1 00:00:03,099 --> 00:00:07,565 CREDITS 2 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,559 I'm in the lift, Curt. Calm down. 3 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,879 I can't hear you. 4 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,879 Is that him shouting in the background? 5 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,119 I'll be one minute. Tell him I'll be one minute. 6 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,400 Going up. 7 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,840 Can't keep away, Mr Bedford? 8 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,000 I've been summoned by his nibs. 9 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,440 You're a better man than me. 10 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,559 God! Thank God! Where have you been? 11 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,039 It's my night off, Curt. It's none of your business. 12 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,759 What's going on? Where are all the guests? 13 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:15,799 He told them to go. 14 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,999 Oh, no. Was he polite about it? 15 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,479 Two-faced bunch of pricks, the lot of you! 16 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,999 I've had enough of it, Urban. 17 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,199 - He's not well. - Oh, you don't say. 18 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,319 Look at my heart rate. 19 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,919 I've been beeping like a reversing lorry all afternoon. 20 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,359 My doctor told me to avoid stressful situations. 21 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,959 - Where's the locum? - Gone. 22 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,719 Already? That was quick. 23 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,639 I know. He couldn't get out fast enough. 24 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,159 Well, how long did he stick it? 25 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,839 He only came at four, and he was gone before Pointless started. 26 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,639 Standing about pretending you all give a fuck! 27 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,759 I don't even know who half of you are! 28 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:45,799 I didn't invite you! 29 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,879 Did you give him anything to calm him down? 30 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,239 Do you mean him, or the locum? 31 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,479 Him, in there! 32 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,679 No. He was asking for his opioids, 33 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,079 but I said he'd have to wait for you. - Good. 34 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,519 He's been in a foul mood all afternoon. 35 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,879 - At one point, he said he wanted to see a priest. 36 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,839 - Said he needed to confess something. - Oh, for goodness' sake, why? 37 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,199 It's his birthday, he's not being hanged. 38 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,079 That'd be one way to shut him up. 39 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,999 He's been babbling about his old cases. Names I didn't know. 40 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,479 He said I had to light a candle for him. 41 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,639 Did he mean on his cake? 42 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:17,679 I've no idea. But he was desperate for you to be here. 43 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,559 Said you were the only one who could help him. 44 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,639 I thought, "Ooh, no offence taken!" 45 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,719 He is just attention-seeking. 46 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,719 Janine's made hunter chicken. 47 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,239 I wanted to be home by half eight. - All right, Curt, you go. 48 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,319 You'll be fine if you make all your connections. 49 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,559 His birthday cake's in the kitchen, if you want any. 50 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,559 I hope he chokes on it. - Curt, go. 51 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,079 Love to Janine. - Thank you, Urban. 52 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,120 Thank God for you. 53 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,640 Bedford, where the fuck are you?! 54 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,279 What do you think you're doing, 55 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,079 just pissing off whenever it suits you? 56 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,679 Nice to see you too, Mr Webster. 57 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,279 - What do I even pay you for? - Oh, beats me. 58 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,279 Force of habit by now, I expect. 59 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,479 Leaving me here to be looked after by the man in the fucking moon. 60 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,679 Well, who's that, then? 61 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,639 Oh, that useless blob Curt drafted in. 62 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:16,319 Had a head like a fucking globe. 63 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,959 Mm. So, how many's that you've got through now? 64 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,839 This needs changing. - Oh, God knows. 65 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,999 Eh, you were around the 30-mark, I think. 66 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,399 Yeah, you're the best of a bad bunch. 67 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,879 Oh, high praise! 68 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,959 No, it's fine, really. 69 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,719 I'd much rather be back here than at my friend's concert. 70 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,959 I've been dying to see you since, er, ooh, when was it? 71 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,439 Lunchtime today. 72 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,359 Well, I AM dying, so... 73 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,479 It's your birthday! What're you so upset about? 74 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,199 Is it because of last year, when I took you to that antique auction, 75 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,599 and three people bid on you? 76 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,599 Urban, please, may I have 50 milligrams of fentanyl? 77 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,999 No, you may not, Mr Webster. 78 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,719 You're a bastard! 79 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,279 Not for another three hours. 80 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,599 And don't think you can get round me by using my first name. 81 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,519 Curt tells me you're always calling him by his first name. 82 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,119 It won't work with me. 83 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,879 - Oh, that's not what I'm calling him. - Rude. 84 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,559 This is supposed to be palliative care, 85 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,959 not some kind of prolonged torture. 86 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,119 Well, someone should've read the small print, then. 87 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,199 I don't think you can have one without the other. 88 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,679 You've got your patch on, that's supposed to tide you over. 89 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,999 It's not touching the fucking sides any more. 90 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,720 I'm burning alive here. 91 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,560 You're meant to provide me with... - Open. 92 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,520 - You're a bully. - Shush. 93 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,199 I like taking your temperature. - Mm? 94 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,680 - Stops you talking for a minute. - Oh! 95 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,719 I'm sorry about your pills. 96 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,919 If I give you any more right now, you'd overdose and die. 97 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,479 How about I bring you a nice piece of birthday cake? 98 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,039 I'll blow your candles out for you. We can pretend you did it. 99 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,039 I haven't got time for this! 100 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,959 Oh, really? What else are you up to? 101 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,599 You off rock climbing? 102 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,879 Got some scuba diving booked I don't know about? 103 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,599 You shouldn't make jokes at my expense. 104 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,159 I have some very powerful friends. 105 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:14,039 You used to have! You told 'em all to go forth and multiply, didn't ya? 106 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,399 You're feverish. I'm not happy. 107 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,799 What time is it, in real life? 108 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,159 Time you stopped babbling and calmed yourself down. 109 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,199 I'll get you a flannel. 110 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,559 What was this concert you missed? 111 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,119 - Oh, it doesn't matter, it's done now. 112 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,040 Why do you have to make everything so fucking exhausting? 113 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:37,799 My friend Dolly plays clarinet with the BBC Concert Orchestra. 114 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,439 She had a solo tonight at the Royal Albert Hall. 115 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,359 I had tickets booked, that's all. 116 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,919 Well, how much was the ticket? I'll reimburse you. 117 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,999 It was a comp. That's not the point, is it? 118 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,559 It was Dolly's big night. 119 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,279 She'd have appreciated my support. Lift up. 120 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:53,999 Well... I appreciate your support. 121 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,799 Yeah, I know you do. 122 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,439 But I get to see you every day, don't I? 123 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,399 She might never get to do that again. 124 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,239 But I'd put money on me getting a few more goes at wiping your bum. 125 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:07,959 Oh, God... it's so humiliating to me to hear that. 126 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,159 You shame me. - I'm only joking. 127 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,039 I've never bet on anything in me life. 128 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,159 Oh, that doesn't surprise me. 129 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,599 You don't fucking swear either, do you? 130 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,999 I have been known to blurt out "fiddlesticks" in moments of crisis. 131 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,400 Remarkable. 132 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,759 You are such a kind soul. 133 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,359 I'm not really. It's just a front. 134 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,919 I just do nice things to balance it out. 135 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,959 Now, why did you get me back here tonight? 136 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:38,239 Well, you've only ever known the ill version of me, 137 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:42,519 but I was very successful at a very early age. 138 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:46,119 When I was young and well, God, I... 139 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,599 ..I lived my life with such vigour. 140 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,919 I know. I've read the articles. 141 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,919 A winning streak that lasted over 45 years. 142 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,079 It's unheard of. You were fearless. 143 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,639 The Lion of the Bailey, they called you. 144 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,879 I can't remember how I did it. 145 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:06,559 And, then, as you get older, this fucking timidity creeps in. 146 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:12,479 You get cowed by youth, overwhelmed by the self-confidence of others. 147 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,319 I bet it's just like riding a bike. 148 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,319 You just need warming up again. 149 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,279 Show me how you used to do it. 150 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,839 - Oh, don't be ridiculous. - No, come on, it'll be fun. 151 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,079 And I'll get to see the Lion in action. 152 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,999 Lion? Dead cat, more like. 153 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,799 I'll pick a crime, and then, you try and get me off. 154 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,799 So to speak. - I am not in the mood. 155 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,199 I'll give you half a fentanyl. 156 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,600 Very well. 157 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:41,959 So, Mr Bedford, what exactly are they accusing you of? 158 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,559 Ah, yes. Now, it's a rather delicate matter. 159 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:45,959 Go on. 160 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,039 Well, it's to do with an incident that happened last month 161 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:50,359 with my ex-wife. 162 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:52,239 Wife?! 163 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,439 This story is already stretching credulity. 164 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,199 Just go along with it. 165 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,759 So, I turned up at her house, 166 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,919 where she was hosting a birthday party 167 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,119 for our precious daughter Xylophone 168 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,599 and, in a room full of 25 witnesses, 169 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,919 I pulled out a shotgun, I tied her up, 170 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,239 and I drove her to my isolated cottage, where I held her captive 171 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,519 until she agreed to give me custody. 172 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,759 - Of your precious daughter, Xylophone? 173 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,959 - And did she? - No. 174 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,159 So I shot her in the face. 175 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,759 Right. 176 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,839 Go on, then. How would you plead that? 177 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,639 Well, lawful excuse. 178 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:36,839 My client was cleaning his licensed hunting rifle in readiness 179 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:41,159 for a grouse shoot when he genuinely mistook what turned out to be 180 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:45,199 the bursting of a children's party balloon for live fire. 181 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,439 Fearing for his wife's wellbeing, 182 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,079 he immediately drove her to a safe house in the country, 183 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:53,959 using a length of rope to prevent her from injuring herself 184 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,559 on the journey. - Wow! 185 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,719 Furthermore, it is my intention 186 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:02,919 to file a product liability claim for substandard party balloons 187 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:07,239 with reference to British Standard 3303, part one. 188 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,039 How much for the claim? 189 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:13,839 I think we'd be happy to settle for five million, plus costs. 190 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,879 Oh-ho-ho, get in! 191 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:17,600 The Lion roars again! 192 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,040 You've still got it, Mr Webster! 193 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,760 Oh! 194 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,560 Well, thank you, Bedford, for this short diversion. 195 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:06,159 But I need you to help me with something tonight. 196 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:10,079 - Not another sudoku. - No, come on, I'm serious. 197 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,639 And so am I. That's why I'm here with you, 198 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,999 and not listening to my friend, Dolly, playing Mr Mozart. 199 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,279 It's this birthday, this... 200 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:18,999 Oh, the... 201 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,159 It's such a weight. 202 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,999 I have to remember! 203 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,999 If it's your age, it'll say on your cake. 204 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,879 Shall I go and fetch it? Two plates, pot of tea? 205 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,119 No, bring me my Filofax. 206 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,279 Why? Are we taking it on Antiques Road show? 207 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:35,479 Please! It's... it's in the cabinet, on the... 208 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,120 ..in the top drawer. 209 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,479 Locked. 210 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,039 I don't suppose you can recall where the key is. 211 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,719 What do you think? You'll have to smash it open. 212 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:50,759 I'm not doing that! 213 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,839 I'm a trained nurse, I'm not a labourer. 214 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,159 I have to read through my old cases. 215 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:56,879 Something's troubling me. 216 00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,279 Wait a minute. Before we go all World's Strongest Man... 217 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,319 ..do you remember where you keep your old barista uniform? 218 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,679 - Barrister! And it's not a uniform. - Where is it? 219 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:09,359 Cos I don't believe for a minute you've given it to Dogs Trust. 220 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,919 My robes and my wigs are in the back of that wardrobe. 221 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,279 Ah! Oh, there you are, you see. 222 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,039 No problem remembering where your frocks are. 223 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,039 You've got your priorities right. 224 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,559 What? 225 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,799 What made you want to be a barrister in the first place? 226 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,879 Was it this costume? Be honest. - I don't know! 227 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,559 Why does anyone do anything? 228 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,959 Why did you end up doing this? 229 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,319 I've never liked filing cabinets. 230 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,599 Which is funny, cos you'd put them in the same camp as stationery, 231 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,239 and I love stationery. 232 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,040 What are you talking about? 233 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,560 I think they remind me of school. 234 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,760 Carl Jackson choking on a tangerine before home economics. 235 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,199 I'll never forget how quickly he went blue. 236 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,319 Carl was the school bully... 237 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:57,920 ..so nobody wanted to help him. 238 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,319 Everyone just stood about, eating crisps. 239 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,759 I tried smacking him on the back, sticking my fingers down his throat 240 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:09,000 which I cringe at now, cos that's really not protocol, but... 241 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,520 ..I was 13. 242 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:15,960 I didn't know what to do. 243 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,080 And I can still smell that orange. 244 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,160 He died on the floor in front of me. 245 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,880 They never even sent us home. 246 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,559 We just made an apple crumble with Miss Phillipson 247 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,960 like nothing had happened. 248 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,319 So, in answer to your question, 249 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,280 I think that's why I've ended up doing what I'm doing. 250 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,919 Spent my life trying to save Carl Jackson. 251 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:50,960 Ah! 252 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,079 There we are. 253 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,319 I knew I'd find one. 254 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,760 Just like in the films. 255 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,319 Ta-da! How about that, Hetty Wainthropp Investigates?! 256 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,199 Wait! 257 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,039 Don't open it. - What? Why not? 258 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,559 I don't want you to. I've changed my mind. 259 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:18,959 Oh, you're joking. 260 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,279 There's something terrible in there. 261 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,640 One of my old cases, something I did. 262 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,359 A weight. 263 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,080 Well, we can't leave it at that, can we? I'm opening it. 264 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,159 What is it? 265 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,360 Oh, my God. 266 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,959 Human head! 267 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,359 Oh, Mr Webster, who is this? What did you do? 268 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,839 Stop it! What is in there? 269 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,879 Nothing. Just files, letters, diaries. 270 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,720 Nothing too scary, by the look of it. 271 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,319 All right, Mr Webster. 272 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,759 That is enough excitement for one day. 273 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:56,799 You have to help me. 274 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,159 I will help you, but you need to rest. 275 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,160 No, I don't want to sleep. You don't understand. 276 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,599 What...? 277 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,520 What have you...? 278 00:14:43,646 --> 00:14:47,646 _ 279 00:14:47,649 --> 00:14:51,805 _ 280 00:15:22,445 --> 00:15:27,380 _ 281 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:48,880 No! Don't, no! 282 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,279 Don't! No! 283 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,960 Don't! 284 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,479 I thought it was me that needed sleep. 285 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,520 Sorry. 286 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,399 Bad dream. 287 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,639 Well, you found it. 288 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,399 After all this time. 289 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,839 The Crown versus Andrew Waite. 290 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,639 A rather ferrety-looking man, 291 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,879 accused of strangling his mistress with a belt. 292 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,519 Everyone knew he was guilty. 293 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:32,719 And it looked like another defeat in my dead-end career. 294 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,640 But you got him off. 295 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:40,479 Mm. I came across a piece of evidence - 296 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:45,599 a photograph of Mr Waite attending a party 80 miles away. 297 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,559 It was a cast-iron alibi and I played it for all it was worth. 298 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,919 I dazzled that jury. 299 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,519 There were fireworks. 300 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,280 Mr Waite was released that very day. 301 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,200 But you said he was guilty. 302 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,479 The photograph was a fake. 303 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,320 I obtained it by immoral means. 304 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:12,680 I let a guilty man walk free. 305 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,240 It's haunted me ever since. 306 00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:23,919 You've probably never seen Frozen, 307 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,199 Mr Webster, but... 308 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,759 ..you've got to make like Elsa and let it go. 309 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,519 If you've done something unforgiveable... 310 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,759 ..you just have to forgive yourself. 311 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,360 Do you forgive me, Urban? 312 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,680 Course I do. 313 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,200 Oh, what have I done to deserve you? 314 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,079 Is it nearly midnight? 315 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,999 Five to. Why? 316 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,999 He'll be here soon. 317 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,320 Who? 318 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,999 Threescore years ago, 319 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,839 I signed this contract. 320 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,720 But, tonight, my time is up. 321 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,839 What are you talking about? I'll get you a fentanyl. 322 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:33,159 How do you think I became so successful... overnight? 323 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:37,559 How did I come into possession of that impossible piece of evidence? 324 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,999 It was... 325 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,159 Oh, no. 326 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,639 It's all right, Mr Webster, it's only a power cut. 327 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,159 Your machines have their own generator. You'll be fine. 328 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,279 God forgive me! 329 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,599 Look, I just need to go and flick the circuits, 330 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,439 but I've got to go to the other room. 331 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,679 Don't leave me! Please! 332 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,200 I'll be right back. 333 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,799 Fuck! 334 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,759 Bedford! What's going on? What's that noise? 335 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,159 It's all right, Mr Webster. 336 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,000 Stay where you are. It's dark. I don't want you to fall. 337 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,359 Hello? 338 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,639 How are you doing, Mr Bedford? 339 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,279 Everything all right in there? 340 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,999 Ah! Thank goodness, yes. 341 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,679 I was just about to call you. What's happened? 342 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,560 Power's out right across town. 343 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,079 How's Mr Webster? Is he OK? 344 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,119 He's good. 345 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,319 We, er, had a bit of a rough night. 346 00:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,679 A trip down memory lane. 347 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,319 He got a bit... overemotional. 348 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,400 Special occasions can do that to people, I suppose. 349 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,239 They can. 350 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,759 So, how are you? Busy night, I expect. 351 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,839 I can't be everywhere at once, but I try. 352 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,480 No rest for the wicked. 353 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,519 Do you think everything'll go back to normal soon? 354 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,439 I'm not sure. 355 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,999 We may be in the dark... 356 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,599 ..a little while longer yet. 357 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,199 Right. 358 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,799 My eyes are starting to adjust. 359 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,200 Mine, too. 360 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:47,920 Oh, dear. 361 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,680 It is you, isn't it? 362 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,999 Mr Mistoffelees. 363 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,439 Oh... sorry, no, that's Cats. 364 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:58,879 What do you want? 365 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,320 He's had his life. 366 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,120 I've come for what I'm owed. 367 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:07,640 Webster! 368 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,200 Oh, God. 369 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,279 I'm afraid not. 370 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,119 It's good to see you again. 371 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:19,799 It's been a long time. 372 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:23,959 Please! I'd like to... renegotiate my contract. 373 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,719 I'm not ready to go. 374 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,799 Well, no-one ever is, but, erm... 375 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,280 ..a deal's a deal. 376 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:35,519 Can I say something... in his defence? 377 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,319 Proceed. 378 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,639 I'm his nurse. 379 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,839 I've looked after him for five years. 380 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,159 I've seen him deal with all this sickness, all this pain. 381 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,839 I know! It's been splendid. 382 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,319 And I've had a ringside seat. 383 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,119 - He's led a good life. - He has. 384 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:56,999 He helped free into the world so many destructive people. 385 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,879 I don't think he's such a bad man. 386 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,239 A bit grouchy sometimes. 387 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,719 That's very forgiving of you. 388 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,039 I try to be a decent person. 389 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,880 There's no accounting for taste. 390 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,519 I don't suppose there's anything I could say that would 391 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:14,759 get him off the hook? 392 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:18,199 There's no need to plea bargain on my account, Bedford. 393 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,879 I was one of the country's best criminal defence lawyers 394 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,799 for 50 years, remember. 395 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,719 - I'm just trying to help you. - And you have. 396 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,799 For the past five years, you've been an angel on Earth. 397 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,759 A beacon of light. 398 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,679 Just think... 399 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:40,519 ..his kind soul would burn far more brightly than mine. 400 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,880 What are you suggesting? 401 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,119 In civil law, there is a thing called substitution. 402 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:52,199 It is the putting of one person in the place of another so that he may, 403 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,439 in default of ability in the former, 404 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,839 have the benefit of a devise... 405 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,119 ..or legacy. 406 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:03,679 In other words, I take him instead. 407 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,479 Mr Webster! What are you doing? 408 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,079 I let you discover my secret, 409 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:13,319 and you still forgave me - just as I hoped. 410 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:14,480 Let me see. 411 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,959 What if I want to object, Your Honour? 412 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,359 Objection is for American courts. 413 00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,759 Here, I would just remind my learned friend 414 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,439 not to lead the witness. 415 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,119 I'm really not that good a person. 416 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:31,119 In comparison to me, you are a saint. 417 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:34,919 And that is what makes it so delicious. 418 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,279 I never even got you a birthday present. 419 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,399 I forgive you. 420 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:40,999 Congratulations, Mr Webster, 421 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,559 you've got yourself a stay of execution. 422 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,919 His contract is now your legacy. 423 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,559 You have the pen still? 424 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:48,960 Oh, yes. 425 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,559 All done. 426 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:16,839 What? 427 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,719 Yes, and the agreed addendum? No more pain? 428 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,359 Yes, yes. Your recovery will be remarkable. 429 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:26,559 - Ah. - As you know, Bedford, illness - 430 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,719 never occurs to the young. 431 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,400 Doesn't exist, even. 432 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,079 But my older clients all know pain. 433 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,439 They all specify health in the end years. 434 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,359 After all, that's all you've really got, isn't it? 435 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:43,559 What a relief! I feel better already. 436 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:47,159 Goodbye, Urban, and thank you for everything. 437 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,319 I hope you get to see the rest of your concert. 438 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,959 I'm told the Devil has the best tunes. 439 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,279 Shall we? 440 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,599 Oh! No, this isn't fair. 441 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,999 Mr Webster! You're making a mistake! 442 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,239 Told you earlier. 443 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:05,879 You're a better man than me. 444 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,240 I'm... 445 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:10,960 ..really not. 446 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,400 Oh, I see. 447 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,919 Wha... wha... what's happening? 448 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,759 A late development. 449 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,239 Something I missed - from Bedford's schooldays. 450 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,799 To be fair, you did say you couldn't be everywhere at once. 451 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,959 That's true. 452 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,079 What is it? 453 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,679 Carl Jackson wasn't the school bully. 454 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,959 I was. 455 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,199 I stuffed a tangerine down his throat... 456 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,160 ..because he answered me back one day. 457 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,240 I killed him for fun. 458 00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:58,959 Still have nightmares about it. 459 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:02,639 I've tried to atone for it since, but... 460 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,399 ..I'm no angel. 461 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,839 But... wh-what about my new contract? 462 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,719 Null and void, I'm afraid. 463 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,799 Taking Bedford has lost all its currency. 464 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,319 Oh, no, no, no, no, please, please! 465 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,119 Let's just talk about this. 466 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:19,239 Surely we can come to some arrangement. 467 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,999 Goodbye, Mr Webster. 468 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,039 I'll be seeing you. 469 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:25,840 Oh, you most certainly will. 470 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:28,880 Going down. 471 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:43,680 CREDITS