1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,065
I'm really glad we're doing
this show again.

2
00:00:05,070 --> 00:00:07,235
When we started,
we were just kids having fun,

3
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:08,556
but now we can make a real impact.

4
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:09,935
You know, push culture forward.

5
00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:11,315
Can you help me take this off?

6
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,320
Yeah.

7
00:00:13,730 --> 00:00:15,420
There we go.

8
00:00:15,870 --> 00:00:17,625
Wow, you're already getting
a ton of likes

9
00:00:17,630 --> 00:00:19,280
on your bunny makeup tutorial.

10
00:00:20,460 --> 00:00:22,045
I'm not doing this for likes.

11
00:00:22,050 --> 00:00:23,915
I'm doing this to connect with people.

12
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,915
To lift up, to inspire.

13
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:28,130
It's not about me.

14
00:00:28,540 --> 00:00:29,900
But what are they saying about me?

15
00:00:31,485 --> 00:00:33,775
"Fire", "Straight fire", "That's lit",

16
00:00:33,780 --> 00:00:36,780
"I love fire",
"Burn everything"... wait.

17
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:38,860
Are there any that aren't about fire?

18
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:41,655
Yeah, here's one, but you know what?

19
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:42,895
I'm not gonna read it.

20
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:44,575
What is it? Just tell me.

21
00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:47,305
Don't freak out, but it looks
like your hater is back.

22
00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:49,315
iHateCarly57.

23
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:50,626
There's always gonna be haters

24
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:51,656
that try to tear you down,

25
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:52,975
but you know what I say to them?

26
00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:55,450
I say, "Mom, I'm doing my best!"

27
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,765
I can handle the haters.

28
00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:00,905
I've had haters since I was 12.

29
00:01:00,910 --> 00:01:03,635
But this person is relentless.

30
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,470
They make fun of what I wear,
what I eat, what I drink.

31
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:09,645
I'm starting to second-guess everything.

32
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:10,850
Do you think my walk is funny?

33
00:01:11,410 --> 00:01:13,030
For a bunny or a person?

34
00:01:14,790 --> 00:01:16,545
And the worst part is,

35
00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:17,966
at the end of all of their comments,

36
00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:19,265
they say, "Do better".

37
00:01:19,270 --> 00:01:20,825
- Ugh.
- It's like, "Do better?

38
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,425
How about you do better?"

39
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:23,755
At least they're not threatening

40
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:24,825
to break into your bedroom

41
00:01:24,830 --> 00:01:26,630
and braid your hair
like that other weirdo.

42
00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:29,595
Yeah, but in all fairness,
that hair braiding Instagram

43
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,040
is, quite frankly, spectacular.

44
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,430
Ooh, y'all doing, like, a furry thing?

45
00:01:35,910 --> 00:01:36,915
- Yep.
- No.

46
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,145
Don't worry, I'm not here

47
00:01:38,150 --> 00:01:40,015
to kink-shame your fursona.

48
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:41,396
Hey, aren't you supposed
to be on a brunch date?

49
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,465
Oh, no, I didn't go. He gave me the ick.

50
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,025
- What's the ick?
- The ultimate turn-off.

51
00:01:46,030 --> 00:01:47,675
You can be totally into someone,

52
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,825
then you see one bad improv show...

53
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:51,680
Or they're way too into theme parks.

54
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,960
Or fiscal irresponsibility.

55
00:01:57,110 --> 00:01:59,210
Listen to us. We sound awful.

56
00:01:59,590 --> 00:02:01,760
There's just too much
negativity in the world.

57
00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:03,975
Which is why I'm going to respond

58
00:02:03,980 --> 00:02:06,425
to this iHateCarly57 person

59
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,185
with love and light.

60
00:02:08,190 --> 00:02:09,385
Love and light?

61
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:12,295
I'm more of a block
and report guy myself.

62
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,460
I'm going to embrace them,

63
00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:17,360
not physically, but spiritually.

64
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:19,855
Their profile picture's
the Space Needle,

65
00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:20,985
so they're local.

66
00:02:20,990 --> 00:02:22,125
Maybe we'll even meet up.

67
00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:25,165
Yeah, nice afternoon
at the farmers' market,

68
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:26,585
picking out artisanal jam

69
00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:28,650
with someone who can't stand you.

70
00:02:28,655 --> 00:02:31,065
Oh, they already replied.

71
00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:33,340
With "Do better".

72
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,070
To my olive branch.

73
00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:38,040
Oh, I'll do better.

74
00:02:38,430 --> 00:02:40,535
I'll lodge that branch so far up...

75
00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:42,630
Ah, yes, love and light.

76
00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:48,495
"Skybucks, today, 2:00 p.m.

77
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,600
Be there.

78
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,805
Unless it's inconvenient for you,

79
00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:53,130
in which case we can reschedule".

80
00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:30,055
All right, I've got eyes
on the entrance.

81
00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:32,375
Why are you talking into your sleeve?

82
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,155
Why are you wearing a fake mustache?

83
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,400
I like the mystery.

84
00:03:38,620 --> 00:03:41,585
You seem really excited
to just be at a coffee place.

85
00:03:41,590 --> 00:03:44,995
Yeah, because I can't wait
to meet the person

86
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,100
who always tells you to, "Do better".

87
00:03:47,870 --> 00:03:48,980
So good.

88
00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:52,565
It could be any of these people.

89
00:03:52,570 --> 00:03:54,600
Don't worry, any sign of trouble,

90
00:03:54,605 --> 00:03:56,465
I brought a taser and some pepper spray.

91
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,155
That definitely won't be necessary.

92
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,645
We're just gonna talk.

93
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:02,405
I'm gonna go around and look for him.

94
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:05,195
- Remember, be inconspicuous.
- Mm-hmm.

95
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,575
Oh, I got eyes on a suspect.

96
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,180
- Oh, she's shady.
- Let's take her down.

97
00:04:09,060 --> 00:04:11,825
Hey, Harper, have you seen
anyone acting suspicious.

98
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,850
Yeah, those two MENSA candidates.

99
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,615
You know, on the one hand, I'm annoyed

100
00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:19,315
that you're doing this
at my place of work.

101
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,765
But on the other hand, thank you

102
00:04:20,770 --> 00:04:21,896
for giving me a front row seat

103
00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:24,910
to something that is sure
to be a total disaster.

104
00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:26,460
I'm here for you,

105
00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:28,460
Oh, but that guy's a good tipper. Bye.

106
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,155
Oh, my God.

107
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,676
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God,

108
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:38,945
It's Nora Dershlit.

109
00:04:38,950 --> 00:04:41,295
- Who's Nora Dershlit?
- She's a lunatic!

110
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,565
She kidnapped us and locked us
in our basement twice.

111
00:04:43,570 --> 00:04:45,915
- Freddie made out with her.
- Nah, she kissed me.

112
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,445
I was an innocent bystander.

113
00:04:47,450 --> 00:04:49,680
I will not call her Mom.

114
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:53,445
Carly?

115
00:04:53,450 --> 00:04:54,795
Leave it to me!

116
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,765
Aha!

117
00:04:57,770 --> 00:04:59,580
Ahh, tingles!

118
00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:05,790
Oh, I thought that was you.

119
00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:08,255
Hey, Fredward.

120
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:10,280
Love the flavor saver.

121
00:05:11,230 --> 00:05:13,505
I should have guessed
you were iHateCarly57.

122
00:05:13,510 --> 00:05:14,565
What?

123
00:05:14,570 --> 00:05:17,535
I don't hate you. I think you're great.

124
00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:21,025
But not in a creepy, stalky,
"gonna lock you up

125
00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:23,580
and keep you as my
personal prisoner" kind of way.

126
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:28,190
That was old Nora.
New Nora is in a good place.

127
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,240
New Nora really worked on herself.

128
00:05:32,410 --> 00:05:33,855
Ahh!

129
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:35,725
Say hello to Seņor Pepper Spray!

130
00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:38,445
Ahh!

131
00:05:38,450 --> 00:05:39,950
Don't worry!

132
00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:42,630
The salt will neutralize
the pepper spray!

133
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,420
Oh, God, I was so wrong!

134
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,215
Whoa, whoa, hey, hey,
right here, right here!

135
00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:49,805
Your friends have to leave!

136
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:53,015
They're not my friends!
I don't know these people.

137
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,020
Sorry, Harper.

138
00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:55,470
Lucky guess.

139
00:05:57,330 --> 00:05:59,125
Can I have a banana nut muffin to go?

140
00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:01,195
Sure. You got the last one.

141
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,270
Oh, I was gonna order the same.

142
00:06:04,790 --> 00:06:07,065
Oh, I'm sorry.

143
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:08,450
You know what? You take it.

144
00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:11,375
Oh, I can't take your banana nut muffin.

145
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:13,485
No, really, take it.

146
00:06:13,490 --> 00:06:14,965
And you can have my coffee too.

147
00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:17,275
And I think I might have
some almonds in my purse.

148
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,920
That's really nice of you, but I'm good.

149
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:20,810
Well, at least we can share it.

150
00:06:21,290 --> 00:06:22,290
Here.

151
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:25,840
Wow, maybe we could share a table too?

152
00:06:26,330 --> 00:06:28,010
I really shouldn't be
flirting right now.

153
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:29,745
I'm kind of on a mission.

154
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,635
- Sounds serious.
- It is.

155
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,080
I'm trying to find some jerk

156
00:06:33,085 --> 00:06:34,916
who keeps posting mean things
about me online.

157
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,125
Why would somebody post
mean stuff about you?

158
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,235
It's dumb.

159
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,575
I'm Carly of "iCarly".

160
00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:42,060
I have a channel online.

161
00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,030
Have you heard of the Internet?

162
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:46,936
Oh, you mean the place
where I compulsively look

163
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,246
at real estate and convince myself

164
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:49,456
that I have every disease imaginable?

165
00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:50,460
Yes, I'm familiar.

166
00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:52,795
I'm Justin.

167
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,530
Maybe I can help you find this jerk.

168
00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:58,840
Excuse me, has anyone seen a mustache?

169
00:06:58,845 --> 00:07:01,505
Oh, here it is.

170
00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:03,790
I really hope this is my mustache.

171
00:07:05,710 --> 00:07:09,060
- It's definitely that guy.
- Oh, no, that's Freddie.

172
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:12,235
Hey, would you want to hang out sometime

173
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,925
when my weird friends aren't there?

174
00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,055
- Yeah, I'd like that.
- Yeah?

175
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,335
- Yeah.
- Okay, here.

176
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:19,785
If you could just put
your number in my phone.

177
00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:21,554
Carly? Come on!

178
00:07:21,559 --> 00:07:23,176
We're taking Spencer
to the emergency room,

179
00:07:23,180 --> 00:07:24,486
and you need to talk him out of driving.

180
00:07:24,490 --> 00:07:25,835
- Let's go.
- I'll call you.

181
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:26,840
Okay.

182
00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:30,670
How's the muffin?

183
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:32,910
Do better.

184
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,810
I followed every lead.

185
00:07:42,815 --> 00:07:44,366
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

186
00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:46,230
Yeah, why do we have so much red yarn?

187
00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:49,510
Have you ever seen an HBO drama, Harper?

188
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:51,090
This is how they catch people.

189
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:53,875
Lookee here, Nora.

190
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,905
Why were you at the
coffee shop, huh, Nora?

191
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,205
They're always low on oat milk.

192
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,910
Yeah, that's 'cause I steal it for you.

193
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,865
Is that a passport photo of Muffin Man?

194
00:08:02,870 --> 00:08:04,190
Why are you putting him up there?

195
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,280
He brightens up the place.

196
00:08:07,590 --> 00:08:09,905
Your stalker game, c'est magnifique.

197
00:08:10,810 --> 00:08:12,130
It's not stalking.

198
00:08:12,135 --> 00:08:14,135
It's research for our date tonight.

199
00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:16,885
You want to see a satellite
picture of his back yard?

200
00:08:16,890 --> 00:08:18,475
Oh, is that a hot tub?

201
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:19,755
Okay, I'm good with him.

202
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,305
You know, my sciatica.

203
00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:24,475
Plus, he's never even seen "iCarly".

204
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,380
So he has no preconceived
notions about how amazing I am.

205
00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,170
He gets to discover it.

206
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,315
Okay.

207
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,900
Well, just look out for the ick.

208
00:08:35,460 --> 00:08:37,620
- Is anyone home?
- Yeah, we're right here.

209
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:39,625
Ah, I still can't see!

210
00:08:39,630 --> 00:08:41,460
Too bad. I'm super naked.

211
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:46,015
No, you're not. I'd know.

212
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:48,185
Being without sight has
heightened my other senses.

213
00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:50,635
I'm completely in tune
with my surroundings.

214
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,640
Did you rearrange the furniture?

215
00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:56,650
Don't say a word.

216
00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,195
I'm honing my sensory skills,

217
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,620
and I need to do this on my own.

218
00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:06,970
Hello, Millicent.

219
00:09:09,250 --> 00:09:10,250
It's Freddie.

220
00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:12,110
Is Harper naked?

221
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:16,805
Now, who wants to help guide me
until my sight returns?

222
00:09:16,810 --> 00:09:18,330
- Oh, not it.
- Can't. Got a date.

223
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:22,845
- Thanks for volunteering.
- I didn't.

224
00:09:22,850 --> 00:09:24,805
No, I could sense that you did.

225
00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:26,775
After all, I gave you seed money

226
00:09:26,780 --> 00:09:27,780
for your first start-up.

227
00:09:28,170 --> 00:09:30,410
Fine, I'll help you.

228
00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:32,265
Thank you.

229
00:09:32,270 --> 00:09:34,270
Now, can you describe the sunset?

230
00:09:37,975 --> 00:09:41,555
Well, the sun is just
touching the horizon,

231
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:44,865
and as it sinks further,
the bright, hot gold

232
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:48,420
gently fades to a warm, soothing pink.

233
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:51,735
You don't truly appreciate

234
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:54,460
the miracles that happen every day

235
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,295
till they're taken away.

236
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,505
Mm.

237
00:09:58,510 --> 00:09:59,840
Now help me pee.

238
00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:06,955
Well, right now, I'm working
on my passion project,

239
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,335
designing this new shelter for
kids experiencing homelessness.

240
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:12,475
But usually I work
on more corporate stuff.

241
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,095
Like this chain of taco restaurants

242
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,725
where I can now eat free for life.

243
00:10:15,730 --> 00:10:17,865
Okay, what's the guac situation?

244
00:10:17,870 --> 00:10:19,590
If you say endless, you're perfect.

245
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,145
That's very sweet, but I'm not.

246
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:23,595
I'm far from it.

247
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,825
A long time ago,
I had a big disappointment,

248
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:28,395
and I took it really hard.

249
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,146
You would not have wanted
to know me then.

250
00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:32,705
But it drove me to be
the person that I am today.

251
00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,055
What happened?

252
00:10:34,060 --> 00:10:38,020
Oh, there was this girl once
that kind of broke my heart.

253
00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:40,330
She sounds terrible.

254
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,256
I thought so too for a while,

255
00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:44,335
but she's actually pretty great.

256
00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:46,135
Okay, now I'm getting a little jealous.

257
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,260
So how's your paella?

258
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:51,055
Mine's delicious.

259
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:52,845
Nora?

260
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:54,105
Hi, guys.

261
00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:55,785
What a coincidence.

262
00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:58,315
Oh, I love this place.

263
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,480
It's so romantic.

264
00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:03,255
- Are you here with anybody?
- No.

265
00:11:03,260 --> 00:11:05,230
Should I join you?

266
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:16,640
I wish they had a guy
who played violin here.

267
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,710
Oh, I'll just do it.

268
00:11:31,430 --> 00:11:34,965
And that's why a Roth IRA
is a better option for you

269
00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:36,395
than a 401[K].

270
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,575
Wow.

271
00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:39,766
I never really knew
anything about money.

272
00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:42,160
Other than having a lot of it.

273
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:48,250
As promised, all of the dinner rolls.

274
00:11:48,890 --> 00:11:51,945
Oh, I take it that the date
went well? No ick?

275
00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:53,015
Not with Justin.

276
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:54,955
He has such positive energy.

277
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,335
It's just contagious.

278
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,780
Nothing can bring me down.

279
00:12:00,165 --> 00:12:02,565
Ugh. It's iHateCarly57.

280
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,375
Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

281
00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,895
They just posted
something nice about me.

282
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:11,700
- Aww.
- Such a betrayal.

283
00:12:12,970 --> 00:12:14,665
Things are looking up.

284
00:12:14,670 --> 00:12:16,765
I met a great guy, and I'm so talented,

285
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,120
my nemesis did a 180.

286
00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:20,146
I should write a self-help book called,

287
00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:22,356
"If You're Just Nice to People,
They'll Eventually Like You

288
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,090
Because Deep Down,
All Humans Are Good at Heart".

289
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,510
I'll come up with a better title.

290
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,445
Okay, everybody, let's Merengue March.

291
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:35,990
Oh, there is nothing like
working up a sweat to Zumba.

292
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,900
It's not a workout, it's a party!

293
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,197
Hold me tighter so I don't lose balance.

294
00:12:41,201 --> 00:12:42,655
I'm trying.

295
00:12:42,660 --> 00:12:44,135
Your sweat's making you slippery.

296
00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:45,860
- I call that Zumba Juice.
- Oh.

297
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:49,365
Cumbia Crawl!

298
00:12:49,370 --> 00:12:51,655
This is not I imagined my life going.

299
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,525
Reggaeton Rump-shaker.

300
00:12:53,530 --> 00:12:55,275
All right, help me shake my rump.

301
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,100
Nah. Nah, I'm taking a break.

302
00:12:57,105 --> 00:12:59,660
Al right, fine. Take a beat.

303
00:12:59,665 --> 00:13:02,335
Hey, maybe go pick up my dry cleaning?

304
00:13:03,270 --> 00:13:04,915
Are you sure you still can't see?

305
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,090
Not a thing. I'm sure
it'll come back soon.

306
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:11,350
You know, you're a good friend
for doing all this, Freddie.

307
00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:14,030
I'll go get your dry cleaning.

308
00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:15,930
Thanks. Whew!

309
00:13:15,935 --> 00:13:17,315
Ooh.

310
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:23,035
Okay.

311
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:26,210
A seven letter word
for divine occurrence.

312
00:13:26,215 --> 00:13:28,040
Hmm...

313
00:13:28,045 --> 00:13:29,985
Forgot the dry-cleaner ticket.

314
00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:32,630
I can see!

315
00:13:33,540 --> 00:13:35,910
It's a miracle! That's seven letters.

316
00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:41,715
I can't believe you used me.
We merengued.

317
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,855
Okay, I'm sorry.
My sight came back earlier.

318
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:47,515
Oh, that's great, cause now
you can see me kill you.

319
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,435
Oh, come on, you can't say
you didn't enjoy it.

320
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:50,795
We got to be so close.

321
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,270
Yeah, close enough to get pee
on my shoes.

322
00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:56,620
And no one can take that away from us.

323
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,490
Welcome to Chez Carly.

324
00:14:03,950 --> 00:14:07,660
This is the dining room,
and this is the living room,

325
00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:12,120
and this is my murder board.

326
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,590
That I forgot I had your picture on.

327
00:14:14,595 --> 00:14:16,380
I can explain that.

328
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,155
Actually, maybe I should be
the one to explain

329
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,240
- Um...
- Wait, wait, wait.

330
00:14:20,245 --> 00:14:21,965
Okay, so you're not into bunnies.

331
00:14:21,970 --> 00:14:23,065
No biggie.

332
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:25,825
- You don't have to leave.
- I'm sorry, Harper.

333
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:27,415
I really like you.

334
00:14:27,420 --> 00:14:30,485
You're smart, fun,
interesting, beautiful,

335
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:32,730
but I got the ick.

336
00:14:33,852 --> 00:14:35,367
Fair.

337
00:14:35,372 --> 00:14:37,847
Live by the ick, die by the ick.

338
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:40,430
Sup, y'all?

339
00:14:44,385 --> 00:14:45,885
- Um...
- Hey, Carly.

340
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:48,195
I know you're feeling down
about your hater,

341
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,675
but look at it this way.

342
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,195
Your work provoked a reaction.

343
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,855
I wish I had a hater.

344
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,780
That's the true sign of success.

345
00:14:56,710 --> 00:14:59,545
Oh, Justin, this is
Freddie's daughter, Millicent.

346
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,620
- She secretly worships me.
- False.

347
00:15:02,630 --> 00:15:03,725
It's nice to meet you.

348
00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:07,355
Uh, is there some place
that I can go P-E-E?

349
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,790
I can spell, you weirdo.

350
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,530
Yeah, just right through there.

351
00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:15,155
Okay.

352
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,055
Let's play a game.
It's called "Go Away".

353
00:15:18,060 --> 00:15:20,665
No, reading these old comments about you

354
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:21,670
is way more fun.

355
00:15:22,230 --> 00:15:23,255
"Is it a rash?

356
00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:25,330
No, it's iCarly. Do better".

357
00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:28,335
Wow, really great stuff.

358
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:30,375
Like.

359
00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:33,685
"DB, not worth my time
to put 'do better'."

360
00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:35,510
Gotta smash that like button.

361
00:15:35,515 --> 00:15:36,610
Like.

362
00:15:36,615 --> 00:15:37,750
Wait, do you hear that?

363
00:15:37,755 --> 00:15:39,025
Like.

364
00:15:39,030 --> 00:15:40,825
I'm just gonna like them all.

365
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:42,965
Like. Like. Like.

366
00:15:42,970 --> 00:15:44,995
Like. Like. Like.

367
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,501
Why is Justin's phone going
off every time you hit like?

368
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:50,975
Unless he's...

369
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:53,580
IHateCarly57.

370
00:15:57,510 --> 00:15:59,815
Justin is iHateCarly57.

371
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:00,885
What are we gonna do?

372
00:16:00,890 --> 00:16:03,270
He could murder us right
in front of my murder board.

373
00:16:03,275 --> 00:16:06,345
Not us. He's not iHateMillicent57.

374
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,950
Oh, you think he's gonna
wanna leave any witnesses?

375
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,555
All right, we need to take
this guy down.

376
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,010
I know capoeira.

377
00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:20,250
That's just dancing.

378
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,145
But you stopped and watched.

379
00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:25,215
- Harper!
- What?

380
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:27,675
I was listening
to my rejection playlist.

381
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,770
Justin is iHateCarly57,
and he's in our apartment.

382
00:16:30,775 --> 00:16:32,250
Oh.

383
00:16:32,255 --> 00:16:33,655
Well, good thing Millicent's here.

384
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:34,660
She knows capoeira.

385
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:38,645
This is not a dance-off! Get over here.

386
00:16:38,650 --> 00:16:39,925
Okay, here's the plan.

387
00:16:39,930 --> 00:16:41,886
When he gets out here,
we're gonna Michelle Obama him.

388
00:16:41,890 --> 00:16:43,125
You go low, I'll go high.

389
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:45,675
Hi.

390
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,065
I know who you are!

391
00:16:47,070 --> 00:16:49,515
Stay back, or the girl will
dance toward you!

392
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,365
I don't want to die in a bunny suit.

393
00:16:52,370 --> 00:16:55,000
I'm not gonna hurt anybody.

394
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,665
I know you're my hater.

395
00:16:57,670 --> 00:16:59,695
Carly, I'm sorry. I can explain.

396
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,395
Come on, Millicent. Help me tie him up.

397
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,390
That seems like a waste of good yarn.

398
00:17:03,395 --> 00:17:06,255
After we met, I realized how
wrong I had been about you.

399
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,055
You lied about seeing the show.

400
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:10,715
And you lied about being iHateCarly57.

401
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,400
Was anything you said true?

402
00:17:12,405 --> 00:17:15,825
What about the homeless kids?
Or the tacos?

403
00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:18,275
No, no, Carly, I swear,

404
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,655
everything since we met has been real.

405
00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:22,235
Then why do you hate me?

406
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,790
I don't. I mean, I did.

407
00:17:25,350 --> 00:17:28,045
Look, when I was 11,
my dream was to be on "iCarly".

408
00:17:28,050 --> 00:17:30,515
I loved how you showcased
other people's talents,

409
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,530
so I sent you a video,
and you never played it.

410
00:17:34,150 --> 00:17:35,530
And I've held a grudge ever since.

411
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,485
"iCarly" was pretty big.

412
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:40,365
We were, like, the only web show.

413
00:17:40,370 --> 00:17:42,605
We had thousands of submissions.

414
00:17:42,610 --> 00:17:45,435
And Freddie tended to weed out
the cute guys.

415
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,475
Look, it hurt then.

416
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,745
But meeting you in person,
I got over it.

417
00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:52,605
And if you think about it,
it's kind of a funny story

418
00:17:52,610 --> 00:17:55,700
of how we met, right? It's a hate-cute.

419
00:17:57,650 --> 00:18:01,480
I'm sorry, Justin,
but it's just all too much.

420
00:18:02,570 --> 00:18:04,555
Also, I wish I hadn't
apologized just then.

421
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,760
I need to work on that.

422
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,520
Now get out of here!

423
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:10,840
You were right about one thing though.

424
00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:13,110
I can "do better".

425
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:14,845
Ooh!

426
00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:16,465
Flipped it, reversed it,

427
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,425
never once rehearsed it.

428
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,295
I can't wait to get together tonight.

429
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:28,645
It was so great meeting you
at the eye wash station

430
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,040
at the emergency room.

431
00:18:30,045 --> 00:18:31,100
But I was thinking,

432
00:18:31,105 --> 00:18:33,171
sure, we could go to some
fancy restaurant

433
00:18:33,176 --> 00:18:34,541
and put on a dating persona,

434
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:36,952
but I'm just not into all that artifice.

435
00:18:37,910 --> 00:18:40,980
You know, I want you
to get to know the real me.

436
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:45,285
Yeah, I was thinking we could
hang at my place tonight.

437
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,755
You know, my eyesight is back,

438
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:50,810
so I'm really looking forward
to actually seeing you.

439
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:53,145
Okay, I'll see you later.

440
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:54,420
Buh-bye.

441
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,365
What is this... oh!

442
00:18:58,370 --> 00:18:59,370
No.

443
00:19:00,090 --> 00:19:01,090
No!

444
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:04,740
Oh, I've done it again!

445
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,345
Uh-oh.

446
00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:11,055
I know what that sigh means.

447
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:13,235
- No, you don't.
- You miss Justin.

448
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,436
Oh, then yeah, you totally do.

449
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,315
- You want to keep dating him?
- Why not?

450
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,965
I mean, let's face it,

451
00:19:19,970 --> 00:19:22,145
he still hasn't given me the ick.

452
00:19:22,150 --> 00:19:24,935
And I'm no better than him
if I hold this against him.

453
00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:26,625
Life's too short to hold a grudge.

454
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:29,190
And yet you won't forgive me
for that leggings incident.

455
00:19:29,749 --> 00:19:32,046
You didn't tell me you could
see my whole butt through 'em.

456
00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:34,415
I thought that's why you bought them!

457
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:35,865
Ugh.

458
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:37,655
I just wish I could go back in time

459
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,035
and tell 13-year-old me

460
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,905
to put Justin on the show.

461
00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:42,935
Wait a minute.

462
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,985
I can tell 26-year-old me to do it.

463
00:19:46,690 --> 00:19:47,690
And she just agreed.

464
00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:54,200
- Freddie! Freddie?
- No.

465
00:19:54,205 --> 00:19:55,310
Wha... come on.

466
00:19:55,315 --> 00:19:57,621
I just want to tell you
I love you, man, that's all.

467
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,075
Also, I blinded myself again,
and I need you to be my eyes

468
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:02,715
on a date tonight with a gorgeous woman

469
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,215
who just might be my soul mate,

470
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:05,896
but it's hard to tell
because we only talked

471
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,510
for five minutes at the emergency room.

472
00:20:07,515 --> 00:20:08,515
But I'm a romantic.

473
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:09,970
We'll see where the night takes us.

474
00:20:10,499 --> 00:20:12,045
You expect me to fall for this again?

475
00:20:12,050 --> 00:20:13,965
Yeah... no, there's nothing to fall for.

476
00:20:13,970 --> 00:20:16,185
I really can't see.

477
00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:17,665
She's gonna be here any minute.

478
00:20:17,670 --> 00:20:20,745
- Think fast.
- Oh!

479
00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:22,230
You might be telling the truth.

480
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,080
That's my fault. I deserve it.

481
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,175
Can you help me up? Oh, thank you.

482
00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:32,965
Now, listen, this is embarrassing,

483
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:36,035
but I have forgotten
hot eye wash lady's name.

484
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,555
All I need you to do is
pretend to be my butler,

485
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,305
dig through her purse, and
look at her driver's license.

486
00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:42,610
Your hands are really soft.

487
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,500
You're not Freddie, are you?

488
00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:47,475
Oh!

489
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,105
I remember now. It's Sarah.

490
00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:52,650
Sarah, hi. What a funny...

491
00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:54,290
Are you there?

492
00:20:55,850 --> 00:20:57,535
Thank you so much for doing this.

493
00:20:57,540 --> 00:20:59,285
I believe in second chances.

494
00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:01,230
I let Millicent cut my hair twice.

495
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,325
I know it's no excuse,
but part of the reason

496
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:06,200
why it hurt so bad
when you rejected my video

497
00:21:06,205 --> 00:21:09,535
is 'cause this piece is
really personal to me.

498
00:21:09,540 --> 00:21:11,510
Well I'm honored that
you're sharing it with me.

499
00:21:12,010 --> 00:21:13,935
Is the camera ready, Freddie?

500
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,000
I literally just press record.

501
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:22,495
In five, four, three, two...

502
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,325
Welcome back to "iCarly",

503
00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:27,395
where today, we have
a really special guest.

504
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,980
Justin has had this prepared
for a long time

505
00:21:29,985 --> 00:21:32,340
and is finally going to bare his soul.

506
00:21:32,345 --> 00:21:34,100
We stan this vulnerability.

507
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:35,766
This is a poem that I wrote

508
00:21:35,771 --> 00:21:37,506
during a really difficult
period of my life.

509
00:21:37,510 --> 00:21:39,715
Well, thanks so much
for doing it on the show...

510
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:40,720
Third period.

511
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,755
Homework.

512
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,620
The bane of my exis...

513
00:21:48,490 --> 00:21:50,555
tence.

514
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,960
Pudding cups.

515
00:21:53,450 --> 00:21:56,170
Reward for my persis...

516
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:58,395
tence.

517
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,295
Biology.

518
00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:02,700
Number one.

519
00:22:04,510 --> 00:22:07,560
Frustration.

520
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,435
Hangry.

521
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:14,260
Tater tots are my salvation.

522
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,600
Prisoner of school.

523
00:22:20,970 --> 00:22:21,970
Life.

524
00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:26,555
Shh.

525
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,380
- Oh...
- My...

526
00:22:29,385 --> 00:22:30,385
Ick.

527
00:22:37,020 --> 00:22:39,340
Maybe "RuPaul's Drag Race"
can be my boyfriend.

528
00:22:45,105 --> 00:22:47,620
Oh. Hey.

529
00:22:49,210 --> 00:22:51,806
What are you doing here?

530
00:22:51,811 --> 00:22:54,066
I live here. What are you doing here?

531
00:22:54,071 --> 00:22:56,545
Oh, you know,
I was just scaling the side

532
00:22:56,550 --> 00:23:00,035
of the building and noticed
your window was open, so boop.

533
00:23:01,820 --> 00:23:04,796
- You scaled the building?
- Please don't tell my parents.

534
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,420
They think I'm at Cold Stone Creamery.

535
00:23:07,380 --> 00:23:09,925
You still live with your parents?

536
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:12,590
That's so... normal.

537
00:23:14,485 --> 00:23:15,985
I'm sorry.

538
00:23:15,990 --> 00:23:18,185
I hadn't thought of you guys in ages,

539
00:23:18,190 --> 00:23:20,185
but then I got a taste
at the coffee shop

540
00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:22,840
and ten years of therapy
flew right out the window.

541
00:23:24,264 --> 00:23:26,170
Look, I'm really sorry
to hear that, Nora,

542
00:23:26,175 --> 00:23:27,275
but you need to go.

543
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:33,220
- Can I use your front door?
- Yes.

544
00:23:34,810 --> 00:23:37,950
- And can I take this?
- No.

545
00:23:40,890 --> 00:23:42,890
- Can I take this?
- No.

546
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,000
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