Hm.
Is this your plan, old boy?
Force me to watch you smack your lips together
like some sort of blonde ape until I tell you
when I stashed the map to the Fountain of Imperium?
It won't work.
I offered to be your partner once,
and you locked me in a ruddy chest with that witch.
That's right.
Mmm.
Mmm-mmm.
Oh, you filthy, uncouth scoundrel!
Now you're gonna tell me where the map is,
or I'm gonna desecrate your painting with my bodily fluids.
Just get this lump off my face!
Okay.
I entrusted the map to a banker to hold on to
until my eventual resurrection.
All right then, partner.
What's this banker's name, eh?
Noelle, I presume.
Constantine.
Hm.
Aren't you going to invite me in?
You're a vampire.
It's best you come in then.
- Where's Aleister? - Don't worry about him.
From now on, you'll deal with me.
You have my 2 million pounds.
2 million quid. Bloody hell.
How much interest have you been charging, Vampy?
All right, all right.
Calm down, don't get your knickers all in a knot.
See, I'm offering something far more valuable than dosh, love.
A favor.
What could you possibly do for me?
Spare your immortal life, for one.
One word and sunshine will turn you to ashes.
- Clever. - Hm.
I'm John Constantine, love.
Clever doesn't even begin to describe it.
Now hand over what you were holding for Crowley
and you can be on your merry little way.
Go on. Set it on the table.
Now that you've invited me in, mon cher,
I can come back anytime I want.
I have magical runes powerful enough to keep out worse
than the likes of you, sweetheart.
Aleister's as well.
A little potion I procured for him.
One day, you might get a taste for it.
One day, you might be positively
gagging for the stuff.
Crowley, you sneaky wank.
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
? Lullaby and good night ?
? With roses bedight ?
? With lilies o'er spread ?
? Is Gussies's wee bed ?
? Lay thee down now, rest ?
? Let thy slumber be blessed ?
? Lay thee down now and rest ?
? Let thy slumber be blessed ?
Sleep tight, little buddy.
Superhero, a totem bearer,
and an alien named Gary becomes singing mannies.
Did I just invent our spinoff?
Are you recording because Sarah and Ava
asked for constant updates?
They don't think
we can survive one weekend without them, do they?
Listen, I just want them to look for their wedding venue
without dealing with these dummies
? Lullaby and goodnight ?
No more singing. I can't take it anymore.
That little snot's not crying 'cause it's tired.
It's got growing pains.
Well, he does not look any bigger.
He said the Gusarax life cycle is only 38 rotations.
Uh, what does that mean?
Yeah, I can see where this is going, new Zari.
Technically, I'm... I'm the original Zari.
- The OZ. - The one and only.
Yeah, I'm not translating for Gary
just because he lost his glasses.
And I'm definitely not helping y'all parse
Gus's every gurgle.
If I wanted to take care of a baby,
I would have stayed in Texas
and married the first jerk I kissed.
Yeah, she's really got that new girl on the ship vibes.
Leeching human souls
wasn't quite enough for you, was it, Master Crowley?
No, no, no, no. You were juicing.
What a crass term.
I was reaching for new mystical heights
aided by a rare cocktail of bloods.
You absolute tosspot.
You know as well as I do that magic this powerful,
it comes at a terrible, terrible price.
It's because of that potion that you have the map.
In 1939, I took a rather large dose
and fell into a trance,
where an extraterrestrial dictated the map to me.
Pity he didn't speak English. I might've discovered
where in the heavens the Fountain was hidden.
Yes, the heavens.
You see that's where you were going wrong.
My alien mate, Gary,
he reckons that the Fountain of Imperium
is somewhere here on Earth, lost to history.
And this cut-out is the key.
Let's see.
Should fit exactly.
Spain.
That's where the Fountain was in 1939.
Take me with you, John. We're partners now, right?
Skip it. I've got a new partner in mind.
You know, I have other skills
besides being an alien telepath.
Couldn't literally anyone else
help you with Rory's brood pooch instead?
Please. It'll just take a second.
Okay, amazing.
I should warn you though, my dad hasn't really
wrapped his head around the whole pregnancy thing.
Men can't get pregnant!
Or didn't they teach you that at college?
Dad, a year and a half ago in my past,
which is your future, you ceased all contact.
Okay, if you really have Kayla's eggs in your skull,
then maybe they'll give a clue to what will happen.
Ever seen the movie "Alien"?
Yeah, I think we know what will happen.
Spooner, please.
Just look at the protrusion.
Have a seat.
Ay Dios mio.
Oh-oh-oh, what sordid scene am I interrupting?
Never mind. Don't care.
Spooner, join me for a shot and a chinwag.
Good luck with that.
Long story short, I have been stripped of my magic in service
of transforming you back from a fork I might add...
Okay, what do you want me to translate, John?
A map for the Fountain of Imperium,
which according to my research is a wellspring of magic
gifted to humans by aliens long ago
and last seen in Spain.
Whoa.
This is... this is cool.
Only those whom are worthy may drink from this fountain.
That's typical prophecy malarkey.
I need a location.
All right, well, this main star here is Albacete.
- Albacete. - Mm-hmm.
That's a city in the southeast of Spain.
Well, seeing as we're in Spain, February 1939,
there's a few things you ought to understand.
Now, first and foremost, this country has just suffered
three years of a brutal and bloody civil war.
Civil war? When were you planning on telling me that?
I just did, and a class war is more like it.
You see, on one side, you have the rich
and the military backed by Nazi Germany.
On the other side, you have the trade unions
and the democratically elected government of Spain.
And don't even get me started
on the devious little role of the Catholic church.
- I'm Catholic, John. - Yeah, well,
then you'll understand my attitude towards priests.
I'd sooner rather break bread with a bloody demon.
Okay, well, nothing on here says Fountain.
What about El Gato?
- The cat? - Oh, no, no, no.
It's the code name to a leftist leader
that I've heard stories about.
Apparently, he survived seven assassination attempts
and one actual crucifixion.
So? Maybe he was lucky?
Lucky? Nobody's that lucky.
That's magic.
My guess, El Gato drank from the Fountain.
Well, if you want to find a man,
why don't we just ask at the local watering hole?
Hm.
The bar is closed to outsiders.
Especially fascist spies.
Are you taking the mickey?
Do I look like a bloody fascist?
- You look like a German? - He has a point.
No, he doesn't.
I'll have you know that I served
with the POUM militia at Jarama.
You were in the trenches of Jarama?
I was.
What did you grease your rifle with?
Oh, you mean the rusted antique
that they supplied me with?
I had to grease it with olive oil.
Water was in such short supply that we had to shave with wine,
which is a bloody shame if you ask me,
but the worst part was the lice.
Those evil buggers they were as...
As big as boils.
- As boils, yes. - Compadre!
Let us toast to our fallen brothers in arms, huh?
Yeah.
Gideon said John and Spooner took the jump ship to Spain,
so I thought theme night.
One slice of Tortilla Espanola for the señorita.
Are you sure you should be drinking?
Yeah, why?
Hey, I for one
think it's really cool that you're pregnant.
The next person that says pregnant,
I'm taking 'em with me
on a nose dive outside the emergency hatch.
Wow, real mature, Dad.
So what's your plan?
You're just gonna pretend this isn't happening?
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna pretend Kayla didn't do this ear stuff to me
without warning me first.
Well, you didn't give Mom a warning.
Niko and I didn't plan our baby,
but we're dealing with it.
Oh, guys, Gus-y is aging rapidly.
- He's like a teenager now. - Okay.
No-no, a-a hormonal, giant teenager.
Come on. Vamonos!
Pregnant people, stay.
You're pregnant.
Amigos, the International Brigade has already left.
Why are you still here?
We heard of a man who continues to fight
the fascist bastards.
He goes by the name of El Gato.
They say he can't be killed.
I also have heard of this man, El Gato.
Very mysterious.
- Do you know his secret? - Mañana, mañana.
It's late. I have to turn in.
Come on, mate. Indulge me, yeah?
My cousin told me El Gato has drunk from a magical source.
- Oh. - Hm.
What kind of source?
In the village over,
there's a donkey
with great big... how do you say?
- Udders. - Ah, sí.
- Magical udders. - Oh.
The milk makes El Gato impervious
to even a hail of bullets from the fascist scum.
Well, to the donkey.
Hey, salud!
Adios.
- Magical donkey? - I don't know.
I don't hear a load of crap like that these days, yeah.
Agreed. And that man we were talking to, he was El Gato.
Undoubtedly.
Probably came down from the mountains to get some supplies.
Yeah, you clock the old farmer?
Yeah, looks like he was guarding something, perhaps...
A door to the cellar around back.
With the Fountain below, yeah.
Mm, yeah, something alien is down here all right.
And it's powerful.
Hey, it's all right.
It's okay, it's okay.
Ah, La Torrera.
Yeah, yeah, looks like you, love.
Oh, very funny, John.
What's your name, lad?
Cómo te llamas?
Fernando.
Fernando?
The alien power's coming from the kid.
He's mute, but I can hear what he's thinking.
He must've drunk from the fountain.
Hm.
John.
Corre!
Good evening.
My name is Capitan Noriega. I have news from the front.
Madrid has fallen.
The Republic is done.
I've been sent not just by General Franco,
but by the great Herr Hitler himself
to hunt down a man
known as El Gato.
You see, this man has drunk from an occult relic
of immense interest to Herr Hitler,
the Fountain of Imperium.
Sounds like Herr Hitler believes in fairy tales.
You could say my specialty is fairy tales.
The Spear of Destiny, the Loom of Fate,
I've studied them all.
Before the night is over, I will know El Gato's secrets.
Hm.
I don't know where this El Gato is,
but I have a lead on a magical donkey.
Search him.
Line everyone up and shoot them one by one until he talks.
I'm the one you're looking for, eh?
Spooner, Spooner, no!
Bollocks.
Oh, I know exactly who you are...
El Gato.
Fernando...
Gracias.
At last.
Here is the key to the Fountain.
No.
Search the rest of the tavern. Arrest everyone.
Bollocks and bloody bollocks! Come on, Johnny, think.
Think, think, think, think, think, think.
You can't leave her there. You can't leave...
That's it, Gus, the gloves are coming off.
Watch out.
Oh, you messed up now, hombre.
Gus-Gus has continued to age at a rapid rate.
I'm afraid the Legends are quite outmatched.
Should we do something?
They'll be fine.
What is it?
Nothing.
Is it your head?
So?
So what if this is it?
What if Kayla's eggs burst out of that thing
on the back of your neck and kill you?
We need to get you to the med bay now.
- Not gonna happen. - Why the hell not?
'Cause I deserve it.
What are you talking about?
Dad...
what are you talking about?
Kayla didn't disappear.
I left her on a planet full of lizard people to die.
Oh.
Well, you must've had a reason, right?
Hm.
To get back to you.
But in my line of work, there's a code.
You never leave your partner behind, and I did.
Ooh.
I deserve everything that's coming my way.
Oh, Dad, I'm going into labor.
- What? - Yeah.
El Gato has become quite chatty.
He tells me you're his nephew.
Fernando, it's your turn to talk.
He can't. He's mute.
Hm. We'll see about that.
Tell me the location of the Fountain,
or I slash her throat.
Hm?
Buongiorno.
Ciao, signores.
I am father Constantine, and I have orders from the Vatican.
Mi scusi. Mi scusi.
I have been sent to by several senior cardinals of Roma
to track down an ancient and powerful relic.
The Fountain of Imperium?
You know of this relic?
Herr Hitler is also after the Fountain.
Eccellente. Then we will work together.
I was just about to question the boy.
Please, Capitan, allow me.
Mick, what are you doing? You gotta get Lita back inside.
- She's having a baby! - Oh, baby.
I need to get her to the med bay!
Tarazi siblings.
Activate.
Come and get it!
Gus.
Again!
Oh.
Gideon!
Okay, Dad, wait. I'm so sorry.
For what?
I'm not actually in labor. I just needed to get us
to the med bay in case you were in labor.
But I might have misjudged a little bit.
So sorry.
You tricked me.
It's 'cause she loves you, Mick.
- We all do. - No, debatable.
Everyone out.
We'll see you at the next doctor's appointment, okay?
Out!
? Dei gratia, neccesitudo inter duos ?
I am conducting a sacred ceremony
creating a telepathic gateway
between this child and this virgin.
Your methods are extraordinary.
Indeed. Grazie. Grazie.
Now, where is the Fountain of Imperium?
Un dia el año pasado...
One day last year, my mom left me with my uncle
to go to the Front.
That night the planes came.
Suddenly everything was burning
and full of smoke and dust.
Nunca había visto tanta sangre.
I'd never seen so much blood.
A bomb had exploded next to me,
so I ran as far and as fast as I could.
I hid in a cave and prayed for some way to save my uncle.
He was next to me when the bomb blew up.
Apareció un precioso ángel.
A beautiful angel appeared
and told me to drink from the fountain.
And that's when I felt it, the power.
I returned to my uncle and healed his wounds.
Oh.
Yes, sí sí.
And he has been bringing his uncle back to life ever since.
Where is this cave?
Some water, per favore.
Forget the water. The cave!
Ah, but captain, I am parched.
Grazie, grazie.
And now you can ask him.
I don't know. I was lost for days.
Unacceptable.
You know, there is one thing
that I never understood about the fascists.
What is it that you see in Herr Hitler, hmm?
Is it that he's a pissant with one ball?
Viva la Revolución.
Save Fernando!
Come on, let's go.
Spooner! Spooner, the door!
John, we have to go back.
What? Are you mental? Why?
The fascists will kill everyone.
You know what happened in the Spanish Civil War, right?
The moral side, it didn't win.
Now get the boy to lead us to the cave.
Oh, come on, I know you were bloody lying, all right?
Yeah, well, I'm not helping you
finish your ridiculous, selfish quest.
Quest? This is real. My connection to magic is lost.
Boo-hoo. What's so bad about being normal?
You don't think that kid would give just about anything
to have a normal life again? I know I would.
Yeah well, some people want
picket fences and ponies, don't they?
Oh yeah. And what do you want?
You want me stay here and risk my life
so I can help you get your magic back.
Give me a reason.
You know where I'm from,
being normal is being crushed
by the boot of capitalism and then blaming it
on anyone with brown skin.
It's being told that only degenerates
can fancy men and women.
It's your old man coming home drunk every night
and beating you to a pulp because that's what
his old man done to him, but magic, Spooner,
the ability to break the rules,
to stick it to the rich and the powerful,
that's who I am.
And I'm nothing without it, Spooner. I'm nothing.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
All right, John. You win.
The fountain's dried up.
- Esta aquí. - He said that's where
the water came from that the angel gave him.
This is just a bunch of bloody rocks!
- Bollocks! - Okay, ease up, John.
All right, all right, just...
just give me a second, all right?
All right, all right. Now here's what we do.
You know, I told the captain that I was forging
a connection between the two of you.
Now that connection is very, very real.
Now, you can use it to push Fernando's magic into me.
All you need is a clear intention.
Okay, wait, so you want me to help steal Fernando's magic?
- What happens to him? - No, no, no.
This is a way to protect Fernando, yeah?
You know, give him a normal life away from all the Nazis
chasing him and the alien powers.
Don't pretend for an instant you care about Fernando.
- Vete al diablo. - All right. Okay.
Yes, I am the wankiest of all wankers, but do me a favor.
While I go and check to see that no one has followed us,
you talk to Fernando.
He can give his magic to me or he can keep it.
Now that's his choice, innit?
Hombres, más rápido.
Rápido, rápido!
They can't be far off.
- Esta seguro? - Sí, sí.
- Anyone? - No, no, all clear.
Fernando wants to make a deal.
Smart play, kid. What's your price?
He gives you his powers.
You use them to help find his mom.
She was supposed to return to the tavern.
I told them she's probably not going to come back,
but he doesn't wanna believe me.
Done.
John, I hope you thought this through.
No, the kid's made his choice.
Sit down, yeah? Good boy.
All right, what do I do?
Now, all you need to do is
focus your alien connection on the boy,
and you focus quickly, yeah?
- Yeah, I'm no wizard, John. - Oh, aren't you?
So I haven't seen you stop a giant sandworm
with your mind, have I?
- Hm. - Exactly.
I can't.
Look, magic, you know,
it's all about connection, all right?
Now, I use words to focus my mind.
Do you know any quotes?
I mean, there's a stupid song stuck in my head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll do. It's not about the words, per se.
It's more about the intention.
Now, remember, you're giving this kid an opportunity
that you never had, the chance at a normal life, all right?
You can do this.
? Lullaby and good night ?
? Red roses bedight ?
? With lilies o'er spread ?
? Is Gussies's wee bed ?
? Lay thee down now and rest ?
? May thy slumber be blessed ?
? Lay thee down now and rest ?
? Thy slumber be blessed ?
Whoa, whoa, where's it going?
Where's it going? I could feel it.
I could feel it. It was right here.
It was right... you give me back my bloody magic!
- Hey, John. - Give me my magic.
Stop, John!
The prophecy. The prophecy said.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Only the worthy may drink from the fountain.
You take the boy and hide.
What are you gonna do, John?
Only a bastard could vanquish a monster.
Go.
Bottoms up, Master Crowley.
Father Constantine.
Where is the Fountain?
I won't ask you again.
Dios mio.
John.
I'm relieved to announce Mr. Rory is not in labor.
Okay, so what about the pain in his head?
Perfectly normal considering 48 Necrian eggs
are rattling around Mr. Rory's skull.
48?
Hmm.
Tough little guppies, aren't they?
Yeah, but they get that from you.
Their mom was tough.
I'm sure Kayla would be really happy to know
you're taking care of her babies.
She would?
Yeah, because they need you to survive just like I do.
Oh, I found my glasses and Sara and Ava are back
What'd we miss?
Oh, Look at their itty bitty tentacles.
Oh, Micky.
Are those...
Mine.
John, what happened back there?
I saw you drink something.
Ah, it's just a nifty little trick
to stop a Nazi numptie from getting the better of us.
But don't worry, Texas. I won't be drinking it again.
Truth be told, it scared the living hell out of me.
Good. I mean, me too.
Look, wait.
We don't know what we'll find in there.
Fernando.
Ay-ay.
Tío.
Thank you.
No, Spoons, listen, we failed, all right?
Spain is not gonna be safe for Fernando, not for a long time.
And I'm just as ineffectual
as my dear old grandad
fighting bloody fascism.
That's not true.
You killed a lot of Franco's soldiers.
Yeah, I did.
And I bet at least one of them wasn't a bad bloke
and once again, my soul is damned.
You know, for someone who hates church,
you sound an awful lot like a Catholic.
What, just because I'm like
full of guilt and self-loathing.
You know, my mama used to say...
never mind.
No, no, no, no, no. What about your mama? Tell me.
She used to say,
"Somos salvodos solo po la fe".
We're saved by faith alone.
It's funny, I've... I've forgotten her face,
but I can still remember the sound of her voice.
We were both abducted, and only I returned.
I should have been more like Fernando and... and refused
to give up on her, but I lost faith.
Spoons,
you live on a time ship.
It's never too late, love.
Is that painting of Crowley snoring?
Shh.
Wakey, wakey, Crowley.
John.
To have magic back, Spooner, it's worth it.
It's worth the risk.
Don't do it. I'll tell Zari.
No, you won't. Praeterita obliviscere.
You'll go upstairs and you'll sleep it off.
Tomorrow you'll return to the Legends.
You'll tell them we were successful.
You'll tell them
I drank from the Fountain of Imperium.
Yes, John.
My stars. I take it you didn't find the fountain.
Are you... are you juicing, John?
Jokes on you, dickweed.
Is that so?
Bonsoir, gentlemen.
You brought what I asked for?
Oh, and you can take him. He's yours.
John, what have you done?
No. Please, John.
You don't know who she'll trade my soul to.
And what a lucrative trade it will be.
Get him out of my sight, will ya?
Until next time.
No. Damn you, John!
Remember all your trials and tribulations
you only have yourself to blame.
CREDITS