1
00:00:01,307 --> 00:00:02,657
Hope.

2
00:00:02,950 --> 00:00:05,610
That is what I am feeling
on this glorious day

3
00:00:05,650 --> 00:00:08,090
as we are gathered here together...

4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,929
To mourn

5
00:00:10,954 --> 00:00:13,418
the loss of one of our brethren,

6
00:00:13,530 --> 00:00:16,774
cruelly taken in his prime
due to cholera.

7
00:00:16,970 --> 00:00:18,190
Which... which reminds me.

8
00:00:18,230 --> 00:00:20,710
Please, please stay six feet apart.

9
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,280
Yes, good, nobody's doing it.

10
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:25,817
Okay, moving on.

11
00:00:25,869 --> 00:00:28,370
But as each new day pummels us

12
00:00:28,410 --> 00:00:31,894
with a seemingly endless
onslaught of fresh horrors,

13
00:00:31,918 --> 00:00:33,268
we must not lose faith.

14
00:00:33,512 --> 00:00:37,033
After all, this is America,

15
00:00:37,058 --> 00:00:40,098
where opportunity awaits
around every corner.

16
00:00:40,148 --> 00:00:42,499
- Can I get an amen?
- Amen.

17
00:00:46,068 --> 00:00:47,368
Yeah, just put her in the coffin, too.

18
00:00:47,408 --> 00:00:49,018
They're... they're both pretty small.

19
00:00:49,068 --> 00:00:51,938
- All right, you get her feet.
- And we will take this from the top!

20
00:00:51,978 --> 00:00:52,938
Hope!

21
00:00:52,963 --> 00:00:58,575
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

22
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,934
That's it. This year's harvest.

23
00:01:07,243 --> 00:01:08,543
Worse than last year,

24
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,218
which was worse
than the year before that.

25
00:01:11,180 --> 00:01:13,577
Maybe we should just kill ourselves now
and get it over with.

26
00:01:13,602 --> 00:01:15,566
I am not killing myself.

27
00:01:15,591 --> 00:01:17,546
You stupid... Please stop fighting!

28
00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:19,748
Hey! That's enough! That's enough.

29
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,798
Guys, look. I know things
seem desperate right now,

30
00:01:22,838 --> 00:01:26,798
but I believe there is
a better place for all of us.

31
00:01:26,838 --> 00:01:29,368
Oregon. Yeah!

32
00:01:29,408 --> 00:01:31,018
See, I've been reading testimonies

33
00:01:31,068 --> 00:01:33,214
of people in similar situations to us.

34
00:01:33,239 --> 00:01:36,158
Many of them have found
their salvation in Oregon.

35
00:01:36,198 --> 00:01:37,288
You know how to navigate across

36
00:01:37,328 --> 00:01:39,625
2,000 miles of untamed territory?

37
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,638
- No, I...
- Sorry, Reverend.

38
00:01:42,688 --> 00:01:43,908
Without an experienced guide,

39
00:01:43,948 --> 00:01:45,558
going to Oregon is out of the question.

40
00:01:45,598 --> 00:01:47,128
Maybe we should just go back
to John's idea

41
00:01:47,168 --> 00:01:48,648
about killing ourselves.

42
00:01:48,884 --> 00:01:51,088
I think there was something there.

43
00:02:01,658 --> 00:02:02,442
Oh, Zeke.

44
00:02:02,467 --> 00:02:03,897
Hold it right there.

45
00:02:04,188 --> 00:02:06,058
Oh, no. Aah...

46
00:02:06,098 --> 00:02:08,798
Wow, Zeke. Really?

47
00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:10,368
You look truly dismal.

48
00:02:10,408 --> 00:02:11,718
Come on, Pru, you know
I don't feel comfortable

49
00:02:11,758 --> 00:02:12,798
with that contraption of yours.

50
00:02:12,848 --> 00:02:15,368
Capturing one's image is
absolutely a form of vanity.

51
00:02:15,418 --> 00:02:16,978
Why does everything have
to be a sin with you?

52
00:02:17,028 --> 00:02:18,548
Can't it just be fun?

53
00:02:18,588 --> 00:02:20,248
I'm not really in a fun mood
right now, what with the town

54
00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:22,468
on the verge of extinction
and everything.

55
00:02:22,508 --> 00:02:24,078
Hey, man. You think you have it bad?

56
00:02:24,118 --> 00:02:25,768
I just spent all day mending socks.

57
00:02:26,088 --> 00:02:28,038
All day. Just socks.

58
00:02:28,078 --> 00:02:29,961
So will you please just
let me have this one thing?

59
00:02:29,986 --> 00:02:31,533
Yes, I will. Okay. Don't hurt me.

60
00:02:31,558 --> 00:02:32,518
Great.

61
00:02:34,114 --> 00:02:35,984
Okay, how's, um... how's this?

62
00:02:36,088 --> 00:02:37,788
Oh, yes, I love it!

63
00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:40,178
You're giving me serious
fire and brimstone right now,

64
00:02:40,218 --> 00:02:42,104
- and it's working.
- You're ridiculous.

65
00:02:44,618 --> 00:02:46,264
Ah. That was pretty cool.

66
00:02:46,304 --> 00:02:48,394
Well, good day, Reverend.

67
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:50,148
Good day, Mrs. Aberdeen.

68
00:02:50,406 --> 00:02:53,583
Oh, and hey... good luck
saving the town.

69
00:02:57,808 --> 00:03:00,588
Heavenly Father, it's me, Ezekiel Brown.

70
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,068
I don't know why I said my name.

71
00:03:02,108 --> 00:03:04,418
You know it's me. We talk all the time.

72
00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:07,678
This town is full of good people, Lord,

73
00:03:07,728 --> 00:03:09,508
innocent people,

74
00:03:09,558 --> 00:03:12,718
but if we don't find someone
who can lead us to Oregon,

75
00:03:13,665 --> 00:03:15,095
they're all gonna die.

76
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,128
Please, Lord,

77
00:03:17,514 --> 00:03:19,654
send us a miracle.

78
00:03:28,518 --> 00:03:29,728
Howdy.

79
00:03:33,878 --> 00:03:35,278
Come on, get him on the table.
Get him on the table.

80
00:03:35,318 --> 00:03:37,108
Come on, he's hurt, he's hurt.

81
00:03:37,148 --> 00:03:39,058
Okay, let's see what we've got here.

82
00:03:39,988 --> 00:03:41,978
Oh, my God! Oh. You know what?

83
00:03:42,018 --> 00:03:42,978
Actually, Prudence,

84
00:03:43,018 --> 00:03:44,368
uh, you should take care of this.

85
00:03:44,418 --> 00:03:46,460
It's more like women's work
anyway. So...

86
00:03:48,508 --> 00:03:49,988
Sir, can you drink any water?

87
00:03:50,028 --> 00:03:51,208
Whiskey?

88
00:03:51,248 --> 00:03:52,558
Well, I don't think that's a good idea.

89
00:03:52,598 --> 00:03:54,168
- You've been wandering the desert.
- I said whiskey!

90
00:03:54,208 --> 00:03:55,858
Okay.

91
00:04:01,146 --> 00:04:04,244
Sir, my... my name is
Reverend Ezekiel Brown.

92
00:04:04,281 --> 00:04:06,111
Can I ask who you are?

93
00:04:07,658 --> 00:04:08,788
I'm nobody.

94
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,138
Um, Jim Nobody.

95
00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:17,228
Yeah, I'm... I'm a frontiersman.

96
00:04:17,278 --> 00:04:19,318
You see, I was just out
on the dusty trail,

97
00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:20,948
Argh! And, uh...

98
00:04:20,989 --> 00:04:23,148
Out of nowhere,
this gang of outlaws comes

99
00:04:23,198 --> 00:04:25,058
and they... they shoot me in the back.

100
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,731
By the way, how's it looking back there?

101
00:04:27,756 --> 00:04:29,653
Good. It's bad.

102
00:04:29,718 --> 00:04:32,288
Uh, a frontiersman? Sir, by any chance,

103
00:04:32,328 --> 00:04:34,158
have your travels taken you to Oregon?

104
00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:36,298
Sure, once or twice.

105
00:04:36,338 --> 00:04:37,768
I've been all over this damn country

106
00:04:37,818 --> 00:04:40,078
- more times than I can count.
- This is it!

107
00:04:40,128 --> 00:04:41,948
This is the man who can
take us to Oregon.

108
00:04:41,998 --> 00:04:44,218
You said yourself, John,
all we needed was a guide

109
00:04:44,258 --> 00:04:46,335
and God has sent us this man.

110
00:04:46,528 --> 00:04:51,817
Sir, will you lead us
to our salvation in Oregon?

111
00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:53,190
No.

112
00:04:53,698 --> 00:04:55,358
- What?
- Look,

113
00:04:55,398 --> 00:04:57,228
I appreciate you patching me up and all,

114
00:04:57,268 --> 00:04:59,548
but I have no interest in chaperoning

115
00:04:59,580 --> 00:05:02,318
a bunch of soft-bellied,
slack-jawed dirt farmers

116
00:05:02,358 --> 00:05:03,829
across the country.

117
00:05:04,408 --> 00:05:05,408
- No offense.
- None taken.

118
00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:06,628
I got the medicine from town,

119
00:05:06,668 --> 00:05:08,148
and you won't believe the news.

120
00:05:08,198 --> 00:05:10,718
Benny the Teen robbed Fort McAlister.

121
00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:13,458
Benny the Teen, the notorious outlaw?

122
00:05:13,508 --> 00:05:14,898
In these parts?

123
00:05:14,938 --> 00:05:15,970
They're sending in federal marshals

124
00:05:16,010 --> 00:05:17,378
across the territory to find him.

125
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,594
Ah, you know what?

126
00:05:20,638 --> 00:05:22,518
I think I'll take you
to Oregon after all.

127
00:05:22,558 --> 00:05:24,518
Great! What changed your mind?

128
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,298
Just figured, why say no
when you can say yes?

129
00:05:26,348 --> 00:05:28,218
In fact I think
we should leave right now.

130
00:05:28,258 --> 00:05:29,608
Oh, but don't we need time

131
00:05:29,648 --> 00:05:30,738
to plan the route
and stock up on supplies?

132
00:05:30,778 --> 00:05:33,438
Nah, the Oregon Trail's a straight shot.

133
00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:35,925
I mean, we can pretty much wing it.

134
00:05:38,289 --> 00:05:39,593
Okay!

135
00:05:39,618 --> 00:05:41,327
Who's excited to go to Oregon?

136
00:05:41,352 --> 00:05:43,928
All right! Come on! Time's a-wasting.

137
00:05:57,683 --> 00:05:59,251
Hey, looking good, Granny McGill.

138
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,548
Hey, Reverend. All this bouncing around

139
00:06:01,598 --> 00:06:03,508
reminds me of my wedding night.

140
00:06:03,558 --> 00:06:05,688
- Ha ha!
- Okay.

141
00:06:06,084 --> 00:06:07,817
Oh, um, howdy, wagon master.

142
00:06:07,842 --> 00:06:09,411
You mind if I ride up front with you?

143
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:10,573
Be my guest.

144
00:06:11,688 --> 00:06:13,388
- Ah!
- Okay.

145
00:06:14,918 --> 00:06:17,658
So, tell me, what's life like
as a frontiersman, then?

146
00:06:19,048 --> 00:06:21,438
Well, you know, it's, uh...

147
00:06:21,488 --> 00:06:24,649
roaming the frontier,
doing frontier stuff.

148
00:06:25,035 --> 00:06:26,870
Oh, fascinating.

149
00:06:27,318 --> 00:06:30,318
What kind of frontier stuff?
You know, specifically?

150
00:06:32,238 --> 00:06:35,238
Uh, you know, little of this,
little of that.

151
00:06:35,278 --> 00:06:39,264
It's frontier stuff. I don't
know how else to explain it.

152
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:41,641
How friggin' awesome is this?

153
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:44,378
Just the open land, fresh air,

154
00:06:44,418 --> 00:06:46,069
just the sense of adventure.

155
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,948
I feel free.

156
00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:50,783
Prudence!

157
00:06:50,808 --> 00:06:53,689
Oh, God. I should get that.

158
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:56,648
Yes, dear?

159
00:06:56,698 --> 00:06:59,178
I'm feeling wagon-sick.
Can you rub my belly?

160
00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:02,915
Of course, dear.

161
00:07:06,448 --> 00:07:09,663
I, like, hate this trip already.

162
00:07:10,008 --> 00:07:13,098
The wagons are so bumpy.
The oxen smell like shit.

163
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,278
Like, would it kill them
to just put a skylight

164
00:07:15,318 --> 00:07:16,538
in one of these things?

165
00:07:16,588 --> 00:07:18,408
You know, you might actually

166
00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:20,718
enjoy it more
if you just left the wagon.

167
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:23,328
Yeah, it's really beautiful out there.

168
00:07:23,378 --> 00:07:26,198
I saw a cloud that looked
just like a rabbit.

169
00:07:27,846 --> 00:07:30,508
Oh. That's nice,
but, that makes no sense.

170
00:07:30,558 --> 00:07:32,338
Right? 'Cause clouds look like clouds,

171
00:07:32,596 --> 00:07:34,465
and rabbits look like...

172
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,558
Rabbits.

173
00:07:36,608 --> 00:07:38,518
- Okay?
- You're right.

174
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:39,908
Now less talk-talk and more rub-rub.

175
00:07:39,958 --> 00:07:41,828
I'm just gonna lie here
until we get to Oregon.

176
00:07:44,478 --> 00:07:46,918
Enough about me. What's...
What's your deal?

177
00:07:46,958 --> 00:07:49,048
I notice you talk crazy.

178
00:07:49,098 --> 00:07:50,968
Well, I was born and raised in England.

179
00:07:51,008 --> 00:07:53,358
Well, not raised, actually.
I'm an orphan, so...

180
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,379
Oh, well, sorry to hear that.

181
00:07:55,404 --> 00:07:56,708
Yes, the headmistress would beat me

182
00:07:56,758 --> 00:07:58,108
with a shovel every morning

183
00:07:58,148 --> 00:07:59,758
and feed me scraps
of shoe leather for dinner.

184
00:08:00,031 --> 00:08:02,601
To earn my keep I had
to dance naked for pennies.

185
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,368
Pennies can really hurt.

186
00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:06,068
Wow, that sounds rough.

187
00:08:06,108 --> 00:08:08,597
No, actually, it's a pretty
standard childhood in England.

188
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,298
Ho!

189
00:08:13,358 --> 00:08:14,468
U.S. Marshals.

190
00:08:14,811 --> 00:08:16,378
Pull over.

191
00:08:22,428 --> 00:08:24,128
We're looking for an outlaw,

192
00:08:24,168 --> 00:08:27,546
goes by the name of Benny the Teen.

193
00:08:27,571 --> 00:08:29,958
Oh, yes, we heard about
the robbery at Fort McAlister.

194
00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:31,048
Terrible business.

195
00:08:31,084 --> 00:08:32,228
I'm Reverend Ezekiel Brown.

196
00:08:32,268 --> 00:08:33,914
This is our wagon master, Jim Nobody.

197
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:37,918
Nobody, huh?

198
00:08:39,408 --> 00:08:40,498
It's German.

199
00:08:40,972 --> 00:08:42,433
German.

200
00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:49,545
German-Dutch, eh... Scottish.

201
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,764
French.

202
00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:56,459
Would you mind removing
your hat, please, Mr. Nobody?

203
00:09:02,868 --> 00:09:04,688
You've never seen this man before?

204
00:09:04,738 --> 00:09:07,731
No. I don't recognize him at all.

205
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,747
Handsome guy, though.
Beautiful mustache.

206
00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:12,958
Oh, hey!

207
00:09:13,008 --> 00:09:14,138
Get this off me!

208
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,539
What... I... come on!

209
00:09:16,564 --> 00:09:18,140
What... oh! Oh.

210
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,610
No, doesn't ring a bell.

211
00:09:21,635 --> 00:09:25,075
I'm just so sorry for
the inconvenience, gentlemen.

212
00:09:25,201 --> 00:09:26,731
Happy trails.

213
00:09:27,078 --> 00:09:29,868
Yeah, keep up the good work, officer.

214
00:09:29,893 --> 00:09:32,548
Whoo! Whoo!

215
00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:35,068
Hoo hoo!

216
00:09:35,118 --> 00:09:37,622
All right, let's get back on the trail.

217
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,008
So there I was, with just my boots on,

218
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:46,260
when her husband kicks down the door.

219
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:49,348
I don't think the fair reverend's
gonna like this next part.

220
00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:50,828
Yeah, I bet I won't.

221
00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:52,788
Ooh. Somebody's got a snake in his boot.

222
00:09:53,284 --> 00:09:55,958
Ooh. Speaking of snakes,

223
00:09:55,983 --> 00:09:58,169
I gotta drain the ol' sidewinder.

224
00:09:58,273 --> 00:10:00,973
I call it that because
of how weird it looks.

225
00:10:01,933 --> 00:10:03,188
All right, everyone, listen up.

226
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,448
That man is not who he claims to be.

227
00:10:05,488 --> 00:10:07,668
- That is Benny the Teen.
- Who? The mysterious wagon master

228
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,798
- who appeared out of thin air?
- Yes! Him.

229
00:10:09,981 --> 00:10:12,342
And we have to do something
before he slips away.

230
00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:14,803
Whew! Ahh. False alarm.

231
00:10:16,259 --> 00:10:17,795
Is it true what the rev says?

232
00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:19,774
Are you Benny the Teen?

233
00:10:22,103 --> 00:10:23,503
All right, I am.

234
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:26,818
Ooh...

235
00:10:26,858 --> 00:10:28,121
Benny the Teen!

236
00:10:29,925 --> 00:10:31,069
What?

237
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,478
We got a celebrity in our midst.

238
00:10:34,518 --> 00:10:36,832
He's not a celebrity.
He's a famous murderer.

239
00:10:36,857 --> 00:10:39,231
Please, stay as long as you need.

240
00:10:39,256 --> 00:10:41,086
It is our honor to be led

241
00:10:41,111 --> 00:10:43,578
- by the Benny the Teen.
- Yeah!

242
00:10:43,618 --> 00:10:45,358
Brethren, what are we thinking?

243
00:10:45,398 --> 00:10:47,878
We cannot allow ourselves
to be led by this man.

244
00:10:47,928 --> 00:10:50,538
This man's a criminal!
He's done terrible things.

245
00:10:50,578 --> 00:10:51,578
He's done nothing bad to me.

246
00:10:51,628 --> 00:10:52,848
No, not yet. He just got here.

247
00:10:52,888 --> 00:10:54,148
What if he robs you?
What if he kills you?

248
00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:55,538
Well, that's different.
That'd be a discussion.

249
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:56,588
Unbelievable.

250
00:10:56,628 --> 00:10:58,418
Well, I guess it's settled, then.

251
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,768
Now, where was I? Oh, yes, the husband.

252
00:11:00,808 --> 00:11:02,898
Well, he looks at us and he says,

253
00:11:03,153 --> 00:11:05,653
"Don't stop. I'm into it. Keep going."

254
00:11:05,678 --> 00:11:07,378
And then I shot him.

255
00:11:08,818 --> 00:11:11,518
Sounds like they're
having fun out there.

256
00:11:11,558 --> 00:11:13,298
Well, why don't we have
some fun in here?

257
00:11:16,828 --> 00:11:18,608
I heard what you said earlier

258
00:11:18,648 --> 00:11:21,313
about wanting me to enjoy myself.

259
00:11:21,338 --> 00:11:24,964
Well, I'm feeling much better now.

260
00:11:24,989 --> 00:11:26,697
Well, that's nice, but I...

261
00:11:28,483 --> 00:11:31,513
I want you to just sit right there

262
00:11:31,538 --> 00:11:35,148
and you let Monsieur Todd
grab the martinis.

263
00:11:35,493 --> 00:11:37,693
I made them extra dirty.

264
00:11:37,718 --> 00:11:40,144
With stagnant pond water
I found beside the road.

265
00:11:40,169 --> 00:11:42,848
Oh, I don't think that's a good idea.

266
00:11:42,873 --> 00:11:45,173
You can catch dysentery like that.

267
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,298
Ooh, it's spicy.

268
00:11:50,307 --> 00:11:52,298
No, thank you. I can't...

269
00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:53,908
hold my liquor like you can.

270
00:11:53,948 --> 00:11:55,615
I see.

271
00:11:56,404 --> 00:11:57,714
Straight to business, then.

272
00:11:59,388 --> 00:12:00,382
- Okay.
- Okay.

273
00:12:00,413 --> 00:12:01,753
- Are you good?
- Yeah.

274
00:12:03,852 --> 00:12:06,125
Did you hear that? Must've been an owl.

275
00:12:06,876 --> 00:12:08,788
They're all over these parts.

276
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:10,488
Anyway, where were we?

277
00:12:10,528 --> 00:12:12,008
Aah!

278
00:12:12,048 --> 00:12:14,008
They're... really hooting tonight.

279
00:12:14,058 --> 00:12:16,318
- Do you maybe need to step outside?
- No, no, no.

280
00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:18,245
I'm good, I'm... hey.

281
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,238
I'm so good.

282
00:12:20,588 --> 00:12:22,450
Ooh.

283
00:12:23,498 --> 00:12:25,548
Ah. Aah!

284
00:12:27,226 --> 00:12:28,756
Love you.

285
00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:31,873
Oh, Lord! It's like
the great Mississippi

286
00:12:31,898 --> 00:12:33,788
gushing from my ass!

287
00:12:38,598 --> 00:12:40,818
Hey, kid. Want to come
sit up front with me?

288
00:12:40,868 --> 00:12:43,496
No, thank you. I don't sit
next to evil sinners.

289
00:12:44,828 --> 00:12:47,048
You know, nothing's really
changed, if you think about it.

290
00:12:47,088 --> 00:12:49,218
I'm still taking you to Oregon.

291
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,568
Might be a nicer trip
if we were more friendly-like.

292
00:12:51,618 --> 00:12:54,228
I'm not your friend.
I thought you were sent by God

293
00:12:54,253 --> 00:12:55,870
but it turns out
you were sent by the devil.

294
00:12:55,895 --> 00:12:58,505
Whoa!

295
00:13:05,848 --> 00:13:07,238
Hey, guys!

296
00:13:07,278 --> 00:13:08,888
Oop! Sorry about the gunshot.

297
00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:11,238
I know it's, like, super loud.

298
00:13:11,288 --> 00:13:13,930
Can everyone please
step out of their wagons?

299
00:13:13,955 --> 00:13:15,955
- Who is he?
- Bad news.

300
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,950
Yeah, thanks. I'm that guy.

301
00:13:19,175 --> 00:13:21,778
Have any of you seen Benny the Teen?

302
00:13:21,818 --> 00:13:23,258
With all due respect, sir,

303
00:13:23,298 --> 00:13:25,078
we already got searched by the sheriff.

304
00:13:25,128 --> 00:13:27,518
Oh, with all due respect, ma'am,

305
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,327
I ain't the sheriff.

306
00:13:29,568 --> 00:13:30,788
I'm a bounty hunter.

307
00:13:31,169 --> 00:13:33,958
I've brought hundreds of men
to the noose,

308
00:13:34,008 --> 00:13:36,488
but Benny the Teen has always eluded me.

309
00:13:36,528 --> 00:13:39,748
That is, until I found
a trail of bloody footprints

310
00:13:39,788 --> 00:13:42,150
leading from Fort McAlister

311
00:13:42,175 --> 00:13:45,792
to your town. Imagine that.

312
00:13:46,351 --> 00:13:49,538
So let me ask you one more time.

313
00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:54,141
Have any of you seen Benny the Teen?

314
00:13:54,781 --> 00:13:56,022
Benny.

315
00:13:56,768 --> 00:13:58,028
Oh, sorry, I just...

316
00:13:58,068 --> 00:13:59,508
Sorry! Benny.

317
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:01,118
Is it allergies? Uch.

318
00:14:01,158 --> 00:14:04,248
My sinuses go crazy, too.
I feel you, brother.

319
00:14:04,298 --> 00:14:07,581
I'm saying Benny is in there.

320
00:14:09,594 --> 00:14:11,254
Everyone stand back.

321
00:14:13,388 --> 00:14:14,658
I got you.

322
00:14:14,698 --> 00:14:16,568
Congrats! You found me.

323
00:14:16,608 --> 00:14:17,748
But you'll never catch me.

324
00:14:18,103 --> 00:14:19,639
To the trees!

325
00:14:22,838 --> 00:14:24,688
Guess I'm a little rusty.

326
00:14:24,713 --> 00:14:26,103
Stop playing hard to get.

327
00:14:26,128 --> 00:14:27,646
Thank you, Reverend.
You've done a good deed

328
00:14:27,671 --> 00:14:29,241
bringing this villain to justice.

329
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,978
Yeah, thanks, Ezekiel.

330
00:14:31,018 --> 00:14:32,978
Good luck getting to Oregon now.

331
00:14:40,938 --> 00:14:42,768
No, no, we can still get to Oregon.

332
00:14:42,808 --> 00:14:44,768
We just follow the trail.

333
00:14:45,508 --> 00:14:48,108
Oh, no. Where, um...

334
00:14:48,908 --> 00:14:50,960
Where... where is that trail?

335
00:14:57,048 --> 00:14:58,788
Hey, Zeke. Doing all right?

336
00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:00,088
Yeah! Yeah, great.

337
00:15:00,138 --> 00:15:01,478
Benny's off to jail and it's gonna be

338
00:15:01,528 --> 00:15:03,308
smooth sailing all the way to Oregon.

339
00:15:03,358 --> 00:15:04,968
I am perfectly capable of leading us.

340
00:15:05,008 --> 00:15:08,318
I just need to figure out
which way is west.

341
00:15:08,358 --> 00:15:09,578
Um...

342
00:15:11,408 --> 00:15:14,011
Huh. Yeah, this isn't a map.

343
00:15:14,036 --> 00:15:16,628
This is an anatomical
drawing of a horse.

344
00:15:16,668 --> 00:15:18,609
Yes, so it is.

345
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:21,548
Hmm, there are its powerful haunches.

346
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:24,320
Oh, God. We're screwed, aren't we?

347
00:15:24,678 --> 00:15:25,678
Yeah.

348
00:15:25,728 --> 00:15:27,208
It doesn't make any sense!

349
00:15:27,248 --> 00:15:29,728
Why? Why would God send
an evil man to lead us

350
00:15:29,768 --> 00:15:31,078
on a righteous mission?

351
00:15:31,118 --> 00:15:33,208
Why, God, why? What do you want from me?

352
00:15:33,258 --> 00:15:35,208
Is this some sort of test,
you sick son of a bitch?

353
00:15:35,258 --> 00:15:36,868
- Whoa!
- You want me to crawl on the ground

354
00:15:36,908 --> 00:15:38,298
and spank my little arse, do you?

355
00:15:38,348 --> 00:15:40,478
- I'll do it!
- Oh, my...

356
00:15:40,518 --> 00:15:42,576
Is this what you like?
Am I a good little piggy?

357
00:15:42,631 --> 00:15:44,788
- Oink! Oink!
- Hey! Hey, cut it out.

358
00:15:44,828 --> 00:15:46,856
Come on, knock it off.

359
00:15:46,881 --> 00:15:49,191
Get up. Hey! Listen.

360
00:15:49,358 --> 00:15:51,748
What if God isn't punishing you?

361
00:15:51,798 --> 00:15:54,058
Maybe God's okay with you
doing a little bad

362
00:15:54,098 --> 00:15:56,368
if it means doing a lot of good?

363
00:15:58,483 --> 00:16:00,198
You're right. You're right.

364
00:16:00,238 --> 00:16:01,848
We need to get Benny back.

365
00:16:01,888 --> 00:16:03,498
Yes! Thank you.

366
00:16:03,548 --> 00:16:05,808
Okay, the bounty hunter
probably hasn't gotten far.

367
00:16:05,848 --> 00:16:06,938
We can still catch up.

368
00:16:06,988 --> 00:16:08,068
Prudence? Where are you?

369
00:16:08,118 --> 00:16:09,678
I blasted through that toilet paper.

370
00:16:09,728 --> 00:16:11,688
We're gonna need
something much stronger.

371
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,058
Do you have to deal with that?

372
00:16:15,364 --> 00:16:17,454
No. Todd can take care of himself.

373
00:16:17,479 --> 00:16:18,879
Let's get out of here.

374
00:16:19,948 --> 00:16:23,591
Oh! No, it's fine.
I found some red ivy here.

375
00:16:24,854 --> 00:16:26,608
Maybe if I rub it in real good and deep

376
00:16:26,658 --> 00:16:27,698
it'll feel better.

377
00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:30,528
Hey?

378
00:16:30,568 --> 00:16:33,318
Seeing as this might be
our last chat and all,

379
00:16:33,358 --> 00:16:35,098
I've always been curious...
How come you never

380
00:16:35,138 --> 00:16:36,708
tell anyone your name?

381
00:16:36,748 --> 00:16:39,968
A man needs a name so his people
know what to call him by.

382
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:41,978
I don't got people.

383
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,018
Ahh.

384
00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:45,408
Nah, I'm not buying it.

385
00:16:45,458 --> 00:16:47,848
I think it's because you have
a really weird name.

386
00:16:48,282 --> 00:16:50,028
Let me guess... Is it Nerbert?

387
00:16:50,068 --> 00:16:51,678
My name's not Nerbert.

388
00:16:51,728 --> 00:16:52,808
Is it Frampton?

389
00:16:52,858 --> 00:16:55,818
- Frampton...
- Oh! I got it. It's Dingus.

390
00:16:55,858 --> 00:16:57,718
My name isn't Dingus, okay?

391
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,728
I'm not playing this game
with you anymore.

392
00:16:59,778 --> 00:17:01,295
You annoy me.

393
00:17:01,570 --> 00:17:03,430
Hello! Excuse me.

394
00:17:03,754 --> 00:17:05,908
Reverend? What are you doing here?

395
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,698
We just wanted to say thank you again

396
00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:10,088
for capturing this despicable
piece of human scum.

397
00:17:10,146 --> 00:17:11,807
Boy. Kick a man when he's down much?

398
00:17:11,832 --> 00:17:14,008
And in honor of this historic occasion,

399
00:17:14,048 --> 00:17:15,788
we thought you might like a photograph.

400
00:17:15,838 --> 00:17:18,188
The day Benny the Teen
was brought to justice

401
00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:20,188
by the great, um...

402
00:17:20,228 --> 00:17:22,928
- Dingus.
- Shut up!

403
00:17:23,978 --> 00:17:26,498
Wow! Uh, yeah, no. Uh, um...

404
00:17:26,538 --> 00:17:28,102
I'll do a photo, yeah, sure.

405
00:17:28,127 --> 00:17:30,437
Great! Okay, so just
come a little closer.

406
00:17:30,464 --> 00:17:31,678
- All right.
- A little more.

407
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,068
I'm blushing.

408
00:17:33,108 --> 00:17:35,068
A little closer, and then
just look right here.

409
00:17:35,118 --> 00:17:36,684
What should I do?

410
00:17:36,709 --> 00:17:38,799
Maybe like a... No.

411
00:17:39,028 --> 00:17:40,988
Um, I'll do the gun, the guns.

412
00:17:41,038 --> 00:17:43,983
Okay, and now just say "cheese"
for 20 minutes.

413
00:17:44,128 --> 00:17:46,649
Cheese...

414
00:17:47,688 --> 00:17:50,348
- I'm getting you out of here.
- Oh! My man.

415
00:17:50,388 --> 00:17:51,868
Eeee... That's really good.

416
00:17:51,918 --> 00:17:54,138
Just keep it going,
just a couple more minutes.

417
00:17:54,178 --> 00:17:55,748
Eee...

418
00:17:55,788 --> 00:17:58,008
- Can't get these ropes off.
- That's okay.

419
00:17:58,048 --> 00:18:00,188
I can wiggle my way
out of any situation.

420
00:18:00,614 --> 00:18:04,098
- Wiggle free!
- No. Stop wiggling!

421
00:18:04,148 --> 00:18:05,358
It's working! I can feel it!

422
00:18:05,408 --> 00:18:06,838
It's not working!
It's making it tighter.

423
00:18:06,888 --> 00:18:08,978
- Okay, come on, get up.
- Hey, what's going on?

424
00:18:10,368 --> 00:18:12,033
All right, nobody move.

425
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:13,718
- Damn it.
- No funny business.

426
00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:14,978
Put your hands up
where the sun don't shine.

427
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:16,718
You want me to put my hands up my butt?

428
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:18,378
- What?
- You said you wanted me

429
00:18:18,418 --> 00:18:20,208
to put my hands
where the sun don't shine.

430
00:18:20,248 --> 00:18:21,326
That would be my butt.

431
00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:22,818
That is what you said technically.

432
00:18:22,858 --> 00:18:24,688
All right, would you just
give me a break for a second?

433
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,208
This is my first time
sticking somebody up.

434
00:18:26,248 --> 00:18:28,258
- I'm very nervous.
- All right, forget I said anything.

435
00:18:28,298 --> 00:18:29,648
- You're... you're doing great.
- Thank you.

436
00:18:29,688 --> 00:18:32,922
All right, what's your plan
here, huh, pardner?

437
00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:34,868
'Cause you don't seem to me

438
00:18:34,918 --> 00:18:36,918
like the killing type.

439
00:18:39,528 --> 00:18:40,755
Take that!

440
00:18:42,618 --> 00:18:44,522
Take his horse. Let's go.

441
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,008
Oh...

442
00:18:47,058 --> 00:18:49,498
Hey, hey, wait! I'm still tied up!

443
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:52,784
Better luck next time, Dingus!

444
00:18:52,809 --> 00:18:54,892
My name's not Dingus.

445
00:18:55,148 --> 00:18:58,298
Well, joke's on you,
'cause that horse sucks.

446
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:05,002
Hey, everyone! We got Benny back!

447
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:07,638
Hi, guys.

448
00:19:13,948 --> 00:19:15,128
How'd you do it?

449
00:19:15,168 --> 00:19:17,088
It was all Pru's idea.

450
00:19:17,128 --> 00:19:18,128
She tricked the bounty hunter.

451
00:19:18,178 --> 00:19:19,528
Well, my plan wouldn't have worked

452
00:19:19,568 --> 00:19:22,008
if Ezekiel hadn't pulled
a friggin' gun on the guy.

453
00:19:22,048 --> 00:19:23,088
Aah, I did do that.

454
00:19:23,138 --> 00:19:24,578
Prudence! There you are!

455
00:19:26,658 --> 00:19:28,398
Oh, my God, Todd.

456
00:19:29,026 --> 00:19:32,708
Oh, yes. The ivy made things much worse.

457
00:19:32,758 --> 00:19:34,188
Thankfully, though, I was able to

458
00:19:34,238 --> 00:19:36,058
fashion this undergarment

459
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:37,668
out of surplus wagon materials.

460
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,288
Sort of a gentleman's napkin,
if you will.

461
00:19:40,328 --> 00:19:42,898
Anyway, um, I will need you

462
00:19:42,938 --> 00:19:44,768
to lather aloe all over my body,

463
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:48,118
as I am a wee bit concerned
my skin is going to explode.

464
00:19:48,504 --> 00:19:50,118
Of course, dear.

465
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:55,168
Thanks, Zeke. That was really fun.

466
00:19:55,208 --> 00:19:57,608
Yeah, it was. Well, um,

467
00:19:58,222 --> 00:19:59,648
we should do it again some time.

468
00:20:01,922 --> 00:20:03,308
I'd like that.

469
00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:12,878
I gotta admit, those were some

470
00:20:12,928 --> 00:20:14,928
pretty impressive
bandit moves back there.

471
00:20:14,968 --> 00:20:16,498
You know, I think you got
a little bit more

472
00:20:16,538 --> 00:20:18,148
bad guy in you than you think.

473
00:20:18,188 --> 00:20:20,188
Well, I think you have a little bit more

474
00:20:20,238 --> 00:20:21,278
good guy in you than you think.

475
00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:22,808
I don't know about that.

476
00:20:22,848 --> 00:20:24,848
No, well, I know you have killed people,

477
00:20:24,888 --> 00:20:26,898
but I'm sure it was always
in self-defense.

478
00:20:27,251 --> 00:20:30,068
Not really. Sometimes
it was straight-up murder.

479
00:20:30,305 --> 00:20:31,713
Just men, though, right?

480
00:20:31,738 --> 00:20:33,658
Yeah, yeah, just men.

481
00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:36,428
And women.

482
00:20:37,298 --> 00:20:39,092
And some children.

483
00:20:39,258 --> 00:20:40,608
Bad children, at least?

484
00:20:40,648 --> 00:20:42,958
No, just children.

485
00:20:42,982 --> 00:20:48,992
CREDITS