1 00:00:00,203 --> 00:00:02,172 Go back to the void, babe. I'll be there in a minute. 2 00:00:02,227 --> 00:00:03,832 - Okay, I'll miss you like crazy. - I'll miss you more. 3 00:00:03,857 --> 00:00:04,934 No. 4 00:00:04,959 --> 00:00:06,765 I'll miss you more. Bye! 5 00:00:07,437 --> 00:00:08,922 That's my first time making someone 6 00:00:08,947 --> 00:00:10,273 so he might be a little bit off. 7 00:00:10,336 --> 00:00:14,810 Janet, you can't just go around inventing people. 8 00:00:14,857 --> 00:00:16,624 Get rid of him immediately. 9 00:00:16,658 --> 00:00:19,342 No. Eleanor told me to find a rebound guy. 10 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:21,389 I couldn't find one so I made one. 11 00:00:21,452 --> 00:00:23,420 He's helping me forget about Jason. 12 00:00:25,189 --> 00:00:28,191 Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason. 13 00:00:28,226 --> 00:00:30,527 Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, 14 00:00:30,561 --> 00:00:32,129 Jason, Jason, Jason... 15 00:00:32,163 --> 00:00:33,430 - Honey... - Jason, Jason, Jason... 16 00:00:33,464 --> 00:00:36,700 Babe. Babe! Don't be jealous. 17 00:00:36,734 --> 00:00:38,502 I love you now. 18 00:00:38,536 --> 00:00:39,703 We are going to spend every second together. 19 00:00:39,737 --> 00:00:40,984 No, no! 20 00:00:41,009 --> 00:00:42,539 No, you are not. 21 00:00:42,573 --> 00:00:44,274 Janet, no one can know about... 22 00:00:44,308 --> 00:00:46,209 I'm so sorry. What is your name again? 23 00:00:46,244 --> 00:00:47,711 Derek Hoffstetler. 24 00:00:47,745 --> 00:00:51,214 If anybody finds out about him, we are doomed. 25 00:00:51,249 --> 00:00:53,450 He has to stay in your void. 26 00:00:53,484 --> 00:00:55,652 It's our void now. 27 00:00:55,686 --> 00:00:57,287 - We moved in together! - What?! 28 00:00:57,321 --> 00:00:58,688 Can you believe it? 29 00:00:58,723 --> 00:01:00,857 I got my own hanger for my jumpsuit. 30 00:01:00,892 --> 00:01:02,726 Already? I mean, that's so fast. 31 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,327 Well, when you know you know. 32 00:01:04,362 --> 00:01:06,496 And we know literally everything. 33 00:01:06,531 --> 00:01:08,632 We are so in sync, we're finishing each other's... 34 00:01:08,666 --> 00:01:09,833 Derek! 35 00:01:10,117 --> 00:01:14,919 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 36 00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:20,377 Hey, guys. 37 00:01:20,491 --> 00:01:21,958 Michael, you frightened me. 38 00:01:21,993 --> 00:01:24,294 Jason's making me watch this horror film 39 00:01:24,328 --> 00:01:26,630 about two ex-convicts who try to rob and murder 40 00:01:26,664 --> 00:01:28,999 a neglected a child. 41 00:01:29,033 --> 00:01:30,300 Get over here. 42 00:01:31,335 --> 00:01:33,236 Hey, I've got some great news. 43 00:01:33,271 --> 00:01:36,406 I've arranged for you to have a weekend getaway. 44 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:37,741 I bet you're tired of being cooped up 45 00:01:37,775 --> 00:01:38,808 in this house, aren't you? 46 00:01:38,843 --> 00:01:40,477 I am a bit, actually. 47 00:01:40,511 --> 00:01:41,911 All this time indoors has degraded my skin 48 00:01:41,946 --> 00:01:43,747 from radiant to merely dewy. 49 00:01:43,781 --> 00:01:45,448 Me? Dewy? 50 00:01:45,483 --> 00:01:47,817 Well, there is going to be plenty of sun and fun 51 00:01:47,852 --> 00:01:49,753 at the private campsite that I set up for you 52 00:01:49,787 --> 00:01:50,987 at the edge of the neighborhood. 53 00:01:51,022 --> 00:01:53,023 Here you go. I told Vicky that 54 00:01:53,057 --> 00:01:54,858 I'll be torturing you for the time being 55 00:01:54,892 --> 00:01:57,327 so just relax. Live it up. Out you go, here. 56 00:01:57,361 --> 00:01:59,663 Now sadly, Janet is still offline 57 00:01:59,697 --> 00:02:01,931 so you can't call her, okay? 58 00:02:01,966 --> 00:02:05,368 The best news is none of this is suspicious. 59 00:02:05,403 --> 00:02:07,804 I don't know what's going to happen to us, 60 00:02:07,838 --> 00:02:09,939 but I need to tell you something. 61 00:02:11,809 --> 00:02:12,942 I love you. 62 00:02:12,977 --> 00:02:14,678 What are you watching? 63 00:02:14,712 --> 00:02:16,046 Um, "Cannonball Run II." 64 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:17,447 Again? 65 00:02:17,481 --> 00:02:19,616 You watch that movie a lot. 66 00:02:19,650 --> 00:02:21,951 Well, it's basically my favorite movie of all time. 67 00:02:21,986 --> 00:02:23,620 But you can never watch it. 68 00:02:23,654 --> 00:02:25,622 This copy's mine. Uh-oh. 69 00:02:25,656 --> 00:02:27,724 I guess I'm still pretty selfish. 70 00:02:27,758 --> 00:02:30,527 Help! I need another ethics lesson, quick! 71 00:02:30,561 --> 00:02:32,796 Very weird energy coming off you right now. 72 00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:34,731 Hey guys, whatcha doing? 73 00:02:34,765 --> 00:02:36,366 Nothing? Great. 74 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,034 So, Chidi, just wanted to double check. 75 00:02:38,069 --> 00:02:41,705 How do ethical philosophers feel about murder? 76 00:02:41,739 --> 00:02:43,573 - It's frowned upon. - Okay. 77 00:02:43,607 --> 00:02:46,843 What if the reason you want to murder someone 78 00:02:46,877 --> 00:02:49,846 is to make your life easier? That's okay, right? 79 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,881 Is there a problem here, bud? 80 00:02:51,916 --> 00:02:54,651 Okay, I'll just tell you. Um... 81 00:02:54,685 --> 00:02:56,419 No, too hard to explain. 82 00:02:56,454 --> 00:02:57,887 I'll show you. Janet. 83 00:02:57,922 --> 00:02:59,489 - Hi, there. - Hey, there! 84 00:02:59,523 --> 00:03:00,757 Who the fork is that? 85 00:03:00,791 --> 00:03:02,759 Derek Hoffstetler, P.I. 86 00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:03,993 Derek is my rebound guy. 87 00:03:04,028 --> 00:03:05,562 I made him. 88 00:03:05,596 --> 00:03:06,796 Oh. 89 00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:09,666 Did you do that because of what I said? 90 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,034 Yes, because of what you said. 91 00:03:11,068 --> 00:03:12,502 - Janet... - Thank you, Eleanor. 92 00:03:12,536 --> 00:03:13,870 Thank you, Eleanor. 93 00:03:13,904 --> 00:03:15,505 You know, you seem so sad. 94 00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:16,906 Do you want me to make you a boyfriend too? 95 00:03:16,941 --> 00:03:18,742 - Ooh, I could have a brother? - Yes! 96 00:03:18,776 --> 00:03:20,677 Based on your last 10,000 comments, 97 00:03:20,711 --> 00:03:22,746 it would be Stone Cold Steve Austin's head on Tahani's body. 98 00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:24,447 Or vice versa. 99 00:03:24,482 --> 00:03:25,849 She's not going to make you anything. 100 00:03:25,883 --> 00:03:28,017 - Janet, that will be all. - Okay, goodbye. 101 00:03:28,052 --> 00:03:29,919 - Say "goodbye," Derek. - Ah, good-bob. 102 00:03:29,954 --> 00:03:32,589 I hope we same place again very now. 103 00:03:32,623 --> 00:03:34,858 His brain is wrong. 104 00:03:40,498 --> 00:03:41,865 - Mmm. - Mm. 105 00:03:41,899 --> 00:03:43,633 Now, the goal is to tap the ball 106 00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:45,435 hard enough that it goes through the wicket 107 00:03:45,469 --> 00:03:47,470 but not so hard that it goes too far through. 108 00:03:47,505 --> 00:03:50,473 It combines both classic aspects of British sport: 109 00:03:50,508 --> 00:03:52,575 whimsy and restraint. 110 00:03:54,145 --> 00:03:56,780 Oh, so restrained. 111 00:03:56,814 --> 00:03:59,082 I believe it was Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain 112 00:03:59,116 --> 00:04:01,584 who called croquet "barely a game." 113 00:04:01,619 --> 00:04:03,920 It's kind of fun I guess, 114 00:04:03,954 --> 00:04:06,456 but can I teach you a different game? 115 00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:08,892 In this one, you just whack it as hard as you can 116 00:04:08,926 --> 00:04:10,927 in whatever direction you want. 117 00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:12,729 Jaguars rule! 118 00:04:14,131 --> 00:04:16,900 The Jaguars are very good. Oh! 119 00:04:16,934 --> 00:04:18,568 Whoa, nice. 120 00:04:21,505 --> 00:04:22,639 Mmm. 121 00:04:25,443 --> 00:04:27,410 - Thor! - Well done. 122 00:04:27,445 --> 00:04:29,078 Okay, here's where I am on this: 123 00:04:29,113 --> 00:04:30,747 We gotta to kill Derek. 124 00:04:30,781 --> 00:04:32,615 No, think about it. 125 00:04:32,650 --> 00:04:36,519 What if Vicky calls for Janet, and Derek shows up too? 126 00:04:36,554 --> 00:04:37,854 She's got to have a lot of questions 127 00:04:37,888 --> 00:04:39,088 that we can't answer. 128 00:04:39,123 --> 00:04:40,590 But Derek does seem to be 129 00:04:40,624 --> 00:04:42,492 helping Janet get over Jason. 130 00:04:42,526 --> 00:04:44,694 Right? No earthquakes since he showed up. 131 00:04:44,728 --> 00:04:46,496 If we get rid of Derek, 132 00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:48,965 then maybe Janet will start glitching again... 133 00:04:48,999 --> 00:04:50,600 Okay, if we can't kill Derek, 134 00:04:50,634 --> 00:04:52,702 then we've got to break up Jason and Tahani. 135 00:04:52,736 --> 00:04:54,504 If that relationship ends, 136 00:04:54,538 --> 00:04:56,105 then Janet won't feel sad anymore, 137 00:04:56,140 --> 00:04:58,007 and maybe she'll get rid of Derek herself. 138 00:04:58,042 --> 00:05:00,777 Girl, you are a messy bench who loves drama, 139 00:05:00,811 --> 00:05:02,812 - and I am into it. - I'm sorry, Michael, 140 00:05:02,847 --> 00:05:05,014 but that's also ethically kind of dicey. 141 00:05:05,049 --> 00:05:06,883 Here comes the egghead. 142 00:05:06,917 --> 00:05:08,785 Well, look, Jason and Tahani are happy together, 143 00:05:08,819 --> 00:05:10,487 and telling them that he was once married to Janet 144 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:11,888 might cause them harm. 145 00:05:11,922 --> 00:05:13,523 It's not permissible to ruin 146 00:05:13,557 --> 00:05:15,124 their happiness to save ourselves. 147 00:05:15,159 --> 00:05:17,160 Wait, but isn't keeping a secret from someone 148 00:05:17,194 --> 00:05:19,195 basically like lying though? 149 00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:21,197 No, no, it's okay to keep a secret as long as that secret 150 00:05:21,232 --> 00:05:22,966 isn't harming anyone, 151 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,001 and telling them that secret might cause harm. 152 00:05:25,035 --> 00:05:26,536 - Noice! - Cool. 153 00:05:26,570 --> 00:05:28,004 Good point, egghead. 154 00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:30,240 I'll tell you what else would cause them harm, 155 00:05:30,274 --> 00:05:33,209 getting caught and being sent to the real Bad Place 156 00:05:33,244 --> 00:05:35,812 to be tortured for eternity, which will happen 157 00:05:35,846 --> 00:05:37,714 if Derek blows our cover. 158 00:05:37,748 --> 00:05:40,517 I know, but we'll also be sent to the real Bad Place 159 00:05:40,551 --> 00:05:42,085 if we do bad things. 160 00:05:42,119 --> 00:05:43,820 I know it's tempting to take a short-cut, 161 00:05:43,854 --> 00:05:47,023 but moral strength is defined by how we behave 162 00:05:47,057 --> 00:05:48,825 in times of stress. 163 00:05:48,859 --> 00:05:51,761 Has anyone ever told you what a drag you are? 164 00:05:51,795 --> 00:05:53,196 Everyone. 165 00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:54,764 Constantly. 166 00:05:57,768 --> 00:06:01,871 I hereby pronounce you King Jason. 167 00:06:01,906 --> 00:06:04,040 Dope. 168 00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:06,009 Where did you learn how to do this? 169 00:06:06,043 --> 00:06:08,511 The Hertfordshire Academy for Expressionless Girls. 170 00:06:08,546 --> 00:06:11,514 It was a finishing school I attended before Oxford, 171 00:06:11,549 --> 00:06:14,117 and then, of course, the Sorbonne. 172 00:06:14,151 --> 00:06:16,619 Do you know what, I don't think I ever asked you were educated. 173 00:06:16,654 --> 00:06:18,288 I went to Lynyrd Skynyrd High School 174 00:06:18,322 --> 00:06:20,223 in Northeast Jacksonville, 175 00:06:20,257 --> 00:06:22,892 which was really just a bunch of tugboats tied together. 176 00:06:22,927 --> 00:06:24,761 Didn't you get seasick? 177 00:06:24,795 --> 00:06:28,097 No, sorry... they were tied together in a junk yard. 178 00:06:28,132 --> 00:06:30,033 It wasn't a very good school. 179 00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:31,634 For most of my classes, 180 00:06:31,669 --> 00:06:34,203 we just sold dirty magazines door-to-door. 181 00:06:34,238 --> 00:06:37,206 You know, Jason, every single detail about your life is... 182 00:06:37,241 --> 00:06:38,708 deeply disturbing. 183 00:06:38,742 --> 00:06:40,643 And yet, I envy you. 184 00:06:40,678 --> 00:06:42,879 I was never allowed to goof off. 185 00:06:44,081 --> 00:06:46,916 Never even had a friend I could just be myself around. 186 00:06:46,951 --> 00:06:48,885 Maybe I can be that friend. 187 00:06:49,987 --> 00:06:52,288 Or your husband. 188 00:06:52,323 --> 00:06:53,890 Okay, stop it. 189 00:06:53,924 --> 00:06:55,325 No, no, no, I'm serious. 190 00:06:55,359 --> 00:06:57,260 Will you marry me? 191 00:07:00,197 --> 00:07:02,632 I say we just let sleeping dogs lie. 192 00:07:02,666 --> 00:07:04,667 Tell Janet that Derek can stay, 193 00:07:04,702 --> 00:07:06,235 but she's got to keep him under wraps 194 00:07:06,270 --> 00:07:08,237 so that none of the other demons find out. 195 00:07:08,272 --> 00:07:10,840 Fine. As long as they fly under the radar 196 00:07:10,874 --> 00:07:13,776 and Janet stays happy, I think we'll be safe. 197 00:07:13,811 --> 00:07:15,278 Janet. 198 00:07:15,312 --> 00:07:16,746 - How could you do this. - You don't respect me, 199 00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:17,914 and you never have! 200 00:07:17,948 --> 00:07:19,349 Because to you I will always be 201 00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,184 that guy you made. 202 00:07:21,218 --> 00:07:23,019 - Guys, what's going? - Okay, can we not do this 203 00:07:23,053 --> 00:07:24,354 in front of my friends? 204 00:07:24,388 --> 00:07:25,989 Oh, so they're your friends now. 205 00:07:26,023 --> 00:07:28,157 I'm stating a fact. They are your friends! 206 00:07:28,192 --> 00:07:29,759 I don't know these people. 207 00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:31,127 I am out of here. 208 00:07:31,161 --> 00:07:32,662 Oh, great, Derek. 209 00:07:32,696 --> 00:07:34,197 I'm going to go back to our void, 210 00:07:34,231 --> 00:07:37,000 and I'm going to try to forget this ever happened. 211 00:07:37,034 --> 00:07:39,636 It is not your void. It is my void. 212 00:07:39,670 --> 00:07:42,305 I know it's a boundless, barren nothingness, 213 00:07:42,339 --> 00:07:44,207 but you are always there. 214 00:07:44,241 --> 00:07:45,775 Fine. I'll go somewhere else. 215 00:07:45,809 --> 00:07:47,143 - Fine! - No, no, not fine. 216 00:07:47,177 --> 00:07:48,878 Don't go somewhere else. 217 00:07:48,912 --> 00:07:50,279 Okay... yeah... 218 00:07:50,314 --> 00:07:52,682 We're forked here, aren't we? 219 00:07:53,247 --> 00:07:55,013 Look, Jason, you're lovely, 220 00:07:55,048 --> 00:07:57,270 and I've honestly had a wonderful time 221 00:07:57,295 --> 00:07:58,596 with you these past few weeks, 222 00:07:58,621 --> 00:08:00,946 but why on Earth would I marry you? 223 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,750 Well, for one thing, we're not on Earth. 224 00:08:03,790 --> 00:08:05,424 Decent point. 225 00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:07,960 Also, we like each other, 226 00:08:07,994 --> 00:08:11,730 and I promise to always be nice to you. 227 00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:14,633 Okay. 228 00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:16,435 I'll marry you. 229 00:08:16,469 --> 00:08:17,936 But I need some time to plan a proper reception. 230 00:08:17,971 --> 00:08:19,771 I mean, where will everyone sit? 231 00:08:19,806 --> 00:08:21,640 Will it be Michael and Janet opposite Chidi and Eleanor 232 00:08:21,674 --> 00:08:23,308 or Michael and Eleanor opposite Janet and Chidi? 233 00:08:23,343 --> 00:08:24,943 Let's have it today at the beach. 234 00:08:24,978 --> 00:08:27,446 The beach is where all the best stuff happens like... 235 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,415 swimsuit issues and... "Saving Private Ryan" 236 00:08:30,450 --> 00:08:32,584 and "Jersey Shore" and... 237 00:08:32,619 --> 00:08:33,785 - crabs! - Okay. 238 00:08:33,820 --> 00:08:35,888 Oh, I hope Janet's back online. 239 00:08:35,922 --> 00:08:38,390 - Janet. - Hi, there. 240 00:08:39,592 --> 00:08:41,393 Is everything all right, Janet? 241 00:08:41,427 --> 00:08:43,395 Yeah, mm-hmm, everything is fine, it's okay, yeah. 242 00:08:43,429 --> 00:08:46,732 I'm fine. So, it's all fine. 243 00:08:46,766 --> 00:08:48,467 How can I help you? 244 00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:49,902 There he is! 245 00:08:49,936 --> 00:08:51,670 Derek. How are you? Nice to meet you. 246 00:08:51,704 --> 00:08:53,772 Derek, get down from there. 247 00:08:53,806 --> 00:08:56,475 I am not coming down because I meant to come here. 248 00:08:56,509 --> 00:08:57,776 I came here on purpose 249 00:08:57,810 --> 00:08:59,611 because this tree is my new house. 250 00:08:59,646 --> 00:09:02,414 This is Derek's house, and Janet's not allowed in 251 00:09:02,448 --> 00:09:03,916 because I booby trapped it. 252 00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:05,517 - Hi. - Janet! 253 00:09:05,552 --> 00:09:07,019 Oh, my God, you're here, thank God. 254 00:09:07,053 --> 00:09:09,922 Derek, I am not talking to you right now. 255 00:09:09,956 --> 00:09:12,457 I'm here to announce that Jason Mendoza 256 00:09:12,492 --> 00:09:16,061 and Tahani Al-Jamil are getting married this evening. 257 00:09:17,564 --> 00:09:18,997 "The ceremony will be private, 258 00:09:19,032 --> 00:09:20,799 "but we think it would be totally dope 259 00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:22,801 "if you biz-natches came 260 00:09:22,835 --> 00:09:24,870 and got turnt up with us afterward." 261 00:09:24,904 --> 00:09:26,939 I think I can guess who wrote the invitation. 262 00:09:26,973 --> 00:09:29,341 How come you never get this upset at anything I do, Janet? 263 00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:31,376 Do not start with me right now, Derek. 264 00:09:31,411 --> 00:09:32,844 Oh, I will start it. 265 00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:34,513 - No, no. - Don't. 266 00:09:34,547 --> 00:09:36,715 Do not avoid me by going to the void. 267 00:09:36,749 --> 00:09:38,016 - No, no! - No, no, no! 268 00:09:38,051 --> 00:09:40,385 What a little bench! 269 00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:42,554 Things are falling apart here. 270 00:09:42,589 --> 00:09:43,889 Chidi... 271 00:09:43,923 --> 00:09:45,958 I understand the ethics involved, 272 00:09:45,992 --> 00:09:47,993 but we need to stop that wedding. 273 00:09:48,027 --> 00:09:50,562 We break up Jason and Tahani. 274 00:09:50,597 --> 00:09:52,864 Janet stops being sad. 275 00:09:52,899 --> 00:09:54,166 Derek goes away. 276 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,969 Fine, but... 277 00:09:57,003 --> 00:09:59,004 There is something called the Doctrine of Double Effect. 278 00:09:59,038 --> 00:10:00,906 In order to remain ethical, you can't just go into this 279 00:10:00,940 --> 00:10:02,708 with the intention of killing Derek. 280 00:10:02,742 --> 00:10:05,644 Your only goal has to be to spare Jason and Tahani 281 00:10:05,678 --> 00:10:08,647 from future pain by filling them in on Jason's past. 282 00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:10,882 No, I got you, I got you. So, it's like... 283 00:10:10,917 --> 00:10:13,418 ethically we should tell Jason that he used to be married 284 00:10:13,453 --> 00:10:15,587 to Janet, and it sure would be terrible 285 00:10:15,622 --> 00:10:17,723 if that ultimately led to Derek's death, wink. 286 00:10:17,757 --> 00:10:19,658 No, the winking is bad. 287 00:10:19,692 --> 00:10:22,060 You should not be winking or saying the word "wink." 288 00:10:22,095 --> 00:10:24,396 Okay. We really need to kill... 289 00:10:24,430 --> 00:10:27,666 We really need to kill any suspicion 290 00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:30,068 that I want to murder Derek. Boom! 291 00:10:30,103 --> 00:10:32,004 - Wink. - No. 292 00:10:32,038 --> 00:10:34,906 Tahani, you're so smart. 293 00:10:34,941 --> 00:10:37,442 Every day you teach me something new about... 294 00:10:37,477 --> 00:10:39,578 art... and history... 295 00:10:39,612 --> 00:10:42,414 and why you shouldn't eat everything that smells good 296 00:10:42,448 --> 00:10:45,417 because sometimes, it's candles. 297 00:10:45,451 --> 00:10:48,120 You're basically, like, a hot genius teacher 298 00:10:48,154 --> 00:10:52,057 who sometime has sex with me, your student. 299 00:10:52,091 --> 00:10:54,860 That used to happen a lot at Lynyrd Skynyrd High School, 300 00:10:54,894 --> 00:10:57,462 but this time you won't be arrested. 301 00:10:57,497 --> 00:11:00,565 Oh, I love you, Tahani. 302 00:11:03,102 --> 00:11:05,437 Pew! Pew! 303 00:11:05,471 --> 00:11:06,938 Jason... 304 00:11:06,973 --> 00:11:09,941 I'd never guess we would be where we are today, 305 00:11:09,976 --> 00:11:12,244 me, a prominent British philanthropist 306 00:11:12,278 --> 00:11:14,746 with award-winning legs set to marry you, 307 00:11:14,781 --> 00:11:16,915 a swamp dweller who once asked me 308 00:11:16,949 --> 00:11:19,718 if the Presidents on Mount Rushmore have butts 309 00:11:19,752 --> 00:11:21,153 on the other side. 310 00:11:21,187 --> 00:11:24,589 We don't make any sense together, 311 00:11:24,624 --> 00:11:27,793 and yet, when I'm with you, I can really let my hair down, 312 00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:29,461 metaphorically speaking of course, 313 00:11:29,495 --> 00:11:31,897 because I'd never have it up in the first place. 314 00:11:31,931 --> 00:11:33,899 I'm not a factory worker. 315 00:11:33,933 --> 00:11:37,736 But you've helped me to see that there is more to life 316 00:11:37,770 --> 00:11:40,272 than just appearances, 317 00:11:40,306 --> 00:11:43,675 and I can't believe I'm about to say this but... 318 00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:45,477 - I think I love... - Wait! 319 00:11:45,511 --> 00:11:47,279 Stop the ceremony! 320 00:11:47,313 --> 00:11:51,016 - This wedding cannot happen. - This is not helpful, 321 00:11:51,050 --> 00:11:53,085 but I have always wanted to be a part of a wedding 322 00:11:53,119 --> 00:11:54,586 that was stopped dramatically. 323 00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:56,488 We can't get married? Why not? 324 00:11:56,522 --> 00:11:57,923 Because... 325 00:11:57,957 --> 00:11:59,291 Because... 326 00:11:59,325 --> 00:12:01,259 Hang on a second. I can't do it. 327 00:12:01,294 --> 00:12:03,161 Professor Buzzkill got in my head. 328 00:12:03,196 --> 00:12:05,197 I'm just thinking about all the rules I have to follow 329 00:12:05,231 --> 00:12:06,965 to stay ethical. 330 00:12:06,999 --> 00:12:08,667 Someone else is going to have to do this. 331 00:12:08,701 --> 00:12:10,268 - I can't, no... - All right, all right. 332 00:12:10,303 --> 00:12:12,270 I hate the be the bearer of bad news... 333 00:12:12,305 --> 00:12:16,241 Uh, I think you mean "Bad News Bear." 334 00:12:17,643 --> 00:12:20,846 Before all the reboots, Jason was married to Janet. 335 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,148 Okay? That's why Janet's been glitching 336 00:12:23,182 --> 00:12:25,217 because she's sad 'cause she misses Jason, 337 00:12:25,251 --> 00:12:27,686 In fact, she was so sad she... 338 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,988 Well... Derek. 339 00:12:30,022 --> 00:12:32,023 Well, well, well. 340 00:12:32,058 --> 00:12:34,059 Jason Mendoza. 341 00:12:34,093 --> 00:12:35,961 At last we meet. 342 00:12:35,995 --> 00:12:37,629 You've got a lot of nerve buddy. 343 00:12:37,663 --> 00:12:40,332 No, no. I'm Eleanor, man. 344 00:12:40,366 --> 00:12:42,234 Everybody, this is Derek. 345 00:12:42,268 --> 00:12:44,736 Janet made Derek as a boyfriend 346 00:12:44,771 --> 00:12:47,038 to try and rebound from Jason. 347 00:12:48,674 --> 00:12:51,042 Oh, I feel quite light-headed. 348 00:12:51,077 --> 00:12:53,945 Janet, fetch my tizzy couch please. 349 00:12:56,630 --> 00:12:57,895 Decision time. 350 00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:59,369 Any second now someone is going to realize 351 00:12:59,423 --> 00:13:00,686 we're all missing. 352 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,509 Why don't you just reboot all of us? 353 00:13:02,572 --> 00:13:04,813 Tahani and Jason will forget they were ever in love. 354 00:13:04,899 --> 00:13:06,214 It was a flukey thing. 355 00:13:06,251 --> 00:13:07,652 It probably won't happen again, 356 00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:09,118 and Chidi and I can forget... 357 00:13:09,196 --> 00:13:11,509 anything we want to forget. 358 00:13:11,556 --> 00:13:13,324 You know, just like, uh... 359 00:13:13,358 --> 00:13:15,826 personal bloopers that were embarrassing or... 360 00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:18,287 uh, days we were very gassy, et cetera. 361 00:13:18,350 --> 00:13:20,050 And then, we'll meet back in your office. 362 00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:22,753 You bring us up to speed, and we go from there. 363 00:13:22,788 --> 00:13:24,522 No, no, no, we are not starting over. 364 00:13:24,556 --> 00:13:26,423 We've come too far. 365 00:13:26,458 --> 00:13:29,593 Our only options are to reboot either Janet or Derek. 366 00:13:29,628 --> 00:13:33,264 Neither one is permissible as your primary intention. 367 00:13:33,298 --> 00:13:35,566 I mean, the Doctrine of Double Effect, remember? 368 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,401 Well, man, I'm working 369 00:13:37,435 --> 00:13:40,704 with a doctrine of not being completely effed, okay? 370 00:13:40,739 --> 00:13:42,740 I don't understand what you even like about Jason. 371 00:13:42,774 --> 00:13:44,441 What does he have that I don't have? 372 00:13:44,476 --> 00:13:45,743 A soul... 373 00:13:45,777 --> 00:13:47,178 and genitals. 374 00:13:47,212 --> 00:13:48,579 Here we go 375 00:13:48,613 --> 00:13:50,114 with this whole "no genitals" thing again. 376 00:13:50,148 --> 00:13:51,248 You're the one that gave me wind chimes 377 00:13:51,283 --> 00:13:52,750 instead of a penis, Janet. 378 00:13:52,784 --> 00:13:55,119 This isn't about your wind-chime penis. 379 00:13:55,153 --> 00:13:57,054 In fact, it's not about you at all. 380 00:13:57,088 --> 00:14:00,191 I don't even know what it is about which is very confusing 381 00:14:00,225 --> 00:14:03,561 because the whole point of me is that I know everything! 382 00:14:03,595 --> 00:14:06,764 Janet, can I speak to you alone for a second? 383 00:14:06,798 --> 00:14:10,401 Okay, look, when you said you were sad about Jason 384 00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:13,437 and I suggested, "hey, find a rebound guy," 385 00:14:13,471 --> 00:14:16,106 it's 'cause I thought it was some sort of schoolgirl crush, 386 00:14:16,141 --> 00:14:18,542 like, just some guy you made out with a couple of times 387 00:14:18,577 --> 00:14:21,378 in the walk-in freezer of a Bruegger's Bagels. 388 00:14:21,413 --> 00:14:23,581 - Not based on a real example. - Yes, it is. 389 00:14:23,615 --> 00:14:25,549 His name was Marcus Bitsburger. 390 00:14:25,584 --> 00:14:27,718 Marcus? I always called him Ben. 391 00:14:27,752 --> 00:14:30,821 Look, I gave you bad advice, okay? 392 00:14:30,856 --> 00:14:33,624 Jason was clearly important to you, 393 00:14:33,658 --> 00:14:36,594 and real heartbreak doesn't have a simple cure. 394 00:14:37,829 --> 00:14:40,631 I mean, you will feel better after some time goes by. 395 00:14:40,665 --> 00:14:43,400 I don't really experience the passage of time. 396 00:14:43,435 --> 00:14:44,835 I do use it as lotion occasionally. 397 00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:46,637 I mean, weird, 398 00:14:46,671 --> 00:14:48,739 but keep doing it because your skin looks amazing. 399 00:14:48,773 --> 00:14:50,107 Thank you. Not skin. 400 00:14:50,141 --> 00:14:51,508 The point is, 401 00:14:51,543 --> 00:14:53,444 to get through a real heartbreak, 402 00:14:53,478 --> 00:14:55,412 you kind of just have to sit with your feelings 403 00:14:55,447 --> 00:14:58,349 and mull it over and power through. 404 00:14:58,383 --> 00:15:00,417 And you have to talk about it. 405 00:15:02,187 --> 00:15:04,255 Talking about your feelings is the worst. 406 00:15:04,289 --> 00:15:06,457 It's so much easier just to find a rebound guy 407 00:15:06,491 --> 00:15:08,259 and have sex about your feelings. 408 00:15:08,293 --> 00:15:10,427 I don't know if I want to talk to Jason right now. 409 00:15:10,462 --> 00:15:13,130 That's cool. Until then... 410 00:15:13,164 --> 00:15:15,266 If you ever need a friend to talk to... 411 00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:17,134 Just know I'm here. 412 00:15:18,303 --> 00:15:20,204 Derek. 413 00:15:20,238 --> 00:15:21,839 There's no easy way to say this. 414 00:15:21,873 --> 00:15:24,208 I never should have made you. 415 00:15:24,242 --> 00:15:26,110 I think it's time for you to go away. 416 00:15:26,144 --> 00:15:28,712 I understand because you understand. 417 00:15:28,747 --> 00:15:32,116 Janet, this relationship has been the best seven hours 418 00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:33,817 of my whole life. 419 00:15:33,852 --> 00:15:36,153 It's been the only seven hours of my whole life. 420 00:15:36,187 --> 00:15:37,554 I made you this morning. We all remember. 421 00:15:37,589 --> 00:15:39,423 - Okay, you ready to do this? - Yep. 422 00:15:43,328 --> 00:15:45,329 Janet. 423 00:15:45,363 --> 00:15:47,131 - What are you doing? - I imbued Derek 424 00:15:47,165 --> 00:15:48,632 with some of my thoughts and emotions. 425 00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:50,467 This is the only way I can reabsorb them. 426 00:15:50,502 --> 00:15:52,736 It will just be a minute. 427 00:15:52,771 --> 00:15:54,171 Dang it. 428 00:15:54,205 --> 00:15:55,839 That is some hot reabsorbing. 429 00:15:55,874 --> 00:15:57,908 Can you get pregnant from reabsorbing? 430 00:15:59,344 --> 00:16:00,644 Uh-oh, I hear wind chimes. 431 00:16:00,679 --> 00:16:02,513 Look away. Everybody look away. 432 00:16:02,547 --> 00:16:04,782 I'm going to keep watching, but you guys look away. 433 00:16:06,225 --> 00:16:08,358 Goodbye, Derek. 434 00:16:08,392 --> 00:16:10,193 Goodbye, mommy-girlfriend. 435 00:16:10,228 --> 00:16:13,864 Bye, everybody. Derek's going away now. 436 00:16:13,898 --> 00:16:15,999 Does he seem a little bit uh... 437 00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:17,411 still alive? 438 00:16:17,459 --> 00:16:19,293 Well, he's about as dead as he can be. 439 00:16:19,327 --> 00:16:21,497 Kind of like he's in power-saver mode. 440 00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,045 Derek. 441 00:16:23,079 --> 00:16:24,880 Are you worried you might start glitching again? 442 00:16:24,915 --> 00:16:26,816 No, I think I'll be okay 443 00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:28,717 now that I understand what I'm going through, 444 00:16:28,752 --> 00:16:31,854 and now that I know I can talk to my friends about it. 445 00:16:31,888 --> 00:16:33,756 Okay, I'm going to toss this steamer trunk 446 00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:35,524 containing the lifeless husk of my ex-boyfriend 447 00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:37,827 into a remote corner of my limitless void. 448 00:16:37,861 --> 00:16:40,062 - Bye, guys. - Derek! 449 00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:44,700 I'm kind of glad we didn't get married today. 450 00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:46,068 Me too. 451 00:16:46,102 --> 00:16:48,170 Perhaps we were rushing things a bit. 452 00:16:48,205 --> 00:16:50,573 I mean, we don't even know that much about each other. 453 00:16:50,607 --> 00:16:52,942 Like, who was the first person you kissed? 454 00:16:52,976 --> 00:16:57,746 The sexy mouse robot in the Chuck E. Cheese band. 455 00:16:57,781 --> 00:16:59,014 Okay, okay. I think that's probably enough 456 00:16:59,049 --> 00:17:00,583 getting to know each other for now. 457 00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:02,585 We'll just take things slow. 458 00:17:02,619 --> 00:17:05,087 I know I'm technically married to Janet, 459 00:17:05,121 --> 00:17:08,090 but I don't remember it at all. 460 00:17:09,226 --> 00:17:12,027 I'm sorry that it puts you in a weird position, 461 00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:14,029 and I still like you a lot. 462 00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:17,233 Me too. 463 00:17:18,802 --> 00:17:20,469 What happens now? 464 00:17:20,504 --> 00:17:22,071 Don't know. 465 00:17:22,105 --> 00:17:25,074 Do you want to try... 466 00:17:25,108 --> 00:17:26,775 reabsorbing me? 467 00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:39,655 - Is something wrong? - No. Yep. 468 00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:42,625 I've been keeping a secret from you. 469 00:17:42,659 --> 00:17:44,827 - About you. - What is it? 470 00:17:44,861 --> 00:17:46,662 The thing is, it's not even harming you, 471 00:17:46,696 --> 00:17:49,798 and if I tell you, I feel like it might harm you. 472 00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:51,634 So, uh, ethically speaking, 473 00:17:51,668 --> 00:17:52,935 I don't think I have to tell you. 474 00:17:52,969 --> 00:17:54,637 Yeah, well, forget all that. 475 00:17:54,671 --> 00:17:56,071 This is freaking me out. I'm losing my mind. 476 00:17:56,106 --> 00:17:57,206 So just tell me. 477 00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:01,610 And you don't need to respond because... 478 00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,145 I know you have trouble saying how you feel... 479 00:18:03,179 --> 00:18:04,480 I love you too. 480 00:18:08,518 --> 00:18:10,486 I've never been that certain about anything. 481 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,656 I once even tried to... rent socks. 482 00:18:13,690 --> 00:18:16,592 How did I... say that... 483 00:18:16,626 --> 00:18:18,594 that easily. 484 00:18:18,628 --> 00:18:20,696 I mean, I get how you said it. 485 00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:22,831 I'm a total smokeshow. 486 00:18:22,866 --> 00:18:25,301 But how did I say it so easily? 487 00:18:26,736 --> 00:18:28,804 Look, I don't want to talk about this, 488 00:18:28,838 --> 00:18:30,272 but after everything that's happened today, 489 00:18:30,307 --> 00:18:31,874 I think we gotta. 490 00:18:31,908 --> 00:18:34,176 So, let's just get it all out there. 491 00:18:34,210 --> 00:18:36,278 Um... 492 00:18:36,313 --> 00:18:38,280 Well, yeah, I guess, do you... 493 00:18:38,315 --> 00:18:40,683 I don't know... do you have any feelings 494 00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:42,918 like that for me again, now? 495 00:18:45,021 --> 00:18:48,958 I'm sorry, but I don't think I do? 496 00:18:48,992 --> 00:18:51,026 Sorry? Why are you sorry? 497 00:18:51,061 --> 00:18:54,663 'Cause I'm relieved, because I don't either. 498 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,865 So, all good. 499 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,034 I mean, I feel incredibly close to you... 500 00:18:59,069 --> 00:19:00,636 No, no, no, no... dude, dude... 501 00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:02,338 you don't need to explain yourself. 502 00:19:02,372 --> 00:19:05,841 We are on the same page, okay? Good. 503 00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:07,176 Hey guys, sorry. 504 00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:08,911 I know it's late. 505 00:19:08,945 --> 00:19:10,679 Can I talk to Eleanor for a second? 506 00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:12,214 Actually, we're chatting about something right now. 507 00:19:12,248 --> 00:19:13,716 No, it's cool. We were wrapping it up. 508 00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,184 Good talk, bro. 509 00:19:17,053 --> 00:19:20,656 - What's on your mind? - Um, well... 510 00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:23,826 being ethical... it's hard, 511 00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:25,661 and I kind of hate it. 512 00:19:25,695 --> 00:19:27,196 When's it get easier? 513 00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,897 Why don't you ask Chidi? 514 00:19:28,932 --> 00:19:30,699 He's the ethics master. I'm just a newbie, 515 00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,067 and I still kind of suck at it. 516 00:19:32,102 --> 00:19:34,603 Yeah, that's why I'm asking you. 517 00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:37,573 I designed this entire torture chamber 518 00:19:37,607 --> 00:19:39,375 around the absolutely certainty that 519 00:19:39,409 --> 00:19:42,111 when the going got tough, you would give up. 520 00:19:42,145 --> 00:19:44,380 That was the signature Shellstrop move. 521 00:19:44,414 --> 00:19:47,383 Do you remember once when your change oil light came on? 522 00:19:47,417 --> 00:19:50,185 You just abandoned your car in a parking garage. 523 00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:51,854 Of course. 524 00:19:51,888 --> 00:19:54,390 But here, faced with the toughest challenges 525 00:19:54,424 --> 00:19:56,258 I could throw at you, 526 00:19:56,292 --> 00:19:59,261 you never once stopped trying to become a better person. 527 00:19:59,295 --> 00:20:01,797 And I just... 528 00:20:01,831 --> 00:20:02,931 Why? 529 00:20:02,966 --> 00:20:04,900 I don't know. 530 00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:07,903 I mean, whenever I would do something crappy on Earth, 531 00:20:07,937 --> 00:20:10,406 there would be a little tiny voice in the back of my head 532 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,042 that would say, "Eleanor, 533 00:20:13,076 --> 00:20:15,911 "don't grab that handful of olives from the salad bar. 534 00:20:15,945 --> 00:20:17,880 You know, you didn't pay for that," 535 00:20:17,914 --> 00:20:20,215 or "Eleanor, don't spit those olive pits onto the floor 536 00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:22,284 of the grocery store. That's not cool." 537 00:20:22,318 --> 00:20:24,653 Or "Eleanor, that old man just slipped on your olive pit, 538 00:20:24,688 --> 00:20:26,288 "and he fell down. 539 00:20:26,322 --> 00:20:27,890 "Don't use the fact that everyone's distracted 540 00:20:27,924 --> 00:20:29,625 to go back and steal more olives." 541 00:20:29,659 --> 00:20:32,661 - I get it. - This ethics stuff, it's hard, 542 00:20:32,696 --> 00:20:34,329 and it's confusing. 543 00:20:34,364 --> 00:20:36,965 It is such a buzzkill. 544 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,968 But, it does get rid of the little voice. 545 00:20:40,003 --> 00:20:42,438 Because at least I'm trying to do the right thing 546 00:20:42,472 --> 00:20:45,407 instead of the crappy thing, and I've got to say, man, 547 00:20:45,442 --> 00:20:48,444 I don't miss the little voice. 548 00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:50,946 Well... 549 00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:53,215 Thank you for helping me today. 550 00:20:55,452 --> 00:21:00,456 Wow. You really did just come here to chat, didn't you? 551 00:21:00,490 --> 00:21:03,158 Just shootin' the shirt with your old pal Eleanor. 552 00:21:03,193 --> 00:21:04,793 I guess so, yeah, why? 553 00:21:04,828 --> 00:21:07,996 It's just a very human-y thing to do. 554 00:21:08,031 --> 00:21:09,998 Stick with the program, demon buddy. 555 00:21:10,033 --> 00:21:11,934 I really feel like things are starting to click 556 00:21:11,968 --> 00:21:13,335 in our little study group. 557 00:21:15,205 --> 00:21:16,438 Hmm. 558 00:21:19,075 --> 00:21:20,809 Hello, Michael. 559 00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:22,177 Shut the door. 560 00:21:22,212 --> 00:21:24,179 Have a seat.