1
00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:03,366
America.

2
00:00:03,390 --> 00:00:05,066
God took extra care when he made

3
00:00:05,090 --> 00:00:07,086
this country, didn't he, Benny?

4
00:00:07,110 --> 00:00:10,438
You're talking about the endless
expanse of dirt in front of us?

5
00:00:13,036 --> 00:00:14,492
Ah, it's not just dirt.

6
00:00:14,516 --> 00:00:15,732
Look, there's a big rock.

7
00:00:15,756 --> 00:00:17,972
And a medium-sized rock. That's fun.

8
00:00:17,996 --> 00:00:20,782
Okay, Rev, this might be
a good time to remind you

9
00:00:20,806 --> 00:00:22,462
that the only reason I'm taking you

10
00:00:22,486 --> 00:00:23,622
and your friends to Oregon

11
00:00:23,646 --> 00:00:25,074
is to avoid swinging from a noose.

12
00:00:25,098 --> 00:00:27,682
And I'm definitely
not here to have fun. Got it?

13
00:00:27,707 --> 00:00:30,912
Got it. No fun for the scary outlaw man.

14
00:00:30,936 --> 00:00:32,752
Oh, my gosh, Benny, a bald eagle!

15
00:00:32,776 --> 00:00:36,312
Wow! No wonder it became
the symbol of America.

16
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:37,632
I mean, look at its strength,

17
00:00:37,656 --> 00:00:40,442
its majesty. Ah, certainly this

18
00:00:40,466 --> 00:00:41,962
is an auspicious sign for our...

19
00:00:41,986 --> 00:00:43,986
Oh!

20
00:00:47,826 --> 00:00:49,218
Why?

21
00:00:50,444 --> 00:00:51,915
You just killed America.

22
00:00:52,836 --> 00:01:00,836
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

23
00:01:23,914 --> 00:01:25,867
Another long day on the trail.

24
00:01:25,892 --> 00:01:27,362
You thought today was tough,

25
00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:29,412
tomorrow we're gonna be
fording our first river,

26
00:01:29,436 --> 00:01:30,692
and it ain't gonna be pretty.

27
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,492
Aside from the natural beauty,

28
00:01:32,516 --> 00:01:34,172
which will be stunning.

29
00:01:34,196 --> 00:01:35,954
Wait, bup-bup-bup!

30
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:37,902
Let's not forget about grace, though.

31
00:01:37,926 --> 00:01:39,031
Yep.

32
00:01:40,646 --> 00:01:42,342
Bless us, oh Lord, and these thy gifts

33
00:01:42,366 --> 00:01:43,902
which we are about to receive

34
00:01:43,926 --> 00:01:45,926
- through thy bounty.
- Am...

35
00:01:47,656 --> 00:01:49,192
You've given us so many gifts,

36
00:01:49,216 --> 00:01:51,502
oh Lord, too numerous to count.

37
00:01:51,677 --> 00:01:52,832
But I'll try.

38
00:01:52,856 --> 00:01:54,992
One, the rolling hills.

39
00:01:55,166 --> 00:01:57,442
Two, the beautiful sky.

40
00:01:57,466 --> 00:01:59,962
Three, trees.

41
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:02,682
Just trees, in general, are fantastic.

42
00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:06,676
Boo! I'll take it from here.
Cram it in, shit it out.

43
00:02:06,701 --> 00:02:08,892
That's what food is all about. Amen.

44
00:02:10,385 --> 00:02:12,292
That was really not a proper grace.

45
00:02:12,316 --> 00:02:14,354
Hey, Rev. Here's a grace for you.

46
00:02:14,379 --> 00:02:15,635
Oh!

47
00:02:17,022 --> 00:02:18,400
Unbelievable.

48
00:02:19,046 --> 00:02:19,982
Benny, can I have a word?

49
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:20,897
Oh, wow.

50
00:02:20,922 --> 00:02:22,942
- Is that the bald eagle you shot?
- You bet.

51
00:02:22,966 --> 00:02:25,422
Nothing hits the spot after
a hard day on the trail

52
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,472
like a roasted baldie. You want some?

53
00:02:27,496 --> 00:02:28,953
- No, no thank you.
- Your loss.

54
00:02:28,978 --> 00:02:30,274
Face is the best part.

55
00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:32,552
Look, Benny, I know

56
00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:33,992
you come from a bandit background,

57
00:02:34,016 --> 00:02:36,002
and therefore have different values

58
00:02:36,026 --> 00:02:37,162
from the rest of us.

59
00:02:38,466 --> 00:02:40,906
A bullet was lodged in my windpipe.

60
00:02:41,866 --> 00:02:43,002
These people look up to you,

61
00:02:43,026 --> 00:02:45,652
for reasons I do not
completely understand.

62
00:02:45,676 --> 00:02:47,275
I think if you were to exhibit just

63
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,572
the smallest fraction
of moral leadership,

64
00:02:49,596 --> 00:02:51,252
they would all follow suit.

65
00:02:51,456 --> 00:02:52,607
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

66
00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:53,892
Why?

67
00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:56,178
Because there is no morality
on the trail.

68
00:02:57,086 --> 00:02:58,782
You think we're gonna
cross that river tomorrow

69
00:02:58,806 --> 00:03:00,142
by minding our Ps and Qs?

70
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,062
The only morality out here

71
00:03:02,086 --> 00:03:04,062
is either kill or be killed.

72
00:03:04,086 --> 00:03:06,352
You said it, Benny.

73
00:03:06,376 --> 00:03:08,912
It's either kill or be killed.

74
00:03:08,936 --> 00:03:10,872
Levi, are you drunk?

75
00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:13,392
Maybe I am, maybe I ain't.

76
00:03:13,416 --> 00:03:15,369
Who are you, my sponsor?

77
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,390
He's a good kid.

78
00:03:22,066 --> 00:03:23,932
All right, folks.

79
00:03:23,956 --> 00:03:26,517
Looks like the river's
deeper than we expected,

80
00:03:26,542 --> 00:03:28,697
so we're gonna float the wagons across.

81
00:03:28,796 --> 00:03:30,052
So let's caulk 'em tight.

82
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:32,252
Oh, that's a fine-looking caulk

83
00:03:32,276 --> 00:03:33,382
you got there, William.

84
00:03:33,406 --> 00:03:34,662
Ooh, John.

85
00:03:34,686 --> 00:03:36,942
You've got a big, beautiful caulk, too.

86
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,942
Your wife's a lucky woman.

87
00:03:40,966 --> 00:03:42,222
Oh, no.

88
00:03:42,246 --> 00:03:44,272
Looks like the reverend
has a little baby caulk.

89
00:03:46,376 --> 00:03:48,432
Ha, ha, ha. Such a clever wordsmith,

90
00:03:48,456 --> 00:03:50,232
making a pun involving the word "caulk."

91
00:03:50,256 --> 00:03:53,162
Somebody's got tiny caulk energy.

92
00:03:54,866 --> 00:03:56,362
I'm getting so sick of Benny.

93
00:03:56,386 --> 00:03:57,642
He's turning everyone into a bunch

94
00:03:57,666 --> 00:03:59,322
of nasty brutes, just like him.

95
00:03:59,346 --> 00:04:01,602
Oh, relax. They're just having fun.

96
00:04:01,626 --> 00:04:04,172
I mean, come on! We're about
to ford a frickin' river.

97
00:04:04,196 --> 00:04:05,128
How cool is that?

98
00:04:05,153 --> 00:04:06,932
Yeah, I would say less cool
and more terrifying,

99
00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,892
given the high percentage
chance that we die.

100
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,012
You're looking at it all wrong.

101
00:04:10,036 --> 00:04:12,662
This is classic Oregon Trail. Get hyped.

102
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,902
No. No, no, no, no, no. Excuse me?

103
00:04:14,926 --> 00:04:17,022
Mr. Teen? Does fording the river

104
00:04:17,046 --> 00:04:18,542
involve me getting wet?

105
00:04:18,566 --> 00:04:20,022
- Uh, probably.
- No.

106
00:04:20,046 --> 00:04:21,712
There's gotta be another way
to get across.

107
00:04:21,736 --> 00:04:23,992
Well, there's a ferry boat
a few miles down the road,

108
00:04:24,016 --> 00:04:26,032
but that's just for suckers
willing to pay a fortune.

109
00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:28,752
Perhaps you haven't
heard, then... I'm rich.

110
00:04:28,776 --> 00:04:31,305
I like that it's expensive.
I get off on that.

111
00:04:31,329 --> 00:04:33,682
Are you sure, dear? 'Cause
I was really looking forward

112
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,002
to fording the river with everyone.

113
00:04:35,026 --> 00:04:37,402
Don't be silly.
You want to go on the ferry

114
00:04:37,426 --> 00:04:39,426
with the rich, better people.

115
00:04:41,196 --> 00:04:43,196
- Guess I'll see you on the other side.
- Right.

116
00:04:45,156 --> 00:04:46,532
They have a nice relationship.

117
00:04:46,556 --> 00:04:48,092
Benny, we got a problem.

118
00:04:48,116 --> 00:04:49,902
Can't get the wagons to float.

119
00:04:49,926 --> 00:04:51,942
We moved some things around,
but we're still too heavy.

120
00:04:51,966 --> 00:04:53,542
Don't worry. I've got a simple solution.

121
00:04:53,566 --> 00:04:54,582
I knew you would.

122
00:04:54,606 --> 00:04:56,062
Just gotta leave somebody behind.

123
00:04:56,086 --> 00:04:57,302
Leave somebody behind?

124
00:04:57,326 --> 00:04:58,982
No, we can't do that.
That's a death sentence.

125
00:04:59,006 --> 00:05:01,552
Well, yeah, it'd be a bummer
for the one guy,

126
00:05:01,576 --> 00:05:03,912
but the rest of us get
to float across, no problem.

127
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,985
Yeah, sure, of course you
would think of it like that,

128
00:05:06,009 --> 00:05:07,512
but the rest of us will
never go along with that.

129
00:05:07,536 --> 00:05:09,522
I'll take it from here, Rev.

130
00:05:09,546 --> 00:05:11,522
I believe I can speak for everybody here

131
00:05:11,546 --> 00:05:13,282
when I say, uh not it!

132
00:05:13,306 --> 00:05:15,082
Not it!

133
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,242
- Seriously?
- Not it!

134
00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:17,482
Rev, you didn't say "not it."

135
00:05:19,276 --> 00:05:20,637
Too late.

136
00:05:22,485 --> 00:05:24,265
All right, the best way to handle this

137
00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:26,412
is to leave the weakest link behind.

138
00:05:26,436 --> 00:05:28,012
So all we gotta do is figure out

139
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,382
which one of you brings
the least to the table.

140
00:05:30,406 --> 00:05:31,982
Are you out of your mind?

141
00:05:32,006 --> 00:05:33,862
You can't put a value on human life.

142
00:05:33,886 --> 00:05:36,462
Sure you can. I'm a 10, you're a 6,

143
00:05:36,486 --> 00:05:38,872
John's a 6, George is a 6.

144
00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:41,232
Honestly, I'm seeing a lot of 6s.

145
00:05:41,256 --> 00:05:43,032
I can't believe you all
are even considering this.

146
00:05:43,056 --> 00:05:45,352
We are talking about leaving
one of our own

147
00:05:45,376 --> 00:05:47,272
to die alone in the wilderness.

148
00:05:47,296 --> 00:05:49,642
We still got to cut weight
to make it across the river.

149
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,002
Well, we just have to work together.

150
00:05:51,026 --> 00:05:52,722
Look, if each one of us sacrifices

151
00:05:52,746 --> 00:05:54,322
something small and personal,

152
00:05:54,346 --> 00:05:55,362
we can cut the weight that way.

153
00:05:55,386 --> 00:05:56,442
Yeah.

154
00:05:56,466 --> 00:05:57,892
Like anybody's gonna go for that.

155
00:05:57,916 --> 00:06:00,252
They will, because they are
not heartless monsters,

156
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,372
like you. Ah, perfect.

157
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:03,852
John, perhaps you would consider

158
00:06:03,876 --> 00:06:05,172
sacrificing your rocking chair.

159
00:06:05,196 --> 00:06:06,532
It's a family heirloom!

160
00:06:06,556 --> 00:06:08,542
My grandaddy died on that rocking chair.

161
00:06:08,566 --> 00:06:09,982
And three of my kids were born on it.

162
00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:11,702
Wow, that chair's seen a lot of action.

163
00:06:11,726 --> 00:06:12,782
All right, Granny McGill.

164
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:13,982
What about those pots and pans?

165
00:06:14,006 --> 00:06:15,102
Surely you can lose a couple of them

166
00:06:15,126 --> 00:06:16,272
if it means saving a life.

167
00:06:16,296 --> 00:06:17,552
What am I supposed to do,

168
00:06:17,576 --> 00:06:19,832
make beans in a stew pot?

169
00:06:19,856 --> 00:06:22,512
Make stew in a bean pot?
What about the piano?

170
00:06:22,536 --> 00:06:23,832
Surely we can do without Martha's piano.

171
00:06:23,856 --> 00:06:25,882
What? And no tunes for the road?

172
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,402
Here are your boarding passes,

173
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,162
and please enjoy a complimentary glass

174
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:36,332
of sparkling corn water.

175
00:06:36,356 --> 00:06:38,252
- Happy trails.
- This is more like it.

176
00:06:38,276 --> 00:06:39,932
Is this heaven or is this heaven?

177
00:06:41,099 --> 00:06:42,772
Prudence.

178
00:06:42,796 --> 00:06:46,142
Sorry. I was just thinking
about our friends.

179
00:06:46,166 --> 00:06:48,286
I feel bad for not
fording the river with them.

180
00:06:49,446 --> 00:06:51,582
Are you joking? This is way better.

181
00:06:51,606 --> 00:06:53,182
Now we're going to Oregon in style.

182
00:06:54,383 --> 00:06:56,432
Wait, hold on, did you just say Oregon?

183
00:06:56,456 --> 00:06:57,952
We're actually going to Oregon, too.

184
00:06:57,976 --> 00:06:59,073
I'm Kya,

185
00:06:59,097 --> 00:07:01,552
- and this is my partner, Purple.
- Hi.

186
00:07:01,576 --> 00:07:03,632
Todd Aberdeen.
This is my wife, Prudence.

187
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:04,682
I couldn't help but notice

188
00:07:04,706 --> 00:07:06,282
you have weird and crazy names.

189
00:07:06,306 --> 00:07:07,802
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

190
00:07:07,826 --> 00:07:09,213
- Yeah.
- They were bequeathed to us

191
00:07:09,237 --> 00:07:12,882
by a shaman,
in the "Ethspanish" territory.

192
00:07:12,906 --> 00:07:14,252
Wow. I'm so jealous.

193
00:07:14,276 --> 00:07:15,932
It was super meaningful,

194
00:07:15,956 --> 00:07:19,372
You know, living that #WagonLife.

195
00:07:19,396 --> 00:07:20,612
What's WagonLife?

196
00:07:20,636 --> 00:07:22,252
- Oh, it's a lifestyle.
- Lifestyle.

197
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,342
Yeah, we travel around the country

198
00:07:24,366 --> 00:07:25,622
in a refurbished wagon

199
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:27,302
going wherever the good wind takes us.

200
00:07:27,326 --> 00:07:29,158
Yeah, we kind of believe that

201
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,742
if you're not living every single second

202
00:07:31,766 --> 00:07:33,232
as an adventure, it's like,

203
00:07:33,256 --> 00:07:34,392
- what are you doing with your life?
- What are you doing?

204
00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:36,192
Like, what are you doing?

205
00:07:36,216 --> 00:07:38,872
Maybe it sounds stupid,
but not everyone gets it.

206
00:07:38,896 --> 00:07:40,232
I totally get it.

207
00:07:40,256 --> 00:07:43,282
- I... I feel like that all the time.
- You do?

208
00:07:43,306 --> 00:07:45,322
It's... just I thought you were

209
00:07:45,346 --> 00:07:48,242
perfectly happy being
my meek and servile wife.

210
00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:50,922
It's just, you know, I...
I could understand

211
00:07:50,946 --> 00:07:52,932
how someone else could feel that way.

212
00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:54,652
- Gotcha.
- So we're about to go

213
00:07:54,676 --> 00:07:57,252
smoke a lot of opium. That's the deal.

214
00:07:57,276 --> 00:07:58,892
That's what we're doing, drugs.

215
00:07:58,916 --> 00:08:00,652
And we just kinda wanted to know

216
00:08:00,676 --> 00:08:03,102
if you wanted to come vibe with us.

217
00:08:03,126 --> 00:08:06,142
- See what happens.
- Yes, we'd love to.

218
00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:07,302
Oh, beauty.

219
00:08:07,326 --> 00:08:10,046
Yay! #NewFriends.

220
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,352
Why does she keep saying "hashtag"?

221
00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:15,392
Oh, yeah, Purple was kicked in the head

222
00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:16,512
by a beautiful horse,

223
00:08:16,536 --> 00:08:18,392
so now she just says things at random.

224
00:08:18,416 --> 00:08:19,272
Ah, got it.

225
00:08:19,296 --> 00:08:22,242
Yas, queen. That's bae.

226
00:08:22,266 --> 00:08:24,642
It's cute, right? That is bae, darling.

227
00:08:24,666 --> 00:08:26,642
All right, folks, it's time to play

228
00:08:26,666 --> 00:08:29,122
ALL, CHANTING: Who! Will! Die!

229
00:08:29,146 --> 00:08:30,402
I just want to say I am sickened

230
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,372
and appalled by all of this.

231
00:08:32,396 --> 00:08:34,292
Have we forsaken our humanity?

232
00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:38,418
When do you have time to make that?

233
00:08:38,956 --> 00:08:40,342
All right, let's meet our contestants.

234
00:08:40,738 --> 00:08:43,502
First up, she's got
the face of an angel,

235
00:08:43,526 --> 00:08:45,062
and the mouth of a sailor,

236
00:08:45,086 --> 00:08:46,461
it's Granny McGill!

237
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,462
Kiss my pruny ass.

238
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,112
Next up, he's the little stinker

239
00:08:50,136 --> 00:08:52,352
with a host of chronic health problems,

240
00:08:52,376 --> 00:08:53,667
it's Young Levi!

241
00:08:55,296 --> 00:08:58,072
Oh, no. There's blood.

242
00:08:58,096 --> 00:09:00,562
Last but not least, she's fun-loving

243
00:09:00,586 --> 00:09:02,082
with a bun in the oven,

244
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,162
it's Pregnant Ruth!

245
00:09:04,186 --> 00:09:06,402
Please let me out of this!

246
00:09:06,426 --> 00:09:07,762
Think of my baby!

247
00:09:07,786 --> 00:09:09,082
This is a tough one, huh?

248
00:09:09,106 --> 00:09:10,732
I think we're gonna have
to have a bonus round.

249
00:09:10,992 --> 00:09:12,692
A fight to the death!

250
00:09:12,716 --> 00:09:14,492
No, no, no, no, no!

251
00:09:14,516 --> 00:09:15,812
This is grotesque.

252
00:09:15,836 --> 00:09:18,412
All right, if we have
to leave somebody behind,

253
00:09:18,436 --> 00:09:19,622
let it be me.

254
00:09:21,046 --> 00:09:22,742
Uh, Rev, I don't think

255
00:09:22,766 --> 00:09:24,382
you understand how the rules work.

256
00:09:24,406 --> 00:09:25,149
You're off the hook.

257
00:09:25,174 --> 00:09:26,662
It's one of these losers has to die.

258
00:09:26,686 --> 00:09:28,352
No, no, I understand the rules, Benny.

259
00:09:28,376 --> 00:09:29,992
Just because everybody else
has abandoned

260
00:09:30,016 --> 00:09:31,272
their basic moral principles

261
00:09:31,296 --> 00:09:33,152
doesn't mean I have to as well.

262
00:09:33,176 --> 00:09:35,512
All right, it's settled.
I'm... I'm staying.

263
00:09:35,536 --> 00:09:36,632
Hmm.

264
00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:38,442
- Thank you.
- Oh, of course.

265
00:09:38,466 --> 00:09:39,842
Thanks, Reverend.

266
00:09:39,866 --> 00:09:41,373
No problem, Levi.

267
00:09:43,639 --> 00:09:45,639
What the hell is going on here?

268
00:09:46,826 --> 00:09:48,492
Hit it. Hit it.

269
00:09:48,516 --> 00:09:49,993
Hit it. Hit it.

270
00:09:53,076 --> 00:09:55,252
- Smooth, right?
- Okay.

271
00:09:55,276 --> 00:09:56,652
- It's good stuff.
- I like that.

272
00:09:56,676 --> 00:09:59,382
You guys are officially my role models.

273
00:09:59,406 --> 00:10:01,022
You live in this cute wagon

274
00:10:01,046 --> 00:10:02,982
and go on these fun adventures.

275
00:10:03,006 --> 00:10:04,422
How are you able to live like this?

276
00:10:04,446 --> 00:10:07,352
We get paid to take pictures
of our travels.

277
00:10:07,376 --> 00:10:09,162
I mean, our fans love to see the world

278
00:10:09,187 --> 00:10:10,592
through our unique lens.

279
00:10:10,616 --> 00:10:12,112
Let's show them pictures.

280
00:10:12,136 --> 00:10:14,432
Ah, this is us with Lewis and Clark.

281
00:10:14,456 --> 00:10:17,722
What? You went on the
Lewis and Clark expedition?

282
00:10:18,026 --> 00:10:19,322
Mm-hmm. We know them.

283
00:10:19,347 --> 00:10:20,714
Tell me everything!

284
00:10:20,739 --> 00:10:23,082
Is Sacagawea just, like,
so beautiful in real life?

285
00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:24,402
We didn't go on the trip.

286
00:10:24,426 --> 00:10:25,682
We just happened to be staying

287
00:10:25,706 --> 00:10:27,052
at the same hunting lodge.

288
00:10:27,076 --> 00:10:28,972
- Oh.
- Get this. This is crazy.

289
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,372
Clark actually thinks he's hot shit,

290
00:10:31,396 --> 00:10:33,091
and in reality,

291
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,052
- he's not.
- He's not.

292
00:10:35,076 --> 00:10:36,382
- That is crazy.
- He's just, like, a guy.

293
00:10:36,406 --> 00:10:38,702
Oh, this is us at the White House.

294
00:10:38,726 --> 00:10:41,062
- Oh, my gosh.
- Babe, you are so hot in that.

295
00:10:41,086 --> 00:10:42,382
- And spiritual.
- Uh-huh.

296
00:10:42,406 --> 00:10:44,942
That is a picture of me being spiritual.

297
00:10:44,966 --> 00:10:47,512
Okay. So what was the White House like?

298
00:10:47,536 --> 00:10:49,324
We didn't go inside.

299
00:10:49,388 --> 00:10:51,324
It's actually my personal belief

300
00:10:51,349 --> 00:10:53,591
that politics is fake.

301
00:10:54,536 --> 00:10:55,522
Huh.

302
00:10:55,546 --> 00:10:56,990
True.

303
00:11:02,599 --> 00:11:04,561
Hey, what's going on over here?

304
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,412
What are you doing
with all this river trash?

305
00:11:06,437 --> 00:11:08,092
I am building myself a raft

306
00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:09,652
made of discarded wagon parts

307
00:11:09,676 --> 00:11:10,932
tied together with horse flesh.

308
00:11:10,956 --> 00:11:13,332
It's not much, I know, but I am hoping

309
00:11:13,356 --> 00:11:15,366
the good Lord will have
mercy on my soul.

310
00:11:17,737 --> 00:11:19,302
- Whoa!
- All right, wise guy.

311
00:11:19,326 --> 00:11:21,422
The jig is up.
Tell me what's going on here

312
00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:22,462
or I'm gonna pump you full of lead!

313
00:11:22,486 --> 00:11:23,792
There's nothing going on, I swear.

314
00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:27,112
Oh, come on! No one willingly
dies for no reason!

315
00:11:27,136 --> 00:11:28,512
What are you getting out of it?

316
00:11:28,536 --> 00:11:31,632
Nothing! I just... It's being selfless.

317
00:11:31,656 --> 00:11:32,712
Self what?

318
00:11:32,736 --> 00:11:35,562
Selfless. Like, when you do something

319
00:11:35,586 --> 00:11:38,438
for someone else with
no personal gain for yourself?

320
00:11:38,463 --> 00:11:40,891
Just out of the goodness of your heart?

321
00:11:41,506 --> 00:11:45,542
You know, I did save a guy
from a fire once. Yeah.

322
00:11:46,029 --> 00:11:47,492
But I mean, that was just to rob him.

323
00:11:47,516 --> 00:11:48,972
I shot him right after.

324
00:11:48,996 --> 00:11:51,119
Oh, no. That's not it, then.

325
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:53,022
I don't know how else to put it, Benny.

326
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,142
I just... I'm doing it because

327
00:11:54,166 --> 00:11:55,896
I think it's the moral thing to do.

328
00:11:56,097 --> 00:11:58,782
No. Nah, I'm not buying it.

329
00:11:58,806 --> 00:12:00,142
You're up to something.

330
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,462
I'm really not. I swear.

331
00:12:01,486 --> 00:12:05,072
Hey, watch out for this one,
folks. He's good.

332
00:12:05,097 --> 00:12:07,438
Very good.

333
00:12:07,856 --> 00:12:09,632
Wait, wait, wait. I don't understand.

334
00:12:09,656 --> 00:12:11,592
So, you guys are just

335
00:12:11,616 --> 00:12:14,769
taking photos and not actually
doing these things?

336
00:12:14,794 --> 00:12:17,482
What's your point?
What about living your life

337
00:12:17,506 --> 00:12:18,922
like it's an adventure?

338
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:20,162
I thought that was your whole thing.

339
00:12:20,186 --> 00:12:23,113
It is, but it's also just like,

340
00:12:23,138 --> 00:12:24,474
you know, an inspirational quote

341
00:12:24,499 --> 00:12:27,211
for, like, basic farm girls
to stitch on a pillow.

342
00:12:27,236 --> 00:12:28,600
It's our brand.

343
00:12:29,636 --> 00:12:30,944
Oh, my God.

344
00:12:31,331 --> 00:12:33,662
I shouldn't be here.
I should be fording the river.

345
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,542
Ew. Why would you be fording the river?

346
00:12:35,566 --> 00:12:37,982
- Sweetheart, never ford a river.
- Oh, that's so gross.

347
00:12:38,006 --> 00:12:39,502
No, my friends are out there

348
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,992
having a real adventure, unlike you guys

349
00:12:42,016 --> 00:12:44,859
- who are just #fake.
- Hey! Excuse me.

350
00:12:44,884 --> 00:12:46,430
Do not make fun of my wife's condition.

351
00:12:46,455 --> 00:12:49,273
It took hours to get
that horseshoe out of her head.

352
00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:52,161
Wait, Prudence! What are you doing?

353
00:12:52,186 --> 00:12:53,842
The ferry's about to take off.

354
00:12:53,866 --> 00:12:55,175
Prudence!

355
00:12:55,666 --> 00:12:56,842
I...

356
00:12:56,866 --> 00:12:58,897
I'm so sorry.

357
00:12:58,922 --> 00:13:00,812
Yeah, it's a bummer.

358
00:13:00,836 --> 00:13:02,532
I really thought
we were all gonna swing.

359
00:13:03,836 --> 00:13:05,932
- Well, I am still down.
- No.

360
00:13:05,956 --> 00:13:08,393
It was you watching, at best.

361
00:13:08,596 --> 00:13:10,142
- I liked her.
- At best.

362
00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:12,502
- Hnaah...
- You should probably head out.

363
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:13,862
- I'm gonna go.
- Yeah, head out.

364
00:13:13,886 --> 00:13:15,384
- I'm gonna go.
- Goodbye.

365
00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:17,465
- Thank you for the drugs.
- Yes.

366
00:13:17,606 --> 00:13:20,592
All right, folks, it's fording time!

367
00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:22,832
- Yeah!
- Ha ha! Come on, now.

368
00:13:22,856 --> 00:13:24,792
- Yeah!
- Move 'em out.

369
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:26,816
Come on, put some muscle into it!

370
00:13:32,466 --> 00:13:34,088
Well, God,

371
00:13:34,661 --> 00:13:36,174
wish me luck.

372
00:13:42,347 --> 00:13:45,172
Benny? We making a mistake
leaving the rev behind?

373
00:13:45,196 --> 00:13:46,652
This don't feel right.

374
00:13:46,676 --> 00:13:47,862
Nah, don't fall for it.

375
00:13:47,886 --> 00:13:49,302
This is some kind of a trick.

376
00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:51,702
Oh, no! I'm sinking instantly!

377
00:13:51,726 --> 00:13:53,222
This was a terrible plan!

378
00:13:53,246 --> 00:13:54,710
I've seen this one before.

379
00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:56,702
It's a classic Dead Man Shuffle.

380
00:13:56,726 --> 00:13:58,553
Keep an eye on your wallets, folks.

381
00:13:58,578 --> 00:13:59,951
I'm not a swimmer!

382
00:13:59,976 --> 00:14:01,835
I didn't grow up around water!

383
00:14:01,860 --> 00:14:03,996
Huh. Not familiar with this trick.

384
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:05,752
Goodbye, world!

385
00:14:11,026 --> 00:14:13,419
Oh, I see. He's just fully dying.

386
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,306
Okay. Interesting.

387
00:14:18,306 --> 00:14:20,668
Help! Help!

388
00:14:21,970 --> 00:14:23,772
We have to do something!

389
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,142
Are you crazy? And risk our necks?

390
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,414
- Help!
- Zeke!

391
00:14:28,439 --> 00:14:31,015
I'm coming for ya! Hold on!

392
00:14:31,206 --> 00:14:32,662
Oh, yes! Yes!

393
00:14:32,686 --> 00:14:34,437
Now she's doing it?

394
00:14:36,422 --> 00:14:38,782
Come on, girl. You got this.

395
00:14:40,955 --> 00:14:42,672
What is wrong with these people?

396
00:14:47,066 --> 00:14:48,317
Oh, my God!

397
00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:51,778
- I got you.
- Oh, wow. You are very strong!

398
00:14:52,106 --> 00:14:54,322
- Swim, Prudence! Come on, girl!
- You can do it!

399
00:14:54,346 --> 00:14:55,932
Hey, hey, don't let them on!

400
00:14:55,956 --> 00:14:57,652
They're too heavy! We'll sink!

401
00:14:57,676 --> 00:15:00,571
You shut your yap, Benny.
We're done listening to you.

402
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:03,732
Everybody, start throwing
your stuff overboard!

403
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,065
Here we go.

404
00:15:10,606 --> 00:15:12,542
Craziest damn thing I've ever seen!

405
00:15:12,566 --> 00:15:13,782
Keep swimming!

406
00:15:13,806 --> 00:15:15,752
Rev, hold on!

407
00:15:15,776 --> 00:15:17,002
You can do it!

408
00:15:21,885 --> 00:15:23,088
All right.

409
00:15:23,696 --> 00:15:26,386
Let's see what this morality
thing is all about.

410
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,682
Hey! That was mine!

411
00:15:31,706 --> 00:15:33,852
Yeah, well, that was pretty big for me.

412
00:15:33,876 --> 00:15:35,876
We all saw where I was at earlier.

413
00:15:37,796 --> 00:15:40,031
All right, let's get
these wagons on shore!

414
00:15:40,056 --> 00:15:42,360
Pru, you saved my life.

415
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,342
- Are you okay?
- Am I okay?

416
00:15:45,366 --> 00:15:47,741
Did you see me out there?
I was all like,

417
00:15:49,207 --> 00:15:50,342
whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
"I got you, Zeke,"

418
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:53,312
and then everyone was like,
"She's a hero! Oh, my God,

419
00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:55,472
I want to marry you, Prudence!
I worship you."

420
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,855
For a near-death experience,
there were a lot of nice moments.

421
00:15:58,854 --> 00:15:59,722
Prudence!

422
00:16:01,016 --> 00:16:02,242
Oh, shit.

423
00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:03,882
What the hell was that back there?

424
00:16:03,906 --> 00:16:06,122
You embarrassed me in front
of our attractive new friends.

425
00:16:06,146 --> 00:16:08,402
I'm sorry, dear,
but I really just needed

426
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,259
to do this for myself. Okay?

427
00:16:10,613 --> 00:16:11,629
Hey, no.

428
00:16:11,786 --> 00:16:13,612
What has gotten into you?

429
00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:15,332
You openly disobey your husband.

430
00:16:15,356 --> 00:16:17,812
You ruined your pretty little dress.

431
00:16:17,836 --> 00:16:19,836
This is not the woman I married.

432
00:16:21,524 --> 00:16:22,780
You're wrong, dear.

433
00:16:22,977 --> 00:16:25,253
This is the woman you married.

434
00:16:25,473 --> 00:16:26,862
Get used to it.

435
00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:33,668
I'm wet!

436
00:16:34,729 --> 00:16:37,465
Oh, my beautiful dry skin is ruined!

437
00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:38,666
It's ruined!

438
00:16:41,422 --> 00:16:43,758
- Let me help you.
- No!

439
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:48,722
Well, Rev, I gotta say, you were right.

440
00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:50,692
I think there is room for morality

441
00:16:50,716 --> 00:16:52,412
out on the trail, once in a while.

442
00:16:52,436 --> 00:16:53,692
I'm glad you see it that way.

443
00:16:53,716 --> 00:16:55,892
- Good.
- I'm sorry, I'm very wet.

444
00:16:55,916 --> 00:16:57,104
- Hey guys.
- Do you mind if we just

445
00:16:57,129 --> 00:16:58,286
take a quick pic?

446
00:16:58,356 --> 00:17:00,622
Just a quick little snap
of the whole fam?

447
00:17:00,646 --> 00:17:01,902
Everyone gather round.

448
00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:03,262
- Let's get in there.
- #Selfie.

449
00:17:03,286 --> 00:17:04,622
Okay, selfie.

450
00:17:04,646 --> 00:17:06,662
All right, ready, fit fam?

451
00:17:06,686 --> 00:17:08,862
Let's take it. Three, two, one.

452
00:17:08,886 --> 00:17:10,832
Sex!

453
00:17:17,296 --> 00:17:18,616
All right.

454
00:17:20,546 --> 00:17:22,522
Hey, ho, ho, ho, ho!

455
00:17:22,546 --> 00:17:23,602
We gotta do grace.

456
00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,396
Oh, shucks!

457
00:17:25,421 --> 00:17:27,057
Come on, quit your griping.

458
00:17:27,082 --> 00:17:29,092
Let's keep it classy, people.

459
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,525
Rev, if you please.

460
00:17:32,846 --> 00:17:34,852
Bless us, oh, Lord, and these, thy gifts

461
00:17:34,876 --> 00:17:37,399
which we are about to
receive from thy bounty.

462
00:17:40,846 --> 00:17:41,862
Forget about that.

463
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,222
Cram it in, shit it out.

464
00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:44,342
That's what food is all about.

465
00:17:44,366 --> 00:17:46,009
- Amen.
- Amen!

466
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,509
There you go.

467
00:17:49,056 --> 00:17:55,976
credits