1 00:00:04,307 --> 00:00:06,753 There's a moment I've noticed in the OR... 2 00:00:08,412 --> 00:00:10,190 ...especially when a patient is going south. 3 00:00:13,584 --> 00:00:16,696 You're working so hard, you lose yourself. 4 00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:21,501 All of your problems. 5 00:00:22,660 --> 00:00:23,737 Your relationships. 6 00:00:25,829 --> 00:00:27,841 Career goals. 7 00:00:28,933 --> 00:00:30,043 Your fears. 8 00:00:32,703 --> 00:00:35,582 They all just fade away. 9 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,625 It's not even you and your patient. 10 00:00:48,118 --> 00:00:49,963 It's you and yourself. 11 00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:53,008 Your hands. 12 00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:56,336 Your skill. 13 00:01:01,532 --> 00:01:04,778 You might call it muscle memory... 14 00:01:04,802 --> 00:01:06,046 or being in the zone. 15 00:01:10,608 --> 00:01:12,514 But whatever you call it, 16 00:01:13,243 --> 00:01:14,454 it's rare... 17 00:01:15,779 --> 00:01:18,224 ...and you never want it to end. 18 00:01:19,717 --> 00:01:27,082 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 19 00:01:33,330 --> 00:01:35,342 - Hey. - Hey. 20 00:01:35,366 --> 00:01:36,610 Are the, uh... Are the kids okay? 21 00:01:36,634 --> 00:01:37,744 Yeah, they're great. 22 00:01:37,768 --> 00:01:39,079 It took a little longer to get through the park 23 00:01:39,103 --> 00:01:42,315 'cause of the protests, but Mom had French toast ready. 24 00:01:42,339 --> 00:01:44,463 How was, uh, therapy? 25 00:01:45,242 --> 00:01:46,720 - Virtual. - Yeah. 26 00:01:46,744 --> 00:01:47,821 Is that why you're out here? 27 00:01:47,845 --> 00:01:48,888 Making sure that I did it? 28 00:01:48,912 --> 00:01:50,190 No. I'm here to make sure 29 00:01:50,214 --> 00:01:52,492 that you're done, 'cause I have something to show you. 30 00:01:53,717 --> 00:01:54,731 Come on. 31 00:01:57,388 --> 00:01:58,865 - Hey. - Hey. 32 00:01:58,889 --> 00:02:00,567 Didn't your shift end a while ago? 33 00:02:00,591 --> 00:02:02,502 Yeah, I went to check on Mer. 34 00:02:02,526 --> 00:02:03,870 Still no change. 35 00:02:03,894 --> 00:02:04,938 She'll get better. 36 00:02:04,962 --> 00:02:06,527 Just like Jennilyn did. 37 00:02:07,631 --> 00:02:08,908 You didn't even know Jennilyn. 38 00:02:08,932 --> 00:02:10,697 She's my favorite ICU nurse. 39 00:02:11,368 --> 00:02:13,046 It might be my first official day here, 40 00:02:13,070 --> 00:02:15,482 but she and I... We go way back. 41 00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:17,817 I'm just glad I didn't miss 42 00:02:17,841 --> 00:02:19,886 her big post-COVID sendoff. 43 00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:20,987 She is one of us. 44 00:02:21,011 --> 00:02:22,255 Here she comes! 45 00:02:22,279 --> 00:02:25,258 Ladies and gentlemen, Jennilyn's going home! 46 00:02:25,282 --> 00:02:27,193 Whoo! 47 00:02:27,217 --> 00:02:29,829 - Whoo! - Alright! 48 00:02:29,853 --> 00:02:30,897 Whoo! 49 00:02:34,625 --> 00:02:35,802 Hey, excuse me. 50 00:02:35,826 --> 00:02:36,770 Hey, did we miss it? 51 00:02:36,794 --> 00:02:37,804 No, you're just in time. 52 00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:39,439 Ah. 53 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:41,207 Six weeks in the hospital. 54 00:02:41,231 --> 00:02:43,977 Our tenth official discharge this week. 55 00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:45,912 Ah, I remember the day I hired her. 56 00:02:45,936 --> 00:02:48,402 I will never get sick of this. 57 00:02:51,074 --> 00:02:52,218 You okay? 58 00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:55,883 That should be Meredith. 59 00:03:07,658 --> 00:03:09,836 I hate ER days. 60 00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:11,604 Everything's so urgent. 61 00:03:11,628 --> 00:03:13,802 What are we watching tonight? 62 00:03:14,503 --> 00:03:16,870 Whatever you want. I'll be with Nico. 63 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,712 Movie nights are sacred, Levi. 64 00:03:18,736 --> 00:03:20,447 Movie nights are new 65 00:03:20,471 --> 00:03:22,315 since your sex friend disappeared. 66 00:03:22,339 --> 00:03:23,717 Don't deprive me of mine. 67 00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:25,685 I have to talk to Bailey about OB today, 68 00:03:25,709 --> 00:03:27,821 and I know that Webber told me everything I need to say, 69 00:03:27,845 --> 00:03:29,856 but still... Bailey. 70 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,825 You have to talk to Bailey every day. 71 00:03:31,849 --> 00:03:33,626 I'll cancel my plans when you actually do it. 72 00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:35,628 Hey. Uh, you forgot this. 73 00:03:35,652 --> 00:03:37,754 Oh, well, uh, could've just gotten it later. 74 00:03:37,778 --> 00:03:39,956 Oh, it was kind of in the way. 75 00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:42,325 Well, it wouldn't be if you gave me a drawer or something. 76 00:03:45,852 --> 00:03:47,898 Is the sex still good? 77 00:03:47,922 --> 00:03:49,699 It's amazing. 78 00:03:49,723 --> 00:03:51,535 See how supportive I was of you just now? 79 00:03:51,559 --> 00:03:53,191 Bye! 80 00:03:54,260 --> 00:03:56,740 Okay, Felix, and how's your range of motion been? 81 00:03:56,764 --> 00:03:58,041 It's still stiff when I throw. 82 00:03:58,065 --> 00:03:59,676 I thought I'd be back to pitch this fall. 83 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,011 Hey. Teddy hasn't returned my calls. 84 00:04:01,035 --> 00:04:02,512 Have you talked to anyone from the hospital? 85 00:04:02,536 --> 00:04:03,680 'Cause I... 86 00:04:03,704 --> 00:04:05,515 Sorry. It's just, I had a dream about Mer. 87 00:04:05,539 --> 00:04:07,484 I'm going. 88 00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:08,752 Sorry, Felix. 89 00:04:08,776 --> 00:04:10,687 Um, you know, it's still early days, 90 00:04:10,711 --> 00:04:12,722 you're only four months post surgery, 91 00:04:12,746 --> 00:04:14,891 and it was a decent-sized tear. 92 00:04:14,915 --> 00:04:16,960 This is the last season to get scouted by a D-1 school. 93 00:04:16,984 --> 00:04:18,395 Huh. 94 00:04:18,419 --> 00:04:19,930 Why are you still here? 95 00:04:19,954 --> 00:04:21,828 Right. I'm gone. 96 00:04:22,256 --> 00:04:25,235 Uh... yeah, Felix, it's gonna take a little bit more patience. 97 00:04:25,259 --> 00:04:26,136 It's... It's gonna be... 98 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,070 I'm so sorry. 99 00:04:27,094 --> 00:04:28,138 Felix, is it? 100 00:04:28,162 --> 00:04:29,706 Um, a-are you right-handed? 101 00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:31,505 - Yeah. - Amelia. 102 00:04:32,066 --> 00:04:34,444 I know this is weird. I'm... I'm a surgeon, too, 103 00:04:34,468 --> 00:04:37,314 and I just, uh, wanted to check one thing with you. 104 00:04:37,338 --> 00:04:39,816 H-Have you noticed that your left arm 105 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,685 feels stronger than your right arm recently? 106 00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:43,286 I guess so. Kinda? 107 00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:45,060 - Why? - What the hell? 108 00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:47,857 If this is a neurological issue, 109 00:04:47,881 --> 00:04:49,326 it could end more than just his career 110 00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:50,927 if it goes untreated, so I'm... 111 00:04:50,951 --> 00:04:54,297 Hey. I just want to to over a couple maneuvers with you, okay? 112 00:04:54,321 --> 00:04:55,599 Okay. 113 00:04:55,623 --> 00:04:57,534 Meredith's vitals have been stable for days. 114 00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,637 Her X-rays have shown a remarkable improvement, 115 00:05:00,661 --> 00:05:03,707 and her oxygen requirements have gone down. 116 00:05:03,731 --> 00:05:05,308 Which is why she should be awake 117 00:05:05,332 --> 00:05:07,644 for more than two minutes at a time. 118 00:05:08,902 --> 00:05:10,413 Why isn't she? 119 00:05:10,437 --> 00:05:12,003 What is it? 120 00:05:12,373 --> 00:05:15,051 Her labs this morning showed elevated liver enzymes. 121 00:05:15,075 --> 00:05:17,854 It might just be a side effect from the medications, 122 00:05:17,878 --> 00:05:20,490 but we do want to order some new tests. 123 00:05:20,514 --> 00:05:23,393 And we'd also like to get CTs, both chest and abdomen. 124 00:05:23,417 --> 00:05:25,228 It might seem extensive, but... 125 00:05:25,252 --> 00:05:26,830 Well, let's do it. 126 00:05:26,854 --> 00:05:30,467 We're seeing more and more patients in the same position. 127 00:05:30,491 --> 00:05:32,435 It seems like they're finally out of the woods, 128 00:05:32,459 --> 00:05:34,771 and then some new problem arises 129 00:05:34,795 --> 00:05:36,361 and they just... 130 00:05:37,197 --> 00:05:38,808 they just crash. 131 00:05:43,237 --> 00:05:45,448 We can't let this happen to Meredith. 132 00:05:54,148 --> 00:05:55,964 Were you in pain? 133 00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:57,727 You know, the worst part was knowing 134 00:05:57,751 --> 00:05:58,884 they were getting it wrong. 135 00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:02,304 I didn't want to leave you, 136 00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:05,290 but I knew, you know, at a certain point... 137 00:06:08,728 --> 00:06:10,774 I came to the hospital. 138 00:06:10,798 --> 00:06:12,230 I know. 139 00:06:12,866 --> 00:06:14,344 You could hear? 140 00:06:17,838 --> 00:06:19,182 Not through my ears. 141 00:06:20,874 --> 00:06:22,952 Dying is exhausting. 142 00:06:24,445 --> 00:06:26,953 You know that point as a surgeon... 143 00:06:27,347 --> 00:06:29,459 you've done everything for your patient. 144 00:06:29,483 --> 00:06:32,696 I could try and will them to fight, 145 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,230 will them to live, 146 00:06:34,254 --> 00:06:37,456 but I never understood the level of exhaustion. 147 00:06:39,392 --> 00:06:41,384 There comes a point 148 00:06:42,162 --> 00:06:47,110 where the desire to rest overrides the desire to live. 149 00:06:49,336 --> 00:06:50,936 You got that. 150 00:06:51,538 --> 00:06:53,772 You gave me permission to go. 151 00:06:54,475 --> 00:06:55,885 You told me it was okay. 152 00:06:58,011 --> 00:06:59,569 You got me. 153 00:07:00,114 --> 00:07:04,594 You gave me everything I needed until my last breath. 154 00:07:17,768 --> 00:07:20,598 Do you need more time to think about it? 155 00:07:20,622 --> 00:07:21,883 No. 156 00:07:22,857 --> 00:07:24,635 Okay. 157 00:07:24,659 --> 00:07:27,171 And your answer is... 158 00:07:27,195 --> 00:07:29,015 I just told you. No. 159 00:07:29,631 --> 00:07:30,975 Bailey... 160 00:07:30,999 --> 00:07:33,210 I didn't come to this decision lightly, 161 00:07:33,234 --> 00:07:34,878 and without your recommendation, 162 00:07:34,902 --> 00:07:38,349 I may have to redo my entire intern year. 163 00:07:38,373 --> 00:07:40,017 Only if you were changing specialities, 164 00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:41,518 which you are not doing. 165 00:07:41,542 --> 00:07:43,053 That is not your decision to make. 166 00:07:43,077 --> 00:07:45,055 It's not. No. It's yours, 167 00:07:45,079 --> 00:07:47,491 and you made it when you signed a contract 168 00:07:47,515 --> 00:07:49,093 as a general surgery attending. 169 00:07:49,117 --> 00:07:51,028 It's got a few more years on it, last time I checked. 170 00:07:51,052 --> 00:07:52,563 Bailey, you can't... 171 00:07:52,587 --> 00:07:54,365 I-I need this. 172 00:07:54,389 --> 00:07:57,234 And I need surgeons, Wilson. 173 00:07:57,258 --> 00:08:00,638 I'm losing them to, uh, sickness, exhaustion, 174 00:08:00,662 --> 00:08:02,973 hell, murder, or in Avery's case, 175 00:08:02,997 --> 00:08:05,209 just suddenly taking a leave of absence. 176 00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:06,910 Y-You need to think about the hospital. 177 00:08:06,934 --> 00:08:09,013 I can't afford to lose you right now, 178 00:08:09,037 --> 00:08:11,515 especially when Meredith... 179 00:08:15,877 --> 00:08:19,456 Look, we can, um, revisit this topic 180 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,592 after this thing is over, 181 00:08:21,616 --> 00:08:24,216 but for right now, my answer is no. 182 00:08:27,722 --> 00:08:29,433 Okay. Felix is headed in. 183 00:08:29,457 --> 00:08:31,201 Mm. Great. 184 00:08:31,225 --> 00:08:34,004 Uh... Is he set up for his MRI in case he beats us there? 185 00:08:34,028 --> 00:08:35,706 Yes. You know, I would have caught 186 00:08:35,730 --> 00:08:37,574 - that right-sided deficit. - Yeah, I know you would have. 187 00:08:37,598 --> 00:08:39,076 We had just started. I was focused on the shoulder. 188 00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,210 Yeah, I know you were. 189 00:08:40,234 --> 00:08:41,612 Not to mention I kept getting distracted. 190 00:08:41,636 --> 00:08:42,913 All my fault. I got it. 191 00:08:42,937 --> 00:08:44,048 I'm ready. 192 00:08:44,072 --> 00:08:45,149 No, we... We can't leave. 193 00:08:45,173 --> 00:08:46,183 Maggie's not here yet. 194 00:08:46,207 --> 00:08:47,518 Oh, well, that means you can't, 195 00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:48,986 but I can, and I should. 196 00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:50,754 Or, you know, I could call Koracick 197 00:08:50,778 --> 00:08:52,022 and you could stay here. 198 00:08:52,046 --> 00:08:53,257 Well, this was my find. 199 00:08:53,281 --> 00:08:55,159 Oh, I'm sorry. You wouldn't want somebody waltzing in 200 00:08:55,183 --> 00:08:56,627 - and stealing your patient? - W... 201 00:08:56,651 --> 00:08:57,695 Please don't take this from me. 202 00:08:57,719 --> 00:08:59,496 I have not operated in over a month. 203 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,031 Oh, and this sudden need to operate has nothing to do 204 00:09:01,055 --> 00:09:02,766 with your sister still being unconscious? 205 00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:04,301 Nope. 206 00:09:04,325 --> 00:09:05,369 I just really miss cutting. 207 00:09:05,393 --> 00:09:06,437 Got it. 208 00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:08,472 - Okay. - I-I'm still coming. 209 00:09:08,496 --> 00:09:09,840 Hey. Great to see you, Maggie. 210 00:09:09,864 --> 00:09:10,708 Thanks for all the help. 211 00:09:10,732 --> 00:09:12,765 Um, everybody's eaten. 212 00:09:13,633 --> 00:09:15,468 Hi? 213 00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:21,485 I take it this is a new hobby? 214 00:09:21,509 --> 00:09:23,120 Should have started with the plow stop, 215 00:09:23,144 --> 00:09:25,289 but my kids wanted to learn the moonwalk. 216 00:09:26,447 --> 00:09:28,192 I was killing it until I hit that railing. 217 00:09:28,216 --> 00:09:29,626 My mom would never do that. 218 00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,962 - She's a total worry... - Dr. Schmitt, order tib/fib X-rays 219 00:09:31,986 --> 00:09:33,497 and page me when they're done, please. 220 00:09:33,521 --> 00:09:36,734 Okay, Erika, I'd like to do an abdominal ultrasound. 221 00:09:36,758 --> 00:09:38,001 Oh. Nice. 222 00:09:38,025 --> 00:09:40,237 I've lost 50 pounds in Q-tine. 223 00:09:40,261 --> 00:09:42,005 Check out these abs. 224 00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:43,006 Damn. 225 00:09:43,030 --> 00:09:44,808 That railing ate me alive. 226 00:09:44,832 --> 00:09:46,477 - Yep. - Oh. 227 00:09:46,501 --> 00:09:48,367 Okay, let me know if this hurts at all. 228 00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:52,149 50 pounds, huh? 229 00:09:52,173 --> 00:09:56,353 Tech lawyer. Boatloads of money, but... tech lawyer. 230 00:09:56,377 --> 00:09:59,089 Sedentary job, sedentary life. 231 00:09:59,113 --> 00:10:02,025 Then COVID hit, and I figured, if the world's ending, 232 00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:04,261 I might as well be happy. 233 00:10:04,285 --> 00:10:06,363 I was so tired of being tired, you know? 234 00:10:06,387 --> 00:10:08,332 So, I quit that job that I hated, 235 00:10:08,356 --> 00:10:09,867 spent time with my kids, 236 00:10:09,891 --> 00:10:11,435 started working out, 237 00:10:11,459 --> 00:10:14,138 then I started my own business making peanut brittle. 238 00:10:14,162 --> 00:10:16,016 Ooh. Try some. 239 00:10:16,631 --> 00:10:18,342 Ooh. 240 00:10:18,366 --> 00:10:19,977 No eating in the hospital. 241 00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:23,247 Um, so, Erika, it looks like you have some bleeding 242 00:10:23,271 --> 00:10:24,748 under your abdominal muscle, 243 00:10:24,772 --> 00:10:28,519 so we'll need to do a CT to evaluate how severe it is. 244 00:10:28,543 --> 00:10:30,743 Alright, page me when she's ready, Schmitt. 245 00:10:32,512 --> 00:10:34,224 I won't tell if you won't. 246 00:10:38,618 --> 00:10:44,127 And I know we've only technically met on the phone... 247 00:10:45,293 --> 00:10:47,671 but I'm marrying your sister, 248 00:10:47,695 --> 00:10:48,906 so how about you wake up 249 00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:51,341 and give me a "Congratulations" or something? 250 00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:54,077 I mean, I heard you were tough, 251 00:10:54,101 --> 00:10:56,669 but I didn't think you were cold. 252 00:10:59,407 --> 00:11:01,485 I want you closer. 253 00:11:01,509 --> 00:11:03,387 You're worried about the kids. 254 00:11:03,411 --> 00:11:04,521 If you get closer... 255 00:11:04,545 --> 00:11:05,923 I'll never leave. 256 00:11:05,947 --> 00:11:08,058 I think that's the theory. 257 00:11:08,082 --> 00:11:10,961 Your dad died when you were young. 258 00:11:10,985 --> 00:11:11,929 Yes. 259 00:11:11,953 --> 00:11:13,163 And it almost ruined me. 260 00:11:13,187 --> 00:11:14,657 But it didn't. 261 00:11:15,089 --> 00:11:16,767 Kids survive. 262 00:11:16,791 --> 00:11:19,036 And struggle makes them stronger. 263 00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,138 Sometimes. Sometimes, it makes them stronger, 264 00:11:21,162 --> 00:11:23,917 and sometimes, it makes them... 265 00:11:25,233 --> 00:11:26,410 Amelia. 266 00:11:28,736 --> 00:11:30,214 She's doing great, by the way. 267 00:11:30,238 --> 00:11:31,915 - I know. - And she named her baby... 268 00:11:31,939 --> 00:11:32,983 I know! 269 00:11:35,543 --> 00:11:38,121 Oh. 270 00:11:38,145 --> 00:11:40,045 People love you, Meredith. 271 00:11:42,048 --> 00:11:43,520 People need you. 272 00:11:43,985 --> 00:11:45,729 I'm tired. 273 00:11:45,753 --> 00:11:47,197 Your body's tired. 274 00:11:47,221 --> 00:11:48,565 But your soul... 275 00:11:48,589 --> 00:11:51,111 Your soul won't even let me near you. 276 00:11:51,959 --> 00:11:53,993 You're still fighting. 277 00:11:55,362 --> 00:11:57,575 Have you seen the last... 278 00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:00,266 one or two years? 279 00:12:01,034 --> 00:12:02,880 Yeah. 280 00:12:02,904 --> 00:12:04,666 Was that hard for you? 281 00:12:05,172 --> 00:12:08,619 It's harder watching you be lonely. 282 00:12:14,782 --> 00:12:16,126 I want to say you're beautiful, 283 00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:19,496 but it's... shallow. 284 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,398 Say "pretty on the inside." 285 00:12:21,422 --> 00:12:23,233 That's what I tell Zola to say. 286 00:12:23,257 --> 00:12:25,603 "Be pretty on the inside." 287 00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:28,672 You're pretty on the inside, Meredith Grey. 288 00:12:37,771 --> 00:12:39,883 - How's Grey? - Not getting better. 289 00:12:39,907 --> 00:12:43,620 She won't stay awake, and her liver enzymes are elevated. 290 00:12:43,644 --> 00:12:45,122 Any sign of acute infection? 291 00:12:45,146 --> 00:12:46,490 No, but that doesn't mean anything 292 00:12:46,514 --> 00:12:47,724 because this stupid disease causes 293 00:12:47,748 --> 00:12:49,026 every complication in the book 294 00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:50,827 without any consistency whatsoever. 295 00:12:50,851 --> 00:12:52,029 Well, it's still relatively new. 296 00:12:52,053 --> 00:12:53,797 There's information coming out every day, and... 297 00:12:53,821 --> 00:12:55,032 Yeah, vague information. 298 00:12:55,056 --> 00:12:57,134 We have no idea how this disease 299 00:12:57,158 --> 00:12:58,835 is gonna affect these patients in the long-term. 300 00:12:58,859 --> 00:13:00,404 I mean, there could be permanent lung scarring, 301 00:13:00,428 --> 00:13:02,906 vascular damage, neurological issues... 302 00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:05,809 Eh, oh, no, please, keep... keep going. 303 00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:06,944 Tom, I didn't... 304 00:13:06,968 --> 00:13:08,345 - I'm... I'm sorry. - That's... 305 00:13:08,369 --> 00:13:09,686 I'm sure that you're fine. 306 00:13:10,938 --> 00:13:12,282 Alright. She's all set. 307 00:13:12,306 --> 00:13:14,373 Okay. Great. Thanks. 308 00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,186 Tom, I'm sorry. I... 309 00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:17,487 Hey, Doc, you're just stating facts. 310 00:13:17,511 --> 00:13:18,689 Don't be sorry. 311 00:13:20,047 --> 00:13:21,358 Okay. 312 00:13:27,354 --> 00:13:28,765 What happened? 313 00:13:28,789 --> 00:13:30,167 Carolyn Hexton. 314 00:13:30,191 --> 00:13:31,836 Cardiac arrest. 315 00:13:32,827 --> 00:13:34,037 When I talked with her yesterday, 316 00:13:34,061 --> 00:13:35,472 she didn't even need oxygen. 317 00:13:35,496 --> 00:13:38,075 Yeah, and then she started having arrhythmias, 318 00:13:38,099 --> 00:13:40,444 and then she went into V-fib. 319 00:13:40,468 --> 00:13:41,778 37 years old. 320 00:13:41,802 --> 00:13:43,180 Kindergarten teacher. 321 00:13:43,204 --> 00:13:45,604 She ran 10ks for charity. 322 00:13:47,374 --> 00:13:49,152 I thought she'd be going home this week. 323 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,587 Yeah. So did she. 324 00:13:50,611 --> 00:13:51,855 We all did. 325 00:13:53,614 --> 00:13:55,726 I got to call her family. 326 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,446 Hello, Mrs. Hexton. This is Dr. Hunt. 327 00:14:17,972 --> 00:14:19,717 No. No, um... 328 00:14:20,274 --> 00:14:21,385 No. She... 329 00:14:21,409 --> 00:14:22,808 Uh, she's, uh... 330 00:14:25,578 --> 00:14:28,859 Um, there were some complications. 331 00:14:31,118 --> 00:14:32,195 I'm sorry, Mrs. Hexton. 332 00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,331 Could you give me one moment, please? 333 00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:47,830 Dr. Seip. Dr. Tracy Seip to Recovery. 334 00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,498 Please tell me you're not eating in... 335 00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,400 I'm not! I'm not! I'm just, uh... I'm smelling. 336 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:52,735 I-I miss smelling things. 337 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:56,072 Smell things after work in the comfort of your own home. 338 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,896 My home smells like unwashed laundry. 339 00:15:02,176 --> 00:15:03,546 It's impressive, huh? 340 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,714 Leaving a successful career, 341 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:06,782 getting in shape, 342 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:07,917 being there for your family. 343 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:11,609 She really made lemonade out of, um... 344 00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:14,490 a-a very deadly virus. 345 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,607 Must be nice. 346 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:18,594 You think she should be doing something different? 347 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:22,665 I think if I suddenly started baking snickerdoodles 348 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,834 and going base jumping, 349 00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:27,336 do me a favor and throw a big net over me. 350 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,026 It's peanut brittle. 351 00:15:29,324 --> 00:15:31,436 It's... It's actually a-a lot harder to master 352 00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:32,537 than snickerdoodles. 353 00:15:32,561 --> 00:15:33,805 Scans are up. 354 00:15:33,829 --> 00:15:35,840 Mm. Mm. 355 00:15:35,864 --> 00:15:37,842 Okay. Deep breaths, buddy. 356 00:15:37,866 --> 00:15:41,049 She told me to drop everything I was doing and rush to the ER. 357 00:15:41,470 --> 00:15:43,114 Well, Dr. Shepherd has a tendency... 358 00:15:43,138 --> 00:15:46,718 ...to, uh, raise the stakes of any situation. 359 00:15:46,742 --> 00:15:48,253 MRI results will be back in a second. 360 00:15:48,277 --> 00:15:50,989 You look worried, and he keeps telling me I'm gonna be fine. 361 00:15:51,013 --> 00:15:53,458 Dr. Shepherd, baseball is Felix's life. 362 00:15:53,482 --> 00:15:54,959 It's what got him into junior college, 363 00:15:54,983 --> 00:15:56,127 and it's his only hope of getting 364 00:15:56,151 --> 00:15:57,228 into a Division I school. 365 00:15:57,252 --> 00:15:58,396 What would you do if suddenly, 366 00:15:58,420 --> 00:15:59,597 you couldn't be a surgeon anymore? 367 00:16:01,190 --> 00:16:02,066 You paged Koracick? 368 00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:03,501 No. Radiology did. 369 00:16:03,525 --> 00:16:05,158 Uh. Be right back. 370 00:16:06,794 --> 00:16:08,773 He has a meningioma, C6, 7. 371 00:16:08,797 --> 00:16:10,875 Let me look at it, please. 372 00:16:10,899 --> 00:16:12,544 That is a nasty little tumor. 373 00:16:12,568 --> 00:16:14,979 We'll have to do an intricate multi-level decompression. 374 00:16:15,003 --> 00:16:16,681 Start with a wide excision, 375 00:16:16,705 --> 00:16:18,516 but that will destabilize his cervical spine, 376 00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:19,751 so he'll need hardware. 377 00:16:19,775 --> 00:16:21,052 Forget about his pitching arm. 378 00:16:21,076 --> 00:16:22,954 Any slip, and you risk making him a paraplegic. 379 00:16:22,978 --> 00:16:25,256 I mean, but there's a lot going on with your sister 380 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,391 and our lives. 381 00:16:26,415 --> 00:16:28,026 It's been a long time since... 382 00:16:28,050 --> 00:16:30,195 I'm not that rusty, thank you. 383 00:16:30,219 --> 00:16:31,396 You can go, Tom. 384 00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:32,764 Alright, one millimeter off... 385 00:16:32,788 --> 00:16:34,299 I said you can go, Tom. 386 00:16:34,323 --> 00:16:35,567 And, uh, if you want to help, 387 00:16:35,591 --> 00:16:38,658 you can comfort the patient while I book an OR. 388 00:16:42,864 --> 00:16:45,009 How we doing today? 389 00:16:45,033 --> 00:16:46,144 Oh, you know, 390 00:16:46,168 --> 00:16:48,980 just thinking about how selfish it is 391 00:16:49,004 --> 00:16:50,849 to follow my dreams. 392 00:16:50,873 --> 00:16:52,784 I meant Luna, but, uh, good to know. 393 00:16:52,808 --> 00:16:54,752 Luna's trending upwards, 394 00:16:54,776 --> 00:16:59,157 so Luna is a bright spot in a sea of unfettered misery. 395 00:16:59,181 --> 00:17:00,291 What's all this about dreams? 396 00:17:00,315 --> 00:17:01,593 I want to switch to OB, 397 00:17:01,617 --> 00:17:03,161 but Bailey said it's a bad time. 398 00:17:03,185 --> 00:17:05,196 Ah, she's not wrong there. 399 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:06,965 Thank you. 400 00:17:06,989 --> 00:17:08,600 Listen, everything will sort itself out 401 00:17:08,624 --> 00:17:09,667 once Grey's back on her feet. 402 00:17:09,691 --> 00:17:11,302 If she gets back on her feet. 403 00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:12,932 Well, I thought she was on the mend. 404 00:17:13,428 --> 00:17:14,939 We all did. 405 00:17:14,963 --> 00:17:16,561 Well, how bad is it? 406 00:17:17,366 --> 00:17:20,211 Her liver enzymes are elevated this morning, 407 00:17:20,235 --> 00:17:21,579 and her creatinine is worse, 408 00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:25,695 so her kidneys could be failing, and nobody knows why. 409 00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:28,453 God, it's just one thing after another, isn't it? 410 00:17:28,477 --> 00:17:31,589 This is my way of remembering that there is more to the world 411 00:17:31,613 --> 00:17:33,953 than just misery and death. 412 00:17:34,516 --> 00:17:36,060 At least, I hope there is. 413 00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:40,498 I'll get out of your way. 414 00:17:46,361 --> 00:17:48,895 Tell me you found something. 415 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,509 Meredith's chest CT was clear. 416 00:17:51,533 --> 00:17:53,978 However, her abdominal CT wasn't. 417 00:17:54,002 --> 00:17:57,148 We found a filling defect in her IVC and hepatic vein. 418 00:17:57,172 --> 00:17:58,583 And is that clot in her liver? 419 00:17:58,607 --> 00:18:00,518 Yes, which explains why she can't stay awake. 420 00:18:00,542 --> 00:18:02,287 Her body's fighting a build-up of ammonia. 421 00:18:02,311 --> 00:18:05,723 It's a small clot, but if we don't treat it quickly, 422 00:18:05,747 --> 00:18:07,191 then there could be fluid build-up, 423 00:18:07,215 --> 00:18:09,294 which will just wreak havoc on her liver. 424 00:18:09,318 --> 00:18:12,196 Can you do, uh, an IR shunt or thrombolytics, or... 425 00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:14,499 A TIPS procedure should be done in the IR suite, for sure, 426 00:18:14,523 --> 00:18:16,634 but I don't think I should do it. 427 00:18:16,658 --> 00:18:17,869 Why not? 428 00:18:17,893 --> 00:18:19,837 Because Dr. Altman's here, 429 00:18:19,861 --> 00:18:22,740 and because Dr. Grey is Maggie's sister, 430 00:18:22,764 --> 00:18:25,810 - and if anything... - Dr. Altman... 431 00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:28,134 are you sure you're up to this? 432 00:18:29,904 --> 00:18:31,082 It's a simple procedure. 433 00:18:31,106 --> 00:18:33,051 I know what it is. 434 00:18:33,075 --> 00:18:34,385 I'm asking, are you... 435 00:18:34,409 --> 00:18:36,307 I will book an IR suite. 436 00:18:37,212 --> 00:18:38,356 Altman... 437 00:18:40,349 --> 00:18:42,063 ...are you sure? 438 00:18:42,784 --> 00:18:45,024 Meredith doesn't have time for this conversation. 439 00:18:54,036 --> 00:18:55,213 Hey. 440 00:18:55,237 --> 00:18:56,748 Webber send you to check in on me? 441 00:18:56,772 --> 00:18:58,216 No. No, he told me what was going on 442 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,152 and asked me if we thought you were okay to operate. 443 00:19:00,176 --> 00:19:01,336 - And? - And I told him 444 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,588 you were fine to operate 445 00:19:02,612 --> 00:19:04,323 and there was no one better to do it. 446 00:19:04,347 --> 00:19:05,819 - Thank you. - And I also told him 447 00:19:05,843 --> 00:19:07,259 that if something goes wrong, 448 00:19:07,283 --> 00:19:08,460 either something within your control 449 00:19:08,484 --> 00:19:09,561 or something outside of it, 450 00:19:09,585 --> 00:19:11,430 I'm not sure that you'll recover. 451 00:19:17,126 --> 00:19:18,770 I lost a kindergarten teacher today. 452 00:19:18,794 --> 00:19:20,839 I had to call her family. I broke down on the phone. 453 00:19:20,863 --> 00:19:22,474 I don't know if they knew that I was crying 454 00:19:22,498 --> 00:19:23,709 or if they thought that I was choking, 455 00:19:23,733 --> 00:19:25,523 but I was pretty much doing both. 456 00:19:26,168 --> 00:19:29,348 Never in my career have I... cried 457 00:19:29,372 --> 00:19:31,083 while delivering news to a family. 458 00:19:31,107 --> 00:19:32,084 It is unprofessional, 459 00:19:32,108 --> 00:19:33,919 and honestly, it is embarrassing. 460 00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:36,388 And after all we saw in the war, all that loss, 461 00:19:36,412 --> 00:19:38,991 and this kindergarten teacher that I barely knew 462 00:19:39,015 --> 00:19:41,515 just... broke me. 463 00:19:43,318 --> 00:19:44,730 Because, uh... 464 00:19:44,754 --> 00:19:46,198 Because COVID. 465 00:19:46,222 --> 00:19:47,254 Yeah. 466 00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:50,302 You've been through a lot, Teddy, 467 00:19:50,326 --> 00:19:53,509 and you just came back, and it is Meredith. 468 00:19:54,397 --> 00:19:55,607 If something goes wrong... 469 00:19:55,631 --> 00:19:57,179 I might not recover. 470 00:20:00,902 --> 00:20:03,348 Can you page Dr. Ndugu for me, please? 471 00:20:28,831 --> 00:20:31,843 Dr. Shepherd, I've worked with a lot of neurosurgeons. 472 00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:33,779 None of them were as good as you. 473 00:20:33,803 --> 00:20:35,414 One millimeter in the wrong direction, 474 00:20:35,438 --> 00:20:37,970 and I end this kid's career. 475 00:20:38,407 --> 00:20:39,384 That's what Tom said. 476 00:20:39,408 --> 00:20:40,419 That is what he said, 477 00:20:40,443 --> 00:20:41,887 and that's what I said. 478 00:20:41,911 --> 00:20:44,611 But you are Amelia Shepherd. 479 00:20:46,481 --> 00:20:48,193 So you got this. 480 00:21:06,135 --> 00:21:07,500 What's she doing? 481 00:21:08,404 --> 00:21:10,649 She's getting ready to crush it. 482 00:21:15,978 --> 00:21:17,426 Did something happen? 483 00:21:17,913 --> 00:21:20,292 - Yeah, you'll be joining me. - Okay. 484 00:21:20,316 --> 00:21:22,527 She's not just your family or Maggie's. 485 00:21:22,551 --> 00:21:24,629 She's mine. She's everyone's. 486 00:21:24,653 --> 00:21:26,565 So, she's gonna have two of the finest 487 00:21:26,589 --> 00:21:28,633 cardiovascular surgeons in the country, 488 00:21:28,657 --> 00:21:29,835 and we're not gonna think about 489 00:21:29,859 --> 00:21:31,369 what she means to us or to everyone. 490 00:21:31,393 --> 00:21:34,506 We are gonna help each other do what we know how to do, 491 00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:37,509 and we will watch each other's every move. 492 00:21:37,533 --> 00:21:40,512 No ego. There's no question that's too stupid to ask. 493 00:21:40,536 --> 00:21:42,180 It's just about the work, 494 00:21:42,204 --> 00:21:44,816 and we are going to remove this clot. 495 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,051 Deal. 496 00:21:46,075 --> 00:21:47,419 Okay, then. 497 00:21:49,111 --> 00:21:50,188 Here we go. 498 00:21:50,212 --> 00:21:51,990 Ultrasound? 499 00:21:56,652 --> 00:21:58,330 Ellis draws this picture of us. 500 00:21:58,354 --> 00:21:59,564 - I'm in a wedding dress. - Uh-huh. 501 00:21:59,588 --> 00:22:00,866 And then you're in a suit. 502 00:22:00,890 --> 00:22:03,602 I showed her the Post-it Note, but she just... 503 00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:05,036 - Hates it. - Hates it. 504 00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:06,605 She feels robbed. 505 00:22:06,629 --> 00:22:08,073 Well, she gets that from my mother. 506 00:22:13,402 --> 00:22:15,180 Oh. 507 00:22:18,307 --> 00:22:19,718 You hate weddings. 508 00:22:19,742 --> 00:22:22,187 I hate weddings. 509 00:22:22,211 --> 00:22:24,645 But I would give this to her if I could. 510 00:22:26,314 --> 00:22:28,293 What do you want me to promise? 511 00:22:28,317 --> 00:22:30,428 To torture yourself less. 512 00:22:44,967 --> 00:22:47,145 I don't want to leave the kids. 513 00:22:47,169 --> 00:22:49,047 I don't want you to leave the kids. 514 00:23:01,183 --> 00:23:02,656 Hey, Zola. 515 00:23:03,352 --> 00:23:06,827 Your math teacher said you signed out of class early today. 516 00:23:07,223 --> 00:23:08,400 Are you okay? 517 00:23:13,863 --> 00:23:15,574 What's wrong? 518 00:23:15,598 --> 00:23:16,842 I'm mad. 519 00:23:16,866 --> 00:23:19,110 - At someone at school? - At everything. 520 00:23:19,134 --> 00:23:20,779 Hm. 521 00:23:22,471 --> 00:23:24,970 Did you see the news, about the protests? 522 00:23:25,708 --> 00:23:27,452 - Yeah. - Yeah. 523 00:23:27,476 --> 00:23:29,754 When my teachers try to talk about it, 524 00:23:29,778 --> 00:23:32,791 they get really weird and seem scared to say anything. 525 00:23:32,815 --> 00:23:34,034 That happens. 526 00:23:34,076 --> 00:23:36,065 Do you want to go to a protest? 527 00:23:36,521 --> 00:23:37,665 I could take you. 528 00:23:37,689 --> 00:23:39,900 I don't want to go without my mom. 529 00:23:39,924 --> 00:23:41,936 She'd be mad, too. 530 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,637 But she doesn't even know what's happening. 531 00:23:43,661 --> 00:23:45,473 She says she works at the best hospital 532 00:23:45,497 --> 00:23:46,640 with the best doctors. 533 00:23:46,664 --> 00:23:47,908 She does. We do. 534 00:23:47,932 --> 00:23:50,133 Then why isn't she home? 535 00:23:51,668 --> 00:23:53,481 You know Dr. Fox? 536 00:23:53,505 --> 00:23:57,184 She told me to try something 537 00:23:57,208 --> 00:23:59,587 when I'm really upset that really helped. 538 00:23:59,611 --> 00:24:00,923 What? 539 00:24:01,479 --> 00:24:03,224 Screaming. 540 00:24:03,248 --> 00:24:04,558 I'm serious. 541 00:24:04,582 --> 00:24:05,659 It'll wake up the baby. 542 00:24:05,683 --> 00:24:07,762 It's okay. It's time for his bottle anyway. 543 00:24:07,786 --> 00:24:10,364 Come on. Come on. 544 00:24:10,388 --> 00:24:11,298 Okay. 545 00:24:11,322 --> 00:24:13,434 Come on. Shake it off. Ready? 546 00:24:13,458 --> 00:24:17,338 One, two, three. 547 00:24:33,545 --> 00:24:36,557 Your CT shows what's called a rectus sheath hematoma. 548 00:24:36,581 --> 00:24:37,691 It's when you have bleeding 549 00:24:37,715 --> 00:24:39,293 under your middle abdominal muscles. 550 00:24:39,317 --> 00:24:40,828 Banged myself up good, didn't I? 551 00:24:40,852 --> 00:24:43,063 And your blood counts are a little low, 552 00:24:43,087 --> 00:24:45,065 so we'll need to watch you overnight 553 00:24:45,089 --> 00:24:47,668 to make sure the bleeding doesn't get worse. 554 00:24:47,692 --> 00:24:49,637 Well, your tib/fib fracture should heal nicely 555 00:24:49,661 --> 00:24:51,105 without surgery, but we're gonna need 556 00:24:51,129 --> 00:24:52,807 to put you in a cast before you're discharged, 557 00:24:52,831 --> 00:24:54,575 which you'll have to be in for about six weeks. 558 00:24:54,599 --> 00:24:56,377 Mm, I can make brittle from a chair. 559 00:24:58,903 --> 00:25:01,916 Must take a lot of peanuts to make what you made as a lawyer. 560 00:25:01,940 --> 00:25:03,651 I-I'd need a factory for that. 561 00:25:03,675 --> 00:25:05,838 Yeah. 562 00:25:06,544 --> 00:25:09,223 You think I'm crazy, don't you? 563 00:25:09,247 --> 00:25:10,658 I didn't say anything. 564 00:25:10,682 --> 00:25:13,460 There was this poem I read in high school. 565 00:25:13,484 --> 00:25:15,296 This lady stood near a cliff, 566 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,498 afraid to get close to the edge for a better view 567 00:25:17,522 --> 00:25:20,034 because she thought she might fall. 568 00:25:20,058 --> 00:25:22,203 But then someone pushed her. 569 00:25:22,227 --> 00:25:23,804 Was the poem about murder? 570 00:25:23,828 --> 00:25:26,884 No, because she didn't fall... 571 00:25:27,665 --> 00:25:29,043 She flew. 572 00:25:29,067 --> 00:25:31,111 The cliff was a metaphor... 573 00:25:31,135 --> 00:25:33,247 It's what we're afraid will happen. 574 00:25:33,271 --> 00:25:35,616 There's so much the world tells us we need 575 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,885 that we don't really need. 576 00:25:37,909 --> 00:25:40,955 Couldn't see it until I took the jump... 577 00:25:40,979 --> 00:25:43,090 Isssh... 578 00:25:43,114 --> 00:25:44,792 beautiful... 579 00:25:44,816 --> 00:25:46,694 Shhhhome... 580 00:25:46,718 --> 00:25:48,262 Uh... 581 00:25:48,286 --> 00:25:50,319 - Oh. - Pulse is thready. 582 00:25:51,822 --> 00:25:53,167 Hematoma's expanding. 583 00:25:53,191 --> 00:25:54,168 She's actively bleeding. 584 00:25:54,192 --> 00:25:55,269 Let's get her to the OR. 585 00:25:55,293 --> 00:25:57,071 We're coming up to the OR! 586 00:26:04,994 --> 00:26:06,739 Stent looks patent after the procedure. 587 00:26:06,763 --> 00:26:08,441 And liver enzymes? The creatinine? 588 00:26:08,465 --> 00:26:09,375 Already improving. 589 00:26:09,399 --> 00:26:11,244 Then why isn't she waking up? 590 00:26:11,268 --> 00:26:12,812 - It takes time. - We have given her time. 591 00:26:12,836 --> 00:26:13,980 We have given her time, 592 00:26:14,004 --> 00:26:15,915 and every test and every treatment. 593 00:26:15,939 --> 00:26:18,351 We removed that clot perfectly... perfectly... 594 00:26:18,375 --> 00:26:19,719 And she's still not waking up, 595 00:26:19,743 --> 00:26:21,855 and she's still not improving, and she's still not going home. 596 00:26:21,879 --> 00:26:22,889 - Why isn't she? - Altman, there is... 597 00:26:22,913 --> 00:26:23,890 I'm sorry. I-I can't. 598 00:26:23,914 --> 00:26:25,258 I have to take a walk. 599 00:26:31,288 --> 00:26:32,932 More suction. 600 00:26:34,458 --> 00:26:37,804 Ah, there's the inferior epigastric artery. 601 00:26:37,828 --> 00:26:39,439 Hemostat. 602 00:26:39,463 --> 00:26:42,842 Yeah, looks like she'll live to skate another day. 603 00:26:42,866 --> 00:26:44,277 2-0 silk. 604 00:26:44,301 --> 00:26:46,797 You know how a pearl is formed, Schmitt? 605 00:26:47,337 --> 00:26:48,799 Should I? 606 00:26:49,406 --> 00:26:55,188 It all starts with one very irritating grain of sand. 607 00:26:55,212 --> 00:26:57,123 The oyster doesn't like it, 608 00:26:57,147 --> 00:27:00,126 wants to keep its shell pristine. 609 00:27:00,150 --> 00:27:02,128 So, to get rid of the sand, 610 00:27:02,152 --> 00:27:06,199 the oyster coats it with the inner layer of its shell. 611 00:27:06,223 --> 00:27:09,369 Then we're gonna tie off the collateral while we're in there. 612 00:27:09,393 --> 00:27:10,670 Good. 613 00:27:10,694 --> 00:27:12,172 Perfect. 614 00:27:12,196 --> 00:27:14,807 But that just makes the sand bigger. 615 00:27:15,899 --> 00:27:17,644 And even more annoying to the oyster. 616 00:27:17,668 --> 00:27:23,249 So, the oyster just keeps adding layer after layer, 617 00:27:23,273 --> 00:27:26,386 until... a pearl. 618 00:27:27,511 --> 00:27:28,521 Lap pads. 619 00:27:28,545 --> 00:27:29,889 So, I'm the sand, 620 00:27:29,913 --> 00:27:32,825 and you're trying to transform me? 621 00:27:32,849 --> 00:27:34,460 The story wasn't about you, Schmitt. 622 00:27:34,484 --> 00:27:36,663 The pandemic is the sand, 623 00:27:36,687 --> 00:27:40,066 and it's pushed its way into all of our homes, 624 00:27:40,090 --> 00:27:43,854 but it doesn't mean it has to ruin everything. 625 00:27:44,795 --> 00:27:48,408 Maybe it is an opportunity to transform. 626 00:27:48,432 --> 00:27:51,477 Maybe Erika here has the right idea. 627 00:27:51,501 --> 00:27:53,268 I guess that's what Jo Wilson's doing, right? 628 00:27:54,303 --> 00:27:56,849 Now, why would you bring up losing one of my best surgeons 629 00:27:56,873 --> 00:27:59,252 when I just got to my happy place? 630 00:28:00,877 --> 00:28:02,355 Goodness. 631 00:28:04,481 --> 00:28:06,335 Goodbye, tumor. 632 00:28:06,984 --> 00:28:09,088 You two really are co-dependent. 633 00:28:10,621 --> 00:28:12,599 She ask you to chaperone? 634 00:28:12,623 --> 00:28:13,700 Nope. 635 00:28:13,724 --> 00:28:16,336 Just living vicariously. 636 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:17,437 You here to chaperone? 637 00:28:17,461 --> 00:28:18,931 No. 638 00:28:19,463 --> 00:28:20,473 Don't tell her I said this, 639 00:28:20,497 --> 00:28:22,242 but Shepherd's fun to watch in there. 640 00:28:22,266 --> 00:28:24,277 Elegant, focused, confident. 641 00:28:24,301 --> 00:28:26,522 Pippen to my Jordan. 642 00:28:27,104 --> 00:28:28,548 What do you hear about Meredith? 643 00:28:28,572 --> 00:28:29,582 Uh, I don't. 644 00:28:29,606 --> 00:28:32,452 Uh, I... don't. 645 00:28:32,476 --> 00:28:34,887 I largely try to avoid that entire wing of the hospital 646 00:28:34,911 --> 00:28:37,282 because... God. 647 00:28:38,382 --> 00:28:40,911 When is it just too much, Lincoln? 648 00:28:42,119 --> 00:28:44,264 When do we get to scream at God? 649 00:28:44,288 --> 00:28:45,798 When do we get to open a bottle of Scotch 650 00:28:45,822 --> 00:28:47,600 and pour him a giant God-sized glass, 651 00:28:47,624 --> 00:28:50,136 push it across the table, and when he's too drunk to smite us, 652 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,548 just scream... 653 00:28:53,563 --> 00:28:55,830 "What kind of a sick joke is this?" 654 00:28:59,001 --> 00:29:02,103 I don't get how kids still get cancer during all this. 655 00:29:04,173 --> 00:29:06,341 What kind of a sick joke is this? 656 00:29:09,912 --> 00:29:11,124 Is she awake? 657 00:29:11,148 --> 00:29:12,681 No. 658 00:29:13,649 --> 00:29:15,261 What if we did something wrong? 659 00:29:15,285 --> 00:29:16,296 You didn't. 660 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:17,797 What if we caused the clot to break off 661 00:29:17,821 --> 00:29:19,599 and now she's having a massive stroke? 662 00:29:19,623 --> 00:29:21,868 Teddy, there's nothing that indicates any of that, okay? 663 00:29:21,892 --> 00:29:23,670 Then why isn't she awake? 664 00:29:25,729 --> 00:29:27,040 Teddy, breathe, okay? 665 00:29:27,064 --> 00:29:28,775 Just... Just breathe. 666 00:29:28,799 --> 00:29:29,909 Listen, hold my hand. 667 00:29:29,933 --> 00:29:31,503 Can you feel my hand? 668 00:29:32,235 --> 00:29:34,213 Okay. Just feel that and just concentrate on that. 669 00:29:34,237 --> 00:29:36,916 Concentrate on the weight of my hand on your hand. 670 00:29:38,542 --> 00:29:41,054 Good. 671 00:29:41,078 --> 00:29:42,955 No. No. No. 672 00:29:42,979 --> 00:29:44,329 Owen, please... Teddy, no. 673 00:29:46,249 --> 00:29:47,327 Listen, I'm here. 674 00:29:47,351 --> 00:29:49,262 I am here with you. 675 00:29:49,286 --> 00:29:50,689 Okay? 676 00:29:51,188 --> 00:29:53,025 But you need to feel this, Teddy. 677 00:29:53,824 --> 00:29:55,101 Just feel it. 678 00:30:10,106 --> 00:30:12,685 Dr. Webber, maybe you should go. 679 00:30:12,709 --> 00:30:14,721 - Why? - Because it's only my first day, 680 00:30:14,745 --> 00:30:18,508 and I want to try something that could very well get me fired. 681 00:30:19,082 --> 00:30:20,193 Absolutely not. 682 00:30:20,217 --> 00:30:22,128 Well, at least hear the man out. 683 00:30:22,152 --> 00:30:24,063 I've heard. 684 00:30:24,087 --> 00:30:26,232 Zola is already traumatized. 685 00:30:26,256 --> 00:30:28,835 I am not bringing her to the hospital. 686 00:30:28,859 --> 00:30:30,536 We need to do something, Maggie. 687 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,572 Hearing her daughter, feeling her? 688 00:30:32,596 --> 00:30:35,675 - Maybe it could help. - Winston, if your mother or my mother 689 00:30:35,699 --> 00:30:36,943 could have stayed and lived, 690 00:30:36,967 --> 00:30:38,778 they would have stayed and lived, 691 00:30:38,802 --> 00:30:40,880 but people don't just decide. 692 00:30:40,904 --> 00:30:42,448 It's not a choice. 693 00:30:42,472 --> 00:30:44,450 Our mothers were terminally ill, 694 00:30:44,474 --> 00:30:46,085 but Meredith... 695 00:30:46,109 --> 00:30:48,610 we have fixed the only thing we found that was wrong. 696 00:30:52,047 --> 00:30:53,526 It's too much to put on a child. 697 00:30:53,550 --> 00:30:55,261 All she'll know is that she's coming to see her mom, 698 00:30:55,285 --> 00:30:57,964 which she wants to do anyway, and Meredith's negative now. 699 00:30:57,988 --> 00:31:00,299 - It's safe. - Maggie, you know good and well 700 00:31:00,323 --> 00:31:03,136 that there is a psychological component to recovery. 701 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,570 I've seen it again and again. 702 00:31:04,594 --> 00:31:05,872 I have, too. 703 00:31:05,896 --> 00:31:07,774 Well, don't you think it's at least worth trying? 704 00:31:07,798 --> 00:31:09,142 Maggie, whether it works or it doesn't, 705 00:31:09,166 --> 00:31:11,666 at least Zola gets to see her mom again. 706 00:31:14,804 --> 00:31:16,504 Let me call you back. 707 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:19,552 Hey. 708 00:31:19,576 --> 00:31:20,820 I want to go. 709 00:31:20,844 --> 00:31:22,522 I want to see Mommy. 710 00:31:32,159 --> 00:31:33,458 You got it? 711 00:31:34,294 --> 00:31:35,605 All of it? 712 00:31:35,629 --> 00:31:36,920 All of it. 713 00:31:37,864 --> 00:31:39,298 And my arms? 714 00:31:40,167 --> 00:31:41,878 You show us. 715 00:31:45,372 --> 00:31:46,816 Oh. 716 00:31:50,343 --> 00:31:52,288 Alright, you get some rest. 717 00:31:55,415 --> 00:31:57,193 Okay. I need Scout. 718 00:31:57,217 --> 00:31:59,128 I know. We haven't even been gone that long. 719 00:31:59,152 --> 00:32:01,297 - I miss him, too. - Ooh, no, my boobs hurt. 720 00:32:01,321 --> 00:32:03,399 I need to nurse or pump. 721 00:32:03,423 --> 00:32:04,233 Or both. 722 00:32:04,257 --> 00:32:06,169 - And let's go. - Hmm. 723 00:32:06,193 --> 00:32:09,305 Bandage is clean and dry and intact. 724 00:32:09,329 --> 00:32:10,873 No evidence of bleeding. 725 00:32:10,897 --> 00:32:12,008 How's your pain, Erika? 726 00:32:12,032 --> 00:32:13,376 Nothing I can't handle. 727 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:15,077 How long until I can work again? 728 00:32:15,101 --> 00:32:17,168 Well, you'll be back in brittle business in no time. 729 00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:21,984 I meant work-work, not brittle. 730 00:32:22,008 --> 00:32:23,719 At least, if anyone's hiring. 731 00:32:23,743 --> 00:32:24,987 To the job you hate? 732 00:32:25,011 --> 00:32:27,823 To the job that keeps me alive and in one piece, 733 00:32:27,847 --> 00:32:29,492 and keeps my kids fed. 734 00:32:29,516 --> 00:32:31,127 Quarantine was a nice vacation, 735 00:32:31,151 --> 00:32:32,995 but I can't live in the clouds. 736 00:32:33,019 --> 00:32:34,830 I need to be realistic. 737 00:32:34,854 --> 00:32:37,099 God, what was I thinking? 738 00:32:37,123 --> 00:32:39,608 That this world had more to offer. 739 00:32:40,594 --> 00:32:42,104 Oh, Erika. 740 00:32:43,930 --> 00:32:45,741 You know, that... That feeling 741 00:32:45,765 --> 00:32:47,877 that you have to keep going no matter what, 742 00:32:47,901 --> 00:32:50,046 that it's all on your shoulders... 743 00:32:50,070 --> 00:32:54,917 It's something that we're taught as women, 744 00:32:54,941 --> 00:32:56,619 as Black women. 745 00:32:56,643 --> 00:32:58,921 And I'm guilty of it. 746 00:32:58,945 --> 00:33:00,923 And the pressure to keep this place running? 747 00:33:02,082 --> 00:33:05,828 I never used to take any breaks. 748 00:33:05,852 --> 00:33:07,129 I never used to let down my guard. 749 00:33:07,153 --> 00:33:09,554 I never... I never took breaks. 750 00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:12,974 And then I had a heart attack in my 40s. 751 00:33:13,893 --> 00:33:16,205 "Rest" is not a dirty word. 752 00:33:16,229 --> 00:33:19,275 Rest is... not laziness, 753 00:33:19,299 --> 00:33:20,343 no matter what you're told 754 00:33:20,367 --> 00:33:22,545 or how many times you're told it. 755 00:33:22,569 --> 00:33:25,348 Rest... Rest is love. 756 00:33:25,372 --> 00:33:27,617 Rest is peace. 757 00:33:29,142 --> 00:33:33,245 Rest is a beautiful model for your children. 758 00:33:33,947 --> 00:33:35,288 And I was... 759 00:33:35,949 --> 00:33:39,862 forgetting again until I met you. 760 00:33:42,188 --> 00:33:44,500 So, don't be too quick to give up on your joy. 761 00:33:45,792 --> 00:33:48,471 You can... make it your revolution. 762 00:33:55,935 --> 00:33:57,079 Hey. 763 00:33:57,103 --> 00:33:58,180 It's the smallest one that we have. 764 00:33:58,204 --> 00:33:59,148 Who's it for? 765 00:33:59,172 --> 00:34:00,483 The less you know, the better. 766 00:34:02,295 --> 00:34:03,552 Eh, and don't worry... 767 00:34:03,576 --> 00:34:05,288 I won't tell anyone it's from you. 768 00:34:05,312 --> 00:34:06,722 Fine with me if you do. 769 00:35:01,434 --> 00:35:02,712 Now, go on. 770 00:35:02,736 --> 00:35:04,513 She's waiting for you. 771 00:35:04,537 --> 00:35:07,083 Hey, if you change your mind, it's alright. 772 00:35:07,107 --> 00:35:08,918 It's okay if you're scared. 773 00:35:12,112 --> 00:35:13,589 Mommy? 774 00:35:16,282 --> 00:35:17,426 It... It's me. 775 00:35:18,485 --> 00:35:19,695 I'm here. 776 00:35:21,321 --> 00:35:22,407 It's Zozo. 777 00:35:26,259 --> 00:35:27,870 I miss you so much. 778 00:35:38,838 --> 00:35:40,738 I got your page. 779 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,019 My answer is no. 780 00:35:44,043 --> 00:35:46,822 Did you forget that you already told me that? 781 00:35:46,846 --> 00:35:50,626 No. I will not be making you keep a job 782 00:35:50,650 --> 00:35:52,328 that no longer fulfills you. 783 00:35:52,352 --> 00:35:55,398 What about all of the... The surgeons that you're losing? 784 00:35:55,422 --> 00:35:56,999 Do you want me to change my mind? 785 00:35:57,023 --> 00:35:58,100 No. 786 00:35:58,124 --> 00:36:00,469 Look, all non-emergency surgeries 787 00:36:00,493 --> 00:36:02,171 are non-existent anymore, 788 00:36:02,195 --> 00:36:05,574 and if I have to hire a new general surgeon, 789 00:36:05,598 --> 00:36:07,777 I will, but that's not your problem. 790 00:36:07,801 --> 00:36:10,279 - That's mine. - I will help you find anyone to... 791 00:36:10,303 --> 00:36:12,681 Eh... 792 00:36:12,705 --> 00:36:14,483 Thank you. Thank you. 793 00:36:14,507 --> 00:36:16,685 Just love it, Wilson. 794 00:36:16,709 --> 00:36:20,623 Love it with every part of you. 795 00:36:26,820 --> 00:36:27,963 Hey. 796 00:36:27,987 --> 00:36:30,032 How's the, uh, peanut brittle woman doing? 797 00:36:30,056 --> 00:36:31,734 Heard you had to rush her into surgery. 798 00:36:31,758 --> 00:36:34,937 Nico, I think you're standing on a cliff and you're scared. 799 00:36:34,961 --> 00:36:38,007 Sounds a little crazy because you're never scared of anything, 800 00:36:38,031 --> 00:36:41,644 but me having a little space in your apartment... 801 00:36:41,668 --> 00:36:43,612 It's not the end of the world. 802 00:36:43,636 --> 00:36:45,414 Doesn't mean I'll never leave. 803 00:36:45,438 --> 00:36:48,284 It doesn't mean that we're getting married. 804 00:36:48,308 --> 00:36:51,220 It just... It means that you're carving out 805 00:36:51,244 --> 00:36:53,361 a small amount of room for me. 806 00:36:55,048 --> 00:36:56,358 Huh. 807 00:36:56,382 --> 00:36:58,060 Well, move in with me. 808 00:36:59,686 --> 00:37:01,964 You're right. I guard my own space out of habit 809 00:37:01,988 --> 00:37:05,568 because it makes me feels safe, but safe from what? 810 00:37:05,592 --> 00:37:07,042 You? 811 00:37:07,694 --> 00:37:10,253 I love you, Levi. 812 00:37:10,897 --> 00:37:12,541 So just... 813 00:37:12,565 --> 00:37:14,007 move in with me. 814 00:37:14,601 --> 00:37:17,680 Oh, I just... I just remembered I can't come over tonight. 815 00:37:17,704 --> 00:37:20,449 Jo is really sad about Jackson leaving. 816 00:37:20,473 --> 00:37:21,684 She is? What? 817 00:37:21,708 --> 00:37:24,253 Yeah, and I-I promised her that I'd hang out. 818 00:37:24,277 --> 00:37:26,254 But... great talk. 819 00:37:26,278 --> 00:37:27,289 Levi! 820 00:37:27,313 --> 00:37:28,290 See you tomorrow. 821 00:37:29,916 --> 00:37:30,960 - Hey. - Hey. 822 00:37:30,984 --> 00:37:33,295 Oh! Oh! Oh! Bailey said yes! 823 00:37:33,319 --> 00:37:34,930 Great. What are we watching? 824 00:37:34,954 --> 00:37:36,432 Wait, what happened to Nico night? 825 00:37:36,456 --> 00:37:38,167 - Oh, he's, uh... he's busy. - He's standing right over there. 826 00:37:38,191 --> 00:37:40,135 Yeah, yeah. I said, "What are we watching?" 827 00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:47,543 Whoa! Easy there, kiddos! 828 00:37:47,567 --> 00:37:48,878 Oh, alright. 829 00:37:48,902 --> 00:37:50,880 Yeah. Cool fort. 830 00:37:50,904 --> 00:37:52,281 You got room for one more? 831 00:37:52,305 --> 00:37:53,782 What's the password? 832 00:37:53,806 --> 00:37:55,751 - Uh... Rainbow Donkey? - Nope! 833 00:37:55,775 --> 00:37:57,019 I'm gonna go check on Scout. 834 00:37:57,043 --> 00:37:58,354 He just ate. 835 00:37:58,378 --> 00:38:00,804 Little thing was out in about 10 seconds. 836 00:38:02,181 --> 00:38:04,193 I'm sorry, was I supposed to keep him up? 837 00:38:04,217 --> 00:38:05,861 Uh, Mom? What... What are you doing here? 838 00:38:05,885 --> 00:38:07,463 Did Zola wake up Mommy? 839 00:38:07,487 --> 00:38:10,521 - What? - She went to try and wake up Mommy. 840 00:38:11,823 --> 00:38:13,836 Did something happen with Meredith? 841 00:38:27,766 --> 00:38:29,967 No change in her mentation. 842 00:38:30,676 --> 00:38:31,787 Sorry. 843 00:38:31,811 --> 00:38:33,622 Well, it's something. 844 00:38:33,646 --> 00:38:35,591 And no matter what happens, 845 00:38:35,615 --> 00:38:37,026 you did something, 846 00:38:37,050 --> 00:38:38,627 and I'm grateful. 847 00:38:38,651 --> 00:38:40,551 I want her to live. 848 00:38:42,521 --> 00:38:44,139 I haven't met her yet. 849 00:38:44,857 --> 00:38:46,001 And she's... 850 00:38:46,025 --> 00:38:48,593 she's not just Maggie's sister. 851 00:38:49,861 --> 00:38:51,980 She's Dr. Meredith Grey. 852 00:38:52,632 --> 00:38:55,299 So she lives, right? 853 00:38:55,692 --> 00:38:57,580 Please God. 854 00:38:58,905 --> 00:39:00,282 Please God. 855 00:39:00,306 --> 00:39:02,851 Those moments, when everything fades away, 856 00:39:02,875 --> 00:39:05,054 you're at your best. 857 00:39:07,847 --> 00:39:10,982 But there's a problem with disappearing into the work... 858 00:39:11,458 --> 00:39:13,329 You can't save every patient. 859 00:39:13,353 --> 00:39:15,531 It was Richard and Winston's idea. 860 00:39:15,555 --> 00:39:16,632 What? 861 00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:22,677 It's a good idea. 862 00:39:23,596 --> 00:39:25,808 And when I was checking Ellis' homework, 863 00:39:25,832 --> 00:39:28,410 she was actually doing pretty well. 864 00:39:28,434 --> 00:39:29,979 I'm scared. 865 00:39:30,003 --> 00:39:31,213 I don't know why. 866 00:39:31,237 --> 00:39:32,548 Me, too. 867 00:39:32,572 --> 00:39:34,917 I need this year to get better. 868 00:39:34,941 --> 00:39:36,952 Me, too. 869 00:39:40,213 --> 00:39:41,457 What happened? Is she okay? 870 00:39:41,481 --> 00:39:43,225 Yes. Yeah, she's the same. 871 00:39:43,249 --> 00:39:44,960 What? 872 00:39:44,984 --> 00:39:46,261 Why... Why'd you bring Zola? 873 00:39:46,285 --> 00:39:48,263 I couldn't think of a better idea. 874 00:39:48,287 --> 00:39:50,532 Oh, my God. 875 00:39:50,556 --> 00:39:51,567 I can't breathe. 876 00:39:54,527 --> 00:39:56,538 I'm so sorry. I-I should've told you. 877 00:39:56,562 --> 00:39:58,004 You were in surgery. 878 00:39:58,598 --> 00:39:59,575 I need her to live. 879 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:02,611 I need her to live. 880 00:40:06,439 --> 00:40:07,716 Oh, my God. 881 00:40:07,740 --> 00:40:08,917 Please, I need her to live. 882 00:40:08,941 --> 00:40:09,985 What? Did something happen? What? 883 00:40:10,009 --> 00:40:12,121 - Shh. - Uh... 884 00:40:12,145 --> 00:40:13,622 All of it. 885 00:40:13,646 --> 00:40:15,341 Just all of it just... 886 00:40:16,683 --> 00:40:18,858 All of it happened. 887 00:40:19,552 --> 00:40:21,597 And if surgery is all you have, 888 00:40:21,621 --> 00:40:23,332 no matter how great you are, 889 00:40:23,356 --> 00:40:25,668 eventually, you're going to disintegrate. 890 00:40:31,898 --> 00:40:33,409 It's not time yet. 891 00:40:35,468 --> 00:40:37,012 There's no pain here. 892 00:40:37,036 --> 00:40:38,347 Mm. 893 00:40:38,371 --> 00:40:40,371 You want to know a secret? 894 00:40:42,974 --> 00:40:45,320 I even miss the pain. 895 00:40:52,952 --> 00:40:54,519 You have to go. 896 00:40:56,756 --> 00:40:59,034 I'm so tired. 897 00:40:59,058 --> 00:41:00,769 It's not your time yet. 898 00:41:03,362 --> 00:41:04,873 Our kids need you. 899 00:41:07,900 --> 00:41:09,478 You have to go. 900 00:41:09,502 --> 00:41:12,347 Mom, Ellis keeps coming into my bed at night, 901 00:41:12,371 --> 00:41:15,150 the way I would come into yours. 902 00:41:15,174 --> 00:41:17,686 At first, I thought it was annoying, 903 00:41:17,710 --> 00:41:22,024 but now, I tell her she can come in my bed whenever she wants. 904 00:41:22,048 --> 00:41:25,828 And sometimes, I let Bailey come in, too. 905 00:41:25,852 --> 00:41:28,764 But he sleeps on pillows on the floor, 906 00:41:28,788 --> 00:41:30,966 but I always cover him with a blanket. 907 00:41:32,692 --> 00:41:35,003 That's so nice of you, Zozo. 908 00:41:35,027 --> 00:41:36,538 Mommy! 909 00:41:39,899 --> 00:41:40,809 Hi. 910 00:41:53,321 --> 00:41:55,847 As nice as it is to lose all your worries, 911 00:41:56,305 --> 00:41:57,825 you also lose the good. 912 00:41:58,986 --> 00:42:00,986 I love you so much, Mommy. 913 00:42:01,060 --> 00:42:03,060 We love you so much. 914 00:42:03,397 --> 00:42:05,397 We love you so much. 915 00:42:06,078 --> 00:42:08,078 You're awake. 916 00:42:12,705 --> 00:42:15,471 And if you hope to have any kind of life worth living... 917 00:42:15,495 --> 00:42:18,536 We love you, Zozo. 918 00:42:18,697 --> 00:42:21,314 ...you're definitely going to need the good. 919 00:42:32,181 --> 00:42:38,181 CREDITS