1
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,492
D'oh!

2
00:00:15,499 --> 00:00:16,757
Hmm?

3
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:17,860
Mmm.

4
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:27,342
_

5
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:44,034
- _
- Welcome. Good to see you.

6
00:00:44,186 --> 00:00:46,036
If you're here to use the bathroom,

7
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,371
try the Burger King next door.

8
00:00:48,524 --> 00:00:50,465
Actually, we'd like to buy something.

9
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,117
Wunderbar. I offer many things.

10
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,528
Astounding tricks,

11
00:00:54,546 --> 00:00:56,638
confounding illusions.

12
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,032
I also fix iPhones.

13
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,292
You've heard of Steve Jobs?

14
00:01:01,386 --> 00:01:04,037
This is my kid, "No Jobs."

15
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,130
- Dad!
- He's been angry

16
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,224
since I made his mother disappear

17
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,486
with my cold attitude
and the philandering.

18
00:01:11,713 --> 00:01:12,879
Achtung, Gramps.

19
00:01:12,972 --> 00:01:15,306
I want to buy a magic set
for my sister's birthday

20
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,217
'cause that's the kind of
lame-o thing she'd like.

21
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,143
Magic is not "lame-o."

22
00:01:19,237 --> 00:01:22,647
Let me show you a trick
that made Angela Merkel say,

23
00:01:22,741 --> 00:01:25,500
"You are the worst Uber driver ever."

24
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,503
This underwear was once worn

25
00:01:28,730 --> 00:01:31,506
by Babar, King of the Elephants.

26
00:01:31,733 --> 00:01:33,917
Elephant underwear is
tighty-whities on Homer.

27
00:01:34,069 --> 00:01:35,509
Why, you little...!

28
00:01:38,073 --> 00:01:39,923
What the...? The more I pull,

29
00:01:40,075 --> 00:01:41,257
the tighter it gets.

30
00:01:41,410 --> 00:01:43,910
The only solution? Pull more.

31
00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:51,026
Nyeah, nyeah, nyeah-nyeah-nyeah!

32
00:01:51,253 --> 00:01:52,861
Will you two ever stop?

33
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:54,029
Ever?

34
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,365
Ah! Is it the future you seek?

35
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,775
Well, then,
move through this beaded curtain

36
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:03,597
and past the Keurig coffee maker
I bought but never use.

37
00:02:08,103 --> 00:02:11,271
Let us see what the
tarot cards have to say.

38
00:02:11,406 --> 00:02:13,364
Eh. Tarot cards don't work.

39
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:16,718
Don't they, Madam President?

40
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,221
_

41
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:22,449
Now let us see what
happens to Homer and Bart.

42
00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:24,226
How does he know our names?

43
00:02:24,453 --> 00:02:26,803
They are on your Starbucks coffee cups.

44
00:02:26,955 --> 00:02:29,231
- Whoa.
- Whoa.

45
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:31,883
- _
- Good news, Homer.

46
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:32,904
In the future,

47
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,961
- you stop drinking.
- Oh...

48
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:37,889
- _
- And the boy becomes a fine person.

49
00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:39,074
What? No!

50
00:02:39,301 --> 00:02:41,058
Reversum predictum!

51
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,227
It's licorice. Have some.

52
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,413
Mmm...

53
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:47,231
Now I turn more cards and...

54
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:49,918
Oh, dear. This is rough. Very bad.

55
00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:51,311
What? What?

56
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:52,921
There will be years of trouble

57
00:02:53,148 --> 00:02:55,340
between Marge and Lisa.

58
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:56,341
_

59
00:02:57,206 --> 00:02:58,619
_

60
00:02:59,896 --> 00:03:01,306
_

61
00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:03,098
The trouble begins when you decide

62
00:03:03,325 --> 00:03:05,659
where you will go to college.

63
00:03:05,677 --> 00:03:07,936
What? Why are you saying that?
What's wrong?

64
00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:10,163
Do I get wait-listed? Gap year?

65
00:03:11,031 --> 00:03:12,165
Cornell?!

66
00:03:12,184 --> 00:03:13,942
Let's just say things have changed

67
00:03:14,169 --> 00:03:15,852
when you are 17.

68
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,363
Rise and shine!

69
00:03:27,516 --> 00:03:29,941
Mom, please.

70
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,626
I was asleep.

71
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,369
Today's the day you're gonna find out

72
00:03:33,522 --> 00:03:35,464
what colleges you get into.

73
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,949
Who cares? They all lost their glitter

74
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:39,693
when Netflix bought Yale.

75
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,470
Well, you will be the first Simpson

76
00:03:41,579 --> 00:03:44,973
to ever finish college
now that Bart's given up.

77
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,033
Why should I go to college?

78
00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:48,551
I've become a master

79
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,128
of Fruit Ninja.

80
00:03:55,828 --> 00:03:57,043
Salad complete.

81
00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:58,561
Booyah.

82
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,641
There she is.

83
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:07,661
Our family's last and
only remaining hope.

84
00:04:07,696 --> 00:04:09,705
Putting on a little pressure
there, Grampa?

85
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:11,816
It's just that you're the
only worthwhile Simpson

86
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,059
since... ever.

87
00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:14,728
I'm counting on you to find the cure

88
00:04:14,746 --> 00:04:16,552
for everything that's gonna kill me.

89
00:04:16,587 --> 00:04:17,672
No pressure.

90
00:04:18,413 --> 00:04:20,900
Wait a minute. This is on the wrong eye.

91
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,261
Ooh, much better.

92
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:25,681
_

93
00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,184
Lisa, I have a question.

94
00:04:29,411 --> 00:04:32,746
Please, don't mention
the word "college."

95
00:04:32,764 --> 00:04:34,664
College? No way.

96
00:04:34,758 --> 00:04:36,983
This is a surprise promposal.

97
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,427
Guess who I hired to
ask you on my behalf.

98
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:40,820
My dad.

99
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:44,415
Imitating Seth MacFarlane
imitating Frank Sinatra.

100
00:04:44,509 --> 00:04:46,826
* Take him to the prom *

101
00:04:46,844 --> 00:04:51,255
* And let him dance forevermore *

102
00:04:51,274 --> 00:04:53,924
* If you turn him down *

103
00:04:53,944 --> 00:04:57,612
* He will curl up on the floor *

104
00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,596
* In other words *

105
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:02,191
* We're desperate *

106
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,676
We really are.

107
00:05:03,769 --> 00:05:06,846
* A pity "yes" will do. *

108
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:10,774
And you'll have to drive
'cause he can't. Ha!

109
00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:12,276
I can see you're tempted, Lis.

110
00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:14,796
There's nothing cooler
than a guy who's graduated

111
00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:17,330
coming back for a younger kid's prom.

112
00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:23,120
Get out of here before
I accidentally say "okay."

113
00:05:23,214 --> 00:05:24,621
Did I hear an "okay"?

114
00:05:29,965 --> 00:05:32,054
Hey, kid. What's the matter?

115
00:05:32,107 --> 00:05:34,874
Your whole life,
for reasons I'll never understand,

116
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,985
you've been looking forward to college.

117
00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:38,211
Today, you get in.

118
00:05:38,229 --> 00:05:40,229
Things have changed since I was a kid.

119
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:43,716
College costs a fortune,
and does it really do any good?

120
00:05:43,809 --> 00:05:46,552
All you get is a piece of
paper with your name on it.

121
00:05:46,645 --> 00:05:47,887
And it's written in Latin,

122
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:50,072
so the only people who
can actually read it

123
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,391
are dead Romans and Catholic priests.

124
00:05:52,443 --> 00:05:56,078
And last I checked,
none of them are handing out jobs.

125
00:05:56,172 --> 00:06:00,416
Then why did you study so
hard and miss all the fun?

126
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,762
* Old days *

127
00:06:05,186 --> 00:06:08,917
* Good times I remember *

128
00:06:09,010 --> 00:06:11,978
* Fun days *

129
00:06:12,930 --> 00:06:16,024
* Filled with simple pleasure. *

130
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:18,584
I don't know now.
I think of all those years

131
00:06:18,677 --> 00:06:20,269
where instead of being behind a book,

132
00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:22,088
I could've played kickball.

133
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:24,198
So many jump ropes un-jumped.

134
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,534
Do you ever feel regret, Bart?

135
00:06:26,685 --> 00:06:28,852
I regret starting this conversation.

136
00:06:28,946 --> 00:06:31,931
Every one. I got into every one.

137
00:06:31,949 --> 00:06:34,433
Why does this moment feel so empty?

138
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,530
Come one, come all. Don't miss it.

139
00:06:39,624 --> 00:06:40,956
Lisa, I told everyone

140
00:06:41,051 --> 00:06:42,792
you're going to make your pick today.

141
00:06:42,886 --> 00:06:45,386
This is the greatest moment of my life.

142
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,722
Drumroll!

143
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,543
* A Simpson got into college *

144
00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:54,620
* A Simpson got into college *

145
00:06:54,713 --> 00:06:57,732
* A Simpson got into college *

146
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,860
* And I just never applied. *

147
00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:04,906
Everyone, shh! It's the moment of truth.

148
00:07:06,484 --> 00:07:09,318
Congratulations, Lisa.
Which one are you gonna choose?

149
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,871
Bob Jones. Bob Jones. Bob Jones.

150
00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:15,474
I, uh...

151
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,960
I'm not going to college.

152
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,907
What?! Quit joking.

153
00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:23,091
Marge, nobody knows comedy like I don't.

154
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,817
She's not joking.

155
00:07:24,836 --> 00:07:27,261
Lisa, you can't do this.
We're counting on you.

156
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,655
Well, you know, Marge,
I didn't go to college,

157
00:07:29,674 --> 00:07:32,283
and I'm wealthy in the
most important way:

158
00:07:32,343 --> 00:07:33,917
lack of student loans.

159
00:07:33,937 --> 00:07:35,995
Do not encourage her.

160
00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:38,164
Marge, her not going to college

161
00:07:38,182 --> 00:07:41,442
is the most money I'll ever earn.

162
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:43,502
Lisa, please. I'm giving you

163
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:46,355
one last chance to salvage this day.

164
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:47,782
I've lived for this moment.

165
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,617
And all I've ever asked from you

166
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,178
is that everything that
never happened to me

167
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:53,287
happens to you.

168
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,772
And that justifies my existence on Earth

169
00:07:55,941 --> 00:07:58,942
for the hours I spent holding you,
cleaning you,

170
00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:01,370
cooking your supper, drying your tears,

171
00:08:01,464 --> 00:08:02,705
catching your colds

172
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:05,708
and burying every personal need I had

173
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,802
just so I could have the brief joy

174
00:08:07,953 --> 00:08:09,637
of setting up your dorm room

175
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,572
with the roommate from the fancy family

176
00:08:12,607 --> 00:08:16,480
who you'll spend the holidays
with on their ranch in Colorado

177
00:08:16,515 --> 00:08:19,262
instead of coming home to me.

178
00:08:19,297 --> 00:08:21,056
Once and for all,

179
00:08:21,151 --> 00:08:23,888
which college are you going to?

180
00:08:23,923 --> 00:08:25,069
None.

181
00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:38,574
I just wanted to say one thing.

182
00:08:38,817 --> 00:08:40,817
- What's that?
- Ingrate!

183
00:08:40,837 --> 00:08:42,670
I'm sorry, but could you have decided

184
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,398
you didn't want to go to
college before ten years

185
00:08:45,416 --> 00:08:48,751
of me driving you to saxophone lessons,
SAT prep,

186
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:53,139
college tours of colleges
you were never gonna go to?!

187
00:08:58,651 --> 00:09:00,930
Could it be
that I'm finally the favorite parent?

188
00:09:01,024 --> 00:09:03,149
Maggie, whose side are you on?

189
00:09:06,011 --> 00:09:08,029
I don't like how digital she's getting.

190
00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:11,365
You know just what to say.

191
00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:13,850
Honey,

192
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,185
I baked you brownies to eat

193
00:09:15,205 --> 00:09:18,280
while you reconsider
stuff you've done or said.

194
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,949
Wait a minute. Do you actually think

195
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:23,211
your brownies will
affect my life decisions?

196
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:24,787
They have walnuts in them.

197
00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:27,289
Mom, I never really liked your brownies,

198
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,608
and I'm not going to college.

199
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,794
Really? Who are you?

200
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,612
All my life, I did what I thought

201
00:09:33,631 --> 00:09:35,130
other people wanted me to do.

202
00:09:35,225 --> 00:09:37,497
Now I'm doing what I want.

203
00:09:37,532 --> 00:09:40,135
Oh. Someday, you're gonna have
a daughter of your own,

204
00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:41,804
and you'll see how I feel.

205
00:09:41,898 --> 00:09:43,714
Who says I'm gonna have kids?

206
00:09:43,808 --> 00:09:45,124
No college? No kids?

207
00:09:45,142 --> 00:09:47,718
How dare you lead
the life I wish I'd led.

208
00:09:47,812 --> 00:09:50,463
I'm burned out. I'm so burned out.

209
00:09:50,481 --> 00:09:53,074
I just need some time to think.

210
00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:54,558
Okay. Just promise me

211
00:09:54,577 --> 00:09:56,802
that before you make
any final decisions,

212
00:09:56,821 --> 00:10:00,306
- you'll talk to...
- I know, I know. My father.

213
00:10:00,324 --> 00:10:01,565
I'm talking about the man

214
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:03,492
who's been there for every birthday.

215
00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:07,663
The one man who took pride
in your every achievement.

216
00:10:07,757 --> 00:10:09,164
I'd love to talk with you,
Lisa, but first,

217
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,759
boys, it's 6:00 p.m. Time for bed.

218
00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:13,594
Yay!

219
00:10:14,597 --> 00:10:16,931
College was my dream. Then I thought,

220
00:10:17,082 --> 00:10:20,326
"Is it really my dream
or just everyone else's?"

221
00:10:20,344 --> 00:10:22,085
Lisa, use the gifts God gave you

222
00:10:22,179 --> 00:10:23,938
for whatever path He puts you on.

223
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,589
Get a job. Learn the pride

224
00:10:25,683 --> 00:10:27,625
that comes with getting
your own paycheck.

225
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,686
Of course. The dignity of work.

226
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,596
Thank you, Mr. Flanders.

227
00:10:32,615 --> 00:10:35,098
Daddy, can you come upstairs?

228
00:10:35,118 --> 00:10:36,525
We're scared.

229
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:38,786
Daddy, bring the monster spray!

230
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:42,081
I may have over-coddled
them just a little bit.

231
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,459
Now, I'm afraid the next kilometer

232
00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:48,537
on Lisa's autobahn of life would not be,

233
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:51,132
as you say, easy peasy.

234
00:10:53,303 --> 00:10:55,028
_

235
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,637
Ooh, could I double down on those?

236
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,472
This is not blackjack.

237
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:00,457
I said hit me.

238
00:11:00,476 --> 00:11:01,717
Not blackjack.

239
00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:03,202
Come on, pal, hit me.

240
00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:05,462
Fine. You're busted.

241
00:11:05,481 --> 00:11:08,298
D'oh! Should've held
on the hard Knave of Cups.

242
00:11:08,318 --> 00:11:10,209
I have no regrets.

243
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,968
I have no regrets.

244
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:14,396
I have no regrets.

245
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,494
Simpson, the corn
isn't sticking to the dogs.

246
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,979
Why did I waste 30 minutes training you?

247
00:11:22,999 --> 00:11:25,482
Now the pulp is settling
in the lemonade!

248
00:11:25,576 --> 00:11:27,001
Pump! Pump!

249
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,669
Pump...!

250
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,563
Why am I working here?

251
00:11:30,581 --> 00:11:31,839
Even I can't answer that,

252
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:34,416
and I was a philosophy major at Brown.

253
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:38,161
Brown! Brown...!

254
00:11:38,255 --> 00:11:39,755
God, that job sucks.

255
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,740
Here's a little secret, honey.

256
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:42,835
All jobs suck.

257
00:11:42,927 --> 00:11:44,760
That's why you get paid to do them.

258
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,261
So you had your gap week.

259
00:11:46,356 --> 00:11:48,581
Now you're finally
going to college, right?

260
00:11:48,599 --> 00:11:50,173
No. Not ever.

261
00:11:50,267 --> 00:11:52,751
Okay, I can't change this,
and I can't accept this.

262
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:56,280
What do I do?
Go downstairs and yell into the dryer.

263
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,684
Why is she doing this?!

264
00:12:00,778 --> 00:12:02,203
Why won't she go to college?!

265
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,354
We've been planning this her whole life!

266
00:12:04,448 --> 00:12:05,689
Why?!

267
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:07,816
I'll have that picture and that picture

268
00:12:07,877 --> 00:12:10,544
and a diet that picture,
if'n you please.

269
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,195
Can't you read the names?

270
00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:13,288
No, ma'am.

271
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,957
You seem to read just fine,

272
00:12:15,051 --> 00:12:17,033
and you're stuck in this dump.

273
00:12:17,128 --> 00:12:18,235
Not anymore.

274
00:12:18,295 --> 00:12:19,870
I know what I'm gonna do.

275
00:12:19,889 --> 00:12:23,132
I hope it starts with pressin'
the button what brings my food.

276
00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:25,226
Nope. I'm not gonna learn.

277
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,494
I'm gonna teach!

278
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,470
I'm gonna start an after-school program,

279
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:31,214
individualized and
accessible to children

280
00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:33,222
who fall through the cracks.

281
00:12:33,257 --> 00:12:34,793
What are you going to do for money?

282
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:36,462
Workman's comp.

283
00:12:36,497 --> 00:12:38,614
I'd like to see you try.

284
00:12:40,109 --> 00:12:41,242
On my way!

285
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,032
Whoo-hoo!

286
00:12:43,654 --> 00:12:45,913
Welcome to the Boundless
Horizons School,

287
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,823
where I'm gonna change your lives

288
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:49,992
and you're gonna write
letters to me forever

289
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,921
and you'll say I was your
most influential person.

290
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:56,982
Just exactly how are you gonna teach us?

291
00:12:57,001 --> 00:12:59,652
Well, I'm gonna use
every trick there is.

292
00:12:59,670 --> 00:13:01,411
I'll put the desks in a circle.

293
00:13:01,431 --> 00:13:02,838
I'll take the toughest one of you

294
00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:05,824
and put him or her in charge
of making everyone behave.

295
00:13:05,843 --> 00:13:09,828
And I'll teach Shakespeare
using dances from TikTok.

296
00:13:09,847 --> 00:13:11,439
* Out, out, damned spot *

297
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:14,333
* This is the way that
Shakespeare should be taught. *

298
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,672
Her incredible lameness has me riveted.

299
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:22,508
Finally, someone who gets me
as a stereotype.

300
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,452
Wait one minute, young lady.

301
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,603
You cannot just open your own school

302
00:13:26,697 --> 00:13:29,123
and start to better random lives.

303
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,351
Um...

304
00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:31,608
You have to sign this form

305
00:13:31,702 --> 00:13:34,536
and pay a $25 city business tax.

306
00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:37,631
Okay. Just give me the change, please.

307
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,300
Uh, this is embarrassing.

308
00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:41,451
I'm not great at math.

309
00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:43,137
Leave that to me.

310
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:52,639
_

311
00:13:58,595 --> 00:13:59,695
_

312
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,396
Lisa Simpson's after-school program

313
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,232
has been a tremendous success.

314
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,050
Unlike the news business.

315
00:14:05,069 --> 00:14:09,148
Lisa now has over 100 franchises
here in the Illiteracy Belt.

316
00:14:09,183 --> 00:14:12,267
And now, given her high profile
and 80% approval rating,

317
00:14:12,302 --> 00:14:14,503
Lisa's running for state
school superintendent

318
00:14:14,538 --> 00:14:16,411
against incumbent Gary Chalmers.

319
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,730
Under my opponent,

320
00:14:18,823 --> 00:14:20,490
test scores have fallen.

321
00:14:20,584 --> 00:14:23,493
Graduation rates have fallen.

322
00:14:23,587 --> 00:14:27,514
I am not going to stand here and
listen to some nasty woman...

323
00:14:29,852 --> 00:14:31,685
I-I'm just trying to make a point,
all right?

324
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,855
I'm not gonna let some stupid,
nasty, homely woman...

325
00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:38,674
Simpson!

326
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:39,751
I concede.

327
00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:41,436
Uh, congratulations.

328
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,773
Beloved superintendent of schools,
Lisa Simpson,

329
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,366
is now running for governor!

330
00:14:46,593 --> 00:14:48,184
Soon she'll move beyond the scope

331
00:14:48,203 --> 00:14:50,537
of a career-stuck local
anchorman like me.

332
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,264
This is Kent Brockman signing off.

333
00:14:52,357 --> 00:14:54,190
Lisa Simpson, governor of...

334
00:14:54,242 --> 00:14:55,283
is running for president.

335
00:14:55,377 --> 00:14:57,269
Not even her highly damaged relationship

336
00:14:57,362 --> 00:14:58,953
with her mother can stop her now.

337
00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:00,380
Nate Silver analyzes.

338
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:02,049
Well, George, Lisa is doing great

339
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,383
with disenchanted daughters.

340
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:05,385
Also tiger moms, checked-out dads

341
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:07,445
and grandparents who like everything,

342
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:08,889
plus middle children, nerds of all ages

343
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:10,782
and saxophonists above second chair.

344
00:15:12,377 --> 00:15:14,377
Now, it's a week
before the election but...

345
00:15:14,471 --> 00:15:16,229
what the hell...
I'm calling it for Lisa.

346
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:17,806
My work here is done.

347
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,191
Good luck, America.

348
00:15:19,192 --> 00:15:20,192
_

349
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:23,886
It's 5:38 somewhere.

350
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:27,240
This just in.
Lisa Simpson has been elected

351
00:15:27,467 --> 00:15:29,634
the eighth president who
did not go to college,

352
00:15:29,653 --> 00:15:32,137
joining George Washington,
Abraham Lincoln

353
00:15:32,155 --> 00:15:33,488
and Harry S. Truman.

354
00:15:33,582 --> 00:15:36,065
Think about that when you're
paying your student loans.

355
00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:37,567
Stephanopoulos out.

356
00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:40,478
My daughter really becomes president?

357
00:15:40,497 --> 00:15:43,906
Yes. But you have to
learn it on the streets.

358
00:15:46,261 --> 00:15:48,820
Great news about your daughter, Marge.

359
00:15:48,913 --> 00:15:50,839
She's finally going to college?

360
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,340
No. She's president.

361
00:15:52,434 --> 00:15:54,101
You knew that, didn't you?

362
00:15:54,252 --> 00:15:57,229
Oh, crap. I really am out of the loop.

363
00:15:59,666 --> 00:16:02,167
Look, the heart of the story
is Lisa and me.

364
00:16:02,277 --> 00:16:03,944
Do we finally get along?

365
00:16:04,279 --> 00:16:05,445
Also, in the future,

366
00:16:05,672 --> 00:16:07,614
how many more Ghostbusters do they make?

367
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:11,192
Four. The gay Ghostbusters is fantastic.

368
00:16:11,286 --> 00:16:13,954
Can't we dwell on the
fact that I was president?

369
00:16:14,105 --> 00:16:16,514
So concerned about your futures

370
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,458
but no one cares about mine.

371
00:16:18,685 --> 00:16:20,018
I won't get into details,

372
00:16:20,111 --> 00:16:23,855
but my body winds up in the
dumpster behind the store.

373
00:16:23,874 --> 00:16:25,948
Do any of you give a damn?

374
00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:28,862
Very well.

375
00:16:28,953 --> 00:16:31,287
Now we have come to the final two cards.

376
00:16:31,306 --> 00:16:33,365
The future will be revealed.

377
00:16:33,458 --> 00:16:36,551
But first, I want to plug
my gig this Saturday

378
00:16:36,645 --> 00:16:39,479
at the Comedy & Magic Club.

379
00:16:40,891 --> 00:16:43,984
I conjure the spirit
of Rodney Dangerfield.

380
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:46,227
Ich bekomme keinen Respekt.

381
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,896
I'm telling you.

382
00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:49,898
- _
- Ah. Here we are.

383
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:51,566
- _
- It's Inauguration Day,

384
00:16:51,718 --> 00:16:55,662
and Marge and Lisa are barely speaking.

385
00:16:57,724 --> 00:17:00,483
And I promise you that,
as your president,

386
00:17:00,577 --> 00:17:02,818
I will obsess over your welfare,

387
00:17:02,913 --> 00:17:05,246
because I don't have a life!

388
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,065
You're all I've got!

389
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:09,751
And I will serve you.

390
00:17:14,832 --> 00:17:17,759
And we'll get right on that!

391
00:17:18,384 --> 00:17:20,912
Madam President,
just after you were sworn in,

392
00:17:20,931 --> 00:17:22,747
your predecessor finally conceded.

393
00:17:22,766 --> 00:17:26,084
These transitional tantrums
get longer and longer.

394
00:17:27,362 --> 00:17:30,346
Okay, he promised he'd leave
after he did that.

395
00:17:30,365 --> 00:17:32,515
But you're going to
be a great president.

396
00:17:32,534 --> 00:17:34,350
Thank you.

397
00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,110
But maybe not a happy one.

398
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:39,206
Bart! Oh, I almost hugged you.

399
00:17:39,357 --> 00:17:40,949
Well, I almost wish you had.

400
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:42,525
Oh. I think I will.

401
00:17:42,619 --> 00:17:43,643
I hope you do.

402
00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:45,954
I know what you need.

403
00:17:46,048 --> 00:17:49,049
Some President's Choice High Carumba.

404
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:51,109
Why did you bring that here?

405
00:17:51,127 --> 00:17:52,219
A: it's legal.

406
00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:53,995
B: somehow still cool.

407
00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:56,514
And C: you really need to chill out.

408
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,608
He's with me! He's with me!

409
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,903
Oh, I got to tell you something.

410
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:12,555
Now that we're both
grown and successful...

411
00:18:12,649 --> 00:18:13,798
you, president,

412
00:18:13,817 --> 00:18:15,316
me, pot CEO

413
00:18:15,410 --> 00:18:18,078
and owner of three NBA teams...

414
00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:19,637
I feel different.

415
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:22,807
I really, really, really don't hate you.

416
00:18:23,919 --> 00:18:25,752
Got anything to say to me?

417
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:27,996
Um... yes.

418
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,163
All right.

419
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:30,406
I'll admit it.

420
00:18:30,425 --> 00:18:33,426
I've always been kind
of a pain in the butt.

421
00:18:33,578 --> 00:18:35,987
Wow. If you had said that earlier,

422
00:18:36,006 --> 00:18:38,247
even I would have voted for you.

423
00:18:41,077 --> 00:18:42,177
_

424
00:18:42,178 --> 00:18:43,770
Wow, that's pretty cool

425
00:18:43,921 --> 00:18:46,568
for someone who was always unpopular.

426
00:18:47,091 --> 00:18:48,500
But, but wait!

427
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:51,519
Not my fault. Because,
I don't know if you know,

428
00:18:51,671 --> 00:18:55,448
but I did not come from a
family that made things easy.

429
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,693
Well, maybe you didn't make
things easier for them either.

430
00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:00,845
Maybe Mom was the one
who was helping you

431
00:19:00,938 --> 00:19:02,938
in ways you don't even remember.

432
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,501
* Old days *

433
00:19:08,297 --> 00:19:11,022
* Good times I remember *

434
00:19:11,115 --> 00:19:12,540
* Fun days... *

435
00:19:12,634 --> 00:19:15,218
Oh, wow.

436
00:19:16,997 --> 00:19:18,197
_

437
00:19:21,626 --> 00:19:22,792
Mom?

438
00:19:22,811 --> 00:19:24,144
She's clean. Checked her hair.

439
00:19:24,295 --> 00:19:25,553
Took 45 minutes.

440
00:19:25,705 --> 00:19:27,981
I'm here to see if you'll finally admit

441
00:19:28,174 --> 00:19:30,558
you'd be better off
if you'd gone to college.

442
00:19:30,652 --> 00:19:31,726
Are you crazy?

443
00:19:31,878 --> 00:19:33,878
You still can't admit you were wrong.

444
00:19:33,971 --> 00:19:35,547
Let me tell you something, lady.

445
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,158
Wait a minute. Just-just wait a minute.

446
00:19:38,309 --> 00:19:39,717
I'm president now.

447
00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:41,719
I have a lot of resources.

448
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:44,313
Where's my mom translator?

449
00:19:45,316 --> 00:19:47,225
Maybe I started off on the wrong foot.

450
00:19:47,243 --> 00:19:49,561
"You constantly let me down."

451
00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:52,580
Of course, I appreciate
everything you're saying.

452
00:19:52,707 --> 00:19:54,732
"You were never really in my corner."

453
00:19:54,751 --> 00:19:57,844
I may have said a lot
of things in anger.

454
00:19:57,995 --> 00:20:00,738
"I meant what I said
and I will stick to it.

455
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:04,909
But no matter what,
I was always proud of you."

456
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:06,744
You made me mad, too.

457
00:20:06,763 --> 00:20:08,930
"I was hurt because I care so much.

458
00:20:09,099 --> 00:20:12,917
All the respect and love I
have for people came from you."

459
00:20:12,936 --> 00:20:14,343
That's nice to hear.

460
00:20:14,437 --> 00:20:15,845
"I love you so much."

461
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:18,848
"I love you, too."

462
00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:21,115
Oh, oh.

463
00:20:22,731 --> 00:20:23,945
Okay, you can go now.

464
00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:26,188
"This translator is fantastic.

465
00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:27,690
Give her a raise."

466
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:34,354
_

467
00:20:42,782 --> 00:20:45,299
Okay. I enjoyed that story,
but I got to know,

468
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:46,951
how much is really true?

469
00:20:47,211 --> 00:20:49,787
Let me consult the oracle.

470
00:20:50,892 --> 00:20:52,904
Okay, Lisa,
I'll give it to you straight.

471
00:20:52,939 --> 00:20:54,901
You've got a 98% chance
of going to college,

472
00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:56,385
83% Ivy League,

473
00:20:56,479 --> 00:20:57,962
47% chance of a boyfriend,

474
00:20:58,055 --> 00:20:59,964
72% chance of a girlfriend.

475
00:21:00,057 --> 00:21:01,082
Oh!

476
00:21:01,523 --> 00:21:03,392
I like those odds!

477
00:21:03,486 --> 00:21:05,153
Hey, can I get the game on this?

478
00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:07,321
It's not a TV.

479
00:21:27,271 --> 00:21:29,924
_

480
00:21:30,772 --> 00:21:32,689
Shh!

481
00:21:35,162 --> 00:21:38,019
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com