1
00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:04,282
Prudence, you have gotta come outside!
I've just seen the biggest rock!

2
00:00:04,449 --> 00:00:07,765
- Zeke.
- Prudence, I'm so sorry. I thought you were decent.

3
00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:10,532
Oh, it's okay. They're just ankles.

4
00:00:10,707 --> 00:00:12,328
Wanna help me cool them off?

5
00:00:12,428 --> 00:00:14,133
Prudence, you're a married woman.

6
00:00:14,158 --> 00:00:15,906
Come on, Zekey.

7
00:00:16,055 --> 00:00:17,583
Use that big Bible

8
00:00:17,608 --> 00:00:19,829
to cool off my hot little ankles.

9
00:00:23,353 --> 00:00:24,691
Like, um...

10
00:00:26,070 --> 00:00:27,355
Like this?

11
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,661
Mmm, yeah, that's good.

12
00:00:29,686 --> 00:00:31,228
I can't believe
this is actually happening.

13
00:00:31,253 --> 00:00:33,674
- More.
- Your ankles are so bony.

14
00:00:33,924 --> 00:00:36,616
- The bone really juts out.
- Faster.

15
00:00:37,135 --> 00:00:39,784
More. Oh, Zeke!

16
00:00:39,809 --> 00:00:41,630
- Zeke. Zeke.
- Zeke! Zeke!

17
00:00:41,730 --> 00:00:44,552
Zeke. Wake up, man.

18
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:45,919
You were thrashing around in your sleep.

19
00:00:45,944 --> 00:00:46,914
Oh, right. Sorry.

20
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:49,055
I wasn't saying anything, was I?

21
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:50,381
Nope.

22
00:00:50,612 --> 00:00:53,114
Except you did say,
"I'm horny for ankles."

23
00:00:53,252 --> 00:00:54,513
That could mean almost anything.

24
00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:55,981
- No, it can't.
- No, it can't.

25
00:00:56,982 --> 00:01:04,982
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

26
00:01:28,850 --> 00:01:30,592
Oh, I hate this leg of the trip.

27
00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:31,988
Why did Thomas Jefferson

28
00:01:32,013 --> 00:01:33,914
have to buy this shit piece of land?

29
00:01:33,939 --> 00:01:35,681
Please don't get started
on Thomas Jefferson again.

30
00:01:35,931 --> 00:01:37,392
- Well, he was a crook.
- Oh, here we go.

31
00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:38,598
Ah, they're all crooks.

32
00:01:38,623 --> 00:01:40,029
But the Whig party on the other hand,

33
00:01:40,054 --> 00:01:41,702
now they're the party of the people.

34
00:01:41,765 --> 00:01:43,226
I don't think we should talk politics.

35
00:01:43,456 --> 00:01:45,358
A million and eleven,

36
00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:46,519
a million and twelve...

37
00:01:46,619 --> 00:01:47,519
a million, thirteen...

38
00:01:47,619 --> 00:01:49,408
a million, sign.

39
00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:50,603
Sign!

40
00:01:50,942 --> 00:01:52,243
- Hey, look!
- Whoa, whoa!

41
00:01:52,343 --> 00:01:53,612
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

42
00:01:53,637 --> 00:01:54,791
Hey, look, it's a sign.

43
00:01:54,816 --> 00:01:56,366
Yeah! Branchwater.

44
00:01:56,466 --> 00:02:00,009
Oh, that is the nastiest
saloon town I've ever been to.

45
00:02:00,034 --> 00:02:02,055
And this is coming from
a guy who spent New Year's

46
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,571
at the Alabama Ass Factory.

47
00:02:03,671 --> 00:02:05,700
- Ooh.
- Sounds wild. Let's go!

48
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:06,969
No, no, guys, if we're trying

49
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,115
to get to Oregon before winter,

50
00:02:08,153 --> 00:02:09,656
we do not have time for a detour.

51
00:02:09,756 --> 00:02:11,128
Come on, Zeke.

52
00:02:11,153 --> 00:02:13,464
These people need a break.
I need a break.

53
00:02:13,489 --> 00:02:15,081
It'll be good for morale.

54
00:02:15,415 --> 00:02:17,409
- I don't know.
- Please?

55
00:02:18,082 --> 00:02:19,823
Come on, please, please,
please, please, please?

56
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:20,899
Please, please, please, please.

57
00:02:23,461 --> 00:02:26,123
Oh... yes. Okay, one.
One night. That's it.

58
00:02:26,148 --> 00:02:28,943
Hey folks! We're going to Branchwater!

59
00:02:31,665 --> 00:02:32,758
Yes!

60
00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:36,355
Hyah!

61
00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:38,392
Well, well, well.

62
00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:40,527
You see that, Angela?

63
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:43,393
Looks like we're heading to Branchwater.

64
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,044
Oh, Angela! Did you fart again?

65
00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:49,472
I told you to stop eating dairy!

66
00:02:49,746 --> 00:02:51,447
All right, folks, we made it!

67
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,008
It's party time!

68
00:02:53,033 --> 00:02:55,095
I'm getting so drunk,
I'm gonna piss myself.

69
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,461
Me too, honey.

70
00:02:56,711 --> 00:02:57,876
Are you coming in?

71
00:02:57,915 --> 00:02:59,680
No, I'm just gonna wait by the wagon

72
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,415
and protect my soul
from eternal damnation.

73
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:03,821
But you have fun. Come on!

74
00:03:03,846 --> 00:03:05,828
I just want to party
with my best friend.

75
00:03:06,078 --> 00:03:08,860
And ooh! Wait. Do I hear God?

76
00:03:08,885 --> 00:03:11,347
"Zeke, I command thee to have fun

77
00:03:11,372 --> 00:03:12,593
for once in your life."

78
00:03:12,618 --> 00:03:14,199
No, that's deeply sacrilegious, Pru.

79
00:03:14,224 --> 00:03:16,806
"And buy Prudence shots.
Lots and lots of shots."

80
00:03:16,831 --> 00:03:18,172
As I said, no thanks.

81
00:03:18,647 --> 00:03:20,689
A place like this is
no place for a reverend.

82
00:03:21,561 --> 00:03:23,150
All right, fine.

83
00:03:23,730 --> 00:03:25,992
You know, you should try to loosen up.

84
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,093
Just once. I don't know.
You might like it.

85
00:03:28,118 --> 00:03:30,595
The Bible is what I like.

86
00:03:31,399 --> 00:03:33,560
"These are the names
of the sons of Abraham,

87
00:03:33,585 --> 00:03:36,287
"according to their families,
after their places,

88
00:03:36,521 --> 00:03:37,742
by their names."

89
00:03:37,902 --> 00:03:39,231
Fun.

90
00:03:39,256 --> 00:03:40,186
Fun, fun, fun.

91
00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:42,265
All right, folks.

92
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,886
I say we hit the bar first,

93
00:03:43,986 --> 00:03:45,447
and then we check out the brothel.

94
00:03:45,547 --> 00:03:47,209
Oh, I am so sorry. Unfortunately,

95
00:03:47,234 --> 00:03:49,655
- we are at capacity right now.
- Capacity?

96
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,931
They used to pack this place

97
00:03:50,956 --> 00:03:52,047
tighter than a sardine barrel.

98
00:03:52,072 --> 00:03:53,653
Oh, you're one of the old-timers.

99
00:03:53,753 --> 00:03:54,929
Yeah, the Oregon Trail

100
00:03:54,954 --> 00:03:56,776
brought in a ton of new customers,

101
00:03:56,876 --> 00:03:58,737
so management made a few changes

102
00:03:58,762 --> 00:04:00,464
to appeal to a wider clientele.

103
00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:01,703
But if you want to wait
by the gift shop,

104
00:04:01,728 --> 00:04:03,870
I'll let you know as soon as
some space opens up.

105
00:04:04,343 --> 00:04:05,671
Gift shop?

106
00:04:05,696 --> 00:04:07,873
Key chains? T-shirts?

107
00:04:08,084 --> 00:04:10,862
"The Original Devil's Taint Cookbook"?

108
00:04:10,887 --> 00:04:12,737
What the hell happened to this place?

109
00:04:12,762 --> 00:04:14,063
It totally sold out.

110
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:16,069
Hairy bastard!

111
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:19,192
Is that what passes as
a saloon brawl these days?

112
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,381
Pretty weak.

113
00:04:20,406 --> 00:04:22,135
Looks like some space just opened up.

114
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,889
- Enjoy.
- Let's go.

115
00:04:24,914 --> 00:04:28,016
"And though shalt know
that I am the Lord."

116
00:04:28,264 --> 00:04:30,566
Whoo! Evenin', my lad!

117
00:04:30,591 --> 00:04:32,813
What's a handsome young fella like you

118
00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:34,945
doing here all alone
instead of out on the town?

119
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:36,792
Oh, well, no, it's not really my scene.

120
00:04:36,817 --> 00:04:38,198
I'm... I'm... I'm a reverend.

121
00:04:38,267 --> 00:04:40,309
Then we both do the Lord's work.

122
00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:42,036
I peddle miracle cures.

123
00:04:42,338 --> 00:04:44,674
- I'm a snake oil salesman.
- Snake oil?

124
00:04:44,699 --> 00:04:46,579
Um... no offense, but,

125
00:04:46,604 --> 00:04:48,814
- isn't that just a bunch of hokum?
- Not at all.

126
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:51,817
Snake oil is a potent aphrodisiac.

127
00:04:51,842 --> 00:04:54,339
Might come in handy
with that young missus

128
00:04:54,364 --> 00:04:55,580
I saw you with earlier?

129
00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:56,820
Oh, that lady's not my missus.

130
00:04:56,845 --> 00:04:58,181
We're just friends.

131
00:04:58,281 --> 00:05:01,064
My mistake. Snake oil
is not merely an aphrodisiac,

132
00:05:01,089 --> 00:05:02,825
it's also quite good with hair loss.

133
00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:04,426
Oh. I don't have that issue.

134
00:05:04,451 --> 00:05:05,787
Well, what do you got? Back pain?

135
00:05:05,812 --> 00:05:06,823
- No.
- Tennis elbow?

136
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:07,829
- No.
- The pox.

137
00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:09,008
- No, not yet.
- Burgundy stool.

138
00:05:09,049 --> 00:05:10,511
- No.
- Uh, anxiety?

139
00:05:10,536 --> 00:05:11,832
Oh, my friend did just tell me

140
00:05:11,857 --> 00:05:14,020
I could stand to loosen up a bit.

141
00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:16,733
That's what snake oil is for!

142
00:05:16,758 --> 00:05:18,317
But don't take my word for it.

143
00:05:18,342 --> 00:05:20,589
Here. Try one of my samples.

144
00:05:20,933 --> 00:05:22,520
See for yourself.

145
00:05:22,545 --> 00:05:23,907
Thank you.

146
00:05:27,269 --> 00:05:28,891
Oh. Oh, that's good.

147
00:05:29,158 --> 00:05:30,699
Yeah. Oh, it's got an aftertaste.

148
00:05:30,724 --> 00:05:31,865
Yeah, kinda snakey.

149
00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:33,231
Now you only need a little bit.

150
00:05:33,256 --> 00:05:34,802
Just one or two drops

151
00:05:34,826 --> 00:05:35,814
- ought to do it.
- Mmm!

152
00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:37,971
Hey, man. Don't tell me
how to live my life.

153
00:05:37,996 --> 00:05:39,998
Shit, this stuff's great.

154
00:05:41,033 --> 00:05:42,575
- Are you gonna be all right here?
- Oh, yes.

155
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,552
I'll just amuse myself by
looking at the pretty bottles.

156
00:05:45,577 --> 00:05:47,098
All right, I'm gonna go
find the poker table,

157
00:05:47,123 --> 00:05:48,278
throw some cash around
with the big boys.

158
00:05:48,303 --> 00:05:49,404
Wish me luck.

159
00:05:50,949 --> 00:05:53,105
Hey, barkeep. Whiskey.

160
00:05:56,805 --> 00:05:58,667
And so that is why

161
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,513
I raised the prices
on the Tijuana Coochie Twist.

162
00:06:00,538 --> 00:06:02,600
Finally, girl. That move is worth it.

163
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:05,111
Um, excuse me.

164
00:06:05,136 --> 00:06:07,835
Are you ladies women of the night?

165
00:06:08,984 --> 00:06:10,520
It's the 1840s.

166
00:06:10,545 --> 00:06:12,193
The preferred term is whores.

167
00:06:12,217 --> 00:06:15,879
Oh, sorry. Didn't mean
to offend you... whores.

168
00:06:15,904 --> 00:06:17,806
I just think what you do is so amazing.

169
00:06:17,981 --> 00:06:19,302
It's always sounded so exotic.

170
00:06:19,327 --> 00:06:20,772
Well, would you want to give it a try?

171
00:06:21,155 --> 00:06:22,479
What? No!

172
00:06:22,504 --> 00:06:24,045
Me? Come... really?

173
00:06:24,070 --> 00:06:26,047
Come on, let's just get you
into a dress.

174
00:06:26,147 --> 00:06:28,209
We have one exactly your size.

175
00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:30,165
One of the girls was just
stabbed to death in it.

176
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:33,272
Oh. Just my luck.

177
00:06:35,474 --> 00:06:37,255
Excuse me, boys.

178
00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,216
You mind if I join?

179
00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:39,937
This ain't no game for a gentleman.

180
00:06:40,037 --> 00:06:41,699
I may be a gentleman,

181
00:06:41,799 --> 00:06:42,929
but, uh... whew.

182
00:06:44,121 --> 00:06:45,457
My friends here...

183
00:06:45,659 --> 00:06:47,700
well, they play real dirty.

184
00:06:48,864 --> 00:06:50,218
Take a seat.

185
00:06:53,527 --> 00:06:55,034
Interesting.

186
00:06:57,623 --> 00:06:58,724
All in.

187
00:06:58,891 --> 00:07:00,081
Full house.

188
00:07:00,106 --> 00:07:01,260
Shit!

189
00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:04,681
That's...

190
00:07:04,897 --> 00:07:06,747
Okay. Let me just, um...

191
00:07:07,258 --> 00:07:08,778
Okay.

192
00:07:09,242 --> 00:07:10,520
Now I'm focused.

193
00:07:11,421 --> 00:07:12,436
I'm sorry, madam,

194
00:07:12,461 --> 00:07:14,539
this prostitution menu is ridiculous.

195
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,105
There's too many choices.

196
00:07:16,384 --> 00:07:17,765
I remember when all you could order

197
00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:19,217
was a 2-buck pump and dump.

198
00:07:19,242 --> 00:07:21,243
And that was all you needed.

199
00:07:22,402 --> 00:07:24,403
Benny the Teen.

200
00:07:26,752 --> 00:07:28,854
Choose your last words carefully,

201
00:07:28,954 --> 00:07:32,036
because this time,
there'll be no escape.

202
00:07:34,235 --> 00:07:35,699
Whoopsie! I'll take that.

203
00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:37,688
This is a no-shooting
establishment after 6:00.

204
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,181
You can grab your gun from the valet

205
00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:40,963
on your way out. Thank you so much!

206
00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:42,018
Cute hat.

207
00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:43,705
I'm sorry, what the hell?

208
00:07:43,805 --> 00:07:46,307
I know! This place sucks now.

209
00:07:46,407 --> 00:07:48,202
What the?

210
00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:53,522
Almost done! And...

211
00:07:53,799 --> 00:07:54,858
Voila.

212
00:07:55,472 --> 00:07:58,010
Oh, my God. I look like a whore.

213
00:07:58,241 --> 00:07:59,687
And I love it!

214
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:01,453
Girl, you're like a young Betsy Ross,

215
00:08:01,478 --> 00:08:03,651
but like, a whore.

216
00:08:04,599 --> 00:08:06,141
Ha, ha!

217
00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:08,868
Howdy, folks. Somebody order a party?

218
00:08:08,975 --> 00:08:12,286
- Reverend Brown?
- Farmer John! Looking sexy!

219
00:08:12,311 --> 00:08:14,613
Granny McGill, we are doing shots later

220
00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:16,442
and you're not getting out of it.

221
00:08:17,390 --> 00:08:18,571
Zeke, is that you?

222
00:08:19,117 --> 00:08:21,023
Your first client!

223
00:08:21,612 --> 00:08:23,889
Whoa, Prude! Is that you?

224
00:08:24,075 --> 00:08:25,411
What do you think?
Just a little something

225
00:08:25,436 --> 00:08:27,461
I picked up from a dead whore's closet.

226
00:08:27,705 --> 00:08:28,838
Thought you were waiting in the wagon.

227
00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:30,820
Hmm, well, yes, I was. But then,

228
00:08:30,845 --> 00:08:32,746
I had a little bit of this snake oil,

229
00:08:32,771 --> 00:08:34,353
and now I'm feeling good.

230
00:08:34,523 --> 00:08:37,025
Reverend Brown gettin' down
with snake oil?

231
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:38,421
- What would Jesus think?
- Bleagh!

232
00:08:38,446 --> 00:08:39,802
Who cares what he thinks? Aah!

233
00:08:40,243 --> 00:08:41,863
I've lived my whole life
with all those rules

234
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,499
and restrictions.
I've been such a dork, right?

235
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:44,790
- I mean, yeah, a little.
- Yeah!

236
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:46,066
I just want to scream it
out to the world...

237
00:08:46,091 --> 00:08:48,184
Reverend Ezekiel Brown
is a big fat dork!

238
00:08:48,209 --> 00:08:49,754
Oh, my God! Stop.

239
00:08:49,854 --> 00:08:51,796
- But don't. I love it.
- You hearing that music?

240
00:08:51,821 --> 00:08:53,036
Is it coming from the piano
or is it coming

241
00:08:53,061 --> 00:08:54,217
- straight from my heart?
- Do you want to dance?

242
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,704
No, Prudence, I don't want to dance.

243
00:08:56,729 --> 00:08:58,310
I need to dance.

244
00:08:58,540 --> 00:09:00,762
I mean, what the hell
happened to this place?

245
00:09:00,787 --> 00:09:02,644
Used to be you could come in
any night of the week

246
00:09:02,669 --> 00:09:04,600
and you'd find Three-Fingered Joe

247
00:09:04,625 --> 00:09:06,281
strangling anyone who
looked at him sideways.

248
00:09:06,306 --> 00:09:07,848
- Oh, Dirty Dick Bob.
- Right?

249
00:09:07,873 --> 00:09:08,917
Sticking his you-know-what

250
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,249
into whatever hole he could find.

251
00:09:10,275 --> 00:09:12,017
Kids these days are buying cowboy hats

252
00:09:12,077 --> 00:09:13,618
with bullet holes already in them.

253
00:09:13,685 --> 00:09:14,906
- You're kidding!
- No!

254
00:09:14,931 --> 00:09:17,169
Sorry for that long wait.
Now what can I get you?

255
00:09:17,194 --> 00:09:19,016
I'll have a steak, bloody.

256
00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:20,662
- Make that two.
- Ooh, sorry.

257
00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:22,386
We actually stopped carrying steak.

258
00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:24,460
- No steak?
- We do have shishito peppers,

259
00:09:24,485 --> 00:09:26,907
that are lightly drizzled
with Ortega cheese,

260
00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:29,003
that are just absolutely mmm!

261
00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:30,865
All right, that's it. I've had enough!

262
00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:33,717
That's what's wrong
with this country today!

263
00:09:33,742 --> 00:09:35,844
You make everything clean and nice

264
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,879
and pretty for everyone,
but then you lose

265
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,192
what makes it cool
and authentic and real!

266
00:09:40,217 --> 00:09:42,118
I want the grit! I want the soul!

267
00:09:42,143 --> 00:09:44,645
- Yeah!
- Most of all, I want my goddamn steak!

268
00:09:44,821 --> 00:09:46,202
Do you want to speak to the manager?

269
00:09:46,227 --> 00:09:48,449
Yes, I'd like to speak
to the manager, thank you.

270
00:09:48,624 --> 00:09:49,965
Ho ho, that was great!

271
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,431
Was the fist slam too much?

272
00:09:51,456 --> 00:09:52,814
No, it was perfect.

273
00:09:52,839 --> 00:09:54,411
Ow.

274
00:09:55,058 --> 00:09:57,454
Well, it has not been my night.

275
00:09:57,626 --> 00:09:59,171
I almost had you on that last hand.

276
00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:01,551
Just... Okay.

277
00:10:02,595 --> 00:10:03,696
Hoo! Finally.

278
00:10:03,807 --> 00:10:06,289
Okay, looks like my ship has come in.

279
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:10,201
- I'll raise.
- Sorry, pardner,

280
00:10:10,226 --> 00:10:11,639
but you got nothing left to raise with.

281
00:10:11,664 --> 00:10:14,497
I have more money, in my wagon.

282
00:10:14,751 --> 00:10:16,053
Well, I'm good for it. I swear.

283
00:10:16,439 --> 00:10:19,581
I'll take the gentleman's
word for it. Let's see.

284
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:21,185
Four aces.

285
00:10:21,561 --> 00:10:23,607
Read 'em and weep, you filthy bastards!

286
00:10:23,632 --> 00:10:25,013
Not so fast.

287
00:10:25,065 --> 00:10:26,156
Five aces.

288
00:10:26,366 --> 00:10:28,428
What? How is that even possible?

289
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,348
Hold on.

290
00:10:29,448 --> 00:10:32,150
- Twelve aces.
- Dang it!

291
00:10:32,175 --> 00:10:35,260
I do not understand
the rules of this game.

292
00:10:35,653 --> 00:10:37,955
Gentlemen, you wanted to speak
with the manager?

293
00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:39,356
You're damn right we want to...

294
00:10:39,456 --> 00:10:41,998
- Dirty Dick Bob?
- Benny the Teen?

295
00:10:42,098 --> 00:10:43,679
Bounty hunter with no name?

296
00:10:43,704 --> 00:10:45,040
How the hell are you guys?

297
00:10:45,065 --> 00:10:47,006
We were just talking about you!

298
00:10:47,031 --> 00:10:48,853
- What?
- How'd they let a nasty pervert

299
00:10:48,878 --> 00:10:51,620
like Dirty Dick Bob
run a slick joint like this?

300
00:10:51,945 --> 00:10:54,087
Actually, it's Dirty Dick Robert now.

301
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,728
I run the front of the house,

302
00:10:55,753 --> 00:10:56,915
and my wife handles the books.

303
00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:58,530
- You have a wife?
- I sure do.

304
00:10:58,555 --> 00:11:01,017
I can't believe it!
You used to stick your dick

305
00:11:01,042 --> 00:11:02,333
into anything that moved!

306
00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:03,529
And plenty of stuff that didn't!

307
00:11:03,554 --> 00:11:06,016
Yes, I did fornicate with objects,

308
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,132
but you can't stay young forever.

309
00:11:08,157 --> 00:11:09,778
Eventually you gotta grow up

310
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,465
and start having a real life.

311
00:11:11,599 --> 00:11:14,621
But enough about me.
What have you guys been up to?

312
00:11:14,762 --> 00:11:16,223
Oh, you know, mostly the same stuff.

313
00:11:16,248 --> 00:11:17,499
You know, chasing this guy.

314
00:11:17,524 --> 00:11:19,706
Yeah, the same. Being chased by him.

315
00:11:19,806 --> 00:11:23,549
Wow, so you guys are still
doing that whole thing.

316
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:25,950
Well, cool. Very cool.

317
00:11:25,975 --> 00:11:27,997
I'd love to stay and chat,

318
00:11:28,025 --> 00:11:29,726
but I should get back to work.

319
00:11:29,973 --> 00:11:31,893
Sure, but maybe we could
all hang out sometime.

320
00:11:31,918 --> 00:11:34,202
Maybe. It... it's difficult
with the kids and all.

321
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,688
Hostess, more
shishito peppers over here!

322
00:11:36,713 --> 00:11:38,057
On the house!

323
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:40,281
Huh.

324
00:11:40,381 --> 00:11:41,682
Yeah.

325
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,724
My skin feels electric.

326
00:11:44,824 --> 00:11:46,286
Touch it! It's electric, right?

327
00:11:46,386 --> 00:11:47,837
Why can't it be like this forever?

328
00:11:47,862 --> 00:11:50,243
I don't want to go to stupid
Oregon and be a boring wife.

329
00:11:50,268 --> 00:11:52,325
Shh! Shh! Shush your mouth right now.

330
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:54,131
- I'm shushing.
- Nothing has to change after this trip.

331
00:11:54,231 --> 00:11:56,773
It's your life, and you can do
whatever you want to do,

332
00:11:56,873 --> 00:11:58,134
and be whoever you want to be.

333
00:11:58,234 --> 00:12:00,220
You're right. Thanks, Zeke.

334
00:12:00,245 --> 00:12:01,417
I have an idea.

335
00:12:01,442 --> 00:12:02,818
Why don't we do some more snake oil?

336
00:12:02,918 --> 00:12:04,139
Are you sure you need any more?

337
00:12:04,239 --> 00:12:05,500
- We're already having fun.
- But think about it...

338
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,181
If we're having fun now,
things will be extra fun

339
00:12:07,206 --> 00:12:08,860
with more snake oil!
That's just basic math.

340
00:12:08,922 --> 00:12:10,984
- Still a pass for me. Thanks, though.
- Oh, all right, Mom.

341
00:12:11,009 --> 00:12:13,201
More yum-yums for Freaky Zekey.

342
00:12:13,249 --> 00:12:14,288
Whoa, easy, champ.

343
00:12:14,326 --> 00:12:16,148
Okay, Zeke, no. Come on.

344
00:12:16,173 --> 00:12:18,114
You need to take it down,
like, so many notches.

345
00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:19,786
- You're acting out of control.
- Out of control? No.

346
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,907
I am in control for
the first time in my life.

347
00:12:21,932 --> 00:12:24,499
There are no consequences
to my actions. I'm free!

348
00:12:25,615 --> 00:12:27,316
You're next, Ezekiel.

349
00:12:27,341 --> 00:12:29,383
Ahh! The devil has come for my soul!

350
00:12:30,865 --> 00:12:32,866
I just meant his song request is next.

351
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:34,884
Zeke.

352
00:12:36,961 --> 00:12:38,359
Maybe my girlfriend's right.

353
00:12:38,384 --> 00:12:40,492
Maybe I do come on too strong.

354
00:12:44,812 --> 00:12:47,491
Can you believe Dirty Dick Bob sold out?

355
00:12:47,591 --> 00:12:50,013
- What a loser, huh?
- I don't know, Benny.

356
00:12:50,038 --> 00:12:52,040
What if we're the losers?

357
00:12:53,235 --> 00:12:55,577
What are you talking about?
We're the only real ones left.

358
00:12:55,602 --> 00:12:57,053
- Remember?
- Are we?

359
00:12:57,078 --> 00:12:58,219
Look at us.

360
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,700
We're doing the same thing

361
00:12:59,725 --> 00:13:00,997
we were doing since we were kids.

362
00:13:01,022 --> 00:13:04,880
We don't have families
or houses or real jobs.

363
00:13:05,244 --> 00:13:07,106
It's kinda pathetic, isn't it?

364
00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:08,982
Let me ask you something...
do you love it?

365
00:13:09,007 --> 00:13:10,949
- Oh, stop it.
- Do you love it?

366
00:13:10,974 --> 00:13:12,375
Of course I love it.

367
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:16,391
But there comes a time
when you have to move on.

368
00:13:16,416 --> 00:13:18,900
Leave childish things behind.

369
00:13:20,481 --> 00:13:22,276
I'm hanging up my hat.

370
00:13:23,992 --> 00:13:25,660
Maybe you should, too.

371
00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:28,708
Dingus.

372
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,100
Zeke.

373
00:13:32,385 --> 00:13:33,560
- Ooh.
- Todd.

374
00:13:33,585 --> 00:13:34,927
I... I didn't expect you
to see me like this.

375
00:13:34,952 --> 00:13:36,893
Sorry, whore, I don't have time
for your cheap tricks.

376
00:13:36,918 --> 00:13:39,060
I just gambled away my entire fortune.

377
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:41,251
- You did what?
- Yeah, don't tell the missus.

378
00:13:41,351 --> 00:13:43,093
Anyway, I gotta get out of here quick

379
00:13:43,118 --> 00:13:45,820
before those big stinkin' lugs find me.

380
00:13:48,024 --> 00:13:49,537
I've been looking all over for you.

381
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,465
The only thing I'm
looking for is your blood.

382
00:13:53,027 --> 00:13:54,629
What's going on?

383
00:13:56,339 --> 00:14:01,054
?? She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes ??

384
00:14:02,655 --> 00:14:06,870
?? She'll be coming round the
mountain when she comes ??

385
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:09,060
Holy smokes! Is that the reverend?

386
00:14:09,185 --> 00:14:11,274
What's he doing up there?

387
00:14:11,449 --> 00:14:13,870
Look at those dead shark eyes.

388
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,472
Does he even know where he is?

389
00:14:15,753 --> 00:14:18,375
I think he's just completely
out of his mind at this point.

390
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,538
?? The mountain ??

391
00:14:20,563 --> 00:14:24,420
?? When she comes ??

392
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:29,727
?? She'll be driving six white
horses when she comes ??

393
00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:34,246
?? She'll be driving six
white horses when she comes ??

394
00:14:34,271 --> 00:14:36,372
Shake it, baby!

395
00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:38,048
?? She'll be driving six white horses ??

396
00:14:38,073 --> 00:14:42,097
?? She'll be driving six white
horses when she comes ??

397
00:14:59,403 --> 00:15:01,426
?? She'll be coming round the mountain ??

398
00:15:01,451 --> 00:15:03,432
- ?? When she comes ??
- ?? When she comes ??

399
00:15:03,457 --> 00:15:05,469
?? She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes ??

400
00:15:05,494 --> 00:15:07,235
- ?? When she comes ??
- ?? When she comes ??

401
00:15:07,335 --> 00:15:09,277
?? She'll be coming round
the mountain ??

402
00:15:09,377 --> 00:15:10,838
?? She'll be coming
round the mountain ??

403
00:15:10,938 --> 00:15:14,537
?? She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes ??

404
00:15:14,562 --> 00:15:17,238
?? Comes, comes, comes ??

405
00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:21,406
?? Comes, comes, comes, comes, comes ??

406
00:15:27,921 --> 00:15:28,957
Hey.

407
00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:36,049
Zeke, that was...

408
00:15:36,397 --> 00:15:37,978
I didn't even know what to say.

409
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:39,377
Just... wow.

410
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,980
Prudence, there is something

411
00:15:41,005 --> 00:15:43,095
I've wanted to do for a long time.

412
00:15:53,288 --> 00:15:56,142
- Honk, honk.
- Excuse me?

413
00:15:56,167 --> 00:15:57,988
Beep beep! Arooga!

414
00:15:58,161 --> 00:15:59,615
Well, that was unexpected.

415
00:16:03,057 --> 00:16:05,319
Pro tip? Rob him while he's out.

416
00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:06,801
Here, I'll show you.

417
00:16:06,826 --> 00:16:08,738
Oh, nice. He's got a Bible.

418
00:16:10,582 --> 00:16:12,764
Oh, we got most of the glitter off,

419
00:16:12,864 --> 00:16:15,086
and some coffee should help
the headache.

420
00:16:15,111 --> 00:16:16,562
Thank you, Granny.

421
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:23,812
Prudence, I believe
a massive apology is in order.

422
00:16:23,837 --> 00:16:26,259
Obviously I was totally
out of my mind last night

423
00:16:26,284 --> 00:16:28,049
and I just hope you know
that none of that

424
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:29,251
would've happened had it not been

425
00:16:29,276 --> 00:16:31,373
- for the snake oil.
- Sorry to interrupt,

426
00:16:31,398 --> 00:16:33,660
but, uh, to protect myself legally

427
00:16:33,685 --> 00:16:37,364
I should mention that snake oil
is completely fraudulent

428
00:16:37,389 --> 00:16:39,874
- and has no effects whatsoever.
- What?

429
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,506
You kids take care.

430
00:16:41,606 --> 00:16:44,027
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

431
00:16:44,052 --> 00:16:45,466
You were saying?

432
00:16:45,794 --> 00:16:47,470
So if snake oil is fake then

433
00:16:47,694 --> 00:16:49,991
everything I did last night was just me?

434
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:51,911
Yeah.

435
00:16:52,454 --> 00:16:54,150
I'm disgusting.
I'm worse than disgusting.

436
00:16:54,175 --> 00:16:55,751
- I'm a sinner.
- It wasn't great,

437
00:16:55,776 --> 00:16:57,392
- but I wouldn't go that far.
- No, you don't understand.

438
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,775
I've committed a cardinal sin.
I've coveted my...

439
00:17:00,735 --> 00:17:01,716
neighbor's wife.

440
00:17:01,741 --> 00:17:04,323
What, what do you mean, you covet me?

441
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,724
Like, covet, covet?

442
00:17:07,430 --> 00:17:09,711
Yeah, like covet, covet.

443
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,461
But, you're my best friend.

444
00:17:12,561 --> 00:17:14,285
- I know.
- And I'm married.

445
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:16,612
I know. Look, Pru, I'm so sorry.

446
00:17:16,712 --> 00:17:18,693
I tried to bury these feelings
for a long time.

447
00:17:18,718 --> 00:17:21,581
I'm sorry, this is a lot to take in.

448
00:17:21,737 --> 00:17:23,088
I'm gonna go.

449
00:17:24,552 --> 00:17:25,613
Girl troubles, huh?

450
00:17:25,638 --> 00:17:27,300
You know the best cure for that?

451
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,902
- Snake oil.
- You just told me it was fake.

452
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,656
Shit.

453
00:17:36,957 --> 00:17:39,344
Well, I guess this is goodbye.

454
00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:41,310
Yeah, you know, this feels kinda weird.

455
00:17:41,335 --> 00:17:43,026
Guess I thought
we'd be doing this forever.

456
00:17:43,051 --> 00:17:45,472
You're a free man, right?

457
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:48,075
You finally got away from me,
fair and square.

458
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:50,192
You take care, Benny the Teen.

459
00:17:50,217 --> 00:17:52,238
You too, nameless bounty hunter guy.

460
00:17:58,849 --> 00:18:00,270
Hey.

461
00:18:00,504 --> 00:18:03,126
My fingers are feeling a little sticky.

462
00:18:03,226 --> 00:18:05,288
I'm thinking I might steal this horse.

463
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,904
Okay, don't do that.
You know that's a felony.

464
00:18:10,658 --> 00:18:11,733
Oops. Did I do that?

465
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,655
All right, you'd
better stop that, Benjamin.

466
00:18:14,755 --> 00:18:16,122
Or what?

467
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:18,778
You gonna shoot me for being naughty?

468
00:18:20,639 --> 00:18:22,461
Are we really doing this?

469
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,863
I don't know. Are we?

470
00:18:25,888 --> 00:18:27,943
All right, dirtbag.

471
00:18:28,198 --> 00:18:29,979
I'm gonna give you
a 60-second head start

472
00:18:30,004 --> 00:18:32,146
before I shoot you full of lead.

473
00:18:32,368 --> 00:18:34,190
The only thing you'll be shooting

474
00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:35,711
is my dust.

475
00:18:35,811 --> 00:18:37,672
Whoosh! Whoo hoo hoo!

476
00:18:37,772 --> 00:18:40,554
60, 59, 58...

477
00:18:40,579 --> 00:18:42,316
All right, people,
we gotta get a move on!

478
00:18:42,416 --> 00:18:44,437
Got a bounty hunter hot on my ass!

479
00:18:45,442 --> 00:18:46,639
Ooh. Wild night, huh?

480
00:18:46,664 --> 00:18:48,966
- Don't want to talk about it.
- Fair enough. Hyah!

481
00:18:52,986 --> 00:18:54,072
What?

482
00:18:54,097 --> 00:18:55,791
You don't feel like singing now?

483
00:18:57,642 --> 00:18:59,804
Five, four, three,

484
00:18:59,829 --> 00:19:02,891
two, one. Ready or not, here I come!

485
00:19:03,292 --> 00:19:05,413
Oh, shoot! Where's my gun?

486
00:19:05,438 --> 00:19:07,439
Oh, shoot, I left it at the valet!

487
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:12,358
Hi! Hi. Um, I'm the cute
silver one in the back.

488
00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:15,342
Um, I don't have my ticket,

489
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:17,069
but if you give me that gun,
I won't shoot you.

490
00:19:17,402 --> 00:19:19,183
Have a great day!

491
00:19:19,967 --> 00:19:22,095
I'm coming for you, Benny!

492
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:29,164
credits