1 00:00:56,615 --> 00:00:59,549 I know it's been a long night, team, 2 00:00:59,651 --> 00:01:01,151 and we have a long shift ahead of us, 3 00:01:01,253 --> 00:01:02,886 - but I want you all to know that... - Diane. 4 00:01:02,988 --> 00:01:05,755 Jack. Don't worry. 5 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,257 I got a rapid test this morning, 6 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,558 so I'm clean as a whistle. 7 00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:10,226 Uh, what are y... What is she... 8 00:01:10,329 --> 00:01:11,761 I asked her to come. 9 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,596 There's been a death, and you are all grieving, 10 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,231 so I asked her to come. 11 00:01:17,502 --> 00:01:19,336 I'm sorr... You me... 12 00:01:19,438 --> 00:01:21,137 - You talking about George Floyd? - You brought in a therapist 13 00:01:21,239 --> 00:01:24,662 to help us process the death of George Floyd? 14 00:01:24,687 --> 00:01:26,386 I did. 15 00:01:26,489 --> 00:01:28,455 I feel powerless to help, 16 00:01:28,557 --> 00:01:30,591 and this felt like something I could do. 17 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,894 There are not many fire captains 18 00:01:33,996 --> 00:01:36,463 who would treat a moment of national crisis 19 00:01:36,565 --> 00:01:40,129 like an internal tragedy, and your captain is. 20 00:01:40,303 --> 00:01:41,736 I respect it, 21 00:01:41,761 --> 00:01:45,263 so I'm honored to be here to help however I can. 22 00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,772 I don't need you to talk about Mr. Floyd. 23 00:01:47,988 --> 00:01:49,955 I'm not gonna make you talk to me at all. 24 00:01:50,057 --> 00:01:51,489 This isn't mandatory. 25 00:01:51,592 --> 00:01:54,726 I'm just here if you need me. 26 00:02:27,895 --> 00:02:32,864 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 27 00:02:40,741 --> 00:02:43,208 You're bold, and you're trying. 28 00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:45,877 Right or wrong, you tried something today. 29 00:02:45,979 --> 00:02:48,046 You tried something to help. 30 00:02:48,148 --> 00:02:49,361 Thank you. 31 00:02:50,710 --> 00:02:52,242 I love you. 32 00:03:04,564 --> 00:03:06,731 How do you do it? I mean, how do you... 33 00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:09,334 I-I-I know you have to be as shaken up as I am, 34 00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:10,602 so how do you... 35 00:03:10,704 --> 00:03:12,036 - How do I do my job? - Well, yeah. 36 00:03:12,153 --> 00:03:13,738 You fought a fire this morning. 37 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,173 How did you do it? 38 00:03:15,275 --> 00:03:18,944 I pushed my pain aside and did what had to be done. 39 00:03:19,902 --> 00:03:21,101 Same. 40 00:03:21,684 --> 00:03:23,584 I saw what happened to Dean Miller. 41 00:03:23,609 --> 00:03:25,409 He's suing the police department, 42 00:03:25,434 --> 00:03:27,100 and he's right to do it. 43 00:03:27,357 --> 00:03:28,650 But? 44 00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:32,838 But, uh... uh, it... It makes me uncomfortable. 45 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:34,495 Because he's a firefighter 46 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,420 and we're supposed to shut up and look pretty? 47 00:03:36,445 --> 00:03:37,945 No, because when the police 48 00:03:37,974 --> 00:03:39,940 made me lie down on the street like an animal 49 00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:41,680 during a routine traffic stop... 50 00:03:41,705 --> 00:03:43,540 You didn't sue. 51 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,241 I didn't do much of anything at all. 52 00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:53,781 I did yell, you know, whi... which was... 53 00:04:01,682 --> 00:04:03,244 I feel like a hypocrite. 54 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,926 - A hypocrite? - Yeah. I have two kids. 55 00:04:05,951 --> 00:04:08,152 I have a new son since we last spoke. 56 00:04:08,177 --> 00:04:09,710 - Congratulations. - Thanks. 57 00:04:09,735 --> 00:04:11,902 - You get any sleep? - Well, he's 18, so, you know... 58 00:04:11,927 --> 00:04:12,926 Oh. 59 00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:14,550 While I'm not losing sleep because of him... 60 00:04:14,624 --> 00:04:16,256 You're losing sleep over him. 61 00:04:16,472 --> 00:04:17,783 Yeah. 62 00:04:18,554 --> 00:04:20,387 Anyway, m-my wife and I, we... 63 00:04:20,516 --> 00:04:21,782 We gave "the talk" 64 00:04:21,807 --> 00:04:23,941 and explained that young Black men 65 00:04:24,134 --> 00:04:26,100 don't get to behave any old way they want 66 00:04:26,125 --> 00:04:27,558 when dealing with the police. 67 00:04:27,763 --> 00:04:30,698 We told them to do whatever it took to get home safe. 68 00:04:30,723 --> 00:04:33,223 But when I had a run-in with the police myself, 69 00:04:33,248 --> 00:04:36,383 I... I-I yelled at that officer 70 00:04:36,408 --> 00:04:39,075 as he got into his car. 71 00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:42,263 I mean, if my boys had yelled at a cop like that, I... 72 00:04:42,288 --> 00:04:43,654 You'd be upset with them? 73 00:04:43,679 --> 00:04:45,245 Well, hell, yes, I'd be upset! 74 00:04:45,270 --> 00:04:48,004 I'd... 75 00:04:48,198 --> 00:04:50,032 But I'd also be proud. 76 00:04:50,134 --> 00:04:51,800 U... Because they'd be right. 77 00:04:51,902 --> 00:04:52,901 You know, I was right. 78 00:04:53,003 --> 00:04:54,336 Miller was right. 79 00:04:54,438 --> 00:04:55,704 But y-you can't do that. 80 00:04:55,806 --> 00:04:57,673 You can't yell at a cop because, you know, w... 81 00:04:57,775 --> 00:04:59,041 Because they've got a gun, you know? 82 00:04:59,143 --> 00:05:00,442 They're given authority. 83 00:05:00,544 --> 00:05:03,545 They have the power t... 84 00:05:04,413 --> 00:05:05,947 D-Do you have kids? 85 00:05:06,498 --> 00:05:07,849 Three teenagers. 86 00:05:07,951 --> 00:05:11,453 Oh, wow. Okay, so, you get just how frustrating 87 00:05:11,555 --> 00:05:14,656 and infuriating it is to pour every ounce 88 00:05:14,758 --> 00:05:16,658 of energy and brain power you have 89 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,660 into them to... To try and mold them 90 00:05:18,762 --> 00:05:20,862 into confident young men... 91 00:05:20,964 --> 00:05:22,130 To make them honestly believe 92 00:05:22,232 --> 00:05:24,066 that they can accomplish anything, 93 00:05:24,168 --> 00:05:28,303 to... to work so hard to get them to s-stand tall 94 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,096 and feel good in their own skin... 95 00:05:31,188 --> 00:05:32,854 Only to then have to tell them that 96 00:05:32,879 --> 00:05:34,479 because of the color of that skin, 97 00:05:34,504 --> 00:05:35,575 they have to shrink 98 00:05:35,746 --> 00:05:37,679 when in the presence of a police officer. 99 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,237 Do you tell them that? 100 00:05:39,416 --> 00:05:41,416 Do you tell them to shrink? 101 00:05:41,992 --> 00:05:43,535 No. 102 00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:46,355 No, I... I don't tell them to shrink. 103 00:05:46,457 --> 00:05:47,589 I... 104 00:05:48,992 --> 00:05:50,859 I tell them to stand with dignity, 105 00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:52,361 and I tell them to de-escalate. 106 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,419 I-I tell them that in any confrontational situation, 107 00:05:54,444 --> 00:05:56,177 their job is to de-escalate. 108 00:05:56,202 --> 00:05:57,602 But it should be the cop's job. 109 00:05:57,935 --> 00:06:00,435 You're right. It should. 110 00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:05,173 So, let me just make sure I have this straight. 111 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,265 You're mad at yourself that you didn't do more 112 00:06:07,290 --> 00:06:08,957 after that cop treated you that way, 113 00:06:08,982 --> 00:06:11,883 and you're mad at yourself that you didn't do less 114 00:06:11,908 --> 00:06:14,141 after that cop treated you that way. 115 00:06:14,357 --> 00:06:16,191 Because Miller's doing more, 116 00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:19,047 and because you want your boys to do less. 117 00:06:20,116 --> 00:06:21,573 Look... 118 00:06:23,127 --> 00:06:24,559 I'm exhausted, you know? 119 00:06:25,829 --> 00:06:28,530 I'm exhausted by navigating a... a w... a world 120 00:06:28,632 --> 00:06:31,967 that sees me and... And my kids as a threat. 121 00:06:32,069 --> 00:06:33,135 I mean, it's... it's this... 122 00:06:33,237 --> 00:06:37,139 It's this constant nagging worry 123 00:06:37,241 --> 00:06:39,040 that... That never goes away. 124 00:06:39,143 --> 00:06:41,376 And i-if I do manage to forget and just... 125 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,069 You know, just exist... 126 00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:48,750 ...a comment or a look 127 00:06:48,852 --> 00:06:52,554 or the news that a man has been killed in the street 128 00:06:52,656 --> 00:06:55,157 reminds me that I have to be careful. 129 00:06:55,259 --> 00:06:58,760 And... And it steals all of my mental and emotional energy 130 00:06:58,862 --> 00:07:00,562 that I should be giving to my wife 131 00:07:00,664 --> 00:07:03,498 and my kids and my health. 132 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,967 Is something going on with your health? 133 00:07:10,541 --> 00:07:13,742 Being Black in America is a life-threatening condition. 134 00:07:14,705 --> 00:07:16,411 Other than that... 135 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,444 Seattle protests continued late into the evening last night 136 00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:28,448 with police presence on the scene. 137 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:29,789 Should we go? 138 00:07:30,122 --> 00:07:31,255 Can we? 139 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,813 I mean, after shift. 140 00:07:32,838 --> 00:07:34,537 - No, still... can we? - Oh, you mean... 141 00:07:34,562 --> 00:07:35,795 Because we're FD. 142 00:07:36,118 --> 00:07:37,851 I mean, is that an official policy? 143 00:07:37,953 --> 00:07:39,353 Do they have to say anything? We know. 144 00:07:39,455 --> 00:07:41,688 Well, it's a free country, so... 145 00:07:42,691 --> 00:07:43,857 In theory. 146 00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:46,059 But the Department's a public entity. 147 00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:47,929 And the protests are considered anti-police. 148 00:07:48,044 --> 00:07:50,163 'Cause asking for our right to live 149 00:07:50,266 --> 00:07:52,866 is inherently anti-police, and nobody seems to... 150 00:07:52,968 --> 00:07:55,068 realize that's the problem. 151 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,411 Any takers? 152 00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:07,114 Just one, so far. 153 00:08:07,216 --> 00:08:08,749 - And you. - What? 154 00:08:08,851 --> 00:08:10,250 - Sit. - No, I'm not... 155 00:08:10,352 --> 00:08:12,719 - You're what? You're... You're... - You're not grieving? 156 00:08:12,744 --> 00:08:14,044 You had a happy little firehouse 157 00:08:14,223 --> 00:08:15,522 where everyone was best friends 158 00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:17,891 and racial disparity was not a hot topic. 159 00:08:17,993 --> 00:08:19,927 - And now? - Everything has changed. 160 00:08:20,029 --> 00:08:22,329 Everything and nothing. 161 00:08:23,365 --> 00:08:25,499 I know fire. 162 00:08:25,601 --> 00:08:28,135 I mean, I'm the person that studies them for fun. 163 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,136 But this fire... 164 00:08:29,238 --> 00:08:31,271 This fire is beneath our feet. 165 00:08:31,373 --> 00:08:34,074 It's built into every foundation... 166 00:08:34,176 --> 00:08:37,110 Our history, language, n-news coverage. 167 00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:39,279 It's everywhere. I mean, we vent fires 168 00:08:39,381 --> 00:08:41,281 to let out the hot smoke and gasses 169 00:08:41,383 --> 00:08:42,883 so that we can contain the fire, 170 00:08:42,985 --> 00:08:45,018 but I don't see how we can contain this, 171 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,687 let alone put it out. 172 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,269 And growing up, we were taught about 173 00:08:50,379 --> 00:08:53,585 Black history and the Civil Rights movement. 174 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,000 We were taught to believe that they had beat it. 175 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:57,201 And I think, on some level, 176 00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:58,736 that belief was still inside of me, 177 00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,638 because I didn't listen to Dean, and I didn't listen 178 00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,406 to the mothers of those kidnapped girls, 179 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:05,076 and I am so embarrassed saying that to you. 180 00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:07,470 Well, you were taught that in school... 181 00:09:07,572 --> 00:09:08,905 and probably also at home. 182 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,139 And that teaching, 183 00:09:10,241 --> 00:09:12,575 it's the coal that keeps the fire hot. 184 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,176 When I was a child 185 00:09:14,279 --> 00:09:17,172 and I learned about the Native American genocide, 186 00:09:17,284 --> 00:09:19,159 I pictured one small village... 187 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,485 One small village of men with feathers in their hair 188 00:09:21,587 --> 00:09:22,853 who gave the white people turkey 189 00:09:22,955 --> 00:09:24,254 and then got mad that they wouldn't leave. 190 00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,123 Now, I pictured it because 191 00:09:26,225 --> 00:09:28,167 those were the literal pictures in my history books. 192 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,534 And even though I knew 193 00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,369 that my people had been stolen from their homes 194 00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,438 and brought here chained up on ships, 195 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,756 somehow, I believed that textbook. 196 00:09:37,614 --> 00:09:41,413 I was 35 years old when I learned that in 1492, 197 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:42,986 Columbus sailed the ocean blue, 198 00:09:43,088 --> 00:09:44,488 and in the wake of that, 199 00:09:44,590 --> 00:09:46,323 millions upon millions of people 200 00:09:46,425 --> 00:09:50,072 who had been living here for 15,000 years 201 00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:51,605 were extinguished. 202 00:09:51,707 --> 00:09:54,809 And the ones who survived were fighting every day 203 00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:56,277 against a culture 204 00:09:56,379 --> 00:09:59,547 that still wants to pretend they don't exist. 205 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,199 We learn when we learn. 206 00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:04,168 And the shame we feel 207 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,202 at having taken so long to learn, 208 00:10:06,292 --> 00:10:09,706 well, that can be useful as long as we use it well. 209 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,179 Once we know better, we have to do better. 210 00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:21,327 When I was 13, I ran cross country and track, 211 00:10:21,629 --> 00:10:24,263 and during the off-season, my dad would train... 212 00:10:24,365 --> 00:10:26,932 ...a group of us girls who ran both. 213 00:10:27,034 --> 00:10:28,367 And he would push us too hard, 214 00:10:28,469 --> 00:10:30,102 and when I didn't hit a drill 215 00:10:30,204 --> 00:10:31,437 the way he wanted me to... 216 00:10:31,539 --> 00:10:33,505 ...he'd make me do it over and over and over 217 00:10:33,608 --> 00:10:35,507 until I would collapse on the ground. 218 00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,282 And my dad would leave me there, 219 00:10:37,382 --> 00:10:38,477 and one by one, 220 00:10:38,579 --> 00:10:42,388 my team members would lie down next to me. 221 00:10:42,466 --> 00:10:45,413 Face to the concrete, eyes on me, silent. 222 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,423 Giving me space, but... 223 00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:51,257 also making sure I wasn't alone. 224 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:54,160 And my instinct is that that is what I have to do 225 00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:56,262 for the Black members of my team... 226 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,530 To quietly show up 227 00:10:57,632 --> 00:11:00,562 and let them know that I support them. 228 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:04,095 But I think that instinct is wrong, 229 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,130 because when my friends and I were 13, 230 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,665 we didn't have the capacity 231 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:10,468 to stand up against an abusive power. 232 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,070 And now I do. 233 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:15,842 I... I have the power to stand up 234 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:18,284 and say when something is wrong. 235 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,286 I mean, I have the power 236 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,054 to call out injustices when I see them. 237 00:11:22,156 --> 00:11:24,256 I have... 238 00:11:24,793 --> 00:11:27,593 the power to make sure that everyone can breathe. 239 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,061 Hey. Hey. 240 00:11:41,163 --> 00:11:43,430 The protests have really grown. 241 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,095 Yeah, I saw. 242 00:11:47,369 --> 00:11:49,562 What happened to you? You get into a bar fight? 243 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,531 Yeah, with an SCBA. 244 00:11:56,812 --> 00:11:58,812 - You okay? - Nope. 245 00:11:59,325 --> 00:12:00,958 You gonna talk to Diane? 246 00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:02,426 I doubt it. 247 00:12:04,187 --> 00:12:06,029 Yep. 248 00:12:17,785 --> 00:12:20,219 God, look at that. 249 00:12:20,321 --> 00:12:22,755 It's just getting bigger and bigger, hmm? 250 00:12:22,857 --> 00:12:24,590 - Mm-hmm. - It's all over the world. 251 00:12:24,692 --> 00:12:26,810 Almost makes you... 252 00:12:26,835 --> 00:12:28,317 hopeful? 253 00:12:28,342 --> 00:12:29,474 Take this. 254 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,465 Turn to channel 17. 255 00:12:31,799 --> 00:12:33,366 And let me get that. 256 00:12:33,468 --> 00:12:35,568 - What? - So you don't throw it across the room. 257 00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:37,203 ...the news in Minneapolis. 258 00:12:37,305 --> 00:12:39,105 We stand in support of our communities, 259 00:12:39,207 --> 00:12:40,873 no matter their color. 260 00:12:40,964 --> 00:12:42,739 Oh, God. Give me that coffee cup back. 261 00:12:42,899 --> 00:12:44,065 This little play-act 262 00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:45,566 has been on loop for half an hour now, 263 00:12:45,668 --> 00:12:47,322 and these stations are eating it up. 264 00:12:47,442 --> 00:12:50,028 Like he's some shining example of PD valor. 265 00:12:50,115 --> 00:12:52,048 Oh, God, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, 266 00:12:52,150 --> 00:12:54,784 - I think. - Well, get ready to throw up some more. 267 00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:59,370 As far as any question about where this department stands 268 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,420 on the issue of Black Lives... 269 00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:03,889 I know this little earthworm is not gon... 270 00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,090 Mm. 271 00:13:05,192 --> 00:13:07,479 - Oh. What?! - Yeah. 272 00:13:07,576 --> 00:13:09,181 - Oh, come on. - That. 273 00:13:09,262 --> 00:13:10,629 That is why every time I wonder 274 00:13:10,731 --> 00:13:12,631 whether to continue with the lawsuit, 275 00:13:12,733 --> 00:13:14,667 whether it's too much... 276 00:13:14,769 --> 00:13:17,703 ...too little, too fast, too slow. 277 00:13:17,805 --> 00:13:21,259 It's... It's something, at least. 278 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:24,160 Some way to fight against this... 279 00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:29,185 This performative, uh... Uh, hypocritical, destructive... 280 00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:30,476 Yeah. 281 00:13:30,501 --> 00:13:32,267 Yeah. 282 00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:41,899 Travis. 283 00:13:42,507 --> 00:13:43,840 Diane. 284 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,399 You know, the Department pays me no matter what, 285 00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:48,261 but, uh, there's only 286 00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,236 so many crossword puzzles I can do, so... 287 00:13:51,572 --> 00:13:53,873 - You want to talk? - Oh, no. 288 00:13:53,975 --> 00:13:55,641 I mean, I... I want to let 289 00:13:55,743 --> 00:13:57,582 the Black firefighters go first. 290 00:13:57,685 --> 00:14:01,574 O... Do you see a line outside this door? 291 00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:05,561 I-I know the past couple months 292 00:14:05,675 --> 00:14:07,467 can't have been easy for you, either. 293 00:14:07,761 --> 00:14:09,061 Hate crimes are hate crimes, 294 00:14:09,163 --> 00:14:10,495 no matter the race. 295 00:14:15,169 --> 00:14:17,269 My mom got, uh... 296 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,106 Well, she was spit on at the grocery store... 297 00:14:19,209 --> 00:14:20,274 Mm. 298 00:14:20,376 --> 00:14:22,443 ...the same day that George Floyd... 299 00:14:23,016 --> 00:14:25,483 My, uh... My mom was leaving, 300 00:14:25,585 --> 00:14:30,255 and a crazy maskless woman was like... 301 00:14:30,357 --> 00:14:31,957 "If this Kung Flu is real, 302 00:14:32,059 --> 00:14:34,726 it's because of people like her." 303 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,374 The woman both didn't believe COVID was real 304 00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:39,376 and was blaming my mom for it. 305 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,728 When my mom told me, 306 00:14:48,830 --> 00:14:51,537 it actually felt like my organs were melting. 307 00:14:51,647 --> 00:14:54,066 I was so hot with rage, you know, 308 00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:56,068 remembering the times when I was a kid, 309 00:14:56,170 --> 00:14:59,071 and, you know, people would say stuff to us. 310 00:14:59,096 --> 00:15:01,050 And then, we would just go home. 311 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:04,210 Never to be discussed again. 312 00:15:04,306 --> 00:15:06,773 And I... And I didn't say anything to anyone here about it 313 00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:09,398 because, you know, it didn't feel appropriate. 314 00:15:09,444 --> 00:15:12,511 This giant, massive thing was happening... 315 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:13,669 A hate crime. 316 00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:23,145 An atrocity so much more brutal and egregious. 317 00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:25,971 You know, other people were hurting so much more. 318 00:15:26,527 --> 00:15:27,726 I'm sorry. 319 00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:29,451 I don't know why I'm talking to you about this. 320 00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:31,084 I don't know why I'm doing that. 321 00:15:31,109 --> 00:15:32,575 Because I'm a Black woman, 322 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,266 and my racist stuff is "bigger"? 323 00:15:34,356 --> 00:15:35,588 Something like that. 324 00:15:35,923 --> 00:15:37,656 That doesn't work. 325 00:15:37,681 --> 00:15:39,481 It doesn't not work. 326 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,882 I know that since COVID, 327 00:15:43,907 --> 00:15:45,941 hate crimes against Asian Americans 328 00:15:45,966 --> 00:15:47,889 have spiked like crazy. 329 00:15:49,096 --> 00:15:51,652 And yet, no one is talking about it... 330 00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:52,943 No one but us. 331 00:15:53,207 --> 00:15:54,440 Not the media. 332 00:15:54,465 --> 00:15:55,824 No the... 333 00:15:57,711 --> 00:16:00,445 I mean, grandmas and grandpas... 334 00:16:00,470 --> 00:16:01,970 Halmoni and haraboji. 335 00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:04,403 People being shoved into walls 336 00:16:04,428 --> 00:16:06,295 and off subway platforms. 337 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,834 You have Filipina nurses 338 00:16:08,859 --> 00:16:10,058 who say goodbye to their families 339 00:16:10,111 --> 00:16:11,911 and their own country to come here 340 00:16:11,953 --> 00:16:13,352 to work the front lines of a pandemic 341 00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:14,730 being attacked in the streets. 342 00:16:14,755 --> 00:16:16,555 A 2-year-old and a 6-year-old 343 00:16:16,764 --> 00:16:18,938 stabbed at a big-box store. 344 00:16:18,963 --> 00:16:21,582 I mean, who stabs a 2-year-old? 345 00:16:21,607 --> 00:16:24,423 And why is that not news? 346 00:16:24,759 --> 00:16:27,393 Why are we so... 347 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,346 invisible? 348 00:16:30,005 --> 00:16:31,055 I don't know. 349 00:16:31,641 --> 00:16:33,224 I... 350 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,731 I don't know. 351 00:16:34,821 --> 00:16:36,060 I don't know either! 352 00:16:38,185 --> 00:16:41,505 But how can we even make a fuss 353 00:16:41,597 --> 00:16:45,980 when this is all it is relative to how horrifically 354 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,605 this country treats Black people? 355 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,428 I mean, I watched that whole video, 356 00:16:50,453 --> 00:16:53,521 and in addition to the absolute horror that I felt... 357 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:58,126 And feel... I also thought... 358 00:16:59,794 --> 00:17:03,187 ..."What do we have to even complain about?" 359 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:08,010 Travis, it's all bad. 360 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,893 I know you're trying to be generous, 361 00:17:10,918 --> 00:17:14,008 but it is all bad. 362 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,735 There are no winners in the Oppression Olympics. 363 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,436 Okay? 364 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:22,039 And it's gaslighting if anyone tells you 365 00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,774 or if you tell yourself... 366 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,643 ...to be okay with the brutalities 367 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,478 being inflicted on your community 368 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,880 because worse things are happening to another. 369 00:17:46,977 --> 00:17:48,443 She's just trying to help. 370 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:49,998 Okay. 371 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,857 - Robert... - Look, I'm not gonna do it, okay? 372 00:17:56,271 --> 00:17:57,971 I'm not gonna just sit there 373 00:17:58,073 --> 00:18:00,187 - and... and perform my pain... - It's not... 374 00:18:00,266 --> 00:18:02,254 ...so that Bishop can feel better, alright? 375 00:18:02,279 --> 00:18:03,412 - That's not... - I'm not gonna do it. 376 00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:06,145 Andy, I just need a minute. 377 00:18:06,248 --> 00:18:07,881 Okay. 378 00:18:09,787 --> 00:18:11,087 I need a minute. 379 00:18:11,112 --> 00:18:13,012 Okay. Okay. 380 00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:23,830 You know, it's always bothered me 381 00:18:23,932 --> 00:18:26,679 when men would suddenly see the world differently 382 00:18:26,742 --> 00:18:27,907 after they had a daughter. 383 00:18:27,936 --> 00:18:29,069 Like, I always wondered 384 00:18:29,094 --> 00:18:30,527 why it took them having a daughter 385 00:18:30,812 --> 00:18:32,645 in order to open their eyes. 386 00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:35,808 But I guess that's how it feels for me now. 387 00:18:35,911 --> 00:18:37,410 I'm that guy. 388 00:18:38,219 --> 00:18:40,987 The world changed for me 389 00:18:41,012 --> 00:18:43,913 because I fell in love with a Black man, 390 00:18:43,938 --> 00:18:46,667 and now I see what he sees. 391 00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:50,027 You know, I... I worry for him every day. 392 00:18:50,052 --> 00:18:51,785 I-I've taken on the fear 393 00:18:51,810 --> 00:18:53,744 that he doesn't allow himself to feel. 394 00:18:53,769 --> 00:18:56,302 I... You know, I've always seen it 395 00:18:56,327 --> 00:18:57,459 and felt it growing up. 396 00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:58,850 I saw my dad go through it. 397 00:18:58,875 --> 00:19:01,142 People would call him awful names, 398 00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:03,901 and he would... He would just walk by, 399 00:19:03,926 --> 00:19:05,292 hold his head up high. 400 00:19:05,807 --> 00:19:08,241 A-As a kid, people would look at my last name, 401 00:19:08,266 --> 00:19:10,224 and they would ask me, "Where are you really from?" 402 00:19:11,774 --> 00:19:14,647 I even had teachers who would look really surprised 403 00:19:14,672 --> 00:19:16,432 once they realized that I was smart. 404 00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:18,097 But, you know, mostly... 405 00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:23,877 - It's okay to say it. - Mostly, I got treated okay 406 00:19:23,902 --> 00:19:25,835 because my skin is light. 407 00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,093 I pass for white. 408 00:19:27,529 --> 00:19:30,330 And you feel guilty about that? 409 00:19:30,432 --> 00:19:31,564 I... 410 00:19:31,589 --> 00:19:32,922 You know... 411 00:19:32,947 --> 00:19:35,241 I swear to God, I don't even know how I feel. 412 00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:36,856 Uh, can we walk? 413 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:41,467 This year has been so much... so much. 414 00:19:41,492 --> 00:19:43,592 It's been just one thing after another a... 415 00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,583 With no time to recover. 416 00:19:45,608 --> 00:19:47,842 And that video? 417 00:19:48,036 --> 00:19:49,235 I feel... 418 00:19:49,384 --> 00:19:51,507 I feel betrayed. 419 00:19:52,454 --> 00:19:55,222 I mean, j... I know it's always been this way, 420 00:19:55,247 --> 00:19:57,948 but I needed to love a Black man... 421 00:19:57,973 --> 00:19:59,873 I needed to be married to a Black man... 422 00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,464 In order to see the whole picture? 423 00:20:01,489 --> 00:20:04,357 Why? Why? Where was my call for justice? 424 00:20:04,382 --> 00:20:06,038 Like, why didn't I see this before? 425 00:20:06,063 --> 00:20:09,358 W... Why am I just waking up now? 426 00:20:09,383 --> 00:20:11,483 A lot of people are waking up now, 427 00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:14,280 and they're asking themselves the same questions. 428 00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:16,896 And you... You're the daughter 429 00:20:16,921 --> 00:20:18,888 of a fire captain. 430 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,246 Police have been a part of your life 431 00:20:20,282 --> 00:20:21,581 since you were a little girl. 432 00:20:21,610 --> 00:20:24,011 Cops and firefighters were your family. 433 00:20:26,241 --> 00:20:27,874 They would call me Pruitita. 434 00:20:27,899 --> 00:20:29,532 It means Little Pruitt. 435 00:20:30,158 --> 00:20:32,992 And there was this sort of mental gymnastics going on 436 00:20:33,017 --> 00:20:36,052 where, a-as I got older, I thought I knew 437 00:20:36,077 --> 00:20:37,810 that police brutality was rampant. 438 00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:39,101 But at the same time, 439 00:20:39,126 --> 00:20:40,992 I didn't count the cops that I knew personally 440 00:20:41,329 --> 00:20:42,494 into that issue. 441 00:20:42,519 --> 00:20:43,952 You know, it was double-think. 442 00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:45,677 Like, I never stopped and questioned 443 00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,969 why the good cops weren't calling out the bad ones. 444 00:20:48,689 --> 00:20:52,111 You know, not a single one of my dad's old police friends 445 00:20:52,213 --> 00:20:55,057 have stepped forward to denounce the actions 446 00:20:55,082 --> 00:20:56,781 of the officers that murdered George Floyd? 447 00:20:56,806 --> 00:20:59,075 Not a single one. 448 00:21:01,724 --> 00:21:04,705 It is my instinct as a therapist to comfort you, 449 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,694 but your comfort... 450 00:21:07,862 --> 00:21:09,762 And everyone else's comfort... 451 00:21:10,294 --> 00:21:12,963 Has been such a big part of this problem 452 00:21:13,114 --> 00:21:14,380 for so long. 453 00:21:23,711 --> 00:21:25,478 You're beautiful, and you're brave, 454 00:21:25,580 --> 00:21:28,381 - and you are... - Okay, no, just listen. 455 00:21:28,483 --> 00:21:30,149 I want to tell everyone 456 00:21:30,251 --> 00:21:32,618 that I support them attending the protests. 457 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,140 I want to go. 458 00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:37,369 I don't want to silently support anymore. 459 00:21:37,394 --> 00:21:39,261 I want to scream in the streets. 460 00:21:39,363 --> 00:21:40,896 Wonderful. I'll join you. 461 00:21:40,998 --> 00:21:42,531 You don't understand. 462 00:21:43,008 --> 00:21:46,376 It's... Things are bad enough right now between 19 and PD. 463 00:21:46,478 --> 00:21:48,445 The Department won't like it. 464 00:21:48,547 --> 00:21:50,380 Okay, but they cannot 465 00:21:50,482 --> 00:21:53,447 officially discipline you for it, though, right? 466 00:21:53,472 --> 00:21:55,012 No, no. 467 00:21:55,036 --> 00:21:56,472 But 468 00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:58,388 I'm on a track, 469 00:21:59,176 --> 00:22:02,463 and if I support this publicly... 470 00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:04,488 Which everything in me wants to do... 471 00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:06,190 It'll take me off that track. 472 00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:09,762 Because people are setting fires to police stations. 473 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:12,721 Yes, and because firefighters work with the police, okay? 474 00:22:12,823 --> 00:22:14,890 They're our brothers, too, 475 00:22:14,992 --> 00:22:16,392 and there are some bad apples, bu... 476 00:22:16,494 --> 00:22:18,360 Okay, they keep saying that on the news. 477 00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:20,195 The "one bad apple," "one bad apple." 478 00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:21,530 And I didn't understand what it meant, 479 00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:22,831 so I looked it up, 480 00:22:22,934 --> 00:22:25,100 and one bad apple ruins the whole barrel. 481 00:22:25,202 --> 00:22:26,468 That's the saying. 482 00:22:26,571 --> 00:22:29,224 So, after we all saw the horrific video, 483 00:22:29,327 --> 00:22:31,509 why aren't all the brothers... 484 00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:32,992 Why aren't all the friends... 485 00:22:33,094 --> 00:22:35,061 Why isn't every member of the police force 486 00:22:35,163 --> 00:22:37,396 in the streets demanding systemic change? 487 00:22:37,498 --> 00:22:38,966 Why? 488 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,201 Because it'll take them off of the track. 489 00:22:46,474 --> 00:22:48,341 Can I ask you a question? 490 00:22:48,443 --> 00:22:49,642 Of course. 491 00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:52,044 How do you become a therapist? 492 00:22:52,614 --> 00:22:56,297 I'm sorry. I'm not, uh, often taken off-guard. 493 00:22:56,330 --> 00:22:58,864 Are you considering a career change? 494 00:22:58,966 --> 00:23:00,831 Oh, no. No, no, no. I mean, not now. 495 00:23:00,894 --> 00:23:02,194 I just... It would be nice 496 00:23:02,285 --> 00:23:03,751 to have a back-up plan that's better than 497 00:23:03,853 --> 00:23:05,286 waiting tables at my parents' restaurant 498 00:23:05,388 --> 00:23:07,054 in case I get injured or... 499 00:23:07,842 --> 00:23:09,475 Or what? 500 00:23:10,913 --> 00:23:12,894 Or if I give myself permission 501 00:23:12,996 --> 00:23:14,395 to throw a brick at a police station 502 00:23:14,497 --> 00:23:16,264 and it gets me kicked out of FD. 503 00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:19,180 It's, uh, four years of undergrad 504 00:23:19,282 --> 00:23:20,581 plus two years of grad school. 505 00:23:20,683 --> 00:23:22,049 I'm only like eight credits shy 506 00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:23,717 of my undergrad degree, so... 507 00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:25,019 In what? 508 00:23:25,121 --> 00:23:26,954 Uh, it'll be a Bachelor of Fine Arts. 509 00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:29,055 A Bachelor of... of Fine Arts? 510 00:23:29,157 --> 00:23:30,390 Yeah, I studied musical theater. 511 00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:31,691 Wow. 512 00:23:32,135 --> 00:23:33,668 What are the classes when you get 513 00:23:33,770 --> 00:23:34,903 a Bachelor of Fine Arts in musical theater? 514 00:23:35,005 --> 00:23:36,204 Well, let's see. 515 00:23:36,306 --> 00:23:38,106 Uh, there's voice and speech, 516 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:40,402 and acting, singing, ballet, 517 00:23:40,449 --> 00:23:41,715 and also circus skills 518 00:23:41,817 --> 00:23:45,285 like walking a tightrope or juggling. 519 00:23:45,388 --> 00:23:46,920 And they give you a degree for that? 520 00:23:47,023 --> 00:23:49,117 Well, they would have, but the theater burned down, 521 00:23:49,142 --> 00:23:50,674 and my favorite teacher didn't make it out. 522 00:23:50,777 --> 00:23:52,880 And I did make it out, but I couldn't go back. 523 00:23:52,905 --> 00:23:54,505 I couldn't finish, so... 524 00:23:54,959 --> 00:23:56,559 So...? 525 00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,203 Uh, why are we talking about this? 526 00:24:00,305 --> 00:24:02,105 I don't know, but if I had to guess, 527 00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:04,787 I'd say it's because you are desperate to talk 528 00:24:04,868 --> 00:24:06,535 and think about literally anything 529 00:24:06,637 --> 00:24:07,970 besides that video. 530 00:24:08,889 --> 00:24:10,205 Can you think of anything... 531 00:24:10,307 --> 00:24:11,873 No. 532 00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:21,900 I like to fix things. 533 00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:23,602 I see a fire and I put it out. 534 00:24:23,704 --> 00:24:26,872 But we have been having this same fight for so long... 535 00:24:26,974 --> 00:24:28,540 For so long. 536 00:24:28,642 --> 00:24:30,108 I mean, my grandma used to tell me about the sit-ins 537 00:24:30,210 --> 00:24:32,144 and boycotts she used to do in the '60s. 538 00:24:32,246 --> 00:24:33,612 And we're how many moments 539 00:24:33,714 --> 00:24:35,881 and movements and marches later, 540 00:24:35,983 --> 00:24:37,616 and what do we have to show for it? 541 00:24:37,718 --> 00:24:39,985 And to see so many people act like this is news... 542 00:24:40,087 --> 00:24:42,154 Like this is just some brand-new information 543 00:24:42,256 --> 00:24:43,789 they're just now waking up to. 544 00:24:43,891 --> 00:24:45,557 Do you know how many white friends 545 00:24:45,659 --> 00:24:47,475 texted me or emailed me 546 00:24:47,499 --> 00:24:48,906 just out of the blue? 547 00:24:48,993 --> 00:24:50,295 Right? And everything under this guise 548 00:24:50,397 --> 00:24:52,397 of just checking in and just asking how I was doing. 549 00:24:52,896 --> 00:24:54,162 "How are you feeling?" You know? 550 00:24:54,264 --> 00:24:56,665 I... I knew they meant well, 551 00:24:56,767 --> 00:25:00,628 but I also knew what was behind it... guilt. 552 00:25:00,736 --> 00:25:02,991 So, I... Pbht. I don't know, how am I feeling? 553 00:25:03,111 --> 00:25:04,677 How are you feeling? 'Cause that... Like... 554 00:25:06,481 --> 00:25:08,014 'Cause as much as I couldn't fix this problem, 555 00:25:08,116 --> 00:25:09,315 at least I knew it was there. 556 00:25:09,890 --> 00:25:11,735 And for a better reason than I was just 557 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,092 stuck inside my house this time 558 00:25:13,117 --> 00:25:15,284 and I couldn't look away. 559 00:25:15,309 --> 00:25:16,709 Yeah. 560 00:25:16,734 --> 00:25:20,102 And the way they're talking about him already. 561 00:25:20,361 --> 00:25:22,579 - Yeah. - T-T-The spin already afoot 562 00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:25,017 by usual suspects in the media 563 00:25:25,111 --> 00:25:28,381 trying to vilify him rather than the murder of him. 564 00:25:28,468 --> 00:25:29,734 You kn... You know what's almost 565 00:25:29,836 --> 00:25:31,068 equally as enraging to me, too? 566 00:25:31,171 --> 00:25:33,771 It's the people patting themselves on the back 567 00:25:33,873 --> 00:25:35,173 trying to humanize him. 568 00:25:35,979 --> 00:25:37,912 It's like, you're trying to humanize a person. 569 00:25:39,249 --> 00:25:41,749 Do you really have to look for proof 570 00:25:41,851 --> 00:25:43,224 that we're people, too? 571 00:25:43,310 --> 00:25:44,284 Really? 572 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:45,433 We should care more about him 573 00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:47,134 because he was a... A good father 574 00:25:47,226 --> 00:25:48,422 or a loving brother 575 00:25:48,533 --> 00:25:49,624 or a high-school athlete or he's fun at a party? 576 00:25:49,726 --> 00:25:51,158 No, we... we should care about him 577 00:25:51,261 --> 00:25:53,369 because he was a person. 578 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,053 George Floyd shouldn't have been 579 00:25:57,155 --> 00:25:58,916 treated this way because he's a person. 580 00:26:00,125 --> 00:26:01,669 A cop... 581 00:26:03,928 --> 00:26:06,321 ...should not have had his knee on his neck 582 00:26:06,346 --> 00:26:08,913 until the last gasp of life was choked out of him, 583 00:26:08,938 --> 00:26:10,705 because he is a person. 584 00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:29,600 So, do you think I could get into grad school, or...? 585 00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:32,603 You really gonna throw that brick? 586 00:26:48,655 --> 00:26:51,122 I just want a back-up plan. 587 00:27:05,754 --> 00:27:07,053 I'm sorry. 588 00:27:07,155 --> 00:27:09,188 I'm sure I'm not the one you're here to talk to. 589 00:27:09,290 --> 00:27:11,557 I'm here to talk to anyone who needs it. 590 00:27:11,582 --> 00:27:13,715 I'm afraid to talk to anyone right now. 591 00:27:13,761 --> 00:27:15,160 Not just you... T-to anyone. 592 00:27:15,397 --> 00:27:17,163 I'm afraid to talk to my best friend. 593 00:27:17,265 --> 00:27:18,765 Ah, Miller. 594 00:27:20,035 --> 00:27:22,101 I'm afraid I'm gonna get every word wrong, 595 00:27:22,203 --> 00:27:23,736 or even one word. 596 00:27:23,838 --> 00:27:25,104 Yeah, I know I'm not a racist. 597 00:27:25,206 --> 00:27:26,739 Ohh. I-I know that. 598 00:27:26,841 --> 00:27:29,809 You do realize that "I'm not racist" is kind of 599 00:27:29,911 --> 00:27:34,019 the... the club slogan of racists? 600 00:27:34,086 --> 00:27:36,120 And that's because we live in a culture 601 00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:37,655 built on white supremacy, 602 00:27:37,757 --> 00:27:39,590 so the racism is baked in. 603 00:27:40,059 --> 00:27:41,592 And we can't begin to undo it 604 00:27:41,694 --> 00:27:42,760 until we name it and own it. 605 00:27:42,862 --> 00:27:44,295 Okay, see, this is exactly my point. 606 00:27:44,397 --> 00:27:46,977 You know, I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't. 607 00:27:47,087 --> 00:27:49,512 Cops take a knee, join the protests, 608 00:27:49,540 --> 00:27:51,106 they're called hypocrites. 609 00:27:51,208 --> 00:27:52,841 And Dixon? He is a hypocrite. 610 00:27:52,943 --> 00:27:54,743 He is a racist. 611 00:27:55,084 --> 00:27:57,484 But it can't be that across the board. 612 00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:01,944 Jack, you come to see me twice a month, 613 00:28:02,047 --> 00:28:05,315 so I have to assume that you like me, right? 614 00:28:05,417 --> 00:28:07,936 You like that I give you tough love 615 00:28:08,033 --> 00:28:10,089 and tell it like it is and don't pull punches? 616 00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:13,807 And you came in here today looking for some clarity. 617 00:28:13,909 --> 00:28:15,701 So, here it is. 618 00:28:15,798 --> 00:28:17,477 I know what you mean 619 00:28:17,580 --> 00:28:19,146 when you say you aren't racist, 620 00:28:19,248 --> 00:28:20,314 and I believe 621 00:28:20,416 --> 00:28:23,784 that you do not have hatred in your heart. 622 00:28:23,886 --> 00:28:26,605 But you also aren't damned. 623 00:28:27,389 --> 00:28:28,956 Not even in the least bit. 624 00:28:29,058 --> 00:28:31,235 You're blessed as hell. 625 00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:34,494 I know you grew up on the streets in the system, 626 00:28:34,597 --> 00:28:37,164 and I'm not diminishing your hardship, 627 00:28:37,266 --> 00:28:38,866 but you are... 628 00:28:38,968 --> 00:28:40,434 Yeah, I'm privileged because I'm white. 629 00:28:40,536 --> 00:28:41,835 I get it. 630 00:28:42,412 --> 00:28:45,539 When I was a kid... When I was squatting... 631 00:28:46,083 --> 00:28:48,175 After that last foster home, 632 00:28:48,277 --> 00:28:51,011 there were a few of us who would hunker down 633 00:28:51,113 --> 00:28:53,113 to make a place for ourselves. 634 00:28:53,215 --> 00:28:55,207 You know, to stay out of the system. 635 00:28:55,297 --> 00:28:57,495 Eventually, the cops would find us, 636 00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:58,886 and we'd run. 637 00:28:59,029 --> 00:29:00,721 And it was scary. 638 00:29:00,823 --> 00:29:02,723 But when I was being chased, 639 00:29:02,825 --> 00:29:04,685 not once did I think that, 640 00:29:05,494 --> 00:29:10,530 "If he catches me, he might kill me." 641 00:29:12,134 --> 00:29:14,067 I never feared for my life. 642 00:29:15,671 --> 00:29:18,031 But I know some of my friends did. 643 00:29:19,808 --> 00:29:22,035 I know I'm privileged, Diane. 644 00:29:24,113 --> 00:29:26,713 I watched what those cops did to Miller, 645 00:29:26,815 --> 00:29:28,482 I watched that video, 646 00:29:29,084 --> 00:29:30,919 and I want to blow up the world. 647 00:29:32,296 --> 00:29:33,687 And? 648 00:29:33,789 --> 00:29:35,589 And... 649 00:29:36,216 --> 00:29:38,091 we're firefighters. 650 00:29:38,719 --> 00:29:41,361 We need the cops, and they need us. 651 00:29:41,463 --> 00:29:43,230 And we can't all of a sudden overnight decide 652 00:29:43,332 --> 00:29:45,032 that the whole institution is evil. 653 00:29:45,134 --> 00:29:48,001 Some good guys stayed silent, 654 00:29:48,103 --> 00:29:49,897 and that makes them bad. 655 00:29:50,539 --> 00:29:54,318 Except, they're not actually all bad. 656 00:29:55,569 --> 00:29:57,244 They're individuals. 657 00:29:57,346 --> 00:29:59,279 And I feel like I'm not allowed to say that. 658 00:29:59,381 --> 00:30:04,117 I'm afraid to say anything. 659 00:30:04,544 --> 00:30:05,704 Mm. 660 00:30:07,389 --> 00:30:09,583 I was a firefighter, too. 661 00:30:10,459 --> 00:30:12,836 I have cop buddies, too. 662 00:30:13,362 --> 00:30:17,364 Our cop buddies are not the point. 663 00:30:20,903 --> 00:30:23,837 Do you know what the 13th Amendment did? 664 00:30:25,174 --> 00:30:26,773 Abolished slavery. 665 00:30:26,875 --> 00:30:29,309 Except as a punishment for a crime. 666 00:30:29,411 --> 00:30:31,044 Yeah, but that was like... 667 00:30:31,146 --> 00:30:32,312 That's still the law. 668 00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:35,716 It is still legal to enslave Americans 669 00:30:35,818 --> 00:30:38,051 as a punishment for a crime. 670 00:30:38,153 --> 00:30:39,920 And do you know the statistics 671 00:30:40,022 --> 00:30:42,255 of incarcerated Black folks in America? 672 00:30:42,358 --> 00:30:44,257 34%. 673 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,727 We are 34% of the prison population, 674 00:30:46,829 --> 00:30:50,397 but we only make up 13% of this country's population. 675 00:30:50,499 --> 00:30:52,265 That seem right to you? 676 00:30:52,368 --> 00:30:53,900 And you're thinking, 677 00:30:54,003 --> 00:30:56,737 "Well, that's because more Black people are poor, 678 00:30:56,839 --> 00:30:58,472 so they have to resort to crime. 679 00:30:58,574 --> 00:31:00,807 So they get arrested more. 680 00:31:00,909 --> 00:31:03,610 Sucks for them, but, hey, you do the crime, you do the time." 681 00:31:03,712 --> 00:31:06,146 But how many crimes did you commit, Jack, 682 00:31:06,765 --> 00:31:08,682 when you were out there on the streets? 683 00:31:09,618 --> 00:31:12,919 Did you, uh, steal to eat? Did you run from police? 684 00:31:12,944 --> 00:31:15,010 Did you get drunk sometimes and make a mess with your friends? 685 00:31:15,190 --> 00:31:16,757 Yeah, all of that. 686 00:31:16,859 --> 00:31:18,291 But you never went to prison. 687 00:31:18,394 --> 00:31:19,693 Never went to jail. 688 00:31:19,795 --> 00:31:22,095 Never had a gun pointed at you. 689 00:31:22,197 --> 00:31:24,664 Never have a knee put on your neck. 690 00:31:24,767 --> 00:31:27,834 When you make mistakes, you get to learn from them. 691 00:31:27,936 --> 00:31:31,138 When people who look like me make any kind of mistake, 692 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,807 we go to prison... or worse. 693 00:31:33,909 --> 00:31:37,611 And way too often, no mistake is needed. 694 00:31:37,713 --> 00:31:39,946 We can laugh too loud and they'll arrest us. 695 00:31:40,049 --> 00:31:41,548 We can put our hands in the air, 696 00:31:41,650 --> 00:31:42,816 and they'll shoot us. 697 00:31:42,918 --> 00:31:44,451 It's not in the past. 698 00:31:44,553 --> 00:31:46,626 It's now. It's still. 699 00:31:48,390 --> 00:31:51,725 And I know you don't have hatred in your heart, Jack. 700 00:31:52,269 --> 00:31:53,960 But that's not enough anymore. 701 00:31:54,396 --> 00:31:55,729 You have to dig deeper. 702 00:31:55,831 --> 00:31:58,031 When you're too uncomfortable to talk 703 00:31:58,133 --> 00:31:59,966 and you don't know what to say? 704 00:32:00,069 --> 00:32:01,968 That's okay. 705 00:32:02,071 --> 00:32:03,739 Listen instead. 706 00:32:17,961 --> 00:32:19,286 I know. 707 00:32:19,838 --> 00:32:22,175 You want me to talk to her. 708 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:28,513 No, I want you to do whatever you need to do. 709 00:32:50,252 --> 00:32:52,539 Hey, there. Yeah? 710 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,154 Is it alright if we come in? 711 00:32:54,267 --> 00:32:55,322 You guys okay? 712 00:32:55,424 --> 00:32:56,523 You need medical attention or anything? 713 00:32:56,625 --> 00:32:58,025 Oh, no. I was just hoping 714 00:32:58,127 --> 00:33:00,772 someone could show my boys around the station. 715 00:33:00,854 --> 00:33:02,487 Can we slide down the pole? 716 00:33:02,589 --> 00:33:05,089 Sorry, but the station tours are cancelled because of COVID. 717 00:33:05,191 --> 00:33:06,290 - I'm sorry. - Aww! 718 00:33:06,393 --> 00:33:08,026 Can we go now? 719 00:33:08,929 --> 00:33:12,063 Hey, guys, um... Just, um, wait for me 720 00:33:12,165 --> 00:33:14,314 - out there on the bench for me, okay? - Ugh, fine. 721 00:33:14,339 --> 00:33:15,671 I'll be right out. 722 00:33:16,386 --> 00:33:19,521 Uh, look, u... sir, I'm... I'm sorry, but I... 723 00:33:22,539 --> 00:33:24,339 My kids saw the video. 724 00:33:25,376 --> 00:33:26,508 They watched it. 725 00:33:26,935 --> 00:33:28,568 I didn't tell them that they could, 726 00:33:28,670 --> 00:33:30,203 but it's all over social media. 727 00:33:30,305 --> 00:33:32,973 And before I even got home from work, 728 00:33:33,075 --> 00:33:34,541 they had watched it. 729 00:33:35,455 --> 00:33:38,578 My 11-year-old slept with his comfort blanket last night. 730 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,077 He dug it out of storage and he hid it under his pillow. 731 00:33:42,124 --> 00:33:43,757 He thought I didn't see it. 732 00:33:44,256 --> 00:33:47,094 He hasn't slept with that since he was 8 years old. 733 00:33:47,196 --> 00:33:50,143 They don't understand, 734 00:33:50,230 --> 00:33:52,489 and I cannot find any honest words 735 00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:54,005 to explain it to them. 736 00:33:54,585 --> 00:33:57,953 But I saw your station on the news, 737 00:33:58,055 --> 00:34:00,189 and I knew that there were Black firefighters here. 738 00:34:00,291 --> 00:34:02,658 And I thought that my boys should see 739 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:06,028 good people in uniform... People that look like them. 740 00:34:06,443 --> 00:34:09,406 So... please. 741 00:34:12,742 --> 00:34:14,575 Stand back, sir. Please. 742 00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:27,672 You all have to sanitize, alright? 743 00:34:27,774 --> 00:34:29,440 Come on. Let's go. 744 00:34:29,542 --> 00:34:31,757 Hey, guys, come on! Come on, boys. 745 00:34:31,804 --> 00:34:32,936 Here you guys go. 746 00:34:53,909 --> 00:34:55,302 Uh... Uh... 747 00:35:18,225 --> 00:35:19,809 Thanks. 748 00:35:42,251 --> 00:35:44,885 - See that? - Whoa! 749 00:35:44,987 --> 00:35:47,054 - This is Station 19. - Oh, this thing is huge! 750 00:35:47,156 --> 00:35:49,089 - Awesome. - Whoa, it's so... 751 00:35:49,191 --> 00:35:50,557 Firefighter, baby! Perfect, yeah. 752 00:35:50,659 --> 00:35:52,092 - Does it look good on me? - Of course it does, yeah! 753 00:35:52,194 --> 00:35:53,927 - I'm wearing a firefighter helmet! - Whoa! 754 00:35:54,029 --> 00:35:55,562 Unh! 755 00:35:55,664 --> 00:35:57,197 Yeah, man! 756 00:35:57,299 --> 00:35:59,066 - Hey! Hi! - Hi! 757 00:35:59,168 --> 00:36:00,367 Oh, hey! 758 00:36:00,569 --> 00:36:01,835 - Bye! Bye! - Say thank you. 759 00:36:01,937 --> 00:36:03,370 - Come on. - Thank you! 760 00:36:28,837 --> 00:36:30,630 This one was different. 761 00:36:32,134 --> 00:36:33,400 This wasn't just another video 762 00:36:33,425 --> 00:36:36,326 of an innocent Black man being shot by police. 763 00:36:36,411 --> 00:36:39,713 This wasn't an officer making a split-second decision 764 00:36:39,738 --> 00:36:43,606 that resulted in another Black man losing his life. 765 00:36:44,052 --> 00:36:47,587 This wasn't fight-or-flight or panic-induced impulse 766 00:36:47,612 --> 00:36:50,179 or unconscious bias or unnecessary escalation. 767 00:36:50,204 --> 00:36:53,505 This was the murder of an unarmed, defenseless, 768 00:36:53,530 --> 00:36:55,171 compliant Black man 769 00:36:55,196 --> 00:36:57,897 in the middle of the street in broad daylight. 770 00:36:57,922 --> 00:36:59,621 Right in front of our eyes... 771 00:36:59,646 --> 00:37:01,379 All of our eyes. 772 00:37:01,404 --> 00:37:03,103 And, you know, white people are finally realizing 773 00:37:03,151 --> 00:37:06,953 that we aren't hysterical or beating a dead horse. 774 00:37:08,510 --> 00:37:10,443 They saw that white woman in Central Park 775 00:37:10,498 --> 00:37:13,533 casually use a racist police system as a weapon, 776 00:37:13,558 --> 00:37:16,609 and they're starting to understand 777 00:37:16,634 --> 00:37:20,769 that all of it renders us Black people terrorized. 778 00:37:21,691 --> 00:37:22,924 Hunted. 779 00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:27,103 Exhausted by everyday life. 780 00:37:30,540 --> 00:37:32,299 And, you know, I'm tired. 781 00:37:32,401 --> 00:37:35,701 I'm... And I'm mad, and I'm sad. 782 00:37:35,821 --> 00:37:39,032 And I'm tired for having to explain why I'm mad and sad. 783 00:37:40,633 --> 00:37:43,600 I'm mad because I have to take a magic pause 784 00:37:43,702 --> 00:37:47,137 every time I'm being tracked by eyeballs in a store. 785 00:37:48,163 --> 00:37:50,680 Or when people who are in life-threatening danger 786 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,444 choose to take their chances by themselves 787 00:37:54,522 --> 00:37:56,980 rather than being rescued by a Black firefighter. 788 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,950 But, you know, mostly, I'm scared. 789 00:38:08,285 --> 00:38:10,385 I'm scared. 790 00:38:12,065 --> 00:38:13,982 Because no matter how tired I am, 791 00:38:14,526 --> 00:38:16,818 how mad I get, how sad I get, 792 00:38:17,987 --> 00:38:22,188 there's nothing I can say to change their minds. 793 00:38:22,213 --> 00:38:23,446 There's nothing I can do 794 00:38:23,471 --> 00:38:27,907 that will make them see me as a hardworking professional. 795 00:38:28,086 --> 00:38:29,886 A loving husband. 796 00:38:30,667 --> 00:38:32,502 Or just a man. 797 00:38:33,658 --> 00:38:36,943 There's nothing that prevents something like this 798 00:38:36,968 --> 00:38:38,268 from happening to me. 799 00:38:38,633 --> 00:38:40,336 Nothing. 800 00:38:41,136 --> 00:38:43,239 I'm scared because I am eight minutes away 801 00:38:43,341 --> 00:38:45,807 from being another George Floyd. 802 00:38:54,290 --> 00:38:56,290 We're a quiet bunch tonight. 803 00:38:56,986 --> 00:38:59,487 Look, I'm just... I'm just glad to see your faces. 804 00:38:59,589 --> 00:39:01,489 You know, know you're good and safe. 805 00:39:01,514 --> 00:39:03,647 Are you sure we can't go to the protest? 806 00:39:03,826 --> 00:39:05,526 A bunch of my friends are going. 807 00:39:05,628 --> 00:39:07,461 They're all masked and everything. 808 00:39:07,486 --> 00:39:08,819 I'll follow your lead, Ben. 809 00:39:09,372 --> 00:39:11,999 Another Black Trans woman was killed today. 810 00:39:12,101 --> 00:39:14,735 - Tuck... - I want to march, Aunt Roz. 811 00:39:14,837 --> 00:39:17,004 I want to march for you and for myself. 812 00:39:17,106 --> 00:39:18,305 I want to march. 813 00:39:18,408 --> 00:39:21,426 W-W-Why won't you let us march? 814 00:39:24,559 --> 00:39:25,692 You sure? Hey. 815 00:39:25,717 --> 00:39:26,883 It'll be great. 816 00:39:26,908 --> 00:39:28,658 I was thinking tomorrow after shift, 817 00:39:28,683 --> 00:39:30,183 Captain Bishop has given the all-clear 818 00:39:30,208 --> 00:39:32,302 for us to go to a protest. 819 00:39:32,422 --> 00:39:33,813 Us? 820 00:39:34,724 --> 00:39:36,858 I'd like to go, if you'll have me. 821 00:39:38,020 --> 00:39:39,486 Uh... 822 00:39:40,963 --> 00:39:42,563 - Cool. - Yeah. 823 00:39:42,665 --> 00:39:44,365 Um, but if anybody comes at us with weapons, 824 00:39:44,467 --> 00:39:47,601 it is your job to put your body between us and them. 825 00:39:47,780 --> 00:39:49,680 - Got it. - Yeah, he's not kidding. 826 00:39:49,705 --> 00:39:50,971 I'm not kidding. 827 00:39:51,073 --> 00:39:52,973 I kinda figured, yeah. 828 00:39:52,998 --> 00:39:55,499 Okay. 829 00:40:11,561 --> 00:40:13,461 I was so desperate for a promotion 830 00:40:13,563 --> 00:40:17,231 that I was gonna try and stop Miller's lawsuit, 831 00:40:17,774 --> 00:40:20,668 which is the best shot we have at anything changing. 832 00:40:20,770 --> 00:40:22,470 Robert... 833 00:40:22,572 --> 00:40:26,474 This demotion has been humbling. 834 00:40:26,576 --> 00:40:27,842 It's been humbling, 835 00:40:27,944 --> 00:40:31,679 and I've had so many dark thoughts. 836 00:40:31,781 --> 00:40:34,207 Sometimes, I doubt my own... 837 00:40:36,485 --> 00:40:38,294 my own goodness. 838 00:40:39,796 --> 00:40:42,757 No one is just good. 839 00:40:43,759 --> 00:40:46,660 We... We make mistakes, and we learn from them, 840 00:40:46,762 --> 00:40:48,062 and we do better next time. 841 00:40:48,164 --> 00:40:49,497 That's how goodness works. 842 00:40:49,599 --> 00:40:52,700 It's not about purity. 843 00:40:52,802 --> 00:40:56,604 It's about... It's about growth. 844 00:41:10,987 --> 00:41:12,386 - Let's get into the car real quick. - I... 845 00:41:12,488 --> 00:41:13,721 19. 846 00:41:13,823 --> 00:41:15,723 Hopefully this goes without saying, 847 00:41:15,825 --> 00:41:18,526 but although you have the right to peacefully protest 848 00:41:18,628 --> 00:41:20,561 and my wholehearted support, 849 00:41:20,663 --> 00:41:24,131 I trust that you will not engage in any activity or action 850 00:41:24,233 --> 00:41:27,768 that will bring discredit to you, 19, or the SFD. 851 00:41:29,718 --> 00:41:31,218 19. 852 00:41:31,243 --> 00:41:32,809 19! 853 00:41:42,718 --> 00:41:44,218 No justice, no peace! 854 00:41:51,060 --> 00:41:53,127 No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace! 855 00:41:59,368 --> 00:42:01,135 No justice, no peace! 856 00:42:01,237 --> 00:42:02,770 No justice, no peace! 857 00:42:08,044 --> 00:42:10,010 No justice, no peace! 858 00:42:10,112 --> 00:42:12,112 No justice, no peace! 859 00:42:12,155 --> 00:42:17,155 CREDITS