1 00:00:13,403 --> 00:00:15,971 Saviors of the frickin' world. 2 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,405 And that's what would have happened. 3 00:00:40,430 --> 00:00:42,574 If you had hired Cloudbeam marketing. 4 00:00:42,599 --> 00:00:44,298 - Hi. - But you didn't. 5 00:00:44,351 --> 00:00:45,812 - So it didn't. - Which is why you're broke. 6 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:48,212 - No judgment. - Really? Because I judge it. 7 00:00:48,237 --> 00:00:52,266 - Said our largest expense. - Hey, alcohol is a group expense! 8 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,239 Seems like we should have cut alcohol 9 00:00:54,264 --> 00:00:57,215 - before our health plan. - Eh, vodka disinfects cuts. 10 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,108 Well, I miss my dark science budget. 11 00:00:59,133 --> 00:01:03,165 - The hell is dark science? - It's basically science but darker. 12 00:01:03,190 --> 00:01:05,990 I'm sad the wall art's gone. It riled my loins. 13 00:01:06,015 --> 00:01:08,768 - What doesn't rile your loins? - Enough! 14 00:01:08,793 --> 00:01:12,281 We're not here to waste time or prison toilet scotch. 15 00:01:12,379 --> 00:01:14,462 We're here because these ranting buffoons 16 00:01:14,514 --> 00:01:16,431 think they can solve our problems. 17 00:01:16,466 --> 00:01:17,786 One of her better introductions. 18 00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:20,501 Real talk? The espionage climate has changed. 19 00:01:20,553 --> 00:01:22,470 Your old spy model just doesn't work. 20 00:01:22,522 --> 00:01:24,338 Hello, dinosaur? Meet asteroid. 21 00:01:24,391 --> 00:01:27,392 - But that's where we come in. - Hello, dinosaur? Meet marketing. 22 00:01:27,477 --> 00:01:29,811 Are they turning us into a dinosaur? 23 00:01:29,836 --> 00:01:32,340 Honestly, I don't know, but I'm lovin' it. 24 00:01:32,365 --> 00:01:35,517 Simple version: We can synthesize your messaging to encourage... 25 00:01:35,535 --> 00:01:38,319 Multitier client sourcing. 26 00:01:38,371 --> 00:01:40,538 Wow, did that just happen? 27 00:01:40,563 --> 00:01:42,115 - That was the simple version? - Wait. 28 00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:43,839 Does this mean we're shooting people again? 29 00:01:43,864 --> 00:01:46,562 - Maybe. If we had bullets. - We sold the bullets? 30 00:01:46,587 --> 00:01:49,380 - Yeah, we're boned. - No, we're not. 31 00:01:49,466 --> 00:01:51,499 Yes, the government denied our heroism 32 00:01:51,551 --> 00:01:53,334 and withheld payment. 33 00:01:53,386 --> 00:01:55,480 And yes, contracts have been drying up, 34 00:01:55,505 --> 00:01:59,373 but I know better things are right around the... 35 00:02:01,566 --> 00:02:02,802 Around the... 36 00:02:04,009 --> 00:02:05,360 Damn it! 37 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:10,763 Around the what? Ass? 38 00:02:41,894 --> 00:02:48,219 credits 39 00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:55,674 - Your entire process is outdated dirt. - But dirt with potential. 40 00:02:55,699 --> 00:02:58,566 - A nutrient-rich loam. - Is there life on Mars? 41 00:02:58,715 --> 00:03:00,681 - Definitely. - Oh-ho, man. 42 00:03:00,717 --> 00:03:02,633 You keep doing this fun marketing banter 43 00:03:02,719 --> 00:03:05,419 and I'm gonna need to sit on a sandbag. 44 00:03:05,472 --> 00:03:08,556 You need to get out of the dark ages of the espionage industry. 45 00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:11,392 I mean, do you even use Global Spy Wire? 46 00:03:12,596 --> 00:03:15,024 Exactly how many beats of silence 47 00:03:15,049 --> 00:03:17,598 - are you shooting for? - You're not on GSW? 48 00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:20,735 It's only the online marketplace for spy jobs. 49 00:03:20,787 --> 00:03:24,784 - Like the classifieds? - Extra! Extra! 50 00:03:24,809 --> 00:03:27,207 Spy master uses outdated media! 51 00:03:27,232 --> 00:03:30,324 Aw, jeez, don't raise the prices, Mr. Pulitzer. 52 00:03:30,349 --> 00:03:31,418 "Newsies"! 53 00:03:31,443 --> 00:03:33,859 My god, this is what it's come to. 54 00:03:33,921 --> 00:03:35,777 Hocking my paintings for rent money 55 00:03:35,802 --> 00:03:39,720 and taking business advice from theater school flunkies. 56 00:03:39,756 --> 00:03:42,673 - I was economics. - Folklore and mythology. 57 00:03:42,759 --> 00:03:44,625 Why would we use want ads? 58 00:03:44,677 --> 00:03:47,645 - Our phone is ringing off the hook. - Well, actually, 59 00:03:47,730 --> 00:03:49,647 it has been pretty quiet lately. 60 00:03:49,672 --> 00:03:52,458 Okay, real talk? The phone is broken. 61 00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,549 - Since when?! - A few months ago? 62 00:03:54,574 --> 00:03:57,715 I don't know. I'd call someone to fix it, but, you know. 63 00:03:57,740 --> 00:04:01,231 - This is why you need Cloudbeam. - To buy us a new phone? 64 00:04:01,256 --> 00:04:03,206 To help you, the little guy, 65 00:04:03,231 --> 00:04:06,147 compete with the big spy conglomerates like IIA. 66 00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,975 IIA, pfft. Soulless vultures. 67 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,696 - Nice uniforms, though. - I heard they bought Odin, 68 00:04:11,721 --> 00:04:13,638 fired everyone, then made them reapply 69 00:04:13,723 --> 00:04:16,757 - for their own jobs at half pay. - That's bullshit. 70 00:04:16,826 --> 00:04:18,759 You can't just fire someone for no reason. 71 00:04:18,828 --> 00:04:20,300 It would have happened to me by now. 72 00:04:20,325 --> 00:04:22,757 What's next? Do you fire someone for breaking a phone 73 00:04:22,781 --> 00:04:24,682 when she was smashing a ladybug over and over? 74 00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:27,256 Uh, okay, look. Maybe these guys have a point. 75 00:04:27,281 --> 00:04:30,529 - About us being dirt? - About us needing help to compete. 76 00:04:30,554 --> 00:04:33,224 My reputation as the world's greatest spy only goes so far. 77 00:04:33,249 --> 00:04:36,185 Especially since that's a pre-coma reputation. 78 00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,160 - Said pre-nut-tap Cyril. - What? 79 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,708 - Aaaaah! - Uh, sorry I'm late. 80 00:04:40,733 --> 00:04:42,794 Robert and I got into another huge fight about... 81 00:04:42,819 --> 00:04:45,509 - About whether or not we'd care? - Ugh, actually, sort of. 82 00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:47,751 - It all started when... - Wanted ads? 83 00:04:47,957 --> 00:04:51,433 - Is that all you've got? - Hardly. 84 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,712 You also need a strong brand, and that starts with a good name. 85 00:04:54,737 --> 00:04:56,521 Think of something people already love. 86 00:04:56,546 --> 00:05:00,483 - Then spice it up with a spy angle. - Ooh! Anal bullets! 87 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:03,631 And that feels like a good place to stop. 88 00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:07,709 Thank you for your interest, but we simply don't need Cloudbeam. 89 00:05:07,734 --> 00:05:11,803 Fair enough, but I have a feeling we'll be hearing from you soon. 90 00:05:11,828 --> 00:05:14,943 Yeah, hearing you scream our names from the rooftops. 91 00:05:14,968 --> 00:05:18,853 "Kaya, Alton, save us! Save us!" 92 00:05:21,144 --> 00:05:24,215 Anybody else got an eerie feeling they might be right? 93 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,363 Nonsense, there's nothing they said 94 00:05:26,388 --> 00:05:28,316 that we can't do ourselves. 95 00:05:28,341 --> 00:05:31,776 Pam, Cheryl, you two are our new marketing team. 96 00:05:31,801 --> 00:05:33,801 - Brand us. - I'll get my tools. 97 00:05:33,870 --> 00:05:36,871 - I think she means with a name, cowboy. - We'll give her options. 98 00:05:36,939 --> 00:05:40,875 As for new jobs, we'll start with small missions on GSW, 99 00:05:40,943 --> 00:05:45,113 - get a good rating, and slowly... - Sign up for the most lucrative job 100 00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:48,917 - on Global Spy Wire, boom. - "Rival bounty situation. 101 00:05:48,951 --> 00:05:51,753 "Cash on delivery of the package. Multiple bidders." 102 00:05:51,821 --> 00:05:54,789 - Wha... No money up front? - But big money in back. 103 00:05:54,857 --> 00:05:57,642 We'll be drinking non-swill from non-plastic in no time. 104 00:05:57,727 --> 00:06:00,561 Idiot! Do you realize how competitive 105 00:06:00,613 --> 00:06:03,136 - this contract will be? - Now that I'm involved? Very. 106 00:06:03,161 --> 00:06:06,288 We can't afford this mission. We can barely afford the flight. 107 00:06:06,323 --> 00:06:09,052 And your testicles can't afford another cane tap. 108 00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:10,738 - Ah! - Ugh, let's do it. 109 00:06:10,763 --> 00:06:12,824 After the morning I've had with Robert, I'd go anywhere. 110 00:06:12,875 --> 00:06:16,688 - Preferably somewhere with... - A giant heap of rat shit. 111 00:06:16,713 --> 00:06:19,780 - Seriously, Cyril? - Oh, wait, there's also a pile of rat shit 112 00:06:19,832 --> 00:06:21,716 under here, which means we're looking at 113 00:06:21,751 --> 00:06:23,551 a men's room/women's room situation. 114 00:06:23,586 --> 00:06:25,306 This was the nicest place we could afford. 115 00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:26,630 I'm trying to save our funds. 116 00:06:26,673 --> 00:06:29,623 Not an issue because I spent all the funds on trânt. 117 00:06:29,676 --> 00:06:31,726 - Who the hell is trânt? - You mean what is trânt. 118 00:06:31,761 --> 00:06:33,894 It's Moldovan folk wrestling, and it's fantastic. 119 00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:37,393 You lost all our money gambling on regional martial arts? 120 00:06:37,418 --> 00:06:39,928 No, my guys won, but then I had to buy drinks. 121 00:06:39,952 --> 00:06:41,902 It'll be fine. Here are the briefing papers. 122 00:06:41,938 --> 00:06:45,639 - Double-sided? How poor are we? - You just spent all of our money. 123 00:06:45,692 --> 00:06:47,858 Yeah, on memories that will last a lifetime. 124 00:06:47,944 --> 00:06:49,944 Two days ago, mercenaries kidnapped this man, 125 00:06:49,969 --> 00:06:51,719 known as the Professor. 126 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,529 And that thing is a prototype for an ionic fusion device. 127 00:06:54,554 --> 00:06:56,518 Ionic fusion device? What is that? 128 00:06:56,543 --> 00:07:00,815 - An expensive macguffin in a life full of them. - According to our sources, 129 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:04,008 he's being moved out of the country in a few hours on this highway. 130 00:07:04,093 --> 00:07:05,993 We worked all of our contacts to get this tip, 131 00:07:06,045 --> 00:07:08,763 so our only advantage is this one piece of information 132 00:07:08,798 --> 00:07:10,715 that none of the big agencies have. 133 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:15,603 - Greetings, and welcome to Moldova. - Finally, the conciérge. 134 00:07:15,638 --> 00:07:17,456 We'd like a free bottle of scotch and directions 135 00:07:17,481 --> 00:07:19,673 to a hall of trânt that takes bets on credit. 136 00:07:19,726 --> 00:07:22,974 - And a room with less rat feces? - Forgive me for intruding. 137 00:07:22,979 --> 00:07:27,341 My name is Fabian Kingsworth. I am head of IIA. 138 00:07:27,366 --> 00:07:29,560 Well, well, well. The competition. 139 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:33,931 I guess your tiny agency is competition for IIA 140 00:07:33,956 --> 00:07:36,707 the way coffee is competition for cocaine. 141 00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:39,280 Yeah, I mean, sure. I mean, what do you want? 142 00:07:39,305 --> 00:07:41,862 - We're sort of mid-mission here. - I just wanted to stop by 143 00:07:41,914 --> 00:07:44,749 to get a chance to meet the Sterling Archer. 144 00:07:44,834 --> 00:07:46,967 I was delighted to learn you were not dead 145 00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:50,041 but, rather, alive as a mere shadow of your former self. 146 00:07:50,066 --> 00:07:51,949 Well, looks like you're chasing shadows, 147 00:07:51,974 --> 00:07:54,252 - since we got here first. - First? 148 00:07:55,151 --> 00:07:57,845 We set up our command center weeks ago. 149 00:07:57,870 --> 00:08:00,635 And of course, our satellites are always overhead. 150 00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:04,135 Which works slightly better than a guy on a roof with binoculars. 151 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,262 - Oh, yeah? Well, we have... - A guy on a roof? 152 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,857 No. Something way better than that. 153 00:08:11,259 --> 00:08:15,087 Cold-ass pouring rain. Cheap-ass binoculars. 154 00:08:16,978 --> 00:08:18,086 That. 155 00:08:19,714 --> 00:08:21,330 I'm rooting for you, Archer. 156 00:08:21,355 --> 00:08:23,416 Like when you see a beetle on its back, 157 00:08:23,441 --> 00:08:26,984 legs kicking and flailing, not knowing that he's already dead 158 00:08:27,009 --> 00:08:30,795 as the shadow of a giant elegant bird falls over him. 159 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,592 - I am that bird. - At which point, 160 00:08:33,617 --> 00:08:36,256 the beetle hops up and eats the bird! Ah! 161 00:08:37,624 --> 00:08:39,380 Why build on his metaphor? 162 00:08:39,405 --> 00:08:41,806 And what beetle eats birds? 163 00:08:41,831 --> 00:08:45,642 - Jesus, your forearms are like bowling pins. - Yes, well, uh... 164 00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,814 I should get going. I'm sorry. 165 00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:52,274 It's emotional meeting someone I used to look up to. 166 00:08:53,586 --> 00:08:55,832 There is no way we're losing to that asshole. 167 00:08:55,857 --> 00:08:57,207 Starting now, we stay one... 168 00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,941 no, make it two steps ahead of him. 169 00:08:58,966 --> 00:09:00,991 - Cyril, note that. - I'm not mission secretary. 170 00:09:01,016 --> 00:09:03,183 - Then what are you? - Hey, two step, 171 00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:06,080 - Fabian planted a bug on your shoulder. - Damn it! 172 00:09:07,524 --> 00:09:10,000 Oh! Why won't this break when you... 173 00:09:10,086 --> 00:09:11,785 Just gonna save us some time. 174 00:09:11,838 --> 00:09:13,318 Okay, new plan: We follow Kingsworth 175 00:09:13,342 --> 00:09:15,973 and sabotage him and his team in a super humiliating way. 176 00:09:16,058 --> 00:09:18,409 Archer, we are not risking this mission and our 177 00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:20,761 lives so you can beat a better version of yourself. 178 00:09:20,813 --> 00:09:22,796 He is not better. He said he looked up to me. 179 00:09:22,849 --> 00:09:25,550 - Actually, he said he used to. - I know what he said! 180 00:09:25,575 --> 00:09:27,255 Y'all! I just saw a caravan of... 181 00:09:27,279 --> 00:09:28,819 IIA vehicles. We know. 182 00:09:28,905 --> 00:09:30,804 Well, nice to know my pneumonia 183 00:09:30,857 --> 00:09:32,740 and near electrocution was worth it. 184 00:09:32,775 --> 00:09:35,183 Shut up. Here's the plan. Ray, find their command center. 185 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:36,977 Way ahead of you. They got a jillion cars 186 00:09:37,029 --> 00:09:38,996 over at the Moldovan bloom hotel. 187 00:09:39,081 --> 00:09:41,185 Okay, Lana and I will follow IIA. 188 00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:42,750 You two stay back here and pretend 189 00:09:42,785 --> 00:09:44,785 that I'm still with you so the bug hears it. 190 00:09:44,837 --> 00:09:46,537 And just how are we gonna do that? 191 00:09:46,562 --> 00:09:48,501 Just pretend we're talking and do an impression of me. 192 00:09:48,526 --> 00:09:50,219 What, like... "My name's Archer. 193 00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:52,554 "I'm an egomaniac who endangers every mission 194 00:09:52,579 --> 00:09:54,662 "with my self-serving narcissism. 195 00:09:54,687 --> 00:09:57,875 Also, I'm inebriated almost 24 hours a day." 196 00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,693 Ha! That was pretty good, actually. 197 00:09:59,718 --> 00:10:02,076 Lose the "almost" and then take it again. 198 00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,657 Alright! We can do this. 199 00:10:07,658 --> 00:10:09,326 We're just as good as Cloudbeam. 200 00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:11,609 So espionage names, espionage names... 201 00:10:12,453 --> 00:10:15,334 Oh, I got it. S.P. Nosh. 202 00:10:15,359 --> 00:10:16,748 Sure, if you're planning on opening 203 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,085 - a spy-themed delicatessen. - Hmm. 204 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:23,380 What would Kaya and Alton do? 205 00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:25,667 "Hey, everything here is old as dirt!" 206 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:27,626 - "Dirt with potential!" - "Edible dirt!" 207 00:10:27,651 --> 00:10:29,830 "Loud words and fake laughter!" 208 00:10:32,663 --> 00:10:34,913 So break for lunch? 209 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,628 Ugh, I can't believe I'm asking you this. 210 00:10:39,653 --> 00:10:42,192 Oh, god. Look, Lana, I'm flattered. 211 00:10:42,217 --> 00:10:43,419 So just make it quick. 212 00:10:43,444 --> 00:10:46,375 - What? I am not asking to blow you. - Then open with that. 213 00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:49,244 - God, this is already hard enough. - Phrasing. 214 00:10:49,269 --> 00:10:51,961 - Ugh, forget it. - No, sorry, go ahead. 215 00:10:51,986 --> 00:10:54,391 You can't believe you're asking this, but... 216 00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:57,586 But when you live with someone who annoys you, 217 00:10:57,671 --> 00:10:59,554 how do you address it without causing conflict? 218 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,377 Hmm, have you tried making them eat a bowl of spiderwebs? 219 00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:04,049 What do you want, Pam? 220 00:11:04,074 --> 00:11:07,440 No, there's already a company called "Spies with thighs." 221 00:11:07,465 --> 00:11:09,698 They're PIs. They're good guys. 222 00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:13,822 - How may I help you? - Yes, my name is Chet Manley, 223 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,764 and my wife, Betty, right here 224 00:11:15,789 --> 00:11:18,443 just found a severed thumb in our bidet. 225 00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:22,336 - Can we please see a manager? - Oh, my! Yes, just one moment. 226 00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:26,265 There, a block of suites for IIA. 20th floor. 227 00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:31,217 What? I want to talk to the manager about that thumb. 228 00:11:31,242 --> 00:11:33,108 Might get a free drink ticket out of it. 229 00:11:34,024 --> 00:11:38,373 Our target will cross route 90 at 1400 hours. 230 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,707 Per usual, if you're late, the minutes will be 231 00:11:40,732 --> 00:11:42,795 taken out of your paid family leave time. 232 00:11:43,676 --> 00:11:46,710 And a reminder: Bullet rationing is still in effect. 233 00:11:46,903 --> 00:11:49,738 That's $5 per bullet that misses the target. 234 00:11:49,823 --> 00:11:51,207 I'm looking at you, Andy. 235 00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,741 Bullet penalties? Ha! Suckers. 236 00:11:53,766 --> 00:11:55,825 Well, at least they can afford bullets. 237 00:12:03,071 --> 00:12:06,155 Once en route, there's no exit for 80 kilometers. 238 00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:08,038 All right? We head out in ten. 239 00:12:08,063 --> 00:12:09,724 Ten? We gotta go if we're gonna... 240 00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:12,566 Do the insanely stupid thing of sabotaging IIA 241 00:12:12,591 --> 00:12:14,243 instead of just beating them to the punch? 242 00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:16,152 You know what else seemed insanely stupid? 243 00:12:16,177 --> 00:12:18,230 - Betting on folk wrestling. - Sure was. 244 00:12:18,255 --> 00:12:20,935 But I had a great time, Lana. Congrats on the wedding. 245 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,799 Hope it works out better for you than it did for Lana here. 246 00:12:24,603 --> 00:12:26,150 Whoa, Boerl & Kroff? 247 00:12:26,175 --> 00:12:28,092 Now I see why you couldn't afford a suite. 248 00:12:29,891 --> 00:12:33,759 Well, Archer, you're in charge. What's our next move? 249 00:12:33,784 --> 00:12:35,346 The plan is, we stay here 250 00:12:35,371 --> 00:12:37,294 and wait for instructions, dipshit. 251 00:12:38,770 --> 00:12:39,963 Uh, hey, guys. 252 00:12:39,988 --> 00:12:42,441 Uh, should we order some room service? 253 00:12:42,466 --> 00:12:46,418 Ugh, god forbid you skip a meal and your breasts shrink to a B-cup. 254 00:12:51,284 --> 00:12:55,169 God, sometimes I think my entire life is just sneaking around. 255 00:12:55,194 --> 00:12:57,055 Do you ever wonder if you, ugh, I don't know, 256 00:12:57,107 --> 00:12:59,308 - made the wrong choice? - Like how I should've 257 00:12:59,309 --> 00:13:01,471 brought Ray with me instead of you? Constantly. 258 00:13:01,496 --> 00:13:04,863 - I mean in a relationship. - I wouldn't call this a relationship. 259 00:13:04,898 --> 00:13:06,983 Not with you! With Robert! 260 00:13:07,018 --> 00:13:08,950 Oh, yeah, that seems terrible. 261 00:13:09,036 --> 00:13:11,130 But is it? I mean, I do love him. 262 00:13:11,155 --> 00:13:15,773 - But other times, I'm just like, ugh. - Yeah, like during old man sex? 263 00:13:15,826 --> 00:13:17,426 How's it work if you both just lie there? 264 00:13:18,273 --> 00:13:21,298 - Shh! Guards. - No, employees. 265 00:13:21,470 --> 00:13:24,238 Hey, dickheads, I'm gonna steal that Humvee. 266 00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:25,501 You better shoot me. 267 00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:30,439 Oof, 20 bullets and none in my body? 268 00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:32,264 What is that, 100 bucks? 269 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:37,812 Ha-ha! 200 bucks. 270 00:13:37,837 --> 00:13:41,738 You're basically working for... Aah! Okay, 195. 271 00:13:47,908 --> 00:13:49,348 Okay, we'll disable their vehicles, 272 00:13:49,372 --> 00:13:52,211 - then go pick up the others. - With our new helicopter. 273 00:13:54,114 --> 00:13:56,890 - Archer, you can't fly a helicopter. - Being in a coma 274 00:13:56,891 --> 00:13:58,954 didn't make me less of a helicopter pilot, Lana. 275 00:13:59,002 --> 00:14:00,869 You never knew how to fly a helicopter! 276 00:14:00,954 --> 00:14:02,154 Well, then we're both right. 277 00:14:02,178 --> 00:14:03,872 - I'm not getting in that! - Great. 278 00:14:03,957 --> 00:14:06,007 Grab us a Humvee and I'll race you to the hotel. 279 00:14:06,093 --> 00:14:07,093 Whoo-hoo! 280 00:14:07,094 --> 00:14:09,094 Oh! Oh, shit. Oh, god. 281 00:14:09,129 --> 00:14:11,796 Ah-ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! 282 00:14:11,848 --> 00:14:14,354 Sorry. Not a political statement. 283 00:14:14,379 --> 00:14:16,066 Just an accident. 284 00:14:16,101 --> 00:14:17,852 Well, maybe you'd have a better job 285 00:14:17,938 --> 00:14:20,939 if you didn't have such a debilitating confidence issue! 286 00:14:20,974 --> 00:14:22,974 And what about you, Ray, you dipshit? 287 00:14:23,026 --> 00:14:25,490 You live in a studio apartment filled with mid-century 288 00:14:25,515 --> 00:14:29,686 - craftsman doghouses and no dog. - A: They're Queen Anne's. 289 00:14:29,711 --> 00:14:33,614 B: Dogs would ruin them. And C: I'll kill you! 290 00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:41,500 - What the hell is this? - A helicopter? Get in! 291 00:14:41,878 --> 00:14:43,118 Yeah, I'm good on the ground. 292 00:14:43,142 --> 00:14:46,030 That's an option? I'm also good on the ground. 293 00:14:46,082 --> 00:14:48,672 Helicopter! 294 00:14:51,334 --> 00:14:53,885 IIA has armored Humvees? 295 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,042 - Ooh. Ooooh. - Yep. Butt warmers. 296 00:14:58,252 --> 00:15:00,361 We should look into IIA. 297 00:15:03,984 --> 00:15:06,496 That's it, Sheila. Nice and easy. 298 00:15:06,521 --> 00:15:09,821 - You named the helicopter Sheila? - No, the stick is Sheila. 299 00:15:09,856 --> 00:15:12,991 The helicopter is Dr. Whirlington Spinblade. 300 00:15:13,334 --> 00:15:16,553 Okay, I have a visual on the target. Semitruck, dead ahead. 301 00:15:16,578 --> 00:15:19,459 You see that, Lana? Step one: Take out IIA. 302 00:15:19,484 --> 00:15:20,949 Step two: Get the scientists. 303 00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:23,492 Step three: Profit. And a haircut. 304 00:15:23,527 --> 00:15:24,806 It's been, like, two weeks. 305 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,955 Congrats. You accidentally didn't fail. 306 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,007 And got a free helicopter. 307 00:15:29,042 --> 00:15:33,102 Um, how sure are you that you finished step one? 308 00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,062 - Pretty sure. - Ah! 309 00:15:49,561 --> 00:15:52,452 So. Let's say, you're some rich, fancy-pants company 310 00:15:52,477 --> 00:15:54,496 who needs professional spy shit done. 311 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:56,521 Do you want the cold, hard tile feel 312 00:15:56,546 --> 00:15:59,191 of a big conglomerate like IIA? 313 00:15:59,276 --> 00:16:02,027 Ha-ha! I'd rather kill myself and take you with me. 314 00:16:02,113 --> 00:16:05,073 Or do you want a boutique agency that offers a warm, 315 00:16:05,074 --> 00:16:07,075 - personal touch? - Like a stranger's hand 316 00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:09,151 on your side butt in an airport shuttle. 317 00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:11,153 When you need spies, you need... 318 00:16:11,222 --> 00:16:13,818 Slugs-n-jugs! Pew, pew, pew. 319 00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:20,108 I told you we should've gone with the back and spyin' center. 320 00:16:20,264 --> 00:16:21,997 That's why I think our company 321 00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,243 would make a great investment for... 322 00:16:24,509 --> 00:16:27,226 Oh, you can't do this to me, Maurice. 323 00:16:27,251 --> 00:16:30,022 You just can't. I... 324 00:16:30,107 --> 00:16:31,140 Hello? 325 00:16:31,192 --> 00:16:32,481 Damn it! 326 00:16:33,379 --> 00:16:35,895 Think, Malory. Think. 327 00:16:36,113 --> 00:16:38,770 No, not that. Think harder. 328 00:16:40,151 --> 00:16:41,494 Fine. 329 00:16:48,642 --> 00:16:51,463 Can you not? I'm still learning here. 330 00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:58,448 Dukes! 331 00:16:59,878 --> 00:17:02,481 Butt warmers and bulletproof windows? 332 00:17:02,505 --> 00:17:03,805 I mean... 333 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,209 Jesus, they sprung for tracers? That's good prep. 334 00:17:07,261 --> 00:17:09,228 I almost feel bad about my inevitable triumph. 335 00:17:09,313 --> 00:17:11,213 Triumph? I've been shot twice. 336 00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:13,065 Archer, you want to help me down here, 337 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,317 or you just gonna watch me get rammed from behind? 338 00:17:15,352 --> 00:17:17,019 That one was intentional, right? 339 00:17:17,071 --> 00:17:18,943 - Archer! - I'm coming. 340 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,972 Also intentional. 341 00:17:23,194 --> 00:17:24,480 - What? - Hey, Lana. 342 00:17:24,505 --> 00:17:26,597 What about Spies & Dolls? 343 00:17:26,622 --> 00:17:28,163 Well, what does the doll part mean? 344 00:17:28,199 --> 00:17:31,333 Maybe we leave behind a creepy doll on every mission. 345 00:17:31,368 --> 00:17:33,168 You know what? We'll call you back. 346 00:17:33,204 --> 00:17:36,205 - What are you doing? - What does it look like, Cyril? 347 00:17:36,257 --> 00:17:39,174 I'm using the helicopter blades to slice open the top of the truck. 348 00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:41,346 Helicopter! 349 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,901 Uh-oh. Apparently helicopters don't like it when you do that. 350 00:17:45,926 --> 00:17:50,196 - Keep it together, Dr. Spinblade. - Ah, damn it, I'm stuck. 351 00:17:50,221 --> 00:17:52,676 I'm not leaving without you, Cyril. 352 00:17:53,107 --> 00:17:56,141 Ha, I need something soft to land on. 353 00:17:59,214 --> 00:18:01,297 Ah, god damn it, Cyril. 354 00:18:01,398 --> 00:18:04,066 What good is your pillowy beef-suit of a torso 355 00:18:04,118 --> 00:18:06,068 if you don't position yourself under me? 356 00:18:08,239 --> 00:18:11,073 Hey, I see that scientist guy down there with the thingy 357 00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:14,159 and three... check that, one alive kidnapper. 358 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,296 Damn it, I'm out. 359 00:18:17,381 --> 00:18:21,133 Oh, wait, no, I'm not. Man, IIA's got good taste in guns. 360 00:18:21,218 --> 00:18:23,796 - You got that right. - What? Who the hell is that? 361 00:18:23,821 --> 00:18:25,843 The guy who wants to offer you a way out 362 00:18:25,868 --> 00:18:28,408 - of your terrible job. - How'd you get in my earpiece? 363 00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:30,571 Do you guys seriously not have satellite? 364 00:18:30,596 --> 00:18:32,060 Satellite? 365 00:18:32,096 --> 00:18:34,555 The microwave in our break room has a rotary dial. 366 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:38,337 Silly rabbit. Warlock six, engage! 367 00:18:41,228 --> 00:18:44,012 Jesus! Ray, shoot out the tires. 368 00:18:49,446 --> 00:18:51,196 God damn it, Pam! 369 00:18:51,282 --> 00:18:54,657 Hey, shit for brains, I'm busy. Leave me the hell alone! 370 00:18:57,171 --> 00:18:59,938 I just... I love you too. 371 00:19:00,374 --> 00:19:03,175 Ah! Krieger, you idiot. 372 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,903 Why didn't you build a cane with the jaws of life? 373 00:19:07,663 --> 00:19:09,441 Ha! Look at that. 374 00:19:09,466 --> 00:19:12,268 Cyril, climb into the cab of the truck, overtake the driver, 375 00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:14,336 - and get behind the wheel. - Are you kidding me? 376 00:19:14,388 --> 00:19:16,171 How the hell do you want me to do that? 377 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,307 Squeeze your fat ass into the cab of that truck 378 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,251 like there's a free box of twinkies in there. 379 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:26,315 - Not so fast, punk. - Oh, shit. Oh, god. 380 00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:28,150 Hang on, I thought I turned these off. 381 00:19:28,202 --> 00:19:29,202 Ah! 382 00:19:29,286 --> 00:19:30,526 - Sorry. - Please don't hurt me. 383 00:19:30,562 --> 00:19:32,058 Hurt you? I'm here to rescue you. 384 00:19:33,016 --> 00:19:35,683 Uh, ignore that ripped-apart guy. 385 00:19:38,853 --> 00:19:41,770 I'm in! We did it! We won! 386 00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:45,133 Um... Lana, looks like we're coming up 387 00:19:45,169 --> 00:19:46,489 on a checkpoint with a blockade. 388 00:19:46,513 --> 00:19:48,136 Know anything about that? 389 00:19:48,172 --> 00:19:50,205 That is the border of Moldova and Transnistria. 390 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,457 Did you not read the briefing? 391 00:19:51,509 --> 00:19:53,589 Who reads the back of a two-sided briefing? 392 00:19:53,613 --> 00:19:55,377 What the hell is Transnistri, Lana? 393 00:19:55,429 --> 00:19:58,230 It's a tiny breakaway country from Moldova 394 00:19:58,255 --> 00:20:02,217 that is literally one side of the river. Lovely people. 395 00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:05,069 Here's a fun twist. My brakes don't work. 396 00:20:05,094 --> 00:20:08,240 That was me. I scrambled the electronic braking system. 397 00:20:08,265 --> 00:20:10,749 I'll just grab the prototype and skedaddle. 398 00:20:12,327 --> 00:20:13,328 Ope! I say. 399 00:20:13,364 --> 00:20:16,331 Poor Archer. So diminished. 400 00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:18,047 He wouldn't make it through the first round 401 00:20:18,071 --> 00:20:22,940 - of screening at IIA. - Don't try to convince me to join IIA 402 00:20:22,965 --> 00:20:26,748 - by playing mind games, Fabian. - You? Join the IIA? 403 00:20:26,773 --> 00:20:29,355 At what feels like a quarter of your former strength? 404 00:20:29,380 --> 00:20:32,682 - How's this for a quarter strength? - Yes, with the cane. 405 00:20:32,683 --> 00:20:36,351 - But without it... - Whoa, oh! 406 00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:40,145 Oh! 407 00:20:40,170 --> 00:20:42,534 Looks like I'll be taking this after all. 408 00:20:42,559 --> 00:20:47,156 - Good effort, Archer. - Fabian! 409 00:20:47,181 --> 00:20:49,438 God damn it, he's getting away with the prototype. 410 00:20:49,462 --> 00:20:51,772 Shit. We've got bigger problems, Lana. 411 00:20:51,797 --> 00:20:53,289 He broke my cane. 412 00:20:53,314 --> 00:20:55,164 And I was still learning about its new features. 413 00:20:55,189 --> 00:20:56,709 Um, guys? 414 00:20:56,916 --> 00:20:59,458 - Still no brakes up here. - If I may interject... 415 00:20:59,543 --> 00:21:01,423 God, you just had to prove that you were 416 00:21:01,462 --> 00:21:03,628 better than Fabian, which you most obviously are not. 417 00:21:03,714 --> 00:21:05,580 - It's not obvious to me. - Guys? 418 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:07,848 If I may, that prototype is useless without 419 00:21:07,873 --> 00:21:10,624 the uranium glass gamma lens I have in my pocket. 420 00:21:10,649 --> 00:21:13,588 Plus, all the necessary information is in my brain. 421 00:21:13,788 --> 00:21:15,538 Ha, hear that, Lana? 422 00:21:15,563 --> 00:21:17,476 See? There is one piece of good news in all... 423 00:21:17,561 --> 00:21:20,448 Jesus Christ, Cyril, look out! 424 00:21:29,838 --> 00:21:32,722 He needed me, and I let him down. 425 00:21:32,908 --> 00:21:37,339 - He's strong. He'll make it. - Oh-ho, boy. 426 00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:40,501 - Not this coma shit again. - Yeah, comas aren't 427 00:21:40,526 --> 00:21:42,521 as entertaining to watch as I hoped. 428 00:21:42,546 --> 00:21:44,456 Hey, you guys ever do this to me? 429 00:21:45,455 --> 00:21:47,121 - Oh, god. - Better believe it. 430 00:21:47,458 --> 00:21:48,623 Oh, absolutely. 431 00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:51,640 Oh, sorry, Ms. Archer sold my good life-support device. 432 00:21:51,665 --> 00:21:54,875 This one's made out of a washing machine and a leaf blower. 433 00:21:58,602 --> 00:22:00,502 Good morning, this is... 434 00:22:00,554 --> 00:22:03,296 - The... Agency. - Good enough. 435 00:22:03,331 --> 00:22:04,372 - That wasn't bad. - Don't hate it. 436 00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:06,392 This is the client. I need the scientist. 437 00:22:06,477 --> 00:22:11,346 - I'll give you a million. - Well, he is in a tiny, little coma. 438 00:22:11,398 --> 00:22:14,790 - Make that 200,000. - Or we defer payment 439 00:22:14,815 --> 00:22:17,629 until he wakes up, and at that time, 440 00:22:17,654 --> 00:22:21,456 we'll require the entire reward, plus his medical expenses, 441 00:22:21,492 --> 00:22:26,495 10% for our troubles, and a five-star review on GSW. 442 00:22:26,771 --> 00:22:29,548 - Deal? - Uh... Deal. 443 00:22:29,633 --> 00:22:32,169 - Uh, aren't we still super poor? - As it happens, 444 00:22:32,194 --> 00:22:34,904 the agency's purse strings have loosened up a bit. 445 00:22:34,929 --> 00:22:38,164 I was able to find us a new financier. 446 00:22:38,509 --> 00:22:41,343 But no more unnecessary expenses. 447 00:22:41,368 --> 00:22:44,780 Wait. Uh, is that a new crystal tumbler? 448 00:22:45,482 --> 00:22:47,280 You're damn right. 449 00:22:47,305 --> 00:22:51,517 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~