13:36,649
I'm sorry.

445
00:13:36,674 --> 00:13:38,269
I know how you value punctuality.

446
00:13:38,294 --> 00:13:39,402
In my employees.

447
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,448
But in potential suitors, I don't mind

448
00:13:41,473 --> 00:13:42,755
one or two minutes of tardiness.

449
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,714
I like a bad boy.

450
00:13:44,819 --> 00:13:46,188
Now, if you'll excuse me,

451
00:13:46,212 --> 00:13:48,369
I'm going to go to the bathroom
to wash my hands,

452
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:50,204
in case we shake.

453
00:13:50,521 --> 00:13:52,301
Ooh.

454
00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:54,631
I thought the point was
for Holt to bail

455
00:13:54,655 --> 00:13:55,791
before he got to an actual date.

456
00:13:55,816 --> 00:13:57,359
It is. But this works too.

457
00:13:57,384 --> 00:13:58,971
I mean, did you see
the dude he matched with?

458
00:13:58,996 --> 00:14:00,147
He calls himself a doctor,

459
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:01,841
but he's actually a chiropractor.

460
00:14:01,866 --> 00:14:04,043
Are we sure Holt doesn't
respect chiropractors?

461
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,341
I'm kidding.

462
00:14:08,366 --> 00:14:10,141
Ooh. There's Todd.

463
00:14:11,411 --> 00:14:12,519
And here's Holt.

464
00:14:12,543 --> 00:14:14,086
Started off strong, nice big smile.

465
00:14:14,110 --> 00:14:16,305
Oh, not anymore.
He just noticed Todd's loafers.

466
00:14:16,329 --> 00:14:17,785
Oh, Todd, you fool.

467
00:14:17,809 --> 00:14:20,068
Holt thinks any shoes
without laces are flip-flops.

468
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,695
Now the moment that will send
Holt running toward the exit.

469
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,742
When he asks Todd
what he would like to drink,

470
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:26,440
Todd orders, "Whatever you're having."

471
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:29,202
Oh Todd, you fool.
Have your own opinion.

472
00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:31,804
Wait a second. Are they gonna sit down?

473
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:32,893
In a booth?

474
00:14:33,259 --> 00:14:34,280
Oh, no, Rosa.

475
00:14:34,304 --> 00:14:35,333
Todd's not the fool.

476
00:14:35,358 --> 00:14:36,617
We're the fools.

477
00:14:37,954 --> 00:14:39,062
I have eyes on the package.

478
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,354
He's headed towards you.

479
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,591
- I'm on it.
- Seriously, guys,

480
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:42,723
why are we doing this?

481
00:14:42,747 --> 00:14:44,342
We should just wait for the DNA test.

482
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:45,267
We will.

483
00:14:45,292 --> 00:14:46,399
But the lab said it would take a week.

484
00:14:46,748 --> 00:14:48,596
They had to get a new tech.

485
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:49,931
Oh, no. Why?

486
00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:53,239
The old one had
a bad allergic reaction to...

487
00:14:53,273 --> 00:14:54,685
beakers. Ugh.

488
00:14:54,710 --> 00:14:56,312
Labs are full of them. That's awful.

489
00:14:56,337 --> 00:14:57,749
Yeah, and real.

490
00:14:57,774 --> 00:14:59,709
Anyways, since Lyndon
is our only actual suspect,

491
00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:01,320
we might as well investigate.

492
00:15:01,345 --> 00:15:02,568
Let me ask you this. Is he gushing?

493
00:15:02,593 --> 00:15:03,788
Don't say those words.

494
00:15:03,813 --> 00:15:05,095
The pressure of keeping secrets

495
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,881
makes Boyles stress-sweat.

496
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,116
Once, we played Mafia,

497
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,467
and you'd never seen
so many dripping wet cousins

498
00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:11,881
- in one room.
- Come on.

499
00:15:11,906 --> 00:15:13,579
Wait. He's leaving the property.

500
00:15:13,604 --> 00:15:14,542
Can you stay with him?

501
00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:15,832
Yeah. I think so.

502
00:15:15,857 --> 00:15:17,372
I just have to get
around the barn and...

503
00:15:18,442 --> 00:15:19,256
Terr-bear?

504
00:15:20,539 --> 00:15:22,063
I'm sorry. I was following Lyndon

505
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,282
and I crawled into that thing.

506
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:25,592
That thing has a name.

507
00:15:25,616 --> 00:15:26,710
It's Muffin.

508
00:15:26,735 --> 00:15:28,358
Well, thanks to Muffin, we lost Lyndon.

509
00:15:28,383 --> 00:15:31,119
Yes. But also thanks to Muffin,

510
00:15:31,143 --> 00:15:34,035
I just solved the case
of who killed Pappy Boyle.

511
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,559
We're right here.

512
00:15:36,005 --> 00:15:38,113
Yeah. I didn't think
it would feed back.

513
00:15:38,299 --> 00:15:40,650
Oh, no, Rosa. They're leaving together.

514
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,443
- What are we gonna do?
- We stop them.

515
00:15:42,468 --> 00:15:43,871
Even if it means we have to kill Todd.

516
00:15:43,895 --> 00:15:45,158
Smart. Let's go.

517
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,265
Looking for someone?

518
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:49,659
Sir. Uh, what's going on?

519
00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:52,227
What's going on is that you
were trying to manipulate me,

520
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:54,345
but it is I who manipulated you.

521
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,448
How does it feel

522
00:15:55,472 --> 00:15:58,169
to suckle from your own tainted teat?

523
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,047
Not as bad as it feels
to hear you say "suckle."

524
00:16:00,072 --> 00:16:02,562
So you were never really
going home with Todd?

525
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,501
You actually think I would
have relations with him?

526
00:16:05,525 --> 00:16:07,400
His watch has a cloth strap.

527
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,548
I really thought we had something.

528
00:16:08,572 --> 00:16:10,344
Wake up, Todd. I'm out of your league.

529
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,825
You thought you could meddle
in my personal life,

530
00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:15,320
but I was ten moves ahead
the whole time.

531
00:16:15,345 --> 00:16:16,903
And now, checkmate.

532
00:16:16,928 --> 00:16:18,102
Ooh. I love chess.

533
00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:19,365
Have you seen "The Queen's Gambit"?

534
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,597
- It's a TV show.
- Todd, I swear to God.

535
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,500
The person who killed Pappy
wasn't a person at all.

536
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,432
It was Muffin.

537
00:16:25,659 --> 00:16:27,028
I checked her mouth,

538
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:29,118
and Muffin had the same ulcers
that Pappy had.

539
00:16:29,245 --> 00:16:31,571
Muffin ate the poison,
and then Pappy drank her milk.

540
00:16:31,595 --> 00:16:33,509
Charles, you said nutria
could open doors.

541
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,531
Muffin must've let herself
into the barn.

542
00:16:35,555 --> 00:16:37,142
Which explains why we found
her hair on the box.

543
00:16:37,166 --> 00:16:38,926
So Lyndon was innocent.

544
00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:40,754
Wait, how did you know
it was Muffin's hair?

545
00:16:40,778 --> 00:16:42,210
Did you get the DNA report back?

546
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:43,429
- Exactly.
- Wait, but I thought

547
00:16:43,454 --> 00:16:44,710
the report was gonna take a week

548
00:16:44,735 --> 00:16:45,976
because of the lab tech's allergies.

549
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,282
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

550
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:49,066
But then they decided
to use a subcontractor

551
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,546
who was allergy-free,
so let's just move on

552
00:16:50,570 --> 00:16:51,808
and talk about
something else immediately.

553
00:16:51,832 --> 00:16:52,680
Three "uh-huh's"?

554
00:16:52,705 --> 00:16:54,100
Clearly you're lying about something.

555
00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:55,986
Why you being a jerk to me?

556
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:57,054
Show me the report, Jake.

557
00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:59,033
Okay, fine.
But just look at the top result

558
00:16:59,057 --> 00:17:00,418
'cause that's all that matters.

559
00:17:01,319 --> 00:17:03,035
"Specimen hair was rodent in nature."

560
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:04,647
And that's that.

561
00:17:04,672 --> 00:17:06,035
Oh, my God.

562
00:17:07,721 --> 00:17:09,201
I'm not a Boyle.

563
00:17:11,496 --> 00:17:13,297
Okay. I love you too, Dad.

564
00:17:14,072 --> 00:17:15,223
Did you guys change clothes?

565
00:17:15,247 --> 00:17:16,920
Yeah, Charles. It's tomorrow now.

566
00:17:16,944 --> 00:17:18,661
You been on the phone for 14 hours.

567
00:17:18,685 --> 00:17:20,250
Well, you know what they say,

568
00:17:20,275 --> 00:17:22,470
"Time flies when God
pulls down his pants

569
00:17:22,495 --> 00:17:24,299
and takes a dump on your life."

570
00:17:24,435 --> 00:17:26,065
Oh, buddy. I'm so sorry.

571
00:17:26,090 --> 00:17:28,374
Being a Boyle was
the backbone of my identity.

572
00:17:28,608 --> 00:17:31,413
Without the Boyle backbone,
I'm just a bag of flesh.

573
00:17:31,437 --> 00:17:33,372
- I'm goo.
- Come on, you're not goo.

574
00:17:33,396 --> 00:17:35,025
Being a Boyle is about more than blood.

575
00:17:35,049 --> 00:17:36,201
It's what's in your heart.

576
00:17:36,225 --> 00:17:37,637
Blood is what's in your heart.

577
00:17:37,661 --> 00:17:38,942
You're making it worse, Jake.

578
00:17:38,966 --> 00:17:40,390
Okay, fine. Then what about Nikolaj?

579
00:17:40,446 --> 00:17:41,771
He was adopted, so technically,

580
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:43,382
he's not a Boyle,
but that never bothered you.

581
00:17:43,406 --> 00:17:44,774
I didn't even think about Niko.

582
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:47,037
He was already a Boyle once removed

583
00:17:47,061 --> 00:17:49,257
which is tough enough.
Now he's twice removed?

584
00:17:49,281 --> 00:17:52,544
Twice-removed Boyles are a
total [bleep] clown show, okay?

585
00:17:52,569 --> 00:17:55,098
Niko's basically Cousin Andrea.

586
00:17:55,609 --> 00:17:56,660
Sorry, Andrea.

587
00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:58,579
I know what I am.

588
00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:01,443
- Well, damn.
- Look, let's go home.

589
00:18:01,467 --> 00:18:03,315
We're leaving? What about the funeral?

590
00:18:03,339 --> 00:18:04,446
What about the eulogy?

591
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:05,500
I don't feel right giving it now.

592
00:18:05,525 --> 00:18:07,420
Sam offered to step in.
I'll have him do it.

593
00:18:08,013 --> 00:18:09,469
No, no, no. Wait.

594
00:18:09,494 --> 00:18:10,880
Assemble the cousins.

595
00:18:10,905 --> 00:18:12,840
Today, we learned
that Pappy Boyle's death

596
00:18:12,865 --> 00:18:13,972
was not foul play.

597
00:18:13,997 --> 00:18:15,644
But even though there was no murder,

598
00:18:15,854 --> 00:18:17,180
there was a robbery.

599
00:18:17,205 --> 00:18:20,020
Charles had his sense
of self stolen from him

600
00:18:20,045 --> 00:18:21,060
by Sam Boyle.

601
00:18:21,085 --> 00:18:22,640
You said it yourself, Charles,

602
00:18:22,665 --> 00:18:25,150
the Boyles have a long history
of cousin-on-cousin jealousy.

603
00:18:25,266 --> 00:18:27,940
Sam couldn't stand that you
were chosen to give the eulogy.

604
00:18:27,965 --> 00:18:28,936
Think about it.

605
00:18:28,961 --> 00:18:31,167
It was Sam who made sure we
knew the will was missing.

606
00:18:31,192 --> 00:18:33,475
We can't find Pappy's will.

607
00:18:33,499 --> 00:18:36,652
Then Sam again who suggested
you all get your DNA tested.

608
00:18:36,676 --> 00:18:38,959
Why not take a hair from every Boyle?

609
00:18:38,983 --> 00:18:41,788
And finally, Sam who made
sure we all knew the results.

610
00:18:41,812 --> 00:18:43,790
Did you get the DNA report back?

611
00:18:43,814 --> 00:18:46,096
This is ridiculous. I love Charles.

612
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,161
Okay, well then.

613
00:18:47,186 --> 00:18:48,638
I'm sure you wouldn't mind
giving him a hug then.

614
00:18:48,663 --> 00:18:49,901
Since you love him so much.

615
00:18:49,926 --> 00:18:51,800
Sure. I always like to hug my cousin.

616
00:18:53,302 --> 00:18:54,844
He's gushing!

617
00:18:54,868 --> 00:18:55,758
Darn it.

618
00:18:55,782 --> 00:18:57,456
I thought these would hide it,

619
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,849
but I gushed through my pit diapers.

620
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:01,242
All right, fine.

621
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,520
I always suspected
that Charles wasn't one of us.

622
00:19:03,573 --> 00:19:05,594
I mean, he went through puberty at 13,

623
00:19:05,618 --> 00:19:07,204
instead of 25,

624
00:19:07,228 --> 00:19:08,403
like a normal Boyle.

625
00:19:09,056 --> 00:19:11,649
And when he got chosen
to give the eulogy,

626
00:19:12,233 --> 00:19:14,037
something inside of me snapped.

627
00:19:14,061 --> 00:19:15,069
So I hid the will.

628
00:19:15,264 --> 00:19:16,310
I admit it.

629
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:17,700
Are you happy now?

630
00:19:17,732 --> 00:19:18,780
- Very.
- Not at all.

631
00:19:18,805 --> 00:19:20,805
Wait, what?
Charles, we solved the case.

632
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:22,506
- He confessed.
- Doesn't matter.

633
00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:24,359
I'm still not a Boyle.

634
00:19:24,724 --> 00:19:26,846
I'm just a normal person.

635
00:19:28,324 --> 00:19:30,630
Normal from snout to anus.

636
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:35,668
We wanted to apologize.

637
00:19:35,693 --> 00:19:38,455
And if you wanna gloat
about how you outsmarted us,

638
00:19:38,521 --> 00:19:39,976
go ahead. We deserve it.

639
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,761
I won't be doing any gloating.

640
00:19:41,785 --> 00:19:43,763
I mean, I did last night.
I went home and had a drink

641
00:19:43,787 --> 00:19:45,930
to toast to your humiliation.

642
00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:47,157
But it didn't feel right,

643
00:19:47,181 --> 00:19:48,333
because I had no one to toast with,

644
00:19:48,357 --> 00:19:49,725
no one to share my glee.

645
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:53,740
I had won, but I was alone.

646
00:19:54,145 --> 00:19:55,905
And I realized,

647
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,604
this is exactly what I'm doing to Kevin.

648
00:19:58,628 --> 00:20:00,910
Trying to win therapy.

649
00:20:01,021 --> 00:20:02,330
And it hit me.

650
00:20:02,458 --> 00:20:04,753
I care so much about winning

651
00:20:06,287 --> 00:20:08,019
that I've lost everything.

652
00:20:10,006 --> 00:20:11,580
Tell Kevin how you feel.

653
00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:14,576
It's raining. You could run to him.

654
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,010
This is the real world, Santiago.

655
00:20:16,035 --> 00:20:18,757
Relationships end
in unsatisfying ways every day.

656
00:20:20,084 --> 00:20:22,062
People don't run
to each other in the rain.

657
00:20:22,086 --> 00:20:24,456
Raymond! Raymond Holt!

658
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,436
Kevin?

659
00:20:28,296 --> 00:20:29,652
Raymond!

660
00:20:35,430 --> 00:20:37,190
Raymond, am I too late?

661
00:20:37,306 --> 00:20:38,425
Too late?

662
00:20:38,624 --> 00:20:40,036
My friend saw your dating profile

663
00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:41,923
and your photo without collar stays.

664
00:20:42,671 --> 00:20:43,758
I thought I'd lost you.

665
00:20:44,764 --> 00:20:46,875
You will never lose me.

666
00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:48,958
I'll do anything to keep you.

667
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:51,120
I'll compromise on everything.
The work, the...

668
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,390
Nancy Meyers never fails.

669
00:21:05,738 --> 00:21:08,064
Now that we're doing it,
it feels kinda weird

670
00:21:08,088 --> 00:21:09,805
to be staring at your friends
while they kiss.

671
00:21:09,829 --> 00:21:12,092
Are you kidding? It's beautiful.

672
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:15,950
I love you.

673
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:17,775
I love you.

674
00:21:19,907 --> 00:21:21,858
Okay, I'm packed. Let's go home.

675
00:21:22,233 --> 00:21:23,558
Charles, I'm sorry.

676
00:21:23,582 --> 00:21:24,951
I feel like this was all my fault.

677
00:21:24,975 --> 00:21:26,518
Why? Did you inseminate my mother?

678
00:21:26,542 --> 00:21:27,780
What? Ew, no.

679
00:21:27,804 --> 00:21:29,956
Don't say ew.
She's my one blood relation.

680
00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:31,963
Remember, I'm not a real Boyle.

681
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:33,459
Okay, fine.

682
00:21:33,852 --> 00:21:35,090
Maybe you're not a real Boyle.

683
00:21:35,115 --> 00:21:36,130
But what if

684
00:21:36,155 --> 00:21:37,132
you're a true Boyle?

685
00:21:37,157 --> 00:21:38,395
What if

686
00:21:38,684 --> 00:21:40,053
you're The One True Boyle?

687
00:21:40,077 --> 00:21:41,315
No, no. You want me to open

688
00:21:41,339 --> 00:21:42,316
the Grandmother Dough.

689
00:21:42,340 --> 00:21:43,491
That jar is stuck shut.

690
00:21:43,515 --> 00:21:45,145
Nobody's ever been able to do it.

691
00:21:45,169 --> 00:21:46,538
But you have to try.

692
00:21:46,562 --> 00:21:47,846
Terry, go grab it.

693
00:21:48,756 --> 00:21:52,020
All right, now let's reassemble
those cousins.

694
00:21:53,233 --> 00:21:54,850
I'm not gonna be able to do this,

695
00:21:54,874 --> 00:21:56,678
and I'm gonna be even more humiliated.

696
00:21:56,702 --> 00:21:58,521
Just try. I believe in you.

697
00:22:00,793 --> 00:22:02,597
So did you loosen it?

698
00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:03,903
I tried, but it's slippery,

699
00:22:03,927 --> 00:22:04,885
and that thing is sealed on tight.

700
00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:06,340
I couldn't budge it.

701
00:22:06,364 --> 00:22:08,734
Oh, no. Uh, hey, Charles.

702
00:22:08,758 --> 00:22:10,387
Remember when I said
that I believed in you?

703
00:22:10,411 --> 00:22:12,564
Yes. It's the entire reason
I'm doing this.

704
00:22:12,588 --> 00:22:14,456
Oh. Godspeed.

705
00:22:28,890 --> 00:22:30,041
Ah!

706
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:31,075
I did it!

707
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:32,584
He's The One True Boyle.

708
00:22:35,425 --> 00:22:37,316
Oh, my God. What is that stench?

709
00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:38,764
It's the Grandmother Dough.

710
00:22:38,820 --> 00:22:39,915
It smells horrible.

711
00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:42,333
Not to a Boyle.

712
00:22:42,618 --> 00:22:45,835
Pappy's hugs were long and firm.

713
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:47,185
Okay, here's what I think
might've happened.

714
00:22:47,210 --> 00:22:49,319
You loosened the jar,
but you didn't realize it

715
00:22:49,344 --> 00:22:50,452
because you're a Godzilla man,

716
00:22:50,477 --> 00:22:51,976
and you don't know your own strength.

717
00:22:52,001 --> 00:22:53,660
First of all, thank you
for calling me a Godzilla man.

718
00:22:53,685 --> 00:22:55,080
- Yeah.
- Secondly, that's not it.

719
00:22:55,105 --> 00:22:56,735
- The jar was too slippery.
- All right, how about this?

720
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,520
Charles was so freaked out
about not being a Boyle

721
00:22:58,545 --> 00:23:01,045
that he got an adrenaline rush,
and that made him stronger.

722
00:23:01,090 --> 00:23:03,145
Or maybe Charles is the One True Boyle.

723
00:23:03,170 --> 00:23:05,300
And I know that Pappy's up there

724
00:23:05,325 --> 00:23:07,521
shopping for beige slacks

725
00:23:07,546 --> 00:23:10,020
at that Mervyn's in the sky.

726
00:23:10,907 --> 00:23:13,316
Ah, Mervyn's!

727
00:23:13,605 --> 00:23:15,085
Yeah, he's the One True Boyle.

728
00:23:15,842 --> 00:23:19,842
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
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