1
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:07,872
_

2
00:00:07,873 --> 00:00:08,873
_

3
00:00:14,138 --> 00:00:15,764
Welcome back, sir.

4
00:00:24,727 --> 00:00:25,757
Oh, Artemis,

5
00:00:25,909 --> 00:00:27,592
you wouldn't believe what my customers

6
00:00:27,744 --> 00:00:29,076
unloaded on me tonight.

7
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:31,504
Crappy marriages, crappy jobs,

8
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,715
crappy sports teams.

9
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,825
My ears are killin' me.

10
00:00:35,919 --> 00:00:38,011
That's why the Confidential is here,

11
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,345
to share your burden.

12
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:40,847
Just give me the usual, huh?

13
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,067
As if we served anything else.

14
00:00:50,192 --> 00:00:51,508
To the Confidential,

15
00:00:51,526 --> 00:00:54,536
the one bar where they
listen to the listeners.

16
00:00:54,537 --> 00:00:55,537
_

17
00:00:55,538 --> 00:00:56,538
_

18
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,349
Come on. We got to get
a seat in the front row.

19
00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:02,610
If anything flies off the stage,
I want to be in the Stain Zone.

20
00:01:03,538 --> 00:01:05,205
I'm sorry, Krusty, but there's no way

21
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,282
we can seat this audience until
we round up all the escaped,

22
00:01:08,376 --> 00:01:10,385
uh, you-know-whats.

23
00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,049
Tough luck, kids. The show's canceled.

24
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:20,061
I'm going down to the deli to
drown my sorrows in tongue.

25
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,059
What about this upside-down
exclamation mark show?

26
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,487
Upside down is funny.

27
00:01:30,731 --> 00:01:32,565
Desde Downtown Springfield,

28
00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:35,568
es ¡Noches con Abejorrito!

29
00:01:35,721 --> 00:01:38,145
¡Y ahora El Hombre Abejorro!

30
00:01:40,909 --> 00:01:44,336
¡No se duerman, o les voy a picar!

31
00:01:45,989 --> 00:01:48,322
Milhouse, you know Spanish.
What did he say?

32
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,491
Oh, it's a cultural thing.

33
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:53,753
You wouldn't get it. Estúpido.

34
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:57,407
...y luego, había un escorpión
en mis pantalones.

35
00:01:58,492 --> 00:02:00,001
Pantalones.

36
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,356
¡Una visita de mi primito!

37
00:02:04,507 --> 00:02:07,767
Eso significa que es tiempo de jugar...

38
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:11,271
¡No... Te... 'splotes!

39
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,590
Presentado por la Monja Humilde,

40
00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:15,608
la horchata más divina.

41
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:18,954
Hermanas, traigame unos concursantes.

42
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,625
- ¡Ay, caramba!
- _

43
00:02:25,453 --> 00:02:28,438
It's a game.
They fill your mouth with horchata,

44
00:02:28,531 --> 00:02:30,882
and if you don't laugh, you win a prize!

45
00:02:33,536 --> 00:02:36,555
¡O, Bebito Abuelito!

46
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:43,620
¿Cuáles son las vacas más perezosas?

47
00:02:43,638 --> 00:02:46,306
¡Las vacaciones!

48
00:02:49,311 --> 00:02:51,886
¡Nuestro ganador!

49
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:56,992
Pick your prize!

50
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:12,315
Grandpa Baby, this is the
easiest choice I've ever made.

51
00:03:12,408 --> 00:03:15,151
Look what I won on Spanish Krusty!

52
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,154
Oh, my God.

53
00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,173
That is not just any crystal skull.

54
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,825
It's Calavera Gritando!

55
00:03:21,843 --> 00:03:23,584
That tequila's so authentic

56
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,270
that it inspired George Clooney

57
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:28,255
to make his own semi-authentic tequila.

58
00:03:28,350 --> 00:03:30,108
Wait, my skull is full of booze?

59
00:03:30,259 --> 00:03:32,277
That's why it has a screw cap.

60
00:03:32,428 --> 00:03:33,686
Bart, you've got to give it to me.

61
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:35,763
I've always wanted to drink
something fancy enough

62
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,283
to come in a bottle that
doesn't look like a bottle.

63
00:03:38,434 --> 00:03:40,434
Nah. I think I'm gonna save it.

64
00:03:40,528 --> 00:03:41,602
For high school.

65
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,679
Come on. Gimme that!

66
00:03:42,772 --> 00:03:45,000
Bart won that skull full of tequila.

67
00:03:45,035 --> 00:03:47,108
He can do whatever he wants with it,

68
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,701
except drink the tequila.

69
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,945
Sorry, Homer. Game, set, skull.

70
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,142
- _
- Huh?

71
00:04:04,293 --> 00:04:07,036
Coming up now,
we got a special dedication

72
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:09,539
to Homer S. from his son Bart.

73
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,394
I like how there are
no lyrics to upset me.

74
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:20,975
? Tequila. ?

75
00:04:21,069 --> 00:04:22,977
D'oh!

76
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,666
Isn't that your dad?

77
00:04:27,817 --> 00:04:29,459
No.

78
00:04:33,756 --> 00:04:37,583
_

79
00:04:37,679 --> 00:04:39,236
I may not speak Spanish,

80
00:04:39,271 --> 00:04:42,430
but I know when an imaginary
talking skull is mocking me.

81
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:04,351
Gentlemen,
I give you Calavera Gritando!

82
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,931
Whoa, a crystal skull.

83
00:05:08,024 --> 00:05:10,433
Like from my least favorite
Indiana Jones movie

84
00:05:10,526 --> 00:05:13,044
and most favorite Shia LaBeouf movie.

85
00:05:13,196 --> 00:05:15,046
Okay, this booze is so classy,

86
00:05:15,198 --> 00:05:16,622
I'm finally breaking out

87
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:20,030
my commemorative Iran
hostage crisis shot glasses.

88
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,111
Look at these guys.

89
00:05:22,130 --> 00:05:23,805
Now, those were hostages.

90
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,611
Hey, Moe, why don't you pour
yourself one for a change?

91
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,797
Me? Nah, nah, that's okay.

92
00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:35,782
The pouring is enough of a thrill.

93
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,377
Come on. You're always
on that side of the bar.

94
00:05:38,529 --> 00:05:41,063
At least come over here
and take a load off.

95
00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:44,016
Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt none.

96
00:05:45,961 --> 00:05:47,386
So this is sittin'.

97
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,480
You know, Moe, all these years,

98
00:05:49,707 --> 00:05:50,723
we've never seen you drink.

99
00:05:50,875 --> 00:05:52,057
Well, you know, a bartender

100
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,800
ain't supposed to drink
with his regulars.

101
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,135
It's frowned upon.

102
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,897
- By whom?
- Not some secret society

103
00:05:58,049 --> 00:05:59,732
that I go to every night
after closing time,

104
00:05:59,884 --> 00:06:01,217
if that's what you're thinking.

105
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,810
Look, I'm just the schlub
that pours the booze.

106
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:04,978
That's all.

107
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,648
Moe, you're not just our bartender.

108
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,983
You're our friend.

109
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,818
Friend? You mean that?

110
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:15,173
Well, maybe it's just my
relaxed butt cheeks talking,

111
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,990
but, uh, down the hatch!

112
00:06:17,682 --> 00:06:18,731
Woof.

113
00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:21,512
I haven't had anything
this expensive in my mouth

114
00:06:21,664 --> 00:06:23,406
since my dad's gun.

115
00:06:25,286 --> 00:06:26,500
- Go, Moe.
- Yeah.

116
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:27,743
- Go, Moe.
- Now you got it.

117
00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:33,717
_

118
00:06:33,718 --> 00:06:37,973
_

119
00:06:38,308 --> 00:06:41,532
I think you're pretty cool, too, skull.

120
00:06:48,766 --> 00:06:49,949
Oh, my head.

121
00:06:50,101 --> 00:06:52,168
Oh, what a hangover.

122
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,465
Ah, that's actually a little better.

123
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:00,033
Hmm.

124
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,277
Oh, no.

125
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:04,797
Oh, no! Last night's
all coming back to me.

126
00:07:04,949 --> 00:07:07,058
_

127
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,214
- Whoa! Yeah!
- Yay!

128
00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:23,241
Let's go show the world
how much fun it is

129
00:07:23,468 --> 00:07:26,302
when drunk guys do stuff in public!

130
00:07:26,395 --> 00:07:27,987
Baba-boo!

131
00:07:28,139 --> 00:07:30,915
_

132
00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:32,988
_

133
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,463
_

134
00:07:48,493 --> 00:07:50,268
Excuse me, could you move?

135
00:07:50,495 --> 00:07:52,828
My husband and I would
like to sit on this bench

136
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:56,332
and comment on how the elephant seals
are "living the life."

137
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,834
It's the only joke in
our entire marriage.

138
00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:01,353
Oh, that's not what I hear.

139
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,172
The real joke is that you two

140
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:05,674
haven't pushed the
ole twin beds together

141
00:08:05,768 --> 00:08:07,451
since before the election.

142
00:08:07,678 --> 00:08:09,102
Of Obama.

143
00:08:09,196 --> 00:08:10,288
To the Senate!

144
00:08:12,016 --> 00:08:14,183
How'd you know about
their sexless marriage?

145
00:08:14,201 --> 00:08:17,520
Oh, Mrs. Lovejoy blabbed
about it to her bartender,

146
00:08:17,613 --> 00:08:18,779
who then told me.

147
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,023
Hey, wait,
you bartenders tell each other

148
00:08:21,116 --> 00:08:23,859
the stuff we say in drunken confidence?

149
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,377
Oh, we sure do.

150
00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:26,804
Look what else I know.

151
00:08:27,915 --> 00:08:30,957
You file your taxes as one person.

152
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:34,628
You sell all your pets each
time you go on vacation.

153
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,372
Hey, you're two-timing us

154
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,983
by also being the mayor of another town.

155
00:08:39,134 --> 00:08:42,061
I swear, Greenview means nothing to me.

156
00:08:42,213 --> 00:08:44,213
Hey, I love hot goss
as much as the next guy,

157
00:08:44,231 --> 00:08:46,048
but maybe you shouldn't be spilling

158
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,159
- people's secrets.
- Secrets.

159
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:51,403
You mean like you not asking
anyone out on a date in years

160
00:08:51,556 --> 00:08:54,832
because you're ashamed of
your wet spaghetti arms?

161
00:08:54,983 --> 00:08:57,242
What woman could feel held by these?

162
00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:01,655
Or how you keep yammering about
your million-dollar invention?

163
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:03,824
File the patent already, you coward.

164
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,659
Or how 'bout Barney over here?

165
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:09,162
Always going on about how
much you love your mother,

166
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,665
but you haven't visited her in years.

167
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,909
She still thinks I work at Autozone.

168
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:18,856
I can't tell her they fired me
for huffing floormat cleaner!

169
00:09:20,509 --> 00:09:25,011
Moe, you've officially gone
from fun drunk to mean drunk.

170
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,680
You judging me?

171
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,591
You're the one who said you're so scared

172
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,609
of being a lousy father and husband

173
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:32,111
that you hide out at the bar

174
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:35,039
instead of going home
and actually tryin'.

175
00:09:39,027 --> 00:09:40,936
You're worse than a mean drunk.

176
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,029
You're an honest drunk!

177
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,365
No! You guys are the drunks.

178
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:48,277
I am just wasted.

179
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,137
Baba-boo.

180
00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:53,624
Okay, Moe.

181
00:09:53,775 --> 00:09:56,518
You did what no bartender
ever should've done.

182
00:09:56,537 --> 00:09:59,779
But maybe, just maybe,
they won't find out.

183
00:10:03,085 --> 00:10:04,284
The Confidential.

184
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:05,377
They found out.

185
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:07,287
All right there, Kristof.

186
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,714
Time for me to answer for my sins.

187
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:12,034
Lead the way.

188
00:10:12,127 --> 00:10:14,645
Frickin' Kristof.

189
00:10:15,889 --> 00:10:18,148
Yeah, so, I, uh... I got your rat.

190
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,859
Look, I know I screwed up, but that...

191
00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:24,729
Since time immemorial,

192
00:10:24,898 --> 00:10:27,549
bartenders have been the
cornerstone of civilization,

193
00:10:27,568 --> 00:10:29,976
an eternal guild of listeners.

194
00:10:29,995 --> 00:10:31,678
And so a paradox:

195
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,647
for to whom could bartenders
confide their secrets?

196
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:37,483
Thus was born the Confidential,

197
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:41,380
a hidden society of those
who listen to the listeners.

198
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:45,233
But this institution
will crumble to dust

199
00:10:45,327 --> 00:10:47,511
if we do not obey its
first and only law...

200
00:10:47,662 --> 00:10:50,514
"A bartender keeps his secrets!"

201
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,076
Look, Artemis,
I know I shouldn't have got wasted

202
00:10:54,094 --> 00:10:55,835
and blabbed the unblabbable.

203
00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:59,915
It's just, for once, I wanted
to have a drink with my friends.

204
00:10:59,933 --> 00:11:01,917
A bartender has no friends!

205
00:11:01,935 --> 00:11:05,087
Mr. Szyslak, your tab is closed.

206
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:06,512
Surrender your key, sir.

207
00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:08,699
Well, them's the rules, I guess.

208
00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:10,516
It was nice being part of a place

209
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:13,445
that was bigger than me
and also super weird.

210
00:11:13,597 --> 00:11:15,038
Uh... What the...

211
00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:18,375
The penalty for your offense is
far greater than mere expulsion.

212
00:11:18,602 --> 00:11:21,786
Your friends, your regulars are to be...

213
00:11:21,939 --> 00:11:23,213
cut off.

214
00:11:25,609 --> 00:11:27,275
Cut off?! No. No, that's too horrible.

215
00:11:27,294 --> 00:11:29,202
You can't do that to them!

216
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:31,446
You did this to them.

217
00:11:31,539 --> 00:11:33,782
They have until the clock strikes...

218
00:11:33,875 --> 00:11:36,301
happy hour.

219
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:39,712
Tick, tock, Mr. Szyslak. Tick, tock.

220
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:41,899
Guys, you're all in danger! You...

221
00:11:42,050 --> 00:11:44,960
Oh, sorry. I've never been
in your office before.

222
00:11:45,053 --> 00:11:46,386
Any office, for that matter.

223
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:48,980
Yeesh. Now I get why
you all drink so much.

224
00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:50,556
You've got a lot of nerve coming here,

225
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:52,743
after what you said last night.

226
00:11:52,894 --> 00:11:54,912
I know, I know,
but this is serious, okay?

227
00:11:55,063 --> 00:11:56,914
Some very scary people are mad

228
00:11:57,065 --> 00:11:58,990
for all that drunken blabbing I did,

229
00:11:59,143 --> 00:12:01,309
so you're being... cut off!

230
00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:04,570
So what? You already
lost us as customers.

231
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,906
No, no, you don't get it. Cut off.

232
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,258
Aah. There isn't much time,

233
00:12:08,485 --> 00:12:10,485
but I'm gonna keep being cagey about it.

234
00:12:10,578 --> 00:12:12,245
Oh, wait a minute. Where's Barney?

235
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:13,913
Barney doesn't work here.

236
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:15,599
Really? Seems like he would.

237
00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:18,051
Yeah, that would lead to
some good stories, all right.

238
00:12:18,103 --> 00:12:20,103
Hurry, call him. Call him!

239
00:12:20,255 --> 00:12:22,347
Mm. Fine.

240
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:26,835
Well, if it isn't
the meanest drunk in town.

241
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:28,779
Barn, it's happy hour.

242
00:12:29,006 --> 00:12:31,431
You got to lock your doors
and windows right away!

243
00:12:31,525 --> 00:12:34,451
During the best time of
day for ocean breezes?

244
00:12:34,602 --> 00:12:36,119
- No dice.
- Look out for the dapper gentleman!

245
00:12:36,346 --> 00:12:39,105
Ow! Damn vampire bats!

246
00:12:39,124 --> 00:12:40,348
What the hell was that?

247
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:42,442
He's been injected with Antibooze...

248
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:46,446
a drug that makes it so
he can never drink again.

249
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:48,632
Antibooze? That stuff isn't real.

250
00:12:48,783 --> 00:12:51,193
Oh, it's real,
and the side effects are horrible,

251
00:12:51,211 --> 00:12:52,544
unthinkable!

252
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:55,046
It starts with a
skull-splitting headache.

253
00:13:00,628 --> 00:13:03,230
Then you got your firehose sweating.

254
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:06,650
Rhinoceros pox.

255
00:13:08,228 --> 00:13:10,712
And finally, hurricane vomiting.

256
00:13:19,829 --> 00:13:20,998
He's been cut off.

257
00:13:21,225 --> 00:13:22,982
And now they're coming for you.

258
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:26,745
If they catch ya,
you can never touch alcohol again.

259
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,338
No! No!

260
00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:30,841
Wait. What about rum cakes
and other boozy desserts?

261
00:13:30,992 --> 00:13:32,400
Never again.

262
00:13:32,494 --> 00:13:34,678
No!

263
00:13:42,895 --> 00:13:43,895
_

264
00:13:51,772 --> 00:13:55,774
Run faster. Every bartender in
town is coming after youse guys.

265
00:13:55,926 --> 00:13:59,286
All because I couldn't
keep my drunken trap shut!

266
00:14:00,931 --> 00:14:03,615
Well, how many bartenders
could there be in Springfield?

267
00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:07,619
How many people in this town are
miserable at work and at home?

268
00:14:07,771 --> 00:14:09,463
Oh, my God.

269
00:14:14,702 --> 00:14:16,448
_

270
00:14:29,217 --> 00:14:30,625
You guys, get out of here!

271
00:14:30,644 --> 00:14:33,195
I'll hold 'em off... with this.

272
00:14:46,734 --> 00:14:49,477
Wow. He's like a ninja
with that crotch rag.

273
00:14:49,496 --> 00:14:51,755
That disgusting towel is a blur!

274
00:15:03,176 --> 00:15:05,009
This is no way to live.

275
00:15:05,162 --> 00:15:07,086
Hunted. Hunted like dinosaurs.

276
00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:09,180
What are we supposed to do now?

277
00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:10,756
If you ever want to drink again,

278
00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:13,259
all you can do is get on
the next bus out of town

279
00:15:13,278 --> 00:15:14,836
and never stop running.

280
00:15:14,855 --> 00:15:16,488
Sounds like a plan.

281
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:24,802
_

282
00:15:26,516 --> 00:15:28,366
Those poor bastards.

283
00:15:28,518 --> 00:15:30,518
I must keen for them.

284
00:15:34,449 --> 00:15:36,040
Forget it, Homer.

285
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:38,343
They're non-drinkers now.

286
00:15:39,696 --> 00:15:42,288
Marge, pack what you need
and choose one kid.

287
00:15:42,307 --> 00:15:43,956
We're leaving Springfield forever.

288
00:15:44,050 --> 00:15:45,958
That's ridiculous, Homie.

289
00:15:46,052 --> 00:15:47,869
Look who dropped by for dinner.

290
00:15:47,962 --> 00:15:49,295
Hello, Homer.

291
00:15:49,314 --> 00:15:51,297
Dad, Dr. Hibbert was just telling us

292
00:15:51,316 --> 00:15:53,708
how he worked his way
through medical school.

293
00:15:53,727 --> 00:15:56,378
I think you'd be interested
to hear how I did it.

294
00:15:56,471 --> 00:15:59,322
- I would?
- Bartending.

295
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:09,574
Who wants mushroom caps?

296
00:16:11,244 --> 00:16:12,744
I'm so sorry, Homer.

297
00:16:12,896 --> 00:16:15,580
And Midge, your husband
can never drink again,

298
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:17,709
and it's all because of me.

299
00:16:21,554 --> 00:16:23,154
_

300
00:16:23,256 --> 00:16:24,848
Good morning, family.

301
00:16:24,999 --> 00:16:27,251
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

302
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:30,353
You sure I can't make you
some oatmeal with blueberries?

303
00:16:30,505 --> 00:16:32,522
Not today, honey.
I promised to pick up coffee

304
00:16:32,749 --> 00:16:35,600
for everyone on my team to
celebrate our record numbers.

305
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:39,362
You are so much more of a
go-getter since your promotion.

306
00:16:39,514 --> 00:16:42,181
I love this new, sober you.

307
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:45,184
And I love any version of you.

308
00:16:45,278 --> 00:16:47,095
Mmm, mmm.

309
00:16:47,817 --> 00:16:48,863
Get a room!

310
00:16:48,956 --> 00:16:51,691
Bart, I haven't forgotten about
your skateboard competition.

311
00:16:51,785 --> 00:16:53,210
And don't worry, Lisa.

312
00:16:53,361 --> 00:16:55,027
It'll be over in plenty of time

313
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:57,622
for me to be front and
center at your recital.

314
00:16:57,774 --> 00:16:59,039
Ooh!

315
00:17:02,612 --> 00:17:04,888
Well, off to the salt mines.

316
00:17:09,394 --> 00:17:11,302
Well, this is a coincidence.

317
00:17:11,396 --> 00:17:14,898
I haven't seen you guys since,
uh, you know.

318
00:17:15,049 --> 00:17:17,959
Geez, it would've had to
have been the syringings?

319
00:17:17,978 --> 00:17:21,387
Yeah, finally got in shape.
Not drinking all day every day

320
00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:23,889
really freed up a lot of
time for me to work out.

321
00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:27,802
And as soon as I filed my patent,
my start-up got funded.

322
00:17:27,821 --> 00:17:31,155
Soon, everyone in America
will have their own personal

323
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,250
body-hair-shaving mini robot.

324
00:17:33,477 --> 00:17:34,704
That's you?

325
00:17:35,145 --> 00:17:36,920
I love my Groomba!

326
00:17:38,665 --> 00:17:41,073
And I got my job back at Autozone,

327
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,093
so I could finally face my ma.

328
00:17:43,244 --> 00:17:47,005
He holds the big arrow
that says "Autozone."

329
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,248
Yeah, I guess
we're all doing pretty well.

330
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:50,842
You know who I heard ain't?

331
00:17:50,994 --> 00:17:52,918
A certain bartender.

332
00:17:53,013 --> 00:17:54,938
You won't believe how low he's sunk.

333
00:17:55,089 --> 00:17:57,181
It would be nice to laugh at someone

334
00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:00,193
living their lowest moment.

335
00:18:00,194 --> 00:18:01,194
_

336
00:18:01,195 --> 00:18:02,495
_

337
00:18:04,115 --> 00:18:06,633
I asked for the ham in
my omelet to be diced.

338
00:18:06,784 --> 00:18:08,893
This ham is clearly cubed.

339
00:18:08,895 --> 00:18:11,529
Yes, ma'am. Uh, right away, ma'am.

340
00:18:11,547 --> 00:18:13,531
You flipped my omelet
too high in the air,

341
00:18:13,549 --> 00:18:15,475
and it got cold on the descent.

342
00:18:15,626 --> 00:18:18,561
My mistake, sir. I'm sorry, sir.

343
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:25,151
I wanted to see him low,
but not eggs-on-demand low.

344
00:18:25,302 --> 00:18:28,905
I bet he doesn't even have
a shotgun under that bar.

345
00:18:31,031 --> 00:18:33,159
Get out of here.
You can't see me like this.

346
00:18:33,386 --> 00:18:37,705
Slingin' eggs in a well-lit,
non-dank environment.

347
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,505
I can't believe I'm saying this.

348
00:18:45,732 --> 00:18:47,398
We're all saying it.

349
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,567
Even though we can never drink again,

350
00:18:49,585 --> 00:18:52,512
we still want you as our bartender.

351
00:18:52,739 --> 00:18:54,588
You... you mean it?

352
00:18:54,741 --> 00:18:56,257
- Yeah.
- We do. - Mm-hmm.

353
00:18:56,409 --> 00:19:01,187
From now on, you can spray
your own pans, America! Ha.

354
00:19:08,363 --> 00:19:10,613
There you go, fellas. Bottoms up.

355
00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:13,533
To Moe, our friend.

356
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,110
Nah, nah, guys. I'm something better.

357
00:19:16,262 --> 00:19:17,795
Your bartender.

358
00:19:17,797 --> 00:19:19,706
Who knew you could drink water in a bar?

359
00:19:19,857 --> 00:19:21,782
It's, uh, still watered down.

360
00:19:22,699 --> 00:19:24,043
Good one, Moe.

361
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,107
Well, I have never seen
such a perfect distillation

362
00:19:30,201 --> 00:19:31,718
of the human spirit.

363
00:19:31,945 --> 00:19:35,129
A cocktail of humility
and self-sacrifice

364
00:19:35,223 --> 00:19:37,448
with a dash of un-bitters.

365
00:19:38,968 --> 00:19:41,118
Whoa, Artemis. What are you doing here?

366
00:19:41,212 --> 00:19:44,455
Such loyalty to a bartender
deserves a reward.

367
00:19:44,548 --> 00:19:47,049
The antidote to Antibooze.

368
00:19:48,644 --> 00:19:51,128
Now, think carefully, chaps.

369
00:19:51,222 --> 00:19:55,616
Once injected, you will lose
all the benefits of sobriety.

370
00:20:01,474 --> 00:20:03,666
Go away, Ma.

371
00:20:08,572 --> 00:20:11,090
I'm sorry. I can't go back.

372
00:20:11,242 --> 00:20:14,260
Sobriety has made me the
man I never thought I'd be.

373
00:20:14,411 --> 00:20:16,888
Now I'm going home to my family.

374
00:20:30,427 --> 00:20:31,485
Hmm?

375
00:20:35,950 --> 00:20:37,742
_

376
00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:54,542
Hey, Bart, isn't that
your stupid crystal skull?

377
00:20:54,677 --> 00:20:56,844
Wasn't stupid. It was my best friend.

378
00:21:31,508 --> 00:21:32,880
Shh!

379
00:21:35,635 --> 00:21:38,515
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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